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Bride Considers Deleting Her Friend’s Engagement Photos, The Internet Supports Her
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Bride Considers Deleting Her Friend’s Engagement Photos, The Internet Supports Her

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Most of us have heard at least one story of proposing at someone else’s wedding. People agree it’s selfish, thoughtless and insensitive, and yet it happens time and again.

One such story comes from an upset bride whose friend “not only got engaged at my wedding but instead of hiding it and announcing it later, she announced it to our friends during the party.” In the author’s friend’s mind, “it’s no longer the day I got married, it’s now also the day she got engaged,” the bride wrote.

As if that wasn’t enough, it turned out that the engaged guests asked the bride’s wedding photographer to take some photos of them. “She didn’t really see a problem since we weren’t back yet and they were guests. That’s until she realized they were engagement pictures,” the author explained.

Now that the wedding is over, the bride is left with not only a bad aftertaste but a full folder of her guests stealing her spotlight on the day she got married.

An upset bride wonders if she would be wrong to delete her friend’s photos since they got engaged during her wedding and told her photographer to take photos of the proposal

Image credits: Emma Bauso (not the actual photo)


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Image credits: Jesus Arias (not the actual photo)


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Image credits: Jessica Lewis Creative (not the actual photo)




Image credits: throwrawedphotos

To find out more about what an expert has to say in regards to proposing during someone else’s wedding, we reached out to Jen Glantz, the bestselling author and founder of Bridesmaid for Hire and The Newlywed Card Game, a voice of You’re Not Getting Any Younger podcast, and the brains behind Jen & Juice coaching and digital courses.

According to Glantz, “Even if it seems like a good idea to propose at someone else’s wedding, it’s likely something that takes the attention and energy off the couple and isn’t the right thing to do.”

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When asked what’s her advice for the newlyweds who had their guests get engaged on their wedding day, Glantz argues that it might be tough to acknowledge that happened. “But it’s just part of the story now and one day it might even make for a good laugh!” she commented.

And when it comes to rude guests, Glantz said that it’s important to “remember that a wedding is an invite to someone’s party so respect the couple as much as possible.” She added: “Try not to get too drunk, start fights, roast the couple getting married, or even bring uninvited guests with you.”

The commentators condemned those who get engaged at someone else’s wedding and expressed their support for the bride





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randolph_croft avatar
Randolph Croft
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm a photographer. I've done a few weddings - long ago. I primarily do historical architecture, wildlife and urban nightscapes. However, something like this actually happened and they asked me if I'd do the same sort of thing - it was in a 14th century church in Venice. I told them I'd shoot 'em, but my price was €750 for 10 prints (1993!) and processing. They hemmed and hawed, but agreed. I told the bride about it and we split it between us.

tina_newman_1 avatar
Not_Tellin
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You paid for the pictures and the photographer. You would be within your right to delete the photos. It's tacky and crass and crude to get engaged at someone else's wedding. And it is beyond unbelievable that they actually use your photographer, without your permission, to take their engagement photos. I would tell her unless she wants to pay for all of the pictures, she gets none of them. I would not offer to split the cost. Or, you can just delete the pictures and pretend you didn't even see them.

isabel-van-dierendonck avatar
Isabel
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There's an update to this! https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i8133g/update_wibta_if_i_deleted_my_friends_engagement/ Basically, the bride talked it out with her friend who got engaged at her wedding, who admitted she was in the wrong but essentially wanted what she wanted. The photographer didn't want to paid extra for these photo's and the bride decided to take the high road and gave them to her friend for free. She describes their friendship as having taken a hit though. All in all a classy move by both the photographer and the bride I thought.

kristakozak avatar
Munnin
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She's a better person than I am. I would have deleted them, told her I deleted them, and ended the friendship. If the friend was completely unaware that her bf was going to propose at the wedding, I'd let it slide. However, having the audacity to hijack the photographer I paid for would really p**s me off. This friend took advantage and seems to be very comfortable doing so (if she wasn't, she wouldn't have done an engagement shot at someone else's wedding). She did what she wanted regardless of the fact that she was at someone's wedding. I wouldn't remain friends with someone like this, I certainly wouldn't have rewarded her bad behavior by giving her the pictures.

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vclavevanmraek avatar
Invisible Potato
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

there are basic set of social rules for a guest at someone else wedding... dont wear white, dont anounce anything (engagemnt, baby, cancer, new plasma tv...), dont f*ck the Newlywed (or-to-be-wed), that is soooooo simple, and still, every day, i read about this... its like, on someone else birthday party, you dont get to shuš the candle for them....

charleswilliams_3 avatar
Charles Williams
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Almost nobody would think that it would be ok to get engaged at someone's funeral but so many people think that it's ok to get engaged at someone's wedding, reception, birthday party, retirement party, etc. All of these are celebrations that deserve to not be interrupted. A wedding is a celebration of a future life together. A birthday is a celebration of a life being loved. A retirement party is a celebration of a life at a job. A funeral is a celebration of a life lived. Don't ruin any celebration by trying to take the spotlight from that person, whether with an engagement announcement or a pregnancy announcement. Definitely NTA. Delete the pictures and go on with your life. Hopefully, without the rude people in your life.

vanjavidovic avatar
Vanja Vidovic
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Funerals are not happy events. But sometimes there are double funerals and nobody complains about it.

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untethereduniverse avatar
Untethered Universe
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh boy. Did you have fun at your wedding? Were your guestd happy? Why create all that drama then? "BUT I WANT IT TO BE SPECIAL, BUT FOR ME ONLY" The world does not revolve around you. So they amde an engagement on your wedding. Big deal. Was it the wrong place? Sure. Did it impact you directly? I doubt so. Stop being angry at everything and everyone for stuff like that. It's a waste of time and energy. Weddibgs are overrated anyway.

cathy_hurd avatar
nancycollins_1 avatar
Nancy Collins
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think what the friend did was super crappy, but I'd probably just give her the pictures and cut ties with her.

bekahr avatar
Bekah R
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes she should have freaked out and told her stupid boyfriend to stop proposing at her friends wedding!!!! How stupid of him.

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lionqueen2442 avatar
C Frac
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA...but I think you missed something she used your wedding reception as her engagement party...I think she should pay for half of it too!

spiritum avatar
Mixed Reality Portal
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Depends how vindictive you are ... You could just pretend you don't know that the engagement occurred but that if it had it would've been in bad taste etc. Then suggest if it did happen and was photographed to contact the photographer direct. Suggesting that if they do have the pics you're sure they'll give them her for her usual engagement shoot fee ... Personally though, I'd just let it go. It didn't spoil your day as you weren't aware about it at the time. Let it it go. Life really is too short...

tina_newman_1 avatar
Not_Tellin
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

But, why should this person get free engagement photos? The bride and groom paid for a wedding photographer. They had no idea there was going to be engagement photos. This person stole their money by stealing the services of the photographer.

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sandracharlot avatar
Sandra Charlot
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Can't imagine to not being happy for my friend getting engaged ... whenever it happened. People get married everyday, you know? Some of these even dare to get married on the same day as you ! How scandalous! My best friend wore a white dress on my wedding and I don't give s*** ... People won't stop living just because your wedding didn't make you happy enough.

tina_newman_1 avatar
Not_Tellin
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So, you think it's OK that she stole from the bride? The bride and groom paid for the photographer. This b***h stole the services of the photographer without permission from the bride and group.

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kathleenfeewinters avatar
Kathleen Winters
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Don't forget, it was her fiancée that thought it was okay to propose there, not her friend. I doubt there was any malice on his end. I'd figure she was caught off guard, and was just excited. I'd just have the photographer give her a price for the photoshoot.

desousakathryn avatar
K8 D
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's (probably) the fiancé's fault the proposal happened there, but the friend should have had the class to keep it between the two of them and not involve their other friends or a freaking photographer.

