Man Gives His Mom The Keys To His House When Wife Asked Not To, So She Changes The Locks, Making The Family Furious
When you grow up, you realize how nice it is to get along with your parents. You may understand their perspective more, trust their advice more and want to share your life with them more. But as with everything in life, your relationship with your parents has to be balanced and you also shouldn’t let them be too nosy.
A woman went to Reddit to confirm or deny if her reaction to her husband giving the key to their house to his mom was appropriate as she is being judged by her husband’s family for wanting some privacy in her own home.
More info: Reddit
Woman goes behind husband’s back when he did it first and gave his mom the key to their house
Image credits: g_u (not the actual photo)
The Original Poster (OP) just purchased a house with her husband and from the beginning, the husband’s mom wanted to have the house key. In and of itself, it doesn’t sound that bad. If there is an emergency, it is useful if someone close to you also has keys to your house. Maybe if you go on a trip and need someone to housekeep, your mom having a key means that it’s already sorted.
There is definitely a serious reason why the wife didn’t want her MIL to have it. It seems that the husband’s mom had the keys to their old place and she would regularly let herself in. And she probably was planning on continuing with her habit as she not only demanded the keys, but she also cried and begged and made other people side with her.
None of this manipulation affected the OP, but it seems that her husband cracked as the woman found out that her MIL has a copy of their house key. The woman was furious and the couple got in a huge argument which ended with the husband saying the last word that his mom was keeping the key and the conversation was over.
This was not the support the woman was expecting from her husband, so when she dried her tears, she called a locksmith to get her house locks changed. This led to another huge argument and when the family found out, they were on the husband’s side.
The woman just bought a house with her husband and his mom kept insisting that they gave her the key to their house
Image credits: SawnLake117
As the whole family turned against her, the woman wondered if she really was in the wrong. She explained “I might be TA for making a decision to change the lock without talking to my husband first and possibly causing an issue with his mom.”
People in the comments didn’t agree that the jerk is the woman because just like the husband didn’t talk to her about giving the key to his mom and actually secretly giving it to her while knowing his wife wouldn’t agree, she didn’t have to tell him about changing the locks.
Many people in the comments also pointed out that the husband’s mom is quite controlling and they might be onto something.
Choosing Therapy singles out 7 signs of how an overbearing mother-in-law behaves and from what is told in the story, some of them apply to OP’s MIL. One of them is that she is always around: “An overbearing mother-in-law may show up unannounced or invite herself to gatherings and activities.”
She also had the key to their previous home and would come over unannounced, letting herself in, so the wife refused
Image credits: SawnLake117
Another sign is that she doesn’t respect your boundaries: “Not only will she show up unannounced, an overbearing mother-in-law may completely disregard your verbal cues that it’s time for her to leave.”
We may assume that other signs such as pressuring her son to do what she wants and telling him that she is doing this because she cares also apply to OP’s MIL, so that would make her an overbearing mother-in-law.
However, the husband gave the key to his mom in secret and when the wife found out, she also went behind his back and changed the lock
Image credits: SawnLake117
They also explain what could make mother-in-laws overbearing. “For example, she may have been raised in a chaotic or traumatic environment, both of which can lead someone to adopt a controlling nature, perhaps sometimes because her own partner is overly controlling or domineering of her.”
While some mother-in-laws might have become overbearing because of their life experiences, others can just have a controlling personality. “Your mother-in-law may also be experiencing narcissism, or an inflated sense of self and need for constant admiration. These may simply be qualities she embodies, or characteristic indicators of a more pervasive pattern, such as narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).”
Image credits: Adam Vowles (not the actual photo)
What is your impression of the mother-in-law in the story? Do you think the OP could have handled the situation differently? Do you think parents having keys to their children’s homes is a problem? We would love to read your insight in the comments.
People in the comments were quite disturbed by the MIL’s request and how the husband obeyed so their suggestion was for the woman to leave the relationship
Image credits: Kārlis Dambrāns (not the actual photo)
Personally I think reddit is way to quick to suggest divorce. I'd say maybe couples therapy first? If he refuses then divorce would make more sense. Although it's possible therapy won't help. He's a giant mama's boy. She needs to go to the JNMIL reddit!
I mean, I dunno if they're quick to suggest divorce or if the stuff people post there - especially stuff that gets reposted - is frequently the kind of thing that you should divorce over.
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This reminds me of the show Every body loves Raymond. The parents had ZERO boundaries . The whole concept was ridiculous. This would never fly in my home.
That show drove me up the wall. His family was entirely and quite possibly even clinically insane.
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The only way out of this problem is a good couples therapist or a good divorce lawyer.
What's with all these men who can't stand up to their moms? The last thing I'd want is to give my mom unfettered access to my home. If I wanted to live with her, I wouldn't get married and live the rest of my life in my childhood bedroom.
The boys get married because they want to have sex and some taboos can't be crossed.
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We have keys to both our sons' houses. We would NEVER go there unannounced and would never just go in unless they asked us to. Ridiculous behavior.
Sounds like you built up trust and got the keys from there. The OP posted that the MIL kept just showing up to the old place all the time unannounced. Certainly did NOT earn the same trust.
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Wait until a baby is in the mix! You will constantly battle to be respected as the mom bc he will turn to her for everything bc she's had a baby blah blah blah. Seriously lay the law down and straighten this out if you love him enough, otherwise run. And I don't say divorce lightly. Married 20yrs now at 40hrs old. My husband didn't have mommy issues until I was pregnant and she straight tried to take over and he was leaning her way!! With no mommy issues like yours!She would tell my husband I'm a first time mom so I don't understand all this stuff. She would drop by to give me my babies Christmas dress and Easter dress and blah blah blah. She would schedule pictures and then just ask to swing by and borrow her for the day to spend time while planning pictures of her and my baby. Our first ever 1-2hrs away from our daughter my husband told me he and his mom had decided she would keep her while I worked WITHOUT MY IMPUT! Run!!!!
Change the locks again and leave his stuff in the driveway tell to go back to his mommy
The husband and his family have been conditioned their whole lives to not rock the boat and upset mommy. You come into the picture and mommy starts losing control over the family so she steps up her antics. Hubby then falls into old patterns to appease her and is pressured by everyone to get you to stop rocking the boat. He’s got to make a choice - his wife or his mother. Mommy will settle down eventually if he lays down the law but right now, she’s going to keep getting worse because she still believes she can regain control.
NTA, OP. My husband gave his mom a key to our apartment once, and I spent the next six months going nuts from doing constant housework, because I never knew when she'd drop by. Then I got wise and insisted that my husband to do all the housework instead, since it's his mother with the key. She no longer has one now, and I can finally get some rest. In your case, it sounds like the only fix is a divorce, imho...
OMG!!! What is it with these Mummy's boys and their clingy mommies???? Grow the f@#k up already and cut the cord!!!! It is not OK to give a key to the home you share with YOUR WIFE without her knowledge and consent. Especially when she told you beforehand it was NOT OK because of prior incidents. Unbelievable!!!!!!
