Man Tries To Undo Daughter’s Disability-Friendly Home Renovations, Gets Caught Red-Handed
When you know a person for a long time, you get a sense of how they communicate. You understand why they chose one word instead of another and what emotion that subtle shift in tone is giving away. Our parents often fall into this category. However, Reddit user SlenderSelkie recently ended up in a situation with her father that she just couldn’t wrap her head around. While visiting her home, he not only started criticizing its renovations for being “too weird,” but also tried to see if he could tear them down. And when he was confronted about it, he dropped a dubious line about his grandsons—the woman’s nephews.
This woman invited her dad for a visit, but his comments and actions made little sense
Image credits: rawpixel / freepik (not the actual photo)
She wasn’t sure if it was manipulation or a sign of cognitive decline
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: gpointstudio / freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: SlenderSelkie
Parental disapproval doesn’t mean a lack of love
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
“From your vantage point, your parents’ overreactions and stubborn disapproval probably look unfounded and irrational. To be fair, some may be. What is almost certain, though, is that underneath those behaviors lies their zealous love for you,” says Ron Carucci, co-founder and managing partner at Navalent, which works with CEOs and executives pursuing transformational change.
Carucci is the author of To Be Honest: Lead with the Power of Truth, Justice and Purpose, and says that, “at some point, all parents fail to show that love in ways their children need. Trust me, as parents, we remember those moments too, with regret. But moments of poorly expressed love don’t mean that love isn’t there.”
So while negative comments about your house, for example, can really sting, the concern for its resale value might imply they come from a caring place. (Whether or not they’re warranted is another discussion, though.)
“The relationship between parents and children is a lifelong study of what is most important in human connections,” Carucci adds. “Through this relationship, we learn so much about how we relate to friends, colleagues, and life partners.”
“More than any other formative experience, this relationship shapes the best, and sometimes the worst, of who we become as adults. It’s messy, complicated, and sacred. And it deserves all the effort it takes to keep it strong, especially in the moments where that’s hard.”
As people reacted to the woman’s story, she provided them with more information on her dad and their argument
Eventually, the woman got in touch with her brother—the dad of the boys her own father had mentioned
Image credits: stockking / freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: SlenderSelkie
The woman’s concerns are understandable
Image credits: natusm / freepik (not the actual photo)
Mild cognitive impairment (MCI) is the in-between stage between typical thinking and dementia. It may affect your judgment, like spotting a scam on the internet, or it could affect your ability to plan and remember appointments.
There are two types of MCI:
- Amnestic MCI (aMCI): This type mostly affects memory. People might forget important information that they used to be able to remember.
- Non-amnestic MCI (naMCI): This type mostly affects thinking. You may have trouble with judgment, making decisions, or completing complex tasks.
MCI happens when parts of the brain that help with memory and thinking are damaged or undergo structural changes. These include your hippocampus, temporal lobes, parietal lobe, and other connected regions.
MCI may be an early stage of certain neurodegenerative conditions, such as:
- Alzheimer’s disease
- Frontotemporal dementia
- Lewy body dementia
- Parkinson’s disease
- Vascular dementia
Anyone can develop MCI, but you are more at risk if you:
Anyone can develop mild cognitive impairment. But you may be more at risk if you:
- Are above age 65
- Have a biological family history of dementia
- Have the APOE-ε4 (APOE4) gene variant (a gene that increases your risk of Alzheimer’s disease)
The following factors may also increase your risk:
- Brain injuries or disorders, like traumatic brain injury and normal pressure hydrocephalus
- Chronic conditions, like diabetes, COPD, and osteoarthritis
- Heart and blood vessel issues, like high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and stroke
- Infections, like urinary tract infections (UTIs) and HIV
- Mental health conditions, like anxiety and depression
- Metabolic and nutritional issues, like hypothyroidism, vitamin B12 deficiency, and dehydration
- Sleep conditions, like obstructive sleep apnea
It can also appear as a side effect of taking: antihistamines, antidepressants, blood pressure medications, antiseizure medications, benzodiazepines, muscle relaxants, and opiates.
However, it’s important to note that MCI looks different for each person and not all cases lead to dementia. According to research, about 2 in 10 people over age 65 with this condition will develop dementia within a year.
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Not the point of the post at all, but adapted homes have fantastic resale value because there aren't many and the number of people who benefit from adjustments, or think they might in the future is huge.
I have both those issues and would already say "id buy it" im wondering so much what ideas they had?! And tbh id rather not do the leg work of having it done to my current home. Just buy theirs!
Load More Replies...OMG, that bit at the end where OP just casually mentions how the father lies in order to get what he wants and to manipulate people! W*F?
Yeah. They're so used to their father being nuts they don't realize there's already something wrong with his brain.
Load More Replies...poor OP, she is so used to her dad being a manipulative AH, she brushes it off, and it's only bad if he has dementia, not that he aparently manipulates everyone around him all the time cause he feels like it
Dementia comes in many forms. This sort of odd behaviour and not thinking of others sounds like one of the less common ones. So yes, see a neurologist.