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deborahbrett avatar
Deborah B
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's really tacky to get engaged, or announce your pregnancy, or make any big announcement at someone else's wedding, without the bride's prior consent. Using the wedding photos to scam the photographer into giving you free engagement pics is cheap, trashy and dishonest. They could have said "Hey, I know you're on your break, but we recently got engaged, would you mind taking a few photos of us together, we will happily pay for them."

adam_jeff avatar
Adam Jeff
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Did your mother never teach you that 'two wrongs don't make a right'? Yes the friend was in the wrong, but why be vindictive? Just send her the pictures along with a message explaining why you're annoyed. If she understands she'll offer to chip in half what you paid the photographer. If she doesn't and you really can't forgive her, then don't be friends any more. But either way, why delete pictures that obviously mean a lot to them?

tina_newman_1 avatar
Not_Tellin
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Did your mother never teach you that you don't steal somebody else's money? That's what this broad did. He stole the services of the photographer and didn't even bother to ask.

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lilywhitedog126 avatar
Lily Francis
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm a different kind of person being that I was happy my parents and grandparents showed up for my wedding at all, the first time and I thought it would be the last. My mom was mad I wasn't having her dream wedding in her dream wedding gown and both my parents hated me and always had but I loved them anyways and wanted them both to walk me down the aisle. My grandparents weren't going to come because my sister's boyfriend was black and I said if your hate is stronger than your love for me I guess I'll start my new life without you. They all showed up. But if someone wanted to get engaged at my wedding I'd probably feel honored as long as they talked to me first and that's on the one who proposes. Pictures are on them because I paid for my wedding. But I believe there's enough love for everyone in my life and I want to share in it. But that's just me and I'm different.

camaroaustin avatar
Keisha
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sorry but I don't see a problem with having someone get engaged at a wedding. My BFF did and it was my idea as all of our friends and relatives were there. Same with announcing a pregnancy. During my wedding 22 years ago we just had fun,no pressure and the entire bridal party including myself and future husband did all the work. It was a semi-formal garden wedding and it was perfect for us. The reception was casual and even the kids had a blast. The only thing that may have upset me is that maybe my friend thought she needed to hide during the festivities in order to get engaged. I'm just not the type of person who thinks of something like this as stealing my thunder. To me it felt like we were sharing some of the happiest days of our lives together.

patricia_smith_1 avatar
Patricia Smith
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How does she not owe the photographer for the photo's she took at the wedding she had been hired by the bride to photograph her wedding not to photograph an engagement party so no neither the bride nor the photographer are the a _ _ h_ _ _ _ _ but your friend sure is please make sure your photographer friend gets the noteriety she has earned she's more of a friend then your engaged gf

vanjavidovic avatar
Vanja Vidovic
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have never understood the entitlement and the selfishness around a wedding. It is supposed to be a happy event, so what if someone else contributes with their good news? If I ever marry, you're all welcome to share your good and exited news on that day. That's how the joy multiplies and we all share it.

kristakozak avatar
Munnin
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is more than contributing good news. This is someone using time the bride paid for for their own private photo shoot.

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jasminpaulasheridan avatar
Jasmin Sheridan
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If it was me, I'd delete my copy of the pictures and give the photographer's details to the friend and say that if she wants them she can buy them off the photographer. And then I'd either end the friendship or move past it, probably based on their reaction, but either way I don't provide a service for engagement photos so I have no need to be involved in that.

dizzied avatar
Dizzie D
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

On a side note. Most engagements involve the man kneeling to surprise the woman. I would have asked if it was the bloke who took attention away from the bride or if it was just an engagement announcement by both of them (before I had a go at my friend). That aside, it takes some balls to accost the wedding photographer for your own engagement photos at someone else's wedding, that's all kinds of cluelessness there.

djjohnedwards avatar
DJ John Edwards
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

1,000 weddings in and have seen it all; the return on taking the high road will always pay off, so just be happy for your friend.

princessleiaorgana7yahoo_com avatar
Nicole
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I guess I'm just more chill then most people because I wouldn't mind if someone else got engaged at my wedding and if my photographer wasn't busy taking my photos and they asked for a few shots it wouldn't bug me. But photos are super important to me, I've had a friend who was supposed to be taking photos of me with my personal photo delete precious photos that contained several friends just because the guy she liked/had a crush on was in an inflatable sumo costume. She said she was worried I would share it, but one, I didn't have any form of social media at the time and two, I won't share a photo if someone asks me not to beforehand/I'll take down a photo if I've put it up and someone asks me to remove it. She also failed to do what I had asked her, which was to take pics of me so I could show my family, so it was like a double whammy of lost memories. I have never and could never do that to someone else, but that's me and I also understand why others may choose the opposite.

chris_kent avatar
Chris Kent
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You and I feel exactly the same about photography! The only photo you regret is the one you didn't take/save.

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iikenze_1 avatar
Ibbie Ikenzebates
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Grow up. It was also the day it rained in Bujumbura. I don't get this MY day rubbish.

bekahr avatar
Bekah R
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow. The pettiness is just so alive and well. I have no idea why anyone would get angry or even bothered about this. Like your wedding day isn't also a day people have died, people get born, people have bad news, people get good news. Your world is so small when it just revolves around yourself. I can't even fathom being angry because my friend who I say I love is happy on the day I get married. Really I don't understand the selfish egocentric mindset. Do you get mad at people who have the same birthday as you too?

chris_kent avatar
Chris Kent
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What if someone got news of a family member dying and burst into tears? Would this person have told them their phone should have been off and now they have cursed the marriage? Honestly if I were the engaged friend and found out my 'friend' spurred an article about me I would move on from our friendship for ever.

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sonyaatencio avatar
SoñaSatiVa
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It is pretty petty. She's not some random stranger. Big deal everybody was together and weddings are romantic. Never got that silly rule

fuhleeheece avatar
Felice Coles
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Just imagine how awful (hee hee) it would be to explain how this stupid couple got engaged: "Oh, we were at So-and-So's wedding and during a break we made the announcement!" Everyone will recognize the douche move and it will be so embarrassing.

stephaniem avatar
Stephanie M
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If your friend wants her photos she should be charged for them. But even that is showing her a kindness she doesnt deserve.

maggiehudson avatar
Maggie Hudson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wait a second....was this engagement a surprise for your friend? Most engagements are...that's why they call it "popping the question.". I am sorry that her SO did it at you wedding, but can you hold your friend responsible for something she did not plan herself? She might have been embarrassed that it happened and was just trying to make the best of it. Honestly, you didn't know it was happening and a true friend would be supportive...it didn't ruin your day. You said that yourself. .Be the better human. Honestly, I think you are that better human because you can't seem to delete them. Don't be petty, let your friend have moment and don't throw away a friendship over a few photos. One day, years from now, it won't matter and you guys will have a story that binds your friendship together.

kristakozak avatar
Munnin
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The bride wasn't thrilled about a proposal happening at her wedding but said she let it go because she didn't even realize it had happened. This AITA is about finding out that this friend had their wedding photographer do an engagement shoot during time that the bride and groom had paid for, and during time that the photographer was supposed to be taking pictures of the wedding and reception. Engagement photo sessions can run between $300 - $600. So the friend gets a free service and the bride doesn't get what she paid for. Let's say the bride paid $1500 for the photographer to take pictures of your wedding for 4 hours. Your friend hijacks your photographer for 30 mins. That means that you paid for 4 hours but only got 3.5 hours. 30 mins doesn't sound like a long time but what pics were missed? Family moments you can't get back. The friend essentially stole from her friend. Delete the pics and end this friendship.

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chris_kent avatar
Chris Kent
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Everyone here is so generous! Talking about dimes! How poor are you? A gift is free. It costs you no dimes. Give the girl the photos, say here you go maybe invite me to that upcoming... Wedding! XD Where I can have my goofy face photographed! Make it a tradition or fun, don't dump friends because they didn't literally put their lives on hold for your... Dime!

rupali_more avatar
Rupali More
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Grow up people. use your brains for something good than thinking non sense rubbish things.put your brain to something useful to work ,, oh wait , you people dont have brains..sorry my bad.Disgusting post.Author should use his skills for good use and post relevant topics than such non sense, seems author is jobless and so is covering such stupid articles

rupali_more avatar
Rupali More
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

People there are serious issues worth thinking and spending time on.What nonsense my marriage day and your engagement day and feeling stupid rubbish about it.Just drama everywhere.GROW UP PEOPLE.

mheidt0 avatar
Okatango
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't get any of these comments. Something wonderful happened to her friend, why isn't she happy? When did weddings become an obnoxious "it's only about us, everyone must be only focused on us, this is our day of narcissism?" I love seeing my friends and family having a wonderful time with each other. In this case, common friends were already gathered together and could celebrate the engagement. Of course the engaged friend should have offered to pay for part of the photo costs, but even if she doesn't, the poster can give them as a earlier wedding present.

tina_newman_1 avatar
Not_Tellin
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Because it didn't have to happen at the party SHE paid for using a photographer SHE paid for.

