Couple Uninvites A Guest From Their Wedding After Reading His Facebook Posts, Divides People’s Opinions
Wedding etiquette can be a tough nut to crack, a difficult maze to navigate, and far from a piece of (delicious three-tiered wedding) cake. Knowing how to behave when problems arise can let you avoid a lot of stress before your big day. However, some situations are trickier than the rest.
Image credits: Jeremy Wong (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Quackers4Crackers
Image credits: Quackers4Crackers
“Sometimes, writing things out makes it easier to say exactly what you want in the way you plan to say it. Others feel better having a personal chat over the phone. Just do what is going to help you be as authentic, diplomatic and kind as possible. You also need to expect that there will be some upset, and you need to greet that with acceptance and compassion. If you’re making the decision to uninvite a guest, you need to be ok with handling the consequences of that,” Anna and Sarah from The Wedding Society told Bored Panda how to tackle uninvitations.
They also suggest that you try and be honest and frame things in such a way that things seem like they turned out for the best for everyone involved. “There’s no real way to get around the pain of uninviting or being uninvited to a wedding. The only thing that eases the sting is making it as kind as possible and trying to see your situation from the other person’s perspective. Try to frame it like you’re doing the best thing for both parties, such as saying, ‘I feel like you’d want to be aligned with people who have the same values as you, and I don’t think we’re those people.’ Just don’t be dishonest. It’s better to give no reason than lying for the sake of an excuse. Everyone deserves honesty.”
Even though most of the AITA community agreed that Quackers4Crackers did the right thing, far from every redditor was on her side. Some criticized the bride-to-be for lacking the courage to call the guest and having a mature conversation about the situation.
Meanwhile, others pointed out that the redditor herself stated that the guest was always polite and non-aggressive in person.
Uninviting someone from a wedding can be a harrowing experience. Odds are, you’ll feel guilty and embarrassed. After all, it’s tough telling someone that they’re no longer wanted at your special celebration.
The Knot highlights the simple truth that prevention is the best cure: if you’re mindful about your guest list from the very start, it’ll be far less likely that you’ll then have to disinvite someone. After all, it’s far easier emotionally (if not financially!) to add to your guest list than to subtract from it.
“When creating your guest list, think long and hard about whom you choose to include. If budget restrictions or venue capacity are the reason you’re tempted to downsize your headcount, it’s perfectly okay to create an A list and a B list of guests. Much better to use this strategy than to overshoot on invites and have to revoke them later,” The Knot explains.
Something else to keep in mind before disinviting someone is the fallout. Think about how this will affect not only your relationship but also the entire atmosphere surrounding your wedding. Of course, it’s your special day and everything is supposed to go according to your plan, but sometimes compromises are necessary for long-term stability, so grinning and bearing things is also a viable strategy.
However, if you do go down the uninvitation route, then it’s best to be very mature about it and talk it out in detail, looking for a resolution. What this means is having a face-to-face conversation if possible. Giving them a call is the second-best option
Most redditors thought that the happy couple were well within their rights to uninvite the guest
However, some internet users thought that the situation was a bit more nuanced, based on the information the poster shared
All of the 'YTA'' posts seem to think that being hateful online is ok as long as you behave yourself in public. No., no it isn't, and no we don't trust you to be completely different from who you are online. If he insists that you should have called top be more direct, then he'll probably decide to be more direct in person, as well. Wise move removing the toxin.
I can't even begin to understand what there is to think about here... Whether it's a wedding or not, I would advise everyone strongly to stay away from such people on principle.
I think it's fine to decide for ones wedding, who should come and who should stay away. And if they learn, what a mean and hateful person one of their invited guests is, I think it's fine to uninvite. Of course not the nicest thing to do, but also with the covis fear, it think it's reasonable. Yes, they should have called. But I get writing is easier, for me it's sometimes really hard to find the right words when talking,so taking the time to write makes sense.
I say it's great they only wrote to him and didn't call him because it is EXACTLY what he does... he posts hateful, bigoted and disgusting insanity he claims he would NEVER say to people face to face, a little dose of his own medicine is exactly what he deserves.
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He said that he would not offend anyone in person but this person has some real issues. If for example someone said something to him in conversation and offended him then it would more likely to explode. It is your wedding day to remember and you want it to be a good happy one. I say you made the exact right decision.
