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16 Y.O. Daughter Disappointed With Her Father As He Did Not Invite Her On His New Family’s Paris Vacation, Gets Called A Jerk
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16 Y.O. Daughter Disappointed With Her Father As He Did Not Invite Her On His New Family’s Paris Vacation, Gets Called A Jerk

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Hundreds of books and thousands of articles have been written about the problems of relationships between parents and children, but the problems themselves, alas, have not gone away – although they have been studied to the smallest detail. Any teacher or psychoanalyst will tell you exactly what to do in a given situation. The problem is that this is just theory, and practice puts everything in its place.

And it gets even more difficult when a family with children breaks up, and a husband and wife start new families. Here, unfortunately, one cannot do without mutual insults and accusations for small and not-so-small reasons – in general, beautiful and noble partings often happen only on paper and on screen. In real life, things are much more complicated.

A perfect example is this story posted on the AITA Reddit community a few weeks ago. The original post became very popular, with around 14.3K upvotes and over 4.1K different comments, with most of the people reading the post supporting the author. However, let’s talk about everything in order.

More info: Reddit

The Original Poster is a 16 Y.O. girl who lives with her mom while her dad has another family and two sons from his second marriage

Image credits: Patrick Nouhailler (not the actual image)

So, the Original Poster is a 16-year-old girl who lives with her mother, while her father has a new family and two sons from his second marriage. One fine day, the daughter looked at TikTok and saw how her dad, his wife and their children were having a great time in Paris. Of course, the girl also wanted to go to France, but the problem was that no one actually invited her.

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Image credits: u/BellNo1177

One day the OP saw on TikTok that her dad and his family were having a great time in Paris – and she didn’t even know about the journey!

The daughter immediately texted her dad, asking how he liked the holiday in Paris, but he did not answer until late night. He then, as the OP admits, tried to play dumb and said it’s great and he wished she could also be there. We must say, the OP would also have liked that very much – which she told her father, to which he replied that they would talk about this later.

Image credits: u/BellNo1177

Image credits: Carissa Rogers (not the actual image)

The OP told her dad that she was disappointed he didn’t invite her, to which the man told her that his in-laws paid for the trip

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When they returned from the journey, the OP told her father that she was so upset about being not invited. However, according to the man, nothing about it was actually his decision – he said that his wife’s parents paid for the trip, and they didn’t even want him to go at first. However, the OP said that he could have paid extra for her tickets, or her mom could have. In other words, the daughter was very disappointed in her dad.

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Image credits: u/BellNo1177

The drama ensued several days later when the OP got into an argument with her stepmom’s parents

The OP raised this issue a few days later as well, when she was at her dad’s house and her stepmom’s parents came to visit them. The girl again expressed her resentment, but the father once more reminded her that the journey was very expensive and they could not afford to add one more person. The OP got even more upset and went to her room, stating that she didn’t want to ruin “their” family dinner.

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Image credits: u/BellNo1177

The old lady tried to explain everything, but the OP just told her to get out of her room rudely

Later, OP’s stepmom’s mother came to her room and tried to explain that they wanted to pay for the trip for only three people at first, and definitely could not find money for a fifth person. The OP didn’t believe it because she knew the grandparents were very rich – so she simply stated that they were strangers and shouldn’t pretend to care about her, and generally demanded that the woman get out of her room (in a rude way).

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Image credits: u/BellNo1177

Another scandal erupted in which the OP was called entitled and rude, and she continued to feel offended by her own father. As a result, the girl was grounded until further notice, and her disappointment did not go away.

Image credits: Mario Campello (not the actual image)

Most people in the comments backed the OP, though stating that she took everything to heart too strongly

Most people in the comments share the OP’s feelings, noting that her father not only made no effort to include her in the family vacation, but also allowed her to be blindsided by not letting her know in advance about the journey. Of course, the girl should take everything more calmly, but she definitely should draw conclusions about her own father.

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Some commenters, however, noted that, of course, OP’s father’s family acted in an ugly way – but the girl herself took the situation too personally. In any case, the grandparents have the right to manage their own money as they wish. Of course, the father did wrong, but there can be no complaints against the grandmother, people in the comments believe.

We think you also have something to say about this very situation, so comments, as always, are welcome. And if something like this has also happened to you or your acquaintances, then we would very much like to know your own story.

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brittenelson_1 avatar
B.Nelson
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think the worst part is that the dad just didn't tell her beforehand that they were going. Just sitting her down, explaining that they were going to go, tell her why she couldn't, and make plans to spend time with her. It's not that she didn't go to Paris, it's the feeling like an afterthought and excluded that probably hurt the most. Dad really needs to fix this and grounding her isn't going to do it.

sealgair avatar
Taibhse Sealgair
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Disagree. The worse part is you don't just up and decide to take your family to Paris on a whim without anyone else knowing. This was a major undertaking, and it was INTENTIONALLY hidden.

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rodfergie avatar
Roddfergg
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sorry, as a Step-dad, when you blend a family, you do it all. As grandfather, if your child enters a blended family, you take them all as yours. Family doesn't end at blood, but it does take work.

brian_michael avatar
Brian Michael
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Disagree and I don't care if I am downvoted. Blended immediate families need to make it work, but not extended. If the father and SM paid for a trip with their money and only took the two kids it's exclusionary, but if the trip is paid for by someone else, they get to dictate who they are paying for. I had a father who married 4 times...enough said. I wasn't invited to every gathering that all the kids went too, and they weren't invited to all of my things. She needs to grow up and realize that the trip was a gift to the parents and the grandkids and not her, period. I think they hid this from her bc they knew exactly how she would react. I never considered any of my many SM's parents as my grandparents and I never expected them to consider me a grandkid to them. I have two parents who should care for me, outside of that the rest is ambiguous.

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anxietyriddenwife avatar
Carla Phillips
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've been there. My sister and I were the "old family". OP is not the a*****e. I would like to know if she lives with her mom or dad full time. It makes it much worse imo if it's the dad full time. Not by much, but still worse. I really feel for her. I think she did a great job of expressing herself. She's young and acted mature.

peekk3rri13 avatar
Peeka_Mimi
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Same. My dad even went out to dinner with his stepkids instead of us kids for my bday. We no longer invite him.

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rens_1 avatar
Rens
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My biological father did absolutely nothing with me, I was never included in anything to do with his new family and he only popped into my life when he felt guilty. After years and years of his nonsense, I finally went No Contact with him and his family. He then had the audacity to tell my mom that he was very hurt "after everything he had done for me..." WTF?? All the holidays I never spent with him all the gifts I never got for birthdays or Christmas, all the school events he never attended, all the time he never spent with me...

i82much99 avatar
Laura Pantazis
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am a guardian ad litem to children. Excluding teenagers when marrying into a new family is damaging to that teenager. It is emotionally damaging. The father is absolutely the AH here.

cecilyholland avatar
Cecily Holland
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The way the Father went about hiding it and went skulking off: AH. The 16yo is an entitled AH for thinking her stepmothers parents, which is what they are are “really rich” and that she is entitled to their money. She isn’t. She is entitled to be hurt by the way her father acted of course but her stepmothers parents don’t owe her a European Holiday. It’s clear her father didn’t want her on that vacation or he would have paid for her or let her mom know about it and as the 16yo said her mother would have helped. This “treat them as your own” blah blah in step families is not reality. Every one has a different dynamic. So to close: her father should have been upfront about going and that she wasn’t. The 16yo needs to grow up and learn she is not entitled to other peoples money.

mar42991 avatar
Melissa
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Apparently the girl's father has been married to the stepmom since she was 8 yrs old. If they were recently married I'd understand but the step grandparents still don't see her as family after 8 years. They could've gifted a trip closer to home and included the entire family if money was truly an issue. She's not entitled to anyone's money, but she's entitled to feel an important part of her family.

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creaturecargeaux avatar
Creature Cargeaux
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dude... this would break my freaking heart if this happened to me AND I FOUND OUT THRU SOCIAL MEDIA! The fact that they didn't even tell her they were going his so messed up. Did they not think she was going to find out? That is the most ridiculous & cruel way to have your LITERAL DAUGHTER find out you excluded her from the FAMILY VACATION. I would feel like I wasn't wanted & I would never forgive my step mom especially. Dads a jackass for not being like "you guys go then, if she can't come then I can't be there either. It's cruel to leave her out of a family vacation & if you don't consider her your daughter/granddaughter then by your logic, I shouldn't be included in your family vacation either because you don't consider us family" ... I couldn't imagine doing this to my kid. And not even having to respect and compassion to sit her down and tell her beforehand. If I were her I would go live with mom full time. Way to make your child feel like she isn't loved or part of the family.

