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Swimming in warm water in the summertime. Placing the final piece of a puzzle that’s taken you months to complete. ‘Roasting’ someone online with a comeback so witty and so savage, they had to call the ‘Oh Snap’ and fire brigades. All three things have one thing in common—they’re all human experiences that make us feel gooood.

The ‘Clever Comebacks’ subreddit is one of the best places on the net to go to for awesome retorts that will forever be enshrined on the internet in online screenshots. Check out some of the most on-point and hilarious comebacks they posted ever. Remember to upvote your fave ones and we hope they’ll inspire you to show off your wit the next time someone says something dumb or has a go at you.

Bored Panda was interested to learn about what makes comebacks witty and about comedic timing, so we reached out to comedy writer and author of 'How to Live to 100,' Ariane Sherine. Read on to learn what she told us. What’s the best comeback that you’ve ever said or heard in real life, dear Readers? Do you think that the pen is mightier than the sword? Share your thoughts with all of us in the comments.

#2

Never Underestimate A Woman

Never Underestimate A Woman

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Martha Meyer
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I bet this same guy thinks he's qualified to talk about abortion even though he can't give birth.

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#3

“Migrants Can’t Assimilate Into Society”

“Migrants Can’t Assimilate Into Society”

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Comedy writer Ariane told Bored Panda that, in her opinion, witty comebacks can be both spontaenous and planned out. "I've definitely come up with comebacks that are spontaneous. For instance, I told my daughter that if she didn't behave, I'd give her inheritance to a donkey sanctuary. She said, 'You wouldn't', and I came back, 'You bet your ass!' But though I hadn't used that comeback before, I clearly had knowledge of the pun and might have used something similar in the past."

She also pointed out something that honestly took me by surprise: "When it comes to stand-up, a lot of heckle putdowns are scripted and shared among comics." And here I thought that heckles were all instinctive and natural. I'll have to rethink some stuff about my fave comedians now.

#4

Love This Guy

Love This Guy

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Ekate
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

For those of us who do work out - we actually do it for men just like you....................so we can punch them hard in the nuts when the opportunity arises.

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Bacony Cakes
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No! You don't want your Dainty Dainty Woman Fingers™ (/s) to be damaged! Use a bat instead!

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Enalpria
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nice! In my Social studies class, we learned that originally historians thought that men did the hunting and women did the cleaning in prehistoric human society. But, a more recent study found that the men and the women shared the hunting and cooking! Gender equality for the win :D

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Doubleheader
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My husband and I are both equally shredded and now the world fears us.

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Si
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Does it occur to him that women might like being fit?

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pusheen buttercup
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I literally have a friend who has a real thing, SPECIFICALLY, for women with abs... That exact thing. It's not about looking manly, it's that toned flat tummy. Looking fit and healthy. Looking like you can keep up on a hike and play sports together, do their favorite things with them. Some guys will tell you nothing is sexier than a woman who gets sports. Simultaneously I'm the wimpiest martha stewart in a 5ft nothing package and my boyfriend still loves me. Men should not say what "men want", because men want different things. All are valid.

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Louloubelle
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Absolutely. When I met my husband I was 5'3", 98 lbs. And he thought I was beautiful. I'm now 5'2 3/4" (yes, I've shrunk) and 168 lbs. and he still thinks I'm beautiful.

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Wolfstar
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well, I don't give a f*ck about what a**holes like you want.

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Martha Meyer
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

At no time in history did women want a guy with bodybuilder muscles.

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Louloubelle
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah, I'm kind of with you here. Especially when their veins are bulging. It's kind of terrifying.

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Mya Lugar
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Amen James Fell. Like men, women aren't ALWAYS concerned whether the te sex "Approves" or is attracted at all!! Some things we definately do because it's what WE want or like for ourselves!! Put THAT in your pipe and smoke it!

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I'manoob!
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That was an enjoyable read. Congrats for restoring peace in twitter land, good sir.

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Foxxy (The Original)
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Each to their own. Obviously some men do like women with abs otherwise they would all be single, it’s just like some women like men who are ripped as. As long as they do it for themselves then who cares. I personally do not like muscly men or women but that is MY personal taste, not everyone elses.

