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Swimming in warm water in the summertime. Placing the final piece of a puzzle that’s taken you months to complete. ‘Roasting’ someone online with a comeback so witty and so savage, they had to call the ‘Oh Snap’ and fire brigades. All three things have one thing in common—they’re all human experiences that make us feel gooood.

The ‘Clever Comebacks’ subreddit is one of the best places on the net to go to for awesome retorts that will forever be enshrined on the internet in online screenshots. Check out some of the most on-point and hilarious comebacks they posted ever. Remember to upvote your fave ones and we hope they’ll inspire you to show off your wit the next time someone says something dumb or has a go at you.

Bored Panda was interested to learn about what makes comebacks witty and about comedic timing, so we reached out to comedy writer and author of 'How to Live to 100,' Ariane Sherine. Read on to learn what she told us. What’s the best comeback that you’ve ever said or heard in real life, dear Readers? Do you think that the pen is mightier than the sword? Share your thoughts with all of us in the comments.

#2

Never Underestimate A Woman

Never Underestimate A Woman

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Martha Meyer
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I bet this same guy thinks he's qualified to talk about abortion even though he can't give birth.

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#3

“Migrants Can’t Assimilate Into Society”

“Migrants Can’t Assimilate Into Society”

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Comedy writer Ariane told Bored Panda that, in her opinion, witty comebacks can be both spontaenous and planned out. "I've definitely come up with comebacks that are spontaneous. For instance, I told my daughter that if she didn't behave, I'd give her inheritance to a donkey sanctuary. She said, 'You wouldn't', and I came back, 'You bet your ass!' But though I hadn't used that comeback before, I clearly had knowledge of the pun and might have used something similar in the past."

She also pointed out something that honestly took me by surprise: "When it comes to stand-up, a lot of heckle putdowns are scripted and shared among comics." And here I thought that heckles were all instinctive and natural. I'll have to rethink some stuff about my fave comedians now.

#5

Idk If This Has Been Posted Before, But I Love His Little Smile

Idk If This Has Been Posted Before, But I Love His Little Smile

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Ariane said that the line between a regular comeback and one that makes us snort into our cups of tea is clear for everyone to see. "It needs to be very fast, well-timed, and take people by surprise as well as being clever, witty, and immediately understandable." So no pressure then!

The beauty of comedy, according to Ariane, is that (sometimes) our subconscious mind kicks in and takes us by surprise, along with the audience. "But that's relatively rare in my experience. I'm sure many other comics are more natural than I am!

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#9

Thank You Andy Wang!

Thank You Andy Wang!

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Truth Monster
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

cultural gatekeeping has got to be the dumbest thing I have ever seen. The best and most inclusive societies culturally appropriate all. the. time.

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The ‘Clever Comebacks’ community was founded in January 2018 and will be celebrating its 3-year anniversary very soon. In that time, they’ve amassed nearly 679k loyal members who are practicing the ancient art of the perfect comeback.

Personally, I think that comebacks are all about accurate, piercing, rapier-like wit. And the essence of wit is brevity, spontaneity, and stating the truth. It’s not a comeback if you spend an hour thinking about it and then another hour writing it out. Comebacks are the sniper rifles of the verbal battlefield. Not shotguns. Not machine guns. It’s all about one phrase—one roast.

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The BBC tends to agree with my point of view. According to Rhea Wessel, witty comebacks can’t be planned—they can only be made in the moment. And timing is everything. Even if you come up with the perfect thing you could’ve said while you’re in the shower a day later, that amazing comeback is useless now. Too little. Too late.

#12

British Museum

British Museum

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Vic
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

People that feel British, aren't really British. They are, in fact, Bri-ish

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That’s actually the beauty of comebacks. Sometimes, you end up just as surprised by your wit as everyone else is. It’s like, for a single beautiful moment, the Spirit of Absolute Roasting possessed you and gave you glorious guidance. 

Abigail Paul, the artistic director at the Theatre Language Studio in Frankfurt, told the BBC that we can improve our wit by giving ourselves just a bit of extra time to craft a great answer. Strangely enough, that involves becoming a better listener. We need to train ourselves to listen to others and respond appropriately, instead of tuning out and only thinking about the points we want to make in the discussion. That way, you’ll be more than ready to mount a witty defense because you won’t be caught unaware.

