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Husband Thinks It’s Unfair Their Christmas Decorations Only Represent Black People, But Wife Refuses To Replace Them
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Husband Thinks It’s Unfair Their Christmas Decorations Only Represent Black People, But Wife Refuses To Replace Them

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Interracial marriage was still illegal in some parts in the US until 1967 when anti-miscegenation laws were held to be unconstitutional by the U.S. Supreme Court. The law enforcing segregation was abolished and people of different races who love each other have since been able to get married and create a family.

But that doesn’t mean that racial issues don’t come up in such relationships, as this woman on Reddit experienced. Her husband was upset that all of her decorations included Black people, but the woman wasn’t willing to change them when her husband and his son are Caucasian.

More info: Reddit

Woman has a set of Christmas decorations representing Black people and her Caucasian husband was not too impressed

Image credits: Any Lane (not the actual photo)

The Original Poster (OP) is a Black woman who married a Caucasian man this summer. She has 12-year-old twins from her previous marriage and the husband has a 10-year-old boy. This year is the first Christmas that they are spending together and a while ago, she started decorating the house.

As a Black woman that previously had been married to a Black man, she was collecting Christmas decorations that represented her people and because they are all living in her house, she was using the decorations she had.

In the comments, the woman also specified that her husband didn’t have any Christmas decorations and he also said that “he just wasn’t a big decorations guy.”

The woman got married to her husband this year and they were spending their first Christmas together, so it was time for decorations

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Image credits: Blacktreeangel

But when the woman was putting up decorations that involved people, the husband was noticing that they all were Black. The last thing to do was to put an angel on the top of the tree and it was also Black.

At this point, the husband wanted to talk to his wife about the decorations and told her that because they are a mixed family, they should have ‘regular’ decorations as well. The woman pointed out that ‘regular’ was the word that her husband actually used.

She also assumed that he was suggesting to replace her decorations and not add to them, so her first reaction was to refuse, because Black decorations are rarer and she wants her kids to be welcomed at least at home as her stepson will see himself in all the other decorations in all the other places.

Her nutcracker and village people were all Black and it didn’t go unnoticed by the woman’s husband

Image credits: Blacktreeangel

In the husband’s eyes, the woman was being ‘selfish and unwelcoming’ because his son would only feel like he belonged when he left the house. However, the OP thought that it wasn’t the same, but wasn’t willing to explain it to him when he asked.

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Then it was the readers’ turn to give their opinions. Overall, the woman was deemed to not be the jerk in this situation because people didn’t like how the husband called the decorations he wanted ‘regular’ as that would mean that Black people are irregular and not normal.

However, some of them agreed that if the husband only wanted some additional decorations instead of replacing them, it was a fair request because in fact, their family is mixed and should represent both races and cultures.

He didn’t do anything until it came time for the tree topper, which was a Black angel, and that is when the man asked for some ‘regular’ decorations

Image credits: Blacktreeangel

This is only one of the examples of challenges that interracial couples may face. Life Hack shares a few of the struggles that people sometimes might have. First of all, they mention that people of different races have different value systems.

They give an example: “Lina is an Asian woman married to an Australian named Steven. Since most Australians value a relaxed lifestyle, Lina finds it hard to understand why her husband doesn’t want to be a business owner. In Asian culture, wealth creation is more important than relaxation.”

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He thought that because their family is mixed, the decorations should reflect that, although the woman wasn’t completely sure if he wanted her to replace them

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Image credits: Blacktreeangel

Spouses also may have assumptions about one another because of racial stereotypes and that may lead to conflict. Or they avoid conflict by avoiding racial topics, but experts suggest that communication is key regardless of how uncomfortable the conversation may be.

Couples face challenges coming not only from the inside of the relationship, but from family, friends and society in general. Very Well Mind enumerates a few of those challenges: derogatory comments in public, loss of contact with friends or family, negative stereotyping, sense of isolation, just stares and whispers, etc.