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Pamela24
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree, actually. The problem with the tweet is that he's a) assuming the motivation of women (and looking down upon it) and b) stating the men's preference as a fact and as anything that should be taken into consideration when making the decision on whether or not to start working out. But nothing wrong with having a preference.

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Id row
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There is not a single woman who didn't take offense at that jackass statement. Incels have that effect on people.

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Lex
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So then what do I make of natural hourglass figure?

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Moxie Mallahan
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some men need to stop thinking that we do stuff for them. We don’t! We don’t care what men think. We do things for ourselves.

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i'll sleep when im dead
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

the worst part about this is that this guy assumes that all women want to look a certain way BECAUSE a man wants them to look that way! Newsflash, Richard: maybe, just maybe, some women work out and get abs BECAUSE THEY WANT THEM, not because they think you want them!

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Im a kawaii potato ;3
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He said "lips, tits, and hips" sir you prolly got tits just a guess but the guy on the bottom is definitely right.

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Quazmodic
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Bit of a limp fail rather than a great comeback, really.

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Dhandyline Camingao
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

RICHARD JUST GOT BUUUUURRRRRRNNNNNNNEEEEEEDDDDDD!!!!! 😂😂😂😂

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Meyer Weinstock
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hi. Historian (and former life sciences teacher) here. Women (and anyone else) with toned abs are probably healthier than many others, given the need to "improve circulatory and organ health to acquire and maintain musculature in one's abdominal region." Also, at no time in recent history has any woman wanted me, either.

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Carson R Ibach
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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あんぱんまん
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

if i were to be honest about my opinion here, i dont think all men are the same, and men have no right to comment on womens bodies and how they like to look.... some like women with abs and some dont... so whether i get downvoted here or not, the only man who has any right to say anything about our bodies in an honest way would be our husbands especially in my religion tht is....this is my honest opinion whether some people hate me for this or not.... no woman has a right to comment on mens looks neither do men have any right to comment on womens looks... apart from that, james fell burnt the random guy! ayyyy!! the best burn ever!!

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Hamilton Lover
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can attest to the fact that we train so that we can be healthy and get better at something else.

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Gillian Rixey
Community Member
3 years ago

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gosh didn't know bored panda was so pandering zzzzzzz

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#5

Idk If This Has Been Posted Before, But I Love His Little Smile

Idk If This Has Been Posted Before, But I Love His Little Smile

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Ariane said that the line between a regular comeback and one that makes us snort into our cups of tea is clear for everyone to see. "It needs to be very fast, well-timed, and take people by surprise as well as being clever, witty, and immediately understandable." So no pressure then!

The beauty of comedy, according to Ariane, is that (sometimes) our subconscious mind kicks in and takes us by surprise, along with the audience. "But that's relatively rare in my experience. I'm sure many other comics are more natural than I am!

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#9

Thank You Andy Wang!

Thank You Andy Wang!

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Truth Monster
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

cultural gatekeeping has got to be the dumbest thing I have ever seen. The best and most inclusive societies culturally appropriate all. the. time.

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The ‘Clever Comebacks’ community was founded in January 2018 and will be celebrating its 3-year anniversary very soon. In that time, they’ve amassed nearly 679k loyal members who are practicing the ancient art of the perfect comeback.

Personally, I think that comebacks are all about accurate, piercing, rapier-like wit. And the essence of wit is brevity, spontaneity, and stating the truth. It’s not a comeback if you spend an hour thinking about it and then another hour writing it out. Comebacks are the sniper rifles of the verbal battlefield. Not shotguns. Not machine guns. It’s all about one phrase—one roast.

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The BBC tends to agree with my point of view. According to Rhea Wessel, witty comebacks can’t be planned—they can only be made in the moment. And timing is everything. Even if you come up with the perfect thing you could’ve said while you’re in the shower a day later, that amazing comeback is useless now. Too little. Too late.

#12

British Museum

British Museum

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Vic
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

People that feel British, aren't really British. They are, in fact, Bri-ish

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That’s actually the beauty of comebacks. Sometimes, you end up just as surprised by your wit as everyone else is. It’s like, for a single beautiful moment, the Spirit of Absolute Roasting possessed you and gave you glorious guidance. 

