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Husband Disrespects Wife By Inviting His Huge Family Over For A 5-Day Christmas Celebration Without Asking Her
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Husband Disrespects Wife By Inviting His Huge Family Over For A 5-Day Christmas Celebration Without Asking Her

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Hosting a Christmas family for a handful of your closest family members can be stressful enough. And that’s when you’re rested and have time to prepare all the things. But one woman who currently works a full-time job, takes care of a toddler and is 6 months pregnant has recently found out she has a whole other duty on her shoulders now.

It turned out that her husband, whose dad passed away a year ago, has taken up the role of head of the family. So he thought it would be a great idea to invite 26 of his family members over for a 5-day-long Christmas celebration without actually speaking it through with his wife.

As you may suspect, this didn’t go well with the woman who shared her thoughts in this r/AITA post asking people for advice.

Image credits: Pexels (not the actual photo)

So she shared the story on r/AITA, asking people if she was wrong not to apologize to her husband for canceling everything

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Image credits: No355356

While Christmas is supposed to be the one of the most enjoyable times of the year for many people, it is also the time notorious for family conflicts. In fact, polling more than 2,000 UK adults, this survey found that family arguments are the most stressful part of Christmas, with more than three quarters (76%) of people claiming this impacts negatively on their mental wellbeing at Christmastime.

As if the stress wasn’t through the roof already, there are many things that make the 2021 Christmas holidays sour. First, it’s the worldwide supply chain disruptions that have caused many items to go out of stock and others to soar to absurd prices. Moreover, it’s not just you who paid more for a Christmas tree this year. Manufacturers say Christmas tree demand is at a record high this year, so if you didn’t get yours around Thanksgiving, the chances are it’s too late.

More people joined to share their thoughts on this whole situation

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thandeit avatar
Random Panda
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If my husband had disrespected me like this I would have taken my kids and shipped myself off to my parents, leaving him to host the party. Then I would have sent him divorce papers for Christmas.

bp_10 avatar
WilvanderHeijden
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Seems like 2 cultures colliding. If the woman has any sense, she moves out ASAP and files for divorce. This will become a bigger issue over time, especially when the MIL is around to throw oil on the fire. With a husband demanding written apologies and obviously having the delusion that he is the master of the house, we all know that this will end in disaster. Let's see how much of a man he is when he has to survive on the money he's making from his 3 night shifts per week job. She doesn't need him in her life.

rungsangr avatar
Rebecca Rungsang
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He'll just run back to "mummy" and move in with her. THEN, he can be "the man of the house," and SHE can do all the work for the family gatherings while he pontificates.

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crystalbutterfly8 avatar
tracysellars avatar
zora24_1 avatar
Trillian
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Authority issue? An APOLOGY IN WRITING? Assuming her job is so unimportant that she can just take time off to accomodate him? No offer to take care of all the organizing HIMSELF as HEAD OF THE FAMILY? There are so many red flags here I am surprised if that was the first time he acted like a complete a-hole.

zselyke_szekely avatar
UpupaEpops
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Since this doesn't exactly sound like a potluck thing, may I humbly ask who the f**k is going to be paying for 3 meals a day, prepared for 29 people, over 5 days? That's 435 portions of meal before any snacks are discussed. Is that coming out of dear husband's 3-night shifts/ week paycheck?

donotreplytokjk avatar
Otter
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Honey, you had to start undermining his "authority" sometime. Good call on picking a moment when your position is unassailable!

rpder3737 avatar
Felix Feline
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How on Earth did she manage to stay married to that horrid man for four years?! For the sake of the children having a chance of growing up to be decent human beings, get away from him.

jlkooiker avatar
lenka
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Goodness. My response at this point would be to send the family an apology for undermining his "authority" as head of the house and acknowledging that, as head of the house and that my husband was entitled to host the five day Christmas extravaganza, and as punishment, I didn't deserve to participate in said festivities and would therefore be not participating. And I would promptly book a hotel and leave him to it.

earloflincoln avatar
Martha Meyer
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So this guy thinks he can just make decisions that impact his entire family on his own? as if his wife is one of the children and not the person who will end up doing all the actual work?

blue1steven avatar
Donkey boi
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wouldn't have said anything after finding out. I would have waited to see how long it took before being told. Then I would have just said, 'well I'm not doing it!' He would have look a complete d**k in front of his family when there was nothing prepared for them, and he would maybe think twice before making assumptions and not discussing this.

zselyke_szekely avatar
UpupaEpops
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Given his and MILs mentality, they would have blamed OP for failing in her role of a wife.

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lisah255 avatar
LH25
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Another guy who wants to be the man of the house for the "perks" but not do the work. I know a couple of guys like this.

ijustchangedmyname avatar
I Just Changed My Name
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Baby, this is not a onetime problem. You need to get out. You are not respected or valued in this marriage and sure as s**t this isn't a safe place. The fact that this SOB invited ppl over a multiple day Christmas gather (weird enough to put that all one person), while you work, have a toddler and one in your belly? He is fuxking trippin'. And his mother, A FEMALE, gave you a stern talkin that to? WHEW WE, I wish I could of been there to tell her about every inch of herself. Then for you to be expected to take time from your maternity leave so you can take off work to accommodate his bullshit? He needs his head adjusted. Disgusting. Please, please divorce this psycho and his family. This is only going to get worse. Head of the family, my ass. He isn't a good leader and doesn't have the common sense or compassion to lead anyone.

