Childfree Woman Wonders If She’s A Jerk For Standing By Her Principles And Making Her Coworker Miss Her Kid’s Soccer Game
A healthy work-life balance is something that many people strive for. But the truth is, creating a perfect schedule is challenging. It’s even harder for working parents, who want to be there for their children and watch them grow. Yet, having kids isn’t a free pass to get out of work commitments you prefer not to do.
One woman was asked by her coworker to cover an evening call at work so she could attend her kid’s soccer game. The author of this post had a volleyball match that night and refused, saying that her out-of-work activities are not less important just because she chose to be childfree. The colleague scoffed at her, claiming this was a “super messed up” thing to do.
The woman turned to the moral philosophers of the internet, the AITA subreddit, asking whether she was in the wrong for thinking that others should value her personal life choices. Have a read through the Redditor’s post and let us know what you think about her decision in the comments.
This Redditor turned to the AITA subreddit for advice after refusing to cover for her coworker so she could go to her kid’s soccer game
Image credits: Maxpixel (not the actual photo)
Image credits: [deleted]
As of this day, the post has amassed more than 17K upvotes and more than 2.2K comments. The vast majority of Redditors sided with the author, deciding she was in no way acting like a jerk in this situation. People mentioned that her boss needed to remember that she had already taken two previous shifts and should not have been asked to work in the first place.
While many believe that today women can do pretty much what they want with their lives, there’s still a lot of stigma to being childfree by choice. Our society views parenting as one of the key factors to finding fulfillment and meaning in life. Meanwhile, determining to remain childless raises many questions and is often viewed unfavorably.
It seems that the number of adults deciding to remain childfree keeps growing each year. Researchers from Michigan State University decided to study how they feel about their life choices. Almost 1000 people participated in the study, where scientists examined “how childfree individuals differ from parents and other types of non-parents in life satisfaction, political ideology, and personality,” and to see whether they are “viewed as an outgroup”.
“There’s been a lot of talk recently about declining fertility rates in the United States and around the world, and at the same time, more and more people are being open about their choice not to have kids,” Jennifer Watling Neal, Ph.D., one of the study’s researchers, told Verywell Mind. “We really wanted to understand these child-free people a little bit better.”
People were asked a series of questions: whether they have or ever have had biological or adopted children, whether they plan to have or adopt children in the future, and whether they wish they had or could have children. The study found that over a quarter of Michigan adults identified themselves as childfree.
“We find no differences in life satisfaction and limited differences in personality traits between childfree individuals and parents, not-yet-parents, or childless individuals,” the researchers revealed.
In fact, people who chose not to have kids “were more liberal than parents”. Also, those who wish to be parents or those who aren’t able to have children felt “substantially less warm toward childfree individuals than childfree individuals felt toward each other.”
“People are equally satisfied with life regardless of their reproductive choices, and that makes sense that people are making the decisions that are right for them,” Watling Neal said.
People were completely on the woman’s side, deciding she’s NTA in this situation
NTA. If women have kids then it's their responsibility and they shouldn't expect childless people to sacrifice their time just because they have no kids. Go away!
*If PEOPLE have kids; this should not all fall on the mothers. I suspect that's part of the problem here.
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In my country, there's no such thing as a "working mother", just "a mother", because most mothers work. So I cannot see how this could be a reason to claim any preferential treatment. Your kids are your responsibility, not anyone else's. Unless it's a matter of kid's health or safety.
Because USA do not have parental leave, or any kind of support for working mothers, and as a result most of them essentially penalized when they decide to have children, most of them not only are the primary care giver but also tend to do the majority part of house work after coming back from work.
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Little Timmy has two parents, and he won't melt into the ground if one of them misses one of his soccer games.
Surely, somebody else could have taken the kid to his soccer game (even if it was another soccer parent, if the child's father was absent). But pulling out of a volleyball game at the last minute, makes it very inconvenient for the rest of the team. What a selfish, entitled twat. Good for OP for standing up for herself. As one of the other commenters said, "Look at her shiny spine!"
I said the same thing. A player missing a game is actually much more important than a spectator missing a game. Just on that along OP is NTA. There are plenty of others reasons too.
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NTA. And I'm a parent. Having children doesn't entitle you to someone else's free time or special treatment at work. Not does being childless make you not human, or make you not need time to yourself for leisure activities.
To take this to the extreme. Does the draft mean young men are treated as not human? Because others feel entitled to use their body as a shield?
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Children are not a community project, if you decide to have any you need to be ready to take care of them yourself and make the necessary sacrifices. ALL The TIME.
I'm not a.parent but children are a community project. You don't have to bend over backwards for them individually, but their best interests should be front and center in a community. Positive community projects for children are incredibly important. Regardless of if you have them or not todays children are tomorrow's care takers.
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definitely NTA just because you have kids doesn't make what you're doing after work more important that others who don't i could understand if was a medical thing then maybe but pulling the mum card woow entitled much
Kids aren't assigned to people. People choose to have them. And when they do, they choose the whole package.
Not The A*****e. In fact, using your kids for sympathy is sociopathic narcissism. I'm looking at you Linda.
I'm sure she's a great parent just like the famous one that was just POTUS lol
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NTA I used to work on a shift rota and always made exceptions for colleagues that had kids, Xmas birthdays, doctor, etc. After more than a year I had some friends coming round and asked to swap a Saturday afternoon shift. My friends where arriving on the Friday and leaving Sunday. They all used there kids as an excuse and made it clear that me and my mates going on a jolly up was not important. No more favours after that, oh fun fact, 2 weeks later I was promoted to shift manager, guess who did the rotas?
Having children is not a disability so expecting childless people to bend over backwards for a parent because they "don't understand how hard it is" is pathetic. Having reasonable adjustments for emergencies and the like is to be expected, but childless people are not responsible for your choice to have children just because they have made a different choice themselves.
One of several reasons I don't have children is because I DO know how hard it is. I think if more people considered in advance how hard it is we would not be on edge of more people than the planet can support. LOL.
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NTA, you were asked and declined. Ultimately your supervisor is responsible to ensure it's covered. My mom was a single parent who worked over time and missed a lot for me growing up so I'm empathetic but personal care and personal commitments are just as important for your own self care.
They were both asked... both should then be able to say no
Load More Replies... If you make the decision to have children, you are accepting all responsibility that comes with them. Those responsibilities should never be put upon someone else. Having a child does not automatically entitle you to anything. And if you are not able to take care of them, then you don’t have them. Simple as that.
NTA. Don't ask these questions of your friends who are mothers, because they're already wandered right over to the "me me ME!" camp where the world revolves around them and their spawn. Never give in to this hypocritical bullsh*t, they're expecting you to place yourself and your life beneath their life choices. I'm so tired of parents guilt tripping childless people because we aren't as selfish as them.
The other woman decided that she wanted to be a mother. Thats not a group project in which you involuntarily invite others.
NTA. I've been there, heck I am still here! As an employee with no kids (my long-term partner and I have only been together for 8 years but we've decided we aren't planning to have kids) my colleagues often expect me to "cover" for them during holidays or after business hours including weekends because they think their time being parents/adults with kids are much more important than us kid-less ones. It's annoying, it will always going to happen, so keep your chin up and continues standing up for your awesome self. You're doing a great job!
We've been together for twenty years, but it took us a long time to find each other. I was married, but my husband died at age 33, and we were childless. Our time together is as valuable as anybody else's. He's my place to come home to. Where I can let my hair down and be my own damn self every day. I need that as much as you need to watch your kid play soccer.
Load More Replies... "No I can't, I have plans for that night." Don't volunteer info because they'll see it as an invitation to measure your life.
It's amazing how many people become entitled monsters when they have kids. They feel everyone should cater to them.
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NTA...your kids, your problem! I've missed some activities while raising my daughter because I had some work obligation, I didn't make it a co-workers issue, I just asked her grandma to go to the game in my place.
Frankly, the volleyball game trumps the soccer game because the PLAYER would be missing it, not the spectator. Companies do this to single/child free workers all the time...just expect them to do more because they "don't have someone waiting for them." My friend in corporate IT deals with it daily. She has to cover for the parents all the time when they come late, leave early, work from home, etc, and she has to take all of the on call shifts and never complain because she doesn't have a family. That doesn't mean she shouldn't have a work life balance!
I have been a single working mother since my daughter was small. I took several lower-paying jobs rather than one really good-paying one, so that I would be able to prioritize being a parent when it was necessary. I did my best to support other working mothers when it didn't interfere with my own schedule. Health crises would be high on the list for making exceptions. Sports events would not. If you are struggling to be a full time parent and a full time worker, welcome to reality. Women are usually the ones left having to make the compromises. But the compromises should be the responsibility of the parent(s) and not random co-workers!
Chip in if the child is sick and needs care, sure. But to accomodate the child's hobby?? Some parents just lose their grip on reality.
She said she is married. That is a family as much as a couple who has kids.
NTA in my opinion. OP also deserves to have time for herself, and she did take the last two calls. Being a mother is hard and I get that, but she also has a job and when she doesn't come in it affects her coworkers and she needs to be more considerate.
I've had something like this happen to me ,I'm disabled now but when I was working a co worker got mad at me . Cause I had worked 5 yrs on third and wanted and went for the new spot on first . Will I got it I've never applied for a spot before and gave it a shot . This co worker came up to me and asked why do you get it , it's not like you have kids . I didn't respond to her being a jerk , but , a week after I started she also was on the same shift same line as me. I just started laughing . I have no children not by choice but because I can't. Others kids is not our responsibility as a childless person. Our society needs to change but I doubt it does .
These women should have said to their boss that they both cannot make the call. It's outside hours and they had other obligations. Both equally important.
As a mother of 3 toddlers, I am offended that a parent would deem their time and activities more important than others. Nope. We (parents) can ask folks to be flexible without feeling entitled… If she has a bone to pick, take it up with the whoever scheduled her for multiple evening calls. But sorry Deborah, your life and time is not somehow more meaningful because you have children. And shame on every other person in the workplace who doesn’t have the guts to call her out on it…
I’m 51, never wanted kids and never had them. For all of my working life, I’ve heard this: “Christmas eve shift? That should be Sam, she doesn’t have any kids. Someone called off? Sam can fill in, she doesn’t have any kids. Drive forever to work at another location? Sam, she doesn’t have to worry about child care.” This has been every job for 30 + years. It was as if I didn’t have a life at all. I took it when I was young. Later I got mean.
OMG, so sick of people who chose to have children behave as if they are doing the world a favor and somehow entitled to preferential treatment. GET OVER YOURSELVES ALREADY! If anything, you are doing the human race a disservice considering diminishing natural resources, Climate Change, etc. Stop behaving as if your lives and activities are more important because you had children! I'm so over this...
I'm so sick of people thinking single people can put their life on hold because they are single. If you decide to have a family and work, know that everyone deserves the same treatment regardless of family status. No, she doesn't have to give up her life choices because you pro-created.
I felt so torn between my work commitments and children that I had a nervous breakdown. It can be a horrible experience for working mothers to continually feel that they’re letting someone down and there is a lot of pressure on women to successfully do everything, both as a parent and as a professional. I’m not saying that the person in this post should have worked the shift for her, but I understand I why the person would ask. Perhaps the employer needs to give them more notice.
Sorry that happened to you, that's rough. I agree that asking is perfectly fine. Trying to emotionally blackmail someone who has said no is not. She should have taken it on the chin and tried to find another way around it.
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Why are people always searching for things to disagree about, be on opposite ends? This is not about having kids or not, being a mom or not. OP has covered the last 2 times. The other woman should cover this one. The only exception would be when someone is caring for a sick/disabled etc person/has made it clear to the boss from the start of these evening shifts that wednesday evenings are a NO. Then it's up to the boss to find a solution.
Crotch gremlins don't have priority over someone else's life, nor should they be used to dodge working overtime.
ooh, the mommies downvoted you for the truth. You are totally right. Most ppl do have kids because "this is the way in life" not because they really wanted yo & thought it trough. Then they hate it and make whole world responsible for their precious baby.
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I definitely don't think this woman was TA. She had a prior engagement and is entitled to her free time. I say that as a single mother. The one time I thought my coworker was a jerk was when I swapped a closing shift with him so he could go see his kid do an activity, but he wouldn't do the same for me when he was available, I thought that was kind of rude.
It's nobodies responsibility to work around your kids waveform. That's YOUR job, and you made that decision when you had them. It's selfish and ridiculous. Plus, all you parents punish your company workers who don't have kids, by batching that you shouldn't have to be there because so and so doesn't have kids. Kiss our kidless asses, we are sick of your s**t!
As someone with no children I've often found myself having to pick up other people's work so they can leave early for family stuff. I never complained about it but have always felt uncomfortable with the expectation that as a childless woman I owe them that. Seems to have some underlying misogyny to it.
1) Had something similar happen to me. I’m the one who doesn’t have kids, so I would take the lion’s share of extra work, to let people with something more important to do go ahead home. But I also was back in school getting my degree, meaning homework and papers due, which was the case this time, and I wanted to be the one to go home early, so I could finish the final draft of a paper that was due the next day. The other woman had kids and was constantly on her cellphone to them, so it’s not like she hadn’t spoken to her kids all day. She also always went home early. She assumed I’d stay and even had the nerve to say something like “I know you’re going to stay late, and let me go home. Thanks”. I said “no, this time I’d like to go home early”. You should’ve seen her face go from smiling sweetly to dark and twisted. She said “so you’re NOT going to let me go home and watch my children go to sleep?”, and I said “no, this time I’d like to be the one to go home early.”
2) She then stormed off and I thought she’d just pout and get over it. I went to the boss’ office to say I’d like to go home early, and was told I was the only employee left so I couldn’t—-because my coworker just told the boss she was sick and had just thrown up, so the boss let her go home! When I told him about the conversation she and I JUST had, meaning there was no time for her to do any puking, he shook his head and said he’d make a note of her shenanigans and crack down on people playing the “But I have kids” card to get all kinds of accommodations. He said those accommodations are strictly for emergencies, not to “watch your children go to sleep”, which we both agreed she could’ve missed one night, because her kids will go to sleep again tomorrow night, and she can watch them then if she’s not working. Same goes for soccer games. There’s no justification for dumping shitty schedules on someone just because they don’t have kids. (Sorry for being so long winded.)
Load More Replies... Can we finally look at this without the reasons? Person A has a commitment. Person B has a commitment. Person B has worked the 2 times before this, so Person A should get this one. HAVING OR NOT HAVING KIDS DOES NOT MATTER. The question isn't: Childfree Woman Wonders If She’s A Jerk For Standing By Her Principles And Making Her Coworker Miss Her Kid’s Soccer Game . It should be: Person wonders is she's a jerk for not covering an overtime workcall 3 times in a row. Person A: Hey person B, I have engagements that night, can you take that call? Person B: No I have other plans as well, and I covered the last two time so it's only fair that it's your turn.
