30 Times Moms Projected Their Own Insecurities Onto Their Daughters That They Only Realized Later In Life
The bond between a mother and her daughter is one of the strongest ones out there. But just as any parent-child relationship, at times it can become strenuous and succumb to conflict. Of course, it doesn't automatically mean that everything's lost. The intentions of both parties might be good and they could still cherish their relationship. It just might be a temporary setback.
But sometimes, as one Reddit thread shows, it might take years before you realize what's happening. Especially if you're the younger one.
Created by user skeleton-hands, it raised the question: "Did your mother ever make comments to you in your teenage years that, [when] you've grown up, [made you] realize she was bitter and jealous of your youth? How did it stick with you?"
And in response, many women shared their personal stories, reflecting on how these experiences affected them in the long run.
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One time, I was in my bathroom, doing my hair and makeup with the door open. I wore form-fitted clothing — nothing absurdly tight but you could see my figure — and weighed 115–120 pounds at most. I've always been a stick and still am, even though I'm over 30 now. Anyway, my mother walked by and watched me for a moment. She made that 'tsk' sound, so I turned to her. We locked eyes in time for me to hear her say, 'You're getting fat.' She then left to lock herself in her room. It didn't stick with me because I believed her — I could look in a mirror and genuinely recognize that it was her projection — but because she was supposed to be my mother — the woman who's always in my corner, supporting me, being my rock and shield. It's stuck with me because, in that moment, I was able to recognize that she was broken. She was not this almighty person without faults. My parents were both narcissists, so it was kind of an epiphany for me. They always gaslighted me, and this was THE moment it all made sense to me.
So when my mother said that to me, she actually did me a favor because that gave me the clarity I truly needed. Without knowing it, she unknowingly gave me permission to completely disregard her words and behaviors from my conscience. As backward as it is when I think of that moment, I feel the freedom it gave me.
My mum daily told me she hated me. Wish I'd never been born. Wish I'd run under the nearest bus. Refused to buy me clothes (incl school uniform) as I was so fat, nothing looked good on me. I was a bit chubby, but not fat. This led to ful blown anorexia for 10 years. Then I was too thin, looked awful etc. Would never get a boyfriend. Wished I was as perfect as all her friends' children. Rubbed my underwear in my face when I hit puberty saying any 'discharge' was because I kept playing with myself (I had no idea what she was talking about).
My dad whom I adored sat there and said nothing as he was terrified of her. He later divorced her (fully supported his decision) but he divorced his children too. I don't know what's worse - what she did or my beloved dad rejecting me as an adult.
When I was told I'd never have children aged 20, apparently that was God as he knew I'd be a horrible parent. Well sod you, Mother, as I have 2 wonderful children that I adore and my friends and their friends always comment on our amazing relationship - my 2 kids adore each other too.
Our relationship is fractious to say the least as my memory serves me far too well. I despised her when I was growing up. I still can't bring myself to send her anything but blank mother's day cards as she does not fit the verses written inside.
Apart from low self esteem etc, I struggle to form any close relationship. Relationships or otherwise. I've been single since I divorced my children's father 16 years ago. But we're a very happy threesome. My son is at uni and I've no idea how I'll cope when my daughter goes next year. Both are doing medicine, BTW, which my mother is very jealous about!
I did ask her once why she did it. She claimed to be 'disciplining' me. I was a straight A pupil who never even had a detention at school.
It was only when I had my own children that I couldn't believe someone could treat their own child that way - if a stranger spoke to my kids the way she did to me, I'd kill them.
The fine line between discipline and child abuse ain't that bldy fine.
I'm sorry - Mother's Day in the UK was yesterday and I always find it difficult.
My mom's probably an AA cup, and any time I'd show any cleavage, it was like the world was coming to an end. When we would go clothes shopping, I was constantly told nothing would fit me because I had 'no boobs like her.' At the same time, showing any skin whatsoever was inappropriate. Basically, I only wore loose-fitting shirts until I graduated from high school. My mom also tried to convince me that I, too, was an AA cup. I wore the wrong bra size until I was 18–19. Thankfully, a friend in my first year of university took me bra fitting. Turns out, I'm actually a C cup
My mum would regularly remind me she was thin until she got pregnant with me. She would give me way more food than I could handle, and would scream at me if I didn't eat it all. I was slightly overweight, but she would always tell me I was too thin and that I needed to eat more. I became convinced she was trying to fatten me up to make herself feel better, so I started flushing my dinner down the toilet so she wouldn't yell at me for not finishing it.
Now I'm approaching my 30s and gaining weight. I've been having frequent anxiety attacks because I desperately don't want to be fat and miserable like she was.
My mom told me I didn’t have “ballet arms” when I was like six or seven. I quit dancing immediately and have always been self conscious of my arms.
my mom was a ballerina for like 15 years. I learned recently that when she and her sister were little, a teacher told her sister that she didn’t have ballet arms. I guess it made my mom feel special to have been chosen and she wanted to continue to feel special by putting me down
Trigger warning
Eating disorders, Alcoholism
My mom kept all her journals from her teen years. She had a very obvious undiagnosed eating disorder, so these journals mostly contained obsessive measurements of her chest, waist, hips, dress sizes, and weight.
She used to get drunk and weigh me to point out how much "less hot and healthy" I was compared to her. She would tell me that I was "wasting the great genes she gave me" by not being thin. Big yikes.
It created an eating disorder, as you might expect
I also got my belly button pierced in college, and she decided to tell me that she would look even better with a belly button piercing if I didn't make her have an emergency C-Section.
Any young girls reading this: you are so BEAUTIFUL and worth so much more than your weight or bra size. Don't let anyone make you think that you aren't.
Fellow moms of reddit: your child really pays attention to how you talk about bodies. Do so gracefully and respectfully, because that's what you and your child both deserve.
No, not all young girls are beautiful. But you know what? THEY DON'T HAVE TO BE. A person's value, a person's worth, is not tied to their looks. It's OK to not be beautiful.