nonotalways avatar
Bryn
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If the husband makes a decision like this, then it's up to HIM to entertain. It reminds me of my mom when she put her foot down and said "if you want to keep inviting your mom up, you need to entertain her. you can't just leave." Suddenly her visits were cut down quite a bit. It was HIS decision, it's supposed to be an US decision.

fuyu avatar
fu yu
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He sounds like a complete prick. Did he not put himself in his wife's shoes not even once? And don't get me started with the MIL.

marymarty_2 avatar
Ally Joy
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We are dealing with multiple psychological issues with Daddy Dearest. Things are going to only get worse. Run my love.

mariannekraus avatar
Marianne
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The problem is how her husband does not even see why this would be a problem for her. She shouldn't have canceled, but leave her house during the time and let him deal with it alone.

biba_yu avatar
Biba Little
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There are times when I am not so miserable that I am not married and live in small apartment

samkunz avatar
Sam Kunz
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He wants something in writing? How about A Divorce Summons? What a turd. And how about him get a full time job? Strap a 30 pound weight to his waist and make him do what you do.

breanneast avatar
BreAnn East
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The written apology is another way to humiliate her. I had to give my ex husband written apologies so he could show others how horrible I am to him. I even had to admit his constant cheating was my fault and he gave me reasons to write in the apologies. The best one was when I had kidney stones and in the er multiple times in three days and couldn’t perform in the bedroom for him. Or had bouts of colitis.

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Cynthia Bonville
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

His first relationship priority is to you and his child, not his birth family. With this behavior he has set the tone, and perhaps shown you how it will be. Just because things have been done a certain way does not mean that that way is the only way, either he rolls with this and turns to you and works on your relationship or pretty much... Well, if it were me I would be looking at how to divorce before your 2nd child his here, marriage is a partnership not a dictatorship.

marcoconti avatar
Marco Conti
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

People do not live a perfect life and marriage and then pull stuff like this out of the blue. There had to be other warning signs. Nevertheless, the "disrespect" is all on the shoulder of the guy that decided to hold a Saturnalia festival without alerting his roommate. Also, where are they going to put that many people for 5 days? Do they live in a compound?

wianjama avatar
Rissie
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Man, he has some issues... Head of the family? Psych consult in aisle 7 please, Psych to aisle 7.

petermalthus avatar
Peter Malthus
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If he was the "man" of the house, he'd act like one. This is a boy, thinking he's acting like a man. He's completely wrong, of course.

lunanik avatar
Nikki Sevven
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And, no doubt, she would have been stuck with all the cooking and cleaning while he enjoyed himself. Ugh. File for divorce; this man does not respect you at all.

assistanttodj avatar
Karis Ravenhill
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Another poor woman married to a man-child who expects her to be Mom #2. He does not respect you, your efforts or your opinion. You're not his wife, you're his doormat and everyone is supposed to brush their shoes off on you, and you're supposed to take it with a smile while lauding how amazing a man and husband he is. He isn't, in either. Leave him, you deserve better. End of story.

tahadata avatar
Lara Verne
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds like her husband is an ass. Given by behaviour of her MIL, he was raised like this and won't change anytime soon. I don't think this relationship will work...Get away while you still can.

emory_ce avatar
Carol Emory
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The first Christmas my MIL spent after her mother passed, she asked the entire family to come spend a few weeks. She lived alone and we lived 3000 miles away. She paid for the tickets and we stayed with her as the rest of the family lived nearby. She didn't want to be alone and I get that. But she discussed the situation with us and with the rest of the family before setting things in motion. He should have sat down and talked to her first. I'm sure she would understand this being his first Christmas without his Dad. But the husband should have given her the ability to lay down ground rules. In laws stay at hotels. Certain hours for visitations. We will do this on Christmas Eve, that on Christmas day. And as far as the apology in writing, don't hold your breath fella.

andyinnova avatar
Andy in NOVA
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

vaguely clueless old white guy here (I *know*, right?): Is this what they're talking about when they're talking about "the Patriarchy" ??

carrielaughs avatar
Carrie Laughs
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The patriarchy - men holding the power and predominating in societal roles. This man doesn't. He just really wishes he did. Honestly, the notion of a 'head of the family' is an archaic one (I'm sure it still prevails in some cultures but thankfully it's dying out). When families have multiple branches they are each their own discrete unit and don't need someone in charge outside of that. So what need is there of a 'head'? If a decision needs to be made that does affect them all then it should be a discussion and joint decision/vote. To not discuss anything with his poor wife? The man is a prat. At best I'd recommend counselling - he needs his eyes opened.

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rockstarry avatar
Hexenfox
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Lol. Sounds like an episode from some show from the 50's in the states. Women must serve their hubbubs wishes. Jfc.

rbarrattpeacock avatar
RP
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Indeed, but not even the 50s, this kind of sh*t was still normalised and upheld by law way into the 80s in many Anglophone countries. I think there was quite a good post about it here on BP recently

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adclendenning avatar
Rukkia
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I divorced my ex who had delusions like this. If he wants to be treated like a man....he needs to act like one. Not like an entitled child.

dfreg avatar
Leodavinci
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Head of the family"? When was he born... the Middle ages?

demi_zwaan avatar
Demi Zwaan
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wonder how she could've missed this behaviour in the previous 4+ years. He must've made it clear that the man is the boss and the woman is to serve before this unfortunate event. Poor kids.

viviane_katz avatar
Viviane
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It may not have been as obvious before his father died. Sometimes people hope for the best, then a crisis brings out the worst in their partner.