I get the opposite on my job. My kids are 18 and 21. I always get the calls saying, I know you need money with 2 kids in school. Plus with them being away at school, I get told, "it's not like you have anyone at home you have to babysit." While the single ones don't ever get asked to come in. My answer is always, no thank you. I'm a nurse and work 3 - 12 hours shifts a week. Covid BS is causing staffing shortages, so that's enough work for me to last a lifetime. That being said, I don't swap shifts, accomodate holidays, or vacations. My time is as precious as anyone elses, even if it is being spent alone. I recently had one of the single ones try to swap a shift in order to extend her weekend, because she had already bought a plane ticket and the supervisor wouldn't give her the day off. How dumb and entitled can a person be? Well since no one "understood" her dilemma, she called in, leaving us short a nurse. When she got back from her birthday fun trip, before coming back to work she tested positive for Covid. I guess I'll always be TA, because when I'm off the clock, I don't want to be bothered!!
This one's like "so, you got screwed, got pregnant, got a child, you get to leave to have fun with them, and I'm the one who needs to abandon my plans??? Because of YOUR child???"
As a single parent, NTA. My kids understand that they are my number 1 priority, but they also understand I have coworkers who depend on me. The onus is not on childless coworkers to pick up the slack. The onus is on parents to teach your kids about fulfilling your responsibilities.
I'm really tired of entitled parents and how society seems to condone this idiotic behavior... having children is a personal choice, and with that choice comes all the complications it has... is NOBODY ELSE business what a parent has to "sacrifice" for their children, nobody decided for them, you have children? Fine, DEAL WITH IT... nobody has the obligation to clear the road ahead of them just because they decided to have kids... enough with this bullsh*t!!!
Somehow I got downvoted for saying you shouldn't call people names? Since when don't people agree with that statement? :(
Not to mention it was a volleyball match and the OP had a responsibility to her teammates. The soccer game was probably one out of dozens over the years. She could miss one.
Op doesn't owe her coworker anything. She already covered someone twice. She doesn't work for the mom. She made a prior commitment and I'm glad she told her coworker no. It's not like it was a doctor appointment or a funeral. It was a soccer game. If the mom wanted to go so bad she should have scheduled that day off instead of begging for someone else to cover her ass.
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This is a broader question than parent vs no n parent. When negotiating work loads and roasters around personal situations, there are a number of considerations. Is it short or long term? A dying relative or someone being 8 months pregnant is very temporary so can be accommodated more easily. Having young children or looking after someone with a disability is not likely to change anytime soon, so it can’t be expected that your colleagues will just always make allowances for that on an ad-how basis. Make an arrangement with the boss that you do t do after hours and let the boss find the solution to that.
NTA. I agree with the commenters who advised against specifying that your excuse is a volleyball game. Also, just as a heads up, the use of "respectfully" here actually comes across passive aggressive to me. I might reconsider starting your sentences that way in a disagreement if your aim is to de-escalate the conflict. Though I can be pretty sensitive and maybe not everyone takes it that way!
I'm sorry, I have to side with the Non-Mom on this. She should not feel bad for keeping her plans and she would have covered the call no problem if she wasn't already busy. I think Mothers have an incredibly hard job balancing work and raising kids, however, that said I don't think it's fair that people who literally decided not to have kids so that they could do whatever they want whenever they want should be made to look like horrible people for living a life of their own convenience. Please, Stop playing the kid card all.the.time!
You do an it once and they'll always come to you expecting you to do it again in the future. I've been down this path in the past. You did the right thing. As for the folks talking about you behind your back, don't listen to them who are they to tell you what to do or how to live your life.
NTA. What you do with your free time is your business and you have no obligation to explain or justify how you use it. To mothers/parents, I understand stuff happens and things randomly cone up, an emergency is one thing, but a scheduled hobby? It's on the mother in this scenario to manage her time better. The OP in this story has already proven more than one occasion that she can be counted on to cover or pick up a shift when necessary, but that shouldn't mean she becomes the go-to person to do everytime it's needed. I support working moms, I really do and can't imagine how difficult it must be, but I've been a victim of that entitlement before, that childless women are treated as if we have no lives outside of work and can just drop everything at a moments notice. If it's an emergency, yeah, see what you can do, but a scheduled hobby is not a reason to make a coworker choose. Or to turn the other coworkers against the other.
NTA I'm a mother of 2 and work causes me to miss stuff. Outside of your normal working hours what you do is No one else's business. We need to stop normalizing coworkers being entitled to know our outside lives. Work is work. It was her turn to take that shift. Your plans could have been to eat a pint of ice cream and watch House reruns. Does not matter.
I'm confused, she just wanted to be a spectator, while you had a team commitment, her not attending hers son's game didn't affect anyone else. sometime a job commitment does that. kid or no kid. NTA. the other is the ah. maybe she needs to find another job if her kids games are so important
NTA. I'll be honest here. They chose to procreate. They see a need to pass on their genes. So, they need to live by their decision. People may help, out of kindness, not obligation. When someone take kindness as an entitlement, then they are arseholes plain and simple.
I had a boss who would expect those of us with adult children or no children to work late and sometimes on weekends, too….Not child related, but she even arranged for some admin staff, who were scheduled to attend a co-workers daughter’s wedding, to work that Saturday, so we wouldn’t socialize outside of work. That company no longer exists.
I have another comment. Neither person in this situation ITA. How about discussing having a healthy work/life balance. If you work 9-5, the work should stop at 5. Why can't these calls be taken care of the next business day during office hours? Are you getting paid extra to take these calls? Is it a mandatory part of your job description? Or is it something that your boss is supposed to be handling, but has pushed the work onto you, so they themselves don't have to do it? If it's the latter, then that's something that needs to be addressed with HR. As long as you continue to work past your working hours and say nothing, the boss will continue to make you do extra work. This can result in family feeling neglected at home and tension amongst coworkers (which is already happening), which in turn creates an overall unhealthy work environment. And of course being labelled as not a "team player."🙄
I don't have kids and I try to help people out who do have kids because the kids shouldn't suffer if parent is a poor planner. HOWEVER if the kid is constantly being used as an excuse and I'm the one always taking on extra work because kid parent is using kid as an excuse, all bets are off. If coworker keeps pushing work onto kidless coworkers, then they need to figure something out or talk to boss and maybe the one who always takes on the responsibility needs to get paid higher for after work duties for always being stuck with the extra work.
My daughter looses hours at work all the time because a coworker has a child and she doesn't. Like my daughter doesn't need to eat or something.
I don't think the author of this article did anything wrong. Don't let these people gaslight you. Live your best life. You have nothing to feel guilty about.
As a working human I would never inconvenience someone for my sake. As a working father, I've even stayed late to support single people going to an event. One isn't entitled to extra support, but it builds great teamwork if you choose to support each other. Sounds like the working mommy from the story wasn't doing her share so she can just piss right off.
I'm childless not by choice. I had to have a total hysterectomy at 32 so I didn't really get the choice. However, I've always tried to help out people I work with in order for them to be there for their kids, but there's always a few who use the "parent card" to get out of work, leave early, not pick up a holiday, etc.. I keep it rather simple: I don't help those folks out because they take advantage of any and every situation and usually end up losing their jobs anyway. I think it should be a case by case basis. A fair-minded person will not take advantage of others whether or not they are a parent.
The post said the boss asked IF one of them could take the call. That to me leaves enough of an opening to say that you have plans already. If there isn't a set on-call schedule, a late call should just be an extra completely voluntary thing to do. I'm not going to stay late at the last minute for anything because of someone's poor management.
I feel like the mother could have scheduled that day off but decided at last minute to ask someone to cover for her. That is not this woman's problem.
I worked in a hospital laboratory which meant it had to be staffed 24 hours 7 days a week...so on Christmas Day only 2 showed up for work at 06:00..Three were scheduled..After an hour we called the employee and asked if she was coming in to work. She said she was not coming in until her kids open their Christmas presents! She was reprimanded...she put her 2 weeks in and quit. I do give her credit because she went back to school and got a position Monday to Friday no weekends no holidays.. Yes
My Mom was a single mother of five. She didn't have time for b******t sports or other crap. Guess what...who cares? She was a great Mom, supported us well and did the best job she could. We understood that. Oh wait, today's child is all about ME!!!
Some time in my 20s I learned to say "no I can't do that sorry" without saying u had a volleygane or whatever. This was a huge problem in Italy and many countries as well. Then again women are often forced to take part time or lower jobs to take care of domestic issues, so they can't help but rely on their coworkers
NTA. I mean, if you choose to be childfree you should be able to be childfree. So that's not really your problem. I do feel for the mom though. Or, a lot of people are single parents with no support network so there is no guarantee someone else could take the kid, or it could be one of those moments you really needed to be there and as a mom I understand how much that sucks. But still not really op's problem.
I have had the mother card played on me several times when it came to vacation around the holidays or giving up vacation because someone else messed up their childcare. So glad I am out of that business, too much entitlement.
The less said the better so you don't get roped into an argument. You have plans and it's none of their business.
If the boss thinks it's so important then why doesn't the boss do it? The boss is the AH here for pitting co-workers against co-workers and feeding a toxic work environment.
The boss is the A here. The boss should have assigned one of you, not make you two go through this. What a jerk.
As a mother myself…I see both of their commitments as being important. I don’t understand why someone else couldn’t take the call or move the call to another day.
Having children is one of the key factors to finding fulfillment & meaning in life. When someone chooses not to they are making some form of sacrifice & allowing their lineage to end. This is not a criticism at all, just a fact. In exchange for that they are avoiding making an incredible sacrifice and allowing things to be about them. Like not having to attend a soccer game and to be able to go on vacation and actually enjoy it and have it be about them and not their kids. These people are saying that they should partake in the sacrifices of having kids but not getting to experience any of the good things about having kids. Definitely NTA. By the way my wife and I chose not to have kids. Our vacations are awesome, frequent and all about us. But we still talk about what our kids would have looked like and how we would have been great parents. We're okay with our choice but still we did make a choice that has pros and cons. And we are not changing a bunch of plans because others do
NTA But I think the mother was coming from a mindset that society is pretty firm about: mothers are unimportant. Everything is about your kids. Even your needs are less important than your child's desires. If you drop the ball, you're a neglectful mother. I think she generalized this mindset thinking that women come second to children, not just mothers. I'm a mom and I think OP handled the situation well. I think saying she has a volleyball game is fine. Saying she has a prior commitment sounds like she's saying that she has something to do that the mother would consider serious. But it doesn't matter if she wants to sit outside her work and stare at the sky on her free time. It's her time and it's important.
I have kids and I would not have expected someone who doesn't sacrifice for me so I can do. Their boss also is wrong she also viewed the woman without kids to give if the co- workers talked it out, otherwise she would not continue to take advantage of her after she all ready worked the last two times.
Parent or not, we have all had to turn something down because of work. Sucks, but it's one of the responsibilities of being a working adult.
No children here. My boyfriend has a coworker who is a mother, she's a very sweet person. Some years ago (he still was single), hey used to not taking holidays on the first two weeks of August, because of her kid's school holidays. Sometimes he was asked to go work on Saturday, because his boss told him "Hey, you don't have kids, it's easier for you to come than her"... until the day he refused and stated that he did that not for the company, but for the coworker. He spoke to her and they agreeded that it was fair to share the holidays each year and working on Saturday.
Over job I had my supervisor always made excuses for the other girl on the team. She was always 2+ hrs late for work, took long lunches and left early every day. She would pass all her work to other people. He said to me I should suck it up and just do the work. I told him I'm a single mom too and she lives with her parents who take care of her kids when they're not in school and I volunteer and still take home work to do at night. He started to stutter trying to come up with other excuses. Eventually she failed probation after there was over 100 complaints in a 6 month period and being watched for her hours of work. The sup also made me lead is a 3 person team. He did nothing. He only has the 3 of us to supervise. Eventually he pissed me off that I had a long talk with the CIO and they removed him as the supervisor. Now he just screws up his job on the IT security team and our current CIO can't stand him either.
The other people on the volleyball ball team expect the OP to honor her commitment. If she doesn't show, they could lose. If the Mom doesn't show, it makes no difference the soccer team, they still play.
Remember she has a s hood when the games are, so she could have asked days before. I would definitely do it if I don’t have plans but this last Minton asking is wrong
The two were apparently sharing the responsibility of after-hours calls. The child-less lady said she did the last two calls, so it is now the lady with children to take her turn. When I was working, there was four of us and we took turns, sometimes it worked out where we could go to our children's functions and sometimes not. If it was something important, outside of a weekly game, then other arrangements were made.
1. I'm a single mother of 2 young girls. My oldest daughter has played soccer since she was 4 and I even volunteered to coach a few of those years. I fully understand being present in their life as I once left a job for another and took a $3 a hour pay cut in order to have more time with them. However, I do not believe the OP is wrong here. There's a lot of questioning here in regards to the boss, the job and entitlement. As for the job and boss, I would love to think I would tell my boss to do it or reschedule something. She clearly states the job required them to work outside hours so it is obvious they accepted the job knowing that this will occasionally happen. Now, was the boss wrong for emailing both and letting them decide amongst themselves? Instead of just alternating the calls between them to eliminate the work place drama? Maybe? Maybe not? Ultimately, I feel the boss is wanting to give them the opportunity to make the decision cause the boss understands that these
2. Calls can potentially cause conflicts with their schedule, as what happened here but also he/she doesn't really know their life so in case one employee needs extra money at that time he is allowing them the opportunity. With this situation considering both had commitments, neither one ultimately took priority, neither of them was life or death. Therefore without a doubt it should have just been decided since OP took the last 2 it is now Mom's turn. Maybe Mom should have taken the last call or even be more of a team player. Now, remember I said I'm a single mom and even coached, YES it is hard raising kids and YES Mom's want to be at every game but unfortunately life sucks, if you're working then you obviously need the job Therefore you should do said job or you want be there anymore which Yes will leave more time for the kids but more stress, less sports cause you'll definitely not afford it. Anyways, I also wanted to be at all games which for the most part I was able to work out my
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Reading comments and just... Bruh. Degenerates like you belong on a cross.
