Creepy Man Keeps Walking In On His Sister-In-Law In The Bathroom, Family Drama Ensues
Reddit user Sands2019 and her husband wanted to feel that they were always open to one another, so they had an agreement — no locks in the house.
But when the man’s brother came to stay with the couple, he quickly noticed this and began abusing his sister-in-law’s lack of privacy.
He would constantly walk in on her exposed in the bathroom. What’s even more strange, she got the feeling that her husband didn’t take it seriously.
So the woman did the only thing that she thought could bring her peace. But the situation got even worse.
This couple had a rule to keep all the doors in their home unlocked
Image credits: Adrienn
But the man’s creepy brother started abusing it whenever his wife was in the bathroom
Image credits: cottonbro (not the actual photo)
After her story went viral, the woman released an update
Image credits: Sands2019
It’s important for couples to be on the same page about how to maintain a healthy relationship with their in-laws.
After all, as clinical sexologist and practicing psychotherapist Robert Weiss pointed out, marriage is not only a partnership between two people with mutually agreed-upon commitments and boundaries, it’s also a union between two families.
If you’re very, very lucky, everyone gets along fabulously, with shared values and the ability to accept and love every person exactly as they are at any given moment. But as we can see, that’s not always the case.
However, as much as I hate to say it, it’s not necessarily Sands2019’s creepy brother-in-law’s behavior that seems to be the biggest problem here. It’s her husband’s unwillingness to do anything about it. Or even to hear the woman out and acknowledge her feelings.
Couple’s relationship coach in Fairmont, West Virginia, Cheri Timko, said that your significant other might not care a whole lot about you if they:
- don’t value mutuality in the relationship;
- fail to show any interest or curiosity in you or your life;
- have a different agenda for the relationship than you do;
- don’t ever seek you or your opinion out;
- ignore the impact of their actions on you;
- don’t respond to your requests to change their behavior.
Sadly, Sands2019’s husband seems to tick at least a few of these.
Keeping ourselves in tune with our inner selves is really important for our well-being. Psychotherapist Amy Lewis Bear said emotions provide us with crucial information about ourselves and others. They are a valuable guidance and protection system that is essential in daily decision-making. The ability to express our feelings and have them validated allows us to be our true selves without the worry of rejection.
Emotional validation, according to the psychotherapist, is the core of a healthy relationship.
“People who have a pattern of denying their partner’s feelings typically have a long-term psychological injury that causes inner shame, which is a deep sense of being inadequate,” she explained. “When they listen to their partner’s raw emotions, it can easily trigger painful feelings they have about themselves.”
“Their shame drives a need to hide behind a façade. To maintain the façade, they try to achieve power over others to compensate for their sense of being defective. In doing so, they transfer their shame onto others.”
Let’s wish Sands2019 all the energy she needs to navigate this difficult period.
People on the internet have unanimously taken her side
Personally I would divorce his a*s. You want to take your boundary breaking brother's side over your wife's then you don't get to have a wife anymore.
Her husband defender his brother cheating, and blamed ex SIL? That flag is big. Is he stuck in some weird, looking up to older brother dynamic 🤷♀️
The husband's lack of empathy is disturbing. He calls his ex-SIL an "idiot" for not getting over a stillbirth quickly enough to suit her cheating husband?! Both these men seem to view women as appliances and sex toys. If BIL tries to rape this woman, you just know that her husband will defend him and accuse her of "leading him on".
Unfortunately, I believe you're 110% correct. These dudes are bad news. A stillbirth? So you cheat? WTF?? That part about it becoming something she did wrong should this escalate made my blood run cold! I can easily see that happening, easily. It just gives me an awful feeling. I hope that she got away safely.
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If he approves his brother walking in on his wife, then he needs to be divorced, and the locks *changed*. Something amiss in that whole "no locked doors" thing.
if i don't lock the door when im home alone and in the bathroom, my cat (who has figured out how to open doors) will still wait outside the bathroom unless i let him in. a literal cat has better boundaries than this man.
Yes, a couple of my pets will head butt the door open.
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Hold on. Her husband stood by his brother while he cheated on his wife who was having a difficult pregnancy that resulted in stillbirth and didn’t have what it takes to work on the marriage?…. He seriously thought it was okay of his brother to do that??? No one is going to talk about how that is the hugest red flag waving in her face? And the bathroom and lock thing are more red flags?… GET OUT
The fact that the "no lock" thing was the husband's idea makes me queasy. That family has weird control issues. Definitely reevaluate this marriage. I'm not saying jump to divorce, but maybe therapy at the very least. Having an unbiased third party hear about the lock thing and the BIL may open hubby's eyes to just how creepy it is. Good luck, dear.
