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30 Of The Cruelest Things Parents Have Ever Told Their Kids That Stuck With Them For Life
Some things we just cannot forget. Like harsh words from the people we want to impress most—our parents.
On May 3rd, assistant professor at Stockton University Emily Van Duyne tweeted a question: "Does anyone else ever remember a cruel thing your parent said to you [and] it takes the wind out of you? Even if it was almost ten years ago?" Turns out, they do.
Emily's tweet has received over 200,000 likes and plenty of comments where people revealed their parents' mean phrases that will probably stick with them for life, and the thread has become like a giant online mental health session.
"I want you all to know I am sorting through and reading and thinking of and trying to respond individually to each of these stories," Van Duyne wrote as the responses kept pouring in. "I'm making pasta and reminding myself to be tender with my kids and tender with myself, as much as humanly possible, always. Please do the same."
Continue scrolling and check out some of our hand-picked confessions. Sometimes, seeing other people vulnerable is all you need to uncover and deal with your own crap.
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How often have people said: You could be so pretty if you just lost the weight.
I was told ‘I kinda wish you had an eating disorder, then you’d be skinny’ - Sir, that is not always how eating disorders work. They are not all about ‘being skinny’.
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Wow, I don't think I'd let this dad see his grandkids without supervision. Who knows what he might say to them.
I'm fat. Only this year I started to do something about it and recently I told my mom about it and that I lost 20 kg (44 pounds) in the past few moths. She asked whether my colleagues were commenting on it. I said no, why would they. She said "Well that would be something if they do." My grandma wasn't much better. "Oh so you don't have 3 chins anymore? Or how many did you have, 2?"
When I was young, I was tall and thin but curvy, and I got a lot of attention. Once I gained weight, I immediately turned invisible. I am a perfect example of the fact that looks are the most important thing, and it's really sad. I am now divorced, educated, a good mom of twins, with a great sense of humor and an easygoing personality (and a pretty face, if I do say myself), with a house that is paid for, excellent credit, no credit card debt, and a full time job. But I feel like I will be single for the rest of my life because I am overweight. I have become OK with that, because I have great friends and family and a magnificent support system, but it makes me sad to know that people literally don't care about anything else. Sigh...
At point in time, I ballooned to 155 kg (342 lbs). I was so huge, I couldn't live with myself anymore. I decided to do something about it. I began to do something about it and as of today, I've managed to get to the low 90 kgs (200's lbs). Sure, I'm about 18-20 kg (40-45 lbs) away to where I need to be. I will do my best to always stay within that weight. Skinny is the most important thing in the world for a woman. A woman can have all the money, degrees, talent, property...have it all, but if she isn't skinny, she might be a destitute hobo. I'm not the one saying this: it's society.
Load More Replies... 13 year old me was overweight and told my mother I wanted to go to a slimming club. She looked me up and down and said, 'Well, you'll never be slim, but I suppose you could get *some* of it off.' I'd like to say she meant well, but I really don't think she did.
I cut off my grandma for the same reason. She talked about my weight every time I saw her yet when I was a kid and she often watched me she would let me eat ice cream everyday.
I always loved it when my fat-ass father would say this kind of crap. Because it was okay if HE was fat, but I was a girl/woman, and had to be skinny and attractive.
Never understood this view. There are as many gorgeous larger women as there are gorgeous thinner women. Beautiful features are beautiful features, as are sparkling eyes, full smiles, and warm personalities. Those things can take a woman from pretty to absolutely stunning, and size has nothing to do with it.
Bitch. Babe. Darling. Listen. I am a solid 200 lbs. And I am too sexy for my own good and so are you. F**k him
My mother told me the same thing about my weight. I said F**k You. lololol We were all close but she had an issue with looks and weight. It's so f****d up.
When my dad dropped me off at college, he mentioned that he had a colleague who would do liposuction on me really inexpensively and he (my dad) would pay for it.
The sad thing is that sometimes I think this about myself. Nobody else says it to me, but I say it to myself...
At a birthday party I paid the hostess a heartfelt compliment on her outfit. Her mother was sitting next to me and said: Well, it's just a pity she's so fat.
My Dad recently came right up to my face, with hit elbows on my shoulders, and said "What are you going to do about your weight?". I'm 50 years old and I just put on a little weight over lockdown and am going through menopause. For context, at the time, I was sitting next to my Mum who had just had her first round of chemotherapy for stage 4 cancer. But you know, priorities.
Heard it many times. I have so much wrong with my back it's hard to move and I've refused surgery or hard meds so far. People do not understand the struggle it is to move with a back that causes numbing pain all the way to the ankles. I don't wish it on anyone.
Every time I see my father first thing out of his mouth is about my weight. I've fluctuated between 155 and 220 (5'5") and it doesn't matter where I am in that range, he must say something about it. So toxic.
When I was pregnant with my twin girls, my mom asked me what name I wanted to give them. When I told her the names, she didn't like them and said they sounded like the name of porn stars. That my girls would hate me for it. I don't know what porn stars she was referring to. I don't follow porn stars. My mom is the type who goes to church every Sunday. It just breaks my heart to hear her say something that stupid to me. It still hurts. My girls have that name and I love it. It's Alyss and Nayomi.
My response: You used to be intelligent..until you opened your mouth.
´You used to be such a good dad. And then you open your f*ckin´ mouth.´
Whats wrong with a little weight in women. I know plenty people who prefer a bit 'extra'.
Well done to not caving to the expectations in someone else's eyes. Bravo x
I am a heavy woman and my parents have never said anything about my weight.
I know plenty of ugly skinny people. Full of hate. A bit like you and OP's dad.
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According to Jessie-Anne Bird, a psychologist from Johannesburg, South Africa, we can be deeply wounded by the words of others. "If we are not careful, we can react in a way that may escalate things unnecessarily," Bird told Bored Panda.
Instead, the psychologist suggested we use the STOP technique, and it looks like this:
S: Stop. Wait before you react.
T: Take a step back - give yourself some time and space from the situation.
O: Observe what's going on inside and outside. Become aware of your thoughts and feelings, think about how they may be impacting your decision-making.
P: Proceed mindfully - once you have an understanding of what is happening, and have thought through your options - then you will be in a position to make a choice about how to respond or react.
yes. the opp happened to me though. dad was sick for years (cancer). did everything I could and I couldn't. dropped out of a Ph.D. program to get a stable job to support his treatment and family costs. waited for years to hear him say for once that he was proud of me. never said anything...now it's too late. sometimes I wonder if I would view my life and career choices differently had he been actually proud of me, or if he cared.
hey. u r beautiful. words can b harsh, but they can never strip u off ur beauty. glad u have found a good therapist. hope u continue to see the beauty of life and ur beauty too
Experts associate parent-child connectedness with a wide range of health indicators. Close, positive family relationships that feature open communication help young people stay healthy and avoid substance use and violent behavior.
"We tend to use the perceptions of others to inform our self-view, and we might place more importance on the feedback we receive from those we value," Bird said. "When we hear hurtful things from those we love or esteem - they may hurt more because we are more likely to believe them."
Imi Lo, a psychotherapist, art therapist, and consultant for emotionally intense and highly sensitive people, thinks the relationship between a child and a parent is one of the most instinctively protective, loving, and nurturing things humans experience. So when such a connection is clouded with feelings of deep hurt and resentment, these negative emotions can follow people beyond childhood and adolescence into adulthood.
"At the end of the day, you want to be able to cross over the bridge of resentment and move to a place of peace," Lo wrote in Psychology Today. "But however cliche this sounds, you need first to love yourself, embracing both the good and the bad, your ability to love, and your rage towards others. You must forgive yourself for your inability to forgive. You are a survivor for being here today. You deserve to live without emotional baggage."
If what you do grows into a deep sense of love for your parents, then the journey would have been worth it. If not, at least you know that you tried, and you will have no regrets.
She’s 9 dad. She’s playing soccer which involves a lot of running (assuming she’s not the goalie) so back off!
Thankfully we wear masks now so we don’t have to look at the faces of ugly trolls like your mom
Note: this post originally had 53 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
I just can't read any more of these. I stopped at like number five. How could anyone ever say these things to their children?
With my dad, I assume (now) that he was seriously effed up in the head. "Give me one reason I shouldn't kill you!" was something that stuck with me. Also, "Tell me why I shouldn't tell everyone what a loser you are?" Mysister followed suit early and often. I still can't take a compiment. I'm waiting for the punch to the head, y'know? So... HUGS. I dont' get it, and I lived it.
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As a severely depressed, abused 10 yr old, she called me a "bitchy witchy hag". A few years later I had sores inside my nose. When I informed her of this, she just said "coke nose". (I was 13 and had no allowance and wasn't even allowed to babysit so....). The last thing she said was "until I can think like her, she doesn't want to hear from me". That was about 2004. I've never been so mentally healthy!
I was emotionally and physically bullied for 11 years at an all girls private boarding school. Tried to tell my mother once and was told “the only reason I’m still with your father is to pay your school fees”. Severe depression, social anxiety, night terrors, self harm and bulimia followed, all kept secret and no one saw, but I never tried to tell a soul again because I didn’t want to be responsible for my parents divorce. 35 years later and I still don’t truly believe that people could like me or that I have value. Single. No kids. Probably always will be. But my parents never split up.
I couldn't read the whole list, I got up to 10 and that was it. It really hurts my heart that these parents are so awful to their kids. It is our job as parents to care for, look after and encourage our kids, not belittle, bully or destroy their self confidence etc. Some people should never be parents.
Me too. Honestly the meanest my mom had gotten was just doing harmless pranks like freezing our cereal milk on April Fools Day. It really hurts that some people would do anything for a mom like that, because of how badly they were treated.
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When I was around 14 my older brother (around 21 then) groped me several times and one time he even wanted to persuade me to sleep with him. When I told my parents, my father said exactly this (and only this) to me: „If you ever tell this to anyone you will destroy the whole family and I will kill myself.“ My mother didn‘t say anything at all.
That is bleeding awful. Your SOB brother was the one who was destroying the family, and your father was in complete denial. Your mother didn't say anything because her voice probably had no weight. I'm glad that you are now better. But, I'm still angry for you.
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These posts are an explanation why the lonely old persons in the retirement home never get any visitors. I feel sorry all of the people who got hurt by their parents.
True. When my parents died, I made all the arrangements, paid for a good send off, said the right words to all their friends and acquaintances, but never cried once. They might as well have been strangers to me.
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When I was younger, anytime I would cry in front of my mom, she would get angry and accuse me of acting like a victim to make her seem like the villian in our situation. Then when I stopped showing emotion around her, she would get mad demanding to know why I wouldn't share things with her. Very narcissistic.
At 15 I was very depressed, I went into the bathroom and took all the medication in there, was rushed to the hospital and given charcoal drink because it was too late to pump my stomach. My mom complained about the cost of it. She never got me help and would bring it up all the time and how much I cost her. Fast forward to 19 year old me getting mental help on my own. Now I am in my 40's, married to my best friend with the best son ever and guess what we do, TALK ABOUT OUR FEELINGS and I make sure they both know how loved and cared for they are everyday. I never ever want my kid to feel that low and NOT feel supported and cared for. Learn from the shitty things your parents did and have it make you a better more caring and compassionate person. I was in anger management for 10 years, was on anti-depressants for about 15 years and CBT (Cognitive behavioral therapy). Never too late to be a better person.
All I have to say is that every conversation I've had about my childhood has been followed by "I don't remember it like that". Not sure what to do with that.
It's an avoidance technique. In court if people claim they can't recall or have a different memory it's often because they are trying to avoid admitting the truth. In your situation if they can claim a different memory it puts you in a position where you doubt yourself and so stop trying to talk about it. We can all recollect things differently, the emotions we felt at the time will colour things. What they should be concerned with is the IMPACT it had on you even if it wasn't their desired intention. Truth be told you're probably better off just doing what you can do move on and be mentally healthy but if you wanted to go back to it then you might want to focus more on how it made you feel, rather than a recitation of facts they can dispute. Don't know if that helps! I've been there so I do know a little of how you must feel.
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My father told me, when I was 15, that if I had been born a boy he could have loved me. And so he confirmed what I had always suspected, that he was an utter piece of you-know-what.
Yeah, mine was disappointed in me for the same reason. Plus I was born with birth defects that made me nothing but a burden. He never straight out said I was a burden, but his mom told me that all the time. She used to tell me I should have never been born, that everyone’s life would have been better if I’d never existed. Physical abuse is bad enough, but the body heals. Words wound and stay with you forever.
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Ooh let me join in - My dad telling me my whole life how i will be alone forever, noone will love/like me, i will amount to nothing, i am worthless etc... My sister on the other hand was his favourite and perfect. Now, i am 31 years old, in a happy 2 year relationship with a girl i adore and he hates her (he is telling me she is fat, short, uneducated). Dumbass, you amounted to nothing, 54 years old and still dependand from your parends, have 0 friends and your children hates you. F*****g drunk. YOu are the reason i hate drinking and have mortal fear that i will be a failure as a father. Now you wanna act as a parent fcking retard
1. That I was found under a rock. Even the aliens didn't want me, so they threw me out the window of the UFO, and my parents found me next to bird droppings. / 2. Girls can't be bossy, and should be quiet. / 3. I was in my 30's when I went to college. I studied hard and got straight A's. I applied to intern at NASA in D.C. and got accepted. I was going to go by bus. But my mother and brother demanded on picking me up a week early and taking me around to family on the way (which I didn't want to do). All my mom could say was "I wish you'd have lost weight and fixed your teeth. Let me get you clothes so you at least look nice." No congrats. Just how ugly I am. 4. When I was around 15 I was so depressed I felt i was going crazy. I asked to go see a psychiatrist for help. Both parents blew up on me and said "Not in THIS family! We don't have those kinds of issues in THIS family!"
