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Childfree Woman Gets Laughed At For Saying She’s Tired By Her Friends Who Have Kids, Calls Them Out

Childfree Woman Gets Laughed At For Saying She’s Tired By Her Friends Who Have Kids, Calls Them Out

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Various studies have shown that Americans not only work longer hours, but have more stress-related illnesses than their European and Japanese counterparts. These days, everyone is being pressured to be as productive as they physically can, and often, can’t.

While anyone who’s ever had a truly demanding job knows how it feels to be turned into a dried-out sponge by the end of the workweek, many parents still claim they don’t know how much worse it gets when you have kids.

And one Redditor, a childfree 34-year-old woman who “works long hours, never really gets to turn off, and has a contract which means unemployment is always looming” knows that all too well.

But recently she got seriously fed up with her friends, all mothers of kids under 6, who told her that she didn’t “understand the meaning of tired” because she doesn’t have children. An argument on usurping the monopoly on tiredness ensued, so let’s see the whole story right below.

One overworked woman with a demanding job has got fed up with mothers who told her she doesn’t know the real meaning of tiredness until she has kids

Image credits: Sharon McCutcheon (not the actual photo)

So she shared her story on Reddit and asked people what they thought of the situation and mothers usurping the monopoly on tiredness

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Image credits: destinedspoon

Bored Panda reached out to Dr. Lise Deguire, a clinical psychologist and author of “Flashback Girl: Lessons on Resilience From a Burn Survivor,” to find out what she had to say on this complex situation. “I think this story is a new variation on a decades-long theme, which pits women against each other,” Lise said and added that “there has been a tension between feminists and traditionalists; working moms and stay-at-home moms; tension between breast-feeding moms and moms unable to breast-feed, etc.”

“Unfortunately, it seems to be easy for people to fall into a trap of comparing and judging each other, instead of supporting each other. I think this issue of who-is-more-tired is another version of that theme,” she explained.

Lise said that as a psychologist, “I can tell you that everyone suffers in their own way. Some of us are in pain because of our relationships, or our financial standing, or our perceived inadequacies. And some of us are super tired.”

And what helps people feel better is to have compassion for themselves and their troubles, as well as having this compassion for others. Meanwhile, “Judging our suffering never helps, it just makes us feel more inadequate. Judging another’s suffering never helps either, it just creates stress and bad feelings, like what happened with NTA,” the clinical psychologist and award-winning author commented.

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“My wish is that we could hear each other’s concerns and complaints with care and concern, and without comparison, but this is hard to do, especially when we are tired,” Lise concluded.

And this is what people commented

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james_fox1984 avatar
Foxxy (The Original)
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why the hell does it need to be a competition. Yes being a parent is tiring but so is a lot of other things. And not just people who work long, demanding or physical jobs but also people who are suffer with health issues, disabilities, even mental health issues. Don't need to compare who is more tired than who, it's just stupid.

biljanamalesevic avatar
Biljana Malesevic
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can't agree with you more. These are things they chose. Some things you don't chose. You don't chose illness, depression, war, poverty, stalkers, tough jobs you have to do for bare survival. This in this article is privilege talking.

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johnc_1 avatar
John C
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I suspect that the parents that constantly play that card are the ones that are suppressing resentment for having kids and are jealous of those without parental responsibilities. They may not even consciously realize it. Just mind your own damn business.

an-gu avatar
Anna Banana
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wonder if they're also the same ones who tell you your life has no sense because you're childfree and that you will only understand the meaning of life, the universe and everything when you have children.

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w_5 avatar
W. 5
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I really don"t get the "I got it worse than you" -game. It is so effing stupid. We should support each other. I have a demanding job and a kid ---- and no goddamn monopoly on being tired. I was tired to death without a child and with a child. Made no difference.

saragregory0508 avatar
N G
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Then throw in the "got it worse than you by proxy" competitors - "you can't be hungry, there's kids starving in Africa"; "you have a broken leg? My brother's got cancer"; " you've got cancer? My uncle is terminal". It's the negative version of the Elevenerife (as in, you've been to Tenerife...). It boils down to a lack of empathy - this could be down to tiredness it illness (I know if I'm not well my capacity for empathy is lower than normal), or it could be that they are just genuinely horrible people who aren't happy unless they are the centre of attention.

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skatey1979 avatar
Celeste Grant
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm so glad everyone agreed that she's NTA. There is a certain type of mums that think they have it worse than anyone else and deserve praise and a gold medal. Everyone's life is different and you don't get to judge someone else and decide where they sit on the scale of tiredness, hardship or anything else.

viviane_katz avatar
Viviane
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When I complained about being tired and stressed to a colleague who has a child, I quickly added, "But then I don't have children" so I wouldn't sound insensitive and tone-deaf. She smiled and said, "That's a choice I made." I'm conscious of how much work and energy goes into raising children (for any good parent), but I've been fortunate in not meeting the martyr types (except my own mum, LOL).

