Swimming in warm water in the summertime. Placing the final piece of a puzzle that’s taken you months to complete. ‘Roasting’ someone online with a comeback so witty and so savage, they had to call the ‘Oh Snap’ and fire brigades. All three things have one thing in common—they’re all human experiences that make us feel gooood.

The ‘Clever Comebacks’ subreddit is one of the best places on the net to go to for awesome retorts that will forever be enshrined on the internet in online screenshots. Check out some of the most on-point and hilarious comebacks they posted ever. Remember to upvote your fave ones and we hope they’ll inspire you to show off your wit the next time someone says something dumb or has a go at you.

Bored Panda was interested to learn about what makes comebacks witty and about comedic timing, so we reached out to comedy writer and author of 'How to Live to 100,' Ariane Sherine. Read on to learn what she told us. What’s the best comeback that you’ve ever said or heard in real life, dear Readers? Do you think that the pen is mightier than the sword? Share your thoughts with all of us in the comments.

#1

I Understand Completely

I Understand Completely

My_Memes_Will_Cure_U Report

SunofSpringtime
Community Member
6 months ago

Can't I upvote this a million times?!

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#2

Never Underestimate A Woman

Never Underestimate A Woman

Dry-Net Report

Martha Meyer
Community Member
6 months ago

I bet this same guy thinks he's qualified to talk about abortion even though he can't give birth.

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#3

“Migrants Can’t Assimilate Into Society”

“Migrants Can’t Assimilate Into Society”

reddit.com , twitter.com Report

Jamilia Mamedova
Community Member
6 months ago

She did her make up, all by herself!

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Comedy writer Ariane told Bored Panda that, in her opinion, witty comebacks can be both spontaenous and planned out. "I've definitely come up with comebacks that are spontaneous. For instance, I told my daughter that if she didn't behave, I'd give her inheritance to a donkey sanctuary. She said, 'You wouldn't', and I came back, 'You bet your ass!' But though I hadn't used that comeback before, I clearly had knowledge of the pun and might have used something similar in the past."

She also pointed out something that honestly took me by surprise: "When it comes to stand-up, a lot of heckle putdowns are scripted and shared among comics." And here I thought that heckles were all instinctive and natural. I'll have to rethink some stuff about my fave comedians now.

#4

Love This Guy

Love This Guy

humanitalian , BodyForWife Report

Kamilla Juel Sørensen
Community Member
6 months ago

BUUUUUURN!! :D

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#5

Idk If This Has Been Posted Before, But I Love His Little Smile

Idk If This Has Been Posted Before, But I Love His Little Smile

twinkletoes_44 Report

izzy.kitsune
Community Member
6 months ago

b u r n !

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#6

People Really Live In Their Own Little Bubbles

People Really Live In Their Own Little Bubbles

hayashiiiii , quentquarantino Report

Lis Daglish
Community Member
6 months ago

BOOM.

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Ariane said that the line between a regular comeback and one that makes us snort into our cups of tea is clear for everyone to see. "It needs to be very fast, well-timed, and take people by surprise as well as being clever, witty, and immediately understandable." So no pressure then!

The beauty of comedy, according to Ariane, is that (sometimes) our subconscious mind kicks in and takes us by surprise, along with the audience. "But that's relatively rare in my experience. I'm sure many other comics are more natural than I am!

#7

Please Wear A Mask And Stay Safe

Please Wear A Mask And Stay Safe

themaskedvillain Report

Foxxy (The Original)
Community Member
6 months ago

But, but, but.....I got nothing.

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#8

You're The Problem

You're The Problem

Cereal_killer03 , BodyForWife Report

kasa alex
Community Member
6 months ago

Well said, sir

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#9

Thank You Andy Wang!

Thank You Andy Wang!

ykafia Report

Truth Monster
Community Member
6 months ago

cultural gatekeeping has got to be the dumbest thing I have ever seen. The best and most inclusive societies culturally appropriate all. the. time.

