Employment Attorney Reminds Folks To Not Consider Their Coworkers Or Company A “Family”, Goes Viral With 2.8M Views
While there are a lot of variables in the machine we call work, there are certain conditions that might lead us to feel like a workplace and everyone involved in it is a family of sorts; if anything, they can be friends.
But, again, there are a lot of variables, and the same work we’re talking about can become very toxic very quickly, and at the end of the day, we need to remember that a workplace is ‘just business’—it’s not inherently a friend, nor a family, and not there for us.
And there is actually a reminder about this hovering about the internet in video form, which has recently been going viral.
More Info: TikTok
While, at face value, calling your team family sounds great, it does have personally devastating implications in the long run
Image credits: delyannethemoneycoach
Meet Delyanne Barros, a money coach and a CNN podcast host who has recently gone to her TikTok with a friendly neighborhood reminder about what work, in its essence, really is—it’s a business relationship between the business and you, the employee. Nothing more.
In her now viral video, she explains that coworkers are not anyone’s family at the workplace. The boss as a company figure is not anyone’s friend. And the company is not a community or a tribe.
The concepts of family, friend, community and tribe are all based on mutual understanding, love, care, and everything in between that pertains to humans maintaining healthy social ties with each other.
A money coach has recently come out with a short, but spot-on video pointing out that coworkers are not family
Image credits: delyannethemoneycoach
A business, on the other hand, is an entity focused on generating wealth. And while a community or a tribe can be focused on that too, a business is void of the emotional and social connections that develop within social constructs like communities.
Delyanne elaborated that she has worked as an employment attorney for 14 years and she witnessed how very loyal employees are treated like trash at the workplace when push comes to shove. So, where’s the community, the love, and the caring now?
Her immediate recommendation is to start investing your money so that you have what she calls an FU (or ef you) fund ready as an exit strategy for “when this happens”. Not if, but when.
You can check out the full video below
@delyannethemoneycoach Build that FU fund! #corporatetiktok #corporatelife #jobtips #fintok #corporateamerica #jobsearch ♬ original sound – Delyanne
Delyanne also followed up with a response to a commenter, who’s an HR, agreeing with the idea that colleagues are not friends
Image credits: @delyannethemoneycoach
Image credits: @delyannethemoneycoach
Several days later, she came out with another video, which was in response to one of the commenters on the ‘coworkers are not your family’ video, focusing a little bit more on what the HR’s function is in a given company.
In short, the HR is a company representative whose main task is to limit the liability of the business. They are not obligated, nor will they really fight for you like a union would, so it’s best to assume the “have everything in writing” approach whenever agreeing to something with HR.
But back to the main video. Folks in the comment section had a lot to say about it, with one side cheering the idea on, saying that work “is literally a business transaction” and that it’s a healthy thing to have one’s work life and personal life run parallel, never intersecting.
But there were also those who disagreed, saying that not all jobs are the same (remember the variables we started off with?) and there exist workplaces that are oriented towards fostering social relations.
Needless to say, this sparked a bit of a debate among commenters, with most agreeing, but some arguing that companies can be family
Image credits: Blondinrikard Fröberg
Whatever the case may be, the video was soon off the ground and in the ether of virality, having racked up over 2.8 million views and 281,300 likes in under a few days.
And while Delyanne’s words can be discussed and debated, a Harvard Business Review article took a deep dive into the toxic side of calling a company or a team a family, supporting Delyanne’s claim.
What seems like a concept that ought to bring comfort and a sense of bonding among people in a team more often than not leads to blurred lines between the personal and the professional, and instills an overly exaggerated sense of loyalty that harms the individual first.
Moreover, it provides the employer a certain power dynamic where they can start to abuse their workers, taking advantage of the emotional bond they have seemingly developed with the business. And this is all to improve efficiency and morale, when the right thing to do is to stay truthful, have verbatim goals, set clear boundaries, and keep things professional, without losing touch with the fact that you’re working with real live human beings.
You can check out Delyanne’s video here, or if you want more information, feel free to peruse her entire TikTok channel as well as her website. But before you scurry off to read another one of our articles, why not share your thoughts on the matter—are you all for what Delyanne says, or would you argue against it? Let us know what you think in the comment section below!
"We work hard and play hard here" is a serious red flag. It means they expect you to work 12 hours days and then go party with them after hours. Oh, and if anything untoward happens on those off hours, expect the HR goon squad to be talking with you soon. Same goes with "we're a family here". What that means is the owners expect you to work long hours for cheap like their kids did when building the business, and that they promote family values, but not nearly as often as they promote actual family members.
