People Get Raw And Honest About Whether They Regret Not Having Kids Now That They’re Over 40
Interview
Some people have known that they were meant to be parents since they were small children themselves, carrying around baby dolls everywhere they went and picking out the names of their future kids before they even turned 18. On the other hand, some people know that they just aren’t meant to be parents, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
Whether it’s due to financial reasons, physical limitations, wanting to put all of their energy into their career instead, or simply lacking any desire to be a parent, there are infinite valid reasons for not having children. And although being childfree is becoming more common all the time, there are still some people out there who believe that we’re all meant to have kids and that anyone who doesn’t will regret it.
To set the record straight, we consulted this Reddit thread, where a curious user asked childfree people over the age of 40 how they feel about their decision not to have kids, and gathered some of the most compelling responses down below. Be sure to upvote the replies that resonate with you or that you’d like your fellow pandas to see, and if you’re childfree, we’d love to hear how you feel about that decision in the comments down below. Keep reading to also find interviews with the woman who sparked this conversation on Reddit in the first place and Wilmarie and Ryan of the childfree blog Life Without Kids. Then, if you’re interested in checking out another Bored Panda article highlighting why being a parent is not for everyone, look no further than right here.
This post may include affiliate links.
48 F and had a tubal ligation done at 21. I never wanted kids, and I'm so glad I never had kids. I spent 20 years struggling just to take care of myself, with unmedicated, ADHD, anxiety, and depression. There is no way in hell I could have taken care of kids. And with my history of relationships, it definitely wouldn't have been a healthy, two-parent home. So I have absolutely no regrets. It's better to want kids and not have them, then not want kids and have them.
The last line is so true. It's better to regret not having kids than regret having them. Every child deserves a parent but same cannot be said about every parent.
To gain more insight into how this conversation began in the first place, we reached out to the woman who posed this question on Reddit. The woman, who we will refer to as the post's author to respect her privacy, told Bored Panda, "I’m 24 and childfree. I have known for quite a while that I don’t want kids, at least not my own biological ones. But with everyone around you telling you that you’ll want them sooner or later/with the right partner/etc., I was looking for some assurance (or proof that those people are right) from older folks."
We also asked the author if the replies to this post changed her opinions on being childfree at all. "They didn’t change them at all, if anything I was overwhelmed by the ratio of people regretting or not regretting it," she shared. "There were some who, looking back, would’ve wanted children. But most stuck to their decision. Even though one couple took care of a baby from a relative for a couple months, raised it like their own apparently, and developed parental feelings, they didn’t want to have their own."
It makes the downfall of civilization easier to watch.
39yo single, childless female. Was just talking to a coworker about all the horrible possibilities facing the future...I said "we are in so much trouble." Inside, I was so thankful I don't have human children to worry about. I worry enough about my dog, already
We were also curious what the author thinks are the pros and cons of being childfree. "The pros would be silence, money and time for yourself, being able to focus on your own life," she shared. "Also not bringing another life into this world that seems to have such a dystopian future ahead. Not having to worry about what changes your body and mind has to go through during and after pregnancy, or having to live with having had a miscarriage if that happens."
"The cons would be missing out on that experience I guess? Some people also mentioned they were scared of being lonely when they get old since they have no kids to look after them," the author noted. "But in order for your kids to want to support and see you when you’re older, you have to have done a good job at raising them, and their life has to have been a rather stable one. And I know I’d probably not be a good parent, plus I would never get a child just so it can care for me when I’m old. That doesn’t seem fair."
43 here. Every single day I know I made the right decision for me. The risk of passing on depression and anxiety to a new person never felt like a nice thing to do.
I feel you. 42 and I'm still struggling with anxiety and depression, although I moved away from my toxic family many years ago. I always said that I'd be alone my whole life, rather than having children and abusing them the same way my parents abused me. Someday I might consider adopting a child, but only if I manage to overcome emotional triggers and toxic beliefs I "inherited".
We also asked the author what she would say to anyone who doesn't understand why she has no desire to have kids. "It’s okay you don’t understand, but don’t judge me for my decision," she shared. "Another thing that stuck to me was women wishing me luck should I ever want to get sterilized," the author noted. "It’s so hard, especially as a young woman, to have that done. Most doctors try to talk you out of it, and/or just straight up won’t do it. Once again, women are not allowed to choose and decide what they want for their bodies and themselves. And that’s just so wrong."
Had a vasectomy at 29 (unmarried and no children at the time; it took a LOT of talking).
Just turned 60 and am well aware that if I die after I fully retire, it's entirely likely no one will notice until the mailbox starts to overflow. So yeah, I have moments of regret every so often.
I don't think that's enough reason to have brought additional humans into this world, though.
Having kids is no guarantee they'll actually care about you ... Sometimes the parents are at fault and sometimes it's the kids. Either way it's the wrong reason to have kids.
Morally sound. Look at this planet - it's bad form to invite someone to a party that's not only already over, but left the house on fire to boot.
To gain some more insight on the topic of being childfree, we also reached out to Wilmarie and Ryan of the childfree blog Life Without Kids. Wilmarie and Ryan share their adventures traveling the world online, on their Instagram, blog Serious Travel Couple and YouTube channel. And while they live a very exciting life, kids are not part of the equation. So we at Bored Panda were curious what being childfree means to them.
"For us, being childfree means having the freedom to choose how to live our lives, what to do with our time and money, and what life purpose we want to follow," Wilmarie and Ryan shared. "It's just being us since we've never wanted kids."
I'm 49 my husband is 53.
We're both more than happy with how things are.
I never wanted kids. I was the eldest in a family of 4 and was defacto childminder from the age of 8. I was 16 when my youngest sister was born and my mum relied on me heavily with her. I did night feeds. Looked after her when the rest went on holiday and when I left home at 18, regularly had both her and my middle sister staying with me for weekends and weeks during the summers.
Don't get me wrong. I loved every moment and I'm really close with my youngest sister but between watching my mum deal with us and the experiences I had myself, knew I didn't want to devote my life to kids.
I couldn't face the idea of mornings, getting them up, washed, dressed, fed, sent to school... I wasn't interested in being a taxi ferrying them to after school stuff, friends houses etc etc. I wasn't interested in worrying about money.
