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Woman’s First Date Fail Story Sparked Discussion About Dating Manners
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Woman’s First Date Fail Story Sparked Discussion About Dating Manners

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Most likely, you have been on some sort of date in your life. When it comes to first dates, the first impressions can play an important part in the further development of the connection and possible relationship. The day before Valentine’s Day last year, Alisha Rai, contemporary romance novelist, set out to meet a guy in a cafe for a coffee. The date didn’t go that well. In fact, it went quite downhill and it was all to do with cake pops—something that seems to be a not-so-significant detail.

The quite amusing story and lighthearted tweet shared by Alisha went viral, leading to even greater debates about dating, its etiquette, and even questions around women’s posts online and how they are received.

More info: Twitter

After going on a first date with a guy to a cafe, Alisha decided to share what happened on her Twitter account

Image credits: alisharaiwrites

The viral Tweet explained the situation of Alisha meeting a man for a coffee, him asking her what she would like to drink, and bringing over the order. He also came back with two cake pops, which Alisha thought was quite cute. But what happened next was that the guy ate them both in front of her. Alisha finished the tweet with what she possibly wanted to be a comic rhetorical question, about the guy being a monster.

As her date went to get the coffee, he also came back with two Valentine’s Day-themed cake pops, which he then ate by himself in front of her without even offering

Image credits: Unknown (not the actual photo)

Little did she know how much attention the post would rake in. It got 339.2k likes and was retweeted over 24k times. The avalanche of comments following the infamous tweet was even more astounding, bringing everything from support and sympathy to insults and threats and overall starting an international discussion about dating etiquette.

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The tweet explaining the incident and Alisha’s disappointment during the first date went viral with nearly 340k likes

Image credits: AlishaRai

Image credits: AlishaRai

The post spread through different media outlets, making appearances on TV. Alisha soon realized that the discussion had escalated so much that the cake pops had become an analogy for kindness and courtesy. As for Alisha, comments from online communities ranged from her being too sensitive, to calling her a gold digger and even pointing her out as the reason why modern dating is so hard.

Alisha couldn’t believe what happened and how the guy made her feel with his behavior on the first date

Image credits: AlishaRai

Image credits: AlishaRai

The online debates were quite fierce about whether or not the guy’s behavior was a red flag. Many people found the incident funny and relatable, so they shared similar stories, some agreed that this wasn’t the most thoughtful behavior from the guy on a first date, and some people actually considered Alisha’s expectations too high. On Hoda & Jenna’s show on Today, the tweet was also discussed where the two ladies highlighted how it’s rude not to offer what you are eating and share with the other person.

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Alisha’s tweet made it to Today’s show hosted by Hoda & Jenna, where the ladies agreed that not sharing is a definite ‘don’t’

Following the debates her tweet sparked about dating etiquette, Alisha also expressed her thoughts about the negative feedback she started to receive

Image credits: AlishaRai

Also coincidentally, the story echoed Alisha’s new book Girl Gone Viral, which tells a story about a woman whose private conversation with a stranger goes online and she is forced to hide. Just what Alisha wasn’t ready for was the hate she received. She also tweeted regarding the angry feedback she received: “Truly, there is nothing a woman can go viral for that will not result in an avalanche of misogyny, not even a facetious tweet. About dessert etiquette.”

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Image credits: AlishaRai

What was quite shocking followed later when Alisha started receiving various negative messages, degrading comments, and even threats. She was called ugly, fat, a slut, and a whore and even told to kill herself. Being a writer and having quite an active online presence, leaving social media wasn’t an option for her. Temporarily locking her media accounts still had her feeling quite uncomfortable, but what started as an innocent post for readers triggered irrationally angry people. So the sharing of the post turned into not only into debates about dating etiquette, but also what it means to post online and face the commentators.

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And here is how some other internet users reacted to Alisha’s post and you can share your opinion below

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stephyg1980 avatar
Ms.GB
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Am I the only person who would feel awkward buying 2 Valentine's cake pops on a date and eating them both...if you are on a date and someone buys 2 heart cake pops who wouldn't assume that the second is for the date...I bet even the barista was like wtf?

catherinerichardson_1 avatar
Catherine Richardson
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

EXACTLY. If you weren't going to offer one to her you should have bought only one, duh.

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hazelree avatar
Stille20
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is not about him being a man and her being a woman. It's not even about it being a date. If a friend offered to buy you coffee, but then came back with food too and ate it in front of you, it's awkward.

wendillon avatar
Wendillon
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah....if you have enough to share social etiquette would have you at least offer to share.

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ayraleona avatar
Ayra
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This needs a bit more context: Did he only ask what she wanted to drink and decided that the cake pops looked good and brought them back and did then not share = Not the way to do it! Did he ask her what she wanted to drink AND eat and she just wanted a drink = her fault but still not good style by him, especially it being TWO when there aer TWO persons. Either way I think it doesn't matter what gender they are, it would have been bad style the other way around, too.

spotif70-email avatar
Xan A. Du
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Very true! He may have asked if she wanted food and she may have said no...and then she saw that lovely cake pop he was eating and realized he had two.

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sreyasunil avatar
yes.
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Did y'all see the comment that was like "Oh if he is 23 he's just learning." Honey, this is the stuff we learn in elementary school. An eight year old wouldn't do this. His age is not something to be considered. If he can go on a date by himself, he can share.

littlebunnyfufu avatar
Littlebunnyfufu
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I polled my 8 and 10 year old, both would've shared and one of them would've shared and if his cake pop was better would've split that one in half and shared. Definitely, even a 23 year old should know better.

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c_s_e_ avatar
C.S. E.
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some of the latter comments missed the point. Forget that it's a date, sharing is something you learn as a child. It's about being polite, putting the other at ease. If the dude paid for the drinks (which seems to be implied), then why not get a cake pop to share? It's sweet. If he didn't pay for her drink, then it's still a nice thing to do for someone else. Also, why two? If he'd just gotten 1 cake pop, that's one thing - he could suggest she get one. But he specifically got a number that is shareable. Do you think that this was a test? If so, what was the point?

lmellie21 avatar
Flare
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

IDK, but I know one thing, no matter the gender of the person, they should be nice and share with their date/friend/sibling/etc if the food they are buying is shareable.

