Bride’s Parents Refuse To Attend Her Child-Free Wedding Because She Wouldn’t Make An Exception For Her “Rainbow Baby” Nephew
Weddings should be incredibly happy occasions that celebrate the love between two people… the problem is, they’re potential drama minefields as well. Arguments between family members can appear like a bolt from the blue and you’re stuck standing there, jaw on the floor, wondering what just happened and why most of your family will no longer be attending the ceremony.
A 33-year-old bride-to-be, who plans to get married to the love of her life Derek in October, took to Reddit to ask for opinions about how she handled a very sensitive situation with her brother and her nephew, who is a miracle baby. She was planning on a wedding without any children in attendance at all, however, her entire family “lost it” when she didn’t invite her 4-year-old nephew, her brother’s son, as an exception.
The redditor explained that her nephew is a “rainbow baby,” having been born to her brother and his wife after she suffered several painful miscarriages. According to her, that’s why he’s given special treatment and allowed to misbehave as much as he wants. You’ll find the full story below, dear Pandas. It’s a complicated, emotional situation, so be sure to share your opinion about who you think is right and who was being insensitive in this case.
A bride-to-be sparked a lot of family drama when she refused to make an exception for her nephew who is a “rainbow baby”
Image credits: Jeremy Wong (not the actual photo)
Here’s exactly what happened
The bride-to-be explained that it would have been hypocritical of her to invite only her nephew while she’s already had to ask all of her friends to keep their children at home for the wedding.
However, her family didn’t take kindly to this logic and thought that her nephew should still be an exception because of the circumstances of his birth. That’s when the ultimatums started flying. Her brother, Paul, said that he won’t be attending the ceremony. Then her parents and later her aunt and uncle pulled out, too.
The redditor added a bit of extra info about how her brother behaves whenever she points out that not everyone can cater to him and his son. Paul would accuse her of being jealous because she still doesn’t have any children herself.
The bride-to-be added that she’d previously been married but divorced her husband over his inability to have children, so it’s a very sensitive issue for her. An issue that her brother doesn’t appear to mind poking and prodding to get his own way. What do you think about what happened, Readers? How would you have handled the situation?
If you do plan on allowing your guests to bring children to your wedding, then it’s best to leave the childcare to an accredited professional babysitter, not one of the guests. “Ultimately, if something goes wrong, you cannot have the responsibility fall on the shoulders of someone not properly qualified or paid for the task. There are many professional wedding childcare options available—it’s important not to cut costs when it comes to providing the personal care of children and minors. You could be legally liable and it’s just not worth the risk,” Anna and Sarah from The Wedding Society told Bored Panda earlier.
“For guests, the standard (and best) etiquette these days is definitely to respect the wishes of the marrying couple when it comes to children at weddings, whether it be that kids of a certain age are welcome, only specific children of a few family and friends, or no kids at all,” they said what the general etiquette is like.
“Please don’t take the inclusion or exclusion of your little ones personally (especially if the couple don’t have kids of their own to fully understand your situation) and remember—as nice as it is to bring your babes along to the celebration, it’s also an awesome opportunity for a fun night off if you’re asked to leave them with a sitter!”
This is what internet users thought about the complicated situation
227Kviews
Share on Facebook
They called her jealous and threw it in her face that she was not able to have children in her previous marriage? They don’t act like family. I’d seriously limit my contact with such toxic people.
yes, I'm surprised no one else commented on this. It seemed like such a mean comment to purposely hurt her.
Load More Replies...
A rainbow baby? WTH people! He's not a miracle, he's just a lucky egg and a lucky sperm that didn't get killed off by mom's uterus. The kid is not special in any way. Obviously NTA.
These are going to be the WORST kinds of parents. This is 'my kid is special' delusions turned up to 11, and he's got the whole family drinking that Kool-Aid! I forsee the little rainbow having some development problems with this kind of treatment.
Load More Replies...
Paul need a good whacking. He is a class 1 a**hole. And the way the family treats the "baby" (a 4 yo is NOT a baby anymore), he has absolutely no chance to become a nice guy. I'm sorry for him.
Any 4 year old would agree with you. They're definitely children at that point.
Load More Replies...
It's going to be a fun wedding party with only friends and people that really like the bride. And another plus: Not having to pretend that you like your family anymore.
I read a bit more on Reddit: "Unfortunately, this level of enablement from my parents for Paul has been normalized long time ago. It's like his word is Gospel and many family members are willing to follow his lead and they think I'm being disrespectful to him since he's my older brother."
Load More Replies...
NTA, I would go full arsehole on this, I would go ahead with the wedding, post it all over social media, thanking my in-laws and friends for their support, post photos of me being happy, and spend the next couple of weeks talking about my amazing day, and constantly post about it.
What if Derek's side of the family, plus some invited friends had 'rainbow' babies of their own? Do you invite all of the rainbow babies and leave out the ones that were conceived without a hitch? How about unplanned babies - better leave those ones at home! Not to mention adopted or fostered children or even pets belonging to couples who can't have kids, who treat their pets like their own children. This is why you make the rules and you stick with them to avoid going down a rabbit hole. Your brother sounds like a first class t**t, particularly with the 'jealous' comment. You might think you want your family there, but they are toxic. You celebrate with the people who love you and who accept you for who you are. And have a brilliant day!
Excellent point. 1 in 3 pregnancies ends in miscarriage, that means there are a lot of 'rainbow babies' out there. I had multiple miscarriage before I had my daughter and wouldn't dream of expecting her to be an exception to the rule.
Load More Replies...
Frankly, and I say this having been married by a justice fo the peace.... There's sometimes a really good reason you don't have a wedding, and just *get married*.
That is exactly what I came to say - Don't have "a wedding" just get married. I would cancel the whole thing and just have a small ceremony. Her request for a childfree wedding is not unreasonable but if this seems to be impossible with the family, well, too bad, then there will be no party for anybody...
Load More Replies...
The kid may be an arsehole, but he's a kid - not his fault, his parents made him like that. The real arsehole here is Paul, "Maker of Rainbow Babies". Paul deserves a kick in the nuts!
Ah, genes do have some say in how susceptable a kid is to behave that way, and low and behold, look where his genes came from. The same entitled people that now enable him to become the world's worst person.
Load More Replies... this "rainbow" kid is going to be an entitled little prick when he grows up
Weddings are already boring af if there are other children around, a 4 year old would be a lot more entertained by a sitter so aside from all the bs the brother and wife really don't care for the welfare of their ever so special brat
They would probably spend the entire wedding dancing around him and expecting everyone else to.
Load More Replies... Only kid at my wedding was our own. My SIL was fine leaving her 2 kids at home. I honestly don't understand why people WANT to bring them to weddings. Dont you want a night off?!
I banned kids under the age of five. The only issue: the five-year-old ring bearer taunted his little brother. When the three-year-old cried, "But I want to be the ring bear!", his mother said, "Next time, you get to be the ring tiger." Dumb s**t, but he said, "OK". It was over 20 years ago. I wonder if "ring tiger" is still on his bucket list...
Load More Replies...