These challenges make people become very close to each other, wanting to protect the other person. But with such closeness, they may forget to set boundaries.

Life Hack continues that another challenge coming from the outside is that interracial couples may listen to other people’s opinions more because they don’t want to ruin those relationships or they may be convinced that they have a point.

Despite that, she still refused and wasn’t in the mood to explain why the decorations should be left as they are

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Image credits: Blacktreeangel

If you think that a person who is marrying someone of a different race couldn’t possibly be racist, you would be wrong, because they might still feel superior to the other person just because in society, their race is more privileged than their partner’s.

Online resource dedicated to providing expert advice, trusted resources, and information about relationships, Marriage, adds that if the couple have their own children, they might suffer from an identity crisis because they will have been raised with two different sets of values.

They believe that such marriages can work, but you have to prepare yourself. However, it actually isn’t that much different from any other marriage: “Interracial marriages may sound complicated at first, but in reality, it’s just another flavor of the same dish. At the individual level, culture manifests itself in habits and attitudes—something any married couples need to tolerate and compromise for a happy union.”

She didn’t think it was a big deal for her stepson not to be represented in the decorations at home as all the other ones in public would do the trick

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Image credits: Blacktreeangel

Image credits: Jelene Morris (not the actual photo)

What is your take on the issue at hand? Do you think the husband was insensitive asking his wife to change the decorations? Or was the woman too harsh on him by completely refusing to listen to him or explain why she doesn’t want to replace or add different decorations? Let us know in the comments.

Readers were quite disturbed by the husband saying that he wanted some ‘regular’ decorations meaning white, but agreed that he had a fair point

Image credits: aaron_anderer (not the actual photo)

 

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kayrose avatar
RoanTheMad
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is when you go full petty and get a biblically accurate angel for a tree topper. Because if black angels aren't "regular" neither are white ones lets go with how the bible depicted them. e_e il_fullxfu...64-png.jpg il_fullxfull4187779848_jlwm-6388dd73f0064-png.jpg

benitavaldez avatar
fatharry3 avatar
Fat Harry
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm amazed that so many people are saying "NTA" when she's being so uncompromising. Switch it around and imagine it's a black woman asking for some black decorations and the white man is saying no. People would be outraged. I think people are focusing on his poor choice of words ("regular" people = "white" people) rather than the actual issue. She doesn't need to get rid of her decorations, she just needs a few white people in there to actually reflect the make-up of her family now.

lisah255 avatar
LH25
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you are going to give him grace as far as choice of words, you need to give her some for how she reacted to them. I think she was so shocked that she may have overreacted a bit. I hope they can work this out once they both calm down.

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spaggie1 avatar
seuleforever avatar
althea_armwood avatar
Althea Armwood
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ok, so if the husband brought in decorations that she then said no to then I would say "YTA", BUT his gripe was that there was nothing that wasn't black when he didn't even contribute anything to the decorations and referred to the decorations that weren't black as "regular". There needs to be a family discussion about privilege (yes, that dreaded, dirty 9-letter word), blackness, whiteness, BLM and SO many other things BEFORE they should worry about 'inclusivity' in their holiday decorations. Like, why was his breaking point the black angel tree topper? And why is he counting how many of the black decorations are now allowed when he didn't even decorate before he married this woman? I sense some deep rooted fears that should be discussed.

liversnooker avatar
Kelly
Community Member
1 year ago

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tmarofvulcan avatar
T'Mar of Vulcan
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm not Black but I live in a country where Black people are the majority. And it's only in the last few years that packaging has started to reflect this. Black babies on wet wipes, black babies on fabric softener, a MUCH larger amount of Black people in adverts, etc. IT'S FANTASTIC. And just as an aside, it annoys the heck out of me that when I'm looking for pictures for my lessons (I'm an English teacher) and Google, say, "child with book", there are only pics of white children. To get a child of colour I have to specifically Google "black child with book". But I do it because the children deserve to see themselves in school as well.

