“Am I The Jerk For Making My Daughter Move Her Pet Rabbit Outside Due To My Stepson’s Allergies?”
Even if everything seems perfect at first, becoming a blended family is hardly ever easy. Merging two families together under one roof can be quite a challenge. One filled with unexpected surprises, inevitable growing pains, and so many twists and turns our brain can’t comprehend what to make of this whole situation. You do your best to create positive bonds and make your household a healthy, happy, and cohesive unit. But every now and then, something goes wrong and leaves you feeling completely lost and unsure of what to do next.
So when Redditor RoosterAlarmed4249 faced a dilemma with his daughter and stepson, he decided to reach out to the AITA community for advice. And received immediate backlash from people.
As the widower detailed in his confession, he started dating his old girlfriend a few years ago and recently decided to tie the knot and move in together. “There has been a major hiccup in all of this though,” the user wrote. See, he noticed his stepson developed a severe allergy to his daughter’s beloved pet rabbit, Basil, and thought his health must come first. As you can imagine, this didn’t sit well with the girl. Read on about how the whole situation escalated right below, and be sure to share your thoughts about it in the comment section.
This parent shared a story about how he found out about his stepson’s rabbit allergy only after moving in together
Image credits: Mikhail Nilov (not the actual photo)
Believing his health needs to come first, he forced his daughter to move her pet rabbit out of the house
Image credits: cottonbro (not the actual photo)
Later on, the user added an update to clarify a few details about the situation
Image credits: RoosterAlarmed4249
The story caused quite a stir in the AITA community, illustrating just how many people are divided on the matter. While the vast majority of readers blamed the dad for jumping to this decision without really considering other options or taking into consideration the impact it will have on his daughter, others sided with the user and expressed their support.
Blended families are now pretty common, as 16% of children live in a household with a step-parent in the United States, and 1300 new stepfamilies are formed each day. But finding yourself in a new domestic situation can be daunting and challenging for every member of the family.
According to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, making your new household into a solid unit takes some work. Parents and children may resist the new situation as there are no shared family histories, and there may be a mismatch between the family members’ belief systems and the way of doing things. It may take one to two years for blended families to fully adjust to the changes, but most of them do manage to find solutions to arising problems.
We previously had a chat with Dr. Lisa Doodson, a psychologist and author of How to be a Happy Stepmum, about the challenges people face in new blended family situations. Being the founder of Happy Steps, the UK’s only research-based stepfamily resource center, she aims to help families and individuals strengthen their relationships.
“Stepfamilies take a long time to form — much longer than people expect or want, and one of the reasons is role confusion,” Dr. Doodson told Bored Panda. “We know what a mum or dad’s role is, but stepparents and stepchildren is far less clear. The best way to approach this is to talk to your partner about your expectations and understand theirs. If there are differences, then try and find compromises. It may be that you just need more time to adapt and feel more confident.”
The psychologist pointed out that when people inevitably find themselves in the middle of a family dispute, they should remember there are always two sides to every disagreement. Plus, it’s always important to understand why people are behaving the way they are.
“Disputes are common and normal and everyone finds a way to adapt and change. If you remember to look for the positives rather than focusing on the issues then you should be able to work through the challenges.”
“Stepfamilies are full of complex relationships and emotions. There is often no quick fix but with patience and kindness, you will find the right way for your new family to work and flourish,” Dr. Doodson concluded.
A stepfamily is still a family where mistakes, squabbles, and heated debates will occur no matter how hard you try to prevent them. While it can be difficult and even frustrating to make your new domestic situation work, with open communication, love, respect, and patience, everyone will eventually adjust and create a solid foundation. We’d love to hear your thoughts about this whole incident. Do you justify the dad’s actions or do you believe he handled the situation poorly? Feel free to share your thoughts and personal experiences with us in the comments!
This story caused quite a stir in the community, with the vast majority of readers deeming the dad to be in the wrong
And others jumped to the comments section to express support, here’s what they had to say
This is a sucky situation all around. Pet rabbits, when properly cared for live 5 to 8 years (Though some have lived as long as 12) The rabbit is already 5, so even with the outdoor conversion, be ready for for more drama.
Give basil a luxury outdoor enclosure and a bunny friend, they're social animals. Make sure he's save from weather.