I have always lived by the separation of work and home policy. I don't share anything personal but am still friendly and talk to people. My coworker right next to me can't keep any kind of gossip or information to themselves so am very careful around them though I like her as well. Whenever I hear someone refer to my company as a family I cringe. Some have developed friendships and there have been relationships and even marriages. Will make things much easier when it's time to leave.
But... but... my last boss felt strongly that he was paying us to be his friends. It's not as if anyone would do that voluntarily.
Work to live, don't live to work. I have been with my company for nine years and I work with great people, but they are not my friends. I would do anything for these people that is job related while on the clock, but off the clock, I wouldn't go out of my way for any of them.
Agreed. I've actually seen co-workers after hours & on weekends while out running errands & hid from them or turned back the other way!
Load More Replies...
Regarding HR in the United States: Do not go into any HR meetings alone!! I cannot stress this enough. If you are called in HR, ask a trusted colleague to go with you and take notes. You are legally allowed to do this and—trust me—you will need the ammo later. If you don't have a trusted colleague, record the meeting and let them know you are recording the meeting. You can legally do this and they are lying / uninformed if they say differently.
As someone familiar with employment laws, please only listen to actual employment attorneys, not internet posts. Neither of these things are true universally, especially the recording one.
Load More Replies...
what about people who live paycheck to paycheck, habe debt and nothing to invest ?
Did my job and went home for over 45 years...avoid gossip and gossipers and getting to friendly with coworkers. Worked for corporation and small business...keep your personal business to yourself...found that even the best intentioned folks will turn on you if it benefits them
I think there is a big difference between making friends with a coworker(s) than it is to say the company as a whole is your community or the entire team/dept etc you work for are your family. I met my best friend 14 years ago at a job, neither of us have worked at for years now and we are still best friends. Our friendship has zero to do with the job. To me this is completely different than acting like your direct manager or anyone in a position higher than you is your friend or family. Or that HR is there to protect you. Anyone with a job should know HR is there to protect company interests. I go to work do my job and go home. But that does not mean there aren't people there that are friends whom I speak to and see outside of work.
There's nothing wrong with making friends with your colleagues. But always bear in mind that there is a business agreement, and that this can be terminated. Learned that the hard way, when a colleague/friend became my boss. It's something I had to explain years later to a much younger boss, that I like him, but he's not my friend, and I'm not interested in doing team building activities, especially outside of work.
I had one job where I felt valued. This was a brand new plant and we were the first crew. We helped establish rules for the job, basic standards and wrote the 'how to ' books. We ranged in age from 22 to 55 and I felt like I 'owned' my position. It was a great place to work and many of us felt like good friends and maybe family. Over time, people came and left. The worst was when our boss was promoted and the new guy was a polar opposite. He only lasted 2 years, but that was long enough to re-set the atmosphere. We still all got along, but we were not so tight. I worked there for 12 years and it is still the best job I ever had.
In 35 years of working at various companies across the country I can count on one hand the number of fellow employees who have stayed in contact after leaving a job despite having attended after work events and talking for years while working there and it's one. Never ever had a boss act or be a friend and never look out for me but they're the first to throw you to the wolves when you're at your most vulnerable.
"This is not like a Union relationship". Once upon a time when young and stupid I was anti union. Eventually worked in a union environment as worker and eventually manager. Rules were set for both sides which removed a lot of the usual grief, eveyone knew how much everyone else made, job descriptions were laid out, if you had a problem it wasn't you against the employer and HR it was you and your union rep. I would not work in a non union setting again.
Honestly, I've never seen the word "family" in connection with workplace/business. The Norwegian corporate lingo seems to emphasis other things (not that they are any better).
While 99.9% of this is true, sometimes people do connect & become true friends. But it is very rare, and most companies, especially big ones, don't encourage in-office friendships. At my last job, 2 of my co-workers & I started going out together at lunch to walk & get some exercise. The VP of HR saw us & immediately had our lunch times changed so we couldn't walk together anymore. There was also a co-worker who I made friends with & she called me her "office sister", we met up on weekends, & were fb friends. We worked closely together for 5 years. When I was let go, I didn't hear a word from her, not one phone call or message. After a month, I unfriended her. TEN MONTHS later, I get a message saying "I had a dream about you and wanted to reach out, hoping we can still be friends." Bull. Sh*t. I ignored it & blocked her.
"A money coach..." y'all need to stop listening to these Tiktok hustlers like they're actual experts.
"We work hard and play hard here" is a serious red flag. It means they expect you to work 12 hours days and then go party with them after hours. Oh, and if anything untoward happens on those off hours, expect the HR goon squad to be talking with you soon. Same goes with "we're a family here". What that means is the owners expect you to work long hours for cheap like their kids did when building the business, and that they promote family values, but not nearly as often as they promote actual family members.
