Woman Makes A Comment About Brother-In-Law’s Mustache After He Did The Same About Her Leg Hair, He Has A Breakdown
You know the saying “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”? Sometimes relatives need to be reminded of that sentiment. What is it about being family that can make people feel entitled to share every opinion they have, even on others’ bodies? One 19-year-old woman, Hortenhearsawho1 on Reddit, recently shared her frustration from a chaotic family dinner at her parent’s house and reached out to see if she was in the wrong. She detailed the experience between her and her brother-in-law on the subreddit “Am I the A***ole?”, which is popular for users sharing personal stories and asking readers if they handled the situation appropriately.
And read on to hear from Heather Widdows, professor and author of “Perfect Me: Beauty as an Ethical Ideal“, who Bored Panda was lucky enough to receive an interview from on the taboo topic of female body hair.
This woman’s brother-in-law decided to insert his opinion on her leg hair during what was intended to be a family dinner
Image credits: Julia (not the actual photo)
Image credits: engin akyurt (not the actual photo)
Unfortunately, these kinds of misogynistic comments about appearance are common for young women to hear. I don’t think being questioned about his mustache really qualifies as trauma for the man, but for children, being subjected to unwelcomed comments on their appearances can certainly impact their mental health. Being told what to wear, how to groom themselves and that they must be “pretty” are just a few of the expectations introduced to women at a young age, often negatively affecting their self confidence. The National Organization for Women, a non-profit in the US, reported that by age thirteen, 53% of American girls are “unhappy with their bodies”. That number skyrockets to 78% by the time they reach seventeen years old. Even in elementary school, 40-60% of girls in the US are already concerned about their weight or scared of becoming “fat”. Children are very impressionable and much more observant than often given credit for, leading to insecurities being noticed, taught and passed along. But the cycle can always be broken.
Image credits: hortenhearsawho1
In fact, it was not until the early 1900’s that eliminating body hair became the expectation for women in Western cultures, according to Rebecca Herzig in her book “Plucked: A History of Hair Removal”. Beauty standards do shift over time, but the stigma around female body hair has remained consistent, or even strengthened, since its onset. Professor Heather Widdows, author of “Perfect Me: Beauty as an Ethical Ideal, shared in an interview with CNN that, “Being hairless has come to be seen as the only ‘natural’ and clean way to present the body. Except it really isn’t.” Herzig told CNN that despite misconceptions about body hair being unsanitary, the contrary is more likely to be true. “Most hair removal practices tend to introduce new opportunities for abrasion and infection.” These women, along with countless others experiencing pressure to alter their bodies, simply want to make it clear that decisions about our appearances, including whether or not to shave, are personal choices.
In her interview with Bored Panda, Professor Widdows explained that the illusion of choice definitely comes into play when discussing topics such as this. When asked about feeling pressure to shave at a young age, she told us that “you can not ‘feel’ pressure, but still not have an option not to do something, so its much more complicated than whether you ‘feel’ like you have a choice”. She went on to say that, “If you read ‘Perfect Me’, you’ll see I have a whole chapter on ‘I chose it for me’ – this is now the only acceptable thing we can say, it’s a learned narrative, but that doesn’t mean it’s wholly free in the way suggested, all choices are shaped and constrained by social pressure. The ‘choice’ to remove hair or not is shaped by a society in which this is valuable.” In terms of what to tell young girls in response to unwelcome comments from family members, she calls to end body shaming across the board. “It’s lookism, and naming it helps to show the discrimination,” she explained. “It doesn’t matter who the comment is from, man or woman, family member or stranger, we should make negative comments unacceptable.”
Especially for someone raising daughters, like the brother-in-law in this story, it is important to destigmatize natural occurrences in women’s bodies, such as leg hair. Girls should feel empowered for their minds and capabilities, rather than scrutinized over physical details that hold no moral weight. Although the interaction was executed with a bit of sass, I hope Hortonhearsawho1’s nieces were paying attention to the way she defended her body. After all, a little leg hair surely never hurt anyone.
Readers have overwhelmingly sided with the woman, many responding that she is “NTA” (Not The A***ole) in the story
So he feels free to make unsolicited comments on her appearance but cries like a baby when she does it in return? Because his "manhood" is somehow more important?
Don’t forget how he’s brainwashed his wife to take his side when he’s dead wrong.