liversnooker avatar
Kelly
Community Member
1 year ago

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lilysyrjanen avatar
lilylynx
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think they should compromise! There could be decorations of all race :) the husband is in the wrong floor saying "regular" though and black people are underrepresented too.

ortaduchess avatar
Stephanie Did It
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I didn't see a single mention of anyone asking the 10 year old son how HE feels about the issue. Husband says the boy shouldn't have to feel unwelcome in the home with the black-themed decorations, but it's all inferred from the conversation between the parents. Husband's use of adjectives aside, is this really about the kids' feelings, or is he projecting his own feelings onto his son because Dad is uncomfortable? I'd suggest the family sitting down together after dinner when the atmosphere is calm and ask everyone about their feelings. If it's really all about the boys then let them decide! If it isn't then there is trouble ahead.

seuleforever avatar
Seule Forever
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Exactly!! 10 years old is old enough to have a say on the matter. Maybe the kids could all choose a few decorations at the store so everyone feel included!!

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iamnichole091986 avatar
Nichole Harris
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yta....you didn't say he wanted you to remove the black ones....just incorporate the white in your shared house. Yeah...he phrased it wrong... But. I don't think it's a race thing... He loved you enough to marry you

smi avatar
S Mi
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I notice the husband didn't offer to bring decorations. There is no reason he shouldn't be able to add some. But not replace hers. And she should not be told she has to buy them and/or replace hers. That's up to him. Also, I worry about 'regular' being used by him....

liversnooker avatar
Kelly
Community Member
1 year ago

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mihaimara avatar
Mihai Mara
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We only heard one side of the story. If I were to write an AITA story I would make sure to put me in a good light. So do take all these stories with a pinch of salt... On the other hand I feel the husband used the word "regular" decorations with the meaning of "the ones found in the majority of stores". The way OP insists on this "regular" and blows it out of proportion sounds like she knows she might be the AH but tries to switch the public opinion. ... In my opinion she is the one who is not inclusive and does not accept diversity in their home. They should compromise and have mixed decorations.

catwoman408 avatar
Tina Hugh
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He probably meant “ordinary” or “generic” decorations, which are usually white. Give him the benefit of the doubt.

amandabrownell avatar
Amanda Brownell
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Exactly my thoughts. The white ornaments are what you "regularly" see in stores, right?

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alexmartin_2 avatar
Alex Martin
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They need to sit down with a marriage counselor. She's uncompromising and he's a foot-in-mouth doofus who is not sensitive to issues of race. It's a blended household and needs to represent that. If I married a black or latino woman with kids you bet your butt I would make sure their culture was present in our house. If this was a white woman refusing to put up black decorations we'd all be lined up calling her an AH. If those folks don't learn how to talk and compromise this won't be a problem for long.

liversnooker avatar
Kelly
Community Member
1 year ago

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brittenelson_1 avatar
B.Nelson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He is a jerk for saying "regular" Christmas decorations. Let him know these are regular. Not every Christmas decoration needs to feature white people. However, it might be nice to buy two extra nutcrackers that look like the husband and stepson (with similar hair color and such.) That will help them feel welcomed. Don't throw any of the other decorations out! It seems like a great collection that your kids will cherish.

liversnooker avatar
Kelly
Community Member
1 year ago

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star44886 avatar
Will Cable
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I always thought it was a star at the tree top. And that That star shone above all the others.

archie_on_the_net avatar
Vincent Philippart
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm really suprised the conversation isn't focused on the child who has just moved in to a foreign home, with a new family, his parents separated. He's the one having a hard time feeling at home. OP believes (racial representation in) christmas ornaments matters to feel at home. In coherence with that belief, taking the kid get some new decoration before putting up the tree would have been a nice way to tell him it's his home too now.

piggy_2 avatar
Piggy Tee
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah, YATH. It's about compromising would you think it was ok if you only had white ornaments??

