Kids’ Mom Is Angry After Their Aunt Invites Everyone To Disney World Except Her And Husband
Imagine your sister-in-law getting along with your kids so well, she takes them on trips and enjoys spending time together. That sounds like help no young parent would refuse.
But this story from a childfree married couple shared on the AITA subreddit shows how not everyone feels grateful in such a situation. “My brother and his wife had kids young and have always been broke,” the author wrote. Turns out, it’s been a hard year for them and her SIL was talking about how badly they needed a break.
For this reason, the author, her husband, and their 8-year-old niece planned a trip to Disney World over the fall break. To help them have a bit of a break, the author offered to take their SIL’s two kids as well. Turns out, the SIL was far from impressed with the idea and felt completely left out.
A child-free woman decided to take her SIL’s kids to Disney World but did not invite their parents, which sparked a conflict
Image credits: Tatiana Syrikova (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Leah Kelley (not the actual photo)
Many people expressed their support for the author and said that being a ‘fun aunt’ is a great gift to children
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If my in-laws offered to take our three children (1 of mine and 2 of my partners) away for a trip ANYWHERE I’d be eternally grateful! They get a great holiday (that we couldn’t afford) and we get a few days to just be a couple with no children, it’s a win win. They have fun, we have fun, we all get together after the break and enjoy sharing our stories.
Amen brother! I definitely would have allowed my mine or my husbands siblings take my 3 children on a vacation without us even if I had never been to the destination.
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I used to do that with my little cousin. She was an only child and so is my daughter so I'd tell my aunt when I'm going to Disney or Universal and to just have her ready. She never complained and my cousin had great times.
My mother tried this s**t when I went to Disneyland with my son and husband. She tried to guilt trip me into taking her and my sister. I would have taken my sister but she wouldn't allow her to go unless she tagged along. Needless to say I went with my family and they stayed home. Absolutely ridiculous to expect her to pay for everyone. Not ok .
Right. I've never been to Disney World, either, but I'd never deny a child from going. Disney is expensive and it's a generous offer. I could understand if there was a lack of trust and SIL had concerns, but that doesn't seem to be the case here.
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It’s like your siblings and in laws consider themselves children for you to look after. Help with cleaning and yard work regularly, not just if someone is sick or has a new baby? And your BIL was so unable to look after his own child that you had to step in to it for him. And now your sil wants a vacation paid by you. I think they all need to be more independent. Make it clear that your invitation is for the kids only and it’s her decision to decline on their behalf.
OP should counter with an offer of a less glamorous all-family vacation, or even just a day trip. "Well I can't afford to take all four of you to WDW, but we could all go on an overnight to [nearby big city with a fun zoo] some weekend this summer." That would tell if SIL really thinks there should be a family getaway (which I can certainly understand) or if she just wanted Disney on someone else's dime.
To me it isn't clear that SIL "needs a break" from the kids, or that the whole family "needs a break" from the house they've been stuck in all pandemic, with that toilet that won't stop running and the broken armchair that you have to sit on just right or the leg falls off and this carpet we've been meaning to replace for the last 5 years, but the money keeps going to fix the car/braces for the kids/soccer uniforms, etc. My charitable side wonders if SIL was thinking the latter.
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The SIL is the a-hole here. She said she needed a break and that is what the OP is giving her. She could use the time that the kids are gone to have some couple time and just enjoy some alone time. Instead she wants a free vacation and won't let her children go unless she gets to go too. I would tell the brother that the is for the children only and if the wife doesn't want their kids go then that's their decision. However, the OP needs to let the kids know that she wanted to take them, but their mother wouldn't allow it.
I would refuse to join the trip, even if invited, just to get some alone time with my wife!
NTA, SIL is being entitled. Disney is expensive af. Not wanting to add to it is reasonable. Not letting the kids go? She is selfish. As for a cheaper "big family " vacation as some have suggested: it's Disney. The kids want to go to Disney. Further, op gets to spend her money her way.
OP isn't required to take any of her family on vacation, or offer to fund a cheaper one for those who can't afford Disney. Some of the comments saying she should infuriate me. No one should fund any vacation for you so your feelings aren't hurt.