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lorilathrom avatar
Lori Lathrom
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Life is too short and too precious. Rejoice with your friend. Revel in your shared happiness. As for the pictures, you have two choices: Give them to the happy couple as an engagement present, or let her know how much they are and make it clear you expect her to pay for them.

lorilathrom avatar
Lori Lathrom
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. Couples fail to remember what the solemn ceremony of marriage is about, and who invented it. They forget that it is a reminder of the Bridegroom, Jesus Christ, and the Bride, His believers. Wedding should not be about clothes, food, flowers, pictures, and attention. It should be about love, family, community, and commitment. Everything else is vanity.

mheidt0 avatar
Okatango
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am not religious, but I do feel inspired to say "Amen' to your post.

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lauradrachsler avatar
Laura Gillette
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Assuming traditional gender roles in the relationship of the newly engaged couple, the OP seems to be exclusively mad at the friend who got proposed to. What about this friend's now fiancé? Isn't he the one who decided to propose at the wedding? It might have been her friend's idea to ask the photographer to take photos, but it seems likely it was the male friend who decided to propose at someone else's wedding.

chris_kent avatar
Chris Kent
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

New theory! The proposing male was a former flame of the bride or groom whom they are not over! Thus the no blame. And the horrible treatment of the poor gal over the photos..

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michaellargey avatar
Michael Largey
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have seen various lists of "rules" for wedding guests. They vary, but all include the rule "Do NOT upstage the wedding couple - with an announcement, your behavior, or anything else."

mikekozubski_1 avatar
DaFetus
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's a wedding not a stage and you're lucky if people show up, and should be grateful and thankful people are even there.

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praecordia avatar
Alma Muminovic
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You should just give her the photos and then step back from your friendship with her. Why be petty back? Your friend just showed her true colors and by being the bigger person you can show yours without stopping to petty levels. What’s done is done, the lesson you get out of this is the type of friendship she offers which is worth more then not knowing till something worse happens.

catherinefabian avatar
Catherine Fabian
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. You asked around because you know in your heart you will regret it even if you will do the right thing. You are trying to convince yourself that the “not good thing” is the right thing. Deleting the photos will cause you more problems because she will start telling lies about you. Celebrate being newly wed rather than stressing on not a good friend selfish act. Show to her the photos, she will ask some to be send to her. Don’t send something with you on it because clearly it is not your picture with her that she wants. In the email subject or folder put “Engagement Photos”. Let her realize it if she didn’t it’s fine, if she did and asked you about it tell the truth. If she apologizes, forgive but keep your distance. It is not hard to slowly remove someone in your life. Don’t speak about this too much with other friends, you just got married. Lots of hurdle in a married life and your friend will use the grudge you had with her for every marital problem you will have. Goodluck 👍.

chris_kent avatar
Chris Kent
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wise words in general, except I believe that deleting perfectly good photos is always wrong, so the friend would not be lying.

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rdmaltba avatar
Revonda Maltba
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well you have only 2 options here. 1. You let it go. Try to flip your mind in positive mode and think we'll my wedding went off so well that it encouraged another future wedding and give her the photos and value your past friendship with her. Discuss it with her and tell her how you felt Or 2. End the friendship and carry the negativity around and remember this negativity everytime you look at the wedding photos. My suggestion.... Number 1. Life is too short.

jayraney avatar
Jay Raney
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow! A tempest in a teapot! Judgemental much? Somebody with low self-esteem or low self confidence becomes overwhelmed with the emotion of YOUR wedding and you jump to conclusions? Who's selfish? This is life divas - deal instead of judge.

mikekozubski_1 avatar
DaFetus
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

YTA and need to get over yourself and that special day bs. You even whined that it would now be their engagement day..what if they got engaged the next year...is that day still off limits? Don't care if it's your wedding, don't care if it's your special day...it's everyone's day and everyone's life and you're lucky anyone ahows up to party with you. I will go have a good time and if I have something happy to say at a happy event I am going to say it. If I just got engaged I would share it, I will dress nicely however I want to dress and have come to have a good time. Not worship you because you choose to let the same man bine you until you possibly divorce him. I got married to, wasn't special want magic it was a legal action that is meaningless otherwise. Love doesn't need marriage and you hooking up doesn't deserve special treatment.. Either have a good time and be happy or take a hike. Congratulations to your ex friend on her engagement, hope they have a good life.

tina_newman_1 avatar
Not_Tellin
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yta. You think it's okay for someone to steal the services paid for by someone else.

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stacymb21 avatar
Stacy B
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The audacity of some people is truly unbelievable! Definitely NTA!

kimkilburn avatar
Kim Kilburn
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I suppose I find it interesting that once the photographer realized what she had been roped into that she didn't deal with the photo cost or outcome and left the bride to deal with it....unwitting as the photographer may have been, it's her work. It should never have gone to the bride, the photographer should have said if you want these contact me directly, once she realized the situation.

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Random Anon
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wouldn't call the OP an AH for doing whatever just to sooth that feeling of being slighted. But in doing so, the OP would've first knowingly stoop to the level of that "engagement girl" with the assumption the offending party did not err out of ignorance, but of malice. Why not just be upfront and ask that person if she really didn't know what her actions meant. To be honest back in my day, it is quite normal to make huge announcements at a wedding because that's when the whole family is present. But then I'm not in the "contemporary" crowd by any stretch of the imagination.

bradyfaist avatar
Vincent Hannah
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If it annoys you that much, charge her for them. Deleting them would be pretty. That being said, yeah, you're the A. You didn't even notice what was happening, and you want to make a big deal about it months later? It doesn't even effect you. So yeah, if you feel she owes you for sponsoring her engagement, make her pay.

tisawilliams43 avatar
Tisa Williams
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would recommend not acknowledging the existence of the pictures only to create a memory book for HER wedding featuring YOUR wedding with her pictures sprinkled in. Instant wedding gift.

ebluci avatar
Eileen Luciano
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She was so wrong to do that to you. I would make her ask the photographer for them and make her pay for them. Tell her up front that was a nasty and selfish thing to do on your wedding day. Some of the other comments read my mind. I was thinking about how she would be upset if you announced you were pregnant at here wedding reception.

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Richard Anderson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'd play the long game and hold on to the pictures. Then when she inevitably gets dumped by her fiance/husband...I'd suddenly find the pictures and deliver them personnally.

mheidt0 avatar
Okatango
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A colleague of mine got married and skipped the official photographer. She asked everyone to take pictures of what they found interesting and asked for copies to be sent to her. This way, she could see all the things she missed: Friends and family having a great time even when the couple was not around. Also, she had lots of natural looking great pics of her, her husband, the wedding party, etc. These uber-staged photos people pay a fortune for are very often eye-rollingly silly (ex. the old fashioned bike for two people complete with flower basket or walking into an ocean with a full wedding gown..) and while all this tiresome staging of fake events is happening, the couple is not interacting with people who gave up time and money to help celebrate.

