Over 18k People Joined This Thread In Which They Confessed Things They Haven’t Told Anyone In Their Real Life (30 Confessions)
There are parts of us that we ourselves don’t like and tend to hide from others. Or there are things from our past that we would never tell anyone about. Having secrets even from people that are the closest to you may be a defense mechanism. It could be that you are either protecting them or yourselves from even bigger pain that would be caused if the secret came out.
However, it is hard to keep all those thoughts just to yourself. Seeking professional help is not always an available option so the next best thing is to take advantage of anonymity on the internet and express what is bothering you to complete strangers. People started confessing their deepest troubles in this thread that was started by SillyGuy who asked “What do you want to confess that no one else in your real life knows?”
Lots of people in the thread found it therapeutic and felt like part of the burden was lifted from their chest. Especially when other people related to them and expressed their support. The thread itself was liked by 35.5k redditors, over 18k people joined the conversation, and we invite you to join too.
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Only my girl knows this, i was thinking of killing myself when i came back from working abroad, i was about to do it on a friday, but a friend told me "Hey you wanna come hang out saturday night? just chilling here at home"
I decided to go.
It was actually a surprise welcome party for me, all my friends were there, it was an amazing night.
None of them know, but they saved my life, i wouldnt be here if it wasnt for that.
My giant sexy engagement ring is a created diamond. You (my dear coworkers) all love it to death and go on about how amazing it is because you think my fiance dropped $10,000 on it.
It cost $50 on Ebay and I love it because it's SCIENCE and not DeBeers.
I'm fully vaxxed as at 3 days ago. Only my wife knows. My entire family and coworkers are all SUPER ANTIVAXX. I'm a closet vaxxer
Hey, congrats on keeping everyone safe by making that choice. Because of you, and every other vaccinated person, we are a few steps closer to beating this virus. Good for you!
I have terminal cancer and am tired of the side effects of the treatments and the pain the cancer is causing. I really want to just die and get it over with but my wife and two daughters would be devastated if I stopped fighting.
Compassion fatigue is slowly killing me. I’m so tired. I love my friends and family deeply, but I need a break from being the shoulder to cry on for awhile
Ten years ago, when my mother suicided, I was prematurely forced into the role of family matriarch, a role made that much more difficult because my parents neglected to prepare for their own deaths. I took care of my dad while he slowly smothered to death for three years (idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis), then spent two years cleaning out my mother's hoard and selling the house. I'm exhausted. Worse, I've been the "go to savior" for so long that my own life is long gone. Parents and grandparents: take care of your own mess; don't leave it for your children.
I cried over bell peppers today. I always made my dad stuffed orange bell peppers on Halloween. I would cut the little jack o lantern faces out and everything. He’s been dead for three years but today for a second in the grocery store I thought oh that’s right I need orange bell peppers.
I've always told everyone my mom died of cancer. She committed suicide. Footnote: So did my son.
Mental illness can be genetic so please take comfort in the fact that it was out of your hands to some extent. I am so sorry that this happened to you.
My mother was told this by a nurse, which wasn't very comforting to her with two kids with mental illness - it made her mentally worse off because she believed instead that our illness was entirely her fault for having us.
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What a burden to bear. I am so sorry for your loss. I am so sorry that your life is overshadowed by two suicides. I am devastated that it was your mother and your son. The people we are closest to. My heart goes out to you.
I am so sorry that you have experienced such great loss. Please stay strong and take care of yourself. There is someone who needs you more than you know.
My grandfather had depression, eventually he killed himself. Im always very open about it and I think that has helped my mom a lot. She was 15 when he died and he chose an awful way to die. Since she was the eldest daughter and my grandmother was very shocked she had to deal with all. A lot of family members told her she was the daughter of a crazy man so they expected her to be the same. I think (and hope) that she's healed from all that crap and we talk about it. I expect the same thing for the person who wrote the post. Suicide isn't anyones fault and there are so many "ifs" that we think it might had helped. But when it happens we must forgive and heal. I send all my love to all of you. 💜
Time to change the stigma around those left behind. I am normally not the most "new age" person but I do agree even changing the phrase to died of suicide vs committed suicide can make a difference.
Perhaps getting this out into the light will help other depressed family members.
