Swimming in warm water in the summertime. Placing the final piece of a puzzle that’s taken you months to complete. ‘Roasting’ someone online with a comeback so witty and so savage, they had to call the ‘Oh Snap’ and fire brigades. All three things have one thing in common—they’re all human experiences that make us feel gooood.
The ‘Clever Comebacks’ subreddit is one of the best places on the net to go to for awesome retorts that will forever be enshrined on the internet in online screenshots. Check out some of the most on-point and hilarious comebacks they posted ever. Remember to upvote your fave ones and we hope they’ll inspire you to show off your wit the next time someone says something dumb or has a go at you.
Bored Panda was interested to learn about what makes comebacks witty and about comedic timing, so we reached out to comedy writer and author of 'How to Live to 100,' Ariane Sherine. Read on to learn what she told us. What’s the best comeback that you’ve ever said or heard in real life, dear Readers? Do you think that the pen is mightier than the sword? Share your thoughts with all of us in the comments.
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I Understand Completely
Never Underestimate A Woman
I bet this same guy thinks he's qualified to talk about abortion even though he can't give birth.
“Migrants Can’t Assimilate Into Society”
What bothers me is the number of likes that comment has..
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She is a full blown ignorant racist. All her tweets are this vile but ofc she is pro-family, pro-life and a "christian"...yuck
I am a Christian who is agrees with the fact that people from different nations should be able to come to the U.S. and that it is amazing how they are so successful and become lawyers, doctors, writers and much more. I also support the LGTBQ+ community completely and most of my friends are apart of it. Not all “Christians” are horrible judging hypocritical people.
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Ah, I bet she feels superior with her so-called (fake) blonde Arian genes. Everyone's descendants have been refugees and immigrants at some point and conveniently forgetting that out of hate and greed is just pathetic. I bet she couldn't understand the difference between integration and assimilation. I really admire what the commenter has achieved. Such a beautiful example for everyone!
What? I'm just telling the truth and also a joke about how every book seems to be a NYT bestseller!
Load More Replies... This woman is the worst! She actually ran for senate (and lost). She's a Quidiot, flat-earther, anti-masker and a not-so-discreet neo nazi. She blocked me on twitter, so please call her out on her s**t!
We will serve you well. * Sheaths katana and ninja rolls away*
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It should be noted that this moron ran for Senator in Delaware. She was resoundingly defeated.
Lauren Witzke lives in the US and thinks she lives in a civil society.
I had a teacher survive the Cambodian Genocide and now him and his 5 siblings are doctors!
I know one thing that Karen...sorry Lauren has done. She has made herself look ridiculous in front of thousands of people reading this post.
Depends on the culture of the third-world country. A certain one that is known for conquerinmg through history is very troublesome nowadays
Yes, you're right. But sadly nobody cares, as long as there is ONE exception or drama involved
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Also she has her burden of proof backward. If she makes this claim , its up to her to provide proof for it, rather than vice versa
USA has all but become a third world country with our lack of National Health Care
this post gives me joy, what better way to shut down a troll with a tiny mind than remind them the colour of somebodies skin doesnt have any baring on a persons ability. There are many white people that offer zero to society.
Still, dumbassery is equal opportunity. Many offer zero to society.
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i don't know why ppl even bother with the bait. These ppl are such a waste of good space.
I have found that immigrants can, will, and do assimilate well into other cultures, without losing themselves. If we all went bland, imagine how boring the world would be?
OMG this Lauren Witzke was a candidate for the US Senate in 2020, thank God her opponent won. Here are some of her quotes found on Google: “Voodoo Africans are migrating into America, infiltrating the Christian Faith, and establishing churches on the pulpit of abortion and social justice. It’s so clever, it could only be demonic.” “China goes off mask in unveiling their plan to overtake America by weaponizing the COVID-19 crisis…” “Wow almost half the country rejects Joe biden (sic). What a great start to his “administration.” Haha what a LOSER!”
OK, I need help here! Am I right in assuming that if someone has a tick next to their name it means that they are a celebrity, well-known name or something? Because if so, that's a couple of these things on here that I've saw so far that are from people with ticks at their names, which is very disappointing, and kinda disturbing actually!
Okay, let's understand something. Adults who come into a country with a different culture and different language typically will NOT become completely "assimilated" and it is extremely unlikely they will become fluent in the language. The older you are, the more difficult it is to pick up a language on average. But their kids will be fine. That is how it always has been for every immigrant group. My Norwegian paternal grandparents didn't learn to speak English until they went to school. And here I am, speaking English as badly as any 10th generation American!
