Dad Has To Tell His Daughter He Was A Bully At School, Feels So Bad He Apologizes To His Victim 20 Years Later
Most of us have either been the victims of bullies at school or have even been in the shoes of bullies at some point in our lives. Whether you were a bully or a victim, it’s hard to forget what happened, no matter how many years go by.
That’s the moral of one heart-warming story which showed that apologies for having bullied someone really do matter. Even if it takes 20 years to genuinely say ‘sorry.’
When Louie Amundson’s 10-year-old daughter asked him if he’d ever bullied someone in school, he reluctantly said ‘yes.’ This prompted him to get in contact with Chad Morrisette, the person he teased and was mean to back in junior high school. Chad accepted the apology and both he and Louie felt miles better than before, as though a heavy emotional weight were lifted off both their shoulders.
A former school bully apologized to his victim
Image credits: Inside Edition
Stories like this one really help restore (at least part of) your faith in humanity. What’s more, it shows that an apology is important and has the power to start the healing process.
Image credits: Inside Edition
The fact of the matter is, bullying is a complex issue and can’t be solved simply by telling victims to ‘stand up for themselves’ and telling the bullies to ‘stop what they’re doing.’ It’s an issue that requires a lot of hands-on help and understanding that the bullies themselves might be lashing out because of serious problems at school, at home, as well as in their personal lives.
Image credits: Inside Edition
According to ‘Ditch the Label,’ which interviewed 8,850 people, around half of them admitted to having been bullied before their 20th birthday. Meanwhile, 14 percent admitted to having been bullies themselves.
Image credits: Inside Edition
Data shows that bullies are more likely than average to have been victims of stressful and traumatic situations, for example, one of their relatives dying or their parents getting divorced.
It took 20 years for the apology to happen, but it was appreciated very much
Image credits: Inside Edition
It’s up to each and everyone one of us whether we release stress in positive ways (such as exercising or meditating) or in negative ways (such as bullying, smoking, abusing alcohol and drugs).
Here’s a video of the pair reuniting
Image credits: Inside Edition
Bullies also often have low self-esteem, have been victims of other bullies themselves in the past, lack parental guidance at home, or don’t have a firm foundation in their lives.
Here’s what people had to say about bullying
Still to this day I am effected by the bullying I endured during my school years but I am slowly starting to heal myself. I still don’t like myself but I have learnt a few things in the past year or two. The people who matter don’t care and the people who care don’t matter. I know I am a good person and I now realise that people who are not in my life have no control over me. I am more resilient towards others just not myself lol. I am my own worst enemy.
Foxy, you're not alone - I was bullied for 4 years in a Catholic elementary school where there were only 8 girls in my class - it was 7 against 1, and teachers turned a blind eye. Therapy has helped me realize that it was during these formative years that I established patterns of negative thoughts that effect met to this day. It's only recently that I've been able to learn how to handle my thoughts to not let them completely take over my world.
Did you switch schools and were the new girl? That's what happened to me. They were not quick to warm up to new kids.
I'm still bullied!!! because of this i became stone-hearted and now I carry a knife in my bag to keep myself defended in case someone makes fun of me for being a toomboy
You're not alone in this, we're here, and we got you, I know how you feel and felt, I understand. I was bullied by all of my colleagues because the most popular girl was my best friend as we grew up together, nobody liked that she sticked up for the ugly, fat, poor kid that had to wear her brother's old clothes as her parents were poor and lived in a house that was a stable with a broken roof and no cool toys. They used to gang on me when she wasn't around, they used to lie to her saying I was talking behind her back, they used to throw rocks at me, terrorise me in all sorts of ways, lock me on the dark, throw food at me, surround me and be verbally and physically abusive, I used to cry myself to sleep and yet this lasted for 8 long years. And the only bully to apologise only did so when he has his second daughter, he said it killed him when his older daughter said "what will you do if someone bullies us" he cried and remembered all he done to me, so me found me on Facebook and wrote an apology for all he made me go through, and I honestly didn't know what to say except for "I hope they don't go through what I did I really do". I feel exactly the same way, all you've described, and I'm sorry you had to go through all of your bullying, I wish we were friends growing up, same with everybody that got bullied, I hope one day you'll feel completely healed, insha Allah. We are our worst enemies, but just remember you're someone's loved one because of who you are, unlike bullies that only get "love" by fear, they make people like them or else they become their victims. At the end of the day is better to be the one bullied, I know it doesn't sound right, but we grow stronger, and have more integrity and morals. So as far as being the winners we are by far better people.
