Woman Breaks A Starbucks ‘Pay It Forward’ Streak And Explains Why She’s Refusing To Be Shamed For It
What is the point of a kind gesture if it’s never cashed out? This is a question content creator Grace Johanna put forth in one of her TikToks.
Filming herself in her car, Grace shared how a seemingly routine visit to a Starbucks ended in a discussion on morality.
Everything began when she got caught in a pay-it-forward streak, in which, according to the woman, the previous five customers were shamed into compliance instead of enjoying themselves a treat.
Meet Grace Johanna, a content creator who broke a pay-it-forward streak in a Starbucks because, well, that’s the point of it
Image credits: gracejohanna
However, not everyone was a fan of her decision, so the woman explained her reasoning behind it in a TikTok video
Image credits: Kadarius Seegars (not the actual photo)
Image credits: gracejohanna
Image credits: gracejohanna
We contacted Grace to have a little chat about the whole thing and she was kind enough to reply. “I didn’t feel any pressure [from the employee to continue the pay-it-forward streak], the workers at my local Starbucks are super nice,” Grace told Bored Panda. “I think the barista was just stating a fact that 5 people in front of me kept paying it back as a ‘look how nice people are’ and I was like, ‘That’s so sweet but I need this.’ I was having a bad day!”
The content creator said people online have shamed her a ton about not paying it forward after she uploaded the video, but she genuinely doesn’t understand where they are coming from. “A lot of people say I didn’t deserve it, but who are they to say I didn’t deserve something free? If I didn’t deserve a free drink, I wouldn’t have received it. I think people who have an issue with the video aren’t thinking much far past the current moment and how it ethically makes no sense.”
The phrase “pay it forward” was popularized by Catherine Ryan Hyde in her 1999 novel of the same name (which was later also turned into a movie).
And these are not just empty words. Social scientists have conducted research demonstrating that the effect of a single act of kindness can ripple through a social network, setting off chains of generosity that reach far beyond the original action. However, whether it’s enough to merely witness a generous act, rather than actually benefit from one, has been an open question.
In an experiment called ‘The social contagion of generosity’, sociologists Milena Tsvetkova and Michael W Macy studied both possibilities.
“We found that receiving and observing generosity can both significantly increase your likelihood of being generous toward a stranger, but that if you observe a high enough level of generosity, your willingness to help suffers — you become a ‘bystander’ who feels that help is no longer needed,” the authors of the study wrote in The New York Times.
For their experiment, Tsvetkova and Macy recruited more than 600 participants from Amazon’s Mechanical Turk, an online marketplace where users advertise tasks to be completed in exchange for money. They had to play what the researchers called the Invitation Game. The people were informed that they could participate in the game and earn a base payment in cash and a cash bonus — but only if they received an email invitation.
“To get the game started, we created a few invitations that we sent to randomly chosen participants. Those who received invitations were then informed that they had been assigned to play the game in a group of 150 people,” Tsvetkova and Macy explained. “Each ‘invitee’ had the opportunity to create one additional invitation for a stranger in his group if he gave back the bonus and earned only the base payment. That invitation would be sent anonymously to the stranger.”
The clip has been viewed over 1.4 million times
@gracejohanna What would you do in this situation? #starbucks #kindgesture #fyp #storytime ♬ original sound – gracejohanna
“Participants were randomly assigned to one of four situations: receiving help (they got an anonymously donated invitation created by another participant); observing help (they witnessed other participants anonymously donating invitations); receiving and observing help; and neither. (In the ‘neither’ condition, participants received their invitation directly from the experimenters, which established a baseline condition against which to compare what happened when participants received or observed help, or both.) Then we observed how the participants chose to act in each situation.”
The bad news was that the willingness to help suffered from what social psychologists call ‘the bystander effect’.
“When participants observed a low level of helping, it increased their own likelihood of helping; but when they observed a high level of helping, they did not themselves help — they appeared to feel that their own sacrifice was no longer needed. This finding was consistent with many previous studies of ‘social loafing,’ ‘free riding’ and ‘diffusion of responsibility,'” Tsvetkova and Macy said.
