“Am I The Jerk For Bringing My Baby To A Child-Free Wedding?”
Whether or not to bring kids—and especially babies—to weddings can be a very sensitive issue. Strong arguments could be made for either case. However, when the happy couple explicitly ask their guests not to bring their kids, it’s usually best to honor their wishes. It is their wedding day after all. And they’re giving everyone plenty of notice to find a babysitter. Heck, some of the other guests might have hired certified professionals for their own kids!
Redditor u/babyweddingthrowaway shared what happens when guests don’t think that the rules apply to them. She turned to the AITA community for their opinion on whether or not she was a jerk for bringing her 10-month-old baby to her cousin’s wedding, despite everyone having been asked not to do this.
Scroll down for the full story in the new mom’s own words and to read how other internet users reacted to the entire drama. Oh, and when you’re done, we’d like to hear from you, Pandas. Who did you think was in the wrong? How would you have handled the situation? Do you have any weddings coming up soon? Tell us all about it in the comments.
Usually, marrying couples tell their guests whether or not it’s all right to bring kids to the wedding
Image credits: Justin Luck (not the actual photo)
In some cases, the guests don’t listen. Here’s one mom’s story about what happened when she brought her baby to the ceremony
Image credits: Samantha Gades (not the actual photo)
Image credits: babyweddingthrowaway
It’s pretty darn unusual for the AITA community to be so united in their YTA verdicts. In this particular case, a huge number of redditors thought that the mom was clearly in the wrong because she did the one thing parents were asked not to do. She brought her kid. The baby disrupted the ceremony. And the thing that the couple dreaded would happen actually happened.
The redditor’s defense was that she’d RSVP’d and told her cousin that she’d be bringing her baby anyway. The groom and his bride didn’t tell her ‘no’ again because they didn’t want to start any drama. Meanwhile, some of the other guests were upset because they thought the redditor was given “special treatment.”
In short, this entire situation shows what happens when even a single person thinks they’re above the general guidelines. We absolutely adore kids at weddings and we totally get parents wanting to love and protect their munchkins, but at the end of the day, if it’s a childfree wedding, it’s a childfree wedding. And demanding exemptions when others are in the exact same boat as you sounds a bit selfish.
Previously, Anna and Sarah, team leaders at The Wedding Society, stressed to Bored Panda that it is vital to respect the wishes of the marrying couple.
“Whether it be that kids of a certain age are welcome, only specific children of a few family and friends, or no kids at all,” guests should honor the couple’s wishes regarding kids at the ceremony.
“Please don’t take the inclusion or exclusion of your little ones personally (especially if the couple don’t have kids of their own to fully understand your situation) and remember—as nice as it is to bring your babes along to the celebration, it’s also an awesome opportunity for a fun night off if you’re asked to leave them with a sitter!” Anna and Sarah said that parents should strive to look at some of the positive aspects of going to a childfree wedding. It’s an opportunity to spend time with your partner, friends, and family. It’s a date night in disguise.
“For marrying couples, the etiquette can be trickier. Newborns really need to be with their parents so please don’t ask for any babies under a few months to be left at home. It’s perfectly reasonable to ask for parents of older children to take the night off and leave them with a sitter, but the fairest way to do this is to make a blanket rule for everyone rather than picking and choosing which kids can come and who can’t.”
The vast majority of internet users condemned what the mom did. Here’s what they said was wrong with her behavior
If it says Child free, respect their decision and don't attend the wedding if you're not comfortable leaving the kid with someone. I had the same situation where my cousin was getting married and said it was child free and I simply replied with, enjoy your day, I cannot attend. It's not hard.
Was your cousin understanding?
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It's sad you chose your brat over your cousin big day.
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Well aren't you just better than everyone
Better than everyone who consider their offspring to be the exception to every rule, yeah.
You're just the kind of jerk that brings babies to baby free events.
You seem like the kinda guy who brings other people's children, to Weddings.
One of my aunts did this. We were childfree. She decided that didn't apply to her pwecious grandbabies, and brought them so that everyone could admire how beautiful and special they were. Fortunately they didn't disturb the ceremony, but when they started running laps around the reception dance floor while dinner was being served, I had the coordinator "handle" things. Wedding advice: ALWAYS have a professional who can kick people out as needed!
Well, that is what ushers, are supposed to be for. I did an usher job for one of my friends and he told us to not let anyone in, once the wedding started and the vows were finished. We had a lobby full of upset people who couldn't be bothered to show up on time. But we didn't let them in until the vows were finished.
Ushers are sometimes family members or friends, too, and don't necessarily want to confront an a*****e at a wedding. Coordinators or people working for the venue don't have the same compunctions, and have a ton more experience handling stuff like this. Let them do it.
I hope they were upset at themselves for not making it to a WEDDING on time and not at you for holding them out.
Oh, they were mad, but I didn't care. I have healthy boundaries.
They're the ones who write to advice columnists, alway "Dear Abby, I have been married 10 years and have two beautiful children....now, my problem is -------' No one admits to having mundane or ugly kids, they take pains to emphasize how 'beautiful' they are.
Translation: I’m a pweshus speshul snowflake and I’m looking for strangers to validate all the reasons I list to justify why the rules don’t apply to me.
