Person That Suffers From Allergy Went On A Date With A Cat Owner, Guy Caused A Scene When Told The Relationship Wasn’t Going To Work
Living life is like playing the lottery – you never know what you’re gonna get, and some folks get allergies. Well, not the very best choice, but definitely pretty unpleasant.
Indeed, allergies have been interfering with many of our lives for decades, changing routines, habits and hobbies. Especially when it’s an allergy to possibly the most wonderful creatures on this planet. Yes, we’re talking about cats.
As it happened to the author of the original post in the AITA Reddit community, which now has almost 1.9K upvotes and over 450 different comments. Yes, the Original Poster is allergic to cats – and this allergy has recently significantly affected their personal life.
More info: Reddit
The Original Poster’s friend suggested that they go on a date with her good friend
Image source: tuija2005 (not the actual photo)
The thing is that OP’s friend suggested that they go on a date with her old and good friend. The OP agreed – they liked the man right away, but what they didn’t like for sure was a stuffy nose literally from the first minutes of communication.
Image source: [deleted]
The OP is allergic to cats and they immediately suspected that the man had one at home
The OP immediately decided to clarify – and yes, there was no mistake, the man had a cat at home. Realizing how painful the consequences of allergies can be, as well as how difficult it is to constantly be treated for it, the OP decided to make a difficult decision on the go.
Image source: [deleted]
The OP tried to explain that they’d prefer not to start relationships due to their allergy issues
They explained to the man that it was better for them both to just move on and not continue to communicate – even despite the obvious mutual liking, because the OP did not want to live with a man by taking drugs every day.
Image source: [deleted]
The man was very upset and tried to ask OP to give him just a chance
We must admit, the man was very upset and said that modern medicine is able to cope well with allergies, and in general, this was not a good reason not to start a relationship with him. To this, the OP objected that they were just trying to be honest with him – after all, their relationship would probably be unlikely to progress because of his cat.
Image source: [deleted]
The OP simply paid and left, but their friend called them a jerk for being a bit offensive
Seeing that the man began to insist and gradually lose his temper, the OP simply called the waiter and asked for a split check. When they told their mutual friend about this, she just claimed that the OP was completely wrong – firstly, she offended a really good guy, and secondly, the cat is not a problem. Something could always happen to it later in its life…
Image source: Amy Truter (not the actual photo)
Most of the commenters, however, supported the OP as some of them were familiar with allergies themselves
However, commenters, many of whom were familiar with allergies firsthand, mostly supported the OP – after all, they really tried to be honest with the man, and it is better to refuse right away than to suffer for several months and then still part ways.
Some people recalled that, once in the place of the OP, they nevertheless entered into relationships, and their decisions eventually became something along the lines of masochism. In any case, the general consensus is that the OP did the right thing, honestly – and the man and mostly their friend are not exactly right.
Frankly speaking, we have our own kind of allergy – an allergy to posts without comments, so we will be happy for your opinions about this story, and even better – your own stories. In the end, any narrative of one’s own experience becomes much more important and way more interesting.
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And if he'd offered to get rid of the cat, what kind of a jerk would do that? And after a single date, that would make him stalker material.
Ivana nailed this. First off he’s a cat dude and that’s rare, but if he said I’ll put them up for adoption we would have a different AITA. I went on a date with a guy and he said he would get rid of his cats for me, how would he treat children? He was damned if he did or didn’t. Sick of these
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As a cat mum with bad allergies (not to cats fortunately but on allergy meds most of the year) absolutely NTA. I'd never consider dating someone with a pet hair allergy because 1. I would definitely *not* want my partner to have allergy symptoms 24/7 when around me, even meds aren't always enough and 2. having no pets in the future is not going to happen with me so the situation will never get "better" for the person with allergies which would just be unfair to them. It's absolutely 100% fine to not date someone because they're negatively impacting your health, even if it's involuntary.
My eyes are currently goopy from allergies (even with allergy meds and allergy eyedrops), so I feel this. It just strikes me as weird that the person seems to think it would be totally fine if they just dated, even if the OP was getting symptoms just sitting near them. Don't know why they got so offended by being turned down, kind of a red flag right there. And the friend's comment of, "oh, you never know what'll happen, maybe the cat will run away or die" just seems really weird and creepy to me. People need to stop treating cats as throw-away pets (not sure I'd call myself a cat mom, but I've had cats around me my whole life, including one right now).
