“Several People Have Denied The Invitation”: Bride Wonders If Her ‘No Plus Ones’ Wedding Rule Is Too Ridiculous
Weddings are supposed to be a once-in-a-lifetime event, so the people who organize it have a lot of pressure to do it right. Because of the stress and the desire to have it all perfect, weddings are often surrounded by drama that makes families and friends get into fights.
Brides always feel that they are in the right because it is their big day, so why should anyone else have a say in it? This is true, but they shouldn’t be mad if someone refuses to come because they won’t feel comfortable at their ceremony.
Reddit user TAplusonedrama is a bride and she won’t apply the plus one tradition at her wedding, so only people that get an invitation can come. Although it is a person’s right to decide if they will come, she feels offended that several people didn’t want to attend anymore, but redditors think it is not the bride’s place to insist that someone come.
More info: Reddit
Bride has strict rules about who can come to her wedding but is upset about other people declining her invitation
Image credits: an iconoclast (not the actual photo)
The Original Poster (OP) is a bride and the wedding is her and her fiancé’s love celebration, so in order for it to be enjoyable for them, they have certain rules. One of the rules is that only people who have an invitation can come.
According to wedding etiquette, married, engaged and cohabiting guests traditionally get a plus-one as they are considered kind of as a unit. Other guests may also be allowed to bring people so that they won’t be uncomfortable, but these rules aren’t the law and you really don’t have to follow them.
Image credits: TAplusonedrama
The OP has a few criteria if her guests want to take a plus one
Image credits: TAplusonedrama
Both the bride and the groom have to know that person and have a good relationship with them
Image credits: TAplusonedrama
The OP said that she would allow her guests to bring a plus one if both she and her fiancé already know that person, if their relationship is close enough that they would enjoy having dinner together with them, if they would get a separate invitation anyway and if that person is also her friend.
It doesn’t matter if the guest is married, engaged or in a long-term relationship, their significant other can’t come if they don’t meet the criteria. This might not seem fair for everyone, but if the bride and groom only want close friends and family to attend that they know and cherish; it is their decision.
Image credits: TAplusonedrama
Which doesn’t necessarily mean that married and long-term couples can automatically bring their partners
Image credits: TAplusonedrama
Understandably, some people declined the wedding invitation because maybe they don’t feel comfortable going there alone or they don’t want to go to a celebration without their partner.
In general, the bride should have expected a similar reaction from people, but what she didn’t expect was for her cousin to refuse to attend. The cousin has been engaged with his fiancée for a year and was upset that she wasn’t invited.
Which led to some people declining invitations
Image credits: TAplusonedrama
The OP was mostly upset about her cousin not attending because he didn’t want to come without his fiancée
Image credits: TAplusonedrama
She wasn’t invited because the OP’s fiancé hasn’t met her yet and it seems that the bride isn’t fond of the woman either. But the OP still wanted her cousin to come and told him how heartbroken she was he couldn’t leave his fiancée for a few hours to celebrate his cousin’s big day.
The cousin got angry and said that being separated from his fiancée was not the point because they can easily spend time away from each other because they go on separate vacations and have separate friend groups. What bothered him was that he felt disrespected and that she excluded his long-term partner.
Image credits: TAplusonedrama
He thought that the OP was disrespecting him by not inviting his fiancée, but the OP though he was the one being disrespectful for not coming to her wedding
Image credits: TAplusonedrama
But the cousin also realized that he doesn’t have a chance in changing her mind because it is the OP’s big day and those are her rules. When he admitted this, the OP jumped in and asked him to respect them and to attend the wedding.
This whole interaction didn’t sit right with redditors and what bothered them was that the bride was trying to guilt trip the cousin to come. They also were on the cousin’s side because if someone doesn’t want to go to a wedding for not liking the rules, the organizers of the event should respect that as the guest showed respect by not breaking those rules.
People were of the opinion that if the bride and groom have the power to decide who can come and who can’t, guests have a right to decide whether to accept that invitation or not.