Right? Oh, I would never say those things to your face, only on the internet. I am too much of a coward to tell you that you are going straight to hell. As it turns out the internet IS part of 'real life'.
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I'm sick of people acting as if not wanting to include people with hateful views is in some way discriminatory just because "everyone is allowed an opinion". Yes, everyone is, and others are allowed to avoid them like the plague and not have them around their friends.
Lol right? If you spew racist and bigoted things, you have to face consequences if they're found out.
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I think it's finally time that people who are hateful online faces consequence for what they say online
It has to go both ways then. I know some who are very mean and aggressive if you don't clap like a trained seal to every woke post too
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When you find out that when of your guest is a hateful bigot who might upset other guests it's totally fine to not take a risk and un-invite that person. It's your wedding and you want to create a safe environment for your guests. The person who gets uninvited might feel hurt, but it's a consequence of their own actions and perhaps it might even teach them a lesson about prejudice and rejection and how hurtful they are. You can't be a hateful, religious twat on social media and expect that people won't judge you on your posts.
"Oh, he isn't like this in person". Like he's not really a hate filled pile of garbage who is "incredibly aggressive and cruel" like his internet persona? Seems like this dude has no problems showing his true colors online. Real question is, do you want a guy like that at your wedding or in your life at all, regardless of who he might insult? Run like the wind I'd say. Just don't make it about "we fear it might be awkward" and more about: "we don't like you, stay away from us and our family and friends, you toxic and vile person."
The hateful Facebook posts are the guy's true colors. That's who he really is. He just doesn't have the balls to be that person to anyone's face. Uninvite him from your wedding and your lives.
The best comment was the one saying that "social media is not a fantasy land where your opinions disappear into void"!! Exactly that!!! And he had the nerve to say that he wouldn't be hateful in person! These people i hate the most! Hiding behind keyboard not having the guts to say the same things in person! So it was good she did the same, hiding behind a text! He didn't deserve anything better.....
Please BP... Can you please put in the thumbnail that it is an AITA?
Not only it could cause drama between him and other guests, his most likely not following covid regulation could cause problems with authorities, not to mention be a big health risk. As for "he wouldn't be hateful toward anyone in person", he doesn't know who is part of or supports the lgbtq+ community, who had abortion etc. Also an anti-catholic going to a wedding with a catholic ceremony? ... I wonder why he even accepted the invitation (probably just because of his wife). Was he really going to be quiet during the whole wedding or something? Even if he didn't intend to be hateful towards anyone intentionally, he could've hurt people (and cause drama) with his words because someone who regularly spreads hate has a higher threshold when it comes to what is considered hateful or hurtful (unless it's directed at him/her) than someone who doesn't. And even if he would stay quiet (which is unlikely) someone from the guest checking his facebook page could cause drama _____ tldr it's good they uninvited him before it was too late
Seriously, the BIG problem here is that he's anti vaccine, and against common sense precautions, so having him present anywhere in person is to risk the physical health of everyone else present. This is something people need to do if they have the nerve, refuse to invite anyone anywhere, if they aren't vaccinated and won't uses masks and hand hygiene correctly, or if they just post anti-vax or anti-mask idiocy in public. That shows they are not safe to be around in person.
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NTA. She has every right not to have a hateful and bigoted person at the wedding. And him saying that he wouldn't have caused a scene sounds like an attempt for a re-invite.
Plus for every rat you see there is 100 more. If he’s posting that much hate it’s much more deeper than Facebook posts suggest.
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Spot on. I cut all of them out of my life after trump was elected. It was the best decision I ever made.
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I'm worried about the guy's wife, too. She married him, after all. What are her views like? Is she just smarter about not posting them online?
Being disrespectful is never okay. My grandmother was incredibly mean, with no remorse. Going to celebrations in her honor, when she ruined so many celebrations for others, felt wrong. I did not approve if her actions no matter the reason. Old is not an excuse for rudeness. If people need a reason to change to do what they want, maybe they will. We carefully walk around them trying not to upset them. We tolerate their rudeness, instead of saying NO. "Your outspoken beliefs will upset people I care about." "Because of your refusal to be vaccinated you are not welcome here." Someone told my sister it was their choice not to wear a mask, she said, "What about my choice? I am in THIS store because of their strict mask policy. Either wear a mask, like everyone here or leave. Our choice is equally important to yours." Yeah, they left without their groceries.