Throw a desk and mini fridge in the shed with the rabbit. Make it a deluxe homework and hangout space with a bunch of ramps and other cool, stimulating stuff for the bunny. Possibly get the bunny a friend of he's social. Turn this into a good thing. I would have loved a space of my own with my pet as a teen. (I'm assuming a decent sized shed)
He is definitely NOT the AH. He had no way of knowing beforehand and has tried every other option. Rabbits can live happily in an outside set up - I used to care for about 20 outdoor rabbits in a public park - they can be safe and happy, maybe get some company for it too. I don't know your daughter's age but this is part of growing up, sometimes hard decisions have to be made and it's no one's fault. I can't believe that people are being so cruel to him..
He is the AHOLE... She loses her mother and not has to the the rabbit live outside... Rabbits are most live inside not outside if its a pet rabbit.
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I don't understand why anyone is calling him an AH. He seems like a loving father who is trying his best in a difficult situation. He's not forcing her to get rid of her pet, and even the new step-mom is helping with the expense of making a climate controlled bunny house (not a simple hutch, basically a HOUSE). Sure, the situation is not ideal, but they're doing the well as can be expected.
I feel sorry for all of them in this situation, no one went into this with the intention of upsetting anyone. I think dad has decided on the best, albeit expensive, option and I'm glad that his wife has decided to help finance it. Now the only problem will be trying to get daughter to go back into the house to eat and sleep!
I hate this situation so much. For everyone involved. I have horrible cat allergies so I sympathize with the son but I also ADORE my dogs and would be absolutely beside myself if someone even asked me to move them to outside living only. Not to mention the way it would effect/affect (I never know..) the bunny itself. The abandonment it will feel. I hate this.
He did say that he's converting an outdoor shed, insulating and refinishing it and running electricity there for a bunny barn. Hopefully he'll make it comfy enough that the daughter can hang out there a lot if she wants and still give him lots of company.
Load More Replies... I notice a theme that the NTA replies tend to frame the rabbit as the victim of the story. Consider that losing one's mother as a child is already extremely difficult. Consider that children often end up resenting the person that "replaced" their parent even when there is no extra sacrifice attached. The question is not, "Who matters more, rabbit or little boy?" Obviously the little boy's needs trump the rabbit's, that goes without saying. The issue is that basically no consideration was given to the actual nuts and bolts of two families living together as one until the day came. "Here's your new brother, demote the things you already love accordingly" is a hard sell, especially when you toss in the fact that the adults involved weren't paying close enough attention to the kids to notice the conflict beforehand. If I were the daughter, the message I would be getting is that the things I care about are not important.
These Reddit warriors are bat$hit crazy. If he had already done any of their suggestions (buying another house, having his daughter live with grandparents, etc.), they'd have given him heck about putting an animal before his kid or treating the stepson like he wasn't part of the family. These people just want to be outraged no matter what the situation. Rabbit allergies can be life threatening. I used to work at an animal hospital and one of our techs was severely allergic to rabbits. It was so bad that we had to make sure she wasn't working on the day we scheduled any bunnies to come in. Being around rabbits made her throat close up and could potentially kill her. Nobody asks for an allergy and the boy probably didn't even know he was allergic until they moved in. The dad is doing his best to be fair to everyone involved. Get a divorce, buy a second house, move the daughter to her grandparents? That's all insane if you ask me. People on Reddit will never cease to amaze me. SMH.
NTA. God, I just love all these cases from AITA which include rehoming a pet. It feels like most of redditors will always choose a pet over a human being, no matter the situation. And I sorta get it - taking a pet is a responsibility, you can't get rid of it simply because you're bored. But there are situations (like this one) which one cannot predict. You may get involved with a person who has allergy/phobia/trauma. Your financial situation may significantly deteriorate. You may get extremly ill. Cat or dog may be aggresive toward your newborn. There ARE situations when rehoming a pet is the best course of action. And this poor guy isn't even rehoming, he only wants to take the bunny outside of the house *into safe environment*.
I hate the people being so nasty to him about why they think he's an AH. If he had another child and the newborn was allergic to rabbits, what would be their response? Oh, well, looks like the baby has to live separately or die? The world won't cater to their allergies. No. That wouldn't be the response at all. Yes, the situation sucks all around. I know there are injections to desensitize you to certain allergies but they are expensive and are only effective for a year. It is an option at least, if they have one for rabbits but his allergy seems quite severe so I doubt those would be effective. It just sucks but as long as they can handle the transition as empathetically as possible with the daughter, I'm sure it will be fine if difficult for a while
NTA These people fail to ubderstand that the stepson's allegries are potentially LIFE THREATENING!!!