Load More Replies... As a catmom of two kitties, I'd say NTA. I wouldn't want to make a person miserable and go through medication just because he/she is allergic to my babies. But also, I won't get rid of my cats. I wouldn't be offended when the other person doesn't want to continue dating for this reason.
I find it a bit strange she's thinking of co-habitation on the first date, but she's not wrong for protecting her health and well-being.
If you're dating someone with the hopes of finding a long-term partner, it makes sense to rule out anyone you know that couldn't happen with. Otherwise you're getting attached to someone and will eventually have to grieve a breakup and then try again.
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One of my sport therapists had a cat that liked to sleep in his closet. Every time I drove my car from that therapy to the next (I should explain that I saw 4-5 therapists a day), I'd get a huge migraine that they had to take care first, on top of having my nose and throat all stuffed up. When I made the connection, he started keeping clothes at the clinic, just for me, which solved the problem. He even took a shower there, just in case. I love animals, we just can't be together. I take meds every day for my allergies and got shot for about 6 months to contain them. Then my daughter's BF bought her a dog that was supposed to be non-allergic. I got 3 pneumonias in 6 months. The doctor said either the dog goes, or the daughter with the dog. She left, she was only 19 and not really ready to go but wanted the dog. I understand the OP perfectly but I don't understand talking about living together on a first date. People really do that?
Oh I smell that you have a cat. I can't marry you, sorry.
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Nta but the whole thing about moving in during a first date is a bit strange. Personally I agree that she shouldn't have been drawn into an argument and should have just paid and left. Maybe I'm mistaken but she comes across to me as very abrupt. Of course it's hard to tell thru text only.
NTA, but I don't think the date was the AH, either. I mean, having a cat is more than owning a cat (never mind that you don't really own a cat, the cat owns you). Being a cat owner is part of who he is, which is fine and great, but is also incompatible with somebody who is allergic to cats. Modern medicine can do wonders to ALLEVIATE symptoms, but not eliminate them. I know. I'm allergic to cats, possibly as much as the OP (I have reacted to cat owners whether or not the cat was present, too). And if he had offered to get rid of the cat, that suggests something far more problematic. Better to nip this problem in the bud. Too bad the date took it personally.
I totally agree with you and also the above comment from you that this isn't strange, just thinking ahead. "Nip this problem in the bud" is how I think about it. There's no future for an enthusiastic cat owner and someone with severe allergy. Better to not start anything instead of setting yourself up for heartbreak. They are not a good fit for each other from the start, and not getting to know one another and getting attached is the best option even if it sucks.
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Funny I was the opposite. A new guy came to town and we instantly hit it off. When I found out he was allergic to cats I looked him in the eyes and he looked at me and he said “it’s over isn’t it” and I said “Yep” and that was that. Good guy we’re still friends but no chance at a romantic relationship he can’t come into my house and be part of my family.
Why did this conversation go on so long? He should have accepted NO as an answer and you should have just ended the date and not argued. I am a cat owner and lover, and yes a lot of people blame their hatred of cats on allergies. I find it highly suspicious that you had a reaction just sitting across the table. It’s possible but if you’re that allergic, you can’t rule out environmental factors at the restaurant. Regardless, it should have been obvious to you both that you were never going to have a respect or appreciation for his animals so the date was pointless. Bad match.
I used to have a severe cat allergy and had asthma attacks sitting near people with cats - sadly it’s possible.
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If someone I'm dating said I have to get rid of my cat- there's the door, buddy. That being said, he was kind of a big baby about her allergies. If I went on a date with someone that had allergies that bad and said it wouldn't work out because I have a cat, then okay. Bummer, but we would move on with our respective lives. My cat is my child, but I wouldn't ask someone to put up with severe allergies and argue with them about it. I get really bad seasonal allergies and I know the feeling of trying to function in a medicated fog. This guy is an immature jerk and needs to grow up. I like that he cares about his animals, but that's as far as it goes.
OP isn't an ahole for refusing to live having to take meds etc but so many people have cats. If you have such a bad allergy, why not find out if the person has cats before making him drag his a*s out to dinner with you? I'm allergic to a certain vegetable that's in a lot of meals, I wouldn't buy the meal, take it all the way home, cook it THEN check if it had the vegetable. Also, she didn't need to mention the living together thing she could have just said it wouldn't work and pay her bill instead of arguing. She's not an a*****e but she kinda sucks.