I'd say jump to divorce. This isn't 1 issue that may be resolved through therapy/better communication. Her husband decided from the start that she wasn't entitled to privacy with that no locks c**p. He doesn't see her BIL's intrusions as a violation of her privacy because as far as he's concerned she isn't entitled to privacy. He's not bothered that his brother clearly views his wife as a sexual object, has zero respect for her, thinks she's the cause of any problems, and that she's stupid. However, he is ok with his brother cheating, being highly inappropriate with his wife, and is happy to blame a woman mourning a stillborn baby for his brother's infidelities. He got mad at her for installing a lock, rather than at his brother for going into the bathroom to see her naked. He thinks she's overreacting, and mad about that asinine no locks promise being broken. He has no respect for her either. She needs to run bc soon her husband will let his brother f**k her whether she wants to or not.
Load More Replies... Been married for many years. Locks in all doors in our house, but none have ever been used. If anyone barged in on my wife, especially more than once, they would be gone. It is her house, and she has more of a right to feel safe and comfortable in it, than anybody else has on being allowed inside.
does her husband want to share his wife with his brother? Does he tell his brother what she looks like naked? There's something creepy about this. She should leave her husband. Why did he say no locks on the doors?
I think you're right. There's some really weird kink going on between the two brothers
Load More Replies... Sounds like they are twins, Tommy and Timmy Toxic. I am so, so sorry for your pain. We get into relationships and sometime marriage and these lesions seem to show up out of nowhere. I hope you find peace and a loving and safe environment.
Divorce. Let him and his brother live together in harmony free of you, which if we’re being honest here you’re free of them. A creep and a gaslighter
This is most def being done on purpose! If your husband had any decency about him he would Back YOU and not his brother. ONCE is an accident, repeating it more than once most def isn't. He is trying to see u naked, I've been through a similar kind of situation... I didn't know that he was being peeping tom when I showered until a couple years after it happened. He was on drugs later on and admitted he secretly watched me and was in love with me. Of course my husband has little contact w his brother after I told him about the creepy conversation
The husband is controlling af! This is just the beginning of a lot more of this behavior in the future, and I wouldn't be surprised if it escalates, especially if he defended his brother for cheating. I hope she gets out now!!!
As long as the husband keeps sticking up for his brother and laughing it off, it won't be long before the BIL tries to get into the shower with OP. If her hubby isn't doing anything to stop him, I fear this will be the result and hubby isn't going to believe OP when (not if) it happens. She needs to get out NOW and stay out
Please let me know if there is an update to this.. this whole situation is unhealthy
I've been working in the field of sexual and domestic violence for 16 years and I would bet my (not terribly enormous) retirement fund that this "no locks" BS is a sure sign of an abuser. There is absolutely no valid reason to not have the option to lock a door or to have/need/take a moment of privacy, no explanations needed. WARNING, WARNING, MAJOR RED FLAGS EVERYWHERE!! The poster's husband's ridiculous reaction just proves my point. Get out and get out fast, my friend, and best of luck to you.
This a bad situation and dangerous too. I can't remember the name of the disorder but what it is is a sexual compulsion between siblings. It can occur between sisters but is most common between bothers. One supplies the victim while the other begins the abuse. Which escalates to sexual assault. You might want to ask your SIL about her divorce. I think there was more to it. And you need to file for divorce before your husband helps with your assault.
If she hasn't already, she needs to hire an attorney and private investigator to research both their backgrounds very thoroughly. I wouldn't be surprised if either of them have had allegations of raping or abusing girls/women in the past. She also needs to move far away and not share her address. Find a friend or family member on the other side of the country or world and move there. My Spidey sense tells me they'd kidnap, rape, and possibly murder her if she left before they gave her permission to go.
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Dude, there is a Forensic Files episode that is so much like this that it hurts. The bother ended up killing the woman and her kids because she would not sleep with him.
Am I the only one who saw a red flag immediately after hearing the no locks agreement? Like on commenter said it seems very controlling. I wonder if the husband would have similar behaviors later on in this marriage if he "thought" she was doing something wrong. Or if things did ever "God forbid" escalate between you and your husband ever you would have nowhere to go in your home to get away from him. The BIL is just messed up period and needs to go. This entire situation screams that none of this is right
Thank whatever deity! I have found a corner of the universe where there are logical, empathetic, and awesome people! It seems almost unanimous, DIVORCE! This is predatory & like everyone said, will get worse! I'm loving these amazing comments! Thank you all for restoring my faith in humans and healthy boundaries! I truly hope this woman sees exactly how many people have told her the absolute truth, that she's decided to put her well being and safety first! If enough people say the same thing, honey, that's what it is! I will forever remember this, intelligence is alive and well! Great job internet people! ❤️
Your husband and BIL are both perverts. Please don't go back to him. Hire a divorce lawyer, the biggest shark you can afford. BTW, why did you have to take an Uber to your mom's house? Don't you have your own car? Is your husband trying to exert power and control over everything you do? I'd get out of this ghastly marriage ASAP. It's not going to get any better. Wishing you all the best
I wondered why she didn’t have her own car but maybe they can’t afford more than one vehicle.
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Do you only have one bathroom? Seriously, that's creepy af. Divorce now so they can be together.
Husband should really think about the situation properly, if he was creeping up on my naked wife I would kick him out in a second, are you kidding me?
