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Some of the habits that people currently have might be childhood coping mechanisms that they picked up as ways to survive. They might have lived in a toxic family environment and faced neglect or abuse. They might have had to deal with constant fear, stress, and anxiety. And it only occurred to them way later, when they grew up, that the habits they grew to rely upon aren’t ‘normal’ at all.

Reddit users revealed the childhood coping methods that they unknowingly developed in an incredibly honest and impactful thread. They wrote about being hyper-aware of people’s microexpressions, shutting down their emotions, and creating imaginative scenarios to make their situations more tolerable. Scroll down for the most powerful things you will likely read today.

Bored Panda had a very open conversation about hardship, mental health, and childhood coping mechanisms with the author of the thread, redditor u/GreggOfChaoticOrder. They were very candid about their own struggles, the massive impact their r/AskReddit thread had, as well as their thoughts on dealing with trauma. Their hope is that by shedding light on these topics, others can know that they’re not alone in their struggles and it helps make the world a better place.

#1

People Share 40 Habits They Have Had Since They Were Kids That They Now Realize Have A Much Deeper Meaning I look for signs, such as micro-expressions, about what kind of mood the other one is in. My therapist told me not all people do this, and I do it a lot. He also told me I developed it because I was always on the lookout because of my often angry, drunken stepdad.

theWelshTiger , engin akyurt Report

Redditor u/GreggOfChaoticOrder, the author of the viral thread, was incredibly open about what made them ask the question on r/AskReddit. “I was inspired to make that post because I was at a low point. I was so depressed and I just wanted to feel better,” they told Bored Panda.

“I had been commenting encouragement on other people's posts in r/bipolar, telling them things I'd want to hear, but it didn't feel like I was doing enough. After some soul searching and self-reflection I just kinda realized that many of the things I do are actually just coping mechanisms. So I decided to make a post about it and reply to whoever commented. Which was easy… for the first hour or two.” The thread quickly went viral, mainly because of how supportive the redditor was of everyone. But the author was quickly overwhelmed by the massive response.

“I couldn't reply to everyone at a certain point. I'd be getting 100-200 notifications every thirty minutes for a few hours at a time. I think it really took off because of all the work I did at the beginning. I tried encouraging people and letting them know it was a safe place. A place you could just scream into the void and find others there doing the same thing. A place you could even find people you can relate to. I never expected it to take off at all. I was ready for 20 or so comments and maybe as many upvotes,” the redditor told us that they were shocked that their thread then spread to YouTube, TikTok, and the media.

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#2

People Share 40 Habits They Have Had Since They Were Kids That They Now Realize Have A Much Deeper Meaning I can cut people out of my life and stop caring about people at the snap of my fingers, and I do it far too often to people who sometimes may not deserve it to keep myself safe.

Bloodragedragon , Laurentiu Report

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LagoonaBlueColleen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is purely to protect your heart and your emotional well-being. It's almost better to slowly form friendships and see where it ends up and not get too emotionally attached too quickly.

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Wheeskers
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We moved a LOT. Because of dads work. I'm not a good friend. I can drop you like a hot potato and not care as it happened so many times. Not sure I'm in anyone's memory.

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Aria Whitaker
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

100% can relate Wheeskers. I went to three different Elementary schools, 3 Middle schools and 2 High schools. Mom moved very often. Due to that I have quite a few "friends" , or people that I know, but no real "crew". Its okay though, I am very much an introvert and quite happy with what I have :)

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Mrs. Jan Glass
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm proud that I (and anyone else who needs to) can learn to do this instead of keeping harmful people in our lives, though. Like anything, it can go to far, but so often those of us who lived with abuse hold on too tight, and never learn how to cut off the people harming us.

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Marco Hub-Dub
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you! There’s a difference between disengaging from people who you disagree with or don’t get what you want and excising toxic people from your life. Knowing the difference and establishing clear, healthy boundaries and being able to let go of relationships that aren’t mutually beneficial is, indeed, a gift.

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LeighAnne Brown-Pedersen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This works well, to a point. You are only hurt by people when you open your heart to them. Never open up = never hurt. But you won’t feel the joy of loving and being loved or connected. But walls aren’t always bad.