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s9080093_1 avatar
Biana Vacker
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The fact that it was a guy doesn't really matter here- it would still be strange if a woman did the same thing. It's just weird either way; though maybe they usually eat two cake pops? She might have said she didn't want anything and the guy may have been in the mood for some cake pops. I don't know.

minimaus avatar
MiniMaus
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I still would have bought the same amount for him if I was buying for myself. If he didn't like cake pops, he could make an excuse and say "THANK YOU that is so kind... do you mind if I save them for dessert later?" End of story.

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kaliniemann avatar
Anxiety
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Honestly I don’t even know how someone can do this, I’d be awkward as hell of I bought two Valentine’s Day cake pops, then ate them in front of the date. Also this isnt just a man vs woman thing, but it is just bad manners if you ask someone what they wanted to drink, then came back with food only for you. It being a date just makes it worse.

mandygora03 avatar
BorPand8
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yep. Or if they said they didn't want anything and you wanted food you could say, "Mind if I get something? I missed lunch and I'm starving." Or something similar.

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milanasierra avatar
Toko Danganronpa
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Instant red flag for me. I'm a dessert fanatic and self proclaimed "conaisseur" and let me tell you that is a huge NO NO on my part. What he should have done is ask if she wanted one. If she said no, then he could eat them both no problem. But the fact that he specifically brought two, which could be shared into an equal amount, and not, let's say, three, means any sane person would assume it's 50/50, one for each person. So what he should have done is just ask if she wanted one.

elliana4184 avatar
e m
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No matter the person's gender, buying TWO heart shaped cake pops on a date and then eating them both is rude. Now if you had offered to get them something and they declined, that's a different story

landonkirby avatar
thetacotruckman
Community Member
3 years ago

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caseymcalister avatar
Casey McAlister
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OMG, some people are so dumb. It's not about feminism, not about him being a man тв рук being a woman, and not that she can't buy a bloody pop cake for herself. It's just really weird to offer to buy somebody coffee, come back with their coffee AND a bunch of food and just sit there munching it on your own in front of them.

linhnguyen_nkl_1704 avatar
Lili
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why people are bringing gender to this debate? It's still unacceptable if a woman does that. Would any decent person with manners would go on a date, order 2 heart-shaped cake, at eat it alone? Even if she had refused food, he could have ordered sth else more single-appropriate for himself instead of said item. Was he that starving and desperate for cake pops that he decided to forgo etiquette, or he simply doesn't care what she would think of him?

landonkirby avatar
thetacotruckman
Community Member
3 years ago

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bp_10 avatar
WilvanderHeijden
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is not complicated. A jerk takes a woman out on a date and only buys something to eat for himself. Never date the moron again. End of Story.

minimaus avatar
MiniMaus
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And if the reverse happened and the woman takes a man out on a date and this happens, then she's the jerk. As a woman I would never do this to a guy-- first date or last date.

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agatz89 avatar
Agatz
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Don't even children know that it is nice to share? :p I think anyone should offer to share in that situation. Even if it was not a date, I would be miffed if anyone (date, friend, brother, whatever) did that. It just seems a bit rude.

grubbster55 avatar
Andrew Gibb
Community Member
3 years ago

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I think we need to be careful teaching children to share. Do we as adults share with strangers? Should we just hand over things to others because they want them?

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aliquida avatar
Aliquid A
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not necessarily a "red flag" that he is a bad person, or even selfish, but a "red flag" that he doesn't instinctively stop to think about others. Be careful about attacking him, he might be a jerk, or he might be on the autism spectrum and this sort of thing doesn't even cross his mind. It will have to be a "learned" skill

anneking68 avatar
StrawberryParfait
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Can we not always assume autism? It's extremely insulting to those on the spectrum to always have these idiots lumped in with them. There are more far more thoughtless men in the world than there are autistic people who don't know how to share.

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paulbudhram avatar
Paul Budhram
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you specifically asked for them, then what he did was wrong. If not, it's still not okay but less bad... My take feel free to downvote

helenquinteros avatar
MadCapri
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I honestly agree with you. If she asked for one then he ate both of them, then that's rude.

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mcelliers avatar
MelFunction
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This has nothing to do with gender. It's rude to eat in front of your companions without offering. I thought everyone learned that when they were little children.

sammyanne1_sh avatar
Helen Haley
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This isn't a date thing, or a man/woman thing, this is just courtesy. Remember your teacher saying don't chew gum if you didn't bring enough for everybody? It is just polite to ask if they want one/want to share.

mariagorbacheva avatar
lenniee
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

On one hand I get how that may look, but considering that to be a red flag seems like overreacting imo. I feel like more context is needed tbh

anneking68 avatar
StrawberryParfait
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Red flags come in all sizes. Heed the small ones, and you'll never have to be bothered by the big ones, because you won't be staying around to waste your time.

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griffinx avatar
Fluffy Griffin
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Even when its just with a friend. Even if they said they didn't want any. If I bought two, offer the second one anyway. That's just kindergarten learned etiquette. It goes double for a date, where you are actually trying to impress someone.

jonahalcaraz avatar
Adult Cereals
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Cue the downvotes, but... I feel like people are making this a bigger deal than needed. Yes, it's kinda weird and rude to buy two treats and eat them both infront of your date. I, personally, would feel weird about eating them both infront of my date and would offer one. But, what if he doesn't understand the sharing thing when it comes to eating out. He could have ASD or something and not completely follow or understand this norm. I know that she feels weird about this, and I would too, but can we just think about his perspective? He may just be an a-hole, but they could just not comprehend how he made her feel. Just saying ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

jean-francoisbrisson avatar
Billy Bob the 4th
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Maybe it was a test. To see how she would react? I remember seeing how people reacted to women posting tests they did on their first dates, to see if they wanted to invest more time in someone. Or maybe he's just a d**k. Who knows.

mandygora03 avatar
BorPand8
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Women 'test' men to see if they get violent when they don't get their way. If he's testing her he's trying to see if she'll put up with asshole behavior.

