“AITA For Buying My Fiancée A Lab-Grown Diamond And Refusing To Exchange It For A Natural Stone?”
Traditionally when a couple gets engaged, the man will buy a diamond ring that symbolizes a promise to get married. Usually it’s a diamond ring and people tend to spend quite a lot of money on it to demonstrate their infinite love.
A Reddit user who named his account throwaway1578650 actually spent $20,000 on a diamond ring, but his fiancée was not impressed. When she found out that it was a lab-grown diamond, she refused to accept it and asked for a ‘real’ one, but the man is not willing to do that. It led to the couple getting into an argument so the Redditor is asking if he should concede.
More info: Reddit
A man wants to know if he is being unreasonable for not wanting to exchange a lab-grown diamond for a natural one at the request of his fiancée
Image credits: Erin (not the actual photo)
The Original Poster (OP) and his girlfriend have been together for 5 years and he thought it was time to become engaged. He proposed and the girlfriend became his fiancée. Everything seemed fine, they were happy but the fiancée was curious how much money the OP spent on the ring.
He didn’t hide it and said it cost $20,000. He has been saving this money for 10 years, though it was originally meant for a kit car; however, he decided to invest it in the relationship, as the fiancée wanted a small wedding, so he thought it was worth splurging on the ring. Also, they both work as MDs and their financial situation is pretty stable.
Image credits: throwaway1578650
The OP searched for the diamond for several months and spent $20,000 on a 3.6-carat diamond
Image credits: throwaway1578650
The fiancé was surprised that the Redditor had spent so much for her, but the ring was 3.6 carats, which would usually cost triple that amount, so she quickly became suspicious. The OP showed her the certificate that came with the ring that proved it wasn’t a fake.
What the certificate also proved was that the diamond was lab-grown which was a problem for the fiancé. She was seemingly upset as in her eyes it wasn’t a real diamond.
Image credits: throwaway1578650
The fiancée was happy with it, but got suspicious when she found out its price as it was cheaper than other diamonds of this size
Image credits: throwaway1578650
This is not true as lab-grown diamonds have the same chemical makeup as natural diamonds and they look exactly the same. Thanks to advanced technology, scientists can duplicate the conditions under which natural diamonds develop and there is more control over which color it will come out.
The OP explained this and also added that they are better for the environment and he can be completely sure that it isn’t a conflict stone. Also, it is cheaper but looks the same and has the same chemical structure.
Image credits: throwaway1578650
It was lab-grown so that explained the price, however, the fact that the diamond wasn’t natural upset the fiancée
Image credits: throwaway1578650
This wasn’t convincing for the fiancée and the man was stunned after receiving such a reaction, because he had asked her family and friends if his fiancée would accept a lab-grown diamond, to which they replied she wouldn’t care.
He is worried that there are no guarantees a natural diamond doesn’t come from a conflict area and he would really prefer to keep the lab-grown one, but his fiancée asked if he would exchange it for a natural one of the same value.
Image credits: throwaway1578650
The man explained to her that lab-grown diamonds are as real as natural ones, but she asked if he could exchange it anyway
Image credits: throwaway1578650
The OP is confused why she would ask such a thing because she didn’t even notice a difference until she saw the certification and now she is claiming that she does. So he refused, as he thinks that it is the perfect ring he was searching for for so long, has a good value, and it definitely is not a blood diamond.
He even went as far as saying that he is not against ending the relationship, that wouldn’t make him exchange the ring. Although later in the comments he admitted that he would do it if it meant so much to his fiancé.
The OP disagreed and didn’t think it was necessary as well as because he didn’t want to risk getting a conflict stone
Image credits: throwaway1578650
The OP says that if his fiancée will not change her mind, he will eventually do as she pleases, but in his heart, he feels that’s wrong
Image credits: throwaway1578650
The Redditor asks if he’s being unreasonable and should just give in and exchange the stone. Because it wasn’t only the fiancée who thought that changing the diamond wasn’t such a big deal, but also her friends. The OP likes the idea of exchanging the diamond to a completely different stone but is unsure about how the fiancée would react, however, changing it to a natural diamond doesn’t seem right to him.
What would you do in OP’s situation? Do you think that his principles don’t matter here or do you think that the fiancée should be more grateful? Let us know in the comments.
Most people thought the fiancée was being ungrateful and materialistic for being upset about the diamond
First of all, what is the point of a $20k ring? Is she really going to wear that everyday? Normal people would be frightened of losing it or getting it stolen. Secondly, take the ring back to the shop, get your money back and go and buy that kit car, as your fiance clearly has issues.
Nobody should spend that much money in a ring. I will never understand it.
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It's fascinating that anybody would spend 20,000 for a piece of crystallized carbon that looks more or less like a glass shard. A diamond is durable, I guess, but the advertising industry's ability to convince people that they are exceptionally beautiful is truly a feat of social engineering.
Diamonds are pretty much the biggest sham in history. Thanks De Beers.
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My engagement ring cost approx $50. About a months wages at that time. I didn't choose it, my husband surprised me with it. An engagement ring is given as a token of love not a financial arrangement. We have just celebrated our 50th anniversary and that ring still sits on my finger.
Let me get this right. She wants to trade a 25k ethically sourced diamond for one that's mined by slaves and cost lives? She sounds like a keeper 🙄
Ugh, why are people so infatuated with diamonds? I'll never understand why someone would spend $20K on something so meaningless that will do absolutely nothing to enrich the lives of anyone at all. What a waste.
Yeah I'd have smacked him for spending $20,000 on a ring, but seriously its time to take the ring back, dump the chick and go get something you want.
The fact that he bought HIS dream ring. Instead of HER dream ring is the issue here. The fact he's so adamant about keeping a ring that he knows she doesn't like is ridiculous. She's the one that's going to be wearing it, Lord willing, for the rest of her life, so why shouldn't she have input on what the final product is? People care more about the cost of the f*cking ring. than about what her true argument is. She's not saying the ring was not expensive enough, or nothing like that, she just wants a ring she will like. And let's be clear an engagement ring and an everyday ring is two completely different t things. Hell I'd wear a lab grown. Or even cubic ring for everyday use, but when it comes to my engagement and/or marriage I also would want a natural diamond, no matter the cost. It's not an unreasonable request.
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NTA. She's spoiled and vain. Also she's too young to be getting married, which is showing through her immaturity. Sad to say, but this does not bode well for the future until she grows up. Does she not know how amazing it is that a guy would purposefully spend years saving to buy me something pretty? Jesus when I was ill from everything in america and wanted to move back home for my health, my american husband at the time said "No, i'm not leaving my guns". DOES SHE KNOW HOW FUC*ING LUCKY SHE IS?! If she doesn't, i'll date you. You should be appreciated more than this for being a standup guy.
I suspect by your wording, that relationship didn't last.
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If she liked the ring when she thought it was a real diamond then yes, she is the AH.
Ikr. And asking how much it cost? The hell? You're never supposed to ask how much a gift costs.
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Wow, what a bizarre thing to risk your relationship over. There has been a clear breakdown in communication here, and if there weren’t any problems before this, the OP and his fiancée need to have a serious heart to heart. Sure she’s being a hugely spoilt brat, but maybe that’s their dynamic and he’s fine with it, but if they were really mutually in love then surely even an onion ring would do. My husband spent more than I would have liked and he insisted on getting me a diamond even though I’d said to him before getting engaged that I’d like a sapphire or equivalent, as I really wanted to avoid a blood diamond. In the end He got me a diamond ring that’s beautiful, I was a little disappointed that he hadn’t listened to what I wanted, but I know he’s very traditional and I love him unconditionally so of course I never asked the price or where it came from. Just seems so ungrateful and unimportant, they should be focused on their life together, not a piece of jewelry
I would be beyond pissed off if I made it clear that I didn't want a diamond ring and he went ahead and bought one. That would be a relationship breaker for me. He sounds very controlling.
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It's his money but good lord, Twenty-Thousand dollars on A RING! It must be nice to have that much.
Honestly I'd ask him to go get his money back and get a much cheaper ring. 😭😭 Could pay for a great vacation with that and still have left over for rent or bills
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The thought of owning a blood diamond is cringeworthy to me especially after arguing the videos of the poverty stricken children forced to work the mines! Have her watch a documentary about it and see how she feels about her "real" diamond needs after that.
Sorry, when someone is that superficial, Nothing changes their mind. They only see their pov.
Load More Replies... Ethical concerns aside, $20,000 for a ring?? My engagement ring and my and my husband's wedding bands together cost about $400. My stone wasn't even originally a "stone;" it was glass. The only reason it's a stone now is because it broke while the ring was being repaired, and the jeweler replaced it with a lab-grown stone.
He has valid points about not wanting a blood diamond, so did we. That's why we went vintage. 1900 ring. But she's the bigger asshole. 20k wasn't enough? Not hearing him out? It was beautiful until it wasn't? They should have picked out a ring together, but, maybe she told him 'surprise me, i want to be surprised, it must be a perfect proposal!' He needs to run.
Just out of curiosity because I never researched this but wouldn't a vintage ring be more likely to be a conflict diamond given the lack of diamond market regulations back then?
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I wouldn't want to be with someone who thought it was a good idea to spend 20k on a ring. And I wouldn't want to be with someone who thought a "real" blood diamond was more important than an ethically sourced diamond. Maybe these two deserve each other.
Seems strange to put so much money into a bit if jewellery. Why not just get a classic 500$ gold ring and use the rest to finance a house?
Have you considered they may already own a house? They are both doctors and the op says money is stable.
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Wow. It's not about the ring or the value of it. If you get lost in those values marriage is going to be even harder. I have married twice. Still am married to my current husband. This time we bought wedding rings in steel. They were really nice and personal and did not break the bank (about 300$ for both). I lost mine in the sea while swimming on vacation. Ops. Haven't replaced it. My husband never wear his except on special occasions. Does that mean I'm less married? Nope. It's not about the ring. Maybe these two should discuss why they even want to be married and what it means to them?
It's the way the universe telling you that she is not the one. Get out quickly
Diamond engagement rings are a scam, and anyone who gets upset over them about their price or getting the "dream" engagement ring is part of the problem. The value of diamonds are already artificially inflated. I'd run from any girl who gets worked up over whether they're "natural" or "artificial", not to mention any girl who demands the perfect engagement ring. And full disclosure, when I say I would, I really mean "I should have" as when I got engaged, one of the shittiest things my (ex) wife said was that she wanted a bigger diamond.
They are inflated in many cases because if they are lost, the jewelry store replaces the diamond. Happened to my aunt, she had hers replaced/ no charge.
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If my partner spent 20K on a ring I'd dump his ass as he don't know me at all, I could think of at least 10 more important/fun things to do with the money!!!
Plus, I find it rather emotionally manipulative. The fact she was so suspicious and that he said he expressed his own opinion about it, to me, actually implies she also expressed hers before he bought the ring, and instead of looking for an alternative like vintage, he bought the priciest one he liked because he thought the big size would make her change her mind. With that money, I'd ask for a 5K ring, and for the rest to be set aside for the honeymoon and if there are any financial leftovers after everything, some things for our home.
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Not all fiancées totally love their engagement rings. Just read a story that, weeks after Kevin Bacon proposed to Kyra Sedgwick with engagement ring in hand, she finally broke down and told him she loved him but hated the ring. He just said no big deal and they exchanged it. Now, 1) $20,000.00 ain’t going to buy anywhere near a 3.5 carat diamond that’s decent quality, so she probably would’ve bitched about the size of the stone. 2) If he had wanted to get her a natural stone, he could’ve gone the vintage route, but then she probably would’ve bitched about him giving her a secondhand engagement ring. 3) He also could’ve gotten her a ring with another type of natural stone, like a sapphire—-and even then he could’ve gone vintage. However, it sounds like no matter what the ring’s stone looked like or where it came from, she would’ve found something to bitch about. Thing is, SHE needs to be the one to call off the marriage so he can get his $20,000.00 ring back. I need an update on this one.
The REALLY insane thing here is that she didn't send him to give the ring back to the jeweller and retrieve his 20,000 dollars. Who in their right mind would want their partner to waste such an amount of money on a RING. Think what else one could buy with 20,000!
In many places it is customary for the couple to choose the ring together. The man visiting the store previously to advise staff how much he wants to pay so that only rings in that range are offered. The cost here is excessive and the natural vs lab issue could have been solved by having one of the lovely coloured stones instead of a diamond IF he had bothered to discuss it with his girlfriend.
I would prefer it if the amount spent was a joint decision as well. They are going to share finances for (hopefully) the rest of their lives. So why would the ring's price not be agreed upon? A man deciding this seems old fashioned to me and not at all romantic, but a tad controlling. Granted it is just my opinion and I agree wholeheartedly with the rest of your points. No disrespect meant.
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Let’s see she wants a “Real Diamond” that was dug out of the ground Instead of the stone that was produced in the lab where it comes out perfect. I suggest returning it and getting her the smallest tiniest real diamond you can find. I mean the gold should be worth more than the diamond. Give her that. Then set this witch free.
It's technically petty, but my karmic justice meter agrees.
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A lot of judgement about how someone chose to spend their own money; he & the potential future Mrs are doctors. A lot of judgement about how a woman felt about a piece of jewelry that she will wear all the time, which will represent some expression of of her identity, that she didn't actually have part of the decision making in buying. He wanted to choose a ring she would like. He asked her family about lab diamonds, they said no problem. If they said oh no she won't like that, and he got her the ring anyway, would you still think she was wrong? This is about communication, not jewelry.
I've got a gold & diamond solitaire engagement ring going to waste. I'd give to OP for free. We chose it together when a day's pay was enough for me, only he settled on one costing a month's pay, - o be able to see the diamond. I wore it for 2 years, with love & pride till I left it in for the band to be upsized. Then he told me he'd had a girl half my age. Next she was pregnant & he wanted to get engaged to her. So we had to divorce (we had no children, only my then grown up son from a short marriage in my 20s). I was 50 & heartbroken taking off my wedding band, &:collecting my engagement ring from the jeweller knowing that without his heart I could not place it back on my finger. Now it means nothing at all to me. A year later I met a new partner & for 18 years I've worn a ring we chose together..A worked white gold band with tiny clear stones set at random. It cost him only 2 days' pay & looks nothing like an engagement or a wedding ring but means more than both.
I would never wanted diamond ring. The money can be used for more important things. I was engaged with cheap ring and I was happy. More important is the relationship. We also had small wedding and we bought house instead.
Just what I wanted, too. I let my fiance know I didn't want a diamond because that's what everyone else does. I wanted a ruby because that's my birthstone, and my fiance wanted to buy a house. We got a ruby with a small flaw because the jeweler said rubies hold their value and we could always trade up when ready, which I did some years later. My parents spent all of $1000 on the wedding because I didn't want a big deal. I don't regret a thing.
Load More Replies... Unpopular but YTA. For one, I cannot believe she never expressed her own opinions about the diamond industry if he talked about his hatred for it with her. The fact she was suspicious and checked the certificate implies she actually might have been worried about him not having listened to her opinion. Like various people pointed out, there are alternative ways. Such as vintage and different gemstones. She doesn't demands a natural diamond just as big, just of the same price so its not that materialistic to me. I also want to point out spending his savings on that ring is kinda emotionally manipulative to begin with, because not wanting it does make her seem ungrateful and puts pressure on her to accept something she likely already declared she didn't like. To a lot of people commenting: You seem like the type of jerks who'd boo a girl for turning down a guy who prepared an expensive public proposal, despite not knowing her reasons to saying 'no'.
She did state that she wants the exact same ring. I will be honest, if I had a choice between a very modest ring with a cluster of stones or an illusion setting, I would have skipped an engagement ring and gone with an entirely plain gold band. Some might think I am shallow but it's more my style than the bargain ring. It doesn't make me an AH, just someone who feels more comfortable with the plain band. I don't criticize others but I don't want a ring I don't feel comfortable with regardless of the cost or sentiment.
Load More Replies... He did say he had mentioned his distaste for real diamonds in the past. Marriage is a two way street. SHE has to stared at a diamond that she doesn't like, but if she exchanges it, he will be the one who has to stare at the diamond HE doesn't like. I think they have bigger problems. I think he's better off with someone who shares the same environmental ideals.
Precisely, so she probably already spoke about her own opinion before. There are alternatives, like vintage. The fact he didn't bother with those in the first place, means he didn't considered her opinion all that much and spending all his savings on it just screams emotionally manipulative to me. To me, if my assesement is right, the guy should be single and learn about respecting other people's desires and work on his manipulative ass and she should, perhaps work a bit on her assertivity so her opinions aren't as easily glossed over and then find herself a guy who actually sits down with her and can communicate about big decisions and taking both opinions into account.
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I would be so mad if my SO would spend so much money on a ring! You could have a nice vacation or 5 or a new interior or whatever is more important than a diamond.
I am extremely baffled at the fact that a relationship may depend on a ring in the USA. I got engaged over a simple gold ring with a white stone and pink stones around that probably is cubic circonia and i was the happies woman on earth. Latter i saw.my ring on the window shop and it had the price...it was a $100. Still happily married after 20 years to my high school sweetheart.
It doesn't for most people. Just because you read a story about a US couple having a fight like that, doesn't mean it's common. He posted this on a forum (one where people typically go to discuss outrageous and unusual conflicts in their lives) asking if he was an a-hole and the overwhelming vote was that he was not. Sure, people from all over the world do post on Reddit, but the majority are from the US. I'm from the US and I've never seen this sort of issue among my friends and family.
Load More Replies... Seriously. All of you talking about blood diamonds but having no problem with your cell phones and other stuff made with 3rd world slave labor, eating meat in an industry that exploits and enslaves immigrants right here in the US. This ENTIRE CONSUMER industry in the US is built on the exploitation of prison/slave/child labor in other countries AND here. Men and women routinely get sexually assaulted and body parts torn off in the meat packing industry. They cannot tell or they risk deportation. Y'all giving up your Freddy's, Mickey D or What a burgers? THOUGHT NOT. HYPODAMNCRITES.
Ok the fact that you spent so much time and effort and put YOUR heart into deciding on the perfect ring and asking family. I feel like if she doesn't appreciate all your efforts then it's DEFINITELY not time to get mArried. You need to stick to your beliefs or else she will know she can make you change your mind on important stuff. Now me I'd be like screw the ring I need a house or we need a car or something important!
People are so ungrateful nowadays, she deserves nothing. Cant appreciate an emotional moment and only cares for authenticity in what is materialistic. She is being unrealistic, and she is clearly not ready for a relationship to surpass boyfriend and girlfriend if she cannot accept the thoughtfulness of his love.
I don't understand these people siding with the women. They think the women should have given input on the ring before hand so she can get exactly what she wants? Isn't it supposed to be a surprise and spontaneous? That's how it is where I'm from. He got input from her friends and family what more can the guy do. If she's making a big deal out of this then please jump ship now for both your sakes.
A lot of people don't understand that a ring is just a symbol, the ring being a circle to symbolize never ending love, and on the ring finger as that was believed to be the only finger connected directly to the heart (for some reason) :) My wife and I, before we were married, always said that, "We're planning for a life, not one day." We had a smaller wedding, and spent less than $200 for both of our rings. After over 3 years of marriage both rings still look just as brilliant as when they were first purchased, and her ring is silver with lab made diamonds featuring a larger sapphire in the center, looks lovely. I'd post a picture if I could. Point is, it doesn't have to be expensive and put you in debt, the right one for you should know you love them regardless of how much a symbol of your love costs. The symbol should never overshadow what it's meant to represent, and definitely should consume your entire savings account and / or put you in debt. Save that for your dream home, something that you can enjoy together!
My second to oldest met his wife in high school and.started dating pretty much instantly. After a couple of years he decided to propose but couldn't afford a ring. So as a joke he bought her a ring out of a gumball machine. She cried so hard she could barely get out the words "yes,I'll marry you". She proudly wore that ring for about two years and it broke. She was devastated. By that time he had a steady job and asked our step-dad if he could use his credit to buy her a real ring and of course he said he would. When he gave it to her on their anniversary she cried and said "thank you but I loved my other ring so much". She wore the new ring and held on to the broken ring. He went back and got her another of the bubble gum machine rings and again she was over the moon and wore both rings together. That was about 25 years ago and they are still going strong. She loves my brother with every fiber of her being and only cared about spending her life with him,not at all about the ring.
For the people saying "she shouldn't have to wear a ring she doesn't love" or "you should of asked her what she wanted"... Well is it customary to ask the receiver what ring they want for their surprise proposal? Also common sense here my guy... You are both willing to throw away the relationship over a ring. Morals or no morals how much love is there between you two, really? I'm not here to judge just asking some real questions.
he's an idiot for spending so much. BUT he said he spent months finding the perfect ring for her. But he actually spent months finding the perfect ring for HIM, not her. He did not get her input at all for something he expects her to wear for the rest of her life. She is entitled to her opinion and taste. I would not want lab created diamonds either. I only wear vintage jewelry. My engagement ring is old enough that it's not an issue. And it cost $2200 not $20k. I just do not buy anything new other than some(not all) clothing and mattresses. I prefer to buy only used items when possible.
Amen, I work in the jewelry industry and if the ring isn't natural to me it's fake. I'd like to think my love is worth more then a fake ring and it's the one I will wear forever. I love my hubby deeply and I'm happy he bought me A REAL ring. I get where she's coming from. Also they are NOT the same. I once got a lab diamond in for reset into a different setting. That lab diamond had scratches all acrossed the top. Something a real diamond wouldn't do. I hate that others think it's just a materialistic thing. Not! It's the idea that he bought me a REAL diamond expressing our REAL love. 💞💞💞👍🥰
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How can even a lab grown diamond be that ridiculously expensive? And what a waste of money. Damn.
I think there is still likely a massive markup on them. They are priced to compete with mined diamonds, which are price-fixed way too high by a cartel. The lab-grown ones just have to be enough cheaper to be an attractive alternative. That can be completely alienated from the cost to produce them. I just did a quick check on a site that does lab grown diamonds and that seems in line with what they charge, and you'd easily spend 3-4x or more for a mined diamond that size with good specs. Something like a moissanite (lab grown, clear stone with a 9.25 Mohs hardness) is much more affordable. You can get their colorless grade, ideal cut in that size for a couple thousand. I don't know how the processes differ, but it's hard to imagine creating a diamond is 10x more expensive than creating a moissanite.
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I hope we get an update on this story. It's easy to say I'd bail bc it isn't my heart on the line, but objectively, her moral compass seems totally out of whack with his.
Both are kind of the ah. What about compromising on a different type of stone? There are brilliant stones from all over the world that don't have this conflict behind them. You can have conflict free; she can have natural.
It really isn't anyone's place to judge the amount being spent. The OP saved the money, he didn't go into hawk. Also, they're MDs. If earning $200,000 a year it wasn't a huge expense proportionally. If someone is married for 40 years, the ring equates to $500 a year. Not ridiculous. The bigger issues are that the OP felt so strongly about conflict free stones but never discussed it with the woman he had been with for many years. If it's that important, why didn't she know? I also take issue with the fact that she is so inflexible. Communication and conflict resolution (not about diamonds!) needs to be addressed before getting married. FWIW asking to have $20,000 spent on a ring since that was the original budget isn't not horrible (it is all proportional!) Asking for a similar size stone that will cost three times more is horrible.
