Swimming in warm water in the summertime. Placing the final piece of a puzzle that’s taken you months to complete. ‘Roasting’ someone online with a comeback so witty and so savage, they had to call the ‘Oh Snap’ and fire brigades. All three things have one thing in common—they’re all human experiences that make us feel gooood.
The ‘Clever Comebacks’ subreddit is one of the best places on the net to go to for awesome retorts that will forever be enshrined on the internet in online screenshots. Check out some of the most on-point and hilarious comebacks they posted ever. Remember to upvote your fave ones and we hope they’ll inspire you to show off your wit the next time someone says something dumb or has a go at you.
Bored Panda was interested to learn about what makes comebacks witty and about comedic timing, so we reached out to comedy writer and author of 'How to Live to 100,' Ariane Sherine. Read on to learn what she told us. What’s the best comeback that you’ve ever said or heard in real life, dear Readers? Do you think that the pen is mightier than the sword? Share your thoughts with all of us in the comments.
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I Understand Completely
Never Underestimate A Woman
I bet this same guy thinks he's qualified to talk about abortion even though he can't give birth.
“Migrants Can’t Assimilate Into Society”
Comedy writer Ariane told Bored Panda that, in her opinion, witty comebacks can be both spontaenous and planned out. "I've definitely come up with comebacks that are spontaneous. For instance, I told my daughter that if she didn't behave, I'd give her inheritance to a donkey sanctuary. She said, 'You wouldn't', and I came back, 'You bet your ass!' But though I hadn't used that comeback before, I clearly had knowledge of the pun and might have used something similar in the past."
She also pointed out something that honestly took me by surprise: "When it comes to stand-up, a lot of heckle putdowns are scripted and shared among comics." And here I thought that heckles were all instinctive and natural. I'll have to rethink some stuff about my fave comedians now.
Love This Guy
Idk If This Has Been Posted Before, But I Love His Little Smile
People Really Live In Their Own Little Bubbles
Ariane said that the line between a regular comeback and one that makes us snort into our cups of tea is clear for everyone to see. "It needs to be very fast, well-timed, and take people by surprise as well as being clever, witty, and immediately understandable." So no pressure then!
The beauty of comedy, according to Ariane, is that (sometimes) our subconscious mind kicks in and takes us by surprise, along with the audience. "But that's relatively rare in my experience. I'm sure many other comics are more natural than I am!
Please Wear A Mask And Stay Safe
You're The Problem
Thank You Andy Wang!
cultural gatekeeping has got to be the dumbest thing I have ever seen. The best and most inclusive societies culturally appropriate all. the. time.
The ‘Clever Comebacks’ community was founded in January 2018 and will be celebrating its 3-year anniversary very soon. In that time, they’ve amassed nearly 679k loyal members who are practicing the ancient art of the perfect comeback.
Personally, I think that comebacks are all about accurate, piercing, rapier-like wit. And the essence of wit is brevity, spontaneity, and stating the truth. It’s not a comeback if you spend an hour thinking about it and then another hour writing it out. Comebacks are the sniper rifles of the verbal battlefield. Not shotguns. Not machine guns. It’s all about one phrase—one roast.
The BBC tends to agree with my point of view. According to Rhea Wessel, witty comebacks can’t be planned—they can only be made in the moment. And timing is everything. Even if you come up with the perfect thing you could’ve said while you’re in the shower a day later, that amazing comeback is useless now. Too little. Too late.
I Don’t Care If Repost Made Me Laugh
British Museum
That’s actually the beauty of comebacks. Sometimes, you end up just as surprised by your wit as everyone else is. It’s like, for a single beautiful moment, the Spirit of Absolute Roasting possessed you and gave you glorious guidance.
Abigail Paul, the artistic director at the Theatre Language Studio in Frankfurt, told the BBC that we can improve our wit by giving ourselves just a bit of extra time to craft a great answer. Strangely enough, that involves becoming a better listener. We need to train ourselves to listen to others and respond appropriately, instead of tuning out and only thinking about the points we want to make in the discussion. That way, you’ll be more than ready to mount a witty defense because you won’t be caught unaware.
This Is A Really Good Reply To Trump's Tweet
Raw Skiny Jeans Bat
Useless Trees
What An Awful Way To Protect The Elderly
Rage Against Something
Actions Speak Louder Than Words.
Separate Payments
They Also Don't Come In Exciting Anime
Depression vs. Asthma
Big Footprints To Fill
Not Mine But On Point
Another Reason To Love The Beatles
Elite Finish
What kind of relationship is that. We don’t have his money or my money, it is OUR money.
Flameproofing? But My House Isn't On Fire!
Flat Earthers Make Me Happy Because I Know I'm Not A Complete Failure
Is this just a joke to tease flat earthers or do flat earthers actually use the “flat” horizon as their argument? Do they not realise that we can’t see the curve because the earth is so large.
Does This Count? The Author Actually Replied Back To Me Lmao
That Last Line Though
Left vs. Right
They Did Not See This Coming
Columbus Day
End up in a random aisle and whatever you find there is now "Indian Food."