NTA... Im 100% positive that the kid has more than 1 game a season in fact they have a lot of games so missing 1 isn't the end of the world. Plus, its 2022 im sure someone could video it or even stream it live while at work. On top of that your commitment to your volleyball team is super important. The team is depending on you to be there and play and who knows if your not there then they might not have enough players. So ruin your night and your teammates so a mom can watch her kid play in "A" game of many games... The mom was just using the soccer game because she didn't want to work over you can tell because you work the shift 2 times before that. Now she is throwing a tantrum because she didn't get her way. I would bet you her kids are prob the same way. Good for you standing your ground...
I can remember when I was young my father missed a lot of my brother and I after school sporting events due to work. We understood why. We were also very grateful for the few times he was able to attend. As parents, you want to always be there for your children but in reality, we know that will never happen. Kudos to the woman with no kids who didn't give in to the soccer mom. She decided to have kids so that her problem that she's trying to make yours.
Similar circumstance when one employee has grown children on their ownand the other has young ones. I was made to feel my life was not as important than the parent with a young child. Taking turns is what works best.
Having children is a choice you made, not your co-worker's, its NOT your co-worker's responsibility to put theor lives on hold because you chose to be a working mother. You have the right toake that choice and yes, your employer is expected to make certain accommodations for you, but a co-worker does not have to accommodate you so you can attend a soccer game, period. If it's important, plan ahead, maybe even have your so, a family member, or friends to attend and record the event, if possible. There is a difference between employment accommodations made for things like medical needs (eg. Doctor's appointments, mat leave, etc.) and a coworker taking your work responsibilities for your kid's recreational activities. Things like soccer leagues have set schedules, so plan ahead and understand you may not be able to attend everytime. My sister was in soccer too, and our parents often had to trade off and sometimes could not attend, because both worked government jobs.
Wow, I have 3 kids and all were active in sports and extra curriculum functions plus I played in competitive softball and volleyball leagues. These leagues cost money and if all the players don't show up you forfeit the game. I chose a job that guaranteed I wouldn't be working nights. Just because you decided to have kids doesn't mean coworkers need to oblige you. NTA.
I'm a parent of 2. I would never blame a coworker if they can't help me out so I can go to my kids game. My personal life is no more important than their personal life. Yes my kids are my #1 priority including their happiness, but that is not my coworkers problem. Anyone who thinks the lady is wrong is actually wrong. The world does not revolve around adults with kids schedules. Most sports have a pre assigned date chart with all games scheduled. Put it in at work ahead of time. If you are lucky then you get first dibs of leaving early unless it is a more pressing matter for other individual. Also as stated she had worked the last to evenings while parent ran off to do who knows what. She had a game scheduled and wasn't willing to her private life time which probably brings her joy and relaxes her. Your happiness and your child's happiness should never affect other people's happiness period. It should never fringe on others lives ever. Again I'm a parent of two
NTA....I started my family at age 17, had 5 kids, I'm 49 now and all my kids are grown. I missed a lot of milestones of my children growing up because I had to work. I would always pick up shifts but when I would request a day and get it and someone else called off I was who they would call and on the rare occasion I would say no, management and the co worker would get mad because I would not cover that shift. They got mad because they always expected me to... This is just a game that people play to get what they want.
The nerve of the people you work with to look down on you. Shameful. I raised my daughters mostly alone after the divorce so I understand the plight of single parents and the career woman. It isn't fair for your coworkers to expect you not to have a life because you have no children. That schedule needs to be rotated and the only way out is death and medical emergency. With that said it needs to be verified because then people will start abusing that excuse; ie: your already dead grandma has died again for the 7th time.
I'm childfree but childs, like grans and pets and wives, are "something" with their own lives and timing so let coworkers go to they'r so/childs/pets things cause prolly can not control them, and they should do some sort of job "card" where all the weird hours you did for them can be taken whenever you want
That mother is selfish to think that her kids soccer match ( not even a REAL sport) is more important then the coworkers volleyball game. Yes. I'm a mother who's son & daughter both Lettered in High School Sports. I side with childless coworker.
Her child, her responsibility, not yours. Enjoy your freedom, she should enjoy her decision too. We can't have it our way always.
Once someone makes a comment that my value R not even validated. I'm done. Life is touch for All I want to help at my time , plans R made , No one can help U. U don't get to go to your kids game. Period, No one's problem, just the facts.
DEFINITELY NTA! If entitled mom can't handle her job, she should have kept her legs closed! By the way, I'm also a mom ! Can't handle the job of motherhood, KEEP YOUR LEGS CLOSED!
Definitely NTA! As a mother, taking care of my son ( when he was younger; he's an adult now) and his schedule was MY responsibility. If entitled mom can't handle her job, she should have kept her legs closed!
More people should choose not to have children with so many children being hurt and killed by their parents.
What I don't understand is how your boss doesn't schedule better giving equal time and responsibility. Her son would have a soccer schedule you would have a volleyball schedule to avoid conflict like this you come together and work it out. I am a assistant manager but at my job I make sure with not just with the women but the men that we all have equal time and responsibility and availability to be there for family in general. It don't matter if you have kids or not. Family time is important
No it wasn't selfish of you if you had a previous commitment. She should have made her arrangements well in advance.
As a father of 7, my vote is NTA. Having kids does not make your time more important than anyone else's. Kids won't be ruined if you miss a soccer game or two.
Sorry not a woman or a father (got married late in life to an older woman) but you do see the guilt trip a lot now. Does the mother help out the non.mothers at all or is it a one way street?
I'm just wondering... Who said she decided to have kids? Not all children are planned. And who said the children have more than just her? And maybe she had to drive the kid to the game. Not making excuses for her, just saying. There are a lot of assumed situations her. You really don't know what either of them going on that make their situations important to them. The mother might have made a promise to make it too her kid's game because she missed other one's because of work, so in her mind, she really needed to be there for the child. Some people are really absorbed in their needs and close ones. And maybe she was just saying that someone who isn't a mother doesn't understand being a parent and the responsibilities that come with it. I don't know. And another thing, isn't this past normal work hours? If that's the case, I don't think either of you should have had to miss out on your separate games.
There are some very few cases where not all children are planned is appropriate considering even unplanned pregnancies at one point made a decision that caused them to become pregnant but yes in more unfortunate cases it isn't planned, however everyone who is a mom actually made the choice considering all the options today of adoption, save haven locations through fire departments, the law that protects mother that want to abandon their new born child without any repercussions, therefore you do choose to be a mom. She obviously has someone else that is attending to the child because as a mom I would have mentioned if I needed to leave in order to attend to my child since there isn't any one else over stating a soccer game. A mom's priority is their child's safety, therefore if anything took any kind of precedence over a soccer game should would have mentioned that foremost. As a mom/parent the last thing you should ever do is promise your child you will be somewhere considering the
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NTA I have kids, I also work. You had a prior commitment to showing up for a team game, something you were participating in. It's the parents child that is committed to his/her team, not the parent. In this day and age, there is life streaming available, someone could video when the child is playing during the game, many options for the parent to still be involved. It's also a lesson for the child too, that sometimes in life there are going to be disappointments.
I've been in the OP position too many times. I have outside of work commitments. I have a life. I have a husband I like to spend time with, as well as siblings, nieces and nephews, friends, etc. She chose to have children. She chose to place the child in an extracurricular sport, causing more stress on her own schedule. That's HER problem along with her spouse. Guess what? My parents weren't at every one of my activities. I lived. I survived. So will her kid. Not having children is not an opportunity for us to pick up the slack of our coworkers who chose to reproduce. We deserve a work/life balance as well.
I'm a mother of 2 but I agree with the OP not covering her shift. It was totally uncalled for to assume a child free woman should have to cover for her since she has no kids. Child free people have lives, too. It's not her fault she chose to have children. We all make our choices and sacrifice accordingly. You can ask but never expect someone to cover for you. She was downright rude.
I'm sorry, but whybshould eitherbof them had to comply? Itbwas clearly outside of their working hours. Both of them already had proor commitments. In this case the boss should have picked up the slack. ie the phone, when it rang from other timezones
I normally read these and move on. But I am a mom and grandma. My choice. However I do not feel it is my coworkers place to give up their time for me. Those judging you are probably the ones who use those kids as excuse to call in. I voluntarily work holidays because my kids are grown However I do say no if it is something I WANT to do. You chose to be childfree for that reason. You do you. Let all others figure their own out. If they cant manage time tough. Your life is yours. Live it! You only get 1.
I'm a mother of 2 but I side woth the OP. That was so uncalled for. You ask but not expect people to cover for you. Childfree women's lives are important, too. It's not their fault you have children and work. We all gotta choice and make sacrifices accordingly.
How about both women say no. They were both scheduled to be off. They both had weekend commitments. So, the job needs to take a backseat to one's scheduled off time. Sorry job but whatever calls needed to be handled would need to get rescheduled.
Yeah, ok, I agree with the person who said that the evening calls SHOULD be put on a Rotating basis. I’m not sure what the heck is wrong your Boss, not having done that already! Now I’m going to say something that is going to get me a BUNCH of Crap but Sorry! I was a woman who was told I couldn’t have any children due to Extreme problems with Endometriosis. I had made peace with the thoughts of never being a Mom. Shortly after I was married though, I got pregnant. Then again and again! The doctors were in shock. I believe that women who dont want children are self-entitled and selfish. When Moms (or Dads) try speaking to a child free couple, they just don’t understand “life”. I’m sorry I feel this way but I’ve interacted with many “child free” couples over the years. Not being able to have children is Much different than making the choice not to have them.
I've been working in healthcare for two years. I was the only one without children. It was so obvious to my colleagues that I will adapt my schedule to their needs that they just assumed that I will cover all shifts they didn't like. Same thing with vacation and holidays. All best dates (best weather) were booked before I was able to say anything. I was quite about it. At the beginning I was just new and had to subordinate. I was also new in the city so it was difficult for me to make any new friends with those really weird shifts. After a while I just got used to it. But in retrospect I can say that it was not fair and my life could have been much better if I hadn't put up with it. So no, in my opinion she didn't do anything wrong.
I feel the lady was right for stating her own prior commitment. Work/life balance applies to everyone, not just those with children. Having raised my own children alone I can sympathize with the mom who wants to not be on call during her child’s game. She needs to find someone who has no prior commitments to cover for her.
Why does this headline picture look like the makings of an amazing meme?
Im a mum of 3 and she's definatley not the ahole. the ahole is the parent who thinks she can use her kids to shift her job onto someone who doesn't have any. Private lives are just that private don't need to explain yourself to anyone.
Well I think both of them were right. On the one hand, It wasn't her problem if her coworker's kid had a soccer game. I mean if it was not really important game, of course (like a really stressful game for the kid, for example the first time the kid was playing on the team) ... On the other hand, it's not that bad to help one more time your coworker, if they're really need it. I've help so many times coworkers inneed, and when I was going through something terrible tough for me, everyone helped me... I don't know both sides too tell but I can't say that her coworker was wrong. But obviously she wasn't wrong too... That's my opinion, I was in that place many times and I know it's hard but still....
I think this just proves how much this generation just thinks about themselves. Did this girl really have anything that important to do. Did you even think about the child's feelings? When I worked I didn't have young children so I would work off hours so people with young children could be home with there children. Maybe it's time to care about others!!!
If the mother had simply asked the author if they'd cover for her at work because of her kid's soccer game with the promise she'd cover for the author the next time a similar situation came up and left it at that, then she'd have a lot more of my sympathy. But going on to say the author should be obliged to sacrifice *their* time simply because she has a kid and telling them that, as a childless person, their commitments aren't as important is so unbelievably entitled. It's *that* attitude I can't stand, and if someone I hardly knew at work told *me* I should prioritize their time over mine just because they're a parent, then accused me of being the selfish one for not bending over backwards to accommodate *their* needs, then I'd tell them to f*** off, too.
I'm kind of confused here because she doesn't have to be at her kids soccer game? Even if she was the ride, the kid can catch a ride with a friend, teammate, aunt, uncle, other parent, granparent, etc. Mom can also miss a few soccer games and it won't be the end of the world. She isn't even an active participant in that activity. It's nice to be there for your child, but someone else is probably videoing the game, and she can also ask her kid about it afterwards.
I am childless and have accommodated my coworkers who wanted to switch schedules so she could attend her son's game. I quit doing it because when I needed to swap, she refused. I also had a coworker tell me that because I was childless, I should work all holidays. (I work in a hospital).
NTA. I've always supported working mothers and volunteered to switch shifts with them so that they could attend their children's functions. My Mom was a stay at home mother who helped Dad on the farm and I know how important it was for her and Dad (when he could) to be there for us as children. However, when I complained about working every Thanksgiving and Christmas holiday one coworker said, that's because you're selfish. You chose not to have children so you have no family to celebrate with, so you deserve the crummy shifts. I lost it. I told her no, I was biologically unable to have children and getting knocked up at 17 didn't make her a superior human being to me. (She also told me her life was worth more because she was a mother). Twenty years later I'm still angry about that.
I'd be more upset about not being able to get covered in the case of illness and disability of a life partner. Which is why self employment is going to be more and more common. Too many bosses don't even let workers get off for diagnostic testing. I'm glad the great resignation is happening, because people know what they're worth now. Society rejects AI, which is utterly foolish and against logic. They expect an all human work force but don't want what that entails--- animals have needs, it's a condition of having a living body. Reading these comments has been entertaining, because most of the responses are from such myopic perspectives.
Unless this was some kind of super important/special game/sporting event, I don't see why the mother in this situation couldn't miss ONE of her kid's games. People overly cater to kid's nowadays. The single lady isn't responsible for anyone else's stuff unless she wants to be. The problem here is the way our culture values people with kids over those without. And I think it's wrong to assume that the childless woman's life is less stressful just because of the lack of minors in her life. Hypothetically, maybe she has an aging parent, or a seriously ill spouse, or maybe she has her own issues, such as mental health problems, that create just as much stress and need for care. The soccer mom in this story needs to get over herself.
You had prior plans, so why should you cancel your plans to accomodate her not working? Not to mention you already having covered the last 2? Sounds she didn’t even try negotiate other say ‘swaps’. Sounds like she is gaslighting and being a bully not getting her way again.
NTA to the coworker. But to the child maybe. It isn't just about the mom not missing the child's game. It is about the child missing the mom. If the mom attends all games then for the child it could mess them up. They may not have another way to the game since mom normally gets off in time and would usually be the person in charge of that. Game could have been significant for the child. Age would play a part. The mom was thinking of her kids feelings not just hers I bet. I would. And the poster is leaving out lots of details. I need more info to say either way really. But the kid could have been the one to suffer or the kid could be really glad mom wasn't there. But for both the kid should have been the concern.