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lyndsayn17 avatar
Winx
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If my SO decided to have a huge party and didn't tell me, I'd assume it's his party and that he will be doing all the work for it and I need not attend. Communication is important people.

ashley_lynne_brown avatar
Ashley Lynne
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can't even understand him not even TELLING you, let alone ASKING YOU... huge red flag honestly definitely nta

keerthivardhan avatar
Keerthi Vardhan
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You should enlighten him and ask him what he expects from a marriage and his responsibilities as part of it. Relatives are not part of the vow..when it comes to relatives in any angle, it HAS to be mutual. If he wants to host his gathering elsewhere alone, that's fine. No one has right to impose on an auspicious occasion.

ma-lahann avatar
marianne eliza
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Divorce time. But I bet a person like the husband (can't call him a man) would demand alimony.

hmcastilloest2014 avatar
Moezzzz
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh lord. So, my husband likes to do this, BUT he hosts, cooks and cleans for it too! If he wants to host, he knows it's up to him to do the main things for it. I def help, bc he's never just TOLD me what's happening (I'm always in on the decision). The part about a written apology? WTF??? No, and it sounds like "mommas boy" has his family backing him up. Hell. No.

imforever29 avatar
HeatherJ
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You know what you should gi e him in writing...divorce papers NTA and run as fast as you can

thomashiette_1 avatar
Thomas Hiette
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hubby needs to 'man up', stop acting childish, HELP his wife MORE than he does, and stop the poor me routine!

samaramorgan avatar
Samara Morgan
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He shouldn't 'help', he should be a partner, doing half of every day work. Men aren't small kids, they're not only able to help their moms.

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TheDivineMsM
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Condolences over his fathers passing but y'all need something called communication and respect in your marriage.

viviane_katz avatar
Viviane
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

For what a good marriage looks like: a relative's father died and no one abused the situation. He and his wife held a wake at their place, we swapped stories about his dad, there was food and drink (both cook and clean up). It lasted one lovely evening. Someone might have stayed in the spare bedroom, but sticking around past the weekend would have branded the straggler as a mooch.

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j_brevelle avatar
Bad Alchemy
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow. That husband is completely delusional. I would have packed a bag and gone to stay at a hotel for a week, and he could take care of the kid and his fam and host the Christmas celebration all on his own. If he survived, we could talk later.

ancaiancu avatar
Anca Iancu
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds really mature to leave your child behind as a means to get back at your husband, for a WEEK!!!. Children are not objects, you know they have feelings. And in the said case I only see two people having some serious personal issues that need to be addressed professionally. How easily is divorce recommend without thinking it through. These people need help, not labels.

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dhermanre avatar
Diane Phillips-Herman
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would've checked into a hotel and let him have his party. Or tell him to hire the caterers and sit back and enjoy. But 5 days long is gonna be expensive!

stanflouride avatar
Stannous Flouride
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I love the letter above that starts with: Dearest Husband. I am sorry that you do not consider me a partner and that you have operated under the misguided notion that I am a baby maker and child raiser that you can also task to organize, cater, and run complex and large scale family events without consultation or consideration. =

heathervance avatar
AzKhaleesi
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow I can't even grasp what's happening here. My fiance' would NEVER demean me like that and then demand a WRITTEN apology? Yea that apology would be in the form of divorce papers with a sticky note on it that says "sorry not sorry" wtf???

mike_loux avatar
Mike Loux
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dude is not too bright, is he? "Over my dead body?" That can be easily arranged...

judlaskowski avatar
Jude Laskowski
Community Member
3 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is absolutely unbelievable! This guy works three nights a week, and expects his wife to do everything? He should be pampering her at this time while she is six months pregnant. This poor woman should take her child and stay with her parents of other family member and let Mr. Slave Driver host his family himself. I broke up with a fiance who decided that since he was the oldest son, he had control over his five younger siblings and all of their children. He was retired and planned for us to get married, buy a huge house and have as many family members as possible move in with us. Good luck with that! Makes me wonder if this was an arranged marriage.

breanneast avatar
BreAnn East
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why did she have to accidentally find it about this??? That is so perplexing along with all the bs he laid on her. No discussion? Pathetic excuse of a man.

breanneast avatar
BreAnn East
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

After being married to a narcissist for over ten years I’ve heard my share of authority bs. She needs to leave him. Everything about him is toxic and borderline narcissistic. His words triggered me terribly. She needs to run! Her husband just like mine does nothing. She works full time, raises the child, all household work and is pregnant. Throw him away! You can’t make plans for work someone else has to do with no discussion.

julmurfren avatar
Julia French
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

book a 7 day stay at a hotel near work for the day before through the day after & leave hubby to cope with what he set up by himself.

t_cervenakova avatar
Terka Červeňáková
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Jesus Christ, my husband would never invited his mother for a coffee without consulting with me first. This is ludicrous. Is this even for real?

francesca-eleonora_caplan avatar
Frannie Kaplan
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

These people need to stop marrying eachother and reproducing. And they are almost all very young.

sabrinapandoo avatar
Nina
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why the hell did you marry this guy? What is wrong with you? Take your kid and your bump to a nice hotel for Christmas and let him f**k himself for his Christmas festivities with the fam. Then go get divorce papers and sign up for therapy since you've clearly gone mad to be with someone like that.

lyndsey-macd avatar
LynzCatastrophe
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm hoping she posts an update sometime soon. It's only been 3 weeks but some of the posts I read in this sub-reddit I become invested in, so I'm a bit worried. My grandfather on my mom's side was head of the family till he died 4 years ago. He never would have treated his wife like that. He wants to be man of this family, then your husband needs to actually man up and treat you with respect. Suddenly becoming the man of the family is not a pass to Suddenly act this way.

