Swimming in warm water in the summertime. Placing the final piece of a puzzle that’s taken you months to complete. ‘Roasting’ someone online with a comeback so witty and so savage, they had to call the ‘Oh Snap’ and fire brigades. All three things have one thing in common—they’re all human experiences that make us feel gooood.

The ‘Clever Comebacks’ subreddit is one of the best places on the net to go to for awesome retorts that will forever be enshrined on the internet in online screenshots. Check out some of the most on-point and hilarious comebacks they posted ever. Remember to upvote your fave ones and we hope they’ll inspire you to show off your wit the next time someone says something dumb or has a go at you.

Bored Panda was interested to learn about what makes comebacks witty and about comedic timing, so we reached out to comedy writer and author of 'How to Live to 100,' Ariane Sherine. Read on to learn what she told us. What’s the best comeback that you’ve ever said or heard in real life, dear Readers? Do you think that the pen is mightier than the sword? Share your thoughts with all of us in the comments.

#1

I Understand Completely

I Understand Completely

My_Memes_Will_Cure_U Report

SunofSpringtime
Community Member
6 months ago

Can't I upvote this a million times?!

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#2

Never Underestimate A Woman

Never Underestimate A Woman

Dry-Net Report

Martha Meyer
Community Member
6 months ago

I bet this same guy thinks he's qualified to talk about abortion even though he can't give birth.

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#3

“Migrants Can’t Assimilate Into Society”

“Migrants Can’t Assimilate Into Society”

reddit.com , twitter.com Report

Jamilia Mamedova
Community Member
6 months ago

She did her make up, all by herself!

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Comedy writer Ariane told Bored Panda that, in her opinion, witty comebacks can be both spontaenous and planned out. "I've definitely come up with comebacks that are spontaneous. For instance, I told my daughter that if she didn't behave, I'd give her inheritance to a donkey sanctuary. She said, 'You wouldn't', and I came back, 'You bet your ass!' But though I hadn't used that comeback before, I clearly had knowledge of the pun and might have used something similar in the past."

She also pointed out something that honestly took me by surprise: "When it comes to stand-up, a lot of heckle putdowns are scripted and shared among comics." And here I thought that heckles were all instinctive and natural. I'll have to rethink some stuff about my fave comedians now.

#4

Love This Guy

Love This Guy

humanitalian , BodyForWife Report

Kamilla Juel Sørensen
Community Member
6 months ago

BUUUUUURN!! :D

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#5

Idk If This Has Been Posted Before, But I Love His Little Smile

Idk If This Has Been Posted Before, But I Love His Little Smile

twinkletoes_44 Report

izzy.kitsune
Community Member
6 months ago

b u r n !

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#6

People Really Live In Their Own Little Bubbles

People Really Live In Their Own Little Bubbles

hayashiiiii , quentquarantino Report

Lis Daglish
Community Member
6 months ago

BOOM.

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Ariane said that the line between a regular comeback and one that makes us snort into our cups of tea is clear for everyone to see. "It needs to be very fast, well-timed, and take people by surprise as well as being clever, witty, and immediately understandable." So no pressure then!

The beauty of comedy, according to Ariane, is that (sometimes) our subconscious mind kicks in and takes us by surprise, along with the audience. "But that's relatively rare in my experience. I'm sure many other comics are more natural than I am!

#7

Please Wear A Mask And Stay Safe

Please Wear A Mask And Stay Safe

themaskedvillain Report

Foxxy (The Original)
Community Member
6 months ago

But, but, but.....I got nothing.

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#8

You're The Problem

You're The Problem

Cereal_killer03 , BodyForWife Report

kasa alex
Community Member
6 months ago

Well said, sir

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#9

Thank You Andy Wang!

Thank You Andy Wang!

ykafia Report

Truth Monster
Community Member
6 months ago

cultural gatekeeping has got to be the dumbest thing I have ever seen. The best and most inclusive societies culturally appropriate all. the. time.

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The ‘Clever Comebacks’ community was founded in January 2018 and will be celebrating its 3-year anniversary very soon. In that time, they’ve amassed nearly 679k loyal members who are practicing the ancient art of the perfect comeback.