NTA. If the other woman had done the last 2 calls, then, maybe, but pulling the kid card, then talking smack when it doesn't work is pretty low. I never minded working the school holidays or Halloween so a mom could use the time off, but that is ridiculous. I have had to alter my life so many times around a coworker's child's extracurricular activities.
As a child free woman it is awesome to see other parents understanding that being a parents doesn't mean your needs matter more then those of us without kids. Fair is fair, it's her turn.
I am a single Mom and don't think she should feel bad. Especially if she already took extra work in the past. All parents miss events sooner or later. The problem is many workplaces do not respect work life balance. I didn't have child until I was much older. So I get both sides. As a society, we expect people to fit ridiculous ideas of what it is to be a woman or man. A little empathy goes a long way. There are many ridiculous expectations put on people for their life choices. Single, with child, without....life is not JUST about work. I just had a man tell me I was damaged because I prefer being single ...because apparently a woman can't POSSIBLY be happy being single. That is a crock! Or a single parent is LESS THAN if they are not married. And the same with having children. I love being a Mom but truthfully MY married mom did not and she should said so. She was not happy nor was she a good Mom. Just do you and screw what people say
The commentary here seems to favor childless over child bearing. The childless will eventually age and when they grow old will have no offspring etc to help them. They will be relying on the services, social security, medicare, etc that is being funded by the offspring of those that had children. Propagation of the species is an important thing for all humanity. People that make the childbearing choice are not evil nor selfish. There is more to life than me me me
Why did it have to be either one of these women missing an activity that was important to them individually? First off it states their boss ASKED if one of them could take the call. They both could have said they already had previous commitments. Maybe their boss could have stayed and taken the call. I don’t know what type of business these women are in but with the pandemic many people are working remotely. Could they have gone to their games and one break away to take the call? I have spent many hours in my car in parking lots on zoom etc. because if after business hours projects/calls… I think both women are a*****es for looking at the issue as a win-lose instead of working together and doing a little problem solving and making it a win-win. Just my thoughts…
Every person male or female has a right to a personal life outside of work. No activity should be viewed as.more or less important. Comes down to whose turn is it?
What made you sound like "T@" was your comment about choosing not to have kids, made you sound like "T@". Being snarky makes a huge difference in how a comment is perceived. Saying that was not necessary to say, it made you sound like you're more superior to those who do have kids. When I had my 1st job in the Corporate World I didn't have any kids, I have one Son now. Whenever a parent asked if I could cover their shift, especially on Holidays, I did, why not, more overtime pay for me. After I had my Son I still took a shift if a coworker asked, even a Holiday shift I still did because my Son would be with his Dad, including mandatory overtime every Saturday 6:00-10:00am It's important that you had already covered two shifts so the Mom should have understood and that your events are just as important to you as her child events to her. Proper communication goes a long way in how we are perceived, no you are "NTA".
Definitely NTA. I'm a mom, but that doesn't mean I can bum off work I don't want to do onto someone else because "my child has xyz thing" Unless it was an emergency, she could have scheduled around the soccer game. They tell you about those well in advance. My kids aren't old enough for sports yet, but my little brother did tee-ball for 4 years and had the month of games scheduled. She couldn't have done anything to let their employer know ahead of time? I call BS.
As someone without children who is mindful of the needs of coworkers with children, I think this is contextual. If it was a semi final or final soccer game, I think maybe she should have filled in. Same as if it was the school play or similar. You never get those opportunities back as a parent, and it's really important to children that you're there. I think it's give and take. My coworkers understand if I need to leave early to go the theatre, and they're ok because I've covered for them when they need to pick their kids up. That's how it should work.
Entitled much? I'm a mother and I never expect any of my childless coworkers to alter their plans because I want to go to my child's event at the last minute. I plan ahead. If I forget and want to go at the last minute, then that just sucks for me. Entitled parents are just the worst and their kids are usually little shyts too and who wants to go out of their way for little shyts and their annoying parents?
Whats worse is when you've raised your children - no handouts no paid mat leave but bcos your kids are now adults you're expected to empathise and do more for a younger generation. Sorry but I did it all on my own. Yes you have children so look after them and do your damn job.
I am SO SICK of being judged for CHOOSING to be childless. The looks I get from people are relentless and people consistently saying I will change my mind drives me nuts. I'm 40, I've never wanted to become a mother. Just because you do not have children doesn't mean your life and commitments are any less important. Like someone else said, if her child had to go to the hospital or something, then maybe you'd be in the wrong. In this case, given you did the last two calls, fair is fair, child or not. Others life choices shouldn't become a burden on you, especially since its obvious you are pulling your weight. NTA!
Welp I think that's your own fault for explaining why you can't go, that's a personal matter and you have the right to remain silent, just said that you have a personal matter to attend and can't do it cuz it is important (for you)
There was a 50/50 chance he'd lose the game anyway. Not that important.
I'm a mom and I don't think she's TA. The mom will have the opportunity to go to other soccer games. The person who posted actually had a game herself. She needed to be there. It is part of their jobs. It's two bad they are on call on a rotating basis instead of at the same time.
It used to irritate the life out of me when coworkers with children got preferential treatment. Granted, I had no children then, but I've had one since and it still bugs me. My time is no more valuable than anyone else's and I would never dream of trying to guilt anyone into accommodating MY CHOICE to have children.
I'm an RN and when i was married but had no children at that time, i would work on Christmas for a fellow co-worker who had kids even though it's my favorite holiday. Yes it wasn't fun for me but it helped make 2 little kids and their mom and dad happy. The woman who wanted to play volleyball had fun. But the child who missed having their only support system at an important event for them had no one to cheer for them. Just something to think about. BTW, now i have kids and I've had people help me out. Take care all! And remember, it takes a village!
Are people really so shocked by this? IME, co-working parents _always_ expected us child-free folks to pick up their slack so they could take off for soccer games and the like. I refused to accept that my life is less important than theirs -- so unless it was an emergency or I owed someone a favor, I always said no. Firmly. (P.S. NTA.)
The OP should never have been involved. The manager should have started with telling soccer mom it was her turn to cover. Any objections should have been from soccer mom directly to the manager and then worked out between them. OP needs to discuss THAT with the manager- why was she even asked?
NTA. If she's taking other extra shifts to help out women with kids then everyone else is TA. You can't expect people to turn their plans around because you decided to have kids. Having kids means you have responsibilities. Sometimes your responsibility is working to pay for your kids. I can't believe everyone is saying she should have just done it. I don't get why people think their children are everyone else's problem. You the one that had kids, you deal with it
Part of being a working parent is missing children's games. People who don't have kids have lives too.
I have a feeling something is being left out on the ops side, why would you have to constantly reassure the readers that you have empathy for mom's etc, both are the a$$ imo, in this situation it's almost impossible for either side not to be the a$$ imo
Definitely NTA. And as for "your activities aren't as important" - OP was going to PLAY volleyball. If she didn't show up, it would impact her whole team, and the other team. I'm sure there were other spectators at the kid's game. I also am child free. And I get the same double standard. Guess what? We were both hired to do a JOB. If your job performance is affected by your personal life, and coworkers have to pick up the slack - then that better be reflected in raises and bonuses.
I am a Father of 4 who coached Minor Sports for 25 years as well as being an athlete myself...I always made arrangements with the boss at work when my Kid's League Sports which included my 4 would conflict with work...My vacation time was used for Provincial and National Minor Tournaments...I spent 40 hours a week on our sport as I was also League President or Vice for 20 years and Regional and Provincial Minor Convenor for 3...I say the Mom here is wrong..Her life or her child's life are NO More or NO Less important than the lady who doesn't have Kids...You had the Kids..You figure it out Mom
I'm a single mom but dang I pull my weight. I don't use my son as excuse for anything. I plan my life around my job. No job no life
NTA. As a mother, I will go so far as to say the mother you speak of ITA. You took the last 2 calls, presumably because she had other child related things to do. Here's the thing, her child still attended the game, her child still got their physical exercise. She does not need to attend every game and it sounds like she is using her kid as an excuse to get out of extra work. Your exercise is equally important to her child's exercise, but she has no right to get mad at you or spread gossip about you because you are trying to be healthy and respect your own boundaries. Her kid still went, someone could film the game for her if it's that important. This made me kind of angry for you. Keep standing up for yourself and ignore the workplace bully. If the gossip continues, report it. She is being a bully, and thinks she has the right because she has children. Just No.
Absolutely NTA. In what psychopathic world are those with children inherently more important, and worthy of life, than those without children? Anyone who has the "mother" designation does not get to "designate" what "non-mother" people get to do or not, or when to work extra or not.
Having kids doesn't give anyone a free pass. She's DEFINITELY not the A here, especially since she'd taken the last 2 calls. The mom could very well go to the game, use her cell for the call, then return to the game. She could also have dad film the game. She could miss one---it's not the state championship. Don't EVER apologize for choosing not to have children, and it certainly doesn't mean you get stuck covering for those who do. Before I had kids, I didn't mind working so coworkers could take theirs trick-or-treating, etc. I was also lucky, because they didn't try to take advantage of me. It sounds like this woman EXPECTS you to always cover for her. NOT COOL!!!
NTA I kinda think the whole kid part of the topic has little to do with anything. You're NTA because you don't have do a favor for a coworker regardless of their reason why or what else you have to do. The fact that you do or don't have kids is a big whatever. I don't care if you had an appointment with a Netflix binge and a beer it's your time. Sometimes you have to work when you rather be at your kid's game.
Why do the breeders expect everything, but are not willing to give anything for those of us who prefer to put the planet first?
NTA, my aunt is a single mother and adopted 2 wonderful children. She had contacts and other parents willing to help the kids travel if needs be. From a team perspective - missing a player (volleyball) seems more important than missing a spectator (the mother) as nice as it would be to be there grow up and realize it's not all about you.
She only said the kid had a soccer game, not that she was the only way of the child attending, I am sure other children's parents may have to work and the audience participation may be down due to that, while it is sad to miss a game, it is not every game...while the lady would be not only missing her own game but letting down her team, so there is a lot more at play there. Having done the last two times, the fact that the Mother even tried to get out of it makes her a very unfair colleague, and the Boss not very respectful of the ladies time either, it should not have been a question he should have outright said it is the Mothers turn, and not made them hash it out at all, it made for a bad workplace.
I dont get it - if the mother works - the game still gets played, she just doesnt get to watch it. if the chid-free person works then the game doesnt get played. seems like a no brainer to me - regardless of the emotional blackmail.
NTA - I always tried to schedule my PTO away from major school holidays for my co-workers with kids to have, but It was never asked of me. Personally it made travel cheaper. By the same note we had a rotation for other holidays that everyone gets, and we all took turns.
Anyone playing the "empathy or understanding card for fellow human beings" needs to understand that having kids is a personal responsibility and saying s**t like understanding and empathy singles you out as the parent that cannot cope with raising their own child. If you can't be solely responsible for your offspring just don't procreate. No "yes but a little understanding or flexibility from coworkers". Stop saddling them with your shortcomings.
Sometimes when I see these kind of posts I really think they must be fake because it's unfathomable to me that anyone would ever think it's okay to behave this way. Especially as it seems you've been so accommodating. I get mad at cigarette smokers getting extra breaks nevermind parents who think their kids mean they don't have to be at work on time or can leave earlier than me. I get that it's difficult to be a parent and can appreciate that it's hard if you have to work holidays but that isn't the fault of someone else.
It depends. If she is a good coworker and has done something similar to you or not.
Nta.. but I also probably would have been the person to just do the job anyway. I remember what it was like to grow up with absent parents. Missed my first communion, my grade 8 graduation... heck, when I had an experience that caused my permanent ptsd at 16, my parents were no where to be seen then either because of work. There were so many times I wished they were there... so chances are I'd over work myself to let a parent be there for their kid. Is it my responsibility? No. Do I believe it takes a village? Yes
Me personally i would have covered the working mother shift they could have got somebody to cover your position in the volleyball game I'm sorry working mothers always come first in my eyes and until you've had kids you're not going to understand that and you saying you do understand that no you don't cuz you do not have kids you don't know what it's like for a child to be so hell-bent on a parent being at their game and it'll look up at the bleachers and not see that parent there it's heartbreaking plain and simple so yes I think this woman putting her volleyball game before a little kid wanting their mother to be at their game first that was very selfish of the non-mother and she should be ashamed of herself I think this woman it's super heartless and thank God she didn't have no kids cuz I don't think she'd make a good mom
It takes a community to raise children not just mothers. If there were no children there would be no one to service us. There is becoming a great loss of community and it will come to bite us in the ass.
I think they're both the a*****e. Just because you don't have kids doesn't mean that someone who does have kids needs to do something for you, and vice versa.
When are Humans going to understand... If you don't have children, you are the unspoken 2nd class citizen. Reguardless of sex or culture, you refuse to take the only real fuction you serve to your species, men and women alike, and instead believe your individual pursuit somehow exonerates you of a HUMAN condition, not some mere cultural construct. Be grateful society takes you seriously at all.
Listen. You are with your co-workers 8hr day or more, 5 days a wk. You become family while at work. So if someone asks to be off to support a child's game, graduation, death, birth, wedding. Why wouldn't you make a sacrifice for your co-worker as he/she is your work family. I read all comments of those who opposed the idea and those who did not oppose. I thought how sad/selfish it is to the opposed to let this be an issue. Whether you wanted kids or not or have kids or not is irrelevant. You are a work family & supporting your work family is just as important your own immediate family. There should be no in-between period. The supervisor is not a leader & sounds like this is not a good place to work. I thank God, my workplace is not a cut-throat place of wk. We support one another & treat each other as family. If someone comes to me asking to switch out days to cover so they can attend whatever, I DO NOT HESITATE IN DOING SO.
Yup. Keep your mouth shut because they guilt you for decìding to fk n save. Not wrong for saying no. Definitely wrong for putting it on global media. I think you pathetic and weak; I'd never date someone similar because you are classless, lowbrow trouble..
Nope kids COME FIRST not our (parents who are active in their kids lives) problem u decided not to have any children … find a job with a set schedule if u don’t like covering for parents who’s time (I’m sorry not sorry) is more valuable esp when it’s time spent with and for their children …. Period
I would down vote this entiled, narcissistic comment 1000 times if it let me.
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The company is the a*****e here! Seriously... unionize or something! You guys getting mad at each other because your company decides to suddenly spring more work on you and forces you to stay in late is not productive. Get mad at the company! Get mad at your boss! Form a union!
NTA but it should be noted that it's not just the mom who is being affected here but also the kid. Hopefully the mom had a spouse who was able to go.