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NTA! Regarding being able to manage it (stretching scrimping etc ) and your concerns about being equitable. You should never feel obligated and justifying your charity. It's unfortunate that capital SIL is acting like such a spoiled child that she would actually deprive her children of this opportunity. Don't allow this to sour your experience of being a charitable person and fun aunt you are.
You don't have to pay for other adults. Maybe grandparents can do that but no reason an aunt should. They can be totally invited if they pay their tickets
My parents and the hubs and I have been planning a Disney vacation with my niece and nephew for years now. Their parents aren't invited unless they pay their own way... And we have been putting money aside for 3+ years. They knew about it and contributed nothing, so it'll be their loss come next February.
NTA. The adults can pay for themselves. I would still reach out to the brother and let him know you are sorry for the misunderstanding but you'd like his children to go and wouldn't want them to miss out on the trip for that reason, also I would make it a point to mention she thought they needed a break. If the children can't go take your wonderful trip and enjoy every minute possible. Some people are saying tell the kids you wanted them to go but they wouldn't let us, please don't do that it's petty and just as bad or worse than SIL trying to use you for a free trip. In the future, if the children say something about it you can correct it but don't just flat out tell them your mom ruined it for you. These children should not be put in the middle. Enjoy your trip and stay strong.
Not at all the arsehole. The parents are adults, they should act like ones, thank A LOT their in-laws for taking their kids along on an expensive trip and for also giving the couple time for themselves. They get extended time off from parenting without having to pay a penny and they have the gall to complain they couldn't go along? Seriously?
My kids are ready to go to ANYTIME Auntie! A village it indeed takes and a break I indeed need. Good job Auntie. If she doesn't let them go, let it be between her and her kids. Be honest with them when u show them the pics that it's mom's fault. Sorry. Then take em to get ice cream 🍨
I offered to take my niece and nephew last year to Disneyland. My actual plan was to pay for their tickets and meals and any extras (like souvenirs) they would have to bring money. My sister-in-law actually gave me money for their tickets (which I had already purchased) as well as their extra money for food and souvenirs. And at no time did I hear "Well you're taking 2, take all the others too!" (Bro and SIL have 4 under the age of 18 and 3 over 18. You can see why I offered, lol) neither did they ask to tag along on my dime. Sounds like this OP has a SIL who is taking for granted the family relationship as a never ending checkbook to fun. BTW, my whole family knows I would only ever pay for kids, not adults. Well, you're adults. Pay your own way or don't go. Simple.
But the comment your sister-in-law said about you guys having fun and leaving her and her husband alone together with nothing to do. What world is she living in where as a woman you can’t find nothing to do with no kids and lots of free time.. Wow SMH!!!! And For her to think that you was paying all of there way to Disneyland is ludicrous. Nice gesture, if you take with your brother and she still have this attitude then it’s not your fault it’s hers and her kids will miss out. But in the end she will regret it.
Going to Disneyland/world as an adult with kids is very stressful (it can still be worthwhile and rewarding, but most things that are a vacation for kids are extra work for adults). If I had kids and my sister wanted to take them to have fun without me, that would be awesome. They'd get fun memories of the cool aunt taking them places and it would come at little to no mental health cost to me.
I wouldn't even mention the SIL demand. I would just count them all out on going on vacation with us. Imo, the SIL staying she needed a break was her slick way of being offered a trip like the kids, but it backfired.
NTA I feel like you're the best Aunt and Uncle ever,and so should your SIL feel the same way and she should not ever deny her children of such a wonderful adventure it doesn't speak well of her as a parent
Unfortunately when you start doing things for family when they don't have the money they get used to it and eventually start believing that they are entitled to anything you do even if you have made a different decision. Taking children without their parents is fine for small things, but as in this case, the parents think that because this is a big adventure that they are entitled or at least the SIL does to go along because they think that they are just as deserving as the kids. Given time they will be expecting to be invited on any trip as long as you're paying for it. It is not really fair to the children that their mother is immature but nipping it in the bud now will make a huge difference later. The poster pointed this out that doing this once will lead to expectations for the other family members to expect the same thing. It's a sad but very common problem for families when one has and the others don't because they didn't try. Children are always the ones who pay.