I read an AITA where the MIL let herself into the house while the wife was sleeping after having a baby....the baby and new mom were both napping. The MIL took the baby and brought it back to her house claiming she was "helping". New mom woke up to her baby gone. She called the police, her husband...found out her MIL had taken the baby and the MIL was arrested. The husband/father didn't understand how overbearing his mother was until that moment.
I think the MIL is enjoying coming between the couple. I bet she has no husband, and son has been put into the surrogate husband position. The mom is also enjoying the fighting she has caused, and making the son feel such GUILT, he can't see how mom is manipulating, controlling, and meddling. The woman does need a divorce. Son has no b*lls to change. She will always be second. Just wait till his mom demands to be in delivery room. Wants to be the first to hold the baby, or name the baby. And whisper in son's ear, she is a bad mom. Mom knows exactly what she is doing. It's on purpose. Look up signs of a narcissist on youtube. The wife will never win. She's already in the scapegoat category. She'll be divorced because he's a boy, not a man. His wife should come first. He's gutless.
The story says that her husband's father and the rest of his family started calling her Ms Petty and other names... so his mother does have a husband at home who is backing her up. They've turned the whole family against her. For someone like me, that would be no loss at all, but she has some empathy and it sounds like the bullies are breaking her down. So I hope her post on reddit helped rally her strength and courage to help her stand up to all of them. She needs it, because they sound like a nightmare for her to deal with.
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Clearly the umbilical cord is still attached to him. I agree with those who said changing the locks isn't going to fix it you need a divorce lawyer.
Imho, I believe that if a person has a well known track record for certain behavior they'll continue that behavior until there's a way to break them of it. If the mi was letting herself in unannounced previously she was most definitely going to do it with their new home as well. Trusting someone with a key to your home should be a unanimous decision. The fact that the mi went as far as she did with her pestering for the house key should have been a red flag for the husband. The wife saw it and decided against it and it should have ended there. Knowing the mi has the track record that she does along with the husband bending to her requests could most definitely warrant a divorce. I couldn't see wanting to spend my life arguing the same points with my spouse over and over again just to have them do what they wanted to in the first place. If there are no children involved I'd cut my losses and move on before you find yourself at a point where that decision would ruin the rest of your life
Give him her wedding ring so he can give it to his mother cuz he obviously cares more about her than his own wife.
As a parent to young adult children I can't fathom treating them like this. It's like they don't want their son to be a happy adult. They can't, well shouldn't anyways, live with you forever. Visit (invited of course) once a week or so but otherwise take up a bloody hobby. It's bittersweet but you gotta let the baby birds fly away. You also have to respect their boundaries. Seriously, new hobby. Do some volunteering. Anything other than demanding a key to their new house so you can walk in whenever you want and meddle. Nobody wants to live in "Everybody Loves Raymond" land. 🤢
Another day another post with someone complaining about their MIL being too invasive. Ladies if your boyfriend is that attached to his mom, don’t marry him because you’ll be marrying his mother too. Not worth the stress.
Divorce him, GET the house in the settlement and tell him MY LOCKS, MY CHOICE. The fact that his mother sent pople to try and force you to give her a key is a worry and that HE sees no problem with that at all. If you set up hidden cameras and got husband to tell his mother not to let herself in she still would and he'd make up some excuse after catching her in the act. How would he feel if you gave friends a key to just let themselves in at any time they wanted. I bet he'd soon be saying how wrong that is.
Another solution would be to give mil a working key but to only one of the locks on the door, ( like, if there's a doorknob with a lock and a deadbolt above it, with a different key ). When the OP and husband are home, they lock both locks. When they're on vacation and MIL is watching the house, leave the deadbolt unlocked so she can access the door with her given key. That way, OP can have her right to privacy, and MIL can have access to her son's home, when the homeowners WANT her to have access. The only other idea I have would be to have a key to the MIL's house and the OP drop in whenever, unannounced. See how the MIL likes the invasion.
Those are both excellent ideas! I ESPECIALLY LOVE the 2nd one, roflmfbo!
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I have never really understood the absolute loyalty some people have for parents who clearly upset others. When my mother had issues, I'd be bothered by them. I'd talk to her, avoid her, or whatever it took for her to start behaving sanely. I may not get along super well with all of my family anymore, but that just means I have less hurtful and chaotic people in my life, and the really reasonable ones I was close with until they passed. I'll support my family when needed, but I don't need to be friends with them, and I definitely don't need toxic people in my life.
You don't need to live under all this stress. #1) He doesn't love you. #2) Put his belongings on the front porch and send him home to mamma. #3) Since he obviously doesn't love or respect you contact a divorce attorney and be thankful you never had kids with him. #4) Let him come and get any other personal items you agree to part with as long as there is a third party as a witness. He will rob you blind otherwise. #5) After he's out, change the locks one more time.
“I cried my eyes out in frustration but then I called a locksmith.” “And a long story short, I went from emotions to solutions.”
NTA. Although not a divorce reason either, imo, at least not yet. I hope she stands her ground. (What is it with some women and their inability to let go fo their chidlren. For Chrisaake, get a job, get a dog, get a life, get whatever it takes, but leave your adult children be!)
My MIL lived right next door to us She had keys to our house. She would come in and do the exact same thing as in the story. I just dealt with the problem. The two homes that we had were passed down in the family my husband was the 4th generation to get the houses. I love my husband. He made a promise a long time ago no to take care of his mom. I respect him for that but I did not realize how involved she was going be in our relationship. She put a lot of stress on our marriage. To the lady in the story I say bravo. My MIL has passed away and now I don't have any more stress in my marriage.
This was me 25 yrs ago. We gave MIL keys to our home and went our. honeymoon. We came home and she had gone through our mail and rearranged our furniture. I changed the locks as i didnt trust she didnt make copies. My MIL and I do not get along at all. Husband will tell me to just do what she says because its just easier and she won't give in. I remind him we are in our 50's and i don't need her " advice". Hopefully your husband will cut the apron strings and make you his priority. I can say it will only get worse for you especially if you don't have the support of your husband. Good luck.
As I contemplate this I think about my parents long marriage. First marriage for both, no divorce and lasted until my mother's death. One of their bedrock principles was to consult each other about EVERYTHING. I can't even imagine my father doing something like this to my mother, going behind her back like that.Sometimes they went a little overboard on having to agree on everything, even to the extent of consulting each other and coming to agreement as to who to vote for. But in general, it was an excellent idea. I don't see a lot of hope for this marriage because the husband has no respect for his wife and the fact that she should come before his mother.
The MIL in this story is yikes. Yeah NTA,go to couples therapy and talk about it.
Get a Danalock or something similar. You can grant and block access anytime with an app. (Had them on some AirBnB we've visited) She would have a key to your house but you control access. Then call a marriage counselor.
He gives the term Mommas boy an entire new meaning. He can have his momma she can have her key and if he didn’t want to go to couples therapy he would hear from my attorney Period!
I have a key to my son and daughter-in-law's place. They gave it to me so I could feed the cats and pick up the mail when they were out of town. I offered to return it after they got back but they told me to keep it in case it was needed in the future. Why? Because we respect each other's boundaries. They know I won't randomly go over and let myself in without permission. Trust and respect is important between adult children, their spouses and parents.
