Mother Of The Groom Convinces Her Son That His Bride Has Turned Into A ‘Bridezilla’, Cries When She Stands Up For Herself
A wedding during the COVID-19 era looks different. So does its preparation. Couples have to follow the news closely and maintain an open conversation with their vendors and guests. Navigating everything is exhausting. And some people just can’t catch a break. Reddit user u/Jolly_3772 is one of them.
She and her partner had to cancel their wedding twice during the pandemic. And when things finally were looking good for her, a new problem arose, in person. Her mother-in-law. Not only did the lady completely hijack the planning of the big day, but she also made u/Jolly_3772’s fiancé think his bride began turning into a bridezilla. Not knowing what to make of it and how to react, u/Jolly_3772 turned to the subreddit r/AmItheA**hole, explaining the entire situation and asking for advice.
Image credits: Samantha Gades (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Jolly_3772
Wedding planner Lisa Burton, who has over 14 years of experience throwing weddings abroad, thinks that brides and grooms need as much understanding and empathy as one can muster during these difficult times. “Last year during COVID has been one of the most stressful we’ve ever experienced as a world, can you even imagine planning a wedding in the midst of all this? Some of my couples have now postponed their wedding twice,” Burton told Bored Panda. “Hopes and dreams are being crushed and emotions are raw. Remember, this is supposed to be one of the most joyous times of the couple’s lives so if they want something that you are not fully onboard with I suggest holding your breath and keeping your thoughts to yourself. After all, it’s the couples’ day.”
Burton said that stories like this one are fairly common. “Unfortunately, this happens more than you’d imagine,” she said. “We see a lot of moms thinking the day is as much about them as it is about the bride. They can overstep boundaries and try to influence the bride and groom into doing something they’re not happy with.”
It’s good to have someone by your side when this happens. Someone who has experience in resolving these conflicts. As a wedding planner, Lisa wears many hats. Along with planning, she’s the source of advice when the couple is struggling to balance difficult family dynamics. “I’m a shoulder to cry on in stressful times and sometimes I even do a bit of light counseling if you can call it that,” she explained.
“In general, my couples are strong and confident and their weddings are self-financed, but even then there have been occasions where I’ve had to work with them to get them to assert their confidence and plan the day that they want and not the day their parents want!”
Let’s hope that u/Jolly_3772 finds a way out.
People think the mother-in-law is way out of line
I like the last advice. NTA. Take the money and leave the apron-string useless not-future husband. Life with him and MIL will be hell.
The husband probably is a victim himself of a narcissist. Realising this and leaving it behind can be a long and painful process.
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Never mind the stupid wedding, make sure you get your MIL where she belongs: on the sidelines of your life not smack in the middle of it.
Leave. This marriage is already broken. There is no fixing it. If you have to demand that he choose, then you have already "lost him." Living with his mother gives her a chance to deluge him with propaganda. Even if he "chooses" you he will always resent you making him choose. You have a child, your heart will mend. Leave.
Since there's a child, they really do have to try to fix it. Couples counseling would be a good start, and so would cancelling the damn wedding and using the money to move away from the MIL. But mainly the counseling.
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Dump this asshole. He is showing you what he is - so believe it. He's NEVER going to have any respect for you or your child. Just make damned sure he pays his child support.
A friend of mine had her son prematurely and I heard a LOT of comments from various people about how it was something she had done/not done during the pregnancy.
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She also should have never agreed to change from the small wedding she wanted. Plus it is always the responsibility of the child of that parent to stop that parents interference. Nobody every regrets having the wedding they want. I never had a big wedding and don't regret it.
I'm old and I've seen a lot and if this man is not supporting you now, he never will. PLEASE do not say you have 'too much invested in him'. Make him understand you are the most important or send him off...
Ope but since he's siding with his mom I'm pretty sure he's going to be just like her controlling. Too bad she got pregnant before the wedding, because I'm pretty sure the marriage is not going to work.
One of my colleagues lives with a man (and has a child with him) whose father was very controlling. When they were on the verge of separating, the father secretly recorded them arguing. This was to build a case that his son should get custody. Luckily, my colleague found the bug quickly. The couple went for counseling, which saved the relationship. He still visits his father, but he now understands that his father was in the wrong.
Not the asshole. But you WILL be the idiot if you go through with this marriage to this ultimate manchild and his Mommy Dearest.
I'm sorry but I would cancel the wedding all together and rethink the relationship. Your partner should be supporting YOU, not his mum. To me this is a red flag coz if he can't support you with this then what other situations is he gonna do the same.