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The ‘Clever Comebacks’ community was founded in January 2018 and will be celebrating its 3-year anniversary very soon. In that time, they’ve amassed nearly 679k loyal members who are practicing the ancient art of the perfect comeback.

Personally, I think that comebacks are all about accurate, piercing, rapier-like wit. And the essence of wit is brevity, spontaneity, and stating the truth. It’s not a comeback if you spend an hour thinking about it and then another hour writing it out. Comebacks are the sniper rifles of the verbal battlefield. Not shotguns. Not machine guns. It’s all about one phrase—one roast.

The BBC tends to agree with my point of view. According to Rhea Wessel, witty comebacks can’t be planned—they can only be made in the moment. And timing is everything. Even if you come up with the perfect thing you could’ve said while you’re in the shower a day later, that amazing comeback is useless now. Too little. Too late.

#10

I Don’t Care If Repost Made Me Laugh

I Don’t Care If Repost Made Me Laugh

iamafailedasian Report

Foxxy (The Original)
Community Member
6 months ago (edited)

Hahaha BAM, got ya there.

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#11

Illegal Plants

Illegal Plants

YoloForJesusChrist Report

Da Coconut Nut
Community Member
6 months ago

Welp

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#12

British Museum

British Museum

athrvpatil , SumzIbrahiim Report

Vic
Community Member
6 months ago

People that feel British, aren't really British. They are, in fact, Bri-ish

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That’s actually the beauty of comebacks. Sometimes, you end up just as surprised by your wit as everyone else is. It’s like, for a single beautiful moment, the Spirit of Absolute Roasting possessed you and gave you glorious guidance. 

Abigail Paul, the artistic director at the Theatre Language Studio in Frankfurt, told the BBC that we can improve our wit by giving ourselves just a bit of extra time to craft a great answer. Strangely enough, that involves becoming a better listener. We need to train ourselves to listen to others and respond appropriately, instead of tuning out and only thinking about the points we want to make in the discussion. That way, you’ll be more than ready to mount a witty defense because you won’t be caught unaware.

#13

This Is A Really Good Reply To Trump's Tweet

This Is A Really Good Reply To Trump's Tweet

El-Cobra Report

Foxxy (The Original)
Community Member
6 months ago

Don’t forget the pandemic.

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#14

Raw Skiny Jeans Bat

Raw Skiny Jeans Bat

Master1718 , RobbySlowik Report

Truth Monster
Community Member
6 months ago

Look, a vampire CAN turn into a bat (man)!

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#15

Useless Trees

Useless Trees

Kennydoe Report

Foxxy (The Original)
Community Member
6 months ago

Who needs oxygen if there is no wifi?

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#16

What An Awful Way To Protect The Elderly

What An Awful Way To Protect The Elderly

lucynyu13 , PressSec Report

izzy.kitsune
Community Member
6 months ago

OOF

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#17

Rage Against Something

Rage Against Something

Camotoe Report

Ami Temi
Community Member
6 months ago

Wow, perfect comeback.

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#18

Actions Speak Louder Than Words.

Actions Speak Louder Than Words.

playhy Report

Foxxy (The Original)
Community Member
6 months ago

And she is killing it.

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#19

Separate Payments

Separate Payments

memezzer Report

Foxxy (The Original)
Community Member
6 months ago

Sounds like the perfect plan.

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#20

They Also Don't Come In Exciting Anime

They Also Don't Come In Exciting Anime

TheRikari Report

Jill
Community Member
6 months ago

Imagine if they did!

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#21

Depression vs. Asthma

Depression vs. Asthma

TitaniumPeak Report

I'manoob!
Community Member
6 months ago

Savage!

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#22

Big Footprints To Fill

Big Footprints To Fill

mysteresc Report

J. F.
Community Member
6 months ago

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Nobody, thanks to BP

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#23

Not Mine But On Point

Not Mine But On Point

justinpwheeler , TheAccountOfSam Report

Vikram Bedi
Community Member
6 months ago

Shrek also had a donkey marrying a dragon... 🤔

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#24

Another Reason To Love The Beatles

Another Reason To Love The Beatles

simwalkedaway Report

Kirsten Kerkhof
Community Member
6 months ago

Such a polite burn that.