I think you should insist you have a key to MIL house then visit her when she's not home or better still let yourself in around midnight and make yourself a coffee .when she asks what you are doing say you were just passing and called in but didn't want to wake her.
She likely had no idea that she was marrying into a toxic family from the beginning. That's not going to change any time soon and like a rotten tooth, emergency steps must be taken to take care of the toxicity. I doubt much would change from counseling because she's not getting any support from the family she married into.
I agree. Pick a bedroom and put locks on it. See a lawyer to protect your assets.Do not abandon the home. Sleep alone until you get couples counseling. NTA.
For 11 years, my Mom only used the key i gave her ONCE. I got Dengue Fever. Called in to report to office, took my meds and slept. I was woken by my Mom to eat some porridge she prepared. At first, i was dazed and wondered how is she by my bed. She then told me i gave her the keys. My officer called my next-of-kin, which is my Mom and asked her how am i. She was still wondering what the hell is going on, so she came over to check on me and found out that i'm sick.
This was handled badly all the way around. A compromise was and maybe is available. Tell him "ok, she can have a key, FOR EMERGENCIES. The first time she lets herself in without an invitation or permission, i change the locks. And when we give her the key, I get to be the one to tell her the rules about when or if it is used." Problem solved.
I do actually have a key to my son's apartment. I would never dream of entering it without his permission ever
My parents are both dead so they are not getting into my home anytme soon... unless there is a zombie apocalypse.
Walk around naked when you see her pulling up let her walk in see your nitty gritty and the twins bet she will close the door and never use her key again.vHusband says something well it's my house and wanted to air out my babies .
When I thought about if this were to happen with my mom it made me mad. Then I thought about my mother in law and how quickly I would change my locks if she lived within an 8 hour drive to my house. This woman is definitely not the ahole.
My Mom has a key to my sister's house, and my sister has a key to my Mom's house (they live next door to each other). This has never been a problem. In my family, we respect each other's privacy and boundaries.
Sounds like some clear boundaries need to be set..and he is your husband not her little boy, and his family bullying you is not ok..I would talk and tell him if your not his 1st priority and if he doesn't back you and support you and let his family know that the way your treated will not be tolerated then its time to cut the tie, because your in for a long miserable life until the mil dies and that is no way to live..if you have kids her being pushy will get worse..marry a man a real man who will fight for you. Do not stay with mommy's baby boy..sorry..this is from experience.
Not the A**hole. My sister has a very demanding mother in law (very similar to this one) who has a key to my sister and brother in laws house in case of emergency. My sister was home sick one day and heard someone in her house, as she snuck down the stairs, expecting to find an intruder, instead.....she caught her mother in law going through their desk drawers, going through their bills and bank statements. That's the future this poor woman has to look forward to.
I am still in awe as to why she even finds this man attractive. There are other things I can understand married people fighting over but this...this is very strange. Why did he even move out of his parents home? I would not be losing sleep over this man, his mother nor family. But, if the OP can't see the bigger picture here, our comments surely won't help.
Time to install some hidden video cameras so you have evidence of when she enters the house.
Try therapy, prepare for divorce. Frankly I don't think Mama's Boys ever grow up.
Personally I see no problem with a parent having a key. My son has 1 to my home and I have 1 to his. Emergencies come up , or someone accidently lock theirs elf out. Also my son and his other half have children and if their is an emergency at school with one of them, I go get them to save time on waiting for the parents to drive a half hour or more from work. Trusting a parent is way better then trusting a friend.
She had no issue with a parent having a key until mil continuously let herself in whenever she pleased.
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Your husband is just as insane as is his family. Tell him it's this way or the highway!!
If you just buy it a new house I don't think it's appropriate to give it to anyone right now but if they go out of town they can leave it somewhere just in case but if my husband argue with me about my home not giving his mom a key I would have said you and your mom can have this house bye-bye
Opportunities for self improvement aside, I'm always stunned at the fundamental deal breaking flaws people will put up with.
You get exactly what I would have done. And I would tell him that I would change the locks every time he gave her a key because she doesn't need a key to my house.
I have had a key too my nephew's home for over 10 years, never once used it. In fact I remind them I have it and ask if they want it back. . Always told no.. it's for emergency.. Apparent this man mama didn't make that clear too his mommy. Or there is something sinister between these two.
I'm going to give a very technical NTA here... BUT you BOTH have set a dangerous precedent here: NEITHER of you guys should've did what you did without consulting each other, because now it's going to be that way for EVERYTHING! Plus what if he gets an electronic lock, gives everybody the code, EXCEPT he keep the master code(the one that changes the other codes) what then? You won't have a recourse because now he controls the narrative! You should've sat him down afterwards(and IDGAF of you already have) and talked this through, but you just dropped down to his level, where he will beat you with experience! So on that note I'm changing to ESH.
I reread the article from from a few months ago.. MiL is overstepping. Son doesn't want to put up with his mother's nutty pleas.
Did you just pick this guy off the street and say, "Let's get married"? How can you not know his proclivities?
All these women marrying into these f÷÷/"d up familt dynamics! Unless your spouse is an orphan or the loneliest prson on earth then they come with family. Your marrying the entire family and if that dynamics is toxic AF and weird its likely not going to change.
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If she would like to be petty about it, should do: 1. Start walking in own house naked, 2. Ask for spare key to MIL house. 3. Watch s**t hits the fan, just enjoy and have some fun. Anyway there’s nothing else OP can do in this s****y situation when she’s being gaslit into thinking she’s a bad person. So just be bad.
Why is she so desperate to go into a house she does not live in? Anyway, what to tell his mother? He can tell her he is moving back in with her.
In the case of the behaviour of this MIL it's an absolute no to give her a key. There is a reason why the scriptures say you leave your mother and father and cleave to your wife. It doesn't mean you don't love your parents but there are boundaries. Your parents are not considered to be one with you but rather your wife. It's a whole different level when it comes to relationships. This situation would make me want to leave if this man continues to put my opinions aside.
I believe the husband needs to choose. Either his wife or his mother. You can't sleep with and have sex with your mom unless you're some sick individual. Seriously, he needs to choose. He's supposed to leave his parents and cleave to his wife. He has gone too far and clearly doesn't care about his wife's feeling and how it's effecting their marriage. Before considering a divorce they need to have a serious discussion. If he continues down this path, he will be single forever. I mean, him and his mom will be together.. till death do them part.
He's always going to do what mama tells him to do ..have him make a choice...you or her...that will give you the answer you are in looking for.....GOOD LUCK...