She offered to take the kids with them on a pre-planned Disney trip. No one is being forced to go and no one is being excluded. The parents are welcome to go, as long as they pay their way. The SIL has a lot of audacity to expect other adults to pay for their trip. SIL losing her mind after being informed that only the kids' expenses were covered is the problem here. Not comfortable with someone else taking your kid to a place like Disney? A simple, calm "We're not comfortable with the kids going to Disney without us. But thank you for offering to include them. Have a great trip."
Load More Replies... If my in-laws offered to take our three children (1 of mine and 2 of my partners) away for a trip ANYWHERE I’d be eternally grateful! They get a great holiday (that we couldn’t afford) and we get a few days to just be a couple with no children, it’s a win win. They have fun, we have fun, we all get together after the break and enjoy sharing our stories.
Amen brother! I definitely would have allowed my mine or my husbands siblings take my 3 children on a vacation without us even if I had never been to the destination.
Load More Replies... I used to do that with my little cousin. She was an only child and so is my daughter so I'd tell my aunt when I'm going to Disney or Universal and to just have her ready. She never complained and my cousin had great times.
My mother tried this s**t when I went to Disneyland with my son and husband. She tried to guilt trip me into taking her and my sister. I would have taken my sister but she wouldn't allow her to go unless she tagged along. Needless to say I went with my family and they stayed home. Absolutely ridiculous to expect her to pay for everyone. Not ok .
Right. I've never been to Disney World, either, but I'd never deny a child from going. Disney is expensive and it's a generous offer. I could understand if there was a lack of trust and SIL had concerns, but that doesn't seem to be the case here.
Load More Replies... It’s like your siblings and in laws consider themselves children for you to look after. Help with cleaning and yard work regularly, not just if someone is sick or has a new baby? And your BIL was so unable to look after his own child that you had to step in to it for him. And now your sil wants a vacation paid by you. I think they all need to be more independent. Make it clear that your invitation is for the kids only and it’s her decision to decline on their behalf.
OP should counter with an offer of a less glamorous all-family vacation, or even just a day trip. "Well I can't afford to take all four of you to WDW, but we could all go on an overnight to [nearby big city with a fun zoo] some weekend this summer." That would tell if SIL really thinks there should be a family getaway (which I can certainly understand) or if she just wanted Disney on someone else's dime.
To me it isn't clear that SIL "needs a break" from the kids, or that the whole family "needs a break" from the house they've been stuck in all pandemic, with that toilet that won't stop running and the broken armchair that you have to sit on just right or the leg falls off and this carpet we've been meaning to replace for the last 5 years, but the money keeps going to fix the car/braces for the kids/soccer uniforms, etc. My charitable side wonders if SIL was thinking the latter.
Load More Replies... The SIL is the a-hole here. She said she needed a break and that is what the OP is giving her. She could use the time that the kids are gone to have some couple time and just enjoy some alone time. Instead she wants a free vacation and won't let her children go unless she gets to go too. I would tell the brother that the is for the children only and if the wife doesn't want their kids go then that's their decision. However, the OP needs to let the kids know that she wanted to take them, but their mother wouldn't allow it.
I would refuse to join the trip, even if invited, just to get some alone time with my wife!
NTA, SIL is being entitled. Disney is expensive af. Not wanting to add to it is reasonable. Not letting the kids go? She is selfish. As for a cheaper "big family " vacation as some have suggested: it's Disney. The kids want to go to Disney. Further, op gets to spend her money her way.
OP isn't required to take any of her family on vacation, or offer to fund a cheaper one for those who can't afford Disney. Some of the comments saying she should infuriate me. No one should fund any vacation for you so your feelings aren't hurt.
Load More Replies... NTA! Regarding being able to manage it (stretching scrimping etc ) and your concerns about being equitable. You should never feel obligated and justifying your charity. It's unfortunate that capital SIL is acting like such a spoiled child that she would actually deprive her children of this opportunity. Don't allow this to sour your experience of being a charitable person and fun aunt you are.