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rhodabike6 avatar
Seabeast
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Single and childless people are often expected to pick up the slack when parents can't work late or on weekends to make deadlines. So sure, the parent is tired, but so is that non-parent working until 8:00 every night to get the job out on time.

vladimiramat avatar
Vladimíra Matejová
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

oh and the she needs the vacation she has kids. like not having kids mean i dont have friend family social life and hobbies? i dont need vacation or what

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abdk333 avatar
K Witmer
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Everyone is exhausted kids or no kids. These last 4 years have been hell.

giovannat1979 avatar
giovanna
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I remember that time in my early 30s (I'm 41 now and I don't have children by choice) when my friends started having kids and telling me exactly the same thing. Honestly I've always thought they were jealous of my freedom. Same with husbands: "oh you're single, so lucky, I have 100 shirts to wash and iron". 1st of all: who the hell irons. 2nd of all: doesn't your husband have hands to do his own chores? 3rd: dump him if married life is so unbearable

kathrynbaylis_2 avatar
Kathryn Baylis
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Always pisses me off that people tell me I can’t be tired—-or worse, don’t understand what goes into having and raising and looking out for children, just because I don’t have kids. I’m not stupid, I was a child once myself, and I have been learning about childbearing, child raising, and child psychology since my late teens, because I knew I wanted children. Not having children was not my choice. I had miscarriages instead of full term pregnancies, so their words hurt like daggers. My husband and I can’t afford adoption, and are now too old anyway. We are considering fostering, which could lead to adoption. But we need to get me back to work first, so that’s on a back burner for now. This last year has thrown a huge monkey wrench into our plans, and especially our budget. Even though I’m not working, believe me, I am exhausted all the time. Everybody’s exhausted right now. Stress will do that to you, and it’s been highly stressful for each and every one of us since March 2020.

phantasteek avatar
ChickyChicky
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is another reason why comparison is not fair. Some are childless by choice, but some are not, and you don't always know what's going on with the person you're talking to.

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twostroketerror avatar
Pungent Sauce
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Knew a woman who would happily rail about how difficult the “job” of raising the 2 boys was. Now, I’m not saying raising kids is easy, but when you don’t have to go to a regular job to do the raising kids job because hubby is pulling down $10M/yr, and we’re sitting in the room with your tennis and golf tournament trophies, I’m saying it’s not that bad of a ‘job’. This was after she got $12M and the house in the divorce the minute the younger one went off to college. It’s a matter of perspective.

an-gu avatar
Anna Banana
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Just because this woman is rich and doesn't work outside the house it doesn't mean she can't have it tough and need somebody to listen sometimes.

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beejayw avatar
Ben Smith
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Childless people will never understand. Then again, people who don't have a job that is truly demanding will never fully understand either. Basically, if you're tired, you're tired. Doesn't matter what causes it.

nickyoldfielddesciple avatar
IlovemydogShilo
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is just like the other one "you don't have kids you don't understand.", when it comes to other kid's behaviour. Example I had one mother say that to me when she realised I was childless but I had the audacity to comment on her child who was running up and down the aisles of a shop screaming a pulling everything off the shelves. All I said was "you would think she'd do something to stop her child from acting that way" she asked if I had kids. I said no. Then you can't comment. How can you understand if you don't have kids." I just said "I can't fly a plane either but if I saw a plane a**e side up in a field somewhere I would know someone had f****d up somewhere", and walked off.

ajones_1 avatar
A Jones
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ugh, I hate it when people gatekeeper things like being tired. Anyone can be tired from work, being severely ill, etc. etc. It's not a bloody contest.

elizabeth_foga avatar
Bettie-Jean Neal
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As someone with a chronic illness (kidney failure and go to dialysis 3 times/week for a total of 15 hours away from home), plus working a full time job, I know what tired is. I get it mentally from work and physically from dialysis. I'm guessing it's like being a parent. They get it mentally from whiney kids and physically from having to chase them around. But is it soul sucking? No. Dialysis sucks the soul from your body, I swear to god. Four hours in a recliner, not allowed to stand-up, can't move either arm, not allowed to eat or drink. Dialysis not only removes all the extra fluid from your body and the toxins that your kidney's can't, but it also removes all of the electrolytes and protein from your blood, so you are so drained and you've never known hunger like that before. Don't ever tell me you'd trade places with me because you wouldn't. Some people can't hack it, quit and then they die 4 days later. I've thought about it, a lot. Do having kids make you want to die? Doubt it.

andreavilarmelego avatar
Ozacoter
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am sorry that you are ill. I really hate when healthy adults trat chronic illneses as if they are only in our heads. I have chronic fatigue (plus other stuff) and I am extremely week. Anything over 2k steps a day (about 30m walk the whole day) give mes several days of pain. Today I walked abour 1400 steps and I already feel feverish and I feel the muscle pain. How having kids is comparable to that?

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dark-juko avatar
Dark.JuKo
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What is hard for one is easy for another. Noone should judge other people.

sweetangelce04 avatar
CatWoman312
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’m pregnant and it’ll be my first kid so I have that level of tiredness to look forward to, but for now my job is mentally exhausting and my husband’s is physically. He often doesn’t believe me when I say I’m too tired to cook or clean after work. He always makes it seem like he’s the more tired one because he actually does physical labor. I often have to put my foot down because there is no level of tiredness physical or mental both can be equally tiring. Sure I probably couldn’t handle his job, but he wouldn’t be able to handle mine either.

willowsweet_1 avatar
HooowlAtTheMoon
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How rude. Good on you for standing up to them. They don't need to agree with you, but they could at least keep their opinions to themselves. Jeez.

ariannagrimes avatar
Aj Grimes (he/him)
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sometimes I get talked down on by men because I still have my period. When I am in pain they tell me to man up and other s**t like that. I wish this would stop. Also when I say I am tired bc of the pain the men will say fall asleep early and maybe you won't be so tired. I do go to sleep early, but it's just the pains.

kathrynfellis avatar
Katchen
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They tell you to “man up” period pain? Not that many men have ever experienced a period, to even know how to man up that kind of pain. Jeebus.