My youngest sisters are rainbow babies.simply because they were born after miscarriages I asked my mom why my sister and I were sunshine babies but the other two are rainbow babies,she said because they were born after a storm (miscarriage)
NTA bro is an asshole, and parents and aunt & uncles are being twits. It's a wedding. The kid doesn't need to be there. Brother sounds incredibly toxic. I would uninvite him. Then have a talk to the older generation. Point out that this is bride and groom's special day, not bros, or Rainbow Sparkles, that this conflict is being escalated by bro, and started because he doesn't respect your choices. There will be many family gatherings where RS will be present, this will not be one of them, but you would like the adult members of your family to come and support you and celebrate your happiness.
F*****g entitlement mentality in full display here. F*****g Rainbow baby? stoopid!
So when does this child stop being "special" and just another brat in need of proper boundaries? The parents and other enablers are doing a huge disservice to him and anyone who has to deal with him. Some of the smart ones do well in their careers, but they'd happily sell their grandmothers and dance on their parents' graves in sheer joy at getting an inheritance.
My SIL is a spoiled brat. She was the only one in the family to get everything she wanted all the time. The other kids got literally nothing. No she is in her 30s and she is a total psychopath.
Load More Replies... The family allows the shitty brother to mock her infertility, when he has been through the same and knows the pain? Cut that whole rotten bransch of the family tree.
They are not raising a "special" child. They a raising a future adult - and he will run into trouble! And a judge doesn't care where he comes from. Have a nice wedding! And ask your family to get help - they need it! You don't
By the way it hurts not to conceive... Been there and got out with a lot of complications.... and no 2nd baby! But never in the world should anyone use that against you! Its hard.... not a right and not necessary the way to happyness to have children...
Load More Replies... I can just feel their excitement of being the exception - he wil be the only kid, and they can dress him up really cute, and make him the center of attention. On YOUR day - all your asking is for one special day, which is meaningless to a 4-yr old. Nauseating. Def NTA. I do feel bad for the kid, though - bad choice of parents.
Plus everyone else in the bride's family is in awe of the kid. The only hope of him growing up at least semi-normal is if the parents divorce and the kid gets a decent step-parent. Even that is unlikely, since they would pick someone who will not set boundaries on the child. Sometimes even very good parents don't do it in the moment because they're tired or distracted, but they don't object to adults setting reasonable limits.
Load More Replies...
Kid is a spoilt brat an needs a wake-up call like this to hopefully realise the world doesn't revolve around him
If he's only 4, then there is still some hope. If he finds a really competent caretaker, he can be trained out of that quickly. My brother was extremely spoiled as a kid, mostly because he was raised by my grandparents while my mother went to high school. When she met and married my dad when she was 19, he helped her raise my brother out of the spoiled-ness. Me, on the other hand...I wouldn't say I'm so much spoiled than I was an experiment since my parents were still figuring out how to parent.
Load More Replies...
The kid is 4 years old!!! Ok cool he's a rainbow baby & possibly a miracle. One wedding without him isn't going to change the hero worship. This is the bride & groom's choice & their special day. The parents are totally wrong.
Hold it a moment did this woman just say her brother picks on her inability to have children saying she is jealous. What a vile and disgusting human being. F him and the family. None of them deserve to be part of her and her Husby special day or future.
Well, problems like these can always appear once you decide to have a wedding with special requirements. Purely as a matter of principle, I would go through with it and not let my own family walk all over me over me as they please. However, you also have to be prepared to live with any long-term consequences in the form of offended family members up to breaking off contact. It has all happened before.
They're okay with child-free wedding, but only if bride make an exception for their son. That's not what child-free means.
When my dad married his 2nd wife I was told no kids. So my son, his only grandchild stayed home. His wife had her grandson and her niece and nephews brought their kids. All in all there were about 10 kids under 8. Still honked off about that 20+ years later.
Wtf is a"rainbow baby" anyway? NTA either way - it's her wedding, her rules.
Baby born after miscarriages/stillbirths. I'm a rainbow baby and honestly it sucks. I pity the kid.
Load More Replies... Oh, f**k that. Unless his wife gave birth to a snow leopard, his kid isn't rare. Your wedding, your rules, and no one likes seeing brats run wild at a wedding. He isn't paying for your wedding. The proper response to his tantrum is "We'll miss you, but we understand". And give the same response to the idiot relatives supporting his tantrum. You're better off without any of them.
Big Brother is a bully and parents are of a misogynistic generation. Uninvite them all.
Wow! I'd say she's lucky to be saving the money on the dinners and what not for the buttholes that aren't going to show up at her wedding. I also hope she continues to leave those doors closed and locked for all eternity. As someone that has turned away from my own toxic family, life is much easier without the family drama.
Sounds like the perfect time to elope and cut them all out of your life.
this makes me angry. i had a child free wedding only kid that was there was my 5 year old flower girl who had a ton of fun bc she knew alot of our guests. i came from a gated community so everyone knew each other her mother was my maid of honor too. my maid of honors sister didnt complain about not being able to bring her daughter she respected my and my husbands wishes and understood that her neice was my flower girl and was supposed to b there. no one complained or felt their kids were an exception. ppl whether they r family or not need to learn how to respect the bride and groom and the choices they make. its their day not urs. and if u ask me the brides brother and his wife r horrible parents if they dont ever punish or teach their kid wrong from right. that child is going to just grow into a monster. its ok to spoil a child but not to the point where they r already an entitled ungrateful brat at the age of 4. as i mentioned before my flower girl is my maid of honors daughter ive known her since she was born and she thinks im her aunt and ive spoiled her plenty of times but not enough for her to expect a present from me every time she sees me or become an entitled brat. she is a very well behaved little lady and she knows good behavior means reward and praise. for example she got 100% of a spelling test wen in kindergarden so i baked cookies for her and got her a blanket with her favorite tv show character on it. u need to teach kids they cant get everything they want wen they want it my flower girl knows that and shes so polite and kind and well behaved
Entitlement is the PROBLEM here. Just. WOW. I feel so bad for the bride to be, living in the shadow of spoiled brat big brother her whole life!
NTA it's her wedding and she can choose who she invites! I'm getting married next year and the only children at the wedding will be ours and our niece and nephew on his side that we are very close to. I have 2 brothers that have no children. I also have 4 stepsisters that do have children. If they decide not to come because I have not invited their children then that's up to them, I would be sad but move on. Most of our other family and friends have children (more than 1) and to invite them all would be impossible and also be a freaking nightmare!
I banned kids under five for safety reasons: I had visions of waiters dropping hot food on my two rambunctious three-year-old nephews. The five year olds (a ring bearer and a flower girl) were mature enough to join us.
Load More Replies...
"Rainbow baby" is now the stupidest concept I've heard to this point.
This bride is defo not the a***hole! My husband and I struggled to have children for ten years but sadly didn't get our happy ending. But we both said many times during conversations between us throughout those long, lonely years that if we are finally blessed with a child then we must move on from all this and be "normal" parents. One doesn't make ones own issues your child's issues! It's HER wedding and her family ought to respect her wishes, even though I've struggled with infertility myself I fail to see how her nephew came to be is even relevant. I love kids but I certainly wouldn't want a spoilt, selfish, badly behaved brat at my wedding whether he or she was a rainbow baby or not!
