Over 18k People Joined This Thread In Which They Confessed Things They Haven’t Told Anyone In Their Real Life (30 Confessions)
There are parts of us that we ourselves don’t like and tend to hide from others. Or there are things from our past that we would never tell anyone about. Having secrets even from people that are the closest to you may be a defense mechanism. It could be that you are either protecting them or yourselves from even bigger pain that would be caused if the secret came out.
However, it is hard to keep all those thoughts just to yourself. Seeking professional help is not always an available option so the next best thing is to take advantage of anonymity on the internet and express what is bothering you to complete strangers. People started confessing their deepest troubles in this thread that was started by SillyGuy who asked “What do you want to confess that no one else in your real life knows?”
Lots of people in the thread found it therapeutic and felt like part of the burden was lifted from their chest. Especially when other people related to them and expressed their support. The thread itself was liked by 35.5k redditors, over 18k people joined the conversation, and we invite you to join too.
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Only my girl knows this, i was thinking of killing myself when i came back from working abroad, i was about to do it on a friday, but a friend told me "Hey you wanna come hang out saturday night? just chilling here at home"
I decided to go.
It was actually a surprise welcome party for me, all my friends were there, it was an amazing night.
None of them know, but they saved my life, i wouldnt be here if it wasnt for that.
My giant sexy engagement ring is a created diamond. You (my dear coworkers) all love it to death and go on about how amazing it is because you think my fiance dropped $10,000 on it.
It cost $50 on Ebay and I love it because it's SCIENCE and not DeBeers.
I'm fully vaxxed as at 3 days ago. Only my wife knows. My entire family and coworkers are all SUPER ANTIVAXX. I'm a closet vaxxer
Hey, congrats on keeping everyone safe by making that choice. Because of you, and every other vaccinated person, we are a few steps closer to beating this virus. Good for you!
I have terminal cancer and am tired of the side effects of the treatments and the pain the cancer is causing. I really want to just die and get it over with but my wife and two daughters would be devastated if I stopped fighting.
Compassion fatigue is slowly killing me. I’m so tired. I love my friends and family deeply, but I need a break from being the shoulder to cry on for awhile
Ten years ago, when my mother suicided, I was prematurely forced into the role of family matriarch, a role made that much more difficult because my parents neglected to prepare for their own deaths. I took care of my dad while he slowly smothered to death for three years (idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis), then spent two years cleaning out my mother's hoard and selling the house. I'm exhausted. Worse, I've been the "go to savior" for so long that my own life is long gone. Parents and grandparents: take care of your own mess; don't leave it for your children.
I cried over bell peppers today. I always made my dad stuffed orange bell peppers on Halloween. I would cut the little jack o lantern faces out and everything. He’s been dead for three years but today for a second in the grocery store I thought oh that’s right I need orange bell peppers.
I've always told everyone my mom died of cancer. She committed suicide. Footnote: So did my son.
My husbands family are all complete c***s. When we first got together I just thought he wasn’t close to them, but now after spending more time with them, I realize they’re all bullies. They constantly ridicule each other and fight and tease my husband for one thing or another. They’re loud and interrupt each other and belittle each other’s opinions. It’s truly a shame that he had to grow up with those dips**ts. He’s really amazing at so many things and has a lot of self loathing because nothing was ever good enough to his family.
He’s made a name for himself and I’m so proud of his hard work and success, but they still just nitpick. I’m on a mission to make my husband have a peaceful adult life where he’s only encouraged. I want to make him see how amazing he is, the way I see him.
How lost and hurt I really am. It’s easier to hide it all and pretend everything is getting better.
In my group of friends consisting of couples in deep relationships, I’m the only single guy. In fact, I don’t think I’ve been in a committed relationship for more than 2 weeks. The idea of being part of a couple has always sounded exhausting and it was something I never really worried about rushing into.
