Person Snaps At A Stranger Who Says They Shouldn’t Be Smoking, Asks If They’re A Jerk
Interview With AuthorThousands of strangers around the world cross paths every day. Usually, though, everyone’s going about their business and it doesn’t lead to somewhat significant encounters. Even in the times of pandemic, when people are mostly staying home, grocery shopping has become one of those rare luxuries to be among others browsing through the aisles.
But on some occasions, running into strangers can turn sour. At least this is what happened to one Reddit user who was approached in a grocery store line while picking up a pack of cigarettes for their grandpa. “The guy behind me in line, middle-aged dude, said, ‘you’re so young, you shouldn’t be smoking.’”
Convinced that this was none of the guy’s business, and since he repeated the schooling again, the redditor clapped back. Read the incident in full right below that divided people online, who strived to answer the key question: “AITA for telling a guy behind me in the grocery store line to mind his friggin business?” Share what you think in the comments!
This person shared an incident they had while grocery shopping where they were told they shouldn’t smoke by a random stranger
To find out more about the incident, Bored Panda reached out to the person who snapped at a stranger for being told they shouldn’t smoke. “I was initially annoyed because I don’t like it when strangers make small talk with me at the grocery store,” the author of “AITA for telling a guy behind me in the grocery store line to mind his friggin business?”, who preferred staying anonymous, explained.
It turns out, the person had bought cigarettes for their grandpa before, but this was the only time someone had ever commented on them. “I’ve gotten a couple dirty looks, but I just ignore those.”
At this point, the person who was there to pick up cigarettes for their grandpa had enough and clapped back
When asked whether they think it was the right reaction, the person clarified, “I don’t think I was a jerk, I just wasn’t as nice as I could have been. I think to be a jerk, you have to do something a little worse than that.”
In the end, the person said that they’d probably do the same if a stranger tried to school them. “I would tell them to shut up, as demonstrated by my post.”
The people were divided over whether the author of the post was a jerk for cursing at a stranger or not
In our hectic lives, we are often confronted with strangers who do (or say) something totally discomforting, or plain annoying. It’s incredible to think how much our mood depends on such seemingly meaningless encounters, and how fast our day can turn from hero to zero in a moment.
It’s no secret that when we get frustrated, most of the time, we jump to dark conclusions quickly. We may even picture ourselves as a target of mockery and harm, and it may make our blood boil. But sometimes an adequate complaint emerges from the assumption we carry in our heads before we say something back to the frustrating stranger.
What if we believe that the irritating person is not deliberately trying to irritate us, and doesn’t have an evil plan to prevent us from feeling happy? What if the stranger wasn’t even thinking about us at all, and just uttered something that was on the tip of their tongue?
This assumption may help you to calm your nerves down and make sure the encounter you have doesn’t escalate into an inadequate situation. After all, it’s yourself whom you should care about, and whatever random strangers the world may bring us, we should all just try to be a little more sure of ourselves.
In case anyone is wondering, as a reformed Reddit addict I can tell you that YTA = you're the asshole, NTA = not the asshole and ESH = everyone sucks here.
Upvote much. Languages do change over time, but they never changed this quick in history.
Load More Replies...As an ex-smoker I can tell you that remarks from other people about quitting do not help at all. It's not like smokers don't know the risks and need to be reminded of them, not by strangers and not by friends either. It has the absolute opposite effect actually. I quit because I got really sick (pneumonia) and had an epiphany about not really helping myself get better by continuing smoking. In any case, I'd let a 92 year smoke their ciggies too, if it makes them happy.
I'm a smoker. When outside having a smoke and some random person tells me I shouldn't smoke, I always say, "you shouldn't talk to strangers".
Was on my smoke break at work, in an area that is generally out of the way of the public, but still very visible, I'm minding my own business, when a couple, possibly late 40's early 50's walks past, and the man, loud enough for me to hear, says, 'People actually still smoke?' It was clearly meant to be condescending and it pissed me off, he was not close enough to be affected by second-hand smoke, I never asked his opinion and if he wanted to make a comment, he could have done so quietly. Self-righteous people like that really should learn to keep their comments to themselves, because if someone mentions something to them that they don't like, they tend to throw tantrums.
