Four legs, cleft hooves, and a mouth with no upper teeth. Two horns, an udder, and a swishy tail. These words create a truly wondrous image - one that comes before your very own eyes as if from a mist, slowly revealing a statuesque picture of a… cow! And we are pretty certain that cows with their wet noses and plate-sized eyes rimmed by luscious lashes deserve all the poetry on Earth. However, to us, poetry comes in a slightly different manner than the rest. You probably know where we are headed here, right? Yep, you guessed it - to us, poetry equals silly puns because having a little loving chortle beats any ballad or sonnet. For us, anyway. And so - this is our list dedicated to cow puns, and to cow puns only.
Out of the many topics for funny wordplays, animal puns are by far our favorite. See, animals are already cute, making all the witticisms about them into inherently cute puns. So, a double whammy - it’s fun, AND it’s cute. Try and beat this combo; we’re waiting! Also, talking specifically about these adorable puns dedicated to cows, they’re as rich with phonetic jokes as the sea is with fishes. And while a ‘moo’ is no siren’s song (as declared by many), to us, the very same ‘moo’ is the most calming sound to which we’d like to wake and fall asleep. So, incorporating it into a clever pun or two is basically a must.
But we’ve probably already done enough to show our devotion to these large ruminants, and now it’s exactly the right time to skip to the animal puns themselves. They are, just as always, a bit further down, and once you are there, give your vote for the best puns of the bunch. Also, it would be kind of you to share this article with your friends - we think they, too, would appreciate some cows and hilarious puns injected into their day.
How do cows say “thank you” for dinner in Spanish?
Moo-chas grass-ias.
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Déjà Moo is the feeling that you’ve heard this bull before.
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Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
They lactose.
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Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don’t work.
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What would you hear at a cow concert?
Moo-sic!
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What did the bull say to his son when he was going off to school?
Bison!!!
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What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
A milkshake!
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What happens when you talk to a cow?
It goes in one ear and out the udder!
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Did you hear about the famous cow?
They say her milk is Legend Dairy.
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What did the mother cow say to the baby cow?
It’s pasture bedtime.
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Where do cows get all their medicine?
The farmacy.
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What do you call the cow who hit it big playing the lottery?
A cash cow.
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What you do get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
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What do you call a cow that doesn’t give milk?
A milk dud.
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Why did the cow jump over the moon?
Because the farmer’s hands were cold.
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If a cowboy is happy, does that make him a… Jolly Rancher?
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Where do cow farts come from?
From their dairy air.
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What do you get when you cross an angry sheep and a moody cow?
A baaaaaaad mooooood.
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What did the cow say to its therapist?
“I feel seen but not herd.”
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What do you call cattle that tell jokes?
Laughing stock.
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What time is it when a cow sits on your hat?
Time to get a new hat!
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Why did the two cows hate each other?
They had beef.
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I don’t even know what to tell you about this divine bovine I just saw. I mean, just, like, holy cow…
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Why was the cow so afraid of messing up?
Because the steaks were high.
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Why did the farmer stop telling cow puns?
Because he butchered every joke.
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What does a farmer talk about when she’s milking a cow?
Udder nonsense.
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What do you call two ducks and a cow?
Quackers and milk.
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How do you get a cow to keep quiet?
Press the moooote button.
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What does a cow watch?
MooTube.
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What do you call a redneck motorcycle?
Cow-a-sock-ee.
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What’s a cow’s favorite James Taylor song?
Something in the Way She Moos.
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What kind of milk do you get from a forgetful cow?
Milk of amnesia.
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I have a farmer friend who heats his milk products to 212 degrees Fahrenheit using cow chips.
Yep. It’s called pasture-ized milk.
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All the farmers cows stopped producing milk…
It was a case of real udder chaos.
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Did you hear that they genetically engineered a milk cow to have no teats?
It was udderly pointless.
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What did the cow say to her misbehaving calf?
I am not amoosed by you.
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Why was the cow sad?
She was moody.
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Why did the cow get a ticket?
Because of a mooing violation.
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What do you call a cow eating grass?
A Lawn Moo-er.
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Why doesn’t Sweden export it’s cattle?
It wants to keep its Stockholm.
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Why did the Secret Service surround the president with dozens of cows?
They were trying to beef up security.
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How did the cow get to Mars?
It flew through udder space.
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What do cows eat for breakfast?
Moosli.
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What do you call a strong cow?
Beefy.
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What did the cow say to the cheese?
"I am your father."
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Why couldn’t the cow gain weight?
She was more of a grazer.
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Why is it so hard to hurt a cow’s feelings?
They’re skin’s as thick as leather.
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Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
Because they lack-tose.
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Cow telling her family history:
My grandfather was a knight. He was Sir Loin.
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Why was the farmer mad at his cow?
The excuse she gave was a bunch of bull.
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What do you call a cow who does magic?
Moo-dini.
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What do you call a cow with no spots?
A Moo-tant.
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Why weren’t the cows in the field?
They Moooooved.
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It is now legal to park bovines with foot coverings in motorcycle parking spaces.
They’re officially labeled as Cowasockies.
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What do you get when you take a bovine and divide its circumference by its diameter?
A cow pi.
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What’s a cow’s favorite newspaper?
The Daily Moos.
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Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cow says.
Cow says who?
No, silly. Cow say MOOOOOOOO.
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Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Interrupting cow.
Interrupting cow, wh — MOOOOOO!
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What do you get when a cow jumps on a trampoline?
Milkshake.
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What do you call it when one cow spies on another cow?
A steak out.
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Why do cows read magazines?
They love the cattle-logs.
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What do you call a cow that’s laying down?
Ground beef.
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How does a cow become invisible?
Through camooflage.
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My cow just wandered into a field of marijuana.
