Single Father Cuts Off 7-Year-Old Daughter’s Hair Because She Doesn’t ‘Maintain It’, Asks The Internet If He Did Something Wrong
Interview
Parenthood is no walk in the park. That is particularly true if you’re a single parent. There are so many parenting books on how to be a perfect dad or mom but in reality: no guide can really prepare you for the complicated reality of being a parent. Therefore, you want only what’s best for them but somehow things get out of hand and you’re left with an offspring whose trust you downplayed.
As in the case of u/Imnotyourbuddytool, who struggled to maintain his seven-year-old daughter’s hair. Being a proud long-hair owner himself, he thought he knew better about how others, including his daughter, should treat their precious hair. And so he took things into his own hands.
To see whether the reaction he received from his loved ones would match the opinions of virtual parents online, this dad sought wisdom and perspective from the r/parenting community.
Annoyed with the way his daughter treated her hair, a single father took the situation into his own hands
Image credits: Tamara Bellis (not the actual photo)
“Even though what happened to us in childhood shows up in our parenting, this doesn’t mean we are doomed to repeat the mistakes of our parents,” Lisa Firestone, clinical psychologist, writes in her blog post on how to ‘break the cycle.’ Indeed. Although many parents won’t dare to admit it, studies show that one of the important factors that help to explain our overall parenting performance — the good, the bad, and the ugly — lies in our own childhood. If you were shouted at when you misbehaved or did not listen, chances are that your parenting style might incorporate an occasional raised voice as well.
Eileen Kennedy-Moore, Ph.D., clinical psychologist and the author of ‘What’s My Child Thinking?’, told Bored Panda that parents often forget to think about a child’s needs too. “What we [parents] tend to do is not think about the timing of when we’re asking,” Moore explained. They can be in the middle of a Fortnite match or a phone call with their friends, but when we want our offspring to do something for us — there’s usually no negotiation. And if there’s complete radio silence on their end, shouting should get their attention, right? Well, not exactly.
“We like to say, ‘Do it now.’ And that’s likely going to trigger what we call reactance, which is that ‘you can’t make me’ feeling we all have,” Moore said. Besides finding a better time to get your child’s attention, she also recommends including your kid in the dialogue and doing it in a respective way. “Fundamentally, our job as parents is to teach kids how to be in a relationship saying, ‘Please be part of this.'” And that, unfortunately, means no shouting across the room (“the most ineffective parenting technique,” according to Moore).
Unsure whether he did the right thing, this dad turned to the internet to see what other parents had to say about it
Image credits: Imnotyourbuddytool
Robert Taibbi, a licensed clinical social worker and the author of ‘Doing Family Therapy: Craft and Creativity in Clinical Practice’, explains that kids “learn to ignore you until you reach a certain frustration level.” Or as Eileen puts it — it’s their job to see what they can get away with.
“Kids learn to only get attention when misbehaving,” Taibbi told Bored Panda. What Robert suggests is using a method he likes to call ‘better to use carrots than sticks.’ That means praise and rewards for good behavior and raised voice, consequences for bad ones.
Still, both experts have a different approach when it comes to imposing consequences. Robert believes they’re equally important as kind words. “Map out consequences in advance so you’re not thinking on your feet when frustrated. Didn’t finish up the bedtime routine quick enough — not enough time to read books. Imposed consequences for not listening? Less game time or an earlier bedtime,” he suggested. Of course, all in accordance with your partner’s thinking.
Eileen, on the other hand, believes parents can do away with consequences as there are better ways to make kids listen. “Children don’t really learn from suffering. They learn from doing something right,” she said. “So consequences, after they’ve done something wrong, is a really weak way to control behavior.” According to Eileen, it’s almost always better to treat consequences as a positive thing — letting them know that they can get our attention not only by ignoring us.
“What I would do is say, ‘You have a choice and this will happen or you can choose to do B and this will happen.’ Emphasize the child’s ability to make choices and impact their world,” Moore pointed out. “So you help them stop and think about what they wanna do.”
Other parents didn’t seem to agree with the author’s thinking
In the end, the father thanked everyone for the feedback and explained what he had learned in the last couple of days
Image credits: Imnotyourbuddytool
People are harsh. Dad did good. Hair isn't some magical thing that defines a girl, plus it grows back. She didn't do enough to manage it when it was super long, now it is a reasonable length.
Hair can be an integral part of someone's identity. Did did not do well.
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Some of the replies are ridiculous. She been told on more than a few occasions to look after it. No wonder kids do what the hell they want with some of these over reactions. 7 is old enough to understand simple instructions. He did right
Yes, the internet's reactions are always extreme: "divorce!" "abuse!" "doom!" No subtleties considered. I don't know why people go to the internet for advice. (yes, irony noted.)
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I think he was right to cut it, just maybe not in the heat of the moment. I've always had long hair and have taken care of it since I was in kindergarten. She's old enough to be brushing her own hair and to understand why it's important.