This seems common with certain groups of animal lovers. I personally think a couple of my cats could benefit from having a human that can give them more attention than I can but I don't dare try to find them a home on the local animal rescue page. It's toxic AF. I really want the best for them and sometimes, the best fit isn't your home
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I do not understand all the YTA. He tried to find a middleway and seems to spare no expenses. He should try a second bunny so it's entertained outside. I think he is between a Rock and a hard place and I am sure the daughter will have to adjust. Sucks to be any of them.
As someone who has a rabbit and works with rescues, you risk the rabbits life by putting him outdoors. They are not meant to be outdoors once brought up as indoors. We’ve had to refuse adoptions of people intending to put them outside or confiscated rabbits in outdoor setups. I originally thought I was allergic to rabbits growing up but it’s likely he’s allergic to the hay as it’s rare to be allergic to rabbits, once I switched to orchard grass, I was fine.
It's not like he put it in a non insulated cage on the lawn. Most cabins are probably less clima controlled then this shed.
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Here's my question... had the daughter even met the soon to be step-mom/brother? I don't care what age you are because people WILL talk about their pets.
1. Op and daughter visited wife and step son regularly while they dated. 2. Stepsons AH biological dad refused to allow him to visit OP's house (this is very legal most places). Bio dad finally lost his parental rights, at which point op and wife got married. 3. Rabbit allergies are fairly rare. It is not likely the son would have had occasion prior to moving in, to know he was allergic.
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Wish this wasn't a repost. My BIL is allergic to his kids' guinea pig HAY, not the animal itself, but the good timothy hay they feed it. Wondering if it could be a similar situation here - change the bedding/food type and see if it makes a difference?
So, I am allergic to the world (pretty much anything that produces pollen, leaf molds, mild allergies to animals, fragrances/dyes in detergents, etc.) Most of it is tolerable with (albeit a high dose, not recommended by docs) antihistamines. I have 2 guinea pigs and they make me sneezy as does their hay. I have a dog and 2 kittens. I have been recently surprised that the kitty litter seems to hit me harder than the cats themselves. BUT the one allergen I have found over the years that I cannot tolerate is bunnies. A few times I have stepped into homes to visit and within minutes I can tell and will ask 'do you have a rabbit?' Don't know why, wish I could pet their cute lil faces, but it is intense! I feel for all of them, but especially for the boy. He didn't mean to. But I definitely feel his pain, and the girl's, as I am clearly a pet lover despite the symptoms.
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Have you consulted vets about administering a shot to Basil that would lower the protein that's causing the allergic reaction and what you can have as an alternative to his current food? Have you looked into getting allergy shots for your stepson? Most insurance will cover allergy shots. NTA, but there are some other options while Basil is shacked up in his Bunny Barn.
Wild that so many people are saying YTA. The situation is just super unfortunate and it sounds like the dad found a good compromise. The daughter will understandably be upset no matter what, but getting rid of thr rabbit isn't an option and neither is the forcing the son into having medical issues. I think the dad found a good solution. With all that said, this is why I think it is always best to live with a partner before marrying them. You really get to know someone when you live with them.
everyone is stupid as f**k for calling this guy an a*****e, he is in the right and is trying to make it work so what that the daughter is upset the next option is a rabbit stew and she needs to be made aware of how lucky she is to have a dad willing to keep her pet around even though it is a danger to his step son.
I dont k ow why everyone is YTA-Ing him after All the attempts of his to solve this Situation and Make the stepson, the wife AND his daughter happy.
I read all of the edits and from what I see, He's tried to do the right thing. Basil will not be living in the elements, he is converting a shed into a "bunny-barn" that will be insulated and climate controlled. Depending on how big the shed is, she could have a great time making it into her own space as well. The situation sucks all the way around, but it sounds like they really are trying to make it right. She will just need time and reassurance that things will be ok.