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Enlee Jones
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I do this too. But so far I haven’t regretted it. If I cut you off, you gave me the scissors.

mriche avatar
Memere
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Love that analogy! And I'm the same as you - no regrets. I have my life to live & don't care to waste any time on regrets over letting people go who didn't make it better.

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M Rob
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

From the side of someone that this was done to. I had a "best" friend as an adult, I thought we were close for 10+ yrs. She Cut me out ( ghosted) and I am sure she had no 2nd thoughts. It still hurts me 5+ yrs later.

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HannEli
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I do this too. I have drove a lot of people away at mostly my own expensive, and like you said, to protect myself from hurt or harm.. when chances are, there won't be.

dc1 avatar
DC
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sure this has some reason, but it still is toxic af.

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Kay Yomi
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If I'm protecting my mental health I won't call it toxic. I'm trying to stay sane.

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Friday
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Me too. The older I get, the easier it becomes. I’m not proud of it, but it’s the only way that I know.

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Lori Lathrom
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My daughter is like this. She abruptly cut me out of her life two years ago. I’ve tried accepting that it’s in her best interest, and I only want her to be happy, but secretly, it’s quite literally killing me.

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L1z
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Someone I deeply care for did this to me. We were so close, or so I thought. We talked every day about our ideas, hopes, beliefs, life and death, our feelings- we talked about everything. Then one day we had an argument and he vanished. We saw each other about 6 months later and talked, told each other that we missed each other, but he vanished again and I haven't heard from him since. I miss him a lot and it still hurts. This post has me in tears. It's been over a year since we last talked.

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Kines Tezja
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've been on the other side once. It hurts even now, after several years after being cut out of someone's life for no understandable reason. And I just wanted to be friends and help.

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Tamara Kroonen
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I do this too. When I was a child I had a friend but my father thought she was not good enough for me, so he prohibited me seeing here outside of school. Then, when I was 14 I had another bestie but her parents were alcoholics and again, I was not allowed to see her. So he took away two best friends. I'm the one-to-one friendship type, not the grouptype so I was alone again. And now, if people hurt me, I can cut them off just as easily as my father cut me off of my early childhood friends.

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Thomas Norris
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I use to out of my way to help people help family unconditionally however after some years disrespect from has caused me to reevaluate those relationships.

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Memere
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I rarely talk to or see one of my brothers because of his disrespect. I helped take care of him from the time he was born. I cannot count how many times I was there for him during his dumpster fire of a marriage to a raging alcoholic, and even spent a solid week helping clear out his house so he wouldn't get evicted for it being a literal trash heap. We disagreed politically back in 2016 and he barely says hello at family dinners now. OK, fine, little bro, we're done.

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Mandy Harris
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I do this as well. I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing. It's self-perseverance

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A Jones
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yikes, I do this. I've recently made myself aware and trying to stop doing this from people I actually like.

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Jaybird3939
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm the same way. It started with losing my parents at a young age, and it seems every relationship since, either personal or professional, has tanked. It may be my fault. I don't trust easily and I don't share personal stories too much. As long as I never have to go through that heartache ever again, I'm OK with me and my Cat.

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Nothanks L. Walk
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My sister does this and I've witnessed the result when she gets it wrong. It's honestly straight out of an episode of Dexter and it terrifies me.

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Laura
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm the same. I will love you with all my heart, but if something happens, I can switch those feelings of and not feel anything for that person every again. This makes it really easy to cut people out of my life, but can happen by mistake if I'm not careful.

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Jo Davies
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I do this. Been repeatedly hurt by too many people. I also stopped making bee friends a few years ago. Only casual acquaintances

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jimmy pop
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Same. I also have depression and withdraw from people when I'm in a bad mood because a) feeling lonely when surrounded by people is a much worse feeling than when being alone and b) I don't want to drag them down. It leads to a very lonely existence.

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Daniyel Rose
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Same here... Im generally people only have one chance to impress me. If they can't, they are forgotten in same day.... If a friend of mine faults me once again easly forgotten... Because of this I only have one friend.....