Martata..I find I'm this way after being bullied most of my childhood...do you find yourself standing up for the weak, the underdog, the people that struggle, the people that hurt. I find that I go on the defense in an instant when I see someone being hurt by someone else. It drives my husband crazy that I will run into danger or get myself involved. But my thought is, I'm tired of people causing other people pain. It has to stop. And if I can prevent it in some way, I will.
Stay strong. *sending virtual hugs* I went through that phase too, wearing a mask to hide it all because how I felt about myself would sometimes bring me to tears. Now, at 30, I'm fine, I guess. It's a long process, but eventually you really do hit that point when you really genuinely don't care and only focus on the good people in your life and see yourself in the mirror and think "well, sure I wish I were a different person, but I'm not bad already anyway". I believe you're on the good path. Keep up the good work, allow yourself to be sad when needed, and if you have someone you can trust on a personal level, learn to slowly and gradually open up, maybe through witty and sarcastic jokes at first. Things really do get better. But it will take a lot of studying and observation. Good luck and stay strong!
I thought I was good too when I first got settled in adulthood and became comfortable with myself. But it turned out there was deeper damage. The PTSD and other mental health issues the bullying triggered will be with me the rest of my life. I'm grateful for an amazing psychologist, psychiatrist and support system but it doesn't fix the damage done - just gives me tools to cope with it. Apologizing and forgiving is great, but it doesn't undo the damage. People need to know there are lifelong consequences, including economic impacts not only on the survivor (therapy, medication, etc.) but society as a whole (time lost from work, disability, etc.).
Hope you have been lucky enough to find the right help somewhere in time, it takes quite a lot of attempts to find the right help and lots of roads leading nowhere. Just keep trying. That works sooner or later.
Bullying is terrible and I totally agree with everything you said. I hope you can finally heal one day.
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So 1 bully apologises to 1 victim. Great. How about all the teachers and principals that kept their eyes closed and mouths shut when they saw the bullying going on and refused to do anything about it? How about all the teachers and principals that still keep their eyes closed and mouths shut when they see the bullying going on and still refuse to do anything about it? How many children have to commit suicide before schools start to take their responsibilty instead of issuing the same statements of "deep sorrow and regret" and the empty promises of "looking in to the matter and come up with some plan." ?
Yep, my teachers never said a fucking thing about me getting bullied, many times during class. Pisses me off to this day.
Carol Emory.... "my son had it worse"? So, you're saying that the experiences of WilvanderHeijden and Ed Souza are "less than" your son's? What should they do with such a statement? Ignore their experience? Apologise for have had their experience, because you believe the experience of your son was "worse"? While I'm sorry for anyone who is the victim of bullying, this isn't meant to be a competition of one-up-manship, to dismiss the experience of others. I'm glad that your son received the help he needed from yourself, the therapist, and the school. Hopefully, more can receive such assistance, and this comparitive / dismissive "your situation wasn't as bad" dynamic can stop altogether.
My son had it worse. Turned out one of the bullies WAS his teacher. You should have seen my son's therapist at the disciplinary meeting for my son (he lashed out at the teacher when she pushed him too far). You could not wipe the smile off my face as therapist proceeded to jump down the Teacher's throat about acting like a five year old towards students with special needs. He asked her "Who is supposed to be the adult here?" He then demanded that the teacher be removed from special ed stating that he'd be more than happy to file a formal complaint with the State Board of Education if the school failed to comply (they were already in hot water for misappropriating funds from a tax levy for school improvements to give themselves a raise.) My son was in a new class by the next day and the teacher was suspended pending "re-training."