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noneanon avatar
Random Anon
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am all for empowering women and the ramifications of it all but she's got a point here. Even if you're not on a date but out with a mate, who would do that lol.

cathelijnevan avatar
Cathelijne Van
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm sorry but what happened to talking about it?? I do not read any suggestion to discuss this at the moment itself and maybe have a good laugh about it. I would like to hear the guy too before forming an opinion.

thespiersfam avatar
Starfall
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ignoring the weird reason this whole thing started & focusing on that message from him, congrats on dodging that crazy bullet! He had "nice guy" written all over him!

craigthrice avatar
Gyro Pilot
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wonder if the two treats were meant to be shared, but then the OP did or said something unaddressed in her post and cause the man to say in effect to himself "eff her, that crack just cost you desert." Two sides to every story, so need to hear his before joining the lynchmob.

iapetosdertitan avatar
Iapetos
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh yes, everything is turned into a misogynistic avalanche, well said. Also, it IS inconsiderate to eat a dish that was clearly intended for two lovers alone in front of the other person. If you want two cake pops for yourself and only pay for two, order more and split the bill, if necessary. Share! Be kind!

minimaus avatar
MiniMaus
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's a cake pop, not a car. I'm quite sure that if asked on a date, you or I can afford 2

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viviane_katz avatar
Viviane
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

People generally try to be on their best behaviour on the first date. So it's a little odd to not offer one of the pops or ask if he should get an extra one while he's at the counter. That warrants at least a raised eyebrow. (And yes, I've paid on dates)

spotif70-email avatar
Xan A. Du
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It was bad manners on his part and maybe too high expectations on her part?

landonkirby avatar
thetacotruckman
Community Member
3 years ago

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so this b*tch above or below me, saying that men who don't want to do every last thing for their wife, and can't support their family alone, and asks their girlfriend (or boyfriend) to help them are stingy even though the woman their with isn't paying for s**t in your situation. how f**king dumb is that?

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blue1steven avatar
Donkey boi
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree with Ayra. There isn't enough context, if food was offered as well as coffee and she said no to the food. His actions are acceptable if not ideal, she should have said 'are you sure you wouldn't like one of these?'. If no food was offered, and came bearing food and didn't offer, that's a no no! I'm not a person that shares* and even I understand that! *For context, I will share individual items if normally sold separately but I will not share anything if it comes a pack or part of my meal.

minimaus avatar
MiniMaus
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I will always share my food. I find it odd that people won't. No offence to you at all in this..honestly.. but I am curious as to why you wouldn't share food with a date? It's one of the simple pleasures in life to share.

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dan_steely avatar
Dando
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This isn’t even just a dating-specific faux pas. My dude friends and I wouldn’t do that to each other. Sharing is a common courtesy. If he wanted two he should have bought three. The guys crying about feminism and that other noise probably have neither dates, nor even friends to have any clue about which they’re complaining.

kevin-braid avatar
ADHD
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

oh man lol, so much fragility. someone needs to sit these real men down and explain to them they are really just little boys

lilioctopus avatar
Lili Octopus
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Cake pops are not an efficient way to cease a hunger pang or desire for cake. They are pointless and small and designed for cuteness rather than sating an appetite. That’s why I find what this guy did brazen, as though he were challenging her to say something, or letting her know in a weird way that he wasn’t into her. In other words, why didn’t he order a brownie?

glynnreid avatar
Glynn Reid
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"If he's like 23, he just hasn't learned yet" What? I really hope that should have read "2 or 3" because those are roughly the ages you should have learned sharing.

amie-redman avatar
Amie Redman
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Even when my BFF and I go out, if I get a snack, I get her something. Every time at Starbucks. You don’t eat in front of someone you are with. You share. That’s what nice people do.

katie-trondsen avatar
KT
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Honestly.....some men can REALLY be just that daft! He was probably an only child. I remember when my now husband and I were first dating (he had never had a gf before) sharing was an odd concept to him (he was also a single child) and I actually had to show him how it was done it was crazy weird but there you have it.

borislavkovachev avatar
Borislav Kovachev
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I feel like the guy will have a great "worst date ever" story. Once I ate two cake pops at a date and the next thing you know, I'm being ripped a new one by the feminists on National TV.

pincriske avatar
Clearly sunny
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Did he ask her before he went into the cafe if she wanted anything else? Because if she said just the drink thanks, then I don't see it being wrong really. Some men just don't think, if he offered to get her something before going in tho.

rjohnson0302 avatar
NaruTheCollective
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Damn what? It's a date. Share. Like bro. If she wanted one, she could've bought her own s**t but yeah. Don't buy 2 and not ask if the other wants to share. These anti-female replies are bullshit though.

adamserot avatar
Frankenfrog
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ooooh how convenient she just published a book...Hell, I would've eaten those two cake pops by myself as well. She can buy her own if she loves them so much

audreyreeves avatar
Audrey
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

While it's a little weird to eat two cake pops I think the problem is that he didn't ask if she wanted anything. Even if he couldn't pay for it he could still offer to order it for her and she can pay or something.

cebenspe avatar
Solrac
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's about being polite and offering to share, nothing more. It's a weird case anyway, why did he do that?Maybe the guy always buys 2 cake pops for himself and forgot to share, who knows.

always2bfaithful avatar
DDmaybeandor
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Alright, alright, alright. It's also pretty silly to judge an entire person by a small and simple faux pas. My FANTASTIC husband did somthing similar when we were dating. At 16, I took him to McDonald's and told him I'd get him whatever he wanted. He ordered TWO of the most expensive entrees. Pretty damn rude. But we've been together for 20 years now and I he is far from selfish. Selfless is actually very accurate. Don't get in your own way by looking for, "Mr/Ms Perfect" because you're not perfect either. Speak up with kindness and humor then see if it happens again.

lyndsayn17 avatar
Winx
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think a lot of details are missing from this story. Did he ask her what she wanted and she only said coffee, or did he only ask her what drink she wanted and then came back with a bunch of stuff for himself. Did he get a coffee too? What if he doesn't like coffee so he got a snack instead of a drink. Really depends on the situation i think.

jamieagl avatar
Thenatural
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would buy 2...offer 1...eat mine really quickly then stare at her till she offered me some.

kimlanlau avatar
Kimlan Lau
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow @ some of those comments. He could have at least asked if his date would have liked to have one. It is kind of bad manners to show on a date. It certainly is a red flag for me & that has nothing to do with being independent, feminist or modern. I notice that a lot of ppl use this as an excuse for poor manners, mean fits & sometimes abusive behavior. I see a lot of man children on my FB say these things, oh women want equal rights, so change your tires yourself, take the trash out yourself and don't ask me to open a jar of nothing. And ofc they are speaking to their significant others, I mean, really? Because women want equal pay & rights to own property, have a bank account, drive, vote & expect that she gets justice if assaulted, harmed, robbed in any way by any gender, we should not expect that men should contribute to the chores or help with something heavy or hard to open or assist their partner with something she does not know about??? Makes me wanna stay single.