Also, they want to show off their kids/grandkids to feed their own egos instead of letting the focus be on the couple getting married.
My husband and I requested that children under a certain age not attend. Basically any child younger than middle school age because the venue had some very expensive antique cars and neon signs around the reception space. We also didn't want any crying babies or disruptive toddlers during the ceremony since we spent a lot of time making it personal and custom to us. Some people RSVP'd no because of this, which we expected, but some of my husbands close friends actually found babysitters to stay with their little ones that the hotel. Still, one of my husbands like, 3rd cousins brought their newborn anyway and we felt like total jerks because of the optics. The baby did not cry or act up at all, but we felt really bad for our friends who were spending good money on babysitters and this random cousin took it upon themselves to bring their child. We didn't say anything until after the wedding, but they have always been very snotty and entitled. We're not big fans them to say the least.
Yeah, I would've had her escorted out.
Some people wouldn't consider the drama worth it.
I agree. There's a split in my own family between my mother's siblings. At my cousin's wedding that was held in the ballroom of a hotel (i.e., not at a private residence), two of the aunts who were not invited showed up after dinner, just to mingle. They were escorted out. And that's how my cousin's wedding is remembered -- the drama of escorting out the two aunts, along with an uncle who was a guest but left with them because of principle.
This shounds like a shitshow Funhog, and the bride and groom weren't even involved. I imagine it would be so much worse if they were a side in that conflict, like here. The nerves related to getting into such a confrontation at my own wedding just wouldn't be worth it to me.
I'm with you as I hate confrontation. We had a very small wedding that only had people we were very close to and wouldn't pull any xhit on us.. or so we thought. Cue some random fella of my sister's turning up. We let it go. She ended up with him for a few years at least. People!!
no drama needed. just instruct some from the organization to escort them out "following the well known rule" and that's it. u dont even need to interact wigh the A. if they didn't even bother to ask for permission, means that they never talked too much to you before, so...
Yeah, they should have stayed home with the newborn. Not cool
Yes, 100% YTA. I would have called you and politely told you no once I received the RSVP. I kinda blame them a bit for not correcting your blatant disregard on the RSVP, but you should've stayed at home.
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I think it was mistakes on both sides, as well. Everything in life goes better with communication and no assumptions.
Saying there was a mistake on the wedding couple's side doesn't make any sense to me! They were trying to keep it classy - after all, what can you say to a blatant disregard like that? It was only the aunt who confronted the OP, the couple just stayed out of the drama, for which I admire them.
I stared at my reception on the invitations no children. There was one child (my nephews and his gf that was a toddler) and usually at any family gathering they kinda ignore her an let others play or entertain or take care of her. I didn't want that. It was an adult reception w an open bar. Didn't want them having drinks and ignoring their kid or maybe having an accident on the way home with her in the car. They got a sitter. It was fine. But I've been to other weddings where young kids almost killed the vibe because they get into everything. Hate the food. Run around. Scream. Make others uncomfortable because it isn't their kid to tell them no, so they try to find the adult but it just isn't polite. No kids means no kids. So if you can't find a sitter then stay home an send congrats. A sitter was provided to this event. She should have used it and not have been entitled.
I would be beyond mad if I attended a child free event only to encounter a screaming infant
So would I. If my boyfriend and I ever marry I'll would want it to be child free or at least no under 10s for that exact reason. So we don't have screaming infants or young kids running around where there's hot drinks.
Didn't even read the story. Unless you are literally the bride or groom, YTA to infinity and beyond.
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If you didn't read the story, how in the world would you have the info to decide?
The headline itself told you everything in a nutshell. There isn't anything the Op could write that wouldn't make her TA.
I read the title and quickly said A55h0l3
I actually thought it was one of those "bait and switch" titles because surely they couldn't be a blantant a*****e right from the first words. Well, I was wrong.
Where weddings are concerned, there are ALWAYS blatant assholes, front and center!
True, though the a*****e is not always the guest.
SAME!! I read just waiting for the hook- first time I've read a straightforward article w content EXACTLY as described in the headline!!! How oddly suspicious lol
They got us with the double bluff, Nujoie!
The wedding is a celebration for the bride and groom. They plan it, they organize it, they pay for it and therefore they set the rules. If you aren't mature enough to accept that, stay home. The bride and groom are probably very busy and don't have time to deal with drama from people who aren't footing the bill. It's really not complicated. Just put yourself in their place and try to be understanding of their situation, and remember: IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU!
The wedding was child free and that included this person's baby. The fact that she chose to bring it anyway shows that she didn't care what the rules were. If you don't want to leave your baby with an unknown babysitter, stay home and skip the wedding.
Yes. Yes you are a jerk for bringing a baby to a baby free function.
Her last sentence killed me “I didn’t mean to start any drama” are u kidding me? RESPECT is what you lack of. The rest of the guests that have children had to make sacrifice and RESPECTED the couple’s wishes. You just went right in and shove your disrespect to their faces. People like you who does not think outside of the box are always 💯 % YTA.
She was a selfish cow who only cared about herself.
As soon as someone uses "drama," you know they are the drama.
YTA*YTA*YTA*YTA*YTA*YTA*YTA*YTA*YTA*YTA*YTA*YTA*YTA*YTA*YTA*YTA*YTA*YTA*
It always amazes me that people want thieir decisions to be justified (or not as in this case) by random people from the internet. Talk to the people that matter in your life.