Most people I know who've struggled and then had their own (whether biological or adopted) have been very good parents. So the bride's family has totally bogus reasons for including a badly behaved child.
Load More Replies... I don't understand why anyone would want to bring their child to a wedding. My kids are 14 and 15, very well behaved, but if we got invited to a wedding, they would 100% be staying at home, even if they were 4 and 5. It's a celebration - and typically a party - for adults. I went to my Uncle and Aunt's wedding when I was 7 or so, and had a good enough time, but there were other kids there. If the people getting married say no kids, that's their right. Heck, I've got a friend who lives close to us, who has known our kids since they were born, and likes them well enough. But when he has a pool party, it's strictly "no kids". He simply doesn't want to deal with it and wants to hang out with his adult friends. We have no problem with this because that's what we want to do, too. It's not like a 4 year old is going to have some magical memory of his Aunt and Uncle getting married.
I missed my going-away party (leaving a job) because I was babysitting a former colleague's baby at the other end of the room. Maybe the dozen folk gorging on cake thought I really liked sitting with an infant on my lap. Actually, I forgot to tell the mother that I'm terrified of holding teeny babies, especially in an upright position. Damn, I really wanted some of that cake. :(
Load More Replies...
well, surprise surprise! 42 yrs ago i had a rainbow and didn't even know it! and, guess what? he was raised like any other child. NTA. but, if this would be me i would have a little family meeting with brother, sil, mom, aunt, uncle - all the relatives that brother has whined to about this issue. would tell them it's my wedding; my choice if who attends. if they refuse to attend then that is on them as they also have a choice. if they want to be governed by a couple who wants to raise their child in the entitled manner that they are doing then so be it. and, finally - i loved them all and would hope to see them but, if not, will be happy to save them a piece of cake.
I just want to hear what the outcome of this was. I think that the vast majority think this woman is in the right, the brother and rest of the family is in the wrong, and the kid is a brat. But I'd love to know whether they all get their comeuppance.
So NTA. If they give in and allow this 'rainbow baby' to attend, I can guarantee his parents will do everything they can to make it all about him and will do nothing to check any disruptive behaviour. They are so incredibly disrespectful of the bride and groom!
A rainbow baby is a child conceived after a failed pregnancy or miscarriage and survives. It's really a huge relief for the parents, to have be rewarded after so much pain and hurt. While I agree that the parents of this particular rainbow are jerks, having multiple miscarriages is terrible. They are right to be happy about their kid, but treating him like he's an angel sent by God to grace the mortal world is just stupid.
Load More Replies...
NTA. It seems to me that the bride's family does not value her as they should their daughter/sister. I don't see good things for the "rainbow baby's" future either. He's going to get into trouble as soon as he hits school and finds out he's not so special after all. The bride should have her child-free wedding, and celebrate with those who genuinely want to come. She should also make sure to spread far and wide that her family was invited and decided not to come over a triviality. I hope she marries into a warmer and kinder family who will value her more than the one she was born into.
My parents never allowed us to go to weddings with them. Mom said she wanted to enjoy herself and not wondering if we were behaving there. Little kids get up on the dance floor and run into people trying to have fun. They usually spill stuff on the nice clothes the wedding guests are wearing or the gowns and tuxedos that were either bought or rented. What is a 4 year-old going to do for fun at a wedding, anyway. The Bride and Groom are going to have a nice, grown up event. The parents of this kid are in for a rude awakening when their "little precious" starts school.
Families. Can't live with 'em, can't take 'em down to the river an' drown 'em.
Definitely NTA. Her family sounds like a nightmare and as much as I'm sure she'd like her family there, they've made it clear that they sided with the brother. Her wedding will be better and drama free without her family there and it's their loss, not hers.
Yeah nah, if your family is not going to have your back, despite knowing no one else is going to have their kids with them (as well as just accepting that he basically used your inability to have kids as a way to get back at you), then maybe you have to cut them off and out of your life. You do not NEED people like that in your new life.
The way this woman's birth family is treating her is horrible. For her own sanity, I would recommend that she stop trying to convince them of anything. That is too much energy and time wasted. Instead, look to the beautiful future of a life lived without all of these toxic people and relationships in it. Because now she knows who she can count on and who will turn against her. And she should just leave the bad relationships behind. No ifs ands or buts. Her life will be so much better going forward.
I know this is going to be a harsh thing to say but... F*ck that shi*ty azz family!!!!!! She should say "No worries, you can see the pictures online" then ban them from your life forever. Block them on all social media, block their phone numbers. Never spend another minute with these twats!!!
Omg she can't have children and her c**t of a brother makes "jealousy" remarks? That whole family needs to burn in hell
Dear bride-to-be, First and foremost, I'd like to say congratulations to you and your fiancé, Derek; may your life together be filled with love, happiness and many unforgettable memories! In regards to your conundrum, The fact that you're having to deal with this kind of petty, immature, unnecessary bullshit as you prepare for one of the most important moments of your life sounds infuriating, to say the least. Your brother is being a unreasonable, self-centered, childish, narcissistic assclown, and if members of your family choose to engage in that sort of immature behavior reminiscent of grade school drama, so be it...you have no control of their behavior, but you do have control of how you handle it. Don't let anyone or any uncontrollable "bump in the road" make your special day anything less than perfect! 🙂
NTA. Just go on with the wedding without them. It's her life to live after all, not theirs. In a way, she's found out who would sell her out for their own agenda. Blood does not necessarily mean strong ties. Often times it just an excuse to be toxic c***s.
It's kinda true he's 'not just any kid', because he's been made to think he's special and can get away with whatever and he will be sure to disrupt your day, where 'any kid' might be cool enough to behave, this 'special one' definately will not.
I would tell the relatives to get lost and downscale the wedding. But if one wants to find a middle ground to make everyone happy, invite all the kids that parents want to bring and arrange for on-site child care, in a separate room. Still, this is a huge red flag and the universe way to tell you your family sucks.
I predict that in around ten to fifteen years (or much less!!) this "miracle child" is going to be in deep therapy with endless issues. He will never learn that he is not special and that he must follow the same rules as other kids his age. He won't know how to relate to other adults, including teachers, who treat him as any child. He won't understand that not everything belongs to him or that he cannot always have his way. When he encounters problems, he will learn to blame someone else and/or rely on his parents solving his problems. His sense of self and esteem will plummet as he reaches mid-adolescence because he won't know how to success socially, academically or in sports without his parents solving every dilemma. If he makes it to college, he will fail because no one will treat him as someone deserving of "special allowances." As nasty and ugly as this for the to-be bride, it is even more nasty and sad for the kid. Just pathetic all around.
I didn't have a wedding but I was always dead set against having kids at mine if I did. Don't blame her. I am not a kid kind of person. I am not good with them and they make me anxious. I can't handle them crying and it is not like they are enjoying themselves anyway. Small request to ask people to find a sitter for one night. But then I have a lot of emotional detachment so as people started to take sides and not show up I would probably be pretty happy about saving money on the headcount. The best thing about being emotionally detached is you don't care when people don't show up. Probably a big reason why we never had a wedding, court house with the random clerk acting as a witness was perfectly reasonable for me.