Load More Replies...NTA. People should not comment on other people's groceries, whatever it it.
I mean tbh I don't support or promote smoking. But, a stranger has no say in someone else's personal lives.
If this man told someone they were fat and shouldn't be buying junk food, its the same situation. While smoking is incredibly harmful, its none of his business until our society goes full socialism. Then its not only the "offender" that suffers, but the entire system as well.
I live in a "socialist" country and we don't have this.
Load More Replies...Absolutely NTA. Of course, smoking is bad for your health but so are many other things that we do. As long as you're smoking where it's allowed, not leaving litter behind you, go ahead. It's your life, your health. We all already know that and telling that to a stranger without any reason to makes you TA in my opinion. We would all get along much better if we just minded our own business (to a reasonable extent, of course). Keep your unsolicited advice to yourself. And as Arieke nicely points out - it's not like it works. It's not like because you told someone in the line at the supermarket that smoking is bad (which everyone knows), you're going to make them realize this "groundbreaking" fact. And just to be sure - I haven't smoked a single cigarette in my life. I'm just really tired of people telling me what I should be doing with my life when I'm not bothering them in any way. And I'm very protective of my life/body autonomy.
When I was a smoker I would get s**t from people all the time. One lady admonished me while I smoked during my lunch break. I was well away from any people, she had to go out of her way to approach me. I told her that obesity was just as deadly as smoking (she was a big lady), to which she recoiled in shock and horror. I'm sure it hurt her feelings, but leave people alone, ffs.
Years ago, I was buying a pan that was coated in Teflon, and a woman in line proceeded to tell me all the reasons I shouldn't buy it, in a very pushy way. I just turned away and ignored her. I figured I didn't ask for her opinion and I didn't owe her a response.
NTA. The stranger did not need to be judgy, twice. The dude telling him it was for his grandfather should have been enough. Does the stranger think he gave the guy some top secret info when he said smoking was bad? No. Everyone knows it. Leave people alone.
How hard is it to keep comments about other people to yourself? Mind your own business.
Well, no one should smoke, eat fast food such as McDonalds, eat sweets and pastry, drink alcohol, take too much pain killers etc. imagine if someone lectured you if you wanted to buy a bag of chips, a muffin, a bottle of wine or take another pill for headache etc. It was none of his business and he should have kept the opinion to himself.
As a smoker, I am so SICK of those people. Everyone of them has the smug "im gonna school you" look. Like I seriously have no idea that its bad for me, like I have lived 40 years in a bubble and this information is life changing. Like im just gonna toss them out and say "thank you sir, I have been mistakenly ingesting poison for the last 25 years. Like dude, Im standing outside in zero degree weather, 25 feet from the building entrance, let me inhale my poison in peace, please? Honestly, Im just happy someone had the nerve to tell one off.
I have never been a smoker and smokers don’t bother me personally except those who throw their butts on the ground or rudely light up around others without asking first. My mom and brother have severe breathing problems. I actually have a strange nostalgia for cigarette smoke since my uncles smoked when I was a small child. I do understand the 25feet thing though. People are getting better about tossing butts on the ground. Aren’t they?
Load More Replies...As a smoker myself keep your health advice to yourself, youre not tellign me anything that isnt on every pack of cigs Ive smoked and have heard a million times before. Its akin to walking up to a chubby person and say you should eat better and exercise more, its like the old bible verse(paraphrased) 'dont worry about the splinter in your neighbors eye when you have an entire plank in your own'
I think the stranger should have left this person alone especially after the stranger already gave out unsolicited advice. It's none of your business if some random person smokes. Leave people alone.