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Ciera Stanley
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm definitely in the minority but don't be jerk! If you're going to be upset be upset at your friends fiance. Unless she proposed to them.. but at the end of the day, you didn't even know they got engaged at your wedding until weeks later. Don't go back and sully your wedding day memories with the new knowledge that your friend also got engaged. You have two options here... either charge her a few hundred dollars for the pictures (relative to the photoshoot they did) or give her the pictures and tell her not to expect an engagement or bridal shower gift. Don't make yourself bitter!

dnlpoolandspa avatar
A Sherry Horney-Leonard
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Rise above it. She went low, you go high. I wouldn't give her the photos I would sell them to her. But I wouldn't delete them, that's being mean just to be mean.

kellyg_2 avatar
Kelly G
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wouldn't be able to be petty enough to delete such important photos. I WOULD however ask my photographer how much she charges for engagement photos, then tell my friend that she'll need to cough up that much if she wants the photos (otherwise the photographer will delete them). After that, I'd sever that "friendship" for good. Because that "friend" had nothing to do with her boyfriend's proposal timing, but she DID have an obligation to the bride to keep it quiet. The "friend" is a selfish b***h imo.

chris_kent avatar
Chris Kent
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Charging her is crazy. Consider, is it likely that she got the full time an engagement order would have dedicated to her? So if she never gets the full goods.. And you charge her full price.. How are you a good friend when you could hit send for free and be on your way? You got a bill you can't pay or something?

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Kalyn Aldridge
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have the perfect idea. You should take her pictures and using photo editor make her look fat in the pics or distorted faces or even switch faces with yours and your husbands just to p**s her off it would be hilarious

kellysboekhout avatar
Kelly Boekhout
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

To just get engaged at your friends wedding is in poor taste anyway, but to then have to have it explained to you why it's rude is just next level selfishness. I would let her have them if she paid me back for paying for her engagement photos. I can't stand it when people just decide they're gonna take someone's big day and make it their own. It's just a total lack of consideration and it shows that they obviously can't handle not having the attention on them. It almost sounds like this was just a way to get engagement photos taken for free

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Rasheeda Shaheen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Smh this is crazy it's the reason why my daughter will not let someone bring a plus one that they are not already marry to or engaged to. No boyfriends or girlfriends are allow to be a plus one. Me personally I would approach my friend about those pictures and let her know how wrong she was. Than I would tell her if she wants them she have to pay the photographer for them or they will be thrown in the garbage. Than let her know to lose my number.

galiemaadams avatar
Galiema Adams
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It doesn't matter how much you paid the photographer, the fact is that you did. Those photos belong to you, so you can do whatever you want to with it.

sakbrat avatar
Shea Keenan
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Give the photos back to the photographer. Tell her if she wants them, she can pay for them herself. And, dump her a*s.

aurrickferrant avatar
Aurrick Ferrant
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would tell her that the photographer realized they were engagement photos and separated them. If she wants the photos, she could go through the photographer to buy them at whatever price she charges for engagement photos. I thinks it's the right thing to do all the way around. Bride isn't keeping anything and single mom photographer gets paid what she's due.

dragoncherie16 avatar
Alannah Rodriquez
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Delete the photos and she doesn't sound like a friend worth having at all

ladonnaledford avatar
LaDonna Ledford
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Update on what happened? Please?!?! It sounds to me like the proposal was not an intentional plan by your friend since the photographer was out and about taking pictures of the venue. I understand a tight budget and likely your friend does as well or at least the finance (who may either did not know etiquette or possibly didn't have money to pay for a photographer). Hopefully your friend and her finance were not deliberately trying to take the spotlight from you and hopefully they were not trying to take advantage of you either. I would like to think that your friendship is an important relationship and that you would do whatever you could to help make others smile and bring joy to others. Just as your friend who brought up this photographer asked her to shoot your wedding as part of her hobby wanted to see you smiling and joyful knew that saving thousands and capturing the moment would help make your day grand! Hopefully you are still friends and no bitterness!

james_macko avatar
James Macko
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She literally paid for her friends engagement party and the engagement pictures and in return, and stole the wedding spotlight. I would be the better person and give her wedding pics plus the pics she was looking for as an engagement gift, but say now the friendship is over. Now the pictures arnt only wedding / engagement photos but also engagement and end of friendship photos.

dianafuentes avatar
Diana Fuentes
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would have your photographer approach them for payment. She lied to him. He needs to charge her for his engagement package and I’m sure he would win. Delete the pics.

smashma123 avatar
Victoria Egger
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm a photographer. I'd have deleted those as soon as I realized what the intention was and not even told my bride. Yikes. If she wants engagements done that badly, she can fill out her own contract, book her own appointment, and pay her own fees.

mikekozubski_1 avatar
DaFetus
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My company hires a lot of photographers, please tell me the name of your business so that I can ensure we avoid it. Many happy moments take place at our events and they are a part of the events we hold and therefore should be included in the price as we expect all moments to be captured within that time frame. Would be happy to see engagements and other magical moments of love and devotion. Imagine someone going into labour, and the first thing the baby is greater with is this happy event. Have to capture that and it's now part of our event and one of the many amazing moments. Would be highly inappropriate for you to be charging our guests extra, we already paid you and we want all moments captured.

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Jodi Shockey
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm going against the flow a little here and saying don't delete them BUT give them back to the photographer. Tell your "friend" that you don't have them, so she'll have to talk to the photographer and pay for them. Give her a deadline (decided by the photographer and you, of course). If she doesn't contact the photographer by the deadline, tell photographer to delete them. And step away from this "friend." This is you taking the high road. You have every right to do what you want, though. And give yourself time for the forgiveness. And remember forgiveness does not equal trust or reconciliation. Too many people think it does. Things will never be the same, and that's ok. BTW - NTA.

lani_mar avatar
Lani Mar
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would have already deleted them by now, I would not have any qualms about it at all!!

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Kelley Baltierra
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'd delete them. Your day, your rules. Let her go stage an engagement somewhere else

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Bobbi Spence
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’d tell the “no longer my friend” that I was in possession of the engagement photos she stole from the photographer at my wedding. Then I would send her a video of me deleting them.

robertking avatar
Robert King
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She not only stole your photographer, but your guests, venue, decor... basically your whole event. I would deny having the photos, then give them to her as a wedding gift.

chris_kent avatar
Chris Kent
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ok, clearly no one knows what stolen means. If you call this in to the police.. Are they gonna find the decor, venue, photographs, some tied up people at such and such's house? No? Then it don't seem very stolen. They got happy at a wedding. How much alcohol did you give them? Are you mad at them for being happy at your wedding? Would you rather they shut up, sit down, silence their phones and bring gifts up single file with no smile then return to their seats, still smile-less? Be happy for your friend. She did not ruin your marriage. If you do its your own dang fault.

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Alex Freetime
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The thing that makes more sense to me is to have the friend pay the photographer for the engagement pictures, not the regular ones. This way you give them a choice, you don't lose your friendship and also you make a point that it wasn't nice to steal that moment.

sarah_bell avatar
Sarah Bell
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If she wants children it would be karma to announce a pregnancy at her wedding and ask same photographer for a mini session

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Maggie Hudson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well, if that is the case isn't the photographer the a$$hole for agreeing to take the pictures on wedding time? Why complain after the fact.... photographer was voluntarily off task.

chris_kent avatar
Chris Kent
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Remember that the photographer is just a friend, not a professional. She is a hobbyist and a friend. Please don't give a friend hate for saving you boucoup money.

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Miranda Tilley
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would just give them to her and call them her wedding present. Then move on, from the drama and the friendship if need be. It’s not worth the conflict and the pictures were already taken. The “friend” is an a*****e and I wouldn’t be in a hurry to do them a favour of any kind going forward.

dlewis avatar
D Lewis
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

DISHONORED DISRESPECTED MOOCHING BRIDE GROOM FAMILIES SPECIAL DAY PLANNING PAYING MONEY HARDWORK FINDING A PHOTOGRAPHER DITCH PHOTOS SELF CENTERED EGOMANIAC IM SO SORRY THEY DESTROYED PRICELESS TRUST AND FRIENDSHIP OF YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND AND YOUR FAMILIES

idrow avatar
Id row
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't know why the update isn't included here, but if anyone is interested: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i8133g/update_wibta_if_i_deleted_my_friends_engagement/

terryltobias avatar
Terry Tobias
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think that the photographer should be paid for her time with the engaged couple. She was on a break from taking wedding photos and spending her time doing something for herself. That couple intruded on her personal time and if they want the photos they need to pay her. It's simple.

kalmian avatar
Kal Mian
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA...DELETE the photos and refer the "friend" to the photographer. Enjoy your newlywed life! END OF STORY!!!

beth_24 avatar
Gabby Ghoul
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would probably tell the "friend" you don't have them and to negotiate with the photographer for them.

chris_kent avatar
Chris Kent
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Lying. Always the best way to go! A few clicks are free and you already paid for 'em.