I think Paul and his sister are carved out of the same wood. But that's because I hate all these set rules for weddings, about what you have to wear, give, do, do not do. But it's her party, right? And if you can't find a sitter, then don't come. Don't make a big fuss out of it. Your kid is nothing special to the world. Nope, pretty sure that they are both obnoxious and very stubborn know-it-alls, it's just that sis has the final say, the only actually. So in this case not particularly the asshole, but in general I'd not be surprised.
I can kind of understand parents not wanting to leave the kid when they have that kind of attachment. But I'm really surprised that the family backed them up. The parents don't want to be at their own daughter's wedding over this? They sound like cretins.
From what I read, the kid has never been babysat. I wonder if he'll get bad separation anxiety when he goes to school. Or the parents will. You'd think he was at death's door the way they carry on.
Load More Replies...
*sigh sometimes I want to just sit in the theater and watch these stories like a fly on the wall with a bucket of popcorn.
Now is your chance to have a destination wedding or a wedding nearer the fiancé’s family. Your brother sounds like an entitled jerk and you are lucky to be rid of him and anyone else in the family who lets him get away with tearing apart your own personal wedding plans. The family members who can’t get onboard will need to revise their RSVP.
Honestly? If either side of the family started in like this, I would simply cancel the wedding, and we'd have a VERY small wedding at home (or in the garden) by a minister (if that's what you want). Two witnesses - good friends, no family involved whatsoever. Enough is enough of these toxic people. When my ex decided he needed a younger, richer version and walked out on me, I disowned his entire family. They were all crazy, so there was no worry there.
Oh, look!!! More entitled parents!!! What else is new? Water is wet??? I'm sick and tired of parents who believe their offspring is to be worshiped... get the f*ck over yourselves!!!
The OP probably appreciates the miracle of a child against the odds as much as anyone, she's said that she can't conceive. Good for her for standing her ground, no doubt the behaviour of her nephew just reinforces that. Her nephews life will be a train wreck if his parents don't drop the rainbow baby BS, and start parenting. Poor kid. Her brother and SIL ATA'S for trying to imply the OP is jealous. That's about as "below the belt" anyone can go...
I feel upset for the bride but I honestly hope her and hubby keep it together and don’t buckle under the pressure. I kind of agree with eloping in this situation. That little boy is going to most likely grown into a not very well mannered and not a very nice child if his parents keep it up. The writing is on the wall. It’s a shame the parents and the brother have treated their daughter and sister so despicably, that is very upsetting. The fact that her brother taunts her about not being able to conceive is something I hope the bride can rise above. And I hope his family are there to support her with what could be a bitter sweet day. Good luck sweetie, don’t let the a$$Ha get you down. You are NTA.
Well, saving money and cleaning out their live with every person who won't attend.
I would go full no contact with the whole lot. They are delusional about that kid (not baby). Parents may have gotten lucky to have a child, but that doesn't make that kid special for that circumstance. He's just a kid like any other until or unless he shows himself to be special in some tangible way.
op lost me at child free wedding. this notion is completely bizarre to me, maybe cultural thing. but here in eastern europe not including the whole family in the invitation would be really rude. i never heard anybody do something like that, but if you would invite me without my family i would not attend. so again, must be a cultural thing, but if you want a child free wedding than you are the YTA. on the other hand the brother and the mother in this story are complett assholes too.
It is in part cultural, more common in North America and possibly western Europe. In my case, I had a reception in a small restaurant, so I included children five and up. My three-year-old nephews tended to be quite active and wild, so they were excluded for safety reasons. Parents can get distracted and it can be dangerous if waiters are carrying hot food.
Load More Replies...
Even if she WAS doing this because she's jealous, so what?! It's her wedding she gets to set the rules. If she wants to not anyone just because they have a name starting with the letter P she can do it.
I predict that in around ten to fifteen years (or much less!!) this "miracle child" is going to be in deep therapy with endless issues. He will never learn that he is not special and that he must follow the same rules as other kids his age. He won't know how to relate to other adults, including teachers, who treat him as any child. He won't understand that not everything belongs to him or that he cannot always have his way. When he encounters problems, he will learn to blame someone else and/or rely on his parents solving his problems. His sense of self and esteem will plummet as he reaches mid-adolescence because he won't know how to success socially, academically or in sports without his parents solving every dilemma. If he makes it to college, he will fail because no one will treat him as someone deserving of "special allowances." As nasty and ugly as this for the to-be bride, it is even more nasty and sad for the kid. He is bound for absolute failure or a very cruel wakeup.
These people sound like the type who would crash the wedding. To play it safe, go ahead and tell them rainbow baby is invited. Then when they show up, have someone you trust announce that you and your husband are on your honeymoon. You actually got married earlier. However, you recorded the entire event so rainbow baby does not miss a moment. Start the video. At the beginning of the video, let them know that trusted person will only play it for as long as rainbow baby sits quietly. Video will be stopped and started as needed. Once the wedding is over, there will be a formal dinner reception (no special food for rainbow baby.) This process will be repeated for as long as it takes to make rainbow baby be quiet and still and finish his dinner. If anyone in the family leaves before that time is up, you will break off all future contact with them. This includes when you have your own rainbow baby. Personally, I don't think this will last more than a few minutes.
NTA, you can have your kid free wedding if you want it, but my wife and I stopped attending kid free weddings since seeing friends and relatives and their children is one of the big attractions of going to a wedding and hiring a sitter is expensive and can be difficult when the wedding is in a different city - do we arrange for someone to watch the kids for a long weekend, or travel to a new city and then hire a stranger through a babysitting service?
What the F is a "rainbow baby"? This is so comedic!!! I can only imagine the man that this child will become with such out of touch and weird parents.
Okay so this is gonna be an unpopular opinion here but bear in mind that we only have the OP’s perspective on this. One thing that struck me in her description of her nephew is that there was absolutely no warmth in it. She has managed to turn a sizeable group of internet strangers against a kid they’ve never met. Assuming that this child’s brattish behaviour is consistent and he has absolutely no redeeming qualities, is this something an aunt should do? Maybe, just maybe, the matter goes beyond a simple wedding invitation. It’s not unusual for childless weddings to make exceptions for close family and friends. Maybe her refusal to exclude her nephew from her big day (and all the photos that will be taken) is a manifestation of her dislike for him. Also there’s quite a gap between the OP and her only brother (33 vs 42). Could it be that she was an entitled rainbow baby also?
I agree there is a lot we don't know. She also does not have kids and her nephew exists - is she jealous? I think they are being rude not to follow her wishes for the wedding. But is it worth a huge family fall out and drama over inviting one child? If you choose you want to cut off your family, it should be a reasoned and serious decision and not due to this one incident (dramatic as it is).
Load More Replies...