He didn't cut it heat of the moment, as was made clear in his edit at the end.
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Hair grows back and he didn't shave her head. There is nothing wrong with keeping hair manageable for children. She can grow it as long as she wants when she can take care of it.
Kids that age and younger get sudden hair cuts all the time - from fixing tangles that won't untangle, gum incidents, scissor incidents, getting-wrapped-up-in-flying-fairy-doll incidents, to name a few. "we've talked about this and you can't go to school with a head full of tangles, so I need to cut it" isn't going to ruin her life.
Yes, I looked this up on reddit and the post is from two years ago. By now that girl is 9 and probably has long hair again. BP, stop recycling ancient reddit posts.
I think you handled the entire situation perfectly. People judging you are just knee-jerk reactions. They weren't there. How many more times did you need to tell her? A million more? Your a brave soul for putting this out there for the troll nation! At least you didn't shave her head. And shoulder length hair would be so much easier to maintain at her age. And it's hair, it grows. You sound like a great dad and the fact that you ran it by your ex wife is a good sign about how much you want to be sure what you were doing wasn't wrong. She's probably a lot happier now that she's not in pain every morning getting her hair brushed. Kudos.
I had a daughter who had a hard time taking care of her hair when it turned very curly. We both struggled with it, as I didn't have much experience with curly hair. It became a power struggle between my mom and me. I wanted her to continue learning, and for me. My mom and my daughter's school was pressuring me to cut it like a pixie cut. I felt that was a bit extreme and possibly traumatic. Hair is symbolic in some cultures and some people. Just the length can be worn with pride no matter the state. Idk what texture his daughter's hair is. That may make a difference in the care she needs. Perhaps a hairstylist could provide some advice and give her an easier cut to style while keeping the length.
I remember when I was in third grade I got my long hair caught on fire. In order to make it look decent I had to get a bob cut and I cried for days because I loved my long hair from that moment on I refused to get short hair. At least with this girl she still had longer hair. And good for you for sticking up for your daughter!
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Yeah I had long hair. Loved it but when I got older and my anxiety got worse I got so focused on everything else but never brushed it. Getting long again gonna get it cut. I donated mine to charity and raised a bunch of money for making wigs for kids who need them. Felt really good and I got a cute hair cut. Dad did nothing wrong. Kid can't be bothered to take care of it at seven then it gets cut. If the kid was 4 or 5 different story but dad did good on this
He did the right thing. I was basically that little girl and after many warnings I was sat on the kitchen and had my waist length hair chopped off to shoulder level. They then took me to the salon to have it prettied up. I always looked after my hair after that. Funnily I am having the same issues with my 3 year old granddaughter and no I am not going to cut her hair as she is still a baby lol
It's hair, it will grow back, and if she refuses to even try to care for it herself it needs to go. On top of being on the autism spectrum, my son has sensory perception disorder and while he LOVES when I gently scritch my nails over his scalp, he can't stand having his hair brushed. He sports a short mohawk year round.
I read this horrified. My sister-in-law did this to my now 37 year old niece at exactly the same age, with a bit of a twist. My niece kept forgetting where she put her shoes, and they ended up having to search every morning for them, thus not having time for her hair to be brushed, etc. So my SIL took her to a salon and forcibly had it cut into a very short pixie. She sobbed the entire time; the hairdresser kept telling her she was sorry, to which my SIL told her to forget about a tip. She told me this story recently, and I simply said it explains why my niece barely speaks to her.
at first i was like wtf, but the comments were WAY over the line. i feel better now that i read the update.
Based on the story as laid out, I'm in dad's corner. Not that I agree with what he did, but that he set an expectation, laid out the consequences if not adhered to, and followed through. I've seen kids who have a parent that is always setting expectations on punishments and rewards and never follows through with either. They have 0 respect for any authority now. I really feel, and try to hold to it in my life, that if I promise some kind of punishment or reward, that I always follow through on that with my kids. They may not always like me, but they always know I mean what I say
I couldn't even read the whole thing, I'm too upset. Dad should have his hair cut even shorter when he doesn't want it done. My hair has been very long most of my life. My mom always helped me brush and braid and take care of until I was old enough to do it properly myself. I hope this kid hates this father and he knows why.
My grandmother (who lived with us) did this to me when I was about 8.She cut my hair ,that was long enough to sit on to mid neck.I was heart broken and horribly unset.Seriously,it effected me for years.Needless to say,I have had long hair since I was old enough to decide for myself.& years old is too young to do this.My girls all had long hair and I brushed it for them ,until they were old enough to handle it properly themselves (around 11-12).I found an amazing leave in de tangler My.Organics Angel Potion.Maybe try something like that before cutting off the poor child's hair. .
How exactly does she not have the dexterity to bring her hair over her shoulder to the front? And if this is necessary to good brushing, and she can't, why is the dad blaming her for not being able to do it? I have long hair and I just brush it behind my back.