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KombatBunni
Community Member
1 year ago

This comment has been deleted.

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William Powell
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She may as well worn a wedding dress at your wedding. Extremely rude and selfish. I would delete them from your life.

abbeyfeale2004 avatar
Sylvia Schmitz
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why not choose to be happy that you now share an important day with your friend? Make a nice album with the photos and gift to her for her wedding.

pebs_1 avatar
pebs
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How much fuss for nothing. It seems like a quarrel among hens, but surely the most unbearable is the bride.

williamsamuel244 avatar
William
Community Member
1 year ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

I'm Sorry I intruded into your concealment but I came across your profile here on this, you look so amazing, I was interested in you as I decided to commit you as friend and you are the type of woman a man won't let go off at first sight. Hope you don't mind my friendship?

randolph_croft avatar
Randolph Croft
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm a photographer. I've done a few weddings - long ago. I primarily do historical architecture, wildlife and urban nightscapes. However, something like this actually happened and they asked me if I'd do the same sort of thing - it was in a 14th century church in Venice. I told them I'd shoot 'em, but my price was €750 for 10 prints (1993!) and processing. They hemmed and hawed, but agreed. I told the bride about it and we split it between us.

tina_newman_1 avatar
Not_Tellin
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You paid for the pictures and the photographer. You would be within your right to delete the photos. It's tacky and crass and crude to get engaged at someone else's wedding. And it is beyond unbelievable that they actually use your photographer, without your permission, to take their engagement photos. I would tell her unless she wants to pay for all of the pictures, she gets none of them. I would not offer to split the cost. Or, you can just delete the pictures and pretend you didn't even see them.

isabel-van-dierendonck avatar
Isabel
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There's an update to this! https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i8133g/update_wibta_if_i_deleted_my_friends_engagement/ Basically, the bride talked it out with her friend who got engaged at her wedding, who admitted she was in the wrong but essentially wanted what she wanted. The photographer didn't want to paid extra for these photo's and the bride decided to take the high road and gave them to her friend for free. She describes their friendship as having taken a hit though. All in all a classy move by both the photographer and the bride I thought.

kristakozak avatar
Munnin
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She's a better person than I am. I would have deleted them, told her I deleted them, and ended the friendship. If the friend was completely unaware that her bf was going to propose at the wedding, I'd let it slide. However, having the audacity to hijack the photographer I paid for would really p**s me off. This friend took advantage and seems to be very comfortable doing so (if she wasn't, she wouldn't have done an engagement shot at someone else's wedding). She did what she wanted regardless of the fact that she was at someone's wedding. I wouldn't remain friends with someone like this, I certainly wouldn't have rewarded her bad behavior by giving her the pictures.

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vclavevanmraek avatar
Invisible Potato
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

there are basic set of social rules for a guest at someone else wedding... dont wear white, dont anounce anything (engagemnt, baby, cancer, new plasma tv...), dont f*ck the Newlywed (or-to-be-wed), that is soooooo simple, and still, every day, i read about this... its like, on someone else birthday party, you dont get to shuš the candle for them....

charleswilliams_3 avatar
Charles Williams
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Almost nobody would think that it would be ok to get engaged at someone's funeral but so many people think that it's ok to get engaged at someone's wedding, reception, birthday party, retirement party, etc. All of these are celebrations that deserve to not be interrupted. A wedding is a celebration of a future life together. A birthday is a celebration of a life being loved. A retirement party is a celebration of a life at a job. A funeral is a celebration of a life lived. Don't ruin any celebration by trying to take the spotlight from that person, whether with an engagement announcement or a pregnancy announcement. Definitely NTA. Delete the pictures and go on with your life. Hopefully, without the rude people in your life.

vanjavidovic avatar
Vanja Vidovic
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Funerals are not happy events. But sometimes there are double funerals and nobody complains about it.

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untethereduniverse avatar
Untethered Universe
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh boy. Did you have fun at your wedding? Were your guestd happy? Why create all that drama then? "BUT I WANT IT TO BE SPECIAL, BUT FOR ME ONLY" The world does not revolve around you. So they amde an engagement on your wedding. Big deal. Was it the wrong place? Sure. Did it impact you directly? I doubt so. Stop being angry at everything and everyone for stuff like that. It's a waste of time and energy. Weddibgs are overrated anyway.

cathy_hurd avatar
nancycollins_1 avatar
Nancy Collins
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think what the friend did was super crappy, but I'd probably just give her the pictures and cut ties with her.

bekahr avatar
Bekah R
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes she should have freaked out and told her stupid boyfriend to stop proposing at her friends wedding!!!! How stupid of him.

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lionqueen2442 avatar
C Frac
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA...but I think you missed something she used your wedding reception as her engagement party...I think she should pay for half of it too!

spiritum avatar
Mixed Reality Portal
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Depends how vindictive you are ... You could just pretend you don't know that the engagement occurred but that if it had it would've been in bad taste etc. Then suggest if it did happen and was photographed to contact the photographer direct. Suggesting that if they do have the pics you're sure they'll give them her for her usual engagement shoot fee ... Personally though, I'd just let it go. It didn't spoil your day as you weren't aware about it at the time. Let it it go. Life really is too short...

tina_newman_1 avatar
Not_Tellin
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

But, why should this person get free engagement photos? The bride and groom paid for a wedding photographer. They had no idea there was going to be engagement photos. This person stole their money by stealing the services of the photographer.

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Sandra Charlot
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Can't imagine to not being happy for my friend getting engaged ... whenever it happened. People get married everyday, you know? Some of these even dare to get married on the same day as you ! How scandalous! My best friend wore a white dress on my wedding and I don't give s*** ... People won't stop living just because your wedding didn't make you happy enough.

tina_newman_1 avatar
Not_Tellin
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So, you think it's OK that she stole from the bride? The bride and groom paid for the photographer. This b***h stole the services of the photographer without permission from the bride and group.

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Kathleen Winters
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Don't forget, it was her fiancée that thought it was okay to propose there, not her friend. I doubt there was any malice on his end. I'd figure she was caught off guard, and was just excited. I'd just have the photographer give her a price for the photoshoot.

desousakathryn avatar
K8 D
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's (probably) the fiancé's fault the proposal happened there, but the friend should have had the class to keep it between the two of them and not involve their other friends or a freaking photographer.

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Deborah B
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's really tacky to get engaged, or announce your pregnancy, or make any big announcement at someone else's wedding, without the bride's prior consent. Using the wedding photos to scam the photographer into giving you free engagement pics is cheap, trashy and dishonest. They could have said "Hey, I know you're on your break, but we recently got engaged, would you mind taking a few photos of us together, we will happily pay for them."

adam_jeff avatar
Adam Jeff
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Did your mother never teach you that 'two wrongs don't make a right'? Yes the friend was in the wrong, but why be vindictive? Just send her the pictures along with a message explaining why you're annoyed. If she understands she'll offer to chip in half what you paid the photographer. If she doesn't and you really can't forgive her, then don't be friends any more. But either way, why delete pictures that obviously mean a lot to them?

tina_newman_1 avatar
Not_Tellin
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Did your mother never teach you that you don't steal somebody else's money? That's what this broad did. He stole the services of the photographer and didn't even bother to ask.