He just showed you that he’s not on your side, and this is just the beginning. If you are ok taking second place next to momma, then stay and deal with it. If not, then you need to run as fast as you can because these things never change as long as the mother is around. Dealing with a bad MIL even when your husband is on your side is a nightmare. I can’t even imagine what it would look like if he wasn’t on your side. You’re a big girl and can make your own decisions, but just wanted to point out that the choice is pretty clear.
If the MIL is this bad *before* the wedding, she's going to be so worse much after! I wholeheartedly agree with the people who said the MIL isn't marrying her son (and vice versa). I think that kind of behavior is just gross.
Yup, sounds like you should cancel your wedding a third time.... And never think about it again. If your husband cannot stand by your side he should move back into mum's basement. Let's not even start with that horror of a MIL...
I'd dump him. If his mother wants a dream wedding, she can get married. A wedding is just one day. If he can't let his bride-to-be have the day she wants *now*.... or raise their kid without his mother *now*.... it will not get better. RUN NOW. To therapy. But still. Run. His mom can't let go of the controls, and until he changes that? there's no good outcome here, IMO. And now a kid is involved, heaven help them.
Run! Take your child and run! Leave mamzilla and her puppet-boy and go live your life.
Classic power struggle. Make it clear to your SO that this is not about a dress, it's about calling the shots in your future lives! My MIL was manipulative as hell, trying to get us to marry 'in a castle', and have a very posh wedding (my family is working class, my husband's middle class). My SO and I decided that this was not our thing and had a wedding in a wine yard instead. She did the same thing with my husband's sister, and to this day, she is a constant in their lives, telling then what and what not to do. I think they like it, so it's OK,but my husband and I literally moved to another country to gain independence from her.
OMG, run. Get out of this engagement. If this mil is like this now, there is absolutely no reason to believe that she will have an epiphany and suddenly be a lovely, thoughfull, Respectful inlaw. You are in for a life of misery and division if you carry on with those two. Get out. Now.
Jesus why is he shouting at you for upsetting his mum when once again she did what she wanted with a complete lack of regard towards anyone else. I know you've just had a child with him but some groundwork needs to be laid now before the child gets older. He is either with you or against you if he wants to see the child set up a custody thing in court that way if MIL does anything wrong to that child he gets blamed as he was the responsible parent. He needs to grow up and start prioritising better
Despite having our wedding at my mother's house, she was really hands off - she helped out, and helped find local people to cater, play music, etc. (she lives on an island in Maine with a population of about 500, and knows everyone). My MIL was supportive, and respectful of our wishes. When my kids get married it'll be "Great! Here's some money, do what you want." I just don't understand people like this.
This MIL needs to give her head a shake and straighten out what little brain matter she has. She is going to cost her son a lot and not just in money! She could potentially cause him to not see his child again by pushing this couple to fight.
NTA - I'm a bit more agreeable in these situations. Take the dress, say thank you, then throw it away and get the one you are having made completed. Every time she asks about the dress say it's somewhere in the cupboard until she searches then say it must of been lost. Say yes to everything she wants then just don't do it. I have a narcissist mother. The intensity of the demands decreases if they think they are getting their way
This is sage advice. You have to come to terms with the fact that you’re fighting for yourself alone first, though. Tough.
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Came here to say this. If not full custody, she’ll have to put up with the mil from hell and be alone.
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I'd be cancelling the entire wedding and re-evaluating my relationship. Your MIL clearly has no respect for you or your personal boundaries and is sewing bitterness and division in your relationship. If your partner does not support you and you do not lay firm boundaries then this behaviour is only going to escalate. Proceed with caution.
I agree with other people that the husband's lack of support is a much bigger issue than the dress. But I'm not as quick to write him off entirely. The original poster didn't mention his age, or if there are cultural considerations. But I'd say he's been conditioned to cope with a controlling mother by just giving in to whatever she wants. His own father may have modeled the same exact behavior. I think the fiancé needs to sit him down and have a serious discussion about how this is not healthy behavior for a grown man with a wife and child who need his unwavering support. They need to seek counseling to address this problem, and if he's not willing to do that, the marriage is not going to work. Then she has to realize that, even if he agrees to the counseling, this is going to be something that's going to take work on both sides (especially with MIL living down the street).
Wise words. I don't blame commenters wanting to kick the groom to the curb, but I think counseling is worth a shot. These days, I tell young men getting married: "If she says 'Let's go to a marriage', you go the marriage counselor. If you don't, she'll think 'He really doesn't care about me' and she'll go see a divorce lawyer. Plus, if you go the marriage counselor, you get to tell your side of the story." By the way, this advice applies to same-sex couples, too.