I didn’t truly realize how lonely I’ve been until one night playing beer pong, when I was on the same team with one of the ladies (who was a little tipsy), she hugged me after I won the game for us. It didn’t occur to me that since leaving home for college, those types of physical gestures that brought me comfort as a kid weren’t always there for me anymore as an adult.
TL;DR– All I want is to be hugged.
I feel really lonely.
People here on the other side of the keyboard are real people, and would hug you if we could. Don't forget that.
I dropped three courses not because I was failing academically, but because I was very close to killing myself.
Every day I hate the life I'm living a little bit more. I can retrace my steps and see all the choices that would have gotten me to where I wish I was too, but I feel so trapped now. I feel so unwanted and out of place all the time.
Please talk to someone you can trust or see a therapist/counselor/doctor. I hope you are ok.
I don’t think I want kids because I’m too much like my father. I can end the bloodline with me.
I know several people who have said this, and I respect their decision completely.
I see, hear, and touch my wife every now and then.
She keeps me up at night just talking to me.
My wife's been dead for the past 7 years.
Pills, therapy and counseling haven't worked. The doctors are out of options for me.
If it happens during the day, to others, I seem to suddenly have a thousand yard stare, my speaking stops, then one or two seconds later, i seem to snap back to reality and continue on.
Otherwise it's chipping into my sleep and making it hard to wake. Last week was 7 years...
Okey-dokey, then.... There are options, but only if he goes to a neurologist, b/c this is probably organic, not merely grief-related. You'd be shocked what even a tiny blob of unwanted cells can do in your brain.
My wife cheated on me a few months back. She claims it was just one kiss and dirty texts but who really knows the extent of her infidelity besides him and her. I was beyond stupid and ignored all warning signs. I have told no one and it happened about 4 months ago. We are buying a house and have 2 kids. I initially forgave her and we worked on things. However, she and her sister are going on a cruise in November and I don’t trust her at all. FML.
Edit: I talked to my wife this morning and she was more concerned with our marriage than the cruise. She even went as far as saying she is going to call about canceling it today.
I know many people suggested divorce and I understand why you would suggest it. I don’t know if that’s where wile will end up but for now I’m going to keep trying. Sometimes things aren’t as black and white as they seem.
If you both love each other, work together to rebuild the trust. Counselling might help. At least she understands the depth and is not going on the cruise if it makes you uncomfortable.
I've become really detached from life ever since my mom passed
Same, it's been almost 6 years - I feel like the "thing" that tethered me to this world is gone and now I'm just floating - detached...
My final semester of college got ruined by the pandemic, including the capstone I had been working on for several years. I got dumped by the person I though I would marry the day before I left campus for the last time. Every single one of my friends stopped talking to me a couple months afterward. I tried seeing a therapist, but she seemed more interested in telling me about her life than actually helping me. In the past year and a half, I’ve lost more family members than I can count, both to COVID and other causes. Those deaths included 2 grandparents, and my 16-year-old cousin who hung himself.
I am more lonely than I’ve ever been and I don’t have anything to look forward to in my life. I don’t know how much longer I can keep doing this. Every night I fall asleep wanting nothing more than to just not wake up in the morning.
I did a two hour online test for college and we had to stay on camera for the whole two hours until everyone was done.
The problem was I s**t myself half an hour into the test and sat in my own s**t not allowed to move and if I did move everyone would see I s**t myself.
So I waited until everyone was done and got marks done and could turn off the cameras.
I got 100% in the test.
Edit: so yes this happened and I had no clue this happened to another person on a talk show, but am glad am not alone. Am going to look into American life, am going to find that story and look into it for a good chuckle.
It happened because am highly lactose intolerant and I added milk based creamer by mistake to my coffee.
The clean up was horrendous and I had to throw out my office chair after and shower myself off after.
My stomach is super sensitive and it has happened before but that story is for another time but far worse inside a Bible study at a church. *FML
I was studying psychology, I now work in that field.
I have eaten food quantities that were listed as "family sized" in a single sitting, many times.