I feel like this whole situation was just awful. Also, DANG your daughters hair is long. But like I was saying, a lot of people don’t seem to think about how they would feel in the situation. They say they “do”, think about how they would feel but genuinely, what would you do? I see this situation as kind of awful, and growing up, I was a tender headed Curley haired girl. My mom never cut it, although, she was the person who would brush it every day. If a child doesent do something, then the parent must. But, the dad must of been frustrated, especially when he taught the daughter repeatedly. Everyone’s emotions got so tense that there was no way out. There wasn’t a lot of good ways to deal with this, and personally, cutting off the hair wasn’t a good way either. If you would like to share your opinion because you disagree, I am open to all opinions :)) I try to keep an open mind. Have a great day!
She was warned but I do wish he hadn't cut it that short. I wonder what she was expecting when her dad asked for the scissors.
Brushing someone else’s hair is a gesture that conveys love, devotion, teaching/ learning about self care, time together to grow close. Maybe she felt that would change your relationship if she imagined she would get very short hair… but she can plainly see now that your relationship is still very strong and she’s okay with it. Don’t do anything like this when she’s a teen, though. J.U.S.T. D.O.N.’T.
A child doesn't really decide their hair length, a parent does. I didn't allow my son to grow out his hair unless he knew he was capable of caring for it.(9 or 10) Mullets were the rage then. As I grew up, I had long hair, whereas my sisters had short, naturally curly so much easier to handle mom said. Mom always took care of my hair til I said I'd rather do it myself (3rd or 4th grade). Ironic thing in my life, my daughter kept cutting her hair off, so much that she had to be told only "Shelly" could do that. It took 14 months to regrow her bangs as she 'wacked' them off at the hair line. When the hair behind it fell forward, I didn't even notice it when I put her to bed. Just found the hair hiding under blanket on the floor in living room. She woke up the next morning to show me the location she cut from. Not good for a long time.
My daughter was difficult with her long curly hair, so I gave her the choice to cut it and she took it. We made a day out of it and she loved every second. My mom cut my hair super short when I was a kid under the pretense of trimming it (I would never have agreed otherwise). She would trim it and say "oh it's crooked" then take another inch, inch by inch, 15 inches off my hair. I lived with my granny and she lost it, my hair was just above my butt the last time she'd seen me. It felt like a jealousy thing to be honest.
you are def not the ahole. I have done all that to my kids as well, to include my son, who would never comb his hair. They all learned and have beautiful locks now. She'll be fine. Everyone that is freaking out at your parenting either A) doesn't have kids or worse B) is part of the safe space generation. She'll be FINE! You'll be fine. You're doing great, and to the moron that brought up prison. Umm no they do not forcefully cut hair. That's the military. Don't get it confused.
He might be missing an underlying cause of her need for long hair. Since he is a single father, is she traumatized by the absence of her mother or of their divorce? Does she associate her long hair to be a mirror image of her dad, the absence of which may imply a loss of her father in her 7yo mind? My niece has worn her hair super long for 16 years, maintains it poorly, and has all sorts of mental issues that she used her hair as her protective shield. She is finally starting to outgrow those issues, but she still has her long hair, slightly better maintained. I think he needs to look deeper.
I'm really glad to see that people on Bp don't think dad was a complete AH. I was reading through what people were saying in the article itself, and it just wasn't sitting right with me. It sounds like the girl just had more hair than was really manageable for either of them, and she needed a trim. I guess I missed the part where it was supposed to be a punishment. It sounds more like he was just trying to explain basic responsibility, and she threw a fit over the consequences. I don't know, maybe I would be a bad parent.
My little sis has extremely curly hair so that any combing or brushing would involve some pulling. Couldn't be helped. After months of daily battles mom decided to not comb her hair during summer break unless sis asked for it. Sis was 7 at the time. By fall mom had to cut most of it off before school started. I do feel for sis though. That hair has really controlled her for 56 years now.
My hair are up to my butt and i don't brush twice a day.. and honestly sometimes i don't brush even once. Bad weeks i won't brush for few days and then it's all tangled so badly that it takes an hour or two to detangle it and brush it. Good thing I'm an adult and my dad won't cut my hair lol I really need to brush more often
There seems a lot of bias in the comments. No, it was not a good idea to cut the hair in the heat of the meoment, but it is just hair. It will grow back. And did not cut it SHORT, just shorter.
I guess it depends on the girl. I had long hair my whole life. I starred taking care of my own personal hygiene around age 5-6 because I was starting school and big girls that go to school can brush their own hair and teeth. I don't see how dad was wrong she was warned numerous times to start brushing and she didn't. Now there's no fighting about it.
I've the same issue with my daughter. Hair down to elbows. Wants to let it grow really long but doesn't look after it. Too lazy to brush it and won't tie it up. I've the same length hair so I know what it's like. I'm not going to force her to have it cut but I'm going to try persuade her instead, get a fringe style or something.
How about wearing it in a braid so it doesn't get tangled.
