Guy Flees Country After Girlfriend Refuses To Get An Abortion For A Baby He Didn’t Want
Even when people plan to have kids later in life when they feel that their lives, finances and relationship are stable, accidents happen and a woman can become pregnant earlier than expected.
Some may decide to terminate the pregnancy and wait for a better time to have a child, others may take it as a sign that it had to happen then. But what can also happen is that the partners in the couple may not agree on how to proceed.
This man on Reddit wanted to write a confession on the internet about how his girlfriend became pregnant and although they had previously agreed that they needed to wait longer to have children, the woman changed her mind and the man didn’t support her. Actually, he moved to another country to avoid paying child support.
More info: Reddit
Man thought he would be a dad later in life but an accident happened and now he can’t return to the US if he doesn’t want to pay for child support
Image credits: yeskefo (not the actual photo)
The story takes place in the US when the Original Poster (OP) and his girlfriend were both 22 years old and they had freshly graduated from university. They both had ambitions to have careers and thought that kids would have to wait at least 5 years. They also discussed that if the girlfriend ever got pregnant, they would safely abort.
The discussion was needed because it was a real possibility. It was so real that it happened despite double protection. The first thought that readers had was that maybe the girlfriend cheated on the OP, but even though he can’t say for sure, he was pretty convinced this was not what happened.
Protection isn’t 100 percent foolproof, even when it’s practiced from both sides, so the man was pretty sure it was his child, which he didn’t want. The couple was on the same page until 3 weeks later when the woman had a change of heart.
She was convinced that they would be a happy family, but the OP wasn’t ready for it, neither psychologically nor financially. He was clear about it with his girlfriend and warned her that keeping the child would be her decision and hers only.
The story begins when the narrator and his girlfriend had just graduated college and started building their careers
Image credits: RedditProudGuy
This topic brought many fights in the couple’s relationship, so they agreed to part ways. Originally, the man was planning to help his child’s mother to raise the kid, but his parents convinced him to flee the country.
The OP has dual citizenship and in that country that the man didn’t specify, the US courts wouldn’t be able to enforce child support on him. He even consulted with lawyers to make sure this was the case and left.
Not only did he leave, but he completely cut ties with his ex-girlfriend and only revealed where he was going to a few people that he was sure wouldn’t tell the woman where he was hiding. From time to time, the Redditor gets consumed by guilt, but on the other hand, he felt that keeping the child was the woman’s decision so raising it was her responsibility.
Actually, that is what the OP said in response to a lot of comments. He kept repeating that although pregnancy can’t be completely prevented, birth is a choice and abortions always fulfill their function. He didn’t want to be forced into parenting and he will have children in his own time.
They both agreed that they wanted children, but later, when they were more ready, and if it happened earlier, they would terminate the pregnancy
Image credits: RedditProudGuy
Having heard his side of the story, people were quite judgmental and many comments were deleted by moderators as they didn’t comply with the rules of the subreddit.
In the comments that were left, people argued that adults must realize that protection doesn’t work all the time and the possibility of pregnancy is still there. They believed that the OP became a dad and had to carry out his duties, and they were worried for the child’s mental health in the future.
Others pointed out that the OP was clear about his stance on having children before and after his girlfriend became pregnant and they were both making sure that the possibility of an accidental pregnancy was minimal. So if the woman was the only one wanting the child, the responsibility of bringing up that child falls on her.
However, when the girlfriend actually became pregnant, she changed her mind and wanted to keep the baby
Image credits: RedditProudGuy
When a woman doesn’t want a child she is pregnant with and the man does, then people would be quick to tell that man that he can’t tell the woman what to do to her body if she doesn’t want it going through pregnancy and birth.
However, when a man doesn’t want a child and the woman still gives birth, he is called a bad father. If a woman decides that a baby is worth going through pregnancy and the possible complications for her health, does the man need to support the woman? Does he become automatically responsible for the child, although he would rather the woman had an abortion?
She was the only one, as the man wanted to convince her that they were not ready for it yet, but it didn’t work and the couple split
Image credits: RedditProudGuy
Pressuring a woman to get an abortion is not that rare. Actually, research by Journal of American Physicians and Surgeons revealed that “73.8% [of women] disagreed that their decision to abort was entirely free from even subtle pressure from others to abort.” Meaning that either directly or indirectly, someone let them know that the child was unwelcome.
