‘Murdered By Words’: 50 Epic Comebacks That Immediately Put Jerks In Their Place (New Pics)
Welcome to the internet, a place to find like-minded people no matter what your background is. Sounds fun, right? Sadly, it can become quite toxic. And we're the ones to blame for it. Racism, misogyny, classism; all of society's wounds fester online just as much as they do in real life.
However, being insulting and mean often comes right back to bite you. Amongst the most impressive ways to fight internet trolls is by using the epic art of the comeback. Fierce, well-constructed, and piercingly accurate arguments end up in the subreddit called Murdered By Words. This community with over 2.6M members is the place where verbal assassins cut right through the BS and share some of the best burns.
When you’re done scrolling through this list, you’ll find some more inspiration for savage comebacks by checking out Bored Panda’s previous posts on the subreddit here, here, and here.
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F***ing Dumb Is An Understatement
A while back, Bored Panda talked to the mods of r/MurderedByWords who said that "a murder should (but doesn't always have to) be more than a quick response or retort. The best murders are well-constructed, thought-out responses that leave the opening argument completely without any ability to reply.“
And there's more than one way to crush your opponent verbally. A burn or “a quick rapier thrust or stab to the heart (a short, swift reply) can be just as deadly as a drawn-out murder, and you'll frequently see both types in this sub," the moderator explained. And as you can guess, put-downs shared in this group might be some of the most enjoyable one-liners in human history.
But when you end up in the middle of a heated argument, emotions can take over. Especially if the person you're disagreeing with is sticking to an opinion that's just nonsense. So having in mind the rise in the number of flat earthers and anti-vaxxers, staying civil on the internet these past years can seem like an impossible task.
Satanists Just Don't Acknowledge Religions
And while ruthless put-downs seem entertaining in the online world, other principles apply when you're arguing with someone in real life. To find out more about how to deal with those who mock you, Bored Panda reached out to Neel Burton, M.D., a psychiatrist, philosopher and author of Heaven and Hell: The Psychology of the Emotions.
Burton is doubtful that throwing put-downs to the mockers actually make us feel better. "Someone who's insulting you is already in a weak position—or why would they be insulting you—so it would be unkind to shatter them completely. If you respond with compassionate silence, the message will be both stronger and kinder,“ he advised.
Murdered And Exposed And Torn Asunder...
Deserved It
what did she expect in a gender neutral bathroom? men lining up and waiting for her until she finishes using the bathroom?
Clinical psychotherapist Eva Jajonie agrees with this line of thinking, and offers this explanation as to why the desire to offend someone is a sign of vulnerability: "When suppressed concerns and feelings, such as lack of self-esteem; self-defeating thoughts and behaviors; guilt; and anger, for example, are not treated or dealt with, the person uses insults to unleash anger, to escape dealing with the pain or trauma experienced.”
See Ya, Wouldn't Wanna Be Ya
Hey America! Can you feel the burn of the Australian Sun hitting you?
Say Her Name
Now that we know someone who is taking a cheap shot at you isn't that much of a threat, another thing to consider is status. According to Burton, we should try to keep our integrity: "If you engage the insulter on their own level, you are bringing yourself down and giving their insult far too much legitimacy.“ Staying levelheaded during an argument is not easy, but can be learned with practice. Like, try to notice when the adrenaline starts kicking in stopping it. Or take some deep breaths to remain calm, whatever method works for you.
What Did You Do?
Science Is Hard
Just learned that IV drips contain a body-altering substance called 'vitamins'. All people who died had at some stage consumed vitamins. Never using IV drips again.
Do you know that IV is roman numerals for 4? Well! If you add two to four, you get six. And what is 6 x 111? That's right! 666.
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Yes, that's right. I, an autistic person, have consumed water. Oh. No. /s
It had been scientifically proven that 100% of people who died had been inhaling gas containing significant amounts of O. I'm so done with that.
I agree - the Government need to do something about that. I pay my taxes dammit!
