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What does it mean to be a "real" man? Well, masculinity is one of those topics everyone has an opinion on, as gender norms remain a delicate subject that tends to spark heated debates online. And even though public attitudes are becoming more accepting in many ways, stereotypical patterns of masculine behavior are still deeply rooted in our society — according to the age-old cliché of the masculine guy, men are expected to be strong, brave, and dominant.

But in reality, when people are telling everyone that a macho man doesn't cry, takes risks, makes money, fears nothing, and — heaven forbid! — never shows any signs of emotional vulnerability, it can spark some pretty warped ideas about manhood.

Thanks to one illuminating corner of Twitter called 'Hot Masculinity Takes,' we get to see a galore of absurd cases when this happens online. "Welcome to the Alpha Zone," says the account’s description, and you already know it’s gonna be a wild ride. So continue scrolling to check out the absolutely ridiculous opinions about men on the Internet, and don’t miss the chat we had about masculinity with licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Jesse Matthews right below.

Psst! After you’re done with this list, more madness awaits in Part 1 of this feature right here.

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Raccoon panda
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1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wanna punch the idiot who wrote this put down. And I’m an oh-so-estrogenic woman. My crushing lack of testosterone must be making me so irrational to say something like this. Isn’t it?🙄😤😡 Who is this misogynistic weirdo, to think he can be rude to the ladies and gentlemen like that? Bet he’s an insecure neckbeard.

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It’s hard to avoid encountering the term toxic masculinity these days. But as the person behind the account, who preferred to stay anonymous, told my colleague Rokas in a previous interview, this social media project is not purely about that. The philosophy of the page is to post the takes and let people make their own conclusions. "I do draw a lot from the manosphere but a lot of the takes are from women speaking about men, and I include left-wing hot takes too," the creator added.

A brief scroll through the list proves that harmful stereotypes about what it means to be a man are abundant in today’s society. But what exactly urges people to share their absurd statements without any second thought? And how can these ideas affect men seeking out their masculine identity?

To gain more insight on the topic from an expert, we reached out to Dr. Jesse Matthews, Psy.D., a licensed clinical psychologist based in Chester Springs, PA. According to him, ideas about masculinity have become quite polarized in our society.

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"As masculinity has moved away from the 'manly man' or 'tough guy' definitions, many people have not only clung to these stereotypes, but they have made them more extreme," Dr. Matthews told Bored Panda. This usually stems from people rejecting the changing views, and "social media in particular creates echo chambers for this, with various influencers carrying the flags for those who identify with their views."

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K- THULU
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So a patriarchal religion run by men , which believes that women are a secondary creation is somehow effeminate? How exactly does that work?

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Xenon
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What about men who don't take their whole woman to church but only half??

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tara
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Their 'whole' woman? Who takes only a part of a lady to church?!

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Robert B
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I thought “ real men love Jesus” Why is bad grammar a sign of masculinity? Who wants to be that both of these testosterone fueled man-chines are parroting what someone on a YouTube channel said? Don’t get me wrong, I can agree with certain points: letting some random dude whose an expert in invisible friends tell you how to run your life is kinda weak.

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François Carré
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

" Oh, he died in a stupid domestic accident. His buddies had a debate about arranging the funeral in the local church, but could'nt agree on the topic of him being "a true role player" there as a dead man, so they finally dumped his body in the woods where he provided some good food for a female badger and her youngs for a while".

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h Landshark
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm just appalled at the lack of grammatical structure, no matter this guy's issues with the sky ghost.

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lapis lazuli
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Clarification: Jesus did not go to church. I'm just saying he's literally like the symbol of the church and he's inside of it so...

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Kylie Mountain
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is... just so weird even in the context of 'traditional' gender roles. 🤨

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Emily Kerkstra
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

i don't think anyone of any gender should let another human tell them how to run they house and live they life.

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DJR
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He better do all his own family's medical doctoring, and home and car repairs too with this sentiment. What kind of effeminate man lets some grown man doctor tell his family which medicine to take when they're sick?

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David Brown
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Church is and always will be a hot button topic for allot of folks. I've seen the ugly side of church "religion". Dude that made that comment sees church in that way just as I see it as more like a cult. Folks have gotten to use to bashing people for their comments and how they see things. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Just because you don't agree with someone else's views doesn't give you the right to tell them their wrong. The world would be a much more chill place if people could just say their piece and move on without judgement.

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Renegade
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My dad is convinced that the whole "women should submit and be silent" thing is because men wouldn't go to church/be religious if they weren't in charge. Note: I'm an atheist. Sorry dad. This woman is as good as any man in your church.