I also realised, that if I had kids in my early 20's I would be in my late 40's before my life was my own again (at best) and never have my own life again if I didn't have them till I was in my late 30's.
My husband was never bothered one way or the other.
Our life is good. We're not rich by any means between us we earn about £40k a year. But we we aren't tied to our jobs, if we wanted to change it up we can without worrying about putting food on the table. And we do low stress jobs. We work to live not live to work.
We own our own home, we can go on holiday, we indulge our hobbies and take on new ones (getting ourselves some Occulas Quests in the new year). We don't miss having kids.
My baby sister now 33 is also child free and I know she and her husband are pretty content with their lives too.
I feel I should also say. I don't hate kids. I'm happy to spend time in their company and enjoy time with friends and families kids. But I'm VERY glad I don't have to take them home with me lol
I’m a teacher and I just told my students yesterday why at 47 I don’t have kids, and what was written above expresses the same sentiment, yet far more eloquently than my version. Students, I love you here at school, but don’t come to my house. I am a better teacher because I don’t have children of my own. I cannot imagine having to be the responsible adult 24/7 because that kid needs you. All the time. Everyday. Sounds suffocating and extremely soul-sucking. But, I do love my students. At school. Sometimes Starbucks.
We also asked Wilmarie and Ryan if there were any misconceptions about being childfree they wanted to dispel. "There are many misconceptions about being childfree," they shared. "We do not hate kids just because we don't want to have our own. Ryan loves teaching kids (he has worked as a teacher), and we have nieces and nephews we adore. Also, being childfree does not mean we're selfish. Childfree individuals also contribute to society in many ways, and for the most part, are people that care to make conscious decisions about their lives (i.e. not having kids.)"
So what's the best part of being childfree for them? "The time and financial freedom to pursue career, dreams, hobbies (traveling is our favorite) and ways to contribute to our families, community and the world," Wilmarie and Ryan shared.
So, so good. My husband and I high-five each other at least weekly when we encounter ragged parents trying to manage unruly kids. Then we go home to our Labrador Retriever, do whatever we want, and get a good night’s sleep. I can’t imagine life any other way.
"We would like to live in a world where being childfree is looked at as normal as having kids," they continued. "A family without kids is still a family. Through our childfree community @life.without.kids we aim to educate, celebrate and normalize being childfree by choice."
If you'd like to keep up with Wilmarie and Ryan's adventures online, you can find their Instagram account right here and their travel blog right here.
I've never been comfortable with being responsible for another human being. Nothing has changed. To all good parents: Keep it up. It's a very difficult job but you are appreciated.
Same. I love sleeping in and spending all my money & free time on myself. It's my choice and many parents are simply jealous they can no longer do the same.
It’s a strange one, I know I made the right decision I would have made a terrible parent so I’ve got no regrets about not having kids.
However I’m at the point in life where all my friends have settled down and are raising families … and I no longer have much in common with them. We still meet up and I understand their time constraints, but as the years go by there’s less to talk about.
Keep at it with your friendships, it's rough when the kids are little but you're friends are still the same people with the same interests, they just don't have much time to explore them right now. One of my good friends has 2 kids and we still have plenty of things to talk about even though I'm child free. We talk about games, TV, movies and sometimes about his kids.
46F. I will speak up and be the minority here. I regret not having children. It wasn't a conscious decision, but I'm a pretty traditional person and never found someone to settle down and have a family with.
I've recently had to come to terms with the fact that I won't have kids and what that means for the rest of my life. I might choose to adopt or foster in the future but now I really have to weigh if it's worth being a parent now when all my friends kids are grown and they are even starting to have grand kids. Do I really wanna be that far behind? I've always been a late bloomer, but wow...that's just too late I think!
On the flip side, my child free status has allowed me to cultivate fantastic relationships with my best friends kids and to offer support to her family in ways that I wouldn't have been able to do if I'd had a family of my own. They are my family and I love each of them so much. We have a pretty special bond.
I would say to consider all your options and search your heart for what you want and can do in plenty of time to act before time runs out. Being child free isn't always a conscious decision. For some of us Life just happens that way.
I am 100% with you. However, I've also come to the realization that this is the path I am meant to walk and I can still have a really amazing life with love and joy and meaning and accomplishment and adventure. So I will hold my head high as I walk my path. Also, too often people have kids for the wrong reason. It can be a miserable situation. I am grateful for the peace and contentment I have in my life. Not everyone can say that. Gratitude goes a long way.
I couldn't be happier. I can't imagine having to live my whole life around a child. I have a cat for love, she's the best and I don't have to send her to college.
I barely have enough energy to take care of myself, and if I try real hard maybe a casual girlfriend. No f*****g way could I handle a kid.
I never thought trying to decide what to have for dinner every night would be so exhausting 🤷♀️
None. I'd be doing a kid a disservice. I'm selfish and lazy.
I like sleeping in on the days I'm not working and being able to get up and go as I please. My work hours are weird and I'd never be able to do that with a kid. I don't want to be responsible for anything more than the one cat I have.
I have no nieces or nephews. I don't buy many Christmas gifts. I don't go to loud children's parties. It's an introvert's dream.
You’re not selfish. Sleeping in isn’t “selfish”. It’s just a normal life. No one calls 18 year olds who sleep in selfish, but once you’re of “child bearing” age it becomes ‘selfish’ to lie in, have holidays, go out, basically anything involving enjoying your life. Very distorted thinking peddled by miserable people with kids (who usually have them for *only* selfish reasons).
No regrets on not having kids. I never could have given them the life they deserved.
As I age (I'm 57) I do wish I had a life partner, I'm a bit scared about being elderly and alone but I'm always glad I didn't have kids.
Still feeling great about that decision with no regrets at all. It has allowed us to be present in the lives of our friend's kids in a wonderful way. We're like the weird aunt and uncle who have always been there to a pack of kids. It's good when kids have adults to talk to, bounce ideas and thoughts off of that aren't their parents. To be able to be there for them in this way has been really great!
I feel this. I love being an auntie to my niece and nephews. It's one of the best non-jobs in the world and I wouldn't have it any other way.
The older I get, the more sure I am of my decision.