I hate that you felt the need to make up an untruth as to their passing, because of the stupid stigma associated with mental health and suicide. You shouldn’t have to do this, it should be ok to tell ppl the truth without judgement. You deserve to be able to grieve properly, and for the right reasons as to why and how. I hope there are some ppl close, or even anonymous support groups where you can let out the truth and grieve.
people that have mental health problems in the family should get regular check ups because things like this happens. I hope u feel ur life is togetherish
im so sorry for your loss. my youngest daughters father committed suicide when she was only 2.
When mental health issues are avoided, the pain is just passed on to another generation. I have always been in awe of survivors who acknowledged that their loved ones ended their own lives. Please help stop the cycle.
Care bear stare, OP. Anyone else assume that the pictured headstones were for the OP's family members and then you looked at the dates on the stones and became confused and wondered how old the OP is, but then you n'duh yourself because, unless OP's 184+ years old, obviously those aren't their family members and then your imagination kicks in you come up with the idea that maybe some kind of conspiracy is occurring and you've just managed to blow the whole thing, like, for instance, the names on the headstones are actually the names of contemporary assassination targets, or you scramble the letters of their names to unravel the location of Jimmy Hoffa? Anyone?
No, no I did not. And my compassion makes me think “stock photo.”
Load More Replies... My husbands family are all complete c***s. When we first got together I just thought he wasn’t close to them, but now after spending more time with them, I realize they’re all bullies. They constantly ridicule each other and fight and tease my husband for one thing or another. They’re loud and interrupt each other and belittle each other’s opinions. It’s truly a shame that he had to grow up with those dips**ts. He’s really amazing at so many things and has a lot of self loathing because nothing was ever good enough to his family.
He’s made a name for himself and I’m so proud of his hard work and success, but they still just nitpick. I’m on a mission to make my husband have a peaceful adult life where he’s only encouraged. I want to make him see how amazing he is, the way I see him.
How lost and hurt I really am. It’s easier to hide it all and pretend everything is getting better.
In my group of friends consisting of couples in deep relationships, I’m the only single guy. In fact, I don’t think I’ve been in a committed relationship for more than 2 weeks. The idea of being part of a couple has always sounded exhausting and it was something I never really worried about rushing into.
I didn’t truly realize how lonely I’ve been until one night playing beer pong, when I was on the same team with one of the ladies (who was a little tipsy), she hugged me after I won the game for us. It didn’t occur to me that since leaving home for college, those types of physical gestures that brought me comfort as a kid weren’t always there for me anymore as an adult.
TL;DR– All I want is to be hugged.
I feel really lonely.
People here on the other side of the keyboard are real people, and would hug you if we could. Don't forget that.
I dropped three courses not because I was failing academically, but because I was very close to killing myself.
Every day I hate the life I'm living a little bit more. I can retrace my steps and see all the choices that would have gotten me to where I wish I was too, but I feel so trapped now. I feel so unwanted and out of place all the time.
Please talk to someone you can trust or see a therapist/counselor/doctor. I hope you are ok.
I don’t think I want kids because I’m too much like my father. I can end the bloodline with me.
I know several people who have said this, and I respect their decision completely.
I see, hear, and touch my wife every now and then.
She keeps me up at night just talking to me.
My wife's been dead for the past 7 years.
Pills, therapy and counseling haven't worked. The doctors are out of options for me.
If it happens during the day, to others, I seem to suddenly have a thousand yard stare, my speaking stops, then one or two seconds later, i seem to snap back to reality and continue on.
Otherwise it's chipping into my sleep and making it hard to wake. Last week was 7 years...
Okey-dokey, then.... There are options, but only if he goes to a neurologist, b/c this is probably organic, not merely grief-related. You'd be shocked what even a tiny blob of unwanted cells can do in your brain.
My wife cheated on me a few months back. She claims it was just one kiss and dirty texts but who really knows the extent of her infidelity besides him and her. I was beyond stupid and ignored all warning signs. I have told no one and it happened about 4 months ago. We are buying a house and have 2 kids. I initially forgave her and we worked on things. However, she and her sister are going on a cruise in November and I don’t trust her at all. FML.
Edit: I talked to my wife this morning and she was more concerned with our marriage than the cruise. She even went as far as saying she is going to call about canceling it today.
I know many people suggested divorce and I understand why you would suggest it. I don’t know if that’s where wile will end up but for now I’m going to keep trying. Sometimes things aren’t as black and white as they seem.