About 60 percent of women shared that they terminated their pregnancy because they wanted to make others happy and almost 30 percent feared losing their partner if they had their baby, so they opted for abortion.
Initially, the man was prepared to take care of the child, but his parents suggested that he leave the country to avoid paying child support
Image credits: RedditProudGuy
Life Line suggests that women get informed about everything that has to do with being pregnant and parenting. Find support, whether it’s friends, family or organizations dedicated for that purpose.
If you feel you are being forced to not have a baby when you are pregnant, you have to ask yourself “What do I really want for my life and not just for this moment in time?” “How will I feel if I decide to have an abortion because someone forced me?”
Lastly, it is important to know your rights and how the law can protect you in such circumstances, because if a woman doesn’t want to get an abortion and is coerced to abort a pregnancy, it means she is not doing it because of her own free will and that is illegal in the United States.
He took the advice, cut all ties with the woman and has no plans on coming back
Image credits: Andy Rogers (not the actual photo)
What is your opinion on the Redditor’s actions? Do you think the woman was wrong when she changed her mind and didn’t have an abortion as the couple agreed long before she got pregnant? Do you think if a woman decides to keep the baby, the father is obliged to take care of it? Let us know your opinion in the comments.
Readers expressed their opinions and a lot of them agreed that in this situation, the poster of the story did what was best for him
Image credits: William Fortunato (not the actual photo)
Wait, he didn't want a kid and people are hating on him for that? Y'all are wild.
Exactly. It sounds like they both had an agreement that they were not ready for kids, they had an agreement that they were both using protection, and I would think that, implicit in that agreement, if the worst were to happen that she would have an abortion. She went back on the agreement and forced him into a decision that impacts the rest of his life, no matter which way he decided to go.
Load More Replies...
The hypocrisy is real in this one. Right now in the US we're trying to ban abortion therefore forcing many women into being mothers who may not want that this man had the rare chance to flee and literally just abandoned the kid, A thing only men can do by the way without the child ending up in dhs ( if the mother can handle being a single mom). Yet men all over the US have no problem forcing many women into births and pregnancies they don't want. If you guys don't want to be forced into it don't be asking us to do the same stop all this bull c**p abortion is a right for women everywhere. Just as his right was to flee to you people.
It's sad that he has to flee the country though. Men and women should both have a fair choice. If a woman doesn't want the baby she should be allowed to abort it. If the man doesn't want the baby he should be allowed to give up all rights to it and not be forced into paying child support. A man already doesn't have a say in wanting to keep a baby if his partner doesn't (which is of course fair, you can't force someone to go through with a pregnancy they don't want).
Load More Replies...
I believe, as a woman, I deserve the right to choose whether I have or abort my baby. The flip side of that, for a man, is that he deserves the right to choose to be all in or all out. If he doesn't want a child, he shouldn't have to have the child (signing over rights, etc.) If the woman doesn't want the child, she shouldn't have to have the child (abortion). Neither should be forced.
I agree, but I think if either parent decides to skip town after the birth of the child, they should definitely be held accountable until the child is 18. Once you commit, you are committed until adulthood.
Load More Replies...
I can understand why he did what he did. Still, it is quite unrealistic to expect a woman to get an abortion - no matter what. Even if it's done safely doesn't mean it's free of risks or consequences physically and mentally (just like with pregnancy) and that's why it's her decision. I'm absolutely supportive of abortion but it's not something to be forced or expected, you never know how you'll react unless you are in that situation and that's why those type of "agreements" can't be made. And child support is for the child - not the woman.
No idea why you're downvoted, so I upvoted. You make a good point.
Load More Replies...
So.... pre-nups have been a thing for a long time. Maybe there should be a pre-sex contract covering pregnancy? Before some says there is, it's called marriage, you're an adorable anachronism.
Ya know, it seems like that could be where things are heading... It kinda would make sense. All parties sign a contract of sorts that lay out what happens in whatever situation that comes up, consent is affirmed, limitations and liability is confirmed...sounds like a plan.
Load More Replies...
You should not ban abortion but you should not force it either. YTA. Child support is not for the parent but for the child. Not wanting contact is one thing not paying your due is an a*****e move.