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My daughter screamed like she was being murdered every time I combed her hair. I am in no way exaggerating. I gave her a buzz cut little Afro. It was cute but her preschool teachers probably wanted to report me to children services. Totally worth it because it worked. She was three. Black children, like my children and me (growing up) have a complex relationship with hair.
few seven year olds, who would've been locked out of society for the past two years, is unlikely to know the meaning of the word dexterity. Dad does and if he's noticed it would be easier for her to take care of her hair twice a day, he did the right thing the wrong way. He should've planned a special outing for her and her Grandmother to go to the hairdressers together and take before and after selfies. It's not late to make ammends. Thank goodness he didn't shave half her head and kye the other side red.
He really should have taken her to a hair-dresser, not cut it off himself. Just having it inexpertly hacked off is going to be traumatic, for sure. I do agree that it had to be cut, but he went about it in the wrong way. Glad he took people's advice and apologized to her, that will really help her feel better and keep a healthy parent-child relationship.
Nobody is disagreeing with the dad cutting the hair, just the method. I don't think he needed to frame it as a punishment at all, even if he did get it done at a salon. Instead of saying "Since you can't seem to take care of your own hair we are chopping it off" why not say something like "Hey, look at these awesome pics of shorter haircuts that won't take as long, AND we an get you some cool new glitter gel and rainbow hair clips!" Don't get me wrong, I'm not one to coddle a kid, but in this case where it concerns bodily autonomy I tend to tread lightly and ultimately would let her make the decision (granted, with a LOT of prodding from Dad).
Reminds me my childhood when brushing hair was incredibly painful and not at all favourite daily routine. I wasn't willing to torture myself like that so I refused to brush it. I was wriggling an dodging when someone else was brushing it and I got a lot of scorning for it and threath of cutting too I think. Eventually I had it cut significantly, but not as a punishment in the heat of the moment. To this day my scalp is so sensitive I'm not too fond of stroking it by others and I literaly can't bear rougher handling from hairdresser so I choose her carefully and if it hurts during washing or brushing or even cutting, I never go her again. I was lucky to find gentle hairdressers few last years but there were some really bad appointments than left me flinching. Well. Guess I'm not alone
Oof! I was 12 before I had the energy to brush all my hair (it's thick, curly and long)
I was this daughter many years ago. It hurt to brush so I didn't do it, but I still felt that my hair belonged to me as much as my arms. Kids are not rational! Every morning my mom was yelling at me, repeating "what the heck you're smearing on your hair at night?!" . She was overstressed with 3 kids and a husband who didn't know how to be supportive. But as a 7 year old I just knew that I'll have pain and verbal abuse and I'll cry every morning. She always threatened to cut it off. She never did and eventually around 9 I learned to brush in a summer camp where nobody did it for me. I'm 40 now and never cut my hair apart from chopping off split ends. The crying mornings are still a sore memory and they were one of many things that built a distance between us. But if she actually would've cut my hair I think I never would've forgiven her.
I mean, he said she didn't have the dexterity to brush it properly so she can't really be blamed. I'd have put it in pleats or a bun etc for school days, then at the weekends got her in the habit of brushing it, then let her wear it down a day at a time. Not saying it would work but it's what I'd have tried before lopping it off. However, the little girl might find it much easier having short hair. When I was 8 I asked for my butt length hair to be chopped off (it's actually butt length again now haha) because it got in my way when playing or writing.
My mother did not ALLOW my hair to be cut until I was 18 and she no longer had a vote. Super-long hair IS rather difficult for a kid to maintain, so I'm sure once all the angst and drama calms down Dad will find that his daughter has a much easier time caring for a more reasonable quantity of hair.
My wife and I are raising our 5 year old granddaughter. She for whatever reason keeps cutting her hair every time she gets her hands on a pair of scissors. She never cuts much, just a snip here and a snip there. My wife and I tried everything we can think of, including telling her we could just cut it all off. It does no good, as she continues to do it every chance she gets. We would NEVER actually cut her hair off, BUT I would also never tell someone else how to raise their child. Every child is unique, and every child needs different raising techniques. What works for one child, doesn't always work for another child.
As someone who was in a similar position a long time ago, you go, dad! I hated having to brush my hair and getting it brushed by my mom was the WORST thing. Now, I didn't want it to be chopped off until I was like 14, but tht would've been the better choice XD. I have had it to my chin, ears, and shoulders in the past, and now my 4 and 6 year old sisters have shoulder-length hair to copy me. (Though I have mine in what I fondly refer to as a Namaari cut).
My mom died when I was seven and my dad had no idea how to care for my long hair. He'd be so rough about brushing and gave up trying to keep my hair out of my face. After a time, I went to live with my aunt and uncle and, while I was hesitant to have my hair cut, they were very positive about it and we picked a hair style to try together and my aunt took me to a fancy stylist to have it done (I had never been to a stylist). It was a positive experience and solved the problem.
