Swimming in warm water in the summertime. Placing the final piece of a puzzle that’s taken you months to complete. ‘Roasting’ someone online with a comeback so witty and so savage, they had to call the ‘Oh Snap’ and fire brigades. All three things have one thing in common—they’re all human experiences that make us feel gooood.
The ‘Clever Comebacks’ subreddit is one of the best places on the net to go to for awesome retorts that will forever be enshrined on the internet in online screenshots. Check out some of the most on-point and hilarious comebacks they posted ever. Remember to upvote your fave ones and we hope they’ll inspire you to show off your wit the next time someone says something dumb or has a go at you.
Bored Panda was interested to learn about what makes comebacks witty and about comedic timing, so we reached out to comedy writer and author of 'How to Live to 100,' Ariane Sherine. Read on to learn what she told us. What’s the best comeback that you’ve ever said or heard in real life, dear Readers? Do you think that the pen is mightier than the sword? Share your thoughts with all of us in the comments.
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I Understand Completely
Never Underestimate A Woman
I bet this same guy thinks he's qualified to talk about abortion even though he can't give birth.
“Migrants Can’t Assimilate Into Society”
Comedy writer Ariane told Bored Panda that, in her opinion, witty comebacks can be both spontaenous and planned out. "I've definitely come up with comebacks that are spontaneous. For instance, I told my daughter that if she didn't behave, I'd give her inheritance to a donkey sanctuary. She said, 'You wouldn't', and I came back, 'You bet your ass!' But though I hadn't used that comeback before, I clearly had knowledge of the pun and might have used something similar in the past."
She also pointed out something that honestly took me by surprise: "When it comes to stand-up, a lot of heckle putdowns are scripted and shared among comics." And here I thought that heckles were all instinctive and natural. I'll have to rethink some stuff about my fave comedians now.
Love This Guy
Idk If This Has Been Posted Before, But I Love His Little Smile
People Really Live In Their Own Little Bubbles
Ariane said that the line between a regular comeback and one that makes us snort into our cups of tea is clear for everyone to see. "It needs to be very fast, well-timed, and take people by surprise as well as being clever, witty, and immediately understandable." So no pressure then!
The beauty of comedy, according to Ariane, is that (sometimes) our subconscious mind kicks in and takes us by surprise, along with the audience. "But that's relatively rare in my experience. I'm sure many other comics are more natural than I am!
Please Wear A Mask And Stay Safe
You're The Problem
Thank You Andy Wang!
cultural gatekeeping has got to be the dumbest thing I have ever seen. The best and most inclusive societies culturally appropriate all. the. time.
Exactly. While cultural appropriation is, in some cases, a real thing, 99% of the incidents people are freaking out over is absolute BS, this being one of them. Cultural appropriation is specifically the disrespectful adoption of meaningful elements of a culture without recognition by privileged group. In this case, I don't think anybody is erasing where these holidays came from, nor are they celebrating in a way that's disrespectful to the holiday's origins. This person needs to do their research on what cultural appropriation really is
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You might also say, "You can't celebrate lunar new year if you're not from Earth!"
Of course I can’t speak on behalf of the Chinese but I always thought it was a celebration they encourage anyone to be a part of. Please correct me if I am wrong though, I do not mean any disrespect. I know that in Aus we have celebrations for the Lunar New Year and everyone is welcome.
I think most celebrations are made to be inclusive. Hospitality and sharing are big parts of every culture on Earth - except Sentinels island.
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Yeah, why try to connect to other people and their culture if we can just sit all by ourself and stick to our own stuff? Pff, who needs multi-cultural interests?
Can someone explain to me without being a idiot or superior? I don't really understand this thing of cultural appropriation. If white X bride the hair is, but if black Y , put relaxer, straight the hair and paint blonde and even put a clear makeup then her skin tone nobody calls culture appropriation. It's a serious question and maybe silly but is a honest question.
The issue of Black hair has had essays and documentaries dedicated to it. It's actually bordering on political in the USA. Nothing that could be covered adequately in a BP comments section. As a white non-US woman, my understanding is naturally limited, but from what I gather there is a lot of pressure on Black women especially to alter their natural hair because it doesn't look beautiful/tidy/professional (not my opinion, but that's what wider society imposes). Here in the UK there is much less fuss about white people having traditionally Black hairstyles. When Adele dressed up for the Notting Hill Carnival with braids it was the Americans who kicked up a stink, I don't think Black Brits are so bothered. Could be wrong, of course, I don't have that many Black friends and I don't want to burden them with these conversations when I do see them.
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Cultural appropriation is only wrong when you’re using it as a way to mock or bastardize a culture. Otherwise it’s appreciation
I invite everyone to celebrate Mardi Gras. We won't have parades in 2021, so everyone should celebrate wherever you are. I will not be offended. Celebrate however you like. Feb 16, 2021.