That's the thing though, why can we force a man into being a father. We have all these online rallies about how it's unfair to force motherhood on a woman and how she should be allowed to have an abortion, should we not extend that to the father as well? Yes you can't force a woman to have an abortion, if she wants the child that's her choice, but how is it fair to force the man into an 18 year financial commitment? There should be a system in place allowing men to give up parental rights prior to the birth of an unwanted child, just like there should be a system in place for women to get easy access to safe and legal abortions.
Load More Replies...
Sounds like she tried to trick him. No contraception is 100% reliable, but BOTH failing at the same time? I call b******t. He did the right thing.
This is BS. First of all, double failure of alegedly double protection. Then, they discussed before that they may have kids after five years. So either he was obviously lying about that, and made her believe that he wants kids with her, or he was lying to himself. If you plan to have kids some day, even when there's an oopsie, you make it work. Specially when you with then person you love and plan to have a future with. You don't run to your parents and disappear. That's just plain immaturity. And one last thing, abortion is not an easy thing to do. Even when you want one, it leaves deep psichological impact.
Condoms only work when they're used properly. Pills only work when they're used properly. Double failure isn't impossible. And if you're not emotionally or financially ready to have kids (as they had agreed) then it's far better not to have kids.
Load More Replies...
Hey guys. I just came to say that I loooove the hypocrisy of everyone who said yta. It's stupid, misandric, and most of all: wrong. It's just as bad to force a man into fatherhood as forcing a woman to bear a child she does not want. Also what kind of legal system is this? In our country a father can only be forced to pay child support if his name is on the birth certificate (for which he has to give written consent or be married to the mother).
Misandry doesn't exist. If he didn't want the risk of kids, maybe he shouldn't be having sex.
Load More Replies...
He made his choice when he deposited his sperm that he was accepting the risk of an unplanned pregnancy where his girlfriend would get to make the decision on whether to keep the baby. It was a small risk but it was a real one. Now he doesn’t want to accept the consequences of the human being he created. The worst part of this was this was a woman he professed to love and wanted to have a future with when he accepted this risk. You don’t abandon the woman you love when there’s an unplanned pregnancy. Perhaps she would not have had sex with him if she had known that he really didn’t want this future. Overall, this guy is a piece of c**p.
He seems to have made it abundantly clear that he didn't want this future. So did she. Why should he have his entire life decided for him when she changes her mind?
Load More Replies...
I cannot believe there are actually people supporting this person who fled the country. Yes, they used protection and both agreed that they didn't want children yet. But pregnancy can change you and the way you think about abortion. Aborting the child to satisfy the father would probably have inflicted emotional damage on the woman. And the father would never have been forced into fatherhood, only into paying child support. This risk comes with having sex. I know that saying this means applying different rules for men and women. But because of the different roles men and women have in this scenario, we just simply can't apply the same rules.
Based on your logic then men and women are not equal in this matter. If that is how you feel then that is fine but you must apply it everywhere. It's funny to me how many comments just say think of her emotional well being and her body and say right after how all the man has to do is "pay some child support"....depending on where you live, the judge, and your income you can lose you to 35% of income and that's not made up. *see below*. Also you can be sued to pay outside the child support for extra curricular activities, sports, trips, and college. That can ruin someone for 18 years, not just some little payment. https://www.melvinlaw.com/how-much-is-child-support/
Load More Replies...
Yeah. He's the a*****e. Another kid scarred because of crappy parents. Sad. I don't care whether he wanted to be a parent. Two people are needed to make a baby, he's now a father and needs to get his head out of his a*s and do the right thing. You don't get to choose to -not- be a parent.
You all act like kids NEED two parents to be a functioning part of society! I grew up with just a mom and I'm happy as a clam. You don't NEED both parents to have a good childhood FFS!
Load More Replies...
Wait, what? OK, he didn't want a kid, but she didn't want an abortion. So he *flees the country*? Whether he likes it or not, he's a biological parent. But is clearly too immature to be a real one. So, let him flee, but let it be known if he wants anything later, hey, he bailed, not over not wanting a child but *timing*. Also, in what state could a woman in the US even geta n abortion? Where I live (Virginia); New York state. SHE had her rights to choose, too. She chose.
I don't get it, if he's from the US, why didn't they just terminate his parental rights? That why he wouldn't be forced to pay child support
Not happening in Wisconsin. You can terminate parental rights but you are still liable for child support. Only way out of child support is if your child is adopted. I get very tired seeing this logical fallacy of termination of parental rights
Load More Replies...
