Controlling Mom Loses It When Her Adult Daughter Stops Her From Tracking Her Location At All Times
For those of you who had controlling parents, the nightmare was most likely over as soon as you started your adult life. It wasn’t easy juggling new responsibilities, bills, student loans, and a new mode of life, but it was all worth it and made you who you are today.
Except in the instances where parents just won’t let you off the leash. And for one 19-year-old woman, having her location constantly tracked by her mom was part of her teenage years. Naturally, it put a strain on their relationship and the daughter moved out to start her independent life.
“When I moved out, I told myself that I would turn off my GPS, but when I did, it caused a fight and she threatened to take away my car,” the author has shared her story on r/AITA. Mom insisted her daughter was hiding something and that she was out of her mind for cutting the tracker off. Let’s read the full story below, and share your thoughts in the comments below.
The 19-year-old daughter had enough of her mom tracking her location so she decided to turn it off, but mom was less than happy with it
Image credits: Liza Summer (not the actual photo)
Bored Panda reached out to Anita Cleare, a parenting expert, director of The Positive Parenting Project, and author of “The Work/Parent Switch” who shared a couple of useful insights about controlling parents.
“I can understand why some parents use location tracking with younger teens as a way to help keep them safe,” Anita said in connection to the case. “But there comes a time when parents need to let go and allow their children to take responsibility for themselves as young adults,” she added.
The parenting expert is wondering why a parent feels the need to know where their 19-year-old is at all times in the first place. “Spending time with friends is essential for young people’s mental health and well-being and, for many, that includes staying out late and being spontaneous. Each young person is different but our job as parents is to equip them with the skills they need to keep themselves safe rather than always watching over them,” Anita explained.
When asked what could be possible reasons for why some parents control their kids so much, Anita said that it can be really hard to let go. “Being the parent of a teenager means transitioning from being the center of your child’s world to on the periphery, and that can be painful for parents.”
“If our teenager has not always been good at making sensible decisions, it can be hard to trust them even when they become young adults. We all fear for our children, and the teenage years can be especially scary for parents,” the parenting expert explained.
However, “allowing our teens to become independent young people who make their own decisions is essential. And that also means respecting their right to privacy,” Anita concluded.
This is what people had to comment on the story
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Share on FacebookNTA. When my sister graduated from high school, she wanted to go to college. She got the applications and financial aid forms, but back then, people who were under 23 and whose parents made decent money had to have a parent sign off on the financial aid. My sister brought the paperwork to our mother. My mother told her that our father refused to sign off on them because he thought she should go to a local community college. Turns out, my mother never showed the paperwork to our father and lied because she thought my sister, being overweight, would have a miserable time at college and get picked on. In actuality, I think my mother was afraid that my sister, being the most responsible of us kids, would leave and never come back. I hated my mother for sabotaging my sister's future.
It's still the case that parents have to sign the FAFSA and no matter if you're doing college completely on your own, your parents' income determines how much financial aid you get.
Load More Replies...In a nutshell; adult woman cuts ties with a controlling bitch, seeks confirmation on the internet that she isn't the one who is crazy.
Sometimes people need to hear it from others. This abusive parent has been gaslighting this poor kid for her entire life - to the point where the writer doesn't know what normal looks like.
Load More Replies...Surely mom playing "oh I can only track you with iphone", while hiding the fact she put a tracker bug in the car and a few other places? I'd be checking the lining of any coat or sizable object I've been "given", for bugs.
NTA. This poor girls’ mother isn’t overbearing. She’s psychologically abusive. Her best chance at having a happy future would be to sever ties with her mother now. She also needs to either call the police and report her mother for theft or sue the hag to get back the stimulus money that is rightfully hers. Perhaps with interest. If the daughter is over 18 and financially supporting herself, the mother has no claim to the money.