Everyone is entitled to their opinion, just because you have an opinion doesn't mean you need to spread it online. Once you start that it's now affecting other people who have done nothing to you. If you are doing this you need to be ready for it to start to come back and impact your life too. Uninvited to a wedding is just the beginning. Nobody wants your hateful nasty ass around.
I have a strange question. Why was he the fiancé's friend in the first place? If it is obvious he has those type of views then why would you bother being friends with him? Let alone invite him to a wedding?
I have friends with different views than mine. Yes, it's possible to not live in a bubble.
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If he's writing it, he's thinking it...in person, all the time. Don't blame the gal at all for dumping him, or how she did it.
I don't know about what others do, but I never allow evangelicals any where near me or my friends/family etc. I certainly would not under any circumstances invite them to my home, nor would I invite them to a party. I learned my lesson years ago that you can not trust those people.
How about this. We end up being like the people we surround ourselves with, so don't degrade yourself by spending time on this accidental waste of a brain.
This is why it's a bad idea to send "plus one" invitations. You just don't know who will be stupid enough to invite someone who'll offend other guests, or expose them to something contagious because they're too stupid or arrogant to take common-sense precautions like getting vaccinated.
How can a man that evil be so religious? Evil and Christian religion is that not an oxymoron?
So if the husband is like that, the wife can't be ultra liberal, so why are you friends with these people?
I can't help but think that if the groom is friends with the wife he knew about the husband's views aside from them being posted on Facebook. It should have been discussed in the first place, but hindsight... If they felt that strongly, call. It's really too easy to get out of the tough stuff these days by writing it. The only reason that needed to be discussed is covid, in which case the groom could have talked to his friend directly. You have the right to uninvite anyone you want for whatever reason, but this one is also a responsibility to your other guests. Even those who don't have preexisting conditions. The wife also needed to be uninvited because she too is a health risk by virtue of living with him. There would have been no awkward "You can come but he can't." They are both a health and safety risk. Period. As for maintaining the friendship, leave it alone for now and just be happy. You can discuss it at a later time. But, what's done is done now.
I guess you're NTA. Although he did say that he wouldn't act that way towards anybody at your wedding, and you did find out that his actions really aren't like they are on social media, it is still you're right if you want him and his wife to attend or not. On top of that, I think he's not a very good Christian. Some of his beliefs are not that of any Christian I've seen lol-
I think a person has a right to have views that are different. I have different views, from my sister for example, when it comes to many things (we don't post our views online though, so this story is more than just having different views). I also understand that if a person is very hateful and openly shows his/her hateful views, it might be a problem in the wedding. And it also might not if the person keeps his opinions to himself...but he kind of didn't if he posted these things online, so... Better safe than sorry.
I don't understand why you'd be friends with someone like thins in the first place
Totally NTA. COVID has brought to light a couple of Facebook acquaintances who are heavily anti-COVID anti-vax, but very unassuming in person. Every one of them I've engaged with and tried to understand their behaviour and have them come around on why COVID vax affects more than just them. And they've all turned out to be heavily COVID conspiracy believers and totally unmoving on their stance, like it's their identity. I've cut ties with them completely. And I would have done the same with this person. A text to say it is fine, they may not show it publically, but they severely lack any respect towards others and a 'dump by text' is all the courtesy they deserve. They would have tried to pick a fight about it over the phone anyway so yeah, don't need these toxic people in your life.
Reading most of the AITA- posts, i wonder why those people even ask. "Someone i know s**t on my carpet and beat me with a stick. I said we cant be friends anymore, now he is complaining on facebook about me being intolerant. AITA?"
has bad feelings towards Catholicism, Catholic wedding, doubt he would keep his opinions to himself, is he was (and likely is) anti-Semitic would you invite him to a Jewish ceremony? No and no one would blame you.
When people reveal whop they are, believe them. GOOD for you for standing out. Uninviting hate from your wedding and your life is a wonderful thing to do for yourself.
Somewhere in the 20th century it got decided that weddings are fof the guests not the couple getting married. Everyone has a right to behave this way and everyone else has a right to excluded them! Tbh if the couple were the anti progressive ones here I would actually agree with them.