azulmakura avatar
Lion's Stare
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If a guy is on a date, he should at least offer. If the woman declines, thats fine. So then both people understand that it's all good--which in this case was not what happened

benlensgraf avatar
Thorfin Wolfsbane
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The bastard! I'll be honest, the first red flag is he got himself heart shaped cake pops. The second red flag is he didn't ask to share with his date. So that's 2 red flags there

wianjama avatar
Rissie
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Are we not omitting the actual questions here? How did cake pops come to be and who still sells them, for that matter eats them, let alone two? Cake pops are weird creations...

cheyennedemorest_1 avatar
your local lesbian
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

“not even divorced yet and already wants half of everything he haves”- excuse me what

zovjraar avatar
zovjraar
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

would it have been too hard to go back to her and say, "hey they have cake pops, i want one (or two), do you want any?" then if she says no, and changes her mind while he's eating them, that's on her. or if he's like, "i can't afford to buy them for the both of us", she could give him $$ for hers?

elle_19 avatar
Elle
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Stop giving them sex before marriage and watch them adjust their behaviour but you have let the media and free sex culture fool you into thinking you are sexy or sexually liberated. They actually put you in chains and made you give up your power!

rhodabike6 avatar
Seabeast
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It was a first date. There was no sex, and now there never will be. Also, crappy men existed long before the days of "no sex before marriage".

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andybelyea avatar
PhybreAwptic
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I get that, in the context of the story, what he did was rude and inconsiderate. However, in the realm of "bad first dates," this should be chalked up as a first date that let me know I didn't want a second date. Some of those conclusions that responders were drawing about this guy really went off the deep end. And lose me with that facetious tweet nonsense, she didn't make just one, she made three.

s28773604 avatar
amonireed avatar
purple boi
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OOHHHH DID YOU SAY "JAKE FROM STATE FARM" I LOVE JAKE FROM STATE FARM LOL

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mark-mckenzie_1 avatar
anarkzie
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would feel really awkward buying 2 cakes for myself and sitting with a date eating them alone but despite what some of you are saying this does seem to be a gender thing. I feel that when someone asks you what do you want that is the point in which you are suppose to say what you want to eat. I find women just look at this differently from men, if I'm at the pub with a male friend and he goes off to buy some food and asks if I want anything and I say no, it would never cross my mind to expect him to share what he ordered, he already offered, that's him being kind/courteous.

rhodabike6 avatar
Seabeast
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Got to love the "You're a feminist, why don't you get your own?" people. Do they not understand the concept of a "date"? No wonder they're INvoluntarilyCELibate!

rhodabike6 avatar
Seabeast
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A 23 year old is more than old enough to know better! Most people get taught to share by about age 4 or 5.

vickyz avatar
Vicky Z
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think the most stupid comment was the one that said you are a feminist why don't you buy on your own? Well, first maybe you should understand what feminist means and try to realise the difference between being kind and not a complete ass! it's about what is polite to do in front of someone else and NOT about who is going to pay! You do not just eat two cakes in front of another person without asking if they want whether it is a woman or a man!that is common sense and basic social behaviour!!

scotrutherford avatar
LivingTheDream
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Every woman in my family would smack me in the back of the head if I did this. This is obviously a selfish bastard or he was trying to make it a bad date.

binanda_smada avatar
Usernames
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not only in a date but also in a group, when I want some food I will buy it, but I will notice whoever with me first do they want it or not. If they don't want it, it's ok, I will continue to buy it and eat it alone.

jessgunn77 avatar
JessG
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why would he ask her if she'd like coffee, but not anything else? The gender, relationship, or the fact they were on a first date doesn't matter. Imagine OFFERING someone a specific thing (coffee), and then coming back with that thing for them and then something even better for themselves. Can't people see how weird that is?

johnlouis62 avatar
John Louis
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is Boredpanda at its worst. I Would like to hear both sides of the story. The guy might have a different take on the incident including a dispute on the facts.

notoriousdbt avatar
Notorious DBT
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would imagine his answer would be "I love cake pops. I would have bought more and eaten them in front of her but I bought the last two. Also, I don't know why she ghosted me!"

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Chris Lee
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nothing in this article was a discussion. It was just more man bashing. I agree he was a total jerk but then it turned into how wrong all men are.

minimaus avatar
MiniMaus
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When it comes to FOOD, I have always been the type of person who will let someone else have the last piece. I grew up in a 'not rich' environment and sharing and giving someone the last piece always felt good. This guy was just ignorant. Someone above said they would excuse him if he was 23 yrs old instead of 30, but MAN... 23 is WAY an adult and WAY old enough to have learned manners.

anaelena avatar
Whimsy
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would've just been like... 'Ooh, those look great! Here, hold on a min, I'm just gonna go buy one too, be right back!'

minimaus avatar
MiniMaus
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hmmmmm you're the first one to say this Whimsy. Ok. I can see this, but I still don't agree that he or she ( depends on who's buying) should not share.

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Sam Yobado
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If he did it intentionally, he had a reason. So without knowing both sides it's hard to judge. If he did it unintentionally, it shows a lack of understanding in social situations, which lots of people have and they are definitely not monsters. She could have asked him about it instead of shaming him on the internet.

breakmyheart avatar
Something
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Most things that are heart shaped/Valentines Day themed are not meant for people to purchase for themselves.

anneking68 avatar
StrawberryParfait
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

All those sad little pick-mes rushing to his defense. It wasn't his dessert, CORNELIA and LUV. They weren't at dinner. It was a coffee "date", and pastries are part of the landscape. The man is a boor, AND a greedy pig who knows nothing of good manners or generosity. Amazing how some people don't understand the concept of dating, and the proper etiquette for it. Maybe you'd be fine with having a man pull this rude little stunt on you, but those of us with actual good manners would not be. This man told on himself. Enjoy your race to the bottom of the dating pool, gals. I'll be over here, enjoying my high standards and the delightful company of true gentlemen. Coffee dates bring out the low effort gentlemen in droves, and this is why we don't do them. Let "Cake-pop Carl" be a lesson to you, ladies.

deepond avatar
Dee Pond
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can't imagine eating a single cake pop. So rich, so sweet, makes me queasy trying to think of having to finish one.