Yeah well, imagine a teacher being a big racist prick and harassing me for years, at some point even saying '' who dares being friends with this 'thing'? " *pointing at me* Ofc I never had the support of the school staff, so as I always did, I fought back and ended up insulting him :) and he couldn't do anything against me, because he knew what he'd do to me. We are not victims, they are not almighty.
No..I'm saying that it's one thing to be bullied by another child when you have the ability to go to an adult and possibly get them to stop. It's another thing when that bully IS the adult that you were supposed to be able to trust to protect you. I had bullies in school that attacked me both verbally and physically. But that's nothing compared to having to go home to your own mother who was a bully that got off on slapping you around every time she felt miserable about herself. While I felt empowered to rat my school bullies out to teachers and the principal...who was I supposed to go to about my own mother...especially when it seemed several people were aware of the abuse and no one did anything about it. So yes...my son had to deal with his teacher bullying him. It wasn't until he finally stood up for himself that I and his therapist found out about it. That should never happen.
Yes! I can still remember that one teacher that after I was bullied told me to stop crying because crying was only for babies to let their mothers know they need something. I can remember how that made me feel where I was sitting when that o so great teacher told me that.
im one of those kids :(
But Wil..you have to understand..those teachers and principals have no power anymore. The parents and administration have taken it all away because one side is threatening to drag the school into court and the other is afraid of being sued. The real people you should be mad at is the lawmakers that should be returning power back to the teachers and the principals by putting protection rules in place to prevent lawsuits for every little thing. Right now, the teachers aren't even allowed to say "no" to the students. They are told to tell the student to "redirect their aggression" so they don't frighten or hurt the child's feelings. Given that information, do you really think they are going to stop bullies?
I guess not everyone appreciates your sarcasm..:) I'm totally aware of the spineless principals and spineless schoolboards that allowed parents to take over. It may be bad in the US but it's certainly not a whole lot better in Europe, be it for different reasons. Over here a school has a duty to protect children from bullying. But if the school actively confronts parents with their child bullying other children, the parents just take their kid from that school. One less kid is less subsidy and for a small school it could even mean that they have to fire one teacher. And as always, no school wants it out in the open that bullying is a problem . It could cost them new pupils.
I saw only one instance of bullying when I was a teacher. The kid was calling another kid a terrorist. This was right after 9/11. I told him to shut up and stop being an idiot, then turned to the victim and said “aren’t you Indian?” I might have turned to the bully and repeated “idiot”.
@ Wil Thank you for recognizing my sarcasm... I guess I should have noted that at the beginning of my statement.
I remember in junior high, there was a girl who used to bully me everyday. I was mousy and little, she was pretty popular. She didn't even realize that she was bullying me until I told her off one day. She apologized and we went on to become friends to very close friends. And now she is among the very few school friends I am still in touch with.
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Still to this day I am effected by the bullying I endured during my school years but I am slowly starting to heal myself. I still don’t like myself but I have learnt a few things in the past year or two. The people who matter don’t care and the people who care don’t matter. I know I am a good person and I now realise that people who are not in my life have no control over me. I am more resilient towards others just not myself lol. I am my own worst enemy.
Foxy, you're not alone - I was bullied for 4 years in a Catholic elementary school where there were only 8 girls in my class - it was 7 against 1, and teachers turned a blind eye. Therapy has helped me realize that it was during these formative years that I established patterns of negative thoughts that effect met to this day. It's only recently that I've been able to learn how to handle my thoughts to not let them completely take over my world.
Did you switch schools and were the new girl? That's what happened to me. They were not quick to warm up to new kids.