As the husband said she didn't have the right to change the locks without consulting him he didn't have the right to give a key to his mother without consulting his wife. It is their home and not the mother's. Yes, the mother is controlling the son and wants to control the daughter in law. This couple needs to communicate with each other and let the mother be a guest. It appears to me the husband is wanting to control his wife and that isn't good. I hope the wife stands up for herself. You both need to agree to get the locks changed and no passing out keys without a mutual agreement. The mother has probably had an extra key made in case you ask for the key you gave her back. Marriage is between he husband and wife. Please don't have children until the mother issue is resolved. Good luck. Just Me
Leave & cleave is all I have to say. It’s okay for his mom to have a key IF BOTH her son & daughter is okay with it. I’m sure they both would be okay with it IF she wasn’t abusing the fact that she has a key. Coming over unannounced is unacceptable. They are married. They need & deserve their privacy. The obviously has his priorities out of order. He & his mother is so disrespectful towards his wife. They shouldn’t even have their own home if she can come & go as she pleases. Ijs. I don’t he should be disrespectful to his mother but there is a serious conversation that NEEDS to be had about boundaries. He know longer lives by himself & so now he has to do what’s BEST for his marriage. On that that note his wife may or may not agree with everything he want to do or allow his mother to do whatever she want in THEIR personal space. When you do what’s RIGHT for the marriage both people in the marriage IS HAPPY CAUSE YOU FIND A COMMON GROUND. It’s NOT just his way or her way.
Your mother-in-law is not your biggest problem. Your biggest problem is your husband who is immature and puts his relationship with his mother above his relationship with you. Yes, couples therapy is needed quickly. The rest of the family should be told to butt out as often as it takes to make them shut up. None of their business. I loved my m-i-l dearly but she was a snoop and I would never have given her a key to my home. Luckily we were military so we didn't live close to her.
This story and a ton of these comments are childish. First off I have a sneaking suspicion the OP is probably exaggerated her side of the story so people will rush to her defense. People forget there are two sides to the story. He was wrong for giving up a key but she was also wrong for hiring a lock smith. To be honest maybe it is better to go their own ways because for everyone saying he is a momma's boy she had the nerve to put their drama on social media for validation.
The husband is surely not in the ready for this kind of commitment, he is dependable on his mother at the moment. He surely needs a break from this relationship but not a divorce at this stage. Couple therapy which might help him to understand his partner's pt of view.
You could maybe try 2 things. 1) make MIL uncomfortable by walking around your own home naked and don’t apologize just keep it up every time she comes over unannounced. 2)Obtain a key to her home and just show up everyday unannounced then maybe she will take the hint
Personally the wife is right. Boundaries are important for a marriage. One thing to have a key if you may need it for emergency it's another to come over and walk right in with no manors. I'm married and I'm glad my husband's mom don't do that but she even said we are married have our own lives and privacy. Mad respect for her. I also am not a door mat. I won't allow that and any normal person wouldn't be ok with that so definitely not just the wife who feels this way. He isn't married to his mom he has a wife and his mom needs to respect them both. She sounds like a master manipulator who needs to be put in place. But see I was smart. I live 4 hours away from our family lol so it's kinda perfect. I give this woman props for staying with him being he is totally controlled by his mom and he is a grown man with a wife. I could never be with a guy like that
I'm kind of annoyed that she's so shocked tbh. How many fights do you think they had over this exact issue, but this time was different because she said so? If a friend came to me with this same scenario before buying the house, I could have called it a mile away. She should have had this settled or been ready to walk before it got this far.
I have a key for my in-laws house... I never use it, that would be really weird and rude
sorry to hear that you're having mil issues. had a rare mil that was a God-send; named my daughter after her. love and miss her. but seriously, pick a room/lock for you and motion detection cameras for that room/your bedroom (text her reminder every 6 months to stay out of those rooms/as proof). set rules like text/get a response from you BEFORE walking in your house. if she doesn't obey these requests, make love where and when you know she will walk in and then instate those rules or request the key back. these are ridiculous but serious add'l suggestions: make her a weekly "to do list" for your fridge (text her that it's there) but don't be hateful; just a few things you can use help with like vacuum and mop or guest bathroom and ask her to check off when done, to lease leave a recipe she knows your husband likes, leave her a journal of nice advice (request one per visit with max half page. only if she would like) with pen. text her a thank you. I should write a book. good luck!
I would love to leave my door open to family and friends, but no one is ever coming into my area of safety without my permission (besides cats). This is a huge act of mistrust, judgementalness, and gaslighting. Imo, I would, if I had the proper resources to, be divorcing his a*s immediately. The point where people are willing to see a therapist about this stuff is when the point is brought up and the perpetrator goes "...oh." not screaming at the other. He's long gone, and it would take some serious therapy (and maybe even drugs) to get him over it. And clearly, he doesn't see himself as having a problem, which is a massive problem. Hopefully this lady can get away fast.
Well..well ..well her husband isn't he just lovely, and loyal. NOT!!🙂 GIVE A SET OF HER HUSBAND CAR KEYS TO HER PARENTS,OR FAMILY MEMBERS SEE HOW HE WOULD FEEL. I BET THE LIGHT WOULD COME ON THEN FOR HIM. THE MOTHER SHOULD KNOW THE DO'S AND DON'T. HER and her son are doing what comes natural for them, now he has a wife and they can't expect his wife to be on board with this. Some times a person need to see the shoe on the other foot. I didn't get that he was a awful husband to her. A hiccup here and there. Now if he doesn't get with you all program it's time to move on.
You need to get away for some time, and not contact anyone, unless you have children, and it's someone that you trust won't tell where you are, and give yourself time to think about if you want to be in a marriage like this with a family like this? My Daddy's mother tried to be controlling, and my Momma wasn't going to have it, he went back into the Military, and we moved, had a great life, and they were married for over twenty years, until my Momma passed away, and my Daddy passed away later from a broken heart. Your husband needs to choose which woman is important in his life, you, or his Momma? Yes, his mother gave him life, but you're the one who helps him to develop into a man, and you're his partner. He needs to get a taste of life without you for awhile. It's also not right for anyone who's not the owner to come into your home without your permission.
LAY DOWN THE LAW. BOUNDARIES. THIS FAR AND NO MORE.NO KEY OR NO ME. SEE I'M CRAZY. I'D JUST WALK AROUND NAKED ALL THE TIME. LOL. NTA. YOU GET CONTROL. IT'S YOUR HOME WITH HIM, NOT HIS MOTHER.
I'm honestly really tired with people on the Internet instantly saying the couple needs to break up or divorce, as if they know anything else about their relationship other than what the post said 🤷 I could make up a post saying that my partner refused to eat something I cooked because it smelled funny, and half of the comments would say "your partner is immature, you need to break up" etc. It's so dumb...
I'm sorry, but it seems this entire family is controlling. This woman (MIL) knows just how to manipulate her son. It doesn't say how many years they have been married, but I WOULD RUN. First, to see a good lawyer who is a " Bulldog" and can have a long, drawn- out discussion while the wife is in the office with them about what Boundaries are when you're married. You don't allow any interference by family members from either side. It's not the wife's fault the MIL either doesn't care, or thinks of him as " her baby" and still thinks of him as living under her roof. And some Mother's are simply unwilling to relinquish "control" of care to a new wife. This Woman might be able to get her husband to a Family and Marriage Counselor, but my guess is, it's not going to work. Sounds like his Mom has her claws too deep in him. Why in the World would she have the right to have a key to the house? Especially when she has shown that she cannot be trusted.