Perhaps the easiest way to describe my experience is "I was tolerated." Now in my late 50's, I still don't GAF. I like MYSELF. Even if that does sound narcissistic...
Why do so many people become parents when they are not fit to raise a rock????
I've wondered that so many times. Especially with my own parents.
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My father was the absolute worst person ever. Everything said to him got twisted around to be a conversation about him. He never had a single encouraging thing to say to me, and actually had the nerve to berate me for writing a letter to him because it was the only way I could tell him how I felt about his behavior without him interrupting and turning it into another exercise in "let's forget your problems and talk about me instead". And that's not even getting into the abhorrent act he committed when I was 9 to force me to "stop acting like a girl", then finding a way to get the aftermath of that to look like it had been my decision to surrender my happiness... It was a relief when he removed himself from my life, even if it was due to a botched double-murder attempt on my mother and myself.
Gosh, I’m so sorry to hear that and extremely glad he botched the murder attempt on you and you mum, what an a**e he is. I hope you continue to find happiness and move on from those events.
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When I was 11 I broke my arm for the second time in my life, the hospital didn't immediately set my arm they had me stay overnight and were going to do it the next morning. So my mother seemed really angry about the inconvenience, I didn't really know at the time there were a lot of problems between her and my dad, and they would be divorced in just a few years. I asked if my dad could stay the night with me at the hospital so she could go back to work because she was complaining about missing work. The next morning they set my arm and both my parents were there when I went in but my dad went to work once he knew I was ok. So my mom was carrying me home we stopped to eat and in the middle of the meal for with no prompt at all my mother says to me, "You wouldn't have broken your arm if you weren't so fat and clumsy." It felt like a punch I had never had either of my parents say anything remotely close to that to me, my mother wanted to hurt me I guess, it worked. I still think about.
I get along with my mother she is a great mother, she was going through a dark point in her life and that doesn't in any way excuse what she did. Although I did get a small amount of unintended revenge on her. When I was 15 I would break my arm yet again, I don't have brittle bones or anything just bad luck. My mother was working at the time, so she left work and met us at the emergency room door when my grandmother brought me. I see my mother and start crying and apologizing to her, sobbing and saying "I'm sorry momma I didn't mean to do it." My mother said she felt so awful in that moment having her son apologize to her for hurting himself, and she said all the staff looked at her in that moment like she was a monster. I can't stress this enough my mother really is a wonderful woman and I love her very much and we have a great relationship.
Load More Replies... It is saddening to see how many self-absorbed, ignorant, and in many of these cases even evil people are out there. The damage they do to their children will be a burden for a lifetime. My sympathy goes to all these former children who now strive for being better people than their parents used to be.
I still remember what my father said when I was 5 "it's just a kid, it'll do as I say!" and "I'm gonna hit you so hard, your gonna wish you were never born!"
Over here in my 50's and the little girl who would "never amount to anything" me had a hard time reading these. S**t never goes away completely, this is why I never had children and this also hurts me a lot. I was so afraid I could do the same thing. I have a pretty good life I think, I just don't know if reading these have any therapeutic value or just open up an old wounds, it does piss me off and I do appreciate your voices and I am listening!! You younger folk, don't let this poison your future, reach out get help. You can heal from this, just don't do it alone and from experience I say don't wait there are resources out there. They were wrong and I am so sorry you suffered such horrible abuse. <3 My heart goes out to each of you. me-609eaa002eb1c.jpg 
I'm in my 50s now too. And while I have been in therapy off and on my entire adult life, the original trauma of my dad molesting me has been reopened because 40 years after he first molested me, he molested me again, just after my birthday a few months ago. Have discussed with my counsellor and my closest friends and am working through it, but it's all flooding back now. My dad: "I can't help it; I look at your sister and see my daughter, who I want to protect. But I look at you and I see a sexy woman I am sexually attracted to." "You'll never amount to anything." "If your brother or sister gets sick and dies, it'll be YOUR fault." (Said to me while I was in the Psych Ward after trying to kill myself when I was 36.) My mum: "He was drunk." (Said when I was 26 and my dad openly admitted he had molested me and had incestuous feelings about me.) "You don't know what abuse is; I know what abuse is." "Are you in love with your father? Because he is in love with you." (Said when I was 19.) "You're a whole, just like your father." (Said after I was raped at 18.) "Well? What do you want me to do? Divorce your father?" (Said when I was 14 and had finally told her that my dad had molested me the year before.) So yes. Chronic life-long eating disorder. But I graduated university, have extraordinary friends, have deep and loving relationships with my niece and nephews, and am devoted to my rescues. My brother and I are very close, as I am with my SIL. My sister and I are close and working on our relationship, while her husband and I have a cautious relationship (we share almost no similar life values). I get along with my mum and have compassion for the abused child she still is. I view my dad as a broken, disabled old man who, in his cognitive deterioration has lost the ability to keep his basic desire for me in check. So I exercise extreme caution when I see them. And I'm in the process of applying for jobs on the other side of the country. I feel tremendous empathy for all of you who have shared your experiences, and am grateful for this kind community of strong, empathetic, and courageous humans. Massive hugs to each of you through the ether.
Load More Replies... I opened up to my mother about how my elder sister had been mentally and sometimes physically abusing me for over a decade (since I was about 9). I couldn't say it, I had to write it on a note and give it to her. She glanced at it then said "I'm sure she didn't mean it" and went back to her crossword puzzle without a second thought. What a great way of saying "I don't care about you at all".
My mom, when told, said, "Well, why would your sister lie?" and I snapped, "WHY WOULD I?!" and it was like for 30 years she never considered that her older, stronger, bigger daughter might be the one getting her version of things to the parents first, and lying, whilst toddler me was still trying to find words to say "That sucked!".... Yeah. I felt like I'd been beat up all over again. And Momw as the GOOD person in the house.
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One of our family cat was in her last weeks (lung cancer), I nursed her all that time, I was the only one that could give her her meds. One morning my mother snick her out of the house to have her put to sleep without waking me, not letting me see that cat I had grown up with a last time, not letting me at least say her goodbye, I'll take that grudge to my f*****g grave.
I can sympathize, and you'll never forget what your mother did. When I was 7, my cat Fluffy got pregnant and had kittens, so my father took her and her babies to the dog pound to be killed. That was a long time ago and I still cry sometimes for that cat and her kittens.
Load More Replies... A slightly chubby, five year old me, reaching for another piece of food because I was hungry, gets told "Do you REALLY need to eat that?!" by my mother. Cue a revolving door of eating disorders for the next 45 years. I was FIVE, for fcks sake!
My dad made sure I knew I was a burden. To this day I’d rather die than ask anyone for help.
I'm a little nervous about asking for help, so I try to help myself first, then I tell others, "I tried XYZ and it didn't work. Does anyone have any suggestions?" If I have no idea where to start, I try to do quick research, then ask, "I found this information. Am I on the right track?" That makes it less scary for me to ask for help.
Load More Replies... It wasn't my parents that talked to me like this it was my relatives. I invited my uncle to my college graduation and he said that he already had something to do. He attended customer appreciation day at our local pharmacy. My dad's sister told me that I hurt her feelings because I refused to eat more food after already eating. My cousins said that I had no right to miss my mom who was on vacation because their mom was dead. I thought it was wrong to cry for my mom. Turns out she didn't enjoy her vacation until she talked to my sister and I on the phone.
My mom used to drop things so my sister and i should pick up, she drops her wallet, her keys, her money, etc. The last time i pick up the item she drops she said aloud "Good, yes you should know your place, at my feet", i just trow the thing really far, my mom was going to star screaming buuuuuut, a woman hear the sh1t she said, and look at her and then look to me shaking her head.
I have too many to mention from my childhood (I was in the care system from the age of 5 and moved around like a game of pass the parcel), but the action that has stuck with me was done by my last foster mother. Every few months she would come into my bedroom and get all the books I had and then just throw them out. I'd get new ones and the cycle would be repeated.
She sounds like a total weirdo. Did she think books get moldy?
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As a parent of a currently 9 year old boy I am terrified. I love and care for my child greatly, he is my number one priority. We snuggle and cuddle daily and I tell him directly that I love him over a dozen times a day. But I am imperfect and he is my only child and I say stupid things sometimes. I have told him in frustration to shut up or have not wanted to see some video on Youtube because my interests are not the same as his. (With these examples, when I say things like this it is not some slap back, it is usually after him being loud and unruly , after several attempts to tell him to keep it down, I will become mega stern and say "now I have asked 100 times for you to quiet down now SHUT UP). (After being interrupted multiple times to watch "try not to laugh challenges" on Youtube, I am done and I tell him I don't want to watch). My point is, I have no idea if I am creating horrible memories for him. When I am wrong, one thing I do is apologize.
I never insult him or cut him down only build him up to love himself. But when I say he is demonstrating stupid behavior for pouring milk in his sneaker to drink from it, because some Youtuber was doing this stupid behavior....is that going to cause him life long wounds. I coddle but I do not think this is doing him any favors. Being a parent is so hard because you hold in your trust the most precious creatures with fragile and impressionable minds and bodies and you have the stress of trying not to make mistakes...but what if all you do is make wrong choices and are messing up. I do not want to give my boy a childhood that he must recover from. I try only to love him and provide and raise a boy to a man with a healthy sense of self and others.
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My mother reminded us everyday that we were a burden to her. Now she's surprised we don't call or visit her.
When I was 15 my father and I were arguing over who knows what. He always worked and was never around for us and when he was around he never involved himself with his wife or kids. His idea of being a good parent and husband was bringing home a paycheck and that is where it started and ended. As the argument was going I told him what I thought about the situation.His reply was something I never forgot because it's what confirmed his true nature to me.He told me "I don't care what you think." It is one of very few memories I have of him.It was then and there I promised I would never be a husband or father like him.
I hope you are surrounded by people who care what you think
Load More Replies... This sounds super nice compared to all the other stories, but a few months ago my mum told me ‘well... you’re not fat, but you don’t need to gain weight either’ That hurt a lot more than it should’ve.
Hey, your pain is valid! Just because it seems “nicer” than everyone else’s, it hurt you.
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My dad once told me I looked like a twig, and that if I ever expected to get a man, I needed to get a figure. My mom once told me I should constantly wear makeup to make myself look passable, seeing as I look like an alien without. I get that I’m underweight, and flat, and ugly, mom and dad. I don’t need you pointing it out
You are not ugly. Next time they tell you to wear makeup tell them they made you and if they think you are ugly they are the same because of genetics. We all have different bodies, hope you will grow to love yours soon. And time can change your body too.
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I was visiting my parents for Christmas about six or seven years ago. That year I’d been put on a transplant list but had just been removed from it. The conversation went like this: Me: So I’ve been taken off the transplant list! Mum: I didn’t know you were put on one. Me: You did, I told you as soon as I knew (showed her the text message) Mum: I didn’t get that. Me: You replied to it. (showed her reply.) I can’t believe you forgot... I admit I stormed upstairs but the bedroom door slammed, which I didn’t mean to happen. I hear my dad flying up the stairs and he threw the door open. Dad: What’s your problem?! Me: I can’t believe you forgot your child (I was in my early 30s but still) needed a transplant. Dad: What do you want, a medal? Me: (I should’ve said no a kidney :-D) No, I just want you to care. Dad: Well f**k off back to London then! That wasn’t the only incredibly hurtful thing he’s said or done to me but it’s the one that stands out the most I’d say.
And still having children is the norm, it’s a right, we should celebrate every pregnancy... no, people should be able to tell someone else that it’s really a bad idea for them.
I agree with your sentiment but I prefer to think of children as a gift, rather than a right. There are too many people who simply can't have children and aren't in a situation where adoption or fostering is a possibility - there are no rights around having children in law that I'm aware of. There is the right to a family yes, but this doesn't actually mean the right to have children. It means that you have the right to develop family relationships and to maintain contact with your family. It means that the family is the natural and fundamental group unit of society and is entitled to protection. Can it be a right if some people simply cannot? 😕 Bit like saying we all have the right too see, and yet some people are blind. Not a possibility it could be enshrined in law. Though this is just my opinion. I'd hope thinking of children as a gift would also help some people appreciate them more. As I said I do agree with your overall point though! 😀
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This makes my heart ache. I had parents like this. Mother couldn't be less interested. Never had time for me. Even as an adult, the few times we did try to have a day out somewhere she would be itching to get back to her boyfriend & make it really obvious. Father was abusive, he used to hit me, like full on punch me in the stomach I couldn't breath type, tried to smother me with a pillow when I was 14, called me the black sheep & I was mentally ill because I stood up for myself & wanted my own freedom. At 19, on my first job, he wanted to come to my office xmas party as he was convinced I was lying no families were allowed & I was bringing my mum (divorced parents you see) instead of him. Threatened to phone my work to ask them like I was a little kid. I was mortified & realized I needed to get out so I left home. Controlling. Called fat & plain. A loner. Just really nasty stuff. He also said some things to me of a sexual nature which I find hard to deal with.
OMG, to all of these people, I am so, so, so sorry you had to experience these terrible things. Virtual grandma hugs to you all. Parenthood is hard but no one should EVER say such things to children.
That her friends son didn't rape me because he's a "good boy" but IF he actually did, it was probably my fault because I dressed like a whore. I was 5.
My step father constantly told me I was useless, worthless and a parasite. And called me a whore the rest of my life after I was molested at the age of 8.