One of my very best friends is 81. She works 12s on her feet with me, she weight trains with me *heavy!* and she has the mind of maybe a 50yr old? Id never seen any cognitive issues and i see her daily. About 3 weeks ago she was telling me all about a conversation she'd had. In an attempt to lead her i asked where she had the convo (gym) and who it was with& she just couldnt remember. It was me she had that conversation with. Then everything was totally normal for a week and something similar happened, then she came to work on her day off. I could tell by her eyes she was confused but she just laughed and had a drink instead. Its not obvious, especially if youre not close with her thats shes slipping away.
Load More Replies...I am inclined to believe that the statement was just the old world thinking of "Your entire life needs to be in the framework of what works best for the entire family, not you" mentality. He already shows an old school way of thinking about her disability. I think the statement was just proof that he feels you should be ready and willing, as likely the most successful person in your family, to give the rest of the family whatever they need. Wrong of course but ....I wouldn't be surprised
lol that bit in the update in parentheses made me giggle for some reason. Ya…. You weirdo!
I don't understand why the immediate jump to dementia. Her Dad is in his late 70s, as my parents got older they worried more. Mortality plays on older people's minds more, and she mentions he has OCD. He could just be truly realising he won't be around forever and in a not so conscious manner is worrying about his kids when he leaves. He's probably spent the best part of his life thinking about his kids safety and futures. I'd be asking just how is he, what keeps him awake at night and has he had any friend pass away recently. It could be something as "innocent" as that.
Im someone with BOTH what her&her husband have actually. I dont look sick, dont act sick. Im a working mom & physical trainer BUT it could be in 3 weeks or 3 months i cant walk, think, even end up in the hospital without any lead up, near death sick. Then it all goes away like it never happened. For many years i was brushed aside. It wasnt until my 30s my parents apologized bc id be alot better off now had i started treatment in my adolescence. It was hard for them to say "i was really wrong, i let you down, i didnt believe you and now you have life long consequences." I wonder if dads having this realization& billy and bobby are *code* for the kids he expected her to have. If you need all this, how will you raise children here?! With either of these health issues, it is NOT recommended you carry your own child anyway. I wasnt told this until after 2 but pregnancy works a number in all the places you have underlying issues.
Nope. This is a narcissistic a-hole who doesn't like what OP has done in her own home, thinks the accommodations she's installed are "weird", doesn't believe she has a disability, and when he got caught trying to rip out and break something in her home, opened his mouth and the first lie he could think of just fell out. It just happened to be about her nephews. It very well could have been him saying "It's too weird, it's not going to work when you foster dogs in the future!" or literally anything. Narcissists lie at the drop of a hat when they get caught, and the lies are meaningless - in terms of they don't mean what they're saying when they lie, they just verbally sh!t out the first excuse/explanation that comes out of their mouth.
Load More Replies...Unless the OP or one of her brothers is a doctor then they're not qualified to determine if their already mentally ill father is showing signs of cognitive decline or dementia. People can hide the symptoms quite well for quite some time. Just because he seems fine at work doing the same taskes he's been doing for years doesn't mean he's functioning outside that limited environment. Him having a meltdown in her home, an unfamiler place, is a classic symptom. Loved ones are sometimes the last person to acknowledge an elderly person's decline.They ignore, excuse and allow the suffer to obfuscate their condition due to not wanting deal with a negative or hostile reaction or being in denial. Some forms of dementia take decades to get to the point of confusion or outbursts but the paitent has strange mental function and emotional regulation issues for years that can seem like other conditions.
No idea why you were down voted for a perfectly reasonable alternative POV. Here's an upvote to being you back to neutral.
Load More Replies...A urinary infection can cause unusual behavior in we folks over 65. He should get checked. Or, he's a wacko and should get checked, in the hockey sense.
I do think he's being manipulative. There is something going on in the family that's not being openly discussed. An example would be that both parents are going to prison. Obviously, OP's dad doesn't want the boys. It's possible that nobody else wants to take them in either, so the dad thinks he can bully OP into taking them. OP should stand their ground. As a disabled person, with a disabled spouse, their health and well-being trumps any family situation.
Yea but why do you think hes so concerned with her home if is heart is cruising the Bahamas? Why do you think hed be adopting out grandchildren he has no rights to? Dont come for me...im just truly curious.
Load More Replies...So OP's father not believing she has an actual disability, criticizing the accommodations she has made in HER own home for her disability, and her father trying to RIP SOMETHING OUT OF THE WALL of OP's home are totally all okay? It's just OP "making a huge deal" out of a comment? Did you miss the part where Dear Dad tried to rip something out of the wall in someone else's home?
Load More Replies...Not the point of the post at all, but adapted homes have fantastic resale value because there aren't many and the number of people who benefit from adjustments, or think they might in the future is huge.
I have both those issues and would already say "id buy it" im wondering so much what ideas they had?! And tbh id rather not do the leg work of having it done to my current home. Just buy theirs!
Load More Replies...OMG, that bit at the end where OP just casually mentions how the father lies in order to get what he wants and to manipulate people! W*F?