I'm going to go with a very soft yta...hear me out. The following comment doesn't have to do with if one has kids and the other doesn't because with that logic, absolutely not, your commitments ARE just as important. HOWEVER. The very soft is this, and hear me out. I am not sure what age this child is, but sports can be very important to a growing child, not just for exercise or what not but because of social interaction and how to learn to work with others. It's a social and mental exercise as well. You as an adult have clearly (hopefully) already learned that and it's also a formidable time in the child's life with the parent's. IE: if parents miss too many games, it can be perceived they didn't care or take interest. I am in no way saying that your game wasn't important, but your team isn't instilling life lessons and values, you do that for fun, hobby, exercise, what not. It's enjoyable is my point.
Soccer games happen every week. If the manager sets the precedent for giving time off for them, it will become an every week excuse. The soccer mom chose to have children AND chose a job with occasional after hours work. The OP had no input in either of those decisions, why should she have to sacrifice to support them? If after hours work was not part of the original job description, that would be different. OP makes it clear that it was. If I make decisions in my life life that end up costing you time and money, are you just going to pay up without complaint? If so, just give me a minute and I will come up with several. LOL
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whether or not kids where by choice or accident it’s a prison sentence either way, and yes some people *love* the struggle that comes with having a child(ren) but it’s very OBVIOUS that society is losing sympathy for mothers who are forced to work because they can’t afford not to, while rich people like the “Karashians” have nanny’s and people who clean up after them and still get to call themselves “mothers”
NTA. If women have kids then it's their responsibility and they shouldn't expect childless people to sacrifice their time just because they have no kids. Go away!
*If PEOPLE have kids; this should not all fall on the mothers. I suspect that's part of the problem here.
Load More Replies... In my country, there's no such thing as a "working mother", just "a mother", because most mothers work. So I cannot see how this could be a reason to claim any preferential treatment. Your kids are your responsibility, not anyone else's. Unless it's a matter of kid's health or safety.
Because USA do not have parental leave, or any kind of support for working mothers, and as a result most of them essentially penalized when they decide to have children, most of them not only are the primary care giver but also tend to do the majority part of house work after coming back from work.
Load More Replies... Little Timmy has two parents, and he won't melt into the ground if one of them misses one of his soccer games.
Surely, somebody else could have taken the kid to his soccer game (even if it was another soccer parent, if the child's father was absent). But pulling out of a volleyball game at the last minute, makes it very inconvenient for the rest of the team. What a selfish, entitled twat. Good for OP for standing up for herself. As one of the other commenters said, "Look at her shiny spine!"
I said the same thing. A player missing a game is actually much more important than a spectator missing a game. Just on that along OP is NTA. There are plenty of others reasons too.
Load More Replies... NTA. And I'm a parent. Having children doesn't entitle you to someone else's free time or special treatment at work. Not does being childless make you not human, or make you not need time to yourself for leisure activities.
To take this to the extreme. Does the draft mean young men are treated as not human? Because others feel entitled to use their body as a shield?
Load More Replies... Children are not a community project, if you decide to have any you need to be ready to take care of them yourself and make the necessary sacrifices. ALL The TIME.
I'm not a.parent but children are a community project. You don't have to bend over backwards for them individually, but their best interests should be front and center in a community. Positive community projects for children are incredibly important. Regardless of if you have them or not todays children are tomorrow's care takers.
Load More Replies... definitely NTA just because you have kids doesn't make what you're doing after work more important that others who don't i could understand if was a medical thing then maybe but pulling the mum card woow entitled much
Kids aren't assigned to people. People choose to have them. And when they do, they choose the whole package.
Not The A*****e. In fact, using your kids for sympathy is sociopathic narcissism. I'm looking at you Linda.
I'm sure she's a great parent just like the famous one that was just POTUS lol
Load More Replies... NTA I used to work on a shift rota and always made exceptions for colleagues that had kids, Xmas birthdays, doctor, etc. After more than a year I had some friends coming round and asked to swap a Saturday afternoon shift. My friends where arriving on the Friday and leaving Sunday. They all used there kids as an excuse and made it clear that me and my mates going on a jolly up was not important. No more favours after that, oh fun fact, 2 weeks later I was promoted to shift manager, guess who did the rotas?
Having children is not a disability so expecting childless people to bend over backwards for a parent because they "don't understand how hard it is" is pathetic. Having reasonable adjustments for emergencies and the like is to be expected, but childless people are not responsible for your choice to have children just because they have made a different choice themselves.
One of several reasons I don't have children is because I DO know how hard it is. I think if more people considered in advance how hard it is we would not be on edge of more people than the planet can support. LOL.
Load More Replies... NTA, you were asked and declined. Ultimately your supervisor is responsible to ensure it's covered. My mom was a single parent who worked over time and missed a lot for me growing up so I'm empathetic but personal care and personal commitments are just as important for your own self care.
They were both asked... both should then be able to say no
Load More Replies... If you make the decision to have children, you are accepting all responsibility that comes with them. Those responsibilities should never be put upon someone else. Having a child does not automatically entitle you to anything. And if you are not able to take care of them, then you don’t have them. Simple as that.
NTA. Don't ask these questions of your friends who are mothers, because they're already wandered right over to the "me me ME!" camp where the world revolves around them and their spawn. Never give in to this hypocritical bullsh*t, they're expecting you to place yourself and your life beneath their life choices. I'm so tired of parents guilt tripping childless people because we aren't as selfish as them.
The other woman decided that she wanted to be a mother. Thats not a group project in which you involuntarily invite others.
NTA. I've been there, heck I am still here! As an employee with no kids (my long-term partner and I have only been together for 8 years but we've decided we aren't planning to have kids) my colleagues often expect me to "cover" for them during holidays or after business hours including weekends because they think their time being parents/adults with kids are much more important than us kid-less ones. It's annoying, it will always going to happen, so keep your chin up and continues standing up for your awesome self. You're doing a great job!
We've been together for twenty years, but it took us a long time to find each other. I was married, but my husband died at age 33, and we were childless. Our time together is as valuable as anybody else's. He's my place to come home to. Where I can let my hair down and be my own damn self every day. I need that as much as you need to watch your kid play soccer.
Load More Replies... "No I can't, I have plans for that night." Don't volunteer info because they'll see it as an invitation to measure your life.
It's amazing how many people become entitled monsters when they have kids. They feel everyone should cater to them.
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Load More Replies... NTA...your kids, your problem! I've missed some activities while raising my daughter because I had some work obligation, I didn't make it a co-workers issue, I just asked her grandma to go to the game in my place.
Frankly, the volleyball game trumps the soccer game because the PLAYER would be missing it, not the spectator. Companies do this to single/child free workers all the time...just expect them to do more because they "don't have someone waiting for them." My friend in corporate IT deals with it daily. She has to cover for the parents all the time when they come late, leave early, work from home, etc, and she has to take all of the on call shifts and never complain because she doesn't have a family. That doesn't mean she shouldn't have a work life balance!
I have been a single working mother since my daughter was small. I took several lower-paying jobs rather than one really good-paying one, so that I would be able to prioritize being a parent when it was necessary. I did my best to support other working mothers when it didn't interfere with my own schedule. Health crises would be high on the list for making exceptions. Sports events would not. If you are struggling to be a full time parent and a full time worker, welcome to reality. Women are usually the ones left having to make the compromises. But the compromises should be the responsibility of the parent(s) and not random co-workers!
Chip in if the child is sick and needs care, sure. But to accomodate the child's hobby?? Some parents just lose their grip on reality.
She said she is married. That is a family as much as a couple who has kids.
NTA in my opinion. OP also deserves to have time for herself, and she did take the last two calls. Being a mother is hard and I get that, but she also has a job and when she doesn't come in it affects her coworkers and she needs to be more considerate.
I've had something like this happen to me ,I'm disabled now but when I was working a co worker got mad at me . Cause I had worked 5 yrs on third and wanted and went for the new spot on first . Will I got it I've never applied for a spot before and gave it a shot . This co worker came up to me and asked why do you get it , it's not like you have kids . I didn't respond to her being a jerk , but , a week after I started she also was on the same shift same line as me. I just started laughing . I have no children not by choice but because I can't. Others kids is not our responsibility as a childless person. Our society needs to change but I doubt it does .
These women should have said to their boss that they both cannot make the call. It's outside hours and they had other obligations. Both equally important.
As a mother of 3 toddlers, I am offended that a parent would deem their time and activities more important than others. Nope. We (parents) can ask folks to be flexible without feeling entitled… If she has a bone to pick, take it up with the whoever scheduled her for multiple evening calls. But sorry Deborah, your life and time is not somehow more meaningful because you have children. And shame on every other person in the workplace who doesn’t have the guts to call her out on it…
I’m 51, never wanted kids and never had them. For all of my working life, I’ve heard this: “Christmas eve shift? That should be Sam, she doesn’t have any kids. Someone called off? Sam can fill in, she doesn’t have any kids. Drive forever to work at another location? Sam, she doesn’t have to worry about child care.” This has been every job for 30 + years. It was as if I didn’t have a life at all. I took it when I was young. Later I got mean.
OMG, so sick of people who chose to have children behave as if they are doing the world a favor and somehow entitled to preferential treatment. GET OVER YOURSELVES ALREADY! If anything, you are doing the human race a disservice considering diminishing natural resources, Climate Change, etc. Stop behaving as if your lives and activities are more important because you had children! I'm so over this...
I'm so sick of people thinking single people can put their life on hold because they are single. If you decide to have a family and work, know that everyone deserves the same treatment regardless of family status. No, she doesn't have to give up her life choices because you pro-created.
I felt so torn between my work commitments and children that I had a nervous breakdown. It can be a horrible experience for working mothers to continually feel that they’re letting someone down and there is a lot of pressure on women to successfully do everything, both as a parent and as a professional. I’m not saying that the person in this post should have worked the shift for her, but I understand I why the person would ask. Perhaps the employer needs to give them more notice.
Sorry that happened to you, that's rough. I agree that asking is perfectly fine. Trying to emotionally blackmail someone who has said no is not. She should have taken it on the chin and tried to find another way around it.
Load More Replies... Why are people always searching for things to disagree about, be on opposite ends? This is not about having kids or not, being a mom or not. OP has covered the last 2 times. The other woman should cover this one. The only exception would be when someone is caring for a sick/disabled etc person/has made it clear to the boss from the start of these evening shifts that wednesday evenings are a NO. Then it's up to the boss to find a solution.
Crotch gremlins don't have priority over someone else's life, nor should they be used to dodge working overtime.
ooh, the mommies downvoted you for the truth. You are totally right. Most ppl do have kids because "this is the way in life" not because they really wanted yo & thought it trough. Then they hate it and make whole world responsible for their precious baby.
Load More Replies... I definitely don't think this woman was TA. She had a prior engagement and is entitled to her free time. I say that as a single mother. The one time I thought my coworker was a jerk was when I swapped a closing shift with him so he could go see his kid do an activity, but he wouldn't do the same for me when he was available, I thought that was kind of rude.
It's nobodies responsibility to work around your kids waveform. That's YOUR job, and you made that decision when you had them. It's selfish and ridiculous. Plus, all you parents punish your company workers who don't have kids, by batching that you shouldn't have to be there because so and so doesn't have kids. Kiss our kidless asses, we are sick of your s**t!
As someone with no children I've often found myself having to pick up other people's work so they can leave early for family stuff. I never complained about it but have always felt uncomfortable with the expectation that as a childless woman I owe them that. Seems to have some underlying misogyny to it.
1) Had something similar happen to me. I’m the one who doesn’t have kids, so I would take the lion’s share of extra work, to let people with something more important to do go ahead home. But I also was back in school getting my degree, meaning homework and papers due, which was the case this time, and I wanted to be the one to go home early, so I could finish the final draft of a paper that was due the next day. The other woman had kids and was constantly on her cellphone to them, so it’s not like she hadn’t spoken to her kids all day. She also always went home early. She assumed I’d stay and even had the nerve to say something like “I know you’re going to stay late, and let me go home. Thanks”. I said “no, this time I’d like to go home early”. You should’ve seen her face go from smiling sweetly to dark and twisted. She said “so you’re NOT going to let me go home and watch my children go to sleep?”, and I said “no, this time I’d like to be the one to go home early.”
2) She then stormed off and I thought she’d just pout and get over it. I went to the boss’ office to say I’d like to go home early, and was told I was the only employee left so I couldn’t—-because my coworker just told the boss she was sick and had just thrown up, so the boss let her go home! When I told him about the conversation she and I JUST had, meaning there was no time for her to do any puking, he shook his head and said he’d make a note of her shenanigans and crack down on people playing the “But I have kids” card to get all kinds of accommodations. He said those accommodations are strictly for emergencies, not to “watch your children go to sleep”, which we both agreed she could’ve missed one night, because her kids will go to sleep again tomorrow night, and she can watch them then if she’s not working. Same goes for soccer games. There’s no justification for dumping shitty schedules on someone just because they don’t have kids. (Sorry for being so long winded.)
Load More Replies... Can we finally look at this without the reasons? Person A has a commitment. Person B has a commitment. Person B has worked the 2 times before this, so Person A should get this one. HAVING OR NOT HAVING KIDS DOES NOT MATTER. The question isn't: Childfree Woman Wonders If She’s A Jerk For Standing By Her Principles And Making Her Coworker Miss Her Kid’s Soccer Game . It should be: Person wonders is she's a jerk for not covering an overtime workcall 3 times in a row. Person A: Hey person B, I have engagements that night, can you take that call? Person B: No I have other plans as well, and I covered the last two time so it's only fair that it's your turn.
I get the opposite on my job. My kids are 18 and 21. I always get the calls saying, I know you need money with 2 kids in school. Plus with them being away at school, I get told, "it's not like you have anyone at home you have to babysit." While the single ones don't ever get asked to come in. My answer is always, no thank you. I'm a nurse and work 3 - 12 hours shifts a week. Covid BS is causing staffing shortages, so that's enough work for me to last a lifetime. That being said, I don't swap shifts, accomodate holidays, or vacations. My time is as precious as anyone elses, even if it is being spent alone. I recently had one of the single ones try to swap a shift in order to extend her weekend, because she had already bought a plane ticket and the supervisor wouldn't give her the day off. How dumb and entitled can a person be? Well since no one "understood" her dilemma, she called in, leaving us short a nurse. When she got back from her birthday fun trip, before coming back to work she tested positive for Covid. I guess I'll always be TA, because when I'm off the clock, I don't want to be bothered!!
This one's like "so, you got screwed, got pregnant, got a child, you get to leave to have fun with them, and I'm the one who needs to abandon my plans??? Because of YOUR child???"