He sounds like a shitty person online. Why would they want that at the wedding? NTA, and for the person asking if hes not allowed to have views? He absolutely is. And there are consequences for toxic views. Getting his ass uninvited would be on of those consequences. I wouldn't want to waste my time with a phone call on him either.
Can't help but think that everyone saying YTA probably also holds those same shitty views
Oh nice. The classic "kin liability" falacy. No, Liz, YTA here - I accept that there are other opinions and views than my own. You didn't even see whether the Facebooks posts were really that evil.
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Well, I guess I'm a society where people get canceled because of their opinions this is par for the course. I think it's lame that you wouldn't speak to this couple directly. Cowardly, even. But then, I haven't seen this guys posts. My brother in law is rude. I'd not exclude him. I dunno. Maybe people these days are too weak to handle a rude person. My generation walks away and has a great night anyway.
Walking away is being weak, calling an asshole out on his behaviour is the right way of handling this situation
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i think, if it were me, and i found this out about a person after i'd invited them, i would never be able to un-know these things and being around them would make me uncomfortable. i would probably call and say this in person, but i understand calling can cause a lot of anxiety. i don't think they were in the wrong at all. there's a lot of people that have murdered, or molested children, or something else awful, and they never showed these colors to their friends. those friends aren't expected to stay friends with an offender. if you learn something distasteful about someone, it's completely within in your right to say, I don't want to be around this person anymore. NTA
Even if he claims he wouldn’t act out a bad vibe is still a bad vibe. On the other hand it would have been hilarious if her guests knew and were over the top sweet to him. Kill him with kindness in a way. Make him walk away knowing he ITA.
Actions speak louder than words, but attitudes are louder still. You can say literally anything you want and not mean it. You can do things you don't like to do and still sleep soundly at night. Going against your own beliefs, however, always hurts the worst and requires the most internal damage control to recover from. Part of that damage control is having a safe outlet to express how you really feel. The place you're most likely to show your true colors when your beliefs are toxic to those around you is where you feel you have the most anonymity or support. The internet really can draw out the worst in anyone, since it gives us (the illusion of) both of those things very easily.
Sounds like a Qanon type, they will not stop talking about their non-sense and force it on anyone within earshot. Even if you tell them to stop, the will call you a "traitor" or "co-conspirator" of whatever topic they pulled out of the crazy bag that day.
But in all seriousness: I have a muslim friend who is a homophobe and a gay friend who is an islamophobe. They had a great time together at my birthday party.
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People in glass houses should shut up. In a recent comment of yours you made use of a homophobic (bigoted) slur, and yet here you are preaching inclusivity. In this case, you should be socially ostracized due to your actions of being a bigot.
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But it's their wedding they paid for w their loved ones. How hypocritical they would be to invite someone so hateful someone that doesn't understand what love is someone that could potentially harass another guest. If you want to spread hate on your own you are legally allowed that doesn't mean there won't be consequences
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It's their money they can do what they want period and why would they have faith in a person that doesn't know what love is. Hmmm? They didn't call them bc things get said in the heat of the moment that can't be taken back. A message is how they controlled his hatred. If you're going to put your hatred and intolerance out there for all the world to see then expect there will be consequences and why did this guy that hated everything this couple stood for want to be at such a loving gathering anyway. Probably to spread his hatred. Why take the chance especially if drinking is involved. Life is too short to surround yourself w hatred and intolerance especially on your wedding day
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Really? I am black american Deanna. So at my wedding, if we made a mistake and invited the spouse of someone we know, and later found out he had written disgusting, racist things about Blacks and how marriages like ours was wrong and proudly posted those on his social media, we should let our invite "stand"? We should have to pay for a guest who wrote that I was subhuman because I am Black? Of course "vetting" should occur before invites, but you cant catch everything. If info comes to light after the invite is sent, you are saying they can never change their minds? The "learning moment" should be on the bigot...to learn that the crap you post online can still be smelled in real life!!
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Huh? Lmao. Dude you're insane. We have all this information you're twisting it for your own narrative. If hatred is your way of life and you want to share that w people online where everyone can see it then expect consequences. He wasn't canceled lol! He had to face consequences for his hatred. It's their wedding their money their choice. Why did this guy want to be at such a loving gathering if he hated everything they stood for so he could spread his hate. Life is too short to surround yourself w hateful people.