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lilywhitedog126 avatar
Lily Francis
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm a different kind of person being that I was happy my parents and grandparents showed up for my wedding at all, the first time and I thought it would be the last. My mom was mad I wasn't having her dream wedding in her dream wedding gown and both my parents hated me and always had but I loved them anyways and wanted them both to walk me down the aisle. My grandparents weren't going to come because my sister's boyfriend was black and I said if your hate is stronger than your love for me I guess I'll start my new life without you. They all showed up. But if someone wanted to get engaged at my wedding I'd probably feel honored as long as they talked to me first and that's on the one who proposes. Pictures are on them because I paid for my wedding. But I believe there's enough love for everyone in my life and I want to share in it. But that's just me and I'm different.

camaroaustin avatar
Keisha
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sorry but I don't see a problem with having someone get engaged at a wedding. My BFF did and it was my idea as all of our friends and relatives were there. Same with announcing a pregnancy. During my wedding 22 years ago we just had fun,no pressure and the entire bridal party including myself and future husband did all the work. It was a semi-formal garden wedding and it was perfect for us. The reception was casual and even the kids had a blast. The only thing that may have upset me is that maybe my friend thought she needed to hide during the festivities in order to get engaged. I'm just not the type of person who thinks of something like this as stealing my thunder. To me it felt like we were sharing some of the happiest days of our lives together.

patricia_smith_1 avatar
Patricia Smith
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How does she not owe the photographer for the photo's she took at the wedding she had been hired by the bride to photograph her wedding not to photograph an engagement party so no neither the bride nor the photographer are the a _ _ h_ _ _ _ _ but your friend sure is please make sure your photographer friend gets the noteriety she has earned she's more of a friend then your engaged gf

vanjavidovic avatar
Vanja Vidovic
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have never understood the entitlement and the selfishness around a wedding. It is supposed to be a happy event, so what if someone else contributes with their good news? If I ever marry, you're all welcome to share your good and exited news on that day. That's how the joy multiplies and we all share it.

kristakozak avatar
Munnin
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is more than contributing good news. This is someone using time the bride paid for for their own private photo shoot.

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Jasmin Sheridan
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If it was me, I'd delete my copy of the pictures and give the photographer's details to the friend and say that if she wants them she can buy them off the photographer. And then I'd either end the friendship or move past it, probably based on their reaction, but either way I don't provide a service for engagement photos so I have no need to be involved in that.

dizzied avatar
Dizzie D
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

On a side note. Most engagements involve the man kneeling to surprise the woman. I would have asked if it was the bloke who took attention away from the bride or if it was just an engagement announcement by both of them (before I had a go at my friend). That aside, it takes some balls to accost the wedding photographer for your own engagement photos at someone else's wedding, that's all kinds of cluelessness there.

djjohnedwards avatar
DJ John Edwards
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

1,000 weddings in and have seen it all; the return on taking the high road will always pay off, so just be happy for your friend.

princessleiaorgana7yahoo_com avatar
Nicole
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I guess I'm just more chill then most people because I wouldn't mind if someone else got engaged at my wedding and if my photographer wasn't busy taking my photos and they asked for a few shots it wouldn't bug me. But photos are super important to me, I've had a friend who was supposed to be taking photos of me with my personal photo delete precious photos that contained several friends just because the guy she liked/had a crush on was in an inflatable sumo costume. She said she was worried I would share it, but one, I didn't have any form of social media at the time and two, I won't share a photo if someone asks me not to beforehand/I'll take down a photo if I've put it up and someone asks me to remove it. She also failed to do what I had asked her, which was to take pics of me so I could show my family, so it was like a double whammy of lost memories. I have never and could never do that to someone else, but that's me and I also understand why others may choose the opposite.

chris_kent avatar
Chris Kent
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You and I feel exactly the same about photography! The only photo you regret is the one you didn't take/save.

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iikenze_1 avatar
Ibbie Ikenzebates
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Grow up. It was also the day it rained in Bujumbura. I don't get this MY day rubbish.

bekahr avatar
Bekah R
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow. The pettiness is just so alive and well. I have no idea why anyone would get angry or even bothered about this. Like your wedding day isn't also a day people have died, people get born, people have bad news, people get good news. Your world is so small when it just revolves around yourself. I can't even fathom being angry because my friend who I say I love is happy on the day I get married. Really I don't understand the selfish egocentric mindset. Do you get mad at people who have the same birthday as you too?

chris_kent avatar
Chris Kent
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What if someone got news of a family member dying and burst into tears? Would this person have told them their phone should have been off and now they have cursed the marriage? Honestly if I were the engaged friend and found out my 'friend' spurred an article about me I would move on from our friendship for ever.

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sonyaatencio avatar
SoñaSatiVa
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It is pretty petty. She's not some random stranger. Big deal everybody was together and weddings are romantic. Never got that silly rule

fuhleeheece avatar
Felice Coles
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Just imagine how awful (hee hee) it would be to explain how this stupid couple got engaged: "Oh, we were at So-and-So's wedding and during a break we made the announcement!" Everyone will recognize the douche move and it will be so embarrassing.

stephaniem avatar
Stephanie M
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If your friend wants her photos she should be charged for them. But even that is showing her a kindness she doesnt deserve.

maggiehudson avatar
Maggie Hudson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wait a second....was this engagement a surprise for your friend? Most engagements are...that's why they call it "popping the question.". I am sorry that her SO did it at you wedding, but can you hold your friend responsible for something she did not plan herself? She might have been embarrassed that it happened and was just trying to make the best of it. Honestly, you didn't know it was happening and a true friend would be supportive...it didn't ruin your day. You said that yourself. .Be the better human. Honestly, I think you are that better human because you can't seem to delete them. Don't be petty, let your friend have moment and don't throw away a friendship over a few photos. One day, years from now, it won't matter and you guys will have a story that binds your friendship together.

kristakozak avatar
Munnin
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The bride wasn't thrilled about a proposal happening at her wedding but said she let it go because she didn't even realize it had happened. This AITA is about finding out that this friend had their wedding photographer do an engagement shoot during time that the bride and groom had paid for, and during time that the photographer was supposed to be taking pictures of the wedding and reception. Engagement photo sessions can run between $300 - $600. So the friend gets a free service and the bride doesn't get what she paid for. Let's say the bride paid $1500 for the photographer to take pictures of your wedding for 4 hours. Your friend hijacks your photographer for 30 mins. That means that you paid for 4 hours but only got 3.5 hours. 30 mins doesn't sound like a long time but what pics were missed? Family moments you can't get back. The friend essentially stole from her friend. Delete the pics and end this friendship.

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chris_kent avatar
Chris Kent
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Everyone here is so generous! Talking about dimes! How poor are you? A gift is free. It costs you no dimes. Give the girl the photos, say here you go maybe invite me to that upcoming... Wedding! XD Where I can have my goofy face photographed! Make it a tradition or fun, don't dump friends because they didn't literally put their lives on hold for your... Dime!

rupali_more avatar
Rupali More
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Grow up people. use your brains for something good than thinking non sense rubbish things.put your brain to something useful to work ,, oh wait , you people dont have brains..sorry my bad.Disgusting post.Author should use his skills for good use and post relevant topics than such non sense, seems author is jobless and so is covering such stupid articles

rupali_more avatar
Rupali More
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

People there are serious issues worth thinking and spending time on.What nonsense my marriage day and your engagement day and feeling stupid rubbish about it.Just drama everywhere.GROW UP PEOPLE.

mheidt0 avatar
Okatango
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't get any of these comments. Something wonderful happened to her friend, why isn't she happy? When did weddings become an obnoxious "it's only about us, everyone must be only focused on us, this is our day of narcissism?" I love seeing my friends and family having a wonderful time with each other. In this case, common friends were already gathered together and could celebrate the engagement. Of course the engaged friend should have offered to pay for part of the photo costs, but even if she doesn't, the poster can give them as a earlier wedding present.

tina_newman_1 avatar
Not_Tellin
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Because it didn't have to happen at the party SHE paid for using a photographer SHE paid for.

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lorilathrom avatar
Lori Lathrom
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Life is too short and too precious. Rejoice with your friend. Revel in your shared happiness. As for the pictures, you have two choices: Give them to the happy couple as an engagement present, or let her know how much they are and make it clear you expect her to pay for them.

lorilathrom avatar
Lori Lathrom
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. Couples fail to remember what the solemn ceremony of marriage is about, and who invented it. They forget that it is a reminder of the Bridegroom, Jesus Christ, and the Bride, His believers. Wedding should not be about clothes, food, flowers, pictures, and attention. It should be about love, family, community, and commitment. Everything else is vanity.

mheidt0 avatar
Okatango
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am not religious, but I do feel inspired to say "Amen' to your post.