I liken this to someone in line behind me commenting on the gluten in my bread, the cruelty of eating meat, the fat content in my whole milk, yada-yada-yada. Just zip it. This guy failed not just once but twice to control his urge to sound superior, so yeah, swearing at him was brilliant. It will certainly give him pause the next time he feels compelled to demonstrate his smugness.
He got what he asked for, your attention. People should mind their own business and keep their opinions to themselves.
I used to smoke. If anyone ever said something like that to me, I would pretend to not hear them. Act like an irrelevant loser, get treated like one. You don’t have to let anyone in your life if you don’t want them. Not even for ten seconds to tell them to fùck off.
The guy is "just trying to be friendly"?! What?? No. I'm going to guess this writer is female, because mainly it's girls and women who are expected to view pushy rude behaviour as "just being friendly.
Seabeast, you mean well, but that is incredibly misogynistic of you.
Load More Replies...The "friggin" was too much but sometimes people needs to be smashed. Once there was a huge line at the greengrocer, and an elderly lady behind me repetedly kicked me with her "cartbag", i moved few times and she just continued, over and over. At some point i said to her "are you done yet?!" (something like that in french, meant to misbehaving kids). As if kicking someone will get you a free pass on the line. If she just said "sorry, could you please give me your place on the line, i'm tired/sick..." i would have. The other people on the line saw her game too and no one gave her his place on the line, they just smiled at me. Childish people need to be treated as a child.
Load More Replies...I watched my brother dying, copd. Smoked most of his life. Laying there gasping and begging to die. It was so freaking horrible to see someone you love suffer like that. Our father died of lung cancer 40 years before that. I never understood how my brother could smoke after seeing dads suffering. I understand the feeling of wanting to tell people not to smoke. But all that said, it is simply none of your business. I will say it is my personal belief that you can convey your displeasure to that person without being rude. This person might have had similar experiences as mine and felt compelled to speak. It wasn't ok to do so but I totally understand it.
"Duly noted. Have a nice day." I say that whenever someone butts into my business. And where I'm from, "Have a nice day," is a polite way of telling someone to f*** off.
NTA. The guy was being really personal, creepy, and kept pushing. After all the stuff the guy said, even once the poster said the cigarettes weren't for him, I'd probably have had a similar reaction.
A woman at work who is about 300 pounds overweight and who I really liked, gave me grief one day sarcastically about smoking. I looked at her and said, "We can talk about my health issues if it's okay for us to talk about yours." It is absolutely not the kind of thing I would normally say. It was like a demon posessed me. I actually normally don't say anything when someone eays something unexpected. I just think about what I should have said that night. I just went back to work and she never mentioned it again. I felt bad about it.
The man in the store was butting in where he didn’t belong. I’d have done the same thing but I hate when people (including the checker) make comments about any of my purchases. Everyone is different. He won’t change. That’s life.
I mean I’d have done the same thing regarding the response...I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who would say,”Gosh I love unsolicited advice.”
Load More Replies...I would say that the man was butting into something that had nothing to do with him. I had a lady tell me that my aunt was gonna to hell for owning a liquor store and I simply said you might wanna relay that to my aunt and not me. I just work there.
There was no need for the swearing. He could just tell the guy in a normal way that it was none of his business. It doesn’t hurt to be polite, especially not in a situation like this where you want to teach the other person what isn’t polite (telling a stranger he shouldn’t smoke). So, ESH.
All of the involved people are wrong. The guy giving the advice and the person being " assertive". Why don't we learn to keep our mouths shut and let people be. As my father always said: " It's not your circus, they are not your monkeys, so just let them monkey around."
Personally, I can comprehend him warning OP about smoking, but the grandpa? No.
It’s not always so easy. I am a VERY confrontational person when someone says or does something towards me. It’s something I have worked very hard to control but I struggle with it. If this had been me I would have said something. I’m interested to see how others would have dealt with it or that some think the man was trying to be decent because that’s not how I think and it gives me perspective.
Load More Replies...Stop telling people what to do. We all make choices that are more or less unhealthy. The important thing is that they are *choices*. If people decide to slowly kill themselves by smoking, it's still a choice. A wrong one? Possibly. But that isn't really that important.