I think the fight has escalated to a point that neither of them should be acting this way if they truely love each other. I think it should of been a conversation. Yes, she should wear it for all the reasons he gave and more but why should he care so much if it is something that makes her happy? With that being said I was a jeweler for many years. I have a different perspective then he does. I want nothing but natural. It's from the earth, Do you know what that rock goes thru just to become a diamond or any other gems? Of course u can tell there are no "flaws" in the man made stones. But what some people call flaws I would rather say I picked out the one with the color and beauty spots...if any that I love. You can go to certain people and they give you a certificate guaranteeing you it is not a conflict diamond. I know you can say well I don't know for sure. You don't know for sure sweat shops still aren't making your clothes either but you are wearing them. Chose her and love.
Sorry this guy got ripped off. Lab donds not worth any more than cubit zirconia. He bought her the best Yugo in the world where she most likely would have been more than happy with a toyota. Holds value looks good can be proud to own.
As a woman I wouldn't want lab grown. If they were just as good as natural they'd cost the same for the same cut color clarity carat but they're considerably cheaper. She's not being as a**hole or princess, she knows quality and what she likes. Fake boobs and butts are created in some lab but not natural from the original creation and not as unique or nice. She's going to wear it everyday all day for eternity and she should like it, it's not about you or how much you spent it's not what she likes. I'm down to earth and simple not materialistic and wouldn't want my love to spend that much money especially on a ring created in a lab. She's an MD she's smart she likes what she likes, the diamonds aren't the same it's an imitation.
If you don’t want a conflict Diamond, go to a legit jeweler, who only buys from wholesalers using the Kimberly Process. If you don’t like contributing to the Diamond industry, buy another durable REAL GEM or a ring made of durable precious metal: 14kt+ gold, or platinum. DO NOT EVER SPEND $ ON A FAKE DIAMOND or GEMSTONE. I would break up with a man who spent 20k on a “lab grown” Diamond. Your paying for their R&D. The “gem” is worthless. He just spent a house DP on something worthless. He saved for 10 yrs, and was too lazy to research what he was buying, or has no common sense. I’m retired from 25+ yrs in the jewelry biz. I’ve probably sold at least 20K engagement rings. I would never sell or buy a lab grown anything, that costs that much. I can sum up why: a diamonds VALUE comes from it’s RARITY, in both quantity and quality. Take that out of the equation, you got nothing.
So, in conclusion, she would rather rock a stone that represents the lost/stolen lives of children and enslavement of an entire region of people as proof of love for her, rather than accept the actual love this man has shown for her AND the world. So, if the stone gets exchanged, everyday she gets to look at it and know how much the world thinks of her ring, and he gets to look at it and think about the spilled blood and the children murdered for it. That sounds like a fundamental difference to me, and a great little seed of resentment and loathing to grow in a marriage.
Discussion prior to getting engaged is key. 1. She wants a real naturally formed stone. No matter her reasoning thats her desire. 2. He wants to prove a point. So for him either accept the lab grown stone or you arent holistic or whatever enough for me 3. He needs the control...she wants some control....this is a bad scene from the get go 4 hes controlling no compromise and needs somebody who wants that.( look thru the damaged goods bin for that kinda soft weak thing ) 5. Shes not damaged is speaking up...but a bit materialistic and so needs someone like herself .... This ring did them both a favor ...this is a mismatch ....move on
The real issue here is the inability of both parties to listen to the needs of the other. They're facing the same challenge in a different context. Both of them simply expect their partner to take whatever they're throwing at them simply because they feel strongly about it regardless of how it will impact their partner. She expects him to put his beliefs aside no matter how he feels and meet her needs. In the same way he expects her to simply accept what he's giving her regardless of how she feels about it to meet his needs, knowing its not what she really wanted. A gift should make your loved one Happy. You don't give them things that make them feel bad and tell them to force a smile. Receiving a gift shouldn't be a punishment to your loved one either.They should feel joyful about blessing you. In love, there is compromise. Put ego aside and listen to your partner. They can agree on something that they're both comfortable with. They should know how to settle their differences by now.
Not to pour salt on a wound but this is the exact reason I advocate for both partners shopping for the ring. May be totally unromantic but why would you spend thousands on something that you don't know they will like. I don't agree with her stance at all, but she's the one wearing it for the rest of her life so wouldn't you want it to be what she wants? Maybe a discussion beforehand would have allowed you to avoid this.
She is petty and materialistic, and I was with you until you escalated the argument. You stated that you gave her an ultimatum that if she refused this ring it would end the relationship. Hope you guys are getting counseling before you wed.
He should have gotten that kit car because he's going to regret marrying her down the line. If he goes through with it then he deserves what's coming.
Omg what an idiot! She should be happy that she gets any *diamond* ring on its own!
I’m going for YTA. You got her a ring that you thought she’d like. You were wrong and the people who advised you were wrong. Now instead of admitting your error and trying to find a compromise, you are insisting she must pretend to like this ring and wear it forever. Not a good look. Now it’s time to compromise - you both need to look for a ring that fits the budget but doesn’t contain blood diamonds (because that is allegedly most important to you). If you can’t do this as a team, the relationship is doomed.
My ring is made out of titanium and it cost 40€. I'm happy with it because I love my spouse enough to not care about the "value" of a piece of jewellery.
ESH. Her for being shallow & materialistic, him for spending that much money on a ring, and for not consulting with her on what sort of ring she'd like. You can put a down payment on a house with $20K; why waste it on a few grams of metal and stone?
OK man I'm going to be honest here. Run for the hills. Don't bring her. It's heartbreaking I know. But I don't know how I would face a person without seeing that shallow mind from then on.
This is a sign of things to come: "Only $20k on my wedding dress? Only $40k on the venue? ONLY $100k ON THE FLOWERS?!"
ESH. The fiancee is ungrateful. Neither communicated enough about the ring. It's okay the OP prefers lab grown diamonds, but the OP is an A for immediately bringing it to an ultimatum: "or she could give me back the ring and end the relationship and that would be fine." Excuse me! How can it just be "fine" with you to end a long-term relationship? You just said "I want to spend forever with you" in the proposal and now you're not willing to come up with other solutions, compromise, or put in any work in the relationship? That's why YTA.
Exactly. I doubt the woman never mentioned her own opinions. Instead of communicating about their differing opinions and chosing an option both are satisfied with, he went the emotionally manipulative route of spending his savings on a ring he probably knew she wouldn't be happy with. Because turning it down makes her look ungrateful, and its just plain pressuring her into accepting something she likely already mentioned not wanting
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The girl is the asshole, that much is obvious, but the guy is an idiot for spending 20k on a ring.
I used to work as part of a huge diamond / mining company. Every. Single. Diamond. Has cost lives. Is your finger that precious that you need everyone who sees it to know you are 'cool' with death on your hands, literally, but an option that has ZERO deaths related to your piece of bling is 'not acceptable'. Gent - You now know exactly what type of person you are looking to share your life with. I wish you the very best of luck.
I loathe diamonds for multiple reasons, but the possibility of getting a blood diamond is at the top of the list. I don't even care if I get a ring - it's the question that matters. I'd croak if my partner spent 20k on a ring, no matter what the stone was. This chick is a SAM missile, he needs to run now.
Ditch the bitch. She doesn't care about other people (the workers who work in the mines), or your own feelings. If she doesn't care about your feelings she doesn't really love you and that will become obvious in years to come. She didn't have to tell her friends it was created in a lab and they would have thought it cost even more than it did. In any case, what if a ring of created diamonds was passed off as natural ones at the higher price by an unscrupulous dealer? Would she know? No she wouldn't! natural? Would she know?
Take it back to the store and by an 18k gold ban. Diamonds are worthless. Gold actually has value.
NTA, simply an idiot for spending 20K on a damn ring. And if my fiance gave me that kind of grief for ANY present at all, she'd be out on her ass before she knew what the hell was going on. End of story.
Also, why is her opinion the only one that matters? It's a union, both your opinions and feelings should be in consideration! She called him an a**hole over something as materialistic as a piece of jewelry, doesn't say much about what she thinks of the relationship... And him being upset over buying a "real" diamond from a big box retailer, which 99% is likely a diamond collected under inhumane and cruel circumstances, is a valid point she should consider besides trying to make her finger look nice (which a lab-grown diamond looks just as nice if not more)!!! There are humans at stake supplying the diamond market with their blood, sweat and tears ! Exact reason I haven't let my boyfriend of 7 years buy me a ring unless it's an old/vintage one. Or one without a diamond at all, there are so many beautiful stones out there. Geeeezz...... Sorry this made my blood boil 😤
You are bringing up vintage, like that's an option she might not have settled down for as well? You don't even know her side of the story or why she wants a natural one rather then lab-grown. So you really think she never mentioned her own view on diamonds if he spoke about these things with her? Perhaps she's actually pissed her opinion on the matter went ignored, especially considering he spent all his savings on it which only pressures her into accepting it. But apparantly, being emotionally manipulative is not being an asshole.
Load More Replies... Sooooo, she refused a diamond that is *elementally the same* over one dug up from a slave-ran mine in Africa?? Ungrateful. That says all you need to know about her. I'd say *"byye-byyyyyye"
Personally I'd go for an opal ring but I def wouldn't want my partner spending THAT MUCH on a single ring. We could use that money for a nice vacation honeymoon somewhere
Opals are beautiful but very soft stones. Not a good choice for a ring intended to be worn daily for decades. If you love opals get one as a ring you wear periodically or as a pendant where it's less likely to be damaged.
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So sad how relationships are valued on this times. Money and Whim? Principles are the most real value thing a person can defend and stand for. Said that, what a person offers to other is that: ethics, principles, values, respect, hard work and a good yet simple but happy life and company to struggle together in this world full of difficulties. If she ain't able to see that, you should think twice about commit yourself and principles for life. Because nothing will be enough.
I don't think I'd want to be married to that kind of person. Just imagine how she would be about everything. Yuk!!
wait wait wait. OP spent a sum equal to a decent car or mortgage downpayment on an ugly a*s ring???? No wonder she would not want to marry Them! Heck travel to Bali, have a "dream wedding" if children's education or pension are not your financial radar not on a jewelry, FFS. For God sakes, do you know how muchs stocks you could invest in this economic times? It hurts on so many levels. A take from an unwed girl, if anyone wondered.
First of all, "invest in your relationship?? How? By buing a $20K ring? That all so wrong. Get a mentor/counselor to help you both with your relationship, if you're interested of course, and avoid doing what your impulses/assumptions-of-what's-right dictate you to do. And yes, she is the a**hole; no doubt about that. But, boy, stop perpetuating this work-my-ass-off-to-get-that-engagement-ring fallacy. It's been proven it's wrong.
"Invest in your relationship"?? How? With a diamond ring? That's all wrong from the beginning. Get a mentor to help you both with your relationship and avoid doing what your instincts dictate you to do. And yes, she is the a*****e, clearly. No doubt. But, boy, stop perpetuating this work-your-ass-to-buy-an-engagement-ring fallacy
I think this woman is crazy. He went so far to do research on the perfect big ring for her and she loved it until she started asking for the docs and cost. Please man, be grateful this man even wants to marry you, especially after your tantrum. Just imagine the rest of your lives together, that's not going to be a fun time my guy. Sorry man.
Anyone who asks about the value and/or origin and/or how it was made and/or...anything else about a wedding ring for engagement/wedding is an a*****e and a low-life. The ring is a symbol of love. If you can't wrap your head around the word symbol without analyzing or questioning it you are an a*****e, stupid but most likely both. Period!
Buy vintage, blood diamond problem solved. Also spend like 1-2k tops
HUGE red flag!! She will never be pleased with ANYTHING but the most expensive of EVERYTHING!! Personally, I have researched and found that diamonds are a big scam. I would never let my fiance spend that much on a ring! This woman is very materialistic and probably will never change. Remember, "When someone shows you who they really are, BELIEVE THEM!!". Run Forest Run!!!
If anyone should run, it is the woman. The man didn't consider her feelings at all. He made this all about him when it was her gift. There are ethically mined diamonds. The reddit page also indicate she didn't want something so expensive or extravagant. This was the ring HE wanted and he threatened to end their relationship if she didn't accept it. I'm not sure how anyone is siding with him when he is being the clear AH.
NTA. My advice would be to give her this choice: You will return the ring and give her a budget of $10k to get a ring she prefers or she can keep the ridiculously overpriced one you already bought. If she argues, she's a d!ck and you should run like hell.
Ask for the ring back so you can go exchange 'it', and instead, exchange girl friends!
She's the a*****e. Seriously. Get out now! It's only going to get worse...
He tells us, that she loved the ring, until she realised that it was af lab diamond. I do not like her reaction. Does she have no thought of all the lives that are lost finding natural diamonds? That is what bothers me most.
My ring has a CZ in it because I absolutely refused to go into debt for a piece of jewelry. I also wear my grandmother's gold band. $20,000 is a ridiculous amount of money to spend on a ring (sorry, maybe I'm just a little more practical than some). You could buy a car or make a down payment on a house with that kind of change! She sounds rather petty & childish, imho.
Sounds to me like you dodged a bullet. Take the ring back... buy your car and if there's anything left over, buy a vintage natural ring for her. If she is mad because of the money spent on it.. Kick her to the curb.
Women need to learn it's not about the stone but about the love of two people. The diamond industry and society made it look like there's a shortage and uniqueness of diamonds. which there's plenty of. Jewelers just try to make a women want them more and men feel like they're obligated to buy the biggest stone for them.
Fyi...FYI... ring means more to her than you...replace her not the ring It will get worse over time
You should have taken her to a number of jewelers let her select the top 5 that she liked (within the price range you were willing to commit to), studied her expressions on trying each one on and then made your decision based on the one you perceived to make her face light up the most. In this way the day and way you would propose and also the ring you would choose would still be a surprise and she would feel respected as you took the time to include her in the decision making process. My husband sat with me and allowed me to pick 5 designs that I liked online while giving me his in put as to which one he also liked the best in the end he chose well and I was more ecstatic that he listened to what I had to say then the actual ring which now sits in my jewelry box as a treasure I wear on special occasions. ( I only wear a simple wedding band). Marriage is about the connection you share not the paper anything is printed on. I hope it all works out for you.
🚨 I'd say.. take it back, spend $5,000 at the most for a "natural diamond " and use the rest to get your car kit. You deserve it and she'll get her "real diamond ". Hopefully she'll appreciate it, but then again.. she may complain about that too. Next step would be to just call off the engagement and just continue dating. 🤷🏾♀️
I rarely leave comments on anything, s believe me when I say this is ridiculous! He needs to ditch the bitch and find someone who cares, as clearly this one only cares about a ring! Seriously? He bought a $20,000 ring and she wants to exchange it? Wow, I can't even! If that girl loved him she would take a 25 cent bubble gum diamond ring. OMG! And he's just lying to himself about the "good for the environment" ring. No, not even! He knows this is way too extra and is too embarrassed to admit he loves a terrible person and its hard to walk away.. but he needs to suck it up and leave. And if girlfriend doesn't like it, so what? Apparently she doesn't like anything... who da f*k does she think she is? Ugh! I'm so upset right now! Let me say this last thing though, Baby Boy, should you ever read this, you need to dissolve this relationship at any cost, much less $20,000! And if she has a problem with that, you have her come for me and I'll let her know what's up! This just breaks my heart!
My engagement ring has a sapphire in it which was lab grown and people think that it's cheap?? no way! it's just not naturally grown for years and years instead the process is sped up. It's also eco friendly and no one is forced to do it :)
For $20,000, you'll be able to afford a diamond between 2-2.50 carats, without sacrificing much in any other areas. For a $15,000 engagement ring, however, you're looking at 1.50-1.80 carats as the sweet spot for all-round beauty and value, and to be able to pair with a gorgeous setting. Jan 10, 2022 Natural stone.
20k on a imitation diamond? He should have talked it over with her before spending that kind of money on a ring for her to wear for life, don't cha think?
If you take it back, and spend $20,000 on a real diamond, it's not going to be as big. If she already has an issue Now, I can only imagine how High Maintenance she's going to be the rest of your married life. I have a 1/2 caret blue sapphire that is beautiful and I love it and have had it since my 10th Anniversary (33 years) this year. My dinky little blue sapphire that I got as an engagement ring was given to my Granddaughter. I think if you have the money, you should search antique stores and see if she finds something she likes. My advice is to use the money to buy a house.
If you bought the for $20k and she isn't ready to accept and appreciate it then she isn't worthy of being called your future wife.
I think it's very tacky to want to exchange it. If you decide to still be with her, I'd make her keep what you spent your hard earned savings on and offer an upgrade to a natural diamond on a 5 or 10 year marriage anniversary. In the meantime you should reevaluate the relationship and see if it's even worth bringing it further into a marriage. I'd be pretty disappointed as a man if I just found out how ungrateful and materialistic my girlfriend of 5 years was. There would be no going backwards after that kind of disrespect. If she cared so much she would have brought it up a long time ago. As he said he has always been open about his distaste for the natural diamond industry. I wouldn't give in and exchange it. Id say goodbye and find someone who is more concerned about getting married and actual the commitment behind it. She was happy with everything until she found out that it was lab made. That says it all right there.
$20,000 is ridiculous to spend on any piece of jewelry, regardless of how long you've been saving. What if you get mugged? My engagement ring is a $300 tanzanite. It's my birthstone, favorite gem and the most ethically mined and traded natraul gem. That being said, I choose it. I liked the one my husband bought me because of the symbolism and the fact that it had a tanzanite, but he could tell I didn't particularly care for the ring itself and I was going to wear it the rest of my life. So, he took me back to the store and we picked one out together. A man should not be offended if a woman doesn't like the ring he choose. This woman is another story. She wants a diamond of unknown origin and has no issue with the price tag or the fact that he sacrificed a car to buy it. $20,000 is a mode of transportation, not a piece of jewelry. I'd want a CZ in silver before I'd want a diamond.
Then she’s not the right 1 if she’s being picky about the ring that’s a sign of more to come
RETURN THAT RING AN BUY THAT KIT CAR U WERE SAVIN FOR IN THE 1ST PLAC, BRUTHER. YOULL MEET A BETTER WOMAN IN NO TIME FLAT, HOSS!
Also, I think that one should always stands up for their beliefs. He has perfectly good arguments for not wanting to invest in a diamond. And why should he give in? He's actually willing to to save his relationship to let other people suffer? Like, seriously. Maybe a simpler example but my husband and I are both not vegans, yet had I gotten a relationship with a vegan I would have actually tried to understand and support him rather than threaten him that if he doesn't eat meat I would end our relationship. Love means supporting each others beliefs and convictions even if you don't agree. It's just a ring. She should have been just as happy to be engaged to this guy if he had bought a ring for 5 dollars from the candy store. 🤷🏻♀️ Love is not about the most expensive ring or even the most expensive wedding day. One can have everything low budget as long as the love is priceless.
This relationship seems so unhealthy! An engagement ring is a gift. And anyway, you don't say yes to the ring but to the person giving it and gratefulness for whatever kind of ring he's presenting is a good value. My husband proposed to me sick in bed with Covid-19 in December 2020 without a ring at all, he just coughed that he really couldn't imagine life without me anymore whether we feel good and strong or in sickness and if I wanted to marry him and I coughed yes. Could have imagined more romantic proposals, but who cares? It's the man who's asking that's the most important part in a proposal! And eventually he bought a Swarovski ring, under 100 dollars, a bit too big, believe me I don't care. My own wedding dress was also just 50 dollars and I looked like a million dollar bride in it. I can't care less about expensive stuff. I just wanted to say yes to the person I want to grow old with. Isn't an engagement and marriage about that? Why is everyone so obsessed with materialism?!
Get out while you can. Go for someone who appreciates you and how much thought and effort you put into this. She is a bitch!
My husband hates fakes so he would never buy me a cheap ass lab grown wanna be. Do you want boobs that have been inflated with real fat from another part of the body? Your fiance has all the right to be upset, you did not think about what she wanted and you want to impose on what you want. You are not gonna be the one who will wear it so why did you decide and bought what you solely like? She is not ungrateful, you are actually unthoughtful. And who buys a synthetic diamond for 20K? How stupid could you be? that thing will be worthless, not many women will like that. My husband even asked me what wedding ring I want. Those who are saying gf has issues you guys don't get it. We don't want fake enlarged penises, the same with fake large diamonds. She'll be happier with a natural smaller one.
Many people are buying lab grown diamonds. The clarity is better and their is no confloct. ...Return it buy a natural diamond that is not as pretty but it's natural. But, the lesson..she will never be happy.
What the actual eff? If someone showed up with a 20k ring, I would probably tell them to get their head out of their ass, go buy a nice $25 silver ring and return this one and SPEND THAT MONEY ON SOMETHING USEFUL, NOT BLING. I seriously can't believe someone would save for 10 years for a ring. Your marriage is not a ring or an expensive wedding, it's a partnership based on mutual respect (well, obviously not in your case, sorry to be blunt), it's not a stone and a wire. Such first-world problems... And that girl of yours, she is more shallow than a dry puddle.
Definitely not the a-hole, they are structurally and visually the same, main difference is they're cheaper cuz they don't involve tearing up the earth, false scarcity, or people killing each other or slave labor, guy should've bought his car but instead wanted this shallow woman to have the biggest lump of compressed coal on her finger possible, it should be the sentiment and promise that the ring signifies, not how it was made considering that is literally the only difference... When I (unfortunately) got married, we picked our own rings (under $100 cuz times were tight) and we were totally fine cuz it's about the love not the rock
You know, I felt the same way. So I asked my husband for a Canadian diamond. It was important to me, as was the design...because I would have to look at it every day of my life. He listened and delivered. It was nowhere near $20,000 because the cost was not as important as the source.
Tbh i personally think diamonds are sh!t and have already stated i do not want one for my ring, they are numerous, overpriced and a scam. But if a gem is supposed to represent your relationship i dont want fake i want genuine for starters number two if you are willing to end your 5 year relationship over her ring preference which you should have discussed with HER in the first place you're a d**k sorry not sorry. Should she have been more appreciative maybe idk you didn't state if she was or not or how much you discussed things afterwards. Sounds like yall need to communicate a lot more. You sound like an ass and she sounds ungrateful. You probably deserve each other have a nice life lmao. Way to many narcissistic prideful people in the world today and thats why i don't associate with any of you all assuming idiots.
Pft sounds like she ungrateful I would’ve said omg that’s too flipping much money why would you waste that money on a ring ide be happy with a $100 dollar ring it’s the meaning behind it jeez ungrateful twat
She was happy with it until she found out it was lab grown, OP did everything right consulting friends and family to surprise his bae but bae said no way
I would be more upset he spent 20grand on something I may lose one day....
When I proposed to my (now deceased) fiancée, she was worried I'd spent too much on it, she knew my feelings about diamonds (intrinsically worthless) and wanted to make sure I hadn't forgotten myself. It was a lab grown white sapphire, the ring cost $200, she was over the moon that if found a beautiful ring for so little, there are better things to spend your money on. To anyone who thinks their diamond ring is worth anywhere near what they paid, try to sell it to a jeweler, I'd bet my bank account they'll pay you only for the weight of the gold.
I think the revised more to discuss here. What if the couple wants to start a family and found out they are unable to do it the 'natural' way? Would considering IVF be off the table? Would adopting a child make them becoming parents any less real? I hope they can find a compromise they both can live with when they take their vows.
Well, he should get her the ring she wants. A jeweler tried to sell me a lab diamond as if it was a mined diamond the other day and I was disappointed and walked away. Get a vintage diamond ( my husband's mine cut diamond in a platinum band was 100 years old and gorgeous). There are other stones like rubies or sapphires or emeralds that are sturdy and nice too.. Go shopping together and create a positive memory. Take credit for when she finds her perfect ring.