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lauradrachsler avatar
Laura Gillette
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Assuming traditional gender roles in the relationship of the newly engaged couple, the OP seems to be exclusively mad at the friend who got proposed to. What about this friend's now fiancé? Isn't he the one who decided to propose at the wedding? It might have been her friend's idea to ask the photographer to take photos, but it seems likely it was the male friend who decided to propose at someone else's wedding.

chris_kent avatar
Chris Kent
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

New theory! The proposing male was a former flame of the bride or groom whom they are not over! Thus the no blame. And the horrible treatment of the poor gal over the photos..

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michaellargey avatar
Michael Largey
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have seen various lists of "rules" for wedding guests. They vary, but all include the rule "Do NOT upstage the wedding couple - with an announcement, your behavior, or anything else."

mikekozubski_1 avatar
DaFetus
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's a wedding not a stage and you're lucky if people show up, and should be grateful and thankful people are even there.

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praecordia avatar
Alma Muminovic
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You should just give her the photos and then step back from your friendship with her. Why be petty back? Your friend just showed her true colors and by being the bigger person you can show yours without stopping to petty levels. What’s done is done, the lesson you get out of this is the type of friendship she offers which is worth more then not knowing till something worse happens.

catherinefabian avatar
Catherine Fabian
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. You asked around because you know in your heart you will regret it even if you will do the right thing. You are trying to convince yourself that the “not good thing” is the right thing. Deleting the photos will cause you more problems because she will start telling lies about you. Celebrate being newly wed rather than stressing on not a good friend selfish act. Show to her the photos, she will ask some to be send to her. Don’t send something with you on it because clearly it is not your picture with her that she wants. In the email subject or folder put “Engagement Photos”. Let her realize it if she didn’t it’s fine, if she did and asked you about it tell the truth. If she apologizes, forgive but keep your distance. It is not hard to slowly remove someone in your life. Don’t speak about this too much with other friends, you just got married. Lots of hurdle in a married life and your friend will use the grudge you had with her for every marital problem you will have. Goodluck 👍.

chris_kent avatar
Chris Kent
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wise words in general, except I believe that deleting perfectly good photos is always wrong, so the friend would not be lying.

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rdmaltba avatar
Revonda Maltba
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well you have only 2 options here. 1. You let it go. Try to flip your mind in positive mode and think we'll my wedding went off so well that it encouraged another future wedding and give her the photos and value your past friendship with her. Discuss it with her and tell her how you felt Or 2. End the friendship and carry the negativity around and remember this negativity everytime you look at the wedding photos. My suggestion.... Number 1. Life is too short.

jayraney avatar
Jay Raney
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow! A tempest in a teapot! Judgemental much? Somebody with low self-esteem or low self confidence becomes overwhelmed with the emotion of YOUR wedding and you jump to conclusions? Who's selfish? This is life divas - deal instead of judge.

mikekozubski_1 avatar
DaFetus
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

YTA and need to get over yourself and that special day bs. You even whined that it would now be their engagement day..what if they got engaged the next year...is that day still off limits? Don't care if it's your wedding, don't care if it's your special day...it's everyone's day and everyone's life and you're lucky anyone ahows up to party with you. I will go have a good time and if I have something happy to say at a happy event I am going to say it. If I just got engaged I would share it, I will dress nicely however I want to dress and have come to have a good time. Not worship you because you choose to let the same man bine you until you possibly divorce him. I got married to, wasn't special want magic it was a legal action that is meaningless otherwise. Love doesn't need marriage and you hooking up doesn't deserve special treatment.. Either have a good time and be happy or take a hike. Congratulations to your ex friend on her engagement, hope they have a good life.

tina_newman_1 avatar
Not_Tellin
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yta. You think it's okay for someone to steal the services paid for by someone else.

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stacymb21 avatar
Stacy B
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The audacity of some people is truly unbelievable! Definitely NTA!

kimkilburn avatar
Kim Kilburn
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I suppose I find it interesting that once the photographer realized what she had been roped into that she didn't deal with the photo cost or outcome and left the bride to deal with it....unwitting as the photographer may have been, it's her work. It should never have gone to the bride, the photographer should have said if you want these contact me directly, once she realized the situation.

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noneanon avatar
Random Anon
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wouldn't call the OP an AH for doing whatever just to sooth that feeling of being slighted. But in doing so, the OP would've first knowingly stoop to the level of that "engagement girl" with the assumption the offending party did not err out of ignorance, but of malice. Why not just be upfront and ask that person if she really didn't know what her actions meant. To be honest back in my day, it is quite normal to make huge announcements at a wedding because that's when the whole family is present. But then I'm not in the "contemporary" crowd by any stretch of the imagination.

bradyfaist avatar
Vincent Hannah
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If it annoys you that much, charge her for them. Deleting them would be pretty. That being said, yeah, you're the A. You didn't even notice what was happening, and you want to make a big deal about it months later? It doesn't even effect you. So yeah, if you feel she owes you for sponsoring her engagement, make her pay.

tisawilliams43 avatar
Tisa Williams
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would recommend not acknowledging the existence of the pictures only to create a memory book for HER wedding featuring YOUR wedding with her pictures sprinkled in. Instant wedding gift.

ebluci avatar
Eileen Luciano
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She was so wrong to do that to you. I would make her ask the photographer for them and make her pay for them. Tell her up front that was a nasty and selfish thing to do on your wedding day. Some of the other comments read my mind. I was thinking about how she would be upset if you announced you were pregnant at here wedding reception.

christopheranderson avatar
Richard Anderson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'd play the long game and hold on to the pictures. Then when she inevitably gets dumped by her fiance/husband...I'd suddenly find the pictures and deliver them personnally.

mheidt0 avatar
Okatango
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A colleague of mine got married and skipped the official photographer. She asked everyone to take pictures of what they found interesting and asked for copies to be sent to her. This way, she could see all the things she missed: Friends and family having a great time even when the couple was not around. Also, she had lots of natural looking great pics of her, her husband, the wedding party, etc. These uber-staged photos people pay a fortune for are very often eye-rollingly silly (ex. the old fashioned bike for two people complete with flower basket or walking into an ocean with a full wedding gown..) and while all this tiresome staging of fake events is happening, the couple is not interacting with people who gave up time and money to help celebrate.

cierastanley avatar
Ciera Stanley
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm definitely in the minority but don't be jerk! If you're going to be upset be upset at your friends fiance. Unless she proposed to them.. but at the end of the day, you didn't even know they got engaged at your wedding until weeks later. Don't go back and sully your wedding day memories with the new knowledge that your friend also got engaged. You have two options here... either charge her a few hundred dollars for the pictures (relative to the photoshoot they did) or give her the pictures and tell her not to expect an engagement or bridal shower gift. Don't make yourself bitter!

dnlpoolandspa avatar
A Sherry Horney-Leonard
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Rise above it. She went low, you go high. I wouldn't give her the photos I would sell them to her. But I wouldn't delete them, that's being mean just to be mean.

kellyg_2 avatar
Kelly G
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wouldn't be able to be petty enough to delete such important photos. I WOULD however ask my photographer how much she charges for engagement photos, then tell my friend that she'll need to cough up that much if she wants the photos (otherwise the photographer will delete them). After that, I'd sever that "friendship" for good. Because that "friend" had nothing to do with her boyfriend's proposal timing, but she DID have an obligation to the bride to keep it quiet. The "friend" is a selfish b***h imo.

chris_kent avatar
Chris Kent
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Charging her is crazy. Consider, is it likely that she got the full time an engagement order would have dedicated to her? So if she never gets the full goods.. And you charge her full price.. How are you a good friend when you could hit send for free and be on your way? You got a bill you can't pay or something?

