“Am I The Jerk For Not Wanting Old People At My Wedding?”
Even though they’re full of unexpected twists and turns, in most posts we see on the subreddit ‘Am I the [Jerk]?‘, their authors are granted a pardon. This time, however, it was a different case.
A soon-to-be bride who goes on the platform by the nickname Strange-County-5848 wants to ban old people, including her own grandparents, from her wedding because she sees them as attention-sucking disappointments who can ruin the big day.
For example, she’s worried that her fiancé’s Alzheimer’s-ridden grandma would make a scene at the ceremony.
So she capped the age of all guests at 70. But when that didn’t fly with her family, she started having doubts and asked Redditors to share their thoughts on the situation. As previously mentioned, the majority were against her.
This bride didn’t want old people to ruin her wedding
Image credits: Tim Doerfler (not the actual photo)
So she invited only those under 70, excluding her own grandparents
Image credits: Dimitri Kuliuk (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Strange-County-5848
Naturally, the size of the wedding and budget determine who will be included in the guest list.
Lisa Burton, aka The Bridal Consultant, who plans affordable and memorable weddings abroad in Greece and Italy, suggests engaged couples start by making 3 lists. “First is the VIP list,” Burton told Bored Panda. “These are the people you couldn’t get married without having them by your side (parents, siblings, best friends).”
“The second is the B list,” she said. “It consists of close family and friends that you’d really love to join you, but will understand if they can’t make it.”
“And finally the C list. This will be your backup list, these guests will be invited if the budget allows, if the venue is big enough, or if anyone from the B list can’t make it.”
According to Burton, inviting everyone and hoping some will decline is probably a bad idea. “This has caught many a couple out. If you plan well enough in advance, it allows you time to invite and wait for acceptances before moving to your next list.”
Her personal opinion is that you shouldn’t invite anyone to your wedding that makes you feel uneasy in any way, “be it family, challenging friends or, dare I say, exes!”
“After all, this day is all about you and your partner celebrating your love for one another, why would you want anyone there that makes you feel uncomfortable? This can be tricky, especially if this person is a close family member,” the wedding planner said.
“In this instance, it could be that you have a very small wedding, or even elope, just the two of you.”
Most people were absolutely appalled by her decision
Burton and her team once planned an intimate wedding of 15 in total, where none of the family got on well. “That meant we had 4 tables each with 3/4 guests, the bride was so worried a fight would happen during the night, it consumed her in the run-up to the wedding,” she recalled. “Thankfully, it all worked out, but I often wondered if the couple would have been better eloping.”
At the end of the day, she firmly believes that the guest list should be determined by the bride and groom only. “If this means no guests and eloping alone, then do it! If you want an adults-only wedding with no kids, go for it, just be considerate about how you tell people of your decision. And don’t be offended if they disagree, it’s your wedding, not theirs.”
“Most couples fund their own wedding, meaning you can have full say about who’s invited,” Burton added. “If family members are contributing financially to the wedding, they may expect some say in the guest list, however, I don’t think financial help should come with conditions. So be prepared to stand your ground, this is your wedding day and should reflect your desires and dreams.”
I guess the wedding list is one of those things that you have (almost) full control over, but also need to take full responsibility for. Even if that means conflict.
But some thought she was free to do whatever she wanted
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Two arseholes are marrying each other and l think that's grand, so they don't accidentally marry a good person. People comparing this to a child free wedding forget that those children will likely grow up and have a chance to interact with the family, but the grandparents could not be there at all next year. Oh well
Seriously! These horrible people deserve each other and someday karma will get them.
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The difference between not inviting children and not inviting grandparents is in what the wedding means *for them*. Children may be too young to understand and are presumably not the actual children of the marriage. (I mean, I assume you'd invite your own children to your wedding unless they were very young). Grandparents of the couple are watching their own direct descendants marry. It can have deep significance for them, seeing their family line continue, seeing the happiness continue, which they made possible through their own sacrifices over the years.
Please send your grandparents over to my house. I love elders. One of the people I miss the most is my Nana, who had Alzheimer's. She did so much for me when I was a kid, and it was a pleasure getting to repay some of that care when she got older.
Some people are so damned entitled that they fail to see anyone else's point of view or how their actions could hurt others, so they go to AITA and expect to be backed up 100%.
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I can see maybe not wanting the grandmother with alzheimers screaming throughout the ceremony, but that's no cause to eliminate everybody over 70. 70's not really that old, and nobody is going to be bothered by her grandparents' 'health conditions'. It sounds like there needs to be a private discussion just to not have the grandmother attend. Tbh, given her condition, she might not even know where she is. Maybe she could come to the reception afterwards, but I think it's fair to ask that there be no one who is likely to cause a disruption during the ceremony itself.