I'm mildly allergic to pet dander, and I manage it because I love my pets, but that doesn't mean I expect other people to have to be miserable just to be with me. 🙄
Cat allergies are among the most resistant to treatment, both medications and shots. I have a mob of cats, and if I were dating, I would respectfully warn prospects their own good. I have other allergies that resist treatment and I wouldn't wish that on anyone who didn't deserve it. I do have a list...
There’s more than just a cat allergy here. He was getting all pissy on a FIRST date about her saying there wasn’t going to be a second date because she was suffering just from the cat dander on his clothes. No concern for her comfort, just immediate offense at her saying this would be the only date. Now, unless the way she said it was rude AF, he has no call to be that way. It was only a first date, so there’s no relationship to be invested in. While yes, there are better allergy meds these days, that would only be the answer if they’d been dating a while, she actually liked his cat(s), and she wanted to try and find a way to be more comfortable around him and them. But that’s not the case here. If he was overreacting like that, just imagine how he’d be in a relationship when she decided to break up, or simply didn’t want to get all cuddly with the cat(s). And I say this as a cat owner! I’m married now, to someone who loves all our pets, but when I was single and had cats. i would never force someone I cared about, or had just met and really liked, to put up with severe allergy attacks from my cats, just because I wanted to date them. That’s the way dating goes, especially first dates. Sometimes you click and sometimes you don’t click. This guy should just get TF over it and move on.
Forget moving in together, just getting close enough to be intimate would be a huge problem. No snuggling on the couch, no hugs for that matter.
Cat dander clings to a person and would would effect anyone nearby who's allergic. She's NTA but what was with all the "moving in together" talk on a blind date?!
The moving in part was in response to him claiming it wouldn't be a problem while they dated. Most people eventually want something more than just dating. I am sure she wouldn't have brought it up if he hadn't pressed the issue.
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This isn't just a cat issue it's a good example of how many guys have a meltdown when you tell them no thanks in a nice way regarding dating.
OMG, the hypocrisy of some of these comments. The people who are saying medicine fixes it are the same people who ask why someone would date a guy/girl with a pet if they want that pet gone or get rid of a pet to keep a relationship. There was no relationship, it was a single date! But from the other side, getting annoyed at someone you’re attracted to over having a pet is also understandable. As horrible as it sounds, most pets don’t outlive you but finding a person you are compatible with is very very difficult.
The man's reaction tells me that they would not have been compatible. I don't think the OP missed a golden opportunity. It's too bad it started a fight, but being alone might be better than being sick.
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An easy NTA tarnished by the fact that OP forgot to sign into an alt account when making comments supporting... OP.
It's fine to not want to date someone who causes you allergies just to sit near. It's his reaction to that request that went over the top and would make me unwilling to try to make it work. If he can't look ahead and understand you're dating with an eye towards something long-term and this clearly isn't going to work for a very basic reason, he needs to be shown the door regardless of what that reason was. The moment he starts to argue against your no is the moment that no solidifies into a hell no.
Got a package on eBay once and the second I opened it my cat allergy kicked in. Allergies suck. Cat Man should have just said “I understand” and called it a night.
Nta. She was right about it - it's not going to work. Maybe a bit rude about even mentioning him getting rid of the cat as an option (I would just have sticked with the "not working"- thing as a cat is a family member and not someone you "get rid of"). It's hard as it is to be allergic and no, constantly being on allergy meds is not a realistic option. I know some cat owners who take allergy meds/stick it out to have cats but that's their choice- not something to force someone to do, and depending on how severe your cat allergy is it could not even be an option. Meds don't take away all symptoms, especially not if you have a severe allergy.
Multiple cat owner who takes allergy meds to cope here- NTA. The meds don't work for everyone, and sometimes they don't work effectively. If the date has a cat now, even if it were to pass away soon, the dander can hang around for a while. Plus whose to say he wouldn't want another cat in the future? Nah, OP politely stated what they were looking for (long term relationship) and that cats were an issue due to allergy. The date is a huge AH for his reaction
I have severe chemical sensitivities which include allergies to any type of fragrance. Went on one date with a guy who used a highly scented laundry detergent. I told him I couldn't go out with him again because of his soap!