piggy_2 avatar
Piggy Tee
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Seriously BP, do we need all these articles copied from Reddit with people asking a question we already know the answer to??? Soooo boring

mrob avatar
Gardener of Weeden
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Being a mixed family, they should work at incorporating all races and minorities. 100% authentic Jesus, but carolers, ornaments, and various decorations should show the rainbow of people. THAT will teach the true meaning of Christmas to your children.

crystalblack avatar
Crystal Black
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’m so confused by some of the comments. I thought we were all humans and skin color didn’t matter ? You don’t see color is what white people say all the time. Now you do?

bellebeasleymiles avatar
Belle Miles
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would have loved going through this collection. It's weird that he didn't have some fun seeing that. Lighten up.

dracoaffectus avatar
Rahul Pawa
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Honestly I would say both people need to work on their self-awareness and open-mindedness, but that doesn't make either of them AHs. In OPs case, the issue is her attitude toward her step-son. In her husband's case, it's the idea that white is "regular". It's ok that he wants his son to feel included, but words matter. They both sound like reasonable people who have some learning to do.

schadman62 avatar
Sheila Ch
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

ETA ...I think unless he has a discussion about decorations and creating a new family traditions to go with the new family AND provides some decorations of his own, then he can have a say. If she wants her tree as is, I think that is fine. But I do think some compromise would make the family stronger. I want to see her tree though, love the idea!

dddoucett avatar
Tres D
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Black Santa? He's never been black. Imagine if someone decided to make a new fat Albert but made him white. The woke crowd would freak out!

lbrown918 avatar
Lupita Nyong'heaux
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

the person santa claus is based on is st. nicholas, who was from turkey. so, yeah, he wasn't a fat white dude either.

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tahadata avatar
Lara Verne
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is ridiculous. If husband call decor representing white people "regular" and feels offended because you only have decor representing black people, then you have more problems that just Christmas ornaments. It's ridiculous. And is he's really just afraid that his son won't feel welcome there, why not compromise? They can get "black and white" decor or decor that does not represent people.

lbrown918 avatar
Lupita Nyong'heaux
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

when the family sits down to watch all the traditional xmas cartoons and such, like rudolph and frosty, etc., they will see pretty much nothing but "regular" people (with the notable exception of franklin in the charlie brown one. and the "regulars" lost their collective s**t when charles schultz added that character, but he stood firm). so, i'm pretty sure step-son will be aiight. (i find it interesting that hubby never actually said his SON was the one feeling some type of way. seems it was actually him that had the problem.) and, as others have said, step-son sees himself represented EVERYWHERE all the time. he'll be just fine if the xmas tree in his house features all "irregular" ornaments.

liversnooker avatar
Kelly
Community Member
1 year ago

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ralphwatkins_1 avatar
Ralph Watkins
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If she is this inflexible then she is missing the spirit of Christmas. There is a fine line between being proud of one's background & bigotry. I can always remember our nativity displays growing up being multi-racial even in our overly white community.

debbie-chatham avatar
Deborah Chatham
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It’s about inclusion and your stepson should be made to feel welcome. Would you be happy if the roles were reversed. Would it really hurt to add a few new decorations. What is the real issue this is masking?

debs_bee avatar
Debs Bee
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I hate that people put intimate family issues out for public consumption. She and her husband should be able to discuss this matter in a private, non-confrontational matter. She shouldn't be trying to collect points for her side.

madmcqueen avatar
Mad McQueen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Maybe start new tradition and include your twins to pick out some stuff for their step dad and new brother to make everyone feel like a blended family and not just a chocolate cake? Little white icing never hurt.