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#25

Elite Finish

Elite Finish

MythicalBeast263 Report

Foxxy (The Original)
Community Member
6 months ago

What kind of relationship is that. We don’t have his money or my money, it is OUR money.

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#26

Flameproofing? But My House Isn't On Fire!

Flameproofing? But My House Isn't On Fire!

ZacReligious Report

Wendillon
Community Member
6 months ago

No thanks, I don't need birth control cause I'm not pregnant.

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#27

Flat Earthers Make Me Happy Because I Know I'm Not A Complete Failure

Flat Earthers Make Me Happy Because I Know I'm Not A Complete Failure

svrmster103 , ashallowseafish Report

Foxxy (The Original)
Community Member
6 months ago

Is this just a joke to tease flat earthers or do flat earthers actually use the “flat” horizon as their argument? Do they not realise that we can’t see the curve because the earth is so large.

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#28

Does This Count? The Author Actually Replied Back To Me Lmao

Does This Count? The Author Actually Replied Back To Me Lmao

turing042 , sahaj_amatya Report

Jill
Community Member
6 months ago

I could say the same thing about Stewart's Calculus book as well. (For those of you not in the know, the physics book he mentioned is one of the most popular physics 101 books used at universities.)

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#29

That Last Line Though

That Last Line Though

livebythem Report

Wendillon
Community Member
6 months ago

So because the warning label on a bottle of bleach says not to drink it, are you just going to blindly follow it and not drink the bleach? What if it tastes really good??

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#30

Left vs. Right

Left vs. Right

reddit.com , twitter.com Report

Jessamyn Zolcznski
Community Member
6 months ago

Burn...oh wait. (Sorry)

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#31

They Did Not See This Coming

They Did Not See This Coming

acagastya Report

Sandra Charlot
Community Member
6 months ago

I've tried to read Bible, but I'm not much into fantasy book :)

Mike Ward
Community Member
6 months ago

You should have kept going, it's full of gory plot twists that the film Saw would be proud of. If you ever feel you haven't encountered enough blood lust and depravity, open a bible up to the part where David gave Saul 100 Philistine foreskins in exchange for Saul's daughter, pure horror.

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Sasy
Community Member
6 months ago

Every Atheist I know has read multiple works of many religions, they want to know everything.

Ruth Mayfly
Community Member
6 months ago

I tried to read the bible, but I got stuck on a bit of the old testament which was catagorizing different types of spots as clean or unclean (clearly an early way of passing on knowledge about communicable vs non-communicable diseases, but damn was it dull to read) I've never got through other religious works either. I think I just don't consider them special enough. To me it's just some dude/dudes from long ago talking, it's kind of interesting to get inside their mindset a bit but also there's nothing to elevate their viewpoint above any of the other people who existed then or who exist now.

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Navy Blue Bandana
Community Member
6 months ago

Ok I am Christian, and I certainly wouldn't mock your religion (or lack thereof) online, so it would be great if you didn't mock mine!

Luther von Wolfen
Community Member
6 months ago

As Christians, we should expect and accept mockery (cf. John 15:18). It does no good to argue with atheists (Matthew 7:6). We should instead love them (Luke 6:32).

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Katie Lutesinger
Community Member
6 months ago

Reading the bible is precisely why I'm an atheist. I read it quite thoroughly and the god depicted in it simply did not appeal to me. And I really didn't like all the horrible cruelty said god apparently approved of.

Bee Jairrels
Community Member
6 months ago

Yea sometimes it can be disturbing most times.

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Israel Martinez
Community Member
6 months ago (edited)

As an atheist, I agree with this ... one cannot argue any concept without actually knowing as much as one can about the subject ... Neil Degrasse Tyson has said as much (he included the Bible in his list of required reading books) ...