How could your mother not leave him when he treated you like that? I never understand mothers that put their boyfriends over their kids... And it's not "just" about abuse, i wouldn't date aby guy (i'm married with father of my children, but in hypotethical future) who wouldn't like my sons. You either accept all of us fully, or get the f**k away from me....
Load More Replies... My mother claims that she just doesn't understand why I am no longer in contact with her. It's because the last time I saw her, she actually got up early to make sure she could corner me alone, started crying about how much I'd hurt her, and said that since I don't have kids, I would never, ever understand the pain of having my daughter come to me to tell me that she had been sexually abused. Because, you know, that pain was so much worse than MY ENTIRE CHILDHOOD OF ABUSE, MOM? So sorry that made you feel bad. Please, make my pain all about you and your hurt feelings some more.
I‘m sorry for you, your mother‘s selfishness is really awful!!!
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The list would be very long!!! My mom told me several times, that its my fault that they separated with my father (I was 13). She loved to tell us how horrible we are as kids, and she hopes that we will have kids just as terribile as we are. My father called me a bitch and always looked down on me, because im just a stupid girl. Made fun of me all the time and made me feel worthless. As a new parent myself, i feel like i am reliving all this pain allover again ... the unconditional love i feel towards my kids is just so big and they make me so happy and it hurts to see, that my parents were not able to feel this feeling towards my siblings and i.
The world was very different during my time. Things said weren't deemed as cruel until I've grown up and really thought about it. The one that has caused the most hurt for me was "just deal with it". I guess in my own way I did. Or at least I thought I did. It's realizing how your peers at that age don't have to even ask, that kills you.
When I was in 5th grade my mama dropped me off at school and told me she didn't love me and that she would be calling child welfare to come get me and put me up for adoption.
So... for those of you who have crappy parents. I read about this one woman who was visiting her estranged dad in the hospital as he was on his death bed. She felt obligated to show up, and people told her "you have to forgive him to move on". Well, he was feeling emotional about being terminal, and he said to her "I was a horrible father, do you forgive me?". She was supposed to say "yes", but the words "no, I can't do that" came out of her mouth instead. She froze in shock, waiting for the response. He kind of laughed and said "I don't blame you". And she suddenly felt better and realized, she never needed to forgive him, she needed to forgive herself for hating him. Once she realized it was OK to hate him, she was able to move on.
I wish I could upvote this more, thank you for sharing! I‘ve never been able to forgive my father the things he did (he died 3 years ago) and I only felt free at last when I learned in therapy that I didn’t/don‘t have to. I don‘t know how I would have reacted if he had apologized to me though, I think it still would have meant a lot to me. „Forgive to move on“, I‘ve heard this quite often and I truly don‘t get it. The fact that I didn’t want to forgive my father never got in my way, only those people who told me I was obliged to forgive did. I am not bitter, on the contrary, I am happy because I allowed myself to stand by what I felt towards my father. I absolutely don’t want to say that forgiveness is always wrong but it is definitely not the only way to move on.
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As a teenager trying to explain how I felt as a consequence of severe depression... "Oh stop being so melodramatic. Why don't you get a rope and do us all a favour?". Thanks Mum.
This is so horrible! I really hope you are okay now!
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I’ve struggled with my weight all my life. I was trying to lose weight once and my grandma who was always putting me on diets was terrible about it. I lost some weight once and I told her and she told me “well you’re just going to gain it all back”. 😒
Both of my parents are narcissists. At 12 I was called the spawn of Satan by my father. When I was 12 he called me a juvenile delinquent because I accidentally picked up the phone when he was on it. (I was a A/B student and always good) When my parents got divorced when I was 14, my mom used me as her 'wingman' in bars. I was pretty and it attracted attention. Men would come up to me and I would get scared and say I'm just here with my mom. Of course, this made her look old and she would get mad. My dad called me fat most of my life. They were both so into themselves. They are now both angry old people, who whine all the time how their lives are miserable and they don't realize they did it to themselves.
(I was a super sheltered kid until their divorce. Then they both went crazy)
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After my dad passed away I asked my mom if I could have his shot gun, she gave it to my nephew and said she wanted to keep it in the family. I'm not sure what other family I belong to but I guess its not this one. Then she had said that my husband and I were the beneficiaries for her life insurance policy because she had always helped my sisters out financially but could never help us because of that. One day she comes to my house and said she is cashing in her life insurance to buy a car, she doesn't have anyone she would leave it to anyhow. Yes I have been in therapy for over 20 years.
"I wish I had aborted you when I had the chance." This was last week. I am almost 40 years old.
It's awful how many people have such shitty parents, reading this makes me want to barf and cry. I hope any abuser gets the same thing done to them as they did to others. I love my parents, and reading this makes me appreciate how loving they are. Sending love and hugs to anyone in a tight spot❤️
My mum told me that I was an accident and she cried when she find out she was pregnant. She told me that the only really she had me was because she didn't believe in abortions. I'm in therapy now and I feel too ashamed to even tell my therapist
You have done nothing to be ashamed of. What happened to your mother was not your fault. Her choices are not your fault. Your therapist should only be supportive - your mother not wanting you says nothing about you and who you are. I am an accident as well, there is honestly no shame in it. Lots of children are. The difference is in how the parents accept and deal with it. Nothing to do with the child at all as they are an unknown quantity at that time. If a parent makes a child feel unwanted, then they should be ashamed, not the child.
Load More Replies... I have three that never left me. 1, My Mum told me I was not fit to be a mother when I was already pregnant (I was well setup with house, husband, career etc.) 2. When my dad told me he was leaving mum for another woman, he said "I know it means I might lose you as a daughter but I don't mind) 3. I'm bipolar and after a crisis and a suicide attempt Dad said " I have accepted that you won't die a natural death." Not helpful. (Found the right meds in the end and I'm doing fine£
I am 55. I relate to so many of these, I feel disgusted and validated at the same time. I’ve known my entire life I wasn’t alone in feeling list this, but had no idea that rather than cry, I just nodded along say “yep”. I’ve had to start all over again here with anyone reaching back but it’s okay. My entire family treated me as though I were inconvenient, and only a few years later did I even mention the abuses to someone I’ve know for 50 years, and his response was “that explains a lot” I nearly always get asked this question, “why didn’t you tell anyone?” The answer is simple. Who would believe me? And how many people would it hurt? Too many. No one, let alone a child, should shoulder that responsibility and the potential consequences. If anyone is reading this and needs a shoulder to lean upon, or an ear connected to a heart to care, I am here. I can promise to NEVER, EVER, pass judgement., just be honest and authentic, don’t lie to me and I won’t lie to you.
This is just horror! It is an offense to call these assholes "parents", they are the scum of the Earth. I am so very sorry for what happened to each one of you.
Really? I read the whole thing. I wonder how it feels to have a good mother, or a motherly mother. I bet it feels warm and safe. Well, childhood ruined but at least my future is bright. If you except people for who they are maybe they won't ...jk, they will in some way, shape, or form. It sneaks back in and bites you every time. But what am I gonna do? Cry? Btdt.
Oh, my god. Normally I read BoredPanda because of all the sweet funny stories and pictures. But this is so extremely sad and disturbing. I want to say to every one on here that you are worthy, you deserve a great life! It breaks my heart to hear that people who are supposed to nurture you with love, compassion, and wisdom and who should have been there to raise you up, and never put you down, have instead been so cruel. I have kids and I can't even imagine being such a shitty parent to my children. I love them with all my heart. I hope that each of you heals/has healed and knows you are so worthy of love and a truly beautiful life. And walk away from these hateful people who don't deserve you.
These are so unbelievably awful! I hope everyone is getting help and is getting out from under the dark cloud that was created for them. I'm sorry you all had to endure such abuse and neglect. That is not how a good parent treats their child!
My parents are two of the best people I know and reading about how horrible these parents are make me so grateful for having such amazing parents. I can't understand why people are this terrible to their own children. None of these people deserved to have such terrible parents and it makes me want to yell.
I'm sure you really mean well for all who had worse parents... just writing about how amazing yours are is not the best way to show support... it feels kinda like a slap in the face of everyone else...
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This is a really bad thread for those of us with narcissistic parents. We got stories for days of the way we were treated! I know many of you can’t understand and I’m so glad for that. Now, if you have kiddos, big or small, be especially good to them in our honor. Puts more love then hate out there.
My mum was talking to her mother about a story line in a soap opera where an older woman was pregnant and trying to decide if she should have an abortion. My mum said she would go ahead with the abortion if that was her. My grandmother said 'You had the chance with your Jackie (me) but you didn't did you?'
My mother in law once told my husband, "why couldn't it have been you that died instead of Wayne?" Wayne was his older brother who had died at age 7. She said this to my husband in front of his friends when he was a teenager. I believe she is occupying a special circle of hell made just or her now.
Wow, some people are s**t, makes me thankful for mine, they shouted a lot because they are Italian and my dad gave me and my brothers a slap when we deserved it but always loved and supported, I'm sorry for all of you with pieces of s**t parents.
People are not nice and the label mom and dad does not make them better. Just like all the other label don’t mean much.
My father belittled me: he was embarrassed because I couldn’t fight though he never taught me how. He laughed at me because at age 12 I knew nothing about sex ... though, you know, HE WAS THE PERSON WHO WAS SUPPOSED TO TEACH ME. The good news is, his idiocy was so clear, I just couldn’t take it personally. It was obviously mental problems he had, and it had nothing to do with me. I cut him out of my life and though I hoped an apology letter from him would eventually appear and show he was capable of growth and humanity, it never came. Positively, definitely no loss to me. He’s been replaced by wonderful people, like the ones in this thread. Love and peace to you all.
I'm reading this while watching August: Osage County on Netflix and the irony is far from lost. For those of you who haven't had the pleasure, it's movie about a dysfunctional and abusive family featuring some very impressive (over?)acting by Meryl Streep. It should probably come with a trigger warning because it has it all: drug abuse, comparisons to other, more successful family members, hurtful insults regarding personal appearance and so much more. There's even a little casual racism sprinkled in for good measure. The most likeable character is only in the picture for the first 15 minutes, which I found super disappointing.
I have seen it and made my sister watch it because it was so reminiscent of my family. I think there is a bit of all families in that movie.
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I was 8 and my grandparents had gotten me a new bike. My father came to pick us up for the weekend and made me put the bike in the back of his truck. Before I started to attempt to put it in he said, "Don't you dare scratch my truck". I of course scratched his truck trying to fit my big bike in the back of his truck. He called me a "stupid *itch".
There's many instances. I've had years of physical abuse. But the one thing that sticks with me to this day: "You were nothing, you are nothing, and you will always be nothing". (German original tone: Du warst nichts, du bist nichts, und du wirst nie was werden.) I am now 50. I wonder how many things in life I didn't pursue, because of my awesome self-esteem *insert dripping sarcasm - and sadness - here*
Das tut mir total leid für Dich! ...und diese nagende Frage kenne ich auch sehr gut! Es heißt immer, dass man „das alles“ hinter sich lassen soll, aber mit den Folgen schlägt man sich eben doch das ganze Leben lang herum. Alles Gute für Dich!
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The voice in my head that calls me stupid, worthless, useless, book smart and life stupid, etc etc etc is of course my mother. I don't bring up this stuff anymore because she just gaslights me about it. But I've struggled with severe depression and suicidal ideation since I was 14 because of her. I just keep telling myself it's because this is the only way she knows how to be because this is how she was raised. But it definitely contributed to me being an absent mother. I was too afraid to do this to my child that I left him with his father when we split up. I regret that.
Folks, I am SO sorry you had to go through that. Nobody should. YOU were never the "problem". The only problem was inside those people who were unkind to you, and it's something only they can fix, so please don't punish yourself because of what other people think of you. We can't control that. I wish I could somehow comfort all the folks who need it so much. This was really painful to read.
My dad abused me and my sister when we were young. Told me I was fat. I wasn't. Told me all my friends were assholes. I called him out on that once as I was ironing some pants an had the ironing board between us as he sat at the table drinking. I said if my friends are assholes so are yours. He got up an came for me so I chucked the iron at him an ran. I stooped to grab shoes an my bag as I booked for the door an he grabbed me by my long hair an jerked me back then punched me in my left ear. I was deaf for 8 months because of the swelling.
"I've always hated you and no one has ever loved you!" Thank mom. Now get out of my life.
I was a sensitive, a bit effeminate little boy who was growing up with three elder sisters and my parents use to call me transgender. Somehow the word got out of our house I was called a trans all over my immediate family. My dad was the worst, he uses to check every now and then if I still have d**k and balls! He isn't alive anymore, I'm 30 now, depressed, and have insecurities. I have a really hard time making friends especially guys.
2 years ago, instead of wishing me a happy birthday, my dad said "guess it's good we didn't abort you"
Excuse me - I have to go and hug my wonderful, loving, supportive parents. It's at times like these that I'm reminded of just how blessed I am to have them.
I was adopted as an infant, always knew I was adopted. One day when I was misbehaving my mom said she was going to send me back.
My mum said to me the reason we never bonded was because she never saw me the first month of my life. Up to that point I had always thought we were close. Broke me
Yeah... growing up, if we disagreed with our mother, she'd call me and my sisters 'retards'. As we were just children, we'd ask her what a retard was and she'd say 'you'.
Grew up with an alcoholic single mother and she said many painful things over the years. The one that sticks out the most is when I was 15, I had a stupid fight with my then boyfriend and my mothers boyfriend took the opportunity to kick me while I was down. He loved to make fun of my appearance, not in a joking way. Then they went to watch tv in their bedroom, a little while later she comes out into the living room and sees that im still upset. She then proceeds to tell me how he was right and that I should never try and make her choose between us, because it would always be him. She then tells me that she tried to kill herself several moths before because I was a such a disappointment that she couldn't stand being around me. I then started crying, obviously, so she says that Im not crying for her, Im too selfish to care about her, Im crying over the fight with my BF. She has been dead for 15 years now, and I both miss her horribly and am glad shes gone.