What really helped me stopping overeating was counting my chewing. One bite to be chewed 20-30 times. I know it sounds painfully slow and it unfortunately really is, even more if you're hungry. But after a week, maybe a bit more if you pull it through, you will feel full before having inhaled a family pizza. You'll get accustomed to the slow eating as well. Now I'm fully stuffed by just one regular plate.
I have a husband and two toddlers that I love deeply and would give my life for.
But I often fantasize about running off and traveling the world. Not having to wake up every morning to a 2 year old and 1 year old while my husband soundly sleeps just sounds like pure bliss to me.
I would never do it, I just wish I had done it before I settled down.
Regretting the things you did is nothing compared to regretting the things you didn't do. Do the things while you're young.
I’m 28 years old and still struggle reading analogue clocks
Same here, to make it worse, my IQ is way above average and everyone uses me as a walking Google/Wikipedia, but clocks, not my thing. It's a daily struggle, people don't understand at all.
I just started drinking again. I would have been 2 years sober in January.
Start again, you are going to make us proud. Don't let a little fall refrain you from continuing the journey to sobriety. We believe in you.
I only wear a tie and jacket when I’ve been feeling really upset and fed up with life. That way I have at least one thing to brighten my day. I have been dressing up everyday for more than two weeks now…
I’m unhappy in my marriage, but still love my wife. I think if we met today we wouldn’t even date, much less be married but the thought of leaving her for my own happiness makes me sick to my stomach. She constantly says how happy I make her, how much she loves me, that she couldn’t live without me. And I love her back, we are just so different.
We got married young because “God was guiding us to do so.” Our responsible adult figures told us it was smarter to wait but we (and our pastor) knew better. We did a bunch of premarital counseling, so we actually have a very solid base for our marriage, we have just changed in political views, personal views, leisure activities, movie interests, religious beliefs (unbeknownst to her on that one), and just about everything else. There’s very little common ground any more. I can say we both enjoy watching anime together and listening to audio books of her choosing as we fall asleep (I’ve tried to recommend some and a few podcasts but they didn’t work for her).
We haven’t had sex in months and she recently discovered she’s a-romantic and is fine with basically never having sex. I’m not like that at all.
She doesn’t work at the moment and we are in financial stress because of it, but I still want her to be able to spend money on herself because it helps with her depression (legitimately helps, shes spending money on hobby supplies which give her a sense of accomplishment). Despite me working 50+ hour weeks I still do a majority of the cooking and cleaning due to her mental health. But I still love her dearly.
I’m just unhappy. I care for her, I WANT to be with her, I’m just not happy. I feel like I put in more effort than she does, but she is so appreciative and I know it isn’t malicious on her part, I just enable the behavior. She’s seeing a therapist (newly because of finances) but I don’t think I can afford one for myself or couples therapy.
If you made it to the end, thanks for reading my ramblings.
Edit: 1. My wife described herself as aromantic because she gets repulsed by SEEING romantic acts. She actively seeks out kisses, hugs and cuddles from me on a regular basis. After looking into it more I don’t think she’s actually aromantic based on her behavior, she seems more romance-averse specifically when viewing those acts
2. My wife recognizes that she doesn’t do a fair share of the work and it eats her up and contributes to her depression. I’m not blaming her for not doing enough, but that doesn’t take away the fact that I do still have to do more than my share. She is actively trying to improve herself for our relationship which is a big part of the reason I’m still with her. But I’m still unhappy in this moment in time.
3. We both know we need couples counseling, it’s just not on the table for us at the moment. Honestly just getting it off my chest and having the opportunity to talk with some of you amazing Redditors has helped me a bit already. It’s no replacement for individual therapy but it’s a good boost to give me strength to keep on until we CAN get to therapy for me and us together.
Check with your county for available free or reduced rate counseling. Most offer something. If you have insurance make sure to check with them if you haven't. I am so sorry you are unhappy but, good for you for not giving up. Loving someone is so much more important than "being in love". I am not discounting you unhappiness or pain just hoping you can continue to make it through long enough to get some help. Check online for available service too. There had just got to be something. Maybe it would also help for you two to get away by yourselves for a fee days too. A break in the day to day can sometimes breath nee life into a relationship. It's worth a shot.