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I had two former BFs comment on my body hair, in a polite manner, along the lines of "I usually find it more sexy/pleasant to look at if my SO does this or that it this area. Would you consider trying it?" I said no both times because I felt comfortable with the "arrangement" I had and they accepted it, end of story. Because in these cases there was a relationship between us I felt that it was ok for them to bring it up, same way as I could say if I'm not overly happy with a guy who has or doesn't have facial hair, styles his hair a certain way etc. It's not ok to demand a change but I think in a relationship involving sex it's ok to talk about preferences, turn offs etc. However it is really, really not ok to tell anyone else that you don't like their body hair or the lack of it. I don't find shaved men's chests sexy, so what? That doesn't mean that a random guy I have some sort of random connection with (like dating my sister) would need to hear my opinion about it unless he asked.
Hilarious that he thinks his hairy upper lip is a symbol of manhood!!! Must tell my elderly aunt... 😜 He's obviously a whiny tw-at that doesn't know women are naturally hairy and have the right to choose to leave it there if they wish and it's nothing to do with him (stop looking, creep). As for "disrespected"... no. Respect is earned and he doesn't get that just because of being older. She might have been discourteous (being polite tends to cost nothing and I don't have a problem with being polite to older people as a general rule) BUT in this instance he absolutely earned that discourtesy!
The sister sounds like an idiot for marrying a man like that and defending a comment like that.
I'm thinking...people change (especially in abusive relationships). If he could say that to her sister imagine what kind of things he could say and do to his wife... yeah she was wrong for defending him but she could have her reasons for her and their kids sake.
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The fact that he was staring at her legs, which is very creepy, and then proceeds to have a problem with how they look is just on a whole other level of disgusting. He shouldn't have stared at her legs in the first place, and there wouldn't be a problem. I'm not happy with how her sister defended that behavior, either. Shame on the sister and the brother-in-law.
I had a guy I wasn't even dating comment that I had hairs on my big toes when I was 12. I shaved them for 3 years. Never even saw a single hair and trust me I was looking hard. With a magnifying glass too. Never wore open toed shoes again and I'm almost 30 now. Same guy's friend saw my underwear when I bent over and started making fun and calling them baggy. So I switched to bikini style underwear. I just started wearing whatever undies I like last year and I haven't bent over at the waist since I was 12. Even if someone thinks they're being "helpful" they shouldn't make comments like that. I could probably fill a book with all the things that have been said to me over the years. I see a nose job in my future and probably brown contacts.
Oh, I am truly sorry that these people have had such an impact. I'd love for you to know that you do not have to change a single damn thing about yourself for anyone, but I know that some random odd-bod on the internet isn't going to be able to alter how you feel after all this time. These people's opinions are garbage and should be dumped there. I do wish people would keep their views about other people's appearance to themselves. I never understood why anyone thinks being good looking is something to be proud of anyway - they didn't do a damn thing to earn it, it's all just an accident of birth. Well, unless they are rich and lined the pockets of cosmetic surgeons. Be proud of your eyes and your nose and of who you are. Bet you are a much kinder person than any of those thoughtless fools.
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Only reason that women shave their legs is because American men went to war in ‘40 and razor sales plummeted, the razor manufacturers had to find a new market, they did, women now shave. FFS people stop judging each other’s choices. My partner chooses to shave, not at my behest but because it’s what she wants, sometimes she’s in a hurry, she’s wearing jeans that day or night so she doesn’t shave, do I care? Nope, it’s her body.
Okay. So, first: I'm a woman, and I don't like hair on my body. I mean, no longer ones, than 1-2 cm. But that's me, and my body. Also I don't like men's long hair, especially not around their genitals. But again, that's me, and my taste. Another person, to whom I'm not supposed to get close enough to examine the hair-status, can have meters long hair, because it's not my freaking business.
The purest victim of manipulative toxic masculinity I have ever heard.
Not gonna lie, literally shaved my legs a few hours ago as I was starting to resemble my husband - but that's for my own enjoyment when I'll be in bed shortly rubbing my legs together like a happy little cricket enjoying how smooth they feel. If anyone dares tell me I should be shaving wherever I will most likely point blank refuse as I don't really care what other peoples opinions are. I live in Scotland, it's cold, I need that layer of hair in the winter to keep me cosy! As for 'tache dude he can keep his creepy eyeballs and opinions to himself. His manhood must be damn fragile if it relies on a hairy lip ornament
Yup, Scotland here too. At the moment my legs could give a Greek taxi driver a run for his money but I will shave them when I feel like it and enjoy that smooth sensation. Anyone TELLING me to do so however will get short shrift!