To those comparing it to child free weddings - bad comparision. Kids usually aren't interested and invested in the lives of their parents friends. Even if it's a family member getting married, they're likely to find the ceremony boring, and the reception mostly just adults talking to each other. Your grandparents however, have known and loved you all your life, the ceremony is meaningful to them, and the reception lets them celebrate with family and friends. In the case of health problems and behavioural issues, arrangements can be made to accomodate them. Ask they attend with a designated carer who look after them, and deal with any medical issues. choose a venue where a room can be set aside as a quiet space where someone feeling unwell can lie down and rest if necessary, or the grandparent with Alzheimers can be taken to calm them and reassure them if they get overwhelmed or distressed and become disruptive. If the grandparents aren't well enough to come, they won't. Totally YTA.
she thinks everyone over 70 has a caregiver. lol I know people in their 70s who run 5 ks all the time. Who go to the gym 3-4x a week for 2 hours at a time. Yes, someone with Alzheimer's who needs 24/7 care should probably not be at a wedding, the rest of this is ridiculous. I hope this B is barren b/c she should not be raising humans.
Exactly, and what is the deal with the "caregivers get a break" part, are they close friends and family? If so, than they're not just "the caregivers"...this bride sounds like a real jerk. I don't think she got this plan from a wedding etiquette book.
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It's stunning that people don't see how child free weddings are different from not inviting grandparents or older relatives. These two are perfect for each other- they're both self-centered disgraces of human beings. I would have given anything to have my grandparents at my wedding. The only consolation was that my husband's grandparents, who've fortunately become MY Gran and Granddad, were there to share the day with us. We invited them to get up and dance together during our first dance and it was the most wonderful moment of our wedding, something we will never forget. This absolutely disgusts me.
I am not going to say this person is the AH, if they want all the attention on them 100%, maybe they are right. But I will say this my grandparents are gone now, but one of my proudest and happiest moments in my life is that both my grandmothers got to see me graduate college having them at my graduation means so much to me and I can look back on the pictures of them there and see how proud they were of me and I will be eternally glad I got to share that moment with them.
Isn't it funny that when you're young (not everyone, but clearly these two), you seem to think that when a person ages they somehow are no longer people. I'll admit to a bias, since I'm 62. But I feel like I'm a very young 62. I still have most of the same thoughts, dreams, and opinions I did when I was 18, but hopefully with more maturity.
God forbid the attention is stolen from the bride! I don’t understand people and their obsession with attention at weddings. I feel weird when everyone is focused on me constantly. I guess I’m not a self centered person though 🤷🏻♀️
let me offer a different perspective here. People with Alzheimer's/Dementia oftentimes do not understand where they are when taken outside of their day to day environments. Whomever they're closest to would have to chaperone them throughout the ceremony & reception, without receiving a break the entire time. What should be a joyous occasion For the chaperone, could become a "working" event with little relief. A different approach would be to set up a live feed, or even a delayed feed, to allow the person with Alzheimer's / Dementia the opportunity to view the wedding in their own environment where they feel safe. Please understand, too, that while guests may recognize Grandma or Grandpa, the grandparents may not recognize them...leading to hurt feelings and distress for the grands. I understand what the writer is saying, and the viewpoint does seem rather selfish, But I feel would be kinder to allow the Alzheimer's / Dementia patient to view the ceremony wherever they call home.
I think providing alternate options for attending the event is great. That allows people to choose what they would like to do based on their situation and what is best for them. But this couple excluding everyone over 70 is completely unacceptable - not only rude but ageist and ableist. I believe it’s best and more respectful to extend the invites and provide options, allowing people the agency to choose for themselves
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Those two deserve eachother. Both my abuela and my baba died the same year a few months apart pre pandemic. My abuela always joked that she wanted to stay alive to see my wedding. Why doesn't she invite the care taker with the grandparents ?
Your abuela and baba sound like really cool people. They are resting in peace with my grandma.
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I'm bit at a loss. She/They sound like jerks, but I have worked with people with various dementia diagnoses. It's flipping a coin and wishing for the best with them sometimes depending on the severity of the issues and what issues they have. I would choose to invite them myself (if they were mine) but have a Plan B if the grandmother got upset, have hired a nurse (or similar with experience with the alzheimer diagnosis and how to care for one with it) for the wedding to look after her. The nurse could drive her and the grandfather home (if he wanted to go home too) if that was the concern. I'm more inclined to think they're jerks, but I kind of get it. Good planning can make everyone's day though, EVEN the grandmother's!
the part that I dont understand is the blanket rule no one older 70 can attend. that is so out of the line. like I get it the two sick grand parents can be a problem to handle, if you cannot hire anyone to take care of them at the wedding then have someone take care of them at home but why exlude everyone else? 70y old is not that old after all
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The biggest a$$h0les are definitely the 2 of you.good,2 a$$h0les marrying each other. Both 0f you only deserves the worse, nothing less.