I was previously married to a guy who was seriously allergic to cats, so we had a dog. Now I have three cats, and wouldn't get rid of them for anyone. (Also would like to get another dog someday.) So I wouldn't want to date anyone who was allergic, it's a waste of both our time. Also, my mom and brother have cats, (and brother has dogs) so family visits would be an issue.
His reaction is childish yet she is weird af. Why would he think about getting rid of a cat in a first date? Like seriously she is the a*****e for being crazy, why even bring up something that should not be thought of on a first date....why is she planning on moving in ready...why cause drama based on stupidity. If he falls in love he likely would move mountains for her, yet after an hour you are psychotic if you bring what she did up. Yes ask if he has a cat, instead of acting unstable and saying you can't date. Communicate and show emotional intelligence. Yo just end it and attack him is crazy and that's what it was with stupid questions like well are you going to get rid of it. She is crazy and he is better off without her. Like wow, first date and she already planning the future and in her own head created a fantasy that ended it before it began..you can tell by her unnecessary anger in her questions...Will you get rid of it..she had a fantasy in her head and is unstable.
Leave the cat out of it entirely and she's still in the right. You are allowed, at any point, to politely tell your date "Thank you, but I'm not interested in pursuing this any further. Have a good night." And leave. For any reason at all. You don't owe the person anything, not even an excuse. He's not entitled to your time. He isn't owed a date with you.
Way to have boundaries!! That is awesome! Other people will be offended by them, but that's their choice. Good for you!
Here's what it's like to be a chick with allergies: Achoo! Achoo! Achoo! Dammit I've peed myself
Who mentions living together on a first date? That would immediately put me off from going further. As for the allergy...she has every right to not date a guy whose cat is going to necessitate taking allergy medicines.
The people who think allergy meds work 100% in all people either haven't experienced allergies or only have mild allergies. I take allergy medicine and while it helps I am still sneezing and coughing, just not as much. Plus with some people even the "non-drowsy" medicine makes them drowsy. Also, allergy shots are a pain in the a** to get every single week. I myself just couldn't keep up with them, especially having to depend on Uber for transportation when I was living on disability income.
There doesn't seem to be any actual drama that happened here? Someone saying their point of view in a conversation and leaving but paying their half of the bill isn't 'throwing a fit'
The fit was on the part of the man who wouldn't accept "no" for an answer.
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Boyfriend’s come and go but cats are forever. 🐈🐈 My bf is also allergic but he told me he wasn’t on our first date. But, when we lived in Colorado his allergies were REALLY bad and we didn’t know, we thought he had asthma. Once we moved somewhere more humid they went away. Which is odd.
Well. It works out like this, he says "who said anything about living together?" You should say, "that's the point of dating. You failed. Bye Felicio."
I wouldn't date someone where I had to take daily meds just to be with. By all means there should be compromise in a relationship but not when it negatively affects your health.
I have read quite a few stories in which one person acts like an idiot and then the victim's friend circle act like bigger idiots. Who are these friends who obviously do not know their own friends? Also why are they giving such stupid suggestions?
I'm mildly allergic to cats, and would never date a cat owner again. Cats can tell when you're allergic, and they long to sleep on the chest or head just to make you suffer. Cats are assholes.
You are the victim of a rare case of allergy mixed with acute paranoia. (apart from that, there are hypoallergenic cat breeds that will appreciate as much as the others to settle on you to take advantage of your body heat - or foment a plot against you... nobody knows)
Load More Replies... And if he'd offered to get rid of the cat, what kind of a jerk would do that? And after a single date, that would make him stalker material.
Ivana nailed this. First off he’s a cat dude and that’s rare, but if he said I’ll put them up for adoption we would have a different AITA. I went on a date with a guy and he said he would get rid of his cats for me, how would he treat children? He was damned if he did or didn’t. Sick of these
Load More Replies... As a cat mum with bad allergies (not to cats fortunately but on allergy meds most of the year) absolutely NTA. I'd never consider dating someone with a pet hair allergy because 1. I would definitely *not* want my partner to have allergy symptoms 24/7 when around me, even meds aren't always enough and 2. having no pets in the future is not going to happen with me so the situation will never get "better" for the person with allergies which would just be unfair to them. It's absolutely 100% fine to not date someone because they're negatively impacting your health, even if it's involuntary.
