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Guy Springs “Sexist And Creepy” Family Wedding Tradition On Fiancé, She Rethinks Everything
Romantic relationships are built on a foundation of trust, communication, and compromise. It’s important that you and your significant other actually get on the same page. However, if one partner dominates the other, constantly pressuring them to do things they don’t want to, then something’s gone very wrong. It’s a question of how long a relationship like that can last.
You’d think that both partners would get a say in how they want to celebrate their wedding. However, one anonymous woman shared how her husband-to-be is forcing her to get on board with an incredibly bizarre family wedding tradition that she’s not comfortable with. Now, she’s genuinely considering calling it quits and calling the entire wedding off. Keep scrolling to read the full story and to see what the internet had to say about such a weird situation.
RELATED:
Wedding traditions can be a beautiful thing… however, not all of them are winners. Some of them are incredibly isolating and uncomfortable
Image credits: Olivia Anne Snyder / unsplash (not the actual photo)
An anonymous bride-to-be spilled her heart online about how she’s thinking about calling off her wedding. All because of her fiancé’s bizarre family tradition
Image credits: Anthony DeMarino / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Kateryna Hliznitsova / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Later, she added a couple more details for context
Image credits: anonymous
You need to focus on the essence of the custom and what it actually represents, instead of blindly repeating what you’re told
Image credits: Marissa Price / unsplash (not the actual photo)
It’s important to protect your culture and family’s traditions, of course. However, just because generations have repeated a specific thing for decades or centuries doesn’t automatically make it objectively ‘good’ or worth continuing in that specific format.
Some traditions bring people together, strengthen your relationships, and are inclusive. Other traditions can do the opposite, making people feel isolated and uncomfortable. To put it bluntly, you want to focus on doing more of the former and less of the latter.
If your goal is to help everyone feel like a member of your community, which you’re proud of, then you actually have to put in the effort to make them feel accepted and respected.
In this particular case, the bride-to-be doesn’t feel included at all. And it’s her wedding, too! She feels pushed away and powerless. These are not the types of things you should be feeling. You should feel excited to get married, not wonder where it all went wrong. Unfortunately, the author of the viral story deleted her account, so we were unable to reach out to her for further comment.
Saying ‘no’ to your soulmate’s family traditions can be incredibly awkward and difficult. However, if you really find them deeply uncomfortable, it’s important to speak up and have that tough conversation.
If you want to create your own rituals, you need to be willing to have those tough conversations with the older generations
Image credits: Curated Lifestyle / unsplash (not the actual photo)
At the end of the day, a wedding unites two families. And your family’s traditions, wants, and needs are important, too. So, you need to look for a compromise. Or even potentially decide to actively create new traditions that you’ll carry forward.
It’s also natural for some traditions to change a bit as time goes by. The way your ancestors did things in the past might not make much sense to you now. You can also keep the essence of the tradition while adjusting the format.
Brides magazine points out that some traditions are more widespread (for example, the father of the bride walking her down the aisle) while others are more niche, specific to a particular family (for instance, passing on an heirloom ring from one generation to the next).
“If you’re interested in creating your own customs and rituals, you might have to deal with disappointed parents, especially if they’re helping out financially, which could potentially lead to an ugly exchange,” the magazine warns.
“Before you make any decisions, have an open and honest conversation with your family, where you share your vision. Then, ask them for their thoughts and listen attentively. From there, it’s all about compromise. Maybe you include a ritual that’s meaningful to your mom while introducing new ones that you and your partner are excited about.”
Family traditions aren’t the only potential issue you’ll run into as a couple. Wedding planning is full of potential pitfalls
Image credits: Gift Habeshaw / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Traditions aside, you and your partner might also clash over your visions for the wedding itself. This can lead to a lot of friction and frustration if your desires are radically different.
At the end of the day, there’s no such thing as a ‘perfect’ wedding. It’s likely that some things will go wrong, and some details will be different from what you’ve daydreamed about. You probably will have to make compromises. So, be honest with your partner about what both of you are willing to sacrifice.
It’s important to remember that, as a couple, you’re meant to be a team. If you’re not willing to actively listen to each other, put yourselves in each other’s shoes, and work through disagreements, then your relationship might be on rocky ground.