Its sad to see your elders become more vulnerable. I really think it depends on how close you are to them and the impact they had on your life. My grandparents were such a big part of my childhood I would want to invite them. It's then their choice (or their carers) whether they feel up to it, they don't even have to stay for the whole wedding. Just make sure that they feel loved and valued by the newly weds. Our (DH and mime) wedding was delayed to to the pandemic and my remaining grandfather died due to another illness. We created a memory table and put heirlooms and photos of all our grandparents (and great auntie) that were deeply loved and already passed on. It was good for us and our family members who were also still grieving , no matter how long it had been.
I would have loved to have my grandparents at my wedding, but they all passed away long before I got married. My husband's grandparents were there and I couldn't imagine our wedding without them. In fact, we had our wedding closer to where they live so they could attend. What utter, entitled arses these two are.
You all know this is fake right? This is written just like a post justifying excluding kids. I bet this is just some petty Karen that is salty that her kids are excluded from her cousin’s wedding. She be like “old people can be noisy and distracting, why invite them?”
Yeah that's what I was thinking. This can't be real, but they try to make a point. I hope it's not real.
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My Popa (grandfather) had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's about 8 years before I got married. On the day of my ceremony he barely knew who I was, he was confused but happy to be included and have a nice meal! There was some confusion at picture time and he was in some photos that maybe he shouldn't have been, but I love those photos. I've since lost all my grandparents and I am so glad at least three of them could have been there for my wedding, and then eventually for the birth of their first great grandchild
Is there something worse than an a$$hole these people can be called??? Any suggestions?? maybe "steaming pile of prehistoric frog sh*t" or "Trump supporter"
My grandmother’s biggest wish was to see one of her grandchildren get married, and she didn’t live to see that. What I would’ve given to have her just sit there and see my cousin get married. It’s not about the dancing, but it’s about the fact that they’ve been with us our whole lives and now we are just going to desert them?! OP doesn’t even have a personal problem with the grandparents besides them being old! Definitely TA!
I'll gladly take both sets of grandparents. I'd give anything to have my Nana & Grampa back! Not only are you BOTH TA, I hope your kids/grandkids abandon you in your old age.
I have mixed feelings about this. When my (now-ex) husband and I were planning our wedding, we made decisions based on the alcoholism of his mother and my father and uncle. We got married in the morning with a lunch reception that served no alcohol, not even champagne. He and I were both non-drinkers, since alcohol had affected our lives so badly, so we didn't mind, but we did hear about it from others. Trying to prevent disruptive behavior can be exhausting. (Ironically, my uncle skipped the wedding and reception because he was too hungover.)
Old people are the best. They won't be around forever, so time with them should be cherished. I got married in 2015 and a lot of out-of-state family came, including 2 uncles who have since passed. One of my favorite photos from the wedding is a picture with the 2 of them looking happy. Weddings should be about more than just the couple.
I can't wait for her to be 70. 70 isn't even that old. hell in my family you aren't old till you are like 90. 70 is rocking.
Advice to Bride and Groom: Listen to your elders. They might teach you some important values, like respect. A wedding is a family affair, not just about you, your dress, and flowers etc.
YTA for sure. I'm suprised you even had to ask. I think that makes you a double AH.
YTA! Weren’t your grandparents doting on you the whole time you were growing up? Do you not love them? I know my own grandchildren would never exclude me from their weddings. You should be ashamed of yourself!
Someday, if this person is lucky, they may actually get to be old and let's hope she gets the same treatment from her grandchildren. What a self centered waste of skin.
With a little bit of luck, these two people may actually get old someday and then let's hope they get treated as well as they deserve. What a self centered pile of waste.
The bride and groom need to invite the grandparents, but also have an honest talk with the extended family: who can get grandpa from assisted living to the church? can grandpa navigate the church? is the restroom accessible enough? who can take grandpa back when he gets tired? who can help him eat? If the answer to those questions impacts the important role of parents or siblings, then they need to tell Grandpa to stay home. But if there's an aunt or cousin (or a STNA you can hire) who can dip out with Grandpa without impacting the proceedings, then invite Grandpa.