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But guys, think about it. Every single person who has died was at some point exposed to dihydrogen monoxide!
We're living in a culture where a 16 year old boy who stole a car, got high on laughing gas and drove head on into an ambulance seriously wounding the medics, in the process killing himself and 2 of his friends (14 &15 years) in the car, is "A really good kid who made a silly mistake."
This sound more like satire, and that person 2 didnt get the joke.
the 1st person was definitely joking, however the antivaxxers are stupid enough to quote something like this, so i can't blame the 2nd person for not understanding it
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The tragedy of modern age, is never being quite sure.
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You’re only anti-VAX until you catch COVID-19 and lying in your bed begging for the vaccine.
And then you're a soon-to-be-statistic wasting some deserving person's resources, spending your last moments on this earth blubbering like a three-year-old. Stupid fvcks, every last one of 'em. Glad they're not breathing MY air anymore.
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Hmmm well one is a noun and one is an adjective so not comparable. Consider how offensive the word n****r and f****t are and that will give you an idea of how offensive the word b***h is
Load More Replies... but that means water causes autism, I'll have to only drink Mountain Dew now
And make sure your plants get enough Brawndo ;)
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People talking about dangerous dihydrogen monoxide are usually joking
Yep! :) Unfortunately, sometimes that joking tone doesn't quite translate-- especially for the humor-impaired.
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There is way too many stupid people out there. It's why the cheeto won in the first place. He figured there was a lot of idiots, racists and overall morons out there and tapped into it. I don't even mind that his supporters are dropping like flies and getting their Herman Cain Awards.
Just discovered there is a substance all around us called oxygen. It can be inhaled by breathing and is known to cause chemical reactions in your lungs. I will be wearing scuba gear from now on so that I'm only breathing air instead.
Hydrogen is explosively flammable. Oxygen feeds combustion. Don't ever mix them near an open flame!
One of the actual risk-factors to having autistic children, is having rubella while pregnant. You know what keeps you from having rubella? The MMR VACCINE!!! Anti-vaxxers provably cause more autism than they prevent...
I mean, maybe it's real, but the original post just seems like satire to me.
I'm so addicted to O2 that I pump it from tanks through tubing and straight into my nose!
Just more proof anti vaxxers have no bloody idea what they are talking about.
well jellyfish literally have no brain and they survive, so, I think Hobbes was wrong about this world.
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She’s not wrong though. Every person with autism has consumed water. Myself included
Drowning in a pool - good example of yet another danger of dihydrogen monoxide.
Just learned that 100% of people who ate food have died at some point. I am now #antifood
The reason that this rant from the anti-vaxxer is so off the charts awful is that it literally takes two Google seconds to look up wtf dihydrogen monoxide actually is. This dumb twit probably spends half her life reading baseless crap but is too intellectually lazy to look up something she doesn't understand. I absolutely have no patience for such people....and very little sympathy when their stupidity comes back around to bite them in the butt.
Not to mention little "warnings" on coffee cups letting McD's customers know that what's inside might be hot....
Although you can't cure stupid, Covid might help remove them from the gene pool.
Well, all autistic children have consumed water at one point in their lives though I wouldn't say that's what caused autism
Here's a satirical article warning of the dangers of Dihydrogen Monoxide. I'd heard from a Chem teacher that some students actually managed to get it banned in a small town in Texas before they realized it was just water, but I don't know how true that is. https://www.lockhaven.edu/~dsimanek/dhmo.htm
Technically, water causes autism. Cuz without water, they wouldn't even be life on earth.
Just learned that air is full of oxygen. ALL people who have EVER died have breathed this stuff. Scientifically proven.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 This cracked me up everytime. Yes!! Drinking H2O is very bad for your health. Drink wine instead, taste better.
Lol person who was born w autism here, i have had my two doses, now I "supposedly" have triple autism
The original post sounds like snarky sarcasm to me, though. Or at least I hope to God it was.
Did some of these people even attend school as they were growing up????