Image credits: TAplusonedrama
Now the OP wonders if she might be in the wrong here and asks if her reasons for no plus ones are unreasonable
Image credits: TAplusonedrama
Image credits: rocksee (not the actual photo)
The OP responded to a few comments and it became clearer why she didn’t understand why her cousin made such a huge deal. Turns out, she was in the same situation as him and didn’t mind it. “In the past, one friend of my fiancé got married and I hadn’t met him so I wasn’t invited. I wasn’t mad.”
In her eyes, her cousin declining the invitation was disrespectful towards her because “he cares more about some moment of discomfort rather than supporting his cousin,” even though she understands that he is allowed not to come. “Of course he has an option, I don’t disagree with that. But that decision could also be disrespectful of him, no?”
It is a situation when both sides have their own logic and feelings, so it’s hard to convince the other. But looking from the outside, who do you think is in the wrong here? Do you feel the bride has too strict of a rule or the cousin is being petty by not coming? Let us know in the comments!
People in the comments were mostly not bothered by OP’s wedding rules but the way how she reacted to her cousin declining her invitation didn’t sit well with them
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On the last AITA post I complained on how all of these have a very clearly non-assehole OP. BoredPanda listened to me and gave me the story of someone who was very much an a*****e.
... wow... Yeah. YTA. So is your fiance if he's going along with this. I'd love to be able to watch your friend circle diminish as you apply these frankly batcrap crazy rules to future dinner parties, only to discover your own rules mean you'll invite fewer and fewer people and fewer and fewer people will accept. Enjoy your enforced hermithood.
While I do understand that you don't want to invite people you don't know to your wedding... Did it ever occur to you that you and their significant other might be the only people a guest might know at your wedding? I wouldn't want to go to a wedding where I don't have anyone to talk to.
An invitation is not a subpoena; it is a request for someone's company. If the terms attached to that request are not palatable to the invitees they are perfectly within their rights to decline. But you don't get to bully people into attending nor get upset when they chose not too. Why do brides feel they can act like tyrants over their wedding? It's a celebration of love yet here anyone else's love stories are being trampled all over for no reason other than the bride wants to be special! I hope her husband enjoys her company as she Won't have any friends to go out with after the wedding. I wonder if she would attend an event without her husband if the tables were turned?
Do the bride and groom have trust issues and social phobias? "We know it might seem harsh, but those are the rules [...] so we can be more comfortable." If that really is the case, they could have eloped or had a tiny wedding with just a few close people. Insisting that the cousin "show his support and respect by attending" turns this into a loyalty test. The cousin simply decided who is in greater need and more deserving of his support and respect and who is dispensible.
Wow. I mean I can understand if there was a money/venue issue or if there were significant others who were horrible people that could cause issues or drama at the wedding but this is just shitty.
Have a wedding you can afford rather than insulting those who didn't "make the cut"
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I can't imagine anyone coming up with these rules unless they are still adolescents. I could understand if it was just because you can't afford to feed a lot of unknown people at your wedding, but you made a point to say "it isn't the money or the venue". If you make these rules, then expect that a lot of people will be declining the invitation, and accept it with whatever good grace you can muster. Whining about the people declining only makes you more of an AH.
YTA Clearly people would want their long-term love, spouse, partner to come along. Your wanting to pick and choose whose other half are included doesn't sit well with people. You want people to be there to see you and your fiancé "become one" yet you don't respect other's' unions. Okay I get it, your rules. But don't expect a lot of people to go and certainly don't guilt those who don't want to go. Seriously, your own cousin doesn't make the mark?
While I can see that not wanting someone’s “plus one” who is an a*****e or nasty drunk, etc, might be wise, if you put a rule like that in place, you then can’t proceed to get all bent out of shape if that someone declines your invitation because it excludes their “plus one”. Turnabout is fair play, you know, and if you start being irrational like that, you might find yourself as the “plus one” no one wants to add to an invitation.
I think YTA. Elope. Weddings are expensive for the couple and their families, but also for the guests. A decent wedding gift, appropriate attire, travel and lodging. When you put limits on people you invite, why would they want to attend? Too many bridezilla's wanting to live out a childhood fantasy of being a princess but they now want a gift of certain value, want you to pay for cake or food and drink, want you to hire a babysitter and now leave your SO home? Nah, I just don't accept wedding invitations anymore. If I love them, they get a gift but not necessarily from their list.