grubbster55 avatar
Andrew Gibb
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This whole thing is an overreaction. Who decides to post a lengthy tirade about a date where she didn't get what she wanted to twitter? Get a life.

minimaus avatar
MiniMaus
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's not about that Andrew. It's about manners. And if someone is THAT lacking in manners, then pointing it out is good so that others see that this is not proper etiquette. Being a girl, I would buy 2 and share also. It's not about gender either. Even if I was getting a coffee for me and a friend ( girl) I would buy 2 and share. I'm sure that she wouldn't think I was coming on to her

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John Montgomery
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This seems the opposite of the "nice girl" post. This wasn't her saying she didn't want anything only to be frustrated when he doesn't get her anything. It sounded like they only discussed a drink, and she thought he had decided to get them both the pops as well only to be shocked when that wasn't the case. At least that's how it read to me. It's entirely possible I'm misreading it or possibly influenced by the "nice girl" post.

ginmarie avatar
Gin Marie
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Waiting for guys to come charging in and start talking about how girls do the same and *worse*.

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Moosy Girl
Community Member
3 years ago

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He goes to get drinks, sees the pops, thinks they’re cute/yummy looking, gets two, goes back to the date planning on giving them one and then his brain goes “WAIT! What if they don’t like chocolate? What if they think you’re creepy or coming on too strong with heart-shaped pops? WHAT IF they’re allergic to cake, or lactose intolerant, or on a diet?! I should’ve asked before buying one, they’re gonna think I’m stupid and pushy! What do I even say, I’ll just wait ‘til she says something about them and then offer one... how long have I been thinking, it’s probably weird if I offer one now, ugggh I’ll just eat them both! ... Oh man that was probably worse.”

minimaus avatar
MiniMaus
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He has a mouth to eat with, then he has a mouth to ask her those things. And if it's reversed then SHE has a mouth to ask HIM those things.

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Theo C
Community Member
3 years ago

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um what...why do you expect people to give you their stuff on a first date, they don't even know if they like you yet.

minimaus avatar
MiniMaus
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And if you act like this man did, then we don't want to know you either.

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Ms.GB
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Am I the only person who would feel awkward buying 2 Valentine's cake pops on a date and eating them both...if you are on a date and someone buys 2 heart cake pops who wouldn't assume that the second is for the date...I bet even the barista was like wtf?

catherinerichardson_1 avatar
Catherine Richardson
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

EXACTLY. If you weren't going to offer one to her you should have bought only one, duh.

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Stille20
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is not about him being a man and her being a woman. It's not even about it being a date. If a friend offered to buy you coffee, but then came back with food too and ate it in front of you, it's awkward.

wendillon avatar
Wendillon
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah....if you have enough to share social etiquette would have you at least offer to share.

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Ayra
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This needs a bit more context: Did he only ask what she wanted to drink and decided that the cake pops looked good and brought them back and did then not share = Not the way to do it! Did he ask her what she wanted to drink AND eat and she just wanted a drink = her fault but still not good style by him, especially it being TWO when there aer TWO persons. Either way I think it doesn't matter what gender they are, it would have been bad style the other way around, too.

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Xan A. Du
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Very true! He may have asked if she wanted food and she may have said no...and then she saw that lovely cake pop he was eating and realized he had two.

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sreyasunil avatar
yes.
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Did y'all see the comment that was like "Oh if he is 23 he's just learning." Honey, this is the stuff we learn in elementary school. An eight year old wouldn't do this. His age is not something to be considered. If he can go on a date by himself, he can share.

littlebunnyfufu avatar
Littlebunnyfufu
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I polled my 8 and 10 year old, both would've shared and one of them would've shared and if his cake pop was better would've split that one in half and shared. Definitely, even a 23 year old should know better.

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C.S. E.
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some of the latter comments missed the point. Forget that it's a date, sharing is something you learn as a child. It's about being polite, putting the other at ease. If the dude paid for the drinks (which seems to be implied), then why not get a cake pop to share? It's sweet. If he didn't pay for her drink, then it's still a nice thing to do for someone else. Also, why two? If he'd just gotten 1 cake pop, that's one thing - he could suggest she get one. But he specifically got a number that is shareable. Do you think that this was a test? If so, what was the point?

lmellie21 avatar
Flare
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

IDK, but I know one thing, no matter the gender of the person, they should be nice and share with their date/friend/sibling/etc if the food they are buying is shareable.

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Biana Vacker
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The fact that it was a guy doesn't really matter here- it would still be strange if a woman did the same thing. It's just weird either way; though maybe they usually eat two cake pops? She might have said she didn't want anything and the guy may have been in the mood for some cake pops. I don't know.

minimaus avatar
MiniMaus
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I still would have bought the same amount for him if I was buying for myself. If he didn't like cake pops, he could make an excuse and say "THANK YOU that is so kind... do you mind if I save them for dessert later?" End of story.

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kaliniemann avatar
Anxiety
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Honestly I don’t even know how someone can do this, I’d be awkward as hell of I bought two Valentine’s Day cake pops, then ate them in front of the date. Also this isnt just a man vs woman thing, but it is just bad manners if you ask someone what they wanted to drink, then came back with food only for you. It being a date just makes it worse.

mandygora03 avatar
BorPand8
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yep. Or if they said they didn't want anything and you wanted food you could say, "Mind if I get something? I missed lunch and I'm starving." Or something similar.

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milanasierra avatar
Toko Danganronpa
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Instant red flag for me. I'm a dessert fanatic and self proclaimed "conaisseur" and let me tell you that is a huge NO NO on my part. What he should have done is ask if she wanted one. If she said no, then he could eat them both no problem. But the fact that he specifically brought two, which could be shared into an equal amount, and not, let's say, three, means any sane person would assume it's 50/50, one for each person. So what he should have done is just ask if she wanted one.

elliana4184 avatar
e m
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No matter the person's gender, buying TWO heart shaped cake pops on a date and then eating them both is rude. Now if you had offered to get them something and they declined, that's a different story

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thetacotruckman
Community Member
3 years ago

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Casey McAlister
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OMG, some people are so dumb. It's not about feminism, not about him being a man тв рук being a woman, and not that she can't buy a bloody pop cake for herself. It's just really weird to offer to buy somebody coffee, come back with their coffee AND a bunch of food and just sit there munching it on your own in front of them.

linhnguyen_nkl_1704 avatar
Lili
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why people are bringing gender to this debate? It's still unacceptable if a woman does that. Would any decent person with manners would go on a date, order 2 heart-shaped cake, at eat it alone? Even if she had refused food, he could have ordered sth else more single-appropriate for himself instead of said item. Was he that starving and desperate for cake pops that he decided to forgo etiquette, or he simply doesn't care what she would think of him?