Did u know everyone who's died inhaled OXYGEN??! Never trusting the government again #oxygenisoverrated
Just learned there is a chemical in the air we breathe called N2. Everyone that has ever died has been exposed to this chemical. Never breathing again.
Bean bag shaped, mayonnaise filled men who don't get satire haha! What a loser
Any human immersed in dihydrogen monoxide dies after several minutes. Stand for the ban of this deadly chemical!
Well, she's not wrong... all children with autism have consumed dihydrogen monoxide at some point in their lives. Sounds more like they're making fun of anti-vaxxers' anti-science.
Could be worse. Imagine what a lung full of N2O2ArCO2NeHeCH4KrH2Xe would be like
Ah yes this is the type of person that needs the warning on the toaster." Do not use in bath..."
Did you know that was water spelled out? By the way, the jerk calling her a b**** - entirely uncalled for
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Unfortunately, you don’t get to choose if a portion of our population dies, and if you’d just do it bc you’re a decent person NO ONE WOULD NEED TO FORCE YOU!! Now, go put that shopping cart back where it belongs and quit waiting for everything to be done for you!
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But when you hear ignorant slurs, it's often difficult to just stand by. Here's where using humor can be extremely effective. "A good comeback is one that the insulter can also laugh at. It should not be too devastating. Ideally, it should be tangential, maybe even absurd,“ Burton explained. If your reply is funny, well-timed and well delivered, it can diffuse the tension of the situation and undercut the mockery.
The Call Is Coming From Inside The House
As a Non-American, I am still struggling hard to understand why everything that even remotely resembles a working social system is condsidered communism... It works in nearly every other country, with such side effects as keeping criminality low, eliminating the need for guns, raising the statistical life expectancy.
It's So Obvious And They Still Miss It
Got Sonned
To make the web a kinder and safer place, do an ethical 'gut test' before sharing, commenting, or posting. Just remember, the Murdered By Words community is always watching and no insults or cruel comments get past their sharp eyes.
How’s That Racism?
Shoot Like A Girl
"Bean-bag shaped mayonnaise-filled men" let that sink in for a minute. 🤣
I Will Leave This Kind Of Debate To You People
no genuinely nice, good person will care. the negative comments will come from jerks
"You Have Your Quiver On Backwards"
There Is Nothing Inherently Great About Any Country
are you serious? its not like people go "huh I think I want to be born in a terrible country, try to escape, but end up locked up instead. yes that sounds like a perfect life"
Cognitive Dissonance (He Left Me On Seen Btw)
Some People Really Need To Stop Thinking About A Damn Rock
Reading Is For Suckers
When You Come For Brazil But Forget You Live In The Us
I wouldn't be surprised if they made the kids move classes just to get some energy out of their system...
What Weighs More, A Pound Of Feathers Or A Pound Of Iron?
Nonni From The Top Rope
Response About A Record Number Of Concert Attendees
Just Work Harder!
Had an entire conversation with a coworker about this. He's very convinced if he lost everything tomorrow, he'd be back to fine within a year. I countered with, so you'd just go out and get another job huh? Where are you going to shower? Where are you going to sleep? What are you going to eat? How would you get to that job? What clothes do you think you'll be wearing to that job?
Don't Forget To Recycle
Same Same, But Different
They don't like it when their logic is being used against them! They're always "yes, but..."
Embarrassing, Indeed
Shame On You, Crayola!
I fully understand how offensive the "n-word" is in the USA (for historical reasons and all), but Americans also need to understand that in other countries/cultures/languages it is not considered an offensive word (or it's just mildly offensive). It's unrealistic to expect everyone in the world to follow your cultural norms.
Parental Disparages
Accurate. In the U.S., studies show that Black and white people use drugs at roughly the same rates, but Black people are 2-11 times more likely to be arrested for it, depending on the state. If you live in a state that has legalized marijuana but hasn't committed to reevaluating the sentences for people in prison for marijuana-related convictions, I hope you call your politicians and speak out.