She's not going to meet the people she hasn't met and won't see much of the people she did know any more.
I would've declined too, I wouldn't disrespect my girl like that and make her feel left out. However, me being me, and her being my cousin, I probably would've ended up sending a wedding gift with some money, which is tradition anyway. The bride to be is an a*****e for making those rules and f*****g stupid for getting upset at the outcome of those rules. Don't dish it out if you can't take it, you don't want any "plus ones" at your wedding? Then accept and understand all the declines you're gonna get. Not for nothing, but she should've been more lenient with her cousin at least. Especially if she wanted him there so bad.
I knew I'd burn bridges with people if they were all "OMG you're getting married squeee! tell me when!" and then not RSVP. I knew I'd get pi$$y and stressed trying to think of a way to make everyone happy. So we had a justice of the peace wedding and a immediate-family only barbecue in my sister's backyard. We all had fun. We were all relaxed. No banks were broken. And the only bridezilla moment happened when I forced my new husband to turn the car around and go back home to get his wedding ring which he had left in the bathroom. No no no - THIS day of all days, you will wear the ring. Tomorrow - meh. :)
I am from Germany and I have been to many weddings of my friends. Here’s how it works in Germany. You get an invite. You reply if you’re coming. (By email!) That’s it. Never ever had anyone any rules or demands.
Interesting, I'm living in Germany too and I habe NEVER replied to an invitation via e-mail. Additional on all invitations I have seen it was always stated "together with XYZ/your partner."
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Someone needs to brush up on their social skills. You're going to end up with zero friends.
This whole story sounds fake to me. You know why? Because the opposite side of the fight is cited so clearly and fairly. Usually when people have a fight and later describe it to others, they emphesise on their own arguments and downplay or only hint or even withhold what the other side has said, not reciting it word for word. If this bride exists, she doesn't appear like someone who would explain such a situation more objectively than a professional journalist.
I imagine that because of the $#it storm of a show the last 2 years have been there are going to be a good number of people who haven't yet met their S.O.'s extended families, so her rule about both the Bride and Groom having to know a family members "plus one" is a tad on the ridiculous side. IMO this is basically letting people know who the couple think are "good enough" to honour (🙄🙄🙄) their love story and wedding x
Bride: Take it or leave it! Guests: OK, we'll leave it. Bride: :::Surprised Pikachu face:::
+1 is something offered to singles. To apply a no +1 to a couple is the same as telling them... You may only wear 1 shoe, 1 sock, 1 pant leg, 1 shirt sleeve, and make sure to snap your glasses in half as well. A paired couple come as a unit and bridezilla is not only the AH but an idiot
I don’t think OP is an AH, she’s just very dumb to create a rule and then complain when ppl don’t like it. It is ok if they don’t want ppl they don’t know in their wedding, but it is very stupid to demand the other guests to attend if they don’t want to. Not an AH just very stupid.
So they both have to know the couple to invite the couple and like both parties in the couple? So they are getting a lot of people not coming. Serves them right for that. I really didn't want people to bring someone they were just dating and would break up with in wedding photos, but it happens. And the plus one usually doesn't know Anyone and feels awkward a bit too. I've been there. But I accepted that at my reception because I love people and didn't mind. I did put a no small children clause because I have a nephew whose gf basically lets her kid roam an makes everyone babysit for her so I made it an adults only reception. She got a sitter. It was fine. And I have photos w my niece and family and some guy that was gone a month later. It happens. But she was happier to have someone to share it with too.
I kinda feel the OP's pain a little... I mean, I'm planning my wedding next year... and at £65 a head, every time one of my friends starts dating someone, I'm super happy for them and also secretly thinking, there's another £65 to find, now do that with 10 guests... it soon mounts up
She explicitely said that it was not for monetary reasons...
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I hope the cousin does invite her to his wedding but then tells her she can't bring her husband. That would be amazing.
but these are the rules! Bridezilla got to make them. Rules! What will we use if there are no rules, kindness?! Common sense?!1!