NTA, or rather NNNNNNNTA. She has stolen from you and threatens to steal your car. Your happiness and self confidence are far more important than a toxic parental relationship. I suspect that at some point you will have to cut her out completely. Totally. It might go on for years, maybe forever, but young people MUST break free. There might be collateral damage. Be prepared for that and be strong.
my mom can be controlling at certain times but she has NEVER gone this far. i understand that moms want to protect their kids but there is a certain point to were they need to stop
It's abuse. She should sell the car to amke up for the stolen stimulus check and buy her own.
We have android, therefore google location sharing, and so long as we live together (and I pay their phone bill) we all share our locations with each other - my wife, me, and both daughters. To be clear: my kids can always see my and my wife's location as well. This is very helpful for many reasons that aren't even related to safety, like knowing when somebody will be home from work or when they'll be there to pick up from sports. Location sharing is a fantastic tool for honest and transparent communication. Something tells me I know the answer already, but I wonder if the mom shares her location with the daughter.
While this isn't the point of her post, sharing location on Android is just as easy as iPhone, my wife shares her Android location with me even though I'm on iPhone, I use the Google Maps app on my iPhone to view her location. (I should add that she shares her location willingly, I didn't ask or coerce her to, she likes knowing that if anything happens to her, I'll know where she is) But this mom sounds abusive and her adult daughter should absolutely not share her location with the mom if she's at all uncomfortable.
A 21-year-old student did that after her parents' controlling behaviour escalated to near-abduction. They started with tracking her movements, then following her around campus. She went to court after they insisted that the university authorities allow them to take her away for "treatment" (which she didn't need).
Load More Replies...I had a father like this. Best thing to do is get out & move away. My father started making a big deal when I was 19 about coming back at 7pm & if I was going anywhere (works office party) he was convinced I was lying that it was for employees only & bringing my mum in secret. I realised it was just gonna get worse & he took most of my wages not just dig money which I was fine with paying but £250 was “just for him” that’s abuse of power.
It may be time to get some legal advice. Mom is abusing and stealing from you. Be ready to set and stick to some very harsh boundaries with mom, possibly stepmom as well.
I think saying your mother is "borderline" controlling is being extremely kind. She definitely has control issues. All parents worry but, that is something they have to deal with. Unless you have given her some major reason in the past that justifies her over control, there is no excuse. As you said, you are an adult so, even if there is something in the past she'll have to let it go and move on. None of us need toxic people in our lives, no matter how we are related.
Probably a repeat but, if the car is in your name she can't legally just take it back. That's grand theft.
Load More Replies...My mom is wayyyyy more controling.. im 24 live with my mom cos i dont have enough $$ for rent or a house or car.. so i have to live w her.. and she dont let me go out with friends, dont let me have boyfriend if i wanna go w friends i gota ask for her permission.. and if i dont she will yell at me..and i tell her im an adult now and she said as long u live here w me u gotta follow my rules... this isnt half of the sh*t she does...i could literally write a book on about all the bad things she do
Are there resources in your area? I'm thinking employment agencies, shelters that will let you stay until you can get on your feet, etc. If you were living with a man who behaved that way, a lot of people would worry about your safety.
Load More Replies...I share my location with my mom and sister (and them with me) by my own choice. It should be a choice, not mandatory. Making it mandatory crushes the trust.
Who holds the title to the car? If it's in your possession, sell that sucker and buy something else so it cannot be used as a bargaining chip.