Sorry, I take a hard line on this with anyone: You have sex, you have to deal with the consequences of that, whether it's STDs or children.
And that's fine for you, but the girlfriend in this situation seems to have made it clear (and so did the guy) that they didn't want children. Your stance doesn't really apply here because you aren't one of the people involved in the situation.
Load More Replies... 
on of the things it says in the descriptian says that bot aggred to having an abortian if they had a kid early and then she changed her mind so she literly said if they had a kid when they did not want one they would abort it but changed her mind and tryed forcing him to be a dad when he did not want to be one
The probability of getting pregnant while on BC AND using condoms is so minuscule, I'm having a hard time believing that this was an accident.
This happened to my ex husband. Girl said she was taking the pill. Turned up on MY doorstep six months pregnant asking for him. He already had our two little boys to support. We persuaded him to tell her he wanted nothing to do with the child. So he sold his house and moved to another county. I'm still expecting the young man to show up at his home 36 years later. My boys know about their half brother but never questioned the matter. It's up to fate now I guess.
I cannot believe this guy left the country rather than grow up and deal with the consequences of life yet somehow he "dodged a bullet". Sex always has the possibility of consequences. THAT was the choice he made. Yeah it sucks but nobody gets to force someone else to have an abortion (if it's even legal in their state).
I cannot believe people go to the hospital rather than grow up and deal with the consequences of their actions. Driving has always had the possibility of consequences. THAT was the choice they made. ...why do people always go to that argument? We all know that planes can crash but when someone dies in a plane crash we don't say "oh they should never have flown".
Load More Replies...
OP is the worst sort of human being. Glad that baby isn't under any kind of influence this guy or his horrible parents.
So because he didn't want a child, that makes him the worst sort of human beings? Y'all are truly wild.
Load More Replies...
Whelp if you didn't want a kid maybe just not have sex...? Wild suggestion there but it could've saved some trouble. Please don't downvote, just using my little fingers to type what I think
You really should know that's not realistic. He used condoms, she said she was on birth control, and they were in a relationship. They were as responsible as possible. Telling people not to have sex has never been an effective method of birth control.
Load More Replies...
HE DIDN'T WANT KIDS!!!! They both made an agreement that she would have an abortion if she became pregnant but then she broke that agreement and he left, as he should.
Load More Replies...
You would still be on the hook for child support. You're not getting out of that. There are many examples of men in the US paying child support for kids that aren't even theirs.
Load More Replies... You know my neighbour Jack was in a car accident two weeks ago and he's complaining about how the drunk driver hit him and it wasn't his fault cause he drove carefully. but you know, Jack did have a say in this matter when he chose to drive. Driving is never 100% safe every time. If you're not man enough to take responsibility then don't get in the car.
Load More Replies... Wait, he didn't want a kid and people are hating on him for that? Y'all are wild.
Exactly. It sounds like they both had an agreement that they were not ready for kids, they had an agreement that they were both using protection, and I would think that, implicit in that agreement, if the worst were to happen that she would have an abortion. She went back on the agreement and forced him into a decision that impacts the rest of his life, no matter which way he decided to go.
Load More Replies... The hypocrisy is real in this one. Right now in the US we're trying to ban abortion therefore forcing many women into being mothers who may not want that this man had the rare chance to flee and literally just abandoned the kid, A thing only men can do by the way without the child ending up in dhs ( if the mother can handle being a single mom). Yet men all over the US have no problem forcing many women into births and pregnancies they don't want. If you guys don't want to be forced into it don't be asking us to do the same stop all this bull c**p abortion is a right for women everywhere. Just as his right was to flee to you people.
It's sad that he has to flee the country though. Men and women should both have a fair choice. If a woman doesn't want the baby she should be allowed to abort it. If the man doesn't want the baby he should be allowed to give up all rights to it and not be forced into paying child support. A man already doesn't have a say in wanting to keep a baby if his partner doesn't (which is of course fair, you can't force someone to go through with a pregnancy they don't want).
Load More Replies... I believe, as a woman, I deserve the right to choose whether I have or abort my baby. The flip side of that, for a man, is that he deserves the right to choose to be all in or all out. If he doesn't want a child, he shouldn't have to have the child (signing over rights, etc.) If the woman doesn't want the child, she shouldn't have to have the child (abortion). Neither should be forced.