Load More Replies...I don't mind being told what to do at work by my boss. I do mind being told what to do by a stranger in a grocery store. Really don't think that makes me an asshole.
Load More Replies...Because a stranger in the store is going to keep a 92 year old man from smoking? No. The old man knows it is not good for him. Let him be.
Load More Replies...Funny how it's only women who are expected to take this kind of "help".
Load More Replies...So much HATE! Maybe the fire in your building was a revenge from one of your (numerous i guess) hate victim and was not caused by a "satanic child molester killer of kitten nicotine junkie" ? You just forgot to add that the coronavirus was created in a lab by some "nicotine junkies" because they wanted all the non smoker to die!
Load More Replies...Because it's annoying. Because people should primarily mind their own business. Because people, in general, get so much unsolicited advice all the time and it can get exhausting having to feel guilty, having to deal with that in any way. Let each live their own life and take care of your own. I understand that close people, family, friends can do to a certain extent do this and I'm not saying that's wrong (it can be but it's a grey area and I don't feel like going into specifics in a simple BP comment) but why should a stranger tell me what I should be or shouldn't be doing with my life when I'm not bothering them in any way, not doing anything that's not allowed (like I have no issue with people telling smokers to go away from a children's playground, for example), I don't understand. I have never smoked a single cigarette in my life but I can perfectly understand why that guy was offended/annoyed.
Load More Replies...In case anyone is wondering, as a reformed Reddit addict I can tell you that YTA = you're the asshole, NTA = not the asshole and ESH = everyone sucks here.
Upvote much. Languages do change over time, but they never changed this quick in history.
Load More Replies...As an ex-smoker I can tell you that remarks from other people about quitting do not help at all. It's not like smokers don't know the risks and need to be reminded of them, not by strangers and not by friends either. It has the absolute opposite effect actually. I quit because I got really sick (pneumonia) and had an epiphany about not really helping myself get better by continuing smoking. In any case, I'd let a 92 year smoke their ciggies too, if it makes them happy.
I'm a smoker. When outside having a smoke and some random person tells me I shouldn't smoke, I always say, "you shouldn't talk to strangers".
Was on my smoke break at work, in an area that is generally out of the way of the public, but still very visible, I'm minding my own business, when a couple, possibly late 40's early 50's walks past, and the man, loud enough for me to hear, says, 'People actually still smoke?' It was clearly meant to be condescending and it pissed me off, he was not close enough to be affected by second-hand smoke, I never asked his opinion and if he wanted to make a comment, he could have done so quietly. Self-righteous people like that really should learn to keep their comments to themselves, because if someone mentions something to them that they don't like, they tend to throw tantrums.
Load More Replies...NTA. People should not comment on other people's groceries, whatever it it.
I mean tbh I don't support or promote smoking. But, a stranger has no say in someone else's personal lives.
If this man told someone they were fat and shouldn't be buying junk food, its the same situation. While smoking is incredibly harmful, its none of his business until our society goes full socialism. Then its not only the "offender" that suffers, but the entire system as well.
I live in a "socialist" country and we don't have this.
Load More Replies...Absolutely NTA. Of course, smoking is bad for your health but so are many other things that we do. As long as you're smoking where it's allowed, not leaving litter behind you, go ahead. It's your life, your health. We all already know that and telling that to a stranger without any reason to makes you TA in my opinion. We would all get along much better if we just minded our own business (to a reasonable extent, of course). Keep your unsolicited advice to yourself. And as Arieke nicely points out - it's not like it works. It's not like because you told someone in the line at the supermarket that smoking is bad (which everyone knows), you're going to make them realize this "groundbreaking" fact. And just to be sure - I haven't smoked a single cigarette in my life. I'm just really tired of people telling me what I should be doing with my life when I'm not bothering them in any way. And I'm very protective of my life/body autonomy.