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thetacotruckman
Community Member
3 years ago

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WilvanderHeijden
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is not complicated. A jerk takes a woman out on a date and only buys something to eat for himself. Never date the moron again. End of Story.

minimaus avatar
MiniMaus
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And if the reverse happened and the woman takes a man out on a date and this happens, then she's the jerk. As a woman I would never do this to a guy-- first date or last date.

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agatz89 avatar
Agatz
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Don't even children know that it is nice to share? :p I think anyone should offer to share in that situation. Even if it was not a date, I would be miffed if anyone (date, friend, brother, whatever) did that. It just seems a bit rude.

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Andrew Gibb
Community Member
3 years ago

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I think we need to be careful teaching children to share. Do we as adults share with strangers? Should we just hand over things to others because they want them?

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Aliquid A
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not necessarily a "red flag" that he is a bad person, or even selfish, but a "red flag" that he doesn't instinctively stop to think about others. Be careful about attacking him, he might be a jerk, or he might be on the autism spectrum and this sort of thing doesn't even cross his mind. It will have to be a "learned" skill

anneking68 avatar
StrawberryParfait
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Can we not always assume autism? It's extremely insulting to those on the spectrum to always have these idiots lumped in with them. There are more far more thoughtless men in the world than there are autistic people who don't know how to share.

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Paul Budhram
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you specifically asked for them, then what he did was wrong. If not, it's still not okay but less bad... My take feel free to downvote

helenquinteros avatar
MadCapri
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I honestly agree with you. If she asked for one then he ate both of them, then that's rude.

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mcelliers avatar
MelFunction
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This has nothing to do with gender. It's rude to eat in front of your companions without offering. I thought everyone learned that when they were little children.

sammyanne1_sh avatar
Helen Haley
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This isn't a date thing, or a man/woman thing, this is just courtesy. Remember your teacher saying don't chew gum if you didn't bring enough for everybody? It is just polite to ask if they want one/want to share.

mariagorbacheva avatar
lenniee
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

On one hand I get how that may look, but considering that to be a red flag seems like overreacting imo. I feel like more context is needed tbh

anneking68 avatar
StrawberryParfait
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Red flags come in all sizes. Heed the small ones, and you'll never have to be bothered by the big ones, because you won't be staying around to waste your time.

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griffinx avatar
Fluffy Griffin
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Even when its just with a friend. Even if they said they didn't want any. If I bought two, offer the second one anyway. That's just kindergarten learned etiquette. It goes double for a date, where you are actually trying to impress someone.

jonahalcaraz avatar
Adult Cereals
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Cue the downvotes, but... I feel like people are making this a bigger deal than needed. Yes, it's kinda weird and rude to buy two treats and eat them both infront of your date. I, personally, would feel weird about eating them both infront of my date and would offer one. But, what if he doesn't understand the sharing thing when it comes to eating out. He could have ASD or something and not completely follow or understand this norm. I know that she feels weird about this, and I would too, but can we just think about his perspective? He may just be an a-hole, but they could just not comprehend how he made her feel. Just saying ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

jean-francoisbrisson avatar
Billy Bob the 4th
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Maybe it was a test. To see how she would react? I remember seeing how people reacted to women posting tests they did on their first dates, to see if they wanted to invest more time in someone. Or maybe he's just a d**k. Who knows.

mandygora03 avatar
BorPand8
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Women 'test' men to see if they get violent when they don't get their way. If he's testing her he's trying to see if she'll put up with asshole behavior.

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noneanon avatar
Random Anon
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am all for empowering women and the ramifications of it all but she's got a point here. Even if you're not on a date but out with a mate, who would do that lol.

cathelijnevan avatar
Cathelijne Van
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm sorry but what happened to talking about it?? I do not read any suggestion to discuss this at the moment itself and maybe have a good laugh about it. I would like to hear the guy too before forming an opinion.

thespiersfam avatar
Starfall
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ignoring the weird reason this whole thing started & focusing on that message from him, congrats on dodging that crazy bullet! He had "nice guy" written all over him!

craigthrice avatar
Gyro Pilot
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wonder if the two treats were meant to be shared, but then the OP did or said something unaddressed in her post and cause the man to say in effect to himself "eff her, that crack just cost you desert." Two sides to every story, so need to hear his before joining the lynchmob.

iapetosdertitan avatar
Iapetos
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh yes, everything is turned into a misogynistic avalanche, well said. Also, it IS inconsiderate to eat a dish that was clearly intended for two lovers alone in front of the other person. If you want two cake pops for yourself and only pay for two, order more and split the bill, if necessary. Share! Be kind!

minimaus avatar
MiniMaus
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's a cake pop, not a car. I'm quite sure that if asked on a date, you or I can afford 2

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Viviane
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

People generally try to be on their best behaviour on the first date. So it's a little odd to not offer one of the pops or ask if he should get an extra one while he's at the counter. That warrants at least a raised eyebrow. (And yes, I've paid on dates)

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Xan A. Du
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It was bad manners on his part and maybe too high expectations on her part?

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thetacotruckman
Community Member
3 years ago

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so this b*tch above or below me, saying that men who don't want to do every last thing for their wife, and can't support their family alone, and asks their girlfriend (or boyfriend) to help them are stingy even though the woman their with isn't paying for s**t in your situation. how f**king dumb is that?

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Donkey boi
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree with Ayra. There isn't enough context, if food was offered as well as coffee and she said no to the food. His actions are acceptable if not ideal, she should have said 'are you sure you wouldn't like one of these?'. If no food was offered, and came bearing food and didn't offer, that's a no no! I'm not a person that shares* and even I understand that! *For context, I will share individual items if normally sold separately but I will not share anything if it comes a pack or part of my meal.

minimaus avatar
MiniMaus
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I will always share my food. I find it odd that people won't. No offence to you at all in this..honestly.. but I am curious as to why you wouldn't share food with a date? It's one of the simple pleasures in life to share.