Most of the time they're looking to prove those people wrong after talking IRL
If they need random internet people to tell them right from wrong, then they have issues. I find most of these AITA stories to be common sense and people lacking proper boundaries in their lives.
I don't know anymore how true those AITA posts are, but if we give them the benefit of the doubt then some people over the years have seen the light. The sub is meant for people who honestly don't know anymore whether something they did was right. And it's not always easy or productive to ask loved ones.
She even mentioned that other cousins were upset that the groom gave her 'special' permission. This is NOT one of those "don't ask for permission, ask for forgiveness" events. Hubby and I brought the babysitter with us to the hotel for the weekend, when we went to an out-of-town wedding. Stay home or leave with a babysitter. Even a compromise of leaving hubby with the baby while you attend the wedding of the relative. Then feel out if the reception is ok to bring the little one , since the baby was eating their own 'chow', or leave her/him with the baby sitter til you are done eating and hubby returns to the hotel for the night. The world doesn't revolve around a$$wipes.
Yes you the ahole, baby free means NO BABIES
Exactly. Her cousin should have kicked her out. Her baby disturbed the wedding due to her selfishness. She should have got a babysitter or stayed home.
Absolute 100% TA and always will be. There is NEVER any excuse. If you are told NO CHILDREN then you LISTEN or you STAY HOME. No exceptions.
You could also have brought along someone you trusted to babysit where you were staying.
Yes, yes you are. My friend brought her baby to my childfree wedding but asked me beforehand because since he was a newborn he needed regular feeding. I was ok with that but the point is, she asked.
So she doesn't even know the bride? Jeez.
Yes. You are an a*****e. Not sure why you really needed confirmation on this. You are extremely disrespectful.
Sadly...you are! :/
Ok- so my cousin by marriage is getting married in 3 months. My daughter 5 and son 4 are the flowergirl and ring bearer. The link for the details of the wedding day says child free-adults only. I am assuming since my children are in the wedding and we are coming from out of town that we are all invited to the reception. We were just planning to just have dinner and cake- then leave back to the hotel. Is this kosher? Am I wrong?
Instead of assuming, talk to the future bride and groom. I hope it all works out. :)
I would double check with the couple, just to be on the safe side. You know what has been said about assuming...
this was only on reddit yesterday, so quick to copy it here!
Some of us are not on Reddit. It's always, ALWAYS, stupid to complain about content you get for free on a site you follow of your own will.
I don’t read reddit, so fine by me!
Yeah, BP has no originality anymore. These reddit copied posts are getting really old, quickly.
I hate to point out the obvious here, but the more you click, read, and comment on these articles, the more they appear. Is there truly no way for you to just skip past them and not read them? There is a bunch of content I don’t want to see here, so I just… don’t.
Exactly! It's so blatantly obvious to anyone, yet we still have the complainers. I also see a lot of content I don't care for so I don't click on it. To paraphrase Dionne Warwick's song, Scroll on by. For those who don't get the song reference, here ya go: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vsGsCvJWEo8
LOL, no I get it, but when 85% of the content on the main is this...........just saying.
Anymore?
OP is the b******e 10000%! If it says child-free then it's CHILD-FREE! End of story! Bringing a child much less a baby that made a fuss to a wedding that in no uncertain terms said no children is like being told to not wear white at a funeral service yet do it! It's both tacky, extremely disrespectful, not to mention downright ultra-entitled!
definitely the arsehole. seeing as there were other young relatives there in the same age group, I'm sure if they'd contacted the couple and explained their situation, they probably WOULD have agreed to it. but to bring them without getting express permission from the hosts, totally the arsehole here.
Ugh, I hate people like that. I have a rule -- if you come to my house, take off your shoes after you walk through the front door. My floor is clean, but if you are uncomfortable being barefoot/with just socks on, I will provide some slippers (also clean). Pretty much everyone who comes over is cool with it. However, there are always one or two very-special-snowflakes who would attempt to plow through with "...but my shoes are cle-eean!" banter, who then get perplexed by why they are not invited to come back.
Fair enough. I have that rule in my flat too.
Maybe not an a$$ but rude, unfriendly and egoistic. That was t h e i r day. Once. This day will never come back. In any video of the ceremony there is your baby crying. No matter how long or short. It will remember them forever that you broke the rules and the wish to have a harmonic, child free wedding.
I agree. People like her are so selfish reproducing and expecting everyone else to put up with their decision. Child free means just that.
Has zero to so with "reproducing and expecting everyone else to put up with their decision"; but everything to so with who they want at their wedding. They are playing for it so they get to decide. Don't like the parameters, don't go. Grow up.
One word. YES!
Babies that aren't yet crawling, I wouldn't have a problem with, as long as you take them out of the room if the start crying. Free range crotch goblins should be left at home! In this case I think she could have made more effort to speak to the cousins about it first.
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I hate that terminology! :(
it’s so rude and entitled that somebody would do this! definitely agree with the comments
I'm convinced half of these are trolls. Lol. Cause I can't wrap my head around someone being so fucken entitled.
Perhaps she could have spoken to them directly with regards to bringing the child rather than write it on the RSVP and then she would have known their response and respected their wishes.