But the good news was that receiving help increased the likelihood of being generous toward a stranger. Plus, the participants who benefited from generosity were also less susceptible to the bystander effect when they themselves observed high levels of helping in their group.
“We conclude that observing an act of kindness is likely to play an important role in setting a cascade of generosity in motion, since many people can potentially observe a single act of helping. But we found that it was receiving help that sustained the cascade as it spread through the group.”
So what goes around does come around. But if there’s no ‘recipient’, the act would just get stuck in a continuous limbo where nobody would benefit from it.
“I think some people feel shame accepting help from others because they feel this societal pressure to not look like a ‘taker,'” Grace added. “I think it’s an American thing, we have a hard time accepting help.”
“Accepting the coffee is almost like a submissive thing, and instead of basking in the kindness of others, they are quick to pay it back to get the rush of ‘doing a good deed,’ but how can a good deed be done if people put their ego aside and let it happen to them? That’s why I said, ‘I was the one who was helped.'”
And sparked an interesting discussion on ethics and herd mentality
Why is the barista telling the woman how long the streak's been going? Like, why should that matter at all?? He's guilting her into doing something that doesn't even benefit him or the shop. Like many others are saying above, just tip the guy well and move on.
I came down to the comments to say this. The Starbucks guy, whether he knew it or not, was trying to shame her. If people want to immediately pay it forward, they can, but the barista shouldn't suggest that they do.
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I'm not the one to get caught in those...if people are in line for Starbucks or McDonalds then they can afford to get their own. But what I do actually do is pay for someone who needs that little uplift. If I see a homeless or struggling person I will buy them breakfast even if all I wanted was a coffee and hand it to them before I go upon my day.
This "pay it forward" stuff at Starbucks doesn't make any sense. For one, people go to Starbucks because they can afford it, so no one is really being helped. Plus, all you're really doing is "shifting" the bill down the line. It's all a big show.
Not everyone can afford it. I was a young mother when I got caught in one of those lines. I definitely couldn't afford it. I was using a gift card my boss had given me. My $7 coffee cost me my $20 gift card and then even more money on top of it. When I hadn't planned on spending any:(
Load More Replies... I’ve been lucky enough to have someone buy my coffee before. Every time it happens, I tip the baristas the amount that I would have spent on my coffee, rather than pay it forward to the next person. Seems to work out well.
LOL So she calls herself hot. I didn't even get where there was shaming from the barista. He just stated out of every 5 people. So every 1 out of every 5 have broken the streak, if I'm understanding correctly. I'm broken streaks, too. I don't see the problem. The people that may benefit might've been planning on using their bit of change to a once in a while treat and be pleasantly surprised they don't have to use that bit of change. A real good gesture is buy a small gift card and tell the clerks to keep it in the till for a desperately hungry person.
I rather spend an extra $5-10, and give it to a homeless person. You know, someone who couldn't afford a drink or meal in the first place?
I am all for paying it forward when somebody does me a kindness. But I will pay it forward in my own way by doing a kindness for someone who I feel actually has a need of it. It may not be the same day. But it will happen. I will remember. And I will buy that young man's cookies for him when he's stressing out because he only has cash and the grocery store lane only takes card payments. And hope that he will pay it forward in his own way by simply remembering that time and deciding to do some random act of kindness for someone he sees having a bad day. Whether it's the same day or later down the road in his life. And it doesn't have to involve paying for something for somebody. Any act of kindness. I've had people send their adorable child to hug me because they thought I looked sad. I remember that. It's been years. Still makes me smile. Reminds me to be kind every chance I get. However I am able.
I hear about this Pay it Fwd chain at starbucks a lot (starbucks are rare in my country so its a novelty). And it sounds like a marketing tactic to me. Either the chain gets so long it goes viral or it goes viral because someone broke the chain. Either way Starbucks gets some free advertising. I mean, here we are talking about Starbucks, so its worked, right?