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Dando
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This isn’t even just a dating-specific faux pas. My dude friends and I wouldn’t do that to each other. Sharing is a common courtesy. If he wanted two he should have bought three. The guys crying about feminism and that other noise probably have neither dates, nor even friends to have any clue about which they’re complaining.

kevin-braid avatar
ADHD
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

oh man lol, so much fragility. someone needs to sit these real men down and explain to them they are really just little boys

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Lili Octopus
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Cake pops are not an efficient way to cease a hunger pang or desire for cake. They are pointless and small and designed for cuteness rather than sating an appetite. That’s why I find what this guy did brazen, as though he were challenging her to say something, or letting her know in a weird way that he wasn’t into her. In other words, why didn’t he order a brownie?

glynnreid avatar
Glynn Reid
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"If he's like 23, he just hasn't learned yet" What? I really hope that should have read "2 or 3" because those are roughly the ages you should have learned sharing.

amie-redman avatar
Amie Redman
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Even when my BFF and I go out, if I get a snack, I get her something. Every time at Starbucks. You don’t eat in front of someone you are with. You share. That’s what nice people do.

katie-trondsen avatar
KT
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Honestly.....some men can REALLY be just that daft! He was probably an only child. I remember when my now husband and I were first dating (he had never had a gf before) sharing was an odd concept to him (he was also a single child) and I actually had to show him how it was done it was crazy weird but there you have it.

borislavkovachev avatar
Borislav Kovachev
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I feel like the guy will have a great "worst date ever" story. Once I ate two cake pops at a date and the next thing you know, I'm being ripped a new one by the feminists on National TV.

pincriske avatar
Clearly sunny
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Did he ask her before he went into the cafe if she wanted anything else? Because if she said just the drink thanks, then I don't see it being wrong really. Some men just don't think, if he offered to get her something before going in tho.

rjohnson0302 avatar
NaruTheCollective
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Damn what? It's a date. Share. Like bro. If she wanted one, she could've bought her own s**t but yeah. Don't buy 2 and not ask if the other wants to share. These anti-female replies are bullshit though.

adamserot avatar
Frankenfrog
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ooooh how convenient she just published a book...Hell, I would've eaten those two cake pops by myself as well. She can buy her own if she loves them so much

audreyreeves avatar
Audrey
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

While it's a little weird to eat two cake pops I think the problem is that he didn't ask if she wanted anything. Even if he couldn't pay for it he could still offer to order it for her and she can pay or something.

cebenspe avatar
Solrac
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's about being polite and offering to share, nothing more. It's a weird case anyway, why did he do that?Maybe the guy always buys 2 cake pops for himself and forgot to share, who knows.

always2bfaithful avatar
DDmaybeandor
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Alright, alright, alright. It's also pretty silly to judge an entire person by a small and simple faux pas. My FANTASTIC husband did somthing similar when we were dating. At 16, I took him to McDonald's and told him I'd get him whatever he wanted. He ordered TWO of the most expensive entrees. Pretty damn rude. But we've been together for 20 years now and I he is far from selfish. Selfless is actually very accurate. Don't get in your own way by looking for, "Mr/Ms Perfect" because you're not perfect either. Speak up with kindness and humor then see if it happens again.

lyndsayn17 avatar
Winx
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think a lot of details are missing from this story. Did he ask her what she wanted and she only said coffee, or did he only ask her what drink she wanted and then came back with a bunch of stuff for himself. Did he get a coffee too? What if he doesn't like coffee so he got a snack instead of a drink. Really depends on the situation i think.

jamieagl avatar
Thenatural
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would buy 2...offer 1...eat mine really quickly then stare at her till she offered me some.

kimlanlau avatar
Kimlan Lau
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow @ some of those comments. He could have at least asked if his date would have liked to have one. It is kind of bad manners to show on a date. It certainly is a red flag for me & that has nothing to do with being independent, feminist or modern. I notice that a lot of ppl use this as an excuse for poor manners, mean fits & sometimes abusive behavior. I see a lot of man children on my FB say these things, oh women want equal rights, so change your tires yourself, take the trash out yourself and don't ask me to open a jar of nothing. And ofc they are speaking to their significant others, I mean, really? Because women want equal pay & rights to own property, have a bank account, drive, vote & expect that she gets justice if assaulted, harmed, robbed in any way by any gender, we should not expect that men should contribute to the chores or help with something heavy or hard to open or assist their partner with something she does not know about??? Makes me wanna stay single.

azulmakura avatar
Lion's Stare
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If a guy is on a date, he should at least offer. If the woman declines, thats fine. So then both people understand that it's all good--which in this case was not what happened

benlensgraf avatar
Thorfin Wolfsbane
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The bastard! I'll be honest, the first red flag is he got himself heart shaped cake pops. The second red flag is he didn't ask to share with his date. So that's 2 red flags there

wianjama avatar
Rissie
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Are we not omitting the actual questions here? How did cake pops come to be and who still sells them, for that matter eats them, let alone two? Cake pops are weird creations...

cheyennedemorest_1 avatar
your local lesbian
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

“not even divorced yet and already wants half of everything he haves”- excuse me what

zovjraar avatar
zovjraar
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

would it have been too hard to go back to her and say, "hey they have cake pops, i want one (or two), do you want any?" then if she says no, and changes her mind while he's eating them, that's on her. or if he's like, "i can't afford to buy them for the both of us", she could give him $$ for hers?

elle_19 avatar
Elle
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Stop giving them sex before marriage and watch them adjust their behaviour but you have let the media and free sex culture fool you into thinking you are sexy or sexually liberated. They actually put you in chains and made you give up your power!

rhodabike6 avatar
Seabeast
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It was a first date. There was no sex, and now there never will be. Also, crappy men existed long before the days of "no sex before marriage".