I’ve tried so hard to not be my mom and not be like her that I started doing things she did, and lying to myself and everyone around me, just like she does. One year of therapy down, and I’m trying really hard to put a stop to my bad patterns.
Good for you to recognize it and trying to change! Congratulations, you are on a good way....
I should be job searching, because I need to leave my job soon due to life changes, but I can’t bring myself to care. I just procrastinate with video games and meaningless tasks.
i havent done a single assignment this semester, i havent even gone to class. i dont know why im doing this.
I’ve been passively suicidal For 7+ years now and most days I wish I had a completely different life, because I don’t want to live mine anymore.
I just feel like I’m suppose to have died 7 years ago. I tear up a lot when I’m thinking about it too long. I love a lot of my life. But I can’t imagine wanting to live it.
This month marks ten years since my mother died. Even though I recognize that she was a broken person with a lot of issues and no strength to face them, and it isn't entirely her fault, I'm glad she's gone, in an almost hateful way.
I suffered a concussion about 10 years ago that caused me to lose almost all of my episodic memory. Over this last decade I've regained some, remembered people I used to know, facts about them, how I felt about them...but most of the event memory is still gone, or just little flashes. It's embarrassing for me because, prior to the head injury, I had a photographic memory. Now my memory is junk. I don't tell people because I don't want them to feel sorry for me. I feel weird about confessing this even here.
I also don't want them to get angry. Once I was standing waiting for public transportation, and someone walked up to me and said hi, knew my name, asked me how I'd been since he hadn't seen me in such a long time. I had zero idea who he was. When I explained about the concussion, he got angry and told me I was lying because I just didn't want to talk to him, and stormed off. I don't want a repeat of that.
I'm disturbed by how difficult it is to feel passion or motivation about anything in my present life. I've gone through years of higher education, internships, freelance work, and portfolio work and revisions and I feel absolutely nothing for any of it, which disturbs me greatly, but I keep on the "everything's great and I'd LOVE to lick your corporate boots" face on because it's what is expected of me and anyone else looking for work. This also extends to my "hobbies", dramatic air quotes, because honestly? I don't even love what I used to love or think I love anymore, and that also disturbs me an incredible amount.
TL;DR: I don't remember the last time I felt any passion or motivation for anything in life, and that disturbs me a lot.
EDIT: Holy crap, woke up to all of this! Thank you everyone for your replies and keeping the conversation going civilly, it's much appreciated. For those of you wondering if I have depression and what not, yes, I've been diagnosed in the past, along with ADHD and some more personal diagnosis, but I've had lackluster experiences with therapy, meditation, and medication, hence my reluctance to give any of them another shot. They CAN be helpful aids, but at the end of the day they don't change the fact that the problems you're facing still exist. With medicine in particular as well, I disliked their side effects and how the majority of the ones I've tried have "numbed" me even further. I actually felt better getting off my last set of anti-depressants.
SO MUCH THIS. I can't take antidepressants due to a sensitivity issue, but all they do is numb me. I almost never feel joy, accomplishment, excitement, etc. I don't care about and am not interested in my work, nor am I interested in leaving. I just don't care anymore. Hobbies bore me and I all I do anymore is read and sleep. I'm not suicidal....just don't give a damn.
I feel like I'm incapable of love
I felt the same for 30 years. Turns out it was childhood trauma causing me to deny my identity. Would never have figured it out had my wife not reciprocated my love.