As a single parent, NTA. My kids understand that they are my number 1 priority, but they also understand I have coworkers who depend on me. The onus is not on childless coworkers to pick up the slack. The onus is on parents to teach your kids about fulfilling your responsibilities.
I'm really tired of entitled parents and how society seems to condone this idiotic behavior... having children is a personal choice, and with that choice comes all the complications it has... is NOBODY ELSE business what a parent has to "sacrifice" for their children, nobody decided for them, you have children? Fine, DEAL WITH IT... nobody has the obligation to clear the road ahead of them just because they decided to have kids... enough with this bullsh*t!!!
Somehow I got downvoted for saying you shouldn't call people names? Since when don't people agree with that statement? :(
Not to mention it was a volleyball match and the OP had a responsibility to her teammates. The soccer game was probably one out of dozens over the years. She could miss one.
Op doesn't owe her coworker anything. She already covered someone twice. She doesn't work for the mom. She made a prior commitment and I'm glad she told her coworker no. It's not like it was a doctor appointment or a funeral. It was a soccer game. If the mom wanted to go so bad she should have scheduled that day off instead of begging for someone else to cover her ass.
Load More Replies... This is a broader question than parent vs no n parent. When negotiating work loads and roasters around personal situations, there are a number of considerations. Is it short or long term? A dying relative or someone being 8 months pregnant is very temporary so can be accommodated more easily. Having young children or looking after someone with a disability is not likely to change anytime soon, so it can’t be expected that your colleagues will just always make allowances for that on an ad-how basis. Make an arrangement with the boss that you do t do after hours and let the boss find the solution to that.
NTA. I agree with the commenters who advised against specifying that your excuse is a volleyball game. Also, just as a heads up, the use of "respectfully" here actually comes across passive aggressive to me. I might reconsider starting your sentences that way in a disagreement if your aim is to de-escalate the conflict. Though I can be pretty sensitive and maybe not everyone takes it that way!
I'm sorry, I have to side with the Non-Mom on this. She should not feel bad for keeping her plans and she would have covered the call no problem if she wasn't already busy. I think Mothers have an incredibly hard job balancing work and raising kids, however, that said I don't think it's fair that people who literally decided not to have kids so that they could do whatever they want whenever they want should be made to look like horrible people for living a life of their own convenience. Please, Stop playing the kid card all.the.time!
You do an it once and they'll always come to you expecting you to do it again in the future. I've been down this path in the past. You did the right thing. As for the folks talking about you behind your back, don't listen to them who are they to tell you what to do or how to live your life.
NTA. What you do with your free time is your business and you have no obligation to explain or justify how you use it. To mothers/parents, I understand stuff happens and things randomly cone up, an emergency is one thing, but a scheduled hobby? It's on the mother in this scenario to manage her time better. The OP in this story has already proven more than one occasion that she can be counted on to cover or pick up a shift when necessary, but that shouldn't mean she becomes the go-to person to do everytime it's needed. I support working moms, I really do and can't imagine how difficult it must be, but I've been a victim of that entitlement before, that childless women are treated as if we have no lives outside of work and can just drop everything at a moments notice. If it's an emergency, yeah, see what you can do, but a scheduled hobby is not a reason to make a coworker choose. Or to turn the other coworkers against the other.
NTA I'm a mother of 2 and work causes me to miss stuff. Outside of your normal working hours what you do is No one else's business. We need to stop normalizing coworkers being entitled to know our outside lives. Work is work. It was her turn to take that shift. Your plans could have been to eat a pint of ice cream and watch House reruns. Does not matter.
I'm confused, she just wanted to be a spectator, while you had a team commitment, her not attending hers son's game didn't affect anyone else. sometime a job commitment does that. kid or no kid. NTA. the other is the ah. maybe she needs to find another job if her kids games are so important
NTA. I'll be honest here. They chose to procreate. They see a need to pass on their genes. So, they need to live by their decision. People may help, out of kindness, not obligation. When someone take kindness as an entitlement, then they are arseholes plain and simple.
I had a boss who would expect those of us with adult children or no children to work late and sometimes on weekends, too….Not child related, but she even arranged for some admin staff, who were scheduled to attend a co-workers daughter’s wedding, to work that Saturday, so we wouldn’t socialize outside of work. That company no longer exists.
I have another comment. Neither person in this situation ITA. How about discussing having a healthy work/life balance. If you work 9-5, the work should stop at 5. Why can't these calls be taken care of the next business day during office hours? Are you getting paid extra to take these calls? Is it a mandatory part of your job description? Or is it something that your boss is supposed to be handling, but has pushed the work onto you, so they themselves don't have to do it? If it's the latter, then that's something that needs to be addressed with HR. As long as you continue to work past your working hours and say nothing, the boss will continue to make you do extra work. This can result in family feeling neglected at home and tension amongst coworkers (which is already happening), which in turn creates an overall unhealthy work environment. And of course being labelled as not a "team player."🙄
I don't have kids and I try to help people out who do have kids because the kids shouldn't suffer if parent is a poor planner. HOWEVER if the kid is constantly being used as an excuse and I'm the one always taking on extra work because kid parent is using kid as an excuse, all bets are off. If coworker keeps pushing work onto kidless coworkers, then they need to figure something out or talk to boss and maybe the one who always takes on the responsibility needs to get paid higher for after work duties for always being stuck with the extra work.
My daughter looses hours at work all the time because a coworker has a child and she doesn't. Like my daughter doesn't need to eat or something.
I don't think the author of this article did anything wrong. Don't let these people gaslight you. Live your best life. You have nothing to feel guilty about.
As a working human I would never inconvenience someone for my sake. As a working father, I've even stayed late to support single people going to an event. One isn't entitled to extra support, but it builds great teamwork if you choose to support each other. Sounds like the working mommy from the story wasn't doing her share so she can just piss right off.
I'm childless not by choice. I had to have a total hysterectomy at 32 so I didn't really get the choice. However, I've always tried to help out people I work with in order for them to be there for their kids, but there's always a few who use the "parent card" to get out of work, leave early, not pick up a holiday, etc.. I keep it rather simple: I don't help those folks out because they take advantage of any and every situation and usually end up losing their jobs anyway. I think it should be a case by case basis. A fair-minded person will not take advantage of others whether or not they are a parent.
The post said the boss asked IF one of them could take the call. That to me leaves enough of an opening to say that you have plans already. If there isn't a set on-call schedule, a late call should just be an extra completely voluntary thing to do. I'm not going to stay late at the last minute for anything because of someone's poor management.
I feel like the mother could have scheduled that day off but decided at last minute to ask someone to cover for her. That is not this woman's problem.
I worked in a hospital laboratory which meant it had to be staffed 24 hours 7 days a week...so on Christmas Day only 2 showed up for work at 06:00..Three were scheduled..After an hour we called the employee and asked if she was coming in to work. She said she was not coming in until her kids open their Christmas presents! She was reprimanded...she put her 2 weeks in and quit. I do give her credit because she went back to school and got a position Monday to Friday no weekends no holidays.. Yes
My Mom was a single mother of five. She didn't have time for b******t sports or other crap. Guess what...who cares? She was a great Mom, supported us well and did the best job she could. We understood that. Oh wait, today's child is all about ME!!!
Some time in my 20s I learned to say "no I can't do that sorry" without saying u had a volleygane or whatever. This was a huge problem in Italy and many countries as well. Then again women are often forced to take part time or lower jobs to take care of domestic issues, so they can't help but rely on their coworkers
NTA. I mean, if you choose to be childfree you should be able to be childfree. So that's not really your problem. I do feel for the mom though. Or, a lot of people are single parents with no support network so there is no guarantee someone else could take the kid, or it could be one of those moments you really needed to be there and as a mom I understand how much that sucks. But still not really op's problem.
I have had the mother card played on me several times when it came to vacation around the holidays or giving up vacation because someone else messed up their childcare. So glad I am out of that business, too much entitlement.
The less said the better so you don't get roped into an argument. You have plans and it's none of their business.
If the boss thinks it's so important then why doesn't the boss do it? The boss is the AH here for pitting co-workers against co-workers and feeding a toxic work environment.
The boss is the A here. The boss should have assigned one of you, not make you two go through this. What a jerk.
As a mother myself…I see both of their commitments as being important. I don’t understand why someone else couldn’t take the call or move the call to another day.
Having children is one of the key factors to finding fulfillment & meaning in life. When someone chooses not to they are making some form of sacrifice & allowing their lineage to end. This is not a criticism at all, just a fact. In exchange for that they are avoiding making an incredible sacrifice and allowing things to be about them. Like not having to attend a soccer game and to be able to go on vacation and actually enjoy it and have it be about them and not their kids. These people are saying that they should partake in the sacrifices of having kids but not getting to experience any of the good things about having kids. Definitely NTA. By the way my wife and I chose not to have kids. Our vacations are awesome, frequent and all about us. But we still talk about what our kids would have looked like and how we would have been great parents. We're okay with our choice but still we did make a choice that has pros and cons. And we are not changing a bunch of plans because others do
NTA But I think the mother was coming from a mindset that society is pretty firm about: mothers are unimportant. Everything is about your kids. Even your needs are less important than your child's desires. If you drop the ball, you're a neglectful mother. I think she generalized this mindset thinking that women come second to children, not just mothers. I'm a mom and I think OP handled the situation well. I think saying she has a volleyball game is fine. Saying she has a prior commitment sounds like she's saying that she has something to do that the mother would consider serious. But it doesn't matter if she wants to sit outside her work and stare at the sky on her free time. It's her time and it's important.
I have kids and I would not have expected someone who doesn't sacrifice for me so I can do. Their boss also is wrong she also viewed the woman without kids to give if the co- workers talked it out, otherwise she would not continue to take advantage of her after she all ready worked the last two times.
Parent or not, we have all had to turn something down because of work. Sucks, but it's one of the responsibilities of being a working adult.
No children here. My boyfriend has a coworker who is a mother, she's a very sweet person. Some years ago (he still was single), hey used to not taking holidays on the first two weeks of August, because of her kid's school holidays. Sometimes he was asked to go work on Saturday, because his boss told him "Hey, you don't have kids, it's easier for you to come than her"... until the day he refused and stated that he did that not for the company, but for the coworker. He spoke to her and they agreeded that it was fair to share the holidays each year and working on Saturday.
Over job I had my supervisor always made excuses for the other girl on the team. She was always 2+ hrs late for work, took long lunches and left early every day. She would pass all her work to other people. He said to me I should suck it up and just do the work. I told him I'm a single mom too and she lives with her parents who take care of her kids when they're not in school and I volunteer and still take home work to do at night. He started to stutter trying to come up with other excuses. Eventually she failed probation after there was over 100 complaints in a 6 month period and being watched for her hours of work. The sup also made me lead is a 3 person team. He did nothing. He only has the 3 of us to supervise. Eventually he pissed me off that I had a long talk with the CIO and they removed him as the supervisor. Now he just screws up his job on the IT security team and our current CIO can't stand him either.
The other people on the volleyball ball team expect the OP to honor her commitment. If she doesn't show, they could lose. If the Mom doesn't show, it makes no difference the soccer team, they still play.
Remember she has a s hood when the games are, so she could have asked days before. I would definitely do it if I don’t have plans but this last Minton asking is wrong
The two were apparently sharing the responsibility of after-hours calls. The child-less lady said she did the last two calls, so it is now the lady with children to take her turn. When I was working, there was four of us and we took turns, sometimes it worked out where we could go to our children's functions and sometimes not. If it was something important, outside of a weekly game, then other arrangements were made.
1. I'm a single mother of 2 young girls. My oldest daughter has played soccer since she was 4 and I even volunteered to coach a few of those years. I fully understand being present in their life as I once left a job for another and took a $3 a hour pay cut in order to have more time with them. However, I do not believe the OP is wrong here. There's a lot of questioning here in regards to the boss, the job and entitlement. As for the job and boss, I would love to think I would tell my boss to do it or reschedule something. She clearly states the job required them to work outside hours so it is obvious they accepted the job knowing that this will occasionally happen. Now, was the boss wrong for emailing both and letting them decide amongst themselves? Instead of just alternating the calls between them to eliminate the work place drama? Maybe? Maybe not? Ultimately, I feel the boss is wanting to give them the opportunity to make the decision cause the boss understands that these
2. Calls can potentially cause conflicts with their schedule, as what happened here but also he/she doesn't really know their life so in case one employee needs extra money at that time he is allowing them the opportunity. With this situation considering both had commitments, neither one ultimately took priority, neither of them was life or death. Therefore without a doubt it should have just been decided since OP took the last 2 it is now Mom's turn. Maybe Mom should have taken the last call or even be more of a team player. Now, remember I said I'm a single mom and even coached, YES it is hard raising kids and YES Mom's want to be at every game but unfortunately life sucks, if you're working then you obviously need the job Therefore you should do said job or you want be there anymore which Yes will leave more time for the kids but more stress, less sports cause you'll definitely not afford it. Anyways, I also wanted to be at all games which for the most part I was able to work out my
Load More Replies... Reading comments and just... Bruh. Degenerates like you belong on a cross.
NTA... Im 100% positive that the kid has more than 1 game a season in fact they have a lot of games so missing 1 isn't the end of the world. Plus, its 2022 im sure someone could video it or even stream it live while at work. On top of that your commitment to your volleyball team is super important. The team is depending on you to be there and play and who knows if your not there then they might not have enough players. So ruin your night and your teammates so a mom can watch her kid play in "A" game of many games... The mom was just using the soccer game because she didn't want to work over you can tell because you work the shift 2 times before that. Now she is throwing a tantrum because she didn't get her way. I would bet you her kids are prob the same way. Good for you standing your ground...
I can remember when I was young my father missed a lot of my brother and I after school sporting events due to work. We understood why. We were also very grateful for the few times he was able to attend. As parents, you want to always be there for your children but in reality, we know that will never happen. Kudos to the woman with no kids who didn't give in to the soccer mom. She decided to have kids so that her problem that she's trying to make yours.
Similar circumstance when one employee has grown children on their ownand the other has young ones. I was made to feel my life was not as important than the parent with a young child. Taking turns is what works best.
Having children is a choice you made, not your co-worker's, its NOT your co-worker's responsibility to put theor lives on hold because you chose to be a working mother. You have the right toake that choice and yes, your employer is expected to make certain accommodations for you, but a co-worker does not have to accommodate you so you can attend a soccer game, period. If it's important, plan ahead, maybe even have your so, a family member, or friends to attend and record the event, if possible. There is a difference between employment accommodations made for things like medical needs (eg. Doctor's appointments, mat leave, etc.) and a coworker taking your work responsibilities for your kid's recreational activities. Things like soccer leagues have set schedules, so plan ahead and understand you may not be able to attend everytime. My sister was in soccer too, and our parents often had to trade off and sometimes could not attend, because both worked government jobs.