circular-motion avatar
Mer☕️🧭☕️
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

D.I.V.O.R.C.E. So many huge red flags here. I mean, srsly, is this the kind of control freak she would WANT to raise kids with? Eff that. He wanted to wed and bed a pretty little cooking maid.

nulnemoo avatar
Nul Nemo
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well I am amazed of one thing here: so out of this whole tribe of 26, there wasn't ONE. SINGLE. PERSON. to tell that a**hat that he can't do smth like this to his own working, toddler-attending, 6-month-pregnant(!!!) wife?!? They all, to the very last one, thought normal to barge in corpore for five whole days to be fed and cleaned after and the whole lot by a heavily pregnant woman who is still working AND taking care of a toddler too, apart from her baby-brained husband?! Jesus Christ!!

sanchorb avatar
LSR
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ha haa, what a bunch of wankers, needing to ask everything for validation to a bunch of fuckos who judge. Have some ovaries and decide for yourself.

susanneamme avatar
Geistermoor
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A couple of things confuse me... It seems to me that she automatically took it for granted that she would organize and run the whole party. Why didn't she ask him, "I assume you have an exact 5 day plan with all the details, can I see it?" And give him a chance to comment on whether he really expects her to organize everything - only then would her response have been justified, in my opinion.To me it looks like she reacted based on her assumption without clarifying it first? OR there were prior incidents where she "played this game" and led him to believe that he was the authority?

bettywood490 avatar
rabbit
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

26 people for 5 days? He disrespected her by inviting his entire family for 5 f*ckin' days without discussing it with her first. She disrespected him by uninviting them without speaking to him first. Ok, tit for tat. They need to talk. Maybe hire a mediator. If he insists on having them, she can admit to acting too quickly, not realizing how much it meant to hubby, and re-invite them all but with caveats: She will not be performing as their hostess so won't be cooking or cleaning or bottle washing for them. Her husband needs to understand that she may find it necessary to "disappear" at times, in her bedroom (not to be given to anyone during the visit so it will need a lock) at a hotel or parents' house or wherever. He will be the one in charge of cooking, cleaning, bottle washing and whatever else they will need.

gracenote avatar
Grace Note
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm not generally one to say LTB, but in this case, absolutely LTB!

marianmoore1948 avatar
Marian Moore
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would say I'm sorry I ever married your sorry ass and you need to find an apt for your self because I;m divorcing you.

noneanon avatar
Random Anon
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Okay. He wants to be the man huh. Sure thing, let him do that celebration but make it clear you are taking no part in it. And you are going to stay somewhere else with the kids for that week. He wants to keep his word? So he has to deal with the weight that comes with them. If he cannot accept that, then I suggest you reconsider this union. At this point I feel his ego is of a higher priority than his own family and that isn't befitting a man. That is a child.

kingkashue avatar
King Kashue
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not only NTA, immediately divorce him. Then, go find a therapist because you need to figure out how you missed every single red flag about such behavior for the 4+ years you've been together because there is *ZERO* chance that he went from 0 to "I demand a written apology for your lack of submission" overnight.

gorpalm avatar
Gordon Palmer
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds like a classic culture clash here, but the bit about guests considering it rude to be asked to help just sounds like convenience - Cultures I know, the Host might consider it a matter of pride that the guests do nothing, but I don't know any culture where the Guests take it upon themselves to do nothing/consider it a breach of etiquette if they're asked to assist. Husband dearest Could compromise - New Host New Rules kind of thing - They could make it a potluck, and advise that since his wife is working, looking after a toddler, And pregnant, that everybody pitching in wouldn't only be welcome, but pretty much mandatory. After all, they're not really Guests per se, they're Family. Anyway, assuming it's been a happy household up to this point, husband might just need to be gently educated on realities, and that "Nothing is too much trouble, for other people" should never Ever apply to your spouse lol.

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Axolotl King
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I actually have 2 problems with this: one, the obvious elephant in the room, but also the line about her taking time off will take away from her maternity leave. Maybe that's a normal thing, I'm a minor so idk I may just be confused but that sounds like an issue as well.

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v
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This one sounds like it came from a one sided "good" christian family. Either that or the men in the family line were extremely insecure...generation after generation.

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Robyn Denton
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Reinvite the family. Take yourself and your toddler somewhere else for the duration. Leave him to entertain his family. If this doesn't bring him to his senses, get out.

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Oogiebogieaugiedaddy
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Just go to the beach and don't even tell him where you're going or how long you will be gone.

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Jamie Smith
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sorry, but the people that are saying divorce are being a bit extreme. No wonder divorce rate is super high. Imo, they BOTH were being kind of snippy to each other. As is the case, no one is 100% in the right or in the wrong. She mentions she works a full time job but then says he works 3 nights a week. Is his job not a full time job or does she just not consider it a full time job? I know many people that "only" work 3 nights a week but it's actually 12 hour shifts, during the night, which adds up to a full time job. It really sounds like this argument between them is part of a bigger issue, which is most often the case. Remember, we're only hearing her side of the issue. Sounds like she feels undervalued and is overworked. However, she was definitely in the wrong when she said that it meant nothing to her that his father died and he was the "man of the family". They BOTH need to take a time out and cool down before talking it out rationally, like adults.