My mom a little, but especially my aunt. All the women in my family are flat-chested. Any time I'd have cleavage showing they'd act like they were getting blinded and tell me to cover up (I'm a C cup so it's not like I have monster boobs). My aunt lost a bunch of weight and was showing some new 'makeover' clothes she bought and said, "YOU could never wear this, your boobs are too big" like it was an insult. Not long after she claimed to have magically grown from an A to a C cup through her weight loss (which obviously makes no sense but she insisted it was from inhaling air pollutants where she lived). I later discovered she was buying too-big bras and stuffing them with gel pads so she could tell people her boobs had grown.
So catty.
“You’ll never be prettier than you are at 16” that was extremely wrong and very messy in my head
My mum straight up told me she was prettier/skinnier/younger looking than me when she was my age. She told my red headed sister that her hair was ugly (she was a bottle blonde, mousy brown naturally). I regularly heard that she got on public transport as under age when she was in her 20's. That she was anorexic (said proudly btw) in her teens. Ugh, even on her deathbed she was proud of how skinny she was. Due to her illness. It was very important to her to be skinny
My mom always told me she would help me pay for a nose job if I ever wanted one. I grew up thinking I was so ugly and that my nose ruined my face. I now know that I'm not ugly at all, but my nose is still my biggest insecurity.
I was hit in the face with a hammer as a child. Broke my nose (and, as I later discovered, my cheekbone and eyesocket). Parents refused to take me to hospital saying they wouldn't do anything and to suck it up. My mother never failed to have a dig about how bad I looked. My brother and dad were equally hurtful at times ... but the worst was when mom told my then fiancé - right in front of me - not to let me have kids because they'd be too ugly ... I finally had to get it sorted for health reasons as an adult and that's when I learnt the extent of the damage. Several 8 hour reconstructive surgeries and a lifetime of physical problems were tough enough, but nothing compared to the hurt of my mother's words...
I had acne as a teen & I remember she got me a blackhead removal kit as a Christmas gift one year. I spent a literal hour in the bathroom mashing my face with these tools & when I came out & asked if it looked better, she responded "no, I can still play connect the dots on your face." I went into the bathroom & cried while looking in the mirror before sinking to the floor.
My mother found some jeans from her 20s, and when I tried them on she chortled that she had been smaller in her 20s than I was in my teens.
Jesus you guys I am so sorry. Your moms sound awful! No young woman should ever have to hear that shit especially from their mother or women who are supposed to protect them. My mom put an emphasis on looks and weight and has some unhealthy body image issues that certainly rubbed off on me. But she was always building me up and telling me how beautiful I was. Sometimes putting too much importance on looks and attraction from men but after reading y’alls comments- DAMN! I would have preferred this treatment over yours’. I hope if any of you have daughters you build them up and break that hateful ugly cycle. We women have to be better and love each other.
My mother (and others) used to say I was ugly or said certain things to or about me that made me feel ugly. Obviously I grew up with major self-esteem and confidence issues, hating the way I looked (I still do to a certain extent). Looking back at old photos though, me being unattractive was far from the truth. It pains me to think of the many years I spent literally hiding away from the world because of (among other things) anxiety about the way I looked. I am not sure if my mom was actually bitter or jealous... I think she had periods of general unhappiness/discontent with her own life that she took it out on me, putting me down. I never confronted her about her words. We have a better relationship now even though I still struggle with body dysmorphia.
I was in the best shape of my life in high school. I played varsity sports and was really proud of myself. One time, I showed my mom a bikini I purchased for a pool party. She responded, 'Girls your size shouldn't wear bikinis,' then smiled and bragged about how she weighed less than I did when she was pregnant. At the time, I was 5'2" and weighed 125 pounds with D cups. When my mom had me, she was 5' and weighed 100 pounds with A cups. She put me on my first diet when I was 8 because I started growing breasts. No elementary school child should be forced to drink SlimFast — especially at school lunch
How could your teachers see you were literally drinking diet drinks and not do something? This sounds like child abuse
When I struggled with acne as a teen, my adoptive father initiated a dinner table discussion about how I 'didn't wash my face, obviously, because only boys get pimples.' My mom — who'd never had a pimple in her life despite not washing her face — started too. After about five minutes, I emotionlessly said, 'I really don't care.' My mom responded, 'Yeah, of course, you wouldn't. You don't have to look at yourself. Everyone else has to. I didn't respond. Instead, I got up to clean my plate, but my mom came storming into the kitchen after me, screaming about what sort of an asshole and immature, teenage-whatever I was.
I didn't say a word at first, then calmly said, 'Someone has to behave like the adult around here,' and walked away. She shouted, 'Go to your room and don't come out! I don't want to see you!' Ever since then, I developed body dysmorphic disorder around my skin
When I was 20, ultra low-rise jeans were popular. Because of that, I bought my first pair of bikini, string-style underwear. I don't remember how my mom found them, but when she saw them, she asked, 'How doesn't your pubic hair stick out?' I side-eyed her and said, '...I shave it.' She then gave me the most disgusted look as though I were a horrible person for shaving so that I could look nice in underwear. In my early 30s, I started eating clean and lifting heavy weights. I ended up losing weight, and she said, 'Are you trying to be anorexic or something?'" Both of those experiences stuck out to me — I remember her tone of voice, the disgust on her face, the inability to accept me for being different from her. I'm 41 now, and it still bugs me
It's that look of disgust you never ever forget it we were in a dressing room once and I do have big thighs but my mom looked at some pants I was wearing and said your thighs are so big they're almost like a deformity I will never forget that as long as I live and that's only one of many horrible horrible things my mother has said to me
My mum used to do some modelling and she’d bring it up constantly whenever anyone complimented me. I remember being in my early teens and her putting huge pressure on me to turn out like she did.
Now that we’re well past that and I’m more confident in myself i can tell she was just jealous. But for a few years I really felt disconnected from her and I couldn’t ever feel comfortable in my own skin
My mom absolutely refused to believe I had bigger boobs than her, I complained about being a D cup and then a DD cup and she wouldn't buy me the correct size bra until we went to victoria's secret and I got measured as a DD cup and then she thought they were upselling me to make me feel good? Turned out she had D cups too that she had been squeezing into B cups for years.
chachaaaaa...my sister (older) did this to me: "you don't have size 42 of shoes, you have 40 as normal women do". While tried to squeeze me into shoes of size 40. My little toes are deformated since then because she was entrusted by parents with buying the right clothes for me (when we got money for it). And I wore cups D most part of my growing up+early adulthood, until I started to make my own money, went to special bra shop and went with H out from there. Since then my bra is the most comfortable part of my clothes.