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malagotelli avatar
Eslamala
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I fckn HATE IT when parents assume they're the only people who are exhausted. Everyone has problems and personal struggles, and not having kids doesn't mean your life is a vacation. I have a son, but he's not the only reason I'm tired (though he's a little demon at times!!), and I would never even think of telling someone who's not a parent that their problems/struggles are less than mine or any other parent's.

vt_shinomi avatar
Shinomi Chan
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is kind of on the subject of comparing choices and lives but.. my brother and I both have depressive symptoms. Been that way for a long time. Now I know he didn't mean it, but he once said something that stuck with me. When I told him I had depression he said: "it can't be that bad if you're not laying in bed all the time and sleeping." Like there aren't different types if coping mechanisms. And I don't know that just kinda stuck. Sure you can share your own experiences but in no way should you try to say something like: "well my thing is more important because ." That's just being a goddamn jerk.

llsewer avatar
Jaguarundi
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have been hounded by people concerning my lack of children many times over the years. I have learned that the absolute WORST answer I could provide for my lack of these children was that "I had made a conscious choice not to have any". I was immediately branded a "child-hating-victim-of-abortions" and they would pray for my sins to be forgiven". (I had had a surgical procedure which had eliminated any possibility of my becoming pregnant years ago. I hope that they didn't hurt themselves leaping to their conclusion ).

victoriapitt avatar
Victoria Pitt
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I hear this kind of rhetoric ALL the time. I'm 38 and have not had kids. But I'm super ambitious and have filled my time with other things, other priorities. I try not to take it personally when I hear some dumbass joke about why someone doesn't have time because they have kids but its hard not to be annoyed at both the condescending nature of it and how much they take they beauty of their family for granted. I WISH I had already found a partner and had a home and some kiddos to raise but life didn't go that way for me. They are so lucky and lost all perspective on it...

lesburleson avatar
Leslie Burleson
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Somebody told me you can handle everything on your plate ,but some people's plates are smaller but their stress and struggle are what they can handle.I don't think it should be a contest.Being a young female professional comes with a lot of stress,and with our current economy people are having to do more with less people.That being said , children will suck the soul from you ! My first child slept awesome.Slept through the night at 3 weeks,took naps etc.My second hell spawn woke up every single day at 5 am for the first five years of his life.The last child ,God made her extra cute,I assume so I wouldn't abandon her.(I am kidding people calm down).She didn't sleep through the night until she was five years old!She slept 4-6 hours a night,broken up,no naps and she was totally fine and happy.She's 18 now and I'm still tired.It's a different level of tired.Also the job is 24/7 with little to no breaks.I think they're just different kinds of tired. Both deserve validation

schmilkberry avatar
Rakjell Hanwell
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would never laugh at the struggles parents have to go through. However, as a childfree person who has to watch, educate and feed 25 children for 9+ hours a day as a job, I laugh at those parents, who claim that they have it sooo much worse then anyone else and disregard others struggles.

linbot1 avatar
Lily Mae Kitty
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

mothers also think you can't possibly know anything about child rearing of you haven't given birth. I'm a freaking genius, I know all sorts of things. I have a niece who argues this theory. She's not the brightest light on the tree and has a HS diploma. her sister is an elementary school teacher, teacher of the year at her school this year and has taught for 15 years, has her masters. The mom insists the non-mom can't know as much b/c she hasn't given birth even though she deals with 25 of them all day long and has taught 2nd, 3rd, and 4th grades. The teacher finally had a baby this year and their relationship has now improved. lol

summeraly avatar
Alyssa
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is usually said by parents with toddlers and babies - they forget there is a whole world out there that doesn’t revolve around them.

jlkooiker avatar
lenka
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Lol. I can assure you, parents of babies and toddlers are extremely well aware that the world doesn't revolve around them, because thier world revolves around the baby - who, unfortunately have no flucking clue that anything outside themselves even exists.

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lovelust-faithdreams avatar
Sandra
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is the stupid part of people. I am 5 months pregnant and currently work. Most people I know and have kids also havr a very stupid line " sleep now while you can cause after the baby..." i dont know how to tell them to f**k off. Having a child is a choice and if you have 3 and somebody doesent have a child but works 16 hours a day well you ate both right and tired. Those women are just assholes who want a statue. If u want a kid or decide to keep it then u do expect this.

lrkrstllptg avatar
Lara Kristelle
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"playing down with their experiences" yet they also downplayed yours?

cjucz22 avatar
Christina Uhlir
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A child-free woman is right, but what's new? Regretfully, so many people are insensitive, cruel morons either without kids or with kids. What really makes me mad are people who after having an one kid experience that is not a' cup of tea' for them, they keep making more children and screwing them up all. My pediatrician wanted to sterilize 75 % of human population. That for sure would made a world better place.

lyone_fein avatar
Lyone Fein
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Really. It is NOT a competition. If your friends cannot be supportive, then get new friends.

alexandralewis avatar
Alex Luiz
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It is MADDENING, though. I used to work in a crisis unit where clients regularly tried to set fire to s**t, assault me, commit crime and all sorts. I would be up all night dealing with incidents and then have to stay on shift because they were 48-hour shifts (we didn't get full pay at night because we were, supposedly, asleep). I remember coming from the Shift From Hell to my friend's birthday party and being told I couldn't be tired because I didn't have a baby. Luckily I was so shocked that I was unable to speak, and therefore avoided alienating anyone... But I will never forget the pure rage.

holly_wendelin avatar
Starbelly Eleven
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not only that, but her "friends" are being unsupportive. They aren't listening to her or showing empathy. Everyone's experience is valid, not just the people with kids.