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Vladimíra Matejová
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

1) yes a divorce rate is too high but there are conflicts and there are CONFLICTS. Ppl who file for divorce for some small things should go to councelling before or try another way to solve the issue, but if there is such a big difference in their worldview as here where husband calls himself a head of the family and expects his wife to do as he says without asking AND if she refuses he asks a formal apology, then it is a divorce case 2) I suppose this isnt the first issue where his head of the house attitude showed but the wife probably didnt take it seriosly as it passed as a joke or a bad day and "he surely didnt mean it that way". But he did. Husband does not respect her as an equal partner and MIL has the same opinion so he was obviously raised this way 3)him working 3nights shifts has nothing to do with their household duties. she works full time and he (maybe) aslo so they should divide the chores equally + she is pregnat so he should do more

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Laurie Lyon
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Is this a factual story? If so, what country does the couple live in?

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Anita Rapp
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wouldn't be surprised if this was written in some rigid middle eastern culture, or someone raised in it.

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Leah Helbig
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow both sides did not handle this well. No communication. He should have asked her first for sure. But it was also disrespectful of her to act so flippant about his first christmas without his father. They should have talked and compromised about the situation. I understand why she sent out the group text as a way to get back at how he didn't tell her but that was the wrong way to handle it. Sorry to say she didn't care about his family dynamic is insensitive to him and guess.what they are now your family too. I mean i could go on for hours but this is a good example as to why open communication is so important.

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William Teach
Community Member
2 years ago

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Does anyone think that perhaps people should keep their private business private, and not share it on the Internet for likes?

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Todo Nada
Community Member
2 years ago

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And yesterday I had a discussion with my sister because she didn't want to do the dishes. Wait, this is just annoying personal drama. Why did I feel like sharing this with perfect strangers? Get a life and spare us from your personal drama.

thandeit avatar
Random Panda
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If my husband had disrespected me like this I would have taken my kids and shipped myself off to my parents, leaving him to host the party. Then I would have sent him divorce papers for Christmas.

bp_10 avatar
WilvanderHeijden
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Seems like 2 cultures colliding. If the woman has any sense, she moves out ASAP and files for divorce. This will become a bigger issue over time, especially when the MIL is around to throw oil on the fire. With a husband demanding written apologies and obviously having the delusion that he is the master of the house, we all know that this will end in disaster. Let's see how much of a man he is when he has to survive on the money he's making from his 3 night shifts per week job. She doesn't need him in her life.

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Rebecca Rungsang
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He'll just run back to "mummy" and move in with her. THEN, he can be "the man of the house," and SHE can do all the work for the family gatherings while he pontificates.

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Trillian
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Authority issue? An APOLOGY IN WRITING? Assuming her job is so unimportant that she can just take time off to accomodate him? No offer to take care of all the organizing HIMSELF as HEAD OF THE FAMILY? There are so many red flags here I am surprised if that was the first time he acted like a complete a-hole.

zselyke_szekely avatar
UpupaEpops
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Since this doesn't exactly sound like a potluck thing, may I humbly ask who the f**k is going to be paying for 3 meals a day, prepared for 29 people, over 5 days? That's 435 portions of meal before any snacks are discussed. Is that coming out of dear husband's 3-night shifts/ week paycheck?

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Otter
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Honey, you had to start undermining his "authority" sometime. Good call on picking a moment when your position is unassailable!

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Felix Feline
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How on Earth did she manage to stay married to that horrid man for four years?! For the sake of the children having a chance of growing up to be decent human beings, get away from him.

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lenka
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Goodness. My response at this point would be to send the family an apology for undermining his "authority" as head of the house and acknowledging that, as head of the house and that my husband was entitled to host the five day Christmas extravaganza, and as punishment, I didn't deserve to participate in said festivities and would therefore be not participating. And I would promptly book a hotel and leave him to it.

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Martha Meyer
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So this guy thinks he can just make decisions that impact his entire family on his own? as if his wife is one of the children and not the person who will end up doing all the actual work?

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Donkey boi
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wouldn't have said anything after finding out. I would have waited to see how long it took before being told. Then I would have just said, 'well I'm not doing it!' He would have look a complete d**k in front of his family when there was nothing prepared for them, and he would maybe think twice before making assumptions and not discussing this.

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UpupaEpops
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Given his and MILs mentality, they would have blamed OP for failing in her role of a wife.

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LH25
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Another guy who wants to be the man of the house for the "perks" but not do the work. I know a couple of guys like this.

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I Just Changed My Name
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Baby, this is not a onetime problem. You need to get out. You are not respected or valued in this marriage and sure as s**t this isn't a safe place. The fact that this SOB invited ppl over a multiple day Christmas gather (weird enough to put that all one person), while you work, have a toddler and one in your belly? He is fuxking trippin'. And his mother, A FEMALE, gave you a stern talkin that to? WHEW WE, I wish I could of been there to tell her about every inch of herself. Then for you to be expected to take time from your maternity leave so you can take off work to accommodate his bullshit? He needs his head adjusted. Disgusting. Please, please divorce this psycho and his family. This is only going to get worse. Head of the family, my ass. He isn't a good leader and doesn't have the common sense or compassion to lead anyone.

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Bryn
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If the husband makes a decision like this, then it's up to HIM to entertain. It reminds me of my mom when she put her foot down and said "if you want to keep inviting your mom up, you need to entertain her. you can't just leave." Suddenly her visits were cut down quite a bit. It was HIS decision, it's supposed to be an US decision.

fuyu avatar
fu yu
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He sounds like a complete prick. Did he not put himself in his wife's shoes not even once? And don't get me started with the MIL.

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Ally Joy
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We are dealing with multiple psychological issues with Daddy Dearest. Things are going to only get worse. Run my love.

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Marianne
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The problem is how her husband does not even see why this would be a problem for her. She shouldn't have canceled, but leave her house during the time and let him deal with it alone.