You had an agreement about no locks, so remove the lock. Get a bat. Run the shower. When bil comes in, use it, repeatedly. You don't have an agreement about bats.
Contact the ex SIL and ask her the phone number of her lawyer. I would also thank the BIL, after papers served.
Besides all of the gas lighting being inflicted on the OP this is an abusive situation especially since she's the only female in the home. There's something going on here, whether the brother is intentionally trying to ruin the marriage so they can be bachelors together or some sort of sexual deviancy/kink the brother has. I'm not kink shaming in any way but this is clearly not conscentual. I don't understand the no locks things either. This would be a deal breaker for me especially in my own damn house. Until the brother leaves, either alone or with his brother, I'd mace him anytime he barged past a closed door in addition to making him feel extremely uncomfortable 24/7.
I went through something similar like this YEARS ago. With my own husband and HIS BROTHER. I LATER divorced him (My husband). YOUR husband and his BROTHER BOTH have ISSUES. ISSUES that are quite serious and apparently they BOTH find EXTREMELY AMUSING Your BIL is GARBAGE and a POS. He KNOWS PERFECTLY GOOD and WELL what he is doing. Your husband is EXCUSING the BEHAVIOR by BLAMING his Ex SIL and YOU. BOTH of THEM have some SERIOUS issues. Girl you need to get an attorney.
The type of men you wanna set angry dogs on. Or needing a punch in the faces. Nobody can stay calm in such a scenario. Poor lady. I agree Divorce is the only way to save herself from such monstrousity.
Run, OP. Run and don't look back. These two males are the hyenas and you're the gazelle. No counseling will change your husband around, but it might make you see the light.
Okay, go back home, wait for or arrange an opportunity for both of them to be gone, then have a locksmith come and change ALL the entryway locks. Have the phone handy, when they get back and discover that they're locked out, they may become violent. You'll call 911, day you fear for your life, and tell them all about BIL etc while a patrol car is on it's way. Then call a divorce lawyer.
I think this situation is a marital deal breaker. Your husband refuses to keep you safe and won't allow you to protect yourself. This will ABSOLUTELY lead to some form of abuse. Please run, for your safety and any potential future children. You have a right to feel safe and have your own privacy.
Little brother husband would be fine sharing his wife with big brother against her will, like sharing toys, because neither sees women as more than objects to own , not deserving of dignity...get out because this sounds like "the hills have eyes."
Wow! The husband sees her as an object that he is proud of so he is secretly happy his brother wants to see her naked, and as an object he does not see her as a person worthy of dignity or respect. Divorce would be wise.
Definitely NTH. It's never easy to make the decision to leave a marriage, but it will get worse so please don't waste any more of your life with this person. There is a very sick dynamic between these brothers. As well your husband doesn't respect you and worse, is gaslighting you. It also seems that they are setting you up for some weird sharing thing. You're very lucky to find this out now, and to have family to go to. It won't be easy, but will absolutely be better. Run, now. These two are horrible excuses for men.
Not only did he come in when she was showering but exposed himself.
That's not in the article given. You have more info, or are you adding on for kicks?
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Speak with a lawyer. I'm sure they would say you get the house in a divorce. The brother goes or they both go.
Even if she got the house in a divorce, which is unlikely since it doesn't sound like they have kids, she shouldn't stay there. Sell it and use the money to relocate to a place and house her husband isn't familiar with. There's something very off with these two brothers, and I think it would be dangerous for her to live alone in a house her husband is familiar with. He knows which windows don't lock properly, places to hide, how to jimmy a particular door to get it to pop open, etc.
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She should pretended to shower (like in a swimsuit) to get evidence of BIL barging in and record it for evidence. If she wants to stay with her horrible, creepy husband, I guess, get those removable locks or door jammers to use - like the ones for hotel room protection - and hide it from her husband.
Good suggestion but she shouldn’t have to back down and capitulate. She shouldn’t have to sacrifice her feeling safe to save a marriage.
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He called his SIL idiot when she deal with difficult pregnancy, did this girl think what happened if she by herself get pregnant, caring for baby and so on? How lose the husband plans to go? Run away is the best solution for that marriage. And also, BIL kicked her out, how it is not obvious?
Why he would expose you like that telling his brother he saw you naked in the shower what a creep do is his brother just jerks
BIL offering a ride. "No thanks. You and my hubby and both be creepy alone in the house. Have fun."
NTA! You and your husband have (?) the intimate, trusting relationship where you hide nothing from each other. You don’t have that same bond or pact with your BIL. After the first time I would have said “I’m going to take a shower. Use the bathroom now, or wait for 30 mins. If you come in before that time you’re violating my privacy and you are purposely trying to see me naked and you’ll be removed from this house. Your husband’s ridiculous oblivion to the bigger picture is a biggest red flag I’ve ever seen. He’s NOT a catch, he’s a throw back. He’s NOT the one. He will say he’ll work on it, blah blah blah. Anything to get you back. It’s all lies. THAT mindset never changes. Ever. You can’t teach empathy. RUN!
