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What does it mean to be a "real" man? Well, masculinity is one of those topics everyone has an opinion on, as gender norms remain a delicate subject that tends to spark heated debates online. And even though public attitudes are becoming more accepting in many ways, stereotypical patterns of masculine behavior are still deeply rooted in our society — according to the age-old cliché of the masculine guy, men are expected to be strong, brave, and dominant.

But in reality, when people are telling everyone that a macho man doesn't cry, takes risks, makes money, fears nothing, and — heaven forbid! — never shows any signs of emotional vulnerability, it can spark some pretty warped ideas about manhood.

Thanks to one illuminating corner of Twitter called 'Hot Masculinity Takes,' we get to see a galore of absurd cases when this happens online. "Welcome to the Alpha Zone," says the account’s description, and you already know it’s gonna be a wild ride. So continue scrolling to check out the absolutely ridiculous opinions about men on the Internet, and don’t miss the chat we had about masculinity with licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Jesse Matthews right below.

Psst! After you’re done with this list, more madness awaits in Part 1 of this feature right here.

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Raccoon panda
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1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wanna punch the idiot who wrote this put down. And I’m an oh-so-estrogenic woman. My crushing lack of testosterone must be making me so irrational to say something like this. Isn’t it?🙄😤😡 Who is this misogynistic weirdo, to think he can be rude to the ladies and gentlemen like that? Bet he’s an insecure neckbeard.

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It’s hard to avoid encountering the term toxic masculinity these days. But as the person behind the account, who preferred to stay anonymous, told my colleague Rokas in a previous interview, this social media project is not purely about that. The philosophy of the page is to post the takes and let people make their own conclusions. "I do draw a lot from the manosphere but a lot of the takes are from women speaking about men, and I include left-wing hot takes too," the creator added.

A brief scroll through the list proves that harmful stereotypes about what it means to be a man are abundant in today’s society. But what exactly urges people to share their absurd statements without any second thought? And how can these ideas affect men seeking out their masculine identity?

To gain more insight on the topic from an expert, we reached out to Dr. Jesse Matthews, Psy.D., a licensed clinical psychologist based in Chester Springs, PA. According to him, ideas about masculinity have become quite polarized in our society.

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"As masculinity has moved away from the 'manly man' or 'tough guy' definitions, many people have not only clung to these stereotypes, but they have made them more extreme," Dr. Matthews told Bored Panda. This usually stems from people rejecting the changing views, and "social media in particular creates echo chambers for this, with various influencers carrying the flags for those who identify with their views."

While we all bear different perspectives on the world around us, masculinity especially can be a very deep rabbit hole with a variety of different viewpoints. But Dr. Matthews raised an important question: why do these ideas matter so much to people?

"Obviously, it’s part of life for any guy or anyone who identifies with masculinity, but the obsession with being a 'real man' is more based in insecurity. The person essentially needs to ensure that they present a masculine enough identity to avoid judgment or being called out as not masculine by other guys," the psychologist explained.

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Men who are insecure about their manliness exhibit behavior that is often exaggerated and even caricature-like. But Dr. Matthews says there’s also irony at play here. "Many of these individuals would tell you that being a real man means just doing your thing and not caring about what anyone thinks about it. However, one can’t simultaneously obsess over portraying an ultramasculine image, yet claim to be unconcerned about judgment. It just doesn’t compute."

Hypermasculinity — or toxic masculinity as it’s usually called — is also based on the false belief that masculinity needs to be saved, Dr. Matthews argued. "In the same way that some people seem to be afraid that racism or homophobia might one day die out. So they embrace stereotypes, or how they think things 'should' be or were in 'the good old days.'"

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Helena
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow, so a man drinking a fruity drink sounds like a great way to filter out super shallow people. Drink up men, the fruity drinks are the best.

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hot_noodle_soup
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

there is so much wrong with this. please just love yourself ❤️

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TheQueenZ
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My thoughts exactly on a ton of these. I hope these people haven't caused mental harm to people just trying to be their selves. Do what makes you happy and everyone else, if it's not about you, don't worry about it. Jeesh.

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Candy Cane
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So now I'm confuzzled. If you don't lift, you're soft, but... if you do lift, you're feminine?

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---
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Definetly a joke. He's making fun of those saying lifting makes you a man and not lifting means you're a girl. He basically reversed those ideas

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Ruth Hempsey
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you! Glad somebody figured it out and explained it! Seriously. 😉

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OmBoyGanesh
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wait, so working out and using mirrors means I’m turned on by my own hot sweaty masculine male figure (I suppose that’s true), but instead of that suggesting I may be attracted to others who are similar (hot gym guys) I’m gonna wanna wear soft, silky lacy things??? Nope! I’ll stick with the hot muscular gym buds!!!

