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This Twitter Page Documents Only The Most Savage Yet Also Clever Comebacks, And Here’re 30 Of The Best Ones
Crafting a snappy and witty comeback that’ll grab everyone’s attention is no easy feat. However, all that effort and comedic instinct are worth it—if it’s on the internet, it might just live on in the digital hall of fame in screenshot form. Who knows, you might see peeps sharing your comeback for years and years. Ego boost? Yes, please!
One place where these legendary testaments to people’s wit are documented is the ‘Clever Comebacks’ page on Twitter. Having been founded just a few short months ago, in February, it’s grown to have nearly 67k followers since then.
We’ve collected the crème de la crème of clever comebacks for you to enjoy, dear Pandas, so go on and have a look at them below. Hopefully, some of these will inspire you to greatness the next time you need a snappy one-liner. Don’t forget to upvote the ones you enjoyed the most and let us know what the very best comeback you’ve ever said or written was in the comments.
I reached out to British musical stand-up comedian and comedy writer Ariane Sherine to talk to her about comebacks, the role that courage plays in comedy, and how we can overcome our fear of being judged whether on-stage or on-screen. Have a read below for Bored Panda's interview with the humor expert.
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"Courage is hugely important," British comedian Ariane told Bored Panda about its role in comedy. "The more courageous you are, the more you'll shed your inhibitions and the greater the chance that you'll say something shocking and funny."
According to the comedy expert, the element of surprise is "essential" to comedy. And more often than not, "there's an edge or a hint of cruelty" in most jokes and comebacks. "If you're timid and careful, then you're probably not going to want to offend people with comebacks and will be polite rather than witty," she said.
The anonymity that the internet and social media provide can be a double edged sword: it can help people feel freer because they'll take criticism less personally, but it can also empower bullies to spew hatred. Comedian Ariane agreed that anonymity is a tool and everything depends on how we use it.
"We feel freer to say things we wouldn't say in real life, but that also means we're more likely to be hurtful. I think the same is true of being on stage for comics—when we're holding the mic we feel free to dispense with niceties," she gave us her take on the relationship between anonymity, honesty, and comedy.
In reply to "Something" - Umm, prepare to have your mind blown: you can eat more than one slice of cake.
Bored Panda was also intrigued to find out how best not to freeze up when you're going on-stage as a comedian or if we're paralized for fear of being rejected before posting a joke or a witty comeback. "Alcohol! Only joking. I guess it's to remember that fear of rejection never got anyone anywhere," Ariane quipped and then pointed out that we have to focus on what our end goals really are. "All the comics you admire have overcome fear of rejection. So do you want to make people laugh or not?"
Comebacks, from cool and clever to lame and drab, are nothing new to us. Previously, I’d also spoken with comedian Ariane about the art of the comeback, as she's an insider in the world of comedy, timing, and shutting down hecklers.
Speed, according to Ariane, is where the essence of comebacks lies. Without it, our attempts at humor can fall flat. “I think the most important thing with comebacks is speed. Even if the joke isn't a total zinger, people will be impressed by your quickfire response," she told Bored Panda in an earlier interview.
Put "decent people" instead of women. It still works, but it is more accurate and inclusive.
However, unlike us mere mortals, most stand-up comics actually come prepared. They’ve got an entire repertoire of comebacks at the ready, just in case they need to shut down a heckler or fire off a rapid put-down or two. What’s more, comedians tend to share these comebacks with one another.
“We're not all as fast and talented as it seems! But if we're doing stand-up, our own routines will be original—it's just heckle putdowns that might not be," Ariane gave us an insight into the giggle industry.
Ariane highlighted the fact that you grow your emotional resilience with experience as a comedian. Over time, you get better at delivering comebacks and how quickly you can do so. “You don't want to give them the chance to reject you—you've got to get in there first with a funny insult!" she said about the dynamic between the performer and the audience if the latter’s feeling a tad cheeky and wants to have a go at ruining the show.
I hate how you can’t comment on people down arrowed. Anyway, to the sexist guys who only seem to care about embryos not actual living babies “no uterus, no opinion”
They found men who wore a mask were better than those who didn't because no woman wants to go near someone with a high risk of carrying COVID-19
If you feel like you’re not up to snuff, you really should draw on others for inspiration when it comes to good comedy. Whether it’s reading through tons of screenshots of clever comebacks that you find on the net or watching reruns of your favorite comedians (both are great).