judytakacs avatar
Judy Takács
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There are bigger issues than the tree. Since you married him, you've seen that he has great qualities in addition to this huge blind spot of understanding that YOUR experience as a black woman growing up is vastly different than HIS experience as a white man growing up. You and he need to arrange for a nice long sit-down where you roll up your sleeves and explain to *white people* yet again, why this is such a major, significant and important sticking point for you. It is symbolic of literally everything that he should realize about you and the position of Black people in society. After he has reached a realization and depth of understanding then, and only then, you can decide what decorations to ADD to the tree you will share together as a family. But the understanding needs to come first. Good luck, there's work ahead for you, and its exhausting to explain this over and over…but hopefully he's totally worth it and this will be a growing point.

savannahyoung avatar
S
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I just cannot get past the word regular... that pisses me off soo much. I think a mix of white and black Santa's should be an easy compromise to make but even as unwilling as she is to discuss it, his use of the word "regular" is worse in my opinion.

sin_2 avatar
gas station cola
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

to be fair, in regards to christmas ornaments, caucasian IS regular. when you go to the store to buy decorations, you'll see almost exclusively white decorations. for ornaments, that's "regular". he isn't talking about people, he's talking about ornaments & decorations. yes, it was a foot-in-mouth moment, but i think in this specific context it isn't quite as nefarious as people want to think. like with band-aids! the tan ones are "regular" but now there are ones in darker tones for Black people. the Black band-aids aren't the norm yet, the tan ones are still "regular" band-aids, but that doesn't mean anyone who doesn't match the color of a band-aid isn't "regular". he is talking about decorations, not people.

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suzannevandoorn avatar
Mommy Panda
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

IMO they're both TA. Her for emphasizing everything should be black ornaments and him for calling the white ornaments "regular". Why should the color of the ornaments matter anyway? It should represent Christmas. Color shouldn't matter (nor should it anywhere for that matter)

amyshereikis avatar
Kennedy Kargeaux
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm more shocked that you were able to find so many black Xmas decorations!!!!! I never see them anywhere except for here in New Orleans. & even so, they're scarce. It's becoming more common to find them. But still. The fact that you've had this collection for so long tells me that you've put in a lot of work finding them all... why don't you just let them add a few of their own though?

michellecarlson avatar
Michelle Carlson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

All I can do is laugh at this. Welcome to the world of POC for the entirety of the USA, my dude. Now you know how it feels.

liversnooker avatar
Kelly
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

what do you mean? Why are you laughing? Who are you replying to? what is POC world ?

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mhumphri avatar
Megan Humphries
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As this is written, he is the ahole, but I would think there could be some compromise. It seems like red flags to me that they did not even discuss exactly what he meant. It is also concerning if he really did talk about "regular" decorations and it seems like he expects her to go out and purchase things to make him more comfortable. If it were me though, after some discussion, I would plan a trip to get a few new things they liked and start incorporating a couple new things a year.

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Kelly
Community Member
1 year ago

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Poeha
Community Member
1 year ago

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phobrek avatar
Phobrek Taz
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She should get a white guy (angel, nutcracker, Jebus, Santa, whatever) tree topper, and have him at the top, standing on the back of the black angel. "HAPPY NOW?"

chezzybats avatar
Chelsea Bates
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well the rest of the world depreciates white people so I think you'll be fine with decorations once a month

chezzybats avatar
kayrose avatar
RoanTheMad
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is when you go full petty and get a biblically accurate angel for a tree topper. Because if black angels aren't "regular" neither are white ones lets go with how the bible depicted them. e_e il_fullxfu...64-png.jpg il_fullxfull4187779848_jlwm-6388dd73f0064-png.jpg

benitavaldez avatar
fatharry3 avatar
Fat Harry
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm amazed that so many people are saying "NTA" when she's being so uncompromising. Switch it around and imagine it's a black woman asking for some black decorations and the white man is saying no. People would be outraged. I think people are focusing on his poor choice of words ("regular" people = "white" people) rather than the actual issue. She doesn't need to get rid of her decorations, she just needs a few white people in there to actually reflect the make-up of her family now.

lisah255 avatar
LH25
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you are going to give him grace as far as choice of words, you need to give her some for how she reacted to them. I think she was so shocked that she may have overreacted a bit. I hope they can work this out once they both calm down.