I’ll be the stand out opinion here and take the down votes I guess. I can’t imagine not inviting my immediate family including nephew to my wedding. That is a bold a** move to not invite your own brothers family. Any other friends should understand this is her brothers kid. And it does sound like to me this bride is just resentful of her nephew rather than loving her own nephew, regardless of whether she agrees with how his parents discipline. She’s playing the victim here but she’s no victim. She’s chosen to address the issues she has with her brother and nephew by excluding them in an aggressive move that is in fact leaving her dying on her own hill.
i though 'rainbow' meant disabled in some way. Nope, it's just spoiled kid. However i would not be as categorical as most commenters. I would reconsider it to being child friendly wedding for everybody, maybe asking those parents who found nannies to dedicate that money for supervision at wedding venue
ETA. If someone tells me, I have to leave my dog at home, I can totally understand that, but I also expect them to understand that there is a chance that I might not come. (I usually do, but it'S not a given) Childfree weddings are a radical decision, especially if a nephew is uninvited. It's an asshole move, imo, and it doesn't matter hwo long before she announced it and what her reasons are: it's her nephew! There is going to be emotional fall-out for explicitly uninviting your own nephew to your wedding. However, the parents are equal assholes for turning this into a family feud. You don't like the rules? Then just don't go. And get family councelling, it sounds like you need it.
in my country you would be an a-hole just for organising a child-free wedding. if you are inviting a family you invite also the kids. end of story. your family are also a-holes for throwing into your face your inability to have kids.
Sound advice, but it's not really your or my place to tell someone how to spend their own money. Maybe they saved up for the wedding? Who knows. It's their life, their money and their wedding.
Load More Replies... 
Simple: Not everyone likes them. And for a woman who's sad because she can't have children, it would be horrible to see so many of them at her wedding.
Load More Replies...
If you cave here you open up the door to the multicolored crotch goblin having to be catered to by you forever. If the brother wants to spoil the kid, let him but then avoid events with them. Also rubbing it in her face she can't have kids ( which is why hubby #1 left) is truly horrible. The brother and the rest of the family need a wake up call
Load More Replies...
They called her jealous and threw it in her face that she was not able to have children in her previous marriage? They don’t act like family. I’d seriously limit my contact with such toxic people.
yes, I'm surprised no one else commented on this. It seemed like such a mean comment to purposely hurt her.
Load More Replies... A rainbow baby? WTH people! He's not a miracle, he's just a lucky egg and a lucky sperm that didn't get killed off by mom's uterus. The kid is not special in any way. Obviously NTA.
These are going to be the WORST kinds of parents. This is 'my kid is special' delusions turned up to 11, and he's got the whole family drinking that Kool-Aid! I forsee the little rainbow having some development problems with this kind of treatment.
Load More Replies... Paul need a good whacking. He is a class 1 a**hole. And the way the family treats the "baby" (a 4 yo is NOT a baby anymore), he has absolutely no chance to become a nice guy. I'm sorry for him.
Any 4 year old would agree with you. They're definitely children at that point.
Load More Replies... It's going to be a fun wedding party with only friends and people that really like the bride. And another plus: Not having to pretend that you like your family anymore.
I read a bit more on Reddit: "Unfortunately, this level of enablement from my parents for Paul has been normalized long time ago. It's like his word is Gospel and many family members are willing to follow his lead and they think I'm being disrespectful to him since he's my older brother."
Load More Replies... NTA, I would go full arsehole on this, I would go ahead with the wedding, post it all over social media, thanking my in-laws and friends for their support, post photos of me being happy, and spend the next couple of weeks talking about my amazing day, and constantly post about it.
What if Derek's side of the family, plus some invited friends had 'rainbow' babies of their own? Do you invite all of the rainbow babies and leave out the ones that were conceived without a hitch? How about unplanned babies - better leave those ones at home! Not to mention adopted or fostered children or even pets belonging to couples who can't have kids, who treat their pets like their own children. This is why you make the rules and you stick with them to avoid going down a rabbit hole. Your brother sounds like a first class t**t, particularly with the 'jealous' comment. You might think you want your family there, but they are toxic. You celebrate with the people who love you and who accept you for who you are. And have a brilliant day!
Excellent point. 1 in 3 pregnancies ends in miscarriage, that means there are a lot of 'rainbow babies' out there. I had multiple miscarriage before I had my daughter and wouldn't dream of expecting her to be an exception to the rule.
Load More Replies... Frankly, and I say this having been married by a justice fo the peace.... There's sometimes a really good reason you don't have a wedding, and just *get married*.
That is exactly what I came to say - Don't have "a wedding" just get married. I would cancel the whole thing and just have a small ceremony. Her request for a childfree wedding is not unreasonable but if this seems to be impossible with the family, well, too bad, then there will be no party for anybody...
Load More Replies... The kid may be an arsehole, but he's a kid - not his fault, his parents made him like that. The real arsehole here is Paul, "Maker of Rainbow Babies". Paul deserves a kick in the nuts!
Ah, genes do have some say in how susceptable a kid is to behave that way, and low and behold, look where his genes came from. The same entitled people that now enable him to become the world's worst person.
Load More Replies... this "rainbow" kid is going to be an entitled little prick when he grows up
Weddings are already boring af if there are other children around, a 4 year old would be a lot more entertained by a sitter so aside from all the bs the brother and wife really don't care for the welfare of their ever so special brat
They would probably spend the entire wedding dancing around him and expecting everyone else to.
Load More Replies... Only kid at my wedding was our own. My SIL was fine leaving her 2 kids at home. I honestly don't understand why people WANT to bring them to weddings. Dont you want a night off?!
I banned kids under the age of five. The only issue: the five-year-old ring bearer taunted his little brother. When the three-year-old cried, "But I want to be the ring bear!", his mother said, "Next time, you get to be the ring tiger." Dumb s**t, but he said, "OK". It was over 20 years ago. I wonder if "ring tiger" is still on his bucket list...
Load More Replies... My youngest sisters are rainbow babies.simply because they were born after miscarriages I asked my mom why my sister and I were sunshine babies but the other two are rainbow babies,she said because they were born after a storm (miscarriage)
NTA bro is an asshole, and parents and aunt & uncles are being twits. It's a wedding. The kid doesn't need to be there. Brother sounds incredibly toxic. I would uninvite him. Then have a talk to the older generation. Point out that this is bride and groom's special day, not bros, or Rainbow Sparkles, that this conflict is being escalated by bro, and started because he doesn't respect your choices. There will be many family gatherings where RS will be present, this will not be one of them, but you would like the adult members of your family to come and support you and celebrate your happiness.
F*****g entitlement mentality in full display here. F*****g Rainbow baby? stoopid!
So when does this child stop being "special" and just another brat in need of proper boundaries? The parents and other enablers are doing a huge disservice to him and anyone who has to deal with him. Some of the smart ones do well in their careers, but they'd happily sell their grandmothers and dance on their parents' graves in sheer joy at getting an inheritance.
My SIL is a spoiled brat. She was the only one in the family to get everything she wanted all the time. The other kids got literally nothing. No she is in her 30s and she is a total psychopath.
Load More Replies... The family allows the shitty brother to mock her infertility, when he has been through the same and knows the pain? Cut that whole rotten bransch of the family tree.
They are not raising a "special" child. They a raising a future adult - and he will run into trouble! And a judge doesn't care where he comes from. Have a nice wedding! And ask your family to get help - they need it! You don't
By the way it hurts not to conceive... Been there and got out with a lot of complications.... and no 2nd baby! But never in the world should anyone use that against you! Its hard.... not a right and not necessary the way to happyness to have children...