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Joybug
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Never let them know. Just cut away from everyone and everything.

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MLove
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is me 100%! I have often attributed it to being a Libra.

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JJM
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well it sure worked for my ex and our 2 kids. He cut us out pronto.

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Rick Hoppenbrouwer
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I too do this. It's usually because I'm tired of that persons b******t.

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Brian Michael
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I never moved but I do pay attention and I noticed In MY experience that the people who kept all these tight bonds never really left their home town or lived at most an hour away from their original home. I didn't want that so I cut people out and found I was stress free from the old dramas that form over time and I have lived in now my 7th state for work and have experienced 3 of the biggest cities in America (I prefer small-medium community outside a medium city). Bc I was comfortable with leaving I have met and left a ton of amazing ppl and have great memories that will never be tarnished. I have moved up pretty quickly in my company bc of my openness to moving and am now settling down with my wife and 2yo. I always endorse letting ppl in your life and letting them walk out, it's just a better flow imo.

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AzKhaleesi
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I really wish I had this skill, instead I'm the complete opposite. Thanks abandonment issues. fml

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youtube viewing only yea
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

O wow I thought I was the only one who effortlessly does this oooh interesting. Hugs to you all

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O.M.Miki
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think this one is ok. Maybe just watch from a distance or don't really loose contact. But that being said i've done this more than a few times as i got older.

mriche avatar
Memere
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can/will/have done this, but only for good reason. A few years ago, my 50 year high school reunion was coming up & I got several "gushy" emails from the organizers about how much they'd love to see me there. Sorry guys, but not one single one of you has ever kept in touch with me for FIFTY damned years, even when I tried to maintain ties - why would I ever want to see any of you again? Friendship is a 2-way street.

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Gay panda ️‍️‍
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I do the opposite I'm always pushing away good people and being friends with the bad toxic people 😕

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Tim Mitchinson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I experience this and have been diagnosed with (Anxious) Anxiety Disorder. Try looking up "The Crappy Childhood Fairy" on line she's a great therapist who treats this kind of disorder.

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Kerri Russ
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Now that I read this one specifically, I see myself. I do this too and it breaks my heart each time. I really have no idea why I do this either. No rhyme or reason.

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Janet C
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm very good at deciding someone is "dead to me" and totally pretending they do not exist.

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simspawn
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is me this is how I cope. I'll cut a b****, or cut them out of my life so quick with such a quickness it really should be and is shameful. I've cut from my life people that I still needed that didn't even deserve it, and I still don't feel bad about it even though I know I was in the wrong

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Richard Scott Taylor
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"You can't hurt me if I have already stopped caring about you first". Suffered from this my whole life.

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Alei Griffieon
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I do this too. More ao now that I have children to keep people out of their lives that I perceive as emotiinal threats

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David Brown
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There already seems to be a pattern here. I'm finding I do too many of these things.

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Keith Williams
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I do this.... alot. Judgements towards friends, loved ones, the shame from loss or imagined inadequacy. It can be like a door slam. Then I look around months later and I realize I never called. Then it feels to late to make amends.

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Rachknits
Community Member
1 year ago

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#3

People Share 40 Habits They Have Had Since They Were Kids That They Now Realize Have A Much Deeper Meaning Saying 'I am sorry' all the time.

strawberrywine5880 , alleksana Report

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Eb
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Or never. No one in my family apologised to each other and it was more about winning the argument by whatever means possible. Had to learn it later in the real world.

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The author, u/GreggOfChaoticOrder, said that it felt good to have helped people know that they aren’t alone. 

Bored Panda wanted to get the author’s opinion on whether hardships always lead to resilience and greater emotional toughness. They told us that, in their opinion, it depends on the situation and the individual.

“The hardships everyone has endured can sometimes make them stronger. I personally believe that while it does make some stronger it can be absolutely devastating to others. For example, two people subjected to the same emotional traumas can develop differently. For one it can make them stronger and more resilient against future traumas. For the other person, it can make them weaker to future traumas and more accepting of said future traumas,” they said.