Austin Powers Would Be Proud Of That Comeback
'im Tired Of Being Responsible For Something That Is Entirely My Resposibility.'
I Love Puns
Who’ll Email You When You Block Him
Can't Get Any More Clever Than This
I will never have the guts to send a reply like that, but by Golly, I wish I would ...
Invasive Species
Don’t Boast About Your Iq Test
Oof! British People Be Like...
Honesty Is The Best Policy
I Mean, He's Not Wrong ..
Depends On Who Writes The Comic
Boomer vs. Millenial
It’s Funny Because It’s True
She Isn’t A Walking Womb
F**k this molyneux d**k. He was banned from speaking here (new zealand) in 2018 I think, the brainless monstrous mosque shooter donated to his causes and his petition to be allowed to do his stupid speaking event in NZ. Then murdered the innocent souls in cold blood at one of our mosques. So that's the kind of person who supports this fuckwad. No thanks. (NB not meaning to mislead, I'm personally agnostic, but say "our mosques" just as I would say "our churches/synagogues/temples/etc". A kiwi is a kiwi. A person is a person.)
Weird Motives
I wonder if the so called "1st world" countries know that here in the 3rd world, we drive both and are required to pass your driving test using a stick shift
I'm in France, and pretty much everyone learns how to drive a stick shift and will pass the test on a stick shift car... it's a shame it's slowly changing. I'm also pretty sure it's the same in a large portion of Europe too.
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It literally just depends on how your parents raised you. Both my brother and I can write in cursive and drive a stick, because my mom taught us. (We're both under 18)
I passed my test in a stick and I still write in cursive. I'm in the USA... but I'm also 62.
Why exactly did the USA give up on cursive? It's so slow to write by hand in machine script.
The US didn't give up on cursive, it's still taught in schools. People are different and have different writing styles, which is fine since most written correspondence is typed. It doesn't bother me to read hand writing in cursive, standard script, all caps, etc. I just really hate when people don't punctuate their sentences.
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As a Gen X with a Millennial daughter, I really don't understand the constant generational fighting. While there are little things that annoy each of us about the other, none of them have to do with our respective ages. I'm always proud of her. Sure, I raised her, but she took what I taught her, built on it, and ran with it in directions that amaze me.
I'm a Gen x American. I passed my driver's test using a stick shift and still use cursive. It's not all of us. Kinda like how not all of us voted for Trump
Do you find yourself reminding people that there is a generation between Boomers and Millennials? Sometimes I do. Other times I'm happy to be forgotten.
Load More Replies... I once had a teacher who asked me if I could drive. I said, "why, of course." He then asked me if I could drive a stick. I said, "no." He said, "then you can't drive." After that, the first car I bought while a student in college was a used car with a stick.
The way older folks look at me when I say I don't know how to write a 'k' in cursive is the way I look at them when they type with two fingers.
Brazilian here. As a child I always thought it was strange in the movies when someone put a brick on the accelerator and the car started running immediately. Or when children stole their parents' car and drove away. Living in a country where 99.99% of the cars were not automatic (and I didn't even know it existed), it was a mystery to me that the car would run without needing someone to step on the clutch and engage the first gear, in sync with the accelerator pedal being depressed. :) Today I own an automatic car, a Honda Fit. Nor is it my first automatic. But even with the ease of the automatic, I feel much more comfortable driving my other car, an old Peugeot 206, manufactured in 2000. The precision in driving a car with a manual transmission cannot be compared to an automatic, whose reaction is not predictable. In a manual transmission car, you know exactly what the car will do when you step on the gas. In an automatic, not always.
I like the comeback because it's true. I have millennial children and guess what? They ALL write / read cursive AND can drive a manual transmission. sooooo. But I also love how the rest were lazy because I know not many can steal my car.
You were emotionally abusive, physically abusive and verbally abusive. But yeah, we're lazy and good for nothing.
I suspect he's right here in the US anyway- so many people say they can't read cursive any more and I KNOW they can't drive a stick shift...so my car was safe for many, many years....now just finding a stick shift is a major event
Have to agree. Rail against those who shun cursive. We are raising generations of people who will be unable to read their grandparent's letters. There goes history.
Remember that the next time you ask your grand kid to "fix" your phone !
I am 60 and I can barely write a sentence in cursive. Stick shift I am OK. Better than OK, I used to race cars and motorcycles. It's a pre-requisite to know how to shift. Cursive writing, not so much.
Also, if our generation refused to help you every time you can't figure out your phone or computer, you'd become nonfunctional members of society.
I can read cursive just as well as printed writing, it just has to be legible, people can write illegibly in cursive or non-cursive. I had an uncle who had the most beautiful cursive writing and it was a joy on the eyes to read his writing.
Funny comment, coming from someone from a generation crippled by the switch to information technology.
I keep tellin ppl theyre welcome to leave their car unlocked and I'll test their 'millenial anti-theft device' (manual transmission), noone ever takes me up on it.
So, just so everybody is clear, the reason cursive is no longer taught in schools is beacuse of the switch to ball point pens. Ball points require pressure on the paper to work. (the ink is too thick,) and cursive can't be written smoothly because of this. you're rather more than welcome to switch back to the incredibly messy fountain pens, if you feel so lonesome for cursive, though.