19jackspence87 avatar
Jack S
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mum started doing this to me when I was about 11 only ever going on holiday with my step dad and his kid but they could never afford to take me and either ship me off to my grandma's or my dad's. (Just an aside here, I lived with them full-time.) I mean, they went to f*****g South Africa twice in one year. But couldn't "afford" to take me to Spain with them in the school holidays. Load of b******t. I feel this girls pain and it doesn't feel good. It's like being told you're not worth spending time with.

klberretta avatar
Kathleen Berretta
Community Member
1 year ago

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sorry but your story is NOT the same as hers. I feel for you, and yes living with your Mom full time you should have been included in these trips/outings. Is this other child just your step-dads or his and your moms?

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ldmonteith avatar
Key Lime
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My husband and I tried to include his daughter in our outings and vacations. Her MOM, (who had custody - yes it was normal back then for the Mom to get full custody) put up all kinds of roadblocks to prevent us from taking her. Now that she is a adult ( mid 40s) she complains bitterly about how we excluded her and WILL NOT believe that her Mom would have blocked our access.

adrianfoy avatar
Adrian Foy
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's not the case with this story. The dad never even told the daughter or mother. It's rude

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kubikiri-houcho avatar
Sarah Kathrin Matsoukis
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Stepmom will not allow her husband to travel with daughter alone? Sounds he just doesn't want to, how would she stop them?

klberretta avatar
Kathleen Berretta
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

that is what the 16 yr old is saying; we don't know the actual truth to that statement.

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abigailrose_1 avatar
Wysteria_Rose
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm trying to think of this in the best way as a parent with stepkids. On the hand of the grandparents, I can see how they would want to treat their daughter and grandkids. As wonderful as it can be when blended families work out, they don't always and people do as they do. Not saying it's right; I think if the daughter is at her dad's as much as her mom's, they should have realized that or taken a reminder. The dad is the biggest AH here, though; he deliberately hid it (knowing it would hurt her feelings) and instead of just addressing it, he literally just went off to Paris like it was normal. If my in-laws offered to pay only for my stepsons and husband to go on a trip and tried including me but not my bio child, I would politely decline and insist my husband take the boys with him since it was meant for them anyways. The dad is now upset because he's getting caught out for being deceptive to his first child, who is 16 and expected to be mature but heck, that's a huge hurt. NTA.

shannonkreider avatar
Notyomama
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What an awful family. Hope that young lady can move in with her mother.

francesm avatar
Frances M
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She is living with the mom, that’s why she only found out about the holiday when they were already on it.

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guineveremariesmith avatar
Gwyn
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA however I think one of the commenters had a good point that if she'd talked about her feelings without anger/attitude then it would have come across better. Not blaming her at all for her feelings and reaction, she's only 16, but it is a valuable skill to learn how to share the hurt you feel without losing your temper because if they don't get defensive they will more quickly realize how badly they f'd up. If I knew her I'd suggest that she use that tactic from now on. It seems obvious they already feel a little guilty so I think they'd respond well if she was able to calmly express how much it hurt her.

superheroesagainstandros avatar
LinkTheHylian
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have a step-family. We're a blended family because my mother and step-father married when myself and my brother were still really young, as in before we even started school. My step-brother was already an adult and living his own life by this point, so whenever the younger kids, including my half-siblings who came along later, went on holiday he was never with us because he was doing his own thing. If he was younger, he would have been included. If money was the issue, OP could have been included if they'd waited and saved up, but to me it sounds like she was actively excluded because they don't have a fully blended family.

illacponce avatar
Illac Ponce
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA i can only advice you with this, use this experience as you motivation to study hard and aim for higher goal in life so that time will come, you will have your own resources to fund your travels or buy whatever things you want to have in life. Don't put hate into your heart, instead make this as motivation to be a better person and look forward for a brighter future. Also if your stefpbothers are nice to you, don't hate them.coz of this, keep your good relationship with them.

tarryn1983 avatar
Tarryn Calhoun
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

From the replies to comments I have learned that the new family began when she was 8 and she lives with them. She is 100% right to be angry and hurt. NTA

klberretta avatar
Kathleen Berretta
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The Original Poster is a 16 Y.O. girl who lives with her mom ---- she does NOT live with father and step-mother per the post.

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claireskrine avatar
Just saying
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think a step mum or step dad needs to be able to incorporate their step child (to the extent the step child wants it), but I don't think extended family like step grandparents have any such obligation. The step mum has chosen to take on her husband's existing child by getting married to the dad. The step grandparents have made no such choice and aren't morally obliged by their daughter's marital choice to become grandparents to a child they aren't related to, unless they are happy to do so. If it had been the dad paying for the trip it would have been shocking not to take his daughter. It wasn't though - it was the step grandparents paying for their own relatives to go, not for a girl they barely know. And why are we assuming that the 16 year old is correct when she says the step grand-parents are loaded? My 15 year old thinks a few hundred dollars is a lot.

mollyannmurphy avatar
Mollyann Murphy
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The only problem I can see is Dad kept it from her could have saved all this trouble by talking to her about it before they went on the trip. Oh and one more thing she owes the step grandma an apology no reason to be so disrespectful! I get you are hurt but you shouldn't take it out on her. Shame on dad for keeping this a secret. It must have been very hurtful to find out on tik tok. So as you said "put on your big girl pants"& start communicating with your father. No AH here just trouble with communication

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c_devine avatar
Seedy Vine
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some people really do use their money to intentionally divide family members, then plead poverty after the fact. It's pathetic. OP is NTA.

merkleytessa avatar
Tessa Merkley
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm on both side but I think it would have been nice if he could have told her before hand

pepper2015 avatar
pepper 2015
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Could be possible that the dad did not want her with his current wife and kids. She herself mentioned they don't get along well. Why would he invite her and ruin family vacation that his inlaws are paying for their grandkids. I can get trouble making vibes from her.

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mariamandjik295 avatar
Maria Mandjik
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I hope this child can stay with her mother full time, father and his new family don’t care for her and her feelings.

snowfoxrox avatar
Whitefox
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When my (now Ex's) family decided to go on a cruise together, the matriarch paid for her kids and their children. She invited spouses and great grand kids, but they would have to pay their own way. We were offered the same nice deal she was getting so, it ended up being workable. We all had a great time. This step-grand could have done the same, but by choosing to be deceitful made her and the whole rest of the family huge AH!

karenpatrick avatar
Crafty mama
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That is the best solution. Her father could have paid. Her mother could have paid or the two could have done it together. Leaving her out was wrong and the dad is a coward for not telling her. Hiding it was intentional. I hope she can live with her mom.

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rachelwebb avatar
Rachel Webb
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The step mum's parents ATA, and I think the father has a much bigger problem. Planning a vacation for your daughter and grandchildren without her husband is divisive, to the point of possibly gaslighting. Did they really think their daughter would go on holiday without her spouse. If they did not have the money they could have chosen somewhere less expensive. I do not think it is unreasonable they did not pay for their step grand daughter, although in the interest of family harmony, it would have been better. They clearly do not see her as their family. No point being butthurt about it. Being petulant about just makes you look bad. This brings me back to my thoughts about gaslighting and manipulation. The vacation should have been discussed. Deception and manipulation are the primary tools of a gaslighter. Kicking off just adds to their illusion that it is the father and/or OP that are the problem

michael-hooper-77770 avatar
Michael Hooper
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This child is extremely immature for her age. Granted she has reason to be upset, but only with her father. She is HIS responsibility and should have told her about the trip and make arrangements for her to go. The stepmom and grandparents should welcome her into the family and respect her as the child of the father. They should include her in local family events and special occasions; but they do not have any legal or financial obligations. For OP to treat the step grandmother rudely when she explained the situation again shows immaturity. This matter is between her and her father blaming and alienating everyone else is simply wrong on her part.

kim_lorton avatar
Kim Lorton
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Concerning the custody agreement between your parents.. you are old enough at 16 To decide of you want to see tour dad or not. Talk to your mom about decreasing the time you have to spend at your dad's. No matter who is married to who, you are. And should be a art of your fathers' new family. He is an AH to not ask the mother in law to include you on the trip also. That is a financial situation the could have been worked out. The trip could have furthered a better relationship with tour step family. Because your dad didn't bother to stand up for you and include you, he will always be the AH.

pepper2015 avatar
pepper 2015
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How come the step family be the AH? Someone else paid for them, the dad has kids with other wife too. If grandparents want to gift their grandkids, why is this woman cribbing? She is so entitled, the way she is behaving omg.

amytaylor_1 avatar
Amy Taylor
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm trying to figure out if the boys are her dad's bio children as well. I feel like people are always mixing up step with half siblings when telling stories, lol. If they are his bio kids, yes... that's pretty crappy to exclude his daughter, but if they aren't his, I understand the grandparents not including his daughter, even though I would if I were in their shoes.