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Appalachian Panda
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How do you even get to be a deacon or whatever if you're not just a regular member of the congregation first?

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Gypsy Lee
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How about They get Their English sorted before they open they mouths and spout ignorant nonsense. ... I mean, how insecure do you have to be?

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Alya
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What an interesting take. I'm genuinely fascinated by this mindset cause huh???

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Sandy Parker
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Grimaced hard. BUT my husbands words last night - when you made me go to church. . . . First--- we had the best priest ever and we both came out feeling better about every thing in life. He loved it. Until that wonderful man went back to India.

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Kim J
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A man who leads his family to worship is stronger than Mr. America..or whatever it is.

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SobyKay
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A grown man taking only part of his woman to church is acceptable tho

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Frank Miller
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Right, because they need someone to teach them how to speak they language first.

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Sandy D
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What if they only bring half of their women to church. The left side stays home and watches cartoons, the right side of her boots along to church. Or maybe she's divided from bottom?

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the Return of Bruno
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1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So learning from someone else is unmanly, but someone else telling "your woman" how to "run the house" isn't? Since when is church about running the house? Does this person think the 10 Commandments are "Thou Shall Not use bleach with colors in the laundry," "Thou shall not leave bleach in the toilet," "Thou shall not allow rice to dry onto the dishes," etc.

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BOTW PANDA
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

and if you are religious leats also find this person and drown them in dislike...unless they apologize.

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Jane Cortez
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you oh so stupid ones for announcing your stupidity for the world to see!!!

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Dolly_of TheCowboy
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How much "child" are they taking with that partial woman? Or are only un-whole-y women taken in churches?

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Robert Trebor
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So, if church is only for women, then Heaven must be only for women. I don't think so.

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CJT MSG
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I "be" a little turned off by his annihilation of the English language!

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poopyhead
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My parents were extreme churchgoers and I have to say that it made my life a misery.

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Gwyn
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well based on his personality I bet the other church members probably don't care to hang out with him much anyway so it's probably a win if he stays home.

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Shelby Minchew
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So... wait... you aren't a Christian... or you're not? You're willing to be a church "star" in the choir but not willing to sit for the sermons? And by another person telling you and your GF how to live... and by that do you actually mean... GOD? I'm an atheist and this is an example of faking Christianity, only using your own convenient cherry picked rules.

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Mary Smith
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Bro I hope you have fun being single all your life, ain't no way a self-respecting religious woman is going to want any part of what you're bringing to the table

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Brindle Nutter
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

that's just stupid...don't go to church if you don't want to go. it's that simple

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Sabrina Longo
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have an inlaw who I can't give parenting advice to directly. I have to tell his childless brother who then tells him. Worst part is sometimes he brags about how great something worked out while I! 'Smile'' . Smh, I don't care about him but I care about his kids.

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LizzieBoredom
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I hope his whole woman goes to church cuz the alternative is disgusting.

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John Doe
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1 year ago

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I'm an Atheist, and this is right on point.

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JRM 3
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1 year ago

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A real man encourages his wife and kids to go to church.

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gas station cola
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

a real man doesn't let his family get indoctrinated by a hateful cult that twists its own teachings to validify the inhumane treatment of anyone who isnt a non-disabled unvaccinated cis white man 🙃

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While we all bear different perspectives on the world around us, masculinity especially can be a very deep rabbit hole with a variety of different viewpoints. But Dr. Matthews raised an important question: why do these ideas matter so much to people?

"Obviously, it’s part of life for any guy or anyone who identifies with masculinity, but the obsession with being a 'real man' is more based in insecurity. The person essentially needs to ensure that they present a masculine enough identity to avoid judgment or being called out as not masculine by other guys," the psychologist explained.

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Men who are insecure about their manliness exhibit behavior that is often exaggerated and even caricature-like. But Dr. Matthews says there’s also irony at play here. "Many of these individuals would tell you that being a real man means just doing your thing and not caring about what anyone thinks about it. However, one can’t simultaneously obsess over portraying an ultramasculine image, yet claim to be unconcerned about judgment. It just doesn’t compute."

Hypermasculinity — or toxic masculinity as it’s usually called — is also based on the false belief that masculinity needs to be saved, Dr. Matthews argued. "In the same way that some people seem to be afraid that racism or homophobia might one day die out. So they embrace stereotypes, or how they think things 'should' be or were in 'the good old days.'"