The bil is seeing if she is a viable target. He is scoping out a victim. His little brother is the side kick and possibly his original victim. She needs to report all of this to the police. If she stays it will be worse than death.
Some rapists have cult followings, and the husband sounds like he is under a cult-like spell of his big brother...get out, now.
He’s probably waiting for you to invite him in the shower. I’m going to gamble that your husband wouldn’t care either. I don’t see this ending anywhere good and I would start shopping for divorce attorney
Yeah I would punch my bro straight in the nose for trying to look at my wife's body. He should be more assertive with his bro than average people
I see an underlying problem of the brothers trash talking the OP behind her back, this would definitely create an her vs them scenario. The OP needs to totally stand her ground. This is no mistake, the BIL is disgusting, and the way she feels about the lock is 100% justified. A marriage should be 50/50, this sounds a little too lop sided.
No matter how dire the situation, I would never allow another person to move in with me and my husband. It sounds awful, I know, but it only seems to cause a ton of friction and problems in a relationship, whether between spouses or siblings.
Don’t ever go back on that no matter what pressure or manipulation you may be subjected to - trust me. I got talked into us building an extension on our house for his parents and the non-stop stress for the past 6 years has been indescribable. From the noise of blaring tv’s, to over-bearing boundary crossing siblings coming over and staying whenever, causing trouble. I had to become my father in law’s caregiver when he was battling a cancer and that was a hard job. We got along and he passed a few months ago, so hopefully things will settle down and I can get my life back.
Load More Replies... I see a jealousy about your marriage from your BIL. The guy frankly has a questionable moral compass and has zero respect and consideration for your husband. By living with you he's having his cake and eating it. R u sure he's not listening in at your bedroom door at night? Cause he sounds like the type. Give your husband an ultimatum. Your brother or me. Thats it. hubby needs to step up and turn up for you. Do not return until BIK is gone. Dont fall for promises. You want him GONE. PERIOD. You NTA.
The BIL wants the wife gone, so he can stay in the house living and partying with his brother. In the meantime, the husband doesn't mind if his brother gazes upon his naked wife against her will. Unfortunately, the BIL wins when the wife is finally able to get away from her sorry excuse for a husband.
That's f****d up... Once I can understand, but repeatedly and he takes his brother's side? That guy watches way too much porn and has some kind of f****d up fantasy... DIVORCE
Where she's safe from her potential rapist, hell's yeah! Otherwise, make her very familiar with a handgun and she can use it on the BIL when he tries it again.
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And sorry but if my brother did this to my wife I beat his little squirrely a*s
His wife comes first. If she doesn't then the marriage is pretty much over anyways
I would tell my mother and ask that she come.over and do the same to my BIL and husband. Even ask her to stay over. I would if this was my daughter. I would even risk sleeping in the same room as the man so he never has privacy. I would be extremely annoying and invasive. Then divorce i would divorce the husband. He has something very wrong with him.
He'd meet the RIGHT ONE messing with me!!! I'd stand there bare in the restroom and let him walk in on me. And just tell my husband well you don't care, neither do I. Don't be shocked if he dreams about me tonight. Lol
Any man who doesn't see a problem with his brother barging in on his wife (whether it's the bathroom or the bedroom doesn't matter) is just as much of a creep as his brother. And to make it all about a "no locks agreement", that's just perverse. Leave him NOW. His brother will always take precedence over you.
He offered to "give her a ride" to her mother's house!? He wasn't INSULTING her... he was trying to make a MOVE on her... OR WORSE. So glad she got in that Uber instead. She needs to go back to that house with witnesses and divorce papers. NEVER ALONE.
I would definitely pack up and then get a divorce from this man, it seems this is some kinda f*cked up game to your husband and Bil. Please get out and don't look back. What would your husband say if it was your guys daughter this just a example. Get out and divorce this man!
Creepy rape vibes from the brother and it would okay with the husband or her would just blame the wife. I dont like this situation for op.
It's funny how everyone here instantly believes just your dramatic version of the story. You're both children, you deserve each other.
Do not pass go, and collect $ 200, in other words, dump both of them. I've known some brothers in my lifetime, and none of them were anything like the husband and brother in law. The brothers I knew would've been extremely sympathetic towards their sister in law, especially after she had, had a stillbirth, and would've crawled their brother's case for only thinking of himself when his wife needed him, and they would've offered the sister in law a place to get away from her jerk husband, and their jerk brother. They also after their wife or girlfriend told them that their brother kept barging in on them in the bathroom while they weren't covered up, would've given their brother a warning not to do it again, and if it happened again, they would've thrown their brother, and his stuff out on the front lawn, but then they never would've asked for no locks in the house, and they would've gone and gotten a lock, and put it on, after the first time their partner mentioned anything.
If she doesnt leave, she needs to carry something with her at all times for protection. This will likely escalate. Rather its a knife, a fork or ball bat, she needs to not be in a situation because her husband has proven he won't stand up for her.