I love culture, I love music, dress,art,language,dance ,history and its what makes us truly global and respect and love other cultures. I have been lucky enough to travel the globe and it is full on wonder. If we only did things from our "own culture" what a boring world it would be. That is where racism lives, to isolate yourself from another cultures treasures means you dont understand it or love it.
Friendly reminder: The US is a melting pot of cultures. I'm not Mexican, but I make and eat tacos. I'm not Armenian, but I listen to System of a Down. Being exposed to a wide variety of cultures is literally the best thing about living in the US.
Friendly Reminder that we have to sort out our issues before we meet the aliens or we're gonna be in trouble.
Oh boy. People better stop celebrating Halloween and Christmas (Yule) NOW.
NEVER! IF YOU TAKE CHRISTMAS AWAY FROM US, WE GET TO STEAL YOUR TRAINS!
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happy lunar new year everybody🎉🎇🎇 (i know its not that time yet but im still gonna say it)
The Moon belongs to none/all of us. We can damn well celebrate Belly Button Hour if we want to, or anything else.
So glad Andy W**g shut her s**t post down. It’s actually an UNfriendly reminder she’s a self important twat who wants to keep people from participating in traditions when you know damn well she goes all in on traditions of others when it suits her.
My anthropology professor said ALL "cultural" manifestations are a result of environment. He said that to assume a metaphysical reason for cultural acts is to abandon reality. He also said that that had been a huge problem in archaeology as archaeologists had defined the actions of a culture or people through the archaeologist's history. In other words, he pointed out that too many archaeologists made assumptions about a culture based on their own prejudices. He also pointed out that there were NO unique qualities as all people faced the same problems with their respective environments.
I'd rather be personally invited. But yeah Lunar New Year is gorgeous- we should all celebrate!
Why is it that it is white people who do the most complaining about "cultural appropriation"?
THANK YOU! I love being able to celebrate other cultures. Diversity is cool, man.
This woman likes to celebrate Halloween apparently, how dare she? She's not from a Celtic country.
if u didnt invent the lunar new year holiday, then u have no right to not let people celebrate it. It's like making people not play a video game that you didnt make.
Thanks man that a really nice thing to do when does it start I am uncultured
If cultural appropriation was never allowed, we'd have no tacos, pizza, hot dogs, ramen, curry....
Oh... thank you andy! That is very nice of you. How do we celebrate?
The ‘Clever Comebacks’ community was founded in January 2018 and will be celebrating its 3-year anniversary very soon. In that time, they’ve amassed nearly 679k loyal members who are practicing the ancient art of the perfect comeback.
Personally, I think that comebacks are all about accurate, piercing, rapier-like wit. And the essence of wit is brevity, spontaneity, and stating the truth. It’s not a comeback if you spend an hour thinking about it and then another hour writing it out. Comebacks are the sniper rifles of the verbal battlefield. Not shotguns. Not machine guns. It’s all about one phrase—one roast.
The BBC tends to agree with my point of view. According to Rhea Wessel, witty comebacks can’t be planned—they can only be made in the moment. And timing is everything. Even if you come up with the perfect thing you could’ve said while you’re in the shower a day later, that amazing comeback is useless now. Too little. Too late.
I Don’t Care If Repost Made Me Laugh
British Museum
That’s actually the beauty of comebacks. Sometimes, you end up just as surprised by your wit as everyone else is. It’s like, for a single beautiful moment, the Spirit of Absolute Roasting possessed you and gave you glorious guidance.
Abigail Paul, the artistic director at the Theatre Language Studio in Frankfurt, told the BBC that we can improve our wit by giving ourselves just a bit of extra time to craft a great answer. Strangely enough, that involves becoming a better listener. We need to train ourselves to listen to others and respond appropriately, instead of tuning out and only thinking about the points we want to make in the discussion. That way, you’ll be more than ready to mount a witty defense because you won’t be caught unaware.
This Is A Really Good Reply To Trump's Tweet
Raw Skiny Jeans Bat
Useless Trees
What An Awful Way To Protect The Elderly
Rage Against Something
Actions Speak Louder Than Words.
Separate Payments
They Also Don't Come In Exciting Anime
Depression vs. Asthma
Big Footprints To Fill
Not Mine But On Point
Another Reason To Love The Beatles
Elite Finish
What kind of relationship is that. We don’t have his money or my money, it is OUR money.
Flameproofing? But My House Isn't On Fire!
Flat Earthers Make Me Happy Because I Know I'm Not A Complete Failure
Is this just a joke to tease flat earthers or do flat earthers actually use the “flat” horizon as their argument? Do they not realise that we can’t see the curve because the earth is so large.