“Everyone is built differently. How someone deals with trauma can't be put in black and white terms. How they deal and cope is a spectrum. I myself feel like my traumas have made me weaker in some areas, yet stronger in others.”

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#4

People Share 40 Habits They Have Had Since They Were Kids That They Now Realize Have A Much Deeper Meaning Assuming people are mad at me based on their vocal tone.

pepsicup3 , Sora Shimazaki Report

#5

People Share 40 Habits They Have Had Since They Were Kids That They Now Realize Have A Much Deeper Meaning Shutting down when faced with confrontation.

NoToe9649 , Julia Malushko Report

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Hawkmoon
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Same here. I do this to avoid saying things in anger that I would regret later, so I go on "mute" mode till the storm is away and the confrontation can become a conversation.

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#6

People Share 40 Habits They Have Had Since They Were Kids That They Now Realize Have A Much Deeper Meaning Apparently, I do something called 'disassociating' where I get so deep in thought that I don’t hear anything else around me. It drives my wife nuts.

bubbles2255 , Jack Moreh Report

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Kim Kermes
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dissociation is a disconnection between a person's thoughts, memories, feelings, actions or sense of who he or she is. This is a normal process that everyone has experienced. Unless you developed this deep concentration to shut out an unpleasant environment, you have a rare gift. My ex and I had a similar problem because we both had hearing loss, so we had to learn to call each other by name and wait for an answer before speaking. Hope you guys find a solution.

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What’s more, the incredibly supportive redditor shared something that they think everybody should hear. “You are not alone. Many have experienced situations similar to you, and many will experience those situations too. You may be too harsh on yourself, or think you are not enough. Yet you are here and that means you want to do better,” they said.

“You have even a small hope that it will be better. Whenever the lows start coming in and beating you down remember that at least you tried your best that day because that is all you can ask of yourself.”

Psychologist Lee Chambers also believes that not everyone reacts to hardships the same way. Some might get stronger because of them, others become weaker. However, we all have the choice of embracing what has happened to us and growing as individuals.

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"Post-traumatic growth isn't always simple to explain or utilize, but often the adversity we face can create a precedent for what we can overcome, help us to see what we need to be grateful for, and give us an understanding of the support we do have. A big part of opening the door to grow from our struggles is finding acceptance and taking ownership over what you can control and finding healthy ways to express the negative emotion that comes with challenges that test us," the mental health expert told Bored Panda during an earlier interview.

#7

People Share 40 Habits They Have Had Since They Were Kids That They Now Realize Have A Much Deeper Meaning My parents were emotionally and often physically neglectful and cold. I was expected to stay out of the way and raise myself within the household. No mealtimes, bedtimes, bath times, nothing. The attention in the house was always negative. We lived way out in the country, too, so there were no playmates in the neighborhood — and my only sibling was 10 years older and of the opposite sex. I had this weird mental game from a young age — I must have gotten it from a book somewhere — where I would pretend I was in an orphanage (one of those old-fashioned ones, kinda like from Annie). The school bus dropped me off there. Then the evening was regimented. We lined up for dinner, sat and did homework, had a church-type service, and then were given baths and put to bed. I would pretend that I was one of many children doing these things. I would lie in bed and imagine myself lying in a row of identical twin beds.

WillBsGirl , Nathan McDine Report

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#8

People Share 40 Habits They Have Had Since They Were Kids That They Now Realize Have A Much Deeper Meaning I don't know if it was a coping mechanism so much as a survival tactic. I walk on the balls/toes of my feet all the time. If I'm barefooted, my heels never touch the ground unless I'm standing still. Quietness was the objective.

wrencherspinner , rishiprabhu Report

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#9

I talk to myself, like full blown heart felt conversations. I'd keep things to myself because I would get in trouble for saying the wrong thing. I lie because people couldn't know certain things. I'd day dream because it was better then reality. I observed the room, their gestures to know if it's safe to interact. I don't say things about myself because I can't trust easily.

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"As human beings, we have a desire for certainty and routine that keeps us feeling safe and able to plan what lies ahead in an organized manner. When unpredictable situations or accidents impact us, it can be traumatic, and we will likely feel a sense of disappointment, frustration, and loss," psychologist Lee said.