i feel her pain. i actually have an anxiety disorder that formed wen i was young because of my mom. it started in first grade at recess i was playing tag with friends fell flat on my face chipped my 2 front teeth my mom blamed the school and my friends after that no one wanted to b around me and i was a social kid so being alone freaked me out. changed schools finally but the damage was done i rebelled as i got older during high school my mom actually put a schedule on wen i could use my phone. during school my phone wouldnt call or text anyone but her my dad and the home phone. she even set it so after midnight my phone couldnt text or call friends only emergency contacts. this went on during college too and thats wen she blocked me from picture text messages. ive always been an android user so the tracking wasnt an issue however i did get 10 or more texts saying hello or ??? if i didnt text back within 5 min or if 10min past i get tons of phone calls. took my grandpa and grandma, her parents, telling her to stop for me to ger my freedom. however wen my grandpa died and my grandma become depressed she saw the opening but the family jumped on it before it can start again. now im married and she feels the need to kno everything even wen im getting MY vaccine or wat im eating for dinner every night. so this girl is NTA if im NTA for not telling my mom wat she wants to kno bc im 31 years old then shes definitely NTA 19 is legally an adult her mom has no control anymore
from personal experience, she waited too long to train her parents. At the end of high school and specially in college i pushed those boundaries until my mom started to relax. Then i went over them :) But we agreed i would inform her if i wasn't coming home and she would accept as long as she knew in the morning to no expect me at home so she wouldn't panic when i wasn't there. And then at the end of college she was there once waiting in the hallway at 1AM... and i was wondering why? she knew i would be late or let her now. Apparently my dad went for the first time ever out drinking with mates without informing my mom.
Well done, but FYI that sort of thing only works with sane people. It wouldn't work with someone who is overbearing or controlling, if you try to "train" someone like that they will fight back with abusive actions, as the OP's mother did. Where is her father in all this, BTW?
Load More Replies...I have Find Your Friends to track my adult (35 yr old ) daughter because she insisted on tracking me. We live several hours apart and it allows us to know where the other is when traveling. My husband uses it to make sure I get to and from work safely. As you can probably tell all of us have some anxiety about traveling.
NTA... and I'd report her for theft of your Stim Checks to boot!
My brother is like this with his grown kids, at least in terms of the tracking app. I find it disturbing.
Definitely NTA. I never tracked my daughter's location, even when she was underage. It would never have occurred to me to do so now that she's an adult. At the same time, she lives with me, so we keep in contact with one another about our general location and time we'll be home (for example, if I'm going out with friends or she's going hiking with friends). It's always a good idea for someone to know where you are.
I hate that find my friends thing. My mum has uses it with my brother, and when she rings him she will ask did you have a good time at ****. My brother and I are adults; he lives 300 miles away with their only grandchild so my mums excuse is that she wants to know when they are home so she can call/video chat. I turn off my locator all the time and mum doesn't like it as she says it's helpful for her to know where I am in case I need help (I am a wheelchair user with complex health issues). I have recently deleted the app as I don't think she should know where I am all that time. It's caused rows but I feel she doesn't respect my right to privacy.
Oh sweetie, I'm sorry. You need to live your life for you, and nobody else. It took me until 30 to realize how toxic my family was, and I've been no contact for a year and a half now. You are not stuck with your birth family my darling, we get to choose our own "pack" and if the birth fam can't be part of that then that is on them.
As someone who grew up with a controlling mother - I didn't even have a bank account until I was in my 20s; my mother would just take all my paychecks - the OP is so NTA it hurts. The mother wants her daughter's life for herself. She's a vampire.
At that point, I'd move out of the county/state and cut all contact whatsoever. Hell, even get the police involved for her stalking (and stealing stimulus checks) what the actual hell is wrong with that woman, she's not a mother if she acts like that, she's an abusive bitch.
My son had a family finder app on his daughters phone. Now that he has passed, she and I now share that program. It's never been about control for us but for safety.
Of course it can be used for safety, but people who do that are usually sane enough to back off, and maybe not start arguments if the app shows unplanned changes of location. Because while of course there's worry about what the family member is up to, but of course starting an argument would cost you the ability to keep the app on and use it for safety purposes. The OP makes it sound like her mother just uses the app to get information she can use to start arguments, which is batshit.
Load More Replies...I'm wondering how she actually stole her stimulus checks. Did she forge her daughter's signature?
If a college student is claimed as a dependent, especially if the student didn't file a tax return, the stimulus money went to the parent. Happened to one of my kids, and I was thrilled to send her the money.