My mum has told me for years that she doesn't understand how she could have produced a fat, ugly child like me as she was such a beautiful and slim woman when she became pregnant with me. It stuck with me for many many years and I had such a low opinion of myself until I met someone a few years ago who gave me my self esteem back.
My mom was 98 pounds when she graduated high school. I was a chunky kid. I had my dad's genes, and when I was pre-pubescent (around 10), I gained 50 pounds in a year for seemingly no reason. Instead of trying to get to the bottom of what happened, my mother was laser-focused on me losing weight. I was 10 years old and keeping a food journal. My mother monitored everything I put into my mouth. Right after I gained all that weight, she had me try on her wedding dress. She got married at 29. I was 10. It didn't fit me. I still remember how terrible I felt about it. To this day, she tries to incentivize me to lose weight. I hate shopping with her because, even though she's gained weight, she is a smaller size than I am — she's also 7 inches shorter. If I find something I like that doesn't come in my size, she'll buy it for herself and tell me I can have it when I lose enough weight
When I was 12 and in seventh grade, I had this pair of shorts that I loved. They were sparkly and purple. I wore them constantly. However, my mom would often put them on and constantly brag to everybody about how she could fit into my shorts. Mind you, these shorts fit me when I was still child-like. A year later, when I went through a growth spurt and gained 20 pounds, I was insanely insecure that my mom could still fit into the shorts, but I no longer could. Once I couldn't fit into them anymore, she gleefully took them and continued bragging about how she could. Looking back now at age 31, I realize that my mom had some serious body image issues. I also think she was dealing with an eating disorder at the time."
"Either way, it was annoying AF, and I hated the feeling that she was competing with me
My mother constantly called me a 'dyke' because I hated ballet and wanted to play soccer. I'm now a full-grown adult, and she called me 'butch' last week for taking MMA classes to get in shape."
"My mother is easily the most toxic person on the planet. For context, this woman looks like the Crypt Keeper and Dr. Eggman had a baby
At about 16 I was struggling with one of my nipples inverting... I was terrified and the internet did not help.
I confided in my mom & she asked me to see. I took my shirt off and showed her - she laughed in my face. Did not help or console me.
I went to the doctor without her help soon after that.
Even today I am self conscious about my breasts even though I have no reason to be at all. My brain knows it, but can't get over what happened.
She also used to tell me I was a 'late bloomer' well my body hasn't changed since I was a teen. I'm petite with small breasts... Guess I never bloomed. I fucking hate that term.
Thank goodness I have a supportive partner who tells me my body is beautiful... I'm the shape of a 90s super model and that should have never been in style.
One day there was a guy tutoring my younger brother and the tutor was my age. My father wanted me to socialize more with people my age so he suggested I say hi to the guy. I have social anxiety and denied the advice to which my mom commented "your response would have been understandable if you were as pretty as I used to be at your age". And honestly that comment haunts me everyday.
When I was 21, I was depressed because I broke up with my abusive boyfriend who I somehow wanted back. I weighed 99 pounds. My bones showed everywhere. When my parents came to visit, my mom said, 'You look so good, skinny, and slim like that!' I told her that I'd barely eat and cry myself to sleep every night. After a few moments of silence, she replied, 'It's going to be fine. Just don't get fat like I did.' A few months passed, and I'd gained some weight and felt a lot better. When I went home, the first thing my mom said was: 'Did you put some weight on? Do not get fat, please! Look at your arms — they're starting to get chubby!' I was 110 pounds then. I replied, 'I feel better than how I felt before. I eat regularly and exercise. This is what you tell me?' She gave me this ugly look and said, 'If you get any chubbier, no man will look at you. I used to grab men’s attention all the time. It made me feel pretty.'"
"During my depressive episode, I was barely doing stuff for college and barely passing my exams. I used to drink a bottle of wine a night and smoke a pack a day. I was literally sick.
With my mom, it wasn’t necessarily a jealousy type of thing. She was projecting her own insecurities on me, and that bothered me very much. I still think about it every now and then.
That's so awful. Bad enough with the abusive ex, and then the mother says things like this! Smh.
When I was a teenager my mom made all kinds of hurtful comments about my body that probably lead to my long term eating disorder that she would make jokes about. It’s unclear whether or not she TRULY realized that I was legitimately struggling. She also always had something to say about my breast size bc I’m a DDD and she was an A cup. I must’ve gotten that from my dads side of the family. I felt a lot of shame about my body and sex when I was younger but as I age it’s been left in the past and I can see where her hostility was really coming from
My sister's and I got my dad's mom's boobs (AA & As) and my mom flaunted her Bs because "they made her more of a real woman"
oh my god YES!! I thought I was the only one. I was always underweight as a kid, but I gained some weight around age 12-13 and ended up on the thinner end of "healthy". My mother would always make snide remarks about my body, like my butt is too big and my thighs are too fat. I was average sized at most lmao. I feel like this came from her own insecurities, as she was overweight and my dad would always make degrading comments about her body. Her south Asian culture might also have something to do with it (I'm not trying to be racist or anything here, just my own observation). It really hurt at the time (I had an eating disorder when I was 10-11) but I've learned to just ignore her now.
I posted this up higher but I think it fits better here. My mom was always embarrassed about me being the only "fat" kid out of 7. She once told a woman from her church right in front of me that the dr thought I might have a tumor in my belly making it stick out like it did. I guess it was better for her to have a daughter with a tumor rather than a fat belly. That was the moment I realized my mother was ashamed of me and I should be ashamed of myself also. Lasted until I was an adult.