"It is important however that we embrace the fact that the world can be unpredictable and uncertain, and become more tolerant of this being a reality. Understanding that things are sometimes out of our control helps us to accept that not everything goes to plan, and accept when things happen to us that are negative. This acceptance allows us to embrace the change and difference, and manage our expectations so we can become more resilient to the ups and downs that all our lives lead."

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#10

People Share 40 Habits They Have Had Since They Were Kids That They Now Realize Have A Much Deeper Meaning Shutting down emotional responses and forcing myself to 'not care' about any perceived loss. Apparently, this made it pretty annoying to discipline me because I would suddenly stop caring about anything that was threatened to be taken away. Nobody really taught me how to properly cope with loss when it started happening, and I guess my response was emotional repression.

PeculiarInsomniac , K. Mitch Hodge Report

#11

Over apologizing and always questioning if I come off annoying, mean, or disrespectful. Having little to no self esteem. And self neglect.

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#12

People Share 40 Habits They Have Had Since They Were Kids That They Now Realize Have A Much Deeper Meaning I learned to lie rather convincingly. I was petrified of getting in trouble for the smallest things that I learned to hide quite a bit. I had such high anxiety as a kid.

throwingplaydoh , Daria Shevtsova Report

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AngelWingsYT
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I do this to sometimes learned how when i was young n would get screamed at over the SMALLEST mistakes/screw ups. That also caused my anxitey of making mistakes/messing up

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The psychologist shared that he himself had to learn to walk again. There were certain things that helped him with his struggle. 

"Using journaling and talking about how I felt played a significant part in my recovery when I had to learn to walk again, and gave me the space to grow to become mentally stronger as a result. It is also important to reflect on all the hurdles you've overcome, so you can see what skills and lessons you've learned to apply in the future, and adversity often helps us to see what really matters, and gets us closer to knowing our values and purpose."

#13

People Share 40 Habits They Have Had Since They Were Kids That They Now Realize Have A Much Deeper Meaning Not doing anything till the last minute so I feel pressured to do it — and when I finish doing it, I feel useful.

Remote_Cat565 , ANTONI SHKRABA Report

#14

People Share 40 Habits They Have Had Since They Were Kids That They Now Realize Have A Much Deeper Meaning My house is spotless. Everyone is surprised my house is so clean when I have three kids. It's totally a coping mechanism. If I'm upset or stressed, I clean, and with a baby, I'm stressed a lot.

This behavior comes from my dad throwing epic fits if the house wasn't clean and tidy. He would yell that he has four daughters, so why aren't things clean? I thought if the house was clean, it was one less thing to be yelled at about.

I'm slowly learning that it's OK to leave dishes in the sink or have an unmade bed. A mess still makes me extremely anxious, but I'm doing my best not to pass it on to my kids.

englishgirlamerican , cottonbro Report

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Susie Elle
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Your dad thought his daughters were born with brooms and vaccuums in their hands, because women? I'm sorry you were treated that way, OP.

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#15

People Share 40 Habits They Have Had Since They Were Kids That They Now Realize Have A Much Deeper Meaning Eating too fast. I remember noticing this even as a child still. I was always done first. And I never out grew it. Neglect and abandonment issues.

AlternativeRope5639 , Chris F Report

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Mark Howell
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I learned at an early age, if I didn't eat my food quickly, my younger sister would pinch it. She was never repremanded for it, but it didn't go both ways.

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Meanwhile, childhood independence expert Lenore Skenazy explained to Bored Panda why there are so many ‘helicopter’ parents who are overprotective, overbearing, and anxious to let their kids have freedom.

She told us that it’s a result of “our catastrophizing culture” which has scared some parents senseless. By controlling kids to make them safe, some parents force them to live in anxiety.

“The result is not safety, it’s anxiety—kids who absorbed the message that everything is too much for them to handle. When you’re anxious, a simple slip-up doesn’t seem so simple. It seems huge—even life-threatening. How can you avoid those awful threats? That part is simple. You avoid doing anything,” she said.