Load More Replies... Oh Please Kellie, this is a load of rubbish. I am in an interracial marriage. If I saw that one of the HUSBANDs of a guest to my wedding posted racist, bigoted and mean posts on his FB feed regarding Black people or interracial relationships...posts that I was unaware of when the invite was extended...I sure WOULD uninvite that person! NO ONE should have to host and PAY FOR people to be at their wedding who they KNOW are bigots. According to your logic, we would have had to host a KKK member because he has a "right" to his "beliefs". * eyeroll* Of course he has "the right" to speak his views on social media...and others have "the right" to not want someone with those views around their friends and family in an intimate setting on one of the most important days of their lives. His posts, his 'views" have real world consequences....you act like a bigot online...get treated like a bigot IRL. This is ON HIM, trying to make this about the couple is the only thing "Ridiculous" here.
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Nope he just learned a valuable lesson. He learned how it feels to face consequences and how it feels to be excluded for who you are a hate spewing awful man. Maybe he'll gain some perspective now and if not it's not anyone's job to make sure he's comfortable. They had loving guests of different ethnicities it's not their job to teach him he shouldn't be racist that's his job.
Load More Replies... Not only for internet behaviour, but most importantly, he would not adhere to COVID regulations the bride and groom set for their wedding - we don't know if they have anyone immunocompromised in their guest list.
Load More Replies... All of the 'YTA'' posts seem to think that being hateful online is ok as long as you behave yourself in public. No., no it isn't, and no we don't trust you to be completely different from who you are online. If he insists that you should have called top be more direct, then he'll probably decide to be more direct in person, as well. Wise move removing the toxin.
I can't even begin to understand what there is to think about here... Whether it's a wedding or not, I would advise everyone strongly to stay away from such people on principle.
I think it's fine to decide for ones wedding, who should come and who should stay away. And if they learn, what a mean and hateful person one of their invited guests is, I think it's fine to uninvite. Of course not the nicest thing to do, but also with the covis fear, it think it's reasonable. Yes, they should have called. But I get writing is easier, for me it's sometimes really hard to find the right words when talking,so taking the time to write makes sense.
I say it's great they only wrote to him and didn't call him because it is EXACTLY what he does... he posts hateful, bigoted and disgusting insanity he claims he would NEVER say to people face to face, a little dose of his own medicine is exactly what he deserves.
Load More Replies... He said that he would not offend anyone in person but this person has some real issues. If for example someone said something to him in conversation and offended him then it would more likely to explode. It is your wedding day to remember and you want it to be a good happy one. I say you made the exact right decision.
Right? Oh, I would never say those things to your face, only on the internet. I am too much of a coward to tell you that you are going straight to hell. As it turns out the internet IS part of 'real life'.
Load More Replies... I'm sick of people acting as if not wanting to include people with hateful views is in some way discriminatory just because "everyone is allowed an opinion". Yes, everyone is, and others are allowed to avoid them like the plague and not have them around their friends.
Lol right? If you spew racist and bigoted things, you have to face consequences if they're found out.
Load More Replies... I think it's finally time that people who are hateful online faces consequence for what they say online
It has to go both ways then. I know some who are very mean and aggressive if you don't clap like a trained seal to every woke post too
Load More Replies... When you find out that when of your guest is a hateful bigot who might upset other guests it's totally fine to not take a risk and un-invite that person. It's your wedding and you want to create a safe environment for your guests. The person who gets uninvited might feel hurt, but it's a consequence of their own actions and perhaps it might even teach them a lesson about prejudice and rejection and how hurtful they are. You can't be a hateful, religious twat on social media and expect that people won't judge you on your posts.
"Oh, he isn't like this in person". Like he's not really a hate filled pile of garbage who is "incredibly aggressive and cruel" like his internet persona? Seems like this dude has no problems showing his true colors online. Real question is, do you want a guy like that at your wedding or in your life at all, regardless of who he might insult? Run like the wind I'd say. Just don't make it about "we fear it might be awkward" and more about: "we don't like you, stay away from us and our family and friends, you toxic and vile person."
The hateful Facebook posts are the guy's true colors. That's who he really is. He just doesn't have the balls to be that person to anyone's face. Uninvite him from your wedding and your lives.