"Civil societies"? So you're either from a third-world country or from a civil society, which are opposites and never overlap? Wow.
"...cannot" would be more appropriate here than "can not". I point this out because the Pulitzer Prize winning, NYT best selling author did not. Which was very gracious of them.
This comment is so stupid and just shows that you agree with her even worse comment. To your information there has been plenty of third world migrants living in first world countries for years and years nowadays and the only reason why some of them can’t integrate (yes because you only think of assimilation when you’re an entitled piece of s**t believing he’s or her culture is better than someone else’s) is because people like you and her would never accept them as human beings. When somebody lives in a foreign country he only needs to follow the rules that make it possible to live together, no need to pray to the same god or eat the same food....
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Comedy writer Ariane told Bored Panda that, in her opinion, witty comebacks can be both spontaenous and planned out. "I've definitely come up with comebacks that are spontaneous. For instance, I told my daughter that if she didn't behave, I'd give her inheritance to a donkey sanctuary. She said, 'You wouldn't', and I came back, 'You bet your ass!' But though I hadn't used that comeback before, I clearly had knowledge of the pun and might have used something similar in the past."
She also pointed out something that honestly took me by surprise: "When it comes to stand-up, a lot of heckle putdowns are scripted and shared among comics." And here I thought that heckles were all instinctive and natural. I'll have to rethink some stuff about my fave comedians now.
Love This Guy
Idk If This Has Been Posted Before, But I Love His Little Smile
People Really Live In Their Own Little Bubbles
Ariane said that the line between a regular comeback and one that makes us snort into our cups of tea is clear for everyone to see. "It needs to be very fast, well-timed, and take people by surprise as well as being clever, witty, and immediately understandable." So no pressure then!
The beauty of comedy, according to Ariane, is that (sometimes) our subconscious mind kicks in and takes us by surprise, along with the audience. "But that's relatively rare in my experience. I'm sure many other comics are more natural than I am!
Please Wear A Mask And Stay Safe
You're The Problem
Thank You Andy Wang!
cultural gatekeeping has got to be the dumbest thing I have ever seen. The best and most inclusive societies culturally appropriate all. the. time.
The ‘Clever Comebacks’ community was founded in January 2018 and will be celebrating its 3-year anniversary very soon. In that time, they’ve amassed nearly 679k loyal members who are practicing the ancient art of the perfect comeback.
Personally, I think that comebacks are all about accurate, piercing, rapier-like wit. And the essence of wit is brevity, spontaneity, and stating the truth. It’s not a comeback if you spend an hour thinking about it and then another hour writing it out. Comebacks are the sniper rifles of the verbal battlefield. Not shotguns. Not machine guns. It’s all about one phrase—one roast.
The BBC tends to agree with my point of view. According to Rhea Wessel, witty comebacks can’t be planned—they can only be made in the moment. And timing is everything. Even if you come up with the perfect thing you could’ve said while you’re in the shower a day later, that amazing comeback is useless now. Too little. Too late.
I Don’t Care If Repost Made Me Laugh
British Museum
That’s actually the beauty of comebacks. Sometimes, you end up just as surprised by your wit as everyone else is. It’s like, for a single beautiful moment, the Spirit of Absolute Roasting possessed you and gave you glorious guidance.
Abigail Paul, the artistic director at the Theatre Language Studio in Frankfurt, told the BBC that we can improve our wit by giving ourselves just a bit of extra time to craft a great answer. Strangely enough, that involves becoming a better listener. We need to train ourselves to listen to others and respond appropriately, instead of tuning out and only thinking about the points we want to make in the discussion. That way, you’ll be more than ready to mount a witty defense because you won’t be caught unaware.
This Is A Really Good Reply To Trump's Tweet
Raw Skiny Jeans Bat
Useless Trees
What An Awful Way To Protect The Elderly
Rage Against Something
Actions Speak Louder Than Words.
Separate Payments
They Also Don't Come In Exciting Anime
Depression vs. Asthma
Big Footprints To Fill
Not Mine But On Point
Another Reason To Love The Beatles
Elite Finish
What kind of relationship is that. We don’t have his money or my money, it is OUR money.
Flameproofing? But My House Isn't On Fire!
Flat Earthers Make Me Happy Because I Know I'm Not A Complete Failure
Is this just a joke to tease flat earthers or do flat earthers actually use the “flat” horizon as their argument? Do they not realise that we can’t see the curve because the earth is so large.
Does This Count? The Author Actually Replied Back To Me Lmao
That Last Line Though
Left vs. Right
They Did Not See This Coming
Columbus Day
End up in a random aisle and whatever you find there is now "Indian Food."