I'm generally a good guy. My wife ensures we have balanced nutrition in our house. But every once in a while I get this incredible irresistible urge for the foods on the dark side of the nutrition scale - the burgers, the fried chicken, the chips and the Doritos. So when this urge comes to a breaking point I make an excuse of going shopping and head out into the evening alone. I'll prowl around those shopping areas in my end of town that have all the fast food joints - the KFCs, the McDs, the BKs, until I find one that suits my craving of the moment. Once I get my food I find a dark corner of the parking lot and back the car into an obscure spot. Over the course of about twenty minutes I indulge. It's a sensual and a pathetic ritual. I feel more alive than ever. My mouth is like a decadent emotion filled victorious opera scene. My brain and body are in some sort of quantum singularity of pure joy and light. The food surrenders it's salty cheesy goodness to me. And then, (oh glory!) Drinking in the sharp, carbonated, sweet sips of ice cold frosty coke hitting my throat washing me in some pure fantastic pleasure. And then, slowly, eventually, the last bite is gone, the last sip is drunk...and it's all over. It's just simply over. After a 10 minute food coma I slowly slink the car out of its lonely spot in the parking lot and go home. I've been doing this for years. My wife or family don't suspect a thing.
It's like Shakespeare said of sex - the expense of spirit in a waste of shame.
I am really good at being average and I'm OK with that.
I’m glad you are happy with who you are. And I’m proud of you. Keri working hard. You can do it.
I miss my old friend group
I almost caused a car accident a few days ago because I zoned out and ran a red light. Even though nothing happend I feel realy guilty about it.
For your information I've only been driving for about a year and is been almost to months since I got my driver licence and what happend realy spooked me out. I'm going to be way more carefull because I really don'y want to hurt anyone.
I really feel you. This happened to me as well recently, because currently I'm feeling not well at all mentally. Also in my case, nothing happened, but it was the trigger for me to get help. I have to wait, because of waiting lists, but the moment the help is there is getting closer every day.
My local dive bar, i live 10 houses away from it and if i ever get too drunk, i could literally crawl my way home
Anyway, right next to the bar is a mom and pops Mexican restaurant, and for the last 36 days, i have eaten 3 tacos americanos every night, i dont know if i have a taco fetish, but i have had tacos for dinner more than 1 out of 10 times this year. My drinking buddy knows about this, but no one else does
Im better at making people uncomfortable than making them laugh.
I cheated my way through my first year of nursing school. Realized I wasn’t going to pass the NCLEX (board exam for nursing licensure) if I kept cheating so I actually started trying and I eventually passed on my own. But yeah, cheated a LOT my first year.
I care more about anybody than they'll ever know, I love my family , adore every aspect of my girlfriend , I try my hardest to control my feelings so I don't force myself on them but it's really hard and I struggle since the only real good aspects about me is loyalty and honesty , I really want to just poor my heart out to them but I feel like I do more harm than good
You have an attachment disorder. Usually occurs from incidents in early childhood. Try talking to a therapist that specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy.
1.) I've never been and am not suicidal, but I fake being happy around other people most the time. I do genuinely feel happy at times around certain people, but I'm anywhere from unhappy to plain miserable when I'm on my own around 90% of the time. I realized something was wrong when I thought about having a "default emotion", and realized sadness was it. I've been this way for at least five years, and don't see it ending anytime soon, especially since:
2.) I fell in love with my best friend and can't tell them. We live in different states, and have been much more distant for the past month or so, as they found a new friendgroup irl and started a relationship with one of the members. Between them and classes, I guess they don't really have time to hang out with me anymore... it's like being hit twice, once with watching a close friendship potentially fade away, and again with probably never being able to tell them how much they mean to me.
You can still tell them how much they mean to you. Don't regret things unsaid. I know it's difficult. For several reasons I have lost all of my friends too. It makes me very sad. I will give advise I don't take and tell you to fond new friends through common interests. Hang in there. I have just been on autopilot for at least four years straight now after a life changing illness. Not really depressed, just nothing. Please seek therapy
I totally have a crush on the girl that sits in front of me in Literature
Here’s what my wife always uses: „What’s the worst that could happen?“ Not talking to her gives you 0 Chance of an answer, talking to her gives you a >0 chance. Worst case might be she puts you down, which might hurt a while but was the outcome of not talking to her already. So logically you should tell her.