There are other common problems and stressors during the wedding planning stage, too. According to Hitched, some of the main issues that marrying couples fight over include:
- Money and the budget
- The guest list
- Disagreeing over suppliers
- Mismatched efforts in the wedding planning
- In-laws who interfere and cause friction
What are your thoughts, dear Pandas? What would you do if you were in the anonymous bride-to-be’s shoes? How would you react if your future spouse suddenly whipped out a bizarre and non-inclusive family tradition? What are the weirdest and best traditions that you’ve ever seen at the weddings you’ve been to? You can share your thoughts in the comments section at the bottom of this post.
Most internet users who read the story came out in support of the woman. Here are the words of encouragement they gave her
Not everyone was on the same page, however. One person called the bride-to-be out
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What do you think ?
Alex Bailey 5 months ago (edited)
"People we've never met did it once so now everyone else has to do the same thing again and again"... NOPE. Tradition alone is not a good reason to do anything. I don't particularly think that how a wedding day is done is the be all and end all. It is just one day and it's the forthcoming marriage that truly matters. BUT the massive issue here is that he won't listen. No desire to talk or to compromise. That's a big red flag.
arthbach 5 months ago
A different situation, Christmas, not a wedding, but we sat down as a family and discussed the things we loved about Christmas. I asked 'What about X and Y?' and discovered none of us really enjoyed them, but did it to spend time together. That's when we looked at all of our traditions and whether we actively enjoyed them. If we didn't enjoy them, the tradition was scrapped and we found new ways of celebrating. - - - Traditions should not bind, nor constrict us, and traditions were all new at some point. Make new joint traditions.
Load More Replies...
Yvonne Dauwalder Balsiger 5 months ago
YTA did not disappoint again 🤡 Just what exactly happens at the first wedding and why exactly does the second one have to be smaller? Explain it to me like I am in Kindergarten.
spacer 5 months ago
yta people refuse to read a single sentence again past the title as well. she did communicate and state it made her uncomfotable, its the dude who wont budge or talk about a middle ground or solution.
Load More Replies...
Ode 4 months ago
Exactly, it's rather simple. Why would her family tradition be less considered than his
Load More Replies...
🇺🇦 🇵🇸 TribbleThinking 5 months ago
Of course it was sudden. He deliberately left it until the last minute as he knows it's unacceptable. Additionally, which ceremony do the range of LGBTQ friends and family attend?
winterwidow87 5 months ago (edited)
The guy's family is from Poland. Poland (like most countries of eastern Europe), isn't exactly LGBTQ+ friendly, so the possibility of having LGBTQ+ people attend the wedding isn't probably even included.
Load More Replies...
Christos Arvanitis 5 months ago
"Oh, I also forgot to mention the other part. For the wedding night, it is tradition in my family for all the men to gather and watch what we call 'The Holy Inter.course Sacrament"'. It is also optional for all of the men to jerk off if they'd like. We are pretty old fashioned so we no longer allow each man to have his way with the bride. We aren't monsters after all. But, you know, tradition"!
A S Mora 4 months ago
That's exactly the horror my mind's eye conjured. If this is how the family celebrates a wedding what other skeletons are the keeping in the shed with the other part supplies.
Load More Replies...
Dizzie D 5 months ago
I see a totally sexist and misogynistic family she is potentially marrying into here. ONLY the men get to witness and take part in the actual ceremony, vows and probably the more expensive, important wedding party? The women are just an afterthought party later to make sure they are included? Oh dear, run girl, run.
sweet emotion 5 months ago (edited)
This just in : Man tells his fiance that he (and his entire family) believe women are second class citizens without actually saying so.
Michael Largey 5 months ago
OP should simply say "Why are your family traditions more important than mine?" This inequality and unreasonableness will not end with the wedding.
Crystalwitch60 5 months ago
Yeah HARD PASS !! I know countries have traditions but wtf is this one lol never heard of it before ever 🤷♀️n the ytas are inhuman scum !! Op NTA ! run lovely run FAST AWAY FROM HIM , him n his family are highly deluded lunatics stuck in the dark ages where women like kids are seen now n then n most def NEVER HEARD , your nothing to them just a thing to bear kids end off , you op are far better than these erm hmm inhuman lunatics !