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"insulted someone older than"... aaaand F**k off. I don't care how old you are, if you piss me off I'm going to go off on you, it's as simple as that. The Sister and BIL can both f**k off in this scenario, talk about toxic... I'd just cut them out of your life as much as possible, op.
Indeed, is it wrong to call someone out for anything, from sexism to blatant incitement to violence just because they’ve been on the planet more days?! Screw that!
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Mustaches are futt-bucking gross. A full beard, stubbles, or nothing. When I see a mustache I always think 70s p*rn "actor", and not in a good way. Hairy legs, hairy armpits, etc are natural. If you shave it because YOU feel better about it, go right ahead, but if you're okay with it being there, leave it. And, as a sidenote, it's not "cleaner" to remove it.
Blah. The idea that women _need_ to be hairless at all times is nothing but control of their bodies. If you want to shave it's fine - nothing wrong with that - but if you don't it shouldn't be a big deal. I used to shave everyday for years but now I'm trying to let go of the need to and it's amazing how much time and skin irritation you save! Don't apologize, you did nothing wrong.
Oh :/ *packs up rant and saves it for a later day*
Load More Replies... Wow, what an idiot. He‘s manly feelings got hurt? What in the f**k??
As a parent I would have been all over that guy for closely inspecting my young daughter's thighs let alone trying to police what she does or doesn't do with her body. He would have left my house in flames.
He was rude and if he didn't want his manhood bruised then maybe he should've kept his thoughts to himself
I know natural selection and evolution happen, but why did we give up fur..Fur is ALWAYS beautiful. God slipped up there.
Unless you’re Sam Elliot, I think your mustache looks douchey, but I won’t say that to your face. I’ll just say it behind your back.
Honestly his transgressions (looking at her legs that were under the table, and then the audacity of commenting on it) were worse than the one he made up about his sister-in-law. He can go cry in a corner. Hopefully, 19f has some sympathy for her sister although 28f did choose to marry this man-child.
He is a misogynist cop, no wonder they are mostly bullies with fragile egos.
So - he's a cop. Let's just hope he isn't the one responding when a girl calls about sexual assault. He'd probably insult her more and blame her for the assault. He's the type. Ugh.
Psychologically harmed, my àss. That's not how it works. The OP's sister doesn't know how much of a pervert her husband is. Both (sister and BIL) need to apologize
My now husband made a similar argument when we were dating. He had this weedy mustache that looked terrible (he had trouble growing a mustache at the time), and I was wearing a long skirt. His problem was he chose the wrong audience to back him up, plus, I have bags of self-confidence. I found it endlessly amusing that he thought he could order me to shave my whole body, while still retaining the right to grow a horrible mustache. My counter offer was, I'll shave if he shaves first, and deals with the regrowth. Hahahaha.
Oh, this man needs to watch himself. As we age, funny things happen, especially where hair is concerned! I wonder how he will manage to hold on to his masculinity when he starts to go bald....and he gets more hair in his nose, or in his ears instead. Jerk. While at the same time, that hair pits/leg thing becomes less of an issue for women as we age. (It's awesome, actually, not having to worry about shaving as much now that I'm an old bag!)
If he can't stand the heat then he should get out of the kitchen. The sister's brain has been so heavily washed that she doesn't see the absurdity of his comment and reaction to the OP's answer.
What a little pansy LOL. I haven't laughed this hard in a long long time
Lol... insulted his manhood. That's something you don't hear these days. What does he want? A duel? What a b*ll*nd.
I agree that he was out of line and got the reply he deserved. But what really got my attention was that he's 28, his wife is 19 and they have kids. What he do, grab her when she was a kid? (not my business...but)
I think that the f19 is the OP and the sister is the f28... I might have misread that though.
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Some nationalities think mustaches are a sign of virility and masculinity, and in fact, having a full mustache can lead to promotions at work, in their countries. However you are NTA, he started it by commenting on your appearance, you just ended it.
I'd like to know what lesbians did to make you homophobic
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So he feels free to make unsolicited comments on her appearance but cries like a baby when she does it in return? Because his "manhood" is somehow more important?
Don’t forget how he’s brainwashed his wife to take his side when he’s dead wrong.