Load More Replies...Until you are 21, a parent is within their 'rights' to be involved to a certain extent. Boundaries are a must, however, having an idea of what a young woman has going on just is a safety net of sorts. My niece went 'missing' for a few hours, and come to find out her drink was tampered with, the phone was 'dead by then too. Came to a couch without clothes on. She confided in me, too embarrassed to tell her folks about that night. Never know when you'd need to be able to locate a single gal if warranted. Niece did get married and has had a couple of children since then, but it made her appreciate the fact that her folks would be able to find her if need be. Under 21, is still learning to be cautious yet.
This doesn't seem to be an isolated story. I see so many kids complaining snout this exact thing. I know the world is a scary place these days, I raised 3 sons & released them into the world so I know how scary it can be. But if you've done your job and raised thoughtful & kind people the you should be able to trust their instincts and trust thatthey make good decisions. But, honestly this seems to be more about control than safety and that's creepy af. Knowing where you child is doesn't make them safer, it just makes you feel in control. Bad things can happen anywhere, even close by; in her dorm, at her friend's house or even at home so tracking for safety is not valid. People need to learn when it's time to let go. My sons and I are close, I treat them like adults. I'm guessing she won't be close with her mom after she leaves home for good.
My kids are 26 ,24 , 20 and 16 I never ever tracked their phones even while at university I joked I saw enough on Snapchat (which I deleted as I didn't use it ) and what they told me ,I always ask where did they go and if they had a good time , it's amazing the stories they tell and we laugh or advise all because trust is built up and when the older 2 lived at home I would be told where they were going and if to leave the door open the same goes for my 20 yr old she always knows she can ring for a lift home if she needs it , the 16 yr old always tells us too where she is headed , once they leave home you do worry more and if they are ok the only person that needs a tracking device is my hubby and their daddy as they joke you can never find him when you need him ,
Def NTA. Your mom is toxic and need to get a life. My oldest daughter recently got a phone for her 11nd Birthday. She, among other things, is on the spectrum and has a slight mental disorder. We set the phone in a way that no strangers can come in contact with her because she beliefs everything somebody will tell her. But we don't even have a tracking app on the phone. Ask, no demand your stimulus back and get your own car. Your a grown woman. Your mom needs to let you go and back off. Give her a choice: act normal or I will cut all ties. You don't that kind of People in your life. Family or not.
Def NTA now I will say all my kids have iphones, my 19 still lives at home so I REQUEST her location to be on. But I don't track her. I explain it to her like this "God forbid something happenes to you I want to know the last place you were so it can be the first place I look" but I don't check where she is when she leaves the house, she's grown and pays all her own bills. Her job isn't conducive to pay rent as we know how high rent is now, but she pays her car note, her insurance and her phone. She even helps with a small bill at the house (her idea) to feel like she's contributing. This mom is crazy. Oh and also, I gave her her portion of the stimulus money for her bills.
You're an ABSOLUTE saint for only calling her overbearing! There are so many other words I can think of to describe her and they'd all be edited by BP and possibly by Reddit. I congratulate you on your stance and wish you all the best in your upcoming adventure to build your own life and, quite possibly, separate yourself from this person.
This is why elderly people end up alone and abandoned in an old people's home
OP reacts to her mom threatening to take away stuff OP bought with her own money? NTA.
Encouraging your children to explore the path that leads to adulthood has to be done. It is painful and worrisome to the parent but you learn how to let go in a way that preserves a healthy child- parent relationship. Treating young adult off spring like children cripples them and is completely selfish and manipulative on the part of the parent. Your kids have to learn how to negotiate the world without you.
I didn't grow up in the era of smartphones, but my mom was like this (although she didn't steal from me and supported me financially when I was struggling with unemployment)
Toxic is Toxic good for her. I wish I could do that with my step mother.
Many cars are pretty easy to track, depending on the car, that she received from parents, .