As someone with really long hair and loves it, sounded really harsh but the edit made me less mad
He shouldn’t have hacked off her hair because she couldn’t care for it. She may have forgiven him now but that’s something you don’t forget. They could have talked about it and gone to a hairdresser. He could use a wide tooth comb and some conditioner when it was wet and then braid it. There are lots of alternatives that weren’t getting fed up and chopping it off.
"She puts the brush down and wanders off to play games" should have been the point where Dad put his foot down, but barring that, cutting it off as punishment immediately after an argument taught her nothing. Never, ever, ever discipline your child in anger. This doesn't make him a bad parent, we all make mistakes, but this particular course of action was misguided and should have been handled better.
No I don't think so. If warned multiple times to take care of your hair and has had warnings galore then I would have done the same. She wasn't held down or anything. I might just have gone and made an appointment at a hairdressers tho. And the hair wasn't cut off, it was still long ...
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"violent"? he cut her hair, not her face. he didnt pin her down & hack it off either, he asked her to get the scissors, she did (rather than running off screaming "NOOOO!!"), & then she sat down to have it cut. where are you getting violence from this???
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Not every parent is capable of/willing to act as an actual parent. It doesn't mean you can't communicate with them occasionally, but they might not be willing to step up.
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He stated he spent time helping her with her hair everyday. My mother helped style my hair but I was expected to keep in brushed when I was that age with long hair. My oldest son wanted to grow his hair out. We told him fine, but he is responsible to keep it washed and combed. The moment he starts letting it go it gets shaved. At 7 years old she is old enough to brush her hair through the day with the brush time with her dad in the morning.
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Looking cute isn't a goal imo. My daughter is 9 and still has issues brushing her hair, I warned her that I would cut it - especially because when she is with her dad he doesn't help her brush it and her hair is so tangled when she gets to me! She didn't mind. I didn't cut it in the heat of the moment, but in the evening. She liked it. Still, there are tangles but not as bad as before. Girls aren't required to have long hair. My daughter was often envious of my boys who hardly brush their hair as it's short.
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What on earth does a haircut have to do with America? People get haircuts in other countries too you know.
Load More Replies... People are harsh. Dad did good. Hair isn't some magical thing that defines a girl, plus it grows back. She didn't do enough to manage it when it was super long, now it is a reasonable length.
Hair can be an integral part of someone's identity. Did did not do well.
Load More Replies... Some of the replies are ridiculous. She been told on more than a few occasions to look after it. No wonder kids do what the hell they want with some of these over reactions. 7 is old enough to understand simple instructions. He did right
Yes, the internet's reactions are always extreme: "divorce!" "abuse!" "doom!" No subtleties considered. I don't know why people go to the internet for advice. (yes, irony noted.)
Load More Replies... I think he was right to cut it, just maybe not in the heat of the moment. I've always had long hair and have taken care of it since I was in kindergarten. She's old enough to be brushing her own hair and to understand why it's important.
He didn't cut it heat of the moment, as was made clear in his edit at the end.
Load More Replies... Hair grows back and he didn't shave her head. There is nothing wrong with keeping hair manageable for children. She can grow it as long as she wants when she can take care of it.
Kids that age and younger get sudden hair cuts all the time - from fixing tangles that won't untangle, gum incidents, scissor incidents, getting-wrapped-up-in-flying-fairy-doll incidents, to name a few. "we've talked about this and you can't go to school with a head full of tangles, so I need to cut it" isn't going to ruin her life.
Yes, I looked this up on reddit and the post is from two years ago. By now that girl is 9 and probably has long hair again. BP, stop recycling ancient reddit posts.
I think you handled the entire situation perfectly. People judging you are just knee-jerk reactions. They weren't there. How many more times did you need to tell her? A million more? Your a brave soul for putting this out there for the troll nation! At least you didn't shave her head. And shoulder length hair would be so much easier to maintain at her age. And it's hair, it grows. You sound like a great dad and the fact that you ran it by your ex wife is a good sign about how much you want to be sure what you were doing wasn't wrong. She's probably a lot happier now that she's not in pain every morning getting her hair brushed. Kudos.
I had a daughter who had a hard time taking care of her hair when it turned very curly. We both struggled with it, as I didn't have much experience with curly hair. It became a power struggle between my mom and me. I wanted her to continue learning, and for me. My mom and my daughter's school was pressuring me to cut it like a pixie cut. I felt that was a bit extreme and possibly traumatic. Hair is symbolic in some cultures and some people. Just the length can be worn with pride no matter the state. Idk what texture his daughter's hair is. That may make a difference in the care she needs. Perhaps a hairstylist could provide some advice and give her an easier cut to style while keeping the length.
I remember when I was in third grade I got my long hair caught on fire. In order to make it look decent I had to get a bob cut and I cried for days because I loved my long hair from that moment on I refused to get short hair. At least with this girl she still had longer hair. And good for you for sticking up for your daughter!