Someone else commented it on here so I second this line of reasoning: certain unhealthy/toxic behaviors are cyclical/generational, including hereditary on a biological level, and I’m more concerned with ending all this with me than I am with seeking validation via a child.
On top of that my emotional issues make me unable to properly connect or care for a child in the way they deserve. I am very empathetic to pain in that sense, but I also have issues with not inevitably becoming a SOURCE of that pain (I.e. I have serious commitment/investment issues and frequently check out when it’s all too much.)
Lastly, I’m very conscious of how much life changes when you have a kid, which some people remain bafflingly obtuse on until they’re in the thick of it. Like yes, kids are EXPENSIVE, they’re loud, their logic makes no sense in a lot of situations and they literally can’t help that so yeah you’re gonna be spending extraordinary amounts of time/energy on just keeping them alive, oh and they have serious emotional needs that you are definitely f*****g up if you don’t give them what they need. I have zero interest in all of it and no issues with admitting to that.
So ultimately I don’t have any desire for a child, and I will not continue the cycle of having them cause we don’t know what else to do. Occasionally I feel a biological pang when I see cute baby clothes, but then I remember really quick everything that goes into and I’m over it.
My wife and I are both good with it. We were able to go on a lot of cool vacations, save a lot of money, have a lot of time to ourselves, etc. I feel bad that for about 15 years of her life my wife as shamed because she didn't want a child. "So you just don't want children?".
With that said, we were forced into a situation where we had to take care of our niece, who was 9 months, for 6 months. It did make us appreciate some things about children. I now better understand the love for a child, we will now do anything for our niece for the rest of our lives. I thought having a child around would make me more understanding of parents but it really hasn't. I still think a lot of them do a sh**ty job and are setting them up for failure in the future.
Turns out selfishness, irresponsibility and hedonism is fun.
I go back and fourth on this topic. I'm usually ok with it but if I see a friend or family member with their kid(s) it makes me second guess my decision. That feeling usually passes once I get into my sports car and drive back to my clean quiet home.
I’m a Dad who’s always had convertible sports cars and my best memories are of taking my daughter for rides in them. Now she is an adult and drives a convertible sports car herself. We always kept a clean house and we liked cleaning it together. When I visit her house I still clean it while she takes a nap with her newborn. Maybe we are the oddballs but we are very close and have a lot of fun together still.
52 yo. Excellent.
So far there have been only few downsides:
- Once I had a nice girlfriend. She wanted kids, I did not. Broke up over that. I have no regrets, though. Kids did not make her as happy as she expected. And I have the best GF ever now.
- The only moment I felt I was not continuing the family tree, was when my sister mentioned in her speech at the funeral of our mother, that see can see our mother in her kids. I can see that too. Briefly, that felt like a gap. But after that speech, it never felt like a gap again.
- Stupid people have more children, and earlier in their lives than smart people. Evolutionary, we are dumbing down as a species.
On the bright side:
**√** Easier life choices: The divorce I once needed, was easy. Also, no stress with child when I got in a relationship with the best GF ever.
***√*** More time on my hands: I could start an art career next to my work career.
***√*** Less stress: I do not have stress over kids derailing, or problems at their schools. No homeschooling while working during lockdown. No screaming kids in my home. No kids of other people here either.
***√*** I'm not dropping kids off in a world with a grim future. Far lower CO2 footprint too, so making it a tiny less grim.
**√** No hijacking of my life by a kid in need for constant help, which is a risk you need to be willing to take if you plan having kids. I did not want to take that risk.
**√** Most importantly, I did not have to experience losing a child like my parents had to. This was my most important reason. It broke my parents completely. I did not want to inflict that damage on me.
I am 51 and my husband and I did not have kids. He ended up leaving me after 20+ years together and now has a child. I regret not having children and I unfortunately have no family left in the world.
I'm sorry you're going through this period of pain. I hope you find your family through your friendships. Oftentimes, our chosen family is more nurturing than our biological family. Also, you have us, your Bored Panda Family. **hugs**
I wish things could have been different. I’m F/mid-40’s, and decided to not have a child mostly due to health issues since 31. I’ve also had odd relationship timing or problems, as well as financial set backs. I’m heartbroken, and try not to think about it too much. I just keep moving forward.
You know what's *still* amazing about being 40+ and no kids? I can quit my job for a couple months and not be thousands of dollars in the hole, because I don't have a black hole where food, water, and clothes go, that won't be able to pay its fair share for at least 16 years. I can just stop.
Very good point. No kids = freedom and not having to stay in a job you despise. Life's too short.
I’m ambivalent.
On the one hand, I feel like I’ve missed out on an experience that is central to being human. I will never know the joy and heartache and deep love of parenthood.
On the other hand, I’m deeply pessimistic about the future of global governance and the environment. I would worry for my child in this world. Also, I have a lot more free time and disposable income without human parasites in my home.
So, you know…. I’m ok with my decision.
I know I've done the right thing. Based on my parents I always darkly joke that I have a "bad built-in parenting instruction manual". I can barely navigate my own complicated mental health most days, it wouldn't be fair to bring a child into it. My nightmare would be to have a child and then treat it with disdain, which is basically what my mom did to me. I grew up around a mother who didn't want to be a mother and took it out on me.
My old man would get drunk and tell me “Never get married! Never have kids!”. I think he regretted our whole family.
I'm almost 48 and about to enter menopause. I don't regret not having children. I never really liked children very much and that probably wouldn't have made me a very good parent.
I love the fact that I can do whatever I want, whenever I want.
Maybe I'll regret it when I'm very old or something, but so far, I still feel like I made the best decision possible.
I absolutely love it! We’re DINKS, travel often, do fun things, and will retire at 55 and 50 with 20+ amazing years left living off our investments.
Turned 40 this year, been snipped for almost 2 years now. A million times over absolutely zero regrets among me and the wife. (Been together for over 8 years, married a few months ago.)
The weeknight and weekend schedules of my friends with kids sound absolutely awful to me. Running from one practice to another, this rehearsal to that birthday party to this kindergarten graduation. Having to get a babysitter for things that in my world are the most trivial get-togethers... It all seems so exhausting and a complete drain on their own existence.
