Guy Gets Fired As A Result Of A Female Co-Worker Reporting Him To HR Because He Kept Complaining About Her Buzzcut
It’s nice when friends notice when you change something in your appearance, like wearing new earrings, or that you got a new haircut, and compliment it. But it is a different story when a colleague is commenting on your appearance, especially when you are not close and when they actually don’t like the change.
A woman was subjected to hearing her colleague repeatedly telling her her new haircut didn’t suit her and that she should return to what she looked like before. The woman didn’t put up with such harassment and without really meaning it, got the man fired. But it turns out that standing up for herself wasn’t acceptable, as other colleagues thought she overreacted.
More info: Reddit
You can’t even get a haircut without being harassed for it at work, as it seems for this woman
Image source: Sascha Kohlmann (not the actual photo)
The Redditor Haircut49 is a woman who always had long hair, but felt a desire for a new look, so she decided to get a buzzcut. As you can imagine, it is a big change of style and one of her colleagues didn’t fail to notice it.
The Original Poster (OP) was always friendly with this colleague, but it seems that they weren’t close. However, he allowed himself to freely express his disgust at seeing the woman’s scalp, to which he got an insult back.
After that, the man wasn’t as rude as before, but he just couldn’t stop commenting on the OP’s new hairstyle and was vocal about his hopes that she would grow her hair back because it was so beautiful back then, as if he had a right to command how she should look.
The woman was annoyed that her colleague just couldn’t get over it and wouldn’t stop bringing it up, so she kept telling him to stop. Her requests meant nothing to the man, so she had to have a serious talk with him about how inappropriately he was behaving.
She previously had long hair and wanted to try out a buzzcut
Image source: Haircut49
It seems that worked for a while, but the remarks resumed where they ended, this time with him excusing it away by saying that they were just jokes. The OP was done with her idiotic coworker at this point and figured that if he doesn’t listen to her, maybe he sees the HR as a bigger authority.
Other coworkers found out about this drama unfolding and accused the woman of overreacting. They couldn’t understand why she wouldn’t just tell him that it bothered her so much or threaten him with HR instead of actually filing a report.
One of her colleagues really didn’t like this haircut and made sure she knew that by continuing telling that to her
Image source: Haircut49
We can only imagine that the OP’s frustration could be compared to that of a person calling an IT specialist who asks if you tried turning the computer off and on to fix a problem. Not only did she try talking to that man, but she had a serious conversation with him and he even apologized, but apparently he wasn’t really sorry for his words.
Besides, she didn’t want him fired, or to have any other serious consequences on his career, but because it seems that a woman’s wishes are not enough, she tried to have them confirmed by someone in power.
The woman repeatedly asked the man to stop and at one point he even apologized but kept “joking” about it shortly after
Image source: Haircut49
It was a good thing she did, because her bravery made 3 other women file complaints against the same colleague and actually got him fired. The OP doesn’t know what he did to those other women, but was guessing that it was something serious as otherwise she doesn’t believe he would have been fired.
We don’t really know where the OP is from, but in the UK, the behavior of the man would have been considered harassment as picking on someone regularly falls under that definition, according to the Equality Act 2010.
All Voices, a platform for employees to communicate with their employers, conducted a survey trying to find out more about harassment in the workplace. They questioned 822 (52.8 percent were male, and 47.2 percent were female respondents) Americans who work full-time and found out that 44 percent of them have experienced harassment and bullying at work both in person and online as well as discrimination.
Half of them admitted they didn’t report the inappropriate behavior. Of those who did report the harassment, only a little bit more than half were satisfied with the resolution and 34 percent decided to leave their workplaces because of the unresolved issues.
So the woman did what felt logical and went to the HR to make the man keep his annoying comments to himself, but received a negative reaction from other colleagues
Image source: Haircut49
However, she realized it was the right thing to do when other women complained and the man actually got fired
Image source: Haircut49
You might be wondering why people don’t report behavior that shouldn’t be seen in the workplace. Well, according to HR Daily Advisor, there might be a lot of different reasons, such as feeling that they might have done something to prevent the harassment from happening, they might think nobody will believe them anyway or they witnessed a company not supporting the victim in similar situations, etc.
However, Business News Daily advises reporting the behavior anyway because it might be that you’re not the only victim and your testimony is the evidence the company needs to take action. Or you may pave the way for others to speak up, as this Redditor did.
Image source: Celeste (not the actual photo)
Why do you think her colleagues were so shocked to know the OP went to HR even though she was patient enough with the man persisting that her haircut didn’t look good on her? Do you think she was too sensitive and should have just ignored her colleague? Let us know your thoughts!