I wouldn't suggest divorce as that seems extreme- the bunny shed seems like a great solution- And perhaps a camera inside so you can watch the bun whenever you want to- maybe that could make it less... out casted. I'm sorry to say that- although people come first- I could not send my loved pet outside bc of a circumstance. That's just a tough scenario for all- and a personal choice. My child's dad- and a major player in our household - has allergies to my cats. Before I even got a cat- I asked if he would be okay with it. He told me that it's my home and how I choose to fill it is my decision- awesome man. Sadly- he is super allergic to them... but he takes the medicines- and he still powers thru while here. We keep them as separated as possible- but it's still an issue at times. We also have a rabbit who is family and lives like the cats- and although I would not remove them from the house- you shed idea has me thinking....to be honest that a very cool idea
He's doing his best to come up with a solution, and it's a GREAT solution. An insulated, temperature controlled bunny barn? He can put a chair and wifi repeater in it for his daughter so she can hang out with her bunny whenever she wants. It's the best anyone could do. Also, pet rabbits only have a lifespan of 5 to 10 years.
Sounds like a girl cave, I would have killed for one at that age
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ESH but the op should really look into exposure treatment, etc. The poor girl went through so much trauma, let her have this one thing.
You are NOT the AH (His biological father was!). You are doing everything right; but let me suggest a modification to the bunny shed? Turn it into a full dorm room style, small house. No stove, but maybe a dorm style fridge and microwave. Build a couple of cupboards near the ceiling for her to store stuff in. Put a desk and chair, and a futon in it for her comfort. Allow her to have it as her own space with the responsibilities involved. I do NOT suggest letting her sleep out there at night. And I most certainly agree with a "no boys allowed unless there's a wifi cam setup that you have access to" rule, lol. But let her have her own "clubhouse". This will help show her that you trust her and believe she is mature enough to have more privileges as well as allowing her to spend as much time as she wants with her bunny.
Reminds me of the episode of King of the Hill where Bobby was allergic to Ladybird so Hank decided to make her a luxury dog home, except when the doghouse was finished Bobby ended up living there instead. Definitely not an easy situation for anyone involved but it sounds like the OP is doing the best he can. I do wonder how he managed to have a relationship with someone for 4 years and never had them over before they got married. Am I the only one who thinks that is really weird?
The wife and stepson never visited at the ops place because her ex, the stepsons father, would not allow it. Sadly, many places allow an ex, or outright dictate it in court to begin with, to not allow the child(Ren) to visit a romantic partners residence. Many places the child can't even MEET the step-parent-to-be until after the marriage.
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OP isn't exactly an AH, but he & his GF didn't plan this out well. Neither child asked to be in this situation & their needs weren't a priority evidently. There's really no good reason why the bunny barn idea won't work or an adjunct building can't be built to suit. OP & his wife need to buck up, spend the $$, & accommodate their children. 2nd marriages tend to be entirely different animals esp w/ children involved- there's a learning curve. I hope this works itself out
NTA It is definitely sad what the girl has gone through, but endangering someone's life isn't going to make her miss her mom less. I feel for the girl, really I do. But Dad also went through hell and deserves a shot at happiness without killing someone. He's going out of his way and is probably spending quite a bit of money to try and make it work.
It's a bad situation for everyone. I can understand that it's not really about moving the bunny, it's about what's important and like always with new families the kids had little to no say in the matter. They didn't decide to suddenly switch things up so it can be though on them as it is. Then to add changing important things in their life to better suit that family they didn't choose...I don't think he's in the wrong for wanting adult companionship in life so absolutely nta but this isn't (obviously) about the practical struggles of bunny location. I hope they really work on bonding together as a whole family.
Getting ready to be banned AGAIN... Definitely the AH. As the daughter see's it he is choosing his NEW family over her. 1st she loses her mother, daddy is moving on so now she will lose her emotional support. Daddy has shown who is the important one to him and it NOT his daughter. Maybe I take this personal, as niece (15) was thrown out of her home cause step mommy was tired of her. Daddy chose 2nd wife over kids. When I chose to have a child I made a vow to do EVERYTHING in my power to give them love and security as children.... but I guess that is not what many parents do.
Yeah let's put the location of the pet bunny over the health of somebody. He didn't ask to get rid of the bunny. She can still see and touch it every day.
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i dont get how they didnt know she had a rabbit. if shes attached as the post claims surely she would have mentioned it?? maybe they didnt know he was allergic. truly though, im not gonna say hes the a*****e but if his daughter is that upset it feels like maybe he wasnt the most tactful or prepared to find out how she felt..