Plus, as D***s we were able to easily save the cash for this house we bought, its full top-to-bottom renovation, and turning a dirt wasteland into beautiful landscaping.
Come to think of it, other than deciding to pursue dating who would later become my wife, it's the single best decision I've ever made.
I'm 56, and I had a vasectomy when I was 27.
I'm great with it!
...mostly because I sort of cheated. I ended up marrying a woman 10 years older than I am who already had two grown (18 & 21 when we married 22 years ago) children. So now I have 3 granddaughters who are AWESOME but I had none of the headaches of child-rearing.
I feel great! The maternal instinct is *strong*. It was tough going through my thirties, but I realized that unless I had a partner who was willing to split the work, it was not going to happen. And I didn't. So it didn't. I love kids, and luckily I have several kids in my life, but not for a second do I regret not having kids.
44 years old. All I've ever wanted in life was to have kids. I remember first making that decision when I was 6 years old. I vacillated on it until I was about 14, but once I stopped suffering from suicidal depression around then, I've been 100% dedicated to having kids - and trying to be the best parent I could ever be - since then.
I still have zero kids. That bums me out every day.
Adopt? Foster? Volunteer with kids? Be a Big Brother/Big Sister? I'm adopted myself; maybe that's why I never could understand why people "MUST" have their own biological children. (This only applies to people who end up like OP and say they "wish they had had children" and that they're super sad/unhappy that they ended up not having kids.) And no, not every adoption costs tens of thousands of dollars, and no, not every adopted/fostered child ends up Satan. Y'all are taking a risk on your own bio kids in that regard when you have them, too ;p
Nearly 50, never regretted it. I knew from a very young age that I never wanted kids, and that hasn't changed. My wife is also happy with that fortunately.
I literally don't know what to do with the unspent money at the end of the month. It is not like I earn a lot of money, but I don't have expensive tastes and my hobbies are pretty affordable.
I feel pretty good with my life.
Myself and husband has a 12 yo daughter, only wanted 1 so we could have freedom to pack up anytime and head off on holidays, daughter is like a lil best friend.. 😍
Honestly really good. When I was younger I had no idea how f****d up my childhood had left me (I was raised in a cult). Years of depression, poorly regulated emotions, twisted self-image, self harm - all stemming from undiagnosed complex PTSD. The one thing I knew was that I should not bring a child into my world and I was absolutely right. I would have been a terrible father. After years of therapy I am in a much better place and at peace with the fact I'll never have kids. Sometimes the best you can do is to parent yourself, be there for the other kids in your life and put a stop to the cycle of neglect
I am 36 and my wife and I have pretty much settled on not having kids. We have discussed the idea a lot more recently since I just cannot see myself having a kid at 40 years old. I am nearing the last year or two when I would be comfortable raising a child. We are heavily leaning towards "no" for a few reasons. We really do enjoy our free time and comfortable financial situation. Both would be heavily impacted by a child. We also both have struggled with mental health issues through out our lives and have found a very comfortable, familiar lifestyle that helps to keep our depression at bay most of the time. We are both worried that our mental health would take a substantial dip while raising a child.
With that said, I constantly get this feeling that mid-30's me is making a decision that mid-60's me is going to heavily regret. I really love my family and can see how happy my parents are to have their children around in their lives at their age. I want that when I get older. I really do. I feel like I am going to be very starved for connections outside of my wife when I am in my 50s or older.
I hear you and can relate. My wife and I debated it too for the first ten years of our marriage. We went on great vacations, have excellent careers but something was missing. At age 40 my daughter was born and it was the best thing that ever happened to us. I can’t adequately explain the amount of pure love you give and get from your child, it’s deeper than the love you have for your parents, your siblings or even your wife. People without children will never be able to fully appreciate this. It’s nothing at all like watching anyone else’s children. There is a spiritual bond that just happens the first time the doctor lays that baby in your arms, at least it was that way for me. But you have to know your limitations too, and if mentally that is too big a bridge to cross then that’s perfectly understandable too. Good luck to you and your wife.
Husband is 44 and I'm 38, we have zero regrets. You know what I didn't have to do last night? Argue with my kid about doing their homework. I only feel more and more confident in our decision as time goes on. You want kids? Have at it! But we are solidly in the Not Wanting Kids Camp.
I'm feeling smug as f**k to be honest. All those tantrums I never have to deal with. All those things I can just do spontaneously. All that money I'm not spending on b******t (except that b******t I like). All that worry and stress I don't have. All that time I have to do exactly what I want to do.
When I was a kid I couldn't wait to grow up and live by my own rules. Not that I planned anything wild. But simply having the freedom. I can't believe how readily people give that up!
I'm 42.
When I was younger, I was sort of open to having kids, as in if someone gets pregnant, then so be it. But deep down I didn't actually want them, and never did.
I even had a pretty serious pregnancy scare with a gf when I was 30. Thank goodness we didn't have a kid. I can't imagine how bad that would have turned out.
Anyway, past 35, I became less open to the idea for a variety of reasons. Now, I absolutely know I don't want kids. I can't stand kids. Luckily my long term girlfriend also does not want kids. We are very firm in this stance. And at this point, what would I do, be 60+ when my kid graduates highschool? I had old parents, no thanks.
My uncle got divorced from my aunt long long ago and ended up remarrying when he was in his late 60s, to a MUCH younger woman. He ended up having a son with her. My uncle is going to be 80 when my cousin graduates high school, IF my uncle lives that long. It's just my opinion, but to me it seemed extremely selfish of my uncle to have a child so late in life, and pretty unfair to his son.
I’m in my 60s now and I regretted it for about 5 minutes when I was 38. That’s when my first niece was born and I thought I might be missing out
So, I may be the odd one out here, but hear me out. I always wanted kids (and a little part of me probably still does a teeny, tiny little bit). Husband was not so sure, after many discussions, decided to try for kids. Found out that both of us have reproductive issues. 2 tries at IVF with very poor results that meant we didn’t get far with the process. We decided that we could spend a fortune and maybe lose sanity over it, or just get on with our lives - we chose the latter.