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andybelyea avatar
PhybreAwptic
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I get that, in the context of the story, what he did was rude and inconsiderate. However, in the realm of "bad first dates," this should be chalked up as a first date that let me know I didn't want a second date. Some of those conclusions that responders were drawing about this guy really went off the deep end. And lose me with that facetious tweet nonsense, she didn't make just one, she made three.

s28773604 avatar
amonireed avatar
purple boi
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OOHHHH DID YOU SAY "JAKE FROM STATE FARM" I LOVE JAKE FROM STATE FARM LOL

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mark-mckenzie_1 avatar
anarkzie
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would feel really awkward buying 2 cakes for myself and sitting with a date eating them alone but despite what some of you are saying this does seem to be a gender thing. I feel that when someone asks you what do you want that is the point in which you are suppose to say what you want to eat. I find women just look at this differently from men, if I'm at the pub with a male friend and he goes off to buy some food and asks if I want anything and I say no, it would never cross my mind to expect him to share what he ordered, he already offered, that's him being kind/courteous.

rhodabike6 avatar
Seabeast
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Got to love the "You're a feminist, why don't you get your own?" people. Do they not understand the concept of a "date"? No wonder they're INvoluntarilyCELibate!

rhodabike6 avatar
Seabeast
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A 23 year old is more than old enough to know better! Most people get taught to share by about age 4 or 5.

vickyz avatar
Vicky Z
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think the most stupid comment was the one that said you are a feminist why don't you buy on your own? Well, first maybe you should understand what feminist means and try to realise the difference between being kind and not a complete ass! it's about what is polite to do in front of someone else and NOT about who is going to pay! You do not just eat two cakes in front of another person without asking if they want whether it is a woman or a man!that is common sense and basic social behaviour!!

scotrutherford avatar
LivingTheDream
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Every woman in my family would smack me in the back of the head if I did this. This is obviously a selfish bastard or he was trying to make it a bad date.

binanda_smada avatar
Usernames
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not only in a date but also in a group, when I want some food I will buy it, but I will notice whoever with me first do they want it or not. If they don't want it, it's ok, I will continue to buy it and eat it alone.

jessgunn77 avatar
JessG
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why would he ask her if she'd like coffee, but not anything else? The gender, relationship, or the fact they were on a first date doesn't matter. Imagine OFFERING someone a specific thing (coffee), and then coming back with that thing for them and then something even better for themselves. Can't people see how weird that is?

johnlouis62 avatar
John Louis
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is Boredpanda at its worst. I Would like to hear both sides of the story. The guy might have a different take on the incident including a dispute on the facts.

notoriousdbt avatar
Notorious DBT
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would imagine his answer would be "I love cake pops. I would have bought more and eaten them in front of her but I bought the last two. Also, I don't know why she ghosted me!"

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flakecl2 avatar
Chris Lee
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nothing in this article was a discussion. It was just more man bashing. I agree he was a total jerk but then it turned into how wrong all men are.

minimaus avatar
MiniMaus
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When it comes to FOOD, I have always been the type of person who will let someone else have the last piece. I grew up in a 'not rich' environment and sharing and giving someone the last piece always felt good. This guy was just ignorant. Someone above said they would excuse him if he was 23 yrs old instead of 30, but MAN... 23 is WAY an adult and WAY old enough to have learned manners.

anaelena avatar
Whimsy
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would've just been like... 'Ooh, those look great! Here, hold on a min, I'm just gonna go buy one too, be right back!'

minimaus avatar
MiniMaus
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hmmmmm you're the first one to say this Whimsy. Ok. I can see this, but I still don't agree that he or she ( depends on who's buying) should not share.

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samyobado avatar
Sam Yobado
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If he did it intentionally, he had a reason. So without knowing both sides it's hard to judge. If he did it unintentionally, it shows a lack of understanding in social situations, which lots of people have and they are definitely not monsters. She could have asked him about it instead of shaming him on the internet.

breakmyheart avatar
Something
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Most things that are heart shaped/Valentines Day themed are not meant for people to purchase for themselves.

anneking68 avatar
StrawberryParfait
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

All those sad little pick-mes rushing to his defense. It wasn't his dessert, CORNELIA and LUV. They weren't at dinner. It was a coffee "date", and pastries are part of the landscape. The man is a boor, AND a greedy pig who knows nothing of good manners or generosity. Amazing how some people don't understand the concept of dating, and the proper etiquette for it. Maybe you'd be fine with having a man pull this rude little stunt on you, but those of us with actual good manners would not be. This man told on himself. Enjoy your race to the bottom of the dating pool, gals. I'll be over here, enjoying my high standards and the delightful company of true gentlemen. Coffee dates bring out the low effort gentlemen in droves, and this is why we don't do them. Let "Cake-pop Carl" be a lesson to you, ladies.

deepond avatar
Dee Pond
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can't imagine eating a single cake pop. So rich, so sweet, makes me queasy trying to think of having to finish one.

grubbster55 avatar
Andrew Gibb
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This whole thing is an overreaction. Who decides to post a lengthy tirade about a date where she didn't get what she wanted to twitter? Get a life.

minimaus avatar
MiniMaus
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's not about that Andrew. It's about manners. And if someone is THAT lacking in manners, then pointing it out is good so that others see that this is not proper etiquette. Being a girl, I would buy 2 and share also. It's not about gender either. Even if I was getting a coffee for me and a friend ( girl) I would buy 2 and share. I'm sure that she wouldn't think I was coming on to her

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johnlm1981 avatar
John Montgomery
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This seems the opposite of the "nice girl" post. This wasn't her saying she didn't want anything only to be frustrated when he doesn't get her anything. It sounded like they only discussed a drink, and she thought he had decided to get them both the pops as well only to be shocked when that wasn't the case. At least that's how it read to me. It's entirely possible I'm misreading it or possibly influenced by the "nice girl" post.

ginmarie avatar
Gin Marie
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Waiting for guys to come charging in and start talking about how girls do the same and *worse*.

moosygirl avatar
Moosy Girl
Community Member
3 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

He goes to get drinks, sees the pops, thinks they’re cute/yummy looking, gets two, goes back to the date planning on giving them one and then his brain goes “WAIT! What if they don’t like chocolate? What if they think you’re creepy or coming on too strong with heart-shaped pops? WHAT IF they’re allergic to cake, or lactose intolerant, or on a diet?! I should’ve asked before buying one, they’re gonna think I’m stupid and pushy! What do I even say, I’ll just wait ‘til she says something about them and then offer one... how long have I been thinking, it’s probably weird if I offer one now, ugggh I’ll just eat them both! ... Oh man that was probably worse.”

minimaus avatar
MiniMaus
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He has a mouth to eat with, then he has a mouth to ask her those things. And if it's reversed then SHE has a mouth to ask HIM those things.

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Theo C
Community Member
3 years ago

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um what...why do you expect people to give you their stuff on a first date, they don't even know if they like you yet.

minimaus avatar
MiniMaus
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And if you act like this man did, then we don't want to know you either.

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