Austin Powers Would Be Proud Of That Comeback
'im Tired Of Being Responsible For Something That Is Entirely My Resposibility.'
I Love Puns
Who’ll Email You When You Block Him
Can't Get Any More Clever Than This
I will never have the guts to send a reply like that, but by Golly, I wish I would ...
Invasive Species
Don’t Boast About Your Iq Test
Oof! British People Be Like...
Honesty Is The Best Policy
I Mean, He's Not Wrong ..
Depends On Who Writes The Comic
Boomer vs. Millenial
It’s Funny Because It’s True
She Isn’t A Walking Womb
F**k this molyneux d**k. He was banned from speaking here (new zealand) in 2018 I think, the brainless monstrous mosque shooter donated to his causes and his petition to be allowed to do his stupid speaking event in NZ. Then murdered the innocent souls in cold blood at one of our mosques. So that's the kind of person who supports this fuckwad. No thanks. (NB not meaning to mislead, I'm personally agnostic, but say "our mosques" just as I would say "our churches/synagogues/temples/etc". A kiwi is a kiwi. A person is a person.)
Weird Motives
I wonder if the so called "1st world" countries know that here in the 3rd world, we drive both and are required to pass your driving test using a stick shift
Especially Clever
If everyone starts using the toilet marked “ me” then “ everyone else “ would be left clean...
Facebook Comeback
The waiter is providing a valuable service with very little likelihood of customer death.
Quite Funny To Be Honest
Note: this post originally had 89 images. It’s been shortened to the top 50 images based on user votes.
These are all excellent, but the Roomba one made me nearly spit coffee.
Yes, great burns! But I had to google "Roomba" because I thought this was one of the 50% of wild species I just do not know by name :-)
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I‘ve got a comeback story, but I am not sure if you can call it good. Could some jewish persons please tell me if it is insulting or something? Or maybe you even like it? God, I really don‘t know if I should post it, but I am curious about your reactions. I‘ve heared it only second hand. You have to know beforehand, that Germany has many imigrants. Especially from Turkey. And some of them do not really integrate in our society. If I remember correctly the president of Turkey even demanded that Germany should build Schools for the Turkish living here.... but I might have misunderstood that. Nevertheless, some Germans are a bit ... miffed about the Turkish here. Anyway, here is the story: In an underground train in Germany some Turkish teens come in and make a ruckus. An old german Lady asks them to be quiet or mind their manners or something. But they don‘t listen. Insted they tell her that the Turkish will take over Germany anyway. //part 1
//part 3: obviously this is not funny in regard of the jews part, but it is a „good“ comeback in that situation.... or isn‘t it? Please tell me what you think! I don‘t even know if this story is true or an urban legend.
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"Coronavirus is a fraud! It's just the flu!" According to the CDC, last year there were less than 34,000 deaths from influenza. This year we are over 300,000 deaths. No matter what you call it, it isn't good.
if 90% of the people reading BP either find this funny, or just roll their eyes and move on... it isn't polarizing... upsetting *you* isn't the definition of polarizing, when you clearly represent a fringe group.
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These are all excellent, but the Roomba one made me nearly spit coffee.
Yes, great burns! But I had to google "Roomba" because I thought this was one of the 50% of wild species I just do not know by name :-)
Load More Replies... I‘ve got a comeback story, but I am not sure if you can call it good. Could some jewish persons please tell me if it is insulting or something? Or maybe you even like it? God, I really don‘t know if I should post it, but I am curious about your reactions. I‘ve heared it only second hand. You have to know beforehand, that Germany has many imigrants. Especially from Turkey. And some of them do not really integrate in our society. If I remember correctly the president of Turkey even demanded that Germany should build Schools for the Turkish living here.... but I might have misunderstood that. Nevertheless, some Germans are a bit ... miffed about the Turkish here. Anyway, here is the story: In an underground train in Germany some Turkish teens come in and make a ruckus. An old german Lady asks them to be quiet or mind their manners or something. But they don‘t listen. Insted they tell her that the Turkish will take over Germany anyway. //part 1
//part 3: obviously this is not funny in regard of the jews part, but it is a „good“ comeback in that situation.... or isn‘t it? Please tell me what you think! I don‘t even know if this story is true or an urban legend.
Load More Replies... "Coronavirus is a fraud! It's just the flu!" According to the CDC, last year there were less than 34,000 deaths from influenza. This year we are over 300,000 deaths. No matter what you call it, it isn't good.
if 90% of the people reading BP either find this funny, or just roll their eyes and move on... it isn't polarizing... upsetting *you* isn't the definition of polarizing, when you clearly represent a fringe group.
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