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Any MIL that moves down the way from where her son and DIL live is controlling and inconsiderate of private personal space. I have a brother that also has no concept of privacy. He would drop by unannounced. Last time he did I opened the door, said "Not doing this anymore. If you come over without calling again, I'll have my apartment complex put you on the list of people trespassed from the property." He said "This is the crap that mom pulls. I'm not playing that game with you." I said "the only reason you see it as a game is because you lack the concept of common courtesy and respect. By coming over unannounced you're saying my time for me and my family isn't as important as yours. I have a right to dictate my own private time. Now leave and don't come back without calling first." He never called and he never returned.
I wish I could hear all the sides, because maybe we don't know the whole story from everyone, but from I've heard I would honestly be sitting down with the fiance for a serious discussion about boundaries and his fickle behavior. MIL does not have the right to mess with the bride's life just because she's his mother (or the baby, for that matter!!).
definitely cancel the wedding, you are an adult woman who gets to decide, not some bitch-in-law... and give the groom last chance to seriously rethink the whole situation... probably he is the victim here too... but he has to stand up for his family even against his own mother otherwise he is a useless piece of crap
I like the last advice. NTA. Take the money and leave the apron-string useless not-future husband. Life with him and MIL will be hell.
The husband probably is a victim himself of a narcissist. Realising this and leaving it behind can be a long and painful process.
Load More Replies... Never mind the stupid wedding, make sure you get your MIL where she belongs: on the sidelines of your life not smack in the middle of it.
Leave. This marriage is already broken. There is no fixing it. If you have to demand that he choose, then you have already "lost him." Living with his mother gives her a chance to deluge him with propaganda. Even if he "chooses" you he will always resent you making him choose. You have a child, your heart will mend. Leave.
Since there's a child, they really do have to try to fix it. Couples counseling would be a good start, and so would cancelling the damn wedding and using the money to move away from the MIL. But mainly the counseling.
Load More Replies... Dump this asshole. He is showing you what he is - so believe it. He's NEVER going to have any respect for you or your child. Just make damned sure he pays his child support.
A friend of mine had her son prematurely and I heard a LOT of comments from various people about how it was something she had done/not done during the pregnancy.
Load More Replies... She also should have never agreed to change from the small wedding she wanted. Plus it is always the responsibility of the child of that parent to stop that parents interference. Nobody every regrets having the wedding they want. I never had a big wedding and don't regret it.
I'm old and I've seen a lot and if this man is not supporting you now, he never will. PLEASE do not say you have 'too much invested in him'. Make him understand you are the most important or send him off...
Ope but since he's siding with his mom I'm pretty sure he's going to be just like her controlling. Too bad she got pregnant before the wedding, because I'm pretty sure the marriage is not going to work.
One of my colleagues lives with a man (and has a child with him) whose father was very controlling. When they were on the verge of separating, the father secretly recorded them arguing. This was to build a case that his son should get custody. Luckily, my colleague found the bug quickly. The couple went for counseling, which saved the relationship. He still visits his father, but he now understands that his father was in the wrong.
Not the asshole. But you WILL be the idiot if you go through with this marriage to this ultimate manchild and his Mommy Dearest.
I'm sorry but I would cancel the wedding all together and rethink the relationship. Your partner should be supporting YOU, not his mum. To me this is a red flag coz if he can't support you with this then what other situations is he gonna do the same.
He just showed you that he’s not on your side, and this is just the beginning. If you are ok taking second place next to momma, then stay and deal with it. If not, then you need to run as fast as you can because these things never change as long as the mother is around. Dealing with a bad MIL even when your husband is on your side is a nightmare. I can’t even imagine what it would look like if he wasn’t on your side. You’re a big girl and can make your own decisions, but just wanted to point out that the choice is pretty clear.
If the MIL is this bad *before* the wedding, she's going to be so worse much after! I wholeheartedly agree with the people who said the MIL isn't marrying her son (and vice versa). I think that kind of behavior is just gross.
Yup, sounds like you should cancel your wedding a third time.... And never think about it again. If your husband cannot stand by your side he should move back into mum's basement. Let's not even start with that horror of a MIL...
I'd dump him. If his mother wants a dream wedding, she can get married. A wedding is just one day. If he can't let his bride-to-be have the day she wants *now*.... or raise their kid without his mother *now*.... it will not get better. RUN NOW. To therapy. But still. Run. His mom can't let go of the controls, and until he changes that? there's no good outcome here, IMO. And now a kid is involved, heaven help them.
Run! Take your child and run! Leave mamzilla and her puppet-boy and go live your life.