Load More Replies... Yeah I had long hair. Loved it but when I got older and my anxiety got worse I got so focused on everything else but never brushed it. Getting long again gonna get it cut. I donated mine to charity and raised a bunch of money for making wigs for kids who need them. Felt really good and I got a cute hair cut. Dad did nothing wrong. Kid can't be bothered to take care of it at seven then it gets cut. If the kid was 4 or 5 different story but dad did good on this
He did the right thing. I was basically that little girl and after many warnings I was sat on the kitchen and had my waist length hair chopped off to shoulder level. They then took me to the salon to have it prettied up. I always looked after my hair after that. Funnily I am having the same issues with my 3 year old granddaughter and no I am not going to cut her hair as she is still a baby lol
It's hair, it will grow back, and if she refuses to even try to care for it herself it needs to go. On top of being on the autism spectrum, my son has sensory perception disorder and while he LOVES when I gently scritch my nails over his scalp, he can't stand having his hair brushed. He sports a short mohawk year round.
I read this horrified. My sister-in-law did this to my now 37 year old niece at exactly the same age, with a bit of a twist. My niece kept forgetting where she put her shoes, and they ended up having to search every morning for them, thus not having time for her hair to be brushed, etc. So my SIL took her to a salon and forcibly had it cut into a very short pixie. She sobbed the entire time; the hairdresser kept telling her she was sorry, to which my SIL told her to forget about a tip. She told me this story recently, and I simply said it explains why my niece barely speaks to her.
at first i was like wtf, but the comments were WAY over the line. i feel better now that i read the update.
Based on the story as laid out, I'm in dad's corner. Not that I agree with what he did, but that he set an expectation, laid out the consequences if not adhered to, and followed through. I've seen kids who have a parent that is always setting expectations on punishments and rewards and never follows through with either. They have 0 respect for any authority now. I really feel, and try to hold to it in my life, that if I promise some kind of punishment or reward, that I always follow through on that with my kids. They may not always like me, but they always know I mean what I say
I couldn't even read the whole thing, I'm too upset. Dad should have his hair cut even shorter when he doesn't want it done. My hair has been very long most of my life. My mom always helped me brush and braid and take care of until I was old enough to do it properly myself. I hope this kid hates this father and he knows why.
My grandmother (who lived with us) did this to me when I was about 8.She cut my hair ,that was long enough to sit on to mid neck.I was heart broken and horribly unset.Seriously,it effected me for years.Needless to say,I have had long hair since I was old enough to decide for myself.& years old is too young to do this.My girls all had long hair and I brushed it for them ,until they were old enough to handle it properly themselves (around 11-12).I found an amazing leave in de tangler My.Organics Angel Potion.Maybe try something like that before cutting off the poor child's hair. .
How exactly does she not have the dexterity to bring her hair over her shoulder to the front? And if this is necessary to good brushing, and she can't, why is the dad blaming her for not being able to do it? I have long hair and I just brush it behind my back.
I feel like this whole situation was just awful. Also, DANG your daughters hair is long. But like I was saying, a lot of people don’t seem to think about how they would feel in the situation. They say they “do”, think about how they would feel but genuinely, what would you do? I see this situation as kind of awful, and growing up, I was a tender headed Curley haired girl. My mom never cut it, although, she was the person who would brush it every day. If a child doesent do something, then the parent must. But, the dad must of been frustrated, especially when he taught the daughter repeatedly. Everyone’s emotions got so tense that there was no way out. There wasn’t a lot of good ways to deal with this, and personally, cutting off the hair wasn’t a good way either. If you would like to share your opinion because you disagree, I am open to all opinions :)) I try to keep an open mind. Have a great day!
She was warned but I do wish he hadn't cut it that short. I wonder what she was expecting when her dad asked for the scissors.
Brushing someone else’s hair is a gesture that conveys love, devotion, teaching/ learning about self care, time together to grow close. Maybe she felt that would change your relationship if she imagined she would get very short hair… but she can plainly see now that your relationship is still very strong and she’s okay with it. Don’t do anything like this when she’s a teen, though. J.U.S.T. D.O.N.’T.
A child doesn't really decide their hair length, a parent does. I didn't allow my son to grow out his hair unless he knew he was capable of caring for it.(9 or 10) Mullets were the rage then. As I grew up, I had long hair, whereas my sisters had short, naturally curly so much easier to handle mom said. Mom always took care of my hair til I said I'd rather do it myself (3rd or 4th grade). Ironic thing in my life, my daughter kept cutting her hair off, so much that she had to be told only "Shelly" could do that. It took 14 months to regrow her bangs as she 'wacked' them off at the hair line. When the hair behind it fell forward, I didn't even notice it when I put her to bed. Just found the hair hiding under blanket on the floor in living room. She woke up the next morning to show me the location she cut from. Not good for a long time.