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Biba Little
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There are times when I am not so miserable that I am not married and live in small apartment

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Sam Kunz
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He wants something in writing? How about A Divorce Summons? What a turd. And how about him get a full time job? Strap a 30 pound weight to his waist and make him do what you do.

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BreAnn East
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The written apology is another way to humiliate her. I had to give my ex husband written apologies so he could show others how horrible I am to him. I even had to admit his constant cheating was my fault and he gave me reasons to write in the apologies. The best one was when I had kidney stones and in the er multiple times in three days and couldn’t perform in the bedroom for him. Or had bouts of colitis.

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Cynthia Bonville
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

His first relationship priority is to you and his child, not his birth family. With this behavior he has set the tone, and perhaps shown you how it will be. Just because things have been done a certain way does not mean that that way is the only way, either he rolls with this and turns to you and works on your relationship or pretty much... Well, if it were me I would be looking at how to divorce before your 2nd child his here, marriage is a partnership not a dictatorship.

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Marco Conti
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

People do not live a perfect life and marriage and then pull stuff like this out of the blue. There had to be other warning signs. Nevertheless, the "disrespect" is all on the shoulder of the guy that decided to hold a Saturnalia festival without alerting his roommate. Also, where are they going to put that many people for 5 days? Do they live in a compound?

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Rissie
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Man, he has some issues... Head of the family? Psych consult in aisle 7 please, Psych to aisle 7.

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Peter Malthus
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If he was the "man" of the house, he'd act like one. This is a boy, thinking he's acting like a man. He's completely wrong, of course.

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Nikki Sevven
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And, no doubt, she would have been stuck with all the cooking and cleaning while he enjoyed himself. Ugh. File for divorce; this man does not respect you at all.

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Karis Ravenhill
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Another poor woman married to a man-child who expects her to be Mom #2. He does not respect you, your efforts or your opinion. You're not his wife, you're his doormat and everyone is supposed to brush their shoes off on you, and you're supposed to take it with a smile while lauding how amazing a man and husband he is. He isn't, in either. Leave him, you deserve better. End of story.

tahadata avatar
Lara Verne
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds like her husband is an ass. Given by behaviour of her MIL, he was raised like this and won't change anytime soon. I don't think this relationship will work...Get away while you still can.

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Carol Emory
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The first Christmas my MIL spent after her mother passed, she asked the entire family to come spend a few weeks. She lived alone and we lived 3000 miles away. She paid for the tickets and we stayed with her as the rest of the family lived nearby. She didn't want to be alone and I get that. But she discussed the situation with us and with the rest of the family before setting things in motion. He should have sat down and talked to her first. I'm sure she would understand this being his first Christmas without his Dad. But the husband should have given her the ability to lay down ground rules. In laws stay at hotels. Certain hours for visitations. We will do this on Christmas Eve, that on Christmas day. And as far as the apology in writing, don't hold your breath fella.

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Andy in NOVA
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

vaguely clueless old white guy here (I *know*, right?): Is this what they're talking about when they're talking about "the Patriarchy" ??

carrielaughs avatar
Carrie Laughs
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The patriarchy - men holding the power and predominating in societal roles. This man doesn't. He just really wishes he did. Honestly, the notion of a 'head of the family' is an archaic one (I'm sure it still prevails in some cultures but thankfully it's dying out). When families have multiple branches they are each their own discrete unit and don't need someone in charge outside of that. So what need is there of a 'head'? If a decision needs to be made that does affect them all then it should be a discussion and joint decision/vote. To not discuss anything with his poor wife? The man is a prat. At best I'd recommend counselling - he needs his eyes opened.

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Hexenfox
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Lol. Sounds like an episode from some show from the 50's in the states. Women must serve their hubbubs wishes. Jfc.

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RP
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Indeed, but not even the 50s, this kind of sh*t was still normalised and upheld by law way into the 80s in many Anglophone countries. I think there was quite a good post about it here on BP recently

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Rukkia
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I divorced my ex who had delusions like this. If he wants to be treated like a man....he needs to act like one. Not like an entitled child.

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Leodavinci
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Head of the family"? When was he born... the Middle ages?

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Demi Zwaan
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wonder how she could've missed this behaviour in the previous 4+ years. He must've made it clear that the man is the boss and the woman is to serve before this unfortunate event. Poor kids.

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Viviane
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It may not have been as obvious before his father died. Sometimes people hope for the best, then a crisis brings out the worst in their partner.

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Winx
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If my SO decided to have a huge party and didn't tell me, I'd assume it's his party and that he will be doing all the work for it and I need not attend. Communication is important people.

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Ashley Lynne
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can't even understand him not even TELLING you, let alone ASKING YOU... huge red flag honestly definitely nta

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Keerthi Vardhan
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You should enlighten him and ask him what he expects from a marriage and his responsibilities as part of it. Relatives are not part of the vow..when it comes to relatives in any angle, it HAS to be mutual. If he wants to host his gathering elsewhere alone, that's fine. No one has right to impose on an auspicious occasion.

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marianne eliza
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Divorce time. But I bet a person like the husband (can't call him a man) would demand alimony.

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Moezzzz
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh lord. So, my husband likes to do this, BUT he hosts, cooks and cleans for it too! If he wants to host, he knows it's up to him to do the main things for it. I def help, bc he's never just TOLD me what's happening (I'm always in on the decision). The part about a written apology? WTF??? No, and it sounds like "mommas boy" has his family backing him up. Hell. No.

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HeatherJ
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You know what you should gi e him in writing...divorce papers NTA and run as fast as you can

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Thomas Hiette
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hubby needs to 'man up', stop acting childish, HELP his wife MORE than he does, and stop the poor me routine!