YTA. You are a selfish brat. Why do brides feel entitled to act like absolute jack a$$es because “It’s MY special day!!”. “I want everything perfect!”. These types of people should not get married. I’ll say it again louder for the people in the back- “IF YOU ONLY CARE ABOUT HAVING A PERFECT WEDDING DAY BY CUTTING PEOPLE OUT, HAVING WEIRD RULES, OR UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS, YOU SHOULD NOT GET MARRIED!!” There is an actual marriage after the wedding day. There are two families coming together. There is going to be a lot of changes, good and bad. You are going to have to accept that life does not go the way you think. $hit happens all the time. Adjustments and sacrifices are necessary. Just wait until you have kids!! This day is not just about you, your wants or your imaginary bull$hit. Your dress, the food, the environment- not even the cost matters. It’s so two people, and this means everyone you both know, can become one. You are arrogant and ignorant.
I would literally terminate our friendship if you denied me bringing my husband, whom you have never net, to your wedding.
I'll bet she'd be complaining if her cousin got married but didn't invite her husband to the wedding because he didn't know the bride.
So romantic to attempt to drive a wedge between numerous invitees on your special day. How OP must love to snub.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Cousin won't be only one who say no.
Well, i see it this way - she doesn't want people who are not close to her and her husband. This "+1" policy is kind of stupid. And please, don't forget the expenses. +1 is almost double count of people. Why should someone pay so much money for people they don't know? First is "+1", then kids... So much more money for people you don't want at your wedding.
I agree. I'm actually fine with her rules. She just should understand that some people will choose not to attend.
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This is only normal if you invite the whole bunch of collegues. Noone takes their partner with em at my office, because they're already friendly enough to invite you and it costs em a fortune and the partners don't care. It's like a day out for the office. For friends and cousins I'd say only if you come alone too. You can surely be away from your man a few hours and honor your guests. Why not make it a bachelor's party?
I get where she's coming from. Weddings are ludicrously expensive and I can understand not wanting to pay a small fortune to have a bunch of total strangers at a wedding. Then again, I think making people come to the wedding by themselves, just because you haven't met their +1 is horrible and totally contradicts the coming together of family and friends that weddings are supposed to be. I married with a very small circle of family and friends (and their +1s), some people marry with no guests. I think either of those options would have been better.
This bride to be should think about how she feels when only her husband is invited to a party and she isn’t allowed to come. That’s how it feels to be excluded. I’m getting married next year and I don’t want anyone to feel excluded at all, I’m inviting all my family, friends and acquaintances to the wedding including the plus one. Whether they want to join or not, is their choice.
So TAH. OP, save your money and just go to the courthouse in your smantsy pantsy princess gown and get married since no one would put up with your ridiculous rules and you probably lost friends and family with this bridezilla move.
Usually I would say NTA cause your wedding your rules and that's ok but: Cousin said no, and it was his choice, so what's the problem? Take it or leave it. He did obey the rules. If I was invited to the wedding and couldn't bring my husband of 13 years, I probably wouldn't come either. Would I be shamed by my choice as well? So in this case yeah, YTA
I understand if you don't want single people to come with anybody, just to fill in the "plus one" in invitation. Hell, i even understand you don't want people who Are together for a short period of time to be there together (i have my mil ex-boyfriend on my wedding photos, And i hate it), cause they can broke up. But long-term, established couples Are a unit and you should treat them as such. Not to mention married couples...
This new bride is going to find that she is invited to VERY few Weddings, in her future.
This reminds me of a Going Away party my husband's friend had shortly after we started dating. The friend said she didn't want any foreigners at her party because it would be uncomfortable. THE GIRL WAS LEAVING TO STUDY IN CANADA!! I literally had never met her either so she could have just said she wanted her friends there and no strangers but decided to be blatantly racist. The irony was totally lost on her as well, it seems. Hubs didn't go to the party but told her he hoped she enjoyed her time abroad
Bridezilla alert lol. "It's my party and I'll be a b!tch if I want to"... Well okay, so people can also choose "Bleugh no thanks". Suck it up, buttercup.
Why is it some folks become massive a$$holes when planning a wedding?