People in the comments were on the woman’s side and believed she clearly expressed her feelings before resorting to a report to HR
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Her complaint alone was unlikely to get him fired on its own - it got him the sensitivity training. So the firing was unrelated to OP, except maybe as additional evidence of his inability to update his behaviour to 2022 out of 1952.
There was an OP update section - other women reported him also. Maybe even more serious issues of harassment?
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It's called the male gaze. Its the belief that woman should be under the gaze of men as objects of desire - regardess of who or where.
This post is me being pedantic, because I think it is important to not misrepresent what the Male gaze is. The Male Gaze refers to media defaulting perspective to meet cis/hetero male ideals. This frequently is demonstrated when media sexualizes it's potrayal of women. But it also includes lots of other b******t like making men the protagonist by default, a tendency to show women in power as inferior... How relation dynamics are presented. Depicting women as only really happy in traditional female roles. It can also be seen in when media depicts non masculine men in derogatory fashion. Or being critical of non hetero relationships. It can also refer to how media depicts what it takes to be a successful man, and how successful men are portrayed. Using it outside of media criticism isn't wrong, Its just a lot more than just believing women need to be sexual attractive to men.
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A friend had the most amazing shining golden blonde curls. She shaved her head. She loves it. I hate it. I will never say a word. Not one. Not my hair, not my problem.
Exactly. The OP didn't expect the guy to like it. I imagine that she didn't care one way or another. It was when he had to open his big mouth and repeatedly bug her about the way he found her appearance personally unappealing.
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Definitely nta, but this seems like a toxic workplace all round if three other people only felt like they had the right and ability to complain after you did. And that he either did something to one of them that was firing worthy or continued to systemically abuse people even after HR talked to him.
If you were NTA, then so was I. I was entering my classroom and passed my colleague who was just leaving. He made one of "those" comments, so I turned to my students and said, "You're all witnesses." He never made a crack like that again!
He made a comment like that, in front of your class? What a jerk
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Sounds like he should have listened the first time. I had a coworker keep touching me in little ways and I told him to stop. Like he would walk by and brush the back of my neck, a couple times he brushed past my a*s. I told him to stop so many times I lost count. He just laughed like it was so funny. He even had a older women coworker try to talk to me to be ok with it. She said he doesn’t mean anything by it he does it to me too, it’s not a big deal. I told her if shes ok with it thats up to her but I am not and I told him to stop at least 100 times. I didn’t want him to get in trouble I just wanted him to stop. He did something like this when I first started working there but my bf worked there to and when I told him he went and threatened the coworker and he immediately stopped. He only started again once my bf left the company. It all finally came to an end when I screamed at him in the hallway to not f*****g touch me, and a manager overheard. But wtf is wrong w/ him?
These people don't just do this to one person. People have to start reporting it for the pattern to be seen. No one has to deal with others commenting on their appearance or body.
I had a friend that got married at 16. She didn't realize what she got herself into as her new husband thought that the marriage license came with extras like him telling her what to wear. Now I'm not talking short skirts or tank tops. He told her that, since she's a redhead, she looked good in pink and he forbade her to wear anything but pink. She told him repeatedly "no." She came home one day to find out that he'd gone through her entire wardrobe and threw out everything that was not pink. Que the divorce. People can render an opinion, but if you're told your opinion will not be taken into consideration...drop it. Otherwise it rises to harassment.
Most companies make you take harassment training every year and this definitely applies. Telling someone to stop once is enough, he clearly didn’t care or respect your boundaries. He got what he deserved.
Nta at all. However when you mentioned he was bald I have a feeling he was inappropriate with your buzzcut specifically because he has probably had his baldness commented on many many times in his life. And he found a target to project his insecurity. I am bald and have had so many comments thrown at me regarding my hair. I would expect a bald man to understand and stand up to any and all hair related bullying as he knows how it feels. He is the an a*****e no doubt about it!
The second time that he turned to the "it's just a joke" trope would have had me going to a supervisor or HR. And once the OP did go to HR, THREE more women filed complaints? Yeah, that's sexual harassment. Hope the OP shows the reddit thread to the co-workers who tried to shame her.
NTA! You did due diligence in speaking with him several times. He ignored every request and talk you had with him. Time to work somewhere else for him!
Horse s**t dressed as a bride - never heard that one before and I love it.
Don't you think that a photo of a girl buzz cut for the main picture of the article would be more fitting?
As a former Senior HRM, he would have to have a wee talk to me about how offensive his comments were. To sack, him. I would need more evidence of serious abusive behaviour.