ericmathews avatar
eric mathews
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My two cents... same level of tired, it's a human function to need sleep. But parenting adds more levels to what is on your plate. But we conform to those requirements as parents. Just as a single person stretches themselves thin for work and other family obligations.

deannawoods avatar
deanna woods
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Neither my sister nor I have children and yet we still feel tired at the end of a long day. My mother was a working mother who went to college and she never told people that it was wrong for them to be tired because she knows that everyone can be tired. Not having children doesn't automatically mean that you can't be tired and having children doesn't give you a monopoly on being tired. It's not a contest and anyone can be and probably is tired. It's a natural thing.

gabbym avatar
Gabby M
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think there are different kinds of tired. There is tired from being overworked. Then there is tired from having to put the needs of a little growing human before your own. I am a middle school teacher and my goodness it takes so much to work with kids. I wish more people recognized how much work raising a kid truly is. Because if they did, hopefully more people would think twice before having kids. That being said, some parents are annoying when it comes to their kids. If you're not 100% invested in putting the needs of someone else before your own, then don't have kids. No matter what society expects you to do.

jy avatar
J Y
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It’s so easy to dismiss someone else’s emotions because you think you relate or have it worse. But you never know what it exactly feels like to be in someone else’s shoes, so please stfu respectively. I need to improve on it too, sometimes I catch myself relating or comparing and then I stop.

infectedvoice avatar
InfectedVoice
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't have any children but I smoke lots of weed, that's why I might be tired sometimes.

minimaus avatar
MiniMaus
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My dear mom who was a farmer's wife. She worked all day on the farm, came into the house to cook a warm meal for lunch, went back out after that. In the evening she canned fruits and veg, made jam, & looked after her flower beds. She sewed a lot of clothes for us as we didn't have a lot of money. She got up so early, got us off to school and then started that day all over again. When we were infants, she had to nurse us, change diapers, wash diapers ( oh ya fun). For a while she worked in a factory because we needed the money. The fact that this woman never claimed 'exhaustion or complained, or even just dropped in faint for all the work, leaves me astounded. Whenever I would complain of 11 hr work days and 3 jobs, I bit my tongue, because even that was not as much as what she did. Poor woman.

aliquida avatar
Aliquid A
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

From personal experience, having small children taught me a new level of tired that I didn't know existed. Depends on how much support you have... we didn't have any family in town, that could help out. As a result, dealing with a small child is a 24 hour/7 day a week job. There is no coffee break, there is no weekend, there is no day off, and it doesn't stop just because you went to bed... it just goes on forever (well it felt like forever at the time. Now that my kids are "too cool" to spend time with me, I don't know what to do with my time) -- But that doesn't mean people without kids don't know tired. Some people work 30 hour shifts. Some people have health issues or medical procedures they are going through. I don't know their story, and I wouldn't presume I was more tired than they are.

sonicwim avatar
Wim Cossement
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She's just as 'dumb' and just replaced having kids with a demanding job. Also a choice...

priyabuccheit avatar
Tara Ray
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

THIS!!! You’re not special or warranted extras because you CHOSE to have kids. Some mothers think they’re soo special for letting someone ejaculate in them...

owensalmon2028 avatar
Owen Salmon2028
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

plans to start a new contury i am not the best speller UNDERWATER WHERE ALL THIS CRAP IS ILLGEAL

daqadoodles_1 avatar
Debbie
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why another post with "extreme" opinions? Looking for a fight in the comments?

nikkiowens avatar
Nikki Owens
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Y'know what, yes, you can absolutely know what "tired" is without having kids. That said, children are 24/7. They rely on you continuously, and you are responsible for their safety, health & education in all things necessary for being a functioning human. It IS different. It IS exhausting sometimes. There are no weekends, sick days, paid leave or vacations. It's also a joy and a labor of love, which is why we do it willingly despite the hardships. And the truth is, a person without kids cannot understand it, not fully. That doesn't mean they're "less" of anything, it's just the way it is. Parents know this, because we've been on both sides. Also, "childfree" is a terrible term that makes children sound like germs or cancer. Whoever invented it clearly had issues.

priyabuccheit avatar
Tara Ray
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Many people choose NOT to have kids because they know how difficult it. You don’t need to have kids to know how difficult it is.

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katie-trondsen avatar
KT
Community Member
2 years ago

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It's not a competition, and probably the dumbest fight among friends i've ever read about on here. I used to work 16 hour shifts with a 2 hr commute in an ER and I honestly thought that was the most tired i had ever been but then I had a baby and I gotta say, having a child was way worse for my tiredness than any of the crazy long shifts I ever had at the hospital. I had friends with kids who would always say "you'll see if you have kids" and I found it extremely rude and irritating the way they said it, but later on I realized they were right.

jlkooiker avatar
lenka
Community Member
2 years ago

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Mmm, I dont know about this one. Parents of course do not have a monopoly on tiredness but it sounds to me like everyone handled this without empathy and without respect.

biljanamalesevic avatar
Biljana Malesevic
Community Member
2 years ago (edited)

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I am done with this BP crap! I revealed too much about myself, made myself to vulnerable online and you all gang up on me and turned my personal problems and feelings into debate where the goal is to put me down. I hate hate this web site and comments. I hate the way people instead of trying to be open to opinion that is not 100% popular but is honest and open just gang up to hide your comment. I hate this cancel culture when you can not even say something you feel without being ridiculed and bullied. I wrote honestly about my struggles as single full time working mom who pays all the bills in poor country and you just ridiculed me. I honestly HATE social media comments and media. I hate that people are bullied for their honest opinions and that you can not even write something that is not actually harmful but is NOT bloody popular so why not trash me and my opinion. I am DONE with comments and I feel like a bloody fool for revealing my personal life online to a bunch of cancelers. Because that's all what you can do. Cancel and bully. Downvote as you please,, I am done with this website.