Lets make it simple. The dad have chosen "an other word for cat" over his daughter- It really that simple
allergic to the rabbit and its food. maybe change the food. maybe the food causes the allergens to expel through its pores. another possible thing to try. just trying to help
You are definitely NtA. You are doing what you can to make sure Basil is safely and happily relocated. Things happen and, as a family, you need to work out the kinks - especially in a bonded family. I don't think you are being unreasonable asking Basil to move outside - whatever happens, he is a bunny !!!!
See if there is a way to connect the shed to your daughter's room via a tunnel so she can play with him without having the bunny go through the house. Also, invest in some nice and high powered air purifiers for your daughter's room. It should limit the dander. The bunny should be brushed regularly to limit the hair and dander. With all that, it should work without your daughter giving up her bunny.
This is surely a joke posting just to see how much outrage can be festered from a nonsense situation. I'm going to make one up just to see how crazy I can make it and still have people comment. "My uncle has babies with scabies and rabies and wants me to babysit, I don't want to, AITA?"
Definitely the a*****e. The step son can take allergy medicine. Your taking away a pet from a daughter who lost her mom and now has to get used to new family. And bunnies are delicate creatures. If the bun was an indoors bunny, he's going to be traumatized by living outside now. Not to mention it's dangerous. People let their cats roam free and they target bunnies.
Y T A. Let me get this straight Your daughters mom passes. Then you get her a bunny. Then you hook up with another with women then move them into YOUR house. TWO strangers. Then YOU PRIORITIZE THEM over HER then FORCE her to BASICALLY give up her BUNNY so. So YOUR STEP Son and your Shag Job. Feel at home. AND you CANT FUGURE out WHY SHE she's SAYING HURTFUL things to you!?? GROW UP. YOU know PERFECTLY good and well WHY she saying those things. Keep it up. The next to feel her wrath will your wife followed your PRIZED stepson. Buy the way. Bunnies cannot be outdoors. Even in heated areas.
It always should have been outside because they c**p and loss everywhere and cannot be housetrained.
Except the story said that the bunny is very well trained, a*****e
Load More Replies... This is a sucky situation all around. Pet rabbits, when properly cared for live 5 to 8 years (Though some have lived as long as 12) The rabbit is already 5, so even with the outdoor conversion, be ready for for more drama.
Give basil a luxury outdoor enclosure and a bunny friend, they're social animals. Make sure he's save from weather.
Throw a desk and mini fridge in the shed with the rabbit. Make it a deluxe homework and hangout space with a bunch of ramps and other cool, stimulating stuff for the bunny. Possibly get the bunny a friend of he's social. Turn this into a good thing. I would have loved a space of my own with my pet as a teen. (I'm assuming a decent sized shed)
He is definitely NOT the AH. He had no way of knowing beforehand and has tried every other option. Rabbits can live happily in an outside set up - I used to care for about 20 outdoor rabbits in a public park - they can be safe and happy, maybe get some company for it too. I don't know your daughter's age but this is part of growing up, sometimes hard decisions have to be made and it's no one's fault. I can't believe that people are being so cruel to him..
He is the AHOLE... She loses her mother and not has to the the rabbit live outside... Rabbits are most live inside not outside if its a pet rabbit.
Load More Replies... I don't understand why anyone is calling him an AH. He seems like a loving father who is trying his best in a difficult situation. He's not forcing her to get rid of her pet, and even the new step-mom is helping with the expense of making a climate controlled bunny house (not a simple hutch, basically a HOUSE). Sure, the situation is not ideal, but they're doing the well as can be expected.
I feel sorry for all of them in this situation, no one went into this with the intention of upsetting anyone. I think dad has decided on the best, albeit expensive, option and I'm glad that his wife has decided to help finance it. Now the only problem will be trying to get daughter to go back into the house to eat and sleep!
I hate this situation so much. For everyone involved. I have horrible cat allergies so I sympathize with the son but I also ADORE my dogs and would be absolutely beside myself if someone even asked me to move them to outside living only. Not to mention the way it would effect/affect (I never know..) the bunny itself. The abandonment it will feel. I hate this.
He did say that he's converting an outdoor shed, insulating and refinishing it and running electricity there for a bunny barn. Hopefully he'll make it comfy enough that the daughter can hang out there a lot if she wants and still give him lots of company.