I would have told her if she wants a real one then she should go replace the 20 children in Africa that probably died to get a 3.6 kt. "Real" diamond and if she lived then she can say what ever she wants . # undercovergolddigger
F**k diamonds! They are literally common pieces of pressurized carbon! One of the most common elements! That's why the resell value on diamonds is so low. It's a resale value of 25% of the original price... if you're luvjy! They made up the slogan "A diamond is forever" because they didn't want people to try to resell them and realize diamonds are quite literally worthless. The only reason they sell for so much is because a company has a monopoly on the diamond industry and all the retailers collude to set diamond prices... cause capitalism! End the practice of diamonds! They're worthless and literally anything else would be a better display of affection!
Return ring. Get your original car kit & tell her it's going to take you a minute to save for her natural diamond. In the meantime enjoy 6our car kit & hopefully a new girlfriend!!
Whatever you do, don't marry this chick. Also my diamond, very real, very vintage and almost 2 carats was less than 2 grand..... Ppl out here spending three times $20,000 on a 3.6 carat diamond???!!!!! Are you insane
Who is the ring for? HIM? Because HE keeps talking about what HE likes and HIS reasons for buying a ring..but then expects her to wear HIS decision. He is a selfish, narcissistic you know what. So self absorbed he expects her to live with his choice for her as if she did not matter. When you buy a ring (I have been married 5x, the last for almost 30 years) you CONSIDER the person who will wear it. I think he dodged a bullet as she obviously has a problem with FAKE and she dodged a bullet cause obviously he is too shallow to appreciate the difference. IT is not hard to find a real 3 carat diamond for under 20k who are y'all kidding? I agree with those who said there are much BIGGER issues here. A person so shallow will not age well in a relationship. He does not mind fake so he will be trading her in for the next plastic model after a few years because authenticity is not a word in his lexicon.
Leave her now. Her inability to accept a gift you've given is pretty and grubby. It will not improve.
Out!!! Right along with the bath water!! This is just the start of her mask peeling off. R U N and don't look back. 5 years is nothing compared to the rest of your life! You deserve better! She doesn't even deserve a Cubic Zirconia!! 🎤
My ring was from my MIL, it's a heart shaped diamond, protrudes on the spikes, regular gold... It doesn't fit my personality, but I love it because I love my husband.
Man made diamonds have value just like real diamonds the girlfriend should no that because thats what i think she cares about. She loved the ring was happy told and showed everyone the ring then boom she got noise and she wanted to know the price thats when she found out it was man made now she feels its not good enough for her .I think she needs to grow up.what would she had done if he got her a real diamond ring and spent lets say 5.000 i bet she would not be happy because it would be to small.Just my opinion
When she became disrespectful with him by calling him a A-hole she is past the point of redemption, and it's time for him to move on. Mutual respect is important in any relationship, and she obviously has no respect for him so I say return the ring if possible, take the money and buy the kit car.
I think that she should be happy with it. He put thought into what kind of ring and that much money. If she loved him so much she wouldn't really care about the ring. Me personally would never let my spouse spend that kind of money on a ring. And we been married for almost 7 years. And I would never be picky about the stone cause the LOVE is what matters the most. There's a lot of people today that's been married for over 20 and 30 years and don't even wear a ring cause it's the love that held them together. Not a stupid stone.
This is a petty thing and shouldn't be an issue if two people are in love.
This is ALL wrong! First of all, I find it odd that you are more concerned about blood diamond, which I agree is an awful thing, than people suffering in the country where you reside. If you already give to charity, by her a $5000 dollar ring and split the rest up between 3 college kids trying who are to make ends meet while pursuing an education. Antique diamond rings have many positive qualities they are rare and are not part of the modern "blood diamond" conflict. Whats second, she should be thankful that you love her enough to forgo something for yourself that you've been saving up for, and spent it on her instead. It's kind of selfish and rude. There are so many lonely people who have not yet, or may never find a person who loves them so much. Both of you need to open your eyes a little more to the world you live in. No need to bust up a beautiful relationship. Practice being married. It's outnow, discuss the issue and find a solution together, without anger or pettiness.
Does she wear a lot of make up? If not I'd says she's probably a natural, guy. Although who knows who they ol s dog has under his thumb really. Lol
Shes the AH. It's one thing to express that you don't like the ring and want to exchange it for something else, but she's being a complete douche about it. She's asking him to go against his personal beliefs which is not ok. Maybe she also doesn't understand that lab grown diamond is still a real diamond. Simulated diamond or synthetic diamond can mean cubic zirconia. But lab grown is still a real diamond and she's being ungrateful especially if there otherwise nothing wrong with the ring. If she still insists on a natural diamond perhaps tell her to find one conflict free that she likes that's within whatever money he can recover from returning the ring. Otherwise she doesn't sound like a keeper TBH. That's a major red flag when someone tries to force you to do something you don't support. What else is she gonna try to get you to do?
I don't want to tell this man what to do, but, I'm gonna... Step 1 - agree to exchange the ring. Step 2 - Get the ring back so you can "return it and have funds for the new ring" Step 3 - put the ring in your pocket Step 4 - pack all your sh*t into a U-Haul while she's at work Step 5 - leave with no note and no explanation because she doesn't deserve one Step 6 - Change your phone number Step 7 - never speak to that materialistic ego maniac again Step 8 - live a happy and healthy life knowing that you dodged that catastrophe.
That should tell you a lot about her. Take the ring back and don't get another one.
Greedy woman. That should tell you a lot about her. Take the ring back, and don't get another one.
Ditch the selfish bitch! Or you will be led around by your nose ring for as long as your so called marriage lasts! Or.... return the lab made diamond (kudos to you for refusing to support the blood diamond industry), and replace it with the smallest, real diamond CHIP you can find! Either way, WHY would you wish to marry such a dispicable cow? Grow a pair, man!
Just be glad you have a ring. I really don’t care for diamonds. I don’t have to have fancy things for someone to show they love me. So get over it.
You can buy gemstones from the Philippines a hell of a lot cheaper than at Kay jewelers and still get decent gems. And another point.. y'all spend money on "blood" items daily. Try oil for one... Or your sweat shop clothing made in 3rd world countries for cheap labor... Bunch of hypocrites. Italian leather shoes? How you know a mafioso didn't kill someone to get that factory running? Anyone here like drugs?? Or even your freedoms as an American citizen of which our entire culture was founded upon slavery and genocide?? Fucktards, the lot of ya. This girl deserves a natural stone and this man deserves his dream car. Because people should live their own lives and be happy.
It's over. He searched for months to get the "perfect" ring, only to disappoint her because it isn't a natural stone... And there is a reason they cost more,so kick that "waah it's chemically the same" in the garbage.... So all that and he couldn't even ask her opinion before dropping 20-freaking-grand on a dab of alchemist junk... So that's how she feels, and he feels it's wrong to exchange it.. take it as it is or bugger off... But I'll eventually do as you ask if that's my only option but it's not right... Bro, keep your dignity, get your money back and trade her ass for that dream car. It'll obviously last longer and be more meaningful once you realize that misery will follow that relationship if you continue...
It’s baffling to me that some people think you’re suppose to ask the receiver of a gift (even your intended fiancé) if they are ok with the gift you intend to give. What the heck is out world coming to? What the heck are some kids parents teaching them these days? If my wife had acted that way towards the ring I gave her, which was much less expensive and smaller than the one in this story…I would have taken that as a big red flag and went back to being single. And I would never tell her how much the ring costs. That irrelevant. It’s not about the ring at all, it’s about the relationship, and the wanting to share a life together. This girl clearly doesn’t understand what love is about or how to receive a gift. I’ve never asked anyone how much a gift they gave me cost. That’s just plain rude and shows how much of a prick you are. It’s your life, but I would cut my losses, and RUN.
He's got an opportunity to dodge a seriously big bullet at this point. I hope he takes it. Imagine how this woman is going to react to differences in child rearing ideas.
How ungrateful. This is a sign to run. He gave up something he'd dreamed about for 10 years for her. I don't care if that ring has a chunk of gravel in it. She should recognize what she has. Not everyone finds a partner like that.
Jeeeez... my husband wanted to buy me a diamond ring and I told him if he bought anything more than a cubic zarconia he'd be in trouble. Mainly because of the blood diamonds issue back then but it seems ridiculous to blow so much money on something that looks exactly the same as a silver and cubic ring.
When I got my wife's ring, I picked out her favorite color gemstone and worked with a jeweler to design a ring from scratch for her. When we got married, we added a ring guard, and she got to choose what went in. She loves her ring and it cost much less than 20,000
Also, ladies take my advise, men don't think the same way we do. They have a different network. Go out of your way to show him things you love and things you hate. Dresses, shoes, colors, rings, designs, flowers, etc. Keep saying it until he he says things like, "I know!! You have only told me a million times!" Good. It means it stuck. As for the young men here, My advise to you is to ask more questions and if you really aren't sure. Do what my man did, do a practice run. Get her a pinky ring, in the style you think she'd like. Say it's a promise ring or whatever. If she wears it, she loves it, or she will never wear or straight up tell you it isn't her style. Buy seriously.. don't be dense! ASK US! SPEAK UP!
Pffft f***k diamonds! I want a big a$$ Emerald ring 💍 😍 idky people would want such a boring ring!! 😴
Sir, with all due respect - you have just been handed a LIFELINE. Take that ring, get your money back, and get AS FAR AWAY FROM HER AS POSSIBLE. Use that money for what you were originally saving for.
20,000 on a "fake" diamond? Yikes. If he buys a fake diamond what else will be fake in the relationship. When you buy a gift it should make the receiver of the gift happy- remember you're not buying it for yourself. I'd be happy with a half carat- and spend no more than $4000- on a naturally occurring stone. No, I'm not down with the lab grown...ends up sounding like high end costume jewelry.
If she is more concerned about the ring rather than the love, devotion and the intentions behind the giving of the ring, she is NOT the one PERIOD
If she's more concerned about the ring rather than the love, devotion and intentions behind the giving of the ring, she is NOT the one. Period.
She's the one who's going to wear the ring so if she wants it exchanged she should do it herself for the $20k he spent on it. He shouldn't spend anymore money on it. It's too much for something like that.
She is not worth the rest of your life if she only is fixated on how mych you spent on her get a girl who sees you as rhe reward and treasure not your gifts ir tge money you soend on her. Nothing better than a quiet night being held by the man that loves you. I would have that oh btw my wedding ring cost 1.00 my husband's 2.00 Facebook the rings entitled her King and his Queen were very inexpensive now they go for $15 a piece
I didn't get a ring until I was married for 10 years then it was chosen by both of us for a few hundred. We got married at the court house when I was 19 not because we had to because we wanted to. This year we will celebrate our 18th year anniversary ♥ One peice of advice, compromise is more important than you think. Meet in the middle, and love each other because we are not promised tomorrow.
If she is willing to leave you for "not giving her the right ring" then she aint the one. Especially after you spent that much in her. Ridiculous!
She like the ring until she found out it was lab grown! Her friends and family like the ring and everything and gave input on it and now her back tracking because she doesn't like it. She sounds selfish and entitled to me.
Take the ring back and get your money back. Take her to a p**n shop and buy her a pretty, but used engagement set (like my husband did over 45 years ago). If she doesn't approve, leave Miss Materialistic and run while you can! Sounds like someone told her she was their princess and she believes it.
She's lucky she got a ring! All that money spent, AND SHE'S STILL COMPLAINING?!?! GET RID OF HER MAN, DUMP THAT DIGGER AND GET YOURSELF A WINNER!!!!!
What’s worse than spending a lot of money on a ring? Spending that much on a fake ring. Lab created is just that, not NATURAL. Perhaps an antique diamond would be more preferable? I feel the zillionaires will still have their slaves going for blood diamonds and only the regular people get screwed out of their hard earned money. I say antique or a beautiful sapphire…..
That's just so wrong and ungrateful. I never heard of lab grown diamonds before. Honestly, I don't care about an engagement ring. Just give me respect and honest. Be committed to me and show me love. That's enough.
I actually insisted on my husband getting a lab made stone for my wedding rings because diamonds are stupidly expensive! Plus, it's not really about the ring, but the love and partnership it represents. I feel like this woman needs to learn to be grateful he put so much care into selecting a ring.
My point if view as a woman: Lab grown diamonds have no chemical or other difference compared to a natural one. She can just tell everyone it's natural... really. How petty can people get. I would be glad to marry a man that maximized the worth of his money and bought a 3.6 C diamond 💎 for me... and lab griwn is just as real as natural. Maybe his girlfriend is confusing lab diamonds with moissanite. It is not the same thing! I suggest they just split. They are just not right for each other. This story and argument around the engagement will stain their relationship for the rest of their mutual lives... both are good people I an sure. Although I really can't understand his girlfriend
Some repliers above are forgetting she initially loved the ring but became concerned the price was too low for being a diamond. She then said she didn't like it because it was lab grown. She is the AH because she changed her mind when she found it wasn't natural.
You stated that you are both MDs, correct? How is it that an MD doesn't understand basic psychology? She is clearly just looking for the exit and this is an excuse to run for it. You are 100% in the right for going about this in the way that you did and I am very sorry to hear that you had wasted 5 years with such a selfish and conceited person. You clearly deserve much better. I would consider this a loss and move on. A person with your intellect, education and consideration for others deserves so much more than some cookie cutter money grabbing whore.
Don't marry anyone who thinks a diamond is that important. If the woman would call off a marriage over a piece of jewelry, she wasn't interested in "being married". She just wanted to "get married". There's a vast difference there. One is about making a life together. The other is about showing off.
She wants a real stone, so get her a real stone...I'm interested in whether you get 20k back for the fake rock...
I would tell him to take the ring back and get out of there. Jfc. His fiancee obviously doesn't share his values, and that's gonna be a real problem right quick. IMO, it's about a much deeper issue than the ring. All that said, though, he could compromise on a [much smaller] Canadian diamond for the same price and then she gets her "real" diamond and he gets the peace of mind of knowing it's an ethical diamond. I think he should just bounce, though.
I'd ask for the ring back and then I would end the relationship because she sounds insane.
My husband gave me a metal ring from the hard drive of a laptop. We're nerds and he's in IT. I absolutely love my ring and his matching one. They were free and are meaningful to both of us. So, the guy spent all that time researching and making sure it was a good investment yet beautiful, and spent $20k... She should be happy with how much it means to the relationship and his reasons behind it. A lab grown ring is a great idea She is definitely the AH!
I see both sides to the story. On one hand he did the sweetest gesture of his life proposing to his fiancee & making a huge investment. Not only that he did his research with friends & family to which they agreed it wouldn't be an issue. So that speaks volumes. On the other hand I understand his fiancee is upset it's not a 'real' diamond. The stranger part is she was completely happy until she started poking around about the cost & information which is VERY tacky. In my opinion the fiancee shouldn't be so upset. She should be more grateful. If I were him I'd take back the ring cancel the proposal & wait to see how materialistic she is/her attitude is. Then when he think he's ready again propose with no ring & build one together.
She's ungrateful and materialistic. She's definitely the AH here. It's a beautiful ring.
Wow..& people like her is why the divorce rate is so high. Its not all about you Karen! He spent money he saved for himself for years! Confered with your family & friends to make sure you'd like it & plan a life & love with you & you like that? Many people now days men & women are to materialistic for marriage..she needs to go buy a dog cause it sounds like this guy already doesn't like her abuse of the relationship & his feelings. Trying to guilt a guy who spent his life savings on a life with YOU into buying you something better..even though you loved it at first & obviously said yes now that you know the stones different? Dude got lucky & found out b4 the big D she wasn't wife material.. I mean say she had kids & they made her a clay statue, would she throw a fit & tell her beloveds it's crap cause it's not play doh? Cause that's the mentality & selfishness that's showing from her! Come on now how's a lady supposed to save face knowing her diamond isn't to die for.. literally. Smh
[Continued] No need to say that I hurt my then boyfriend's feeling, but I was also about to make a stupid move. The ring he had bought for me was more valuable than what I wanted to buy. So, I apologized, but it was already too late. Something was broken. And this is obviously the case for you. And that is the second thing. You have doubts. That is not good. You had no doubts as you bought the ring, but now you aren't sure. So, this ring situation is calling for a deeper reflection. You can let her go and exchange the ring herself. She will realize how smaller the real diamond will get and how many inclusions it will have. It will certainly not have the exact same perfect color. But you should definitely rethink marrying her. Whatever decision you make, be prepared to live with it. And the ring is just the beginning.
This is actually very easy. This is an engagement ring. You did your homework. You asked her family and friends. They said she wouldn't care. You went and spent 20k$ on a ring with no ties to any sort of exploitation. I am confident this is a 3,6 carats diamond with no inclusion. She is making a fuss preferring to wear a diamond which might be a blood diamond. And yet, you do not want to have anything to do with this. This isn't about taste, this is about human rights. If you didn't care about buying a blood diamond and chose to buy a lab diamond because it is a better deal then, I would also say go back and buy a real one. I see 2 things. She knew your position about the environment and blood diamonds. So, she obviously doesn't care about your views. I am saying this because far long ago, I was stupid and was just focused on the type of ring I wanted. I accepted the ring and went on to exchange it. [To be continued]
I told my boyfriend which ring I wanted. Plain thin gold band with simple diamond. Walmart $100. He got me an ugly $40 ring from thrift store that was scratching my finger. Sorry but if a man cared he would get what she wants. Needless to say he is my ex bf for many other reasons.
dude both right both wrong...personally I think 20k on any ring is ridiculous...do you have any idea what one could do with 20k...its a lot more than buying a lab experiment...2nd: if ur spending that much youd think youd want her input to make 100% sure shes gonna love it...after all a girl dreams about her wedding and her ring for her entire life is it wrong to make sure theyre in line with what she invisioned for herself...she is also the one who will be wearing it the rest of her life should she be forced to wear something she doesnt fully love just to appease the person who never even bothered to ask her opinion on a permanent lifelong accessory? on his side the dude jus dropped 20k on a ring like cmon and the fact his stance is about blood diamonds should be enough for any woman to concede. what I dont get is how yall are wanting to marry yet have failed to accomplish one of the key ingredients to a successful marriage and that is...compromise.
its a lab made diamond therefore loses the value of being a true diamond...he wants to know he paid for a nonblood diamond so go buy a vintage ring or ask a family member for a family heirloom and save some cash...better yet maybe go for a different type of stone or do what a lot try to do and find a way to make the rings unique to one another. either way as a couple the inability to easily find a suitable compromise and the fact ending the relationship over so insignificant an issue that bears no real affects to the happiness/longevity of the relationship says that this relationship is doomed to fail and should be dissected by each member with a more honest and self admitting pair of lenses
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She is picky and petty. Sounds like she'd rather have a blood diamond and have her fiance spend an arm and a leg and a kidney for her! Some people ate so ungrateful 🙄
Ok here is my take on it you gotta draw the line somewhere it's as simple as that.. in a relationship I'm pretty much happy if she's happy BUT that being said if I really feel strongly about something then that's what I'm going to do period and I would give her two choices be happy with the EXTREMELY beautiful EXPENSIVE ring she's got and marry me or give it back and don't it's simple my wife would be so mad at me for spending 20k on a ring(but then again we are not doctors either) she said I shouldn't have spent what I did on her set which was a very small 5% of what you spent but she loves it and I know would be heart broken if she lost it or it was stolen...I think y'all need to have a very serious discussion about goals and desires and definitely values because yours may not line up enough to make a marriage work. Good luck
Screw this biatch pack your shot up along with the ring and leave her ass in the fryer! She's materialistic she's dumb and she's Patty everybody is right when they say this is a bad bad bad bad bad sign of a beginning of a relationship red flags big time.
OP made a diligent, good-faith effort to consult her friends and family about her taste prior to proposing. That said, if you want to ensure a natural diamond is conflict-free, the USA actually has a park where you can find your own! See the link below. https://www.arkansasstateparks.com/parks/crater-diamonds-state-park
Clearly they shouldn't marry because they have different values. One is materialistic and supports an industry that exploits people. And one is responsible and caring.
This guy needs to rethink his relationship before it gets worse. His fiance is materialistic. It is the ring now, what will be next the house or lifestyle? Think about the future and what you want it to be even if it means calling it quits. Or is she that worth keeping? An engagement ring is a promise ring. The amount or type should not be important.
I'm wondering if there's a deeper issue. Like, OP might be quite rigid in other ways, and maybe she's not so upset over the ring as the fact he doesn't compromise. We also hear a great deal about his arguments and reasoning, but all he conveys about what she said is "she asked if he could exchange it." HE is the one who offered to end the relationship over the matter. Also notice he says the issue is "worth standing firm on"... so how much is SHE worth to him? If it's been a pattern for 5 years that he never prioritizes her over his ideals, then I think he's the one flying the red flag. Sometimes compromise means letting your partner's ideals win, because you live them and respect the way they see the world.
Your problem is telling anyone that it was a “ lab diamond .” If the only people that knew it was a lab diamond was you and her, it wouldn’t matter. She would have a big fat diamond that all of her friends would be jealous of..
The fact that she wants to exchange it for a natural diamond one says it all. Not "I don't want a lab growned diamond", but "I want a natural diamond". If I were the guy, I'd buy a cheap ring and see how she'd react to it.
Any woman actually she's not acting like a woman more like a little girl, would be happy to wear a ring that 1. You spent so much time working towards. 2. You took so much time to find. 3. You put so much research into. And finally you thought so much of period when it has to do with our next generations and if the two of you were going to have a family that is definitely a must. Don't marry her. Please hear me. I'm 61 years old I've been there , done that. Learned my lesson Do Not Marry That Girl!!!!
In my opinion YTA, I worked in the jewelry industry for over a decade. It's really easy to find diamonds that are non conflict, ex, Canadian diamonds are a great choice. I can't tell you the number of women I saw very upset and crying because thier fiance would not listen to their input on a ring they literally have to wear every day for the rest of their life. Communication is so incredibly important. Asking her friends and family isn't the same as communicating with her. I've seen this lead to heart break a number of times.
Personally I think you need tell her the rings stays. If you don't see my love for you enough to ask you to be my wife. What else will you dismiss. I'm just saying she showing you who she is. It's your choice to believe her. Another thing you can do is go get your money back. Give her thousand or two on her ring.and tell her you pay the rest. Sense you don't get why I don't support blood diamonds.and for the people who said he should haves asked her. She didn't have a problem with the ring tell she found out it wasn't a blood diamond. Man I promise it's a better woman for you. You see the signs now it's up to you stand your ground.
I hate the natural diamond industry for all the same reasons as OP, plus it's entirely a racket. Engagement rings have only really been a thing for about a century, started by an intense advertising campaign by DeBeers, and the "scarcity" is artificial, also manufactured by DeBeers to drive the price up. They have vaults with enough diamonds of every size to flood the market, which is how they controlled competitors and kept their monopoly for so long. My engagement ring is a blue topaz surrounded by white sapphires and I'm quite happy with it.
Dump this greedy girl! Marriage is because you love someone not the ring! Where is the gratitude for this amazing and thoughtful man! It’s not the ring, it is the person. It makes my stomach sick that someone could be so materialistic. Shocking!
She loved the ring before she found out it was lab created. He did the research and gave up a dream of his to buy her something that she would love and that was also aligning with his values. Run dude, run. As Maya Angelou once said, 'When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.' She wants you to go back on something that you strongly are against because, to her, it isn't good enough because it isn't 'bonafied'. She doesn't care what you gave up or how you feel about the gem. And this won't be the last time she does it, nor is it likely the first. Save your love and time for some one who appreciates it and respects your views and beliefs.
She does not love it because it is not worth as much as a conflict diamond. The deal is with lab grown stones, they are made with human remains.