I used to dump my unfinished food from school into the toilet just so it would appear as though I finished it. It clogged 5 times. had to unclog it in secret so that no one knew.
That I'm not sure I actually care about anyone close to me nearly as much as they think I do, and that's ok. Because I will care for them anyways.
More the opposite for me again. Im quite sure I care so much more for my friends than they do for me. And they have proven somewhat how little they sometimes care. But it’s fine. I know I am hard to be with to begin with and due to parentification I tend to try to please people much more than they give in return. I still think they are friends and love me to an extend. It doesn’t need to be 100% even to work.
I'm faking how I really feel.
I'm still suicidal and hate myself so much that I think about throwing myself out the window.
I may as well edit this in... I am 24, live with my parents and brothers and have NO JOB. I've tried getting into the workplace but due to several issues, it's always failed. I'm going to job courses, job help places and even therapy.
Then oh boy. That's bad right... Well I have a brain abnormality I need to sort so that's fantastic.
At least my parents think I'm happy In some regard so they can have some peace of mind.
I’m faking my personality as the funny guy. It all started when I told a few jokes because I wanted to fit it, and now that’s all anyone thinks of me, like I’m a joke. The guy I’m crushing on is straight so I can’t tell him and I’m stuck as his PE partner all year, whenever I act like myself people think I’m sad, and no one listens when I try to explain. I feel so alone.
What I don't even tell my husband: I no longer care if people die b/c of their choices regarding Covid. Kill others, I'll want to scream in your face. Kill just yourself, fine, go, good, begone. I want to say"Please mask and sanitize or you will not be permitted into the building, please don't try to sell me that fake-as-fu*k vaccine card as real, please stop telling me it's fixable with dewormer." I want to say, "Drink your bleach and be dead, okay? So the rest of us can get on with our lives in more safety!".... ANd my supper break is up n six, so have a good one, Pandas,.
That the reason i reject going out with friends is not because I'm bored or lazy... it's because I suffer from depression almost my entire adult life.... nobody knows... everyone sees a funny person, meanwhile i might be in my darkest times...
I'm terrified I'm never going to find a boyfriend or get married. I'm 43, and it's been 16 years since I had a boyfriend that I believe actually loved me, and 11 years since any relationship I've has lasted more than a couple weeks or I've had a man tell me he loved me. I feel left behind in so many ways bc I'm still single, too old to have kids, am disabled and unable to work, so I'm always struggling w money, so no chance of ever affording a house (you try living on $1,000 a month then tell me how easy it is to save for a down-payment or qualify for a mortgage), and no career to give me fulfillment. I'm terrified I'm going to be left behind and forgotten about once my parents have passed away.
What I don't even tell my husband: I no longer care if people die b/c of their choices regarding Covid. Kill others, I'll want to scream in your face. Kill just yourself, fine, go, good, begone. I want to say"Please mask and sanitize or you will not be permitted into the building, please don't try to sell me that fake-as-fu*k vaccine card as real, please stop telling me it's fixable with dewormer." I want to say, "Drink your bleach and be dead, okay? So the rest of us can get on with our lives in more safety!".... ANd my supper break is up n six, so have a good one, Pandas,.
That the reason i reject going out with friends is not because I'm bored or lazy... it's because I suffer from depression almost my entire adult life.... nobody knows... everyone sees a funny person, meanwhile i might be in my darkest times...
I'm terrified I'm never going to find a boyfriend or get married. I'm 43, and it's been 16 years since I had a boyfriend that I believe actually loved me, and 11 years since any relationship I've has lasted more than a couple weeks or I've had a man tell me he loved me. I feel left behind in so many ways bc I'm still single, too old to have kids, am disabled and unable to work, so I'm always struggling w money, so no chance of ever affording a house (you try living on $1,000 a month then tell me how easy it is to save for a down-payment or qualify for a mortgage), and no career to give me fulfillment. I'm terrified I'm going to be left behind and forgotten about once my parents have passed away.