Can you imagine not having the cash to treat others, but only once in a while having cash to treat yourself, and being caught up in this line? Maybe Starbucks should have some kind of a sign or something when this is happening. I do like the idea of pay it forward but I think that it should be your choice of where and how to pay it forward. Maybe you can't pay it forward with cash but you can through helping someone with something when you can. For example helping an elderly person struggling with yard work could be your pay it forward.
If I'm in line at the store and someone behind me has a few things (especially basic needs) I generally pay for them. I actually had a lady last week start crying because I paid for her milk and a candy bar. I didn't hang around or say anything to her, but clearly made her day better.
I hate that "pay it forward" thing. Not everyone knows what it is, and when I first came to the US from France and encountered this, I didn't understand it and the barista gave me quite an attitude over it. You want to do something nice ? Buy a homeless person a meal or a coffee instead.
While I understand what she's saying, her attitude comes off as entitled. Just say thank you and move on with your day, be appreciative and pay it forward in other ways. Always be kind and courteous, it's that simple... Just lose the attitude that you 'deserve this'. When highway tolls were cheaper, I used to pay for the random stranger behind me. I always loved the reactions of people catching up to my car and waving out the window saying, 'Thank you!!!'. They didn't feel an obligation to 'Pay it forward' or backward or whatever. They were just thankful for the gift and I knew they would remember what was done for them the next time the opportunity presented itself to them.
"Pay it forward" is not an immediate event. You should graciously accept the nice thing someone did for you and then should be inspired to do your own original "Pay it forward". When a stranger buys you a cup of coffee, you can let someone ahead of you in line at the grocery store.
Not a fan of Starbucks ( overpriced and overrated) so I get my coffee at a convenience store. No moral or ethical issues. Lines are short or non existent. I'm my own barista so I don't have to tip for the complex task of pouring a cup of coffee. Jeez it's just coffee not a big social issue.
while I agree with her that she does not have to pay it forward I don't like her attitude. "... like a hot girl does".. "I deserve this sandwich" - no, you don't, be thankful you got one, but you do not deserve it. But then again.. what do I expect when someone calls herself a content creator
If "pay it forward" turns into a chain you're no longer paying it forward. The whole point is a random act of kindness to a stranger to make their day better with little or no opportunity for thanks or obligation.
What if I think she’s right, and I fully support her, but also really dislike her and think she’s full of herself? Can I do that?
If you want to do something nice for someone, go for it - you can say you're doing it for both yourself and the recipient, that's fine. Conversely, they are under no obligation to keep it going. The barista telling them about the chain could just have found it interesting; best not to assume their intentions. Also, spending that money instead to tip the barista extra is certainly a nice alternative, but then that yields another ethical question - why in the world are consumers expected or socially asked to tip someone for doing their job? America is one of few such countries in this regard. People should just be paid (at the very least) a living wage. Lastly, very turned off by the "as a hot girl does" comment. Really not helping her point, which has actual validity.
Honestly when I worked the drive thru window these would annoy me but my manager would be awful to me if I didn't put on my customer service voice and pressure people to keep it going. We would intentionally end it if there was a big difference between order amounts, though. Usually it started out as a directed gesture, like coworkers paying for each other during hectic times of the year (a lot of our regulars worked in the school system) or regulars recognizing each other and noticing the other seemed to be having a bad day. Pushing people to keep that going just diminishes a nice thing to a weird pseudo-competitive mess
I have turned down food that was paid for that they couldn't refund (cash transaction, person gone). I just say no thank you and if they say its already paid for I say then you keep it. Then I go to the next Starbucks and order the same things and pay for it. I don't need a handout. Ever
It's interesting that the OP thought a) she DESERVED this treat and b) that it was for HER in particular. I don't have a problem with people NOT paying it forward or breaking the line but it's not all about her. Oh, right,, she's an "influencer". Eye roll
I'm not a person who can buy $10 coffees everyday so going to Starbucks is an event for me. One year I was out Christmas shopping (on a budget), I had gotten a Starbucks gift card and decided to treat myself. I get to the window, try to pay, and I'm told it was taken care of. I'm thinking wow it's my lucky day. Then I'm asked to pay for the car behind me. I agree, give them my $20 gift card, and I'm told I owe another $18. So I lost my gift card, and had to spend money on top of it. Who actually benefits from this? I don't know why they put people in that position. I don't go anywhere near Starbucks in November, December, or January because I don't want to be in that position again.