1) I dont agree with child-free weddings either but it is more understandable than what you want to do. I think children are also part of the family and it is rude not to invite the family as the whole, but different cultures different customs. In my country usually children at weddings play with baloons and bubble blowers, have a dedicated space for drawing/playing or just dance with the other guests and are a great addition to the whole party 2) ppl above 70 are usually perfectly fine, there are even 90y olds that are more vital than you would imagine and they dance like crazy (I dont understand where they bring the energy) and to exlude all elderly ppl just because you have one-two who require a special care is totally unfair and offensive to them. you are basically telling them to already go to their grave as they are too old for you 3) as for the grand parents who require special care and are disruptive:
you can either arrange some care for them and not include them in the wedding (which would be hurtful for the one without Alzheimer as they still are able to absorb the reality around them. so I would only exclude the disruptive one, not the other) OR you can dedicate a person who would take care of them AT your wedding basically taking the screaming grandma out in advance during the ceremony and maybe the first dance not to be disruptive but other things are not that important anyway and you can never tell if anyone starts sneezing, a plate is broken at a wrong moment or something during a wedding. there will always be disruptive sounds you cannot prevent. I would certainly want to prevent grandma screaming during the ceremony, otherwise not that much of an issue. YTA for how you are handling this if they are really that old and sick they can attend at the beginning and then just go home (accompanied of course). but why would you exclude all the ppl above 70 is beyond me
Load More Replies... M'y daughter got married on the very day of my parent's sixtieth anniversary. Not on purpose, for venue availability, but they all thought it à happy thing. Attention the beginning of the meal, the bride mentioned it in her speech, thé stood up and were applauded, a very nice and warm moment, and that was that. They didn't " distract " from anything.
A family took in the mother's mother. Every meal, the mother would put her mother's food in a large wooden bowl, and make her eat in the kitchen while the family ate on plates in the dining room. After the old woman died, the mother threw the wooden bowl away. Her son dug it out of the trash. The mother asked why, and the little boy said, I'll need it when you get old.
I personally wouldn't do this. I would love to have my grandparents around so they could be there. They're all deceased. But idk how they're an a*****e for wanting their wedding to be the way they want? It's they wedding. Ppl make a good point... why are we all so okay with child free weddings but not this?
I didn't take myself so serious or flattered myself into believing that everyone I invited would come. If a grandparent was so far 'off' that it would be an issue, I'd like to think that the people in charge of their wellbeing would make the call to their attendance. My son's wedding was put together in 23 days because it would have broken the bride's heart if her (only) grandmother wasn't there. For it looked like her health was going downhill fast at that point. However she lived 2 1/2 beyond their wedding, better to err on the side of caution, than miss out. But if the old person wouldn't know the difference, well do what you wish, regret your mistake should you not have them in pictures because 20/20 vision later.
The caregiver factor here can make that call. My sister was a real idiot in bringing my mother to a wedding 1500 miles away. She had to ask who everyone was every 20 minutes, even us children. She didn't embarrass her nephew (godchild), but good sense would be to let her stay home where she was more comfortable in the familiar surroundings and not ill at ease at the venue.
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Very immature for being 30 and 31. IDGAF if my wedding was disrupted 41000 times by my grandparents because a. That just means that they're actually there, and b. I've disrupted plenty for them in life I'm sure so.. this couple are entitled pieces of s**t.I hope everyone skips out on their wedding for a taste of their own medicine in a way.
Wow; massive massive arseholes. You deserve each other. Those people are where you both came from and you're treating and talking about them like they're just inconvenient and nothing. My grandad had dementia and then cancer and it made it so bad he had behaviour issues and tell you what I'd DO ANYTHING to have him talking loudly in the audience during the ceremony cause he was my grandad still and not some low a**e pain in the a**e. You ungrateful tools, and also anyone saying what's different from kids - erm how about these people have raised your parents - probably helped with you too!!! And much more. Actual human waste the lot of you/
I don't understand the people who are saying 'NTA - your day, your rules'. Whilst I agree with the last bit, that doesn't exclude you from being an A if your rules do, in fact, make you an A.
When I got married, my Husband's Grandparents were already gone, as were both of my Grandfather's. My Grandmother's we're well into their 90s, but that didn't stop me from inviting them. Unfortunately one of them was too far and feeble to attend, and the other one was uninvited after she made a racist remark about someone who was to be one of the guests. That was enough for me to call her back and say, "Nope. Not coming to my wedding!". (She would have shrieked and/or fainted when she saw our officiant.) But for the "good Grandma", we drove to visit her and put on our wedding clothes (complete gown with veil and tiara) to show her, and to get photos with her. She died not too long after that.
Well, sounds like they won't have to worry about the guests paying attention to other guests...because with the rest of the family (rightly) upset then chances are a good number will RSVP no. I'm imagining the wedding as just be bride, groom and all the wait staff etc giving the couple all the attention they need.
I would give anything to have all of my older family members back with me. This young woman sounds narcissistic and very cold. I can kind of understand with the Alzheimer's, but just being old and sick is no reason to miss out on life events. She is definitely the a-hole here and if I was someone in her family, I would skip the wedding myself just so she can have as much attention as possible.