I'm still bullied!!! because of this i became stone-hearted and now I carry a knife in my bag to keep myself defended in case someone makes fun of me for being a toomboy
You're not alone in this, we're here, and we got you, I know how you feel and felt, I understand. I was bullied by all of my colleagues because the most popular girl was my best friend as we grew up together, nobody liked that she sticked up for the ugly, fat, poor kid that had to wear her brother's old clothes as her parents were poor and lived in a house that was a stable with a broken roof and no cool toys. They used to gang on me when she wasn't around, they used to lie to her saying I was talking behind her back, they used to throw rocks at me, terrorise me in all sorts of ways, lock me on the dark, throw food at me, surround me and be verbally and physically abusive, I used to cry myself to sleep and yet this lasted for 8 long years. And the only bully to apologise only did so when he has his second daughter, he said it killed him when his older daughter said "what will you do if someone bullies us" he cried and remembered all he done to me, so me found me on Facebook and wrote an apology for all he made me go through, and I honestly didn't know what to say except for "I hope they don't go through what I did I really do". I feel exactly the same way, all you've described, and I'm sorry you had to go through all of your bullying, I wish we were friends growing up, same with everybody that got bullied, I hope one day you'll feel completely healed, insha Allah. We are our worst enemies, but just remember you're someone's loved one because of who you are, unlike bullies that only get "love" by fear, they make people like them or else they become their victims. At the end of the day is better to be the one bullied, I know it doesn't sound right, but we grow stronger, and have more integrity and morals. So as far as being the winners we are by far better people.
Martata..I find I'm this way after being bullied most of my childhood...do you find yourself standing up for the weak, the underdog, the people that struggle, the people that hurt. I find that I go on the defense in an instant when I see someone being hurt by someone else. It drives my husband crazy that I will run into danger or get myself involved. But my thought is, I'm tired of people causing other people pain. It has to stop. And if I can prevent it in some way, I will.
Stay strong. *sending virtual hugs* I went through that phase too, wearing a mask to hide it all because how I felt about myself would sometimes bring me to tears. Now, at 30, I'm fine, I guess. It's a long process, but eventually you really do hit that point when you really genuinely don't care and only focus on the good people in your life and see yourself in the mirror and think "well, sure I wish I were a different person, but I'm not bad already anyway". I believe you're on the good path. Keep up the good work, allow yourself to be sad when needed, and if you have someone you can trust on a personal level, learn to slowly and gradually open up, maybe through witty and sarcastic jokes at first. Things really do get better. But it will take a lot of studying and observation. Good luck and stay strong!
I thought I was good too when I first got settled in adulthood and became comfortable with myself. But it turned out there was deeper damage. The PTSD and other mental health issues the bullying triggered will be with me the rest of my life. I'm grateful for an amazing psychologist, psychiatrist and support system but it doesn't fix the damage done - just gives me tools to cope with it. Apologizing and forgiving is great, but it doesn't undo the damage. People need to know there are lifelong consequences, including economic impacts not only on the survivor (therapy, medication, etc.) but society as a whole (time lost from work, disability, etc.).
Hope you have been lucky enough to find the right help somewhere in time, it takes quite a lot of attempts to find the right help and lots of roads leading nowhere. Just keep trying. That works sooner or later.
Bullying is terrible and I totally agree with everything you said. I hope you can finally heal one day.
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So 1 bully apologises to 1 victim. Great. How about all the teachers and principals that kept their eyes closed and mouths shut when they saw the bullying going on and refused to do anything about it? How about all the teachers and principals that still keep their eyes closed and mouths shut when they see the bullying going on and still refuse to do anything about it? How many children have to commit suicide before schools start to take their responsibilty instead of issuing the same statements of "deep sorrow and regret" and the empty promises of "looking in to the matter and come up with some plan." ?
Yep, my teachers never said a fucking thing about me getting bullied, many times during class. Pisses me off to this day.