Sarah
Community Member
6 months ago

I'm a Christian. Most of us don't make fun other religions. Please learn to be respectful of other people and what they believe. This world is already ruined enough with racism, and the pandemic. We need to come together, not make fun of people for what they believe. It's okay to have your opinions, just be respectful of how you share them. Thank you.

Virgil Blue
Community Member
6 months ago

I know lots of other Christian's that live to make fun and denigrate people, so that's not saying much, but I'm glad you are at least not one of them.

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Kika González
Community Member
6 months ago

The bible is not fantasy. There is proven history, and parables. It is not identified as fact from cover to cover, neither its it complete fiction, or fantasy as the word you used

Terd Fergison
Community Member
6 months ago

There is a story with a talking donkey in it. God spoke some magic words while creating the universe. God created Adam out of mud, dirt, or clay. There are witches, wizards, warlocks, angels, demons, souls, zombies, giants, dragons, etc. Are any of those things real? No. Pure fantasy.

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The Cute Cat
Community Member
6 months ago

Many open minded person read all holy books.. I have done the koran and bible.. It is always better to understand more..

Shaista
Community Member
6 months ago

what did u think of the Qu'ran?

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Harleen
Community Member
6 months ago

Could we not mock other people's religions? That's not clever. It's Creedism.

Terd Fergison
Community Member
6 months ago

Respect is earned, not given. The god of the bible is super evil. In Egypt he supposedly murdered 1st born sons (some must have toddlers and infants). He supposedly flooded a world killing every puppy and kitten on earth via torturous drowning. This is a hugely malevolent, evil god. He doesn't deserve any respect. He's a fictional character that deserves scorn and ridicule. There was a time when christianity ruled the world, and it was called the dark ages for a f-u-c-king reason! When christians ruled the world, they tortured and killed people just for saying the sun is the center of our planetary system. When you guys ruled the world, it was by the sword and by murder. Now you have the guts to complain if someone speaks the truth or has a valid criticism? F-u-c-k off!

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Harløw-Banditø
Community Member
6 months ago (edited)

No offense to any Christians but we just think that the idea of a sky daddy is kinda ridiculous. I’ll believe it when I see it with my own eyes. I need evidence. This is just how I function. Again I do hope that any Christians reading this are not offended

eezycheezes101
Community Member
6 months ago

Sky daddy? SKY DADDY?! Ok, you went WAYYYYYYYYYY too far just now. Lord (YES, LORD) is my father and always will be my father. You may not think he is, but what about all the other children AND adults, actually, that have no parents, or no actual father figure in their life? So just screw them, right? besides, God shows up in MANY MANY different ways. You may have seen him more times than you can count. Oh, wait, nevermind. You were too busy being an ASSHOLE.

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Abby Deadman
Community Member
2 days ago

lol 20200207-S...1eaed4.jpg 20200207-Something3D-60ccc6d1eaed4.jpg

Shivani Iyer
Community Member
3 months ago

I have no problem with god, but I'm atheist

Brielle DeSenneville Freano
Community Member
4 months ago

🤯 you have angerd me!

Michał Jastrzębski
Community Member
4 months ago

nah, we just look at what church does vs what it preaches. Its way more than enough.

Steve Cruz
Community Member
6 months ago

The most common mistake that Christ-insanes make about Atheists is that we don't know their mythology. I graduated valedictorian from bible college and worked in churches for a decade. Unlike my former colleagues, I couldn't carry on LYING just because it paid really well and made me feel persuasive.

M Kate McCulloch
Community Member
6 months ago

so much to say on this but pearls before swine is a life lesson I've learned

Roberto Durante
Community Member
6 months ago

maybe try "Conversations with God" by Neale Donald Walsch

Vicki Perizzolo
Community Member
6 months ago

Sci Fi and Fantasy have nothing on the Bible and it's fictional events

Grace Smith
Community Member
6 months ago

As a Christian I gotta say: that’s fair

elfin
Community Member
6 months ago

We also read comments, especially political comments, posted by people who call themselves Christians.