Ok, the no locks thing....that's just stupid. Has nothing to do with being open and honest with each other; equating the two is childish and way too immature to be married.
My first thought was that one or both had been locked in a room when they were small and the locks triggered one or both. However, I now believe that hubby has more of an issue with people not allowing him access to them. He can see a therapist. The BIL can rot.
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Where do you get these stories from, do you have too ask Lady Run for your Life before this Man Rape you
Since im banned from reddit all because i said the violator should be glad she was only laughed at instead of being throatpunched, I'll try to be nice. You BIL is gearing up to make you break up with his brother so he never has to move. Since its your house kick him out. Your hubby should go with him for not standing up for you. Tasers are hot deterrents for perverts. You need locks because people act like its too hard to knock. My husband would just walk in on me but he would lock the bathroom door when he was in the bathroom. We had it out big time. He stopped walking and i made it a point to keep locking.
I was wondering a little about that too, like they would have had to uninstall existing locks that are standard. But who knows? Maybe they did at the husband’s insistence. Who do you think initiated that weird conversation originally? I mean, I’ve got locks I’ve never used, but you have them for guests at least.
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Way to victim-blame! Abusers usually put their best foot forward in the courtship phase and slowly ramp up after the wedding is over. If they behaved like that from the beginning, they'd never get a second date, let alone find someone to marry.
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Personally I would divorce his a*s. You want to take your boundary breaking brother's side over your wife's then you don't get to have a wife anymore.
Her husband defender his brother cheating, and blamed ex SIL? That flag is big. Is he stuck in some weird, looking up to older brother dynamic 🤷♀️
The husband's lack of empathy is disturbing. He calls his ex-SIL an "idiot" for not getting over a stillbirth quickly enough to suit her cheating husband?! Both these men seem to view women as appliances and sex toys. If BIL tries to rape this woman, you just know that her husband will defend him and accuse her of "leading him on".
Unfortunately, I believe you're 110% correct. These dudes are bad news. A stillbirth? So you cheat? WTF?? That part about it becoming something she did wrong should this escalate made my blood run cold! I can easily see that happening, easily. It just gives me an awful feeling. I hope that she got away safely.
Load More Replies... If he approves his brother walking in on his wife, then he needs to be divorced, and the locks *changed*. Something amiss in that whole "no locked doors" thing.
if i don't lock the door when im home alone and in the bathroom, my cat (who has figured out how to open doors) will still wait outside the bathroom unless i let him in. a literal cat has better boundaries than this man.
Yes, a couple of my pets will head butt the door open.
Load More Replies... Hold on. Her husband stood by his brother while he cheated on his wife who was having a difficult pregnancy that resulted in stillbirth and didn’t have what it takes to work on the marriage?…. He seriously thought it was okay of his brother to do that??? No one is going to talk about how that is the hugest red flag waving in her face? And the bathroom and lock thing are more red flags?… GET OUT
The fact that the "no lock" thing was the husband's idea makes me queasy. That family has weird control issues. Definitely reevaluate this marriage. I'm not saying jump to divorce, but maybe therapy at the very least. Having an unbiased third party hear about the lock thing and the BIL may open hubby's eyes to just how creepy it is. Good luck, dear.
I'd say jump to divorce. This isn't 1 issue that may be resolved through therapy/better communication. Her husband decided from the start that she wasn't entitled to privacy with that no locks c**p. He doesn't see her BIL's intrusions as a violation of her privacy because as far as he's concerned she isn't entitled to privacy. He's not bothered that his brother clearly views his wife as a sexual object, has zero respect for her, thinks she's the cause of any problems, and that she's stupid. However, he is ok with his brother cheating, being highly inappropriate with his wife, and is happy to blame a woman mourning a stillborn baby for his brother's infidelities. He got mad at her for installing a lock, rather than at his brother for going into the bathroom to see her naked. He thinks she's overreacting, and mad about that asinine no locks promise being broken. He has no respect for her either. She needs to run bc soon her husband will let his brother f**k her whether she wants to or not.
Load More Replies... Been married for many years. Locks in all doors in our house, but none have ever been used. If anyone barged in on my wife, especially more than once, they would be gone. It is her house, and she has more of a right to feel safe and comfortable in it, than anybody else has on being allowed inside.
does her husband want to share his wife with his brother? Does he tell his brother what she looks like naked? There's something creepy about this. She should leave her husband. Why did he say no locks on the doors?
I think you're right. There's some really weird kink going on between the two brothers
Load More Replies... Sounds like they are twins, Tommy and Timmy Toxic. I am so, so sorry for your pain. We get into relationships and sometime marriage and these lesions seem to show up out of nowhere. I hope you find peace and a loving and safe environment.