I agree, but I think if either parent decides to skip town after the birth of the child, they should definitely be held accountable until the child is 18. Once you commit, you are committed until adulthood.
Load More Replies... I can understand why he did what he did. Still, it is quite unrealistic to expect a woman to get an abortion - no matter what. Even if it's done safely doesn't mean it's free of risks or consequences physically and mentally (just like with pregnancy) and that's why it's her decision. I'm absolutely supportive of abortion but it's not something to be forced or expected, you never know how you'll react unless you are in that situation and that's why those type of "agreements" can't be made. And child support is for the child - not the woman.
No idea why you're downvoted, so I upvoted. You make a good point.
Load More Replies... So.... pre-nups have been a thing for a long time. Maybe there should be a pre-sex contract covering pregnancy? Before some says there is, it's called marriage, you're an adorable anachronism.
Ya know, it seems like that could be where things are heading... It kinda would make sense. All parties sign a contract of sorts that lay out what happens in whatever situation that comes up, consent is affirmed, limitations and liability is confirmed...sounds like a plan.
Load More Replies... You should not ban abortion but you should not force it either. YTA. Child support is not for the parent but for the child. Not wanting contact is one thing not paying your due is an a*****e move.
That's the thing though, why can we force a man into being a father. We have all these online rallies about how it's unfair to force motherhood on a woman and how she should be allowed to have an abortion, should we not extend that to the father as well? Yes you can't force a woman to have an abortion, if she wants the child that's her choice, but how is it fair to force the man into an 18 year financial commitment? There should be a system in place allowing men to give up parental rights prior to the birth of an unwanted child, just like there should be a system in place for women to get easy access to safe and legal abortions.
Load More Replies... Sounds like she tried to trick him. No contraception is 100% reliable, but BOTH failing at the same time? I call b******t. He did the right thing.
This is BS. First of all, double failure of alegedly double protection. Then, they discussed before that they may have kids after five years. So either he was obviously lying about that, and made her believe that he wants kids with her, or he was lying to himself. If you plan to have kids some day, even when there's an oopsie, you make it work. Specially when you with then person you love and plan to have a future with. You don't run to your parents and disappear. That's just plain immaturity. And one last thing, abortion is not an easy thing to do. Even when you want one, it leaves deep psichological impact.
Condoms only work when they're used properly. Pills only work when they're used properly. Double failure isn't impossible. And if you're not emotionally or financially ready to have kids (as they had agreed) then it's far better not to have kids.
Load More Replies... Hey guys. I just came to say that I loooove the hypocrisy of everyone who said yta. It's stupid, misandric, and most of all: wrong. It's just as bad to force a man into fatherhood as forcing a woman to bear a child she does not want. Also what kind of legal system is this? In our country a father can only be forced to pay child support if his name is on the birth certificate (for which he has to give written consent or be married to the mother).
Misandry doesn't exist. If he didn't want the risk of kids, maybe he shouldn't be having sex.
Load More Replies... He made his choice when he deposited his sperm that he was accepting the risk of an unplanned pregnancy where his girlfriend would get to make the decision on whether to keep the baby. It was a small risk but it was a real one. Now he doesn’t want to accept the consequences of the human being he created. The worst part of this was this was a woman he professed to love and wanted to have a future with when he accepted this risk. You don’t abandon the woman you love when there’s an unplanned pregnancy. Perhaps she would not have had sex with him if she had known that he really didn’t want this future. Overall, this guy is a piece of c**p.
He seems to have made it abundantly clear that he didn't want this future. So did she. Why should he have his entire life decided for him when she changes her mind?
Load More Replies... I cannot believe there are actually people supporting this person who fled the country. Yes, they used protection and both agreed that they didn't want children yet. But pregnancy can change you and the way you think about abortion. Aborting the child to satisfy the father would probably have inflicted emotional damage on the woman. And the father would never have been forced into fatherhood, only into paying child support. This risk comes with having sex. I know that saying this means applying different rules for men and women. But because of the different roles men and women have in this scenario, we just simply can't apply the same rules.