Load More Replies... I can just feel their excitement of being the exception - he wil be the only kid, and they can dress him up really cute, and make him the center of attention. On YOUR day - all your asking is for one special day, which is meaningless to a 4-yr old. Nauseating. Def NTA. I do feel bad for the kid, though - bad choice of parents.
Plus everyone else in the bride's family is in awe of the kid. The only hope of him growing up at least semi-normal is if the parents divorce and the kid gets a decent step-parent. Even that is unlikely, since they would pick someone who will not set boundaries on the child. Sometimes even very good parents don't do it in the moment because they're tired or distracted, but they don't object to adults setting reasonable limits.
Load More Replies... Kid is a spoilt brat an needs a wake-up call like this to hopefully realise the world doesn't revolve around him
If he's only 4, then there is still some hope. If he finds a really competent caretaker, he can be trained out of that quickly. My brother was extremely spoiled as a kid, mostly because he was raised by my grandparents while my mother went to high school. When she met and married my dad when she was 19, he helped her raise my brother out of the spoiled-ness. Me, on the other hand...I wouldn't say I'm so much spoiled than I was an experiment since my parents were still figuring out how to parent.
Load More Replies... The kid is 4 years old!!! Ok cool he's a rainbow baby & possibly a miracle. One wedding without him isn't going to change the hero worship. This is the bride & groom's choice & their special day. The parents are totally wrong.
Hold it a moment did this woman just say her brother picks on her inability to have children saying she is jealous. What a vile and disgusting human being. F him and the family. None of them deserve to be part of her and her Husby special day or future.
Well, problems like these can always appear once you decide to have a wedding with special requirements. Purely as a matter of principle, I would go through with it and not let my own family walk all over me over me as they please. However, you also have to be prepared to live with any long-term consequences in the form of offended family members up to breaking off contact. It has all happened before.
They're okay with child-free wedding, but only if bride make an exception for their son. That's not what child-free means.
When my dad married his 2nd wife I was told no kids. So my son, his only grandchild stayed home. His wife had her grandson and her niece and nephews brought their kids. All in all there were about 10 kids under 8. Still honked off about that 20+ years later.
Wtf is a"rainbow baby" anyway? NTA either way - it's her wedding, her rules.
Baby born after miscarriages/stillbirths. I'm a rainbow baby and honestly it sucks. I pity the kid.
Load More Replies... Oh, f**k that. Unless his wife gave birth to a snow leopard, his kid isn't rare. Your wedding, your rules, and no one likes seeing brats run wild at a wedding. He isn't paying for your wedding. The proper response to his tantrum is "We'll miss you, but we understand". And give the same response to the idiot relatives supporting his tantrum. You're better off without any of them.
Big Brother is a bully and parents are of a misogynistic generation. Uninvite them all.
Wow! I'd say she's lucky to be saving the money on the dinners and what not for the buttholes that aren't going to show up at her wedding. I also hope she continues to leave those doors closed and locked for all eternity. As someone that has turned away from my own toxic family, life is much easier without the family drama.
Sounds like the perfect time to elope and cut them all out of your life.
this makes me angry. i had a child free wedding only kid that was there was my 5 year old flower girl who had a ton of fun bc she knew alot of our guests. i came from a gated community so everyone knew each other her mother was my maid of honor too. my maid of honors sister didnt complain about not being able to bring her daughter she respected my and my husbands wishes and understood that her neice was my flower girl and was supposed to b there. no one complained or felt their kids were an exception. ppl whether they r family or not need to learn how to respect the bride and groom and the choices they make. its their day not urs. and if u ask me the brides brother and his wife r horrible parents if they dont ever punish or teach their kid wrong from right. that child is going to just grow into a monster. its ok to spoil a child but not to the point where they r already an entitled ungrateful brat at the age of 4. as i mentioned before my flower girl is my maid of honors daughter ive known her since she was born and she thinks im her aunt and ive spoiled her plenty of times but not enough for her to expect a present from me every time she sees me or become an entitled brat. she is a very well behaved little lady and she knows good behavior means reward and praise. for example she got 100% of a spelling test wen in kindergarden so i baked cookies for her and got her a blanket with her favorite tv show character on it. u need to teach kids they cant get everything they want wen they want it my flower girl knows that and shes so polite and kind and well behaved
Entitlement is the PROBLEM here. Just. WOW. I feel so bad for the bride to be, living in the shadow of spoiled brat big brother her whole life!
NTA it's her wedding and she can choose who she invites! I'm getting married next year and the only children at the wedding will be ours and our niece and nephew on his side that we are very close to. I have 2 brothers that have no children. I also have 4 stepsisters that do have children. If they decide not to come because I have not invited their children then that's up to them, I would be sad but move on. Most of our other family and friends have children (more than 1) and to invite them all would be impossible and also be a freaking nightmare!
I banned kids under five for safety reasons: I had visions of waiters dropping hot food on my two rambunctious three-year-old nephews. The five year olds (a ring bearer and a flower girl) were mature enough to join us.
Load More Replies... "Rainbow baby" is now the stupidest concept I've heard to this point.
This bride is defo not the a***hole! My husband and I struggled to have children for ten years but sadly didn't get our happy ending. But we both said many times during conversations between us throughout those long, lonely years that if we are finally blessed with a child then we must move on from all this and be "normal" parents. One doesn't make ones own issues your child's issues! It's HER wedding and her family ought to respect her wishes, even though I've struggled with infertility myself I fail to see how her nephew came to be is even relevant. I love kids but I certainly wouldn't want a spoilt, selfish, badly behaved brat at my wedding whether he or she was a rainbow baby or not!
Most people I know who've struggled and then had their own (whether biological or adopted) have been very good parents. So the bride's family has totally bogus reasons for including a badly behaved child.
Load More Replies... I don't understand why anyone would want to bring their child to a wedding. My kids are 14 and 15, very well behaved, but if we got invited to a wedding, they would 100% be staying at home, even if they were 4 and 5. It's a celebration - and typically a party - for adults. I went to my Uncle and Aunt's wedding when I was 7 or so, and had a good enough time, but there were other kids there. If the people getting married say no kids, that's their right. Heck, I've got a friend who lives close to us, who has known our kids since they were born, and likes them well enough. But when he has a pool party, it's strictly "no kids". He simply doesn't want to deal with it and wants to hang out with his adult friends. We have no problem with this because that's what we want to do, too. It's not like a 4 year old is going to have some magical memory of his Aunt and Uncle getting married.
I missed my going-away party (leaving a job) because I was babysitting a former colleague's baby at the other end of the room. Maybe the dozen folk gorging on cake thought I really liked sitting with an infant on my lap. Actually, I forgot to tell the mother that I'm terrified of holding teeny babies, especially in an upright position. Damn, I really wanted some of that cake. :(
Load More Replies... well, surprise surprise! 42 yrs ago i had a rainbow and didn't even know it! and, guess what? he was raised like any other child. NTA. but, if this would be me i would have a little family meeting with brother, sil, mom, aunt, uncle - all the relatives that brother has whined to about this issue. would tell them it's my wedding; my choice if who attends. if they refuse to attend then that is on them as they also have a choice. if they want to be governed by a couple who wants to raise their child in the entitled manner that they are doing then so be it. and, finally - i loved them all and would hope to see them but, if not, will be happy to save them a piece of cake.