When I was a smoker I would get s**t from people all the time. One lady admonished me while I smoked during my lunch break. I was well away from any people, she had to go out of her way to approach me. I told her that obesity was just as deadly as smoking (she was a big lady), to which she recoiled in shock and horror. I'm sure it hurt her feelings, but leave people alone, ffs.
Years ago, I was buying a pan that was coated in Teflon, and a woman in line proceeded to tell me all the reasons I shouldn't buy it, in a very pushy way. I just turned away and ignored her. I figured I didn't ask for her opinion and I didn't owe her a response.
NTA. The stranger did not need to be judgy, twice. The dude telling him it was for his grandfather should have been enough. Does the stranger think he gave the guy some top secret info when he said smoking was bad? No. Everyone knows it. Leave people alone.
How hard is it to keep comments about other people to yourself? Mind your own business.
Well, no one should smoke, eat fast food such as McDonalds, eat sweets and pastry, drink alcohol, take too much pain killers etc. imagine if someone lectured you if you wanted to buy a bag of chips, a muffin, a bottle of wine or take another pill for headache etc. It was none of his business and he should have kept the opinion to himself.
As a smoker, I am so SICK of those people. Everyone of them has the smug "im gonna school you" look. Like I seriously have no idea that its bad for me, like I have lived 40 years in a bubble and this information is life changing. Like im just gonna toss them out and say "thank you sir, I have been mistakenly ingesting poison for the last 25 years. Like dude, Im standing outside in zero degree weather, 25 feet from the building entrance, let me inhale my poison in peace, please? Honestly, Im just happy someone had the nerve to tell one off.
I have never been a smoker and smokers don’t bother me personally except those who throw their butts on the ground or rudely light up around others without asking first. My mom and brother have severe breathing problems. I actually have a strange nostalgia for cigarette smoke since my uncles smoked when I was a small child. I do understand the 25feet thing though. People are getting better about tossing butts on the ground. Aren’t they?
Load More Replies...As a smoker myself keep your health advice to yourself, youre not tellign me anything that isnt on every pack of cigs Ive smoked and have heard a million times before. Its akin to walking up to a chubby person and say you should eat better and exercise more, its like the old bible verse(paraphrased) 'dont worry about the splinter in your neighbors eye when you have an entire plank in your own'
I think the stranger should have left this person alone especially after the stranger already gave out unsolicited advice. It's none of your business if some random person smokes. Leave people alone.
I liken this to someone in line behind me commenting on the gluten in my bread, the cruelty of eating meat, the fat content in my whole milk, yada-yada-yada. Just zip it. This guy failed not just once but twice to control his urge to sound superior, so yeah, swearing at him was brilliant. It will certainly give him pause the next time he feels compelled to demonstrate his smugness.
He got what he asked for, your attention. People should mind their own business and keep their opinions to themselves.
I used to smoke. If anyone ever said something like that to me, I would pretend to not hear them. Act like an irrelevant loser, get treated like one. You don’t have to let anyone in your life if you don’t want them. Not even for ten seconds to tell them to fùck off.
The guy is "just trying to be friendly"?! What?? No. I'm going to guess this writer is female, because mainly it's girls and women who are expected to view pushy rude behaviour as "just being friendly.
Seabeast, you mean well, but that is incredibly misogynistic of you.
Load More Replies...The "friggin" was too much but sometimes people needs to be smashed. Once there was a huge line at the greengrocer, and an elderly lady behind me repetedly kicked me with her "cartbag", i moved few times and she just continued, over and over. At some point i said to her "are you done yet?!" (something like that in french, meant to misbehaving kids). As if kicking someone will get you a free pass on the line. If she just said "sorry, could you please give me your place on the line, i'm tired/sick..." i would have. The other people on the line saw her game too and no one gave her his place on the line, they just smiled at me. Childish people need to be treated as a child.