I was emotionally abused by my mom frequently as a child. The two that stick out from her are:1- if you ever date a black man I'll disown you (12 years old in an all white town full of snobs), I thought "what the hell is this and where did it come from?". 2- Did he touch you? Do you want to be touched? Talking about my dad as he chased me into the kitchen, tickled me and made me laugh. I was about 5/6, old enough to make it stand out in my head to make me furious for ever accusing my father for anything like that. Another was a teacher in 5th grade. We took a test and I misspelled Missouri. The teacher made me sit in front of the class on a stool that said "dumb" on it. These all will never be forgotten
As a person with chronic anxiety dissorder, I can honestly say that my parents have never said something terrible to me in my 49 years. They have allways been awesome, and are keeping that up to this day.
My dad has gotten mad at me and yelled at me a lot during my years, when I was a kid. Has lasted to this day. Even though he himself does a lot of mistakes, I don't dare to point it out. As soon as someone dares to remind him of double standards, he gets mad. I have memory issues, and anxiety/depression. That mixed with over a decade of bullying in school constantly, and my own dad snapping at me for acting like a kid/teen, yet he still has the gull to blame ME even if he himself makes the same mistakes. And he wonders why I won't talk to him too much. I'm tired of being the one, who apologies every time. I just don't care at this point.
- My grandma told me I didn't deserve to go to college. - I was suffering with OCD and anxiety and my mom made it all about her and how it made HER feel, also laughed at me when I was having a hard time and treated me like I was crazy. Mental health issues run in the family and I very clearly needed help but she never once thought to get me any. - Can't tell you how many times my mom called me selfish, even over the smallest things like trying to convince my brother to watch a movie with me when he wasn't interested. Or when I drove 4 hours home in a snowstorm to find that I had nowhere to park my car because she "doesn't do snow." After white knuckle driving for 3-4 hours and getting home late at night, I had to shovel the driveway myself and I was "so selfish" for expecting her to have cleared snow for me when I would have done it for her no questions asked. It hurt even more that she didn't believe me that I would have done it for her. Of course I would have done it for her.
There are many things, but one that sticks out is when I was about 6-7yo. I had a cleft palate as child, which wasn't fixed correctly, as a result my voice was coming out nasal. At 6yo this can be a great issue at school... And it was. As a result I was bullied and didn't have any friends. One day I got home and started crying - which I usually did most of the days - and she asked what happened. I told and she said "It can't be always other people's fault. It's your fault other kids make fun of you." thanks a lot mom...
When I brought home a report card that had 3 Cs (everything else was an A or B), my dad said, "Get out of my sight, I don't even want to look at you, you make me sick." Another time, I had to take a programming class. I'm terrible at it, really struggled. It was the only time in my life I actually hired a professional tutor. The first major exam, I got over 100% and the second highest score in the class. I came home to show my parents. Their response, "That's nice, but can you wait for a commercial? Our show is on."
My parents called me fat from 13 on. Therapy and sobriety helped me move past it only for my mom to call me after a visit recently to tell me that I need to lose weight. Today I am able to tell her how offensive that is.
Yep. "My husband will always come before my children" -my mom on her third marriage to 15 year old me.
I’m really conflicted cause my parents said the worst things to me as a kid and I still hold myself back because of these things however as an adult and throughout childhood they were always there to help me like picking me up or giving me money when I need it without question. I don’t forgive them but at the same time it fills me with anger and love at the same time. I don’t know where I would be without them.
''Unter Adolf hätte man so etwas wie dich nicht leben lassen.''
Entschuldigen Sie, bitte, ich spreche ein bisschen Deutsch, aber wie schrecklich! (For the Anglophones: I think it is "Someone like you wouldn't be allowed to live under Adolf (Hitler)".)
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i have a very active imagination and it is the main thing that give me fresh ideas for my drawings. sometimes i can search tutorials to help me draw better. but my mom would say "stop with the stupid things and study math or social studies" like i was a good-ish student too. i never failed a single test. i asked my dad to help me talk some sense into her, but my dad said "maybe shes right, maybe u should read more." and then my mom wonders why i look sad most of the time
every child deserves a loving parent... not every parent deserves children
I have severe adhd and so does my dad. He doesn’t really ever watch or think about what he says. The other day, we got into a small argument and he said “tell me a time when I’VE started the fight.” And thinking back on it, all of our fights are my fault. Sometimes I really need to shut up! 😂
A Big pile of virtual hugs to all those who were mentally abused by friends or family. My sister & I were blessed with the best parents - strict but caring. I had Polio at age 6, paralised for a while, but recovered well. My Mom was determined that I live as normal a life as possible, if I fell, I had to get up by myself, crawl to the nearest chair, or if outside, any handy object to use like a pole, or rock. I am now 79, have had the most wonderful life, a good job as a librarian, and enjoyed the world of travel. My jar of Gratitude is overflowing.
my brother was almost ten years older than me, we were best friends, he protected me from a lot of family abuse growing up. then he met his 'soulmate', an older woman, over twenty when i was ten. i was pretty neglected, and this woman came over, noticed that my very long hair was tangled and dirty. she said, "you are a dirty, nasty, little girl, go away". they were married for over 50 years, and she just recently died (killed herself). I win! (she could have been KIND, offered to take me to the beauty parlor for a wash/set only $5 then, or even offered a spa day with HER and helped! it totally wasn't my fault i wasn't raised better!) i will never forget that cruelty....so sad....
wow...... say it to yourself first before you open your pie hole and ravage someone's soul.
Well that was triggering. Remembered a few things my parents said to me. God I'm so glad I'm a better parent than they were.
My dad has said several hurtful things ending up with us not talking anymore. The thing that hurt the most is however that he didn't say anything when my husband and I told him that we were expecting our first child. He just sat there staring in front of him. I left in tears. He loves his grandchild, but it still hurt like h*ll.
mom & i would dress up go out to lunch sometimes. once, when i arrived late, i caught her staring at me as i approached the table. asked her what was up and she said something to the effect of 'you're not pretty like other girls but you are uniquely attractive'. made me start to evaluate my looks more critically after that until i asked her what she meant. she told me that i didn't have the 'cute' look that girls have but a kind of seriously kick ass kind of look which was probably why men were scared of me. i know that was meant to make me feel better but, ...damn, mom! guess she didn't know the phrase 'resting bitch face'.
I get it daily from my mom; she's a narcissistic alcoholic, not that that's an excuse. I once played dress up in her clothes/heels and tried to put on make-up. I was probably 5 or 6. She told me I "looked like a French whore." At the time I had no idea what she meant, but got the gist of it anyway.
T am 55 and relate to so many of these things. Only now am I relating that these said about and to me were in fact unnecessary and cruel. If anyone reads this and needs an should to lean upon or an ear to listen connected to a heart that understands. I am here for you. No child should shoulder the enormous consequences of a secret like that. I saw myself in so very many of these posts, and while my heart aches for all these people, in a sick way it validated me. And yes, it’s still happening to me. I am here, and I care about you, all I can say is I will NEVER, EVER, pass judgment, just be real with me. If I can help I will. Remember, don’t end up like me, YOU ARE SPECIAL AND COUNT. You are the only you and necessary for this world, You’re made up as the same stuff as the stars, and even though it takes some time to see it, use the glow inside of you and SHINE BRIGHT..
So hard to read and so terrible but yes, parents are still people and some are just pure bad. Not intentionally being mean or misunderstanding doesn't make it any less painful and yes, a lot of people experience that and it's unthinkable. Wish there was anything to do about it. Just try not to be defined by that experience/statement.
Charles Nelson Reilly told a story of when leaving through a stage door, a little girl exclaimed, "I want to be on stage like them!" All the actors smiled back until the mother pulled her away and said "That's for good looking people, not you."
These are ALL parents that should be abandoned by their children and left to suffer alone and at the mercy of social services when they are too old and cannot care for themselves. For the record: My father was an arsehole. As such, I refused to assist when he got old and I never attended his funeral. To this day (some 30 years later) I have no idea where his grave is and I don't care. I take great joy in thinking there is an afterlife where he can look down and see how much disdain I have for him.
When I was three years old my mom turned on the burner of the electric stove till it was cherry red, picked me up , pulled my pants down, held me over the burner and said,"this is what we do to little liers" . When I was in my 30's and going through a mental breakdown, I mentioned it to her. I guess I was hoping for some understanding. She said to me," but I only did it once". Like that made it okay. My mother has passed away and I find I do not miss her at all. This was one of many things she did to break me. I am 74 now . I never treated my kids unkindly.
I have my father. He is old now and thinks that everything in the past belongs to the past. Without an apology, no saying I am sorry. Never. He thinks we are good now but I'm just faking it for my own peace and waiting for day when he will be in the past for real.
When I was 6 years old, I wanted to sign up for a talent show at school. My mom told me I didn’t have any talent. (I did NOT enter the contest). When I was in college, my mom told me she had read an article about how everyone has talent; it’s just a matter of discovering what it is for each individual. I wish she would have read that article 15 years earlier!
Where to begin… “what’s wrong with you?” I was an introvert and didn’t like talking(it gave me anxiety) “You’re a sneak and a weasel” again being an introvert and didn’t like talking about myself “You’re gaining weight, look at that stomach sticking out. Thought I’d let you know before your boyfriend says something and regrets being with you” Therapy helps!!
My mother spent years saying terrible things about my dad and her mother, said they ruined her life. Then I was contacted by the daughter that she'd given away before she married. So then it was me that ruined her life.
Let's see...my mom holding a knife to my chest and threatening to kill me at 12 because she didn't like the way I was doing dishes. Being told if it wasn't for me she wouldn't have had to have any children. Plus the usual stupid, ugly, fat, unlovable, etc., etc., etc. If she made you cry she was happy. If she made you mad she was happy. Weaponized emotions are awful. Oh, and I forgot about the time she pushed me down the stairs because I refilled my contact prescription without telling her and punched me in the face and head until I apologized to my much younger siblings (under 10 at the time) for making her lose her temper and beating me.
Do stepparents count? I have a whole lot of s**t from my stepmom that I could put here, as she makes a lot of awful comments directed towards her kids, my dad, and I... but one of the worst was her angrily calling me a "lazy ass" multiple times in a row just because I forgot to do something. It's been about 3-4 years since this and it's still my first thought whenever she tries to be "nice" towards me, especially since she was legitimately nice to me just the day before that... I'm done giving her second chances.
"If you were never born I could have become successful and rich, you ruined my future". He was always nagging I'm a girl, not a boy. Each of my body parts was commented all the time of being ugly. I was forbidden to have friends, visit them or invite someone because "it's losing my time". I had to read 7-8h per day, go to piano, art, languages, math, sport etc lessons. Sadly, I wasn't born a total genius of all sciences and skills, and it takes time to be learned, not just 3-4 lessons needed to be a master pianist. But he was paying for all that "luxury" I didn't wanted and I'm guilty I couldn't master anything with one week lessons - it's because I'm stupid, ugly, lazy and most likely to become a prostitute. He bragged all his life how his hard work gave him education, home etc with zero help from his family. I was suicidal at 10. 35 years after I learned he lied about everything - he has no diploma, bought the house and all with lots of help.
My grandmother would regularly say how fat I am, while trying to not outright say it. Eg. "Here, you can have these pants, but theyre only xxl and i dont think theyd fit you." When i stopped eating for days and lost 20kg in a couple of weeks, my parents would compliment me so much, even though they saw i was suffering. My tooth condition got bad when i started purging any food that i did subconsciously eat. Yet they still just kept saying that i finally look better despite them being the cause of my weight issues. (No, im not unreasonably blaming them, i was literally 5 when my weight started becoming an issue. I had no say in what i ate.)
Age 16 my dad told me that "bigger girls shouldn't wear such tight clothes". Hello, eating disorder.
This is the entire post: My name is Parent and wen im tired (but parenting is still required) and i am anger and i am sadd i hurt my cheeldren, makes me gladd
I once told my dad that I felt disgusting when I looked myself in the mirror, and his response was that what was "disgusting" was having to listen to me. (Years later I'm diagnosed with body dysmorphia.) He also told me on several occassions that he wished I was never born and that I stole my mother's affection from him.
If there was an way to make peoople do a test before having kids, I'd love to instate one. Unfortunaltey, a government can't be trusted to do these tsts either. But, yeah, so many people should not have kids, ever. They just do because they know how meaningless their lives are and want to fill them with something.
When I was about 11, I was excited to join my sister at an annual pilgrimage and told my family. My SIL proceeds to laugh out loud and says "Oh come on, everyone here knows that you don't have the grit to do that." Like it was the most funny thing and no one could possibly think otherwise. I did join at 13 years old and today it is the highlight of every year. Never let those ignorant people bring you down, even if they are family!
I'm happy I was a bratty kid. I would've instantly snapped back if someone tried to insult me, even as a kid. All these parents and other family members abusing little children and adults like this, go f**k yourselves
Hey so uh I feel the same way exept at school because me and my friend get picked on every single day by the staff and the teachers because they always yell at us and make us feel terrible at the smallest little things. They always scream at us for having crumbs on the table at lunch when there's another table next to is throwing food on the floor and crushing them and the lunch monitor is clearly watching them do it and all she does is tap them on the shoulder and point to the mess and it's like this in every class just different scenarios and seriously I just hate this school and I have 2 more years to go because my mom is never gonna pull me out of it and I can't just tell the principal to fire the whole staff and me and my friend don't think we're gonna make it :(
Told my father that i want to find scholarship for my masters degree, he said "you are not that smart for scholarship". That hurts a lot
In strict confidence i came out to my mum as bi, who then asked inappropriate/offensive questions . My dad is offensive to every type of person and get really angry and start argument at nothing. So I was going to pick the right moment to tell him. My mum pulls me to the side and tells me she's told him herself. Couldn't work out why I was upset and angry at her. This is why I was closeted for 11 years.