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spaggie1 avatar
seuleforever avatar
althea_armwood avatar
Althea Armwood
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ok, so if the husband brought in decorations that she then said no to then I would say "YTA", BUT his gripe was that there was nothing that wasn't black when he didn't even contribute anything to the decorations and referred to the decorations that weren't black as "regular". There needs to be a family discussion about privilege (yes, that dreaded, dirty 9-letter word), blackness, whiteness, BLM and SO many other things BEFORE they should worry about 'inclusivity' in their holiday decorations. Like, why was his breaking point the black angel tree topper? And why is he counting how many of the black decorations are now allowed when he didn't even decorate before he married this woman? I sense some deep rooted fears that should be discussed.

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Kelly
Community Member
1 year ago

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tmarofvulcan avatar
T'Mar of Vulcan
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm not Black but I live in a country where Black people are the majority. And it's only in the last few years that packaging has started to reflect this. Black babies on wet wipes, black babies on fabric softener, a MUCH larger amount of Black people in adverts, etc. IT'S FANTASTIC. And just as an aside, it annoys the heck out of me that when I'm looking for pictures for my lessons (I'm an English teacher) and Google, say, "child with book", there are only pics of white children. To get a child of colour I have to specifically Google "black child with book". But I do it because the children deserve to see themselves in school as well.

liversnooker avatar
Kelly
Community Member
1 year ago

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lilysyrjanen avatar
lilylynx
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think they should compromise! There could be decorations of all race :) the husband is in the wrong floor saying "regular" though and black people are underrepresented too.

ortaduchess avatar
Stephanie Did It
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I didn't see a single mention of anyone asking the 10 year old son how HE feels about the issue. Husband says the boy shouldn't have to feel unwelcome in the home with the black-themed decorations, but it's all inferred from the conversation between the parents. Husband's use of adjectives aside, is this really about the kids' feelings, or is he projecting his own feelings onto his son because Dad is uncomfortable? I'd suggest the family sitting down together after dinner when the atmosphere is calm and ask everyone about their feelings. If it's really all about the boys then let them decide! If it isn't then there is trouble ahead.

seuleforever avatar
Seule Forever
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Exactly!! 10 years old is old enough to have a say on the matter. Maybe the kids could all choose a few decorations at the store so everyone feel included!!

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iamnichole091986 avatar
Nichole Harris
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yta....you didn't say he wanted you to remove the black ones....just incorporate the white in your shared house. Yeah...he phrased it wrong... But. I don't think it's a race thing... He loved you enough to marry you

smi avatar
S Mi
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I notice the husband didn't offer to bring decorations. There is no reason he shouldn't be able to add some. But not replace hers. And she should not be told she has to buy them and/or replace hers. That's up to him. Also, I worry about 'regular' being used by him....

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Kelly
Community Member
1 year ago

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Mihai Mara
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We only heard one side of the story. If I were to write an AITA story I would make sure to put me in a good light. So do take all these stories with a pinch of salt... On the other hand I feel the husband used the word "regular" decorations with the meaning of "the ones found in the majority of stores". The way OP insists on this "regular" and blows it out of proportion sounds like she knows she might be the AH but tries to switch the public opinion. ... In my opinion she is the one who is not inclusive and does not accept diversity in their home. They should compromise and have mixed decorations.

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Tina Hugh
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He probably meant “ordinary” or “generic” decorations, which are usually white. Give him the benefit of the doubt.

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Amanda Brownell
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Exactly my thoughts. The white ornaments are what you "regularly" see in stores, right?