Divorce. Let him and his brother live together in harmony free of you, which if we’re being honest here you’re free of them. A creep and a gaslighter
This is most def being done on purpose! If your husband had any decency about him he would Back YOU and not his brother. ONCE is an accident, repeating it more than once most def isn't. He is trying to see u naked, I've been through a similar kind of situation... I didn't know that he was being peeping tom when I showered until a couple years after it happened. He was on drugs later on and admitted he secretly watched me and was in love with me. Of course my husband has little contact w his brother after I told him about the creepy conversation
The husband is controlling af! This is just the beginning of a lot more of this behavior in the future, and I wouldn't be surprised if it escalates, especially if he defended his brother for cheating. I hope she gets out now!!!
As long as the husband keeps sticking up for his brother and laughing it off, it won't be long before the BIL tries to get into the shower with OP. If her hubby isn't doing anything to stop him, I fear this will be the result and hubby isn't going to believe OP when (not if) it happens. She needs to get out NOW and stay out
Please let me know if there is an update to this.. this whole situation is unhealthy
I've been working in the field of sexual and domestic violence for 16 years and I would bet my (not terribly enormous) retirement fund that this "no locks" BS is a sure sign of an abuser. There is absolutely no valid reason to not have the option to lock a door or to have/need/take a moment of privacy, no explanations needed. WARNING, WARNING, MAJOR RED FLAGS EVERYWHERE!! The poster's husband's ridiculous reaction just proves my point. Get out and get out fast, my friend, and best of luck to you.
This a bad situation and dangerous too. I can't remember the name of the disorder but what it is is a sexual compulsion between siblings. It can occur between sisters but is most common between bothers. One supplies the victim while the other begins the abuse. Which escalates to sexual assault. You might want to ask your SIL about her divorce. I think there was more to it. And you need to file for divorce before your husband helps with your assault.
If she hasn't already, she needs to hire an attorney and private investigator to research both their backgrounds very thoroughly. I wouldn't be surprised if either of them have had allegations of raping or abusing girls/women in the past. She also needs to move far away and not share her address. Find a friend or family member on the other side of the country or world and move there. My Spidey sense tells me they'd kidnap, rape, and possibly murder her if she left before they gave her permission to go.
Load More Replies... Dude, there is a Forensic Files episode that is so much like this that it hurts. The bother ended up killing the woman and her kids because she would not sleep with him.
Am I the only one who saw a red flag immediately after hearing the no locks agreement? Like on commenter said it seems very controlling. I wonder if the husband would have similar behaviors later on in this marriage if he "thought" she was doing something wrong. Or if things did ever "God forbid" escalate between you and your husband ever you would have nowhere to go in your home to get away from him. The BIL is just messed up period and needs to go. This entire situation screams that none of this is right
Thank whatever deity! I have found a corner of the universe where there are logical, empathetic, and awesome people! It seems almost unanimous, DIVORCE! This is predatory & like everyone said, will get worse! I'm loving these amazing comments! Thank you all for restoring my faith in humans and healthy boundaries! I truly hope this woman sees exactly how many people have told her the absolute truth, that she's decided to put her well being and safety first! If enough people say the same thing, honey, that's what it is! I will forever remember this, intelligence is alive and well! Great job internet people! ❤️
Your husband and BIL are both perverts. Please don't go back to him. Hire a divorce lawyer, the biggest shark you can afford. BTW, why did you have to take an Uber to your mom's house? Don't you have your own car? Is your husband trying to exert power and control over everything you do? I'd get out of this ghastly marriage ASAP. It's not going to get any better. Wishing you all the best
I wondered why she didn’t have her own car but maybe they can’t afford more than one vehicle.
Load More Replies... Do you only have one bathroom? Seriously, that's creepy af. Divorce now so they can be together.
Husband should really think about the situation properly, if he was creeping up on my naked wife I would kick him out in a second, are you kidding me?
You had an agreement about no locks, so remove the lock. Get a bat. Run the shower. When bil comes in, use it, repeatedly. You don't have an agreement about bats.
Contact the ex SIL and ask her the phone number of her lawyer. I would also thank the BIL, after papers served.
Besides all of the gas lighting being inflicted on the OP this is an abusive situation especially since she's the only female in the home. There's something going on here, whether the brother is intentionally trying to ruin the marriage so they can be bachelors together or some sort of sexual deviancy/kink the brother has. I'm not kink shaming in any way but this is clearly not conscentual. I don't understand the no locks things either. This would be a deal breaker for me especially in my own damn house. Until the brother leaves, either alone or with his brother, I'd mace him anytime he barged past a closed door in addition to making him feel extremely uncomfortable 24/7.
I went through something similar like this YEARS ago. With my own husband and HIS BROTHER. I LATER divorced him (My husband). YOUR husband and his BROTHER BOTH have ISSUES. ISSUES that are quite serious and apparently they BOTH find EXTREMELY AMUSING Your BIL is GARBAGE and a POS. He KNOWS PERFECTLY GOOD and WELL what he is doing. Your husband is EXCUSING the BEHAVIOR by BLAMING his Ex SIL and YOU. BOTH of THEM have some SERIOUS issues. Girl you need to get an attorney.