My daughter was difficult with her long curly hair, so I gave her the choice to cut it and she took it. We made a day out of it and she loved every second. My mom cut my hair super short when I was a kid under the pretense of trimming it (I would never have agreed otherwise). She would trim it and say "oh it's crooked" then take another inch, inch by inch, 15 inches off my hair. I lived with my granny and she lost it, my hair was just above my butt the last time she'd seen me. It felt like a jealousy thing to be honest.
you are def not the ahole. I have done all that to my kids as well, to include my son, who would never comb his hair. They all learned and have beautiful locks now. She'll be fine. Everyone that is freaking out at your parenting either A) doesn't have kids or worse B) is part of the safe space generation. She'll be FINE! You'll be fine. You're doing great, and to the moron that brought up prison. Umm no they do not forcefully cut hair. That's the military. Don't get it confused.
He might be missing an underlying cause of her need for long hair. Since he is a single father, is she traumatized by the absence of her mother or of their divorce? Does she associate her long hair to be a mirror image of her dad, the absence of which may imply a loss of her father in her 7yo mind? My niece has worn her hair super long for 16 years, maintains it poorly, and has all sorts of mental issues that she used her hair as her protective shield. She is finally starting to outgrow those issues, but she still has her long hair, slightly better maintained. I think he needs to look deeper.
I'm really glad to see that people on Bp don't think dad was a complete AH. I was reading through what people were saying in the article itself, and it just wasn't sitting right with me. It sounds like the girl just had more hair than was really manageable for either of them, and she needed a trim. I guess I missed the part where it was supposed to be a punishment. It sounds more like he was just trying to explain basic responsibility, and she threw a fit over the consequences. I don't know, maybe I would be a bad parent.
My little sis has extremely curly hair so that any combing or brushing would involve some pulling. Couldn't be helped. After months of daily battles mom decided to not comb her hair during summer break unless sis asked for it. Sis was 7 at the time. By fall mom had to cut most of it off before school started. I do feel for sis though. That hair has really controlled her for 56 years now.
My hair are up to my butt and i don't brush twice a day.. and honestly sometimes i don't brush even once. Bad weeks i won't brush for few days and then it's all tangled so badly that it takes an hour or two to detangle it and brush it. Good thing I'm an adult and my dad won't cut my hair lol I really need to brush more often
There seems a lot of bias in the comments. No, it was not a good idea to cut the hair in the heat of the meoment, but it is just hair. It will grow back. And did not cut it SHORT, just shorter.
I guess it depends on the girl. I had long hair my whole life. I starred taking care of my own personal hygiene around age 5-6 because I was starting school and big girls that go to school can brush their own hair and teeth. I don't see how dad was wrong she was warned numerous times to start brushing and she didn't. Now there's no fighting about it.
I've the same issue with my daughter. Hair down to elbows. Wants to let it grow really long but doesn't look after it. Too lazy to brush it and won't tie it up. I've the same length hair so I know what it's like. I'm not going to force her to have it cut but I'm going to try persuade her instead, get a fringe style or something.
How about wearing it in a braid so it doesn't get tangled.
Load More Replies... My daughter screamed like she was being murdered every time I combed her hair. I am in no way exaggerating. I gave her a buzz cut little Afro. It was cute but her preschool teachers probably wanted to report me to children services. Totally worth it because it worked. She was three. Black children, like my children and me (growing up) have a complex relationship with hair.
few seven year olds, who would've been locked out of society for the past two years, is unlikely to know the meaning of the word dexterity. Dad does and if he's noticed it would be easier for her to take care of her hair twice a day, he did the right thing the wrong way. He should've planned a special outing for her and her Grandmother to go to the hairdressers together and take before and after selfies. It's not late to make ammends. Thank goodness he didn't shave half her head and kye the other side red.
He really should have taken her to a hair-dresser, not cut it off himself. Just having it inexpertly hacked off is going to be traumatic, for sure. I do agree that it had to be cut, but he went about it in the wrong way. Glad he took people's advice and apologized to her, that will really help her feel better and keep a healthy parent-child relationship.
Nobody is disagreeing with the dad cutting the hair, just the method. I don't think he needed to frame it as a punishment at all, even if he did get it done at a salon. Instead of saying "Since you can't seem to take care of your own hair we are chopping it off" why not say something like "Hey, look at these awesome pics of shorter haircuts that won't take as long, AND we an get you some cool new glitter gel and rainbow hair clips!" Don't get me wrong, I'm not one to coddle a kid, but in this case where it concerns bodily autonomy I tend to tread lightly and ultimately would let her make the decision (granted, with a LOT of prodding from Dad).