Child free means child free. Respect and honour the boundaries of those that chose you to share their special day. Don't go if you can't comply.
yup you are a total jerk.
I've wanted to attend a couple of weddings that weren't "child free" as a policy but the bride/groom let me know that the venue wasn't really child friendly (I had a toddler at the time). I appreciated their invite and they understood why I couldn't come. I can imagine for some parents, a child free wedding is a great thing. Great excuse for a date night
Anyone who does that should be shot.
This happened to me twice. When my child was 3, only my husband attended, and he was the best man! Later, a great friend was getting married and my kid was 4 and I left him with my husband and went alone.
You should of received " regrets" and not went if you didn't have a sitter arranged for the wedding. They should of contacted you and said that a plus 1.. even a baby on your lap was not possible. You were rude to write that in on your own and ruder to not confirm verbally that they saw that and that it was ok. This is why people send rsvps out.. to give people a chance to reply that they cant come based on the restrictions given in the invite. Or to give you a reasonable amount of time to make arrangements. I'd be mad if I followed the rules to have someone just " write in" their own.
Yes, you are the AH. This was the bride and grooms day. They requested child free. What part of that didn't you get? It is not about you. Get a babysitter or don't go. Respect their wishes, it is their wedding.
Well, I wouldn't exactly say you're a jerk for bringing your child to a child-free wedding, but it was the wishes of your cousin, so it's best you respected ii;. Now, if there was a babysitter to watch the little ones for those who find it hard to leave their kids at home, you may want to take advantage of that service; but if I would find that hard to do either one; I would opted.not to attend, but send them a nice wedding gift! 🙏❤️
We had a child free wedding because my husband has such a big family, allowing kids would have nearly doubled our guest list which we couldn't afford. One of our relatives objected that she couldn't bring all of her kids, and we told her find a sitter or stay home. It's not fair to the other guests that followed the rule and it's disrespectful to the couple that gave notice well in advance to find a sitter for one day. The couple is already incredibly busy and stressed in the days leading up to the wedding, they might not want to argue with you over it, but that doesn't mean they want to make an exception either.
If you are uncomfortabie leaving your 10 month old with a 'certified' sitter, you shouldn't gone to the wedding or reception. YTA, totally.
Basically asking "am I an a*****e for being an a*****e"...
Duh, yeah.
Basically asking "am I an a*****e for being an a*****e?"
"Child free wedding" immediately followed by "except for these unspecified # of nieces and nephews." ESH. Solid ESH.
Child free means child free. The young nieces and nephews changed that rule and I would have pointed that out to the other guests. I still wouldn't have brought the baby. I left my 8-month-old baby with the sitter that was provided and she was fine.
Of course you can opt out- sometimes, if the person won't consider it a bridge burning. Honestly, people expect a lot just for getting married.. Engagement gift, bridal shower gift, expensive bachelor/ette parties, pay someone to watch your kid for 6 hours, cause they can't come - oh also, here's our wedding registry info cause we also expect a wedding gift. This nonsense is why I got married with my husband, 2 witnesses, and an officiant. My decision to get married shouldn't cost my friends and family hundreds of dollars.
It's very weird that in the USA people are treating their wedding day like it's their most important day in their life. Hello?!? Wake up?!? It's not. There is no such thing as perfect and the most important day of your life is the one you're living right now. This is all so immature and thinking that a crying baby would ruin the faux-perfect day is just spoiled, self-righteous bulldonkey.
It is one of the most important days in a couple's life. How sad you don't view it that way. Btw, if I'm having a party (or a wedding) and paying for it, I get to decide who is allowed to attend. Don't like it, stay home.
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Eh, ETA. Imagine if a wedding invitation said "Disability-Free Wedding" or "Elder-Free Wedding". Reddit would probably respond differently.
No, they make it child free so everyone else can have a better time
Disabled and old people don't cry and screech, or run around when there's hot food being served. Kids can ruin weddings. Disabled and old people don't.
I'm from India and this came as a culture shock. Here, we welcome guests with all our heart. We love babies and cant imagine asking parents to come without them.
I’m from India and can tell you Indians will cooperate when there is a condition, and not consider themselves over the rest of the guests.
Her cousin had no right to tell her he was comfortable leaving his kid with some babysitter so she should too..some people are more careful who they leave their kids around...as for the situation she should have stayed at home..however I do wonder would they have been mad at that ? Some.of these cases people can be a holes when a relative can't attend .
So tru
Should have stayed home or gone without the baby. However I do find that weddings that want to be totally child free and have absolutely no interruptions or mistakes or any other “problems” I probably not a wedding I wanna be at personally anyway. I think weddings have gone way over the top with money and perfection and bride silillas and nearly anything else you want to mention. If you want to get married you wanna get married. If you want to procession and then do something else. But don’t take your babies if you’re told not to
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This generation doesn't respect family at all they only think of them self if you don't want family don't have a wedding go to the preacher and get married alone just the 2 of you. Dont expect presents and money and all your friends to pay for their wedding clothes for You just say your vales and be done
If someone is hosting an event, in this case a wedding, they get to decide the parameters (no kids). Regardless of family, as a guest you are too be an adult and respect those parameters. Don't like it? Don't go. Grow up.