I’m now 37 and although I think it would have been nice if we had kids when we were younger, I don’t really want them now. I have been able to care for my Grandmother until her death, also do a lot of caring for my mother in law until her death without the restrictions that children would have brought. My husband and I are on the cusp of realising our dream (which is costly and we may not have got there with the expense of kids) and can spend our free time on this dream. Plus I have developed a condition that gives me vertigo at a moments notice and can last for hours at a time and makes me quite tired - this would be so much harder to manage with kids in the picture.
My husband has many hobbies that he enjoys - he would be an amazing father, but to be that amazing father he feels that he would have to give it all up. I enjoy seeing him indulge in these hobbies. He works hard and it’s wonderful to have no resentment for him spending a lot of his free time how he wants.
I love kids, I get a lot of joy from spending time with my nieces, nephews, friends children and godchildren. I’m sure that I’m missing out on experiences that parents have, but I’m getting other experiences that they can’t have. And I’ve got a lot less grey hairs and wrinkles than my friends with children!!! Overall, it’s worked out for the best. I think that the main thing I want is to have a positive influence on a young persons life, and I like to think that I’m doing that anyway.
I'm in my 50s, I've come to realise to that I'm probably somewhere on the spectrum, I have my life together now but it's taken me this long to be comfortable with myself and get to a good place. I feel honestly it wouldn't have been fair to have had a family. I wouldn't have been a good partner or mother. I do have a good rapport with kids now. I'm a good aunt and really enjoy helping with youth groups but I value my own time too much. So no regrets at all. Some people just aren't parent material.
58
I was always on the fence about it and in the end it wasn’t all my decision as an ectopic destroyed my tubes, but loving it so far.
60F here. Not one moment of regret. My tubal ligation was actually my "wedding present" from my (now ex) husband. This was back when you practically HAD to be married, and even then it was a hassle for me since I had not had any children. (I know it's like this and so much worse now, but we had a few years of old white men NOT telling us what to do with our bodies in there).
I have many nieces and nephews, and Grand-niblets too. I enjoy them, but in very small doses.
I'm 38. I've been with my husband for 13 years. Neither one of us regrets not reproducing. Several of my friends have kids and it hasn't made me want them. I'm always glad I can return to a quiet house that doesn't have plastic kid toys strewn around everywhere.
I feel good about it. I like children, but I like not having children better. My friends have kids and I love being an honorary aunt.
41 here and sooo thankful I never had kids. I am an immature gamer with autism who also doesn’t make a butt load of money so I feel like I made the right call.
It led to an uncomplicated life with less than usual financial difficulties. Now that I am 62 I can see some lonely times ahead. Especially if anything happens to my wife.
I’m 41F and have zero regrets over having no children. My free time is mine to do with as I wish and I’m able to save aggressively towards retirement. I’m even more thankful that I never had children after going through a divorce, as there is nothing tying me to my ex-husband. It is much easier to heal and move forward with life when you can go no contact.
Edited to add that being in an aunt role is the best! I get to be fun and silly and get in touch with my inner child, but don’t have all the responsibility of a parent.
Best decision I ever made was my tubal ligation at age 23. Now just a couple years shy of 40.
No regrets whatsoever. Life has been dreamy, full of travel, great times, being there for people I love. Accomplished effectively everything I set out to do, just making new goals to meet. Student loans paid in full. 8+ hours of sleep every night helps too.
My wife and I had no desire to have kids when we got together, later decided to give it a try but it didn't work out. Fast forward and her dad needs care. Dementia / physical stuff. Zero regrets now. Neither of us enjoyed taking care of him. Not the same thing but we both enjoy our independence.
Looking at things from a cost perspective, we are both successful in our careers and are on track to retire in our late 50s to early 60s and house should be paid off by then too (if we move I dunno).
Do I feel like I'm missing out? Sometimes. I have nieces and nephews though so eventually we will likely spoil them.
I physically could not have children and my husband was totally okay with that. I’ve know since I was a teenager that I did not want children. At menopause, for about a minute and a half I thought we might be missing out, but that feeling quickly passed. We’ve been together for 25 years and have zero regrets about not having children. Our life is full and happy with few complications and we like it like that. We have nieces we dearly love, but we have zero desire and zero regret regarding trying to create/adopt our own children.
Note: this post originally had 90 images. It’s been shortened to the top 50 images based on user votes.
I hate that society expects people to justify their reasons for not having kids. I’m 51 with three (adult) kids. I have a few friends my age who don’t have kids, and I have never asked them why. Like who cares, you do you. It’s nobody’s business but your own.
Dear BP, I am sooo over the posts about not wanting children and the regretting having children, and the AITA because I chose to not procreate and I don't want to babysit my sister's kids. How about throwing in there something about the amazing things you get from life when you do have children? I guess that wouldn't be popular? It's fine that people don't want to have kids, but stop selling children as if it's the worst possible thing that can happen to you, and stop portraying parents as horrible people who never get a break. It isn't like that for everyone. It's quite the opposite for a lot of us. Thank you, Sincerely Mother (43) of a 16 month old (aka best decision I ever made!)
Why do these post's allways make people without kids sound like they're better and above people with kids. Some people like children and dont like cat's or dog's.
A lot of these "justifications" sound eerily like cognitive dissonance reasoning. By all means, people should decide for themselves, and our brains cope with cognitive dissonance for a reason, but some of these are straight out hostile towards those who choose to have kids.
I didn’t really like children all that much even when I was one. I never understood them and spent much of my time with the adult woman would would let me hang out as long as I was quiet. I got to hear their sorrow of having children, how they wished they could have been more than a SAHM. But back in those days that just really wasn’t an option for most woman. I decided then that I didn’t care what other people thought of me. That I would live for me. And seeing the world as it is. I’m vindicated every day. I don’t have to share my toys.
I would be very interested in hearing these people’s answers in another 15-20 years.
I'll be honest, as a kid myself this post is hard to read. I come from a loving family with 2 great parents who raised me and my siblings right. But times are sorta tough these days, and I constantly carry a nagging guilt about the fact that my parents have to worry and spend so much for me and my 3 siblings to be fed/clothed/ect. Reading posts like #21 that describe kids as a "black hole where food water and clothes go" kinda make me wonder. I think a lot adults view kids as nothing but a chore and a moneysucker, and I mean, with the way the economy is right now I get it....