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Gremlan jonnson
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Work is a choice for the rich you bumblebee, choosing a job is for people privileged enough to have a good education

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Julie
Community Member
2 years ago

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I think the conversation got way out of hand. Perhaps everyone was sleep deprived. I felt like the moms meant no harm, just empathizing, and she took offense and then everyone got pissy. Nobody was trying to negate her tiredness, exchanges happen like that everyday. If someone says "Man, I've gained 5 pounds" another will say "You think that is bad, I can't even look at a donut with out gaining 5 pounds". Harmless! Empathy! Not trying to compete. One thing I did notice was she said being a mother does not mean you deserve a "friggin medal". If she had that thought, then it makes me think she was looking for some sort of validation or someone to pat her on the back and say "there, there, we know how hard you work, you are doing wonderful" Fact is adults rarely get complimented or praised for their hard work...I wish we all were because sometimes that can mean a lot.

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Stille20
Community Member
2 years ago

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Yes, they were rude and self centered, but you were also over the line. I think your friendship is done. Back out with grace, no need to post it all over the internet for validation.

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Jeanne Brown
Community Member
2 years ago

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The difference is jobs don't have to be permanent. What I mean is if your job is really killing you, you can look for a different job. Might not be easy to find, but the option is there. Kids are permanent. You must continue. There is no option but to keep doing the "parent job". ( Unless you are a skumbag and just leave them.)

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Chris Hudson
Community Member
2 years ago

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Bullshit. I can tell you categorically that in terms of first world torture, nothing compares to children. In this day and age you're not even allowed to drug them to sleep. Try 3 months of approximately 3 hours per day sleep whilst working a full time job.

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Foxxy (The Original)
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why the hell does it need to be a competition. Yes being a parent is tiring but so is a lot of other things. And not just people who work long, demanding or physical jobs but also people who are suffer with health issues, disabilities, even mental health issues. Don't need to compare who is more tired than who, it's just stupid.

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Biljana Malesevic
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can't agree with you more. These are things they chose. Some things you don't chose. You don't chose illness, depression, war, poverty, stalkers, tough jobs you have to do for bare survival. This in this article is privilege talking.

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John C
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I suspect that the parents that constantly play that card are the ones that are suppressing resentment for having kids and are jealous of those without parental responsibilities. They may not even consciously realize it. Just mind your own damn business.

an-gu avatar
Anna Banana
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wonder if they're also the same ones who tell you your life has no sense because you're childfree and that you will only understand the meaning of life, the universe and everything when you have children.

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W. 5
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I really don"t get the "I got it worse than you" -game. It is so effing stupid. We should support each other. I have a demanding job and a kid ---- and no goddamn monopoly on being tired. I was tired to death without a child and with a child. Made no difference.

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N G
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Then throw in the "got it worse than you by proxy" competitors - "you can't be hungry, there's kids starving in Africa"; "you have a broken leg? My brother's got cancer"; " you've got cancer? My uncle is terminal". It's the negative version of the Elevenerife (as in, you've been to Tenerife...). It boils down to a lack of empathy - this could be down to tiredness it illness (I know if I'm not well my capacity for empathy is lower than normal), or it could be that they are just genuinely horrible people who aren't happy unless they are the centre of attention.

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Celeste Grant
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm so glad everyone agreed that she's NTA. There is a certain type of mums that think they have it worse than anyone else and deserve praise and a gold medal. Everyone's life is different and you don't get to judge someone else and decide where they sit on the scale of tiredness, hardship or anything else.

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Viviane
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When I complained about being tired and stressed to a colleague who has a child, I quickly added, "But then I don't have children" so I wouldn't sound insensitive and tone-deaf. She smiled and said, "That's a choice I made." I'm conscious of how much work and energy goes into raising children (for any good parent), but I've been fortunate in not meeting the martyr types (except my own mum, LOL).

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Seabeast
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Single and childless people are often expected to pick up the slack when parents can't work late or on weekends to make deadlines. So sure, the parent is tired, but so is that non-parent working until 8:00 every night to get the job out on time.

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Vladimíra Matejová
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

oh and the she needs the vacation she has kids. like not having kids mean i dont have friend family social life and hobbies? i dont need vacation or what

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K Witmer
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Everyone is exhausted kids or no kids. These last 4 years have been hell.

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giovanna
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I remember that time in my early 30s (I'm 41 now and I don't have children by choice) when my friends started having kids and telling me exactly the same thing. Honestly I've always thought they were jealous of my freedom. Same with husbands: "oh you're single, so lucky, I have 100 shirts to wash and iron". 1st of all: who the hell irons. 2nd of all: doesn't your husband have hands to do his own chores? 3rd: dump him if married life is so unbearable

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Kathryn Baylis
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Always pisses me off that people tell me I can’t be tired—-or worse, don’t understand what goes into having and raising and looking out for children, just because I don’t have kids. I’m not stupid, I was a child once myself, and I have been learning about childbearing, child raising, and child psychology since my late teens, because I knew I wanted children. Not having children was not my choice. I had miscarriages instead of full term pregnancies, so their words hurt like daggers. My husband and I can’t afford adoption, and are now too old anyway. We are considering fostering, which could lead to adoption. But we need to get me back to work first, so that’s on a back burner for now. This last year has thrown a huge monkey wrench into our plans, and especially our budget. Even though I’m not working, believe me, I am exhausted all the time. Everybody’s exhausted right now. Stress will do that to you, and it’s been highly stressful for each and every one of us since March 2020.