Right and also c k? It’s not just this generations fault, so stop blaming it.
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Oml i didnt expect...ANY...any YTA's......she was a worried mom and ATLEAST she told her cousin, da only thing dat couldve changed was her cousin shouldve tould her it wasnt ok after she sent her RSVP
You're kidding, right? "Protective" mom should have done the right thing and declined. No means no. I guess you were that tease in high school.
Ok ok protective wasnt right word....but da woman wanted to be there for her cuz, ifshe didnt she wouldnt have gone in da first place dont ya think
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Seems weird that exceptions were made for the bride's side but not the groom's side.
It was the bride's nieces and nephews; not the bride's cousin's kids. Difference.
Both family tho.....atleast it not like "5th relative twice removed" or somethin like dat
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This is so sad. If my kids are not allowed somewhere I just don't go. She was honest with her cousin about her situation, so I can't imagine why she would be in the wrong. I would never go back to my family if they has confronted me to bring my baby at a family party. The wedding still goes on, no one had to care for the child, so what if the bug deal. You know what screw them! S**t !
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They're both the AH. If the couple had a problem with it, don't not say something then be mad that the writer did what she said she was going to do. And as someone who will also have a child free wedding, don't show up with your damn kids when I say I don't want them there
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Honestly, I think everyone commenting ITA. It's just an effing wedding. Most people are too effing uptight these days. The purpose is to enjoy time with family, not be concerned with how perfect the wedding is.
come on man. they wanted their wedding to be adults only. Maybe they wanted to drink their heads off. It's not being uptight, it's asking for your wishes to be respected. It was one day. They could have used the sitter, they didn't. It was just blatant disrespect.
Elizabeth ur da first comment talkin bout child free weddins dat actually makes since....da couple planned a weddin and a choice they made(tho some disagree) is to not have kids....they made da choice and should respected and understand if u cant come cause of dat.....but it was their choice thx elizabeth
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Weddings are no longer family-oriented ceremonies where the bride and groom are joined in holy matrimony, with friends and relatives, along with their children are welcome. Any disruptions (which were few) were immediately handled, quietly and efficiently, by family members. Receptions were more casual, with self-serve buffet dinners. The just-married couple were the center of attention, and things almost always progressed smoothly. Sadly, those days are gone. The wedding of today is no longer a joyous occasion. Now the wedding is nothing more than an expensive major production, filled with strict guidelines and many frustrations, which the folks will be paying for into the far future. Too bad those happy days are gone.
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Eh, ETA. Imagine if someone wrote on their invitation "Disability Free Wedding" or "Elder Free Wedding". If someone came in a wheelchair anyway, how would this forum respond?
that's a completely asinine allegory that makes zero sense. I feel absolutely ridiculous having to explain this, but here goes-being disabled is not a choice. You taking your kid to a wedding when you asked not to is 100% a choice.
So being disabled is a choice now? Reread that, maybe.
Exactly. A kid is a choice. A disability is not.
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To be honest, it always surprises me when I read a post like this. I can't imagine doing a child free wedding in my country. Sometimes the bride and the groom even rent out rooms, so you can put the kids down to sleep. Or bring grandparents to entertain the kids. But it's a matter of cultural differences, I guess.
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Frankly, I'm with you. Cultures that are open to children are warmer and a lot more fun. That said, the person in this case did behave badly. I would have simply stayed home.
That was the argument my aunt and her husband tried with us "Weddings are for FAMILIES, so you must welcome our granddaughters." There are a ton of differences that make this unacceptable in the US/UK/Canada (where there is a fair amount of overlap): weddings CAN be for families, OR, if the couple wants, they can be adult-only events. Considering the cost of weddings, and that the couple often bears that financial burden, it's not always possible to increase the food budget by 5k to feed an extra 30 kids (who won't eat the food, anyway). My main factor was the same as OP here, too: we did not want kids screaming, crying, or making comments during what was, for us, a very solemn ceremonial moment. The bottom line is, no matter what, if the couple inviting you ANYPLACE says "we can't accommodate kids, no kids, " then you don't bring your kids. And don't argue with them about it, either.
Exactly. No kids means no kids. If I ever marry I'll be wanting it to be a child free wedding, at least free of kids under 7 for the same reasons as you.
Yo beverly wht r u sayin!!
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I completely agree with you. I just can not imagine how would it look like. In Slovakia, babysitting is not that common, if I go to a wedding, there is a huge possibility, that my parents are going too, or my in laws. I am quite lucky because my parents are able to help out in situations like this. But not everyone have that possibility. My sister is too young, and mu SIL would probably go to a wedding too, since we have the same friends. I can not imagine to pay for a nanny. But it's about culture again. It's common to do a big wedding in here and it would be strange not to bring children. On the other hand I cannot imagine not going to my close family members wedding either. It would be considered rude. When I skipped my cousin's wedding, they almost ate me alive, and I was due with my second baby anytime. My husband went, took my SIL, congratulated the couple, gave them our present and came home. And one more thing, USA is huge. My country is so small compared to the States.
You can go cross country in like 4 hours. So driving 6 hours there, attend the wedding and go 6 hours back is a huge trip. For like a week, for us 😂 and I can not imagine taking 10mo baby on a drive/flight like that.