Personally, I think that comebacks are all about accurate, piercing, rapier-like wit. And the essence of wit is brevity, spontaneity, and stating the truth. It’s not a comeback if you spend an hour thinking about it and then another hour writing it out. Comebacks are the sniper rifles of the verbal battlefield. Not shotguns. Not machine guns. It’s all about one phrase—one roast.

The BBC tends to agree with my point of view. According to Rhea Wessel, witty comebacks can’t be planned—they can only be made in the moment. And timing is everything. Even if you come up with the perfect thing you could’ve said while you’re in the shower a day later, that amazing comeback is useless now. Too little. Too late.

#10

I Don’t Care If Repost Made Me Laugh

I Don’t Care If Repost Made Me Laugh

iamafailedasian Report

Foxxy (The Original)
Community Member
6 months ago (edited)

Hahaha BAM, got ya there.

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#11

Illegal Plants

Illegal Plants

YoloForJesusChrist Report

Da Coconut Nut
Community Member
6 months ago

Welp

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#12

British Museum

British Museum

athrvpatil , SumzIbrahiim Report

Vic
Community Member
6 months ago

People that feel British, aren't really British. They are, in fact, Bri-ish

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That’s actually the beauty of comebacks. Sometimes, you end up just as surprised by your wit as everyone else is. It’s like, for a single beautiful moment, the Spirit of Absolute Roasting possessed you and gave you glorious guidance. 

Abigail Paul, the artistic director at the Theatre Language Studio in Frankfurt, told the BBC that we can improve our wit by giving ourselves just a bit of extra time to craft a great answer. Strangely enough, that involves becoming a better listener. We need to train ourselves to listen to others and respond appropriately, instead of tuning out and only thinking about the points we want to make in the discussion. That way, you’ll be more than ready to mount a witty defense because you won’t be caught unaware.

#13

This Is A Really Good Reply To Trump's Tweet

This Is A Really Good Reply To Trump's Tweet

El-Cobra Report

Foxxy (The Original)
Community Member
6 months ago

Don’t forget the pandemic.

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#14

Raw Skiny Jeans Bat

Raw Skiny Jeans Bat

Master1718 , RobbySlowik Report

Truth Monster
Community Member
6 months ago

Look, a vampire CAN turn into a bat (man)!

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#15

Useless Trees

Useless Trees

Kennydoe Report

Foxxy (The Original)
Community Member
6 months ago

Who needs oxygen if there is no wifi?

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#16

What An Awful Way To Protect The Elderly

What An Awful Way To Protect The Elderly

lucynyu13 , PressSec Report

izzy.kitsune
Community Member
6 months ago

OOF

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#17

Rage Against Something

Rage Against Something

Camotoe Report

Ami Temi
Community Member
6 months ago

Wow, perfect comeback.

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#18

Actions Speak Louder Than Words.

Actions Speak Louder Than Words.

playhy Report

Foxxy (The Original)
Community Member
6 months ago

And she is killing it.

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#19

Separate Payments

Separate Payments

memezzer Report

Foxxy (The Original)
Community Member
6 months ago

Sounds like the perfect plan.

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#20

They Also Don't Come In Exciting Anime

They Also Don't Come In Exciting Anime

TheRikari Report

Jill
Community Member
6 months ago

Imagine if they did!

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#21

Depression vs. Asthma

Depression vs. Asthma

TitaniumPeak Report

I'manoob!
Community Member
6 months ago

Savage!

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#22

Big Footprints To Fill

Big Footprints To Fill

mysteresc Report

J. F.
Community Member
6 months ago

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Nobody, thanks to BP

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#23

Not Mine But On Point

Not Mine But On Point

justinpwheeler , TheAccountOfSam Report

Vikram Bedi
Community Member
6 months ago

Shrek also had a donkey marrying a dragon... 🤔

N G
Community Member
6 months ago

Fierce and powerful women can sometimes marry jackasses. But they seem happy enough

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pusheen buttercup
Community Member
6 months ago

To hell with the bod, good dads in general are a plus. Give me someone reliable and responsible with small children.

Tabitha L
Community Member
6 months ago

Do I like to look at fit men? Yes. Do I think my husband with his dad bod is the sexiest man alive? Yes.

Elizabeth Molloy
Community Member
6 months ago

Personally the ripped body type is a turn-off. It also shows a high degree of self-centeredness.

Ms.GB
Community Member
6 months ago

If he thinks that the 167 million came only from women he's dreamin...