The people telling you you shouldn't have gone to HR are one of the reasons that this BS continues for years. They don't want to rock the boat because they're afraid of blowback, so these AH's get away with it. Sometimes HR isn't responsive or may even by just a cover for the boss, but if enough people go to them, they set themselves up for a lawsuit for ignoring worker complaints. These guys have gotten away with it for decades, only something extreme will either get them out of your hair (Ha!) or they'll calm down.
Regardless of my underlying opinions I always compliment anyone's (m or f) change of hairstyle. They're trying something new and may feel insecure and I've seen it give them a little boost. And besides, it's just f-ing hair.
Well he dug his own grave there. Can't blame anyone but himself now that he has to lie in it.
I had a bleaching accident that left me looking like Friar Tuck. I didn't have the option of not shaving my head. But when I came into work my boss only said "Why would I say anything and make you feel worse than you already do?" And nothing more was said about it. Although once it had grown back in I decided I wanted to shave my head again and I asked him what he thought and got the non-answer answer so I didn't. I do work in a public role officially so I will wait until I'm not in this job anymore.
Why? Because it doesn't fit into your narrow version of the world which only makes sense to you and anything which you haven't experienced must be untrue?
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I have made jokes about people and had them ask me to stop which I immediately did along with apologising for my jokes going too far and upsetting them, that's how you're supposed to behave in a normal situation so him ignoring the lassies complaints and continuing to make jokes means anything that happens is on his shoulders and not hers. The fact that other people came forward to also complain about him says he more than deserves the punishment.
Voicing his opinion as to OP's hair cut ONCE I get- they were reasonably friendly b4 this. Continually commenting for several weeks after being confronted is misogynistic- he resented OP for confronting him. It's no surprise other females reported him. He's an a-hole. Bullying/ harassment is an absolute liability for employers. Now he can go be someone else's problem. NTA OP! NTA
NTA but that guy and those coworkers are! They’re less cultured than an empty Petri dish…
He never stopped seeing it as a joke. Every time the OP told him off, he said "oh it was just a joke, we already had this talk". He may have a disability, but allowing someone to disparage a colleague's looks to their face is not a reasonable accommodation. Only women complained, so it sounds like an attitude problem. Not every socially awkward person is this stubborn about ignoring others' feelings.
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He wasn't sacked for making the comment. He was sacked for repeatedly refusing to desist when requested, and meting out possibly worse behaviour to several other women.
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Her complaint alone was unlikely to get him fired on its own - it got him the sensitivity training. So the firing was unrelated to OP, except maybe as additional evidence of his inability to update his behaviour to 2022 out of 1952.
There was an OP update section - other women reported him also. Maybe even more serious issues of harassment?
Load More Replies... It's called the male gaze. Its the belief that woman should be under the gaze of men as objects of desire - regardess of who or where.
This post is me being pedantic, because I think it is important to not misrepresent what the Male gaze is. The Male Gaze refers to media defaulting perspective to meet cis/hetero male ideals. This frequently is demonstrated when media sexualizes it's potrayal of women. But it also includes lots of other b******t like making men the protagonist by default, a tendency to show women in power as inferior... How relation dynamics are presented. Depicting women as only really happy in traditional female roles. It can also be seen in when media depicts non masculine men in derogatory fashion. Or being critical of non hetero relationships. It can also refer to how media depicts what it takes to be a successful man, and how successful men are portrayed. Using it outside of media criticism isn't wrong, Its just a lot more than just believing women need to be sexual attractive to men.
Load More Replies... A friend had the most amazing shining golden blonde curls. She shaved her head. She loves it. I hate it. I will never say a word. Not one. Not my hair, not my problem.
Exactly. The OP didn't expect the guy to like it. I imagine that she didn't care one way or another. It was when he had to open his big mouth and repeatedly bug her about the way he found her appearance personally unappealing.
Load More Replies... Definitely nta, but this seems like a toxic workplace all round if three other people only felt like they had the right and ability to complain after you did. And that he either did something to one of them that was firing worthy or continued to systemically abuse people even after HR talked to him.
If you were NTA, then so was I. I was entering my classroom and passed my colleague who was just leaving. He made one of "those" comments, so I turned to my students and said, "You're all witnesses." He never made a crack like that again!
He made a comment like that, in front of your class? What a jerk
Load More Replies... Sounds like he should have listened the first time. I had a coworker keep touching me in little ways and I told him to stop. Like he would walk by and brush the back of my neck, a couple times he brushed past my a*s. I told him to stop so many times I lost count. He just laughed like it was so funny. He even had a older women coworker try to talk to me to be ok with it. She said he doesn’t mean anything by it he does it to me too, it’s not a big deal. I told her if shes ok with it thats up to her but I am not and I told him to stop at least 100 times. I didn’t want him to get in trouble I just wanted him to stop. He did something like this when I first started working there but my bf worked there to and when I told him he went and threatened the coworker and he immediately stopped. He only started again once my bf left the company. It all finally came to an end when I screamed at him in the hallway to not f*****g touch me, and a manager overheard. But wtf is wrong w/ him?