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yep. the same country. kids are fun at weddings. the only thing is that during ceremony parents or someone needs to make sure they wont disturb so they stay at the back and if they see the kid is bored or a baby is waking up they just take them out. as for the menu, you can order kids portions usually which are smaller and cheaper. how many ppl do you invite if you count with 30 kids? I had like 80+ ppl at my wedding and only six kids and one baby. when you invite ppl you invite the whole family kids included. it would be rude to not invite kids. different cultures. here the weddings are big family gatherings with food dance and music. it is not oscars. but yes if it is a common thing in your country and the onvite says no kids then the PP needs to respect it
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I love kids and child-free weddings are a clear sign of society's decay. With that said, child-free means child-free. Not her day and she wasn't paying for it. She should have called if she was planning violating a clear request . If she can't bear to have a sitter watch the kid for a few hours then don't go & they already had sitter lined up for the other kids? So the family was already being accommodating.
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People need to get over themselves. I get it's their wedding day but other people have lives and responsibilities
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I think anyone saying she's the ah is somebody without kids. It's hard to trust somebody with your child when your child isn't old enough to ask for help or tell parents when something has happened . She assumed it was ok because the invitation situation . That's where her mistake was. She should have asked rather than assumed it was ok. I don't think she's the ah though. It sounds like she took care to be sure the baby wasn't a nuisance . I think we should stop calling people ah's online honestly . Slightly more care could've been taken on both parts , and it sounds like things weren't that bad. Weddings are a celebration of love and bringing people together
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A quick memo for people not used to Reddit. Throwaway account -> Made up story. AITA (Am I the A*****e) posts -> Made up story. Relationship, sexist or wedding drama -> Made up story.
People who claim everything is fake have no imagination.
Even if a specific story is fake, there are plenty of people experiencing it for real. Seeing others' thoughts may help them.
Not always. Yes sometimes the stories are fake but not all of them. Besides even if it is its still entertaining so why does it matter?
It's meant to be entertaining, not hard-hitting news. Nobody cares if it's fake, it sparks interesting conversations.
If it says Child free, respect their decision and don't attend the wedding if you're not comfortable leaving the kid with someone. I had the same situation where my cousin was getting married and said it was child free and I simply replied with, enjoy your day, I cannot attend. It's not hard.
Was your cousin understanding?
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It's sad you chose your brat over your cousin big day.
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Well aren't you just better than everyone
Better than everyone who consider their offspring to be the exception to every rule, yeah.
You're just the kind of jerk that brings babies to baby free events.
You seem like the kinda guy who brings other people's children, to Weddings.
One of my aunts did this. We were childfree. She decided that didn't apply to her pwecious grandbabies, and brought them so that everyone could admire how beautiful and special they were. Fortunately they didn't disturb the ceremony, but when they started running laps around the reception dance floor while dinner was being served, I had the coordinator "handle" things. Wedding advice: ALWAYS have a professional who can kick people out as needed!
Well, that is what ushers, are supposed to be for. I did an usher job for one of my friends and he told us to not let anyone in, once the wedding started and the vows were finished. We had a lobby full of upset people who couldn't be bothered to show up on time. But we didn't let them in until the vows were finished.
Ushers are sometimes family members or friends, too, and don't necessarily want to confront an a*****e at a wedding. Coordinators or people working for the venue don't have the same compunctions, and have a ton more experience handling stuff like this. Let them do it.
I hope they were upset at themselves for not making it to a WEDDING on time and not at you for holding them out.
Oh, they were mad, but I didn't care. I have healthy boundaries.
They're the ones who write to advice columnists, alway "Dear Abby, I have been married 10 years and have two beautiful children....now, my problem is -------' No one admits to having mundane or ugly kids, they take pains to emphasize how 'beautiful' they are.
Translation: I’m a pweshus speshul snowflake and I’m looking for strangers to validate all the reasons I list to justify why the rules don’t apply to me.
Also, they want to show off their kids/grandkids to feed their own egos instead of letting the focus be on the couple getting married.
My husband and I requested that children under a certain age not attend. Basically any child younger than middle school age because the venue had some very expensive antique cars and neon signs around the reception space. We also didn't want any crying babies or disruptive toddlers during the ceremony since we spent a lot of time making it personal and custom to us. Some people RSVP'd no because of this, which we expected, but some of my husbands close friends actually found babysitters to stay with their little ones that the hotel. Still, one of my husbands like, 3rd cousins brought their newborn anyway and we felt like total jerks because of the optics. The baby did not cry or act up at all, but we felt really bad for our friends who were spending good money on babysitters and this random cousin took it upon themselves to bring their child. We didn't say anything until after the wedding, but they have always been very snotty and entitled. We're not big fans them to say the least.
Yeah, I would've had her escorted out.
Some people wouldn't consider the drama worth it.
I agree. There's a split in my own family between my mother's siblings. At my cousin's wedding that was held in the ballroom of a hotel (i.e., not at a private residence), two of the aunts who were not invited showed up after dinner, just to mingle. They were escorted out. And that's how my cousin's wedding is remembered -- the drama of escorting out the two aunts, along with an uncle who was a guest but left with them because of principle.