Three years away from age 50. Never wanted children and have zero regrets whatsoever regarding not being a parent. If parenthood is for you, great, if it isn't, also great. I don't know why it seems to bother some people so much when people choose to say "No" to parenthood.
Kids aren't a retirement plan or a way to avoid loneliness in "old age" or a marriage-saver or all that rot. Have children because you genuinely desire to bring forth and nurture a life or two, and don't mind sacrificing for that other person (for about 20 years). OK? OK. (Note to the "pre-born" defenders: Do you eat omelettes? Case closed.)
Hey there! I'm only 26, but I decided that I'd never have kids about 10 years ago. I am extremely selfish, and love running away from problems that arise in my life. That kind of existence would never suit a kid, and I'm just fine being alone! My bloodline dies with me!!
I do not have kids, that is why I read posts like this, to know I'm not a weirdo , or some things wrong with me because I didn't. I do not understand why parents read these child free posts, then complain about them. Do you not have the BP app? There is a whole topic section for parenting posts. I do not go there and complain about children to the parents posting, so I just wish parents would stop reading child free posts just to complain. Please.
It seems to me that you guys missed the positive post that came out these past few days about kids making people laugh or parents being happy with kids. Just posts with kids in positive light. You skipped over those to come complain about people not wanting kids here? Get some lives.
I've never wanted kids, but did have a brief moment of regret after I had a hysterectomy. I think because now it's no longer my decision, it just is. It passed, I'm back to happy I never had kids.
51F. Wasn't so keen about kids, until I crossed an importat career marker und was in my mid thirties. My childwish exploded. (Stupid hormones) But my partenr didn't want them. We split but I never found another potential Dad and never wanted to be a single mom, EVER. Nowadays, I am so relieved I don't have any. Yes, I missed out on the greatest feeling of love - but also on the greatest fears and immense poverty. I have a strong social network and am not worried about growing old alone. I was ready to make the sacrifices, but I also really like my childless life.
No regrets, nearly 50. Truth is I feel nothing when I look at children and I have a severe phobia of pregnancy. As I got older my health worsened and I have enough of a job looking after myself, let alone another human being. I came from a very loving home, as I told my parents though it’s just not a job I want.
I never played with baby dolls as a child and told my mom when I was very young that I'd never want children. Found out I have a heritable medical condition later on and I'd have to stop medication for a pregnancy so that only further solidified my decision to not have children. I'm in my 40s now and I will admit that it ended a wonderful relationship in the past but my stance is not one I have ever been willing to reconsider. I'm kind of glad that I was given what some people may call a "real" reason to not have children (btw all reasons are real reasons) so I don't have to try to explain that I've never understood the drive to want them. I can't judge anyone for wanting to have kids, for having kids, for regretting having kids, for regretting not having kids, or for never wanting kids. It hurts my heart that this has somehow become some kind of weirda$$ measurement of a woman's worth. I will say these posts make me feel much less weird and alone in my choice so I am thankful for them
It's never to late for children. They truly are the most precious unconditional loving person in your life. I remember when actress Donna Mills adopted her daughter. She said " it was the greatest thing I've ever done." Don't be discouraged if you choose to foster a child and your not compatible. The workers are used to children/ potential parents not working out. Not every child will be but, trust me adopting is a great reward
I grew up with a terrible mom who always told me I'd be a bad mother and kids were not for me. I don't know why she chose to tell me this but she was sort of mentally ill I think. She did other bad things like force me to watch horror from about the age of 5 on. At 61, I still can't watch horror. I was afraid to have kids b/c I had no confidence in my motherhood skills with such a bad role model and never found the right relationship really. I am married now but we met too late for kids. We have cute cats. We're ok with it but I do have regrets. Regrets I didn't get therapy when I was young to counteract my mother, regrets I was never in a healthy place to have a child or two. But cats are good.
When I was young, I encountered this valuable warning. "Am I not a man? And is not a man stupid? I'm a man, so I'm married. Wife, children, house -- everything. The full catastrophe." - Zorba the Greek. At fourteen, I was the oldest of five kids when my father died suddenly. I got another warning, "Having children is giving hostages to fortune." My students are my "children", and I take great delight in them.
I have never regretted not having kids. I have adha and dyslexia. But those aren't the reason I didn't have kids. I never wanted them. I never played with dolls when I was little. I had really bad upbringing. I also didn't want that responsibility. I have pets and that is enough responsibility for me. I see people having children then they want their children to pay them back for being born. I'm sorry they didn't ask for you to be their parent. They don't owe you anything but love. Stop having kids because you think they will support you, take care of you, and least of all save a relationship. Just stop thinking kids will change your life. They just make it harder.
It currently costs about $310,000.00 to raise a child to age 17 (so college not included).
Ok, just for S & G's lets see one of these things where people say they enjoy having kids. I'm just curious if there are any left.
Family doesn't have to be blood related. I have friends who will miss me more than some of my family. Those are family you choose or who choose you.
I'm 35F and never wanted kids. I was traumatised with my sister's life (she's 12 years older than me, 3 kids, horrible life conditions due to no money and doing nothing to improve...). I now think about kids but I'm too worried about the world at the moment (Putin mostly) and in a more selfish way, I worry I'll lose myself...
My father was the reason I don't have kids! Imagine having a father that didn't know how to be one. Never did anything with you, didn't know sports so you never learned. It s*cked so bad going through school being that kid that knew absolutely nothing about any sport. Gym classes were H3LL. I'm 61 and still have zero interest in sports. No way I was going to have kids when I never learned how to be a father. There were other issues with him as well. Enough for me to know I needed to end the bloodline.
These posts seems to oversimply what having kids means. I'm pretty sure it's rewarding and you don't give much of a flip if you can't sleep in or the house isn't perfectly clean. I don't have kids but I see these posts all the time and it's the same for both sides. Live your damn life and who the f cares about what others think.
What about those who have not only never produced children but have outright refused to lose their virginity?
I always wanted kids, but I didn't want to be a single parent. I got married a week before my 40th birthday. There was still some time, but my husband died 356 days after we married. I decided to want what I have.
The problem is usually the people opting out of having kids are the ones who would be great parents.