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ChickyChicky
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is another reason why comparison is not fair. Some are childless by choice, but some are not, and you don't always know what's going on with the person you're talking to.

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Pungent Sauce
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Knew a woman who would happily rail about how difficult the “job” of raising the 2 boys was. Now, I’m not saying raising kids is easy, but when you don’t have to go to a regular job to do the raising kids job because hubby is pulling down $10M/yr, and we’re sitting in the room with your tennis and golf tournament trophies, I’m saying it’s not that bad of a ‘job’. This was after she got $12M and the house in the divorce the minute the younger one went off to college. It’s a matter of perspective.

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Anna Banana
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Just because this woman is rich and doesn't work outside the house it doesn't mean she can't have it tough and need somebody to listen sometimes.

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Ben Smith
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Childless people will never understand. Then again, people who don't have a job that is truly demanding will never fully understand either. Basically, if you're tired, you're tired. Doesn't matter what causes it.

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IlovemydogShilo
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is just like the other one "you don't have kids you don't understand.", when it comes to other kid's behaviour. Example I had one mother say that to me when she realised I was childless but I had the audacity to comment on her child who was running up and down the aisles of a shop screaming a pulling everything off the shelves. All I said was "you would think she'd do something to stop her child from acting that way" she asked if I had kids. I said no. Then you can't comment. How can you understand if you don't have kids." I just said "I can't fly a plane either but if I saw a plane a**e side up in a field somewhere I would know someone had f****d up somewhere", and walked off.

ajones_1 avatar
A Jones
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ugh, I hate it when people gatekeeper things like being tired. Anyone can be tired from work, being severely ill, etc. etc. It's not a bloody contest.

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Bettie-Jean Neal
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As someone with a chronic illness (kidney failure and go to dialysis 3 times/week for a total of 15 hours away from home), plus working a full time job, I know what tired is. I get it mentally from work and physically from dialysis. I'm guessing it's like being a parent. They get it mentally from whiney kids and physically from having to chase them around. But is it soul sucking? No. Dialysis sucks the soul from your body, I swear to god. Four hours in a recliner, not allowed to stand-up, can't move either arm, not allowed to eat or drink. Dialysis not only removes all the extra fluid from your body and the toxins that your kidney's can't, but it also removes all of the electrolytes and protein from your blood, so you are so drained and you've never known hunger like that before. Don't ever tell me you'd trade places with me because you wouldn't. Some people can't hack it, quit and then they die 4 days later. I've thought about it, a lot. Do having kids make you want to die? Doubt it.

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Ozacoter
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am sorry that you are ill. I really hate when healthy adults trat chronic illneses as if they are only in our heads. I have chronic fatigue (plus other stuff) and I am extremely week. Anything over 2k steps a day (about 30m walk the whole day) give mes several days of pain. Today I walked abour 1400 steps and I already feel feverish and I feel the muscle pain. How having kids is comparable to that?

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Dark.JuKo
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What is hard for one is easy for another. Noone should judge other people.

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CatWoman312
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’m pregnant and it’ll be my first kid so I have that level of tiredness to look forward to, but for now my job is mentally exhausting and my husband’s is physically. He often doesn’t believe me when I say I’m too tired to cook or clean after work. He always makes it seem like he’s the more tired one because he actually does physical labor. I often have to put my foot down because there is no level of tiredness physical or mental both can be equally tiring. Sure I probably couldn’t handle his job, but he wouldn’t be able to handle mine either.

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HooowlAtTheMoon
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How rude. Good on you for standing up to them. They don't need to agree with you, but they could at least keep their opinions to themselves. Jeez.

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Aj Grimes (he/him)
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sometimes I get talked down on by men because I still have my period. When I am in pain they tell me to man up and other s**t like that. I wish this would stop. Also when I say I am tired bc of the pain the men will say fall asleep early and maybe you won't be so tired. I do go to sleep early, but it's just the pains.

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Katchen
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They tell you to “man up” period pain? Not that many men have ever experienced a period, to even know how to man up that kind of pain. Jeebus.

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Eslamala
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I fckn HATE IT when parents assume they're the only people who are exhausted. Everyone has problems and personal struggles, and not having kids doesn't mean your life is a vacation. I have a son, but he's not the only reason I'm tired (though he's a little demon at times!!), and I would never even think of telling someone who's not a parent that their problems/struggles are less than mine or any other parent's.

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Shinomi Chan
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is kind of on the subject of comparing choices and lives but.. my brother and I both have depressive symptoms. Been that way for a long time. Now I know he didn't mean it, but he once said something that stuck with me. When I told him I had depression he said: "it can't be that bad if you're not laying in bed all the time and sleeping." Like there aren't different types if coping mechanisms. And I don't know that just kinda stuck. Sure you can share your own experiences but in no way should you try to say something like: "well my thing is more important because ." That's just being a goddamn jerk.

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Jaguarundi
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have been hounded by people concerning my lack of children many times over the years. I have learned that the absolute WORST answer I could provide for my lack of these children was that "I had made a conscious choice not to have any". I was immediately branded a "child-hating-victim-of-abortions" and they would pray for my sins to be forgiven". (I had had a surgical procedure which had eliminated any possibility of my becoming pregnant years ago. I hope that they didn't hurt themselves leaping to their conclusion ).