If you both love each other, work together to rebuild the trust. Counselling might help. At least she understands the depth and is not going on the cruise if it makes you uncomfortable.
I've become really detached from life ever since my mom passed
Same, it's been almost 6 years - I feel like the "thing" that tethered me to this world is gone and now I'm just floating - detached...
My final semester of college got ruined by the pandemic, including the capstone I had been working on for several years. I got dumped by the person I though I would marry the day before I left campus for the last time. Every single one of my friends stopped talking to me a couple months afterward. I tried seeing a therapist, but she seemed more interested in telling me about her life than actually helping me. In the past year and a half, I’ve lost more family members than I can count, both to COVID and other causes. Those deaths included 2 grandparents, and my 16-year-old cousin who hung himself.
I am more lonely than I’ve ever been and I don’t have anything to look forward to in my life. I don’t know how much longer I can keep doing this. Every night I fall asleep wanting nothing more than to just not wake up in the morning.
I did a two hour online test for college and we had to stay on camera for the whole two hours until everyone was done.
The problem was I s**t myself half an hour into the test and sat in my own s**t not allowed to move and if I did move everyone would see I s**t myself.
So I waited until everyone was done and got marks done and could turn off the cameras.
I got 100% in the test.
Edit: so yes this happened and I had no clue this happened to another person on a talk show, but am glad am not alone. Am going to look into American life, am going to find that story and look into it for a good chuckle.
It happened because am highly lactose intolerant and I added milk based creamer by mistake to my coffee.
The clean up was horrendous and I had to throw out my office chair after and shower myself off after.
My stomach is super sensitive and it has happened before but that story is for another time but far worse inside a Bible study at a church. *FML
I was studying psychology, I now work in that field.
I have eaten food quantities that were listed as "family sized" in a single sitting, many times.
What really helped me stopping overeating was counting my chewing. One bite to be chewed 20-30 times. I know it sounds painfully slow and it unfortunately really is, even more if you're hungry. But after a week, maybe a bit more if you pull it through, you will feel full before having inhaled a family pizza. You'll get accustomed to the slow eating as well. Now I'm fully stuffed by just one regular plate.
I have a husband and two toddlers that I love deeply and would give my life for.
But I often fantasize about running off and traveling the world. Not having to wake up every morning to a 2 year old and 1 year old while my husband soundly sleeps just sounds like pure bliss to me.
I would never do it, I just wish I had done it before I settled down.
Regretting the things you did is nothing compared to regretting the things you didn't do. Do the things while you're young.
I’m 28 years old and still struggle reading analogue clocks
Same here, to make it worse, my IQ is way above average and everyone uses me as a walking Google/Wikipedia, but clocks, not my thing. It's a daily struggle, people don't understand at all.
I just started drinking again. I would have been 2 years sober in January.
Start again, you are going to make us proud. Don't let a little fall refrain you from continuing the journey to sobriety. We believe in you.
I only wear a tie and jacket when I’ve been feeling really upset and fed up with life. That way I have at least one thing to brighten my day. I have been dressing up everyday for more than two weeks now…
I’m unhappy in my marriage, but still love my wife. I think if we met today we wouldn’t even date, much less be married but the thought of leaving her for my own happiness makes me sick to my stomach. She constantly says how happy I make her, how much she loves me, that she couldn’t live without me. And I love her back, we are just so different.
We got married young because “God was guiding us to do so.” Our responsible adult figures told us it was smarter to wait but we (and our pastor) knew better. We did a bunch of premarital counseling, so we actually have a very solid base for our marriage, we have just changed in political views, personal views, leisure activities, movie interests, religious beliefs (unbeknownst to her on that one), and just about everything else. There’s very little common ground any more. I can say we both enjoy watching anime together and listening to audio books of her choosing as we fall asleep (I’ve tried to recommend some and a few podcasts but they didn’t work for her).
We haven’t had sex in months and she recently discovered she’s a-romantic and is fine with basically never having sex. I’m not like that at all.
She doesn’t work at the moment and we are in financial stress because of it, but I still want her to be able to spend money on herself because it helps with her depression (legitimately helps, shes spending money on hobby supplies which give her a sense of accomplishment). Despite me working 50+ hour weeks I still do a majority of the cooking and cleaning due to her mental health. But I still love her dearly.