The best comment was the one saying that "social media is not a fantasy land where your opinions disappear into void"!! Exactly that!!! And he had the nerve to say that he wouldn't be hateful in person! These people i hate the most! Hiding behind keyboard not having the guts to say the same things in person! So it was good she did the same, hiding behind a text! He didn't deserve anything better.....
Please BP... Can you please put in the thumbnail that it is an AITA?
Not only it could cause drama between him and other guests, his most likely not following covid regulation could cause problems with authorities, not to mention be a big health risk. As for "he wouldn't be hateful toward anyone in person", he doesn't know who is part of or supports the lgbtq+ community, who had abortion etc. Also an anti-catholic going to a wedding with a catholic ceremony? ... I wonder why he even accepted the invitation (probably just because of his wife). Was he really going to be quiet during the whole wedding or something? Even if he didn't intend to be hateful towards anyone intentionally, he could've hurt people (and cause drama) with his words because someone who regularly spreads hate has a higher threshold when it comes to what is considered hateful or hurtful (unless it's directed at him/her) than someone who doesn't. And even if he would stay quiet (which is unlikely) someone from the guest checking his facebook page could cause drama _____ tldr it's good they uninvited him before it was too late
Seriously, the BIG problem here is that he's anti vaccine, and against common sense precautions, so having him present anywhere in person is to risk the physical health of everyone else present. This is something people need to do if they have the nerve, refuse to invite anyone anywhere, if they aren't vaccinated and won't uses masks and hand hygiene correctly, or if they just post anti-vax or anti-mask idiocy in public. That shows they are not safe to be around in person.
Load More Replies... NTA. She has every right not to have a hateful and bigoted person at the wedding. And him saying that he wouldn't have caused a scene sounds like an attempt for a re-invite.
Plus for every rat you see there is 100 more. If he’s posting that much hate it’s much more deeper than Facebook posts suggest.
Load More Replies... Spot on. I cut all of them out of my life after trump was elected. It was the best decision I ever made.
Load More Replies... I'm worried about the guy's wife, too. She married him, after all. What are her views like? Is she just smarter about not posting them online?
Being disrespectful is never okay. My grandmother was incredibly mean, with no remorse. Going to celebrations in her honor, when she ruined so many celebrations for others, felt wrong. I did not approve if her actions no matter the reason. Old is not an excuse for rudeness. If people need a reason to change to do what they want, maybe they will. We carefully walk around them trying not to upset them. We tolerate their rudeness, instead of saying NO. "Your outspoken beliefs will upset people I care about." "Because of your refusal to be vaccinated you are not welcome here." Someone told my sister it was their choice not to wear a mask, she said, "What about my choice? I am in THIS store because of their strict mask policy. Either wear a mask, like everyone here or leave. Our choice is equally important to yours." Yeah, they left without their groceries.
Everyone is entitled to their opinion, just because you have an opinion doesn't mean you need to spread it online. Once you start that it's now affecting other people who have done nothing to you. If you are doing this you need to be ready for it to start to come back and impact your life too. Uninvited to a wedding is just the beginning. Nobody wants your hateful nasty ass around.
I have a strange question. Why was he the fiancé's friend in the first place? If it is obvious he has those type of views then why would you bother being friends with him? Let alone invite him to a wedding?
I have friends with different views than mine. Yes, it's possible to not live in a bubble.
Load More Replies... If he's writing it, he's thinking it...in person, all the time. Don't blame the gal at all for dumping him, or how she did it.
I don't know about what others do, but I never allow evangelicals any where near me or my friends/family etc. I certainly would not under any circumstances invite them to my home, nor would I invite them to a party. I learned my lesson years ago that you can not trust those people.
How about this. We end up being like the people we surround ourselves with, so don't degrade yourself by spending time on this accidental waste of a brain.
This is why it's a bad idea to send "plus one" invitations. You just don't know who will be stupid enough to invite someone who'll offend other guests, or expose them to something contagious because they're too stupid or arrogant to take common-sense precautions like getting vaccinated.
How can a man that evil be so religious? Evil and Christian religion is that not an oxymoron?
So if the husband is like that, the wife can't be ultra liberal, so why are you friends with these people?