NTA. Your mother is a psycho. This is not normal. Tracking your phone no matter what age you are is wrong. It's abusive, toxic and violent. Tell her to f**k off. Let her freak out. The fact that she calls you names should tell you everything. Set your boundaries. Personally I would cut all ties with her.
For anyone going through something similar, already being called names like this on regular base, by parent - it is not normal. Please talk to your parent and seek help of professional together at first (if you need, lie that you have a problem but you only want to talk about it in presence or professional), i think there's something going on,could be that it's your parent suffering from something terrible and this behavior is all what comes out towards you.
I don't even know where to start.... Girl, your mother needs therapy asap and you should move to another state or country. What a horror! This post raises so many questions, like an abyss opening up.... Every sentence screams abuse and manipulation. OMG.
You ll know you are over it the day you don't even post that
Load More Replies...If the mother wanted to use the app to really make sure the daughter was okay, she wouldn't freak out and start arguments at every little unannounced activity. A person who is genuinely concerned with safety would make a point of never violating the privacy of the person they're tracking, because obviously that would make the trackee hate the app and look for a way to get rid of it. As we see here. No, the OP makes it sound like the mother is just using the app to gain material for arguments or abuse, which is batshit.
Load More Replies...NTA. When my sister graduated from high school, she wanted to go to college. She got the applications and financial aid forms, but back then, people who were under 23 and whose parents made decent money had to have a parent sign off on the financial aid. My sister brought the paperwork to our mother. My mother told her that our father refused to sign off on them because he thought she should go to a local community college. Turns out, my mother never showed the paperwork to our father and lied because she thought my sister, being overweight, would have a miserable time at college and get picked on. In actuality, I think my mother was afraid that my sister, being the most responsible of us kids, would leave and never come back. I hated my mother for sabotaging my sister's future.
It's still the case that parents have to sign the FAFSA and no matter if you're doing college completely on your own, your parents' income determines how much financial aid you get.
Load More Replies...In a nutshell; adult woman cuts ties with a controlling bitch, seeks confirmation on the internet that she isn't the one who is crazy.
Sometimes people need to hear it from others. This abusive parent has been gaslighting this poor kid for her entire life - to the point where the writer doesn't know what normal looks like.
Load More Replies...Surely mom playing "oh I can only track you with iphone", while hiding the fact she put a tracker bug in the car and a few other places? I'd be checking the lining of any coat or sizable object I've been "given", for bugs.
NTA. This poor girls’ mother isn’t overbearing. She’s psychologically abusive. Her best chance at having a happy future would be to sever ties with her mother now. She also needs to either call the police and report her mother for theft or sue the hag to get back the stimulus money that is rightfully hers. Perhaps with interest. If the daughter is over 18 and financially supporting herself, the mother has no claim to the money.
NTA, or rather NNNNNNNTA. She has stolen from you and threatens to steal your car. Your happiness and self confidence are far more important than a toxic parental relationship. I suspect that at some point you will have to cut her out completely. Totally. It might go on for years, maybe forever, but young people MUST break free. There might be collateral damage. Be prepared for that and be strong.
my mom can be controlling at certain times but she has NEVER gone this far. i understand that moms want to protect their kids but there is a certain point to were they need to stop
It's abuse. She should sell the car to amke up for the stolen stimulus check and buy her own.
We have android, therefore google location sharing, and so long as we live together (and I pay their phone bill) we all share our locations with each other - my wife, me, and both daughters. To be clear: my kids can always see my and my wife's location as well. This is very helpful for many reasons that aren't even related to safety, like knowing when somebody will be home from work or when they'll be there to pick up from sports. Location sharing is a fantastic tool for honest and transparent communication. Something tells me I know the answer already, but I wonder if the mom shares her location with the daughter.
While this isn't the point of her post, sharing location on Android is just as easy as iPhone, my wife shares her Android location with me even though I'm on iPhone, I use the Google Maps app on my iPhone to view her location. (I should add that she shares her location willingly, I didn't ask or coerce her to, she likes knowing that if anything happens to her, I'll know where she is) But this mom sounds abusive and her adult daughter should absolutely not share her location with the mom if she's at all uncomfortable.