Quazmodic
Community Member
6 months ago

It's not as good as The Lord of the Rings.

Luuta
Community Member
6 months ago

Fabulous answer!

Minecraft Nube
Community Member
6 months ago

Sigh, unless anyone here can prove me wrong, what have Christian's ever done wrong to u guys, for everyone who made a rude comment here on Christianity, if you believe in a religion shame on your religion, because they honestly aren't making you any nicer or more respectful.

Wolfstar
Community Member
6 months ago

What have Christians done wrong to me: Christian parents threw me out and abused me, attempted to assault me for my sexuality, bring their religion into politics, use their religion as an excuse to deny women's rights to their own bodies, etc.

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Among Us Panda
Community Member
6 months ago

Help me

Alex Hamilton
Community Member
6 months ago

God is to be found in the soul, not in a book. This applies to all faiths,

Terd Fergison
Community Member
6 months ago (edited)

There are religions without gods. Look up Shintoism. Some Native American religions focus on nature. If you are claiming that there is a soul, can you please provide some evidence that a soul even exists? Science points to the soul being a fictional concept. And how did you come to your god belief? Likely people read you the bible.

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Charlotte Shortt
Community Member
6 months ago

um the bible isnt fantasy......

Terd Fergison
Community Member
6 months ago

Charlotte, the bible is book with a story with a talking donkey in it. A talking f-u-c-king donkey. In the bible there are witches, wizards, warlocks, dragons, ghosts, giants, demons, angels, souls, etc. There’s Samson, a guy who gets super powers from the length of his hair. Is any of that real? No. It’s clearly fantasy.

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hoRSefAce
Community Member
6 months ago

This is a reply to @AstridNineor but it wouldn't let me reply where she is because she has so many downvotes. And I haven't heard that comeback like 1234 times before. I hope your day is as pleasant as you are.

eezycheezes101
Community Member
6 months ago

XD "because she has so many downvotes" YES YOU ARE THE BEST @hoRSefAce

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Nikki Sevven
Community Member
6 months ago

Yep.

Seabeast
Community Member
6 months ago

I'm an atheist who grew up going to church. I have read the bible, actually. It's part of the reason I am an atheist.

Sasha Kuleshov
Community Member
6 months ago

A history book :D

Panda Mona
Community Member
6 months ago

If I want to get closer to God, I actually do anything else but reading ...

Terd Fergison
Community Member
6 months ago

Like get high? Is this a joke comment? Which god do you believe in? If it is the christian god, you can't even get that god without the bible, so maybe start reading it.

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meow point1
Community Member
6 months ago

I'm agnostic. What do I read?

Lord Mysticlaw
Community Member
6 months ago

I am an atheist and I know the bible very well actually, having been raised very religiously.

sylvantic
Community Member
6 months ago

i don't get all the anti-religion stuff on the internet. If i believe in g-d and find my religion important, why can't you just leave me to my beliefs instead of trying to convince people that they're wrong?

Jon S.
Community Member
6 months ago (edited)

The general sentiment among non-believers is that if religion stayed personal, that would be fine and dandy. But when people are using religion to guide ethics and politics, then it becomes a source of misery in society which needs to be challenged.

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François Carré
Community Member
6 months ago

The amount of nonsense, obscure or ethically questionable content you can find in these books is actually impressive.

Shelp
Community Member
6 months ago

What they say: "the Bible is a sacred book written by noone else than God himself" What the Bible tells: "Jesus yelled at a tree"

Virgil Blue
Community Member
6 months ago

But it was a bad tree that did not bear fruit out of season when Mr J was hangry.

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Wolfstar
Community Member
6 months ago

Oh, I've read the Bible. I was forced to by my bastard parents. I hated it a lot. That's one of the reasons I'm an atheist.