Classic power struggle. Make it clear to your SO that this is not about a dress, it's about calling the shots in your future lives! My MIL was manipulative as hell, trying to get us to marry 'in a castle', and have a very posh wedding (my family is working class, my husband's middle class). My SO and I decided that this was not our thing and had a wedding in a wine yard instead. She did the same thing with my husband's sister, and to this day, she is a constant in their lives, telling then what and what not to do. I think they like it, so it's OK,but my husband and I literally moved to another country to gain independence from her.
OMG, run. Get out of this engagement. If this mil is like this now, there is absolutely no reason to believe that she will have an epiphany and suddenly be a lovely, thoughfull, Respectful inlaw. You are in for a life of misery and division if you carry on with those two. Get out. Now.
Jesus why is he shouting at you for upsetting his mum when once again she did what she wanted with a complete lack of regard towards anyone else. I know you've just had a child with him but some groundwork needs to be laid now before the child gets older. He is either with you or against you if he wants to see the child set up a custody thing in court that way if MIL does anything wrong to that child he gets blamed as he was the responsible parent. He needs to grow up and start prioritising better
Despite having our wedding at my mother's house, she was really hands off - she helped out, and helped find local people to cater, play music, etc. (she lives on an island in Maine with a population of about 500, and knows everyone). My MIL was supportive, and respectful of our wishes. When my kids get married it'll be "Great! Here's some money, do what you want." I just don't understand people like this.
This MIL needs to give her head a shake and straighten out what little brain matter she has. She is going to cost her son a lot and not just in money! She could potentially cause him to not see his child again by pushing this couple to fight.
NTA - I'm a bit more agreeable in these situations. Take the dress, say thank you, then throw it away and get the one you are having made completed. Every time she asks about the dress say it's somewhere in the cupboard until she searches then say it must of been lost. Say yes to everything she wants then just don't do it. I have a narcissist mother. The intensity of the demands decreases if they think they are getting their way
This is sage advice. You have to come to terms with the fact that you’re fighting for yourself alone first, though. Tough.
Load More Replies... Came here to say this. If not full custody, she’ll have to put up with the mil from hell and be alone.
Load More Replies... I'd be cancelling the entire wedding and re-evaluating my relationship. Your MIL clearly has no respect for you or your personal boundaries and is sewing bitterness and division in your relationship. If your partner does not support you and you do not lay firm boundaries then this behaviour is only going to escalate. Proceed with caution.
I agree with other people that the husband's lack of support is a much bigger issue than the dress. But I'm not as quick to write him off entirely. The original poster didn't mention his age, or if there are cultural considerations. But I'd say he's been conditioned to cope with a controlling mother by just giving in to whatever she wants. His own father may have modeled the same exact behavior. I think the fiancé needs to sit him down and have a serious discussion about how this is not healthy behavior for a grown man with a wife and child who need his unwavering support. They need to seek counseling to address this problem, and if he's not willing to do that, the marriage is not going to work. Then she has to realize that, even if he agrees to the counseling, this is going to be something that's going to take work on both sides (especially with MIL living down the street).
Wise words. I don't blame commenters wanting to kick the groom to the curb, but I think counseling is worth a shot. These days, I tell young men getting married: "If she says 'Let's go to a marriage', you go the marriage counselor. If you don't, she'll think 'He really doesn't care about me' and she'll go see a divorce lawyer. Plus, if you go the marriage counselor, you get to tell your side of the story." By the way, this advice applies to same-sex couples, too.
Load More Replies... Any MIL that moves down the way from where her son and DIL live is controlling and inconsiderate of private personal space. I have a brother that also has no concept of privacy. He would drop by unannounced. Last time he did I opened the door, said "Not doing this anymore. If you come over without calling again, I'll have my apartment complex put you on the list of people trespassed from the property." He said "This is the crap that mom pulls. I'm not playing that game with you." I said "the only reason you see it as a game is because you lack the concept of common courtesy and respect. By coming over unannounced you're saying my time for me and my family isn't as important as yours. I have a right to dictate my own private time. Now leave and don't come back without calling first." He never called and he never returned.
I wish I could hear all the sides, because maybe we don't know the whole story from everyone, but from I've heard I would honestly be sitting down with the fiance for a serious discussion about boundaries and his fickle behavior. MIL does not have the right to mess with the bride's life just because she's his mother (or the baby, for that matter!!).
definitely cancel the wedding, you are an adult woman who gets to decide, not some bitch-in-law... and give the groom last chance to seriously rethink the whole situation... probably he is the victim here too... but he has to stand up for his family even against his own mother otherwise he is a useless piece of crap
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