A 21-year-old student did that after her parents' controlling behaviour escalated to near-abduction. They started with tracking her movements, then following her around campus. She went to court after they insisted that the university authorities allow them to take her away for "treatment" (which she didn't need).
Load More Replies...I had a father like this. Best thing to do is get out & move away. My father started making a big deal when I was 19 about coming back at 7pm & if I was going anywhere (works office party) he was convinced I was lying that it was for employees only & bringing my mum in secret. I realised it was just gonna get worse & he took most of my wages not just dig money which I was fine with paying but £250 was “just for him” that’s abuse of power.
It may be time to get some legal advice. Mom is abusing and stealing from you. Be ready to set and stick to some very harsh boundaries with mom, possibly stepmom as well.
I think saying your mother is "borderline" controlling is being extremely kind. She definitely has control issues. All parents worry but, that is something they have to deal with. Unless you have given her some major reason in the past that justifies her over control, there is no excuse. As you said, you are an adult so, even if there is something in the past she'll have to let it go and move on. None of us need toxic people in our lives, no matter how we are related.
Probably a repeat but, if the car is in your name she can't legally just take it back. That's grand theft.
Load More Replies...My mom is wayyyyy more controling.. im 24 live with my mom cos i dont have enough $$ for rent or a house or car.. so i have to live w her.. and she dont let me go out with friends, dont let me have boyfriend if i wanna go w friends i gota ask for her permission.. and if i dont she will yell at me..and i tell her im an adult now and she said as long u live here w me u gotta follow my rules... this isnt half of the sh*t she does...i could literally write a book on about all the bad things she do
Are there resources in your area? I'm thinking employment agencies, shelters that will let you stay until you can get on your feet, etc. If you were living with a man who behaved that way, a lot of people would worry about your safety.
Load More Replies...I share my location with my mom and sister (and them with me) by my own choice. It should be a choice, not mandatory. Making it mandatory crushes the trust.
Who holds the title to the car? If it's in your possession, sell that sucker and buy something else so it cannot be used as a bargaining chip.
i feel her pain. i actually have an anxiety disorder that formed wen i was young because of my mom. it started in first grade at recess i was playing tag with friends fell flat on my face chipped my 2 front teeth my mom blamed the school and my friends after that no one wanted to b around me and i was a social kid so being alone freaked me out. changed schools finally but the damage was done i rebelled as i got older during high school my mom actually put a schedule on wen i could use my phone. during school my phone wouldnt call or text anyone but her my dad and the home phone. she even set it so after midnight my phone couldnt text or call friends only emergency contacts. this went on during college too and thats wen she blocked me from picture text messages. ive always been an android user so the tracking wasnt an issue however i did get 10 or more texts saying hello or ??? if i didnt text back within 5 min or if 10min past i get tons of phone calls. took my grandpa and grandma, her parents, telling her to stop for me to ger my freedom. however wen my grandpa died and my grandma become depressed she saw the opening but the family jumped on it before it can start again. now im married and she feels the need to kno everything even wen im getting MY vaccine or wat im eating for dinner every night. so this girl is NTA if im NTA for not telling my mom wat she wants to kno bc im 31 years old then shes definitely NTA 19 is legally an adult her mom has no control anymore
from personal experience, she waited too long to train her parents. At the end of high school and specially in college i pushed those boundaries until my mom started to relax. Then i went over them :) But we agreed i would inform her if i wasn't coming home and she would accept as long as she knew in the morning to no expect me at home so she wouldn't panic when i wasn't there. And then at the end of college she was there once waiting in the hallway at 1AM... and i was wondering why? she knew i would be late or let her now. Apparently my dad went for the first time ever out drinking with mates without informing my mom.