You could have a security system installed. MIL given a code of her own and let her strangle herself. If she must enter a code to enter and the entry times and dates show her frequency and timings when nobody home (or why else would her code and key be needed?) There's also digital locks very easily installed. You can change the code every time you leave if you wish. She may have the code your hubby does but worthless without the code of the day. Make hubby have to call you for the code every day at the moment he wants to enter. Doesn't like it?! Grow up and quit being a security risk to your family. Another thing I would mention to him is that God Himself foresaw the hell of in laws before the first marriage. Why it was commanded the man shall leave his family and the woman leave her home and the two become one. HE MUST LEAVE TO CLEAVE for the marriage to succeed. This is just one argument with this bat s**t crazy woman. Wait until children are involved.
The response I have read so far is funny, divorce this, return that, lol, well give a key with access to certain rooms, she didn't like you before you people got married, and she won't accept you for a while... Like it or not you won't understand it until you get to this position too, mama might be lonely, besides she is getting closer to God and you are taking away her favourite child without a fight? You never see anything, use wisdom and not force oh, find a room for your mum too
F**k that that b***h need to listen. If not. Get out and see if you can find another beta to take care of you. Mom over disobedient wife everyday and all day. Welcome to the new world ladies.
Imo esh... My mom has a spare key to my house. She always has and she always will. So does my brother and I also have a key to their respective houses. It is not a bad idea to let family members hold on to house keys for other family members. HOWEVER, boundaries must be set, and respected. Husband shouldn't have gone behind wife's back, but the wife could havel been a little less stubborn about it and willing to at least discuss it openly with each other like adults. I think MIL also sucks because she apparently had not, in the past, respected their privacy, which isn't ok. But that could have been talked out and handled much better by everyone involved.
The woman is just showing up randomly unanounced; even when they're not home! The MIL is making the OP feel uncomfortable and unsafe in her own home! There all the info. There's the Invasion/breach of privacy.
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You sounds like you don't know what boundaries are. Just walking into someone's home without permission is trespassing and an invasion of privacy. If this mother had respect for her son and her daughter in law this wouldn't be a problem. Keys for an emergency is one thing, just walking in because you are a busy body is not
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Seriously? You think that having no privacy is healthy?
Load More Replies... Personally I think reddit is way to quick to suggest divorce. I'd say maybe couples therapy first? If he refuses then divorce would make more sense. Although it's possible therapy won't help. He's a giant mama's boy. She needs to go to the JNMIL reddit!
I mean, I dunno if they're quick to suggest divorce or if the stuff people post there - especially stuff that gets reposted - is frequently the kind of thing that you should divorce over.
Load More Replies... This reminds me of the show Every body loves Raymond. The parents had ZERO boundaries . The whole concept was ridiculous. This would never fly in my home.
That show drove me up the wall. His family was entirely and quite possibly even clinically insane.
Load More Replies... The only way out of this problem is a good couples therapist or a good divorce lawyer.
What's with all these men who can't stand up to their moms? The last thing I'd want is to give my mom unfettered access to my home. If I wanted to live with her, I wouldn't get married and live the rest of my life in my childhood bedroom.
The boys get married because they want to have sex and some taboos can't be crossed.
Load More Replies... We have keys to both our sons' houses. We would NEVER go there unannounced and would never just go in unless they asked us to. Ridiculous behavior.
Sounds like you built up trust and got the keys from there. The OP posted that the MIL kept just showing up to the old place all the time unannounced. Certainly did NOT earn the same trust.
Load More Replies... Wait until a baby is in the mix! You will constantly battle to be respected as the mom bc he will turn to her for everything bc she's had a baby blah blah blah. Seriously lay the law down and straighten this out if you love him enough, otherwise run. And I don't say divorce lightly. Married 20yrs now at 40hrs old. My husband didn't have mommy issues until I was pregnant and she straight tried to take over and he was leaning her way!! With no mommy issues like yours!She would tell my husband I'm a first time mom so I don't understand all this stuff. She would drop by to give me my babies Christmas dress and Easter dress and blah blah blah. She would schedule pictures and then just ask to swing by and borrow her for the day to spend time while planning pictures of her and my baby. Our first ever 1-2hrs away from our daughter my husband told me he and his mom had decided she would keep her while I worked WITHOUT MY IMPUT! Run!!!!
Change the locks again and leave his stuff in the driveway tell to go back to his mommy
The husband and his family have been conditioned their whole lives to not rock the boat and upset mommy. You come into the picture and mommy starts losing control over the family so she steps up her antics. Hubby then falls into old patterns to appease her and is pressured by everyone to get you to stop rocking the boat. He’s got to make a choice - his wife or his mother. Mommy will settle down eventually if he lays down the law but right now, she’s going to keep getting worse because she still believes she can regain control.
NTA, OP. My husband gave his mom a key to our apartment once, and I spent the next six months going nuts from doing constant housework, because I never knew when she'd drop by. Then I got wise and insisted that my husband to do all the housework instead, since it's his mother with the key. She no longer has one now, and I can finally get some rest. In your case, it sounds like the only fix is a divorce, imho...
OMG!!! What is it with these Mummy's boys and their clingy mommies???? Grow the f@#k up already and cut the cord!!!! It is not OK to give a key to the home you share with YOUR WIFE without her knowledge and consent. Especially when she told you beforehand it was NOT OK because of prior incidents. Unbelievable!!!!!!
I read an AITA where the MIL let herself into the house while the wife was sleeping after having a baby....the baby and new mom were both napping. The MIL took the baby and brought it back to her house claiming she was "helping". New mom woke up to her baby gone. She called the police, her husband...found out her MIL had taken the baby and the MIL was arrested. The husband/father didn't understand how overbearing his mother was until that moment.
I think the MIL is enjoying coming between the couple. I bet she has no husband, and son has been put into the surrogate husband position. The mom is also enjoying the fighting she has caused, and making the son feel such GUILT, he can't see how mom is manipulating, controlling, and meddling. The woman does need a divorce. Son has no b*lls to change. She will always be second. Just wait till his mom demands to be in delivery room. Wants to be the first to hold the baby, or name the baby. And whisper in son's ear, she is a bad mom. Mom knows exactly what she is doing. It's on purpose. Look up signs of a narcissist on youtube. The wife will never win. She's already in the scapegoat category. She'll be divorced because he's a boy, not a man. His wife should come first. He's gutless.
The story says that her husband's father and the rest of his family started calling her Ms Petty and other names... so his mother does have a husband at home who is backing her up. They've turned the whole family against her. For someone like me, that would be no loss at all, but she has some empathy and it sounds like the bullies are breaking her down. So I hope her post on reddit helped rally her strength and courage to help her stand up to all of them. She needs it, because they sound like a nightmare for her to deal with.
Load More Replies... Clearly the umbilical cord is still attached to him. I agree with those who said changing the locks isn't going to fix it you need a divorce lawyer.
Imho, I believe that if a person has a well known track record for certain behavior they'll continue that behavior until there's a way to break them of it. If the mi was letting herself in unannounced previously she was most definitely going to do it with their new home as well. Trusting someone with a key to your home should be a unanimous decision. The fact that the mi went as far as she did with her pestering for the house key should have been a red flag for the husband. The wife saw it and decided against it and it should have ended there. Knowing the mi has the track record that she does along with the husband bending to her requests could most definitely warrant a divorce. I couldn't see wanting to spend my life arguing the same points with my spouse over and over again just to have them do what they wanted to in the first place. If there are no children involved I'd cut my losses and move on before you find yourself at a point where that decision would ruin the rest of your life
Give him her wedding ring so he can give it to his mother cuz he obviously cares more about her than his own wife.