Load More Replies... I notice a theme that the NTA replies tend to frame the rabbit as the victim of the story. Consider that losing one's mother as a child is already extremely difficult. Consider that children often end up resenting the person that "replaced" their parent even when there is no extra sacrifice attached. The question is not, "Who matters more, rabbit or little boy?" Obviously the little boy's needs trump the rabbit's, that goes without saying. The issue is that basically no consideration was given to the actual nuts and bolts of two families living together as one until the day came. "Here's your new brother, demote the things you already love accordingly" is a hard sell, especially when you toss in the fact that the adults involved weren't paying close enough attention to the kids to notice the conflict beforehand. If I were the daughter, the message I would be getting is that the things I care about are not important.
These Reddit warriors are bat$hit crazy. If he had already done any of their suggestions (buying another house, having his daughter live with grandparents, etc.), they'd have given him heck about putting an animal before his kid or treating the stepson like he wasn't part of the family. These people just want to be outraged no matter what the situation. Rabbit allergies can be life threatening. I used to work at an animal hospital and one of our techs was severely allergic to rabbits. It was so bad that we had to make sure she wasn't working on the day we scheduled any bunnies to come in. Being around rabbits made her throat close up and could potentially kill her. Nobody asks for an allergy and the boy probably didn't even know he was allergic until they moved in. The dad is doing his best to be fair to everyone involved. Get a divorce, buy a second house, move the daughter to her grandparents? That's all insane if you ask me. People on Reddit will never cease to amaze me. SMH.
NTA. God, I just love all these cases from AITA which include rehoming a pet. It feels like most of redditors will always choose a pet over a human being, no matter the situation. And I sorta get it - taking a pet is a responsibility, you can't get rid of it simply because you're bored. But there are situations (like this one) which one cannot predict. You may get involved with a person who has allergy/phobia/trauma. Your financial situation may significantly deteriorate. You may get extremly ill. Cat or dog may be aggresive toward your newborn. There ARE situations when rehoming a pet is the best course of action. And this poor guy isn't even rehoming, he only wants to take the bunny outside of the house *into safe environment*.
I hate the people being so nasty to him about why they think he's an AH. If he had another child and the newborn was allergic to rabbits, what would be their response? Oh, well, looks like the baby has to live separately or die? The world won't cater to their allergies. No. That wouldn't be the response at all. Yes, the situation sucks all around. I know there are injections to desensitize you to certain allergies but they are expensive and are only effective for a year. It is an option at least, if they have one for rabbits but his allergy seems quite severe so I doubt those would be effective. It just sucks but as long as they can handle the transition as empathetically as possible with the daughter, I'm sure it will be fine if difficult for a while
NTA These people fail to ubderstand that the stepson's allegries are potentially LIFE THREATENING!!!
This seems common with certain groups of animal lovers. I personally think a couple of my cats could benefit from having a human that can give them more attention than I can but I don't dare try to find them a home on the local animal rescue page. It's toxic AF. I really want the best for them and sometimes, the best fit isn't your home
Load More Replies... I do not understand all the YTA. He tried to find a middleway and seems to spare no expenses. He should try a second bunny so it's entertained outside. I think he is between a Rock and a hard place and I am sure the daughter will have to adjust. Sucks to be any of them.
As someone who has a rabbit and works with rescues, you risk the rabbits life by putting him outdoors. They are not meant to be outdoors once brought up as indoors. We’ve had to refuse adoptions of people intending to put them outside or confiscated rabbits in outdoor setups. I originally thought I was allergic to rabbits growing up but it’s likely he’s allergic to the hay as it’s rare to be allergic to rabbits, once I switched to orchard grass, I was fine.
It's not like he put it in a non insulated cage on the lawn. Most cabins are probably less clima controlled then this shed.
Load More Replies... Here's my question... had the daughter even met the soon to be step-mom/brother? I don't care what age you are because people WILL talk about their pets.
1. Op and daughter visited wife and step son regularly while they dated. 2. Stepsons AH biological dad refused to allow him to visit OP's house (this is very legal most places). Bio dad finally lost his parental rights, at which point op and wife got married. 3. Rabbit allergies are fairly rare. It is not likely the son would have had occasion prior to moving in, to know he was allergic.
Load More Replies... Wish this wasn't a repost. My BIL is allergic to his kids' guinea pig HAY, not the animal itself, but the good timothy hay they feed it. Wondering if it could be a similar situation here - change the bedding/food type and see if it makes a difference?