The only two times I've told her about being catcalled, she's either blamed it on me or said something like, 'Well, you should be grateful. I don't get that type of attention from men anymore.' The first time I told her, I was 14 and walking home in my school uniform. The second time, I was 19 and walking in the forest near my house. I don't tell her when I get catcalled anymore
When I was a teen, we lived on this really long road but our neighbors had a farm right below us and they told us to go ahead and cut across the farm, which shortened my walk home from school from 2 hours to about 20 minutes. The farmer's brother happened to live on the land and he'd make sure to be right there to say hello in his broken English and shake hands and try to hug me and try to have long, friendly conversations with my breasts. I complained about it to my mother and she said "you have to take the long way home from now on: you don't want to give him the wrong idea." I complained about it to the farmer and his brother took to waving at me from his work as I crossed the farm. 😌
Yes. My mom has always worn her eye makeup the same way: heavy lower eyeliner, mascara, and eyeshadow. It doesn't suit her and makes her eyes look tiny and dark, but it's what she likes, I guess.
We used to get ready in the bathroom together when I was growing up, so I kind of learned from watching her (though I avoided eyeliner when I was young). But I guess it still wasn't right because, one day when I was maybe 14, my mom made a comment about HOW I was applying my makeup and that my mascara didn't look good. It's such a small comment to make but I'm nearly 30 now, and I still don't like doing my makeup around anyone (my friends, my boyfriend, etc.) because I feel like I'll be criticized.
HOWEVER, I think the comment was prompted by her noticing that I didn't use eyeliner and that teenage me was trying to do something different than what she liked. Because for several years now, she has been complimenting my makeup and asking me to show her how I do it and what products I use, etc. I think maybe she had wanted to try something different with her makeup but never knew how, and became defensive because she didn't know, but I was younger and did? Does that make sense?
Seems like she improved, but she still shouldn't have said that to you.
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This article hurts bad!! I was the Lightning rod for my mom’s s**t my entire life, she’s a venomous bipolar narcissist. On 2007 the mother of my twins took her own life, we weren’t together, and my mom told me the twins would be better off if I killed myself. No one talks to her anymore and she blames me for that.
Jesus. I'm really sorry JustinTime. So very sorry for your loss. Are you ok? and the twins? HUG from me.
Load More Replies... As hurtful and damaging these moms were, their behavior mostly shows how toxic and destructive the endless focus on the female outer appearance is and has been. Imagine being that brainwashed by society that your body is never good enough that you take it with you to your actual deathbed. It's horrifying, and incredibly sad that the trauma runs so deep the moms belittled and hurt their own daughters just to escape from their own pain. There are no winners here.
Jealous women can be so toxic. They should know better but seem to think they are more important than their children... but forget that you should NEVER insult your kids. When we get jealous of someone else, we are always insecure in our own ability to get or provide that same thing. Insecurity is fear and doubt.
I believe this is more than insecurity though. These women are showing deep mental issues that go beyond insecurity. I think they are downright monstrous. It’s hard to believe when you have been told that no one loves you like a mother. And that is the greatest love and blah blah. While it’s true for most mothers, obviously not for all.
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Some mothers truly hate their own child. Within 5 minutes of being in my mother's presence she will develop a migraine. She can't stand the sight of me, she hates the sound of my voice, my interests and hobbies are stupid, I have horrible taste in everything, and nothing I have ever done is good enough. I wanted so much to be loved by her. When I could not make that happen, I continued to destroy myself where she left off. I did not realize my worthiness as a human being until I was in my 50s. If only I understood what it means to be the daughter of a narcissistic mother and the identified patient in a dysfunctional family much sooner. I believed everything she ever said about me, even though deep inside I knew none of it was true. 20 years now, no contact. I am sure she will summon me before too much longer, but I will not go. She will never again get the opportunity to hurt me. Narcissistic parents never apologize and they never change. It would be so much easier if I could hate her.
Nope. No change, ever. Do not wish for hate. keep love in your heart.
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My mom and grandma would walk behind me hold their hands out (my hips width ) and chant bumb, bumb ,bumb like I was a dinosaur walking around making the ground shake! I was 10 or 11 years old ! Somehow I’m not self conscious about my large rear end ! 😂
From the time I was an infant one of my mom's favorite things to do to me was make me cry by telling me nobody loved me and I was just a sad garbage baby. She thought it was funny to see my face switch from being so happy to being so sad. She took pride in telling me that story. My dad used to laugh about it too until he spent time in a mental health facility. My father was driven away by my mom and moved on. My psychological abuse continued. She's highly narcissistic and would take credit for every award I got, which was a lot. I'm typical for the child of a narcissist. I was an overachiever and I suffered a breakdown in my early 20s and burnout by my 30s. I got help from the school and local child services to become legally emancipated at 16. I'm finally getting over my upbringing and just barely starting to understand self worth. I'm in my 40s. Too anyone going through abuse like this- 💖 please get help. There are many free resources online and plenty of hotlines that can put you
In touch with local groups that can help you get away. To anyone that's gone through this- 💖 I hope you are in a much better place now and you deserve self respect simply for surviving.
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I have to wonder how many of these awful mothers grew up with mothers just like them. Abusers have almost always been abused. Or like my dad's mother - she was a horrid woman, completely self-centered & mean - she was the youngest of 13 & always taken care of, given everything she wanted. After my dad's father died when dad was 11, she was going to put him in an orphanage but keep his sister. Her family stepped in & helped financially, so she kept him. She also would give gifts to my mom & then a week later ask for them back. A lot of the verbal & emotional abuse I got from my dad was a direct result of how his mother had treated him. My mom was a good mom & was never abusive to me or my siblings, but to be honest, she was more focused on making my dad happy.
Oh where to start... maybe the slapping my belly when I was 3-4 cuz I was fat, she still complains I'm fat. Yeah I get it, I'm fat, but f**k you stop slapping my belly. Or always saying turn the other cheek and kill them with kindness or the ever famous You're just making that up when I told her I was being bullied at school by not only the other kids but the teachers. Or maybe not standing up for me when her stepmother, father, half-sister and brother were calling me every disgusting name in the book and telling me I was stupid and fat and would never amount to anything, that I never knew what I was talking about etc, or punishing (spanking) me if I tried to stand up for myself. She never once told me she was proud of me, always tells me I can do better. Always told me she wasn't wasting her money on me for that, whatever it was that I wanted to do. Forced me to wear "girl" clothes and play with "girl" toys that I hated...