I can't help but think that if the groom is friends with the wife he knew about the husband's views aside from them being posted on Facebook. It should have been discussed in the first place, but hindsight... If they felt that strongly, call. It's really too easy to get out of the tough stuff these days by writing it. The only reason that needed to be discussed is covid, in which case the groom could have talked to his friend directly. You have the right to uninvite anyone you want for whatever reason, but this one is also a responsibility to your other guests. Even those who don't have preexisting conditions. The wife also needed to be uninvited because she too is a health risk by virtue of living with him. There would have been no awkward "You can come but he can't." They are both a health and safety risk. Period. As for maintaining the friendship, leave it alone for now and just be happy. You can discuss it at a later time. But, what's done is done now.
I guess you're NTA. Although he did say that he wouldn't act that way towards anybody at your wedding, and you did find out that his actions really aren't like they are on social media, it is still you're right if you want him and his wife to attend or not. On top of that, I think he's not a very good Christian. Some of his beliefs are not that of any Christian I've seen lol-
I think a person has a right to have views that are different. I have different views, from my sister for example, when it comes to many things (we don't post our views online though, so this story is more than just having different views). I also understand that if a person is very hateful and openly shows his/her hateful views, it might be a problem in the wedding. And it also might not if the person keeps his opinions to himself...but he kind of didn't if he posted these things online, so... Better safe than sorry.
I don't understand why you'd be friends with someone like thins in the first place
Totally NTA. COVID has brought to light a couple of Facebook acquaintances who are heavily anti-COVID anti-vax, but very unassuming in person. Every one of them I've engaged with and tried to understand their behaviour and have them come around on why COVID vax affects more than just them. And they've all turned out to be heavily COVID conspiracy believers and totally unmoving on their stance, like it's their identity. I've cut ties with them completely. And I would have done the same with this person. A text to say it is fine, they may not show it publically, but they severely lack any respect towards others and a 'dump by text' is all the courtesy they deserve. They would have tried to pick a fight about it over the phone anyway so yeah, don't need these toxic people in your life.
Reading most of the AITA- posts, i wonder why those people even ask. "Someone i know s**t on my carpet and beat me with a stick. I said we cant be friends anymore, now he is complaining on facebook about me being intolerant. AITA?"
has bad feelings towards Catholicism, Catholic wedding, doubt he would keep his opinions to himself, is he was (and likely is) anti-Semitic would you invite him to a Jewish ceremony? No and no one would blame you.
When people reveal whop they are, believe them. GOOD for you for standing out. Uninviting hate from your wedding and your life is a wonderful thing to do for yourself.
Somewhere in the 20th century it got decided that weddings are fof the guests not the couple getting married. Everyone has a right to behave this way and everyone else has a right to excluded them! Tbh if the couple were the anti progressive ones here I would actually agree with them.
He sounds like a shitty person online. Why would they want that at the wedding? NTA, and for the person asking if hes not allowed to have views? He absolutely is. And there are consequences for toxic views. Getting his ass uninvited would be on of those consequences. I wouldn't want to waste my time with a phone call on him either.
Can't help but think that everyone saying YTA probably also holds those same shitty views
Oh nice. The classic "kin liability" falacy. No, Liz, YTA here - I accept that there are other opinions and views than my own. You didn't even see whether the Facebooks posts were really that evil.
Load More Replies... Well, I guess I'm a society where people get canceled because of their opinions this is par for the course. I think it's lame that you wouldn't speak to this couple directly. Cowardly, even. But then, I haven't seen this guys posts. My brother in law is rude. I'd not exclude him. I dunno. Maybe people these days are too weak to handle a rude person. My generation walks away and has a great night anyway.
Walking away is being weak, calling an asshole out on his behaviour is the right way of handling this situation
Load More Replies... i think, if it were me, and i found this out about a person after i'd invited them, i would never be able to un-know these things and being around them would make me uncomfortable. i would probably call and say this in person, but i understand calling can cause a lot of anxiety. i don't think they were in the wrong at all. there's a lot of people that have murdered, or molested children, or something else awful, and they never showed these colors to their friends. those friends aren't expected to stay friends with an offender. if you learn something distasteful about someone, it's completely within in your right to say, I don't want to be around this person anymore. NTA
Even if he claims he wouldn’t act out a bad vibe is still a bad vibe. On the other hand it would have been hilarious if her guests knew and were over the top sweet to him. Kill him with kindness in a way. Make him walk away knowing he ITA.