These people don't just do this to one person. People have to start reporting it for the pattern to be seen. No one has to deal with others commenting on their appearance or body.
I had a friend that got married at 16. She didn't realize what she got herself into as her new husband thought that the marriage license came with extras like him telling her what to wear. Now I'm not talking short skirts or tank tops. He told her that, since she's a redhead, she looked good in pink and he forbade her to wear anything but pink. She told him repeatedly "no." She came home one day to find out that he'd gone through her entire wardrobe and threw out everything that was not pink. Que the divorce. People can render an opinion, but if you're told your opinion will not be taken into consideration...drop it. Otherwise it rises to harassment.
Most companies make you take harassment training every year and this definitely applies. Telling someone to stop once is enough, he clearly didn’t care or respect your boundaries. He got what he deserved.
Nta at all. However when you mentioned he was bald I have a feeling he was inappropriate with your buzzcut specifically because he has probably had his baldness commented on many many times in his life. And he found a target to project his insecurity. I am bald and have had so many comments thrown at me regarding my hair. I would expect a bald man to understand and stand up to any and all hair related bullying as he knows how it feels. He is the an a*****e no doubt about it!
The second time that he turned to the "it's just a joke" trope would have had me going to a supervisor or HR. And once the OP did go to HR, THREE more women filed complaints? Yeah, that's sexual harassment. Hope the OP shows the reddit thread to the co-workers who tried to shame her.
NTA! You did due diligence in speaking with him several times. He ignored every request and talk you had with him. Time to work somewhere else for him!
Horse s**t dressed as a bride - never heard that one before and I love it.
Don't you think that a photo of a girl buzz cut for the main picture of the article would be more fitting?
As a former Senior HRM, he would have to have a wee talk to me about how offensive his comments were. To sack, him. I would need more evidence of serious abusive behaviour.
The people telling you you shouldn't have gone to HR are one of the reasons that this BS continues for years. They don't want to rock the boat because they're afraid of blowback, so these AH's get away with it. Sometimes HR isn't responsive or may even by just a cover for the boss, but if enough people go to them, they set themselves up for a lawsuit for ignoring worker complaints. These guys have gotten away with it for decades, only something extreme will either get them out of your hair (Ha!) or they'll calm down.
Regardless of my underlying opinions I always compliment anyone's (m or f) change of hairstyle. They're trying something new and may feel insecure and I've seen it give them a little boost. And besides, it's just f-ing hair.
Well he dug his own grave there. Can't blame anyone but himself now that he has to lie in it.
I had a bleaching accident that left me looking like Friar Tuck. I didn't have the option of not shaving my head. But when I came into work my boss only said "Why would I say anything and make you feel worse than you already do?" And nothing more was said about it. Although once it had grown back in I decided I wanted to shave my head again and I asked him what he thought and got the non-answer answer so I didn't. I do work in a public role officially so I will wait until I'm not in this job anymore.
Why? Because it doesn't fit into your narrow version of the world which only makes sense to you and anything which you haven't experienced must be untrue?
Load More Replies... I have made jokes about people and had them ask me to stop which I immediately did along with apologising for my jokes going too far and upsetting them, that's how you're supposed to behave in a normal situation so him ignoring the lassies complaints and continuing to make jokes means anything that happens is on his shoulders and not hers. The fact that other people came forward to also complain about him says he more than deserves the punishment.
Voicing his opinion as to OP's hair cut ONCE I get- they were reasonably friendly b4 this. Continually commenting for several weeks after being confronted is misogynistic- he resented OP for confronting him. It's no surprise other females reported him. He's an a-hole. Bullying/ harassment is an absolute liability for employers. Now he can go be someone else's problem. NTA OP! NTA
NTA but that guy and those coworkers are! They’re less cultured than an empty Petri dish…
He never stopped seeing it as a joke. Every time the OP told him off, he said "oh it was just a joke, we already had this talk". He may have a disability, but allowing someone to disparage a colleague's looks to their face is not a reasonable accommodation. Only women complained, so it sounds like an attitude problem. Not every socially awkward person is this stubborn about ignoring others' feelings.
Load More Replies... He wasn't sacked for making the comment. He was sacked for repeatedly refusing to desist when requested, and meting out possibly worse behaviour to several other women.
Load More Replies... 
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