Honey, you are the biggest ass! Drop that rule right now. Makes you sound like you and your fiancé live with a stick up your arses!
A*****e for the guilttripping. Sure, you can make those rules, there is even a modest amount of sense behind them even if they are not very nice. But you can't complain if people decide not to go because of them
YTA and a relationshipwrecker. Couples don't have to be together the whole time? Let them decide for themselves. Your cousin sticks to his partner, as a good partner would do. You know the meaning of PARTNER? As you said it yourself: Take it or leave it. And some persons decided to leave it. So take that or leave it. What comes around goes around.
YTA and how would you feel if that happened to you? Your spouse gets invited to a wedding but your ass is told no. Stop being petty
I think people would better understand a less stringent list such as We are inviting established couples and family members as there will be a photographer for group and casual photos. Our colors are Peacock blue and Sahara tan if you would like your colors to blend with other guests. See colors on our wedding page here… What I’m suggesting is that this is THE time to loosen up your rigid control issues - not firm them up. I get that social anxiety is crippling if that’s the real underlying issue. Just usher in close friends and family toward the inner aisle and front seats and, during the reception, have someone standing at the end of the reception line with some wedding treat that looks like its going melt so they won’t want to spend all day chatting. There are creative ways you can get close to what you wanted in the first place and nobody would be any the wiser. Also, you’re not children… unless you sadly are.
I can understand no plus ones, especially for smaller ceremonies. It’s okay to have only people you want there. It’s not okay to hound them to attend. Life happens and sometimes even those closest to you can’t make it.
I understand a little if you can’t invite everyone’s SO, but spouses and partners living together? For those just dating you could maybe say you’re so sorry but you couldn’t include dates and apologize and tell the party that you would still love for them to join you on your special day. I don't think not allowing spouses and SOs will make you friends. It sounds like, YES , you are TAH.
if it was a girl he had only been with for a week or so that neither the bride or groom met or heard of then i'd understand but her rules are ridiculous
Absolutely YTA! I would absolutely decline your b*tch a**e rules. I cannot believe you are so arrogant as to assume you can make such asinine rules and get all b*tchy when people actually decline. You don't get to be pissed off when people decline. It's your wedding and your rules but you can't force anyone to attend. I really hope all who declined also refused to send a congratulations card and/or gift. You are going to have the sh*t wedding you deserve.
Must you even ask? i say "lol" to your silly rules. If its not about money or capacity, who cares who the hell comes or not, you dont have to mingle with them if you dont want to. Way to alineate people there.
On the last AITA post I complained on how all of these have a very clearly non-assehole OP. BoredPanda listened to me and gave me the story of someone who was very much an a*****e.
... wow... Yeah. YTA. So is your fiance if he's going along with this. I'd love to be able to watch your friend circle diminish as you apply these frankly batcrap crazy rules to future dinner parties, only to discover your own rules mean you'll invite fewer and fewer people and fewer and fewer people will accept. Enjoy your enforced hermithood.
While I do understand that you don't want to invite people you don't know to your wedding... Did it ever occur to you that you and their significant other might be the only people a guest might know at your wedding? I wouldn't want to go to a wedding where I don't have anyone to talk to.
An invitation is not a subpoena; it is a request for someone's company. If the terms attached to that request are not palatable to the invitees they are perfectly within their rights to decline. But you don't get to bully people into attending nor get upset when they chose not too. Why do brides feel they can act like tyrants over their wedding? It's a celebration of love yet here anyone else's love stories are being trampled all over for no reason other than the bride wants to be special! I hope her husband enjoys her company as she Won't have any friends to go out with after the wedding. I wonder if she would attend an event without her husband if the tables were turned?
Do the bride and groom have trust issues and social phobias? "We know it might seem harsh, but those are the rules [...] so we can be more comfortable." If that really is the case, they could have eloped or had a tiny wedding with just a few close people. Insisting that the cousin "show his support and respect by attending" turns this into a loyalty test. The cousin simply decided who is in greater need and more deserving of his support and respect and who is dispensible.
Wow. I mean I can understand if there was a money/venue issue or if there were significant others who were horrible people that could cause issues or drama at the wedding but this is just shitty.