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Alex Martin
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They need to sit down with a marriage counselor. She's uncompromising and he's a foot-in-mouth doofus who is not sensitive to issues of race. It's a blended household and needs to represent that. If I married a black or latino woman with kids you bet your butt I would make sure their culture was present in our house. If this was a white woman refusing to put up black decorations we'd all be lined up calling her an AH. If those folks don't learn how to talk and compromise this won't be a problem for long.

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Kelly
Community Member
1 year ago

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B.Nelson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He is a jerk for saying "regular" Christmas decorations. Let him know these are regular. Not every Christmas decoration needs to feature white people. However, it might be nice to buy two extra nutcrackers that look like the husband and stepson (with similar hair color and such.) That will help them feel welcomed. Don't throw any of the other decorations out! It seems like a great collection that your kids will cherish.

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Kelly
Community Member
1 year ago

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Will Cable
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I always thought it was a star at the tree top. And that That star shone above all the others.

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Vincent Philippart
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm really suprised the conversation isn't focused on the child who has just moved in to a foreign home, with a new family, his parents separated. He's the one having a hard time feeling at home. OP believes (racial representation in) christmas ornaments matters to feel at home. In coherence with that belief, taking the kid get some new decoration before putting up the tree would have been a nice way to tell him it's his home too now.

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Piggy Tee
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah, YATH. It's about compromising would you think it was ok if you only had white ornaments??

piggy_2 avatar
Piggy Tee
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Seriously BP, do we need all these articles copied from Reddit with people asking a question we already know the answer to??? Soooo boring

mrob avatar
Gardener of Weeden
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Being a mixed family, they should work at incorporating all races and minorities. 100% authentic Jesus, but carolers, ornaments, and various decorations should show the rainbow of people. THAT will teach the true meaning of Christmas to your children.

crystalblack avatar
Crystal Black
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’m so confused by some of the comments. I thought we were all humans and skin color didn’t matter ? You don’t see color is what white people say all the time. Now you do?

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Belle Miles
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would have loved going through this collection. It's weird that he didn't have some fun seeing that. Lighten up.

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Rahul Pawa
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Honestly I would say both people need to work on their self-awareness and open-mindedness, but that doesn't make either of them AHs. In OPs case, the issue is her attitude toward her step-son. In her husband's case, it's the idea that white is "regular". It's ok that he wants his son to feel included, but words matter. They both sound like reasonable people who have some learning to do.

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Sheila Ch
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

ETA ...I think unless he has a discussion about decorations and creating a new family traditions to go with the new family AND provides some decorations of his own, then he can have a say. If she wants her tree as is, I think that is fine. But I do think some compromise would make the family stronger. I want to see her tree though, love the idea!

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Tres D
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Black Santa? He's never been black. Imagine if someone decided to make a new fat Albert but made him white. The woke crowd would freak out!

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Lupita Nyong'heaux
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

the person santa claus is based on is st. nicholas, who was from turkey. so, yeah, he wasn't a fat white dude either.

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Lara Verne
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is ridiculous. If husband call decor representing white people "regular" and feels offended because you only have decor representing black people, then you have more problems that just Christmas ornaments. It's ridiculous. And is he's really just afraid that his son won't feel welcome there, why not compromise? They can get "black and white" decor or decor that does not represent people.

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Lupita Nyong'heaux
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

when the family sits down to watch all the traditional xmas cartoons and such, like rudolph and frosty, etc., they will see pretty much nothing but "regular" people (with the notable exception of franklin in the charlie brown one. and the "regulars" lost their collective s**t when charles schultz added that character, but he stood firm). so, i'm pretty sure step-son will be aiight. (i find it interesting that hubby never actually said his SON was the one feeling some type of way. seems it was actually him that had the problem.) and, as others have said, step-son sees himself represented EVERYWHERE all the time. he'll be just fine if the xmas tree in his house features all "irregular" ornaments.

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Kelly
Community Member
1 year ago

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Ralph Watkins
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If she is this inflexible then she is missing the spirit of Christmas. There is a fine line between being proud of one's background & bigotry. I can always remember our nativity displays growing up being multi-racial even in our overly white community.