Load More Replies...I watched my brother dying, copd. Smoked most of his life. Laying there gasping and begging to die. It was so freaking horrible to see someone you love suffer like that. Our father died of lung cancer 40 years before that. I never understood how my brother could smoke after seeing dads suffering. I understand the feeling of wanting to tell people not to smoke. But all that said, it is simply none of your business. I will say it is my personal belief that you can convey your displeasure to that person without being rude. This person might have had similar experiences as mine and felt compelled to speak. It wasn't ok to do so but I totally understand it.
"Duly noted. Have a nice day." I say that whenever someone butts into my business. And where I'm from, "Have a nice day," is a polite way of telling someone to f*** off.
NTA. The guy was being really personal, creepy, and kept pushing. After all the stuff the guy said, even once the poster said the cigarettes weren't for him, I'd probably have had a similar reaction.
A woman at work who is about 300 pounds overweight and who I really liked, gave me grief one day sarcastically about smoking. I looked at her and said, "We can talk about my health issues if it's okay for us to talk about yours." It is absolutely not the kind of thing I would normally say. It was like a demon posessed me. I actually normally don't say anything when someone eays something unexpected. I just think about what I should have said that night. I just went back to work and she never mentioned it again. I felt bad about it.
The man in the store was butting in where he didn’t belong. I’d have done the same thing but I hate when people (including the checker) make comments about any of my purchases. Everyone is different. He won’t change. That’s life.
I mean I’d have done the same thing regarding the response...I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who would say,”Gosh I love unsolicited advice.”
Load More Replies...I would say that the man was butting into something that had nothing to do with him. I had a lady tell me that my aunt was gonna to hell for owning a liquor store and I simply said you might wanna relay that to my aunt and not me. I just work there.
There was no need for the swearing. He could just tell the guy in a normal way that it was none of his business. It doesn’t hurt to be polite, especially not in a situation like this where you want to teach the other person what isn’t polite (telling a stranger he shouldn’t smoke). So, ESH.
All of the involved people are wrong. The guy giving the advice and the person being " assertive". Why don't we learn to keep our mouths shut and let people be. As my father always said: " It's not your circus, they are not your monkeys, so just let them monkey around."
Personally, I can comprehend him warning OP about smoking, but the grandpa? No.
It’s not always so easy. I am a VERY confrontational person when someone says or does something towards me. It’s something I have worked very hard to control but I struggle with it. If this had been me I would have said something. I’m interested to see how others would have dealt with it or that some think the man was trying to be decent because that’s not how I think and it gives me perspective.
Load More Replies...Stop telling people what to do. We all make choices that are more or less unhealthy. The important thing is that they are *choices*. If people decide to slowly kill themselves by smoking, it's still a choice. A wrong one? Possibly. But that isn't really that important.
Load More Replies...I don't mind being told what to do at work by my boss. I do mind being told what to do by a stranger in a grocery store. Really don't think that makes me an asshole.
Load More Replies...Because a stranger in the store is going to keep a 92 year old man from smoking? No. The old man knows it is not good for him. Let him be.
Load More Replies...Funny how it's only women who are expected to take this kind of "help".
Load More Replies...So much HATE! Maybe the fire in your building was a revenge from one of your (numerous i guess) hate victim and was not caused by a "satanic child molester killer of kitten nicotine junkie" ? You just forgot to add that the coronavirus was created in a lab by some "nicotine junkies" because they wanted all the non smoker to die!
Load More Replies...Because it's annoying. Because people should primarily mind their own business. Because people, in general, get so much unsolicited advice all the time and it can get exhausting having to feel guilty, having to deal with that in any way. Let each live their own life and take care of your own. I understand that close people, family, friends can do to a certain extent do this and I'm not saying that's wrong (it can be but it's a grey area and I don't feel like going into specifics in a simple BP comment) but why should a stranger tell me what I should be or shouldn't be doing with my life when I'm not bothering them in any way, not doing anything that's not allowed (like I have no issue with people telling smokers to go away from a children's playground, for example), I don't understand. I have never smoked a single cigarette in my life but I can perfectly understand why that guy was offended/annoyed.
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