Punished me for having bathroom accidents when she was the one that wouldn't take me to the bathroom when I was little and we were out in public. She stopped saying she loved me or hugging me when I was 6. Is now refusing to accept that I can no longer walk without extreme pain and throws a royal hissy fit when I try to use my wheelchair. I could go on, but... yeah
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I had this crap growing up. I'm tall and thin. I usually avoid talking about weight because I got a lot of hassle growing up from my mother. In school I was the "skinny b***h". When I fell pregnant she told me I was going to get fat, I'll never go back to "normal" and I'll never like my body again. Turns out I carry "long" and I barely showed at all. The day I was leaving the hospital she was there and the look on her face was something else. She was fuming. I didn't look like I'd had a baby and my body didn't change at all. A student midwife freaked out during one appointment and ran to get a second opinion. When they came back the other midwife said "Ah, I know you!" and explained everything was fine. It goes on fundal length and not abdomen size. So my mother said it would happen eventually. I've got 3 kids and I'm still the same. Edit - Just to add all this did have a big, negative impact on me growing up. Especially when I hit puberty. Also because I was a tall kid I'd hear "You should be a model" a lot. It was usually the first thing I'd hear when I met someone new. I was led to believe looks were everything and it crushed my self esteem because in my mind I wasn't good enough. It took a long time to snap out of it. I look back at pics from that time and I looked great, but I couldn't see it. I'm open with my kids about it too. Especially keeping an eye on my daughter as she's approaching that age where this crap starts, and she can be very sensitive. I'd hate to be growing up now around all the Instagram crap, the filters. It's gone way overboard.
My mom is great! My paternal grandmother on the other hand was brutal. I was well still am quite muscular. Growing up playing sports and studied martial arts I was far from fat but I was not a delicate ballerina like my older cousin. This was unacceptable to my grandmother. I remember trying on a dress for a summer family event and her telling me "I couldn't pull off sleeveless because my arms were too big!" As in my biceps!!! My mother stepped in and immediately disagreed with her telling me I was strong and beautiful but to this very day I think twice about my big arms and clothing selections...it's sad the psychological damage our own family subjects us to :(
Just WOW! With all the toxic and jealous women there are in this world, I cannot even imagine having a toxic women in your own home where you are supposed to feel secure and loved. So sorry you all went through that.
My mum and others ( but mainly my mum as she was meant to be my back up) would make fun of my small chest ( I had hips and bum but no boobs). She told my sister she could be a topless model as she had good boobs instead of silly pointy ones like me. I hated my chest all through my life even with my husband's reassurance I couldn't look in the mirror. My husband eventually (and very reluctantly) payed for my cosmetic surgery. He's always says he loves my new boobs but misses the old ones. I feel so much better though. I know I should have learned to love my body the way it was but it was literally the first thing people would use against me and generally comment on.
My mom still does this lol, but when I was 13 or 14 she told me I was "getting fat" when I was definitely not fat, she's always been so picky about my weight, well from the time she was 17 until she was like 34 she had a severe eating disorder and was 90 pounds most of her life , so therefore she's projected it onto me
I had to stop reading these after a few. I don't know any mothers like this, and certainly didn't have one. If anything, my mother was such a polar opposite. Truly someone who was born to be a mother. She was rather a tomboy, and wasn't impressed with fashion and makeup. But my sisters and I were rather more "into it". And she always told us we looked pretty in whatever clothes we chose, or makeup we wore. She had opinions once in a while, but always expressed them in positive ways. I feel so sorry for all of these people here. And forever thankful for such a great mother.
I believe women, especially mother's, shouldn't be so bitter because their lives didn't turn out they way they wanted it to. Not my fault own your own s**t instead of dumping it on me or younger women!
My mother is so insecure she accused me of having sex with her husband.
Your mother’s problems go a lot deeper than insecurity. Stay away.
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Maybe women do feel more strongly......saying this as a feminist female BTW. My sister for one always tries to take me down a notch, whether being thinner or better at running or smarter, she always has to try to one up me.
My mom is not abusive, but when I was old enough to buy my own clothes, she would always comment that I have terrible taste in clothes, how none of it fit me and she would never wear something like this. Like she did not realize clothes that fit her body shape does not fit mine.
My mom would tell me, "I love you but I don't like you. It took me becoming a mom to realize that she is a a narcissist who plays the victim.
I had an aunt who, who I told I was getting married, grabbed one of my love handles and asked "Why? Are you pregnant?" At a family Thanksgiving dinner. We did get engaged after 2 years of dating, just for context
My mom has told me constantly that I look just like my dad, and that he looks like his mom. Then turns around and says that his mom was an ugly witch. My mom is obese, and gets mad if any of use lose any weight. She will call us all anorexic if we weigh less than her but then make comments about how much more beautiful she is than us.
How do this women measure breast size??? Asking for a daughter
My mom blamed me for her getting pregnant with me on her wedding night. Through out the years when people started noticing how beautiful (I used to be), so she projected her jealousy on me by making comments about how fat and ugly I was. I wasn't though. She gaslite me about every thing. She would tell her friends that I had a saggy a**e and other things like that. She kept telling me that if she had married her solider bf, Id be beautiful. So now I have super low self esteem, even though my husband tells me everyday that he loves me and thinks Im beautiful.
Boy...out of EACH story, my mother was built. From bra stories..."you don't need a bra, you're 12, you just want attention"...fast forward to 2 weeks later and me bringing home a letter from school nurse saying I need a bra...result...a B cup. To her final words..."I was mean to you because you didn't have a sister" ...well...??? All I can say...burn in hell b****h. You ruined me and I got stuck with you and over $100,000 in Psych bills. I pray to God everyday you don't EVER get reincarnated.