I’m just unhappy. I care for her, I WANT to be with her, I’m just not happy. I feel like I put in more effort than she does, but she is so appreciative and I know it isn’t malicious on her part, I just enable the behavior. She’s seeing a therapist (newly because of finances) but I don’t think I can afford one for myself or couples therapy.
If you made it to the end, thanks for reading my ramblings.
Edit: 1. My wife described herself as aromantic because she gets repulsed by SEEING romantic acts. She actively seeks out kisses, hugs and cuddles from me on a regular basis. After looking into it more I don’t think she’s actually aromantic based on her behavior, she seems more romance-averse specifically when viewing those acts
2. My wife recognizes that she doesn’t do a fair share of the work and it eats her up and contributes to her depression. I’m not blaming her for not doing enough, but that doesn’t take away the fact that I do still have to do more than my share. She is actively trying to improve herself for our relationship which is a big part of the reason I’m still with her. But I’m still unhappy in this moment in time.
3. We both know we need couples counseling, it’s just not on the table for us at the moment. Honestly just getting it off my chest and having the opportunity to talk with some of you amazing Redditors has helped me a bit already. It’s no replacement for individual therapy but it’s a good boost to give me strength to keep on until we CAN get to therapy for me and us together.
Check with your county for available free or reduced rate counseling. Most offer something. If you have insurance make sure to check with them if you haven't. I am so sorry you are unhappy but, good for you for not giving up. Loving someone is so much more important than "being in love". I am not discounting you unhappiness or pain just hoping you can continue to make it through long enough to get some help. Check online for available service too. There had just got to be something. Maybe it would also help for you two to get away by yourselves for a fee days too. A break in the day to day can sometimes breath nee life into a relationship. It's worth a shot.
I’ve tried so hard to not be my mom and not be like her that I started doing things she did, and lying to myself and everyone around me, just like she does. One year of therapy down, and I’m trying really hard to put a stop to my bad patterns.
Good for you to recognize it and trying to change! Congratulations, you are on a good way....
I should be job searching, because I need to leave my job soon due to life changes, but I can’t bring myself to care. I just procrastinate with video games and meaningless tasks.
i havent done a single assignment this semester, i havent even gone to class. i dont know why im doing this.
I’ve been passively suicidal For 7+ years now and most days I wish I had a completely different life, because I don’t want to live mine anymore.
I just feel like I’m suppose to have died 7 years ago. I tear up a lot when I’m thinking about it too long. I love a lot of my life. But I can’t imagine wanting to live it.
This month marks ten years since my mother died. Even though I recognize that she was a broken person with a lot of issues and no strength to face them, and it isn't entirely her fault, I'm glad she's gone, in an almost hateful way.
Note: this post originally had 48 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
What I don't even tell my husband: I no longer care if people die b/c of their choices regarding Covid. Kill others, I'll want to scream in your face. Kill just yourself, fine, go, good, begone. I want to say"Please mask and sanitize or you will not be permitted into the building, please don't try to sell me that fake-as-fu*k vaccine card as real, please stop telling me it's fixable with dewormer." I want to say, "Drink your bleach and be dead, okay? So the rest of us can get on with our lives in more safety!".... ANd my supper break is up n six, so have a good one, Pandas,.
That the reason i reject going out with friends is not because I'm bored or lazy... it's because I suffer from depression almost my entire adult life.... nobody knows... everyone sees a funny person, meanwhile i might be in my darkest times...
I'm terrified I'm never going to find a boyfriend or get married. I'm 43, and it's been 16 years since I had a boyfriend that I believe actually loved me, and 11 years since any relationship I've has lasted more than a couple weeks or I've had a man tell me he loved me. I feel left behind in so many ways bc I'm still single, too old to have kids, am disabled and unable to work, so I'm always struggling w money, so no chance of ever affording a house (you try living on $1,000 a month then tell me how easy it is to save for a down-payment or qualify for a mortgage), and no career to give me fulfillment. I'm terrified I'm going to be left behind and forgotten about once my parents have passed away.
I am so afraid of rejection that I am terrified that I will never find a relationship where I genuinely feel "safe". It's so bad that I get anxiety attacks as soon as I know someone is interested in me.
I overthink these things so much and i am afraid that when I get feelings the other one finds out my innerself and hates me.
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Wow - some heavy stuff here today. I was brought to tears several times because so many other people are in so much pain. And then I cried because I realized I wasn't alone. Thanks to everyone who shared something of themselves in this. You never know who you'll help by simply being who you are.