This is a really tough situation. I don't know how the conversation went from her end. From his perspective it does come off as a lack of appreciation for the hard work that went into the ring and the buying process however I know that when we're angry we tend to have bias views when delivering a story. There are conflict free diamonds that are natural that you can purchase. Brilliant Earth makes claims of being 100% conflict free and goes above and beyond to ensure they are ethically responsible. I feel like with better communication on both parts a resolution can be found that will satisfy both parties. It doesn't matter the price of the ring. It's your money, you've worked hard for it and if that's where you choose to spend it that's your business. For me it's about better communication to find a resolution that works for both. I'd be lying if I said I've never said crappy things that make me look like a crappy person in the heat of the moment.
Take the ring back, get a refund. Take that refund and buy the car you want. Pick up a hot chick in it, and take a picture. Send it to your (ex) fiancé telling her how "this is so much better than a diamond, we're done." Easy peasy. She's shallow and materialistic, just like her friends who are backing her up. Birds of a feather. Remind her that her ring was 3 carats, and you want to see the size of her next engagement ring she gets, if she can find another sucker.
Sounds like your basic values don't match. I'm sorry it too 5 yrs to come to this knowledge, but this marriage is doomed. She is too materialistic for you. Take your 'fake' ring back and run.
Well, he should have let her help pick it out but her reaction to lab-created vs mined is a red flag to RUN!! The diamond industry is a scam. Diamonds aren't rare and mining them usually involves human exploitation as well as environmental impacts. The upside of lab-created diamonds beyond the obvious is that no one can tell and they are flawless and beautiful.
That whole "blood diamond" thing is and was nothing more than the De Beers group not being able to control all the diamonds. Were diamonds being used to finance warlords? Yes, but so was and is gold and almost any other precious commodity. But De Beers was the one that controls the diamond industry so they started the whole "blood Diamond" thing.
She clearly doesn't love him if all she wants him for is his money and gifts, it's good that she has shown her true colours before the wedding, he should end the relationship and find someone who deserves him.
My mother would have described her as a person who knows the price of everything but the value of nothing.... I'd agree.
The Old adage--Never look a Gift horse in the mouth comes to mind-- To tell someone who has saved for his dream (a Kit car) & instead thought enough of you to give up his dream (for himself)--Is the most Giving type of person-- So--unless this guy just wants a Trophy Wife in loo of a REAL wife-he needs to cut his loses & Run-
Clear sign he should run the EFF away from that gold digger- diamond digger in this case.
i think you`re the real diamonde here! your choice was very very thoughtful, you spent a lot of money (actually, i thionk it is a crazy amount of money, and a crazy world about engaement and wedding stuuf), and tried to get the most beautiful possible ring for her, and being conscious at the same time..... and she does not appreciate!!!! you`d better run and find a girl who really notices you!! good luck
First she sounds spoiled; he put a lot of thought, time and money that he had saved for a long time and sacrificed something he really wanted to buy her this ring. He went against his own misgivings and found a option he thought they both could deal with after getting positive input from those closest to her including her mom. According to him she was aware of his take on the diamond industry it was a dicussion they'd had but yet now she is pushing him to go against his conscience. Second I thought engagement rings were suppose to be part of the surprise in popping the question is and the guy usually picks it. The estate and antique ring suggestions are very good but something tells me she will not go for it. I think maybe they should reevaluate their differences and reconsider if they should marry. It sounds like he will be compromising his values, wants and needs a whole lot and the fact that she now has other people pushing him to do what she wants does not sit well with me either.
When my husband proposed we were just teenagers so the ring he got me was sterling silver with a cubic zirconia. After 5 years of marriage he said he wanted to get me a "real" ring and I said no that the ring he first gave me is perfect because it wasn't the ring that mattered it was the love behind it. 20 years later I am still in love with my ring and the man who gave it to me. This girl sounds spoiled and doesn't know what love is obviously because love doesnt have a price tag and it sure isn't about a diamond. Smh she should give the ring back and he should try to get his money back and buy her a real diamond maybe 1/2 carat and see how she likes a real one over the 3.6 carats she previously had.
My husband just bought me a BEAUTIFUL lab grown diamond. It was my idea for it to be lab grown. More people watch how badly the mining destroys the planet and the wildlife habitat. Pure ignorance and selfishness to buy a BLOOD DIAMOND.
I have lab grown diamond mainly because I'm allergic to all metals but sterling silver and surgical steel. It is nearly impossible to find a natural diamond on silver.
Speaking from four decades of experience in the jewelry industry (okay I’m *old*) a lab grown diamond is equal to a mined diamond. There may be emotional differences—environmental, ethical, irrational—but a TYPE IIA diamond is a TYPE IIA diamond no matter its origin. And fundamentally that is the only difference: from where the gemstone originates. Those who buy lab grown today are ahead of the curve; in the (near) future people will question “ Why did you buy a mined diamond?”
If she wants to be like that he should say fine I'll return it and get you a bubble gum machine one and buy his kit car thing he originally wanted
I'd take any ring given to me as it would be out of love. I don't require a man to spend 000s on a ring, and couldn't give a hoot if it was CZ! But I guess I'm less picky than other women.she should be grateful he loved her so much that he spent 20k on a ring alone!! If she's like this now, she will be worse when married!
This guy should consider himself lucky. He dodged a bullet... If he doesn't marry her that is. He'd be awfully stupid if he did.
Oh my. Try to find people who will stay with you because they like your character.
For me an engagement ring for 20 bucks and a wedding ring for 130 bucks and happier than ever :) Always a fuss about romantic cheesy things. Why oh why.....
I hope he dumps her and uses the money for a down payment on a home for himself and the dog I think he should adopt. She sounds awful and I'm ashamed that she's my gender.
They both might have acted a little stubborn, specially her. But tbh if I were a woman I would prefer the natural as well. Knowing that this stone has been sitting underground for millions of years, awaiting for your finger, surely makes you feel special vs. some factory made product. Yeah so sad that child labor is involved etc but so happens with your brand clothes. If there might be an instance to relax that standard, for me it would be when acquiring your until-death-do-us-part wife's ring. I would try to maybe compensate later on in some way.
What, if it isn't a "real" stone, it isn't legit bragging rights? He will give up a hell of a lot more than a kit car if he stayed with this one.
Your man just bought you a $20,000 diamond ring and your complaining about where and how it was made? It doesn't make a bit of difference in his feelings towards you. He cares about people and the environment. That is, in my opinion, a good thing. It shows his morals are good (no conflict diamonds for his fiance), and he cares about the environment. Would you really want a diamond, which reflects his love for you, to be one which people died harvesting and destroying the earth for? I sure wouldn't. If, after explaining his reasons for his choice to his fiance (maybe she didn't know the history of diamond mining) she still wanted a "real" diamond, if I were him, I would have a long think about this woman and her morals, and how important the actual relationship is to her.
We made sure that the diamond on my rings were not blood diamonds (they're called polar diamonds). Thankfully our country has diamond mines and because they're from here they're cheaper as well.
I cannot imagine playing more than a couple hundred $ for a ring. Diamonds for engagement rings are so pretentious anyway, completely fabricated by a worthless market. My engagement ring is my birthstone and was lovingly picked by my spouse after showing them ring designs I liked.
OP seems like a really nice guy, and unfortunately in a sinking relationship if his fiancee cares that much about material possessions. Yes, it's nice to communicate to them about it beforehand but by no means is it a requirement. Also, while the ring might be for her, it was he who thought of it and he who purchased/acquired it, so when she looks at the ring, the picture that comes to mind should be of him and their relationship, not herself. If she is that upset about it, she is welcome to get him a ring. Not only would I doubt that she would think that's a normal thing to do let alone actually do it, but I further doubt she would spend nearly as much as he did on hers. She should be grateful for the gesture and what sounds like a beautiful ring. If she can't, they both need to move on immediately. To those saying $20k is too much for a diamond ring - it might seem like that to us, but we should also let people enjoy things and do with their money what (hopefully) gives them joy.
Her behavior makes me sick, he gave her a beautiful expensive ring and yet she's still unsatisfied. She should be thankful! I used to live in Senegal when I was younger where I've seen more homeless kids and starving animals than I can count, there are worse problems than a lab grown ring.
20k is not that unrealistic these days but I get and see both points of view honestly but she just needs more info on lab grown I would say. Otherwise return it and have her buy her own.
You both need help! You are buying her your dream ring. She is worried about if a $20,000 ring is real! Wow!!!
Be a gentleman and buy her a soap bar instead. She seems in need for something to lick.
DO NOT IN ANY MEANS MARRY HER!!!! If she really loved you she wouldn't give a s**t if it was a $200 Walmart engagement ring. Whatever you give her will never be enough. Also lab created diamonds are still diamonds they go through the same process a natural ones but at an accelerated rate and don't have to be mined at slave wages.
who the f**k spends 20$ on a ring? it's daylight robbery, whether it is a "real" diamond or a lab-grown one. Such a weird hill to die on. It looks the same, it completely fulfills all the functions of a jewellery diamond. It's just a stone, who cares if it's real.
What a world Why have trouble with a lab grown diamond worth 20k?
What does it even matter if it's lab grown? Diamond is a diamond. It's of the same chemical structure. It doesn't matter if it's a "naturally" formed one or not. And I disagree with people saying he might be at fault for not asking her. He stated he showed distaste about natural diamonds, so I would think it's up to her to say she prefers natural diamonds. And honestly, it's customary to make proposition a surprise, so how exactly would he have asked her again? He asked her relatives and I think that's good enough. Then again, I'm a kind of girl who doesn't care much for jewelry, so it's all the same to me. And when I would be proposed to, I'd like something cute and beautiful but with the simplest design possible, since convenience comes first to me. I wouldn't wear a ring that inconveniences me on a daily basis. In fact, I don't.
$20,000 on an engagement ring is obscene. However, irrespective of the price, I wouldn't want to wear a ring I hadn't chosen myself. The only redeeming factor in this whole s**t-show is that his principles wouldn't let him buy a mined diamond. Saying that, he's also said he'll capitulate and get her a real diamond if it'll save their relationship. So not just a s**t-show but a total waste of time.
Doesn't discussing the ring with the finance beforehand defeat the purpose of the whole 'going down in one knee and yada yada yada...'? I've seen this comment defending the girls and I got confused... And about the 20k on a freaking ring... I'm a teacher in Brazil, I don't make that in a year... So I guess the conversation should be about privilege and priorities... And he should definitely dump this girl's a$$.
He should show her the pictures of the children being exploited and enslaved to mine those bits of fancy graphite.
Nope! You are a nice guy! Your girlfriend is a selfish gold digging C**T! Drop her like a turd!
NTA but something for buying a $20,000 ring when you're not wealthy (it says he saved for a while for it). That money could be put into a savings account for a rainy day, go towards future kids (if they want/have any), go towards a house and so forthe. Not on a rock that cost the creators a tiny percentage of that to make. I'd be livid at my fiancé if that was what they bought for my ring. I'd march them back to the store and make them give it back and we'd go looking for something more my style that is far less expensive.
20k for a ring!!???? TWENTY THOUSAND DOLLARS!! FFS people. And that girl is bitchy, no you can not see the difference. IMO lab diamonds are better (enviroment etc) and she just bitches...
I think the problem here is that the girl only hates the ring after she knew that it was lab-grown.
My husband had a small diamond from a family ring that we reset for me. I love it because it's something that means something. I'm not a girly girl, so I never wanted a gaudy stone. We both love our celtic heritage so we found rings for both of us that had celtic knots. He got titanium because he's rough on everything. His ring was less than $60. My two were white gold... less than $300 plus cost of setting. We were rather poor at the time and it still meant everything. He knows I like sapphires, so for our 5th anniversary, he had 2 sapphire chips added to the sides of the diamond. You can barely see it but I love it because it was put there with love (he said he was getting them cleaned and had them do it so it was a surprise). The diamond is beautiful. The jeweler said it was almost perfect and the cut was unique. When it was cleaned up, it just shined like crazy. I love it, but if he had to get a new stone, I would've asked for a lab grown for ethical reasons. It's about love, not $
The fact that he spent 20k on a fake ring is absolutely absurd.... it sounds like she is quite materialistic and only cares about labels though... not an ideal match. He should have been honest upfront and if you can't be, with the person you're marrying, DONT MARRY THEM!
Wow, I am actually pretty conflicted on this one. The gentleman clearly put a lot of thought into the choice, and his moral compass is right on. However, I have mixed feelings about lab grown stones, there's a certain stigma attached. It's sort of like the stones don't represent the time, uniqueness, almost sheer amazing improbability of occuring, if that makes sense. And yet I feel the disgust of the dark reality of mining precious gems and metals. The real issue seems to be communication, particularly the listening, and then compromising. She needs to acknowledge & appreciate that he clearly put in the thought & effort, that his feelings about the origin are legitimate & honorable. He needs to acknowledge that despite disagreeing, the ring will physically be on her body for hopefully the rest of their lives, & her feelings are just as valid. They must validate each other's feelings, exchange it for something they both can feel happy about, with no unspoken resentment
This whole saga is a sign, bro. A sign that you should not marry this one. My god, you spent 20K(which is absurd) on that and she's mad because it wasn't mined out of the earth? Just her asking you how much you paid for it was a red flag for me. Let her go.
Okay, you are one really lucky dude. You have discovered long before the wedding date that you need to RUN - and RUN FAST! Now, tell her you will go and exchange the ring, and then once you have it in your hand, tell her what she can do with the rest of her life. Honestly, so many red flags here I'm surprised you haven't seen them.
YTA for spending so much money on a ring! True Love doesn't need ridiculously expensive gifts.
The only thing not wrong about this situation is the general fact the diamond was lab grown. Everything else is a red flag. The price, the assumptions, the distaste, the poor communications, the materialism... not great
"BUT DE BEERS SAYS IF YOU LOVE ME, YOU'LL GET ME A REAL DIAMOND!!!!!!"
For those saying he didn't consult her: she said she loved the ring until she knew it was lab-grown. This man spent 20k on a RING, which for me is obscene given that there are people starving, but anyway, he thought about the ring, consulted her friends and family and thoughtfully chose a ring. She on the other hand wants him to compromise on his values. If he gives in, their whole marriage will be her asking him to compromise who he is to make her materialistic a$$ happy. She's the AH. He should take his ring back and run for the hills.
Anyone saying this guy is the asshole for not discussing it prior with his fiance... c'mon. Really?! My fiance picked out my LAB GROWN diamond. I had zero say in it, and I couldn't be happier. He picked it out, custom designed, for ME. Why would I make him pick out something I like and then make him pay for it? My diamond is large, beautiful, and ethically sourced and I wouldn't want it any other way.
Next it'll be he bought her a Mercedes or BMW and she has a fit because it's not a Bugatti.
Why is she so upset? That her diamond wasn't mined by enslaved people? Her fiancé still spend a lot of money on that ring, perhaps more it was worth. By the way, some couples does not buy engagement rings at all.
Lab grown stones are ABSOLUTELY IDENTICAL, once cut, to a natural stone. Take it to a jeweler, have him try to tell. He can't. Does SHE understand about blood diamonds? About the slavery and misery that natural diamonds represent? Educate her. If she still doesn't care, run from that bloodthirsty betch.
NTA but definitely kinda crazy to spend that amount of money for a ring
First she has a hissy fit about the ring, what's next? The type of car he drives? What he spends on clothes? The brand of watch he wears? Take back the ring, get the kit car and drive away.
Also, I don't even find diamonds to be an attractive stone, there are so many more beautiful gems out there! I would much rather purchase an opal, or maybe my fiancee's birth stone... anything other than a diamond. The Debeers diamond company created expectations when they came up with their 'guide' to buying diamonds. I think women equate the 'value' of the ring with their 'value' as a woman and how people will perceive it in that context.
I feel like when you gift something you do it thinking the person who will receive this will love it .. what's the point if it's something expensive and it isn't the taste for the person receiving it.. it's he gifting the ring to himself? Because he is only thinking about what he likes not about what she likes.
I feel exactly the same way about 'real' diamonds, I would NOT purchase a real diamond. First of all, if you do even a teeny bit of research about the diamond industry, you will find that the company Debeers invented all the 'rules' (spend 3 months salary!) surrounding diamond engagement rings to improve sales; i.e., its a scam. Second, this woman's behavior is just gross materialistic behavior to the point of embarrassment. I don't care how she was raised, this is just rotten human behavior. I would lose all respect for this person going forward.
I feel EXACTLY the same about diamonds. Personally, I don't even find diamonds to be appealing, there are so many other beautiful gems. Do even a teeny bit of research and you will find that the diamond company Debeers invented all of the 'rules' around buying a diamond engagement ring that we now think of as traditional. Everything about the way this woman reacted regarding his engagement ring is just gross materialistic behavior. I would find it impossible to respect this person after this behavior.
I did NOT want an engagement ring. A guy doesn't wear a ring to signify is "taken", why does a woman? A man is 'trusted' but not a gal? He said he wanted it as an investment. He said I could pick the setting but he'd pick the diamond. It sits in my jewelry box. I just wear a simple gold band. Saw a story of a woman who 'loved' her small diamond and would never trade up like her friends have. She said her marriage was actually stronger than those said friend's relationships. Priorities rule. Rather have a great relationship vs a great ring.
Another typical AITA story. These seem to always have so thorough backstory and so outrageus people opposing the OP that any reasonable person will say NTA. Even the writing style is so similar in many of these. I'm suspecting someone has a creative mind and is fabricating these stories.
I'm going to probably be in the minority to also vote YTA. The issue isn't the amount of money spent, it is that the fiance doesn't like the ring. That is a personal taste thing. If she doesn't like the ring, he should exchange it to one that she does like. I used to study gemology and there are Canadian diamonds that are not considered the 'blood diamonds.' It is really sweet that he wanted to spend so much money on her, but that is a lot of money for an artificially created stone. I would be upset too if someone I loved spent so much on a stone that was not natural. Personally, I wouldn't want that expensive of a ring, but I would want a smaller, natural stone.
Nope, she is. Warning signs in my opinion where the "having a "real diamond" is more important than the obvious thought put in the "fake" one....
The people who are hating on the woman are probably clueless men who can't understand why they don't have a girlfriend.
NTA. You should ask yourself this question: Are you willing to compromise on your values just to save a relationship with an entitled piece of golddigging brat?
If she's so keen on a natural stone, then go back to the store and buy her a natural diamond for $20,000. Let's see how she likes that! Oh, btw, you spent $20,000 on a ring? Are you made of money? She's an ungrateful ...
I'd call this a "close shave" and move on with my life. Clearly she is shallow and uninformed, both about blood diamonds, the diamond business in general and "farmed" diamonds. They are actually more pure than mined diamonds. Plus, they are carbon. Essentially a piece of coal that's shining. Also $20k? Maybe they deserve each other.
People taking her side forgot or missed the fact that she was happy with it and LOVED it up until she found out it was lab grown. She liked how it looked, how it felt, even how much it costed. To me it sounds like she's an entitled bitch who doesn't appreciate 10 years of her "loved one"s sacrifice to save for. She wouldn't have me as a husband!
The post did say she was "floored" by the cost. I would've also been floored and I also would've assumed it was not a mined diamond for $20K. Mined diamonds are WAY overpriced and you're not getting 3ct with good color, cut, and clarity for $20K. Though, I also would not have been comfortable with my fiance spending that much money on jewelry. Unsurprisingly, I went with lab created stones for similar reasons to the OP and spent much, much less than that on a more modest ring that I would enjoy wearing every day.
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Or just propose with nothing and then decide if you want to do rings. Worked fine for us.
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This isn't about the diamond as much as it is about her demands. She does not value what's honorable. She's not a good investment, sorry. I wouldn't have even thought of a man spending that much on a ring that they had to save so long for. She'd want the big wedding too, she's showing her bridezilla fangs, it's going to get worse. He'd end up in debt over their heads. So sorry but now he knows who she really is.
This woman can't tell the difference in "natural" and lab grown. Even professional diamond experts can't tell the difference. It was only the size vs. what he paid that made her suspicious. Sure, exchange the ring for a $20,000 "natural" diamond ring... you know, one that will have much smaller and fewer stones in it because "natural" diamonds are much more valuable (read expensive). I wonder if anyone pointed that out to her? Anyone want to bet she won't be happy with a smaller ring? This situation is not a good sign... and, yes, she's the only a*****e here.
I was mostly crushed he gave up the kit car for a silly ring, although I'm a bit of a car girl.
If she can't be happy with a Christmas cracker ring, she'll never be happy. Sell the fiance and keep the ring for a better class of woman.
20.000. For a ring. He saved for ten years. For a ring. Don't mind me, I am just trying to process it.
The fact that anybody would spend $20,000 on a ring absolutely blows my mind. Throw the whole wedding industry away
Ok so some people are commenting on how he didn't talk to her about the ring! First off he went to all her family and friends and asked their opinion. 2) they've been together for 5 years I'm assuming they had at least one conversation about their future wedding and proposal! 3) She "LOVED" the ring until she found out it was lab grown! 4) 20k on a ring is ridiculous IMO clearly for her it still wasn't good enough!! I hope he didn't marry her!
I bought the best un-set diamond I could afford, and then after proposing to my wife we went down to a local jeweller and had it set in a unique design ring had our wedding rings designed to match at the same time. Still cost a lot less than 20k, I got to surprise her with a spontaneous engagement and we each got wedding rings that are unique. Everyone wins.
My boyfriend's engagement ring is literally just a carved piece of bone, less than 100$ of value, and it was perfect for us because it had a meaning. Why do people need something that costs literal 20K?
My concern would not be the fact that she wants a real diamond, but the fact that she doesn't care about the sufference that may stand behind it... and her reaction to the claim about not wanting to buy anything that may be related to slavery. Ok, the ring is for her and she is the one who has to be happy about it (and if he spent 20k dollars it means he can afford it)... still, I would not want to marry a person who says I am an XXX because I care about people.
Stories like this piss me off. My fiance had a fake diamond ring, and was thrilled with it. The price shoul'nt matter, its the meaning behind it that counts.
That ring is too f*****g expensive, holy crap! Secondly, there's nothing wrong with lab grown gems, I'd much prefer to have a ring with a lab grown diamond or some other beautiful gem rather than something that has been dug up by kids or other exploited people. Also, aren't lab grown diamonds supposed to be quite affordable? How fricking big is a 20k lab grown diamond?!
Time to eliminate the semester and barbaric practice of "engagement rings" really sorry for that chap and praying his fiance wouldn't be such a douch.
My bf and I recently got engaged. He proposed with a £3 ring he got from the gift shop. He was laughing at how tacky the ring was but neither of us cared. It was just to be traditional in the moment and it was just a perfect moment tbh. We've picked and bought a different ring since then, that we both like and we're both paying for! No blood diamonds or spoilt brats involved!
It really concerns me, that even though he asked her family and friends beforehand, his fiancé reacted otherwise and not that way her parents and friends expected her to react. Seems to me like she does not value how much he thought about what would be the perfect ring for proposing to her. I think she's extremely unappreciative and I probably would have withdrawn the proposal if I was him.
If lab grown diamonds in rings were a thing when I got engaged we'd definitely have got one instead of the "real" thing.
Whatever the young man of my dreams gave me to propose would be the absolute finest thing ever. Even if it was plastic, iron or even glass. The fact that he wanted to marry would be the gift, the wish. Not what I could get out of him. I have zero sympathy for any of that crap.
This relationship is toast, if she's not happy with a 20 000$ diamond ring because it was not mined by some enslaved kids she's not gonna be happy with anything
as a fiancé, I would quickly look far away. Run boy- so fast as you can!