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Victoria Pitt
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I hear this kind of rhetoric ALL the time. I'm 38 and have not had kids. But I'm super ambitious and have filled my time with other things, other priorities. I try not to take it personally when I hear some dumbass joke about why someone doesn't have time because they have kids but its hard not to be annoyed at both the condescending nature of it and how much they take they beauty of their family for granted. I WISH I had already found a partner and had a home and some kiddos to raise but life didn't go that way for me. They are so lucky and lost all perspective on it...

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Leslie Burleson
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Somebody told me you can handle everything on your plate ,but some people's plates are smaller but their stress and struggle are what they can handle.I don't think it should be a contest.Being a young female professional comes with a lot of stress,and with our current economy people are having to do more with less people.That being said , children will suck the soul from you ! My first child slept awesome.Slept through the night at 3 weeks,took naps etc.My second hell spawn woke up every single day at 5 am for the first five years of his life.The last child ,God made her extra cute,I assume so I wouldn't abandon her.(I am kidding people calm down).She didn't sleep through the night until she was five years old!She slept 4-6 hours a night,broken up,no naps and she was totally fine and happy.She's 18 now and I'm still tired.It's a different level of tired.Also the job is 24/7 with little to no breaks.I think they're just different kinds of tired. Both deserve validation

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Rakjell Hanwell
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would never laugh at the struggles parents have to go through. However, as a childfree person who has to watch, educate and feed 25 children for 9+ hours a day as a job, I laugh at those parents, who claim that they have it sooo much worse then anyone else and disregard others struggles.

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Lily Mae Kitty
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

mothers also think you can't possibly know anything about child rearing of you haven't given birth. I'm a freaking genius, I know all sorts of things. I have a niece who argues this theory. She's not the brightest light on the tree and has a HS diploma. her sister is an elementary school teacher, teacher of the year at her school this year and has taught for 15 years, has her masters. The mom insists the non-mom can't know as much b/c she hasn't given birth even though she deals with 25 of them all day long and has taught 2nd, 3rd, and 4th grades. The teacher finally had a baby this year and their relationship has now improved. lol

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Alyssa
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is usually said by parents with toddlers and babies - they forget there is a whole world out there that doesn’t revolve around them.

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lenka
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Lol. I can assure you, parents of babies and toddlers are extremely well aware that the world doesn't revolve around them, because thier world revolves around the baby - who, unfortunately have no flucking clue that anything outside themselves even exists.

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Sandra
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is the stupid part of people. I am 5 months pregnant and currently work. Most people I know and have kids also havr a very stupid line " sleep now while you can cause after the baby..." i dont know how to tell them to f**k off. Having a child is a choice and if you have 3 and somebody doesent have a child but works 16 hours a day well you ate both right and tired. Those women are just assholes who want a statue. If u want a kid or decide to keep it then u do expect this.

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Lara Kristelle
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"playing down with their experiences" yet they also downplayed yours?

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Christina Uhlir
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A child-free woman is right, but what's new? Regretfully, so many people are insensitive, cruel morons either without kids or with kids. What really makes me mad are people who after having an one kid experience that is not a' cup of tea' for them, they keep making more children and screwing them up all. My pediatrician wanted to sterilize 75 % of human population. That for sure would made a world better place.

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Lyone Fein
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Really. It is NOT a competition. If your friends cannot be supportive, then get new friends.

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Alex Luiz
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It is MADDENING, though. I used to work in a crisis unit where clients regularly tried to set fire to s**t, assault me, commit crime and all sorts. I would be up all night dealing with incidents and then have to stay on shift because they were 48-hour shifts (we didn't get full pay at night because we were, supposedly, asleep). I remember coming from the Shift From Hell to my friend's birthday party and being told I couldn't be tired because I didn't have a baby. Luckily I was so shocked that I was unable to speak, and therefore avoided alienating anyone... But I will never forget the pure rage.

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Starbelly Eleven
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not only that, but her "friends" are being unsupportive. They aren't listening to her or showing empathy. Everyone's experience is valid, not just the people with kids.

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eric mathews
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My two cents... same level of tired, it's a human function to need sleep. But parenting adds more levels to what is on your plate. But we conform to those requirements as parents. Just as a single person stretches themselves thin for work and other family obligations.

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deanna woods
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Neither my sister nor I have children and yet we still feel tired at the end of a long day. My mother was a working mother who went to college and she never told people that it was wrong for them to be tired because she knows that everyone can be tired. Not having children doesn't automatically mean that you can't be tired and having children doesn't give you a monopoly on being tired. It's not a contest and anyone can be and probably is tired. It's a natural thing.

gabbym avatar
Gabby M
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think there are different kinds of tired. There is tired from being overworked. Then there is tired from having to put the needs of a little growing human before your own. I am a middle school teacher and my goodness it takes so much to work with kids. I wish more people recognized how much work raising a kid truly is. Because if they did, hopefully more people would think twice before having kids. That being said, some parents are annoying when it comes to their kids. If you're not 100% invested in putting the needs of someone else before your own, then don't have kids. No matter what society expects you to do.

jy avatar
J Y
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It’s so easy to dismiss someone else’s emotions because you think you relate or have it worse. But you never know what it exactly feels like to be in someone else’s shoes, so please stfu respectively. I need to improve on it too, sometimes I catch myself relating or comparing and then I stop.

infectedvoice avatar
InfectedVoice
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't have any children but I smoke lots of weed, that's why I might be tired sometimes.