Have a wedding you can afford rather than insulting those who didn't "make the cut"
Load More Replies... I can't imagine anyone coming up with these rules unless they are still adolescents. I could understand if it was just because you can't afford to feed a lot of unknown people at your wedding, but you made a point to say "it isn't the money or the venue". If you make these rules, then expect that a lot of people will be declining the invitation, and accept it with whatever good grace you can muster. Whining about the people declining only makes you more of an AH.
YTA Clearly people would want their long-term love, spouse, partner to come along. Your wanting to pick and choose whose other half are included doesn't sit well with people. You want people to be there to see you and your fiancé "become one" yet you don't respect other's' unions. Okay I get it, your rules. But don't expect a lot of people to go and certainly don't guilt those who don't want to go. Seriously, your own cousin doesn't make the mark?
While I can see that not wanting someone’s “plus one” who is an a*****e or nasty drunk, etc, might be wise, if you put a rule like that in place, you then can’t proceed to get all bent out of shape if that someone declines your invitation because it excludes their “plus one”. Turnabout is fair play, you know, and if you start being irrational like that, you might find yourself as the “plus one” no one wants to add to an invitation.
I think YTA. Elope. Weddings are expensive for the couple and their families, but also for the guests. A decent wedding gift, appropriate attire, travel and lodging. When you put limits on people you invite, why would they want to attend? Too many bridezilla's wanting to live out a childhood fantasy of being a princess but they now want a gift of certain value, want you to pay for cake or food and drink, want you to hire a babysitter and now leave your SO home? Nah, I just don't accept wedding invitations anymore. If I love them, they get a gift but not necessarily from their list.
She's not going to meet the people she hasn't met and won't see much of the people she did know any more.
I would've declined too, I wouldn't disrespect my girl like that and make her feel left out. However, me being me, and her being my cousin, I probably would've ended up sending a wedding gift with some money, which is tradition anyway. The bride to be is an a*****e for making those rules and f*****g stupid for getting upset at the outcome of those rules. Don't dish it out if you can't take it, you don't want any "plus ones" at your wedding? Then accept and understand all the declines you're gonna get. Not for nothing, but she should've been more lenient with her cousin at least. Especially if she wanted him there so bad.
I knew I'd burn bridges with people if they were all "OMG you're getting married squeee! tell me when!" and then not RSVP. I knew I'd get pi$$y and stressed trying to think of a way to make everyone happy. So we had a justice of the peace wedding and a immediate-family only barbecue in my sister's backyard. We all had fun. We were all relaxed. No banks were broken. And the only bridezilla moment happened when I forced my new husband to turn the car around and go back home to get his wedding ring which he had left in the bathroom. No no no - THIS day of all days, you will wear the ring. Tomorrow - meh. :)
I am from Germany and I have been to many weddings of my friends. Here’s how it works in Germany. You get an invite. You reply if you’re coming. (By email!) That’s it. Never ever had anyone any rules or demands.
Interesting, I'm living in Germany too and I habe NEVER replied to an invitation via e-mail. Additional on all invitations I have seen it was always stated "together with XYZ/your partner."
Load More Replies... Someone needs to brush up on their social skills. You're going to end up with zero friends.
This whole story sounds fake to me. You know why? Because the opposite side of the fight is cited so clearly and fairly. Usually when people have a fight and later describe it to others, they emphesise on their own arguments and downplay or only hint or even withhold what the other side has said, not reciting it word for word. If this bride exists, she doesn't appear like someone who would explain such a situation more objectively than a professional journalist.
I imagine that because of the $#it storm of a show the last 2 years have been there are going to be a good number of people who haven't yet met their S.O.'s extended families, so her rule about both the Bride and Groom having to know a family members "plus one" is a tad on the ridiculous side. IMO this is basically letting people know who the couple think are "good enough" to honour (🙄🙄🙄) their love story and wedding x
Bride: Take it or leave it! Guests: OK, we'll leave it. Bride: :::Surprised Pikachu face:::
+1 is something offered to singles. To apply a no +1 to a couple is the same as telling them... You may only wear 1 shoe, 1 sock, 1 pant leg, 1 shirt sleeve, and make sure to snap your glasses in half as well. A paired couple come as a unit and bridezilla is not only the AH but an idiot
I don’t think OP is an AH, she’s just very dumb to create a rule and then complain when ppl don’t like it. It is ok if they don’t want ppl they don’t know in their wedding, but it is very stupid to demand the other guests to attend if they don’t want to. Not an AH just very stupid.