I have always lived by the separation of work and home policy. I don't share anything personal but am still friendly and talk to people. My coworker right next to me can't keep any kind of gossip or information to themselves so am very careful around them though I like her as well. Whenever I hear someone refer to my company as a family I cringe. Some have developed friendships and there have been relationships and even marriages. Will make things much easier when it's time to leave.
But... but... my last boss felt strongly that he was paying us to be his friends. It's not as if anyone would do that voluntarily.
Work to live, don't live to work. I have been with my company for nine years and I work with great people, but they are not my friends. I would do anything for these people that is job related while on the clock, but off the clock, I wouldn't go out of my way for any of them.
Agreed. I've actually seen co-workers after hours & on weekends while out running errands & hid from them or turned back the other way!
Load More Replies... Regarding HR in the United States: Do not go into any HR meetings alone!! I cannot stress this enough. If you are called in HR, ask a trusted colleague to go with you and take notes. You are legally allowed to do this and—trust me—you will need the ammo later. If you don't have a trusted colleague, record the meeting and let them know you are recording the meeting. You can legally do this and they are lying / uninformed if they say differently.
As someone familiar with employment laws, please only listen to actual employment attorneys, not internet posts. Neither of these things are true universally, especially the recording one.
Load More Replies... what about people who live paycheck to paycheck, habe debt and nothing to invest ?
Did my job and went home for over 45 years...avoid gossip and gossipers and getting to friendly with coworkers. Worked for corporation and small business...keep your personal business to yourself...found that even the best intentioned folks will turn on you if it benefits them
I think there is a big difference between making friends with a coworker(s) than it is to say the company as a whole is your community or the entire team/dept etc you work for are your family. I met my best friend 14 years ago at a job, neither of us have worked at for years now and we are still best friends. Our friendship has zero to do with the job. To me this is completely different than acting like your direct manager or anyone in a position higher than you is your friend or family. Or that HR is there to protect you. Anyone with a job should know HR is there to protect company interests. I go to work do my job and go home. But that does not mean there aren't people there that are friends whom I speak to and see outside of work.
There's nothing wrong with making friends with your colleagues. But always bear in mind that there is a business agreement, and that this can be terminated. Learned that the hard way, when a colleague/friend became my boss. It's something I had to explain years later to a much younger boss, that I like him, but he's not my friend, and I'm not interested in doing team building activities, especially outside of work.
I had one job where I felt valued. This was a brand new plant and we were the first crew. We helped establish rules for the job, basic standards and wrote the 'how to ' books. We ranged in age from 22 to 55 and I felt like I 'owned' my position. It was a great place to work and many of us felt like good friends and maybe family. Over time, people came and left. The worst was when our boss was promoted and the new guy was a polar opposite. He only lasted 2 years, but that was long enough to re-set the atmosphere. We still all got along, but we were not so tight. I worked there for 12 years and it is still the best job I ever had.
In 35 years of working at various companies across the country I can count on one hand the number of fellow employees who have stayed in contact after leaving a job despite having attended after work events and talking for years while working there and it's one. Never ever had a boss act or be a friend and never look out for me but they're the first to throw you to the wolves when you're at your most vulnerable.
"This is not like a Union relationship". Once upon a time when young and stupid I was anti union. Eventually worked in a union environment as worker and eventually manager. Rules were set for both sides which removed a lot of the usual grief, eveyone knew how much everyone else made, job descriptions were laid out, if you had a problem it wasn't you against the employer and HR it was you and your union rep. I would not work in a non union setting again.
Honestly, I've never seen the word "family" in connection with workplace/business. The Norwegian corporate lingo seems to emphasis other things (not that they are any better).
While 99.9% of this is true, sometimes people do connect & become true friends. But it is very rare, and most companies, especially big ones, don't encourage in-office friendships. At my last job, 2 of my co-workers & I started going out together at lunch to walk & get some exercise. The VP of HR saw us & immediately had our lunch times changed so we couldn't walk together anymore. There was also a co-worker who I made friends with & she called me her "office sister", we met up on weekends, & were fb friends. We worked closely together for 5 years. When I was let go, I didn't hear a word from her, not one phone call or message. After a month, I unfriended her. TEN MONTHS later, I get a message saying "I had a dream about you and wanted to reach out, hoping we can still be friends." Bull. Sh*t. I ignored it & blocked her.
"A money coach..." y'all need to stop listening to these Tiktok hustlers like they're actual experts.
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