Yeah. They're so used to their father being nuts they don't realize there's already something wrong with his brain.
Load More Replies...poor OP, she is so used to her dad being a manipulative AH, she brushes it off, and it's only bad if he has dementia, not that he aparently manipulates everyone around him all the time cause he feels like it
Dementia comes in many forms. This sort of odd behaviour and not thinking of others sounds like one of the less common ones. So yes, see a neurologist.
One of my very best friends is 81. She works 12s on her feet with me, she weight trains with me *heavy!* and she has the mind of maybe a 50yr old? Id never seen any cognitive issues and i see her daily. About 3 weeks ago she was telling me all about a conversation she'd had. In an attempt to lead her i asked where she had the convo (gym) and who it was with& she just couldnt remember. It was me she had that conversation with. Then everything was totally normal for a week and something similar happened, then she came to work on her day off. I could tell by her eyes she was confused but she just laughed and had a drink instead. Its not obvious, especially if youre not close with her thats shes slipping away.
Load More Replies...I am inclined to believe that the statement was just the old world thinking of "Your entire life needs to be in the framework of what works best for the entire family, not you" mentality. He already shows an old school way of thinking about her disability. I think the statement was just proof that he feels you should be ready and willing, as likely the most successful person in your family, to give the rest of the family whatever they need. Wrong of course but ....I wouldn't be surprised
lol that bit in the update in parentheses made me giggle for some reason. Ya…. You weirdo!
I don't understand why the immediate jump to dementia. Her Dad is in his late 70s, as my parents got older they worried more. Mortality plays on older people's minds more, and she mentions he has OCD. He could just be truly realising he won't be around forever and in a not so conscious manner is worrying about his kids when he leaves. He's probably spent the best part of his life thinking about his kids safety and futures. I'd be asking just how is he, what keeps him awake at night and has he had any friend pass away recently. It could be something as "innocent" as that.
Im someone with BOTH what her&her husband have actually. I dont look sick, dont act sick. Im a working mom & physical trainer BUT it could be in 3 weeks or 3 months i cant walk, think, even end up in the hospital without any lead up, near death sick. Then it all goes away like it never happened. For many years i was brushed aside. It wasnt until my 30s my parents apologized bc id be alot better off now had i started treatment in my adolescence. It was hard for them to say "i was really wrong, i let you down, i didnt believe you and now you have life long consequences." I wonder if dads having this realization& billy and bobby are *code* for the kids he expected her to have. If you need all this, how will you raise children here?! With either of these health issues, it is NOT recommended you carry your own child anyway. I wasnt told this until after 2 but pregnancy works a number in all the places you have underlying issues.
Nope. This is a narcissistic a-hole who doesn't like what OP has done in her own home, thinks the accommodations she's installed are "weird", doesn't believe she has a disability, and when he got caught trying to rip out and break something in her home, opened his mouth and the first lie he could think of just fell out. It just happened to be about her nephews. It very well could have been him saying "It's too weird, it's not going to work when you foster dogs in the future!" or literally anything. Narcissists lie at the drop of a hat when they get caught, and the lies are meaningless - in terms of they don't mean what they're saying when they lie, they just verbally sh!t out the first excuse/explanation that comes out of their mouth.
Load More Replies...Unless the OP or one of her brothers is a doctor then they're not qualified to determine if their already mentally ill father is showing signs of cognitive decline or dementia. People can hide the symptoms quite well for quite some time. Just because he seems fine at work doing the same taskes he's been doing for years doesn't mean he's functioning outside that limited environment. Him having a meltdown in her home, an unfamiler place, is a classic symptom. Loved ones are sometimes the last person to acknowledge an elderly person's decline.They ignore, excuse and allow the suffer to obfuscate their condition due to not wanting deal with a negative or hostile reaction or being in denial. Some forms of dementia take decades to get to the point of confusion or outbursts but the paitent has strange mental function and emotional regulation issues for years that can seem like other conditions.
No idea why you were down voted for a perfectly reasonable alternative POV. Here's an upvote to being you back to neutral.
Load More Replies...A urinary infection can cause unusual behavior in we folks over 65. He should get checked. Or, he's a wacko and should get checked, in the hockey sense.
I do think he's being manipulative. There is something going on in the family that's not being openly discussed. An example would be that both parents are going to prison. Obviously, OP's dad doesn't want the boys. It's possible that nobody else wants to take them in either, so the dad thinks he can bully OP into taking them. OP should stand their ground. As a disabled person, with a disabled spouse, their health and well-being trumps any family situation.
Yea but why do you think hes so concerned with her home if is heart is cruising the Bahamas? Why do you think hed be adopting out grandchildren he has no rights to? Dont come for me...im just truly curious.
Load More Replies...So OP's father not believing she has an actual disability, criticizing the accommodations she has made in HER own home for her disability, and her father trying to RIP SOMETHING OUT OF THE WALL of OP's home are totally all okay? It's just OP "making a huge deal" out of a comment? Did you miss the part where Dear Dad tried to rip something out of the wall in someone else's home?
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