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8
Mom Wants $12k Instead Of Sending Daughters To College, Gets A Harsh Reality Check
Parenting is all about making sacrifices, day in and day out. And it can be tough if you’re struggling financially, and you constantly have to make tradeoffs. As a parent, you might keep your kids fed and clothed, but you might still feel guilty about not giving them all the opportunities you wish you could. On top of that, you also dream of doing things for yourself, too.
One mom got a lot of flak online after revealing that she decided that she wants an expensive nose job, instead of using the money to set up her daughters’ college funds. This started a whirlwind of drama in her family. Scroll down for the full story and the internet’s emotional reactions to the sensitive topic.
RELATED:
It’s important that you feel confident and good about yourself. However, your self-esteem depends on more than just superficial changes to your appearance
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)
A financially-struggling mom shared how she wanted to get a nose job, instead of funding her two daughters’ college fund. Here’s her story
Image credits: Vitaly Gariev (not the actual photo)
Image source: vicvicmice
If money is tight and you’re forced to choose between something superficial for yourself and investing in your loved ones’ future, the answer should be obvious
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)
It’s a tough situation to find yourself in when you feel that you constantly have to delay your hopes and dreams for the people you love. But, in a large way, that’s what parenting is all about. It’s about taking on the responsibility of always putting your kids first.
If your financial resources are particularly scarce, then you don’t have much flexibility to keep everyone happy. Someone will end up having to delay their goals.
To be clear, it’s important to feel confident about your looks and to like yourself for who you are. However, self-esteem goes beyond physical looks. Who you are as a person in terms of your values, behavior, and relationships matters far more.
When you’re forced to choose between doing something superficial and optional that will (allegedly) make you happy and ensuring your children’s education, the choice seems clear to most people. Most parents would probably sacrifice their needs for their kids’ brighter future. It feels like the right thing to do, wouldn’t you say?
You shouldn’t feel guilty about having other goals in life aside from being a parent. But you also need to be realistic about what you’ll have to prioritize over the upcoming years. Some dreams get delayed, but you fulfil other ones in the meantime.
This isn’t to say that parents should drive themselves to the brink of exhaustion, anxiety, and unhappiness every single day just to keep everyone else happy.
It’s absolutely vital that you prioritize your health (lots of exercise, good food, proper rest, etc.) so that you’re full of energy.
You can’t take care of your loved ones if you’re burned out and broken.
If you need help emotionally, financially, with the chores, etc., you have to communicate this to your partner and your kids.
Everyone needs a support network to thrive. And when you’re well-rested and fully present, everyone in your family wins.
That being said, parental burnout is an ever-present danger. You need to understand that prioritizing your physical and mental health isn’t selfish
Image credits: Monika Grabkowska (not the actual photo)
The Guardian reports that in some countries, like the United States, Poland, and Belgium, the rate of parental burnout rises to a whopping 8%. Meanwhile, research shows that a jaw-dropping 60% of parents don’t routinely do anything to relax and recharge.
The four main signs that you may have parental burnout include:
- Physical or emotional exhaustion, or both
- Feeling ashamed of your parenting, or thinking you’re not as good a parent as you used to be
- Feeling overwhelmed and tired of the role of a parent
- Feeling emotionally disconnected from your kids
The main things that parents can do to stay positive and avoid or reduce burnout include things like learning to be less critical of themselves, reframing their perception about self-care, focusing on small, big-impact steps, and asking for help.
“Research has shown parents who are kind to themselves and prioritise self-care have better overall health and wellbeing. They also feel more confident in their parenting skills and have more positive interactions with their children,” The Guardian explains.
Meanwhile, parents must understand that there is nothing selfish about taking care of their physical and mental health. And you don’t have to do anything flashy or big to feel better, either.
You can do things that take just a few seconds or minutes that help you feel more balanced. Do a bit of exercise. Go for a quick walk outside. Talk to a friend you care about. Intentionally slow down and do some breathing techniques. These small moments quickly add up.
In the meantime, your social circle, including your partner, family, and friends, should be on the lookout for signs of parental burnout and offer to help you even before you ask them for it.
We’d like to hear your thoughts, Pandas. What do you personally think the mom should have done about her nose job vs. college fund dilemma? If you’re a parent, how do you balance your wants and needs with those of your kids? What do you do to prevent parental burnout? Let us know what you think in the comments below.
The internet was ruthless. Many folks weren’t afraid to call the mom out. Here’s their take on the drama
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What do you think ?