Community Member
6 months ago

Yeah shrek's legit as f**k. It's shoulda made ten times the amount it did. also, bro fiona liked shrek's "dad bod" so there

Michael Scott
Community Member
6 months ago

fr tho! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LjQZaD9EEJ0

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Michael Scott
Community Member
6 months ago

YO THERE GONNA BE A SHREK 5!!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LjQZaD9EEJ0

Hayley Rodgers
Community Member
4 months ago

I personally find those body types off-putting. And male stripping grosses me out. Gag

Susan Miller
Community Member
6 months ago

I saw Shrek 5 times...who is Magic Mike??

Shivani Iyer
Community Member
3 months ago

I have no f*****g clue...

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Mari Bryant
Community Member
6 months ago

Big assumption that it was the majority females who bought the Magic Mike tickets...or the Shrek tickets. 🤔🧐

Gigi Baldez
Community Member
6 months ago

Lol

Patricia Kasprowski
Community Member
6 months ago

Perfect retort!

Patty Leaton
Community Member
6 months ago

Donald Trump grossed the world

wyatt hollingsworth
Community Member
6 months ago (edited)

Not my strangest fap

Mya Lugar
Community Member
6 months ago

Yea, but what guy wants a following of 5-10 yr. old girls instead of women? (Don't answer that)

23AClark
Community Member
6 months ago

He had a women who decided to stay an ogre just so he could stay true to himself!!! Now you think about that!!!

lara
Community Member
6 months ago

Trust me, women did NOT go to Shrek to see his bod.

Kylen Miller
Community Member
6 months ago

Sheeeeeeesh

blugeagua
Community Member
6 months ago

And a movie grossing high is no indication of gender..... so what the hell?

CatWoman312
Community Member
6 months ago

And most men look at porn over women and most porn stars are thin so what point is he trying to make?

Meyer Weinstock
Community Member
6 months ago

Most men? I dissent. Maybe some, but not most of us. I don't. -single and straight in the sticks

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tomruns12
Community Member
6 months ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Keep comparing Shrck to softcore porn. It makes you look so sophisticated.

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#24

Another Reason To Love The Beatles

Another Reason To Love The Beatles

simwalkedaway Report

Kirsten Kerkhof
Community Member
6 months ago

Such a polite burn that.

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#25

Elite Finish

Elite Finish

MythicalBeast263 Report

Foxxy (The Original)
Community Member
6 months ago

What kind of relationship is that. We don’t have his money or my money, it is OUR money.

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#26

Flameproofing? But My House Isn't On Fire!

Flameproofing? But My House Isn't On Fire!

ZacReligious Report

Wendillon
Community Member
6 months ago

No thanks, I don't need birth control cause I'm not pregnant.

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#27

Flat Earthers Make Me Happy Because I Know I'm Not A Complete Failure

Flat Earthers Make Me Happy Because I Know I'm Not A Complete Failure

svrmster103 , ashallowseafish Report

Foxxy (The Original)
Community Member
6 months ago

Is this just a joke to tease flat earthers or do flat earthers actually use the “flat” horizon as their argument? Do they not realise that we can’t see the curve because the earth is so large.

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#28

Does This Count? The Author Actually Replied Back To Me Lmao

Does This Count? The Author Actually Replied Back To Me Lmao

turing042 , sahaj_amatya Report

Jill
Community Member
6 months ago

I could say the same thing about Stewart's Calculus book as well. (For those of you not in the know, the physics book he mentioned is one of the most popular physics 101 books used at universities.)

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#29

That Last Line Though

That Last Line Though

livebythem Report

Wendillon
Community Member
6 months ago

So because the warning label on a bottle of bleach says not to drink it, are you just going to blindly follow it and not drink the bleach? What if it tastes really good??

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#30

Left vs. Right

Left vs. Right

reddit.com , twitter.com Report

Jessamyn Zolcznski
Community Member
6 months ago

Burn...oh wait. (Sorry)

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#31

They Did Not See This Coming

They Did Not See This Coming

acagastya Report

Sandra Charlot
Community Member
6 months ago

I've tried to read Bible, but I'm not much into fantasy book :)

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#32

Columbus Day

Columbus Day

reddit.com Report

Truth Monster
Community Member
6 months ago

End up in a random aisle and whatever you find there is now "Indian Food."