If my grandmother were still alive,I would get married in her freaking living room if that were the only way she could attend! She was the best.
Actually to be honest I'm on the fence about this. As others have said, people have child-free weddings already. But I don't know. It's their wedding they can invite whoever. 🤷♀️
What a self centered B***h...everyone has to look at her on her day .. Well without those grandparents getting together to make her parents she wouldn't even exist!! This was 8 months ago did they even get married? .... ok so after reading through the majority of it on Reddit ... apparantly it was a fake post
I would give my eye teeth to have my grandparents back and you're deliberately excluding them from one of the happiest celebrations of your life? The word "a*****e" doesn't even begin to describe how horrid you two are.
Why is the attention so damn important? You'll hopefully still be married the next day, if not for decades, and isn't that what matters? Marriage has turned into a pageantry and I swear people are getting married just so they can take pretty pictures of themselves and feel important. They are no longer celebrating life-long commitments.
If u need to ask strangers online then my friend u are the jerk and the biggest tool in this toolbox of a world
Having lost all four of my grandparents by now, I would give anything to spend another family gathering with them. I don't like weddings. Can't stand attending them. But if there was a chance to have all four of them at my wedding, I would find a mail order husband in a hot minute just to have that time with them again.
The next big trend on the Industrial Wedding Complex will be actors hired to make the perfect attendees. No uggos or awkward behavior, just perfect smiles and pleasant murmuring.
I think the equivelance between this and child free weddings is pretty good. Don't like those either. Weddings are for the couple __and__ the community.
How do you know she's American? I didn't see anything about that?
Load More Replies... Two arseholes are marrying each other and l think that's grand, so they don't accidentally marry a good person. People comparing this to a child free wedding forget that those children will likely grow up and have a chance to interact with the family, but the grandparents could not be there at all next year. Oh well
Seriously! These horrible people deserve each other and someday karma will get them.
Load More Replies... The difference between not inviting children and not inviting grandparents is in what the wedding means *for them*. Children may be too young to understand and are presumably not the actual children of the marriage. (I mean, I assume you'd invite your own children to your wedding unless they were very young). Grandparents of the couple are watching their own direct descendants marry. It can have deep significance for them, seeing their family line continue, seeing the happiness continue, which they made possible through their own sacrifices over the years.
Please send your grandparents over to my house. I love elders. One of the people I miss the most is my Nana, who had Alzheimer's. She did so much for me when I was a kid, and it was a pleasure getting to repay some of that care when she got older.
Some people are so damned entitled that they fail to see anyone else's point of view or how their actions could hurt others, so they go to AITA and expect to be backed up 100%.
Load More Replies... I can see maybe not wanting the grandmother with alzheimers screaming throughout the ceremony, but that's no cause to eliminate everybody over 70. 70's not really that old, and nobody is going to be bothered by her grandparents' 'health conditions'. It sounds like there needs to be a private discussion just to not have the grandmother attend. Tbh, given her condition, she might not even know where she is. Maybe she could come to the reception afterwards, but I think it's fair to ask that there be no one who is likely to cause a disruption during the ceremony itself.
To those comparing it to child free weddings - bad comparision. Kids usually aren't interested and invested in the lives of their parents friends. Even if it's a family member getting married, they're likely to find the ceremony boring, and the reception mostly just adults talking to each other. Your grandparents however, have known and loved you all your life, the ceremony is meaningful to them, and the reception lets them celebrate with family and friends. In the case of health problems and behavioural issues, arrangements can be made to accomodate them. Ask they attend with a designated carer who look after them, and deal with any medical issues. choose a venue where a room can be set aside as a quiet space where someone feeling unwell can lie down and rest if necessary, or the grandparent with Alzheimers can be taken to calm them and reassure them if they get overwhelmed or distressed and become disruptive. If the grandparents aren't well enough to come, they won't. Totally YTA.
she thinks everyone over 70 has a caregiver. lol I know people in their 70s who run 5 ks all the time. Who go to the gym 3-4x a week for 2 hours at a time. Yes, someone with Alzheimer's who needs 24/7 care should probably not be at a wedding, the rest of this is ridiculous. I hope this B is barren b/c she should not be raising humans.
Exactly, and what is the deal with the "caregivers get a break" part, are they close friends and family? If so, than they're not just "the caregivers"...this bride sounds like a real jerk. I don't think she got this plan from a wedding etiquette book.
Load More Replies... It's stunning that people don't see how child free weddings are different from not inviting grandparents or older relatives. These two are perfect for each other- they're both self-centered disgraces of human beings. I would have given anything to have my grandparents at my wedding. The only consolation was that my husband's grandparents, who've fortunately become MY Gran and Granddad, were there to share the day with us. We invited them to get up and dance together during our first dance and it was the most wonderful moment of our wedding, something we will never forget. This absolutely disgusts me.