Abigail Paul, the artistic director at the Theatre Language Studio in Frankfurt, told the BBC that we can improve our wit by giving ourselves just a bit of extra time to craft a great answer. Strangely enough, that involves becoming a better listener. We need to train ourselves to listen to others and respond appropriately, instead of tuning out and only thinking about the points we want to make in the discussion. That way, you’ll be more than ready to mount a witty defense because you won’t be caught unaware.

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#20

They Also Don't Come In Exciting Anime

They Also Don't Come In Exciting Anime

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#22

Big Footprints To Fill

Big Footprints To Fill

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#25

Elite Finish

Elite Finish

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Foxxy (The Original)
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What kind of relationship is that. We don’t have his money or my money, it is OUR money.

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#26

Flameproofing? But My House Isn't On Fire!

Flameproofing? But My House Isn't On Fire!

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#27

Flat Earthers Make Me Happy Because I Know I'm Not A Complete Failure

Flat Earthers Make Me Happy Because I Know I'm Not A Complete Failure

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Foxxy (The Original)
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Is this just a joke to tease flat earthers or do flat earthers actually use the “flat” horizon as their argument? Do they not realise that we can’t see the curve because the earth is so large.

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#28

Does This Count? The Author Actually Replied Back To Me Lmao

Does This Count? The Author Actually Replied Back To Me Lmao

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Jill
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I could say the same thing about Stewart's Calculus book as well. (For those of you not in the know, the physics book he mentioned is one of the most popular physics 101 books used at universities.)

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#29

That Last Line Though

That Last Line Though

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Wendillon
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So because the warning label on a bottle of bleach says not to drink it, are you just going to blindly follow it and not drink the bleach? What if it tastes really good??

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#31

They Did Not See This Coming

They Did Not See This Coming

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#32

Columbus Day

Columbus Day

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Truth Monster
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

End up in a random aisle and whatever you find there is now "Indian Food."

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#33

Austin Powers Would Be Proud Of That Comeback

Austin Powers Would Be Proud Of That Comeback

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#34

'im Tired Of Being Responsible For Something That Is Entirely My Resposibility.'

'im Tired Of Being Responsible For Something That Is Entirely My Resposibility.'

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#35

I Love Puns

I Love Puns

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Losferatu
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Let's play a game: Spell the type of establishment we're eating at, and I'll buy you your meal!

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#36

Who’ll Email You When You Block Him

Who’ll Email You When You Block Him

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#37

Can't Get Any More Clever Than This

Can't Get Any More Clever Than This

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Kirsten Kerkhof
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I will never have the guts to send a reply like that, but by Golly, I wish I would ...

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#38

Invasive Species

Invasive Species

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#43

Depends On Who Writes The Comic

Depends On Who Writes The Comic

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#44

Boomer vs. Millenial

Boomer vs. Millenial

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#46

She Isn’t A Walking Womb

She Isn’t A Walking Womb

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Lauren Caswell
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

F**k this molyneux d**k. He was banned from speaking here (new zealand) in 2018 I think, the brainless monstrous mosque shooter donated to his causes and his petition to be allowed to do his stupid speaking event in NZ. Then murdered the innocent souls in cold blood at one of our mosques. So that's the kind of person who supports this fuckwad. No thanks. (NB not meaning to mislead, I'm personally agnostic, but say "our mosques" just as I would say "our churches/synagogues/temples/etc". A kiwi is a kiwi. A person is a person.)

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#47

Weird Motives

Weird Motives

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wandile dludlu
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wonder if the so called "1st world" countries know that here in the 3rd world, we drive both and are required to pass your driving test using a stick shift

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#48

Especially Clever

Especially Clever

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Vikram Bedi
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If everyone starts using the toilet marked “ me” then “ everyone else “ would be left clean...

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#49

Facebook Comeback

Facebook Comeback

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Helen Haley
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The waiter is providing a valuable service with very little likelihood of customer death.

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#50

Quite Funny To Be Honest

Quite Funny To Be Honest

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Katchen
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

WTAF. They ask teens about guns when school shootings plague the country, but are offended by the nail gun joke?

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Note: this post originally had 89 images. It’s been shortened to the top 50 images based on user votes.