You don't have to pay for other adults. Maybe grandparents can do that but no reason an aunt should. They can be totally invited if they pay their tickets
My parents and the hubs and I have been planning a Disney vacation with my niece and nephew for years now. Their parents aren't invited unless they pay their own way... And we have been putting money aside for 3+ years. They knew about it and contributed nothing, so it'll be their loss come next February.
NTA. The adults can pay for themselves. I would still reach out to the brother and let him know you are sorry for the misunderstanding but you'd like his children to go and wouldn't want them to miss out on the trip for that reason, also I would make it a point to mention she thought they needed a break. If the children can't go take your wonderful trip and enjoy every minute possible. Some people are saying tell the kids you wanted them to go but they wouldn't let us, please don't do that it's petty and just as bad or worse than SIL trying to use you for a free trip. In the future, if the children say something about it you can correct it but don't just flat out tell them your mom ruined it for you. These children should not be put in the middle. Enjoy your trip and stay strong.
Not at all the arsehole. The parents are adults, they should act like ones, thank A LOT their in-laws for taking their kids along on an expensive trip and for also giving the couple time for themselves. They get extended time off from parenting without having to pay a penny and they have the gall to complain they couldn't go along? Seriously?
My kids are ready to go to ANYTIME Auntie! A village it indeed takes and a break I indeed need. Good job Auntie. If she doesn't let them go, let it be between her and her kids. Be honest with them when u show them the pics that it's mom's fault. Sorry. Then take em to get ice cream 🍨
I offered to take my niece and nephew last year to Disneyland. My actual plan was to pay for their tickets and meals and any extras (like souvenirs) they would have to bring money. My sister-in-law actually gave me money for their tickets (which I had already purchased) as well as their extra money for food and souvenirs. And at no time did I hear "Well you're taking 2, take all the others too!" (Bro and SIL have 4 under the age of 18 and 3 over 18. You can see why I offered, lol) neither did they ask to tag along on my dime. Sounds like this OP has a SIL who is taking for granted the family relationship as a never ending checkbook to fun. BTW, my whole family knows I would only ever pay for kids, not adults. Well, you're adults. Pay your own way or don't go. Simple.
But the comment your sister-in-law said about you guys having fun and leaving her and her husband alone together with nothing to do. What world is she living in where as a woman you can’t find nothing to do with no kids and lots of free time.. Wow SMH!!!! And For her to think that you was paying all of there way to Disneyland is ludicrous. Nice gesture, if you take with your brother and she still have this attitude then it’s not your fault it’s hers and her kids will miss out. But in the end she will regret it.
Going to Disneyland/world as an adult with kids is very stressful (it can still be worthwhile and rewarding, but most things that are a vacation for kids are extra work for adults). If I had kids and my sister wanted to take them to have fun without me, that would be awesome. They'd get fun memories of the cool aunt taking them places and it would come at little to no mental health cost to me.
I wouldn't even mention the SIL demand. I would just count them all out on going on vacation with us. Imo, the SIL staying she needed a break was her slick way of being offered a trip like the kids, but it backfired.
NTA I feel like you're the best Aunt and Uncle ever,and so should your SIL feel the same way and she should not ever deny her children of such a wonderful adventure it doesn't speak well of her as a parent
Unfortunately when you start doing things for family when they don't have the money they get used to it and eventually start believing that they are entitled to anything you do even if you have made a different decision. Taking children without their parents is fine for small things, but as in this case, the parents think that because this is a big adventure that they are entitled or at least the SIL does to go along because they think that they are just as deserving as the kids. Given time they will be expecting to be invited on any trip as long as you're paying for it. It is not really fair to the children that their mother is immature but nipping it in the bud now will make a huge difference later. The poster pointed this out that doing this once will lead to expectations for the other family members to expect the same thing. It's a sad but very common problem for families when one has and the others don't because they didn't try. Children are always the ones who pay.
She offered to take the kids with them on a pre-planned Disney trip. No one is being forced to go and no one is being excluded. The parents are welcome to go, as long as they pay their way. The SIL has a lot of audacity to expect other adults to pay for their trip. SIL losing her mind after being informed that only the kids' expenses were covered is the problem here. Not comfortable with someone else taking your kid to a place like Disney? A simple, calm "We're not comfortable with the kids going to Disney without us. But thank you for offering to include them. Have a great trip."
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