I am not going to say this person is the AH, if they want all the attention on them 100%, maybe they are right. But I will say this my grandparents are gone now, but one of my proudest and happiest moments in my life is that both my grandmothers got to see me graduate college having them at my graduation means so much to me and I can look back on the pictures of them there and see how proud they were of me and I will be eternally glad I got to share that moment with them.
Isn't it funny that when you're young (not everyone, but clearly these two), you seem to think that when a person ages they somehow are no longer people. I'll admit to a bias, since I'm 62. But I feel like I'm a very young 62. I still have most of the same thoughts, dreams, and opinions I did when I was 18, but hopefully with more maturity.
God forbid the attention is stolen from the bride! I don’t understand people and their obsession with attention at weddings. I feel weird when everyone is focused on me constantly. I guess I’m not a self centered person though 🤷🏻♀️
let me offer a different perspective here. People with Alzheimer's/Dementia oftentimes do not understand where they are when taken outside of their day to day environments. Whomever they're closest to would have to chaperone them throughout the ceremony & reception, without receiving a break the entire time. What should be a joyous occasion For the chaperone, could become a "working" event with little relief. A different approach would be to set up a live feed, or even a delayed feed, to allow the person with Alzheimer's / Dementia the opportunity to view the wedding in their own environment where they feel safe. Please understand, too, that while guests may recognize Grandma or Grandpa, the grandparents may not recognize them...leading to hurt feelings and distress for the grands. I understand what the writer is saying, and the viewpoint does seem rather selfish, But I feel would be kinder to allow the Alzheimer's / Dementia patient to view the ceremony wherever they call home.
I think providing alternate options for attending the event is great. That allows people to choose what they would like to do based on their situation and what is best for them. But this couple excluding everyone over 70 is completely unacceptable - not only rude but ageist and ableist. I believe it’s best and more respectful to extend the invites and provide options, allowing people the agency to choose for themselves
Load More Replies... Those two deserve eachother. Both my abuela and my baba died the same year a few months apart pre pandemic. My abuela always joked that she wanted to stay alive to see my wedding. Why doesn't she invite the care taker with the grandparents ?
Your abuela and baba sound like really cool people. They are resting in peace with my grandma.
Load More Replies... I'm bit at a loss. She/They sound like jerks, but I have worked with people with various dementia diagnoses. It's flipping a coin and wishing for the best with them sometimes depending on the severity of the issues and what issues they have. I would choose to invite them myself (if they were mine) but have a Plan B if the grandmother got upset, have hired a nurse (or similar with experience with the alzheimer diagnosis and how to care for one with it) for the wedding to look after her. The nurse could drive her and the grandfather home (if he wanted to go home too) if that was the concern. I'm more inclined to think they're jerks, but I kind of get it. Good planning can make everyone's day though, EVEN the grandmother's!
the part that I dont understand is the blanket rule no one older 70 can attend. that is so out of the line. like I get it the two sick grand parents can be a problem to handle, if you cannot hire anyone to take care of them at the wedding then have someone take care of them at home but why exlude everyone else? 70y old is not that old after all
Load More Replies... The biggest a$$h0les are definitely the 2 of you.good,2 a$$h0les marrying each other. Both 0f you only deserves the worse, nothing less.
Its sad to see your elders become more vulnerable. I really think it depends on how close you are to them and the impact they had on your life. My grandparents were such a big part of my childhood I would want to invite them. It's then their choice (or their carers) whether they feel up to it, they don't even have to stay for the whole wedding. Just make sure that they feel loved and valued by the newly weds. Our (DH and mime) wedding was delayed to to the pandemic and my remaining grandfather died due to another illness. We created a memory table and put heirlooms and photos of all our grandparents (and great auntie) that were deeply loved and already passed on. It was good for us and our family members who were also still grieving , no matter how long it had been.
I would have loved to have my grandparents at my wedding, but they all passed away long before I got married. My husband's grandparents were there and I couldn't imagine our wedding without them. In fact, we had our wedding closer to where they live so they could attend. What utter, entitled arses these two are.
You all know this is fake right? This is written just like a post justifying excluding kids. I bet this is just some petty Karen that is salty that her kids are excluded from her cousin’s wedding. She be like “old people can be noisy and distracting, why invite them?”
Yeah that's what I was thinking. This can't be real, but they try to make a point. I hope it's not real.