As a parent to young adult children I can't fathom treating them like this. It's like they don't want their son to be a happy adult. They can't, well shouldn't anyways, live with you forever. Visit (invited of course) once a week or so but otherwise take up a bloody hobby. It's bittersweet but you gotta let the baby birds fly away. You also have to respect their boundaries. Seriously, new hobby. Do some volunteering. Anything other than demanding a key to their new house so you can walk in whenever you want and meddle. Nobody wants to live in "Everybody Loves Raymond" land. 🤢
Another day another post with someone complaining about their MIL being too invasive. Ladies if your boyfriend is that attached to his mom, don’t marry him because you’ll be marrying his mother too. Not worth the stress.
Divorce him, GET the house in the settlement and tell him MY LOCKS, MY CHOICE. The fact that his mother sent pople to try and force you to give her a key is a worry and that HE sees no problem with that at all. If you set up hidden cameras and got husband to tell his mother not to let herself in she still would and he'd make up some excuse after catching her in the act. How would he feel if you gave friends a key to just let themselves in at any time they wanted. I bet he'd soon be saying how wrong that is.
Another solution would be to give mil a working key but to only one of the locks on the door, ( like, if there's a doorknob with a lock and a deadbolt above it, with a different key ). When the OP and husband are home, they lock both locks. When they're on vacation and MIL is watching the house, leave the deadbolt unlocked so she can access the door with her given key. That way, OP can have her right to privacy, and MIL can have access to her son's home, when the homeowners WANT her to have access. The only other idea I have would be to have a key to the MIL's house and the OP drop in whenever, unannounced. See how the MIL likes the invasion.
Those are both excellent ideas! I ESPECIALLY LOVE the 2nd one, roflmfbo!
Load More Replies... I have never really understood the absolute loyalty some people have for parents who clearly upset others. When my mother had issues, I'd be bothered by them. I'd talk to her, avoid her, or whatever it took for her to start behaving sanely. I may not get along super well with all of my family anymore, but that just means I have less hurtful and chaotic people in my life, and the really reasonable ones I was close with until they passed. I'll support my family when needed, but I don't need to be friends with them, and I definitely don't need toxic people in my life.
You don't need to live under all this stress. #1) He doesn't love you. #2) Put his belongings on the front porch and send him home to mamma. #3) Since he obviously doesn't love or respect you contact a divorce attorney and be thankful you never had kids with him. #4) Let him come and get any other personal items you agree to part with as long as there is a third party as a witness. He will rob you blind otherwise. #5) After he's out, change the locks one more time.
“I cried my eyes out in frustration but then I called a locksmith.” “And a long story short, I went from emotions to solutions.”
NTA. Although not a divorce reason either, imo, at least not yet. I hope she stands her ground. (What is it with some women and their inability to let go fo their chidlren. For Chrisaake, get a job, get a dog, get a life, get whatever it takes, but leave your adult children be!)
My MIL lived right next door to us She had keys to our house. She would come in and do the exact same thing as in the story. I just dealt with the problem. The two homes that we had were passed down in the family my husband was the 4th generation to get the houses. I love my husband. He made a promise a long time ago no to take care of his mom. I respect him for that but I did not realize how involved she was going be in our relationship. She put a lot of stress on our marriage. To the lady in the story I say bravo. My MIL has passed away and now I don't have any more stress in my marriage.
This was me 25 yrs ago. We gave MIL keys to our home and went our. honeymoon. We came home and she had gone through our mail and rearranged our furniture. I changed the locks as i didnt trust she didnt make copies. My MIL and I do not get along at all. Husband will tell me to just do what she says because its just easier and she won't give in. I remind him we are in our 50's and i don't need her " advice". Hopefully your husband will cut the apron strings and make you his priority. I can say it will only get worse for you especially if you don't have the support of your husband. Good luck.
As I contemplate this I think about my parents long marriage. First marriage for both, no divorce and lasted until my mother's death. One of their bedrock principles was to consult each other about EVERYTHING. I can't even imagine my father doing something like this to my mother, going behind her back like that.Sometimes they went a little overboard on having to agree on everything, even to the extent of consulting each other and coming to agreement as to who to vote for. But in general, it was an excellent idea. I don't see a lot of hope for this marriage because the husband has no respect for his wife and the fact that she should come before his mother.
The MIL in this story is yikes. Yeah NTA,go to couples therapy and talk about it.
Get a Danalock or something similar. You can grant and block access anytime with an app. (Had them on some AirBnB we've visited) She would have a key to your house but you control access. Then call a marriage counselor.
He gives the term Mommas boy an entire new meaning. He can have his momma she can have her key and if he didn’t want to go to couples therapy he would hear from my attorney Period!
I have a key to my son and daughter-in-law's place. They gave it to me so I could feed the cats and pick up the mail when they were out of town. I offered to return it after they got back but they told me to keep it in case it was needed in the future. Why? Because we respect each other's boundaries. They know I won't randomly go over and let myself in without permission. Trust and respect is important between adult children, their spouses and parents.
I think you should insist you have a key to MIL house then visit her when she's not home or better still let yourself in around midnight and make yourself a coffee .when she asks what you are doing say you were just passing and called in but didn't want to wake her.
She likely had no idea that she was marrying into a toxic family from the beginning. That's not going to change any time soon and like a rotten tooth, emergency steps must be taken to take care of the toxicity. I doubt much would change from counseling because she's not getting any support from the family she married into.
I agree. Pick a bedroom and put locks on it. See a lawyer to protect your assets.Do not abandon the home. Sleep alone until you get couples counseling. NTA.
For 11 years, my Mom only used the key i gave her ONCE. I got Dengue Fever. Called in to report to office, took my meds and slept. I was woken by my Mom to eat some porridge she prepared. At first, i was dazed and wondered how is she by my bed. She then told me i gave her the keys. My officer called my next-of-kin, which is my Mom and asked her how am i. She was still wondering what the hell is going on, so she came over to check on me and found out that i'm sick.
This was handled badly all the way around. A compromise was and maybe is available. Tell him "ok, she can have a key, FOR EMERGENCIES. The first time she lets herself in without an invitation or permission, i change the locks. And when we give her the key, I get to be the one to tell her the rules about when or if it is used." Problem solved.
I do actually have a key to my son's apartment. I would never dream of entering it without his permission ever
My parents are both dead so they are not getting into my home anytme soon... unless there is a zombie apocalypse.
Walk around naked when you see her pulling up let her walk in see your nitty gritty and the twins bet she will close the door and never use her key again.vHusband says something well it's my house and wanted to air out my babies .
When I thought about if this were to happen with my mom it made me mad. Then I thought about my mother in law and how quickly I would change my locks if she lived within an 8 hour drive to my house. This woman is definitely not the ahole.
My Mom has a key to my sister's house, and my sister has a key to my Mom's house (they live next door to each other). This has never been a problem. In my family, we respect each other's privacy and boundaries.