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Tom Murphy
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You missed the point. It's a sarcastic reply to ZubyMusic's nonsense, currently at #7.

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Erica Ventura
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes, this! Checking your form in the mirror to avoid injury and muscle strain is for narcissistic, emasculated wimps! Next stop, your mom's closet.

tommurphy avatar
Tom Murphy
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You missed the point. It's a sarcastic reply to ZubyMusic's nonsense, currently at #7.

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Seedy Vine
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

All genders have muscles that can be developed for pleasure. Why is this the truth he decides to reject?

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Kathryn Baylis
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Bet he’s too much of a coward to go to a gym and say that right to the face of one of those muscular guys.

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Tom Murphy
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You missed the point. It's a sarcastic reply to ZubyMusic's nonsense, currently at #7.

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Elica
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Connect this guy with the "they don't even lift" guy and enjoy them argue with each other with popcorn.

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Tom Murphy
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You missed the point. It's a sarcastic reply to ZubyMusic's nonsense, currently at #7.

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Ann T
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It IS a bit strange that people do that. But. Unmanly? Nooo. Seems very man-like to me

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Jaguarundi
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So sayeth the eternal incel neckbeard from the couch in his Mom's basement.

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Gypsy Lee
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Lifting weights is feminine? Has he met a female? How many dresses hang in his closet? Are they Chanel?.. and speaking of which, are they Waffen, or just ss grey-green?

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JP Purves
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I see more and more muscular men wearing dresses these days.

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KDav
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dresses make more sense for men than pants. All those wangs getting squished really doesn't make sense. The Scots have it right in so many ways!

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Christof Irran
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If wearing dresses in private was good enough for J. Edgar Hoover it should be good enough for you too.

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DEW
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Zuby put down the weed and go work out. If you are too lazy to work out then put it on yourself not others who feel better bettering themselves. It's not easy working out and I can imagine you tried it once. Now you see folks working out and are jealous that you failed.

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Arieke
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So now even being muscular is femine, pave way to women lifting!!!

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DrBronxx
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ok, so far in this post, if I want to make sure people know I'm straight (or want to give the impression I am straight) I should (1) lift weights; and (2).... *checks notes*....not lift weights.

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Jessica J.
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I picture The Rock reading this, and laughing...a LOT of laughing.

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xolitaire
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Tell me you have 0 muscles and secretly want to wear dresses without telling me

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ThatOneWriter
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It might just be me but this reads like satire. So many of the people who restrict men also demand that men be physically strong, so this person used their logic and flipped the script.

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ThatOneWriter
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Especially because he's replying to someone who is already on this same list for posting toxic nonsense

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Hey!
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm pretty sure I read somewhere that a man lifting weights builds up muscles but also more testosterone.

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adam craker
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm pretty sure this guy just doesn't want to go to the gym.

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Adira Bennett
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Y'all fragile masculinity folks need to start consulting with each other before declaring your policies, because I don't lift weights, and now I am left in woeful confusion not knowing if this makes me masculine, feminine, femine, or possibly bisexual. #identitycrisis

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Mykidsartrocks
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Says a dude with long, curly hair. As a woman, I am jealous of his hair.

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Emily Kerkstra
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

one of my least favorite things about toxic masculinity is that these men just think up opinions and then share them as if they are facts.

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Hollysmom
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Narcissistic behavior is not confined to either sex or the sexuality of either.

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Andrewsarchus42
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I genuinely can’t tell if this is satire or not, because some people would definitely believe this…

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Michelle C
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Diminished muscle strength over time actually decreases longevity. Is he serious??

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David Martin
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So, just to be clear; If you don't even lift, you're probably gay. But if you're in a gym lifting, you're probably gay. Got it

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Ivana Bašić
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thought it was sarcasm, one of those things turning it around on stereotypes. But he means it, bless his heart.

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Shelby Jackson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well that's a wordy descriptive way to come out. Next time just say "I'm gay" and be done with it. Use the K.I.S.S method.

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Maritza Palacio Romeiras
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This guy, and the guy arguing that men who don't lift but wear masks, should hold a debate to see whose ideas are more ridiculous.

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KayKay
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So basically he's telling us that he's into guys with muscles and is so afraid of being found out that he has to call it feminine.

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DJBenne
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Cmon OP. Just admit you don't like to exert yourself and vegetables.

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Strings
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'll be honest, I kinda like the whole "flip things around" idea. Thinking this might've been a troll

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Sarah Murphy
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Imagine being a man who thinks loving himself makes him gay. You couldn’t make that up 🤦‍♀️

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Ansgar
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So it's "get strong" vs. "don't lift" now? What is it, guys?

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Robert B
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’m so confused. I thought the whole gym thing was a sign of super man-ness.

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Lara Verne
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Please tell it to that asshat who want to beat covid by lifting weights.