I've encountered this at Dunkin's a few times. I usually ask if the car behind is just ordering drinks first. I don't pay it forward on $30 worth of food. For me its not the consideration of whether the person behind me can afford it or not. I like the feeling of community generosity. And the Barista gets a tip on the amount I spend-not whether or not it's for me.
She seems to have a high opinion of herself, and I’m not referring to paying it forward.
Or she could have just chosen to STFU and drove off... All smells like BS just to drum up interest in her
No one was shaming her for it. She drives away and the next person pays for the drink they ordered as they had expected. Tip the barista and move on. Or make a video hoping for praise.
Someone paid forward for my husband and I because he cut the line in front of us. That was nice and nothing else had to be done after that. My husband said it didn't erase the rudeness of it though (cutting).
I'm assuming from all of this that Starbucks must actually make ok drinks in other countries. In New Zealand, at least, people take coffee-making pretty seriously. I recently decided to try Starbucks here in NZ, for the first time ever. Yikes. Never again. Seriously, by far, the worst coffee I've ever had. Considerably more expensive than average, too.
If you like really strong, bitter coffee, I suppose Starbucks is OK. Otherwise...
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Why are people commenting on the fact that she called herself a "hot girl"?! She's a confident, beautiful woman who knows her own beauty so you pessimists can STFU!
She's an empty-headed, entitled twat who's completely full of herself.
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I think 99% of you are ignoring the fact that this entitled b***h referred to herself as the "hot girl" and said she "deserves" to have a good day... I bet you her real name is Karen... F*****g snowflakes
I see her point on the pay it forward thing, but where's the hot girl she was talking about?
She's a terrible human being. Instead of thinking about herself she should first think about someone else.
I think pay it forward is kinda lame. U are still going there, paying something and getting something. What is so beneficent about that? But, from the comments above and below I can see the world has really changed since 1999, as expected. "I deserve to have a nice day" who the f told you that? Maybe you are a POS and should have a befitting day. Lol. You all honestly make me laugh. Thanks. :)
The assholes are the self righteous clowns going to f*****g Starbucks of all places to pay for each other's overpriced coffee to make themselves feel like they are doing a good thing, which is typical behavior of the rich a*****e crowd. You want to help someone to feel good about yourself how about helping someone who actually needs it and not the 🤡 sitting behind you at Starbucks in a BMW because they definitely don't need it.
Load More Replies... Why is the barista telling the woman how long the streak's been going? Like, why should that matter at all?? He's guilting her into doing something that doesn't even benefit him or the shop. Like many others are saying above, just tip the guy well and move on.
I came down to the comments to say this. The Starbucks guy, whether he knew it or not, was trying to shame her. If people want to immediately pay it forward, they can, but the barista shouldn't suggest that they do.
Load More Replies... I'm not the one to get caught in those...if people are in line for Starbucks or McDonalds then they can afford to get their own. But what I do actually do is pay for someone who needs that little uplift. If I see a homeless or struggling person I will buy them breakfast even if all I wanted was a coffee and hand it to them before I go upon my day.
This "pay it forward" stuff at Starbucks doesn't make any sense. For one, people go to Starbucks because they can afford it, so no one is really being helped. Plus, all you're really doing is "shifting" the bill down the line. It's all a big show.
Not everyone can afford it. I was a young mother when I got caught in one of those lines. I definitely couldn't afford it. I was using a gift card my boss had given me. My $7 coffee cost me my $20 gift card and then even more money on top of it. When I hadn't planned on spending any:(
Load More Replies... I’ve been lucky enough to have someone buy my coffee before. Every time it happens, I tip the baristas the amount that I would have spent on my coffee, rather than pay it forward to the next person. Seems to work out well.
LOL So she calls herself hot. I didn't even get where there was shaming from the barista. He just stated out of every 5 people. So every 1 out of every 5 have broken the streak, if I'm understanding correctly. I'm broken streaks, too. I don't see the problem. The people that may benefit might've been planning on using their bit of change to a once in a while treat and be pleasantly surprised they don't have to use that bit of change. A real good gesture is buy a small gift card and tell the clerks to keep it in the till for a desperately hungry person.