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heather_oevering avatar
Heather Oevering
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Honestly if you marry a girl or guy that has a child from another relationship the step family should also include that child(ren) because they chose to love the mother or father with extra baggage if you didn't want the entire extra child(ren) the don't date or marry that person my mom dated someone where the family treated me like I was non-existent especially on holidays my mom had to forgo a tradition we had and let me open all my presents on Christmas eve so the way I see it the dad and step family are aholes here in fact the op said basically what I would have said but one thing different I would have said that and then called mom to come get and then as I would leave I would say till everyone can get their heads out of their a$$e$ and see that I am also apart of the family I don't want anything to do with you being 16 the op has the right to do that

williamsmith_8 avatar
William Smith
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nope. She's an entitled spoiled brat who just found out the world doesn't revolve around her. Shame.

nadirearopma avatar
Sarah Baker
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm in the line of everyone sucks. Except the birth mother and step siblings. I can see where OP is coming off as a brat but I also understand that she's only 16 for crying out loud. Teenagers are moody and angsty as hell and anyone who says otherwise is a liar or doesn't have good memory. It was a total d**k move for the dad to not even mention it and explain the situation before hand and not let his daughter learn via social media. Even as an adult I'd be upset if my parents and brother went on a trip without even letting me know about it. It always stings a bit more when you learn by a second party what your family is doing. To make it all worse, the dad trying to down play it and just brush it off as no big deal. Especially when it's clearly a big deal to hus kid. It's one thing to just not think about something, but another to willingly and intentionally not think about something when it's confronted you about it.

cab102361 avatar
Candy Berg
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I get the whole it was a gift blah blah. She acted like a brat. But really who wouldn’t get their feelings hurt. I would. This was a family vacation, and she was deliberately left out. They are not saying it was because she was a brat, they are presenting it as it was due to monetary situation. That is BS, you don’t take most of your children and leave one behind because someone gave you a gift. The hurt feelings are going to cost way more in the long run. It feels really spiteful to me.

asakura_shaman avatar
Abby Parker
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mum and dad separated before I was born. I lived with my mum and I saw my dad every fortnight at the weekend. It was an arrangement that stayed well until I started university. My dad met my stepmum when I was about 5/6. I was 8 when my sister was born and 10 when they had my brother. There were small trips or days out they had with just the four of them and yes I felt left out and a little disappointed at the time, I understood that it was an issue of cost and would’ve included me had they been able to and as I got older I was able to go with them when they visited Wales and Scotland. That being said, they NEVER hid it from me and I think that’s the worst thing. I don’t think it was necessary for her to have gone because not everyone can/does things together but I do think she should have been told beforehand. Dad definitely could have handled it better.

mrwhitetpd_1 avatar
Marguerite White
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You are a huge AH. You are acting exactly like dad said. An Entitled Brat. The grandparents invited THEIR daughter and grandsons to go on a trip. They included daughter’s new husband. YOU, in no way, get to decide who can afford what!!! You are 16, have no idea about economics, and have no idea about strangers finances. YOU are simply jealous that you didn’t get to go. Add that your relationship with the “step” family isn’t “all that great” and you wonder why “no one tried to include you”. GROW UP. It’s ok to be disappointed and to even voice your disappointment, but to expected to be given a gift from strangers is beyond the pale. So according to you, anything step grandma gives her grandchildren, she should give you to. Someone she has no relationship with and someone who has no desire to have a relationship with…unless of course step grandma will give you expensive stuff!! You owe your dad and especially your step grandma an apology.

renate_stargardt avatar
Awsomemom52
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My sons were 9 and 3 when their father moved out. Since then they have never been with him for more than 1 week at a time... and even that has rarely happened. Back then, he and his new partner quickly started a “new family”. During the school holidays he went on holiday with his new family... and that's why my sons couldn't even visit him. It would never have occurred to him to take his sons... or to take them on a "father-son" vacation. Basically, he just gave up on her and neglected her. Their relationship has suffered greatly as a result... and the breach he caused with his behavior at the time is beyond repair. Their relationship has gotten a little better over the years, but it's rather superficial and not very close.

budd800 avatar
Taylor ßudd
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yta. The way you handled the sitch made it blatant. Your majorly passive aggressive. .You threw out passive aggressive jabs at dinner. Your texts to your dad were hugely passive aggressive. Sure it would of been nice to get a heads up that they are going, but honestly, your 16. Your a kid. Adults don't need to tell kids their plans especially if the kid isn't even staying with them. You were at your mom's. Your entitled and have gotten a good deal of brattery from somewhere. Better get to losing it or you'll have no friends and crappy life in some armpit town with 5 ex boyfriends who all coincidentally are 'scumbags' that couldn't handle you at your worst so don't deserve you at your best .

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i82much99 avatar
Laura Pantazis
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

New wife's parents don't owe her anything - but the dad does. The dad had an obligation to his daughter first. Excluding children for a new family is emotionally damaging. He either should have paid for the daughter to go himself or declined to go.

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Key Lime
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My husband and I tried to include his daughter in many things. Her MOM put up so many roadblocks to try and stop us. Now that she is an adult she blames US for not including her in everything we did and WILL NOT believe her Mom would have blocked us.

ntrouerntrend avatar
Whodathunkit
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My ex does this to my daughters all the time. His wife even kicked them out of their house. He went right along with it. My kids get hurt by him very often.

maswartz226 avatar
maswartz
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can't be the only one getting tired of these kinds of stories here, right? We don't need this depressing stuff.

jupiternium avatar
George Bernard
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm more annoyed at the incorrect use of "step brothers." They are her half-brothers, or simply brothers. Step brothers would be sons of the stepmother from another man, not OPs father.

i82much99 avatar
Laura Pantazis
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't think they were half-brothers. Because they are almost 13, I bet they are also from a prior relationship and not the biological children of the father.

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Scott T Brynildsen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

After reading how this daughter is acting online, I'd leave her a*s home too. The dad was under ZERO OBLIGATION to tell his daughter they went to Paris on someone else's dime. How the hell does this child know what her step grandparents finances look like? She said they're rich, but how the hell does she know because people look rich to a CHILD because children like to make assumptions. The father is being s**t on because she is passively aggressively attacking him because he didn't tell her they were leaving her out of a family event HE DID NOT PAY FOR, and a bunch of you f*****s are calling him a bad father. He's clearly not, she's just hurt and throwing a temper tantrum online, and you're supporting her being an a*****e to everyone. WTF?! Maybe you're all the assholes.

vthart avatar
Viv Hart
Community Member
11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It all depends where she lives, with Dad or with Mom. If she lives with Dad & SM, she'd have known about the trip, so I get the idea she lives with Mom, so then she's just acting entitled, and is not a grandchild of SM' parents. She is the AH.

janetpattison avatar
Janet Pattison
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA!!! There is NO acceptable EXCUSE for what the adults pulled off at your expense! So the boy’s grandma can afford to take everyone to Paris except you? This is cruel, and if it’s true that she paid for everything, she needs a course w/ Miss Manners. Your dad & his wife, who also went along with the nasty shenanigans should be grounded, and court mandated to take parenting classes ! So mean spirited that they excluded you! No excuses! If they could not afford to include u in a family event they should NOT have went! I sincerely hope u can get far away from these toxic, rude, & inappropriate adults, who do the very opposite of what is required to be decent human beings, let alone parents!

jenniferkamm41 avatar
Jennifer Kamm
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA if your mom was willing and able to pitch in on the cost, you should have gone with them. And to not tell you is not a very nice thing. The step grandma should have found a way to include you and if not able too, have given you the opportunity to find a way to pay for yourself. And who wouldn’t talk about a trip to Paris? That was deliberately concealed from you. I would definitely have a talk with your father about this because this would be very hard to deal with emotionally.

greggates avatar
Greg Gates
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a father of 5, I fault the father. It's as easy as refusing or giving back the "gift". Why would you want a gift that says Fu to one of your kids No way I'm excluding any of my kids, and if they don't see my child as family, then they don't see me as family either.

nicolel_1 avatar
Nicole L
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OP stated that her relationship with the family has never been great and that she mostly avoids them. I get that it hurts to be excluded, but I've been a 16 year old girl too and could it be that she's generally a nasty pain in the a** when around them? If that's the case, I can't say that I blame Dad for not wanting all the drama on this trip. He really was put in a tough situation, too. Just because people seem "rich", it often isn't the case. If it is, she totally shot yourself in the foot for spewing expletives at the grandmother. Treat people with respect and you'll be surprised at how much they want to invest in a relationship with you.