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See Also on Bored Panda
#33

Austin Powers Would Be Proud Of That Comeback

Austin Powers Would Be Proud Of That Comeback

IShallPetYourDogo , www.reddit.com Report

Vic
Community Member
6 months ago

Austin Powers: The man who tackled me.

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#34

'im Tired Of Being Responsible For Something That Is Entirely My Resposibility.'

'im Tired Of Being Responsible For Something That Is Entirely My Resposibility.'

Master1718 Report

Foxxy (The Original)
Community Member
6 months ago

They’re the smart ones haha.

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#35

I Love Puns

I Love Puns

discordgamer101 Report

Losferatu
Community Member
6 months ago

Let's play a game: Spell the type of establishment we're eating at, and I'll buy you your meal!

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#36

Who’ll Email You When You Block Him

Who’ll Email You When You Block Him

reddit.com Report

Foxxy (The Original)
Community Member
6 months ago

Gotta be pretty pathetic to play games like that.

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#37

Can't Get Any More Clever Than This

Can't Get Any More Clever Than This

KingMushroomIV Report

Kirsten Kerkhof
Community Member
6 months ago

I will never have the guts to send a reply like that, but by Golly, I wish I would ...

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#38

Invasive Species

Invasive Species

MeesterNeusbaumTX Report

Lis Daglish
Community Member
6 months ago

I love that his hoover made a clear break for freedom.

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#39

Don’t Boast About Your Iq Test

Don’t Boast About Your Iq Test

leafy_avocado Report

DforDory
Community Member
6 months ago

I'm dying!🤣🤣

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#40

Oof! British People Be Like...

Oof! British People Be Like...

BelleAriel Report

Patti Brock
Community Member
6 months ago

🤣 😂

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#41

Honesty Is The Best Policy

Honesty Is The Best Policy

Tubergod1 Report

Foxxy (The Original)
Community Member
6 months ago

At least they are honest.

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#42

I Mean, He's Not Wrong ..

I Mean, He's Not Wrong ..

MissTickleToes Report

Me He
Community Member
6 months ago

SAD!!

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See Also on Bored Panda
#43

Depends On Who Writes The Comic

Depends On Who Writes The Comic

Master1718 Report

Steve Barnett
Community Member
6 months ago

But Batman has a utility belt. A UTILITY BELT!

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#44

Boomer vs. Millenial

Boomer vs. Millenial

buss123 Report

MrsPossum
Community Member
6 months ago

Loving the 315 reactions versus the 4.6k reactions. Boom! 🤣

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#45

It’s Funny Because It’s True

It’s Funny Because It’s True

Gudakesa , Steph_I_Will Report

Chez
Community Member
6 months ago

*pages

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#46

She Isn’t A Walking Womb

She Isn’t A Walking Womb

PlatinumGamer55 Report

Lauren Caswell
Community Member
6 months ago

F**k this molyneux d**k. He was banned from speaking here (new zealand) in 2018 I think, the brainless monstrous mosque shooter donated to his causes and his petition to be allowed to do his stupid speaking event in NZ. Then murdered the innocent souls in cold blood at one of our mosques. So that's the kind of person who supports this fuckwad. No thanks. (NB not meaning to mislead, I'm personally agnostic, but say "our mosques" just as I would say "our churches/synagogues/temples/etc". A kiwi is a kiwi. A person is a person.)

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#47

Weird Motives

Weird Motives

Random_420-69 Report

wandile dludlu
Community Member
6 months ago

I wonder if the so called "1st world" countries know that here in the 3rd world, we drive both and are required to pass your driving test using a stick shift

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#48

Especially Clever

Especially Clever

hydr0p0lis Report

Vikram Bedi
Community Member
6 months ago

If everyone starts using the toilet marked “ me” then “ everyone else “ would be left clean...

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#49

Facebook Comeback

Facebook Comeback

AkshayyChavan Report

Helen Haley
Community Member
6 months ago

The waiter is providing a valuable service with very little likelihood of customer death.

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#50

Quite Funny To Be Honest

Quite Funny To Be Honest

rahul4112 Report

Katchen
Community Member
6 months ago

WTAF. They ask teens about guns when school shootings plague the country, but are offended by the nail gun joke?

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Note: this post originally had 89 images. It’s been shortened to the top 50 images based on user votes.