Well done, but FYI that sort of thing only works with sane people. It wouldn't work with someone who is overbearing or controlling, if you try to "train" someone like that they will fight back with abusive actions, as the OP's mother did. Where is her father in all this, BTW?
Load More Replies...I have Find Your Friends to track my adult (35 yr old ) daughter because she insisted on tracking me. We live several hours apart and it allows us to know where the other is when traveling. My husband uses it to make sure I get to and from work safely. As you can probably tell all of us have some anxiety about traveling.
NTA... and I'd report her for theft of your Stim Checks to boot!
My brother is like this with his grown kids, at least in terms of the tracking app. I find it disturbing.
Definitely NTA. I never tracked my daughter's location, even when she was underage. It would never have occurred to me to do so now that she's an adult. At the same time, she lives with me, so we keep in contact with one another about our general location and time we'll be home (for example, if I'm going out with friends or she's going hiking with friends). It's always a good idea for someone to know where you are.
I hate that find my friends thing. My mum has uses it with my brother, and when she rings him she will ask did you have a good time at ****. My brother and I are adults; he lives 300 miles away with their only grandchild so my mums excuse is that she wants to know when they are home so she can call/video chat. I turn off my locator all the time and mum doesn't like it as she says it's helpful for her to know where I am in case I need help (I am a wheelchair user with complex health issues). I have recently deleted the app as I don't think she should know where I am all that time. It's caused rows but I feel she doesn't respect my right to privacy.
Oh sweetie, I'm sorry. You need to live your life for you, and nobody else. It took me until 30 to realize how toxic my family was, and I've been no contact for a year and a half now. You are not stuck with your birth family my darling, we get to choose our own "pack" and if the birth fam can't be part of that then that is on them.
As someone who grew up with a controlling mother - I didn't even have a bank account until I was in my 20s; my mother would just take all my paychecks - the OP is so NTA it hurts. The mother wants her daughter's life for herself. She's a vampire.
At that point, I'd move out of the county/state and cut all contact whatsoever. Hell, even get the police involved for her stalking (and stealing stimulus checks) what the actual hell is wrong with that woman, she's not a mother if she acts like that, she's an abusive bitch.
My son had a family finder app on his daughters phone. Now that he has passed, she and I now share that program. It's never been about control for us but for safety.
Of course it can be used for safety, but people who do that are usually sane enough to back off, and maybe not start arguments if the app shows unplanned changes of location. Because while of course there's worry about what the family member is up to, but of course starting an argument would cost you the ability to keep the app on and use it for safety purposes. The OP makes it sound like her mother just uses the app to get information she can use to start arguments, which is batshit.
Load More Replies...I'm wondering how she actually stole her stimulus checks. Did she forge her daughter's signature?
If a college student is claimed as a dependent, especially if the student didn't file a tax return, the stimulus money went to the parent. Happened to one of my kids, and I was thrilled to send her the money.
Load More Replies...Until you are 21, a parent is within their 'rights' to be involved to a certain extent. Boundaries are a must, however, having an idea of what a young woman has going on just is a safety net of sorts. My niece went 'missing' for a few hours, and come to find out her drink was tampered with, the phone was 'dead by then too. Came to a couch without clothes on. She confided in me, too embarrassed to tell her folks about that night. Never know when you'd need to be able to locate a single gal if warranted. Niece did get married and has had a couple of children since then, but it made her appreciate the fact that her folks would be able to find her if need be. Under 21, is still learning to be cautious yet.
This doesn't seem to be an isolated story. I see so many kids complaining snout this exact thing. I know the world is a scary place these days, I raised 3 sons & released them into the world so I know how scary it can be. But if you've done your job and raised thoughtful & kind people the you should be able to trust their instincts and trust thatthey make good decisions. But, honestly this seems to be more about control than safety and that's creepy af. Knowing where you child is doesn't make them safer, it just makes you feel in control. Bad things can happen anywhere, even close by; in her dorm, at her friend's house or even at home so tracking for safety is not valid. People need to learn when it's time to let go. My sons and I are close, I treat them like adults. I'm guessing she won't be close with her mom after she leaves home for good.