Actions speak louder than words, but attitudes are louder still. You can say literally anything you want and not mean it. You can do things you don't like to do and still sleep soundly at night. Going against your own beliefs, however, always hurts the worst and requires the most internal damage control to recover from. Part of that damage control is having a safe outlet to express how you really feel. The place you're most likely to show your true colors when your beliefs are toxic to those around you is where you feel you have the most anonymity or support. The internet really can draw out the worst in anyone, since it gives us (the illusion of) both of those things very easily.
Sounds like a Qanon type, they will not stop talking about their non-sense and force it on anyone within earshot. Even if you tell them to stop, the will call you a "traitor" or "co-conspirator" of whatever topic they pulled out of the crazy bag that day.
But in all seriousness: I have a muslim friend who is a homophobe and a gay friend who is an islamophobe. They had a great time together at my birthday party.
Load More Replies... People in glass houses should shut up. In a recent comment of yours you made use of a homophobic (bigoted) slur, and yet here you are preaching inclusivity. In this case, you should be socially ostracized due to your actions of being a bigot.
Load More Replies... But it's their wedding they paid for w their loved ones. How hypocritical they would be to invite someone so hateful someone that doesn't understand what love is someone that could potentially harass another guest. If you want to spread hate on your own you are legally allowed that doesn't mean there won't be consequences
Load More Replies... It's their money they can do what they want period and why would they have faith in a person that doesn't know what love is. Hmmm? They didn't call them bc things get said in the heat of the moment that can't be taken back. A message is how they controlled his hatred. If you're going to put your hatred and intolerance out there for all the world to see then expect there will be consequences and why did this guy that hated everything this couple stood for want to be at such a loving gathering anyway. Probably to spread his hatred. Why take the chance especially if drinking is involved. Life is too short to surround yourself w hatred and intolerance especially on your wedding day
Load More Replies... Really? I am black american Deanna. So at my wedding, if we made a mistake and invited the spouse of someone we know, and later found out he had written disgusting, racist things about Blacks and how marriages like ours was wrong and proudly posted those on his social media, we should let our invite "stand"? We should have to pay for a guest who wrote that I was subhuman because I am Black? Of course "vetting" should occur before invites, but you cant catch everything. If info comes to light after the invite is sent, you are saying they can never change their minds? The "learning moment" should be on the bigot...to learn that the crap you post online can still be smelled in real life!!
Load More Replies... Huh? Lmao. Dude you're insane. We have all this information you're twisting it for your own narrative. If hatred is your way of life and you want to share that w people online where everyone can see it then expect consequences. He wasn't canceled lol! He had to face consequences for his hatred. It's their wedding their money their choice. Why did this guy want to be at such a loving gathering if he hated everything they stood for so he could spread his hate. Life is too short to surround yourself w hateful people.
Load More Replies... Oh Please Kellie, this is a load of rubbish. I am in an interracial marriage. If I saw that one of the HUSBANDs of a guest to my wedding posted racist, bigoted and mean posts on his FB feed regarding Black people or interracial relationships...posts that I was unaware of when the invite was extended...I sure WOULD uninvite that person! NO ONE should have to host and PAY FOR people to be at their wedding who they KNOW are bigots. According to your logic, we would have had to host a KKK member because he has a "right" to his "beliefs". * eyeroll* Of course he has "the right" to speak his views on social media...and others have "the right" to not want someone with those views around their friends and family in an intimate setting on one of the most important days of their lives. His posts, his 'views" have real world consequences....you act like a bigot online...get treated like a bigot IRL. This is ON HIM, trying to make this about the couple is the only thing "Ridiculous" here.
Load More Replies... Nope he just learned a valuable lesson. He learned how it feels to face consequences and how it feels to be excluded for who you are a hate spewing awful man. Maybe he'll gain some perspective now and if not it's not anyone's job to make sure he's comfortable. They had loving guests of different ethnicities it's not their job to teach him he shouldn't be racist that's his job.
Load More Replies... Not only for internet behaviour, but most importantly, he would not adhere to COVID regulations the bride and groom set for their wedding - we don't know if they have anyone immunocompromised in their guest list.
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