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Deborah Chatham
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It’s about inclusion and your stepson should be made to feel welcome. Would you be happy if the roles were reversed. Would it really hurt to add a few new decorations. What is the real issue this is masking?

debs_bee avatar
Debs Bee
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I hate that people put intimate family issues out for public consumption. She and her husband should be able to discuss this matter in a private, non-confrontational matter. She shouldn't be trying to collect points for her side.

madmcqueen avatar
Mad McQueen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Maybe start new tradition and include your twins to pick out some stuff for their step dad and new brother to make everyone feel like a blended family and not just a chocolate cake? Little white icing never hurt.

judytakacs avatar
Judy Takács
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There are bigger issues than the tree. Since you married him, you've seen that he has great qualities in addition to this huge blind spot of understanding that YOUR experience as a black woman growing up is vastly different than HIS experience as a white man growing up. You and he need to arrange for a nice long sit-down where you roll up your sleeves and explain to *white people* yet again, why this is such a major, significant and important sticking point for you. It is symbolic of literally everything that he should realize about you and the position of Black people in society. After he has reached a realization and depth of understanding then, and only then, you can decide what decorations to ADD to the tree you will share together as a family. But the understanding needs to come first. Good luck, there's work ahead for you, and its exhausting to explain this over and over…but hopefully he's totally worth it and this will be a growing point.

savannahyoung avatar
S
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I just cannot get past the word regular... that pisses me off soo much. I think a mix of white and black Santa's should be an easy compromise to make but even as unwilling as she is to discuss it, his use of the word "regular" is worse in my opinion.

sin_2 avatar
gas station cola
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

to be fair, in regards to christmas ornaments, caucasian IS regular. when you go to the store to buy decorations, you'll see almost exclusively white decorations. for ornaments, that's "regular". he isn't talking about people, he's talking about ornaments & decorations. yes, it was a foot-in-mouth moment, but i think in this specific context it isn't quite as nefarious as people want to think. like with band-aids! the tan ones are "regular" but now there are ones in darker tones for Black people. the Black band-aids aren't the norm yet, the tan ones are still "regular" band-aids, but that doesn't mean anyone who doesn't match the color of a band-aid isn't "regular". he is talking about decorations, not people.

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Mommy Panda
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

IMO they're both TA. Her for emphasizing everything should be black ornaments and him for calling the white ornaments "regular". Why should the color of the ornaments matter anyway? It should represent Christmas. Color shouldn't matter (nor should it anywhere for that matter)

amyshereikis avatar
Kennedy Kargeaux
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm more shocked that you were able to find so many black Xmas decorations!!!!! I never see them anywhere except for here in New Orleans. & even so, they're scarce. It's becoming more common to find them. But still. The fact that you've had this collection for so long tells me that you've put in a lot of work finding them all... why don't you just let them add a few of their own though?

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Michelle Carlson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

All I can do is laugh at this. Welcome to the world of POC for the entirety of the USA, my dude. Now you know how it feels.

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Kelly
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

what do you mean? Why are you laughing? Who are you replying to? what is POC world ?

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Megan Humphries
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As this is written, he is the ahole, but I would think there could be some compromise. It seems like red flags to me that they did not even discuss exactly what he meant. It is also concerning if he really did talk about "regular" decorations and it seems like he expects her to go out and purchase things to make him more comfortable. If it were me though, after some discussion, I would plan a trip to get a few new things they liked and start incorporating a couple new things a year.

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Kelly
Community Member
1 year ago

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Poeha
Community Member
1 year ago

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Phobrek Taz
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She should get a white guy (angel, nutcracker, Jebus, Santa, whatever) tree topper, and have him at the top, standing on the back of the black angel. "HAPPY NOW?"

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Chelsea Bates
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well the rest of the world depreciates white people so I think you'll be fine with decorations once a month

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