I consistently get harassed as to why I won't be having kids. My husband found the best comeback. Them" why don't you have kids?" Him: "Oh shoot! I was having too much fun, that I forgot to have them. Oh well!" They get mad and don't know how to reply XD
I didn't like kids when I WAS a kid, and never wanted them when I got older. I decided after watching how my parents were, and after the total shitshow of a childhood I had, that I never wanted that responsibility or the opportunity to screw up a kid like just about every adult in my life did. I felt no obligation to bring more lives into the world. Now that I'm in my 30's, I've discovered the joys of being a dogmom, and I think I'm doing a decent job of that and much prefer them over human kids.
lot of testimonies of people suffering psy illnesses there (just noticing). i always thought i was in the good way not to have childs. of course it has advantages. But as i'm getting older, i tend to think that there's nothing more stable and positive than a family into this world. certainly the eco problems we're facing weight a lot. i mean bringring a new little human into that s. can be debated. but as i'm getting older, i think the good choice would be a family, at least for me. and especially with all the s.. going on out there, a family can be a good anchor (40+ here)
Some of these people sound truly awful, so it's probably good they never wanted children. Imagine some of these horrible people raising children to be just like them. Yuck!
@Anna I couldn't agree more ! I had my son at 32, he's almost 23 now . He has done nothing but make my life better . He was a bit shy growing up, but once he got into HS, he definitely grew out of that ! Graduated HS with honors, this past June he graduated university Magna Cum Laude and now is in grad school. He's smart, funny and most importantly KIND. He cares about others , the state of the world etc and from a very young age he's cared about his carbon footprint to the point he'd bike to school all thru high school ( 4 miles each way, including crossing the big Bay Bridge) and when he finally LET me get him a car , it had to be a Prius because they are less damaging to the environment. Sorry for the people that aren't happy being parents, I've enjoyed every second of it and once my son has graduated and is financially stable , I look forward to being a proud Gran to his child !
I probably have a genetic condition that makes me lose babies. I also have unmediated depression, anxiety, and ADHD and barely take care of myself. Also I can spend a summer with kids but that’s my limit. Besides, the only reason I’d get pregnant was through assault and I’d rather not go through all that
I hate that society expects people to justify their reasons for not having kids. I’m 51 with three (adult) kids. I have a few friends my age who don’t have kids, and I have never asked them why. Like who cares, you do you. It’s nobody’s business but your own.
Dear BP, I am sooo over the posts about not wanting children and the regretting having children, and the AITA because I chose to not procreate and I don't want to babysit my sister's kids. How about throwing in there something about the amazing things you get from life when you do have children? I guess that wouldn't be popular? It's fine that people don't want to have kids, but stop selling children as if it's the worst possible thing that can happen to you, and stop portraying parents as horrible people who never get a break. It isn't like that for everyone. It's quite the opposite for a lot of us. Thank you, Sincerely Mother (43) of a 16 month old (aka best decision I ever made!)
Why do these post's allways make people without kids sound like they're better and above people with kids. Some people like children and dont like cat's or dog's.
A lot of these "justifications" sound eerily like cognitive dissonance reasoning. By all means, people should decide for themselves, and our brains cope with cognitive dissonance for a reason, but some of these are straight out hostile towards those who choose to have kids.
I didn’t really like children all that much even when I was one. I never understood them and spent much of my time with the adult woman would would let me hang out as long as I was quiet. I got to hear their sorrow of having children, how they wished they could have been more than a SAHM. But back in those days that just really wasn’t an option for most woman. I decided then that I didn’t care what other people thought of me. That I would live for me. And seeing the world as it is. I’m vindicated every day. I don’t have to share my toys.
I would be very interested in hearing these people’s answers in another 15-20 years.
I'll be honest, as a kid myself this post is hard to read. I come from a loving family with 2 great parents who raised me and my siblings right. But times are sorta tough these days, and I constantly carry a nagging guilt about the fact that my parents have to worry and spend so much for me and my 3 siblings to be fed/clothed/ect. Reading posts like #21 that describe kids as a "black hole where food water and clothes go" kinda make me wonder. I think a lot adults view kids as nothing but a chore and a moneysucker, and I mean, with the way the economy is right now I get it....
Three years away from age 50. Never wanted children and have zero regrets whatsoever regarding not being a parent. If parenthood is for you, great, if it isn't, also great. I don't know why it seems to bother some people so much when people choose to say "No" to parenthood.
Kids aren't a retirement plan or a way to avoid loneliness in "old age" or a marriage-saver or all that rot. Have children because you genuinely desire to bring forth and nurture a life or two, and don't mind sacrificing for that other person (for about 20 years). OK? OK. (Note to the "pre-born" defenders: Do you eat omelettes? Case closed.)
Hey there! I'm only 26, but I decided that I'd never have kids about 10 years ago. I am extremely selfish, and love running away from problems that arise in my life. That kind of existence would never suit a kid, and I'm just fine being alone! My bloodline dies with me!!
I do not have kids, that is why I read posts like this, to know I'm not a weirdo , or some things wrong with me because I didn't. I do not understand why parents read these child free posts, then complain about them. Do you not have the BP app? There is a whole topic section for parenting posts. I do not go there and complain about children to the parents posting, so I just wish parents would stop reading child free posts just to complain. Please.
It seems to me that you guys missed the positive post that came out these past few days about kids making people laugh or parents being happy with kids. Just posts with kids in positive light. You skipped over those to come complain about people not wanting kids here? Get some lives.
I've never wanted kids, but did have a brief moment of regret after I had a hysterectomy. I think because now it's no longer my decision, it just is. It passed, I'm back to happy I never had kids.
51F. Wasn't so keen about kids, until I crossed an importat career marker und was in my mid thirties. My childwish exploded. (Stupid hormones) But my partenr didn't want them. We split but I never found another potential Dad and never wanted to be a single mom, EVER. Nowadays, I am so relieved I don't have any. Yes, I missed out on the greatest feeling of love - but also on the greatest fears and immense poverty. I have a strong social network and am not worried about growing old alone. I was ready to make the sacrifices, but I also really like my childless life.
No regrets, nearly 50. Truth is I feel nothing when I look at children and I have a severe phobia of pregnancy. As I got older my health worsened and I have enough of a job looking after myself, let alone another human being. I came from a very loving home, as I told my parents though it’s just not a job I want.