My mother was also this person. Always cruel and critical especially of my weight which was never outside a healthy weight. When I was pregnant with my daughter she was on a low carb diet and insisted that I shouldn’t be eating carbohydrates while pregnant ?! Unfortunately my daughter was born with special needs and my mothers direct words to me were- it is my fault she has brain damage because I ate bagels while pregnant 🫤
My grandmother is probably gonna see this but whatever She constantly gets on my ass about eating, to the point where she makes remarks like "you just ate, put the food away" or "if you eat that, your gonna get fat" and its always when i actually feel hungry and when i haven't ate for 1-2 hours. Now, I know that she has body image problems and she wishes he was thinner, but i dont think its excuseable. I have also told her that i have body image problems and all the has done is give me a lotion to get rid of stretch marks and say "you better get rid of those stretch marks before swimming time comes around" :/
Is it a generational thing to be obsessive over someone else's weight? I'm talking the boomer generation and older. I personally couldn't give a rats a*** about others weight
My mom has had her moments. I got married very young and I've always had to hear snarky comments about how I was missing out on life and only settling and making a big mistake. My mom was 23 when she got married and had me and yes I was much younger. But watching my parent's marriage for decades now, my own conclusion is that she's jealous. I've been with my husband for 18 years now and she still has nothing good to say but at least my husband and I communicate with each other and do things together, her and my dad should never have gotten married. I've gotten blamed a few times for her being unhappy because she married my dad who actually wanted kids. I may have been an accident but it's not my fault she's miserable. Now I get to be her therapist while she talks crap about my dad, something I've repeatedly asked her to stop doing.
Mine always says I'm a tomboy, and hides the clothes I buy for myself and replaces them with the ones she likes (more girly, acording to her). Says hurtful things about my acne and bodyweight. Some months ago she started saying my hair was too long and didn't stop until I cut it (I refused to cut it more than 3cm but that pleased her? It's still long). Refuses to acknowledge asexuality as a real thing, saying that's made up, and says that I have depression and anxiety because I want to. She has always compared me to my female cousin, using her as an example when we're totally the opposite in most aspects. I think that all this comes from her having 6 siblings and the necessity of feeling better than them. Since I don't fall into her standards she think the rest of the world won't like me either. I honestly don't care about what others think about me, but she can be such a pain. Dad was the one who used to tell me compliments but he passed away. Oh and she won't give hugs or kisses -->
---> (2) because she is still salty about me leaving uni and before that having a boyfriend she didn't like, which she interprets as a huge treason since I "rebelled against her". Let me tell you I have never had a rebel phase, I never drinked or smoked or stayed out late, I guess she was too accostumed of having a girl that always did what she expected that couldn't bear seeing I was making a decision for myself. *Sigh* [Edit: that happened like 13 years ago!]
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I' m quite shocked, how many of you were abused in this way. Mothers love and presence is the first contact for a child and has hugh impact of so many behaviours and later interactions. People who cause such pain are often used to be abused too, but there is no excusion to stay in this conditioned behaviour and do such a damage to your kids. Shame them...I hope you all find peace someday. It's not your look, your weight etc. that values your being and love never needs to be deserved. I hope some of you leave this familiar paths and choose love support and awareness as parents- so healing can be done
My mom had issues with her body, which I noticed but I don't think she knew..she never put them on me. She mostly encouraged and made us eat healthy lol. When desserts showed up, it was first come first serve and we chowed down LOL. The balance wasn't perfect lol but oh well. I still developed an eating disorder and struggled for 10 years. Can't blame our parents for everything.
feel so bad for some of these posters. fortunately, my mom was supportive in all areas save one: that my interests were more masculine (woodworking, automotive, motorcycles, etc.) & a bit of an activist. she had raised me with very traditional training (cooking, sewing, etc) which i learned well but didn't have an interest in doing unless i had a project in mind. after she passed i commented to dad that i must have been a disappointment to her & he said yes, i was but she was also very proud of my assertive & independent as these were things he thought she was envious. looking back, i know that we had our differences our perspectives of what being a woman was but i also know that she supported me in every endeavor regardless of how she may have disapproved. to me, that was pretty awesome that she could support me despite her own feelings.
This article hurts bad!! I was the Lightning rod for my mom’s s**t my entire life, she’s a venomous bipolar narcissist. On 2007 the mother of my twins took her own life, we weren’t together, and my mom told me the twins would be better off if I killed myself. No one talks to her anymore and she blames me for that.
Jesus. I'm really sorry JustinTime. So very sorry for your loss. Are you ok? and the twins? HUG from me.
Load More Replies... As hurtful and damaging these moms were, their behavior mostly shows how toxic and destructive the endless focus on the female outer appearance is and has been. Imagine being that brainwashed by society that your body is never good enough that you take it with you to your actual deathbed. It's horrifying, and incredibly sad that the trauma runs so deep the moms belittled and hurt their own daughters just to escape from their own pain. There are no winners here.
Jealous women can be so toxic. They should know better but seem to think they are more important than their children... but forget that you should NEVER insult your kids. When we get jealous of someone else, we are always insecure in our own ability to get or provide that same thing. Insecurity is fear and doubt.
I believe this is more than insecurity though. These women are showing deep mental issues that go beyond insecurity. I think they are downright monstrous. It’s hard to believe when you have been told that no one loves you like a mother. And that is the greatest love and blah blah. While it’s true for most mothers, obviously not for all.
Load More Replies... Some mothers truly hate their own child. Within 5 minutes of being in my mother's presence she will develop a migraine. She can't stand the sight of me, she hates the sound of my voice, my interests and hobbies are stupid, I have horrible taste in everything, and nothing I have ever done is good enough. I wanted so much to be loved by her. When I could not make that happen, I continued to destroy myself where she left off. I did not realize my worthiness as a human being until I was in my 50s. If only I understood what it means to be the daughter of a narcissistic mother and the identified patient in a dysfunctional family much sooner. I believed everything she ever said about me, even though deep inside I knew none of it was true. 20 years now, no contact. I am sure she will summon me before too much longer, but I will not go. She will never again get the opportunity to hurt me. Narcissistic parents never apologize and they never change. It would be so much easier if I could hate her.
Nope. No change, ever. Do not wish for hate. keep love in your heart.