This shounds like a shitshow Funhog, and the bride and groom weren't even involved. I imagine it would be so much worse if they were a side in that conflict, like here. The nerves related to getting into such a confrontation at my own wedding just wouldn't be worth it to me.
I'm with you as I hate confrontation. We had a very small wedding that only had people we were very close to and wouldn't pull any xhit on us.. or so we thought. Cue some random fella of my sister's turning up. We let it go. She ended up with him for a few years at least. People!!
no drama needed. just instruct some from the organization to escort them out "following the well known rule" and that's it. u dont even need to interact wigh the A. if they didn't even bother to ask for permission, means that they never talked too much to you before, so...
Yeah, they should have stayed home with the newborn. Not cool
Yes, 100% YTA. I would have called you and politely told you no once I received the RSVP. I kinda blame them a bit for not correcting your blatant disregard on the RSVP, but you should've stayed at home.
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I think it was mistakes on both sides, as well. Everything in life goes better with communication and no assumptions.
Saying there was a mistake on the wedding couple's side doesn't make any sense to me! They were trying to keep it classy - after all, what can you say to a blatant disregard like that? It was only the aunt who confronted the OP, the couple just stayed out of the drama, for which I admire them.
I stared at my reception on the invitations no children. There was one child (my nephews and his gf that was a toddler) and usually at any family gathering they kinda ignore her an let others play or entertain or take care of her. I didn't want that. It was an adult reception w an open bar. Didn't want them having drinks and ignoring their kid or maybe having an accident on the way home with her in the car. They got a sitter. It was fine. But I've been to other weddings where young kids almost killed the vibe because they get into everything. Hate the food. Run around. Scream. Make others uncomfortable because it isn't their kid to tell them no, so they try to find the adult but it just isn't polite. No kids means no kids. So if you can't find a sitter then stay home an send congrats. A sitter was provided to this event. She should have used it and not have been entitled.
I would be beyond mad if I attended a child free event only to encounter a screaming infant
So would I. If my boyfriend and I ever marry I'll would want it to be child free or at least no under 10s for that exact reason. So we don't have screaming infants or young kids running around where there's hot drinks.
Didn't even read the story. Unless you are literally the bride or groom, YTA to infinity and beyond.
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If you didn't read the story, how in the world would you have the info to decide?
The headline itself told you everything in a nutshell. There isn't anything the Op could write that wouldn't make her TA.
I read the title and quickly said A55h0l3
I actually thought it was one of those "bait and switch" titles because surely they couldn't be a blantant a*****e right from the first words. Well, I was wrong.
Where weddings are concerned, there are ALWAYS blatant assholes, front and center!
True, though the a*****e is not always the guest.
SAME!! I read just waiting for the hook- first time I've read a straightforward article w content EXACTLY as described in the headline!!! How oddly suspicious lol
They got us with the double bluff, Nujoie!
The wedding is a celebration for the bride and groom. They plan it, they organize it, they pay for it and therefore they set the rules. If you aren't mature enough to accept that, stay home. The bride and groom are probably very busy and don't have time to deal with drama from people who aren't footing the bill. It's really not complicated. Just put yourself in their place and try to be understanding of their situation, and remember: IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU!
The wedding was child free and that included this person's baby. The fact that she chose to bring it anyway shows that she didn't care what the rules were. If you don't want to leave your baby with an unknown babysitter, stay home and skip the wedding.
Yes. Yes you are a jerk for bringing a baby to a baby free function.
Her last sentence killed me “I didn’t mean to start any drama” are u kidding me? RESPECT is what you lack of. The rest of the guests that have children had to make sacrifice and RESPECTED the couple’s wishes. You just went right in and shove your disrespect to their faces. People like you who does not think outside of the box are always 💯 % YTA.
She was a selfish cow who only cared about herself.
As soon as someone uses "drama," you know they are the drama.
YTA*YTA*YTA*YTA*YTA*YTA*YTA*YTA*YTA*YTA*YTA*YTA*YTA*YTA*YTA*YTA*YTA*YTA*
It always amazes me that people want thieir decisions to be justified (or not as in this case) by random people from the internet. Talk to the people that matter in your life.
Most of the time they're looking to prove those people wrong after talking IRL
If they need random internet people to tell them right from wrong, then they have issues. I find most of these AITA stories to be common sense and people lacking proper boundaries in their lives.
I don't know anymore how true those AITA posts are, but if we give them the benefit of the doubt then some people over the years have seen the light. The sub is meant for people who honestly don't know anymore whether something they did was right. And it's not always easy or productive to ask loved ones.
She even mentioned that other cousins were upset that the groom gave her 'special' permission. This is NOT one of those "don't ask for permission, ask for forgiveness" events. Hubby and I brought the babysitter with us to the hotel for the weekend, when we went to an out-of-town wedding. Stay home or leave with a babysitter. Even a compromise of leaving hubby with the baby while you attend the wedding of the relative. Then feel out if the reception is ok to bring the little one , since the baby was eating their own 'chow', or leave her/him with the baby sitter til you are done eating and hubby returns to the hotel for the night. The world doesn't revolve around a$$wipes.
Yes you the ahole, baby free means NO BABIES
Exactly. Her cousin should have kicked her out. Her baby disturbed the wedding due to her selfishness. She should have got a babysitter or stayed home.