I Don’t Know If That Counts
The Misspell Just Perfects It
Lovely Trisha (31) enjoys barbeques, monster truck rally, and incest...
Arrivederci Amore Mio
Don't Disrespect Tom Hanks
Alabama Would Like To Have A Word
Is this idiot trying to draw a comparison from forced child marriage to equal marriage rights between two consenting adults? I just can't deal with that level of stupid. Even if that was what was in the picture, the comparison is just so very absurd.
Dude Just Roasted The Entire Human Race
Anti-Birth Control And Probably Anti-Abortion Mbw
my birth control are pretty great for my health though :D good skin, easy periods and less stress is good for both mental and physical wellbeing
Quitting 101
Nyt Reporter Has A Basic Question For Minnesota's Rollout Of "Not-Reaching Pouches," A Bold New Innovation In Hoping Cops Don't Shoot You!
Killed A Guy And One Country In A Single Sentence
Dude Wants “Young Woman To Help Rule His Kingdom”
Why would any young woman want to help you run your imaginary ‘kingdom’?
Let's Get The Ignorant Ones To Write Policies
Myabe if he'd been around when his kids were babies he would know what is involved with having one.
Is That More Of An Oops Or A Whoops?
Dolphins Are Intelligent Animals
Gender is how you feel in your soul. Heck, if in your soul, you feel you are a dolphin and every day you want to commit to being a dolphin, be seen as a dolphin, and be treated as a dolphin, go for it buddy. I expect you'll quickly realize gender isn't a game and it's more complicated than you thought.
You Tell Him!
People like that will never admit to be in the wrong. They are always the victim, even when they exert violence on someone else (Says "See what you made me do!?" while beating up someone)
Can't Find Anyone To Hire
Sorry but just because you have a business doesn't mean the world owes you employees.
Anti-Vax Takedown On Nextdoor
Fact Checking Has Become A Bloodsport...
The company i work for has 240,000 employees and said "you don't get vaccinated by Nov 18th, you're fired" and i think that is wonderful.
And As His Second And Third Too
Opposite Gender
Note: this post originally had 76 images. It’s been shortened to the top 50 images based on user votes.
The one with Crayola made me remember of a Buzzfeed video where Americans, I think, were comparing American and Canadian food or things. When they learned our whole milk is called homo milk they immediately thought it was a reference to homosexuals and being offensive. Homo is short for homogenized. Meanwhile, Canada legalized guy marriage before the US. But that's long old news now.
Why would anyone make offensive milk? 🤣 Wait 'til they hear about homo sapiens
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Curious as to why the word “raping” was redacted. It’s a crime not a vulgar slur. Would you redact the word “murder”?
Because apparently it's a "taboo subject" that shouldn't be talked about... Which is stupid as hell, as that discourages victims from ever speaking up!
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US is bad because of Trump. Who would be Hitler if we let him. And almost did.
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I mean, the USA does royally suck right now and it's about time we step up and realize how badly we need to change.
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that's because America is doing a lot of bad/stupid things right now...
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The one with Crayola made me remember of a Buzzfeed video where Americans, I think, were comparing American and Canadian food or things. When they learned our whole milk is called homo milk they immediately thought it was a reference to homosexuals and being offensive. Homo is short for homogenized. Meanwhile, Canada legalized guy marriage before the US. But that's long old news now.
Why would anyone make offensive milk? 🤣 Wait 'til they hear about homo sapiens
Load More Replies... Curious as to why the word “raping” was redacted. It’s a crime not a vulgar slur. Would you redact the word “murder”?
Because apparently it's a "taboo subject" that shouldn't be talked about... Which is stupid as hell, as that discourages victims from ever speaking up!
Load More Replies... US is bad because of Trump. Who would be Hitler if we let him. And almost did.
Load More Replies... I mean, the USA does royally suck right now and it's about time we step up and realize how badly we need to change.
Load More Replies... that's because America is doing a lot of bad/stupid things right now...
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