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MiniMaus
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My dear mom who was a farmer's wife. She worked all day on the farm, came into the house to cook a warm meal for lunch, went back out after that. In the evening she canned fruits and veg, made jam, & looked after her flower beds. She sewed a lot of clothes for us as we didn't have a lot of money. She got up so early, got us off to school and then started that day all over again. When we were infants, she had to nurse us, change diapers, wash diapers ( oh ya fun). For a while she worked in a factory because we needed the money. The fact that this woman never claimed 'exhaustion or complained, or even just dropped in faint for all the work, leaves me astounded. Whenever I would complain of 11 hr work days and 3 jobs, I bit my tongue, because even that was not as much as what she did. Poor woman.

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Aliquid A
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

From personal experience, having small children taught me a new level of tired that I didn't know existed. Depends on how much support you have... we didn't have any family in town, that could help out. As a result, dealing with a small child is a 24 hour/7 day a week job. There is no coffee break, there is no weekend, there is no day off, and it doesn't stop just because you went to bed... it just goes on forever (well it felt like forever at the time. Now that my kids are "too cool" to spend time with me, I don't know what to do with my time) -- But that doesn't mean people without kids don't know tired. Some people work 30 hour shifts. Some people have health issues or medical procedures they are going through. I don't know their story, and I wouldn't presume I was more tired than they are.

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Wim Cossement
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She's just as 'dumb' and just replaced having kids with a demanding job. Also a choice...

priyabuccheit avatar
Tara Ray
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

THIS!!! You’re not special or warranted extras because you CHOSE to have kids. Some mothers think they’re soo special for letting someone ejaculate in them...

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Owen Salmon2028
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

plans to start a new contury i am not the best speller UNDERWATER WHERE ALL THIS CRAP IS ILLGEAL

daqadoodles_1 avatar
Debbie
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why another post with "extreme" opinions? Looking for a fight in the comments?

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Nikki Owens
Community Member
2 years ago

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Y'know what, yes, you can absolutely know what "tired" is without having kids. That said, children are 24/7. They rely on you continuously, and you are responsible for their safety, health & education in all things necessary for being a functioning human. It IS different. It IS exhausting sometimes. There are no weekends, sick days, paid leave or vacations. It's also a joy and a labor of love, which is why we do it willingly despite the hardships. And the truth is, a person without kids cannot understand it, not fully. That doesn't mean they're "less" of anything, it's just the way it is. Parents know this, because we've been on both sides. Also, "childfree" is a terrible term that makes children sound like germs or cancer. Whoever invented it clearly had issues.

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Tara Ray
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Many people choose NOT to have kids because they know how difficult it. You don’t need to have kids to know how difficult it is.

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KT
Community Member
2 years ago

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It's not a competition, and probably the dumbest fight among friends i've ever read about on here. I used to work 16 hour shifts with a 2 hr commute in an ER and I honestly thought that was the most tired i had ever been but then I had a baby and I gotta say, having a child was way worse for my tiredness than any of the crazy long shifts I ever had at the hospital. I had friends with kids who would always say "you'll see if you have kids" and I found it extremely rude and irritating the way they said it, but later on I realized they were right.

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lenka
Community Member
2 years ago

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Mmm, I dont know about this one. Parents of course do not have a monopoly on tiredness but it sounds to me like everyone handled this without empathy and without respect.

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Biljana Malesevic
Community Member
2 years ago (edited)

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I am done with this BP crap! I revealed too much about myself, made myself to vulnerable online and you all gang up on me and turned my personal problems and feelings into debate where the goal is to put me down. I hate hate this web site and comments. I hate the way people instead of trying to be open to opinion that is not 100% popular but is honest and open just gang up to hide your comment. I hate this cancel culture when you can not even say something you feel without being ridiculed and bullied. I wrote honestly about my struggles as single full time working mom who pays all the bills in poor country and you just ridiculed me. I honestly HATE social media comments and media. I hate that people are bullied for their honest opinions and that you can not even write something that is not actually harmful but is NOT bloody popular so why not trash me and my opinion. I am DONE with comments and I feel like a bloody fool for revealing my personal life online to a bunch of cancelers. Because that's all what you can do. Cancel and bully. Downvote as you please,, I am done with this website.

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Gremlan jonnson
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Work is a choice for the rich you bumblebee, choosing a job is for people privileged enough to have a good education

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Julie
Community Member
2 years ago

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I think the conversation got way out of hand. Perhaps everyone was sleep deprived. I felt like the moms meant no harm, just empathizing, and she took offense and then everyone got pissy. Nobody was trying to negate her tiredness, exchanges happen like that everyday. If someone says "Man, I've gained 5 pounds" another will say "You think that is bad, I can't even look at a donut with out gaining 5 pounds". Harmless! Empathy! Not trying to compete. One thing I did notice was she said being a mother does not mean you deserve a "friggin medal". If she had that thought, then it makes me think she was looking for some sort of validation or someone to pat her on the back and say "there, there, we know how hard you work, you are doing wonderful" Fact is adults rarely get complimented or praised for their hard work...I wish we all were because sometimes that can mean a lot.

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Stille20
Community Member
2 years ago

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Yes, they were rude and self centered, but you were also over the line. I think your friendship is done. Back out with grace, no need to post it all over the internet for validation.

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Jeanne Brown
Community Member
2 years ago

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The difference is jobs don't have to be permanent. What I mean is if your job is really killing you, you can look for a different job. Might not be easy to find, but the option is there. Kids are permanent. You must continue. There is no option but to keep doing the "parent job". ( Unless you are a skumbag and just leave them.)

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Chris Hudson
Community Member
2 years ago

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Bullshit. I can tell you categorically that in terms of first world torture, nothing compares to children. In this day and age you're not even allowed to drug them to sleep. Try 3 months of approximately 3 hours per day sleep whilst working a full time job.

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