My kids are 26 ,24 , 20 and 16 I never ever tracked their phones even while at university I joked I saw enough on Snapchat (which I deleted as I didn't use it ) and what they told me ,I always ask where did they go and if they had a good time , it's amazing the stories they tell and we laugh or advise all because trust is built up and when the older 2 lived at home I would be told where they were going and if to leave the door open the same goes for my 20 yr old she always knows she can ring for a lift home if she needs it , the 16 yr old always tells us too where she is headed , once they leave home you do worry more and if they are ok the only person that needs a tracking device is my hubby and their daddy as they joke you can never find him when you need him ,
Def NTA. Your mom is toxic and need to get a life. My oldest daughter recently got a phone for her 11nd Birthday. She, among other things, is on the spectrum and has a slight mental disorder. We set the phone in a way that no strangers can come in contact with her because she beliefs everything somebody will tell her. But we don't even have a tracking app on the phone. Ask, no demand your stimulus back and get your own car. Your a grown woman. Your mom needs to let you go and back off. Give her a choice: act normal or I will cut all ties. You don't that kind of People in your life. Family or not.
Def NTA now I will say all my kids have iphones, my 19 still lives at home so I REQUEST her location to be on. But I don't track her. I explain it to her like this "God forbid something happenes to you I want to know the last place you were so it can be the first place I look" but I don't check where she is when she leaves the house, she's grown and pays all her own bills. Her job isn't conducive to pay rent as we know how high rent is now, but she pays her car note, her insurance and her phone. She even helps with a small bill at the house (her idea) to feel like she's contributing. This mom is crazy. Oh and also, I gave her her portion of the stimulus money for her bills.
You're an ABSOLUTE saint for only calling her overbearing! There are so many other words I can think of to describe her and they'd all be edited by BP and possibly by Reddit. I congratulate you on your stance and wish you all the best in your upcoming adventure to build your own life and, quite possibly, separate yourself from this person.
This is why elderly people end up alone and abandoned in an old people's home
OP reacts to her mom threatening to take away stuff OP bought with her own money? NTA.
Encouraging your children to explore the path that leads to adulthood has to be done. It is painful and worrisome to the parent but you learn how to let go in a way that preserves a healthy child- parent relationship. Treating young adult off spring like children cripples them and is completely selfish and manipulative on the part of the parent. Your kids have to learn how to negotiate the world without you.
I didn't grow up in the era of smartphones, but my mom was like this (although she didn't steal from me and supported me financially when I was struggling with unemployment)
Toxic is Toxic good for her. I wish I could do that with my step mother.
Many cars are pretty easy to track, depending on the car, that she received from parents, .
NTA. Your mother is a psycho. This is not normal. Tracking your phone no matter what age you are is wrong. It's abusive, toxic and violent. Tell her to f**k off. Let her freak out. The fact that she calls you names should tell you everything. Set your boundaries. Personally I would cut all ties with her.
For anyone going through something similar, already being called names like this on regular base, by parent - it is not normal. Please talk to your parent and seek help of professional together at first (if you need, lie that you have a problem but you only want to talk about it in presence or professional), i think there's something going on,could be that it's your parent suffering from something terrible and this behavior is all what comes out towards you.
I don't even know where to start.... Girl, your mother needs therapy asap and you should move to another state or country. What a horror! This post raises so many questions, like an abyss opening up.... Every sentence screams abuse and manipulation. OMG.
You ll know you are over it the day you don't even post that
Load More Replies...If the mother wanted to use the app to really make sure the daughter was okay, she wouldn't freak out and start arguments at every little unannounced activity. A person who is genuinely concerned with safety would make a point of never violating the privacy of the person they're tracking, because obviously that would make the trackee hate the app and look for a way to get rid of it. As we see here. No, the OP makes it sound like the mother is just using the app to gain material for arguments or abuse, which is batshit.
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