levinessadam avatar
Adam Leviness
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is ridiculous. When you get married to someone who.has.kids, they are part of the deal. As a step child myself who was pulled away from my family so my little sisters could be close to theirs and then made to feel like less all the time bc I wasn't biologically related, it's hard and it sucks knowing as a child that you are a burden, or even worse not even considered, by people that are supposed to be your family. She IS their grandkids, she IS her step mothers daughter, and she IS the other children's sister. You don't get to pick and choose what part of your spouse you get ESPECIALLY when it's their child. Every adult here just SHOWED this poor girl that they only keep her around because of the societal obligation to be there for your kids. Not because they want her there, not because they want her as part of the family, and not because she is family. This girl should rip the bandaid the father has clearly decided that his new family is what matters and she is a nuisan

judyr8 avatar
Judy Riley
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So her dad grounded her for telling someone to get out of her room who shouldn't have been there anyway? Way to let daughter know she has absolutely no rights in his house!

teacup8285 avatar
Cheryl Knepper
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have never understood when you get stepkids or half siblings treating them like dirt. When they were born or married into the family, they should be treated equally. If you cannot afford it for all then none go & we go where we can all go. Children become the brunt of vindictive & stupid adults and it’s a real shame.

dianawasaanunggokweseales avatar
Diana Wasaanung'gokwe Seales
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm a stepmother and reading this broke my heart. I can't imagine doing this to a 16 year old! My kids are 18, 16 and 12. The oldest 2 are kids that came into my life when I married my husband and my youngest was adopted before I was married. If either set was even excluded from even a matching set of pajamas from either set of grandparents they'd have a war on their hands. But they would never ever do that!! What a horrible toxic family. I hope shes able to get away from them soon

crw avatar
CRW
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a stepmother myself and habing raised my own blended family...every one of the adults involved in this ATA here. When you marry and you each already have children, you are essentially marrying your spouse and their children. I loved & raised my stepson as if he were my own and my husband did the same with my daughter. We would never have excluded one of our children from anything even if gifted from someone else...the gift should've been refused if not being given to the entire family. The stepmom and dad should've discussed with stepgrandma that they wouldn't accept a gift for only part of the family and if it was really only about money the vacation could've been altered countless ways so it could include the entire family. It's wrong of stepgrandma to say she wants to give this gift to her grandchildren but be willing to exclude one of them, wrong of stepmom to not speak up and wrong of dad to let it all happen.

celeryg avatar
celery g
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

grow up, the trip was not for you! if your dad paid for it, it would be a separate issue!!!!!!!!

terrylovelace avatar
Terry Lovelace
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is her DAD. The most important person in her life at one point in time. The stick by which she will measure men by. And at one point in time, she was his little princess. How will she look at men in the future? MAYBE A QUESTION HE SHOULD ANSWER. TOTAL AH.

rosalie_dann avatar
Rosalie Dann
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm a little confused about the 2 brothers. First she said her Dad had them WITH the Step Mother suggesting they are HIS children , not hers from a previous relationship. This would make them her HALF brothers but she calls them Step brothers. If they are step brothers they are not her Dad's biological kids. That's the only scenario where I could understand the SGPs not wanting to include the Dad. NTA until you were rude to the SGM. I totally understand the disappointment but if you were mad at Dad there's no need then to be rude to her. The reason she came in was because she thought you blamed her. And unless she's totally evil she's NOT going to say " Sorry but you're not my GC and I didn't want to pay". She was trying to not be nasty .

t3logy avatar
LaDene Bean
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This happened to me decades ago. My mother took my sisters and their families to Hawaii. Did not include me, hid it actually. A niece sent post card to from Hawaii - how I found out. I never got over it. NEVER SPOKE TO ANY OF THEM AGAIN - I was done. I have NO feeling for them. As they leave this world they can still kmhba. MY child is the only family I have.

h_siniaho avatar
Hannah
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds like a normal 16 year old taking things way too personal and struggling to accept the world doesn't revolve around her. Not her grandparents. Not their responsibility. Dad should have told her ahead of time sure but it still doesn't make her entitled to the trip.

kennethfroehlke avatar
Kenneth Froehlke
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is a tough one, and one of the reasons sit families are challenging. Yeah, dad probably should checked first. If there was a problem, he should have gracefully bowed out. It sounds like the parents do not fully accept their daughter marrying someone with children from a past marriage, or that there is some kind of issue going on behind the scene.

libraryphoenix333 avatar
Cartoon Fan Girl
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Facts: 1. OP's dad (and step family) didn't tell OP they were going 2. OP had to find it out from a TIC TOK of all places that they left 3. OP's dad (and step family) deliberately brought up the trip in front of OP 4. OP got lied to as an excuse 5. OP was obviously very upset at not going and they pushed OP to being actually angry at said lie *NOTE* "F" doesn't always mean they said **** (I did that so as to stay as far away from actual profanity as possible) it can also (if I remember correctly) be used as a shortened version of eff like in effing, buuuut, long story short, I think that OP's NTA

karenpatrick avatar
Crafty mama
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA in fact your dad is the biggest AH ever! If the grandparents paid for them he could have paid for you. One trip. That could have been a way to include you. He's a coward and does not deserve you. Stay with your mom. Communicate with your step siblings if you want to. When he gets older he will understand. Even if he could not afford to take you as an add on, you deserved to know beforehand. It was just a cowardly thing to do.

bigeddogg47 avatar
Conan Maschingon
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I know this is a kid and she doesn't fully understand s**t yet but yeah she is the a*****e and the dad is right she is entitled

marilynrussell avatar
Marilyn Russell
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow - what a wonderful father for creating that sticky situation. He surely could have figured out a way to include his daughter with he mother’s assistance or at least let her know what was going on before she accidentally found out. Now the daughter has no right to treat the step-grandmother disrespectfully in any way. That behaviour is intolerable.

williamsmith_8 avatar
William Smith
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In what world is this girl not the *sshole? She didn't go on a trip she wasn't invited to and decided to throw a public hissy fit about it? That's the very definition of an entitled brat. Maybe she can use this indefinite grounding to realize the world doesn't revolve around her.

vpwitter avatar
Valerie Witter
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

YTA - You’re acting like a 16 YO teenage girl. You need to remember that the grandparents are not your grandparents. If your grandparents did something special for you and your mom and dad they certainly wouldn’t be obligated to do the same for your half brothers. Put your big girl panties and apologize to the grandmother for being rude!

donnashepherd avatar
donna shepherd
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Uhm,. She IS a 16 y/o girl. Some she is ACTING HER AGE. But she does owe the stranger who is not her grandmother by her own choice an apology for the foul language.

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Cher
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It might be a great idea for OP's parents to have a discussion about how things were handled, so this does not occur in the future. Family relationships are important and should not be canceled so easily.

gabrielgawrada avatar
Gabriel Gawrada
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes, you are TA and an entitled brat. You repeatedly say your dad or your mom or stepmom's family could have come up with the money to include you - as if money just magically replenishes itself when spent. Your rudeness toward stepmom's parents is completely undeserved and only harms yourself; you've shown them that you're a self centered teen and why would they now want to include you in anything? Not terribly bright.

scottrackley avatar
Scott Rackley
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So the only way for the father to "win" was for him not to go on the trip?

alexasaltz avatar
Alexa Saltz
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What a nightmare. You have every right to be upset. When one marries another who has children from a previous relationship - you must include them in your life as well. I am grateful to my (now ex) husband's first wife for including my children in her family celebrations. Her children and mine are half siblings. Also included in our extended family tree are aunt, uncle's and cousins... It is in the best interest of the children with one generation to know each other whether they are full, half, or step siblings. Add to that all the cousins. FAMILY. It seems so many people have forgotten what that really means. OP, I hope some day you too will see Paris. While you are there, might as well head over to England, or Spain, or Germany, Austria, Holland, etc. And if you can make it happen, include your siblings. Make sure in future that your children know theirs. FAMILY. Be well...

generally_happy avatar
similarly
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When I was a teenager, I was living with my father, stepmother and half-sister. In their home, there were no photos of me or my brothers. Only pictures of my sister. My sister and brother both painted. Her paintings were hanging in the dining room. My brother's paintings were not. There was virtually nothing to show that my brothers or I lived in the house. While my sister slept upstairs with her family, and slept in a beautifully furnished room with a king size bed, I slept in a small room hidden downstairs in a used single bed. While I was in high school, my family took a number of trips to Europe. I was left at home with my brothers, and after my brothers graduated, I was left at home alone. My sister has been to Europe a number of times. I've never been. (continued in reply).

generally_happy avatar
similarly
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I understand how people in these situations can be bitter. Do I wish things had been different? Sure. Was it unfair? Sure. I made a choice to let it go. Today (decades later) I love my family and have a good relationship with them. My sister and I are very close, and I love her a lot. My parents weren't perfect, but neither am I. I think letting it go was, for me, a healthy thing to do. I know not everybody is in a situation to just let it go, and only the person can decide if it's the right situation for them. For me, it was the right thing to do.