BeesEelsAndPups 1 month ago
My ex father in law grew up a poor black man in the South during Jim Crowe. He worked as a janitor for a police station his whole life. A really great guy, did everything he could for his kids. His daughter, my ex, worked her b**t off too, and with his help, got herself through law school. When her father passed away last year, he had saved $20K to help his only grandchild go to college. I had already put away $70K for him. Which at his state school is enough for. So instead, his mom is putting that money towards a payment for his first home. Something his grandfather never achieved. That is what investing in the future generations is for. I am an immigrant, and came here with no wealth, but my son will graduate from college with no debt, and have a headstart on life. This is how we build generational wealth.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 month ago
My ex's father did something similar for my ex and his sister - he grew up in very rural, very poor post-civil-war China. Worked his heiny off there, emigrated, worked his heiny off here (two jobs while attending school, ended up an engineer, STILL worked two other jobs while an engineer for Boeing.) This is ABSOLUTELY the way to do it, especially when you're doing it for your kids/grandkids. I'm sorry your son lost his grandpa last year, but sounds like he left a good legacy behind :)
Load More Replies...
Child of the Stars 1 month ago
Yeah, why is this even a question? "I told my kids I can't afford non-essential extracurriculars for them, but I can afford to feed my ego." W*f?
Load More Replies...
Bookworm 1 month ago
I don't have a problem with her not spending on the daughters college. No one is owed a college fund, although it helps when parents are able to save. I say this as someone who's parents weren't able to create a college fund for me. She's TA because this is selfish, irresponsible (having to put most on credit), started with a lie to husband about cost, and should be put towards her retirement instead. Which, BTW, would benefit the whole family. Husband in obvious ways, daughters by lowering the possibility their mom might need financial assistance in her old age.
Parmeisan 1 month ago
There was one comment in here that went above and beyond the others in terms of insight and accuracy: the one that said every time your family looks at you, they will be reminded of your selfishness, and you will have been happier with the old nose. OP only made a couple of replies on Reddit and it seems she hasn't listened to all the YTAs at all, but I really really wish she'd read this one again. And again, and again. I'm confident that this is exactly how it will go down if she gets the nose job.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 month ago
Yep! My mom has had a lot of plastic surgeries and cosmetic procedures over her lifetime, especially in the last two decades or so. My dad had an accident when I was 18 and my mom chose to keep him on life support and eventually bring him home to be cared for at home (after he woke from a coma.) My sister and I spent the next 21 years of our lives staying living at home, being my dad's caregivers. My mom refused to hire professional caregivers because they were "too expensive", but then she'd get a facelift or lipo or Botox. I look at her facial scars and other evidences of her surgeries every single day and think about how she chose her vanity over professional care to allow her children to have normal adulthoods. And now she's 80, and none of those surgeries stopped her from aging.
Load More Replies...
Ginger ninja 4 weeks ago
She doesnt even have $12k, she wants to put most of it on credit so that will go up with interest. She doesnt get to complain about sacrifices she made for being a young mother when she chose to have s*x, keep the baby, be a young mother and get married early then ultimately divorced
SheamusFanFrom1987 1 month ago (edited)
If she goes through with it, I hope OP will be very pleased with her new nose, because she will have to use it to wake up and smell the coffee that her daughters will probably turn their noses up at her later on should she try to reconcile or need help. I get that OP wants to treat herself but once again, splurging north of 12K on a nose job while denying your children more beneficial activities sounds like someone who has yet to smell the bitterness of the life that the coffee brings later... -_-"
Kate Johnson 1 month ago
It's not just about college. It's ridiculous to be considering this kind of entirely unnecessary surgery when you don't have the money. If you have to put it on credit, you don't have the money. OP is married, who are they trying to attract?
K Barnes 1 month ago
She can't afford 12k for a nose job if they have almost no retirement savaging and can't afford activities for their kids. Not to mention if they have to put 8k of it on credit and pay interest on that. I don't think parents need to pay for college/uni. It's a nice thing wealthy people can do but not the parents' responsibility, just a bonus if it happens. However, if you have the money for vanity surgery (which they don't) then you have the money to help your kids.
Somebodys grandmother 1 month ago
And a nosejob almost everytime needs correction when you get older... never heard such a stupid thing!
Lady Eowyn 1 month ago
No, a rhinoplasty doesn't "almost every time need correction when you get older."
Load More Replies...
Bette 3 weeks ago
My grandfather and father taught me the importance of education and that all actions have consequences. That being said, the OP steered her children to aim for university; which would imply that she feels higher education is important to their future well-being. Howevrr OP made several choices early in life which have had life-long consequences. Her first responsibility is to the children she brought into the world - particularly since she admitted to not being able to afford some extra school fees. To prioritize her own WANTS before the NEEDS of her children (higher education) or her husband and herself (retirement) is self-serving, frivolous and indefensible.