Wow, I have 3 kids and all were active in sports and extra curriculum functions plus I played in competitive softball and volleyball leagues. These leagues cost money and if all the players don't show up you forfeit the game. I chose a job that guaranteed I wouldn't be working nights. Just because you decided to have kids doesn't mean coworkers need to oblige you. NTA.
I'm a parent of 2. I would never blame a coworker if they can't help me out so I can go to my kids game. My personal life is no more important than their personal life. Yes my kids are my #1 priority including their happiness, but that is not my coworkers problem. Anyone who thinks the lady is wrong is actually wrong. The world does not revolve around adults with kids schedules. Most sports have a pre assigned date chart with all games scheduled. Put it in at work ahead of time. If you are lucky then you get first dibs of leaving early unless it is a more pressing matter for other individual. Also as stated she had worked the last to evenings while parent ran off to do who knows what. She had a game scheduled and wasn't willing to her private life time which probably brings her joy and relaxes her. Your happiness and your child's happiness should never affect other people's happiness period. It should never fringe on others lives ever. Again I'm a parent of two
NTA....I started my family at age 17, had 5 kids, I'm 49 now and all my kids are grown. I missed a lot of milestones of my children growing up because I had to work. I would always pick up shifts but when I would request a day and get it and someone else called off I was who they would call and on the rare occasion I would say no, management and the co worker would get mad because I would not cover that shift. They got mad because they always expected me to... This is just a game that people play to get what they want.
The nerve of the people you work with to look down on you. Shameful. I raised my daughters mostly alone after the divorce so I understand the plight of single parents and the career woman. It isn't fair for your coworkers to expect you not to have a life because you have no children. That schedule needs to be rotated and the only way out is death and medical emergency. With that said it needs to be verified because then people will start abusing that excuse; ie: your already dead grandma has died again for the 7th time.
I'm childfree but childs, like grans and pets and wives, are "something" with their own lives and timing so let coworkers go to they'r so/childs/pets things cause prolly can not control them, and they should do some sort of job "card" where all the weird hours you did for them can be taken whenever you want
That mother is selfish to think that her kids soccer match ( not even a REAL sport) is more important then the coworkers volleyball game. Yes. I'm a mother who's son & daughter both Lettered in High School Sports. I side with childless coworker.
Her child, her responsibility, not yours. Enjoy your freedom, she should enjoy her decision too. We can't have it our way always.
Once someone makes a comment that my value R not even validated. I'm done. Life is touch for All I want to help at my time , plans R made , No one can help U. U don't get to go to your kids game. Period, No one's problem, just the facts.
DEFINITELY NTA! If entitled mom can't handle her job, she should have kept her legs closed! By the way, I'm also a mom ! Can't handle the job of motherhood, KEEP YOUR LEGS CLOSED!
Definitely NTA! As a mother, taking care of my son ( when he was younger; he's an adult now) and his schedule was MY responsibility. If entitled mom can't handle her job, she should have kept her legs closed!
More people should choose not to have children with so many children being hurt and killed by their parents.
What I don't understand is how your boss doesn't schedule better giving equal time and responsibility. Her son would have a soccer schedule you would have a volleyball schedule to avoid conflict like this you come together and work it out. I am a assistant manager but at my job I make sure with not just with the women but the men that we all have equal time and responsibility and availability to be there for family in general. It don't matter if you have kids or not. Family time is important
No it wasn't selfish of you if you had a previous commitment. She should have made her arrangements well in advance.
As a father of 7, my vote is NTA. Having kids does not make your time more important than anyone else's. Kids won't be ruined if you miss a soccer game or two.
Sorry not a woman or a father (got married late in life to an older woman) but you do see the guilt trip a lot now. Does the mother help out the non.mothers at all or is it a one way street?
I'm just wondering... Who said she decided to have kids? Not all children are planned. And who said the children have more than just her? And maybe she had to drive the kid to the game. Not making excuses for her, just saying. There are a lot of assumed situations her. You really don't know what either of them going on that make their situations important to them. The mother might have made a promise to make it too her kid's game because she missed other one's because of work, so in her mind, she really needed to be there for the child. Some people are really absorbed in their needs and close ones. And maybe she was just saying that someone who isn't a mother doesn't understand being a parent and the responsibilities that come with it. I don't know. And another thing, isn't this past normal work hours? If that's the case, I don't think either of you should have had to miss out on your separate games.
There are some very few cases where not all children are planned is appropriate considering even unplanned pregnancies at one point made a decision that caused them to become pregnant but yes in more unfortunate cases it isn't planned, however everyone who is a mom actually made the choice considering all the options today of adoption, save haven locations through fire departments, the law that protects mother that want to abandon their new born child without any repercussions, therefore you do choose to be a mom. She obviously has someone else that is attending to the child because as a mom I would have mentioned if I needed to leave in order to attend to my child since there isn't any one else over stating a soccer game. A mom's priority is their child's safety, therefore if anything took any kind of precedence over a soccer game should would have mentioned that foremost. As a mom/parent the last thing you should ever do is promise your child you will be somewhere considering the
Load More Replies... NTA I have kids, I also work. You had a prior commitment to showing up for a team game, something you were participating in. It's the parents child that is committed to his/her team, not the parent. In this day and age, there is life streaming available, someone could video when the child is playing during the game, many options for the parent to still be involved. It's also a lesson for the child too, that sometimes in life there are going to be disappointments.
I've been in the OP position too many times. I have outside of work commitments. I have a life. I have a husband I like to spend time with, as well as siblings, nieces and nephews, friends, etc. She chose to have children. She chose to place the child in an extracurricular sport, causing more stress on her own schedule. That's HER problem along with her spouse. Guess what? My parents weren't at every one of my activities. I lived. I survived. So will her kid. Not having children is not an opportunity for us to pick up the slack of our coworkers who chose to reproduce. We deserve a work/life balance as well.
I'm a mother of 2 but I agree with the OP not covering her shift. It was totally uncalled for to assume a child free woman should have to cover for her since she has no kids. Child free people have lives, too. It's not her fault she chose to have children. We all make our choices and sacrifice accordingly. You can ask but never expect someone to cover for you. She was downright rude.
I'm sorry, but whybshould eitherbof them had to comply? Itbwas clearly outside of their working hours. Both of them already had proor commitments. In this case the boss should have picked up the slack. ie the phone, when it rang from other timezones
I normally read these and move on. But I am a mom and grandma. My choice. However I do not feel it is my coworkers place to give up their time for me. Those judging you are probably the ones who use those kids as excuse to call in. I voluntarily work holidays because my kids are grown However I do say no if it is something I WANT to do. You chose to be childfree for that reason. You do you. Let all others figure their own out. If they cant manage time tough. Your life is yours. Live it! You only get 1.
I'm a mother of 2 but I side woth the OP. That was so uncalled for. You ask but not expect people to cover for you. Childfree women's lives are important, too. It's not their fault you have children and work. We all gotta choice and make sacrifices accordingly.
How about both women say no. They were both scheduled to be off. They both had weekend commitments. So, the job needs to take a backseat to one's scheduled off time. Sorry job but whatever calls needed to be handled would need to get rescheduled.
Yeah, ok, I agree with the person who said that the evening calls SHOULD be put on a Rotating basis. I’m not sure what the heck is wrong your Boss, not having done that already! Now I’m going to say something that is going to get me a BUNCH of Crap but Sorry! I was a woman who was told I couldn’t have any children due to Extreme problems with Endometriosis. I had made peace with the thoughts of never being a Mom. Shortly after I was married though, I got pregnant. Then again and again! The doctors were in shock. I believe that women who dont want children are self-entitled and selfish. When Moms (or Dads) try speaking to a child free couple, they just don’t understand “life”. I’m sorry I feel this way but I’ve interacted with many “child free” couples over the years. Not being able to have children is Much different than making the choice not to have them.
I've been working in healthcare for two years. I was the only one without children. It was so obvious to my colleagues that I will adapt my schedule to their needs that they just assumed that I will cover all shifts they didn't like. Same thing with vacation and holidays. All best dates (best weather) were booked before I was able to say anything. I was quite about it. At the beginning I was just new and had to subordinate. I was also new in the city so it was difficult for me to make any new friends with those really weird shifts. After a while I just got used to it. But in retrospect I can say that it was not fair and my life could have been much better if I hadn't put up with it. So no, in my opinion she didn't do anything wrong.
I feel the lady was right for stating her own prior commitment. Work/life balance applies to everyone, not just those with children. Having raised my own children alone I can sympathize with the mom who wants to not be on call during her child’s game. She needs to find someone who has no prior commitments to cover for her.
Why does this headline picture look like the makings of an amazing meme?
Im a mum of 3 and she's definatley not the ahole. the ahole is the parent who thinks she can use her kids to shift her job onto someone who doesn't have any. Private lives are just that private don't need to explain yourself to anyone.
Well I think both of them were right. On the one hand, It wasn't her problem if her coworker's kid had a soccer game. I mean if it was not really important game, of course (like a really stressful game for the kid, for example the first time the kid was playing on the team) ... On the other hand, it's not that bad to help one more time your coworker, if they're really need it. I've help so many times coworkers inneed, and when I was going through something terrible tough for me, everyone helped me... I don't know both sides too tell but I can't say that her coworker was wrong. But obviously she wasn't wrong too... That's my opinion, I was in that place many times and I know it's hard but still....
I think this just proves how much this generation just thinks about themselves. Did this girl really have anything that important to do. Did you even think about the child's feelings? When I worked I didn't have young children so I would work off hours so people with young children could be home with there children. Maybe it's time to care about others!!!
If the mother had simply asked the author if they'd cover for her at work because of her kid's soccer game with the promise she'd cover for the author the next time a similar situation came up and left it at that, then she'd have a lot more of my sympathy. But going on to say the author should be obliged to sacrifice *their* time simply because she has a kid and telling them that, as a childless person, their commitments aren't as important is so unbelievably entitled. It's *that* attitude I can't stand, and if someone I hardly knew at work told *me* I should prioritize their time over mine just because they're a parent, then accused me of being the selfish one for not bending over backwards to accommodate *their* needs, then I'd tell them to f*** off, too.
I'm kind of confused here because she doesn't have to be at her kids soccer game? Even if she was the ride, the kid can catch a ride with a friend, teammate, aunt, uncle, other parent, granparent, etc. Mom can also miss a few soccer games and it won't be the end of the world. She isn't even an active participant in that activity. It's nice to be there for your child, but someone else is probably videoing the game, and she can also ask her kid about it afterwards.
I am childless and have accommodated my coworkers who wanted to switch schedules so she could attend her son's game. I quit doing it because when I needed to swap, she refused. I also had a coworker tell me that because I was childless, I should work all holidays. (I work in a hospital).
NTA. I've always supported working mothers and volunteered to switch shifts with them so that they could attend their children's functions. My Mom was a stay at home mother who helped Dad on the farm and I know how important it was for her and Dad (when he could) to be there for us as children. However, when I complained about working every Thanksgiving and Christmas holiday one coworker said, that's because you're selfish. You chose not to have children so you have no family to celebrate with, so you deserve the crummy shifts. I lost it. I told her no, I was biologically unable to have children and getting knocked up at 17 didn't make her a superior human being to me. (She also told me her life was worth more because she was a mother). Twenty years later I'm still angry about that.
I'd be more upset about not being able to get covered in the case of illness and disability of a life partner. Which is why self employment is going to be more and more common. Too many bosses don't even let workers get off for diagnostic testing. I'm glad the great resignation is happening, because people know what they're worth now. Society rejects AI, which is utterly foolish and against logic. They expect an all human work force but don't want what that entails--- animals have needs, it's a condition of having a living body. Reading these comments has been entertaining, because most of the responses are from such myopic perspectives.
Unless this was some kind of super important/special game/sporting event, I don't see why the mother in this situation couldn't miss ONE of her kid's games. People overly cater to kid's nowadays. The single lady isn't responsible for anyone else's stuff unless she wants to be. The problem here is the way our culture values people with kids over those without. And I think it's wrong to assume that the childless woman's life is less stressful just because of the lack of minors in her life. Hypothetically, maybe she has an aging parent, or a seriously ill spouse, or maybe she has her own issues, such as mental health problems, that create just as much stress and need for care. The soccer mom in this story needs to get over herself.
You had prior plans, so why should you cancel your plans to accomodate her not working? Not to mention you already having covered the last 2? Sounds she didn’t even try negotiate other say ‘swaps’. Sounds like she is gaslighting and being a bully not getting her way again.
NTA to the coworker. But to the child maybe. It isn't just about the mom not missing the child's game. It is about the child missing the mom. If the mom attends all games then for the child it could mess them up. They may not have another way to the game since mom normally gets off in time and would usually be the person in charge of that. Game could have been significant for the child. Age would play a part. The mom was thinking of her kids feelings not just hers I bet. I would. And the poster is leaving out lots of details. I need more info to say either way really. But the kid could have been the one to suffer or the kid could be really glad mom wasn't there. But for both the kid should have been the concern.
NTA. If the other woman had done the last 2 calls, then, maybe, but pulling the kid card, then talking smack when it doesn't work is pretty low. I never minded working the school holidays or Halloween so a mom could use the time off, but that is ridiculous. I have had to alter my life so many times around a coworker's child's extracurricular activities.
As a child free woman it is awesome to see other parents understanding that being a parents doesn't mean your needs matter more then those of us without kids. Fair is fair, it's her turn.
I am a single Mom and don't think she should feel bad. Especially if she already took extra work in the past. All parents miss events sooner or later. The problem is many workplaces do not respect work life balance. I didn't have child until I was much older. So I get both sides. As a society, we expect people to fit ridiculous ideas of what it is to be a woman or man. A little empathy goes a long way. There are many ridiculous expectations put on people for their life choices. Single, with child, without....life is not JUST about work. I just had a man tell me I was damaged because I prefer being single ...because apparently a woman can't POSSIBLY be happy being single. That is a crock! Or a single parent is LESS THAN if they are not married. And the same with having children. I love being a Mom but truthfully MY married mom did not and she should said so. She was not happy nor was she a good Mom. Just do you and screw what people say
The commentary here seems to favor childless over child bearing. The childless will eventually age and when they grow old will have no offspring etc to help them. They will be relying on the services, social security, medicare, etc that is being funded by the offspring of those that had children. Propagation of the species is an important thing for all humanity. People that make the childbearing choice are not evil nor selfish. There is more to life than me me me
Why did it have to be either one of these women missing an activity that was important to them individually? First off it states their boss ASKED if one of them could take the call. They both could have said they already had previous commitments. Maybe their boss could have stayed and taken the call. I don’t know what type of business these women are in but with the pandemic many people are working remotely. Could they have gone to their games and one break away to take the call? I have spent many hours in my car in parking lots on zoom etc. because if after business hours projects/calls… I think both women are a*****es for looking at the issue as a win-lose instead of working together and doing a little problem solving and making it a win-win. Just my thoughts…
Every person male or female has a right to a personal life outside of work. No activity should be viewed as.more or less important. Comes down to whose turn is it?