Here's my own confession: I would never take my own life, because there's so much I still want to do, and I selfishly also want to leave a legacy behind when I go. But a few times in the past couple years, which have been the hardest struggle I've ever had, I've fantasized about the whole world ending -- because then my troubles would be over, but I also wouldn't have to worry about leaving any legacy, as there wouldn't be anyone left to see the imprint I may have made upon the world.
My 'secret' is rather basic compared to other people's. My work gets me down to the point I'm worried I might actually be depressed but I can't afford to leave it as the job I'd love to do pays a third of what I earn... so with the mortgage and other commitments I spend my days doing stuff I hate.
Oh, man, as sad as it sounds, I'm pretty sure at least 50% of the rest of humanity is having the same experience.
Load More Replies... I have ADHD and it is not so funny as people think it is. I dont want to be so annoying, impulsive, depressed and cant finnish anything I start. It is not something that you should make jokes of like "isnt everyone a bit ADHD" . If you dont have diagnos you just dont have it.. not a bit!
Mine is related - I don't think ADHD is a "superpower" and refuse to not call it a disability. I unjoined all of the ADHD social media support groups I was in because unless you toe the "ADHD is a superpower!" line in them and identify with your neurology, you're yelled at.
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A few. I struggle with thoughts of s*****e. To be fair, it’s not my fault that I was diagnosed with childhood brain cancer in August 2013, or that I was diagnosed with epilepsy in May 2020 as an effect of the scar tissue from my resections. I (currently) have to take lamictal and lamotrigine to prevent seizures, and they are effective, but each has their own side effects. Second, if I do end up graduating college, it won’t be in the ‘traditional’ sense. My college offers photography classes, but doesn’t have photography as an available major. It’s not my fault that Common Core exists, or that my main interest changed several times during high school.
I feel like I've failed my life. I'm 37 years old, I have been living in shared accommodation (not the same house) since I first moved out of my family home at 22 years old. The current house I live in is the worst as I hate all my "housemates", so spend my time in my room when I am at the house (I never call it home) or try and spend my days off at friends or just out of the house!! I can't afford to find my own place down south of the UK by myself let alone rent my own place, which is why I'm still renting a room in a shared house. I've been single for a good few years and regret not making more of an effort as I'd love to be married with kids!! I thought I'd have all that at at age 30 at most!!! I sometimes wonder why I keep trying!!!
I haven't told anyone how bad my mental state is. I act all normal and like I don't really care, but in reality everything goes straight to my heart and hits like a tiny knife. The tiniest pieces of criticism will make me cry later on. in fact today my orchestra teacher told me to put my phone up even though everyone else had them out and for some reason that almost made me burst into tears. I just feel so broken and lost. I just don't know what I'm doing and when I do I worry I don't actually know for sure. I don't want to bring it up and seem too sensitive, but I wish someone would look me in the eyes, realize I'm not actually okay, and let me talk to them about it. I feel like a puzzle; falling apart is easy, but putting myself back together will be hard, maybe so hard I won't even try. I'm always the shoulder to cry on, so I have nobody's shoulder. I'm even crying typing this.
BlackPearl, it takes a lot of courage to talk about this stuff, and even more to survive it every day. If you can believe nothing else about yourself, believe this: depression and anxiety is no joke, and anyone who deals with it and is able to keep on going is a warrior. You are a warrior.
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I don't tell anyone this because there is a an actual mental disorder for this, but I have never been assessed and it's invasive in my daily life to the extent I should worry, but in a non-narcissistic sense, I have this feeling everyone knows about me, keeps tabs on my life and is a reason it's so hard for me to meet people and make friends. When I go out people just stare at me, gravitate towards where I am in otherwise vacant spaces just have me move for them, glare, make judgements about me they shouldn't have judgements for, not like me instantly upon my presence. I'm not talking about a couple people, I'm talking about a large group of people. It feels like when I step outside I'm on a movie set at times and everyone around is an audience. The only time I feel somewhat alone is in the bathroom or when all the curtains are closed. This also stems from kids teasing and questioning me about a show they saw me watching in the living room in my own home while they were outside.
If you suspect you have this unnamed disorder, perhaps you should seek professional attention. Sometimes just getting confirmation helps, but there might be a treatment. Maybe microdosing psychedelics, or talk therapy.