I never played with baby dolls as a child and told my mom when I was very young that I'd never want children. Found out I have a heritable medical condition later on and I'd have to stop medication for a pregnancy so that only further solidified my decision to not have children. I'm in my 40s now and I will admit that it ended a wonderful relationship in the past but my stance is not one I have ever been willing to reconsider. I'm kind of glad that I was given what some people may call a "real" reason to not have children (btw all reasons are real reasons) so I don't have to try to explain that I've never understood the drive to want them. I can't judge anyone for wanting to have kids, for having kids, for regretting having kids, for regretting not having kids, or for never wanting kids. It hurts my heart that this has somehow become some kind of weirda$$ measurement of a woman's worth. I will say these posts make me feel much less weird and alone in my choice so I am thankful for them
It's never to late for children. They truly are the most precious unconditional loving person in your life. I remember when actress Donna Mills adopted her daughter. She said " it was the greatest thing I've ever done." Don't be discouraged if you choose to foster a child and your not compatible. The workers are used to children/ potential parents not working out. Not every child will be but, trust me adopting is a great reward
I grew up with a terrible mom who always told me I'd be a bad mother and kids were not for me. I don't know why she chose to tell me this but she was sort of mentally ill I think. She did other bad things like force me to watch horror from about the age of 5 on. At 61, I still can't watch horror. I was afraid to have kids b/c I had no confidence in my motherhood skills with such a bad role model and never found the right relationship really. I am married now but we met too late for kids. We have cute cats. We're ok with it but I do have regrets. Regrets I didn't get therapy when I was young to counteract my mother, regrets I was never in a healthy place to have a child or two. But cats are good.
When I was young, I encountered this valuable warning. "Am I not a man? And is not a man stupid? I'm a man, so I'm married. Wife, children, house -- everything. The full catastrophe." - Zorba the Greek. At fourteen, I was the oldest of five kids when my father died suddenly. I got another warning, "Having children is giving hostages to fortune." My students are my "children", and I take great delight in them.
I have never regretted not having kids. I have adha and dyslexia. But those aren't the reason I didn't have kids. I never wanted them. I never played with dolls when I was little. I had really bad upbringing. I also didn't want that responsibility. I have pets and that is enough responsibility for me. I see people having children then they want their children to pay them back for being born. I'm sorry they didn't ask for you to be their parent. They don't owe you anything but love. Stop having kids because you think they will support you, take care of you, and least of all save a relationship. Just stop thinking kids will change your life. They just make it harder.
It currently costs about $310,000.00 to raise a child to age 17 (so college not included).
Ok, just for S & G's lets see one of these things where people say they enjoy having kids. I'm just curious if there are any left.
Family doesn't have to be blood related. I have friends who will miss me more than some of my family. Those are family you choose or who choose you.
I'm 35F and never wanted kids. I was traumatised with my sister's life (she's 12 years older than me, 3 kids, horrible life conditions due to no money and doing nothing to improve...). I now think about kids but I'm too worried about the world at the moment (Putin mostly) and in a more selfish way, I worry I'll lose myself...
My father was the reason I don't have kids! Imagine having a father that didn't know how to be one. Never did anything with you, didn't know sports so you never learned. It s*cked so bad going through school being that kid that knew absolutely nothing about any sport. Gym classes were H3LL. I'm 61 and still have zero interest in sports. No way I was going to have kids when I never learned how to be a father. There were other issues with him as well. Enough for me to know I needed to end the bloodline.
These posts seems to oversimply what having kids means. I'm pretty sure it's rewarding and you don't give much of a flip if you can't sleep in or the house isn't perfectly clean. I don't have kids but I see these posts all the time and it's the same for both sides. Live your damn life and who the f cares about what others think.
What about those who have not only never produced children but have outright refused to lose their virginity?
I always wanted kids, but I didn't want to be a single parent. I got married a week before my 40th birthday. There was still some time, but my husband died 356 days after we married. I decided to want what I have.
The problem is usually the people opting out of having kids are the ones who would be great parents.
I consistently get harassed as to why I won't be having kids. My husband found the best comeback. Them" why don't you have kids?" Him: "Oh shoot! I was having too much fun, that I forgot to have them. Oh well!" They get mad and don't know how to reply XD
I didn't like kids when I WAS a kid, and never wanted them when I got older. I decided after watching how my parents were, and after the total shitshow of a childhood I had, that I never wanted that responsibility or the opportunity to screw up a kid like just about every adult in my life did. I felt no obligation to bring more lives into the world. Now that I'm in my 30's, I've discovered the joys of being a dogmom, and I think I'm doing a decent job of that and much prefer them over human kids.
lot of testimonies of people suffering psy illnesses there (just noticing). i always thought i was in the good way not to have childs. of course it has advantages. But as i'm getting older, i tend to think that there's nothing more stable and positive than a family into this world. certainly the eco problems we're facing weight a lot. i mean bringring a new little human into that s. can be debated. but as i'm getting older, i think the good choice would be a family, at least for me. and especially with all the s.. going on out there, a family can be a good anchor (40+ here)
Some of these people sound truly awful, so it's probably good they never wanted children. Imagine some of these horrible people raising children to be just like them. Yuck!
@Anna I couldn't agree more ! I had my son at 32, he's almost 23 now . He has done nothing but make my life better . He was a bit shy growing up, but once he got into HS, he definitely grew out of that ! Graduated HS with honors, this past June he graduated university Magna Cum Laude and now is in grad school. He's smart, funny and most importantly KIND. He cares about others , the state of the world etc and from a very young age he's cared about his carbon footprint to the point he'd bike to school all thru high school ( 4 miles each way, including crossing the big Bay Bridge) and when he finally LET me get him a car , it had to be a Prius because they are less damaging to the environment. Sorry for the people that aren't happy being parents, I've enjoyed every second of it and once my son has graduated and is financially stable , I look forward to being a proud Gran to his child !
I probably have a genetic condition that makes me lose babies. I also have unmediated depression, anxiety, and ADHD and barely take care of myself. Also I can spend a summer with kids but that’s my limit. Besides, the only reason I’d get pregnant was through assault and I’d rather not go through all that