#16

People Share 40 Habits They Have Had Since They Were Kids That They Now Realize Have A Much Deeper Meaning Always being okay having your decisions overridden by others and believing they know best. Examples: For birthdays, we’d get to pick a restaurant to eat at. I’d pick a place and usually my sister would complain and my parents would override. Being asked what I’d want for Christmas and being told 'No, you don’t' when you tell them what you want. I was super into astronomy growing up, so when I asked for a telescope, I was told more than once I didn’t want it. So I started to believe I didn’t want one.

IsBastionAGirlRobot , Thirdman Report

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Susie Elle
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I feel this. My family has the tendency to kind of take my opinion into consideration but they never do anything with it.

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#17

Self depreciating jokes. If I make fun of myself first it wont hurt as bad when someone else makes fun of me.

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#18

People Share 40 Habits They Have Had Since They Were Kids That They Now Realize Have A Much Deeper Meaning Constantly trying to preempt or diffuse situations. I'm always checking the mood of the room. I'm pretending to laugh to lighten up my parents interactions.

DadsRGR8 , Eduardo Gorghetto Report

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LagoonaBlueColleen
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Would go down to get a glass of water to remind them "I'm here and listening" but that made them angry at me for "interrupting their argument."

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#19

People Share 40 Habits They Have Had Since They Were Kids That They Now Realize Have A Much Deeper Meaning Or shutting down because you have to work out the 'perfect response' in real-time. And no, screaming at me for being quiet will not make this process go any faster or help to resolve the mind-numbing panic that triggered it in the first place.

Konukaame , Meritt Thomas Report

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Sareaesque
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1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had an ex who admitted to purposely pressing buttons he thought would make me angry to get a response out of me, because this (shutting down) is my response to being overwhelmed/in confrontational situations.

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#20

People Share 40 Habits They Have Had Since They Were Kids That They Now Realize Have A Much Deeper Meaning I do this, too — and I terrified co-workers when I materialized behind them like a ghost at the copy machine or café counter. They called me 'The Ghost,' and I laughed along, but kept to myself that I also knew where the exits were and what was between them and myself at any given moment.

Both of my parents had terrible tempers and three out of my four grandparents were abusive (of every kind you could name) people. You are absolutely right to call it a survival tactic.

Spicavierge , lilartsy Report

#21

Daydreaming for me. Fantasizing with being loved, cared for, and finding the greatest everlasting unconditional love. This has f**ked me up when attempting relationships as an adult.
Having this conundrum today. Wondering whether this is good, problematic, achievable or even realistic, considering my experience and how I see people relate sentimentally to each other around me. Holding on to it or throwing it away for... what? I don't know what I'd want instead.

unatazadecafe Report

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Sareaesque
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's funny, I used to write a lot and one of the characters I used to talk to as an imaginary friend to feel safer/less lonely was a long haired metal head named Rick. My fiancé is a long-haired metal-head (who is also a huge geek for extra credit) named Ricky.

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#22

People Share 40 Habits They Have Had Since They Were Kids That They Now Realize Have A Much Deeper Meaning I keep track of where people are in the house. Since you can usually distinguish who is walking by how they sound, you can easily tell where they are. I still do it to this day even when it isn't necessary.

The sound of my mom or dad walking down the stairs always made my blood pressure spike. It was my only warning that they might open my door because they were really bad about not knocking and that meant they were pissed or wanted something. Unfortunately, they could also be walking downstairs for laundry or something else. So I would get worked up for no reason.

Demache , Charlotte May Report

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Geeki Nikki
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I did this ALL THE TIME when I was a kid. I still kind of do it but the need isn't there as much.

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#23

People Share 40 Habits They Have Had Since They Were Kids That They Now Realize Have A Much Deeper Meaning I just found out I have a binge eating disorder. I eat in secret sometimes and overeat. It comes from my childhood and not knowing where my next meal would come from.

bubbles2255 , Ron Lach Report

#24

People Share 40 Habits They Have Had Since They Were Kids That They Now Realize Have A Much Deeper Meaning Sometimes I wonder if I'm indecisive for similar reasons. Mine isn't anything malicious. Just being the youngest of three, your opinions generally fall in last for a long time. I became very easy-going/go with the flow, but now I do this thing where I'll be like, 'sure whatever' — and stifle my own desires for others.