Does This Count? The Author Actually Replied Back To Me Lmao
That Last Line Though
Left vs. Right
They Did Not See This Coming
Columbus Day
End up in a random aisle and whatever you find there is now "Indian Food."
Austin Powers Would Be Proud Of That Comeback
'im Tired Of Being Responsible For Something That Is Entirely My Resposibility.'
I Love Puns
Who’ll Email You When You Block Him
Can't Get Any More Clever Than This
I will never have the guts to send a reply like that, but by Golly, I wish I would ...
Invasive Species
Don’t Boast About Your Iq Test
Oof! British People Be Like...
Honesty Is The Best Policy
I Mean, He's Not Wrong ..
Depends On Who Writes The Comic
Boomer vs. Millenial
It’s Funny Because It’s True
She Isn’t A Walking Womb
F**k this molyneux d**k. He was banned from speaking here (new zealand) in 2018 I think, the brainless monstrous mosque shooter donated to his causes and his petition to be allowed to do his stupid speaking event in NZ. Then murdered the innocent souls in cold blood at one of our mosques. So that's the kind of person who supports this fuckwad. No thanks. (NB not meaning to mislead, I'm personally agnostic, but say "our mosques" just as I would say "our churches/synagogues/temples/etc". A kiwi is a kiwi. A person is a person.)
Weird Motives
I wonder if the so called "1st world" countries know that here in the 3rd world, we drive both and are required to pass your driving test using a stick shift
Especially Clever
If everyone starts using the toilet marked “ me” then “ everyone else “ would be left clean...
Facebook Comeback
The waiter is providing a valuable service with very little likelihood of customer death.
Quite Funny To Be Honest
Note: this post originally had 89 images. It’s been shortened to the top 50 images based on user votes.
These are all excellent, but the Roomba one made me nearly spit coffee.
Yes, great burns! But I had to google "Roomba" because I thought this was one of the 50% of wild species I just do not know by name :-)
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I‘ve got a comeback story, but I am not sure if you can call it good. Could some jewish persons please tell me if it is insulting or something? Or maybe you even like it? God, I really don‘t know if I should post it, but I am curious about your reactions. I‘ve heared it only second hand. You have to know beforehand, that Germany has many imigrants. Especially from Turkey. And some of them do not really integrate in our society. If I remember correctly the president of Turkey even demanded that Germany should build Schools for the Turkish living here.... but I might have misunderstood that. Nevertheless, some Germans are a bit ... miffed about the Turkish here. Anyway, here is the story: In an underground train in Germany some Turkish teens come in and make a ruckus. An old german Lady asks them to be quiet or mind their manners or something. But they don‘t listen. Insted they tell her that the Turkish will take over Germany anyway. //part 1
//part 3: obviously this is not funny in regard of the jews part, but it is a „good“ comeback in that situation.... or isn‘t it? Please tell me what you think! I don‘t even know if this story is true or an urban legend.
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"Coronavirus is a fraud! It's just the flu!" According to the CDC, last year there were less than 34,000 deaths from influenza. This year we are over 300,000 deaths. No matter what you call it, it isn't good.
if 90% of the people reading BP either find this funny, or just roll their eyes and move on... it isn't polarizing... upsetting *you* isn't the definition of polarizing, when you clearly represent a fringe group.
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These are all excellent, but the Roomba one made me nearly spit coffee.
Yes, great burns! But I had to google "Roomba" because I thought this was one of the 50% of wild species I just do not know by name :-)
Load More Replies... I‘ve got a comeback story, but I am not sure if you can call it good. Could some jewish persons please tell me if it is insulting or something? Or maybe you even like it? God, I really don‘t know if I should post it, but I am curious about your reactions. I‘ve heared it only second hand. You have to know beforehand, that Germany has many imigrants. Especially from Turkey. And some of them do not really integrate in our society. If I remember correctly the president of Turkey even demanded that Germany should build Schools for the Turkish living here.... but I might have misunderstood that. Nevertheless, some Germans are a bit ... miffed about the Turkish here. Anyway, here is the story: In an underground train in Germany some Turkish teens come in and make a ruckus. An old german Lady asks them to be quiet or mind their manners or something. But they don‘t listen. Insted they tell her that the Turkish will take over Germany anyway. //part 1
//part 3: obviously this is not funny in regard of the jews part, but it is a „good“ comeback in that situation.... or isn‘t it? Please tell me what you think! I don‘t even know if this story is true or an urban legend.
Load More Replies... "Coronavirus is a fraud! It's just the flu!" According to the CDC, last year there were less than 34,000 deaths from influenza. This year we are over 300,000 deaths. No matter what you call it, it isn't good.
if 90% of the people reading BP either find this funny, or just roll their eyes and move on... it isn't polarizing... upsetting *you* isn't the definition of polarizing, when you clearly represent a fringe group.
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