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Jack Holt
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some of the most virulised and manliest dudes I know where skirts or dresses. And just on a whim. My trans friends on the other hand, are exactly who they say they are.

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LeeAnne B
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why can't men wear dresses in private after lifting weights? Or dresses in public after lifting weights? There is so much wrong with this post, I hope this person has forward thinking friends who can offer some life advice.

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Carole
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wait I'm confused, where do women who lift and admire themselves and get turned on by their own shapely female bodies fit in their strange world?

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But putting men (half of the world’s population!) in a box can seriously harm their well-being. "It’s limiting at best, and at worst it leads people to play into these stereotypes." For example, hypermasculinity often makes people act in ways "that are sexist or homophobic, or at least not challenging others on this kind of behavior."

"It also has the power to create toxic environments, uncomfortable for women or men viewed as not masculine, and of course to lead to situations involving sexual assault," Dr. Matthews continued. "As well, if these men carry on these thoughts and behaviors through adulthood, they may pass them down to their children or other young people they come into contact with, like kids they are teaching, coaching, and so on."

According to the American Psychological Association (APA), instilling elements of traditional masculinity into men and boys can be psychologically harmful, as it has been shown to limit their development, constrain their behavior, and result in gender role conflict. What’s more, it can negatively influence their mental and physical health.

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Raccoon panda
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This screams red flag all over. Anyone under that height is usually underage (with the exception of naturally petite women).

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Kelli Pike
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And men wonder why we women have a tendency to come off as cold, closed-off, and wary with men we dont know. Obviously, even the men we DO think we know can be a danger to us.

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For men who try to seek out their identity and find a healthy relationship with their inner guy, these societal pressures and expectations can be especially burdensome. "It can be hard for people to stand out or to be seen as going against those around them. For example, a male raised in a family or in a community with traditional masculine stereotypes may find it hard to explore or adopt a less stereotyped identity," Dr. Matthews said, adding the person is likely to be criticized, punished, or excluded for it.

Unfortunately, most people who are raised in stereotyped environments tend to internalize those behavior patterns. Psychologist Matthews explained this happens because they don’t know anything else and it feels right to them, or they feel pressure to fit in.

"This can mean demonstrating extreme or toxic masculinity, as not only could one fit in that way, but he could be praised or more highly valued in the group for it." And, alarmingly, "in places like prisons where this applies, it could actually help you to survive."

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Helena
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Only the most insecure men use words like alpha and beta males. Do they not realize how it makes them sound?

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Extreme views like the painfully ridiculous ones featured on 'Hot Masculinity Takes' are rarely a positive thing. But as the modern world now teaches us, the subject matter is much less black-and-white.

"Masculinity is not simply the opposite of femininity, just as it is not synonymous with heterosexuality," Dr. Matthews noted. "Many people today see being masculine as being calm and controlled vs angry and reactive, being a good problem solver rather than one who relies on brute force to solve everything, or standing up for other people or what’s right vs trying to control or overpower others."

What people see as healthy masculinity may differ, but generally, we can all foster it by not judging other people. "This means not being worried about what other men are doing and giving people the space to be themselves," Dr. Matthews added. "We can all do what we want to do and believe what we want to believe. Masculinity isn’t going anywhere, so people don’t need to try to be the protectors of it or to act in stereotyped ways to let people know they exist."

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Jen Hart
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Mmm, yes, let's never stop living with perpetual brutality, chaos, and death.

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Emanual Henry
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

High blood pressure, obesity, high blood sugar, malnutrition, but I can't think of any real reasons.

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Many men in Dr. Matthews’s practice have never gone to therapy before, and some wouldn't even be expected to be found in a psychologist’s office at first glance. But they are sure glad they did. "This idea of what it really means to be a man and the positive and negative ways in which they have lived this is a frequent topic of conversation."

"I would encourage anyone concerned with issues of identity, including ideas about masculinity, to start reflecting on it in some kind of organized way. Don’t just watch videos by your favorite IG or Tik Tok influencers, but start journaling, reading books, or going and seeing a therapist. It really can change your life," Dr. Matthews concluded.

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Helena
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Picturing this guy putting together flat-pack furniture without instructions ('cause those are for girls) and when his shelf turns into a table, he just throws it through the wall. Because bro

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Kelli Pike
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

BREAKING NEWS: WORK COLLEAGUES OFTEN ENGAGE AS FRIENDS WITH EACH OTHER. MORE ON THIS AT 11.

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Amber.exe (She/They)
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Say you're insecure about your masculinity without saying you're insecure about your masculinity

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Jen Hart
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

James Butler is a septic tank guy on TikTok and YouTube who has a 'manly' job, but also decent general advice about being a boss of a company. It's not all dancing and "challenges" on TikTok.

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Helena
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Anyone else think that the whole alpha, beta, sigma whatever is just dude bro astrology?

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