The steaks have never been so high!
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What do you call a funny cow?
A cowmedian.
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Where do cows go on holiday?
Moo Zealand.
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What do you call a cow that can part water?
Moo-ses.
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What does a surfing cow say?
Cowabunga!
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What do you get when you cross a cow and a goat?
A coat.
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What did the farmer call the cow that had no milk?
An udder failure.
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What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
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What are cow knees called?
Burger joints.
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Why was the cow banned from ballet class?
It kept practicing its Dairy Air.
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What do cows tell each other at bedtime?
Dairy tales.
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What does the cow do when she’s got leverage?
Milks it for all it’s worth.
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How did the bull earn the farmer’s trust?
He said, “Seriously, have I ever steered you wrong?”
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Why couldn’t the cow learn?
Everything went in one ear and out the udder.
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Why don’t cows understand what you say?
Because it goes in one ear and comes out the udder!
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What do you call a cow who’s forgotten how to make milk?
Udder-ly confused.
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What do cows listen to at parties?
Moo-sic.
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Did you hear about the two cows who fought to the death?
It was crazy, their lives were at steak.
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Where do cows eat lunch?
In the calfeteria.
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What do you call a cow that just gave birth.
De-calf-nated.
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Why did the cow get a massage?
To re-hoove-inate.
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How can you tell if a cow is exceptional?
It’s outstanding in its field.
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What’s a cow’s best subject in school?
Cow-culus.
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Why was the cow afraid?
He was a cow-herd.
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What happens when a cow laughs?
Milk comes out of its nose.
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Why do cows go to New York?
To see the moosicals.
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How do farmers count their cows?
They use a cowculator.
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What sound do you hear when a cow breaks the sound barrier?
Cowboom.
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What do you call a fight between two herds of cows?
A cattle battle.
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What did the cow and bull do for their first date?
Dinner and a moooovie.
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Why don’t bulls play archery?
They might hit a bulls-eye.
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What do you call a feminine cow?
A dairy queen.
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Why does a milking stool only have three legs?
Because the cow has the udder.
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Why did the astronauts take a box of cereal and a cow with them?
In case they bypassed the milky way!
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What do you call a cow with a twitch?
Beef jerky.
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How do cows laugh?
Moo-haha.
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Why don’t cows have any money?
Farmers milk them dry.
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How did the farmer find his lost cow?
He tractor down.
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What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
De-calf-inated.
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My butcher gave me beef from a female cow.
I said, “I believe this is a Miss Steak.”
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I saw a cow spontaneously catch on fire the other day. Guess you could call it a rare experience.
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How do you tuck in a cow?
Bull Sheets.
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I have a decent joke about a cow, but it’s pretty offensive, so I’ll probably need to take it down. Or, you know, have it remooooooved.
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What is an evening of self-care for a cow?
Moovies, moosic, and mooisturizer.
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How does a cow apologize?
It kowtows.
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What did the cow say at the end of the workday?
An udder day, an udder dollar.
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What do you call a Russian bovine covered in lichen?
Moscow.
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What did one cow thief say to the other before their big heist?
Put on your cow-moo gear — we need to be sneaky.
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What do you call it when two cows live together in harmony?
Cowhabitation.
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Cow farmers say their job is hard, but I think they’re just milking it.
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It’s so hot outside that my cow started giving powdered milk!
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Why don’t cows have any money?
Because farmers milk them dry.
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Want to hear a joke about milk… No it’s too cheesey.
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Why did the cow start a fight with his buddy?
There was real beef between them!
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What happens when a calf gives her mom attitude?
She tans its hide.
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Why were the two bulls ignoring each other?
They had a lot of beef.
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Why don’t bulls play archery?
They might hit a bulls-eye.
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What did the cow say to the other cow on the hill?
I’m udder-neath you.
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What did the farmer say when his cow wouldn’t produce milk?
This is udderly problematic!
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Why do cows lie down in the rain?
To keep each udder dry.
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What do you call a short cow in tall grass?
Udderly tickled.
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What do you call the feeling that you’ve heard this bull before?
Deja-moo.
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What’s a cow’s favorite day of the year?
Moo Years Day.
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What is a cow’s favorite drink?
Mountain Moo!
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How do ranchers keep track of all their cows?
They keep a cattle-log.
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I got the mooves like Jagger.
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Make sure you show up on time, otherwise Bessie will have a cow.
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Steer clear! Cows coming through!
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Move! Get out of the hay!
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Where did the bull lose all his money?
At the cow-sino.
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How did the cow know he was noble?
He was a Sir Loin.
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What do you get when you cross a cow and a rooster?
Roost beef.
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What do you call a sleeping cow?
A bull dozer.
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What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.
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What do you get when you cross a cow and a dog?
Hound beef.
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What did the cow say to all her friends?
I am legen-dairy.
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What did the Auntie cow say to her niece?
“You’re so udderly cute!”
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What’s a cow’s favorite TV show?
Dr. Moo.
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What do you get when you cross a cow and a smurf?
Blue cheese.
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Why do cows wear bells?
Their horns don’t work.
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If a cow is cold, you get a milkshake. But what do you get when the cow is even colder?
A dead cow.
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I’d tell you a cow joke… but I would probably butcher it.
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What’s a cow’s social media handle?
Bo-Vine.
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What did the cow build it’s house out of?
Cottage Cheese.
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Why don’t most cows lie?
They can smell bull.
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Animal News Network had to fire its bovine news anchorman.
Because it was unrelia-bull.
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What did the cow and bull do for their first date?
Dinner and a moovie.
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What do you get when you sit under a cow?
A pat on the head.
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Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the udder side!
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How dair-y steal my milk!
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This milk is udderly delicious.
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The milk’s gone bad – it’s enough to milk you sick.
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