Reminds me my childhood when brushing hair was incredibly painful and not at all favourite daily routine. I wasn't willing to torture myself like that so I refused to brush it. I was wriggling an dodging when someone else was brushing it and I got a lot of scorning for it and threath of cutting too I think. Eventually I had it cut significantly, but not as a punishment in the heat of the moment. To this day my scalp is so sensitive I'm not too fond of stroking it by others and I literaly can't bear rougher handling from hairdresser so I choose her carefully and if it hurts during washing or brushing or even cutting, I never go her again. I was lucky to find gentle hairdressers few last years but there were some really bad appointments than left me flinching. Well. Guess I'm not alone
Oof! I was 12 before I had the energy to brush all my hair (it's thick, curly and long)
I was this daughter many years ago. It hurt to brush so I didn't do it, but I still felt that my hair belonged to me as much as my arms. Kids are not rational! Every morning my mom was yelling at me, repeating "what the heck you're smearing on your hair at night?!" . She was overstressed with 3 kids and a husband who didn't know how to be supportive. But as a 7 year old I just knew that I'll have pain and verbal abuse and I'll cry every morning. She always threatened to cut it off. She never did and eventually around 9 I learned to brush in a summer camp where nobody did it for me. I'm 40 now and never cut my hair apart from chopping off split ends. The crying mornings are still a sore memory and they were one of many things that built a distance between us. But if she actually would've cut my hair I think I never would've forgiven her.
I mean, he said she didn't have the dexterity to brush it properly so she can't really be blamed. I'd have put it in pleats or a bun etc for school days, then at the weekends got her in the habit of brushing it, then let her wear it down a day at a time. Not saying it would work but it's what I'd have tried before lopping it off. However, the little girl might find it much easier having short hair. When I was 8 I asked for my butt length hair to be chopped off (it's actually butt length again now haha) because it got in my way when playing or writing.
My mother did not ALLOW my hair to be cut until I was 18 and she no longer had a vote. Super-long hair IS rather difficult for a kid to maintain, so I'm sure once all the angst and drama calms down Dad will find that his daughter has a much easier time caring for a more reasonable quantity of hair.
My wife and I are raising our 5 year old granddaughter. She for whatever reason keeps cutting her hair every time she gets her hands on a pair of scissors. She never cuts much, just a snip here and a snip there. My wife and I tried everything we can think of, including telling her we could just cut it all off. It does no good, as she continues to do it every chance she gets. We would NEVER actually cut her hair off, BUT I would also never tell someone else how to raise their child. Every child is unique, and every child needs different raising techniques. What works for one child, doesn't always work for another child.
As someone who was in a similar position a long time ago, you go, dad! I hated having to brush my hair and getting it brushed by my mom was the WORST thing. Now, I didn't want it to be chopped off until I was like 14, but tht would've been the better choice XD. I have had it to my chin, ears, and shoulders in the past, and now my 4 and 6 year old sisters have shoulder-length hair to copy me. (Though I have mine in what I fondly refer to as a Namaari cut).
My mom died when I was seven and my dad had no idea how to care for my long hair. He'd be so rough about brushing and gave up trying to keep my hair out of my face. After a time, I went to live with my aunt and uncle and, while I was hesitant to have my hair cut, they were very positive about it and we picked a hair style to try together and my aunt took me to a fancy stylist to have it done (I had never been to a stylist). It was a positive experience and solved the problem.
As someone with really long hair and loves it, sounded really harsh but the edit made me less mad
He shouldn’t have hacked off her hair because she couldn’t care for it. She may have forgiven him now but that’s something you don’t forget. They could have talked about it and gone to a hairdresser. He could use a wide tooth comb and some conditioner when it was wet and then braid it. There are lots of alternatives that weren’t getting fed up and chopping it off.
"She puts the brush down and wanders off to play games" should have been the point where Dad put his foot down, but barring that, cutting it off as punishment immediately after an argument taught her nothing. Never, ever, ever discipline your child in anger. This doesn't make him a bad parent, we all make mistakes, but this particular course of action was misguided and should have been handled better.
No I don't think so. If warned multiple times to take care of your hair and has had warnings galore then I would have done the same. She wasn't held down or anything. I might just have gone and made an appointment at a hairdressers tho. And the hair wasn't cut off, it was still long ...
Load More Replies... "violent"? he cut her hair, not her face. he didnt pin her down & hack it off either, he asked her to get the scissors, she did (rather than running off screaming "NOOOO!!"), & then she sat down to have it cut. where are you getting violence from this???
Load More Replies... Not every parent is capable of/willing to act as an actual parent. It doesn't mean you can't communicate with them occasionally, but they might not be willing to step up.
Load More Replies... He stated he spent time helping her with her hair everyday. My mother helped style my hair but I was expected to keep in brushed when I was that age with long hair. My oldest son wanted to grow his hair out. We told him fine, but he is responsible to keep it washed and combed. The moment he starts letting it go it gets shaved. At 7 years old she is old enough to brush her hair through the day with the brush time with her dad in the morning.
Load More Replies... Looking cute isn't a goal imo. My daughter is 9 and still has issues brushing her hair, I warned her that I would cut it - especially because when she is with her dad he doesn't help her brush it and her hair is so tangled when she gets to me! She didn't mind. I didn't cut it in the heat of the moment, but in the evening. She liked it. Still, there are tangles but not as bad as before. Girls aren't required to have long hair. My daughter was often envious of my boys who hardly brush their hair as it's short.
Load More Replies... What on earth does a haircut have to do with America? People get haircuts in other countries too you know.
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