I just want to hear what the outcome of this was. I think that the vast majority think this woman is in the right, the brother and rest of the family is in the wrong, and the kid is a brat. But I'd love to know whether they all get their comeuppance.
So NTA. If they give in and allow this 'rainbow baby' to attend, I can guarantee his parents will do everything they can to make it all about him and will do nothing to check any disruptive behaviour. They are so incredibly disrespectful of the bride and groom!
A rainbow baby is a child conceived after a failed pregnancy or miscarriage and survives. It's really a huge relief for the parents, to have be rewarded after so much pain and hurt. While I agree that the parents of this particular rainbow are jerks, having multiple miscarriages is terrible. They are right to be happy about their kid, but treating him like he's an angel sent by God to grace the mortal world is just stupid.
Load More Replies... NTA. It seems to me that the bride's family does not value her as they should their daughter/sister. I don't see good things for the "rainbow baby's" future either. He's going to get into trouble as soon as he hits school and finds out he's not so special after all. The bride should have her child-free wedding, and celebrate with those who genuinely want to come. She should also make sure to spread far and wide that her family was invited and decided not to come over a triviality. I hope she marries into a warmer and kinder family who will value her more than the one she was born into.
My parents never allowed us to go to weddings with them. Mom said she wanted to enjoy herself and not wondering if we were behaving there. Little kids get up on the dance floor and run into people trying to have fun. They usually spill stuff on the nice clothes the wedding guests are wearing or the gowns and tuxedos that were either bought or rented. What is a 4 year-old going to do for fun at a wedding, anyway. The Bride and Groom are going to have a nice, grown up event. The parents of this kid are in for a rude awakening when their "little precious" starts school.
Families. Can't live with 'em, can't take 'em down to the river an' drown 'em.
Definitely NTA. Her family sounds like a nightmare and as much as I'm sure she'd like her family there, they've made it clear that they sided with the brother. Her wedding will be better and drama free without her family there and it's their loss, not hers.
Yeah nah, if your family is not going to have your back, despite knowing no one else is going to have their kids with them (as well as just accepting that he basically used your inability to have kids as a way to get back at you), then maybe you have to cut them off and out of your life. You do not NEED people like that in your new life.
The way this woman's birth family is treating her is horrible. For her own sanity, I would recommend that she stop trying to convince them of anything. That is too much energy and time wasted. Instead, look to the beautiful future of a life lived without all of these toxic people and relationships in it. Because now she knows who she can count on and who will turn against her. And she should just leave the bad relationships behind. No ifs ands or buts. Her life will be so much better going forward.
I know this is going to be a harsh thing to say but... F*ck that shi*ty azz family!!!!!! She should say "No worries, you can see the pictures online" then ban them from your life forever. Block them on all social media, block their phone numbers. Never spend another minute with these twats!!!
Omg she can't have children and her c**t of a brother makes "jealousy" remarks? That whole family needs to burn in hell
Dear bride-to-be, First and foremost, I'd like to say congratulations to you and your fiancé, Derek; may your life together be filled with love, happiness and many unforgettable memories! In regards to your conundrum, The fact that you're having to deal with this kind of petty, immature, unnecessary bullshit as you prepare for one of the most important moments of your life sounds infuriating, to say the least. Your brother is being a unreasonable, self-centered, childish, narcissistic assclown, and if members of your family choose to engage in that sort of immature behavior reminiscent of grade school drama, so be it...you have no control of their behavior, but you do have control of how you handle it. Don't let anyone or any uncontrollable "bump in the road" make your special day anything less than perfect! 🙂
NTA. Just go on with the wedding without them. It's her life to live after all, not theirs. In a way, she's found out who would sell her out for their own agenda. Blood does not necessarily mean strong ties. Often times it just an excuse to be toxic c***s.
It's kinda true he's 'not just any kid', because he's been made to think he's special and can get away with whatever and he will be sure to disrupt your day, where 'any kid' might be cool enough to behave, this 'special one' definately will not.
I would tell the relatives to get lost and downscale the wedding. But if one wants to find a middle ground to make everyone happy, invite all the kids that parents want to bring and arrange for on-site child care, in a separate room. Still, this is a huge red flag and the universe way to tell you your family sucks.
I predict that in around ten to fifteen years (or much less!!) this "miracle child" is going to be in deep therapy with endless issues. He will never learn that he is not special and that he must follow the same rules as other kids his age. He won't know how to relate to other adults, including teachers, who treat him as any child. He won't understand that not everything belongs to him or that he cannot always have his way. When he encounters problems, he will learn to blame someone else and/or rely on his parents solving his problems. His sense of self and esteem will plummet as he reaches mid-adolescence because he won't know how to success socially, academically or in sports without his parents solving every dilemma. If he makes it to college, he will fail because no one will treat him as someone deserving of "special allowances." As nasty and ugly as this for the to-be bride, it is even more nasty and sad for the kid. Just pathetic all around.
I didn't have a wedding but I was always dead set against having kids at mine if I did. Don't blame her. I am not a kid kind of person. I am not good with them and they make me anxious. I can't handle them crying and it is not like they are enjoying themselves anyway. Small request to ask people to find a sitter for one night. But then I have a lot of emotional detachment so as people started to take sides and not show up I would probably be pretty happy about saving money on the headcount. The best thing about being emotionally detached is you don't care when people don't show up. Probably a big reason why we never had a wedding, court house with the random clerk acting as a witness was perfectly reasonable for me.
I think Paul and his sister are carved out of the same wood. But that's because I hate all these set rules for weddings, about what you have to wear, give, do, do not do. But it's her party, right? And if you can't find a sitter, then don't come. Don't make a big fuss out of it. Your kid is nothing special to the world. Nope, pretty sure that they are both obnoxious and very stubborn know-it-alls, it's just that sis has the final say, the only actually. So in this case not particularly the asshole, but in general I'd not be surprised.
I can kind of understand parents not wanting to leave the kid when they have that kind of attachment. But I'm really surprised that the family backed them up. The parents don't want to be at their own daughter's wedding over this? They sound like cretins.
From what I read, the kid has never been babysat. I wonder if he'll get bad separation anxiety when he goes to school. Or the parents will. You'd think he was at death's door the way they carry on.
Load More Replies... *sigh sometimes I want to just sit in the theater and watch these stories like a fly on the wall with a bucket of popcorn.
Now is your chance to have a destination wedding or a wedding nearer the fiancé’s family. Your brother sounds like an entitled jerk and you are lucky to be rid of him and anyone else in the family who lets him get away with tearing apart your own personal wedding plans. The family members who can’t get onboard will need to revise their RSVP.
Honestly? If either side of the family started in like this, I would simply cancel the wedding, and we'd have a VERY small wedding at home (or in the garden) by a minister (if that's what you want). Two witnesses - good friends, no family involved whatsoever. Enough is enough of these toxic people. When my ex decided he needed a younger, richer version and walked out on me, I disowned his entire family. They were all crazy, so there was no worry there.