Load More Replies... I had two former BFs comment on my body hair, in a polite manner, along the lines of "I usually find it more sexy/pleasant to look at if my SO does this or that it this area. Would you consider trying it?" I said no both times because I felt comfortable with the "arrangement" I had and they accepted it, end of story. Because in these cases there was a relationship between us I felt that it was ok for them to bring it up, same way as I could say if I'm not overly happy with a guy who has or doesn't have facial hair, styles his hair a certain way etc. It's not ok to demand a change but I think in a relationship involving sex it's ok to talk about preferences, turn offs etc. However it is really, really not ok to tell anyone else that you don't like their body hair or the lack of it. I don't find shaved men's chests sexy, so what? That doesn't mean that a random guy I have some sort of random connection with (like dating my sister) would need to hear my opinion about it unless he asked.
Hilarious that he thinks his hairy upper lip is a symbol of manhood!!! Must tell my elderly aunt... 😜 He's obviously a whiny tw-at that doesn't know women are naturally hairy and have the right to choose to leave it there if they wish and it's nothing to do with him (stop looking, creep). As for "disrespected"... no. Respect is earned and he doesn't get that just because of being older. She might have been discourteous (being polite tends to cost nothing and I don't have a problem with being polite to older people as a general rule) BUT in this instance he absolutely earned that discourtesy!
The sister sounds like an idiot for marrying a man like that and defending a comment like that.
I'm thinking...people change (especially in abusive relationships). If he could say that to her sister imagine what kind of things he could say and do to his wife... yeah she was wrong for defending him but she could have her reasons for her and their kids sake.
Load More Replies... The fact that he was staring at her legs, which is very creepy, and then proceeds to have a problem with how they look is just on a whole other level of disgusting. He shouldn't have stared at her legs in the first place, and there wouldn't be a problem. I'm not happy with how her sister defended that behavior, either. Shame on the sister and the brother-in-law.
I had a guy I wasn't even dating comment that I had hairs on my big toes when I was 12. I shaved them for 3 years. Never even saw a single hair and trust me I was looking hard. With a magnifying glass too. Never wore open toed shoes again and I'm almost 30 now. Same guy's friend saw my underwear when I bent over and started making fun and calling them baggy. So I switched to bikini style underwear. I just started wearing whatever undies I like last year and I haven't bent over at the waist since I was 12. Even if someone thinks they're being "helpful" they shouldn't make comments like that. I could probably fill a book with all the things that have been said to me over the years. I see a nose job in my future and probably brown contacts.
Oh, I am truly sorry that these people have had such an impact. I'd love for you to know that you do not have to change a single damn thing about yourself for anyone, but I know that some random odd-bod on the internet isn't going to be able to alter how you feel after all this time. These people's opinions are garbage and should be dumped there. I do wish people would keep their views about other people's appearance to themselves. I never understood why anyone thinks being good looking is something to be proud of anyway - they didn't do a damn thing to earn it, it's all just an accident of birth. Well, unless they are rich and lined the pockets of cosmetic surgeons. Be proud of your eyes and your nose and of who you are. Bet you are a much kinder person than any of those thoughtless fools.
Load More Replies... Only reason that women shave their legs is because American men went to war in ‘40 and razor sales plummeted, the razor manufacturers had to find a new market, they did, women now shave. FFS people stop judging each other’s choices. My partner chooses to shave, not at my behest but because it’s what she wants, sometimes she’s in a hurry, she’s wearing jeans that day or night so she doesn’t shave, do I care? Nope, it’s her body.
Okay. So, first: I'm a woman, and I don't like hair on my body. I mean, no longer ones, than 1-2 cm. But that's me, and my body. Also I don't like men's long hair, especially not around their genitals. But again, that's me, and my taste. Another person, to whom I'm not supposed to get close enough to examine the hair-status, can have meters long hair, because it's not my freaking business.
The purest victim of manipulative toxic masculinity I have ever heard.
Not gonna lie, literally shaved my legs a few hours ago as I was starting to resemble my husband - but that's for my own enjoyment when I'll be in bed shortly rubbing my legs together like a happy little cricket enjoying how smooth they feel. If anyone dares tell me I should be shaving wherever I will most likely point blank refuse as I don't really care what other peoples opinions are. I live in Scotland, it's cold, I need that layer of hair in the winter to keep me cosy! As for 'tache dude he can keep his creepy eyeballs and opinions to himself. His manhood must be damn fragile if it relies on a hairy lip ornament
Yup, Scotland here too. At the moment my legs could give a Greek taxi driver a run for his money but I will shave them when I feel like it and enjoy that smooth sensation. Anyone TELLING me to do so however will get short shrift!