However, British comedy pro Ariane pointed out that you shouldn’t be stealing original stand-up material for your own shows. It’s fine if you’re doing it to impress your friends, but there’s a certain code of honor that pops up when you start earning money for your jokes.
Here's a radical thought: maybe being concerned for the greater good is beneficial for the individual. We live in a society, not in isolated cells.
Ariane told Bored Panda something that most people know but few voice aloud: it’s very clear to everybody when a comeback is good and when it’s so bad, you’ll be remembering it and cringing for years. We instinctively know what’s quality and what’s best left on the dusty lower shelf in the joke store.
I'm not against science, but I don't think you can convince someone whose reasoning is based on religion with science theory... The 1st thing they would ask is, how can you prove that uranium has a 4.5 billion half-life? who is documenting this? The problem is, both sides don't see the other as having proof.
How? Math. Who is documenting this? Tens of thousands of scientists over the years. By knowing how many atoms a material started with, and then measuring what’s left, you can measure ages of old objects. It's called radiometric dating and it works because radioactive elements decay in predictable fashion. You don't need to measure the whole process (it's impossible), but if you measured even 0.00001% of the process, given that it's predictable, there are formulas for determining the half-life. I'll give you an extremely oversimplified example just so you can have a visual. Sit in a chair in a quiet room and clear your thoughts so your heartbeat is stable and has no reason to spike. Feel your pulse at your jugular with two fingers, look at your watch and count the pulse for 10 seconds. Say you counted 14. 14 x 6 = 84 bpm. You didn't have to sit there measuring your pulse for a full minute. You used maths to determine your pulse. Same principle.
Load More Replies...Actually the Earth IS at least 4000 years old. That's true. Earth was here, 4000 years ago. It was also around 4.5 billion years ago, so you're both correct.
That’s some elemental reasoning. [pinky in corner of mouth] [i’m a bad boy smirk]
What is the half life of plastic LEGOs? If I build something is it as old as the pieces I build it with. Your uranium 238 argument suggests that the uranium was invented during the formation of the planet. I propose that it already existed when it was used to form the earth.
F-ck no, the burden of their proof should lie with these crazy young earthers. They are the ones suggesting something against mainstream accepted science.
Just like all the other crazy ideas (round earth) that just happen to be suggested by the Bible. At some point, the Bible will be completely proved. Until then, it will just be a source of crazy ideas like electric lighting. (See Exodus 3:2)
Load More Replies...People whose reading ability isn’t up to scratch might have problems parsing the information. There’s a lot of information around that is simply too hard to understand for many poor readers. Support easy language information, wherever you’re from. The problem is global and it’s affecting democracies everywhere.
You can literally Google anything, add the phrase "for dummies", and get a simplified version of the info. Eloquent speakers, and adept readers, should not have to simplify their information to appease the illiterate. That will make the general population less intelligent. If anyone needs help improving their reading skills, they should talk to their local librarian; who can recommend a reading program. Using big words does not necessarily mean prententiousness. What some may call complicated, others may call simple. You are guilty of not supporting easy language information; "parsing" is archaic and not in common use, and "up to scratch" is a boxing idiom that is not globally common. The only way to simplify this post, would be to say "Uranium takes longer than 4,000 years to create lead. We already have lead, so the earth must be more than 4,000." But that leaves out a lot of supportive information.
Load More Replies...Dumb! When the responder has been around 4.5 billion years to prove that is U-238's half life, we can talk again. How can one argue a theory with another theory?
I'd say even Young Earth Creationists want you to change your mind. Don't they usually say that the world is 6000 years old?
polonium-210 is suuuuper dangerous and was used in some russian murder. look it up!
Lots of fancy words that prove nothing. A. The universe is older than earth in every single creation story. B. You really think a time-spanning, universe-designing/creating DIETY would really get stumped over how to make individual subatomic particles act in a particular way? Of course the earth is approximately 3.xb years old but such an argument cannot prove it.
the world is 6000+ years old, just that a biblical year is equal to a billion plus julian calendar years. :-) - same as a Biblical day.