Jack 4 weeks ago
1200 doesn't include whatever time you need off from work or away from your regular duties to do this. There's recovery time, and there can be complications. The minimum they're going to spend is 1200, but when all is said and done, it will likely be more. What if they botch it? What if there are problems with it healing? You were able to have s*x multiple times and even snagged a very decent husband with that nose. That nose got you this far, leave it alone. Go to therapy instead, learn to love yourself. That's the real gift you need.
Mark Childers 1 month ago
Thorough s*x education should be (appropriately) taught at every level K-12. Birth control should be a large part of the discussion, as well as consent and consequences. Options should also be outlined for unwanted pregnancies, as well as consequences of each. Parenting classes should be involved, as well. Kids are having kids. And then we have stories like this that could have been avoided so easily.
Discovermyview 1 month ago
Those kids will super resent their mother after something like this. Oh, she couldn't pay out a fraction of that amount for cheerleading or a special school trip, but she'll spend many times that amount for a vanity surgery. On credit cards, no less. Yeah. This behavior is incredibly selfish. I feel so sorry for those kids.
Robert Benson 1 month ago
The problem with the nose job is the expense and the fact that the money could be spent more productively. It's expensive because it's not required surgery. If she had some way to make it required surgery, she might get her insurance to pay for it. People trip and fall all the time. How badly does she want it? Only partially kidding. My Mom's ex-husband had an accident while cutting a tree and ended up with a completely new nose instead of the "family nose".
Eri J 3 weeks ago
Old story but, no one seems to have taken in the fact that going to college does NOT automatically leads you to a job.
Bette 3 weeks ago
No one is talking about employment but WANTS versus NEEDS. What about retirement? What about trade school? Or any higher education? Or extra curriculars? The kids could not participate in anything because there was no money for it; but now the mother wants to put plastic surgery on credit??
Load More Replies...
RiceRiceBaby 929 1 month ago
I wouldn't say she's an assh*le, just making a dumb decision. If the kids want to go to college, they can get jobs and pay for it themselves. Getting a nose job for yourself is dumb. She already said she was late in the game of starting a 401k, put the money towards that.
BeesEelsAndPups 1 month ago
My ex father in law grew up a poor black man in the South during Jim Crowe. He worked as a janitor for a police station his whole life. A really great guy, did everything he could for his kids. His daughter, my ex, worked her b**t off too, and with his help, got herself through law school. When her father passed away last year, he had saved $20K to help his only grandchild go to college. I had already put away $70K for him. Which at his state school is enough for. So instead, his mom is putting that money towards a payment for his first home. Something his grandfather never achieved. That is what investing in the future generations is for. I am an immigrant, and came here with no wealth, but my son will graduate from college with no debt, and have a headstart on life. This is how we build generational wealth.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 month ago
My ex's father did something similar for my ex and his sister - he grew up in very rural, very poor post-civil-war China. Worked his heiny off there, emigrated, worked his heiny off here (two jobs while attending school, ended up an engineer, STILL worked two other jobs while an engineer for Boeing.) This is ABSOLUTELY the way to do it, especially when you're doing it for your kids/grandkids. I'm sorry your son lost his grandpa last year, but sounds like he left a good legacy behind :)
Load More Replies... Child of the Stars 1 month ago
Yeah, why is this even a question? "I told my kids I can't afford non-essential extracurriculars for them, but I can afford to feed my ego." W*f?
Load More Replies... Bookworm 1 month ago
I don't have a problem with her not spending on the daughters college. No one is owed a college fund, although it helps when parents are able to save. I say this as someone who's parents weren't able to create a college fund for me. She's TA because this is selfish, irresponsible (having to put most on credit), started with a lie to husband about cost, and should be put towards her retirement instead. Which, BTW, would benefit the whole family. Husband in obvious ways, daughters by lowering the possibility their mom might need financial assistance in her old age.
Parmeisan 1 month ago
There was one comment in here that went above and beyond the others in terms of insight and accuracy: the one that said every time your family looks at you, they will be reminded of your selfishness, and you will have been happier with the old nose. OP only made a couple of replies on Reddit and it seems she hasn't listened to all the YTAs at all, but I really really wish she'd read this one again. And again, and again. I'm confident that this is exactly how it will go down if she gets the nose job.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 month ago
Yep! My mom has had a lot of plastic surgeries and cosmetic procedures over her lifetime, especially in the last two decades or so. My dad had an accident when I was 18 and my mom chose to keep him on life support and eventually bring him home to be cared for at home (after he woke from a coma.) My sister and I spent the next 21 years of our lives staying living at home, being my dad's caregivers. My mom refused to hire professional caregivers because they were "too expensive", but then she'd get a facelift or lipo or Botox. I look at her facial scars and other evidences of her surgeries every single day and think about how she chose her vanity over professional care to allow her children to have normal adulthoods. And now she's 80, and none of those surgeries stopped her from aging.