This couple had five years to realize that they aren't compatible. AITA isn't quite the right question.
20000 wow that's alot of money. It's a beautiful ring! Take it back and give it to the right woman. Lol jk but seriously a ring should not matter. What if you couldn't afford one? Would she leave you if you had only spent 100? 🤔
When we got engaged, my fiance took me to a number of jewelry stores looking at rings. He studied color, cut, clarity, VF, etc. Nothing was just right. His energy tapped out. I didn't get an engagement ring. I had grown up feeling "less than" and this didn't help. We actually did get married. It's been 45 years. I still feel badly about the damn ring. I understand how she feels. Perhaps a different gemstone?
Please, if I couldn't tell the difference between a white sapphire and a diamond, she definitely couldn't tell the difference between a diamond and a diamond.
In fairness white sapphires and diamonds do not sparkle in the same way at all. I would be able to tell it wasn't a diamond, though probably not what it was instead. Sapphires don't have any 'fire' and lack the rainbow sparkle. Though I agree with your second point.
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Please give the ring to me and marry me. I'm not the slim young dream girl you might have wanted, but at least I appreciate the effort you put into this. I'll sell it though so that we can go to our dream honeymoon.
He is a man so he won't get it. Also, its not about him, and what he wants, its about her and what she wants as she is the one receiving the ring and is expected to wear it. He doesnt understand women at all and will be a crap husband. He is completely disregarding her feelings. Probably a narcissist. Also, this is why you should never spring an expensive buy like this on someone.
I pretty understand his fiancee. All the processes that takes create the diamond rock... The existence of it for millions of years.... For me this is what I think is more meaningful then the lab one... I would prefer a smaller real one then a big man made one.
If it's about how old something is, then how about a barrel of oil instead? Or maybe a nice clump of coprolite?
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It will be her ring that she will wear everyday, she wants a real diamond for the same money you spent. It seems reasonable to me, exchange the the ring.
Real diamond? It doesn't matter how the diamond was formed, it is still chemically a diamond.
Load More Replies... First of all, what is the point of a $20k ring? Is she really going to wear that everyday? Normal people would be frightened of losing it or getting it stolen. Secondly, take the ring back to the shop, get your money back and go and buy that kit car, as your fiance clearly has issues.
Nobody should spend that much money in a ring. I will never understand it.
Load More Replies... It's fascinating that anybody would spend 20,000 for a piece of crystallized carbon that looks more or less like a glass shard. A diamond is durable, I guess, but the advertising industry's ability to convince people that they are exceptionally beautiful is truly a feat of social engineering.
Diamonds are pretty much the biggest sham in history. Thanks De Beers.
Load More Replies... My engagement ring cost approx $50. About a months wages at that time. I didn't choose it, my husband surprised me with it. An engagement ring is given as a token of love not a financial arrangement. We have just celebrated our 50th anniversary and that ring still sits on my finger.
Let me get this right. She wants to trade a 25k ethically sourced diamond for one that's mined by slaves and cost lives? She sounds like a keeper 🙄
Ugh, why are people so infatuated with diamonds? I'll never understand why someone would spend $20K on something so meaningless that will do absolutely nothing to enrich the lives of anyone at all. What a waste.
Yeah I'd have smacked him for spending $20,000 on a ring, but seriously its time to take the ring back, dump the chick and go get something you want.
The fact that he bought HIS dream ring. Instead of HER dream ring is the issue here. The fact he's so adamant about keeping a ring that he knows she doesn't like is ridiculous. She's the one that's going to be wearing it, Lord willing, for the rest of her life, so why shouldn't she have input on what the final product is? People care more about the cost of the f*cking ring. than about what her true argument is. She's not saying the ring was not expensive enough, or nothing like that, she just wants a ring she will like. And let's be clear an engagement ring and an everyday ring is two completely different t things. Hell I'd wear a lab grown. Or even cubic ring for everyday use, but when it comes to my engagement and/or marriage I also would want a natural diamond, no matter the cost. It's not an unreasonable request.
Load More Replies... NTA. She's spoiled and vain. Also she's too young to be getting married, which is showing through her immaturity. Sad to say, but this does not bode well for the future until she grows up. Does she not know how amazing it is that a guy would purposefully spend years saving to buy me something pretty? Jesus when I was ill from everything in america and wanted to move back home for my health, my american husband at the time said "No, i'm not leaving my guns". DOES SHE KNOW HOW FUC*ING LUCKY SHE IS?! If she doesn't, i'll date you. You should be appreciated more than this for being a standup guy.
I suspect by your wording, that relationship didn't last.
Load More Replies... If she liked the ring when she thought it was a real diamond then yes, she is the AH.
Ikr. And asking how much it cost? The hell? You're never supposed to ask how much a gift costs.
Load More Replies... Wow, what a bizarre thing to risk your relationship over. There has been a clear breakdown in communication here, and if there weren’t any problems before this, the OP and his fiancée need to have a serious heart to heart. Sure she’s being a hugely spoilt brat, but maybe that’s their dynamic and he’s fine with it, but if they were really mutually in love then surely even an onion ring would do. My husband spent more than I would have liked and he insisted on getting me a diamond even though I’d said to him before getting engaged that I’d like a sapphire or equivalent, as I really wanted to avoid a blood diamond. In the end He got me a diamond ring that’s beautiful, I was a little disappointed that he hadn’t listened to what I wanted, but I know he’s very traditional and I love him unconditionally so of course I never asked the price or where it came from. Just seems so ungrateful and unimportant, they should be focused on their life together, not a piece of jewelry
I would be beyond pissed off if I made it clear that I didn't want a diamond ring and he went ahead and bought one. That would be a relationship breaker for me. He sounds very controlling.
Load More Replies... It's his money but good lord, Twenty-Thousand dollars on A RING! It must be nice to have that much.
Honestly I'd ask him to go get his money back and get a much cheaper ring. 😭😭 Could pay for a great vacation with that and still have left over for rent or bills
Load More Replies... The thought of owning a blood diamond is cringeworthy to me especially after arguing the videos of the poverty stricken children forced to work the mines! Have her watch a documentary about it and see how she feels about her "real" diamond needs after that.
Sorry, when someone is that superficial, Nothing changes their mind. They only see their pov.
Load More Replies... Ethical concerns aside, $20,000 for a ring?? My engagement ring and my and my husband's wedding bands together cost about $400. My stone wasn't even originally a "stone;" it was glass. The only reason it's a stone now is because it broke while the ring was being repaired, and the jeweler replaced it with a lab-grown stone.
He has valid points about not wanting a blood diamond, so did we. That's why we went vintage. 1900 ring. But she's the bigger asshole. 20k wasn't enough? Not hearing him out? It was beautiful until it wasn't? They should have picked out a ring together, but, maybe she told him 'surprise me, i want to be surprised, it must be a perfect proposal!' He needs to run.
Just out of curiosity because I never researched this but wouldn't a vintage ring be more likely to be a conflict diamond given the lack of diamond market regulations back then?
Load More Replies... I wouldn't want to be with someone who thought it was a good idea to spend 20k on a ring. And I wouldn't want to be with someone who thought a "real" blood diamond was more important than an ethically sourced diamond. Maybe these two deserve each other.
Seems strange to put so much money into a bit if jewellery. Why not just get a classic 500$ gold ring and use the rest to finance a house?
Have you considered they may already own a house? They are both doctors and the op says money is stable.
Load More Replies... Wow. It's not about the ring or the value of it. If you get lost in those values marriage is going to be even harder. I have married twice. Still am married to my current husband. This time we bought wedding rings in steel. They were really nice and personal and did not break the bank (about 300$ for both). I lost mine in the sea while swimming on vacation. Ops. Haven't replaced it. My husband never wear his except on special occasions. Does that mean I'm less married? Nope. It's not about the ring. Maybe these two should discuss why they even want to be married and what it means to them?
It's the way the universe telling you that she is not the one. Get out quickly
Diamond engagement rings are a scam, and anyone who gets upset over them about their price or getting the "dream" engagement ring is part of the problem. The value of diamonds are already artificially inflated. I'd run from any girl who gets worked up over whether they're "natural" or "artificial", not to mention any girl who demands the perfect engagement ring. And full disclosure, when I say I would, I really mean "I should have" as when I got engaged, one of the shittiest things my (ex) wife said was that she wanted a bigger diamond.
They are inflated in many cases because if they are lost, the jewelry store replaces the diamond. Happened to my aunt, she had hers replaced/ no charge.
Load More Replies... If my partner spent 20K on a ring I'd dump his ass as he don't know me at all, I could think of at least 10 more important/fun things to do with the money!!!
Plus, I find it rather emotionally manipulative. The fact she was so suspicious and that he said he expressed his own opinion about it, to me, actually implies she also expressed hers before he bought the ring, and instead of looking for an alternative like vintage, he bought the priciest one he liked because he thought the big size would make her change her mind. With that money, I'd ask for a 5K ring, and for the rest to be set aside for the honeymoon and if there are any financial leftovers after everything, some things for our home.
Load More Replies... Not all fiancées totally love their engagement rings. Just read a story that, weeks after Kevin Bacon proposed to Kyra Sedgwick with engagement ring in hand, she finally broke down and told him she loved him but hated the ring. He just said no big deal and they exchanged it. Now, 1) $20,000.00 ain’t going to buy anywhere near a 3.5 carat diamond that’s decent quality, so she probably would’ve bitched about the size of the stone. 2) If he had wanted to get her a natural stone, he could’ve gone the vintage route, but then she probably would’ve bitched about him giving her a secondhand engagement ring. 3) He also could’ve gotten her a ring with another type of natural stone, like a sapphire—-and even then he could’ve gone vintage. However, it sounds like no matter what the ring’s stone looked like or where it came from, she would’ve found something to bitch about. Thing is, SHE needs to be the one to call off the marriage so he can get his $20,000.00 ring back. I need an update on this one.
The REALLY insane thing here is that she didn't send him to give the ring back to the jeweller and retrieve his 20,000 dollars. Who in their right mind would want their partner to waste such an amount of money on a RING. Think what else one could buy with 20,000!
In many places it is customary for the couple to choose the ring together. The man visiting the store previously to advise staff how much he wants to pay so that only rings in that range are offered. The cost here is excessive and the natural vs lab issue could have been solved by having one of the lovely coloured stones instead of a diamond IF he had bothered to discuss it with his girlfriend.
I would prefer it if the amount spent was a joint decision as well. They are going to share finances for (hopefully) the rest of their lives. So why would the ring's price not be agreed upon? A man deciding this seems old fashioned to me and not at all romantic, but a tad controlling. Granted it is just my opinion and I agree wholeheartedly with the rest of your points. No disrespect meant.
Load More Replies... Let’s see she wants a “Real Diamond” that was dug out of the ground Instead of the stone that was produced in the lab where it comes out perfect. I suggest returning it and getting her the smallest tiniest real diamond you can find. I mean the gold should be worth more than the diamond. Give her that. Then set this witch free.
It's technically petty, but my karmic justice meter agrees.
Load More Replies... A lot of judgement about how someone chose to spend their own money; he & the potential future Mrs are doctors. A lot of judgement about how a woman felt about a piece of jewelry that she will wear all the time, which will represent some expression of of her identity, that she didn't actually have part of the decision making in buying. He wanted to choose a ring she would like. He asked her family about lab diamonds, they said no problem. If they said oh no she won't like that, and he got her the ring anyway, would you still think she was wrong? This is about communication, not jewelry.
I've got a gold & diamond solitaire engagement ring going to waste. I'd give to OP for free. We chose it together when a day's pay was enough for me, only he settled on one costing a month's pay, - o be able to see the diamond. I wore it for 2 years, with love & pride till I left it in for the band to be upsized. Then he told me he'd had a girl half my age. Next she was pregnant & he wanted to get engaged to her. So we had to divorce (we had no children, only my then grown up son from a short marriage in my 20s). I was 50 & heartbroken taking off my wedding band, &:collecting my engagement ring from the jeweller knowing that without his heart I could not place it back on my finger. Now it means nothing at all to me. A year later I met a new partner & for 18 years I've worn a ring we chose together..A worked white gold band with tiny clear stones set at random. It cost him only 2 days' pay & looks nothing like an engagement or a wedding ring but means more than both.
I would never wanted diamond ring. The money can be used for more important things. I was engaged with cheap ring and I was happy. More important is the relationship. We also had small wedding and we bought house instead.
Just what I wanted, too. I let my fiance know I didn't want a diamond because that's what everyone else does. I wanted a ruby because that's my birthstone, and my fiance wanted to buy a house. We got a ruby with a small flaw because the jeweler said rubies hold their value and we could always trade up when ready, which I did some years later. My parents spent all of $1000 on the wedding because I didn't want a big deal. I don't regret a thing.
Load More Replies... Unpopular but YTA. For one, I cannot believe she never expressed her own opinions about the diamond industry if he talked about his hatred for it with her. The fact she was suspicious and checked the certificate implies she actually might have been worried about him not having listened to her opinion. Like various people pointed out, there are alternative ways. Such as vintage and different gemstones. She doesn't demands a natural diamond just as big, just of the same price so its not that materialistic to me. I also want to point out spending his savings on that ring is kinda emotionally manipulative to begin with, because not wanting it does make her seem ungrateful and puts pressure on her to accept something she likely already declared she didn't like. To a lot of people commenting: You seem like the type of jerks who'd boo a girl for turning down a guy who prepared an expensive public proposal, despite not knowing her reasons to saying 'no'.
She did state that she wants the exact same ring. I will be honest, if I had a choice between a very modest ring with a cluster of stones or an illusion setting, I would have skipped an engagement ring and gone with an entirely plain gold band. Some might think I am shallow but it's more my style than the bargain ring. It doesn't make me an AH, just someone who feels more comfortable with the plain band. I don't criticize others but I don't want a ring I don't feel comfortable with regardless of the cost or sentiment.
Load More Replies... He did say he had mentioned his distaste for real diamonds in the past. Marriage is a two way street. SHE has to stared at a diamond that she doesn't like, but if she exchanges it, he will be the one who has to stare at the diamond HE doesn't like. I think they have bigger problems. I think he's better off with someone who shares the same environmental ideals.
Precisely, so she probably already spoke about her own opinion before. There are alternatives, like vintage. The fact he didn't bother with those in the first place, means he didn't considered her opinion all that much and spending all his savings on it just screams emotionally manipulative to me. To me, if my assesement is right, the guy should be single and learn about respecting other people's desires and work on his manipulative ass and she should, perhaps work a bit on her assertivity so her opinions aren't as easily glossed over and then find herself a guy who actually sits down with her and can communicate about big decisions and taking both opinions into account.
Load More Replies... I would be so mad if my SO would spend so much money on a ring! You could have a nice vacation or 5 or a new interior or whatever is more important than a diamond.
I am extremely baffled at the fact that a relationship may depend on a ring in the USA. I got engaged over a simple gold ring with a white stone and pink stones around that probably is cubic circonia and i was the happies woman on earth. Latter i saw.my ring on the window shop and it had the price...it was a $100. Still happily married after 20 years to my high school sweetheart.
It doesn't for most people. Just because you read a story about a US couple having a fight like that, doesn't mean it's common. He posted this on a forum (one where people typically go to discuss outrageous and unusual conflicts in their lives) asking if he was an a-hole and the overwhelming vote was that he was not. Sure, people from all over the world do post on Reddit, but the majority are from the US. I'm from the US and I've never seen this sort of issue among my friends and family.
Load More Replies... Seriously. All of you talking about blood diamonds but having no problem with your cell phones and other stuff made with 3rd world slave labor, eating meat in an industry that exploits and enslaves immigrants right here in the US. This ENTIRE CONSUMER industry in the US is built on the exploitation of prison/slave/child labor in other countries AND here. Men and women routinely get sexually assaulted and body parts torn off in the meat packing industry. They cannot tell or they risk deportation. Y'all giving up your Freddy's, Mickey D or What a burgers? THOUGHT NOT. HYPODAMNCRITES.
Ok the fact that you spent so much time and effort and put YOUR heart into deciding on the perfect ring and asking family. I feel like if she doesn't appreciate all your efforts then it's DEFINITELY not time to get mArried. You need to stick to your beliefs or else she will know she can make you change your mind on important stuff. Now me I'd be like screw the ring I need a house or we need a car or something important!
People are so ungrateful nowadays, she deserves nothing. Cant appreciate an emotional moment and only cares for authenticity in what is materialistic. She is being unrealistic, and she is clearly not ready for a relationship to surpass boyfriend and girlfriend if she cannot accept the thoughtfulness of his love.
I don't understand these people siding with the women. They think the women should have given input on the ring before hand so she can get exactly what she wants? Isn't it supposed to be a surprise and spontaneous? That's how it is where I'm from. He got input from her friends and family what more can the guy do. If she's making a big deal out of this then please jump ship now for both your sakes.
A lot of people don't understand that a ring is just a symbol, the ring being a circle to symbolize never ending love, and on the ring finger as that was believed to be the only finger connected directly to the heart (for some reason) :) My wife and I, before we were married, always said that, "We're planning for a life, not one day." We had a smaller wedding, and spent less than $200 for both of our rings. After over 3 years of marriage both rings still look just as brilliant as when they were first purchased, and her ring is silver with lab made diamonds featuring a larger sapphire in the center, looks lovely. I'd post a picture if I could. Point is, it doesn't have to be expensive and put you in debt, the right one for you should know you love them regardless of how much a symbol of your love costs. The symbol should never overshadow what it's meant to represent, and definitely should consume your entire savings account and / or put you in debt. Save that for your dream home, something that you can enjoy together!
My second to oldest met his wife in high school and.started dating pretty much instantly. After a couple of years he decided to propose but couldn't afford a ring. So as a joke he bought her a ring out of a gumball machine. She cried so hard she could barely get out the words "yes,I'll marry you". She proudly wore that ring for about two years and it broke. She was devastated. By that time he had a steady job and asked our step-dad if he could use his credit to buy her a real ring and of course he said he would. When he gave it to her on their anniversary she cried and said "thank you but I loved my other ring so much". She wore the new ring and held on to the broken ring. He went back and got her another of the bubble gum machine rings and again she was over the moon and wore both rings together. That was about 25 years ago and they are still going strong. She loves my brother with every fiber of her being and only cared about spending her life with him,not at all about the ring.
For the people saying "she shouldn't have to wear a ring she doesn't love" or "you should of asked her what she wanted"... Well is it customary to ask the receiver what ring they want for their surprise proposal? Also common sense here my guy... You are both willing to throw away the relationship over a ring. Morals or no morals how much love is there between you two, really? I'm not here to judge just asking some real questions.
he's an idiot for spending so much. BUT he said he spent months finding the perfect ring for her. But he actually spent months finding the perfect ring for HIM, not her. He did not get her input at all for something he expects her to wear for the rest of her life. She is entitled to her opinion and taste. I would not want lab created diamonds either. I only wear vintage jewelry. My engagement ring is old enough that it's not an issue. And it cost $2200 not $20k. I just do not buy anything new other than some(not all) clothing and mattresses. I prefer to buy only used items when possible.
Amen, I work in the jewelry industry and if the ring isn't natural to me it's fake. I'd like to think my love is worth more then a fake ring and it's the one I will wear forever. I love my hubby deeply and I'm happy he bought me A REAL ring. I get where she's coming from. Also they are NOT the same. I once got a lab diamond in for reset into a different setting. That lab diamond had scratches all acrossed the top. Something a real diamond wouldn't do. I hate that others think it's just a materialistic thing. Not! It's the idea that he bought me a REAL diamond expressing our REAL love. 💞💞💞👍🥰
Load More Replies... How can even a lab grown diamond be that ridiculously expensive? And what a waste of money. Damn.
I think there is still likely a massive markup on them. They are priced to compete with mined diamonds, which are price-fixed way too high by a cartel. The lab-grown ones just have to be enough cheaper to be an attractive alternative. That can be completely alienated from the cost to produce them. I just did a quick check on a site that does lab grown diamonds and that seems in line with what they charge, and you'd easily spend 3-4x or more for a mined diamond that size with good specs. Something like a moissanite (lab grown, clear stone with a 9.25 Mohs hardness) is much more affordable. You can get their colorless grade, ideal cut in that size for a couple thousand. I don't know how the processes differ, but it's hard to imagine creating a diamond is 10x more expensive than creating a moissanite.
Load More Replies... I hope we get an update on this story. It's easy to say I'd bail bc it isn't my heart on the line, but objectively, her moral compass seems totally out of whack with his.
Both are kind of the ah. What about compromising on a different type of stone? There are brilliant stones from all over the world that don't have this conflict behind them. You can have conflict free; she can have natural.
It really isn't anyone's place to judge the amount being spent. The OP saved the money, he didn't go into hawk. Also, they're MDs. If earning $200,000 a year it wasn't a huge expense proportionally. If someone is married for 40 years, the ring equates to $500 a year. Not ridiculous. The bigger issues are that the OP felt so strongly about conflict free stones but never discussed it with the woman he had been with for many years. If it's that important, why didn't she know? I also take issue with the fact that she is so inflexible. Communication and conflict resolution (not about diamonds!) needs to be addressed before getting married. FWIW asking to have $20,000 spent on a ring since that was the original budget isn't not horrible (it is all proportional!) Asking for a similar size stone that will cost three times more is horrible.
I think the fight has escalated to a point that neither of them should be acting this way if they truely love each other. I think it should of been a conversation. Yes, she should wear it for all the reasons he gave and more but why should he care so much if it is something that makes her happy? With that being said I was a jeweler for many years. I have a different perspective then he does. I want nothing but natural. It's from the earth, Do you know what that rock goes thru just to become a diamond or any other gems? Of course u can tell there are no "flaws" in the man made stones. But what some people call flaws I would rather say I picked out the one with the color and beauty spots...if any that I love. You can go to certain people and they give you a certificate guaranteeing you it is not a conflict diamond. I know you can say well I don't know for sure. You don't know for sure sweat shops still aren't making your clothes either but you are wearing them. Chose her and love.
Sorry this guy got ripped off. Lab donds not worth any more than cubit zirconia. He bought her the best Yugo in the world where she most likely would have been more than happy with a toyota. Holds value looks good can be proud to own.
As a woman I wouldn't want lab grown. If they were just as good as natural they'd cost the same for the same cut color clarity carat but they're considerably cheaper. She's not being as a**hole or princess, she knows quality and what she likes. Fake boobs and butts are created in some lab but not natural from the original creation and not as unique or nice. She's going to wear it everyday all day for eternity and she should like it, it's not about you or how much you spent it's not what she likes. I'm down to earth and simple not materialistic and wouldn't want my love to spend that much money especially on a ring created in a lab. She's an MD she's smart she likes what she likes, the diamonds aren't the same it's an imitation.
If you don’t want a conflict Diamond, go to a legit jeweler, who only buys from wholesalers using the Kimberly Process. If you don’t like contributing to the Diamond industry, buy another durable REAL GEM or a ring made of durable precious metal: 14kt+ gold, or platinum. DO NOT EVER SPEND $ ON A FAKE DIAMOND or GEMSTONE. I would break up with a man who spent 20k on a “lab grown” Diamond. Your paying for their R&D. The “gem” is worthless. He just spent a house DP on something worthless. He saved for 10 yrs, and was too lazy to research what he was buying, or has no common sense. I’m retired from 25+ yrs in the jewelry biz. I’ve probably sold at least 20K engagement rings. I would never sell or buy a lab grown anything, that costs that much. I can sum up why: a diamonds VALUE comes from it’s RARITY, in both quantity and quality. Take that out of the equation, you got nothing.