Southie 4 months ago
German Poland backgrounds have nothing to do with it. Both cultures love big weddings. For whatever reason the fiance's family have made weddings an anti social sexist tradition. Don't fall for it. It's just a means of control. OP will never have her feelings taken into consideration for anything. Imagine childbirth!
Gerry Higgins 4 months ago
Red Flag. You better start asking questions how your marriage will work. And how you'll raise children. Any more family traditions like father-in-laws have to catch the baby coming out? You don't know this man well enough to marry him.
The Starsong Princess 5 months ago
Here’s what op should say “my family and friends regardless of their s*x will be attending my wedding. The only question here is if you will be there. My compromise is I will take a picture with the men in your family. This is not up for discussion so yes or no?”
FreeTheUnicorn 5 months ago
This isnt the last time the couple will have to come up with their own answer for how they want to do things. If they can't even figure out what ceremony suits them both, they are either fully incompatible or just not ready for marriage.
KrazyChiMama 5 months ago
Polish pandas is this a thing there or is this guy off his rocker? I’m American with Irish and German heritage (which I’ve studied the history) so I’m genuinely asking :)
Agnes 5 months ago
Off his rocker. Polish weddings used to bring an entire village together and last 3-5 days. Some still last 2 days.
Load More Replies...
Judy Takács 4 months ago
Red Flag. Bullet Dodged. Head the other direction. So much deception here, in three years, this very bizarre wedding tradition has never come up in discussion? Lots to unpack in this relationship if you choose to stick with it. And even if you don't call it off, I recommend postponing the wedding until you both can talk about your expectations from each other candidly and see if they mesh.
Leonard Henderson 4 months ago
There are two choices here. A marriage with everyone included, or a marriage with no women at all, including me. There is no third choice.
Ge Po 4 months ago
We also have a unique tradition. You will have to fight all the single males from my family before you will be allowed to give your vows. It stems from the time my great-great-grandfather had to knock-out his brother (who wanted to steal his bride) before he could even enter the church.
Robert Benson 5 months ago
Traditions are fine if the feelings of all involved are considered. With weddings, and marriages in general, either individual should have the power to veto most activities for any reason, including that they just don't want to do it.
Nikki Sevven 5 months ago
"Family tradition" is merely peer pressure from dead ancestors. You don't have to follow it if it makes you uncomfortable.
TCW Sam Vimes 5 months ago
Tradition is peer pressure from dead people. high time to get rid of that.
Janelle Collard 5 months ago
Luckily, all the red flags waved before the wedding. Hope OP got TF out of there.
Deborah B 5 months ago
It sounds like this isn't a religious requirement, or a cultural tradition, just one family. That means it's not about accepting someones faith or culture, it's allowing his family to dictate a particular pattern... just because it's been done that way for three or four generations. Talk about it. Examine it. Why is it important? What occurs? Why is it more meaningful to him than having his mum, and yours, at your wedding? You could have a symbolic nod to the tradition where you have a photograph with you with just the men in the family as part of the wedding photography, and a photograph with just the women. Traditions evolve as society and cultures change. It's okay for his family tradition to evolve into something that is comfortable and inclusive for everyone. If he's not okay with that, why not? "Because other people did it this way." is a bad argument. His family demanding that your wedding exclude your family and friends is allowed to be a dealbreaker for you.
Casia Schreyer 1 month ago
Tell him no problem, but you'll have the bride and ladies ceremony first as the actual wedding and he can have all the men over two weeks later for a party.
Lupita Nyong'heaux 4 months ago (edited)
yeah, that would NOT have gone well if it was my family. i don't have a brother, just one sister. and the men on BOTH sides of my family are SUPER protective. plus, (and i say this with no pride, per se, just stating a fact) the men on BOTH sides of my family WILL FIGHT. all it woulda taken is for my dad, my uncle buck (mom's only brother), or my favorite cousin, billy bob (uncle buck's youngest son) to look at me and feel like i'm uncomfortable or unhappy, and babyyyyyyyy, it woulda been UP. my mom was the only person who could keep those three from flying off the handle. ... tl;dr: "fiancé, love, you really wanna have my mom at this wedding, trust me. TRUST ME." 🤣😂🤣😂🤣
Roberta Surprenant 5 months ago
If, for any reason, someone has to ask internet strangers whether or not to marry, the answer is NO!