The type of men you wanna set angry dogs on. Or needing a punch in the faces. Nobody can stay calm in such a scenario. Poor lady. I agree Divorce is the only way to save herself from such monstrousity.
Run, OP. Run and don't look back. These two males are the hyenas and you're the gazelle. No counseling will change your husband around, but it might make you see the light.
Okay, go back home, wait for or arrange an opportunity for both of them to be gone, then have a locksmith come and change ALL the entryway locks. Have the phone handy, when they get back and discover that they're locked out, they may become violent. You'll call 911, day you fear for your life, and tell them all about BIL etc while a patrol car is on it's way. Then call a divorce lawyer.
I think this situation is a marital deal breaker. Your husband refuses to keep you safe and won't allow you to protect yourself. This will ABSOLUTELY lead to some form of abuse. Please run, for your safety and any potential future children. You have a right to feel safe and have your own privacy.
Little brother husband would be fine sharing his wife with big brother against her will, like sharing toys, because neither sees women as more than objects to own , not deserving of dignity...get out because this sounds like "the hills have eyes."
Wow! The husband sees her as an object that he is proud of so he is secretly happy his brother wants to see her naked, and as an object he does not see her as a person worthy of dignity or respect. Divorce would be wise.
Definitely NTH. It's never easy to make the decision to leave a marriage, but it will get worse so please don't waste any more of your life with this person. There is a very sick dynamic between these brothers. As well your husband doesn't respect you and worse, is gaslighting you. It also seems that they are setting you up for some weird sharing thing. You're very lucky to find this out now, and to have family to go to. It won't be easy, but will absolutely be better. Run, now. These two are horrible excuses for men.
Not only did he come in when she was showering but exposed himself.
That's not in the article given. You have more info, or are you adding on for kicks?
Load More Replies... Speak with a lawyer. I'm sure they would say you get the house in a divorce. The brother goes or they both go.
Even if she got the house in a divorce, which is unlikely since it doesn't sound like they have kids, she shouldn't stay there. Sell it and use the money to relocate to a place and house her husband isn't familiar with. There's something very off with these two brothers, and I think it would be dangerous for her to live alone in a house her husband is familiar with. He knows which windows don't lock properly, places to hide, how to jimmy a particular door to get it to pop open, etc.
Load More Replies... She should pretended to shower (like in a swimsuit) to get evidence of BIL barging in and record it for evidence. If she wants to stay with her horrible, creepy husband, I guess, get those removable locks or door jammers to use - like the ones for hotel room protection - and hide it from her husband.
Good suggestion but she shouldn’t have to back down and capitulate. She shouldn’t have to sacrifice her feeling safe to save a marriage.
Load More Replies... He called his SIL idiot when she deal with difficult pregnancy, did this girl think what happened if she by herself get pregnant, caring for baby and so on? How lose the husband plans to go? Run away is the best solution for that marriage. And also, BIL kicked her out, how it is not obvious?
Why he would expose you like that telling his brother he saw you naked in the shower what a creep do is his brother just jerks
BIL offering a ride. "No thanks. You and my hubby and both be creepy alone in the house. Have fun."
NTA! You and your husband have (?) the intimate, trusting relationship where you hide nothing from each other. You don’t have that same bond or pact with your BIL. After the first time I would have said “I’m going to take a shower. Use the bathroom now, or wait for 30 mins. If you come in before that time you’re violating my privacy and you are purposely trying to see me naked and you’ll be removed from this house. Your husband’s ridiculous oblivion to the bigger picture is a biggest red flag I’ve ever seen. He’s NOT a catch, he’s a throw back. He’s NOT the one. He will say he’ll work on it, blah blah blah. Anything to get you back. It’s all lies. THAT mindset never changes. Ever. You can’t teach empathy. RUN!
The bil is seeing if she is a viable target. He is scoping out a victim. His little brother is the side kick and possibly his original victim. She needs to report all of this to the police. If she stays it will be worse than death.
Some rapists have cult followings, and the husband sounds like he is under a cult-like spell of his big brother...get out, now.
He’s probably waiting for you to invite him in the shower. I’m going to gamble that your husband wouldn’t care either. I don’t see this ending anywhere good and I would start shopping for divorce attorney
Yeah I would punch my bro straight in the nose for trying to look at my wife's body. He should be more assertive with his bro than average people
I see an underlying problem of the brothers trash talking the OP behind her back, this would definitely create an her vs them scenario. The OP needs to totally stand her ground. This is no mistake, the BIL is disgusting, and the way she feels about the lock is 100% justified. A marriage should be 50/50, this sounds a little too lop sided.
No matter how dire the situation, I would never allow another person to move in with me and my husband. It sounds awful, I know, but it only seems to cause a ton of friction and problems in a relationship, whether between spouses or siblings.
Don’t ever go back on that no matter what pressure or manipulation you may be subjected to - trust me. I got talked into us building an extension on our house for his parents and the non-stop stress for the past 6 years has been indescribable. From the noise of blaring tv’s, to over-bearing boundary crossing siblings coming over and staying whenever, causing trouble. I had to become my father in law’s caregiver when he was battling a cancer and that was a hard job. We got along and he passed a few months ago, so hopefully things will settle down and I can get my life back.