Pficky , Markus Spiske Report

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Eb
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That and the eternal 'no one cares what you think/want', so eventually you lose touch with that.

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#25

This. Gone through my whole life like it, am 24 now. When I say I'm not all here, I'm REALLY not all here. I'm not anchored, I'm constantly slipping into my head in crazy adventures with consistent characters, settings, universes, and themes. It's like constantly slipping out of reality and into a trippy TV show. I guess it's kinda nice sometimes, but it gets in the way of school, work, and EVERYTHING I try to do.

PeanutButter707 Report

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Izzy Curer
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Story of my life. Or rather, the story of my characters' lives. I'm the one who's not real.

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#26

People Share 40 Habits They Have Had Since They Were Kids That They Now Realize Have A Much Deeper Meaning Making my voice as monotone as possible to prevent people (my parents) from picking up on any tiny hint of emotion. My parents would lose it if I had 'a tone' or sounded upset in any way. It's taken years and years of practice to regain some emotion in my voice again.

Jazzlike_Log_709 , Anthony Tran Report

#27

People Share 40 Habits They Have Had Since They Were Kids That They Now Realize Have A Much Deeper Meaning Having three or four different responses ready for every conversation in advance just to prepare for what might come. My therapist told me this isn’t as normal as I thought it was and apparently other people don’t prepare this much for regular, everyday conversations.

laceylou15 , Suzy Hazelwood Report

#28

People Share 40 Habits They Have Had Since They Were Kids That They Now Realize Have A Much Deeper Meaning Trying to think/mentally prepare myself for every possible horrible thing that could happen to me, so that if it did, I wouldn’t be blindsided. It didn’t work. I want to add that my mother died in a freak accident when I was young, and I was blindsided. My coping mechanism was to prepare for situations where a friend or family member is killed out of the blue, so I wouldn’t be caught off guard again. It caused me severe stress and the inability to relax ever. I am older now and therapy has done wonders for me.

Budson420 , cottonbro Report

#29

People Share 40 Habits They Have Had Since They Were Kids That They Now Realize Have A Much Deeper Meaning I can’t have an aspiration or a dream because I don’t want to disappoint myself. I can’t even say that I am gonna get a good grade on a specific subject out loud, because I'm scared I will disappoint myself. Same thing happens with other things in my life: when I apply for a specific college, I will just do it and ignore it until I get a result, because I don’t want to get my hopes up and end up not getting accepted. I can’t even have a New Years resolution because somehow I think I would fail, and I would rather already expect that than get my hopes up and fail. I am scared of being disappointed in myself.

rianabdussalam , Arina Krasnikova Report

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Mixed Reality Portal
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1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So many times I've avoided my creative projects as I know they'll never be good enough and the constant fighting myself is so exhausting :-(

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#30

Listening for the smallest sounds. Before I was old enough and had enough money to move out, I could hear the faint sound of the garage door opening because it would always squeak when it opens. I would then bolt upstairs to my room because the garage opening meant that my mom was home. I can distinguish her footsteps easily. I developed a hypersensitivity to sound because of her.

bunniesandmilktea Report

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Jacob Nunez
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Same, I can literally distinguish the sounds of my dad or my mom knocking on a door, walking down or up steps, when my mom or dad closes car doors, the lot basically.

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#31

Shutting down emotionally. I learned from a young age that if I felt some sort of way about something, it didn't matter because I was "too young to have real problems". Also, being invalidated all the time by being told it didn't matter or wasn't a big deal. So any time something bothered me, I'd just shut down and not want to talk at all. I was trying to sort my emotions myself and not offend anyone, but I was really just hurting myself.

Responsible-Top-6882 Report

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Enlee Jones
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OMG I remember once telling someone I was stressed out and he just said “What do YOU have to worry about?” Yeah, thanks for completely invalidating my feelings there, j@ckass.