Luke Branwen 5 months ago
You know that meme where a tiny girl sits on a couch surrounded by a gang of huge Black guys? Couldn't get this image out of my head the whole time reading this. That "tradition" is absolutely unhinged.
Alex Bailey 5 months ago (edited)
"People we've never met did it once so now everyone else has to do the same thing again and again"... NOPE. Tradition alone is not a good reason to do anything. I don't particularly think that how a wedding day is done is the be all and end all. It is just one day and it's the forthcoming marriage that truly matters. BUT the massive issue here is that he won't listen. No desire to talk or to compromise. That's a big red flag.
arthbach 5 months ago
A different situation, Christmas, not a wedding, but we sat down as a family and discussed the things we loved about Christmas. I asked 'What about X and Y?' and discovered none of us really enjoyed them, but did it to spend time together. That's when we looked at all of our traditions and whether we actively enjoyed them. If we didn't enjoy them, the tradition was scrapped and we found new ways of celebrating. - - - Traditions should not bind, nor constrict us, and traditions were all new at some point. Make new joint traditions.
Load More Replies... Yvonne Dauwalder Balsiger 5 months ago
YTA did not disappoint again 🤡 Just what exactly happens at the first wedding and why exactly does the second one have to be smaller? Explain it to me like I am in Kindergarten.
spacer 5 months ago
yta people refuse to read a single sentence again past the title as well. she did communicate and state it made her uncomfotable, its the dude who wont budge or talk about a middle ground or solution.
Load More Replies... Ode 4 months ago
Exactly, it's rather simple. Why would her family tradition be less considered than his
Load More Replies... 🇺🇦 🇵🇸 TribbleThinking 5 months ago
Of course it was sudden. He deliberately left it until the last minute as he knows it's unacceptable. Additionally, which ceremony do the range of LGBTQ friends and family attend?
winterwidow87 5 months ago (edited)
The guy's family is from Poland. Poland (like most countries of eastern Europe), isn't exactly LGBTQ+ friendly, so the possibility of having LGBTQ+ people attend the wedding isn't probably even included.
Load More Replies... Christos Arvanitis 5 months ago
"Oh, I also forgot to mention the other part. For the wedding night, it is tradition in my family for all the men to gather and watch what we call 'The Holy Inter.course Sacrament"'. It is also optional for all of the men to jerk off if they'd like. We are pretty old fashioned so we no longer allow each man to have his way with the bride. We aren't monsters after all. But, you know, tradition"!
A S Mora 4 months ago
That's exactly the horror my mind's eye conjured. If this is how the family celebrates a wedding what other skeletons are the keeping in the shed with the other part supplies.
Load More Replies... Dizzie D 5 months ago
I see a totally sexist and misogynistic family she is potentially marrying into here. ONLY the men get to witness and take part in the actual ceremony, vows and probably the more expensive, important wedding party? The women are just an afterthought party later to make sure they are included? Oh dear, run girl, run.
sweet emotion 5 months ago (edited)
This just in : Man tells his fiance that he (and his entire family) believe women are second class citizens without actually saying so.
Michael Largey 5 months ago
OP should simply say "Why are your family traditions more important than mine?" This inequality and unreasonableness will not end with the wedding.
Crystalwitch60 5 months ago
Yeah HARD PASS !! I know countries have traditions but wtf is this one lol never heard of it before ever 🤷♀️n the ytas are inhuman scum !! Op NTA ! run lovely run FAST AWAY FROM HIM , him n his family are highly deluded lunatics stuck in the dark ages where women like kids are seen now n then n most def NEVER HEARD , your nothing to them just a thing to bear kids end off , you op are far better than these erm hmm inhuman lunatics !
Southie 4 months ago
German Poland backgrounds have nothing to do with it. Both cultures love big weddings. For whatever reason the fiance's family have made weddings an anti social sexist tradition. Don't fall for it. It's just a means of control. OP will never have her feelings taken into consideration for anything. Imagine childbirth!