Where'd you pick up this nonsense? Gen-X grew up writing cursive just fine using ballpoint pens. Are you maybe confusing cursive with calligraphy? Which can, btw, also be done using brushes, not just nibs.
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And besides, everyone knows that it's only Didi who can't drive a stick shift.
My mom mentioned when they stopped teaching cursive A few years back that we are going to have a whole generation that can't read the declaration of independence. Because it is in cursive. She works at a bank and some people can't sign their name. I think everyone should know at least the basics of cursive, like how to read it. My kids teachers taught the kids to at least sign their name. I'd be ok if cursive did go away for good.
Why? Cursive is written with obsolete technology. "can't read the declaration of independence" is a load of horsehockey. and what signatures are necessary anymore? these days everything is done electronically, and even when it's not, my identity is verified six different ways before we ever get that far.
Load More Replies... I write cursive all the time but I can’t drive a manual. I don’t have the co-ordination and I am terrible at multi tasking. Too much to remember and do driving a manual car.
God yes, it's changing gears that freaks me out. I don't have any kind of license though, should get on that.
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Wondering how many people from this generation had to fix his/her printer or unlock his/her smartphone. You could also use the same argument against them: you could ruin their generation to switching back to double-clutch gear
well, if i had been TAUGHT CURSIVE I would be able to read it. but i wasn't.
It’s worth learning on your own. Calligraphy and cursive are fun and you’ll be able to read anything written in English, including America’s founding documents. If you enjoy cursive, Arabic is another interesting and beautiful writing system and a real brain stretcher since it’s written right to left and and each letter has different forms depending on where in the word it occurs. It sounds cray, but once you learn it it makes sense.
Load More Replies... Especially Clever
If everyone starts using the toilet marked “ me” then “ everyone else “ would be left clean...
Facebook Comeback
The waiter is providing a valuable service with very little likelihood of customer death.
Quite Funny To Be Honest
Note: this post originally had 89 images. It’s been shortened to the top 50 images based on user votes.
These are all excellent, but the Roomba one made me nearly spit coffee.
Yes, great burns! But I had to google "Roomba" because I thought this was one of the 50% of wild species I just do not know by name :-)
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I‘ve got a comeback story, but I am not sure if you can call it good. Could some jewish persons please tell me if it is insulting or something? Or maybe you even like it? God, I really don‘t know if I should post it, but I am curious about your reactions. I‘ve heared it only second hand. You have to know beforehand, that Germany has many imigrants. Especially from Turkey. And some of them do not really integrate in our society. If I remember correctly the president of Turkey even demanded that Germany should build Schools for the Turkish living here.... but I might have misunderstood that. Nevertheless, some Germans are a bit ... miffed about the Turkish here. Anyway, here is the story: In an underground train in Germany some Turkish teens come in and make a ruckus. An old german Lady asks them to be quiet or mind their manners or something. But they don‘t listen. Insted they tell her that the Turkish will take over Germany anyway. //part 1
//part 3: obviously this is not funny in regard of the jews part, but it is a „good“ comeback in that situation.... or isn‘t it? Please tell me what you think! I don‘t even know if this story is true or an urban legend.
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"Coronavirus is a fraud! It's just the flu!" According to the CDC, last year there were less than 34,000 deaths from influenza. This year we are over 300,000 deaths. No matter what you call it, it isn't good.
if 90% of the people reading BP either find this funny, or just roll their eyes and move on... it isn't polarizing... upsetting *you* isn't the definition of polarizing, when you clearly represent a fringe group.
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These are all excellent, but the Roomba one made me nearly spit coffee.
Yes, great burns! But I had to google "Roomba" because I thought this was one of the 50% of wild species I just do not know by name :-)
Load More Replies... I‘ve got a comeback story, but I am not sure if you can call it good. Could some jewish persons please tell me if it is insulting or something? Or maybe you even like it? God, I really don‘t know if I should post it, but I am curious about your reactions. I‘ve heared it only second hand. You have to know beforehand, that Germany has many imigrants. Especially from Turkey. And some of them do not really integrate in our society. If I remember correctly the president of Turkey even demanded that Germany should build Schools for the Turkish living here.... but I might have misunderstood that. Nevertheless, some Germans are a bit ... miffed about the Turkish here. Anyway, here is the story: In an underground train in Germany some Turkish teens come in and make a ruckus. An old german Lady asks them to be quiet or mind their manners or something. But they don‘t listen. Insted they tell her that the Turkish will take over Germany anyway. //part 1
//part 3: obviously this is not funny in regard of the jews part, but it is a „good“ comeback in that situation.... or isn‘t it? Please tell me what you think! I don‘t even know if this story is true or an urban legend.
Load More Replies... "Coronavirus is a fraud! It's just the flu!" According to the CDC, last year there were less than 34,000 deaths from influenza. This year we are over 300,000 deaths. No matter what you call it, it isn't good.
if 90% of the people reading BP either find this funny, or just roll their eyes and move on... it isn't polarizing... upsetting *you* isn't the definition of polarizing, when you clearly represent a fringe group.
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