So, in conclusion, she would rather rock a stone that represents the lost/stolen lives of children and enslavement of an entire region of people as proof of love for her, rather than accept the actual love this man has shown for her AND the world. So, if the stone gets exchanged, everyday she gets to look at it and know how much the world thinks of her ring, and he gets to look at it and think about the spilled blood and the children murdered for it. That sounds like a fundamental difference to me, and a great little seed of resentment and loathing to grow in a marriage.
Discussion prior to getting engaged is key. 1. She wants a real naturally formed stone. No matter her reasoning thats her desire. 2. He wants to prove a point. So for him either accept the lab grown stone or you arent holistic or whatever enough for me 3. He needs the control...she wants some control....this is a bad scene from the get go 4 hes controlling no compromise and needs somebody who wants that.( look thru the damaged goods bin for that kinda soft weak thing ) 5. Shes not damaged is speaking up...but a bit materialistic and so needs someone like herself .... This ring did them both a favor ...this is a mismatch ....move on
The real issue here is the inability of both parties to listen to the needs of the other. They're facing the same challenge in a different context. Both of them simply expect their partner to take whatever they're throwing at them simply because they feel strongly about it regardless of how it will impact their partner. She expects him to put his beliefs aside no matter how he feels and meet her needs. In the same way he expects her to simply accept what he's giving her regardless of how she feels about it to meet his needs, knowing its not what she really wanted. A gift should make your loved one Happy. You don't give them things that make them feel bad and tell them to force a smile. Receiving a gift shouldn't be a punishment to your loved one either.They should feel joyful about blessing you. In love, there is compromise. Put ego aside and listen to your partner. They can agree on something that they're both comfortable with. They should know how to settle their differences by now.
Not to pour salt on a wound but this is the exact reason I advocate for both partners shopping for the ring. May be totally unromantic but why would you spend thousands on something that you don't know they will like. I don't agree with her stance at all, but she's the one wearing it for the rest of her life so wouldn't you want it to be what she wants? Maybe a discussion beforehand would have allowed you to avoid this.
She is petty and materialistic, and I was with you until you escalated the argument. You stated that you gave her an ultimatum that if she refused this ring it would end the relationship. Hope you guys are getting counseling before you wed.
He should have gotten that kit car because he's going to regret marrying her down the line. If he goes through with it then he deserves what's coming.
Omg what an idiot! She should be happy that she gets any *diamond* ring on its own!
I’m going for YTA. You got her a ring that you thought she’d like. You were wrong and the people who advised you were wrong. Now instead of admitting your error and trying to find a compromise, you are insisting she must pretend to like this ring and wear it forever. Not a good look. Now it’s time to compromise - you both need to look for a ring that fits the budget but doesn’t contain blood diamonds (because that is allegedly most important to you). If you can’t do this as a team, the relationship is doomed.
My ring is made out of titanium and it cost 40€. I'm happy with it because I love my spouse enough to not care about the "value" of a piece of jewellery.
ESH. Her for being shallow & materialistic, him for spending that much money on a ring, and for not consulting with her on what sort of ring she'd like. You can put a down payment on a house with $20K; why waste it on a few grams of metal and stone?
OK man I'm going to be honest here. Run for the hills. Don't bring her. It's heartbreaking I know. But I don't know how I would face a person without seeing that shallow mind from then on.
This is a sign of things to come: "Only $20k on my wedding dress? Only $40k on the venue? ONLY $100k ON THE FLOWERS?!"
ESH. The fiancee is ungrateful. Neither communicated enough about the ring. It's okay the OP prefers lab grown diamonds, but the OP is an A for immediately bringing it to an ultimatum: "or she could give me back the ring and end the relationship and that would be fine." Excuse me! How can it just be "fine" with you to end a long-term relationship? You just said "I want to spend forever with you" in the proposal and now you're not willing to come up with other solutions, compromise, or put in any work in the relationship? That's why YTA.
Exactly. I doubt the woman never mentioned her own opinions. Instead of communicating about their differing opinions and chosing an option both are satisfied with, he went the emotionally manipulative route of spending his savings on a ring he probably knew she wouldn't be happy with. Because turning it down makes her look ungrateful, and its just plain pressuring her into accepting something she likely already mentioned not wanting
Load More Replies... The girl is the asshole, that much is obvious, but the guy is an idiot for spending 20k on a ring.
I used to work as part of a huge diamond / mining company. Every. Single. Diamond. Has cost lives. Is your finger that precious that you need everyone who sees it to know you are 'cool' with death on your hands, literally, but an option that has ZERO deaths related to your piece of bling is 'not acceptable'. Gent - You now know exactly what type of person you are looking to share your life with. I wish you the very best of luck.
I loathe diamonds for multiple reasons, but the possibility of getting a blood diamond is at the top of the list. I don't even care if I get a ring - it's the question that matters. I'd croak if my partner spent 20k on a ring, no matter what the stone was. This chick is a SAM missile, he needs to run now.
Ditch the bitch. She doesn't care about other people (the workers who work in the mines), or your own feelings. If she doesn't care about your feelings she doesn't really love you and that will become obvious in years to come. She didn't have to tell her friends it was created in a lab and they would have thought it cost even more than it did. In any case, what if a ring of created diamonds was passed off as natural ones at the higher price by an unscrupulous dealer? Would she know? No she wouldn't! natural? Would she know?
Take it back to the store and by an 18k gold ban. Diamonds are worthless. Gold actually has value.
NTA, simply an idiot for spending 20K on a damn ring. And if my fiance gave me that kind of grief for ANY present at all, she'd be out on her ass before she knew what the hell was going on. End of story.
Also, why is her opinion the only one that matters? It's a union, both your opinions and feelings should be in consideration! She called him an a**hole over something as materialistic as a piece of jewelry, doesn't say much about what she thinks of the relationship... And him being upset over buying a "real" diamond from a big box retailer, which 99% is likely a diamond collected under inhumane and cruel circumstances, is a valid point she should consider besides trying to make her finger look nice (which a lab-grown diamond looks just as nice if not more)!!! There are humans at stake supplying the diamond market with their blood, sweat and tears ! Exact reason I haven't let my boyfriend of 7 years buy me a ring unless it's an old/vintage one. Or one without a diamond at all, there are so many beautiful stones out there. Geeeezz...... Sorry this made my blood boil 😤
You are bringing up vintage, like that's an option she might not have settled down for as well? You don't even know her side of the story or why she wants a natural one rather then lab-grown. So you really think she never mentioned her own view on diamonds if he spoke about these things with her? Perhaps she's actually pissed her opinion on the matter went ignored, especially considering he spent all his savings on it which only pressures her into accepting it. But apparantly, being emotionally manipulative is not being an asshole.
Load More Replies... Sooooo, she refused a diamond that is *elementally the same* over one dug up from a slave-ran mine in Africa?? Ungrateful. That says all you need to know about her. I'd say *"byye-byyyyyye"
Personally I'd go for an opal ring but I def wouldn't want my partner spending THAT MUCH on a single ring. We could use that money for a nice vacation honeymoon somewhere
Opals are beautiful but very soft stones. Not a good choice for a ring intended to be worn daily for decades. If you love opals get one as a ring you wear periodically or as a pendant where it's less likely to be damaged.
Load More Replies... So sad how relationships are valued on this times. Money and Whim? Principles are the most real value thing a person can defend and stand for. Said that, what a person offers to other is that: ethics, principles, values, respect, hard work and a good yet simple but happy life and company to struggle together in this world full of difficulties. If she ain't able to see that, you should think twice about commit yourself and principles for life. Because nothing will be enough.
I don't think I'd want to be married to that kind of person. Just imagine how she would be about everything. Yuk!!
wait wait wait. OP spent a sum equal to a decent car or mortgage downpayment on an ugly a*s ring???? No wonder she would not want to marry Them! Heck travel to Bali, have a "dream wedding" if children's education or pension are not your financial radar not on a jewelry, FFS. For God sakes, do you know how muchs stocks you could invest in this economic times? It hurts on so many levels. A take from an unwed girl, if anyone wondered.
First of all, "invest in your relationship?? How? By buing a $20K ring? That all so wrong. Get a mentor/counselor to help you both with your relationship, if you're interested of course, and avoid doing what your impulses/assumptions-of-what's-right dictate you to do. And yes, she is the a**hole; no doubt about that. But, boy, stop perpetuating this work-my-ass-off-to-get-that-engagement-ring fallacy. It's been proven it's wrong.
"Invest in your relationship"?? How? With a diamond ring? That's all wrong from the beginning. Get a mentor to help you both with your relationship and avoid doing what your instincts dictate you to do. And yes, she is the a*****e, clearly. No doubt. But, boy, stop perpetuating this work-your-ass-to-buy-an-engagement-ring fallacy
I think this woman is crazy. He went so far to do research on the perfect big ring for her and she loved it until she started asking for the docs and cost. Please man, be grateful this man even wants to marry you, especially after your tantrum. Just imagine the rest of your lives together, that's not going to be a fun time my guy. Sorry man.
Anyone who asks about the value and/or origin and/or how it was made and/or...anything else about a wedding ring for engagement/wedding is an a*****e and a low-life. The ring is a symbol of love. If you can't wrap your head around the word symbol without analyzing or questioning it you are an a*****e, stupid but most likely both. Period!
Buy vintage, blood diamond problem solved. Also spend like 1-2k tops
HUGE red flag!! She will never be pleased with ANYTHING but the most expensive of EVERYTHING!! Personally, I have researched and found that diamonds are a big scam. I would never let my fiance spend that much on a ring! This woman is very materialistic and probably will never change. Remember, "When someone shows you who they really are, BELIEVE THEM!!". Run Forest Run!!!
If anyone should run, it is the woman. The man didn't consider her feelings at all. He made this all about him when it was her gift. There are ethically mined diamonds. The reddit page also indicate she didn't want something so expensive or extravagant. This was the ring HE wanted and he threatened to end their relationship if she didn't accept it. I'm not sure how anyone is siding with him when he is being the clear AH.
NTA. My advice would be to give her this choice: You will return the ring and give her a budget of $10k to get a ring she prefers or she can keep the ridiculously overpriced one you already bought. If she argues, she's a d!ck and you should run like hell.
Ask for the ring back so you can go exchange 'it', and instead, exchange girl friends!
She's the a*****e. Seriously. Get out now! It's only going to get worse...
He tells us, that she loved the ring, until she realised that it was af lab diamond. I do not like her reaction. Does she have no thought of all the lives that are lost finding natural diamonds? That is what bothers me most.
My ring has a CZ in it because I absolutely refused to go into debt for a piece of jewelry. I also wear my grandmother's gold band. $20,000 is a ridiculous amount of money to spend on a ring (sorry, maybe I'm just a little more practical than some). You could buy a car or make a down payment on a house with that kind of change! She sounds rather petty & childish, imho.
Sounds to me like you dodged a bullet. Take the ring back... buy your car and if there's anything left over, buy a vintage natural ring for her. If she is mad because of the money spent on it.. Kick her to the curb.
Women need to learn it's not about the stone but about the love of two people. The diamond industry and society made it look like there's a shortage and uniqueness of diamonds. which there's plenty of. Jewelers just try to make a women want them more and men feel like they're obligated to buy the biggest stone for them.
Fyi...FYI... ring means more to her than you...replace her not the ring It will get worse over time
You should have taken her to a number of jewelers let her select the top 5 that she liked (within the price range you were willing to commit to), studied her expressions on trying each one on and then made your decision based on the one you perceived to make her face light up the most. In this way the day and way you would propose and also the ring you would choose would still be a surprise and she would feel respected as you took the time to include her in the decision making process. My husband sat with me and allowed me to pick 5 designs that I liked online while giving me his in put as to which one he also liked the best in the end he chose well and I was more ecstatic that he listened to what I had to say then the actual ring which now sits in my jewelry box as a treasure I wear on special occasions. ( I only wear a simple wedding band). Marriage is about the connection you share not the paper anything is printed on. I hope it all works out for you.
🚨 I'd say.. take it back, spend $5,000 at the most for a "natural diamond " and use the rest to get your car kit. You deserve it and she'll get her "real diamond ". Hopefully she'll appreciate it, but then again.. she may complain about that too. Next step would be to just call off the engagement and just continue dating. 🤷🏾♀️
I rarely leave comments on anything, s believe me when I say this is ridiculous! He needs to ditch the bitch and find someone who cares, as clearly this one only cares about a ring! Seriously? He bought a $20,000 ring and she wants to exchange it? Wow, I can't even! If that girl loved him she would take a 25 cent bubble gum diamond ring. OMG! And he's just lying to himself about the "good for the environment" ring. No, not even! He knows this is way too extra and is too embarrassed to admit he loves a terrible person and its hard to walk away.. but he needs to suck it up and leave. And if girlfriend doesn't like it, so what? Apparently she doesn't like anything... who da f*k does she think she is? Ugh! I'm so upset right now! Let me say this last thing though, Baby Boy, should you ever read this, you need to dissolve this relationship at any cost, much less $20,000! And if she has a problem with that, you have her come for me and I'll let her know what's up! This just breaks my heart!
My engagement ring has a sapphire in it which was lab grown and people think that it's cheap?? no way! it's just not naturally grown for years and years instead the process is sped up. It's also eco friendly and no one is forced to do it :)
For $20,000, you'll be able to afford a diamond between 2-2.50 carats, without sacrificing much in any other areas. For a $15,000 engagement ring, however, you're looking at 1.50-1.80 carats as the sweet spot for all-round beauty and value, and to be able to pair with a gorgeous setting. Jan 10, 2022 Natural stone.
20k on a imitation diamond? He should have talked it over with her before spending that kind of money on a ring for her to wear for life, don't cha think?
If you take it back, and spend $20,000 on a real diamond, it's not going to be as big. If she already has an issue Now, I can only imagine how High Maintenance she's going to be the rest of your married life. I have a 1/2 caret blue sapphire that is beautiful and I love it and have had it since my 10th Anniversary (33 years) this year. My dinky little blue sapphire that I got as an engagement ring was given to my Granddaughter. I think if you have the money, you should search antique stores and see if she finds something she likes. My advice is to use the money to buy a house.
If you bought the for $20k and she isn't ready to accept and appreciate it then she isn't worthy of being called your future wife.
I think it's very tacky to want to exchange it. If you decide to still be with her, I'd make her keep what you spent your hard earned savings on and offer an upgrade to a natural diamond on a 5 or 10 year marriage anniversary. In the meantime you should reevaluate the relationship and see if it's even worth bringing it further into a marriage. I'd be pretty disappointed as a man if I just found out how ungrateful and materialistic my girlfriend of 5 years was. There would be no going backwards after that kind of disrespect. If she cared so much she would have brought it up a long time ago. As he said he has always been open about his distaste for the natural diamond industry. I wouldn't give in and exchange it. Id say goodbye and find someone who is more concerned about getting married and actual the commitment behind it. She was happy with everything until she found out that it was lab made. That says it all right there.
$20,000 is ridiculous to spend on any piece of jewelry, regardless of how long you've been saving. What if you get mugged? My engagement ring is a $300 tanzanite. It's my birthstone, favorite gem and the most ethically mined and traded natraul gem. That being said, I choose it. I liked the one my husband bought me because of the symbolism and the fact that it had a tanzanite, but he could tell I didn't particularly care for the ring itself and I was going to wear it the rest of my life. So, he took me back to the store and we picked one out together. A man should not be offended if a woman doesn't like the ring he choose. This woman is another story. She wants a diamond of unknown origin and has no issue with the price tag or the fact that he sacrificed a car to buy it. $20,000 is a mode of transportation, not a piece of jewelry. I'd want a CZ in silver before I'd want a diamond.
Then she’s not the right 1 if she’s being picky about the ring that’s a sign of more to come
RETURN THAT RING AN BUY THAT KIT CAR U WERE SAVIN FOR IN THE 1ST PLAC, BRUTHER. YOULL MEET A BETTER WOMAN IN NO TIME FLAT, HOSS!
Also, I think that one should always stands up for their beliefs. He has perfectly good arguments for not wanting to invest in a diamond. And why should he give in? He's actually willing to to save his relationship to let other people suffer? Like, seriously. Maybe a simpler example but my husband and I are both not vegans, yet had I gotten a relationship with a vegan I would have actually tried to understand and support him rather than threaten him that if he doesn't eat meat I would end our relationship. Love means supporting each others beliefs and convictions even if you don't agree. It's just a ring. She should have been just as happy to be engaged to this guy if he had bought a ring for 5 dollars from the candy store. 🤷🏻♀️ Love is not about the most expensive ring or even the most expensive wedding day. One can have everything low budget as long as the love is priceless.
This relationship seems so unhealthy! An engagement ring is a gift. And anyway, you don't say yes to the ring but to the person giving it and gratefulness for whatever kind of ring he's presenting is a good value. My husband proposed to me sick in bed with Covid-19 in December 2020 without a ring at all, he just coughed that he really couldn't imagine life without me anymore whether we feel good and strong or in sickness and if I wanted to marry him and I coughed yes. Could have imagined more romantic proposals, but who cares? It's the man who's asking that's the most important part in a proposal! And eventually he bought a Swarovski ring, under 100 dollars, a bit too big, believe me I don't care. My own wedding dress was also just 50 dollars and I looked like a million dollar bride in it. I can't care less about expensive stuff. I just wanted to say yes to the person I want to grow old with. Isn't an engagement and marriage about that? Why is everyone so obsessed with materialism?!
Get out while you can. Go for someone who appreciates you and how much thought and effort you put into this. She is a bitch!
My husband hates fakes so he would never buy me a cheap ass lab grown wanna be. Do you want boobs that have been inflated with real fat from another part of the body? Your fiance has all the right to be upset, you did not think about what she wanted and you want to impose on what you want. You are not gonna be the one who will wear it so why did you decide and bought what you solely like? She is not ungrateful, you are actually unthoughtful. And who buys a synthetic diamond for 20K? How stupid could you be? that thing will be worthless, not many women will like that. My husband even asked me what wedding ring I want. Those who are saying gf has issues you guys don't get it. We don't want fake enlarged penises, the same with fake large diamonds. She'll be happier with a natural smaller one.
Many people are buying lab grown diamonds. The clarity is better and their is no confloct. ...Return it buy a natural diamond that is not as pretty but it's natural. But, the lesson..she will never be happy.
What the actual eff? If someone showed up with a 20k ring, I would probably tell them to get their head out of their ass, go buy a nice $25 silver ring and return this one and SPEND THAT MONEY ON SOMETHING USEFUL, NOT BLING. I seriously can't believe someone would save for 10 years for a ring. Your marriage is not a ring or an expensive wedding, it's a partnership based on mutual respect (well, obviously not in your case, sorry to be blunt), it's not a stone and a wire. Such first-world problems... And that girl of yours, she is more shallow than a dry puddle.
Definitely not the a-hole, they are structurally and visually the same, main difference is they're cheaper cuz they don't involve tearing up the earth, false scarcity, or people killing each other or slave labor, guy should've bought his car but instead wanted this shallow woman to have the biggest lump of compressed coal on her finger possible, it should be the sentiment and promise that the ring signifies, not how it was made considering that is literally the only difference... When I (unfortunately) got married, we picked our own rings (under $100 cuz times were tight) and we were totally fine cuz it's about the love not the rock
You know, I felt the same way. So I asked my husband for a Canadian diamond. It was important to me, as was the design...because I would have to look at it every day of my life. He listened and delivered. It was nowhere near $20,000 because the cost was not as important as the source.
Tbh i personally think diamonds are sh!t and have already stated i do not want one for my ring, they are numerous, overpriced and a scam. But if a gem is supposed to represent your relationship i dont want fake i want genuine for starters number two if you are willing to end your 5 year relationship over her ring preference which you should have discussed with HER in the first place you're a d**k sorry not sorry. Should she have been more appreciative maybe idk you didn't state if she was or not or how much you discussed things afterwards. Sounds like yall need to communicate a lot more. You sound like an ass and she sounds ungrateful. You probably deserve each other have a nice life lmao. Way to many narcissistic prideful people in the world today and thats why i don't associate with any of you all assuming idiots.
Pft sounds like she ungrateful I would’ve said omg that’s too flipping much money why would you waste that money on a ring ide be happy with a $100 dollar ring it’s the meaning behind it jeez ungrateful twat
She was happy with it until she found out it was lab grown, OP did everything right consulting friends and family to surprise his bae but bae said no way
I would be more upset he spent 20grand on something I may lose one day....
When I proposed to my (now deceased) fiancée, she was worried I'd spent too much on it, she knew my feelings about diamonds (intrinsically worthless) and wanted to make sure I hadn't forgotten myself. It was a lab grown white sapphire, the ring cost $200, she was over the moon that if found a beautiful ring for so little, there are better things to spend your money on. To anyone who thinks their diamond ring is worth anywhere near what they paid, try to sell it to a jeweler, I'd bet my bank account they'll pay you only for the weight of the gold.
I think the revised more to discuss here. What if the couple wants to start a family and found out they are unable to do it the 'natural' way? Would considering IVF be off the table? Would adopting a child make them becoming parents any less real? I hope they can find a compromise they both can live with when they take their vows.
Well, he should get her the ring she wants. A jeweler tried to sell me a lab diamond as if it was a mined diamond the other day and I was disappointed and walked away. Get a vintage diamond ( my husband's mine cut diamond in a platinum band was 100 years old and gorgeous). There are other stones like rubies or sapphires or emeralds that are sturdy and nice too.. Go shopping together and create a positive memory. Take credit for when she finds her perfect ring.
I would have told her if she wants a real one then she should go replace the 20 children in Africa that probably died to get a 3.6 kt. "Real" diamond and if she lived then she can say what ever she wants . # undercovergolddigger
F**k diamonds! They are literally common pieces of pressurized carbon! One of the most common elements! That's why the resell value on diamonds is so low. It's a resale value of 25% of the original price... if you're luvjy! They made up the slogan "A diamond is forever" because they didn't want people to try to resell them and realize diamonds are quite literally worthless. The only reason they sell for so much is because a company has a monopoly on the diamond industry and all the retailers collude to set diamond prices... cause capitalism! End the practice of diamonds! They're worthless and literally anything else would be a better display of affection!
Return ring. Get your original car kit & tell her it's going to take you a minute to save for her natural diamond. In the meantime enjoy 6our car kit & hopefully a new girlfriend!!
Whatever you do, don't marry this chick. Also my diamond, very real, very vintage and almost 2 carats was less than 2 grand..... Ppl out here spending three times $20,000 on a 3.6 carat diamond???!!!!! Are you insane
Who is the ring for? HIM? Because HE keeps talking about what HE likes and HIS reasons for buying a ring..but then expects her to wear HIS decision. He is a selfish, narcissistic you know what. So self absorbed he expects her to live with his choice for her as if she did not matter. When you buy a ring (I have been married 5x, the last for almost 30 years) you CONSIDER the person who will wear it. I think he dodged a bullet as she obviously has a problem with FAKE and she dodged a bullet cause obviously he is too shallow to appreciate the difference. IT is not hard to find a real 3 carat diamond for under 20k who are y'all kidding? I agree with those who said there are much BIGGER issues here. A person so shallow will not age well in a relationship. He does not mind fake so he will be trading her in for the next plastic model after a few years because authenticity is not a word in his lexicon.
Leave her now. Her inability to accept a gift you've given is pretty and grubby. It will not improve.
Out!!! Right along with the bath water!! This is just the start of her mask peeling off. R U N and don't look back. 5 years is nothing compared to the rest of your life! You deserve better! She doesn't even deserve a Cubic Zirconia!! 🎤
My ring was from my MIL, it's a heart shaped diamond, protrudes on the spikes, regular gold... It doesn't fit my personality, but I love it because I love my husband.