I rather spend an extra $5-10, and give it to a homeless person. You know, someone who couldn't afford a drink or meal in the first place?
I am all for paying it forward when somebody does me a kindness. But I will pay it forward in my own way by doing a kindness for someone who I feel actually has a need of it. It may not be the same day. But it will happen. I will remember. And I will buy that young man's cookies for him when he's stressing out because he only has cash and the grocery store lane only takes card payments. And hope that he will pay it forward in his own way by simply remembering that time and deciding to do some random act of kindness for someone he sees having a bad day. Whether it's the same day or later down the road in his life. And it doesn't have to involve paying for something for somebody. Any act of kindness. I've had people send their adorable child to hug me because they thought I looked sad. I remember that. It's been years. Still makes me smile. Reminds me to be kind every chance I get. However I am able.
I hear about this Pay it Fwd chain at starbucks a lot (starbucks are rare in my country so its a novelty). And it sounds like a marketing tactic to me. Either the chain gets so long it goes viral or it goes viral because someone broke the chain. Either way Starbucks gets some free advertising. I mean, here we are talking about Starbucks, so its worked, right?
Can you imagine not having the cash to treat others, but only once in a while having cash to treat yourself, and being caught up in this line? Maybe Starbucks should have some kind of a sign or something when this is happening. I do like the idea of pay it forward but I think that it should be your choice of where and how to pay it forward. Maybe you can't pay it forward with cash but you can through helping someone with something when you can. For example helping an elderly person struggling with yard work could be your pay it forward.
If I'm in line at the store and someone behind me has a few things (especially basic needs) I generally pay for them. I actually had a lady last week start crying because I paid for her milk and a candy bar. I didn't hang around or say anything to her, but clearly made her day better.
I hate that "pay it forward" thing. Not everyone knows what it is, and when I first came to the US from France and encountered this, I didn't understand it and the barista gave me quite an attitude over it. You want to do something nice ? Buy a homeless person a meal or a coffee instead.
While I understand what she's saying, her attitude comes off as entitled. Just say thank you and move on with your day, be appreciative and pay it forward in other ways. Always be kind and courteous, it's that simple... Just lose the attitude that you 'deserve this'. When highway tolls were cheaper, I used to pay for the random stranger behind me. I always loved the reactions of people catching up to my car and waving out the window saying, 'Thank you!!!'. They didn't feel an obligation to 'Pay it forward' or backward or whatever. They were just thankful for the gift and I knew they would remember what was done for them the next time the opportunity presented itself to them.
"Pay it forward" is not an immediate event. You should graciously accept the nice thing someone did for you and then should be inspired to do your own original "Pay it forward". When a stranger buys you a cup of coffee, you can let someone ahead of you in line at the grocery store.
Not a fan of Starbucks ( overpriced and overrated) so I get my coffee at a convenience store. No moral or ethical issues. Lines are short or non existent. I'm my own barista so I don't have to tip for the complex task of pouring a cup of coffee. Jeez it's just coffee not a big social issue.
while I agree with her that she does not have to pay it forward I don't like her attitude. "... like a hot girl does".. "I deserve this sandwich" - no, you don't, be thankful you got one, but you do not deserve it. But then again.. what do I expect when someone calls herself a content creator
If "pay it forward" turns into a chain you're no longer paying it forward. The whole point is a random act of kindness to a stranger to make their day better with little or no opportunity for thanks or obligation.
What if I think she’s right, and I fully support her, but also really dislike her and think she’s full of herself? Can I do that?
If you want to do something nice for someone, go for it - you can say you're doing it for both yourself and the recipient, that's fine. Conversely, they are under no obligation to keep it going. The barista telling them about the chain could just have found it interesting; best not to assume their intentions. Also, spending that money instead to tip the barista extra is certainly a nice alternative, but then that yields another ethical question - why in the world are consumers expected or socially asked to tip someone for doing their job? America is one of few such countries in this regard. People should just be paid (at the very least) a living wage. Lastly, very turned off by the "as a hot girl does" comment. Really not helping her point, which has actual validity.