Load More Replies... Ginger ninja 4 weeks ago
She doesnt even have $12k, she wants to put most of it on credit so that will go up with interest. She doesnt get to complain about sacrifices she made for being a young mother when she chose to have s*x, keep the baby, be a young mother and get married early then ultimately divorced
SheamusFanFrom1987 1 month ago (edited)
If she goes through with it, I hope OP will be very pleased with her new nose, because she will have to use it to wake up and smell the coffee that her daughters will probably turn their noses up at her later on should she try to reconcile or need help. I get that OP wants to treat herself but once again, splurging north of 12K on a nose job while denying your children more beneficial activities sounds like someone who has yet to smell the bitterness of the life that the coffee brings later... -_-"
Kate Johnson 1 month ago
It's not just about college. It's ridiculous to be considering this kind of entirely unnecessary surgery when you don't have the money. If you have to put it on credit, you don't have the money. OP is married, who are they trying to attract?
K Barnes 1 month ago
She can't afford 12k for a nose job if they have almost no retirement savaging and can't afford activities for their kids. Not to mention if they have to put 8k of it on credit and pay interest on that. I don't think parents need to pay for college/uni. It's a nice thing wealthy people can do but not the parents' responsibility, just a bonus if it happens. However, if you have the money for vanity surgery (which they don't) then you have the money to help your kids.
Somebodys grandmother 1 month ago
And a nosejob almost everytime needs correction when you get older... never heard such a stupid thing!
Lady Eowyn 1 month ago
No, a rhinoplasty doesn't "almost every time need correction when you get older."
Load More Replies... Bette 3 weeks ago
My grandfather and father taught me the importance of education and that all actions have consequences. That being said, the OP steered her children to aim for university; which would imply that she feels higher education is important to their future well-being. Howevrr OP made several choices early in life which have had life-long consequences. Her first responsibility is to the children she brought into the world - particularly since she admitted to not being able to afford some extra school fees. To prioritize her own WANTS before the NEEDS of her children (higher education) or her husband and herself (retirement) is self-serving, frivolous and indefensible.
Jack 4 weeks ago
1200 doesn't include whatever time you need off from work or away from your regular duties to do this. There's recovery time, and there can be complications. The minimum they're going to spend is 1200, but when all is said and done, it will likely be more. What if they botch it? What if there are problems with it healing? You were able to have s*x multiple times and even snagged a very decent husband with that nose. That nose got you this far, leave it alone. Go to therapy instead, learn to love yourself. That's the real gift you need.
Mark Childers 1 month ago
Thorough s*x education should be (appropriately) taught at every level K-12. Birth control should be a large part of the discussion, as well as consent and consequences. Options should also be outlined for unwanted pregnancies, as well as consequences of each. Parenting classes should be involved, as well. Kids are having kids. And then we have stories like this that could have been avoided so easily.
Discovermyview 1 month ago
Those kids will super resent their mother after something like this. Oh, she couldn't pay out a fraction of that amount for cheerleading or a special school trip, but she'll spend many times that amount for a vanity surgery. On credit cards, no less. Yeah. This behavior is incredibly selfish. I feel so sorry for those kids.
Robert Benson 1 month ago
The problem with the nose job is the expense and the fact that the money could be spent more productively. It's expensive because it's not required surgery. If she had some way to make it required surgery, she might get her insurance to pay for it. People trip and fall all the time. How badly does she want it? Only partially kidding. My Mom's ex-husband had an accident while cutting a tree and ended up with a completely new nose instead of the "family nose".
Eri J 3 weeks ago
Old story but, no one seems to have taken in the fact that going to college does NOT automatically leads you to a job.
Bette 3 weeks ago
No one is talking about employment but WANTS versus NEEDS. What about retirement? What about trade school? Or any higher education? Or extra curriculars? The kids could not participate in anything because there was no money for it; but now the mother wants to put plastic surgery on credit??
Load More Replies... RiceRiceBaby 929 1 month ago
I wouldn't say she's an assh*le, just making a dumb decision. If the kids want to go to college, they can get jobs and pay for it themselves. Getting a nose job for yourself is dumb. She already said she was late in the game of starting a 401k, put the money towards that.
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