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#32

People Share 40 Habits They Have Had Since They Were Kids That They Now Realize Have A Much Deeper Meaning Having to laugh and smile every time you make a comment to your parents so they don’t immediately start getting offended over everything you say — it’s exhausting.

unlikelycompliance , Johnny McClung Report

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Iggy
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1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you are now an adult, let them get offended. About time they grew up.

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#33

People Share 40 Habits They Have Had Since They Were Kids That They Now Realize Have A Much Deeper Meaning Laughing at pain, if I get hurt I laugh. I do it because I don’t want the people around me feeling uncomfortable. I do it even when people aren’t around. It hurts.

Fenikkusu87 , Nsey Benajah Report

#34

People Share 40 Habits They Have Had Since They Were Kids That They Now Realize Have A Much Deeper Meaning Learning about dissociation is a game-changer. It's so hard to explain what you feel when it's happening. Being able to see other people try to explain it helps us understand it and not feel so broken.

DefNotAK , lucas clarysse Report

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BRODOOLERINGO
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Feeling like your life is a game, but you're watching yourself playing on the couch from outside the window. Losing time. Losing thoughts. Losing connections. Losing friends. Not noticing it all until it's to late. Coupled with derealization it can really unalive your whole social construct.

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#35

People Share 40 Habits They Have Had Since They Were Kids That They Now Realize Have A Much Deeper Meaning My mom used to take away things I enjoyed when she was thinking I was behaving badly. At some point, I started to ignore it, finding something new or just lying in bed doing nothing. Now I'm curious if despite all other problems this also had an influence on me being indifferent about other people's presence and emotions.

MaryChrist_ , Ketut Subiyanto Report

#36

People Share 40 Habits They Have Had Since They Were Kids That They Now Realize Have A Much Deeper Meaning Yes, and when someone says, 'You don’t have to say sorry' and/or gets mad at you for saying sorry, and you get in a loop for saying sorry. Nowadays, it’s a lot better than it was. But whenever I feel bad, I just keep repeating it.

Ammilerasa , Jan Kopřiva Report

#37

People Share 40 Habits They Have Had Since They Were Kids That They Now Realize Have A Much Deeper Meaning Cleaning or doing things behind the scenes for my family so they're always happy, life goes smoothly, and my life is serene. The latter isn't the case unfortunately; I'm exhausted and always on edge.

Crazei , SHVETS Report

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JJ
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I never considered this as a coping mechanism. I do this all the time and I get extremely stressed out when my husband comes home from work early because I didn't have the time to tidy up yet. He never said something about it, neither does he expect me to do all this but now I understand why it's making me so, so, so nervous...

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#38

People Share 40 Habits They Have Had Since They Were Kids That They Now Realize Have A Much Deeper Meaning I know that...it's like flipping a switch. It's most noticeable to me when I'm watching a movie and a scene comes on that triggers some kind of memory and so I mentally switch from being in tune with the movie to staring at the box on the wall while the pictures on it move. It completely removes all emotion.

Christmas_Panda , Nothing Ahead Report

#39

People Share 40 Habits They Have Had Since They Were Kids That They Now Realize Have A Much Deeper Meaning My dad would get snippy with my sister and me to watch our tone when we wouldn't have one. And then in high school and college, the slightest friggin shift in demeanor of my friends toward me sent me into a damn worry spiral.
My boyfriend likes to speak frankly and clearly, and my mind makes it sound like he's upset, which makes me apologize and actually annoy him since I apologize too much to begin with.

lovabilities , Hello I'm Nik Report

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Hamilfan
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have issues with maintaining friendships because I would randomly convince myself that they found me annoying and just leave them alone

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#40

People Share 40 Habits They Have Had Since They Were Kids That They Now Realize Have A Much Deeper Meaning My sister and I both do this. Every minute spent at the table increased the likelihood that we would get yelled at for something unrelated, so the only strategy was to get out of there as quickly as possible. I have to make a conscious effort to slow down around other people now.

Rennarjen , Алекке Блажин Report

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Rage of Aquarius
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I do the opposite. Too panicky to eat, I freeze completely and only unfreeze once everybody's done. Even eating alone it takes me a long time.

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