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Monica A. M.
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This situation is my ex husband to the T. Hie is remarried, has rich in laws and a son with new wife. Excludes our daughter. Took his own "family" trip to Europe that he paid for, and excluded our daughter. I've taught her to never expect anything and then she will never be disappointed. These situations lead to the children going low or NC with the fathers. My current spouse and I paid for her to go on a chorus trip to NYC a few years ago, while my ex contributed ZERO. He is now dragging his feet on her wedding and we've covered most of the cost, along with her and her fiancé. I swear karma will always win. Don't call the kids when you need a kidney or are dying, you are already dead to them, since you treat them as if they are. FYI, my ex and his "wife" have no photos of our daughter in their home. They even Lie to their son that she is a "family friend". One day, karma and his Judgement Day will come.

mmaggie90 avatar
IDGAFabtyourfeelings
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Those ppl who said she is the a*****e should NEVER become step parents or get remarried because they will treat their kids like c**p.

lydiathurber_1 avatar
Snippers
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Op was right to be hurt but probably should have prepared to have a calm conversation instead of lashing out. I know from experience that being treated like less of a family than you step siblings sucks. Just leave and tell them exactly how they made you feel.

n-tarunikasri avatar
girlsrock4ever
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would say she's the a*****e (maybe grandma is secretly having money problems, and dad felt that asking her to include OP was rude), but if that's true, then dad would have told OP about the money problems. And besides, OP found out about this from a Tik Tok. Her dad should have, at the bare minimum, told her.

honeywoodfarm avatar
Bobbi Spence
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I will almost 100 percent guarantee the stepmother was behind excluding OP and her father is too far up the rich grandparents a*s to stand up for his daughter,

jjluv_777 avatar
Ophelia Payne
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA, everyone had to know op would be hurt by this. It IS an expensive trip, so clearly they could have found a compromise to include her. Telling a kid she isn't part of her father's family is f****d up

ralitzap avatar
Ralitza Patchéva-Alexandrova
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Mom and creator divorced when I was 4 yo. Mom married to a divorced man with a girl from previous marriage. Creator married a divorced woman with a girl from a previous marriage, and they made one by themselves. Creator adopted the girl from previous marriage. The one and only family I have is my mom & my step-father, that I call DAD! That's it! Never expected anything from creator, my step-sisters never expected anything from our family. You need to cope with the situation and focus on your family, i.e. mom & you

donnashepherd avatar
donna shepherd
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

DNA donator, he didn't create you your mom did. Your step dad IS your real dad. Relatives share blood , family shares loyalty and love.

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jzinsky avatar
Andrew Bridge
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If she's that bothered she could always drive there herself in a couple of years

brittenelson_1 avatar
B.Nelson
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think the worst part is that the dad just didn't tell her beforehand that they were going. Just sitting her down, explaining that they were going to go, tell her why she couldn't, and make plans to spend time with her. It's not that she didn't go to Paris, it's the feeling like an afterthought and excluded that probably hurt the most. Dad really needs to fix this and grounding her isn't going to do it.

sealgair avatar
Taibhse Sealgair
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Disagree. The worse part is you don't just up and decide to take your family to Paris on a whim without anyone else knowing. This was a major undertaking, and it was INTENTIONALLY hidden.

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Roddfergg
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sorry, as a Step-dad, when you blend a family, you do it all. As grandfather, if your child enters a blended family, you take them all as yours. Family doesn't end at blood, but it does take work.

brian_michael avatar
Brian Michael
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Disagree and I don't care if I am downvoted. Blended immediate families need to make it work, but not extended. If the father and SM paid for a trip with their money and only took the two kids it's exclusionary, but if the trip is paid for by someone else, they get to dictate who they are paying for. I had a father who married 4 times...enough said. I wasn't invited to every gathering that all the kids went too, and they weren't invited to all of my things. She needs to grow up and realize that the trip was a gift to the parents and the grandkids and not her, period. I think they hid this from her bc they knew exactly how she would react. I never considered any of my many SM's parents as my grandparents and I never expected them to consider me a grandkid to them. I have two parents who should care for me, outside of that the rest is ambiguous.

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Carla Phillips
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've been there. My sister and I were the "old family". OP is not the a*****e. I would like to know if she lives with her mom or dad full time. It makes it much worse imo if it's the dad full time. Not by much, but still worse. I really feel for her. I think she did a great job of expressing herself. She's young and acted mature.

peekk3rri13 avatar
Peeka_Mimi
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Same. My dad even went out to dinner with his stepkids instead of us kids for my bday. We no longer invite him.

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rens_1 avatar
Rens
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My biological father did absolutely nothing with me, I was never included in anything to do with his new family and he only popped into my life when he felt guilty. After years and years of his nonsense, I finally went No Contact with him and his family. He then had the audacity to tell my mom that he was very hurt "after everything he had done for me..." WTF?? All the holidays I never spent with him all the gifts I never got for birthdays or Christmas, all the school events he never attended, all the time he never spent with me...

i82much99 avatar
Laura Pantazis
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am a guardian ad litem to children. Excluding teenagers when marrying into a new family is damaging to that teenager. It is emotionally damaging. The father is absolutely the AH here.

cecilyholland avatar
Cecily Holland
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The way the Father went about hiding it and went skulking off: AH. The 16yo is an entitled AH for thinking her stepmothers parents, which is what they are are “really rich” and that she is entitled to their money. She isn’t. She is entitled to be hurt by the way her father acted of course but her stepmothers parents don’t owe her a European Holiday. It’s clear her father didn’t want her on that vacation or he would have paid for her or let her mom know about it and as the 16yo said her mother would have helped. This “treat them as your own” blah blah in step families is not reality. Every one has a different dynamic. So to close: her father should have been upfront about going and that she wasn’t. The 16yo needs to grow up and learn she is not entitled to other peoples money.

mar42991 avatar
Melissa
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Apparently the girl's father has been married to the stepmom since she was 8 yrs old. If they were recently married I'd understand but the step grandparents still don't see her as family after 8 years. They could've gifted a trip closer to home and included the entire family if money was truly an issue. She's not entitled to anyone's money, but she's entitled to feel an important part of her family.

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Creature Cargeaux
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dude... this would break my freaking heart if this happened to me AND I FOUND OUT THRU SOCIAL MEDIA! The fact that they didn't even tell her they were going his so messed up. Did they not think she was going to find out? That is the most ridiculous & cruel way to have your LITERAL DAUGHTER find out you excluded her from the FAMILY VACATION. I would feel like I wasn't wanted & I would never forgive my step mom especially. Dads a jackass for not being like "you guys go then, if she can't come then I can't be there either. It's cruel to leave her out of a family vacation & if you don't consider her your daughter/granddaughter then by your logic, I shouldn't be included in your family vacation either because you don't consider us family" ... I couldn't imagine doing this to my kid. And not even having to respect and compassion to sit her down and tell her beforehand. If I were her I would go live with mom full time. Way to make your child feel like she isn't loved or part of the family.

19jackspence87 avatar
Jack S
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mum started doing this to me when I was about 11 only ever going on holiday with my step dad and his kid but they could never afford to take me and either ship me off to my grandma's or my dad's. (Just an aside here, I lived with them full-time.) I mean, they went to f*****g South Africa twice in one year. But couldn't "afford" to take me to Spain with them in the school holidays. Load of b******t. I feel this girls pain and it doesn't feel good. It's like being told you're not worth spending time with.

klberretta avatar
Kathleen Berretta
Community Member
1 year ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

sorry but your story is NOT the same as hers. I feel for you, and yes living with your Mom full time you should have been included in these trips/outings. Is this other child just your step-dads or his and your moms?

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ldmonteith avatar
Key Lime
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My husband and I tried to include his daughter in our outings and vacations. Her MOM, (who had custody - yes it was normal back then for the Mom to get full custody) put up all kinds of roadblocks to prevent us from taking her. Now that she is a adult ( mid 40s) she complains bitterly about how we excluded her and WILL NOT believe that her Mom would have blocked our access.

adrianfoy avatar
Adrian Foy
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's not the case with this story. The dad never even told the daughter or mother. It's rude

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Sarah Kathrin Matsoukis
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Stepmom will not allow her husband to travel with daughter alone? Sounds he just doesn't want to, how would she stop them?

klberretta avatar
Kathleen Berretta
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

that is what the 16 yr old is saying; we don't know the actual truth to that statement.