Load More Replies... My mom and grandma would walk behind me hold their hands out (my hips width ) and chant bumb, bumb ,bumb like I was a dinosaur walking around making the ground shake! I was 10 or 11 years old ! Somehow I’m not self conscious about my large rear end ! 😂
From the time I was an infant one of my mom's favorite things to do to me was make me cry by telling me nobody loved me and I was just a sad garbage baby. She thought it was funny to see my face switch from being so happy to being so sad. She took pride in telling me that story. My dad used to laugh about it too until he spent time in a mental health facility. My father was driven away by my mom and moved on. My psychological abuse continued. She's highly narcissistic and would take credit for every award I got, which was a lot. I'm typical for the child of a narcissist. I was an overachiever and I suffered a breakdown in my early 20s and burnout by my 30s. I got help from the school and local child services to become legally emancipated at 16. I'm finally getting over my upbringing and just barely starting to understand self worth. I'm in my 40s. Too anyone going through abuse like this- 💖 please get help. There are many free resources online and plenty of hotlines that can put you
In touch with local groups that can help you get away. To anyone that's gone through this- 💖 I hope you are in a much better place now and you deserve self respect simply for surviving.
Load More Replies... I have to wonder how many of these awful mothers grew up with mothers just like them. Abusers have almost always been abused. Or like my dad's mother - she was a horrid woman, completely self-centered & mean - she was the youngest of 13 & always taken care of, given everything she wanted. After my dad's father died when dad was 11, she was going to put him in an orphanage but keep his sister. Her family stepped in & helped financially, so she kept him. She also would give gifts to my mom & then a week later ask for them back. A lot of the verbal & emotional abuse I got from my dad was a direct result of how his mother had treated him. My mom was a good mom & was never abusive to me or my siblings, but to be honest, she was more focused on making my dad happy.
Oh where to start... maybe the slapping my belly when I was 3-4 cuz I was fat, she still complains I'm fat. Yeah I get it, I'm fat, but f**k you stop slapping my belly. Or always saying turn the other cheek and kill them with kindness or the ever famous You're just making that up when I told her I was being bullied at school by not only the other kids but the teachers. Or maybe not standing up for me when her stepmother, father, half-sister and brother were calling me every disgusting name in the book and telling me I was stupid and fat and would never amount to anything, that I never knew what I was talking about etc, or punishing (spanking) me if I tried to stand up for myself. She never once told me she was proud of me, always tells me I can do better. Always told me she wasn't wasting her money on me for that, whatever it was that I wanted to do. Forced me to wear "girl" clothes and play with "girl" toys that I hated...
Punished me for having bathroom accidents when she was the one that wouldn't take me to the bathroom when I was little and we were out in public. She stopped saying she loved me or hugging me when I was 6. Is now refusing to accept that I can no longer walk without extreme pain and throws a royal hissy fit when I try to use my wheelchair. I could go on, but... yeah
Load More Replies... I had this crap growing up. I'm tall and thin. I usually avoid talking about weight because I got a lot of hassle growing up from my mother. In school I was the "skinny b***h". When I fell pregnant she told me I was going to get fat, I'll never go back to "normal" and I'll never like my body again. Turns out I carry "long" and I barely showed at all. The day I was leaving the hospital she was there and the look on her face was something else. She was fuming. I didn't look like I'd had a baby and my body didn't change at all. A student midwife freaked out during one appointment and ran to get a second opinion. When they came back the other midwife said "Ah, I know you!" and explained everything was fine. It goes on fundal length and not abdomen size. So my mother said it would happen eventually. I've got 3 kids and I'm still the same. Edit - Just to add all this did have a big, negative impact on me growing up. Especially when I hit puberty. Also because I was a tall kid I'd hear "You should be a model" a lot. It was usually the first thing I'd hear when I met someone new. I was led to believe looks were everything and it crushed my self esteem because in my mind I wasn't good enough. It took a long time to snap out of it. I look back at pics from that time and I looked great, but I couldn't see it. I'm open with my kids about it too. Especially keeping an eye on my daughter as she's approaching that age where this crap starts, and she can be very sensitive. I'd hate to be growing up now around all the Instagram crap, the filters. It's gone way overboard.
My mom is great! My paternal grandmother on the other hand was brutal. I was well still am quite muscular. Growing up playing sports and studied martial arts I was far from fat but I was not a delicate ballerina like my older cousin. This was unacceptable to my grandmother. I remember trying on a dress for a summer family event and her telling me "I couldn't pull off sleeveless because my arms were too big!" As in my biceps!!! My mother stepped in and immediately disagreed with her telling me I was strong and beautiful but to this very day I think twice about my big arms and clothing selections...it's sad the psychological damage our own family subjects us to :(
Just WOW! With all the toxic and jealous women there are in this world, I cannot even imagine having a toxic women in your own home where you are supposed to feel secure and loved. So sorry you all went through that.
My mum and others ( but mainly my mum as she was meant to be my back up) would make fun of my small chest ( I had hips and bum but no boobs). She told my sister she could be a topless model as she had good boobs instead of silly pointy ones like me. I hated my chest all through my life even with my husband's reassurance I couldn't look in the mirror. My husband eventually (and very reluctantly) payed for my cosmetic surgery. He's always says he loves my new boobs but misses the old ones. I feel so much better though. I know I should have learned to love my body the way it was but it was literally the first thing people would use against me and generally comment on.
My mom still does this lol, but when I was 13 or 14 she told me I was "getting fat" when I was definitely not fat, she's always been so picky about my weight, well from the time she was 17 until she was like 34 she had a severe eating disorder and was 90 pounds most of her life , so therefore she's projected it onto me
I had to stop reading these after a few. I don't know any mothers like this, and certainly didn't have one. If anything, my mother was such a polar opposite. Truly someone who was born to be a mother. She was rather a tomboy, and wasn't impressed with fashion and makeup. But my sisters and I were rather more "into it". And she always told us we looked pretty in whatever clothes we chose, or makeup we wore. She had opinions once in a while, but always expressed them in positive ways. I feel so sorry for all of these people here. And forever thankful for such a great mother.
I believe women, especially mother's, shouldn't be so bitter because their lives didn't turn out they way they wanted it to. Not my fault own your own s**t instead of dumping it on me or younger women!
My mother is so insecure she accused me of having sex with her husband.