Sounds like some clear boundaries need to be set..and he is your husband not her little boy, and his family bullying you is not ok..I would talk and tell him if your not his 1st priority and if he doesn't back you and support you and let his family know that the way your treated will not be tolerated then its time to cut the tie, because your in for a long miserable life until the mil dies and that is no way to live..if you have kids her being pushy will get worse..marry a man a real man who will fight for you. Do not stay with mommy's baby boy..sorry..this is from experience.
Not the A**hole. My sister has a very demanding mother in law (very similar to this one) who has a key to my sister and brother in laws house in case of emergency. My sister was home sick one day and heard someone in her house, as she snuck down the stairs, expecting to find an intruder, instead.....she caught her mother in law going through their desk drawers, going through their bills and bank statements. That's the future this poor woman has to look forward to.
I am still in awe as to why she even finds this man attractive. There are other things I can understand married people fighting over but this...this is very strange. Why did he even move out of his parents home? I would not be losing sleep over this man, his mother nor family. But, if the OP can't see the bigger picture here, our comments surely won't help.
Time to install some hidden video cameras so you have evidence of when she enters the house.
Try therapy, prepare for divorce. Frankly I don't think Mama's Boys ever grow up.
Personally I see no problem with a parent having a key. My son has 1 to my home and I have 1 to his. Emergencies come up , or someone accidently lock theirs elf out. Also my son and his other half have children and if their is an emergency at school with one of them, I go get them to save time on waiting for the parents to drive a half hour or more from work. Trusting a parent is way better then trusting a friend.
She had no issue with a parent having a key until mil continuously let herself in whenever she pleased.
Load More Replies... Your husband is just as insane as is his family. Tell him it's this way or the highway!!
If you just buy it a new house I don't think it's appropriate to give it to anyone right now but if they go out of town they can leave it somewhere just in case but if my husband argue with me about my home not giving his mom a key I would have said you and your mom can have this house bye-bye
Opportunities for self improvement aside, I'm always stunned at the fundamental deal breaking flaws people will put up with.
You get exactly what I would have done. And I would tell him that I would change the locks every time he gave her a key because she doesn't need a key to my house.
I have had a key too my nephew's home for over 10 years, never once used it. In fact I remind them I have it and ask if they want it back. . Always told no.. it's for emergency.. Apparent this man mama didn't make that clear too his mommy. Or there is something sinister between these two.
I'm going to give a very technical NTA here... BUT you BOTH have set a dangerous precedent here: NEITHER of you guys should've did what you did without consulting each other, because now it's going to be that way for EVERYTHING! Plus what if he gets an electronic lock, gives everybody the code, EXCEPT he keep the master code(the one that changes the other codes) what then? You won't have a recourse because now he controls the narrative! You should've sat him down afterwards(and IDGAF of you already have) and talked this through, but you just dropped down to his level, where he will beat you with experience! So on that note I'm changing to ESH.
I reread the article from from a few months ago.. MiL is overstepping. Son doesn't want to put up with his mother's nutty pleas.
Did you just pick this guy off the street and say, "Let's get married"? How can you not know his proclivities?
All these women marrying into these f÷÷/"d up familt dynamics! Unless your spouse is an orphan or the loneliest prson on earth then they come with family. Your marrying the entire family and if that dynamics is toxic AF and weird its likely not going to change.
Load More Replies... If she would like to be petty about it, should do: 1. Start walking in own house naked, 2. Ask for spare key to MIL house. 3. Watch s**t hits the fan, just enjoy and have some fun. Anyway there’s nothing else OP can do in this s****y situation when she’s being gaslit into thinking she’s a bad person. So just be bad.
Why is she so desperate to go into a house she does not live in? Anyway, what to tell his mother? He can tell her he is moving back in with her.
In the case of the behaviour of this MIL it's an absolute no to give her a key. There is a reason why the scriptures say you leave your mother and father and cleave to your wife. It doesn't mean you don't love your parents but there are boundaries. Your parents are not considered to be one with you but rather your wife. It's a whole different level when it comes to relationships. This situation would make me want to leave if this man continues to put my opinions aside.
I believe the husband needs to choose. Either his wife or his mother. You can't sleep with and have sex with your mom unless you're some sick individual. Seriously, he needs to choose. He's supposed to leave his parents and cleave to his wife. He has gone too far and clearly doesn't care about his wife's feeling and how it's effecting their marriage. Before considering a divorce they need to have a serious discussion. If he continues down this path, he will be single forever. I mean, him and his mom will be together.. till death do them part.
He's always going to do what mama tells him to do ..have him make a choice...you or her...that will give you the answer you are in looking for.....GOOD LUCK...
As the husband said she didn't have the right to change the locks without consulting him he didn't have the right to give a key to his mother without consulting his wife. It is their home and not the mother's. Yes, the mother is controlling the son and wants to control the daughter in law. This couple needs to communicate with each other and let the mother be a guest. It appears to me the husband is wanting to control his wife and that isn't good. I hope the wife stands up for herself. You both need to agree to get the locks changed and no passing out keys without a mutual agreement. The mother has probably had an extra key made in case you ask for the key you gave her back. Marriage is between he husband and wife. Please don't have children until the mother issue is resolved. Good luck. Just Me
Leave & cleave is all I have to say. It’s okay for his mom to have a key IF BOTH her son & daughter is okay with it. I’m sure they both would be okay with it IF she wasn’t abusing the fact that she has a key. Coming over unannounced is unacceptable. They are married. They need & deserve their privacy. The obviously has his priorities out of order. He & his mother is so disrespectful towards his wife. They shouldn’t even have their own home if she can come & go as she pleases. Ijs. I don’t he should be disrespectful to his mother but there is a serious conversation that NEEDS to be had about boundaries. He know longer lives by himself & so now he has to do what’s BEST for his marriage. On that that note his wife may or may not agree with everything he want to do or allow his mother to do whatever she want in THEIR personal space. When you do what’s RIGHT for the marriage both people in the marriage IS HAPPY CAUSE YOU FIND A COMMON GROUND. It’s NOT just his way or her way.
Your mother-in-law is not your biggest problem. Your biggest problem is your husband who is immature and puts his relationship with his mother above his relationship with you. Yes, couples therapy is needed quickly. The rest of the family should be told to butt out as often as it takes to make them shut up. None of their business. I loved my m-i-l dearly but she was a snoop and I would never have given her a key to my home. Luckily we were military so we didn't live close to her.
This story and a ton of these comments are childish. First off I have a sneaking suspicion the OP is probably exaggerated her side of the story so people will rush to her defense. People forget there are two sides to the story. He was wrong for giving up a key but she was also wrong for hiring a lock smith. To be honest maybe it is better to go their own ways because for everyone saying he is a momma's boy she had the nerve to put their drama on social media for validation.
The husband is surely not in the ready for this kind of commitment, he is dependable on his mother at the moment. He surely needs a break from this relationship but not a divorce at this stage. Couple therapy which might help him to understand his partner's pt of view.