My eyes are currently goopy from allergies (even with allergy meds and allergy eyedrops), so I feel this. It just strikes me as weird that the person seems to think it would be totally fine if they just dated, even if the OP was getting symptoms just sitting near them. Don't know why they got so offended by being turned down, kind of a red flag right there. And the friend's comment of, "oh, you never know what'll happen, maybe the cat will run away or die" just seems really weird and creepy to me. People need to stop treating cats as throw-away pets (not sure I'd call myself a cat mom, but I've had cats around me my whole life, including one right now).
Load More Replies... As a catmom of two kitties, I'd say NTA. I wouldn't want to make a person miserable and go through medication just because he/she is allergic to my babies. But also, I won't get rid of my cats. I wouldn't be offended when the other person doesn't want to continue dating for this reason.
I find it a bit strange she's thinking of co-habitation on the first date, but she's not wrong for protecting her health and well-being.
If you're dating someone with the hopes of finding a long-term partner, it makes sense to rule out anyone you know that couldn't happen with. Otherwise you're getting attached to someone and will eventually have to grieve a breakup and then try again.
Load More Replies... One of my sport therapists had a cat that liked to sleep in his closet. Every time I drove my car from that therapy to the next (I should explain that I saw 4-5 therapists a day), I'd get a huge migraine that they had to take care first, on top of having my nose and throat all stuffed up. When I made the connection, he started keeping clothes at the clinic, just for me, which solved the problem. He even took a shower there, just in case. I love animals, we just can't be together. I take meds every day for my allergies and got shot for about 6 months to contain them. Then my daughter's BF bought her a dog that was supposed to be non-allergic. I got 3 pneumonias in 6 months. The doctor said either the dog goes, or the daughter with the dog. She left, she was only 19 and not really ready to go but wanted the dog. I understand the OP perfectly but I don't understand talking about living together on a first date. People really do that?
Oh I smell that you have a cat. I can't marry you, sorry.
Load More Replies... Nta but the whole thing about moving in during a first date is a bit strange. Personally I agree that she shouldn't have been drawn into an argument and should have just paid and left. Maybe I'm mistaken but she comes across to me as very abrupt. Of course it's hard to tell thru text only.
NTA, but I don't think the date was the AH, either. I mean, having a cat is more than owning a cat (never mind that you don't really own a cat, the cat owns you). Being a cat owner is part of who he is, which is fine and great, but is also incompatible with somebody who is allergic to cats. Modern medicine can do wonders to ALLEVIATE symptoms, but not eliminate them. I know. I'm allergic to cats, possibly as much as the OP (I have reacted to cat owners whether or not the cat was present, too). And if he had offered to get rid of the cat, that suggests something far more problematic. Better to nip this problem in the bud. Too bad the date took it personally.
I totally agree with you and also the above comment from you that this isn't strange, just thinking ahead. "Nip this problem in the bud" is how I think about it. There's no future for an enthusiastic cat owner and someone with severe allergy. Better to not start anything instead of setting yourself up for heartbreak. They are not a good fit for each other from the start, and not getting to know one another and getting attached is the best option even if it sucks.
Load More Replies... Funny I was the opposite. A new guy came to town and we instantly hit it off. When I found out he was allergic to cats I looked him in the eyes and he looked at me and he said “it’s over isn’t it” and I said “Yep” and that was that. Good guy we’re still friends but no chance at a romantic relationship he can’t come into my house and be part of my family.
Why did this conversation go on so long? He should have accepted NO as an answer and you should have just ended the date and not argued. I am a cat owner and lover, and yes a lot of people blame their hatred of cats on allergies. I find it highly suspicious that you had a reaction just sitting across the table. It’s possible but if you’re that allergic, you can’t rule out environmental factors at the restaurant. Regardless, it should have been obvious to you both that you were never going to have a respect or appreciation for his animals so the date was pointless. Bad match.
I used to have a severe cat allergy and had asthma attacks sitting near people with cats - sadly it’s possible.