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This isn't exactly a complete secret but nobody knows the extent of how I am: I am undiagnosed but I suspect I have some sort of anxiety disorder and depression. I have self harmed multiple times and currently I'm trying to quit. I don't think I'm addicted but I'm probably the step before. It's hard and I hate it. I have a (maths) compass in my pocket that I scrach myself with because it's not technically cutting like I've done before I'm supprised my family haven't seen my hand there are a ton of scratches. I know I need to stop for good but I don't want to. Or I can't. I'm honestly not sure anymore. Also I f*****g hate myself. Like, a lot. I constantly talk about suicide, I tell myself it's a joke and that I wouldn't do it but idk anymore. By now lying to myself is such a problem idk how I truly feel bjt I do know that I can bearly go to school because I'm so mentally exhausted. At the beginning of the day I feel an intense anxiety wondering if I can actually go to school.
2#I genuinely think the only reason I'm alive is because people care about me. I have so little energy that I can only shower once a week and I'm considered lazy. I'm not, I just can't do things anymore. My anxiety is destroying my life to the point I'm too nervous to order food and every day I get in trouble for not eating. My parents are trying to get a teacher to talk to me about it and I'm dreading the day it'll happen. It's getting harder and harder to deal with people now, I just can't deal with people my age and the stress they are causing is really bad for me and it turns to anger. And since I'm a quiet kid I can't just shout at them and tell them to f**k off I just bottle up my anger which is really not healthy and I tend to get angry easily. This was really disorganised but it felt really good to vent. Thank for reading I love you guys 💕
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I have been passive suicidal for months now. I think about it, I think about how I could do it, but I’d never have the courage to do it. I think about self harm, I’ve used my nails sometimes to shut my own brain up, but I’d never cut because I’m a coward and scared of pain. I hate myself and I know I’m driving people away because I don’t open up. All my mom ever says to me is that I’m being over dramatic and exaggerating. I’m not. I’m tired of this. I’m in therapy but I can barely open up to her and I know she thinks I’m getting better. I’m not. I’m jealous of people who are in relationships and jealousy triggers my self hatred spirals. Of course figuring that out made me hate myself more. I’m a horrible person and the best part is I’ve no right to feel this way, as nothing really bad has happened to me.
That sounds like severe depression. It would help you to reach out mental health professionals. It took a lot of convincing from one of my friends before I went to the hospital when I had my latest severe depressive episode, but it saved me. One important thing to learn is that depression is a disease, you get it like you can get cancer or COPD or any other disease. It is not about what you deserve or what happened to you (although there can be external triggers).
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My confession is that since I learned that my sister has epilepsy, I have been secretly mad at her on a few occasions. She has always been the strong one and now I have to be strong and I don't know if I can be as strong as she is.
I have thought about suicide in this relationship more than once and it would take a little bit before anyone bothered to notice
I will never get back the five minutes of my life I spent reading this thrash.
I know these people won't read this but if you've had bad experiences with a therapist, don't let it ruin it for you! Find a new one or try group therapy. They are all different and you're not going to vibe with everyone, so why would you think you'd connect with the first therapist you try? Even the second or third. Keep on trying and don't be embarrassed or shy about saying you need to find someone else.
I hardly feel emotion, I feel incapable of loving others, when I look at my siblings I only think of the burden they are, I don’t feel motivated at all, I’m really messed up, etc, etc, etc
Mine: If my father died, I don't know if I would go to his funeral. Maybe just to make sure he's dead, but I probably wouldn't cry or anything.
What I don't even tell my husband: I no longer care if people die b/c of their choices regarding Covid. Kill others, I'll want to scream in your face. Kill just yourself, fine, go, good, begone. I want to say"Please mask and sanitize or you will not be permitted into the building, please don't try to sell me that fake-as-fu*k vaccine card as real, please stop telling me it's fixable with dewormer." I want to say, "Drink your bleach and be dead, okay? So the rest of us can get on with our lives in more safety!".... ANd my supper break is up n six, so have a good one, Pandas,.
That the reason i reject going out with friends is not because I'm bored or lazy... it's because I suffer from depression almost my entire adult life.... nobody knows... everyone sees a funny person, meanwhile i might be in my darkest times...