Based on your logic then men and women are not equal in this matter. If that is how you feel then that is fine but you must apply it everywhere. It's funny to me how many comments just say think of her emotional well being and her body and say right after how all the man has to do is "pay some child support"....depending on where you live, the judge, and your income you can lose you to 35% of income and that's not made up. *see below*. Also you can be sued to pay outside the child support for extra curricular activities, sports, trips, and college. That can ruin someone for 18 years, not just some little payment. https://www.melvinlaw.com/how-much-is-child-support/
Load More Replies... Yeah. He's the a*****e. Another kid scarred because of crappy parents. Sad. I don't care whether he wanted to be a parent. Two people are needed to make a baby, he's now a father and needs to get his head out of his a*s and do the right thing. You don't get to choose to -not- be a parent.
You all act like kids NEED two parents to be a functioning part of society! I grew up with just a mom and I'm happy as a clam. You don't NEED both parents to have a good childhood FFS!
Load More Replies... Wait, what? OK, he didn't want a kid, but she didn't want an abortion. So he *flees the country*? Whether he likes it or not, he's a biological parent. But is clearly too immature to be a real one. So, let him flee, but let it be known if he wants anything later, hey, he bailed, not over not wanting a child but *timing*. Also, in what state could a woman in the US even geta n abortion? Where I live (Virginia); New York state. SHE had her rights to choose, too. She chose.
I don't get it, if he's from the US, why didn't they just terminate his parental rights? That why he wouldn't be forced to pay child support
Not happening in Wisconsin. You can terminate parental rights but you are still liable for child support. Only way out of child support is if your child is adopted. I get very tired seeing this logical fallacy of termination of parental rights
Load More Replies... Sorry, I take a hard line on this with anyone: You have sex, you have to deal with the consequences of that, whether it's STDs or children.
And that's fine for you, but the girlfriend in this situation seems to have made it clear (and so did the guy) that they didn't want children. Your stance doesn't really apply here because you aren't one of the people involved in the situation.
Load More Replies... on of the things it says in the descriptian says that bot aggred to having an abortian if they had a kid early and then she changed her mind so she literly said if they had a kid when they did not want one they would abort it but changed her mind and tryed forcing him to be a dad when he did not want to be one
The probability of getting pregnant while on BC AND using condoms is so minuscule, I'm having a hard time believing that this was an accident.
This happened to my ex husband. Girl said she was taking the pill. Turned up on MY doorstep six months pregnant asking for him. He already had our two little boys to support. We persuaded him to tell her he wanted nothing to do with the child. So he sold his house and moved to another county. I'm still expecting the young man to show up at his home 36 years later. My boys know about their half brother but never questioned the matter. It's up to fate now I guess.
I cannot believe this guy left the country rather than grow up and deal with the consequences of life yet somehow he "dodged a bullet". Sex always has the possibility of consequences. THAT was the choice he made. Yeah it sucks but nobody gets to force someone else to have an abortion (if it's even legal in their state).
I cannot believe people go to the hospital rather than grow up and deal with the consequences of their actions. Driving has always had the possibility of consequences. THAT was the choice they made. ...why do people always go to that argument? We all know that planes can crash but when someone dies in a plane crash we don't say "oh they should never have flown".
Load More Replies... OP is the worst sort of human being. Glad that baby isn't under any kind of influence this guy or his horrible parents.
So because he didn't want a child, that makes him the worst sort of human beings? Y'all are truly wild.
Load More Replies... Whelp if you didn't want a kid maybe just not have sex...? Wild suggestion there but it could've saved some trouble. Please don't downvote, just using my little fingers to type what I think
You really should know that's not realistic. He used condoms, she said she was on birth control, and they were in a relationship. They were as responsible as possible. Telling people not to have sex has never been an effective method of birth control.
Load More Replies... HE DIDN'T WANT KIDS!!!! They both made an agreement that she would have an abortion if she became pregnant but then she broke that agreement and he left, as he should.
Load More Replies... You would still be on the hook for child support. You're not getting out of that. There are many examples of men in the US paying child support for kids that aren't even theirs.
Load More Replies... You know my neighbour Jack was in a car accident two weeks ago and he's complaining about how the drunk driver hit him and it wasn't his fault cause he drove carefully. but you know, Jack did have a say in this matter when he chose to drive. Driving is never 100% safe every time. If you're not man enough to take responsibility then don't get in the car.
Load More Replies...
57
111