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Wysteria_Rose
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm trying to think of this in the best way as a parent with stepkids. On the hand of the grandparents, I can see how they would want to treat their daughter and grandkids. As wonderful as it can be when blended families work out, they don't always and people do as they do. Not saying it's right; I think if the daughter is at her dad's as much as her mom's, they should have realized that or taken a reminder. The dad is the biggest AH here, though; he deliberately hid it (knowing it would hurt her feelings) and instead of just addressing it, he literally just went off to Paris like it was normal. If my in-laws offered to pay only for my stepsons and husband to go on a trip and tried including me but not my bio child, I would politely decline and insist my husband take the boys with him since it was meant for them anyways. The dad is now upset because he's getting caught out for being deceptive to his first child, who is 16 and expected to be mature but heck, that's a huge hurt. NTA.

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Notyomama
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What an awful family. Hope that young lady can move in with her mother.

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Frances M
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She is living with the mom, that’s why she only found out about the holiday when they were already on it.

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Gwyn
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA however I think one of the commenters had a good point that if she'd talked about her feelings without anger/attitude then it would have come across better. Not blaming her at all for her feelings and reaction, she's only 16, but it is a valuable skill to learn how to share the hurt you feel without losing your temper because if they don't get defensive they will more quickly realize how badly they f'd up. If I knew her I'd suggest that she use that tactic from now on. It seems obvious they already feel a little guilty so I think they'd respond well if she was able to calmly express how much it hurt her.

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LinkTheHylian
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have a step-family. We're a blended family because my mother and step-father married when myself and my brother were still really young, as in before we even started school. My step-brother was already an adult and living his own life by this point, so whenever the younger kids, including my half-siblings who came along later, went on holiday he was never with us because he was doing his own thing. If he was younger, he would have been included. If money was the issue, OP could have been included if they'd waited and saved up, but to me it sounds like she was actively excluded because they don't have a fully blended family.

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Illac Ponce
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA i can only advice you with this, use this experience as you motivation to study hard and aim for higher goal in life so that time will come, you will have your own resources to fund your travels or buy whatever things you want to have in life. Don't put hate into your heart, instead make this as motivation to be a better person and look forward for a brighter future. Also if your stefpbothers are nice to you, don't hate them.coz of this, keep your good relationship with them.

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Tarryn Calhoun
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

From the replies to comments I have learned that the new family began when she was 8 and she lives with them. She is 100% right to be angry and hurt. NTA

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Kathleen Berretta
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The Original Poster is a 16 Y.O. girl who lives with her mom ---- she does NOT live with father and step-mother per the post.

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Just saying
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think a step mum or step dad needs to be able to incorporate their step child (to the extent the step child wants it), but I don't think extended family like step grandparents have any such obligation. The step mum has chosen to take on her husband's existing child by getting married to the dad. The step grandparents have made no such choice and aren't morally obliged by their daughter's marital choice to become grandparents to a child they aren't related to, unless they are happy to do so. If it had been the dad paying for the trip it would have been shocking not to take his daughter. It wasn't though - it was the step grandparents paying for their own relatives to go, not for a girl they barely know. And why are we assuming that the 16 year old is correct when she says the step grand-parents are loaded? My 15 year old thinks a few hundred dollars is a lot.

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Mollyann Murphy
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The only problem I can see is Dad kept it from her could have saved all this trouble by talking to her about it before they went on the trip. Oh and one more thing she owes the step grandma an apology no reason to be so disrespectful! I get you are hurt but you shouldn't take it out on her. Shame on dad for keeping this a secret. It must have been very hurtful to find out on tik tok. So as you said "put on your big girl pants"& start communicating with your father. No AH here just trouble with communication

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Seedy Vine
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some people really do use their money to intentionally divide family members, then plead poverty after the fact. It's pathetic. OP is NTA.

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Tessa Merkley
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm on both side but I think it would have been nice if he could have told her before hand

pepper2015 avatar
pepper 2015
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Could be possible that the dad did not want her with his current wife and kids. She herself mentioned they don't get along well. Why would he invite her and ruin family vacation that his inlaws are paying for their grandkids. I can get trouble making vibes from her.

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Maria Mandjik
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I hope this child can stay with her mother full time, father and his new family don’t care for her and her feelings.

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Whitefox
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When my (now Ex's) family decided to go on a cruise together, the matriarch paid for her kids and their children. She invited spouses and great grand kids, but they would have to pay their own way. We were offered the same nice deal she was getting so, it ended up being workable. We all had a great time. This step-grand could have done the same, but by choosing to be deceitful made her and the whole rest of the family huge AH!

karenpatrick avatar
Crafty mama
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That is the best solution. Her father could have paid. Her mother could have paid or the two could have done it together. Leaving her out was wrong and the dad is a coward for not telling her. Hiding it was intentional. I hope she can live with her mom.

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Rachel Webb
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The step mum's parents ATA, and I think the father has a much bigger problem. Planning a vacation for your daughter and grandchildren without her husband is divisive, to the point of possibly gaslighting. Did they really think their daughter would go on holiday without her spouse. If they did not have the money they could have chosen somewhere less expensive. I do not think it is unreasonable they did not pay for their step grand daughter, although in the interest of family harmony, it would have been better. They clearly do not see her as their family. No point being butthurt about it. Being petulant about just makes you look bad. This brings me back to my thoughts about gaslighting and manipulation. The vacation should have been discussed. Deception and manipulation are the primary tools of a gaslighter. Kicking off just adds to their illusion that it is the father and/or OP that are the problem

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Michael Hooper
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This child is extremely immature for her age. Granted she has reason to be upset, but only with her father. She is HIS responsibility and should have told her about the trip and make arrangements for her to go. The stepmom and grandparents should welcome her into the family and respect her as the child of the father. They should include her in local family events and special occasions; but they do not have any legal or financial obligations. For OP to treat the step grandmother rudely when she explained the situation again shows immaturity. This matter is between her and her father blaming and alienating everyone else is simply wrong on her part.

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Kim Lorton
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Concerning the custody agreement between your parents.. you are old enough at 16 To decide of you want to see tour dad or not. Talk to your mom about decreasing the time you have to spend at your dad's. No matter who is married to who, you are. And should be a art of your fathers' new family. He is an AH to not ask the mother in law to include you on the trip also. That is a financial situation the could have been worked out. The trip could have furthered a better relationship with tour step family. Because your dad didn't bother to stand up for you and include you, he will always be the AH.

pepper2015 avatar
pepper 2015
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How come the step family be the AH? Someone else paid for them, the dad has kids with other wife too. If grandparents want to gift their grandkids, why is this woman cribbing? She is so entitled, the way she is behaving omg.

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Amy Taylor
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm trying to figure out if the boys are her dad's bio children as well. I feel like people are always mixing up step with half siblings when telling stories, lol. If they are his bio kids, yes... that's pretty crappy to exclude his daughter, but if they aren't his, I understand the grandparents not including his daughter, even though I would if I were in their shoes.

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Heather Oevering
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Honestly if you marry a girl or guy that has a child from another relationship the step family should also include that child(ren) because they chose to love the mother or father with extra baggage if you didn't want the entire extra child(ren) the don't date or marry that person my mom dated someone where the family treated me like I was non-existent especially on holidays my mom had to forgo a tradition we had and let me open all my presents on Christmas eve so the way I see it the dad and step family are aholes here in fact the op said basically what I would have said but one thing different I would have said that and then called mom to come get and then as I would leave I would say till everyone can get their heads out of their a$$e$ and see that I am also apart of the family I don't want anything to do with you being 16 the op has the right to do that

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William Smith
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nope. She's an entitled spoiled brat who just found out the world doesn't revolve around her. Shame.

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Sarah Baker
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm in the line of everyone sucks. Except the birth mother and step siblings. I can see where OP is coming off as a brat but I also understand that she's only 16 for crying out loud. Teenagers are moody and angsty as hell and anyone who says otherwise is a liar or doesn't have good memory. It was a total d**k move for the dad to not even mention it and explain the situation before hand and not let his daughter learn via social media. Even as an adult I'd be upset if my parents and brother went on a trip without even letting me know about it. It always stings a bit more when you learn by a second party what your family is doing. To make it all worse, the dad trying to down play it and just brush it off as no big deal. Especially when it's clearly a big deal to hus kid. It's one thing to just not think about something, but another to willingly and intentionally not think about something when it's confronted you about it.

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Candy Berg
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I get the whole it was a gift blah blah. She acted like a brat. But really who wouldn’t get their feelings hurt. I would. This was a family vacation, and she was deliberately left out. They are not saying it was because she was a brat, they are presenting it as it was due to monetary situation. That is BS, you don’t take most of your children and leave one behind because someone gave you a gift. The hurt feelings are going to cost way more in the long run. It feels really spiteful to me.