Load More Replies... If someone I'm dating said I have to get rid of my cat- there's the door, buddy. That being said, he was kind of a big baby about her allergies. If I went on a date with someone that had allergies that bad and said it wouldn't work out because I have a cat, then okay. Bummer, but we would move on with our respective lives. My cat is my child, but I wouldn't ask someone to put up with severe allergies and argue with them about it. I get really bad seasonal allergies and I know the feeling of trying to function in a medicated fog. This guy is an immature jerk and needs to grow up. I like that he cares about his animals, but that's as far as it goes.
OP isn't an ahole for refusing to live having to take meds etc but so many people have cats. If you have such a bad allergy, why not find out if the person has cats before making him drag his a*s out to dinner with you? I'm allergic to a certain vegetable that's in a lot of meals, I wouldn't buy the meal, take it all the way home, cook it THEN check if it had the vegetable. Also, she didn't need to mention the living together thing she could have just said it wouldn't work and pay her bill instead of arguing. She's not an a*****e but she kinda sucks.
I'm mildly allergic to pet dander, and I manage it because I love my pets, but that doesn't mean I expect other people to have to be miserable just to be with me. 🙄
Cat allergies are among the most resistant to treatment, both medications and shots. I have a mob of cats, and if I were dating, I would respectfully warn prospects their own good. I have other allergies that resist treatment and I wouldn't wish that on anyone who didn't deserve it. I do have a list...
There’s more than just a cat allergy here. He was getting all pissy on a FIRST date about her saying there wasn’t going to be a second date because she was suffering just from the cat dander on his clothes. No concern for her comfort, just immediate offense at her saying this would be the only date. Now, unless the way she said it was rude AF, he has no call to be that way. It was only a first date, so there’s no relationship to be invested in. While yes, there are better allergy meds these days, that would only be the answer if they’d been dating a while, she actually liked his cat(s), and she wanted to try and find a way to be more comfortable around him and them. But that’s not the case here. If he was overreacting like that, just imagine how he’d be in a relationship when she decided to break up, or simply didn’t want to get all cuddly with the cat(s). And I say this as a cat owner! I’m married now, to someone who loves all our pets, but when I was single and had cats. i would never force someone I cared about, or had just met and really liked, to put up with severe allergy attacks from my cats, just because I wanted to date them. That’s the way dating goes, especially first dates. Sometimes you click and sometimes you don’t click. This guy should just get TF over it and move on.
Forget moving in together, just getting close enough to be intimate would be a huge problem. No snuggling on the couch, no hugs for that matter.
Cat dander clings to a person and would would effect anyone nearby who's allergic. She's NTA but what was with all the "moving in together" talk on a blind date?!
The moving in part was in response to him claiming it wouldn't be a problem while they dated. Most people eventually want something more than just dating. I am sure she wouldn't have brought it up if he hadn't pressed the issue.
Load More Replies... This isn't just a cat issue it's a good example of how many guys have a meltdown when you tell them no thanks in a nice way regarding dating.
OMG, the hypocrisy of some of these comments. The people who are saying medicine fixes it are the same people who ask why someone would date a guy/girl with a pet if they want that pet gone or get rid of a pet to keep a relationship. There was no relationship, it was a single date! But from the other side, getting annoyed at someone you’re attracted to over having a pet is also understandable. As horrible as it sounds, most pets don’t outlive you but finding a person you are compatible with is very very difficult.
The man's reaction tells me that they would not have been compatible. I don't think the OP missed a golden opportunity. It's too bad it started a fight, but being alone might be better than being sick.
Load More Replies... An easy NTA tarnished by the fact that OP forgot to sign into an alt account when making comments supporting... OP.
It's fine to not want to date someone who causes you allergies just to sit near. It's his reaction to that request that went over the top and would make me unwilling to try to make it work. If he can't look ahead and understand you're dating with an eye towards something long-term and this clearly isn't going to work for a very basic reason, he needs to be shown the door regardless of what that reason was. The moment he starts to argue against your no is the moment that no solidifies into a hell no.
Got a package on eBay once and the second I opened it my cat allergy kicked in. Allergies suck. Cat Man should have just said “I understand” and called it a night.