Man made diamonds have value just like real diamonds the girlfriend should no that because thats what i think she cares about. She loved the ring was happy told and showed everyone the ring then boom she got noise and she wanted to know the price thats when she found out it was man made now she feels its not good enough for her .I think she needs to grow up.what would she had done if he got her a real diamond ring and spent lets say 5.000 i bet she would not be happy because it would be to small.Just my opinion
When she became disrespectful with him by calling him a A-hole she is past the point of redemption, and it's time for him to move on. Mutual respect is important in any relationship, and she obviously has no respect for him so I say return the ring if possible, take the money and buy the kit car.
I think that she should be happy with it. He put thought into what kind of ring and that much money. If she loved him so much she wouldn't really care about the ring. Me personally would never let my spouse spend that kind of money on a ring. And we been married for almost 7 years. And I would never be picky about the stone cause the LOVE is what matters the most. There's a lot of people today that's been married for over 20 and 30 years and don't even wear a ring cause it's the love that held them together. Not a stupid stone.
This is a petty thing and shouldn't be an issue if two people are in love.
This is ALL wrong! First of all, I find it odd that you are more concerned about blood diamond, which I agree is an awful thing, than people suffering in the country where you reside. If you already give to charity, by her a $5000 dollar ring and split the rest up between 3 college kids trying who are to make ends meet while pursuing an education. Antique diamond rings have many positive qualities they are rare and are not part of the modern "blood diamond" conflict. Whats second, she should be thankful that you love her enough to forgo something for yourself that you've been saving up for, and spent it on her instead. It's kind of selfish and rude. There are so many lonely people who have not yet, or may never find a person who loves them so much. Both of you need to open your eyes a little more to the world you live in. No need to bust up a beautiful relationship. Practice being married. It's outnow, discuss the issue and find a solution together, without anger or pettiness.
Does she wear a lot of make up? If not I'd says she's probably a natural, guy. Although who knows who they ol s dog has under his thumb really. Lol
Shes the AH. It's one thing to express that you don't like the ring and want to exchange it for something else, but she's being a complete douche about it. She's asking him to go against his personal beliefs which is not ok. Maybe she also doesn't understand that lab grown diamond is still a real diamond. Simulated diamond or synthetic diamond can mean cubic zirconia. But lab grown is still a real diamond and she's being ungrateful especially if there otherwise nothing wrong with the ring. If she still insists on a natural diamond perhaps tell her to find one conflict free that she likes that's within whatever money he can recover from returning the ring. Otherwise she doesn't sound like a keeper TBH. That's a major red flag when someone tries to force you to do something you don't support. What else is she gonna try to get you to do?
I don't want to tell this man what to do, but, I'm gonna... Step 1 - agree to exchange the ring. Step 2 - Get the ring back so you can "return it and have funds for the new ring" Step 3 - put the ring in your pocket Step 4 - pack all your sh*t into a U-Haul while she's at work Step 5 - leave with no note and no explanation because she doesn't deserve one Step 6 - Change your phone number Step 7 - never speak to that materialistic ego maniac again Step 8 - live a happy and healthy life knowing that you dodged that catastrophe.
That should tell you a lot about her. Take the ring back and don't get another one.
Greedy woman. That should tell you a lot about her. Take the ring back, and don't get another one.
Ditch the selfish bitch! Or you will be led around by your nose ring for as long as your so called marriage lasts! Or.... return the lab made diamond (kudos to you for refusing to support the blood diamond industry), and replace it with the smallest, real diamond CHIP you can find! Either way, WHY would you wish to marry such a dispicable cow? Grow a pair, man!
Just be glad you have a ring. I really don’t care for diamonds. I don’t have to have fancy things for someone to show they love me. So get over it.
You can buy gemstones from the Philippines a hell of a lot cheaper than at Kay jewelers and still get decent gems. And another point.. y'all spend money on "blood" items daily. Try oil for one... Or your sweat shop clothing made in 3rd world countries for cheap labor... Bunch of hypocrites. Italian leather shoes? How you know a mafioso didn't kill someone to get that factory running? Anyone here like drugs?? Or even your freedoms as an American citizen of which our entire culture was founded upon slavery and genocide?? Fucktards, the lot of ya. This girl deserves a natural stone and this man deserves his dream car. Because people should live their own lives and be happy.
It's over. He searched for months to get the "perfect" ring, only to disappoint her because it isn't a natural stone... And there is a reason they cost more,so kick that "waah it's chemically the same" in the garbage.... So all that and he couldn't even ask her opinion before dropping 20-freaking-grand on a dab of alchemist junk... So that's how she feels, and he feels it's wrong to exchange it.. take it as it is or bugger off... But I'll eventually do as you ask if that's my only option but it's not right... Bro, keep your dignity, get your money back and trade her ass for that dream car. It'll obviously last longer and be more meaningful once you realize that misery will follow that relationship if you continue...
It’s baffling to me that some people think you’re suppose to ask the receiver of a gift (even your intended fiancé) if they are ok with the gift you intend to give. What the heck is out world coming to? What the heck are some kids parents teaching them these days? If my wife had acted that way towards the ring I gave her, which was much less expensive and smaller than the one in this story…I would have taken that as a big red flag and went back to being single. And I would never tell her how much the ring costs. That irrelevant. It’s not about the ring at all, it’s about the relationship, and the wanting to share a life together. This girl clearly doesn’t understand what love is about or how to receive a gift. I’ve never asked anyone how much a gift they gave me cost. That’s just plain rude and shows how much of a prick you are. It’s your life, but I would cut my losses, and RUN.
He's got an opportunity to dodge a seriously big bullet at this point. I hope he takes it. Imagine how this woman is going to react to differences in child rearing ideas.
How ungrateful. This is a sign to run. He gave up something he'd dreamed about for 10 years for her. I don't care if that ring has a chunk of gravel in it. She should recognize what she has. Not everyone finds a partner like that.
Jeeeez... my husband wanted to buy me a diamond ring and I told him if he bought anything more than a cubic zarconia he'd be in trouble. Mainly because of the blood diamonds issue back then but it seems ridiculous to blow so much money on something that looks exactly the same as a silver and cubic ring.
When I got my wife's ring, I picked out her favorite color gemstone and worked with a jeweler to design a ring from scratch for her. When we got married, we added a ring guard, and she got to choose what went in. She loves her ring and it cost much less than 20,000
Also, ladies take my advise, men don't think the same way we do. They have a different network. Go out of your way to show him things you love and things you hate. Dresses, shoes, colors, rings, designs, flowers, etc. Keep saying it until he he says things like, "I know!! You have only told me a million times!" Good. It means it stuck. As for the young men here, My advise to you is to ask more questions and if you really aren't sure. Do what my man did, do a practice run. Get her a pinky ring, in the style you think she'd like. Say it's a promise ring or whatever. If she wears it, she loves it, or she will never wear or straight up tell you it isn't her style. Buy seriously.. don't be dense! ASK US! SPEAK UP!
Pffft f***k diamonds! I want a big a$$ Emerald ring 💍 😍 idky people would want such a boring ring!! 😴
Sir, with all due respect - you have just been handed a LIFELINE. Take that ring, get your money back, and get AS FAR AWAY FROM HER AS POSSIBLE. Use that money for what you were originally saving for.
20,000 on a "fake" diamond? Yikes. If he buys a fake diamond what else will be fake in the relationship. When you buy a gift it should make the receiver of the gift happy- remember you're not buying it for yourself. I'd be happy with a half carat- and spend no more than $4000- on a naturally occurring stone. No, I'm not down with the lab grown...ends up sounding like high end costume jewelry.
If she is more concerned about the ring rather than the love, devotion and the intentions behind the giving of the ring, she is NOT the one PERIOD
If she's more concerned about the ring rather than the love, devotion and intentions behind the giving of the ring, she is NOT the one. Period.
She's the one who's going to wear the ring so if she wants it exchanged she should do it herself for the $20k he spent on it. He shouldn't spend anymore money on it. It's too much for something like that.
She is not worth the rest of your life if she only is fixated on how mych you spent on her get a girl who sees you as rhe reward and treasure not your gifts ir tge money you soend on her. Nothing better than a quiet night being held by the man that loves you. I would have that oh btw my wedding ring cost 1.00 my husband's 2.00 Facebook the rings entitled her King and his Queen were very inexpensive now they go for $15 a piece
I didn't get a ring until I was married for 10 years then it was chosen by both of us for a few hundred. We got married at the court house when I was 19 not because we had to because we wanted to. This year we will celebrate our 18th year anniversary ♥ One peice of advice, compromise is more important than you think. Meet in the middle, and love each other because we are not promised tomorrow.
If she is willing to leave you for "not giving her the right ring" then she aint the one. Especially after you spent that much in her. Ridiculous!
She like the ring until she found out it was lab grown! Her friends and family like the ring and everything and gave input on it and now her back tracking because she doesn't like it. She sounds selfish and entitled to me.
Take the ring back and get your money back. Take her to a p**n shop and buy her a pretty, but used engagement set (like my husband did over 45 years ago). If she doesn't approve, leave Miss Materialistic and run while you can! Sounds like someone told her she was their princess and she believes it.
She's lucky she got a ring! All that money spent, AND SHE'S STILL COMPLAINING?!?! GET RID OF HER MAN, DUMP THAT DIGGER AND GET YOURSELF A WINNER!!!!!
What’s worse than spending a lot of money on a ring? Spending that much on a fake ring. Lab created is just that, not NATURAL. Perhaps an antique diamond would be more preferable? I feel the zillionaires will still have their slaves going for blood diamonds and only the regular people get screwed out of their hard earned money. I say antique or a beautiful sapphire…..
That's just so wrong and ungrateful. I never heard of lab grown diamonds before. Honestly, I don't care about an engagement ring. Just give me respect and honest. Be committed to me and show me love. That's enough.
I actually insisted on my husband getting a lab made stone for my wedding rings because diamonds are stupidly expensive! Plus, it's not really about the ring, but the love and partnership it represents. I feel like this woman needs to learn to be grateful he put so much care into selecting a ring.
My point if view as a woman: Lab grown diamonds have no chemical or other difference compared to a natural one. She can just tell everyone it's natural... really. How petty can people get. I would be glad to marry a man that maximized the worth of his money and bought a 3.6 C diamond 💎 for me... and lab griwn is just as real as natural. Maybe his girlfriend is confusing lab diamonds with moissanite. It is not the same thing! I suggest they just split. They are just not right for each other. This story and argument around the engagement will stain their relationship for the rest of their mutual lives... both are good people I an sure. Although I really can't understand his girlfriend
Some repliers above are forgetting she initially loved the ring but became concerned the price was too low for being a diamond. She then said she didn't like it because it was lab grown. She is the AH because she changed her mind when she found it wasn't natural.
You stated that you are both MDs, correct? How is it that an MD doesn't understand basic psychology? She is clearly just looking for the exit and this is an excuse to run for it. You are 100% in the right for going about this in the way that you did and I am very sorry to hear that you had wasted 5 years with such a selfish and conceited person. You clearly deserve much better. I would consider this a loss and move on. A person with your intellect, education and consideration for others deserves so much more than some cookie cutter money grabbing whore.
Don't marry anyone who thinks a diamond is that important. If the woman would call off a marriage over a piece of jewelry, she wasn't interested in "being married". She just wanted to "get married". There's a vast difference there. One is about making a life together. The other is about showing off.
She wants a real stone, so get her a real stone...I'm interested in whether you get 20k back for the fake rock...
I would tell him to take the ring back and get out of there. Jfc. His fiancee obviously doesn't share his values, and that's gonna be a real problem right quick. IMO, it's about a much deeper issue than the ring. All that said, though, he could compromise on a [much smaller] Canadian diamond for the same price and then she gets her "real" diamond and he gets the peace of mind of knowing it's an ethical diamond. I think he should just bounce, though.
I'd ask for the ring back and then I would end the relationship because she sounds insane.
My husband gave me a metal ring from the hard drive of a laptop. We're nerds and he's in IT. I absolutely love my ring and his matching one. They were free and are meaningful to both of us. So, the guy spent all that time researching and making sure it was a good investment yet beautiful, and spent $20k... She should be happy with how much it means to the relationship and his reasons behind it. A lab grown ring is a great idea She is definitely the AH!
I see both sides to the story. On one hand he did the sweetest gesture of his life proposing to his fiancee & making a huge investment. Not only that he did his research with friends & family to which they agreed it wouldn't be an issue. So that speaks volumes. On the other hand I understand his fiancee is upset it's not a 'real' diamond. The stranger part is she was completely happy until she started poking around about the cost & information which is VERY tacky. In my opinion the fiancee shouldn't be so upset. She should be more grateful. If I were him I'd take back the ring cancel the proposal & wait to see how materialistic she is/her attitude is. Then when he think he's ready again propose with no ring & build one together.
She's ungrateful and materialistic. She's definitely the AH here. It's a beautiful ring.
Wow..& people like her is why the divorce rate is so high. Its not all about you Karen! He spent money he saved for himself for years! Confered with your family & friends to make sure you'd like it & plan a life & love with you & you like that? Many people now days men & women are to materialistic for marriage..she needs to go buy a dog cause it sounds like this guy already doesn't like her abuse of the relationship & his feelings. Trying to guilt a guy who spent his life savings on a life with YOU into buying you something better..even though you loved it at first & obviously said yes now that you know the stones different? Dude got lucky & found out b4 the big D she wasn't wife material.. I mean say she had kids & they made her a clay statue, would she throw a fit & tell her beloveds it's crap cause it's not play doh? Cause that's the mentality & selfishness that's showing from her! Come on now how's a lady supposed to save face knowing her diamond isn't to die for.. literally. Smh
[Continued] No need to say that I hurt my then boyfriend's feeling, but I was also about to make a stupid move. The ring he had bought for me was more valuable than what I wanted to buy. So, I apologized, but it was already too late. Something was broken. And this is obviously the case for you. And that is the second thing. You have doubts. That is not good. You had no doubts as you bought the ring, but now you aren't sure. So, this ring situation is calling for a deeper reflection. You can let her go and exchange the ring herself. She will realize how smaller the real diamond will get and how many inclusions it will have. It will certainly not have the exact same perfect color. But you should definitely rethink marrying her. Whatever decision you make, be prepared to live with it. And the ring is just the beginning.
This is actually very easy. This is an engagement ring. You did your homework. You asked her family and friends. They said she wouldn't care. You went and spent 20k$ on a ring with no ties to any sort of exploitation. I am confident this is a 3,6 carats diamond with no inclusion. She is making a fuss preferring to wear a diamond which might be a blood diamond. And yet, you do not want to have anything to do with this. This isn't about taste, this is about human rights. If you didn't care about buying a blood diamond and chose to buy a lab diamond because it is a better deal then, I would also say go back and buy a real one. I see 2 things. She knew your position about the environment and blood diamonds. So, she obviously doesn't care about your views. I am saying this because far long ago, I was stupid and was just focused on the type of ring I wanted. I accepted the ring and went on to exchange it. [To be continued]
I told my boyfriend which ring I wanted. Plain thin gold band with simple diamond. Walmart $100. He got me an ugly $40 ring from thrift store that was scratching my finger. Sorry but if a man cared he would get what she wants. Needless to say he is my ex bf for many other reasons.
dude both right both wrong...personally I think 20k on any ring is ridiculous...do you have any idea what one could do with 20k...its a lot more than buying a lab experiment...2nd: if ur spending that much youd think youd want her input to make 100% sure shes gonna love it...after all a girl dreams about her wedding and her ring for her entire life is it wrong to make sure theyre in line with what she invisioned for herself...she is also the one who will be wearing it the rest of her life should she be forced to wear something she doesnt fully love just to appease the person who never even bothered to ask her opinion on a permanent lifelong accessory? on his side the dude jus dropped 20k on a ring like cmon and the fact his stance is about blood diamonds should be enough for any woman to concede. what I dont get is how yall are wanting to marry yet have failed to accomplish one of the key ingredients to a successful marriage and that is...compromise.
its a lab made diamond therefore loses the value of being a true diamond...he wants to know he paid for a nonblood diamond so go buy a vintage ring or ask a family member for a family heirloom and save some cash...better yet maybe go for a different type of stone or do what a lot try to do and find a way to make the rings unique to one another. either way as a couple the inability to easily find a suitable compromise and the fact ending the relationship over so insignificant an issue that bears no real affects to the happiness/longevity of the relationship says that this relationship is doomed to fail and should be dissected by each member with a more honest and self admitting pair of lenses
Load More Replies... She is picky and petty. Sounds like she'd rather have a blood diamond and have her fiance spend an arm and a leg and a kidney for her! Some people ate so ungrateful 🙄
Ok here is my take on it you gotta draw the line somewhere it's as simple as that.. in a relationship I'm pretty much happy if she's happy BUT that being said if I really feel strongly about something then that's what I'm going to do period and I would give her two choices be happy with the EXTREMELY beautiful EXPENSIVE ring she's got and marry me or give it back and don't it's simple my wife would be so mad at me for spending 20k on a ring(but then again we are not doctors either) she said I shouldn't have spent what I did on her set which was a very small 5% of what you spent but she loves it and I know would be heart broken if she lost it or it was stolen...I think y'all need to have a very serious discussion about goals and desires and definitely values because yours may not line up enough to make a marriage work. Good luck
Screw this biatch pack your shot up along with the ring and leave her ass in the fryer! She's materialistic she's dumb and she's Patty everybody is right when they say this is a bad bad bad bad bad sign of a beginning of a relationship red flags big time.
OP made a diligent, good-faith effort to consult her friends and family about her taste prior to proposing. That said, if you want to ensure a natural diamond is conflict-free, the USA actually has a park where you can find your own! See the link below. https://www.arkansasstateparks.com/parks/crater-diamonds-state-park
Clearly they shouldn't marry because they have different values. One is materialistic and supports an industry that exploits people. And one is responsible and caring.
This guy needs to rethink his relationship before it gets worse. His fiance is materialistic. It is the ring now, what will be next the house or lifestyle? Think about the future and what you want it to be even if it means calling it quits. Or is she that worth keeping? An engagement ring is a promise ring. The amount or type should not be important.
I'm wondering if there's a deeper issue. Like, OP might be quite rigid in other ways, and maybe she's not so upset over the ring as the fact he doesn't compromise. We also hear a great deal about his arguments and reasoning, but all he conveys about what she said is "she asked if he could exchange it." HE is the one who offered to end the relationship over the matter. Also notice he says the issue is "worth standing firm on"... so how much is SHE worth to him? If it's been a pattern for 5 years that he never prioritizes her over his ideals, then I think he's the one flying the red flag. Sometimes compromise means letting your partner's ideals win, because you live them and respect the way they see the world.
Your problem is telling anyone that it was a “ lab diamond .” If the only people that knew it was a lab diamond was you and her, it wouldn’t matter. She would have a big fat diamond that all of her friends would be jealous of..
The fact that she wants to exchange it for a natural diamond one says it all. Not "I don't want a lab growned diamond", but "I want a natural diamond". If I were the guy, I'd buy a cheap ring and see how she'd react to it.
Any woman actually she's not acting like a woman more like a little girl, would be happy to wear a ring that 1. You spent so much time working towards. 2. You took so much time to find. 3. You put so much research into. And finally you thought so much of period when it has to do with our next generations and if the two of you were going to have a family that is definitely a must. Don't marry her. Please hear me. I'm 61 years old I've been there , done that. Learned my lesson Do Not Marry That Girl!!!!
In my opinion YTA, I worked in the jewelry industry for over a decade. It's really easy to find diamonds that are non conflict, ex, Canadian diamonds are a great choice. I can't tell you the number of women I saw very upset and crying because thier fiance would not listen to their input on a ring they literally have to wear every day for the rest of their life. Communication is so incredibly important. Asking her friends and family isn't the same as communicating with her. I've seen this lead to heart break a number of times.
Personally I think you need tell her the rings stays. If you don't see my love for you enough to ask you to be my wife. What else will you dismiss. I'm just saying she showing you who she is. It's your choice to believe her. Another thing you can do is go get your money back. Give her thousand or two on her ring.and tell her you pay the rest. Sense you don't get why I don't support blood diamonds.and for the people who said he should haves asked her. She didn't have a problem with the ring tell she found out it wasn't a blood diamond. Man I promise it's a better woman for you. You see the signs now it's up to you stand your ground.
I hate the natural diamond industry for all the same reasons as OP, plus it's entirely a racket. Engagement rings have only really been a thing for about a century, started by an intense advertising campaign by DeBeers, and the "scarcity" is artificial, also manufactured by DeBeers to drive the price up. They have vaults with enough diamonds of every size to flood the market, which is how they controlled competitors and kept their monopoly for so long. My engagement ring is a blue topaz surrounded by white sapphires and I'm quite happy with it.
Dump this greedy girl! Marriage is because you love someone not the ring! Where is the gratitude for this amazing and thoughtful man! It’s not the ring, it is the person. It makes my stomach sick that someone could be so materialistic. Shocking!
She loved the ring before she found out it was lab created. He did the research and gave up a dream of his to buy her something that she would love and that was also aligning with his values. Run dude, run. As Maya Angelou once said, 'When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.' She wants you to go back on something that you strongly are against because, to her, it isn't good enough because it isn't 'bonafied'. She doesn't care what you gave up or how you feel about the gem. And this won't be the last time she does it, nor is it likely the first. Save your love and time for some one who appreciates it and respects your views and beliefs.
She does not love it because it is not worth as much as a conflict diamond. The deal is with lab grown stones, they are made with human remains.
This is a really tough situation. I don't know how the conversation went from her end. From his perspective it does come off as a lack of appreciation for the hard work that went into the ring and the buying process however I know that when we're angry we tend to have bias views when delivering a story. There are conflict free diamonds that are natural that you can purchase. Brilliant Earth makes claims of being 100% conflict free and goes above and beyond to ensure they are ethically responsible. I feel like with better communication on both parts a resolution can be found that will satisfy both parties. It doesn't matter the price of the ring. It's your money, you've worked hard for it and if that's where you choose to spend it that's your business. For me it's about better communication to find a resolution that works for both. I'd be lying if I said I've never said crappy things that make me look like a crappy person in the heat of the moment.
Take the ring back, get a refund. Take that refund and buy the car you want. Pick up a hot chick in it, and take a picture. Send it to your (ex) fiancé telling her how "this is so much better than a diamond, we're done." Easy peasy. She's shallow and materialistic, just like her friends who are backing her up. Birds of a feather. Remind her that her ring was 3 carats, and you want to see the size of her next engagement ring she gets, if she can find another sucker.
Sounds like your basic values don't match. I'm sorry it too 5 yrs to come to this knowledge, but this marriage is doomed. She is too materialistic for you. Take your 'fake' ring back and run.
Well, he should have let her help pick it out but her reaction to lab-created vs mined is a red flag to RUN!! The diamond industry is a scam. Diamonds aren't rare and mining them usually involves human exploitation as well as environmental impacts. The upside of lab-created diamonds beyond the obvious is that no one can tell and they are flawless and beautiful.
That whole "blood diamond" thing is and was nothing more than the De Beers group not being able to control all the diamonds. Were diamonds being used to finance warlords? Yes, but so was and is gold and almost any other precious commodity. But De Beers was the one that controls the diamond industry so they started the whole "blood Diamond" thing.
She clearly doesn't love him if all she wants him for is his money and gifts, it's good that she has shown her true colours before the wedding, he should end the relationship and find someone who deserves him.
My mother would have described her as a person who knows the price of everything but the value of nothing.... I'd agree.