People like that horrible to their children/grandchildren/younger relatives are the ones you hope that Karma gets later on!
I was waiting for the "why are you not more like your sister?" stories. Thought this was much more common. For me it was and is still the case in my family. I will never be as good as my sister and get to know that every single time.. I was sure as a kid that aliens brought me there and one day they come to pick me up again. Also i asked my parents to sell me to a circus so i can travel the world with them. But i love my family anyway and i know deep inside they love me too
When I was in about 6th grade, I came out to the car crying due to being knocked over/stepped on as soon as I got out of class. She yelled at me since I was crying, due to having a baby asleep. I couldn't have stopped crying, and she slapped me/called me a b.tch for crying. It's been 3 years and I still remember
I try to be careful what I said to my kids but I often wonder if I unintentionally have said something or did something that hurt their feelings.
You could ask them maybe. Then if there is any niggling resentment being harboured it is a chance to clear the air. Chances are though that you did absolutely fine. No parent is perfect but most mistakes are minor stuff that children shrug off - children aren't usually unaware of struggles and difficult times and can be very protective of their parents. They often cut them a lot of slack. I would think it has to be genuinely neglectful or deliberate to cause real harm. Accidental and not meant is so very different.
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My mom said I am weird and my daughter is weird. On a different occasion she said bullying was normal and that everybody had experienced it.
Bullying is common, but not really normal. Bullies exist for multiple reasons but they don't tend to be normal, happy well adjusted people. As for weird? Who wants to be like everyone else? Though I suspect it was just a comment designed to hurt.
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These toxic parents were probably abused (verbally and otherwise) by their parents. This type of behavior is sadly passed down from generation to generation. My hope is that all the posters and commenters have found a way to break the cycle and raise their offspring with the supportive, loving kindness that they never knew.
If trauma can be passed down generations, so can healing
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As a massage therapist for the last 38 years. I see this all the time. While it's mortifying to the one who it's directed at. Those parents have also gone through their own s**t and never dealt with it. One of the worst things you can do to yourself is to accept your Victim-hood. And this is being shoved down your throat as a Globalist Agenda like no other time in human history. Don't fall for it! You are still the loser with this mindset. You can't eat, f**k, cry, complain, etc... yourself out of this. Messages come in every form and often the best messages come from the worst situations imagined. While traumatizing " it is the message" that is delivered. And that message is always the opposite of the diabolical delivery. Un-hinged parents are nothing less than Satan's spawn. You need to be the light were there is none. My suggestion is to read some self help books from the late 70's and the 80's. The ones now are nothing less than a Satanic Globalist Agenda.
A satanic globalist agenda. What are you on about????
Load More Replies... I am going to be honest, I scrolled down because I couldn't bring myself to read all of them since it would break my heart. To those of you struggling with parental love and childhood trauma out there: let the past be the past and do not let it own you. Your parents are also (sometimes struggling) human beings with character flaws just like we all are. Some of them tried their best and lost, others didn't. But YOU, you are your own grown up person now. Your worth does not depend on your parents! It is time to detach yourself from them, cut the umbilical cord and stand your own ground in this world. And forgive. Because forgiveness brings healing and freedom. You are loved. You are worthy. You are pretty/handsome. You are important. Because God our perfect dad says so!
That's a very nice speech, thank you. Unfortunately, when you are traine dfor up to 18 years to believe you are (fill in nasty), it is harder to detach than it sounds. It is n't about an umbilical cord. it's about having your brain programmed like a malignant computer.
Load More Replies... I just can't read any more of these. I stopped at like number five. How could anyone ever say these things to their children?
With my dad, I assume (now) that he was seriously effed up in the head. "Give me one reason I shouldn't kill you!" was something that stuck with me. Also, "Tell me why I shouldn't tell everyone what a loser you are?" Mysister followed suit early and often. I still can't take a compiment. I'm waiting for the punch to the head, y'know? So... HUGS. I dont' get it, and I lived it.
Load More Replies... As a severely depressed, abused 10 yr old, she called me a "bitchy witchy hag". A few years later I had sores inside my nose. When I informed her of this, she just said "coke nose". (I was 13 and had no allowance and wasn't even allowed to babysit so....). The last thing she said was "until I can think like her, she doesn't want to hear from me". That was about 2004. I've never been so mentally healthy!
I was emotionally and physically bullied for 11 years at an all girls private boarding school. Tried to tell my mother once and was told “the only reason I’m still with your father is to pay your school fees”. Severe depression, social anxiety, night terrors, self harm and bulimia followed, all kept secret and no one saw, but I never tried to tell a soul again because I didn’t want to be responsible for my parents divorce. 35 years later and I still don’t truly believe that people could like me or that I have value. Single. No kids. Probably always will be. But my parents never split up.
I couldn't read the whole list, I got up to 10 and that was it. It really hurts my heart that these parents are so awful to their kids. It is our job as parents to care for, look after and encourage our kids, not belittle, bully or destroy their self confidence etc. Some people should never be parents.
Me too. Honestly the meanest my mom had gotten was just doing harmless pranks like freezing our cereal milk on April Fools Day. It really hurts that some people would do anything for a mom like that, because of how badly they were treated.
Load More Replies... When I was around 14 my older brother (around 21 then) groped me several times and one time he even wanted to persuade me to sleep with him. When I told my parents, my father said exactly this (and only this) to me: „If you ever tell this to anyone you will destroy the whole family and I will kill myself.“ My mother didn‘t say anything at all.
That is bleeding awful. Your SOB brother was the one who was destroying the family, and your father was in complete denial. Your mother didn't say anything because her voice probably had no weight. I'm glad that you are now better. But, I'm still angry for you.
Load More Replies... These posts are an explanation why the lonely old persons in the retirement home never get any visitors. I feel sorry all of the people who got hurt by their parents.
True. When my parents died, I made all the arrangements, paid for a good send off, said the right words to all their friends and acquaintances, but never cried once. They might as well have been strangers to me.
Load More Replies... When I was younger, anytime I would cry in front of my mom, she would get angry and accuse me of acting like a victim to make her seem like the villian in our situation. Then when I stopped showing emotion around her, she would get mad demanding to know why I wouldn't share things with her. Very narcissistic.
At 15 I was very depressed, I went into the bathroom and took all the medication in there, was rushed to the hospital and given charcoal drink because it was too late to pump my stomach. My mom complained about the cost of it. She never got me help and would bring it up all the time and how much I cost her. Fast forward to 19 year old me getting mental help on my own. Now I am in my 40's, married to my best friend with the best son ever and guess what we do, TALK ABOUT OUR FEELINGS and I make sure they both know how loved and cared for they are everyday. I never ever want my kid to feel that low and NOT feel supported and cared for. Learn from the shitty things your parents did and have it make you a better more caring and compassionate person. I was in anger management for 10 years, was on anti-depressants for about 15 years and CBT (Cognitive behavioral therapy). Never too late to be a better person.
All I have to say is that every conversation I've had about my childhood has been followed by "I don't remember it like that". Not sure what to do with that.
It's an avoidance technique. In court if people claim they can't recall or have a different memory it's often because they are trying to avoid admitting the truth. In your situation if they can claim a different memory it puts you in a position where you doubt yourself and so stop trying to talk about it. We can all recollect things differently, the emotions we felt at the time will colour things. What they should be concerned with is the IMPACT it had on you even if it wasn't their desired intention. Truth be told you're probably better off just doing what you can do move on and be mentally healthy but if you wanted to go back to it then you might want to focus more on how it made you feel, rather than a recitation of facts they can dispute. Don't know if that helps! I've been there so I do know a little of how you must feel.
Load More Replies... My father told me, when I was 15, that if I had been born a boy he could have loved me. And so he confirmed what I had always suspected, that he was an utter piece of you-know-what.
Yeah, mine was disappointed in me for the same reason. Plus I was born with birth defects that made me nothing but a burden. He never straight out said I was a burden, but his mom told me that all the time. She used to tell me I should have never been born, that everyone’s life would have been better if I’d never existed. Physical abuse is bad enough, but the body heals. Words wound and stay with you forever.
Load More Replies... Ooh let me join in - My dad telling me my whole life how i will be alone forever, noone will love/like me, i will amount to nothing, i am worthless etc... My sister on the other hand was his favourite and perfect. Now, i am 31 years old, in a happy 2 year relationship with a girl i adore and he hates her (he is telling me she is fat, short, uneducated). Dumbass, you amounted to nothing, 54 years old and still dependand from your parends, have 0 friends and your children hates you. F*****g drunk. YOu are the reason i hate drinking and have mortal fear that i will be a failure as a father. Now you wanna act as a parent fcking retard
1. That I was found under a rock. Even the aliens didn't want me, so they threw me out the window of the UFO, and my parents found me next to bird droppings. / 2. Girls can't be bossy, and should be quiet. / 3. I was in my 30's when I went to college. I studied hard and got straight A's. I applied to intern at NASA in D.C. and got accepted. I was going to go by bus. But my mother and brother demanded on picking me up a week early and taking me around to family on the way (which I didn't want to do). All my mom could say was "I wish you'd have lost weight and fixed your teeth. Let me get you clothes so you at least look nice." No congrats. Just how ugly I am. 4. When I was around 15 I was so depressed I felt i was going crazy. I asked to go see a psychiatrist for help. Both parents blew up on me and said "Not in THIS family! We don't have those kinds of issues in THIS family!"
Perhaps the easiest way to describe my experience is "I was tolerated." Now in my late 50's, I still don't GAF. I like MYSELF. Even if that does sound narcissistic...
Why do so many people become parents when they are not fit to raise a rock????
I've wondered that so many times. Especially with my own parents.
Load More Replies... My father was the absolute worst person ever. Everything said to him got twisted around to be a conversation about him. He never had a single encouraging thing to say to me, and actually had the nerve to berate me for writing a letter to him because it was the only way I could tell him how I felt about his behavior without him interrupting and turning it into another exercise in "let's forget your problems and talk about me instead". And that's not even getting into the abhorrent act he committed when I was 9 to force me to "stop acting like a girl", then finding a way to get the aftermath of that to look like it had been my decision to surrender my happiness... It was a relief when he removed himself from my life, even if it was due to a botched double-murder attempt on my mother and myself.
Gosh, I’m so sorry to hear that and extremely glad he botched the murder attempt on you and you mum, what an a**e he is. I hope you continue to find happiness and move on from those events.
Load More Replies... When I was 11 I broke my arm for the second time in my life, the hospital didn't immediately set my arm they had me stay overnight and were going to do it the next morning. So my mother seemed really angry about the inconvenience, I didn't really know at the time there were a lot of problems between her and my dad, and they would be divorced in just a few years. I asked if my dad could stay the night with me at the hospital so she could go back to work because she was complaining about missing work. The next morning they set my arm and both my parents were there when I went in but my dad went to work once he knew I was ok. So my mom was carrying me home we stopped to eat and in the middle of the meal for with no prompt at all my mother says to me, "You wouldn't have broken your arm if you weren't so fat and clumsy." It felt like a punch I had never had either of my parents say anything remotely close to that to me, my mother wanted to hurt me I guess, it worked. I still think about.
I get along with my mother she is a great mother, she was going through a dark point in her life and that doesn't in any way excuse what she did. Although I did get a small amount of unintended revenge on her. When I was 15 I would break my arm yet again, I don't have brittle bones or anything just bad luck. My mother was working at the time, so she left work and met us at the emergency room door when my grandmother brought me. I see my mother and start crying and apologizing to her, sobbing and saying "I'm sorry momma I didn't mean to do it." My mother said she felt so awful in that moment having her son apologize to her for hurting himself, and she said all the staff looked at her in that moment like she was a monster. I can't stress this enough my mother really is a wonderful woman and I love her very much and we have a great relationship.
Load More Replies... It is saddening to see how many self-absorbed, ignorant, and in many of these cases even evil people are out there. The damage they do to their children will be a burden for a lifetime. My sympathy goes to all these former children who now strive for being better people than their parents used to be.
I still remember what my father said when I was 5 "it's just a kid, it'll do as I say!" and "I'm gonna hit you so hard, your gonna wish you were never born!"
Over here in my 50's and the little girl who would "never amount to anything" me had a hard time reading these. S**t never goes away completely, this is why I never had children and this also hurts me a lot. I was so afraid I could do the same thing. I have a pretty good life I think, I just don't know if reading these have any therapeutic value or just open up an old wounds, it does piss me off and I do appreciate your voices and I am listening!! You younger folk, don't let this poison your future, reach out get help. You can heal from this, just don't do it alone and from experience I say don't wait there are resources out there. They were wrong and I am so sorry you suffered such horrible abuse. <3 My heart goes out to each of you. me-609eaa002eb1c.jpg
I'm in my 50s now too. And while I have been in therapy off and on my entire adult life, the original trauma of my dad molesting me has been reopened because 40 years after he first molested me, he molested me again, just after my birthday a few months ago. Have discussed with my counsellor and my closest friends and am working through it, but it's all flooding back now. My dad: "I can't help it; I look at your sister and see my daughter, who I want to protect. But I look at you and I see a sexy woman I am sexually attracted to." "You'll never amount to anything." "If your brother or sister gets sick and dies, it'll be YOUR fault." (Said to me while I was in the Psych Ward after trying to kill myself when I was 36.) My mum: "He was drunk." (Said when I was 26 and my dad openly admitted he had molested me and had incestuous feelings about me.) "You don't know what abuse is; I know what abuse is." "Are you in love with your father? Because he is in love with you." (Said when I was 19.) "You're a whole, just like your father." (Said after I was raped at 18.) "Well? What do you want me to do? Divorce your father?" (Said when I was 14 and had finally told her that my dad had molested me the year before.) So yes. Chronic life-long eating disorder. But I graduated university, have extraordinary friends, have deep and loving relationships with my niece and nephews, and am devoted to my rescues. My brother and I are very close, as I am with my SIL. My sister and I are close and working on our relationship, while her husband and I have a cautious relationship (we share almost no similar life values). I get along with my mum and have compassion for the abused child she still is. I view my dad as a broken, disabled old man who, in his cognitive deterioration has lost the ability to keep his basic desire for me in check. So I exercise extreme caution when I see them. And I'm in the process of applying for jobs on the other side of the country. I feel tremendous empathy for all of you who have shared your experiences, and am grateful for this kind community of strong, empathetic, and courageous humans. Massive hugs to each of you through the ether.