So they both have to know the couple to invite the couple and like both parties in the couple? So they are getting a lot of people not coming. Serves them right for that. I really didn't want people to bring someone they were just dating and would break up with in wedding photos, but it happens. And the plus one usually doesn't know Anyone and feels awkward a bit too. I've been there. But I accepted that at my reception because I love people and didn't mind. I did put a no small children clause because I have a nephew whose gf basically lets her kid roam an makes everyone babysit for her so I made it an adults only reception. She got a sitter. It was fine. And I have photos w my niece and family and some guy that was gone a month later. It happens. But she was happier to have someone to share it with too.
I kinda feel the OP's pain a little... I mean, I'm planning my wedding next year... and at £65 a head, every time one of my friends starts dating someone, I'm super happy for them and also secretly thinking, there's another £65 to find, now do that with 10 guests... it soon mounts up
She explicitely said that it was not for monetary reasons...
Load More Replies... I hope the cousin does invite her to his wedding but then tells her she can't bring her husband. That would be amazing.
but these are the rules! Bridezilla got to make them. Rules! What will we use if there are no rules, kindness?! Common sense?!1!
YTA. You are a selfish brat. Why do brides feel entitled to act like absolute jack a$$es because “It’s MY special day!!”. “I want everything perfect!”. These types of people should not get married. I’ll say it again louder for the people in the back- “IF YOU ONLY CARE ABOUT HAVING A PERFECT WEDDING DAY BY CUTTING PEOPLE OUT, HAVING WEIRD RULES, OR UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS, YOU SHOULD NOT GET MARRIED!!” There is an actual marriage after the wedding day. There are two families coming together. There is going to be a lot of changes, good and bad. You are going to have to accept that life does not go the way you think. $hit happens all the time. Adjustments and sacrifices are necessary. Just wait until you have kids!! This day is not just about you, your wants or your imaginary bull$hit. Your dress, the food, the environment- not even the cost matters. It’s so two people, and this means everyone you both know, can become one. You are arrogant and ignorant.
I would literally terminate our friendship if you denied me bringing my husband, whom you have never net, to your wedding.
I'll bet she'd be complaining if her cousin got married but didn't invite her husband to the wedding because he didn't know the bride.
So romantic to attempt to drive a wedge between numerous invitees on your special day. How OP must love to snub.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Cousin won't be only one who say no.
Well, i see it this way - she doesn't want people who are not close to her and her husband. This "+1" policy is kind of stupid. And please, don't forget the expenses. +1 is almost double count of people. Why should someone pay so much money for people they don't know? First is "+1", then kids... So much more money for people you don't want at your wedding.
I agree. I'm actually fine with her rules. She just should understand that some people will choose not to attend.
Load More Replies... This is only normal if you invite the whole bunch of collegues. Noone takes their partner with em at my office, because they're already friendly enough to invite you and it costs em a fortune and the partners don't care. It's like a day out for the office. For friends and cousins I'd say only if you come alone too. You can surely be away from your man a few hours and honor your guests. Why not make it a bachelor's party?
I get where she's coming from. Weddings are ludicrously expensive and I can understand not wanting to pay a small fortune to have a bunch of total strangers at a wedding. Then again, I think making people come to the wedding by themselves, just because you haven't met their +1 is horrible and totally contradicts the coming together of family and friends that weddings are supposed to be. I married with a very small circle of family and friends (and their +1s), some people marry with no guests. I think either of those options would have been better.
This bride to be should think about how she feels when only her husband is invited to a party and she isn’t allowed to come. That’s how it feels to be excluded. I’m getting married next year and I don’t want anyone to feel excluded at all, I’m inviting all my family, friends and acquaintances to the wedding including the plus one. Whether they want to join or not, is their choice.
