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“She Is Forced To Do Something That She Would Never On Her Own Do”: Dad’s Punishment Causes Daughter Emotional Distress, This Guy Calls It Abuse
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Parenting, Video2 months ago

“She Is Forced To Do Something That She Would Never On Her Own Do”: Dad’s Punishment Causes Daughter Emotional Distress, This Guy Calls It Abuse

Some time ago, physical abuse was an acceptable punishment to give a child that was misbehaving. It was even applied in schools so not only parents could use this method of discipline.

Thank God someone figured that this wasn’t the best way and that it actually is a really really bad way to show your kids what is right and what is wrong as it leads to a myriad of problems that this child will have to deal with when they grow up.

Physical punishment isn’t that common and it’s not socially acceptable, even though there aren’t strict laws surrounding it. However, emotional abuse is still very much used by parents. They think they can get away with it because they are not hitting them, but this TikToker explains that it’s actually not a good option either.

More info: TikTok

Dad decides to discipline his daughter by making her smash her phone with a hammer, but a TikToker says it’s not okay

Image credits: wholeparent

Jon Fogel, who is also known as wholeparent on TikTok, is “a dad, a pastor, and a nut for evidence-based non-trauma inducing parenting” as he introduces himself in his bio. He shares various videos giving advice to parents on how to solve common problems many people deal with when raising children.

He is reasonably popular on TikTok, having a following of 200k people and not too long ago, his video went viral with 5M views talking about emotional abuse.

That video begins with a stitch showing another parent punishing his daughter because he was tired of her being disrespectful towards her mom. His thought that a good way to show his daughter her behavior was unacceptable was to make her smash her phone with a hammer.

The girl is clearly in distress, she is crying, but the dad is telling her to hit the phone and do it harder. She is doing it through tears, but not everyone would think this is abuse as the dad is not physically touching her.

The TikToker starts his video by showing a concerning clip of a girl crying as her father tells her to hit her phone

Image credits: wholeparent

However, Jon identified it as emotional abuse and revealed that if you read anything about child development, you know that physical and emotional abuse have almost the same effect on children’s brains.

A group of scientists published an article in which they determined that “emotional abuse, which likely represents experiences of parental rejection and is often considered most detrimental in terms of altered concept of ‘self,’ is associated with the cortical thinning of regions implicated in mediating self-reflection, self-awareness, and first-person perspective.”

Jon points out that just because the dad is not touching the child doesn’t mean he’s not abusing her

Image credits: wholeparent

Lane Strathearn, MBBS, PhD who is the director of the division of developmental and behavioral pediatrics and the physician director of the Center for Disabilities and Development believes that “The problems observed in adulthood are extremely serious and difficult to treat. Our community suffers on so many levels as a result of emotional abuse and neglect.”

Kids Helpline provides a lengthy list of what consequences emotional abuse brings, but let’s look at the ones that are mentioned in both this list and the one about physical abuse. They include pretty much the same impacts such as self-harm, drug and alcohol use, eating disorders, behavioral disorders, low self-esteem, developmental delays, physical ailments, depression or anxiety, etc.

And because emotional abuse is harder to detect, it may be even more dangerous as there are no obvious signs for a person outside the family to see. Kids Helpline gives a couple of indicators that might point to possible emotional abuse that include avoiding or running away from home, decline in school work, trying too hard to please or failure to connect with parents, lying and stealing, lack of trust in adults, etc.

He claims that emotional abuse can do as much damage to a child’s development as physical abuse so parents need to look for other disciplinary methods

Image credits: wholeparent

As Jon says in the video, just because a parent is not physically hitting their child doesn’t mean they don’t feel distress, which damages the undeveloped brain.

He also brings up another problem that is related to the specific example of the father making his daughter smash her phone. She is being taught that she must do as a man says even if she doesn’t want to, which may possibly lead her to get into and remain in an abusive relationship and that will be just another problem in her adult life.