What made you sound like "T@" was your comment about choosing not to have kids, made you sound like "T@". Being snarky makes a huge difference in how a comment is perceived. Saying that was not necessary to say, it made you sound like you're more superior to those who do have kids. When I had my 1st job in the Corporate World I didn't have any kids, I have one Son now. Whenever a parent asked if I could cover their shift, especially on Holidays, I did, why not, more overtime pay for me. After I had my Son I still took a shift if a coworker asked, even a Holiday shift I still did because my Son would be with his Dad, including mandatory overtime every Saturday 6:00-10:00am It's important that you had already covered two shifts so the Mom should have understood and that your events are just as important to you as her child events to her. Proper communication goes a long way in how we are perceived, no you are "NTA".
Definitely NTA. I'm a mom, but that doesn't mean I can bum off work I don't want to do onto someone else because "my child has xyz thing" Unless it was an emergency, she could have scheduled around the soccer game. They tell you about those well in advance. My kids aren't old enough for sports yet, but my little brother did tee-ball for 4 years and had the month of games scheduled. She couldn't have done anything to let their employer know ahead of time? I call BS.
As someone without children who is mindful of the needs of coworkers with children, I think this is contextual. If it was a semi final or final soccer game, I think maybe she should have filled in. Same as if it was the school play or similar. You never get those opportunities back as a parent, and it's really important to children that you're there. I think it's give and take. My coworkers understand if I need to leave early to go the theatre, and they're ok because I've covered for them when they need to pick their kids up. That's how it should work.
Entitled much? I'm a mother and I never expect any of my childless coworkers to alter their plans because I want to go to my child's event at the last minute. I plan ahead. If I forget and want to go at the last minute, then that just sucks for me. Entitled parents are just the worst and their kids are usually little shyts too and who wants to go out of their way for little shyts and their annoying parents?
Whats worse is when you've raised your children - no handouts no paid mat leave but bcos your kids are now adults you're expected to empathise and do more for a younger generation. Sorry but I did it all on my own. Yes you have children so look after them and do your damn job.
I am SO SICK of being judged for CHOOSING to be childless. The looks I get from people are relentless and people consistently saying I will change my mind drives me nuts. I'm 40, I've never wanted to become a mother. Just because you do not have children doesn't mean your life and commitments are any less important. Like someone else said, if her child had to go to the hospital or something, then maybe you'd be in the wrong. In this case, given you did the last two calls, fair is fair, child or not. Others life choices shouldn't become a burden on you, especially since its obvious you are pulling your weight. NTA!
Welp I think that's your own fault for explaining why you can't go, that's a personal matter and you have the right to remain silent, just said that you have a personal matter to attend and can't do it cuz it is important (for you)
There was a 50/50 chance he'd lose the game anyway. Not that important.
I'm a mom and I don't think she's TA. The mom will have the opportunity to go to other soccer games. The person who posted actually had a game herself. She needed to be there. It is part of their jobs. It's two bad they are on call on a rotating basis instead of at the same time.
It used to irritate the life out of me when coworkers with children got preferential treatment. Granted, I had no children then, but I've had one since and it still bugs me. My time is no more valuable than anyone else's and I would never dream of trying to guilt anyone into accommodating MY CHOICE to have children.
I'm an RN and when i was married but had no children at that time, i would work on Christmas for a fellow co-worker who had kids even though it's my favorite holiday. Yes it wasn't fun for me but it helped make 2 little kids and their mom and dad happy. The woman who wanted to play volleyball had fun. But the child who missed having their only support system at an important event for them had no one to cheer for them. Just something to think about. BTW, now i have kids and I've had people help me out. Take care all! And remember, it takes a village!
Are people really so shocked by this? IME, co-working parents _always_ expected us child-free folks to pick up their slack so they could take off for soccer games and the like. I refused to accept that my life is less important than theirs -- so unless it was an emergency or I owed someone a favor, I always said no. Firmly. (P.S. NTA.)
The OP should never have been involved. The manager should have started with telling soccer mom it was her turn to cover. Any objections should have been from soccer mom directly to the manager and then worked out between them. OP needs to discuss THAT with the manager- why was she even asked?
NTA. If she's taking other extra shifts to help out women with kids then everyone else is TA. You can't expect people to turn their plans around because you decided to have kids. Having kids means you have responsibilities. Sometimes your responsibility is working to pay for your kids. I can't believe everyone is saying she should have just done it. I don't get why people think their children are everyone else's problem. You the one that had kids, you deal with it
Part of being a working parent is missing children's games. People who don't have kids have lives too.
I have a feeling something is being left out on the ops side, why would you have to constantly reassure the readers that you have empathy for mom's etc, both are the a$$ imo, in this situation it's almost impossible for either side not to be the a$$ imo
Definitely NTA. And as for "your activities aren't as important" - OP was going to PLAY volleyball. If she didn't show up, it would impact her whole team, and the other team. I'm sure there were other spectators at the kid's game. I also am child free. And I get the same double standard. Guess what? We were both hired to do a JOB. If your job performance is affected by your personal life, and coworkers have to pick up the slack - then that better be reflected in raises and bonuses.
I am a Father of 4 who coached Minor Sports for 25 years as well as being an athlete myself...I always made arrangements with the boss at work when my Kid's League Sports which included my 4 would conflict with work...My vacation time was used for Provincial and National Minor Tournaments...I spent 40 hours a week on our sport as I was also League President or Vice for 20 years and Regional and Provincial Minor Convenor for 3...I say the Mom here is wrong..Her life or her child's life are NO More or NO Less important than the lady who doesn't have Kids...You had the Kids..You figure it out Mom
I'm a single mom but dang I pull my weight. I don't use my son as excuse for anything. I plan my life around my job. No job no life
NTA. As a mother, I will go so far as to say the mother you speak of ITA. You took the last 2 calls, presumably because she had other child related things to do. Here's the thing, her child still attended the game, her child still got their physical exercise. She does not need to attend every game and it sounds like she is using her kid as an excuse to get out of extra work. Your exercise is equally important to her child's exercise, but she has no right to get mad at you or spread gossip about you because you are trying to be healthy and respect your own boundaries. Her kid still went, someone could film the game for her if it's that important. This made me kind of angry for you. Keep standing up for yourself and ignore the workplace bully. If the gossip continues, report it. She is being a bully, and thinks she has the right because she has children. Just No.
Absolutely NTA. In what psychopathic world are those with children inherently more important, and worthy of life, than those without children? Anyone who has the "mother" designation does not get to "designate" what "non-mother" people get to do or not, or when to work extra or not.
Having kids doesn't give anyone a free pass. She's DEFINITELY not the A here, especially since she'd taken the last 2 calls. The mom could very well go to the game, use her cell for the call, then return to the game. She could also have dad film the game. She could miss one---it's not the state championship. Don't EVER apologize for choosing not to have children, and it certainly doesn't mean you get stuck covering for those who do. Before I had kids, I didn't mind working so coworkers could take theirs trick-or-treating, etc. I was also lucky, because they didn't try to take advantage of me. It sounds like this woman EXPECTS you to always cover for her. NOT COOL!!!
NTA I kinda think the whole kid part of the topic has little to do with anything. You're NTA because you don't have do a favor for a coworker regardless of their reason why or what else you have to do. The fact that you do or don't have kids is a big whatever. I don't care if you had an appointment with a Netflix binge and a beer it's your time. Sometimes you have to work when you rather be at your kid's game.
Why do the breeders expect everything, but are not willing to give anything for those of us who prefer to put the planet first?
NTA, my aunt is a single mother and adopted 2 wonderful children. She had contacts and other parents willing to help the kids travel if needs be. From a team perspective - missing a player (volleyball) seems more important than missing a spectator (the mother) as nice as it would be to be there grow up and realize it's not all about you.
She only said the kid had a soccer game, not that she was the only way of the child attending, I am sure other children's parents may have to work and the audience participation may be down due to that, while it is sad to miss a game, it is not every game...while the lady would be not only missing her own game but letting down her team, so there is a lot more at play there. Having done the last two times, the fact that the Mother even tried to get out of it makes her a very unfair colleague, and the Boss not very respectful of the ladies time either, it should not have been a question he should have outright said it is the Mothers turn, and not made them hash it out at all, it made for a bad workplace.
I dont get it - if the mother works - the game still gets played, she just doesnt get to watch it. if the chid-free person works then the game doesnt get played. seems like a no brainer to me - regardless of the emotional blackmail.
NTA - I always tried to schedule my PTO away from major school holidays for my co-workers with kids to have, but It was never asked of me. Personally it made travel cheaper. By the same note we had a rotation for other holidays that everyone gets, and we all took turns.
Anyone playing the "empathy or understanding card for fellow human beings" needs to understand that having kids is a personal responsibility and saying s**t like understanding and empathy singles you out as the parent that cannot cope with raising their own child. If you can't be solely responsible for your offspring just don't procreate. No "yes but a little understanding or flexibility from coworkers". Stop saddling them with your shortcomings.
Sometimes when I see these kind of posts I really think they must be fake because it's unfathomable to me that anyone would ever think it's okay to behave this way. Especially as it seems you've been so accommodating. I get mad at cigarette smokers getting extra breaks nevermind parents who think their kids mean they don't have to be at work on time or can leave earlier than me. I get that it's difficult to be a parent and can appreciate that it's hard if you have to work holidays but that isn't the fault of someone else.
It depends. If she is a good coworker and has done something similar to you or not.
Nta.. but I also probably would have been the person to just do the job anyway. I remember what it was like to grow up with absent parents. Missed my first communion, my grade 8 graduation... heck, when I had an experience that caused my permanent ptsd at 16, my parents were no where to be seen then either because of work. There were so many times I wished they were there... so chances are I'd over work myself to let a parent be there for their kid. Is it my responsibility? No. Do I believe it takes a village? Yes
Me personally i would have covered the working mother shift they could have got somebody to cover your position in the volleyball game I'm sorry working mothers always come first in my eyes and until you've had kids you're not going to understand that and you saying you do understand that no you don't cuz you do not have kids you don't know what it's like for a child to be so hell-bent on a parent being at their game and it'll look up at the bleachers and not see that parent there it's heartbreaking plain and simple so yes I think this woman putting her volleyball game before a little kid wanting their mother to be at their game first that was very selfish of the non-mother and she should be ashamed of herself I think this woman it's super heartless and thank God she didn't have no kids cuz I don't think she'd make a good mom
It takes a community to raise children not just mothers. If there were no children there would be no one to service us. There is becoming a great loss of community and it will come to bite us in the ass.
I think they're both the a*****e. Just because you don't have kids doesn't mean that someone who does have kids needs to do something for you, and vice versa.
When are Humans going to understand... If you don't have children, you are the unspoken 2nd class citizen. Reguardless of sex or culture, you refuse to take the only real fuction you serve to your species, men and women alike, and instead believe your individual pursuit somehow exonerates you of a HUMAN condition, not some mere cultural construct. Be grateful society takes you seriously at all.
Listen. You are with your co-workers 8hr day or more, 5 days a wk. You become family while at work. So if someone asks to be off to support a child's game, graduation, death, birth, wedding. Why wouldn't you make a sacrifice for your co-worker as he/she is your work family. I read all comments of those who opposed the idea and those who did not oppose. I thought how sad/selfish it is to the opposed to let this be an issue. Whether you wanted kids or not or have kids or not is irrelevant. You are a work family & supporting your work family is just as important your own immediate family. There should be no in-between period. The supervisor is not a leader & sounds like this is not a good place to work. I thank God, my workplace is not a cut-throat place of wk. We support one another & treat each other as family. If someone comes to me asking to switch out days to cover so they can attend whatever, I DO NOT HESITATE IN DOING SO.
Yup. Keep your mouth shut because they guilt you for decìding to fk n save. Not wrong for saying no. Definitely wrong for putting it on global media. I think you pathetic and weak; I'd never date someone similar because you are classless, lowbrow trouble..
Nope kids COME FIRST not our (parents who are active in their kids lives) problem u decided not to have any children … find a job with a set schedule if u don’t like covering for parents who’s time (I’m sorry not sorry) is more valuable esp when it’s time spent with and for their children …. Period
I would down vote this entiled, narcissistic comment 1000 times if it let me.
Load More Replies... The company is the a*****e here! Seriously... unionize or something! You guys getting mad at each other because your company decides to suddenly spring more work on you and forces you to stay in late is not productive. Get mad at the company! Get mad at your boss! Form a union!
NTA but it should be noted that it's not just the mom who is being affected here but also the kid. Hopefully the mom had a spouse who was able to go.
I'm going to go with a very soft yta...hear me out. The following comment doesn't have to do with if one has kids and the other doesn't because with that logic, absolutely not, your commitments ARE just as important. HOWEVER. The very soft is this, and hear me out. I am not sure what age this child is, but sports can be very important to a growing child, not just for exercise or what not but because of social interaction and how to learn to work with others. It's a social and mental exercise as well. You as an adult have clearly (hopefully) already learned that and it's also a formidable time in the child's life with the parent's. IE: if parents miss too many games, it can be perceived they didn't care or take interest. I am in no way saying that your game wasn't important, but your team isn't instilling life lessons and values, you do that for fun, hobby, exercise, what not. It's enjoyable is my point.
Soccer games happen every week. If the manager sets the precedent for giving time off for them, it will become an every week excuse. The soccer mom chose to have children AND chose a job with occasional after hours work. The OP had no input in either of those decisions, why should she have to sacrifice to support them? If after hours work was not part of the original job description, that would be different. OP makes it clear that it was. If I make decisions in my life life that end up costing you time and money, are you just going to pay up without complaint? If so, just give me a minute and I will come up with several. LOL
Load More Replies... whether or not kids where by choice or accident it’s a prison sentence either way, and yes some people *love* the struggle that comes with having a child(ren) but it’s very OBVIOUS that society is losing sympathy for mothers who are forced to work because they can’t afford not to, while rich people like the “Karashians” have nanny’s and people who clean up after them and still get to call themselves “mothers”
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