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Samara Morgan
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He shouldn't 'help', he should be a partner, doing half of every day work. Men aren't small kids, they're not only able to help their moms.

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TheDivineMsM
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Condolences over his fathers passing but y'all need something called communication and respect in your marriage.

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Viviane
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

For what a good marriage looks like: a relative's father died and no one abused the situation. He and his wife held a wake at their place, we swapped stories about his dad, there was food and drink (both cook and clean up). It lasted one lovely evening. Someone might have stayed in the spare bedroom, but sticking around past the weekend would have branded the straggler as a mooch.

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Bad Alchemy
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow. That husband is completely delusional. I would have packed a bag and gone to stay at a hotel for a week, and he could take care of the kid and his fam and host the Christmas celebration all on his own. If he survived, we could talk later.

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Anca Iancu
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds really mature to leave your child behind as a means to get back at your husband, for a WEEK!!!. Children are not objects, you know they have feelings. And in the said case I only see two people having some serious personal issues that need to be addressed professionally. How easily is divorce recommend without thinking it through. These people need help, not labels.

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Diane Phillips-Herman
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would've checked into a hotel and let him have his party. Or tell him to hire the caterers and sit back and enjoy. But 5 days long is gonna be expensive!

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Stannous Flouride
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I love the letter above that starts with: Dearest Husband. I am sorry that you do not consider me a partner and that you have operated under the misguided notion that I am a baby maker and child raiser that you can also task to organize, cater, and run complex and large scale family events without consultation or consideration. =

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AzKhaleesi
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow I can't even grasp what's happening here. My fiance' would NEVER demean me like that and then demand a WRITTEN apology? Yea that apology would be in the form of divorce papers with a sticky note on it that says "sorry not sorry" wtf???

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Mike Loux
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dude is not too bright, is he? "Over my dead body?" That can be easily arranged...

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Jude Laskowski
Community Member
3 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is absolutely unbelievable! This guy works three nights a week, and expects his wife to do everything? He should be pampering her at this time while she is six months pregnant. This poor woman should take her child and stay with her parents of other family member and let Mr. Slave Driver host his family himself. I broke up with a fiance who decided that since he was the oldest son, he had control over his five younger siblings and all of their children. He was retired and planned for us to get married, buy a huge house and have as many family members as possible move in with us. Good luck with that! Makes me wonder if this was an arranged marriage.

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BreAnn East
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why did she have to accidentally find it about this??? That is so perplexing along with all the bs he laid on her. No discussion? Pathetic excuse of a man.

breanneast avatar
BreAnn East
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

After being married to a narcissist for over ten years I’ve heard my share of authority bs. She needs to leave him. Everything about him is toxic and borderline narcissistic. His words triggered me terribly. She needs to run! Her husband just like mine does nothing. She works full time, raises the child, all household work and is pregnant. Throw him away! You can’t make plans for work someone else has to do with no discussion.

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Julia French
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

book a 7 day stay at a hotel near work for the day before through the day after & leave hubby to cope with what he set up by himself.

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Terka Červeňáková
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Jesus Christ, my husband would never invited his mother for a coffee without consulting with me first. This is ludicrous. Is this even for real?

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Frannie Kaplan
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

These people need to stop marrying eachother and reproducing. And they are almost all very young.

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Nina
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why the hell did you marry this guy? What is wrong with you? Take your kid and your bump to a nice hotel for Christmas and let him f**k himself for his Christmas festivities with the fam. Then go get divorce papers and sign up for therapy since you've clearly gone mad to be with someone like that.

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LynzCatastrophe
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm hoping she posts an update sometime soon. It's only been 3 weeks but some of the posts I read in this sub-reddit I become invested in, so I'm a bit worried. My grandfather on my mom's side was head of the family till he died 4 years ago. He never would have treated his wife like that. He wants to be man of this family, then your husband needs to actually man up and treat you with respect. Suddenly becoming the man of the family is not a pass to Suddenly act this way.

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Mer☕️🧭☕️
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

D.I.V.O.R.C.E. So many huge red flags here. I mean, srsly, is this the kind of control freak she would WANT to raise kids with? Eff that. He wanted to wed and bed a pretty little cooking maid.

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Nul Nemo
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well I am amazed of one thing here: so out of this whole tribe of 26, there wasn't ONE. SINGLE. PERSON. to tell that a**hat that he can't do smth like this to his own working, toddler-attending, 6-month-pregnant(!!!) wife?!? They all, to the very last one, thought normal to barge in corpore for five whole days to be fed and cleaned after and the whole lot by a heavily pregnant woman who is still working AND taking care of a toddler too, apart from her baby-brained husband?! Jesus Christ!!

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LSR
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ha haa, what a bunch of wankers, needing to ask everything for validation to a bunch of fuckos who judge. Have some ovaries and decide for yourself.

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Geistermoor
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A couple of things confuse me... It seems to me that she automatically took it for granted that she would organize and run the whole party. Why didn't she ask him, "I assume you have an exact 5 day plan with all the details, can I see it?" And give him a chance to comment on whether he really expects her to organize everything - only then would her response have been justified, in my opinion.To me it looks like she reacted based on her assumption without clarifying it first? OR there were prior incidents where she "played this game" and led him to believe that he was the authority?