People like that would either argue that God created lead in the first place and/or that it’s a lie 🤷🏼♂️
I am not the sharpest tool in the shed, but, how can ANYONE know it takes 4.5 billion years to do "anything" ? Seriously, could someone explain his answer to me ?
By measuring the actual rate of decay, then calculating from that how long it would take for half of your sample to decay into lead.
Load More Replies..."Change my mind" translation: "I am too stubborn to alter my worldview because I'd rather look like an idiot than admit I was incorrect" alternatively "I am rigid and unchanging and will be forgotten about with the rest of my creed in several decades"
Yep. Lead is the end product of the radioactive decay of uranium. It doesn't come from any other source. And given that it takes approximately 4.5 billion years for half of a given amount of uranium to decay into lead, and considering that uranium and lead exist in roughly equal amounts on Earth, approximately how old is Earth?
Load More Replies...Wait, so you think the "Garden of Eden" was less than 4000 years ago? Bwahaha
You'd be surprised how many creationists don't believe dinosaurs ever existed. In what passes for their minds, the fossils are all fakes, either perpetrated by scientists or by their Cosmic Bad Guy to lure the faithful away from the Cosmic Good Guy.
Load More Replies...All of those numbers are man made and based off of time man has assigned it.
So are the hours it takes for the earth to rotate, the days it takes for the earth to revolve around the sun, and the years it took for you to develop a semblance of brain activity.
Load More Replies...He could have also used $30 million to built houses to fight homelessness.
Note: this post originally had 42 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
“It needs to be very fast, well-timed, and take people by surprise as well as being clever, witty, and immediately understandable,” the stand-up comedian listed all the things that a comeback needs in order to grab our attention and make us laugh.
I am grateful that BP reposts from Twitter, Tumblr and Reddit, because I don't spend time on those apps.
All I gotta say is that there are a lot of trolls on the internet and the best way to deal with them is to not give them any attention at all ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
But it's more fun of you do give them attention
Load More Replies...Ok so me and my sis were on the bus yesterday and some dumbass boys were hung annoying. So anyways one of them tells her "I bet your dad spends more money on milk than you!" And she just ignored him and he said "Aww, are you gonna cry?" And she whips around with the biggest smile and says "At least my dad came home with the milk" IT WAS THE BEST COMEBACK EVER
Ok so the point of the original joke the boys were trying to make was following the story of like a dad going to get milk and never coming back, just their own dumb version of it
Load More Replies...Ok, funny article, but does anyone else find when they click the upvote button they get a pop up to another website? it's super annoying.
Use uBlock origin as an addon in your browserand you won't get ad popups.
Load More Replies...This is just a forum for one guys posts. Don't veil it, just call it "an account i like"
I found this gem... probably no one looks down here but i thought it was a good comment >:D Screen-Sho...01-png.jpg
I'm on 240% magnification, and I still can't see that.
Load More Replies...I am grateful that BP reposts from Twitter, Tumblr and Reddit, because I don't spend time on those apps.
All I gotta say is that there are a lot of trolls on the internet and the best way to deal with them is to not give them any attention at all ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
But it's more fun of you do give them attention
Load More Replies...Ok so me and my sis were on the bus yesterday and some dumbass boys were hung annoying. So anyways one of them tells her "I bet your dad spends more money on milk than you!" And she just ignored him and he said "Aww, are you gonna cry?" And she whips around with the biggest smile and says "At least my dad came home with the milk" IT WAS THE BEST COMEBACK EVER
Ok so the point of the original joke the boys were trying to make was following the story of like a dad going to get milk and never coming back, just their own dumb version of it
Load More Replies...Ok, funny article, but does anyone else find when they click the upvote button they get a pop up to another website? it's super annoying.
Use uBlock origin as an addon in your browserand you won't get ad popups.
Load More Replies...This is just a forum for one guys posts. Don't veil it, just call it "an account i like"
I found this gem... probably no one looks down here but i thought it was a good comment >:D Screen-Sho...01-png.jpg
I'm on 240% magnification, and I still can't see that.
Load More Replies...