Load More Replies... I opened up to my mother about how my elder sister had been mentally and sometimes physically abusing me for over a decade (since I was about 9). I couldn't say it, I had to write it on a note and give it to her. She glanced at it then said "I'm sure she didn't mean it" and went back to her crossword puzzle without a second thought. What a great way of saying "I don't care about you at all".
My mom, when told, said, "Well, why would your sister lie?" and I snapped, "WHY WOULD I?!" and it was like for 30 years she never considered that her older, stronger, bigger daughter might be the one getting her version of things to the parents first, and lying, whilst toddler me was still trying to find words to say "That sucked!".... Yeah. I felt like I'd been beat up all over again. And Momw as the GOOD person in the house.
Load More Replies... One of our family cat was in her last weeks (lung cancer), I nursed her all that time, I was the only one that could give her her meds. One morning my mother snick her out of the house to have her put to sleep without waking me, not letting me see that cat I had grown up with a last time, not letting me at least say her goodbye, I'll take that grudge to my f*****g grave.
I can sympathize, and you'll never forget what your mother did. When I was 7, my cat Fluffy got pregnant and had kittens, so my father took her and her babies to the dog pound to be killed. That was a long time ago and I still cry sometimes for that cat and her kittens.
Load More Replies... A slightly chubby, five year old me, reaching for another piece of food because I was hungry, gets told "Do you REALLY need to eat that?!" by my mother. Cue a revolving door of eating disorders for the next 45 years. I was FIVE, for fcks sake!
My dad made sure I knew I was a burden. To this day I’d rather die than ask anyone for help.
I'm a little nervous about asking for help, so I try to help myself first, then I tell others, "I tried XYZ and it didn't work. Does anyone have any suggestions?" If I have no idea where to start, I try to do quick research, then ask, "I found this information. Am I on the right track?" That makes it less scary for me to ask for help.
Load More Replies... It wasn't my parents that talked to me like this it was my relatives. I invited my uncle to my college graduation and he said that he already had something to do. He attended customer appreciation day at our local pharmacy. My dad's sister told me that I hurt her feelings because I refused to eat more food after already eating. My cousins said that I had no right to miss my mom who was on vacation because their mom was dead. I thought it was wrong to cry for my mom. Turns out she didn't enjoy her vacation until she talked to my sister and I on the phone.
My mom used to drop things so my sister and i should pick up, she drops her wallet, her keys, her money, etc. The last time i pick up the item she drops she said aloud "Good, yes you should know your place, at my feet", i just trow the thing really far, my mom was going to star screaming buuuuuut, a woman hear the sh1t she said, and look at her and then look to me shaking her head.
I have too many to mention from my childhood (I was in the care system from the age of 5 and moved around like a game of pass the parcel), but the action that has stuck with me was done by my last foster mother. Every few months she would come into my bedroom and get all the books I had and then just throw them out. I'd get new ones and the cycle would be repeated.
She sounds like a total weirdo. Did she think books get moldy?
Load More Replies... As a parent of a currently 9 year old boy I am terrified. I love and care for my child greatly, he is my number one priority. We snuggle and cuddle daily and I tell him directly that I love him over a dozen times a day. But I am imperfect and he is my only child and I say stupid things sometimes. I have told him in frustration to shut up or have not wanted to see some video on Youtube because my interests are not the same as his. (With these examples, when I say things like this it is not some slap back, it is usually after him being loud and unruly , after several attempts to tell him to keep it down, I will become mega stern and say "now I have asked 100 times for you to quiet down now SHUT UP). (After being interrupted multiple times to watch "try not to laugh challenges" on Youtube, I am done and I tell him I don't want to watch). My point is, I have no idea if I am creating horrible memories for him. When I am wrong, one thing I do is apologize.
I never insult him or cut him down only build him up to love himself. But when I say he is demonstrating stupid behavior for pouring milk in his sneaker to drink from it, because some Youtuber was doing this stupid behavior....is that going to cause him life long wounds. I coddle but I do not think this is doing him any favors. Being a parent is so hard because you hold in your trust the most precious creatures with fragile and impressionable minds and bodies and you have the stress of trying not to make mistakes...but what if all you do is make wrong choices and are messing up. I do not want to give my boy a childhood that he must recover from. I try only to love him and provide and raise a boy to a man with a healthy sense of self and others.
Load More Replies... My mother reminded us everyday that we were a burden to her. Now she's surprised we don't call or visit her.
When I was 15 my father and I were arguing over who knows what. He always worked and was never around for us and when he was around he never involved himself with his wife or kids. His idea of being a good parent and husband was bringing home a paycheck and that is where it started and ended. As the argument was going I told him what I thought about the situation.His reply was something I never forgot because it's what confirmed his true nature to me.He told me "I don't care what you think." It is one of very few memories I have of him.It was then and there I promised I would never be a husband or father like him.
I hope you are surrounded by people who care what you think
Load More Replies... This sounds super nice compared to all the other stories, but a few months ago my mum told me ‘well... you’re not fat, but you don’t need to gain weight either’ That hurt a lot more than it should’ve.
Hey, your pain is valid! Just because it seems “nicer” than everyone else’s, it hurt you.
Load More Replies... My dad once told me I looked like a twig, and that if I ever expected to get a man, I needed to get a figure. My mom once told me I should constantly wear makeup to make myself look passable, seeing as I look like an alien without. I get that I’m underweight, and flat, and ugly, mom and dad. I don’t need you pointing it out
You are not ugly. Next time they tell you to wear makeup tell them they made you and if they think you are ugly they are the same because of genetics. We all have different bodies, hope you will grow to love yours soon. And time can change your body too.
Load More Replies... I was visiting my parents for Christmas about six or seven years ago. That year I’d been put on a transplant list but had just been removed from it. The conversation went like this: Me: So I’ve been taken off the transplant list! Mum: I didn’t know you were put on one. Me: You did, I told you as soon as I knew (showed her the text message) Mum: I didn’t get that. Me: You replied to it. (showed her reply.) I can’t believe you forgot... I admit I stormed upstairs but the bedroom door slammed, which I didn’t mean to happen. I hear my dad flying up the stairs and he threw the door open. Dad: What’s your problem?! Me: I can’t believe you forgot your child (I was in my early 30s but still) needed a transplant. Dad: What do you want, a medal? Me: (I should’ve said no a kidney :-D) No, I just want you to care. Dad: Well f**k off back to London then! That wasn’t the only incredibly hurtful thing he’s said or done to me but it’s the one that stands out the most I’d say.
And still having children is the norm, it’s a right, we should celebrate every pregnancy... no, people should be able to tell someone else that it’s really a bad idea for them.
I agree with your sentiment but I prefer to think of children as a gift, rather than a right. There are too many people who simply can't have children and aren't in a situation where adoption or fostering is a possibility - there are no rights around having children in law that I'm aware of. There is the right to a family yes, but this doesn't actually mean the right to have children. It means that you have the right to develop family relationships and to maintain contact with your family. It means that the family is the natural and fundamental group unit of society and is entitled to protection. Can it be a right if some people simply cannot? 😕 Bit like saying we all have the right too see, and yet some people are blind. Not a possibility it could be enshrined in law. Though this is just my opinion. I'd hope thinking of children as a gift would also help some people appreciate them more. As I said I do agree with your overall point though! 😀
Load More Replies... This makes my heart ache. I had parents like this. Mother couldn't be less interested. Never had time for me. Even as an adult, the few times we did try to have a day out somewhere she would be itching to get back to her boyfriend & make it really obvious. Father was abusive, he used to hit me, like full on punch me in the stomach I couldn't breath type, tried to smother me with a pillow when I was 14, called me the black sheep & I was mentally ill because I stood up for myself & wanted my own freedom. At 19, on my first job, he wanted to come to my office xmas party as he was convinced I was lying no families were allowed & I was bringing my mum (divorced parents you see) instead of him. Threatened to phone my work to ask them like I was a little kid. I was mortified & realized I needed to get out so I left home. Controlling. Called fat & plain. A loner. Just really nasty stuff. He also said some things to me of a sexual nature which I find hard to deal with.
OMG, to all of these people, I am so, so, so sorry you had to experience these terrible things. Virtual grandma hugs to you all. Parenthood is hard but no one should EVER say such things to children.
That her friends son didn't rape me because he's a "good boy" but IF he actually did, it was probably my fault because I dressed like a whore. I was 5.
My step father constantly told me I was useless, worthless and a parasite. And called me a whore the rest of my life after I was molested at the age of 8.
How could your mother not leave him when he treated you like that? I never understand mothers that put their boyfriends over their kids... And it's not "just" about abuse, i wouldn't date aby guy (i'm married with father of my children, but in hypotethical future) who wouldn't like my sons. You either accept all of us fully, or get the f**k away from me....
Load More Replies... My mother claims that she just doesn't understand why I am no longer in contact with her. It's because the last time I saw her, she actually got up early to make sure she could corner me alone, started crying about how much I'd hurt her, and said that since I don't have kids, I would never, ever understand the pain of having my daughter come to me to tell me that she had been sexually abused. Because, you know, that pain was so much worse than MY ENTIRE CHILDHOOD OF ABUSE, MOM? So sorry that made you feel bad. Please, make my pain all about you and your hurt feelings some more.
I‘m sorry for you, your mother‘s selfishness is really awful!!!
Load More Replies... The list would be very long!!! My mom told me several times, that its my fault that they separated with my father (I was 13). She loved to tell us how horrible we are as kids, and she hopes that we will have kids just as terribile as we are. My father called me a bitch and always looked down on me, because im just a stupid girl. Made fun of me all the time and made me feel worthless. As a new parent myself, i feel like i am reliving all this pain allover again ... the unconditional love i feel towards my kids is just so big and they make me so happy and it hurts to see, that my parents were not able to feel this feeling towards my siblings and i.
The world was very different during my time. Things said weren't deemed as cruel until I've grown up and really thought about it. The one that has caused the most hurt for me was "just deal with it". I guess in my own way I did. Or at least I thought I did. It's realizing how your peers at that age don't have to even ask, that kills you.
When I was in 5th grade my mama dropped me off at school and told me she didn't love me and that she would be calling child welfare to come get me and put me up for adoption.
So... for those of you who have crappy parents. I read about this one woman who was visiting her estranged dad in the hospital as he was on his death bed. She felt obligated to show up, and people told her "you have to forgive him to move on". Well, he was feeling emotional about being terminal, and he said to her "I was a horrible father, do you forgive me?". She was supposed to say "yes", but the words "no, I can't do that" came out of her mouth instead. She froze in shock, waiting for the response. He kind of laughed and said "I don't blame you". And she suddenly felt better and realized, she never needed to forgive him, she needed to forgive herself for hating him. Once she realized it was OK to hate him, she was able to move on.
I wish I could upvote this more, thank you for sharing! I‘ve never been able to forgive my father the things he did (he died 3 years ago) and I only felt free at last when I learned in therapy that I didn’t/don‘t have to. I don‘t know how I would have reacted if he had apologized to me though, I think it still would have meant a lot to me. „Forgive to move on“, I‘ve heard this quite often and I truly don‘t get it. The fact that I didn’t want to forgive my father never got in my way, only those people who told me I was obliged to forgive did. I am not bitter, on the contrary, I am happy because I allowed myself to stand by what I felt towards my father. I absolutely don’t want to say that forgiveness is always wrong but it is definitely not the only way to move on.
Load More Replies... As a teenager trying to explain how I felt as a consequence of severe depression... "Oh stop being so melodramatic. Why don't you get a rope and do us all a favour?". Thanks Mum.
This is so horrible! I really hope you are okay now!
Load More Replies... I’ve struggled with my weight all my life. I was trying to lose weight once and my grandma who was always putting me on diets was terrible about it. I lost some weight once and I told her and she told me “well you’re just going to gain it all back”. 😒
Both of my parents are narcissists. At 12 I was called the spawn of Satan by my father. When I was 12 he called me a juvenile delinquent because I accidentally picked up the phone when he was on it. (I was a A/B student and always good) When my parents got divorced when I was 14, my mom used me as her 'wingman' in bars. I was pretty and it attracted attention. Men would come up to me and I would get scared and say I'm just here with my mom. Of course, this made her look old and she would get mad. My dad called me fat most of my life. They were both so into themselves. They are now both angry old people, who whine all the time how their lives are miserable and they don't realize they did it to themselves.