I'm terrified I'm never going to find a boyfriend or get married. I'm 43, and it's been 16 years since I had a boyfriend that I believe actually loved me, and 11 years since any relationship I've has lasted more than a couple weeks or I've had a man tell me he loved me. I feel left behind in so many ways bc I'm still single, too old to have kids, am disabled and unable to work, so I'm always struggling w money, so no chance of ever affording a house (you try living on $1,000 a month then tell me how easy it is to save for a down-payment or qualify for a mortgage), and no career to give me fulfillment. I'm terrified I'm going to be left behind and forgotten about once my parents have passed away.
I am so afraid of rejection that I am terrified that I will never find a relationship where I genuinely feel "safe". It's so bad that I get anxiety attacks as soon as I know someone is interested in me.
I overthink these things so much and i am afraid that when I get feelings the other one finds out my innerself and hates me.
Load More Replies... Wow - some heavy stuff here today. I was brought to tears several times because so many other people are in so much pain. And then I cried because I realized I wasn't alone. Thanks to everyone who shared something of themselves in this. You never know who you'll help by simply being who you are.
Here's my own confession: I would never take my own life, because there's so much I still want to do, and I selfishly also want to leave a legacy behind when I go. But a few times in the past couple years, which have been the hardest struggle I've ever had, I've fantasized about the whole world ending -- because then my troubles would be over, but I also wouldn't have to worry about leaving any legacy, as there wouldn't be anyone left to see the imprint I may have made upon the world.
My 'secret' is rather basic compared to other people's. My work gets me down to the point I'm worried I might actually be depressed but I can't afford to leave it as the job I'd love to do pays a third of what I earn... so with the mortgage and other commitments I spend my days doing stuff I hate.
Oh, man, as sad as it sounds, I'm pretty sure at least 50% of the rest of humanity is having the same experience.
Load More Replies... I have ADHD and it is not so funny as people think it is. I dont want to be so annoying, impulsive, depressed and cant finnish anything I start. It is not something that you should make jokes of like "isnt everyone a bit ADHD" . If you dont have diagnos you just dont have it.. not a bit!
Mine is related - I don't think ADHD is a "superpower" and refuse to not call it a disability. I unjoined all of the ADHD social media support groups I was in because unless you toe the "ADHD is a superpower!" line in them and identify with your neurology, you're yelled at.
Load More Replies... A few. I struggle with thoughts of s*****e. To be fair, it’s not my fault that I was diagnosed with childhood brain cancer in August 2013, or that I was diagnosed with epilepsy in May 2020 as an effect of the scar tissue from my resections. I (currently) have to take lamictal and lamotrigine to prevent seizures, and they are effective, but each has their own side effects. Second, if I do end up graduating college, it won’t be in the ‘traditional’ sense. My college offers photography classes, but doesn’t have photography as an available major. It’s not my fault that Common Core exists, or that my main interest changed several times during high school.
I feel like I've failed my life. I'm 37 years old, I have been living in shared accommodation (not the same house) since I first moved out of my family home at 22 years old. The current house I live in is the worst as I hate all my "housemates", so spend my time in my room when I am at the house (I never call it home) or try and spend my days off at friends or just out of the house!! I can't afford to find my own place down south of the UK by myself let alone rent my own place, which is why I'm still renting a room in a shared house. I've been single for a good few years and regret not making more of an effort as I'd love to be married with kids!! I thought I'd have all that at at age 30 at most!!! I sometimes wonder why I keep trying!!!
I haven't told anyone how bad my mental state is. I act all normal and like I don't really care, but in reality everything goes straight to my heart and hits like a tiny knife. The tiniest pieces of criticism will make me cry later on. in fact today my orchestra teacher told me to put my phone up even though everyone else had them out and for some reason that almost made me burst into tears. I just feel so broken and lost. I just don't know what I'm doing and when I do I worry I don't actually know for sure. I don't want to bring it up and seem too sensitive, but I wish someone would look me in the eyes, realize I'm not actually okay, and let me talk to them about it. I feel like a puzzle; falling apart is easy, but putting myself back together will be hard, maybe so hard I won't even try. I'm always the shoulder to cry on, so I have nobody's shoulder. I'm even crying typing this.
BlackPearl, it takes a lot of courage to talk about this stuff, and even more to survive it every day. If you can believe nothing else about yourself, believe this: depression and anxiety is no joke, and anyone who deals with it and is able to keep on going is a warrior. You are a warrior.