So, I am allergic to the world (pretty much anything that produces pollen, leaf molds, mild allergies to animals, fragrances/dyes in detergents, etc.) Most of it is tolerable with (albeit a high dose, not recommended by docs) antihistamines. I have 2 guinea pigs and they make me sneezy as does their hay. I have a dog and 2 kittens. I have been recently surprised that the kitty litter seems to hit me harder than the cats themselves. BUT the one allergen I have found over the years that I cannot tolerate is bunnies. A few times I have stepped into homes to visit and within minutes I can tell and will ask 'do you have a rabbit?' Don't know why, wish I could pet their cute lil faces, but it is intense! I feel for all of them, but especially for the boy. He didn't mean to. But I definitely feel his pain, and the girl's, as I am clearly a pet lover despite the symptoms.
Load More Replies... Have you consulted vets about administering a shot to Basil that would lower the protein that's causing the allergic reaction and what you can have as an alternative to his current food? Have you looked into getting allergy shots for your stepson? Most insurance will cover allergy shots. NTA, but there are some other options while Basil is shacked up in his Bunny Barn.
Wild that so many people are saying YTA. The situation is just super unfortunate and it sounds like the dad found a good compromise. The daughter will understandably be upset no matter what, but getting rid of thr rabbit isn't an option and neither is the forcing the son into having medical issues. I think the dad found a good solution. With all that said, this is why I think it is always best to live with a partner before marrying them. You really get to know someone when you live with them.
everyone is stupid as f**k for calling this guy an a*****e, he is in the right and is trying to make it work so what that the daughter is upset the next option is a rabbit stew and she needs to be made aware of how lucky she is to have a dad willing to keep her pet around even though it is a danger to his step son.
I dont k ow why everyone is YTA-Ing him after All the attempts of his to solve this Situation and Make the stepson, the wife AND his daughter happy.
I read all of the edits and from what I see, He's tried to do the right thing. Basil will not be living in the elements, he is converting a shed into a "bunny-barn" that will be insulated and climate controlled. Depending on how big the shed is, she could have a great time making it into her own space as well. The situation sucks all the way around, but it sounds like they really are trying to make it right. She will just need time and reassurance that things will be ok.
I wouldn't suggest divorce as that seems extreme- the bunny shed seems like a great solution- And perhaps a camera inside so you can watch the bun whenever you want to- maybe that could make it less... out casted. I'm sorry to say that- although people come first- I could not send my loved pet outside bc of a circumstance. That's just a tough scenario for all- and a personal choice. My child's dad- and a major player in our household - has allergies to my cats. Before I even got a cat- I asked if he would be okay with it. He told me that it's my home and how I choose to fill it is my decision- awesome man. Sadly- he is super allergic to them... but he takes the medicines- and he still powers thru while here. We keep them as separated as possible- but it's still an issue at times. We also have a rabbit who is family and lives like the cats- and although I would not remove them from the house- you shed idea has me thinking....to be honest that a very cool idea
He's doing his best to come up with a solution, and it's a GREAT solution. An insulated, temperature controlled bunny barn? He can put a chair and wifi repeater in it for his daughter so she can hang out with her bunny whenever she wants. It's the best anyone could do. Also, pet rabbits only have a lifespan of 5 to 10 years.
Sounds like a girl cave, I would have killed for one at that age
Load More Replies... ESH but the op should really look into exposure treatment, etc. The poor girl went through so much trauma, let her have this one thing.
You are NOT the AH (His biological father was!). You are doing everything right; but let me suggest a modification to the bunny shed? Turn it into a full dorm room style, small house. No stove, but maybe a dorm style fridge and microwave. Build a couple of cupboards near the ceiling for her to store stuff in. Put a desk and chair, and a futon in it for her comfort. Allow her to have it as her own space with the responsibilities involved. I do NOT suggest letting her sleep out there at night. And I most certainly agree with a "no boys allowed unless there's a wifi cam setup that you have access to" rule, lol. But let her have her own "clubhouse". This will help show her that you trust her and believe she is mature enough to have more privileges as well as allowing her to spend as much time as she wants with her bunny.
Reminds me of the episode of King of the Hill where Bobby was allergic to Ladybird so Hank decided to make her a luxury dog home, except when the doghouse was finished Bobby ended up living there instead. Definitely not an easy situation for anyone involved but it sounds like the OP is doing the best he can. I do wonder how he managed to have a relationship with someone for 4 years and never had them over before they got married. Am I the only one who thinks that is really weird?