(I was a super sheltered kid until their divorce. Then they both went crazy)
Load More Replies... After my dad passed away I asked my mom if I could have his shot gun, she gave it to my nephew and said she wanted to keep it in the family. I'm not sure what other family I belong to but I guess its not this one. Then she had said that my husband and I were the beneficiaries for her life insurance policy because she had always helped my sisters out financially but could never help us because of that. One day she comes to my house and said she is cashing in her life insurance to buy a car, she doesn't have anyone she would leave it to anyhow. Yes I have been in therapy for over 20 years.
"I wish I had aborted you when I had the chance." This was last week. I am almost 40 years old.
It's awful how many people have such shitty parents, reading this makes me want to barf and cry. I hope any abuser gets the same thing done to them as they did to others. I love my parents, and reading this makes me appreciate how loving they are. Sending love and hugs to anyone in a tight spot❤️
My mum told me that I was an accident and she cried when she find out she was pregnant. She told me that the only really she had me was because she didn't believe in abortions. I'm in therapy now and I feel too ashamed to even tell my therapist
You have done nothing to be ashamed of. What happened to your mother was not your fault. Her choices are not your fault. Your therapist should only be supportive - your mother not wanting you says nothing about you and who you are. I am an accident as well, there is honestly no shame in it. Lots of children are. The difference is in how the parents accept and deal with it. Nothing to do with the child at all as they are an unknown quantity at that time. If a parent makes a child feel unwanted, then they should be ashamed, not the child.
Load More Replies... I have three that never left me. 1, My Mum told me I was not fit to be a mother when I was already pregnant (I was well setup with house, husband, career etc.) 2. When my dad told me he was leaving mum for another woman, he said "I know it means I might lose you as a daughter but I don't mind) 3. I'm bipolar and after a crisis and a suicide attempt Dad said " I have accepted that you won't die a natural death." Not helpful. (Found the right meds in the end and I'm doing fine£
I am 55. I relate to so many of these, I feel disgusted and validated at the same time. I’ve known my entire life I wasn’t alone in feeling list this, but had no idea that rather than cry, I just nodded along say “yep”. I’ve had to start all over again here with anyone reaching back but it’s okay. My entire family treated me as though I were inconvenient, and only a few years later did I even mention the abuses to someone I’ve know for 50 years, and his response was “that explains a lot” I nearly always get asked this question, “why didn’t you tell anyone?” The answer is simple. Who would believe me? And how many people would it hurt? Too many. No one, let alone a child, should shoulder that responsibility and the potential consequences. If anyone is reading this and needs a shoulder to lean upon, or an ear connected to a heart to care, I am here. I can promise to NEVER, EVER, pass judgement., just be honest and authentic, don’t lie to me and I won’t lie to you.
This is just horror! It is an offense to call these assholes "parents", they are the scum of the Earth. I am so very sorry for what happened to each one of you.
Really? I read the whole thing. I wonder how it feels to have a good mother, or a motherly mother. I bet it feels warm and safe. Well, childhood ruined but at least my future is bright. If you except people for who they are maybe they won't ...jk, they will in some way, shape, or form. It sneaks back in and bites you every time. But what am I gonna do? Cry? Btdt.
Oh, my god. Normally I read BoredPanda because of all the sweet funny stories and pictures. But this is so extremely sad and disturbing. I want to say to every one on here that you are worthy, you deserve a great life! It breaks my heart to hear that people who are supposed to nurture you with love, compassion, and wisdom and who should have been there to raise you up, and never put you down, have instead been so cruel. I have kids and I can't even imagine being such a shitty parent to my children. I love them with all my heart. I hope that each of you heals/has healed and knows you are so worthy of love and a truly beautiful life. And walk away from these hateful people who don't deserve you.
These are so unbelievably awful! I hope everyone is getting help and is getting out from under the dark cloud that was created for them. I'm sorry you all had to endure such abuse and neglect. That is not how a good parent treats their child!
My parents are two of the best people I know and reading about how horrible these parents are make me so grateful for having such amazing parents. I can't understand why people are this terrible to their own children. None of these people deserved to have such terrible parents and it makes me want to yell.
I'm sure you really mean well for all who had worse parents... just writing about how amazing yours are is not the best way to show support... it feels kinda like a slap in the face of everyone else...
Load More Replies... This is a really bad thread for those of us with narcissistic parents. We got stories for days of the way we were treated! I know many of you can’t understand and I’m so glad for that. Now, if you have kiddos, big or small, be especially good to them in our honor. Puts more love then hate out there.
My mum was talking to her mother about a story line in a soap opera where an older woman was pregnant and trying to decide if she should have an abortion. My mum said she would go ahead with the abortion if that was her. My grandmother said 'You had the chance with your Jackie (me) but you didn't did you?'
My mother in law once told my husband, "why couldn't it have been you that died instead of Wayne?" Wayne was his older brother who had died at age 7. She said this to my husband in front of his friends when he was a teenager. I believe she is occupying a special circle of hell made just or her now.
Wow, some people are s**t, makes me thankful for mine, they shouted a lot because they are Italian and my dad gave me and my brothers a slap when we deserved it but always loved and supported, I'm sorry for all of you with pieces of s**t parents.
People are not nice and the label mom and dad does not make them better. Just like all the other label don’t mean much.
My father belittled me: he was embarrassed because I couldn’t fight though he never taught me how. He laughed at me because at age 12 I knew nothing about sex ... though, you know, HE WAS THE PERSON WHO WAS SUPPOSED TO TEACH ME. The good news is, his idiocy was so clear, I just couldn’t take it personally. It was obviously mental problems he had, and it had nothing to do with me. I cut him out of my life and though I hoped an apology letter from him would eventually appear and show he was capable of growth and humanity, it never came. Positively, definitely no loss to me. He’s been replaced by wonderful people, like the ones in this thread. Love and peace to you all.
I'm reading this while watching August: Osage County on Netflix and the irony is far from lost. For those of you who haven't had the pleasure, it's movie about a dysfunctional and abusive family featuring some very impressive (over?)acting by Meryl Streep. It should probably come with a trigger warning because it has it all: drug abuse, comparisons to other, more successful family members, hurtful insults regarding personal appearance and so much more. There's even a little casual racism sprinkled in for good measure. The most likeable character is only in the picture for the first 15 minutes, which I found super disappointing.
I have seen it and made my sister watch it because it was so reminiscent of my family. I think there is a bit of all families in that movie.
Load More Replies... I was 8 and my grandparents had gotten me a new bike. My father came to pick us up for the weekend and made me put the bike in the back of his truck. Before I started to attempt to put it in he said, "Don't you dare scratch my truck". I of course scratched his truck trying to fit my big bike in the back of his truck. He called me a "stupid *itch".
There's many instances. I've had years of physical abuse. But the one thing that sticks with me to this day: "You were nothing, you are nothing, and you will always be nothing". (German original tone: Du warst nichts, du bist nichts, und du wirst nie was werden.) I am now 50. I wonder how many things in life I didn't pursue, because of my awesome self-esteem *insert dripping sarcasm - and sadness - here*
Das tut mir total leid für Dich! ...und diese nagende Frage kenne ich auch sehr gut! Es heißt immer, dass man „das alles“ hinter sich lassen soll, aber mit den Folgen schlägt man sich eben doch das ganze Leben lang herum. Alles Gute für Dich!
Load More Replies... The voice in my head that calls me stupid, worthless, useless, book smart and life stupid, etc etc etc is of course my mother. I don't bring up this stuff anymore because she just gaslights me about it. But I've struggled with severe depression and suicidal ideation since I was 14 because of her. I just keep telling myself it's because this is the only way she knows how to be because this is how she was raised. But it definitely contributed to me being an absent mother. I was too afraid to do this to my child that I left him with his father when we split up. I regret that.
Folks, I am SO sorry you had to go through that. Nobody should. YOU were never the "problem". The only problem was inside those people who were unkind to you, and it's something only they can fix, so please don't punish yourself because of what other people think of you. We can't control that. I wish I could somehow comfort all the folks who need it so much. This was really painful to read.
My dad abused me and my sister when we were young. Told me I was fat. I wasn't. Told me all my friends were assholes. I called him out on that once as I was ironing some pants an had the ironing board between us as he sat at the table drinking. I said if my friends are assholes so are yours. He got up an came for me so I chucked the iron at him an ran. I stooped to grab shoes an my bag as I booked for the door an he grabbed me by my long hair an jerked me back then punched me in my left ear. I was deaf for 8 months because of the swelling.
"I've always hated you and no one has ever loved you!" Thank mom. Now get out of my life.
I was a sensitive, a bit effeminate little boy who was growing up with three elder sisters and my parents use to call me transgender. Somehow the word got out of our house I was called a trans all over my immediate family. My dad was the worst, he uses to check every now and then if I still have d**k and balls! He isn't alive anymore, I'm 30 now, depressed, and have insecurities. I have a really hard time making friends especially guys.
2 years ago, instead of wishing me a happy birthday, my dad said "guess it's good we didn't abort you"
Excuse me - I have to go and hug my wonderful, loving, supportive parents. It's at times like these that I'm reminded of just how blessed I am to have them.
I was adopted as an infant, always knew I was adopted. One day when I was misbehaving my mom said she was going to send me back.
My mum said to me the reason we never bonded was because she never saw me the first month of my life. Up to that point I had always thought we were close. Broke me
Yeah... growing up, if we disagreed with our mother, she'd call me and my sisters 'retards'. As we were just children, we'd ask her what a retard was and she'd say 'you'.
Grew up with an alcoholic single mother and she said many painful things over the years. The one that sticks out the most is when I was 15, I had a stupid fight with my then boyfriend and my mothers boyfriend took the opportunity to kick me while I was down. He loved to make fun of my appearance, not in a joking way. Then they went to watch tv in their bedroom, a little while later she comes out into the living room and sees that im still upset. She then proceeds to tell me how he was right and that I should never try and make her choose between us, because it would always be him. She then tells me that she tried to kill herself several moths before because I was a such a disappointment that she couldn't stand being around me. I then started crying, obviously, so she says that Im not crying for her, Im too selfish to care about her, Im crying over the fight with my BF. She has been dead for 15 years now, and I both miss her horribly and am glad shes gone.
I was emotionally abused by my mom frequently as a child. The two that stick out from her are:1- if you ever date a black man I'll disown you (12 years old in an all white town full of snobs), I thought "what the hell is this and where did it come from?". 2- Did he touch you? Do you want to be touched? Talking about my dad as he chased me into the kitchen, tickled me and made me laugh. I was about 5/6, old enough to make it stand out in my head to make me furious for ever accusing my father for anything like that. Another was a teacher in 5th grade. We took a test and I misspelled Missouri. The teacher made me sit in front of the class on a stool that said "dumb" on it. These all will never be forgotten
As a person with chronic anxiety dissorder, I can honestly say that my parents have never said something terrible to me in my 49 years. They have allways been awesome, and are keeping that up to this day.
My dad has gotten mad at me and yelled at me a lot during my years, when I was a kid. Has lasted to this day. Even though he himself does a lot of mistakes, I don't dare to point it out. As soon as someone dares to remind him of double standards, he gets mad. I have memory issues, and anxiety/depression. That mixed with over a decade of bullying in school constantly, and my own dad snapping at me for acting like a kid/teen, yet he still has the gull to blame ME even if he himself makes the same mistakes. And he wonders why I won't talk to him too much. I'm tired of being the one, who apologies every time. I just don't care at this point.
- My grandma told me I didn't deserve to go to college. - I was suffering with OCD and anxiety and my mom made it all about her and how it made HER feel, also laughed at me when I was having a hard time and treated me like I was crazy. Mental health issues run in the family and I very clearly needed help but she never once thought to get me any. - Can't tell you how many times my mom called me selfish, even over the smallest things like trying to convince my brother to watch a movie with me when he wasn't interested. Or when I drove 4 hours home in a snowstorm to find that I had nowhere to park my car because she "doesn't do snow." After white knuckle driving for 3-4 hours and getting home late at night, I had to shovel the driveway myself and I was "so selfish" for expecting her to have cleared snow for me when I would have done it for her no questions asked. It hurt even more that she didn't believe me that I would have done it for her. Of course I would have done it for her.
There are many things, but one that sticks out is when I was about 6-7yo. I had a cleft palate as child, which wasn't fixed correctly, as a result my voice was coming out nasal. At 6yo this can be a great issue at school... And it was. As a result I was bullied and didn't have any friends. One day I got home and started crying - which I usually did most of the days - and she asked what happened. I told and she said "It can't be always other people's fault. It's your fault other kids make fun of you." thanks a lot mom...
When I brought home a report card that had 3 Cs (everything else was an A or B), my dad said, "Get out of my sight, I don't even want to look at you, you make me sick." Another time, I had to take a programming class. I'm terrible at it, really struggled. It was the only time in my life I actually hired a professional tutor. The first major exam, I got over 100% and the second highest score in the class. I came home to show my parents. Their response, "That's nice, but can you wait for a commercial? Our show is on."
My parents called me fat from 13 on. Therapy and sobriety helped me move past it only for my mom to call me after a visit recently to tell me that I need to lose weight. Today I am able to tell her how offensive that is.
Yep. "My husband will always come before my children" -my mom on her third marriage to 15 year old me.
I’m really conflicted cause my parents said the worst things to me as a kid and I still hold myself back because of these things however as an adult and throughout childhood they were always there to help me like picking me up or giving me money when I need it without question. I don’t forgive them but at the same time it fills me with anger and love at the same time. I don’t know where I would be without them.
''Unter Adolf hätte man so etwas wie dich nicht leben lassen.''
Entschuldigen Sie, bitte, ich spreche ein bisschen Deutsch, aber wie schrecklich! (For the Anglophones: I think it is "Someone like you wouldn't be allowed to live under Adolf (Hitler)".)