Absolute 100% TA and always will be. There is NEVER any excuse. If you are told NO CHILDREN then you LISTEN or you STAY HOME. No exceptions.
You could also have brought along someone you trusted to babysit where you were staying.
Yes, yes you are. My friend brought her baby to my childfree wedding but asked me beforehand because since he was a newborn he needed regular feeding. I was ok with that but the point is, she asked.
So she doesn't even know the bride? Jeez.
Yes. You are an a*****e. Not sure why you really needed confirmation on this. You are extremely disrespectful.
Sadly...you are! :/
Ok- so my cousin by marriage is getting married in 3 months. My daughter 5 and son 4 are the flowergirl and ring bearer. The link for the details of the wedding day says child free-adults only. I am assuming since my children are in the wedding and we are coming from out of town that we are all invited to the reception. We were just planning to just have dinner and cake- then leave back to the hotel. Is this kosher? Am I wrong?
Instead of assuming, talk to the future bride and groom. I hope it all works out. :)
I would double check with the couple, just to be on the safe side. You know what has been said about assuming...
this was only on reddit yesterday, so quick to copy it here!
Some of us are not on Reddit. It's always, ALWAYS, stupid to complain about content you get for free on a site you follow of your own will.
I don’t read reddit, so fine by me!
Yeah, BP has no originality anymore. These reddit copied posts are getting really old, quickly.
I hate to point out the obvious here, but the more you click, read, and comment on these articles, the more they appear. Is there truly no way for you to just skip past them and not read them? There is a bunch of content I don’t want to see here, so I just… don’t.
Exactly! It's so blatantly obvious to anyone, yet we still have the complainers. I also see a lot of content I don't care for so I don't click on it. To paraphrase Dionne Warwick's song, Scroll on by. For those who don't get the song reference, here ya go: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vsGsCvJWEo8
LOL, no I get it, but when 85% of the content on the main is this...........just saying.
Anymore?
OP is the b******e 10000%! If it says child-free then it's CHILD-FREE! End of story! Bringing a child much less a baby that made a fuss to a wedding that in no uncertain terms said no children is like being told to not wear white at a funeral service yet do it! It's both tacky, extremely disrespectful, not to mention downright ultra-entitled!
definitely the arsehole. seeing as there were other young relatives there in the same age group, I'm sure if they'd contacted the couple and explained their situation, they probably WOULD have agreed to it. but to bring them without getting express permission from the hosts, totally the arsehole here.
Ugh, I hate people like that. I have a rule -- if you come to my house, take off your shoes after you walk through the front door. My floor is clean, but if you are uncomfortable being barefoot/with just socks on, I will provide some slippers (also clean). Pretty much everyone who comes over is cool with it. However, there are always one or two very-special-snowflakes who would attempt to plow through with "...but my shoes are cle-eean!" banter, who then get perplexed by why they are not invited to come back.
Fair enough. I have that rule in my flat too.
Maybe not an a$$ but rude, unfriendly and egoistic. That was t h e i r day. Once. This day will never come back. In any video of the ceremony there is your baby crying. No matter how long or short. It will remember them forever that you broke the rules and the wish to have a harmonic, child free wedding.
I agree. People like her are so selfish reproducing and expecting everyone else to put up with their decision. Child free means just that.
Has zero to so with "reproducing and expecting everyone else to put up with their decision"; but everything to so with who they want at their wedding. They are playing for it so they get to decide. Don't like the parameters, don't go. Grow up.
One word. YES!
Babies that aren't yet crawling, I wouldn't have a problem with, as long as you take them out of the room if the start crying. Free range crotch goblins should be left at home! In this case I think she could have made more effort to speak to the cousins about it first.
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I hate that terminology! :(
it’s so rude and entitled that somebody would do this! definitely agree with the comments
I'm convinced half of these are trolls. Lol. Cause I can't wrap my head around someone being so fucken entitled.
Perhaps she could have spoken to them directly with regards to bringing the child rather than write it on the RSVP and then she would have known their response and respected their wishes.
Child free means child free. Respect and honour the boundaries of those that chose you to share their special day. Don't go if you can't comply.
yup you are a total jerk.
I've wanted to attend a couple of weddings that weren't "child free" as a policy but the bride/groom let me know that the venue wasn't really child friendly (I had a toddler at the time). I appreciated their invite and they understood why I couldn't come. I can imagine for some parents, a child free wedding is a great thing. Great excuse for a date night
Anyone who does that should be shot.
This happened to me twice. When my child was 3, only my husband attended, and he was the best man! Later, a great friend was getting married and my kid was 4 and I left him with my husband and went alone.
You should of received " regrets" and not went if you didn't have a sitter arranged for the wedding. They should of contacted you and said that a plus 1.. even a baby on your lap was not possible. You were rude to write that in on your own and ruder to not confirm verbally that they saw that and that it was ok. This is why people send rsvps out.. to give people a chance to reply that they cant come based on the restrictions given in the invite. Or to give you a reasonable amount of time to make arrangements. I'd be mad if I followed the rules to have someone just " write in" their own.
Yes, you are the AH. This was the bride and grooms day. They requested child free. What part of that didn't you get? It is not about you. Get a babysitter or don't go. Respect their wishes, it is their wedding.