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Abby Parker
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mum and dad separated before I was born. I lived with my mum and I saw my dad every fortnight at the weekend. It was an arrangement that stayed well until I started university. My dad met my stepmum when I was about 5/6. I was 8 when my sister was born and 10 when they had my brother. There were small trips or days out they had with just the four of them and yes I felt left out and a little disappointed at the time, I understood that it was an issue of cost and would’ve included me had they been able to and as I got older I was able to go with them when they visited Wales and Scotland. That being said, they NEVER hid it from me and I think that’s the worst thing. I don’t think it was necessary for her to have gone because not everyone can/does things together but I do think she should have been told beforehand. Dad definitely could have handled it better.

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Marguerite White
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You are a huge AH. You are acting exactly like dad said. An Entitled Brat. The grandparents invited THEIR daughter and grandsons to go on a trip. They included daughter’s new husband. YOU, in no way, get to decide who can afford what!!! You are 16, have no idea about economics, and have no idea about strangers finances. YOU are simply jealous that you didn’t get to go. Add that your relationship with the “step” family isn’t “all that great” and you wonder why “no one tried to include you”. GROW UP. It’s ok to be disappointed and to even voice your disappointment, but to expected to be given a gift from strangers is beyond the pale. So according to you, anything step grandma gives her grandchildren, she should give you to. Someone she has no relationship with and someone who has no desire to have a relationship with…unless of course step grandma will give you expensive stuff!! You owe your dad and especially your step grandma an apology.

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Awsomemom52
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My sons were 9 and 3 when their father moved out. Since then they have never been with him for more than 1 week at a time... and even that has rarely happened. Back then, he and his new partner quickly started a “new family”. During the school holidays he went on holiday with his new family... and that's why my sons couldn't even visit him. It would never have occurred to him to take his sons... or to take them on a "father-son" vacation. Basically, he just gave up on her and neglected her. Their relationship has suffered greatly as a result... and the breach he caused with his behavior at the time is beyond repair. Their relationship has gotten a little better over the years, but it's rather superficial and not very close.

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Taylor ßudd
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yta. The way you handled the sitch made it blatant. Your majorly passive aggressive. .You threw out passive aggressive jabs at dinner. Your texts to your dad were hugely passive aggressive. Sure it would of been nice to get a heads up that they are going, but honestly, your 16. Your a kid. Adults don't need to tell kids their plans especially if the kid isn't even staying with them. You were at your mom's. Your entitled and have gotten a good deal of brattery from somewhere. Better get to losing it or you'll have no friends and crappy life in some armpit town with 5 ex boyfriends who all coincidentally are 'scumbags' that couldn't handle you at your worst so don't deserve you at your best .

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i82much99 avatar
Laura Pantazis
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

New wife's parents don't owe her anything - but the dad does. The dad had an obligation to his daughter first. Excluding children for a new family is emotionally damaging. He either should have paid for the daughter to go himself or declined to go.

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Key Lime
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My husband and I tried to include his daughter in many things. Her MOM put up so many roadblocks to try and stop us. Now that she is an adult she blames US for not including her in everything we did and WILL NOT believe her Mom would have blocked us.

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Whodathunkit
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My ex does this to my daughters all the time. His wife even kicked them out of their house. He went right along with it. My kids get hurt by him very often.

maswartz226 avatar
maswartz
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can't be the only one getting tired of these kinds of stories here, right? We don't need this depressing stuff.

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George Bernard
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm more annoyed at the incorrect use of "step brothers." They are her half-brothers, or simply brothers. Step brothers would be sons of the stepmother from another man, not OPs father.

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Laura Pantazis
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't think they were half-brothers. Because they are almost 13, I bet they are also from a prior relationship and not the biological children of the father.

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Scott T Brynildsen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

After reading how this daughter is acting online, I'd leave her a*s home too. The dad was under ZERO OBLIGATION to tell his daughter they went to Paris on someone else's dime. How the hell does this child know what her step grandparents finances look like? She said they're rich, but how the hell does she know because people look rich to a CHILD because children like to make assumptions. The father is being s**t on because she is passively aggressively attacking him because he didn't tell her they were leaving her out of a family event HE DID NOT PAY FOR, and a bunch of you f*****s are calling him a bad father. He's clearly not, she's just hurt and throwing a temper tantrum online, and you're supporting her being an a*****e to everyone. WTF?! Maybe you're all the assholes.

vthart avatar
Viv Hart
Community Member
11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It all depends where she lives, with Dad or with Mom. If she lives with Dad & SM, she'd have known about the trip, so I get the idea she lives with Mom, so then she's just acting entitled, and is not a grandchild of SM' parents. She is the AH.

janetpattison avatar
Janet Pattison
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA!!! There is NO acceptable EXCUSE for what the adults pulled off at your expense! So the boy’s grandma can afford to take everyone to Paris except you? This is cruel, and if it’s true that she paid for everything, she needs a course w/ Miss Manners. Your dad & his wife, who also went along with the nasty shenanigans should be grounded, and court mandated to take parenting classes ! So mean spirited that they excluded you! No excuses! If they could not afford to include u in a family event they should NOT have went! I sincerely hope u can get far away from these toxic, rude, & inappropriate adults, who do the very opposite of what is required to be decent human beings, let alone parents!

jenniferkamm41 avatar
Jennifer Kamm
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA if your mom was willing and able to pitch in on the cost, you should have gone with them. And to not tell you is not a very nice thing. The step grandma should have found a way to include you and if not able too, have given you the opportunity to find a way to pay for yourself. And who wouldn’t talk about a trip to Paris? That was deliberately concealed from you. I would definitely have a talk with your father about this because this would be very hard to deal with emotionally.

greggates avatar
Greg Gates
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a father of 5, I fault the father. It's as easy as refusing or giving back the "gift". Why would you want a gift that says Fu to one of your kids No way I'm excluding any of my kids, and if they don't see my child as family, then they don't see me as family either.

nicolel_1 avatar
Nicole L
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OP stated that her relationship with the family has never been great and that she mostly avoids them. I get that it hurts to be excluded, but I've been a 16 year old girl too and could it be that she's generally a nasty pain in the a** when around them? If that's the case, I can't say that I blame Dad for not wanting all the drama on this trip. He really was put in a tough situation, too. Just because people seem "rich", it often isn't the case. If it is, she totally shot yourself in the foot for spewing expletives at the grandmother. Treat people with respect and you'll be surprised at how much they want to invest in a relationship with you.

levinessadam avatar
Adam Leviness
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is ridiculous. When you get married to someone who.has.kids, they are part of the deal. As a step child myself who was pulled away from my family so my little sisters could be close to theirs and then made to feel like less all the time bc I wasn't biologically related, it's hard and it sucks knowing as a child that you are a burden, or even worse not even considered, by people that are supposed to be your family. She IS their grandkids, she IS her step mothers daughter, and she IS the other children's sister. You don't get to pick and choose what part of your spouse you get ESPECIALLY when it's their child. Every adult here just SHOWED this poor girl that they only keep her around because of the societal obligation to be there for your kids. Not because they want her there, not because they want her as part of the family, and not because she is family. This girl should rip the bandaid the father has clearly decided that his new family is what matters and she is a nuisan

judyr8 avatar
Judy Riley
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So her dad grounded her for telling someone to get out of her room who shouldn't have been there anyway? Way to let daughter know she has absolutely no rights in his house!

teacup8285 avatar
Cheryl Knepper
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have never understood when you get stepkids or half siblings treating them like dirt. When they were born or married into the family, they should be treated equally. If you cannot afford it for all then none go & we go where we can all go. Children become the brunt of vindictive & stupid adults and it’s a real shame.

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Diana Wasaanung'gokwe Seales
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm a stepmother and reading this broke my heart. I can't imagine doing this to a 16 year old! My kids are 18, 16 and 12. The oldest 2 are kids that came into my life when I married my husband and my youngest was adopted before I was married. If either set was even excluded from even a matching set of pajamas from either set of grandparents they'd have a war on their hands. But they would never ever do that!! What a horrible toxic family. I hope shes able to get away from them soon

crw avatar
CRW
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a stepmother myself and habing raised my own blended family...every one of the adults involved in this ATA here. When you marry and you each already have children, you are essentially marrying your spouse and their children. I loved & raised my stepson as if he were my own and my husband did the same with my daughter. We would never have excluded one of our children from anything even if gifted from someone else...the gift should've been refused if not being given to the entire family. The stepmom and dad should've discussed with stepgrandma that they wouldn't accept a gift for only part of the family and if it was really only about money the vacation could've been altered countless ways so it could include the entire family. It's wrong of stepgrandma to say she wants to give this gift to her grandchildren but be willing to exclude one of them, wrong of stepmom to not speak up and wrong of dad to let it all happen.

celeryg avatar
celery g
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

grow up, the trip was not for you! if your dad paid for it, it would be a separate issue!!!!!!!!