Your mother’s problems go a lot deeper than insecurity. Stay away.
Load More Replies... Maybe women do feel more strongly......saying this as a feminist female BTW. My sister for one always tries to take me down a notch, whether being thinner or better at running or smarter, she always has to try to one up me.
My mom is not abusive, but when I was old enough to buy my own clothes, she would always comment that I have terrible taste in clothes, how none of it fit me and she would never wear something like this. Like she did not realize clothes that fit her body shape does not fit mine.
My mom would tell me, "I love you but I don't like you. It took me becoming a mom to realize that she is a a narcissist who plays the victim.
I had an aunt who, who I told I was getting married, grabbed one of my love handles and asked "Why? Are you pregnant?" At a family Thanksgiving dinner. We did get engaged after 2 years of dating, just for context
My mom has told me constantly that I look just like my dad, and that he looks like his mom. Then turns around and says that his mom was an ugly witch. My mom is obese, and gets mad if any of use lose any weight. She will call us all anorexic if we weigh less than her but then make comments about how much more beautiful she is than us.
How do this women measure breast size??? Asking for a daughter
My mom blamed me for her getting pregnant with me on her wedding night. Through out the years when people started noticing how beautiful (I used to be), so she projected her jealousy on me by making comments about how fat and ugly I was. I wasn't though. She gaslite me about every thing. She would tell her friends that I had a saggy a**e and other things like that. She kept telling me that if she had married her solider bf, Id be beautiful. So now I have super low self esteem, even though my husband tells me everyday that he loves me and thinks Im beautiful.
Boy...out of EACH story, my mother was built. From bra stories..."you don't need a bra, you're 12, you just want attention"...fast forward to 2 weeks later and me bringing home a letter from school nurse saying I need a bra...result...a B cup. To her final words..."I was mean to you because you didn't have a sister" ...well...??? All I can say...burn in hell b****h. You ruined me and I got stuck with you and over $100,000 in Psych bills. I pray to God everyday you don't EVER get reincarnated.
My mother was also this person. Always cruel and critical especially of my weight which was never outside a healthy weight. When I was pregnant with my daughter she was on a low carb diet and insisted that I shouldn’t be eating carbohydrates while pregnant ?! Unfortunately my daughter was born with special needs and my mothers direct words to me were- it is my fault she has brain damage because I ate bagels while pregnant 🫤
My grandmother is probably gonna see this but whatever She constantly gets on my ass about eating, to the point where she makes remarks like "you just ate, put the food away" or "if you eat that, your gonna get fat" and its always when i actually feel hungry and when i haven't ate for 1-2 hours. Now, I know that she has body image problems and she wishes he was thinner, but i dont think its excuseable. I have also told her that i have body image problems and all the has done is give me a lotion to get rid of stretch marks and say "you better get rid of those stretch marks before swimming time comes around" :/
Is it a generational thing to be obsessive over someone else's weight? I'm talking the boomer generation and older. I personally couldn't give a rats a*** about others weight
My mom has had her moments. I got married very young and I've always had to hear snarky comments about how I was missing out on life and only settling and making a big mistake. My mom was 23 when she got married and had me and yes I was much younger. But watching my parent's marriage for decades now, my own conclusion is that she's jealous. I've been with my husband for 18 years now and she still has nothing good to say but at least my husband and I communicate with each other and do things together, her and my dad should never have gotten married. I've gotten blamed a few times for her being unhappy because she married my dad who actually wanted kids. I may have been an accident but it's not my fault she's miserable. Now I get to be her therapist while she talks crap about my dad, something I've repeatedly asked her to stop doing.
Mine always says I'm a tomboy, and hides the clothes I buy for myself and replaces them with the ones she likes (more girly, acording to her). Says hurtful things about my acne and bodyweight. Some months ago she started saying my hair was too long and didn't stop until I cut it (I refused to cut it more than 3cm but that pleased her? It's still long). Refuses to acknowledge asexuality as a real thing, saying that's made up, and says that I have depression and anxiety because I want to. She has always compared me to my female cousin, using her as an example when we're totally the opposite in most aspects. I think that all this comes from her having 6 siblings and the necessity of feeling better than them. Since I don't fall into her standards she think the rest of the world won't like me either. I honestly don't care about what others think about me, but she can be such a pain. Dad was the one who used to tell me compliments but he passed away. Oh and she won't give hugs or kisses -->
---> (2) because she is still salty about me leaving uni and before that having a boyfriend she didn't like, which she interprets as a huge treason since I "rebelled against her". Let me tell you I have never had a rebel phase, I never drinked or smoked or stayed out late, I guess she was too accostumed of having a girl that always did what she expected that couldn't bear seeing I was making a decision for myself. *Sigh* [Edit: that happened like 13 years ago!]
Load More Replies... I' m quite shocked, how many of you were abused in this way. Mothers love and presence is the first contact for a child and has hugh impact of so many behaviours and later interactions. People who cause such pain are often used to be abused too, but there is no excusion to stay in this conditioned behaviour and do such a damage to your kids. Shame them...I hope you all find peace someday. It's not your look, your weight etc. that values your being and love never needs to be deserved. I hope some of you leave this familiar paths and choose love support and awareness as parents- so healing can be done
My mom had issues with her body, which I noticed but I don't think she knew..she never put them on me. She mostly encouraged and made us eat healthy lol. When desserts showed up, it was first come first serve and we chowed down LOL. The balance wasn't perfect lol but oh well. I still developed an eating disorder and struggled for 10 years. Can't blame our parents for everything.
feel so bad for some of these posters. fortunately, my mom was supportive in all areas save one: that my interests were more masculine (woodworking, automotive, motorcycles, etc.) & a bit of an activist. she had raised me with very traditional training (cooking, sewing, etc) which i learned well but didn't have an interest in doing unless i had a project in mind. after she passed i commented to dad that i must have been a disappointment to her & he said yes, i was but she was also very proud of my assertive & independent as these were things he thought she was envious. looking back, i know that we had our differences our perspectives of what being a woman was but i also know that she supported me in every endeavor regardless of how she may have disapproved. to me, that was pretty awesome that she could support me despite her own feelings.