Honestly when I worked the drive thru window these would annoy me but my manager would be awful to me if I didn't put on my customer service voice and pressure people to keep it going. We would intentionally end it if there was a big difference between order amounts, though. Usually it started out as a directed gesture, like coworkers paying for each other during hectic times of the year (a lot of our regulars worked in the school system) or regulars recognizing each other and noticing the other seemed to be having a bad day. Pushing people to keep that going just diminishes a nice thing to a weird pseudo-competitive mess
I have turned down food that was paid for that they couldn't refund (cash transaction, person gone). I just say no thank you and if they say its already paid for I say then you keep it. Then I go to the next Starbucks and order the same things and pay for it. I don't need a handout. Ever
It's interesting that the OP thought a) she DESERVED this treat and b) that it was for HER in particular. I don't have a problem with people NOT paying it forward or breaking the line but it's not all about her. Oh, right,, she's an "influencer". Eye roll
I'm not a person who can buy $10 coffees everyday so going to Starbucks is an event for me. One year I was out Christmas shopping (on a budget), I had gotten a Starbucks gift card and decided to treat myself. I get to the window, try to pay, and I'm told it was taken care of. I'm thinking wow it's my lucky day. Then I'm asked to pay for the car behind me. I agree, give them my $20 gift card, and I'm told I owe another $18. So I lost my gift card, and had to spend money on top of it. Who actually benefits from this? I don't know why they put people in that position. I don't go anywhere near Starbucks in November, December, or January because I don't want to be in that position again.
I've encountered this at Dunkin's a few times. I usually ask if the car behind is just ordering drinks first. I don't pay it forward on $30 worth of food. For me its not the consideration of whether the person behind me can afford it or not. I like the feeling of community generosity. And the Barista gets a tip on the amount I spend-not whether or not it's for me.
She seems to have a high opinion of herself, and I’m not referring to paying it forward.
Or she could have just chosen to STFU and drove off... All smells like BS just to drum up interest in her
No one was shaming her for it. She drives away and the next person pays for the drink they ordered as they had expected. Tip the barista and move on. Or make a video hoping for praise.
Someone paid forward for my husband and I because he cut the line in front of us. That was nice and nothing else had to be done after that. My husband said it didn't erase the rudeness of it though (cutting).
I'm assuming from all of this that Starbucks must actually make ok drinks in other countries. In New Zealand, at least, people take coffee-making pretty seriously. I recently decided to try Starbucks here in NZ, for the first time ever. Yikes. Never again. Seriously, by far, the worst coffee I've ever had. Considerably more expensive than average, too.
If you like really strong, bitter coffee, I suppose Starbucks is OK. Otherwise...
Load More Replies... Why are people commenting on the fact that she called herself a "hot girl"?! She's a confident, beautiful woman who knows her own beauty so you pessimists can STFU!
She's an empty-headed, entitled twat who's completely full of herself.
Load More Replies... I think 99% of you are ignoring the fact that this entitled b***h referred to herself as the "hot girl" and said she "deserves" to have a good day... I bet you her real name is Karen... F*****g snowflakes
I see her point on the pay it forward thing, but where's the hot girl she was talking about?
She's a terrible human being. Instead of thinking about herself she should first think about someone else.
I think pay it forward is kinda lame. U are still going there, paying something and getting something. What is so beneficent about that? But, from the comments above and below I can see the world has really changed since 1999, as expected. "I deserve to have a nice day" who the f told you that? Maybe you are a POS and should have a befitting day. Lol. You all honestly make me laugh. Thanks. :)
The assholes are the self righteous clowns going to f*****g Starbucks of all places to pay for each other's overpriced coffee to make themselves feel like they are doing a good thing, which is typical behavior of the rich a*****e crowd. You want to help someone to feel good about yourself how about helping someone who actually needs it and not the 🤡 sitting behind you at Starbucks in a BMW because they definitely don't need it.
Load More Replies...
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