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Terry Lovelace
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is her DAD. The most important person in her life at one point in time. The stick by which she will measure men by. And at one point in time, she was his little princess. How will she look at men in the future? MAYBE A QUESTION HE SHOULD ANSWER. TOTAL AH.

rosalie_dann avatar
Rosalie Dann
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm a little confused about the 2 brothers. First she said her Dad had them WITH the Step Mother suggesting they are HIS children , not hers from a previous relationship. This would make them her HALF brothers but she calls them Step brothers. If they are step brothers they are not her Dad's biological kids. That's the only scenario where I could understand the SGPs not wanting to include the Dad. NTA until you were rude to the SGM. I totally understand the disappointment but if you were mad at Dad there's no need then to be rude to her. The reason she came in was because she thought you blamed her. And unless she's totally evil she's NOT going to say " Sorry but you're not my GC and I didn't want to pay". She was trying to not be nasty .

t3logy avatar
LaDene Bean
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This happened to me decades ago. My mother took my sisters and their families to Hawaii. Did not include me, hid it actually. A niece sent post card to from Hawaii - how I found out. I never got over it. NEVER SPOKE TO ANY OF THEM AGAIN - I was done. I have NO feeling for them. As they leave this world they can still kmhba. MY child is the only family I have.

h_siniaho avatar
Hannah
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds like a normal 16 year old taking things way too personal and struggling to accept the world doesn't revolve around her. Not her grandparents. Not their responsibility. Dad should have told her ahead of time sure but it still doesn't make her entitled to the trip.

kennethfroehlke avatar
Kenneth Froehlke
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is a tough one, and one of the reasons sit families are challenging. Yeah, dad probably should checked first. If there was a problem, he should have gracefully bowed out. It sounds like the parents do not fully accept their daughter marrying someone with children from a past marriage, or that there is some kind of issue going on behind the scene.

libraryphoenix333 avatar
Cartoon Fan Girl
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Facts: 1. OP's dad (and step family) didn't tell OP they were going 2. OP had to find it out from a TIC TOK of all places that they left 3. OP's dad (and step family) deliberately brought up the trip in front of OP 4. OP got lied to as an excuse 5. OP was obviously very upset at not going and they pushed OP to being actually angry at said lie *NOTE* "F" doesn't always mean they said **** (I did that so as to stay as far away from actual profanity as possible) it can also (if I remember correctly) be used as a shortened version of eff like in effing, buuuut, long story short, I think that OP's NTA

karenpatrick avatar
Crafty mama
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA in fact your dad is the biggest AH ever! If the grandparents paid for them he could have paid for you. One trip. That could have been a way to include you. He's a coward and does not deserve you. Stay with your mom. Communicate with your step siblings if you want to. When he gets older he will understand. Even if he could not afford to take you as an add on, you deserved to know beforehand. It was just a cowardly thing to do.

bigeddogg47 avatar
Conan Maschingon
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I know this is a kid and she doesn't fully understand s**t yet but yeah she is the a*****e and the dad is right she is entitled

marilynrussell avatar
Marilyn Russell
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow - what a wonderful father for creating that sticky situation. He surely could have figured out a way to include his daughter with he mother’s assistance or at least let her know what was going on before she accidentally found out. Now the daughter has no right to treat the step-grandmother disrespectfully in any way. That behaviour is intolerable.

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William Smith
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In what world is this girl not the *sshole? She didn't go on a trip she wasn't invited to and decided to throw a public hissy fit about it? That's the very definition of an entitled brat. Maybe she can use this indefinite grounding to realize the world doesn't revolve around her.

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Valerie Witter
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

YTA - You’re acting like a 16 YO teenage girl. You need to remember that the grandparents are not your grandparents. If your grandparents did something special for you and your mom and dad they certainly wouldn’t be obligated to do the same for your half brothers. Put your big girl panties and apologize to the grandmother for being rude!

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donna shepherd
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Uhm,. She IS a 16 y/o girl. Some she is ACTING HER AGE. But she does owe the stranger who is not her grandmother by her own choice an apology for the foul language.

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Cher
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It might be a great idea for OP's parents to have a discussion about how things were handled, so this does not occur in the future. Family relationships are important and should not be canceled so easily.

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Gabriel Gawrada
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes, you are TA and an entitled brat. You repeatedly say your dad or your mom or stepmom's family could have come up with the money to include you - as if money just magically replenishes itself when spent. Your rudeness toward stepmom's parents is completely undeserved and only harms yourself; you've shown them that you're a self centered teen and why would they now want to include you in anything? Not terribly bright.

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Scott Rackley
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So the only way for the father to "win" was for him not to go on the trip?

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Alexa Saltz
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What a nightmare. You have every right to be upset. When one marries another who has children from a previous relationship - you must include them in your life as well. I am grateful to my (now ex) husband's first wife for including my children in her family celebrations. Her children and mine are half siblings. Also included in our extended family tree are aunt, uncle's and cousins... It is in the best interest of the children with one generation to know each other whether they are full, half, or step siblings. Add to that all the cousins. FAMILY. It seems so many people have forgotten what that really means. OP, I hope some day you too will see Paris. While you are there, might as well head over to England, or Spain, or Germany, Austria, Holland, etc. And if you can make it happen, include your siblings. Make sure in future that your children know theirs. FAMILY. Be well...

generally_happy avatar
similarly
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When I was a teenager, I was living with my father, stepmother and half-sister. In their home, there were no photos of me or my brothers. Only pictures of my sister. My sister and brother both painted. Her paintings were hanging in the dining room. My brother's paintings were not. There was virtually nothing to show that my brothers or I lived in the house. While my sister slept upstairs with her family, and slept in a beautifully furnished room with a king size bed, I slept in a small room hidden downstairs in a used single bed. While I was in high school, my family took a number of trips to Europe. I was left at home with my brothers, and after my brothers graduated, I was left at home alone. My sister has been to Europe a number of times. I've never been. (continued in reply).

generally_happy avatar
similarly
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I understand how people in these situations can be bitter. Do I wish things had been different? Sure. Was it unfair? Sure. I made a choice to let it go. Today (decades later) I love my family and have a good relationship with them. My sister and I are very close, and I love her a lot. My parents weren't perfect, but neither am I. I think letting it go was, for me, a healthy thing to do. I know not everybody is in a situation to just let it go, and only the person can decide if it's the right situation for them. For me, it was the right thing to do.

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Monica A. M.
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This situation is my ex husband to the T. Hie is remarried, has rich in laws and a son with new wife. Excludes our daughter. Took his own "family" trip to Europe that he paid for, and excluded our daughter. I've taught her to never expect anything and then she will never be disappointed. These situations lead to the children going low or NC with the fathers. My current spouse and I paid for her to go on a chorus trip to NYC a few years ago, while my ex contributed ZERO. He is now dragging his feet on her wedding and we've covered most of the cost, along with her and her fiancé. I swear karma will always win. Don't call the kids when you need a kidney or are dying, you are already dead to them, since you treat them as if they are. FYI, my ex and his "wife" have no photos of our daughter in their home. They even Lie to their son that she is a "family friend". One day, karma and his Judgement Day will come.

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IDGAFabtyourfeelings
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Those ppl who said she is the a*****e should NEVER become step parents or get remarried because they will treat their kids like c**p.

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Snippers
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Op was right to be hurt but probably should have prepared to have a calm conversation instead of lashing out. I know from experience that being treated like less of a family than you step siblings sucks. Just leave and tell them exactly how they made you feel.

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girlsrock4ever
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would say she's the a*****e (maybe grandma is secretly having money problems, and dad felt that asking her to include OP was rude), but if that's true, then dad would have told OP about the money problems. And besides, OP found out about this from a Tik Tok. Her dad should have, at the bare minimum, told her.

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Bobbi Spence
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I will almost 100 percent guarantee the stepmother was behind excluding OP and her father is too far up the rich grandparents a*s to stand up for his daughter,

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Ophelia Payne
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA, everyone had to know op would be hurt by this. It IS an expensive trip, so clearly they could have found a compromise to include her. Telling a kid she isn't part of her father's family is f****d up

ralitzap avatar
Ralitza Patchéva-Alexandrova
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Mom and creator divorced when I was 4 yo. Mom married to a divorced man with a girl from previous marriage. Creator married a divorced woman with a girl from a previous marriage, and they made one by themselves. Creator adopted the girl from previous marriage. The one and only family I have is my mom & my step-father, that I call DAD! That's it! Never expected anything from creator, my step-sisters never expected anything from our family. You need to cope with the situation and focus on your family, i.e. mom & you

donnashepherd avatar
donna shepherd
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

DNA donator, he didn't create you your mom did. Your step dad IS your real dad. Relatives share blood , family shares loyalty and love.

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Andrew Bridge
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If she's that bothered she could always drive there herself in a couple of years

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