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kalina_kiffer avatar
Kalyn Aldridge
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have the perfect idea. You should take her pictures and using photo editor make her look fat in the pics or distorted faces or even switch faces with yours and your husbands just to p**s her off it would be hilarious

kellysboekhout avatar
Kelly Boekhout
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

To just get engaged at your friends wedding is in poor taste anyway, but to then have to have it explained to you why it's rude is just next level selfishness. I would let her have them if she paid me back for paying for her engagement photos. I can't stand it when people just decide they're gonna take someone's big day and make it their own. It's just a total lack of consideration and it shows that they obviously can't handle not having the attention on them. It almost sounds like this was just a way to get engagement photos taken for free

rasheedashaheen avatar
Rasheeda Shaheen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Smh this is crazy it's the reason why my daughter will not let someone bring a plus one that they are not already marry to or engaged to. No boyfriends or girlfriends are allow to be a plus one. Me personally I would approach my friend about those pictures and let her know how wrong she was. Than I would tell her if she wants them she have to pay the photographer for them or they will be thrown in the garbage. Than let her know to lose my number.

galiemaadams avatar
Galiema Adams
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It doesn't matter how much you paid the photographer, the fact is that you did. Those photos belong to you, so you can do whatever you want to with it.

sakbrat avatar
Shea Keenan
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Give the photos back to the photographer. Tell her if she wants them, she can pay for them herself. And, dump her a*s.

aurrickferrant avatar
Aurrick Ferrant
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would tell her that the photographer realized they were engagement photos and separated them. If she wants the photos, she could go through the photographer to buy them at whatever price she charges for engagement photos. I thinks it's the right thing to do all the way around. Bride isn't keeping anything and single mom photographer gets paid what she's due.

dragoncherie16 avatar
Alannah Rodriquez
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Delete the photos and she doesn't sound like a friend worth having at all

ladonnaledford avatar
LaDonna Ledford
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Update on what happened? Please?!?! It sounds to me like the proposal was not an intentional plan by your friend since the photographer was out and about taking pictures of the venue. I understand a tight budget and likely your friend does as well or at least the finance (who may either did not know etiquette or possibly didn't have money to pay for a photographer). Hopefully your friend and her finance were not deliberately trying to take the spotlight from you and hopefully they were not trying to take advantage of you either. I would like to think that your friendship is an important relationship and that you would do whatever you could to help make others smile and bring joy to others. Just as your friend who brought up this photographer asked her to shoot your wedding as part of her hobby wanted to see you smiling and joyful knew that saving thousands and capturing the moment would help make your day grand! Hopefully you are still friends and no bitterness!

james_macko avatar
James Macko
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She literally paid for her friends engagement party and the engagement pictures and in return, and stole the wedding spotlight. I would be the better person and give her wedding pics plus the pics she was looking for as an engagement gift, but say now the friendship is over. Now the pictures arnt only wedding / engagement photos but also engagement and end of friendship photos.

dianafuentes avatar
Diana Fuentes
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would have your photographer approach them for payment. She lied to him. He needs to charge her for his engagement package and I’m sure he would win. Delete the pics.

smashma123 avatar
Victoria Egger
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm a photographer. I'd have deleted those as soon as I realized what the intention was and not even told my bride. Yikes. If she wants engagements done that badly, she can fill out her own contract, book her own appointment, and pay her own fees.

mikekozubski_1 avatar
DaFetus
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My company hires a lot of photographers, please tell me the name of your business so that I can ensure we avoid it. Many happy moments take place at our events and they are a part of the events we hold and therefore should be included in the price as we expect all moments to be captured within that time frame. Would be happy to see engagements and other magical moments of love and devotion. Imagine someone going into labour, and the first thing the baby is greater with is this happy event. Have to capture that and it's now part of our event and one of the many amazing moments. Would be highly inappropriate for you to be charging our guests extra, we already paid you and we want all moments captured.

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jodishockey avatar
Jodi Shockey
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm going against the flow a little here and saying don't delete them BUT give them back to the photographer. Tell your "friend" that you don't have them, so she'll have to talk to the photographer and pay for them. Give her a deadline (decided by the photographer and you, of course). If she doesn't contact the photographer by the deadline, tell photographer to delete them. And step away from this "friend." This is you taking the high road. You have every right to do what you want, though. And give yourself time for the forgiveness. And remember forgiveness does not equal trust or reconciliation. Too many people think it does. Things will never be the same, and that's ok. BTW - NTA.

lani_mar avatar
Lani Mar
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would have already deleted them by now, I would not have any qualms about it at all!!

kelley_baltierra avatar
Kelley Baltierra
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'd delete them. Your day, your rules. Let her go stage an engagement somewhere else

honeywoodfarm avatar
Bobbi Spence
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’d tell the “no longer my friend” that I was in possession of the engagement photos she stole from the photographer at my wedding. Then I would send her a video of me deleting them.

robertking avatar
Robert King
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She not only stole your photographer, but your guests, venue, decor... basically your whole event. I would deny having the photos, then give them to her as a wedding gift.

chris_kent avatar
Chris Kent
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ok, clearly no one knows what stolen means. If you call this in to the police.. Are they gonna find the decor, venue, photographs, some tied up people at such and such's house? No? Then it don't seem very stolen. They got happy at a wedding. How much alcohol did you give them? Are you mad at them for being happy at your wedding? Would you rather they shut up, sit down, silence their phones and bring gifts up single file with no smile then return to their seats, still smile-less? Be happy for your friend. She did not ruin your marriage. If you do its your own dang fault.

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alexfreetime avatar
Alex Freetime
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The thing that makes more sense to me is to have the friend pay the photographer for the engagement pictures, not the regular ones. This way you give them a choice, you don't lose your friendship and also you make a point that it wasn't nice to steal that moment.

sarah_bell avatar
Sarah Bell
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If she wants children it would be karma to announce a pregnancy at her wedding and ask same photographer for a mini session

maggiehudson avatar
Maggie Hudson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well, if that is the case isn't the photographer the a$$hole for agreeing to take the pictures on wedding time? Why complain after the fact.... photographer was voluntarily off task.

chris_kent avatar
Chris Kent
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Remember that the photographer is just a friend, not a professional. She is a hobbyist and a friend. Please don't give a friend hate for saving you boucoup money.

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mirandaltilley avatar
Miranda Tilley
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would just give them to her and call them her wedding present. Then move on, from the drama and the friendship if need be. It’s not worth the conflict and the pictures were already taken. The “friend” is an a*****e and I wouldn’t be in a hurry to do them a favour of any kind going forward.

dlewis avatar
D Lewis
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

DISHONORED DISRESPECTED MOOCHING BRIDE GROOM FAMILIES SPECIAL DAY PLANNING PAYING MONEY HARDWORK FINDING A PHOTOGRAPHER DITCH PHOTOS SELF CENTERED EGOMANIAC IM SO SORRY THEY DESTROYED PRICELESS TRUST AND FRIENDSHIP OF YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND AND YOUR FAMILIES

idrow avatar
Id row
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't know why the update isn't included here, but if anyone is interested: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i8133g/update_wibta_if_i_deleted_my_friends_engagement/

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Terry Tobias
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think that the photographer should be paid for her time with the engaged couple. She was on a break from taking wedding photos and spending her time doing something for herself. That couple intruded on her personal time and if they want the photos they need to pay her. It's simple.

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Kal Mian
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA...DELETE the photos and refer the "friend" to the photographer. Enjoy your newlywed life! END OF STORY!!!

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Gabby Ghoul
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would probably tell the "friend" you don't have them and to negotiate with the photographer for them.

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Chris Kent
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Lying. Always the best way to go! A few clicks are free and you already paid for 'em.

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KombatBunni
Community Member
1 year ago

This comment has been deleted.

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William Powell
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She may as well worn a wedding dress at your wedding. Extremely rude and selfish. I would delete them from your life.

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Sylvia Schmitz
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why not choose to be happy that you now share an important day with your friend? Make a nice album with the photos and gift to her for her wedding.

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pebs
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How much fuss for nothing. It seems like a quarrel among hens, but surely the most unbearable is the bride.

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William
Community Member
1 year ago

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I'm Sorry I intruded into your concealment but I came across your profile here on this, you look so amazing, I was interested in you as I decided to commit you as friend and you are the type of woman a man won't let go off at first sight. Hope you don't mind my friendship?

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