The Old adage--Never look a Gift horse in the mouth comes to mind-- To tell someone who has saved for his dream (a Kit car) & instead thought enough of you to give up his dream (for himself)--Is the most Giving type of person-- So--unless this guy just wants a Trophy Wife in loo of a REAL wife-he needs to cut his loses & Run-
Clear sign he should run the EFF away from that gold digger- diamond digger in this case.
i think you`re the real diamonde here! your choice was very very thoughtful, you spent a lot of money (actually, i thionk it is a crazy amount of money, and a crazy world about engaement and wedding stuuf), and tried to get the most beautiful possible ring for her, and being conscious at the same time..... and she does not appreciate!!!! you`d better run and find a girl who really notices you!! good luck
First she sounds spoiled; he put a lot of thought, time and money that he had saved for a long time and sacrificed something he really wanted to buy her this ring. He went against his own misgivings and found a option he thought they both could deal with after getting positive input from those closest to her including her mom. According to him she was aware of his take on the diamond industry it was a dicussion they'd had but yet now she is pushing him to go against his conscience. Second I thought engagement rings were suppose to be part of the surprise in popping the question is and the guy usually picks it. The estate and antique ring suggestions are very good but something tells me she will not go for it. I think maybe they should reevaluate their differences and reconsider if they should marry. It sounds like he will be compromising his values, wants and needs a whole lot and the fact that she now has other people pushing him to do what she wants does not sit well with me either.
When my husband proposed we were just teenagers so the ring he got me was sterling silver with a cubic zirconia. After 5 years of marriage he said he wanted to get me a "real" ring and I said no that the ring he first gave me is perfect because it wasn't the ring that mattered it was the love behind it. 20 years later I am still in love with my ring and the man who gave it to me. This girl sounds spoiled and doesn't know what love is obviously because love doesnt have a price tag and it sure isn't about a diamond. Smh she should give the ring back and he should try to get his money back and buy her a real diamond maybe 1/2 carat and see how she likes a real one over the 3.6 carats she previously had.
My husband just bought me a BEAUTIFUL lab grown diamond. It was my idea for it to be lab grown. More people watch how badly the mining destroys the planet and the wildlife habitat. Pure ignorance and selfishness to buy a BLOOD DIAMOND.
I have lab grown diamond mainly because I'm allergic to all metals but sterling silver and surgical steel. It is nearly impossible to find a natural diamond on silver.
Speaking from four decades of experience in the jewelry industry (okay I’m *old*) a lab grown diamond is equal to a mined diamond. There may be emotional differences—environmental, ethical, irrational—but a TYPE IIA diamond is a TYPE IIA diamond no matter its origin. And fundamentally that is the only difference: from where the gemstone originates. Those who buy lab grown today are ahead of the curve; in the (near) future people will question “ Why did you buy a mined diamond?”
If she wants to be like that he should say fine I'll return it and get you a bubble gum machine one and buy his kit car thing he originally wanted
I'd take any ring given to me as it would be out of love. I don't require a man to spend 000s on a ring, and couldn't give a hoot if it was CZ! But I guess I'm less picky than other women.she should be grateful he loved her so much that he spent 20k on a ring alone!! If she's like this now, she will be worse when married!
This guy should consider himself lucky. He dodged a bullet... If he doesn't marry her that is. He'd be awfully stupid if he did.
Oh my. Try to find people who will stay with you because they like your character.
For me an engagement ring for 20 bucks and a wedding ring for 130 bucks and happier than ever :) Always a fuss about romantic cheesy things. Why oh why.....
I hope he dumps her and uses the money for a down payment on a home for himself and the dog I think he should adopt. She sounds awful and I'm ashamed that she's my gender.
They both might have acted a little stubborn, specially her. But tbh if I were a woman I would prefer the natural as well. Knowing that this stone has been sitting underground for millions of years, awaiting for your finger, surely makes you feel special vs. some factory made product. Yeah so sad that child labor is involved etc but so happens with your brand clothes. If there might be an instance to relax that standard, for me it would be when acquiring your until-death-do-us-part wife's ring. I would try to maybe compensate later on in some way.
What, if it isn't a "real" stone, it isn't legit bragging rights? He will give up a hell of a lot more than a kit car if he stayed with this one.
Your man just bought you a $20,000 diamond ring and your complaining about where and how it was made? It doesn't make a bit of difference in his feelings towards you. He cares about people and the environment. That is, in my opinion, a good thing. It shows his morals are good (no conflict diamonds for his fiance), and he cares about the environment. Would you really want a diamond, which reflects his love for you, to be one which people died harvesting and destroying the earth for? I sure wouldn't. If, after explaining his reasons for his choice to his fiance (maybe she didn't know the history of diamond mining) she still wanted a "real" diamond, if I were him, I would have a long think about this woman and her morals, and how important the actual relationship is to her.
We made sure that the diamond on my rings were not blood diamonds (they're called polar diamonds). Thankfully our country has diamond mines and because they're from here they're cheaper as well.
I cannot imagine playing more than a couple hundred $ for a ring. Diamonds for engagement rings are so pretentious anyway, completely fabricated by a worthless market. My engagement ring is my birthstone and was lovingly picked by my spouse after showing them ring designs I liked.
OP seems like a really nice guy, and unfortunately in a sinking relationship if his fiancee cares that much about material possessions. Yes, it's nice to communicate to them about it beforehand but by no means is it a requirement. Also, while the ring might be for her, it was he who thought of it and he who purchased/acquired it, so when she looks at the ring, the picture that comes to mind should be of him and their relationship, not herself. If she is that upset about it, she is welcome to get him a ring. Not only would I doubt that she would think that's a normal thing to do let alone actually do it, but I further doubt she would spend nearly as much as he did on hers. She should be grateful for the gesture and what sounds like a beautiful ring. If she can't, they both need to move on immediately. To those saying $20k is too much for a diamond ring - it might seem like that to us, but we should also let people enjoy things and do with their money what (hopefully) gives them joy.
Her behavior makes me sick, he gave her a beautiful expensive ring and yet she's still unsatisfied. She should be thankful! I used to live in Senegal when I was younger where I've seen more homeless kids and starving animals than I can count, there are worse problems than a lab grown ring.
20k is not that unrealistic these days but I get and see both points of view honestly but she just needs more info on lab grown I would say. Otherwise return it and have her buy her own.
You both need help! You are buying her your dream ring. She is worried about if a $20,000 ring is real! Wow!!!
Be a gentleman and buy her a soap bar instead. She seems in need for something to lick.
DO NOT IN ANY MEANS MARRY HER!!!! If she really loved you she wouldn't give a s**t if it was a $200 Walmart engagement ring. Whatever you give her will never be enough. Also lab created diamonds are still diamonds they go through the same process a natural ones but at an accelerated rate and don't have to be mined at slave wages.
who the f**k spends 20$ on a ring? it's daylight robbery, whether it is a "real" diamond or a lab-grown one. Such a weird hill to die on. It looks the same, it completely fulfills all the functions of a jewellery diamond. It's just a stone, who cares if it's real.
What a world Why have trouble with a lab grown diamond worth 20k?
What does it even matter if it's lab grown? Diamond is a diamond. It's of the same chemical structure. It doesn't matter if it's a "naturally" formed one or not. And I disagree with people saying he might be at fault for not asking her. He stated he showed distaste about natural diamonds, so I would think it's up to her to say she prefers natural diamonds. And honestly, it's customary to make proposition a surprise, so how exactly would he have asked her again? He asked her relatives and I think that's good enough. Then again, I'm a kind of girl who doesn't care much for jewelry, so it's all the same to me. And when I would be proposed to, I'd like something cute and beautiful but with the simplest design possible, since convenience comes first to me. I wouldn't wear a ring that inconveniences me on a daily basis. In fact, I don't.
$20,000 on an engagement ring is obscene. However, irrespective of the price, I wouldn't want to wear a ring I hadn't chosen myself. The only redeeming factor in this whole s**t-show is that his principles wouldn't let him buy a mined diamond. Saying that, he's also said he'll capitulate and get her a real diamond if it'll save their relationship. So not just a s**t-show but a total waste of time.
Doesn't discussing the ring with the finance beforehand defeat the purpose of the whole 'going down in one knee and yada yada yada...'? I've seen this comment defending the girls and I got confused... And about the 20k on a freaking ring... I'm a teacher in Brazil, I don't make that in a year... So I guess the conversation should be about privilege and priorities... And he should definitely dump this girl's a$$.
He should show her the pictures of the children being exploited and enslaved to mine those bits of fancy graphite.
Nope! You are a nice guy! Your girlfriend is a selfish gold digging C**T! Drop her like a turd!
NTA but something for buying a $20,000 ring when you're not wealthy (it says he saved for a while for it). That money could be put into a savings account for a rainy day, go towards future kids (if they want/have any), go towards a house and so forthe. Not on a rock that cost the creators a tiny percentage of that to make. I'd be livid at my fiancé if that was what they bought for my ring. I'd march them back to the store and make them give it back and we'd go looking for something more my style that is far less expensive.
20k for a ring!!???? TWENTY THOUSAND DOLLARS!! FFS people. And that girl is bitchy, no you can not see the difference. IMO lab diamonds are better (enviroment etc) and she just bitches...
I think the problem here is that the girl only hates the ring after she knew that it was lab-grown.
My husband had a small diamond from a family ring that we reset for me. I love it because it's something that means something. I'm not a girly girl, so I never wanted a gaudy stone. We both love our celtic heritage so we found rings for both of us that had celtic knots. He got titanium because he's rough on everything. His ring was less than $60. My two were white gold... less than $300 plus cost of setting. We were rather poor at the time and it still meant everything. He knows I like sapphires, so for our 5th anniversary, he had 2 sapphire chips added to the sides of the diamond. You can barely see it but I love it because it was put there with love (he said he was getting them cleaned and had them do it so it was a surprise). The diamond is beautiful. The jeweler said it was almost perfect and the cut was unique. When it was cleaned up, it just shined like crazy. I love it, but if he had to get a new stone, I would've asked for a lab grown for ethical reasons. It's about love, not $
The fact that he spent 20k on a fake ring is absolutely absurd.... it sounds like she is quite materialistic and only cares about labels though... not an ideal match. He should have been honest upfront and if you can't be, with the person you're marrying, DONT MARRY THEM!
Wow, I am actually pretty conflicted on this one. The gentleman clearly put a lot of thought into the choice, and his moral compass is right on. However, I have mixed feelings about lab grown stones, there's a certain stigma attached. It's sort of like the stones don't represent the time, uniqueness, almost sheer amazing improbability of occuring, if that makes sense. And yet I feel the disgust of the dark reality of mining precious gems and metals. The real issue seems to be communication, particularly the listening, and then compromising. She needs to acknowledge & appreciate that he clearly put in the thought & effort, that his feelings about the origin are legitimate & honorable. He needs to acknowledge that despite disagreeing, the ring will physically be on her body for hopefully the rest of their lives, & her feelings are just as valid. They must validate each other's feelings, exchange it for something they both can feel happy about, with no unspoken resentment
This whole saga is a sign, bro. A sign that you should not marry this one. My god, you spent 20K(which is absurd) on that and she's mad because it wasn't mined out of the earth? Just her asking you how much you paid for it was a red flag for me. Let her go.
Okay, you are one really lucky dude. You have discovered long before the wedding date that you need to RUN - and RUN FAST! Now, tell her you will go and exchange the ring, and then once you have it in your hand, tell her what she can do with the rest of her life. Honestly, so many red flags here I'm surprised you haven't seen them.
YTA for spending so much money on a ring! True Love doesn't need ridiculously expensive gifts.
The only thing not wrong about this situation is the general fact the diamond was lab grown. Everything else is a red flag. The price, the assumptions, the distaste, the poor communications, the materialism... not great
"BUT DE BEERS SAYS IF YOU LOVE ME, YOU'LL GET ME A REAL DIAMOND!!!!!!"
For those saying he didn't consult her: she said she loved the ring until she knew it was lab-grown. This man spent 20k on a RING, which for me is obscene given that there are people starving, but anyway, he thought about the ring, consulted her friends and family and thoughtfully chose a ring. She on the other hand wants him to compromise on his values. If he gives in, their whole marriage will be her asking him to compromise who he is to make her materialistic a$$ happy. She's the AH. He should take his ring back and run for the hills.
Anyone saying this guy is the asshole for not discussing it prior with his fiance... c'mon. Really?! My fiance picked out my LAB GROWN diamond. I had zero say in it, and I couldn't be happier. He picked it out, custom designed, for ME. Why would I make him pick out something I like and then make him pay for it? My diamond is large, beautiful, and ethically sourced and I wouldn't want it any other way.
Next it'll be he bought her a Mercedes or BMW and she has a fit because it's not a Bugatti.
Why is she so upset? That her diamond wasn't mined by enslaved people? Her fiancé still spend a lot of money on that ring, perhaps more it was worth. By the way, some couples does not buy engagement rings at all.
Lab grown stones are ABSOLUTELY IDENTICAL, once cut, to a natural stone. Take it to a jeweler, have him try to tell. He can't. Does SHE understand about blood diamonds? About the slavery and misery that natural diamonds represent? Educate her. If she still doesn't care, run from that bloodthirsty betch.
NTA but definitely kinda crazy to spend that amount of money for a ring
First she has a hissy fit about the ring, what's next? The type of car he drives? What he spends on clothes? The brand of watch he wears? Take back the ring, get the kit car and drive away.
Also, I don't even find diamonds to be an attractive stone, there are so many more beautiful gems out there! I would much rather purchase an opal, or maybe my fiancee's birth stone... anything other than a diamond. The Debeers diamond company created expectations when they came up with their 'guide' to buying diamonds. I think women equate the 'value' of the ring with their 'value' as a woman and how people will perceive it in that context.
I feel like when you gift something you do it thinking the person who will receive this will love it .. what's the point if it's something expensive and it isn't the taste for the person receiving it.. it's he gifting the ring to himself? Because he is only thinking about what he likes not about what she likes.
I feel exactly the same way about 'real' diamonds, I would NOT purchase a real diamond. First of all, if you do even a teeny bit of research about the diamond industry, you will find that the company Debeers invented all the 'rules' (spend 3 months salary!) surrounding diamond engagement rings to improve sales; i.e., its a scam. Second, this woman's behavior is just gross materialistic behavior to the point of embarrassment. I don't care how she was raised, this is just rotten human behavior. I would lose all respect for this person going forward.
I feel EXACTLY the same about diamonds. Personally, I don't even find diamonds to be appealing, there are so many other beautiful gems. Do even a teeny bit of research and you will find that the diamond company Debeers invented all of the 'rules' around buying a diamond engagement ring that we now think of as traditional. Everything about the way this woman reacted regarding his engagement ring is just gross materialistic behavior. I would find it impossible to respect this person after this behavior.
I did NOT want an engagement ring. A guy doesn't wear a ring to signify is "taken", why does a woman? A man is 'trusted' but not a gal? He said he wanted it as an investment. He said I could pick the setting but he'd pick the diamond. It sits in my jewelry box. I just wear a simple gold band. Saw a story of a woman who 'loved' her small diamond and would never trade up like her friends have. She said her marriage was actually stronger than those said friend's relationships. Priorities rule. Rather have a great relationship vs a great ring.
Another typical AITA story. These seem to always have so thorough backstory and so outrageus people opposing the OP that any reasonable person will say NTA. Even the writing style is so similar in many of these. I'm suspecting someone has a creative mind and is fabricating these stories.
I'm going to probably be in the minority to also vote YTA. The issue isn't the amount of money spent, it is that the fiance doesn't like the ring. That is a personal taste thing. If she doesn't like the ring, he should exchange it to one that she does like. I used to study gemology and there are Canadian diamonds that are not considered the 'blood diamonds.' It is really sweet that he wanted to spend so much money on her, but that is a lot of money for an artificially created stone. I would be upset too if someone I loved spent so much on a stone that was not natural. Personally, I wouldn't want that expensive of a ring, but I would want a smaller, natural stone.
Nope, she is. Warning signs in my opinion where the "having a "real diamond" is more important than the obvious thought put in the "fake" one....
The people who are hating on the woman are probably clueless men who can't understand why they don't have a girlfriend.
NTA. You should ask yourself this question: Are you willing to compromise on your values just to save a relationship with an entitled piece of golddigging brat?
If she's so keen on a natural stone, then go back to the store and buy her a natural diamond for $20,000. Let's see how she likes that! Oh, btw, you spent $20,000 on a ring? Are you made of money? She's an ungrateful ...
I'd call this a "close shave" and move on with my life. Clearly she is shallow and uninformed, both about blood diamonds, the diamond business in general and "farmed" diamonds. They are actually more pure than mined diamonds. Plus, they are carbon. Essentially a piece of coal that's shining. Also $20k? Maybe they deserve each other.
People taking her side forgot or missed the fact that she was happy with it and LOVED it up until she found out it was lab grown. She liked how it looked, how it felt, even how much it costed. To me it sounds like she's an entitled bitch who doesn't appreciate 10 years of her "loved one"s sacrifice to save for. She wouldn't have me as a husband!
The post did say she was "floored" by the cost. I would've also been floored and I also would've assumed it was not a mined diamond for $20K. Mined diamonds are WAY overpriced and you're not getting 3ct with good color, cut, and clarity for $20K. Though, I also would not have been comfortable with my fiance spending that much money on jewelry. Unsurprisingly, I went with lab created stones for similar reasons to the OP and spent much, much less than that on a more modest ring that I would enjoy wearing every day.
Load More Replies... Or just propose with nothing and then decide if you want to do rings. Worked fine for us.
Load More Replies... This isn't about the diamond as much as it is about her demands. She does not value what's honorable. She's not a good investment, sorry. I wouldn't have even thought of a man spending that much on a ring that they had to save so long for. She'd want the big wedding too, she's showing her bridezilla fangs, it's going to get worse. He'd end up in debt over their heads. So sorry but now he knows who she really is.
This woman can't tell the difference in "natural" and lab grown. Even professional diamond experts can't tell the difference. It was only the size vs. what he paid that made her suspicious. Sure, exchange the ring for a $20,000 "natural" diamond ring... you know, one that will have much smaller and fewer stones in it because "natural" diamonds are much more valuable (read expensive). I wonder if anyone pointed that out to her? Anyone want to bet she won't be happy with a smaller ring? This situation is not a good sign... and, yes, she's the only a*****e here.
I was mostly crushed he gave up the kit car for a silly ring, although I'm a bit of a car girl.
If she can't be happy with a Christmas cracker ring, she'll never be happy. Sell the fiance and keep the ring for a better class of woman.
20.000. For a ring. He saved for ten years. For a ring. Don't mind me, I am just trying to process it.
The fact that anybody would spend $20,000 on a ring absolutely blows my mind. Throw the whole wedding industry away
Ok so some people are commenting on how he didn't talk to her about the ring! First off he went to all her family and friends and asked their opinion. 2) they've been together for 5 years I'm assuming they had at least one conversation about their future wedding and proposal! 3) She "LOVED" the ring until she found out it was lab grown! 4) 20k on a ring is ridiculous IMO clearly for her it still wasn't good enough!! I hope he didn't marry her!
I bought the best un-set diamond I could afford, and then after proposing to my wife we went down to a local jeweller and had it set in a unique design ring had our wedding rings designed to match at the same time. Still cost a lot less than 20k, I got to surprise her with a spontaneous engagement and we each got wedding rings that are unique. Everyone wins.
My boyfriend's engagement ring is literally just a carved piece of bone, less than 100$ of value, and it was perfect for us because it had a meaning. Why do people need something that costs literal 20K?
My concern would not be the fact that she wants a real diamond, but the fact that she doesn't care about the sufference that may stand behind it... and her reaction to the claim about not wanting to buy anything that may be related to slavery. Ok, the ring is for her and she is the one who has to be happy about it (and if he spent 20k dollars it means he can afford it)... still, I would not want to marry a person who says I am an XXX because I care about people.
Stories like this piss me off. My fiance had a fake diamond ring, and was thrilled with it. The price shoul'nt matter, its the meaning behind it that counts.
That ring is too f*****g expensive, holy crap! Secondly, there's nothing wrong with lab grown gems, I'd much prefer to have a ring with a lab grown diamond or some other beautiful gem rather than something that has been dug up by kids or other exploited people. Also, aren't lab grown diamonds supposed to be quite affordable? How fricking big is a 20k lab grown diamond?!
Time to eliminate the semester and barbaric practice of "engagement rings" really sorry for that chap and praying his fiance wouldn't be such a douch.
My bf and I recently got engaged. He proposed with a £3 ring he got from the gift shop. He was laughing at how tacky the ring was but neither of us cared. It was just to be traditional in the moment and it was just a perfect moment tbh. We've picked and bought a different ring since then, that we both like and we're both paying for! No blood diamonds or spoilt brats involved!
It really concerns me, that even though he asked her family and friends beforehand, his fiancé reacted otherwise and not that way her parents and friends expected her to react. Seems to me like she does not value how much he thought about what would be the perfect ring for proposing to her. I think she's extremely unappreciative and I probably would have withdrawn the proposal if I was him.
If lab grown diamonds in rings were a thing when I got engaged we'd definitely have got one instead of the "real" thing.
Whatever the young man of my dreams gave me to propose would be the absolute finest thing ever. Even if it was plastic, iron or even glass. The fact that he wanted to marry would be the gift, the wish. Not what I could get out of him. I have zero sympathy for any of that crap.
This relationship is toast, if she's not happy with a 20 000$ diamond ring because it was not mined by some enslaved kids she's not gonna be happy with anything
as a fiancé, I would quickly look far away. Run boy- so fast as you can!
This couple had five years to realize that they aren't compatible. AITA isn't quite the right question.
20000 wow that's alot of money. It's a beautiful ring! Take it back and give it to the right woman. Lol jk but seriously a ring should not matter. What if you couldn't afford one? Would she leave you if you had only spent 100? 🤔
When we got engaged, my fiance took me to a number of jewelry stores looking at rings. He studied color, cut, clarity, VF, etc. Nothing was just right. His energy tapped out. I didn't get an engagement ring. I had grown up feeling "less than" and this didn't help. We actually did get married. It's been 45 years. I still feel badly about the damn ring. I understand how she feels. Perhaps a different gemstone?
Please, if I couldn't tell the difference between a white sapphire and a diamond, she definitely couldn't tell the difference between a diamond and a diamond.
In fairness white sapphires and diamonds do not sparkle in the same way at all. I would be able to tell it wasn't a diamond, though probably not what it was instead. Sapphires don't have any 'fire' and lack the rainbow sparkle. Though I agree with your second point.
Load More Replies... Please give the ring to me and marry me. I'm not the slim young dream girl you might have wanted, but at least I appreciate the effort you put into this. I'll sell it though so that we can go to our dream honeymoon.
He is a man so he won't get it. Also, its not about him, and what he wants, its about her and what she wants as she is the one receiving the ring and is expected to wear it. He doesnt understand women at all and will be a crap husband. He is completely disregarding her feelings. Probably a narcissist. Also, this is why you should never spring an expensive buy like this on someone.
I pretty understand his fiancee. All the processes that takes create the diamond rock... The existence of it for millions of years.... For me this is what I think is more meaningful then the lab one... I would prefer a smaller real one then a big man made one.
If it's about how old something is, then how about a barrel of oil instead? Or maybe a nice clump of coprolite?
Load More Replies... It will be her ring that she will wear everyday, she wants a real diamond for the same money you spent. It seems reasonable to me, exchange the the ring.
Real diamond? It doesn't matter how the diamond was formed, it is still chemically a diamond.
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