Load More Replies... My Popa (grandfather) had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's about 8 years before I got married. On the day of my ceremony he barely knew who I was, he was confused but happy to be included and have a nice meal! There was some confusion at picture time and he was in some photos that maybe he shouldn't have been, but I love those photos. I've since lost all my grandparents and I am so glad at least three of them could have been there for my wedding, and then eventually for the birth of their first great grandchild
Is there something worse than an a$$hole these people can be called??? Any suggestions?? maybe "steaming pile of prehistoric frog sh*t" or "Trump supporter"
My grandmother’s biggest wish was to see one of her grandchildren get married, and she didn’t live to see that. What I would’ve given to have her just sit there and see my cousin get married. It’s not about the dancing, but it’s about the fact that they’ve been with us our whole lives and now we are just going to desert them?! OP doesn’t even have a personal problem with the grandparents besides them being old! Definitely TA!
I'll gladly take both sets of grandparents. I'd give anything to have my Nana & Grampa back! Not only are you BOTH TA, I hope your kids/grandkids abandon you in your old age.
I have mixed feelings about this. When my (now-ex) husband and I were planning our wedding, we made decisions based on the alcoholism of his mother and my father and uncle. We got married in the morning with a lunch reception that served no alcohol, not even champagne. He and I were both non-drinkers, since alcohol had affected our lives so badly, so we didn't mind, but we did hear about it from others. Trying to prevent disruptive behavior can be exhausting. (Ironically, my uncle skipped the wedding and reception because he was too hungover.)
Old people are the best. They won't be around forever, so time with them should be cherished. I got married in 2015 and a lot of out-of-state family came, including 2 uncles who have since passed. One of my favorite photos from the wedding is a picture with the 2 of them looking happy. Weddings should be about more than just the couple.
I can't wait for her to be 70. 70 isn't even that old. hell in my family you aren't old till you are like 90. 70 is rocking.
Advice to Bride and Groom: Listen to your elders. They might teach you some important values, like respect. A wedding is a family affair, not just about you, your dress, and flowers etc.
YTA for sure. I'm suprised you even had to ask. I think that makes you a double AH.
YTA! Weren’t your grandparents doting on you the whole time you were growing up? Do you not love them? I know my own grandchildren would never exclude me from their weddings. You should be ashamed of yourself!
Someday, if this person is lucky, they may actually get to be old and let's hope she gets the same treatment from her grandchildren. What a self centered waste of skin.
With a little bit of luck, these two people may actually get old someday and then let's hope they get treated as well as they deserve. What a self centered pile of waste.
The bride and groom need to invite the grandparents, but also have an honest talk with the extended family: who can get grandpa from assisted living to the church? can grandpa navigate the church? is the restroom accessible enough? who can take grandpa back when he gets tired? who can help him eat? If the answer to those questions impacts the important role of parents or siblings, then they need to tell Grandpa to stay home. But if there's an aunt or cousin (or a STNA you can hire) who can dip out with Grandpa without impacting the proceedings, then invite Grandpa.
1) I dont agree with child-free weddings either but it is more understandable than what you want to do. I think children are also part of the family and it is rude not to invite the family as the whole, but different cultures different customs. In my country usually children at weddings play with baloons and bubble blowers, have a dedicated space for drawing/playing or just dance with the other guests and are a great addition to the whole party 2) ppl above 70 are usually perfectly fine, there are even 90y olds that are more vital than you would imagine and they dance like crazy (I dont understand where they bring the energy) and to exlude all elderly ppl just because you have one-two who require a special care is totally unfair and offensive to them. you are basically telling them to already go to their grave as they are too old for you 3) as for the grand parents who require special care and are disruptive:
you can either arrange some care for them and not include them in the wedding (which would be hurtful for the one without Alzheimer as they still are able to absorb the reality around them. so I would only exclude the disruptive one, not the other) OR you can dedicate a person who would take care of them AT your wedding basically taking the screaming grandma out in advance during the ceremony and maybe the first dance not to be disruptive but other things are not that important anyway and you can never tell if anyone starts sneezing, a plate is broken at a wrong moment or something during a wedding. there will always be disruptive sounds you cannot prevent. I would certainly want to prevent grandma screaming during the ceremony, otherwise not that much of an issue. YTA for how you are handling this if they are really that old and sick they can attend at the beginning and then just go home (accompanied of course). but why would you exclude all the ppl above 70 is beyond me
Load More Replies... M'y daughter got married on the very day of my parent's sixtieth anniversary. Not on purpose, for venue availability, but they all thought it à happy thing. Attention the beginning of the meal, the bride mentioned it in her speech, thé stood up and were applauded, a very nice and warm moment, and that was that. They didn't " distract " from anything.
A family took in the mother's mother. Every meal, the mother would put her mother's food in a large wooden bowl, and make her eat in the kitchen while the family ate on plates in the dining room. After the old woman died, the mother threw the wooden bowl away. Her son dug it out of the trash. The mother asked why, and the little boy said, I'll need it when you get old.