Patty Leaton
Community Member
6 months ago

so its ok for marry to be pregnant to with some one else baby

Mya Lugar
Community Member
6 months ago

Me too, Sandra. It ought to be thought of as child abuse to indoctrinate your children in these part straight fantasies mixed with "parables" mixed with historical or geographic smatterings that are passed off as fact.. Kinda like the ELf on the Shelf making kids be good so Santa will come..but Christmas presents will only be there in the afterlife. Who says? Far too vague and dissociative.

Colin Mochrie At Its Finest
Community Member
6 months ago

If God was real, wouldn't everyone's lives be perfect? "God is good" says the near-homeless abused lady (as an example).

Colin Mochrie At Its Finest
Community Member
6 months ago

Adding, I have no issue with Sandra's statement and Idgaf if it offends someone.

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BabaBizzle
Community Member
6 months ago

I don’t like reading fiction.

Patrick O'Harris
Community Member
6 months ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

I read it twice just for discussions with bigot christians. Gave me some really funny moments to laugh about. Maybe because I took some classes about the history of the bible and now I have way more background information than most christians. Was one more reason for me to become an atheist btw

Peter Bear
Community Member
6 months ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Atheists are religious too. It's just that their choice of religion doesn't include a god or god figure. It's still a system of beliefs about the purpose and nature of the universe; they are beliefs specifically because you cannot prove or disprove god.

Big J
Community Member
6 months ago

No it's not. Religion is usually limited to beliefs in a greater being or in a system of beliefs that are held through faith. Atheism doesn't require faith. Atheism is actually not a belief at all it is simply a lack of belief. Also the burden of proof is those who make the claim ofbthe existence of something. An Atheist doesn't have to prove god doesn't exist all they have to assert is that there isn't any proof he does.

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#32

Columbus Day

Columbus Day

reddit.com Report

Truth Monster
Community Member
6 months ago

End up in a random aisle and whatever you find there is now "Indian Food."

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See Also on Bored Panda
#33

Austin Powers Would Be Proud Of That Comeback

Austin Powers Would Be Proud Of That Comeback

IShallPetYourDogo , www.reddit.com Report

Vic
Community Member
6 months ago

Austin Powers: The man who tackled me.

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#34

'im Tired Of Being Responsible For Something That Is Entirely My Resposibility.'

'im Tired Of Being Responsible For Something That Is Entirely My Resposibility.'

Master1718 Report

Foxxy (The Original)
Community Member
6 months ago

They’re the smart ones haha.

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#35

I Love Puns

I Love Puns

discordgamer101 Report

Losferatu
Community Member
6 months ago

Let's play a game: Spell the type of establishment we're eating at, and I'll buy you your meal!

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#36

Who’ll Email You When You Block Him

Who’ll Email You When You Block Him

reddit.com Report

Foxxy (The Original)
Community Member
6 months ago

Gotta be pretty pathetic to play games like that.

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#37

Can't Get Any More Clever Than This

Can't Get Any More Clever Than This

KingMushroomIV Report

Kirsten Kerkhof
Community Member
6 months ago

I will never have the guts to send a reply like that, but by Golly, I wish I would ...

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#38

Invasive Species

Invasive Species

MeesterNeusbaumTX Report

Lis Daglish
Community Member
6 months ago

I love that his hoover made a clear break for freedom.

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#39

Don’t Boast About Your Iq Test

Don’t Boast About Your Iq Test

leafy_avocado Report

DforDory
Community Member
6 months ago

I'm dying!🤣🤣

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#40

Oof! British People Be Like...

Oof! British People Be Like...

BelleAriel Report

Patti Brock
Community Member
6 months ago

🤣 😂

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#41

Honesty Is The Best Policy

Honesty Is The Best Policy

Tubergod1 Report

Foxxy (The Original)
Community Member
6 months ago

At least they are honest.

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#42

I Mean, He's Not Wrong ..

I Mean, He's Not Wrong ..

MissTickleToes Report