You could maybe try 2 things. 1) make MIL uncomfortable by walking around your own home naked and don’t apologize just keep it up every time she comes over unannounced. 2)Obtain a key to her home and just show up everyday unannounced then maybe she will take the hint
Personally the wife is right. Boundaries are important for a marriage. One thing to have a key if you may need it for emergency it's another to come over and walk right in with no manors. I'm married and I'm glad my husband's mom don't do that but she even said we are married have our own lives and privacy. Mad respect for her. I also am not a door mat. I won't allow that and any normal person wouldn't be ok with that so definitely not just the wife who feels this way. He isn't married to his mom he has a wife and his mom needs to respect them both. She sounds like a master manipulator who needs to be put in place. But see I was smart. I live 4 hours away from our family lol so it's kinda perfect. I give this woman props for staying with him being he is totally controlled by his mom and he is a grown man with a wife. I could never be with a guy like that
I'm kind of annoyed that she's so shocked tbh. How many fights do you think they had over this exact issue, but this time was different because she said so? If a friend came to me with this same scenario before buying the house, I could have called it a mile away. She should have had this settled or been ready to walk before it got this far.
I have a key for my in-laws house... I never use it, that would be really weird and rude
sorry to hear that you're having mil issues. had a rare mil that was a God-send; named my daughter after her. love and miss her. but seriously, pick a room/lock for you and motion detection cameras for that room/your bedroom (text her reminder every 6 months to stay out of those rooms/as proof). set rules like text/get a response from you BEFORE walking in your house. if she doesn't obey these requests, make love where and when you know she will walk in and then instate those rules or request the key back. these are ridiculous but serious add'l suggestions: make her a weekly "to do list" for your fridge (text her that it's there) but don't be hateful; just a few things you can use help with like vacuum and mop or guest bathroom and ask her to check off when done, to lease leave a recipe she knows your husband likes, leave her a journal of nice advice (request one per visit with max half page. only if she would like) with pen. text her a thank you. I should write a book. good luck!
I would love to leave my door open to family and friends, but no one is ever coming into my area of safety without my permission (besides cats). This is a huge act of mistrust, judgementalness, and gaslighting. Imo, I would, if I had the proper resources to, be divorcing his a*s immediately. The point where people are willing to see a therapist about this stuff is when the point is brought up and the perpetrator goes "...oh." not screaming at the other. He's long gone, and it would take some serious therapy (and maybe even drugs) to get him over it. And clearly, he doesn't see himself as having a problem, which is a massive problem. Hopefully this lady can get away fast.
Well..well ..well her husband isn't he just lovely, and loyal. NOT!!🙂 GIVE A SET OF HER HUSBAND CAR KEYS TO HER PARENTS,OR FAMILY MEMBERS SEE HOW HE WOULD FEEL. I BET THE LIGHT WOULD COME ON THEN FOR HIM. THE MOTHER SHOULD KNOW THE DO'S AND DON'T. HER and her son are doing what comes natural for them, now he has a wife and they can't expect his wife to be on board with this. Some times a person need to see the shoe on the other foot. I didn't get that he was a awful husband to her. A hiccup here and there. Now if he doesn't get with you all program it's time to move on.
You need to get away for some time, and not contact anyone, unless you have children, and it's someone that you trust won't tell where you are, and give yourself time to think about if you want to be in a marriage like this with a family like this? My Daddy's mother tried to be controlling, and my Momma wasn't going to have it, he went back into the Military, and we moved, had a great life, and they were married for over twenty years, until my Momma passed away, and my Daddy passed away later from a broken heart. Your husband needs to choose which woman is important in his life, you, or his Momma? Yes, his mother gave him life, but you're the one who helps him to develop into a man, and you're his partner. He needs to get a taste of life without you for awhile. It's also not right for anyone who's not the owner to come into your home without your permission.
LAY DOWN THE LAW. BOUNDARIES. THIS FAR AND NO MORE.NO KEY OR NO ME. SEE I'M CRAZY. I'D JUST WALK AROUND NAKED ALL THE TIME. LOL. NTA. YOU GET CONTROL. IT'S YOUR HOME WITH HIM, NOT HIS MOTHER.
I'm honestly really tired with people on the Internet instantly saying the couple needs to break up or divorce, as if they know anything else about their relationship other than what the post said 🤷 I could make up a post saying that my partner refused to eat something I cooked because it smelled funny, and half of the comments would say "your partner is immature, you need to break up" etc. It's so dumb...
I'm sorry, but it seems this entire family is controlling. This woman (MIL) knows just how to manipulate her son. It doesn't say how many years they have been married, but I WOULD RUN. First, to see a good lawyer who is a " Bulldog" and can have a long, drawn- out discussion while the wife is in the office with them about what Boundaries are when you're married. You don't allow any interference by family members from either side. It's not the wife's fault the MIL either doesn't care, or thinks of him as " her baby" and still thinks of him as living under her roof. And some Mother's are simply unwilling to relinquish "control" of care to a new wife. This Woman might be able to get her husband to a Family and Marriage Counselor, but my guess is, it's not going to work. Sounds like his Mom has her claws too deep in him. Why in the World would she have the right to have a key to the house? Especially when she has shown that she cannot be trusted.
You could have a security system installed. MIL given a code of her own and let her strangle herself. If she must enter a code to enter and the entry times and dates show her frequency and timings when nobody home (or why else would her code and key be needed?) There's also digital locks very easily installed. You can change the code every time you leave if you wish. She may have the code your hubby does but worthless without the code of the day. Make hubby have to call you for the code every day at the moment he wants to enter. Doesn't like it?! Grow up and quit being a security risk to your family. Another thing I would mention to him is that God Himself foresaw the hell of in laws before the first marriage. Why it was commanded the man shall leave his family and the woman leave her home and the two become one. HE MUST LEAVE TO CLEAVE for the marriage to succeed. This is just one argument with this bat s**t crazy woman. Wait until children are involved.
The response I have read so far is funny, divorce this, return that, lol, well give a key with access to certain rooms, she didn't like you before you people got married, and she won't accept you for a while... Like it or not you won't understand it until you get to this position too, mama might be lonely, besides she is getting closer to God and you are taking away her favourite child without a fight? You never see anything, use wisdom and not force oh, find a room for your mum too
F**k that that b***h need to listen. If not. Get out and see if you can find another beta to take care of you. Mom over disobedient wife everyday and all day. Welcome to the new world ladies.
Imo esh... My mom has a spare key to my house. She always has and she always will. So does my brother and I also have a key to their respective houses. It is not a bad idea to let family members hold on to house keys for other family members. HOWEVER, boundaries must be set, and respected. Husband shouldn't have gone behind wife's back, but the wife could havel been a little less stubborn about it and willing to at least discuss it openly with each other like adults. I think MIL also sucks because she apparently had not, in the past, respected their privacy, which isn't ok. But that could have been talked out and handled much better by everyone involved.
The woman is just showing up randomly unanounced; even when they're not home! The MIL is making the OP feel uncomfortable and unsafe in her own home! There all the info. There's the Invasion/breach of privacy.
Load More Replies... You sounds like you don't know what boundaries are. Just walking into someone's home without permission is trespassing and an invasion of privacy. If this mother had respect for her son and her daughter in law this wouldn't be a problem. Keys for an emergency is one thing, just walking in because you are a busy body is not
Load More Replies... Seriously? You think that having no privacy is healthy?
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