Image credits: wholeparent

You can watch the video below

@wholeparent #stitch we have to think about the far reaching implications of our punishment. When we psychologically punish like this we don’t just hurt them in the moment we give them a lifelong wound. #emotionalabuseaware #abusiveparenting #parenting101 #kidbrainbasics ♬ original sound – Jon Fogel

Of course, every child is different, so it is hard to tell a parent what would work for them instead; however, they need to understand that the damage they do with emotional abuse is very hard to fix and is even harder to forget even when fixed, so it is important to do your research and look for a more gentle way to teach your children good behavior.

Did you know how harmful emotional abuse could be to your children? Do you think there are better ways to discipline your children and show them their behavior was wrong? Or do you think that parents and children are becoming too sensitive and as long as they are not hitting their children, they are fine? Let us know your view in the comments!

People in the comments were horrified by the initial clip, especially because they experienced emotional abuse as children as well

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Shane S
Community Member
2 months ago (edited)

If you’re filming your child being disciplined, you’re a sh*t parent. There’s no reason a camera should ever come out when punishing a child. That’s just cruel and disgusting.

MyCatsTheRealPanda
Community Member
2 months ago

I agree however, sometimes it's a good thing- for the child's sake that it does end up on video. That way things like this, and other forms of abuse can sometimes be identified and handled and/or there is evidence.

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May light defeat the darkness
Community Member
2 months ago

This is shaming and not discipline. Social media platforms should police and ban videos like this. I did not watch it because people do this for views and money. Pathetic. People like these should be castrated. They do not deserve to be parents.

RedMarbles
Community Member
2 months ago

This kind of intense experience of being shamed is definitely teaching her young amygdala that she is a person worthy of shame and cannot trust herself or other people. How she sees herself has been changed for the worse and she is at great risk of living her life in a way that desperately seeks to avoid feeling that intense shame again through unhealthy habits of one sort or another. The dad will have won a round of dominance and will think he did a good job shaping her if she stops doing what got her into trouble out of her intense fear of experiencing such a thing again. I try to consider that the dad may have had good intentions, but I can just never understand people who are comfortable continuing to dish out "discipline" or shaming to a child in visible distress.

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PuggerWugger
Community Member
2 months ago

This is just disgraceful on the dads part, their are so many ways to settle an issue than abuse. God forbid you site and have a talk with your child about why it isn't okay to talk like that, as children can't be smart enough to understand their wrongdoings without administering abuse of some kind! (I'm joking, if that wasn't obvious)

PuggerWugger
Community Member
2 months ago

*sit (sorry, long day)

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Shane S
Community Member
2 months ago (edited)

If you’re filming your child being disciplined, you’re a sh*t parent. There’s no reason a camera should ever come out when punishing a child. That’s just cruel and disgusting.

MyCatsTheRealPanda
Community Member
2 months ago

I agree however, sometimes it's a good thing- for the child's sake that it does end up on video. That way things like this, and other forms of abuse can sometimes be identified and handled and/or there is evidence.

Load More Replies...
May light defeat the darkness
Community Member
2 months ago

This is shaming and not discipline. Social media platforms should police and ban videos like this. I did not watch it because people do this for views and money. Pathetic. People like these should be castrated. They do not deserve to be parents.

RedMarbles
Community Member
2 months ago

This kind of intense experience of being shamed is definitely teaching her young amygdala that she is a person worthy of shame and cannot trust herself or other people. How she sees herself has been changed for the worse and she is at great risk of living her life in a way that desperately seeks to avoid feeling that intense shame again through unhealthy habits of one sort or another. The dad will have won a round of dominance and will think he did a good job shaping her if she stops doing what got her into trouble out of her intense fear of experiencing such a thing again. I try to consider that the dad may have had good intentions, but I can just never understand people who are comfortable continuing to dish out "discipline" or shaming to a child in visible distress.

Load More Replies...
PuggerWugger
Community Member
2 months ago

This is just disgraceful on the dads part, their are so many ways to settle an issue than abuse. God forbid you site and have a talk with your child about why it isn't okay to talk like that, as children can't be smart enough to understand their wrongdoings without administering abuse of some kind! (I'm joking, if that wasn't obvious)

PuggerWugger
Community Member
2 months ago

*sit (sorry, long day)

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