Load More Replies... "insulted someone older than"... aaaand F**k off. I don't care how old you are, if you piss me off I'm going to go off on you, it's as simple as that. The Sister and BIL can both f**k off in this scenario, talk about toxic... I'd just cut them out of your life as much as possible, op.
Indeed, is it wrong to call someone out for anything, from sexism to blatant incitement to violence just because they’ve been on the planet more days?! Screw that!
Load More Replies... Mustaches are futt-bucking gross. A full beard, stubbles, or nothing. When I see a mustache I always think 70s p*rn "actor", and not in a good way. Hairy legs, hairy armpits, etc are natural. If you shave it because YOU feel better about it, go right ahead, but if you're okay with it being there, leave it. And, as a sidenote, it's not "cleaner" to remove it.
Blah. The idea that women _need_ to be hairless at all times is nothing but control of their bodies. If you want to shave it's fine - nothing wrong with that - but if you don't it shouldn't be a big deal. I used to shave everyday for years but now I'm trying to let go of the need to and it's amazing how much time and skin irritation you save! Don't apologize, you did nothing wrong.
Oh :/ *packs up rant and saves it for a later day*
Load More Replies... Wow, what an idiot. He‘s manly feelings got hurt? What in the f**k??
As a parent I would have been all over that guy for closely inspecting my young daughter's thighs let alone trying to police what she does or doesn't do with her body. He would have left my house in flames.
He was rude and if he didn't want his manhood bruised then maybe he should've kept his thoughts to himself
I know natural selection and evolution happen, but why did we give up fur..Fur is ALWAYS beautiful. God slipped up there.
Unless you’re Sam Elliot, I think your mustache looks douchey, but I won’t say that to your face. I’ll just say it behind your back.
Honestly his transgressions (looking at her legs that were under the table, and then the audacity of commenting on it) were worse than the one he made up about his sister-in-law. He can go cry in a corner. Hopefully, 19f has some sympathy for her sister although 28f did choose to marry this man-child.
He is a misogynist cop, no wonder they are mostly bullies with fragile egos.
So - he's a cop. Let's just hope he isn't the one responding when a girl calls about sexual assault. He'd probably insult her more and blame her for the assault. He's the type. Ugh.
Psychologically harmed, my àss. That's not how it works. The OP's sister doesn't know how much of a pervert her husband is. Both (sister and BIL) need to apologize
My now husband made a similar argument when we were dating. He had this weedy mustache that looked terrible (he had trouble growing a mustache at the time), and I was wearing a long skirt. His problem was he chose the wrong audience to back him up, plus, I have bags of self-confidence. I found it endlessly amusing that he thought he could order me to shave my whole body, while still retaining the right to grow a horrible mustache. My counter offer was, I'll shave if he shaves first, and deals with the regrowth. Hahahaha.
Oh, this man needs to watch himself. As we age, funny things happen, especially where hair is concerned! I wonder how he will manage to hold on to his masculinity when he starts to go bald....and he gets more hair in his nose, or in his ears instead. Jerk. While at the same time, that hair pits/leg thing becomes less of an issue for women as we age. (It's awesome, actually, not having to worry about shaving as much now that I'm an old bag!)
If he can't stand the heat then he should get out of the kitchen. The sister's brain has been so heavily washed that she doesn't see the absurdity of his comment and reaction to the OP's answer.
What a little pansy LOL. I haven't laughed this hard in a long long time
Lol... insulted his manhood. That's something you don't hear these days. What does he want? A duel? What a b*ll*nd.
I agree that he was out of line and got the reply he deserved. But what really got my attention was that he's 28, his wife is 19 and they have kids. What he do, grab her when she was a kid? (not my business...but)
I think that the f19 is the OP and the sister is the f28... I might have misread that though.
Load More Replies... Some nationalities think mustaches are a sign of virility and masculinity, and in fact, having a full mustache can lead to promotions at work, in their countries. However you are NTA, he started it by commenting on your appearance, you just ended it.
I'd like to know what lesbians did to make you homophobic
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