The wife and stepson never visited at the ops place because her ex, the stepsons father, would not allow it. Sadly, many places allow an ex, or outright dictate it in court to begin with, to not allow the child(Ren) to visit a romantic partners residence. Many places the child can't even MEET the step-parent-to-be until after the marriage.
Load More Replies... OP isn't exactly an AH, but he & his GF didn't plan this out well. Neither child asked to be in this situation & their needs weren't a priority evidently. There's really no good reason why the bunny barn idea won't work or an adjunct building can't be built to suit. OP & his wife need to buck up, spend the $$, & accommodate their children. 2nd marriages tend to be entirely different animals esp w/ children involved- there's a learning curve. I hope this works itself out
NTA It is definitely sad what the girl has gone through, but endangering someone's life isn't going to make her miss her mom less. I feel for the girl, really I do. But Dad also went through hell and deserves a shot at happiness without killing someone. He's going out of his way and is probably spending quite a bit of money to try and make it work.
It's a bad situation for everyone. I can understand that it's not really about moving the bunny, it's about what's important and like always with new families the kids had little to no say in the matter. They didn't decide to suddenly switch things up so it can be though on them as it is. Then to add changing important things in their life to better suit that family they didn't choose...I don't think he's in the wrong for wanting adult companionship in life so absolutely nta but this isn't (obviously) about the practical struggles of bunny location. I hope they really work on bonding together as a whole family.
Getting ready to be banned AGAIN... Definitely the AH. As the daughter see's it he is choosing his NEW family over her. 1st she loses her mother, daddy is moving on so now she will lose her emotional support. Daddy has shown who is the important one to him and it NOT his daughter. Maybe I take this personal, as niece (15) was thrown out of her home cause step mommy was tired of her. Daddy chose 2nd wife over kids. When I chose to have a child I made a vow to do EVERYTHING in my power to give them love and security as children.... but I guess that is not what many parents do.
Yeah let's put the location of the pet bunny over the health of somebody. He didn't ask to get rid of the bunny. She can still see and touch it every day.
Load More Replies... i dont get how they didnt know she had a rabbit. if shes attached as the post claims surely she would have mentioned it?? maybe they didnt know he was allergic. truly though, im not gonna say hes the a*****e but if his daughter is that upset it feels like maybe he wasnt the most tactful or prepared to find out how she felt..
Lets make it simple. The dad have chosen "an other word for cat" over his daughter- It really that simple
allergic to the rabbit and its food. maybe change the food. maybe the food causes the allergens to expel through its pores. another possible thing to try. just trying to help
You are definitely NtA. You are doing what you can to make sure Basil is safely and happily relocated. Things happen and, as a family, you need to work out the kinks - especially in a bonded family. I don't think you are being unreasonable asking Basil to move outside - whatever happens, he is a bunny !!!!
See if there is a way to connect the shed to your daughter's room via a tunnel so she can play with him without having the bunny go through the house. Also, invest in some nice and high powered air purifiers for your daughter's room. It should limit the dander. The bunny should be brushed regularly to limit the hair and dander. With all that, it should work without your daughter giving up her bunny.
This is surely a joke posting just to see how much outrage can be festered from a nonsense situation. I'm going to make one up just to see how crazy I can make it and still have people comment. "My uncle has babies with scabies and rabies and wants me to babysit, I don't want to, AITA?"
Definitely the a*****e. The step son can take allergy medicine. Your taking away a pet from a daughter who lost her mom and now has to get used to new family. And bunnies are delicate creatures. If the bun was an indoors bunny, he's going to be traumatized by living outside now. Not to mention it's dangerous. People let their cats roam free and they target bunnies.
Y T A. Let me get this straight Your daughters mom passes. Then you get her a bunny. Then you hook up with another with women then move them into YOUR house. TWO strangers. Then YOU PRIORITIZE THEM over HER then FORCE her to BASICALLY give up her BUNNY so. So YOUR STEP Son and your Shag Job. Feel at home. AND you CANT FUGURE out WHY SHE she's SAYING HURTFUL things to you!?? GROW UP. YOU know PERFECTLY good and well WHY she saying those things. Keep it up. The next to feel her wrath will your wife followed your PRIZED stepson. Buy the way. Bunnies cannot be outdoors. Even in heated areas.
It always should have been outside because they c**p and loss everywhere and cannot be housetrained.
Except the story said that the bunny is very well trained, a*****e
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