Oh, look!!! More entitled parents!!! What else is new? Water is wet??? I'm sick and tired of parents who believe their offspring is to be worshiped... get the f*ck over yourselves!!!
The OP probably appreciates the miracle of a child against the odds as much as anyone, she's said that she can't conceive. Good for her for standing her ground, no doubt the behaviour of her nephew just reinforces that. Her nephews life will be a train wreck if his parents don't drop the rainbow baby BS, and start parenting. Poor kid. Her brother and SIL ATA'S for trying to imply the OP is jealous. That's about as "below the belt" anyone can go...
I feel upset for the bride but I honestly hope her and hubby keep it together and don’t buckle under the pressure. I kind of agree with eloping in this situation. That little boy is going to most likely grown into a not very well mannered and not a very nice child if his parents keep it up. The writing is on the wall. It’s a shame the parents and the brother have treated their daughter and sister so despicably, that is very upsetting. The fact that her brother taunts her about not being able to conceive is something I hope the bride can rise above. And I hope his family are there to support her with what could be a bitter sweet day. Good luck sweetie, don’t let the a$$Ha get you down. You are NTA.
Well, saving money and cleaning out their live with every person who won't attend.
I would go full no contact with the whole lot. They are delusional about that kid (not baby). Parents may have gotten lucky to have a child, but that doesn't make that kid special for that circumstance. He's just a kid like any other until or unless he shows himself to be special in some tangible way.
op lost me at child free wedding. this notion is completely bizarre to me, maybe cultural thing. but here in eastern europe not including the whole family in the invitation would be really rude. i never heard anybody do something like that, but if you would invite me without my family i would not attend. so again, must be a cultural thing, but if you want a child free wedding than you are the YTA. on the other hand the brother and the mother in this story are complett assholes too.
It is in part cultural, more common in North America and possibly western Europe. In my case, I had a reception in a small restaurant, so I included children five and up. My three-year-old nephews tended to be quite active and wild, so they were excluded for safety reasons. Parents can get distracted and it can be dangerous if waiters are carrying hot food.
Load More Replies... Even if she WAS doing this because she's jealous, so what?! It's her wedding she gets to set the rules. If she wants to not anyone just because they have a name starting with the letter P she can do it.
I predict that in around ten to fifteen years (or much less!!) this "miracle child" is going to be in deep therapy with endless issues. He will never learn that he is not special and that he must follow the same rules as other kids his age. He won't know how to relate to other adults, including teachers, who treat him as any child. He won't understand that not everything belongs to him or that he cannot always have his way. When he encounters problems, he will learn to blame someone else and/or rely on his parents solving his problems. His sense of self and esteem will plummet as he reaches mid-adolescence because he won't know how to success socially, academically or in sports without his parents solving every dilemma. If he makes it to college, he will fail because no one will treat him as someone deserving of "special allowances." As nasty and ugly as this for the to-be bride, it is even more nasty and sad for the kid. He is bound for absolute failure or a very cruel wakeup.
These people sound like the type who would crash the wedding. To play it safe, go ahead and tell them rainbow baby is invited. Then when they show up, have someone you trust announce that you and your husband are on your honeymoon. You actually got married earlier. However, you recorded the entire event so rainbow baby does not miss a moment. Start the video. At the beginning of the video, let them know that trusted person will only play it for as long as rainbow baby sits quietly. Video will be stopped and started as needed. Once the wedding is over, there will be a formal dinner reception (no special food for rainbow baby.) This process will be repeated for as long as it takes to make rainbow baby be quiet and still and finish his dinner. If anyone in the family leaves before that time is up, you will break off all future contact with them. This includes when you have your own rainbow baby. Personally, I don't think this will last more than a few minutes.
NTA, you can have your kid free wedding if you want it, but my wife and I stopped attending kid free weddings since seeing friends and relatives and their children is one of the big attractions of going to a wedding and hiring a sitter is expensive and can be difficult when the wedding is in a different city - do we arrange for someone to watch the kids for a long weekend, or travel to a new city and then hire a stranger through a babysitting service?
What the F is a "rainbow baby"? This is so comedic!!! I can only imagine the man that this child will become with such out of touch and weird parents.
Okay so this is gonna be an unpopular opinion here but bear in mind that we only have the OP’s perspective on this. One thing that struck me in her description of her nephew is that there was absolutely no warmth in it. She has managed to turn a sizeable group of internet strangers against a kid they’ve never met. Assuming that this child’s brattish behaviour is consistent and he has absolutely no redeeming qualities, is this something an aunt should do? Maybe, just maybe, the matter goes beyond a simple wedding invitation. It’s not unusual for childless weddings to make exceptions for close family and friends. Maybe her refusal to exclude her nephew from her big day (and all the photos that will be taken) is a manifestation of her dislike for him. Also there’s quite a gap between the OP and her only brother (33 vs 42). Could it be that she was an entitled rainbow baby also?
I agree there is a lot we don't know. She also does not have kids and her nephew exists - is she jealous? I think they are being rude not to follow her wishes for the wedding. But is it worth a huge family fall out and drama over inviting one child? If you choose you want to cut off your family, it should be a reasoned and serious decision and not due to this one incident (dramatic as it is).
Load More Replies... I’ll be the stand out opinion here and take the down votes I guess. I can’t imagine not inviting my immediate family including nephew to my wedding. That is a bold a** move to not invite your own brothers family. Any other friends should understand this is her brothers kid. And it does sound like to me this bride is just resentful of her nephew rather than loving her own nephew, regardless of whether she agrees with how his parents discipline. She’s playing the victim here but she’s no victim. She’s chosen to address the issues she has with her brother and nephew by excluding them in an aggressive move that is in fact leaving her dying on her own hill.
i though 'rainbow' meant disabled in some way. Nope, it's just spoiled kid. However i would not be as categorical as most commenters. I would reconsider it to being child friendly wedding for everybody, maybe asking those parents who found nannies to dedicate that money for supervision at wedding venue
ETA. If someone tells me, I have to leave my dog at home, I can totally understand that, but I also expect them to understand that there is a chance that I might not come. (I usually do, but it'S not a given) Childfree weddings are a radical decision, especially if a nephew is uninvited. It's an asshole move, imo, and it doesn't matter hwo long before she announced it and what her reasons are: it's her nephew! There is going to be emotional fall-out for explicitly uninviting your own nephew to your wedding. However, the parents are equal assholes for turning this into a family feud. You don't like the rules? Then just don't go. And get family councelling, it sounds like you need it.
in my country you would be an a-hole just for organising a child-free wedding. if you are inviting a family you invite also the kids. end of story. your family are also a-holes for throwing into your face your inability to have kids.
Sound advice, but it's not really your or my place to tell someone how to spend their own money. Maybe they saved up for the wedding? Who knows. It's their life, their money and their wedding.
Load More Replies... Simple: Not everyone likes them. And for a woman who's sad because she can't have children, it would be horrible to see so many of them at her wedding.
Load More Replies... If you cave here you open up the door to the multicolored crotch goblin having to be catered to by you forever. If the brother wants to spoil the kid, let him but then avoid events with them. Also rubbing it in her face she can't have kids ( which is why hubby #1 left) is truly horrible. The brother and the rest of the family need a wake up call
Load More Replies...
168
186