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rabbit
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

26 people for 5 days? He disrespected her by inviting his entire family for 5 f*ckin' days without discussing it with her first. She disrespected him by uninviting them without speaking to him first. Ok, tit for tat. They need to talk. Maybe hire a mediator. If he insists on having them, she can admit to acting too quickly, not realizing how much it meant to hubby, and re-invite them all but with caveats: She will not be performing as their hostess so won't be cooking or cleaning or bottle washing for them. Her husband needs to understand that she may find it necessary to "disappear" at times, in her bedroom (not to be given to anyone during the visit so it will need a lock) at a hotel or parents' house or wherever. He will be the one in charge of cooking, cleaning, bottle washing and whatever else they will need.

gracenote avatar
Grace Note
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm not generally one to say LTB, but in this case, absolutely LTB!

marianmoore1948 avatar
Marian Moore
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would say I'm sorry I ever married your sorry ass and you need to find an apt for your self because I;m divorcing you.

noneanon avatar
Random Anon
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Okay. He wants to be the man huh. Sure thing, let him do that celebration but make it clear you are taking no part in it. And you are going to stay somewhere else with the kids for that week. He wants to keep his word? So he has to deal with the weight that comes with them. If he cannot accept that, then I suggest you reconsider this union. At this point I feel his ego is of a higher priority than his own family and that isn't befitting a man. That is a child.

kingkashue avatar
King Kashue
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not only NTA, immediately divorce him. Then, go find a therapist because you need to figure out how you missed every single red flag about such behavior for the 4+ years you've been together because there is *ZERO* chance that he went from 0 to "I demand a written apology for your lack of submission" overnight.

gorpalm avatar
Gordon Palmer
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds like a classic culture clash here, but the bit about guests considering it rude to be asked to help just sounds like convenience - Cultures I know, the Host might consider it a matter of pride that the guests do nothing, but I don't know any culture where the Guests take it upon themselves to do nothing/consider it a breach of etiquette if they're asked to assist. Husband dearest Could compromise - New Host New Rules kind of thing - They could make it a potluck, and advise that since his wife is working, looking after a toddler, And pregnant, that everybody pitching in wouldn't only be welcome, but pretty much mandatory. After all, they're not really Guests per se, they're Family. Anyway, assuming it's been a happy household up to this point, husband might just need to be gently educated on realities, and that "Nothing is too much trouble, for other people" should never Ever apply to your spouse lol.

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Axolotl King
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I actually have 2 problems with this: one, the obvious elephant in the room, but also the line about her taking time off will take away from her maternity leave. Maybe that's a normal thing, I'm a minor so idk I may just be confused but that sounds like an issue as well.

v_r_tayloryahoo_com avatar
v
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This one sounds like it came from a one sided "good" christian family. Either that or the men in the family line were extremely insecure...generation after generation.

robyndenton avatar
Robyn Denton
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Reinvite the family. Take yourself and your toddler somewhere else for the duration. Leave him to entertain his family. If this doesn't bring him to his senses, get out.

lindamatheny avatar
Oogiebogieaugiedaddy
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Just go to the beach and don't even tell him where you're going or how long you will be gone.

552cbd3f70d28 avatar
Jamie Smith
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sorry, but the people that are saying divorce are being a bit extreme. No wonder divorce rate is super high. Imo, they BOTH were being kind of snippy to each other. As is the case, no one is 100% in the right or in the wrong. She mentions she works a full time job but then says he works 3 nights a week. Is his job not a full time job or does she just not consider it a full time job? I know many people that "only" work 3 nights a week but it's actually 12 hour shifts, during the night, which adds up to a full time job. It really sounds like this argument between them is part of a bigger issue, which is most often the case. Remember, we're only hearing her side of the issue. Sounds like she feels undervalued and is overworked. However, she was definitely in the wrong when she said that it meant nothing to her that his father died and he was the "man of the family". They BOTH need to take a time out and cool down before talking it out rationally, like adults.

vladimiramat avatar
Vladimíra Matejová
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

1) yes a divorce rate is too high but there are conflicts and there are CONFLICTS. Ppl who file for divorce for some small things should go to councelling before or try another way to solve the issue, but if there is such a big difference in their worldview as here where husband calls himself a head of the family and expects his wife to do as he says without asking AND if she refuses he asks a formal apology, then it is a divorce case 2) I suppose this isnt the first issue where his head of the house attitude showed but the wife probably didnt take it seriosly as it passed as a joke or a bad day and "he surely didnt mean it that way". But he did. Husband does not respect her as an equal partner and MIL has the same opinion so he was obviously raised this way 3)him working 3nights shifts has nothing to do with their household duties. she works full time and he (maybe) aslo so they should divide the chores equally + she is pregnat so he should do more

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laurielyon avatar
Laurie Lyon
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Is this a factual story? If so, what country does the couple live in?

abrinrvc avatar
Anita Rapp
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wouldn't be surprised if this was written in some rigid middle eastern culture, or someone raised in it.

leahhelbig avatar
Leah Helbig
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow both sides did not handle this well. No communication. He should have asked her first for sure. But it was also disrespectful of her to act so flippant about his first christmas without his father. They should have talked and compromised about the situation. I understand why she sent out the group text as a way to get back at how he didn't tell her but that was the wrong way to handle it. Sorry to say she didn't care about his family dynamic is insensitive to him and guess.what they are now your family too. I mean i could go on for hours but this is a good example as to why open communication is so important.

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William Teach
Community Member
2 years ago

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Does anyone think that perhaps people should keep their private business private, and not share it on the Internet for likes?

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Todo Nada
Community Member
2 years ago

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And yesterday I had a discussion with my sister because she didn't want to do the dishes. Wait, this is just annoying personal drama. Why did I feel like sharing this with perfect strangers? Get a life and spare us from your personal drama.

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