Nta. She was right about it - it's not going to work. Maybe a bit rude about even mentioning him getting rid of the cat as an option (I would just have sticked with the "not working"- thing as a cat is a family member and not someone you "get rid of"). It's hard as it is to be allergic and no, constantly being on allergy meds is not a realistic option. I know some cat owners who take allergy meds/stick it out to have cats but that's their choice- not something to force someone to do, and depending on how severe your cat allergy is it could not even be an option. Meds don't take away all symptoms, especially not if you have a severe allergy.
Multiple cat owner who takes allergy meds to cope here- NTA. The meds don't work for everyone, and sometimes they don't work effectively. If the date has a cat now, even if it were to pass away soon, the dander can hang around for a while. Plus whose to say he wouldn't want another cat in the future? Nah, OP politely stated what they were looking for (long term relationship) and that cats were an issue due to allergy. The date is a huge AH for his reaction
I have severe chemical sensitivities which include allergies to any type of fragrance. Went on one date with a guy who used a highly scented laundry detergent. I told him I couldn't go out with him again because of his soap!
I was previously married to a guy who was seriously allergic to cats, so we had a dog. Now I have three cats, and wouldn't get rid of them for anyone. (Also would like to get another dog someday.) So I wouldn't want to date anyone who was allergic, it's a waste of both our time. Also, my mom and brother have cats, (and brother has dogs) so family visits would be an issue.
His reaction is childish yet she is weird af. Why would he think about getting rid of a cat in a first date? Like seriously she is the a*****e for being crazy, why even bring up something that should not be thought of on a first date....why is she planning on moving in ready...why cause drama based on stupidity. If he falls in love he likely would move mountains for her, yet after an hour you are psychotic if you bring what she did up. Yes ask if he has a cat, instead of acting unstable and saying you can't date. Communicate and show emotional intelligence. Yo just end it and attack him is crazy and that's what it was with stupid questions like well are you going to get rid of it. She is crazy and he is better off without her. Like wow, first date and she already planning the future and in her own head created a fantasy that ended it before it began..you can tell by her unnecessary anger in her questions...Will you get rid of it..she had a fantasy in her head and is unstable.
Leave the cat out of it entirely and she's still in the right. You are allowed, at any point, to politely tell your date "Thank you, but I'm not interested in pursuing this any further. Have a good night." And leave. For any reason at all. You don't owe the person anything, not even an excuse. He's not entitled to your time. He isn't owed a date with you.
Way to have boundaries!! That is awesome! Other people will be offended by them, but that's their choice. Good for you!
Here's what it's like to be a chick with allergies: Achoo! Achoo! Achoo! Dammit I've peed myself
Who mentions living together on a first date? That would immediately put me off from going further. As for the allergy...she has every right to not date a guy whose cat is going to necessitate taking allergy medicines.
The people who think allergy meds work 100% in all people either haven't experienced allergies or only have mild allergies. I take allergy medicine and while it helps I am still sneezing and coughing, just not as much. Plus with some people even the "non-drowsy" medicine makes them drowsy. Also, allergy shots are a pain in the a** to get every single week. I myself just couldn't keep up with them, especially having to depend on Uber for transportation when I was living on disability income.
There doesn't seem to be any actual drama that happened here? Someone saying their point of view in a conversation and leaving but paying their half of the bill isn't 'throwing a fit'
The fit was on the part of the man who wouldn't accept "no" for an answer.
Load More Replies... Boyfriend’s come and go but cats are forever. 🐈🐈 My bf is also allergic but he told me he wasn’t on our first date. But, when we lived in Colorado his allergies were REALLY bad and we didn’t know, we thought he had asthma. Once we moved somewhere more humid they went away. Which is odd.
Well. It works out like this, he says "who said anything about living together?" You should say, "that's the point of dating. You failed. Bye Felicio."
I wouldn't date someone where I had to take daily meds just to be with. By all means there should be compromise in a relationship but not when it negatively affects your health.
I have read quite a few stories in which one person acts like an idiot and then the victim's friend circle act like bigger idiots. Who are these friends who obviously do not know their own friends? Also why are they giving such stupid suggestions?
I'm mildly allergic to cats, and would never date a cat owner again. Cats can tell when you're allergic, and they long to sleep on the chest or head just to make you suffer. Cats are assholes.
You are the victim of a rare case of allergy mixed with acute paranoia. (apart from that, there are hypoallergenic cat breeds that will appreciate as much as the others to settle on you to take advantage of your body heat - or foment a plot against you... nobody knows)
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