I personally wouldn't do this. I would love to have my grandparents around so they could be there. They're all deceased. But idk how they're an a*****e for wanting their wedding to be the way they want? It's they wedding. Ppl make a good point... why are we all so okay with child free weddings but not this?
I didn't take myself so serious or flattered myself into believing that everyone I invited would come. If a grandparent was so far 'off' that it would be an issue, I'd like to think that the people in charge of their wellbeing would make the call to their attendance. My son's wedding was put together in 23 days because it would have broken the bride's heart if her (only) grandmother wasn't there. For it looked like her health was going downhill fast at that point. However she lived 2 1/2 beyond their wedding, better to err on the side of caution, than miss out. But if the old person wouldn't know the difference, well do what you wish, regret your mistake should you not have them in pictures because 20/20 vision later.
The caregiver factor here can make that call. My sister was a real idiot in bringing my mother to a wedding 1500 miles away. She had to ask who everyone was every 20 minutes, even us children. She didn't embarrass her nephew (godchild), but good sense would be to let her stay home where she was more comfortable in the familiar surroundings and not ill at ease at the venue.
Load More Replies... Very immature for being 30 and 31. IDGAF if my wedding was disrupted 41000 times by my grandparents because a. That just means that they're actually there, and b. I've disrupted plenty for them in life I'm sure so.. this couple are entitled pieces of s**t.I hope everyone skips out on their wedding for a taste of their own medicine in a way.
Wow; massive massive arseholes. You deserve each other. Those people are where you both came from and you're treating and talking about them like they're just inconvenient and nothing. My grandad had dementia and then cancer and it made it so bad he had behaviour issues and tell you what I'd DO ANYTHING to have him talking loudly in the audience during the ceremony cause he was my grandad still and not some low a**e pain in the a**e. You ungrateful tools, and also anyone saying what's different from kids - erm how about these people have raised your parents - probably helped with you too!!! And much more. Actual human waste the lot of you/
I don't understand the people who are saying 'NTA - your day, your rules'. Whilst I agree with the last bit, that doesn't exclude you from being an A if your rules do, in fact, make you an A.
When I got married, my Husband's Grandparents were already gone, as were both of my Grandfather's. My Grandmother's we're well into their 90s, but that didn't stop me from inviting them. Unfortunately one of them was too far and feeble to attend, and the other one was uninvited after she made a racist remark about someone who was to be one of the guests. That was enough for me to call her back and say, "Nope. Not coming to my wedding!". (She would have shrieked and/or fainted when she saw our officiant.) But for the "good Grandma", we drove to visit her and put on our wedding clothes (complete gown with veil and tiara) to show her, and to get photos with her. She died not too long after that.
Well, sounds like they won't have to worry about the guests paying attention to other guests...because with the rest of the family (rightly) upset then chances are a good number will RSVP no. I'm imagining the wedding as just be bride, groom and all the wait staff etc giving the couple all the attention they need.
I would give anything to have all of my older family members back with me. This young woman sounds narcissistic and very cold. I can kind of understand with the Alzheimer's, but just being old and sick is no reason to miss out on life events. She is definitely the a-hole here and if I was someone in her family, I would skip the wedding myself just so she can have as much attention as possible.
If my grandmother were still alive,I would get married in her freaking living room if that were the only way she could attend! She was the best.
Actually to be honest I'm on the fence about this. As others have said, people have child-free weddings already. But I don't know. It's their wedding they can invite whoever. 🤷♀️
What a self centered B***h...everyone has to look at her on her day .. Well without those grandparents getting together to make her parents she wouldn't even exist!! This was 8 months ago did they even get married? .... ok so after reading through the majority of it on Reddit ... apparantly it was a fake post
I would give my eye teeth to have my grandparents back and you're deliberately excluding them from one of the happiest celebrations of your life? The word "a*****e" doesn't even begin to describe how horrid you two are.
Why is the attention so damn important? You'll hopefully still be married the next day, if not for decades, and isn't that what matters? Marriage has turned into a pageantry and I swear people are getting married just so they can take pretty pictures of themselves and feel important. They are no longer celebrating life-long commitments.
If u need to ask strangers online then my friend u are the jerk and the biggest tool in this toolbox of a world
Having lost all four of my grandparents by now, I would give anything to spend another family gathering with them. I don't like weddings. Can't stand attending them. But if there was a chance to have all four of them at my wedding, I would find a mail order husband in a hot minute just to have that time with them again.
The next big trend on the Industrial Wedding Complex will be actors hired to make the perfect attendees. No uggos or awkward behavior, just perfect smiles and pleasant murmuring.
I think the equivelance between this and child free weddings is pretty good. Don't like those either. Weddings are for the couple __and__ the community.
How do you know she's American? I didn't see anything about that?
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