Gerry Higgins 4 months ago
Red Flag. You better start asking questions how your marriage will work. And how you'll raise children. Any more family traditions like father-in-laws have to catch the baby coming out? You don't know this man well enough to marry him.
The Starsong Princess 5 months ago
Here’s what op should say “my family and friends regardless of their s*x will be attending my wedding. The only question here is if you will be there. My compromise is I will take a picture with the men in your family. This is not up for discussion so yes or no?”
FreeTheUnicorn 5 months ago
This isnt the last time the couple will have to come up with their own answer for how they want to do things. If they can't even figure out what ceremony suits them both, they are either fully incompatible or just not ready for marriage.
KrazyChiMama 5 months ago
Polish pandas is this a thing there or is this guy off his rocker? I’m American with Irish and German heritage (which I’ve studied the history) so I’m genuinely asking :)
Agnes 5 months ago
Off his rocker. Polish weddings used to bring an entire village together and last 3-5 days. Some still last 2 days.
Load More Replies... Judy Takács 4 months ago
Red Flag. Bullet Dodged. Head the other direction. So much deception here, in three years, this very bizarre wedding tradition has never come up in discussion? Lots to unpack in this relationship if you choose to stick with it. And even if you don't call it off, I recommend postponing the wedding until you both can talk about your expectations from each other candidly and see if they mesh.
Leonard Henderson 4 months ago
There are two choices here. A marriage with everyone included, or a marriage with no women at all, including me. There is no third choice.
Ge Po 4 months ago
We also have a unique tradition. You will have to fight all the single males from my family before you will be allowed to give your vows. It stems from the time my great-great-grandfather had to knock-out his brother (who wanted to steal his bride) before he could even enter the church.
Robert Benson 5 months ago
Traditions are fine if the feelings of all involved are considered. With weddings, and marriages in general, either individual should have the power to veto most activities for any reason, including that they just don't want to do it.
Nikki Sevven 5 months ago
"Family tradition" is merely peer pressure from dead ancestors. You don't have to follow it if it makes you uncomfortable.
TCW Sam Vimes 5 months ago
Tradition is peer pressure from dead people. high time to get rid of that.
Janelle Collard 5 months ago
Luckily, all the red flags waved before the wedding. Hope OP got TF out of there.
Deborah B 5 months ago
It sounds like this isn't a religious requirement, or a cultural tradition, just one family. That means it's not about accepting someones faith or culture, it's allowing his family to dictate a particular pattern... just because it's been done that way for three or four generations. Talk about it. Examine it. Why is it important? What occurs? Why is it more meaningful to him than having his mum, and yours, at your wedding? You could have a symbolic nod to the tradition where you have a photograph with you with just the men in the family as part of the wedding photography, and a photograph with just the women. Traditions evolve as society and cultures change. It's okay for his family tradition to evolve into something that is comfortable and inclusive for everyone. If he's not okay with that, why not? "Because other people did it this way." is a bad argument. His family demanding that your wedding exclude your family and friends is allowed to be a dealbreaker for you.
Casia Schreyer 1 month ago
Tell him no problem, but you'll have the bride and ladies ceremony first as the actual wedding and he can have all the men over two weeks later for a party.
Lupita Nyong'heaux 4 months ago (edited)
yeah, that would NOT have gone well if it was my family. i don't have a brother, just one sister. and the men on BOTH sides of my family are SUPER protective. plus, (and i say this with no pride, per se, just stating a fact) the men on BOTH sides of my family WILL FIGHT. all it woulda taken is for my dad, my uncle buck (mom's only brother), or my favorite cousin, billy bob (uncle buck's youngest son) to look at me and feel like i'm uncomfortable or unhappy, and babyyyyyyyy, it woulda been UP. my mom was the only person who could keep those three from flying off the handle. ... tl;dr: "fiancé, love, you really wanna have my mom at this wedding, trust me. TRUST ME." 🤣😂🤣😂🤣
Roberta Surprenant 5 months ago
If, for any reason, someone has to ask internet strangers whether or not to marry, the answer is NO!
Luke Branwen 5 months ago
You know that meme where a tiny girl sits on a couch surrounded by a gang of huge Black guys? Couldn't get this image out of my head the whole time reading this. That "tradition" is absolutely unhinged.
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