So TAH. OP, save your money and just go to the courthouse in your smantsy pantsy princess gown and get married since no one would put up with your ridiculous rules and you probably lost friends and family with this bridezilla move.
Usually I would say NTA cause your wedding your rules and that's ok but: Cousin said no, and it was his choice, so what's the problem? Take it or leave it. He did obey the rules. If I was invited to the wedding and couldn't bring my husband of 13 years, I probably wouldn't come either. Would I be shamed by my choice as well? So in this case yeah, YTA
I understand if you don't want single people to come with anybody, just to fill in the "plus one" in invitation. Hell, i even understand you don't want people who Are together for a short period of time to be there together (i have my mil ex-boyfriend on my wedding photos, And i hate it), cause they can broke up. But long-term, established couples Are a unit and you should treat them as such. Not to mention married couples...
This new bride is going to find that she is invited to VERY few Weddings, in her future.
This reminds me of a Going Away party my husband's friend had shortly after we started dating. The friend said she didn't want any foreigners at her party because it would be uncomfortable. THE GIRL WAS LEAVING TO STUDY IN CANADA!! I literally had never met her either so she could have just said she wanted her friends there and no strangers but decided to be blatantly racist. The irony was totally lost on her as well, it seems. Hubs didn't go to the party but told her he hoped she enjoyed her time abroad
Bridezilla alert lol. "It's my party and I'll be a b!tch if I want to"... Well okay, so people can also choose "Bleugh no thanks". Suck it up, buttercup.
Why is it some folks become massive a$$holes when planning a wedding?
Honey, you are the biggest ass! Drop that rule right now. Makes you sound like you and your fiancé live with a stick up your arses!
A*****e for the guilttripping. Sure, you can make those rules, there is even a modest amount of sense behind them even if they are not very nice. But you can't complain if people decide not to go because of them
YTA and a relationshipwrecker. Couples don't have to be together the whole time? Let them decide for themselves. Your cousin sticks to his partner, as a good partner would do. You know the meaning of PARTNER? As you said it yourself: Take it or leave it. And some persons decided to leave it. So take that or leave it. What comes around goes around.
YTA and how would you feel if that happened to you? Your spouse gets invited to a wedding but your ass is told no. Stop being petty
I think people would better understand a less stringent list such as We are inviting established couples and family members as there will be a photographer for group and casual photos. Our colors are Peacock blue and Sahara tan if you would like your colors to blend with other guests. See colors on our wedding page here… What I’m suggesting is that this is THE time to loosen up your rigid control issues - not firm them up. I get that social anxiety is crippling if that’s the real underlying issue. Just usher in close friends and family toward the inner aisle and front seats and, during the reception, have someone standing at the end of the reception line with some wedding treat that looks like its going melt so they won’t want to spend all day chatting. There are creative ways you can get close to what you wanted in the first place and nobody would be any the wiser. Also, you’re not children… unless you sadly are.
I can understand no plus ones, especially for smaller ceremonies. It’s okay to have only people you want there. It’s not okay to hound them to attend. Life happens and sometimes even those closest to you can’t make it.
I understand a little if you can’t invite everyone’s SO, but spouses and partners living together? For those just dating you could maybe say you’re so sorry but you couldn’t include dates and apologize and tell the party that you would still love for them to join you on your special day. I don't think not allowing spouses and SOs will make you friends. It sounds like, YES , you are TAH.
if it was a girl he had only been with for a week or so that neither the bride or groom met or heard of then i'd understand but her rules are ridiculous
Absolutely YTA! I would absolutely decline your b*tch a**e rules. I cannot believe you are so arrogant as to assume you can make such asinine rules and get all b*tchy when people actually decline. You don't get to be pissed off when people decline. It's your wedding and your rules but you can't force anyone to attend. I really hope all who declined also refused to send a congratulations card and/or gift. You are going to have the sh*t wedding you deserve.
Must you even ask? i say "lol" to your silly rules. If its not about money or capacity, who cares who the hell comes or not, you dont have to mingle with them if you dont want to. Way to alineate people there.
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