Load More Replies... i have a very active imagination and it is the main thing that give me fresh ideas for my drawings. sometimes i can search tutorials to help me draw better. but my mom would say "stop with the stupid things and study math or social studies" like i was a good-ish student too. i never failed a single test. i asked my dad to help me talk some sense into her, but my dad said "maybe shes right, maybe u should read more." and then my mom wonders why i look sad most of the time
every child deserves a loving parent... not every parent deserves children
I have severe adhd and so does my dad. He doesn’t really ever watch or think about what he says. The other day, we got into a small argument and he said “tell me a time when I’VE started the fight.” And thinking back on it, all of our fights are my fault. Sometimes I really need to shut up! 😂
A Big pile of virtual hugs to all those who were mentally abused by friends or family. My sister & I were blessed with the best parents - strict but caring. I had Polio at age 6, paralised for a while, but recovered well. My Mom was determined that I live as normal a life as possible, if I fell, I had to get up by myself, crawl to the nearest chair, or if outside, any handy object to use like a pole, or rock. I am now 79, have had the most wonderful life, a good job as a librarian, and enjoyed the world of travel. My jar of Gratitude is overflowing.
my brother was almost ten years older than me, we were best friends, he protected me from a lot of family abuse growing up. then he met his 'soulmate', an older woman, over twenty when i was ten. i was pretty neglected, and this woman came over, noticed that my very long hair was tangled and dirty. she said, "you are a dirty, nasty, little girl, go away". they were married for over 50 years, and she just recently died (killed herself). I win! (she could have been KIND, offered to take me to the beauty parlor for a wash/set only $5 then, or even offered a spa day with HER and helped! it totally wasn't my fault i wasn't raised better!) i will never forget that cruelty....so sad....
wow...... say it to yourself first before you open your pie hole and ravage someone's soul.
Well that was triggering. Remembered a few things my parents said to me. God I'm so glad I'm a better parent than they were.
My dad has said several hurtful things ending up with us not talking anymore. The thing that hurt the most is however that he didn't say anything when my husband and I told him that we were expecting our first child. He just sat there staring in front of him. I left in tears. He loves his grandchild, but it still hurt like h*ll.
mom & i would dress up go out to lunch sometimes. once, when i arrived late, i caught her staring at me as i approached the table. asked her what was up and she said something to the effect of 'you're not pretty like other girls but you are uniquely attractive'. made me start to evaluate my looks more critically after that until i asked her what she meant. she told me that i didn't have the 'cute' look that girls have but a kind of seriously kick ass kind of look which was probably why men were scared of me. i know that was meant to make me feel better but, ...damn, mom! guess she didn't know the phrase 'resting bitch face'.
I get it daily from my mom; she's a narcissistic alcoholic, not that that's an excuse. I once played dress up in her clothes/heels and tried to put on make-up. I was probably 5 or 6. She told me I "looked like a French whore." At the time I had no idea what she meant, but got the gist of it anyway.
T am 55 and relate to so many of these things. Only now am I relating that these said about and to me were in fact unnecessary and cruel. If anyone reads this and needs an should to lean upon or an ear to listen connected to a heart that understands. I am here for you. No child should shoulder the enormous consequences of a secret like that. I saw myself in so very many of these posts, and while my heart aches for all these people, in a sick way it validated me. And yes, it’s still happening to me. I am here, and I care about you, all I can say is I will NEVER, EVER, pass judgment, just be real with me. If I can help I will. Remember, don’t end up like me, YOU ARE SPECIAL AND COUNT. You are the only you and necessary for this world, You’re made up as the same stuff as the stars, and even though it takes some time to see it, use the glow inside of you and SHINE BRIGHT..
So hard to read and so terrible but yes, parents are still people and some are just pure bad. Not intentionally being mean or misunderstanding doesn't make it any less painful and yes, a lot of people experience that and it's unthinkable. Wish there was anything to do about it. Just try not to be defined by that experience/statement.
Charles Nelson Reilly told a story of when leaving through a stage door, a little girl exclaimed, "I want to be on stage like them!" All the actors smiled back until the mother pulled her away and said "That's for good looking people, not you."
These are ALL parents that should be abandoned by their children and left to suffer alone and at the mercy of social services when they are too old and cannot care for themselves. For the record: My father was an arsehole. As such, I refused to assist when he got old and I never attended his funeral. To this day (some 30 years later) I have no idea where his grave is and I don't care. I take great joy in thinking there is an afterlife where he can look down and see how much disdain I have for him.
When I was three years old my mom turned on the burner of the electric stove till it was cherry red, picked me up , pulled my pants down, held me over the burner and said,"this is what we do to little liers" . When I was in my 30's and going through a mental breakdown, I mentioned it to her. I guess I was hoping for some understanding. She said to me," but I only did it once". Like that made it okay. My mother has passed away and I find I do not miss her at all. This was one of many things she did to break me. I am 74 now . I never treated my kids unkindly.
I have my father. He is old now and thinks that everything in the past belongs to the past. Without an apology, no saying I am sorry. Never. He thinks we are good now but I'm just faking it for my own peace and waiting for day when he will be in the past for real.
When I was 6 years old, I wanted to sign up for a talent show at school. My mom told me I didn’t have any talent. (I did NOT enter the contest). When I was in college, my mom told me she had read an article about how everyone has talent; it’s just a matter of discovering what it is for each individual. I wish she would have read that article 15 years earlier!
Where to begin… “what’s wrong with you?” I was an introvert and didn’t like talking(it gave me anxiety) “You’re a sneak and a weasel” again being an introvert and didn’t like talking about myself “You’re gaining weight, look at that stomach sticking out. Thought I’d let you know before your boyfriend says something and regrets being with you” Therapy helps!!
My mother spent years saying terrible things about my dad and her mother, said they ruined her life. Then I was contacted by the daughter that she'd given away before she married. So then it was me that ruined her life.
Let's see...my mom holding a knife to my chest and threatening to kill me at 12 because she didn't like the way I was doing dishes. Being told if it wasn't for me she wouldn't have had to have any children. Plus the usual stupid, ugly, fat, unlovable, etc., etc., etc. If she made you cry she was happy. If she made you mad she was happy. Weaponized emotions are awful. Oh, and I forgot about the time she pushed me down the stairs because I refilled my contact prescription without telling her and punched me in the face and head until I apologized to my much younger siblings (under 10 at the time) for making her lose her temper and beating me.
Do stepparents count? I have a whole lot of s**t from my stepmom that I could put here, as she makes a lot of awful comments directed towards her kids, my dad, and I... but one of the worst was her angrily calling me a "lazy ass" multiple times in a row just because I forgot to do something. It's been about 3-4 years since this and it's still my first thought whenever she tries to be "nice" towards me, especially since she was legitimately nice to me just the day before that... I'm done giving her second chances.
"If you were never born I could have become successful and rich, you ruined my future". He was always nagging I'm a girl, not a boy. Each of my body parts was commented all the time of being ugly. I was forbidden to have friends, visit them or invite someone because "it's losing my time". I had to read 7-8h per day, go to piano, art, languages, math, sport etc lessons. Sadly, I wasn't born a total genius of all sciences and skills, and it takes time to be learned, not just 3-4 lessons needed to be a master pianist. But he was paying for all that "luxury" I didn't wanted and I'm guilty I couldn't master anything with one week lessons - it's because I'm stupid, ugly, lazy and most likely to become a prostitute. He bragged all his life how his hard work gave him education, home etc with zero help from his family. I was suicidal at 10. 35 years after I learned he lied about everything - he has no diploma, bought the house and all with lots of help.
My grandmother would regularly say how fat I am, while trying to not outright say it. Eg. "Here, you can have these pants, but theyre only xxl and i dont think theyd fit you." When i stopped eating for days and lost 20kg in a couple of weeks, my parents would compliment me so much, even though they saw i was suffering. My tooth condition got bad when i started purging any food that i did subconsciously eat. Yet they still just kept saying that i finally look better despite them being the cause of my weight issues. (No, im not unreasonably blaming them, i was literally 5 when my weight started becoming an issue. I had no say in what i ate.)
Age 16 my dad told me that "bigger girls shouldn't wear such tight clothes". Hello, eating disorder.
This is the entire post: My name is Parent and wen im tired (but parenting is still required) and i am anger and i am sadd i hurt my cheeldren, makes me gladd
I once told my dad that I felt disgusting when I looked myself in the mirror, and his response was that what was "disgusting" was having to listen to me. (Years later I'm diagnosed with body dysmorphia.) He also told me on several occassions that he wished I was never born and that I stole my mother's affection from him.
If there was an way to make peoople do a test before having kids, I'd love to instate one. Unfortunaltey, a government can't be trusted to do these tsts either. But, yeah, so many people should not have kids, ever. They just do because they know how meaningless their lives are and want to fill them with something.
When I was about 11, I was excited to join my sister at an annual pilgrimage and told my family. My SIL proceeds to laugh out loud and says "Oh come on, everyone here knows that you don't have the grit to do that." Like it was the most funny thing and no one could possibly think otherwise. I did join at 13 years old and today it is the highlight of every year. Never let those ignorant people bring you down, even if they are family!
I'm happy I was a bratty kid. I would've instantly snapped back if someone tried to insult me, even as a kid. All these parents and other family members abusing little children and adults like this, go f**k yourselves
Hey so uh I feel the same way exept at school because me and my friend get picked on every single day by the staff and the teachers because they always yell at us and make us feel terrible at the smallest little things. They always scream at us for having crumbs on the table at lunch when there's another table next to is throwing food on the floor and crushing them and the lunch monitor is clearly watching them do it and all she does is tap them on the shoulder and point to the mess and it's like this in every class just different scenarios and seriously I just hate this school and I have 2 more years to go because my mom is never gonna pull me out of it and I can't just tell the principal to fire the whole staff and me and my friend don't think we're gonna make it :(
Told my father that i want to find scholarship for my masters degree, he said "you are not that smart for scholarship". That hurts a lot
In strict confidence i came out to my mum as bi, who then asked inappropriate/offensive questions . My dad is offensive to every type of person and get really angry and start argument at nothing. So I was going to pick the right moment to tell him. My mum pulls me to the side and tells me she's told him herself. Couldn't work out why I was upset and angry at her. This is why I was closeted for 11 years.
People like that horrible to their children/grandchildren/younger relatives are the ones you hope that Karma gets later on!
I was waiting for the "why are you not more like your sister?" stories. Thought this was much more common. For me it was and is still the case in my family. I will never be as good as my sister and get to know that every single time.. I was sure as a kid that aliens brought me there and one day they come to pick me up again. Also i asked my parents to sell me to a circus so i can travel the world with them. But i love my family anyway and i know deep inside they love me too
When I was in about 6th grade, I came out to the car crying due to being knocked over/stepped on as soon as I got out of class. She yelled at me since I was crying, due to having a baby asleep. I couldn't have stopped crying, and she slapped me/called me a b.tch for crying. It's been 3 years and I still remember
I try to be careful what I said to my kids but I often wonder if I unintentionally have said something or did something that hurt their feelings.
You could ask them maybe. Then if there is any niggling resentment being harboured it is a chance to clear the air. Chances are though that you did absolutely fine. No parent is perfect but most mistakes are minor stuff that children shrug off - children aren't usually unaware of struggles and difficult times and can be very protective of their parents. They often cut them a lot of slack. I would think it has to be genuinely neglectful or deliberate to cause real harm. Accidental and not meant is so very different.
Load More Replies... My mom said I am weird and my daughter is weird. On a different occasion she said bullying was normal and that everybody had experienced it.
Bullying is common, but not really normal. Bullies exist for multiple reasons but they don't tend to be normal, happy well adjusted people. As for weird? Who wants to be like everyone else? Though I suspect it was just a comment designed to hurt.
Load More Replies... These toxic parents were probably abused (verbally and otherwise) by their parents. This type of behavior is sadly passed down from generation to generation. My hope is that all the posters and commenters have found a way to break the cycle and raise their offspring with the supportive, loving kindness that they never knew.
If trauma can be passed down generations, so can healing
Load More Replies... As a massage therapist for the last 38 years. I see this all the time. While it's mortifying to the one who it's directed at. Those parents have also gone through their own s**t and never dealt with it. One of the worst things you can do to yourself is to accept your Victim-hood. And this is being shoved down your throat as a Globalist Agenda like no other time in human history. Don't fall for it! You are still the loser with this mindset. You can't eat, f**k, cry, complain, etc... yourself out of this. Messages come in every form and often the best messages come from the worst situations imagined. While traumatizing " it is the message" that is delivered. And that message is always the opposite of the diabolical delivery. Un-hinged parents are nothing less than Satan's spawn. You need to be the light were there is none. My suggestion is to read some self help books from the late 70's and the 80's. The ones now are nothing less than a Satanic Globalist Agenda.
A satanic globalist agenda. What are you on about????
Load More Replies... I am going to be honest, I scrolled down because I couldn't bring myself to read all of them since it would break my heart. To those of you struggling with parental love and childhood trauma out there: let the past be the past and do not let it own you. Your parents are also (sometimes struggling) human beings with character flaws just like we all are. Some of them tried their best and lost, others didn't. But YOU, you are your own grown up person now. Your worth does not depend on your parents! It is time to detach yourself from them, cut the umbilical cord and stand your own ground in this world. And forgive. Because forgiveness brings healing and freedom. You are loved. You are worthy. You are pretty/handsome. You are important. Because God our perfect dad says so!
That's a very nice speech, thank you. Unfortunately, when you are traine dfor up to 18 years to believe you are (fill in nasty), it is harder to detach than it sounds. It is n't about an umbilical cord. it's about having your brain programmed like a malignant computer.
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