Carol Emory.... "my son had it worse"? So, you're saying that the experiences of WilvanderHeijden and Ed Souza are "less than" your son's? What should they do with such a statement? Ignore their experience? Apologise for have had their experience, because you believe the experience of your son was "worse"? While I'm sorry for anyone who is the victim of bullying, this isn't meant to be a competition of one-up-manship, to dismiss the experience of others. I'm glad that your son received the help he needed from yourself, the therapist, and the school. Hopefully, more can receive such assistance, and this comparitive / dismissive "your situation wasn't as bad" dynamic can stop altogether.
My son had it worse. Turned out one of the bullies WAS his teacher. You should have seen my son's therapist at the disciplinary meeting for my son (he lashed out at the teacher when she pushed him too far). You could not wipe the smile off my face as therapist proceeded to jump down the Teacher's throat about acting like a five year old towards students with special needs. He asked her "Who is supposed to be the adult here?" He then demanded that the teacher be removed from special ed stating that he'd be more than happy to file a formal complaint with the State Board of Education if the school failed to comply (they were already in hot water for misappropriating funds from a tax levy for school improvements to give themselves a raise.) My son was in a new class by the next day and the teacher was suspended pending "re-training."
Yeah well, imagine a teacher being a big racist prick and harassing me for years, at some point even saying '' who dares being friends with this 'thing'? " *pointing at me* Ofc I never had the support of the school staff, so as I always did, I fought back and ended up insulting him :) and he couldn't do anything against me, because he knew what he'd do to me. We are not victims, they are not almighty.
No..I'm saying that it's one thing to be bullied by another child when you have the ability to go to an adult and possibly get them to stop. It's another thing when that bully IS the adult that you were supposed to be able to trust to protect you. I had bullies in school that attacked me both verbally and physically. But that's nothing compared to having to go home to your own mother who was a bully that got off on slapping you around every time she felt miserable about herself. While I felt empowered to rat my school bullies out to teachers and the principal...who was I supposed to go to about my own mother...especially when it seemed several people were aware of the abuse and no one did anything about it. So yes...my son had to deal with his teacher bullying him. It wasn't until he finally stood up for himself that I and his therapist found out about it. That should never happen.
Yes! I can still remember that one teacher that after I was bullied told me to stop crying because crying was only for babies to let their mothers know they need something. I can remember how that made me feel where I was sitting when that o so great teacher told me that.
im one of those kids :(
But Wil..you have to understand..those teachers and principals have no power anymore. The parents and administration have taken it all away because one side is threatening to drag the school into court and the other is afraid of being sued. The real people you should be mad at is the lawmakers that should be returning power back to the teachers and the principals by putting protection rules in place to prevent lawsuits for every little thing. Right now, the teachers aren't even allowed to say "no" to the students. They are told to tell the student to "redirect their aggression" so they don't frighten or hurt the child's feelings. Given that information, do you really think they are going to stop bullies?
I guess not everyone appreciates your sarcasm..:) I'm totally aware of the spineless principals and spineless schoolboards that allowed parents to take over. It may be bad in the US but it's certainly not a whole lot better in Europe, be it for different reasons. Over here a school has a duty to protect children from bullying. But if the school actively confronts parents with their child bullying other children, the parents just take their kid from that school. One less kid is less subsidy and for a small school it could even mean that they have to fire one teacher. And as always, no school wants it out in the open that bullying is a problem . It could cost them new pupils.
I saw only one instance of bullying when I was a teacher. The kid was calling another kid a terrorist. This was right after 9/11. I told him to shut up and stop being an idiot, then turned to the victim and said “aren’t you Indian?” I might have turned to the bully and repeated “idiot”.
@ Wil Thank you for recognizing my sarcasm... I guess I should have noted that at the beginning of my statement.
I remember in junior high, there was a girl who used to bully me everyday. I was mousy and little, she was pretty popular. She didn't even realize that she was bullying me until I told her off one day. She apologized and we went on to become friends to very close friends. And now she is among the very few school friends I am still in touch with.
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