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#20

They Also Don't Come In Exciting Anime

They Also Don't Come In Exciting Anime

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#22

Big Footprints To Fill

Big Footprints To Fill

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#25

Elite Finish

Elite Finish

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Foxxy (The Original)
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What kind of relationship is that. We don’t have his money or my money, it is OUR money.

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#26

Flameproofing? But My House Isn't On Fire!

Flameproofing? But My House Isn't On Fire!

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#27

Flat Earthers Make Me Happy Because I Know I'm Not A Complete Failure

Flat Earthers Make Me Happy Because I Know I'm Not A Complete Failure

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Foxxy (The Original)
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Is this just a joke to tease flat earthers or do flat earthers actually use the “flat” horizon as their argument? Do they not realise that we can’t see the curve because the earth is so large.

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#28

Does This Count? The Author Actually Replied Back To Me Lmao

Does This Count? The Author Actually Replied Back To Me Lmao

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Jill
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I could say the same thing about Stewart's Calculus book as well. (For those of you not in the know, the physics book he mentioned is one of the most popular physics 101 books used at universities.)

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#29

That Last Line Though

That Last Line Though

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Wendillon
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So because the warning label on a bottle of bleach says not to drink it, are you just going to blindly follow it and not drink the bleach? What if it tastes really good??

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#30

Left vs. Right

Left vs. Right

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Łukasz Markuszewski
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If someone want to see rightwing architecture this person should check on how cities were looking like before the war. Dark and dirty slums without water, heating and toilets, overcrowded, inhabitated by underpaid industry workers, few families in every flat. This was quite normal before that terrible socialist modernism came and create public housing, planned neighbourhoods with green areas, light and schools so the people could finally live in decent conditions.

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Catarina Vilar
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And they just had to rob, enslave and kill millions of people to do it, what ingenious people they were! Also, France and Belgium really needed an upgrade right? Paris especially was a great example of dark and dirty slums at the time. And all those poor jews with all their art collections, beautiful mansions and economic power were really living in insufferable conditions before the war.

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Janet Bird
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is a very scary thread. I hope a lot of these Pandas are the younger end and know no better. :'(

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Tina Hugh
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think we’ve mostly all got the same good moral values, but we have different perspectives. But calling people on the right Nazis is similar to Trump calling BLM protestors Antifa rioters. It’s not reasonable and if there’s one thing this country needs more of, it’s reason.

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Norma Luce
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is the entrance to a WWI concentration camp in case anyone is wondering.I

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Jonathan Armstrong
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ok, this comment section seems to have been hit by multiple serial killers. Lots of murder with words here. Anyway, I cam here to ask what the top building is. I may just be stupid or not really thinking about it.

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Ruth Mayfly
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Apart from this, some of the new and very much for-profit giant blocks of flats are just as depressing as those....socialist/communist?....ones.

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Tien
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

For all those who don't get it (seem to be a lot in the comments), this is the entrance to Auswitch (WWII concentration camp and if you've never heard of it you should definitely study up)

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Claire Harper
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Someone please explain this entire joke to me I'm so confused....

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Luuta
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I somehow think that the idiot who mentioned left wing architecture would ever understand the comeback.

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Claire Armstrong
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Lol, powerful response but I have a sneaky feeling that they won't understand it!!

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Ruth Mayfly
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Turns out, groups sometimes give themselves deliberately misleading names to appeal to more people. Like 'National socialists' to appeal to both sides of the political spectrum, then as soon as they obtained power they killed all the socialists in the party, banned communist groups and imprisoned trade unionists. I don't know if you're misinformed or deliberately ignorant, but either way this is pretty poor.

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J. F.
Community Member
3 years ago

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Tina Hugh
Community Member
3 years ago

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Nazis were extreme left wing. They were National Socialists. This is historical fact. (If facts offend you, you might be a Trumper)

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Truth Monster
Community Member
3 years ago

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While we're at it, you know those abandoned houses, villages, churches in the former USSR we on Bored Panda like to look at? guess what happened to them under Lenin and Stalin. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gulag

hedwards avatar
H Edwards
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes... far-left and far-right regimes had a lot in common. Extremes are always a bad idea. At school in the 1990s our history teacher explained it like a circle. Go far enough in either direction and you basically meet in the middle.