Load More Replies... I don't tell anyone this because there is a an actual mental disorder for this, but I have never been assessed and it's invasive in my daily life to the extent I should worry, but in a non-narcissistic sense, I have this feeling everyone knows about me, keeps tabs on my life and is a reason it's so hard for me to meet people and make friends. When I go out people just stare at me, gravitate towards where I am in otherwise vacant spaces just have me move for them, glare, make judgements about me they shouldn't have judgements for, not like me instantly upon my presence. I'm not talking about a couple people, I'm talking about a large group of people. It feels like when I step outside I'm on a movie set at times and everyone around is an audience. The only time I feel somewhat alone is in the bathroom or when all the curtains are closed. This also stems from kids teasing and questioning me about a show they saw me watching in the living room in my own home while they were outside.
If you suspect you have this unnamed disorder, perhaps you should seek professional attention. Sometimes just getting confirmation helps, but there might be a treatment. Maybe microdosing psychedelics, or talk therapy.
Load More Replies... This isn't exactly a complete secret but nobody knows the extent of how I am: I am undiagnosed but I suspect I have some sort of anxiety disorder and depression. I have self harmed multiple times and currently I'm trying to quit. I don't think I'm addicted but I'm probably the step before. It's hard and I hate it. I have a (maths) compass in my pocket that I scrach myself with because it's not technically cutting like I've done before I'm supprised my family haven't seen my hand there are a ton of scratches. I know I need to stop for good but I don't want to. Or I can't. I'm honestly not sure anymore. Also I f*****g hate myself. Like, a lot. I constantly talk about suicide, I tell myself it's a joke and that I wouldn't do it but idk anymore. By now lying to myself is such a problem idk how I truly feel bjt I do know that I can bearly go to school because I'm so mentally exhausted. At the beginning of the day I feel an intense anxiety wondering if I can actually go to school.
2#I genuinely think the only reason I'm alive is because people care about me. I have so little energy that I can only shower once a week and I'm considered lazy. I'm not, I just can't do things anymore. My anxiety is destroying my life to the point I'm too nervous to order food and every day I get in trouble for not eating. My parents are trying to get a teacher to talk to me about it and I'm dreading the day it'll happen. It's getting harder and harder to deal with people now, I just can't deal with people my age and the stress they are causing is really bad for me and it turns to anger. And since I'm a quiet kid I can't just shout at them and tell them to f**k off I just bottle up my anger which is really not healthy and I tend to get angry easily. This was really disorganised but it felt really good to vent. Thank for reading I love you guys 💕
Load More Replies... I have been passive suicidal for months now. I think about it, I think about how I could do it, but I’d never have the courage to do it. I think about self harm, I’ve used my nails sometimes to shut my own brain up, but I’d never cut because I’m a coward and scared of pain. I hate myself and I know I’m driving people away because I don’t open up. All my mom ever says to me is that I’m being over dramatic and exaggerating. I’m not. I’m tired of this. I’m in therapy but I can barely open up to her and I know she thinks I’m getting better. I’m not. I’m jealous of people who are in relationships and jealousy triggers my self hatred spirals. Of course figuring that out made me hate myself more. I’m a horrible person and the best part is I’ve no right to feel this way, as nothing really bad has happened to me.
That sounds like severe depression. It would help you to reach out mental health professionals. It took a lot of convincing from one of my friends before I went to the hospital when I had my latest severe depressive episode, but it saved me. One important thing to learn is that depression is a disease, you get it like you can get cancer or COPD or any other disease. It is not about what you deserve or what happened to you (although there can be external triggers).
Load More Replies... My confession is that since I learned that my sister has epilepsy, I have been secretly mad at her on a few occasions. She has always been the strong one and now I have to be strong and I don't know if I can be as strong as she is.
I have thought about suicide in this relationship more than once and it would take a little bit before anyone bothered to notice
I will never get back the five minutes of my life I spent reading this thrash.
I know these people won't read this but if you've had bad experiences with a therapist, don't let it ruin it for you! Find a new one or try group therapy. They are all different and you're not going to vibe with everyone, so why would you think you'd connect with the first therapist you try? Even the second or third. Keep on trying and don't be embarrassed or shy about saying you need to find someone else.
I hardly feel emotion, I feel incapable of loving others, when I look at my siblings I only think of the burden they are, I don’t feel motivated at all, I’m really messed up, etc, etc, etc
Mine: If my father died, I don't know if I would go to his funeral. Maybe just to make sure he's dead, but I probably wouldn't cry or anything.