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Helena
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow, so a man drinking a fruity drink sounds like a great way to filter out super shallow people. Drink up men, the fruity drinks are the best.

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But putting men (half of the world’s population!) in a box can seriously harm their well-being. "It’s limiting at best, and at worst it leads people to play into these stereotypes." For example, hypermasculinity often makes people act in ways "that are sexist or homophobic, or at least not challenging others on this kind of behavior."

"It also has the power to create toxic environments, uncomfortable for women or men viewed as not masculine, and of course to lead to situations involving sexual assault," Dr. Matthews continued. "As well, if these men carry on these thoughts and behaviors through adulthood, they may pass them down to their children or other young people they come into contact with, like kids they are teaching, coaching, and so on."

According to the American Psychological Association (APA), instilling elements of traditional masculinity into men and boys can be psychologically harmful, as it has been shown to limit their development, constrain their behavior, and result in gender role conflict. What’s more, it can negatively influence their mental and physical health.

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Raccoon panda
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This screams red flag all over. Anyone under that height is usually underage (with the exception of naturally petite women).

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Kelli Pike
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And men wonder why we women have a tendency to come off as cold, closed-off, and wary with men we dont know. Obviously, even the men we DO think we know can be a danger to us.

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For men who try to seek out their identity and find a healthy relationship with their inner guy, these societal pressures and expectations can be especially burdensome. "It can be hard for people to stand out or to be seen as going against those around them. For example, a male raised in a family or in a community with traditional masculine stereotypes may find it hard to explore or adopt a less stereotyped identity," Dr. Matthews said, adding the person is likely to be criticized, punished, or excluded for it.

Unfortunately, most people who are raised in stereotyped environments tend to internalize those behavior patterns. Psychologist Matthews explained this happens because they don’t know anything else and it feels right to them, or they feel pressure to fit in.

"This can mean demonstrating extreme or toxic masculinity, as not only could one fit in that way, but he could be praised or more highly valued in the group for it." And, alarmingly, "in places like prisons where this applies, it could actually help you to survive."

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Helena
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Only the most insecure men use words like alpha and beta males. Do they not realize how it makes them sound?

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Extreme views like the painfully ridiculous ones featured on 'Hot Masculinity Takes' are rarely a positive thing. But as the modern world now teaches us, the subject matter is much less black-and-white.

"Masculinity is not simply the opposite of femininity, just as it is not synonymous with heterosexuality," Dr. Matthews noted. "Many people today see being masculine as being calm and controlled vs angry and reactive, being a good problem solver rather than one who relies on brute force to solve everything, or standing up for other people or what’s right vs trying to control or overpower others."

What people see as healthy masculinity may differ, but generally, we can all foster it by not judging other people. "This means not being worried about what other men are doing and giving people the space to be themselves," Dr. Matthews added. "We can all do what we want to do and believe what we want to believe. Masculinity isn’t going anywhere, so people don’t need to try to be the protectors of it or to act in stereotyped ways to let people know they exist."

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Jen Hart
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Mmm, yes, let's never stop living with perpetual brutality, chaos, and death.

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Emanual Henry
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

High blood pressure, obesity, high blood sugar, malnutrition, but I can't think of any real reasons.

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Many men in Dr. Matthews’s practice have never gone to therapy before, and some wouldn't even be expected to be found in a psychologist’s office at first glance. But they are sure glad they did. "This idea of what it really means to be a man and the positive and negative ways in which they have lived this is a frequent topic of conversation."

"I would encourage anyone concerned with issues of identity, including ideas about masculinity, to start reflecting on it in some kind of organized way. Don’t just watch videos by your favorite IG or Tik Tok influencers, but start journaling, reading books, or going and seeing a therapist. It really can change your life," Dr. Matthews concluded.

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Helena
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Picturing this guy putting together flat-pack furniture without instructions ('cause those are for girls) and when his shelf turns into a table, he just throws it through the wall. Because bro

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Kelli Pike
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

BREAKING NEWS: WORK COLLEAGUES OFTEN ENGAGE AS FRIENDS WITH EACH OTHER. MORE ON THIS AT 11.

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Amber.exe (She/They)
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Say you're insecure about your masculinity without saying you're insecure about your masculinity

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Jen Hart
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

James Butler is a septic tank guy on TikTok and YouTube who has a 'manly' job, but also decent general advice about being a boss of a company. It's not all dancing and "challenges" on TikTok.

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Helena
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Anyone else think that the whole alpha, beta, sigma whatever is just dude bro astrology?

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