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J. F.
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3 years ago

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Leftist socialism, national socialism - not much of a difference, in both a lot of people die because of an ideology

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H Edwards
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Both far left and far right ideologies are dangerous and have led to many deaths. Nobody advocating socialism is asking for Mao, Stalin or Pol Pot. If you are politically right wing, I have to assume that you are not asking for a regime similar to Hitler, Mussolini or Pinochet. Socialism can and does work just fine in many countries.

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Ray Heap
Community Member
3 years ago (edited)

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Uhhhh! Wern´t they like "National Socialists?" In that case the above picture is left wing architecture too. I´ll accompany you on your hell ride Wendillon.

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H Edwards
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They called themselves socialists, but they were ideologically far-right. That's indisputable, in the same way that it is indisputable that the Earth is not flat. Some people still like to try and make the argument. Using a word doesn't make something true - look at the Democratic People's Republic of Korea.

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Zachariah M. Baird
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3 years ago

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Hitler was on the left. He had free healthcare, big government, cared about race, thought killing people for convenience and because they don't deserve to live is OK (Planned Parenthood ring a bell? Speaking of, Margaret Sanger, the founder of PP, was an inspiration to Hitler.), Wanted one government to control the World, (UN?)

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Tiari
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You obviously have no idea what political left and right means...

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Truth Monster
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3 years ago

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If you think about it, the Nazis said a lot of stuff that the left wing would agree with. They even had nights of "peaceful protesting" as the authorities looked on. Sound familiar? It should.

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#31

They Did Not See This Coming

They Did Not See This Coming

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#32

Columbus Day

Columbus Day

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Truth Monster
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

End up in a random aisle and whatever you find there is now "Indian Food."

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#33

Austin Powers Would Be Proud Of That Comeback

Austin Powers Would Be Proud Of That Comeback

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#34

'im Tired Of Being Responsible For Something That Is Entirely My Resposibility.'

'im Tired Of Being Responsible For Something That Is Entirely My Resposibility.'

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#35

I Love Puns

I Love Puns

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Losferatu
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Let's play a game: Spell the type of establishment we're eating at, and I'll buy you your meal!

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#36

Who’ll Email You When You Block Him

Who’ll Email You When You Block Him

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#37

Can't Get Any More Clever Than This

Can't Get Any More Clever Than This

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Kirsten Kerkhof
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I will never have the guts to send a reply like that, but by Golly, I wish I would ...

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#38

Invasive Species

Invasive Species

MeesterNeusbaumTX Report

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#43

Depends On Who Writes The Comic

Depends On Who Writes The Comic

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#44

Boomer vs. Millenial

Boomer vs. Millenial

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#46

She Isn’t A Walking Womb

She Isn’t A Walking Womb

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Lauren Caswell
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

F**k this molyneux d**k. He was banned from speaking here (new zealand) in 2018 I think, the brainless monstrous mosque shooter donated to his causes and his petition to be allowed to do his stupid speaking event in NZ. Then murdered the innocent souls in cold blood at one of our mosques. So that's the kind of person who supports this fuckwad. No thanks. (NB not meaning to mislead, I'm personally agnostic, but say "our mosques" just as I would say "our churches/synagogues/temples/etc". A kiwi is a kiwi. A person is a person.)

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#47

Weird Motives

Weird Motives

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wandile dludlu
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wonder if the so called "1st world" countries know that here in the 3rd world, we drive both and are required to pass your driving test using a stick shift

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#48

Especially Clever

Especially Clever

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Vikram Bedi
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If everyone starts using the toilet marked “ me” then “ everyone else “ would be left clean...

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#49

Facebook Comeback

Facebook Comeback

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Helen Haley
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The waiter is providing a valuable service with very little likelihood of customer death.

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#50

Quite Funny To Be Honest

Quite Funny To Be Honest

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Katchen
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

WTAF. They ask teens about guns when school shootings plague the country, but are offended by the nail gun joke?

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Note: this post originally had 89 images. It’s been shortened to the top 50 images based on user votes.