Load More Replies... I see a jealousy about your marriage from your BIL. The guy frankly has a questionable moral compass and has zero respect and consideration for your husband. By living with you he's having his cake and eating it. R u sure he's not listening in at your bedroom door at night? Cause he sounds like the type. Give your husband an ultimatum. Your brother or me. Thats it. hubby needs to step up and turn up for you. Do not return until BIK is gone. Dont fall for promises. You want him GONE. PERIOD. You NTA.
The BIL wants the wife gone, so he can stay in the house living and partying with his brother. In the meantime, the husband doesn't mind if his brother gazes upon his naked wife against her will. Unfortunately, the BIL wins when the wife is finally able to get away from her sorry excuse for a husband.
That's f****d up... Once I can understand, but repeatedly and he takes his brother's side? That guy watches way too much porn and has some kind of f****d up fantasy... DIVORCE
Where she's safe from her potential rapist, hell's yeah! Otherwise, make her very familiar with a handgun and she can use it on the BIL when he tries it again.
Load More Replies... And sorry but if my brother did this to my wife I beat his little squirrely a*s
His wife comes first. If she doesn't then the marriage is pretty much over anyways
I would tell my mother and ask that she come.over and do the same to my BIL and husband. Even ask her to stay over. I would if this was my daughter. I would even risk sleeping in the same room as the man so he never has privacy. I would be extremely annoying and invasive. Then divorce i would divorce the husband. He has something very wrong with him.
He'd meet the RIGHT ONE messing with me!!! I'd stand there bare in the restroom and let him walk in on me. And just tell my husband well you don't care, neither do I. Don't be shocked if he dreams about me tonight. Lol
Any man who doesn't see a problem with his brother barging in on his wife (whether it's the bathroom or the bedroom doesn't matter) is just as much of a creep as his brother. And to make it all about a "no locks agreement", that's just perverse. Leave him NOW. His brother will always take precedence over you.
He offered to "give her a ride" to her mother's house!? He wasn't INSULTING her... he was trying to make a MOVE on her... OR WORSE. So glad she got in that Uber instead. She needs to go back to that house with witnesses and divorce papers. NEVER ALONE.
I would definitely pack up and then get a divorce from this man, it seems this is some kinda f*cked up game to your husband and Bil. Please get out and don't look back. What would your husband say if it was your guys daughter this just a example. Get out and divorce this man!
Creepy rape vibes from the brother and it would okay with the husband or her would just blame the wife. I dont like this situation for op.
It's funny how everyone here instantly believes just your dramatic version of the story. You're both children, you deserve each other.
Do not pass go, and collect $ 200, in other words, dump both of them. I've known some brothers in my lifetime, and none of them were anything like the husband and brother in law. The brothers I knew would've been extremely sympathetic towards their sister in law, especially after she had, had a stillbirth, and would've crawled their brother's case for only thinking of himself when his wife needed him, and they would've offered the sister in law a place to get away from her jerk husband, and their jerk brother. They also after their wife or girlfriend told them that their brother kept barging in on them in the bathroom while they weren't covered up, would've given their brother a warning not to do it again, and if it happened again, they would've thrown their brother, and his stuff out on the front lawn, but then they never would've asked for no locks in the house, and they would've gone and gotten a lock, and put it on, after the first time their partner mentioned anything.
If she doesnt leave, she needs to carry something with her at all times for protection. This will likely escalate. Rather its a knife, a fork or ball bat, she needs to not be in a situation because her husband has proven he won't stand up for her.
Ok, the no locks thing....that's just stupid. Has nothing to do with being open and honest with each other; equating the two is childish and way too immature to be married.
My first thought was that one or both had been locked in a room when they were small and the locks triggered one or both. However, I now believe that hubby has more of an issue with people not allowing him access to them. He can see a therapist. The BIL can rot.
Load More Replies... Where do you get these stories from, do you have too ask Lady Run for your Life before this Man Rape you
Since im banned from reddit all because i said the violator should be glad she was only laughed at instead of being throatpunched, I'll try to be nice. You BIL is gearing up to make you break up with his brother so he never has to move. Since its your house kick him out. Your hubby should go with him for not standing up for you. Tasers are hot deterrents for perverts. You need locks because people act like its too hard to knock. My husband would just walk in on me but he would lock the bathroom door when he was in the bathroom. We had it out big time. He stopped walking and i made it a point to keep locking.
I was wondering a little about that too, like they would have had to uninstall existing locks that are standard. But who knows? Maybe they did at the husband’s insistence. Who do you think initiated that weird conversation originally? I mean, I’ve got locks I’ve never used, but you have them for guests at least.
Load More Replies... Way to victim-blame! Abusers usually put their best foot forward in the courtship phase and slowly ramp up after the wedding is over. If they behaved like that from the beginning, they'd never get a second date, let alone find someone to marry.
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